I just followed you but like

spill the tea

hello hi ^^ thanx 4 following me !!!! this acct is rlly a shitshow but anywho u're in for a ride cause this gon be LONG my friend

idk if you're a part of anitwt but its the biggest circus ever like srsly everyones dating each other ??? online??? like it's not twitter but tinderz??? like half of my moots are dating each other and proclaim their love 4 each other in 3 days of dating and 5 days of knowing each other im not saying its bad but it sure is very cringey when they tweet stuff like "11:11 my beloved gf u r my waifu darling mwah mwah lets make so many kids 🥺🥺🥺/srs"

anywho a moot of mine (call him jake) he is like the emo broken sad skater fuck boy 😿😿😿😿 and used to flirt w all his female moots and was very bad at it once i tweeted ' i cant feel my legs ' after leg day @ gym and he replied 'i can feel them for u 🥴' LIKE?? WHORE WE ARENT EVEN CLOSE WTF U JUST FOLLOWED ME CALM DOWN DAWG and like he was honestly SO creepy

a few days later this other girl (who's my close friend's moot) starts dating him and they've like known each other for like half a day 💀💀 and in three days they are all over my tl with 'i love jake hes the loml ive never felt this way for anyone youre the light of my life' shit also the girl is like 14?? and jake is '16'

anywho they are constantly flirting and shit and its not even decent its SO bad the type that makes u wanna gauge ur eyes out

so in the evening i open twt and i see a whole thread of jake saying he is not who he claims he is and his name isnt jake neither did he ever love the girl and hes no sad emo gay he isnt 16 he can't skate and the pictures he posted of himself isnt even him 💀💀💀💀💀

AND HE CHEATED ON THE GIRL TOO

he was SO unbothered about it too like he just didnt give a fuck so so nonchalant it was nauseating and later on tweets 'kinda liking all the hate im getting' GAL—

and like maybe im a bitch but this shits so funny to me like ya'll had it coming 💀 i feel sad 4 the girl but um anyways

moral: dont have crushes online bc for all u know they are some 69 year old creep and also don't confess ur undying love and how u wanna have a bazzilion kids with them after 3 days of 'dating' 👍👍 and also join twitter its fun

rather unfulfilling therapy session about how bad i am at speaking the same language as others and seeing and being seen. not without its worth. feels awful though. i'm not happy

Hi what the fuck is reichblr?????

Bestest of Friends!(NSFW)

(pervert!Ayato x gullible!fem!reader)

Unfortunately I couldn’t form a single thought for part 3 of my Kazuha x Reader x Scara fic (i’m still cooking it up though so dw pookies☝️)

Iwhipped up this fic in a couple of hours…. I wanted to do more but it’s already so long!!

Anyways😋 ik i said gullible!reader but if you’re also perverted this can be seen as a reader who doesn’t stop his advances!

Not proofread!!

Word count: idk i should really check though! 🗣️

Being a friend of the Yashiro commissioner was something you hadn’t ever imagined. The Kamisato family was pristine, cunning, witty, and decisive. Their looks? You can’t even form the right words to describe them… Both of them are like porcelain dolls dressed in the finest silk clothing in all the land (although still below Her Excellency)

Sure, you were also pretty, but when you stand next to your good buddy Ayato, you just look like his helper… There have been times when you’ve been mistaken as his personal helper. Luckily Thoma was there to sort things out.

Ayato had approached you first. You had been smelling the flowers outside Komore tea house. The way you leaned over to smell the native bloom, with a delightful smile you pulled away from the flowers and accidentally bumped into the taller man’s chest.

Before you realized who it was you quickly apologized and tried running off. You did your best to avoid any social interaction, it always seemed like it caused more harm than good. (At least as the end result)

Something about you immediately grabbed Ayato’s attention, could it have been your silky/thick/bouncy/curly hair locks? The way your skin looked so soft (despite any texture it may have) oh, how he wished to caress it gently. He doesn’t even know your name and he’s already so far in love with you.

His purple-hued eyes watch your figure run further away, he should run after you but he’s still trying to process your enchanting body that has put him under a spell. It would be a shame if he were to let you go right now, sure, he can find you with the snap of his fingers, but he wants your official meeting to be something you’ll remember.

If only you knew that you had a practical prince running through the streets of Inazuma, knowing that would make drop to the ground out of shock, maybe even fear? Surely if someone so important were looking for you it’d mean you’ve done something wrong? The only thing Ayato would accuse you of being guilty of is being so pretty. (You guys have been in each other’s presence for about 45 seconds)

When he finally finds you you’re sitting on a bench, trembling and fidgeting with your hands. Perhaps you realized who he was and now you’re going through the motions of it all.

You immediately notice him and shoot up then offering up your seat. Oh how nice you were, your kindness knows no bounds, and surely goes the same for your love! Instead, he lets out a simple yet endearing laugh, “You offer me a seat despite it being rightfully yours, why so?” You’re fumbling with your outfit, avoiding eye contact, surely if you stay quiet he’ll leave you alone.

“Conversations usually involve two people, you know? Ah, perhaps it’s because of my status you’re hesitant to speak with me.”

Letting out a squeak you motion your hands in the hair before deciding to finally speak up. “I-I’m sorry. I just want sure if you were talking to me..”

Even the way he sits down is elegant and simple, “Who else would I be talking to? It seems you aren’t the most attentive person, hmmm I’ll make note of that..” He motions for you to sit next to him.

“I’m sorry I’m just not the most talkative person…” “Of course, anyone could notice that from a mile away.” he’s so blatant even he realizes he’s being insensitive by the way you curl in on yourself. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to be so rude. Let’s start over, I am Kamisato Ayato, although, like many Inazumans, I’m sure you already knew that.”

“I am L/n, L/n Y/n, It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kamisato.” It would be an understatement to say you were nervous but you were nervous! What if you came off as rude or impolite? You’re not well-versed in all formalities.

His eyes never leave your e/c irises, the way his eyes devoured you should’ve set off a few alarms in your mind but they all seem to be mute.

“No need for the formalities, Y/n. I was actually hoping to converse with your normally, you know, like friends! I do hope you would be okay with becoming friends, hm?”

Every time someone had reached out to be your friend it always ended up with you crying alone. You’re not sure why people picked on you but you also couldn’t bear to fathom the idea of being alone forever. People are just misunderstood! If no one understands them then they’ll be all alone! That’s why you feel the need to accept anyone in your heart with open arms. No one should hurt like you have, so you just need to keep looking on the bright side of things! Eventually, it will get better, right?

Ayato isn’t dumb, he’s got a sharp-keen eye and he’s already picked up a few things about you! Isn’t that so romantic? He’s already making a list in his head about flowers that would surely embrace your sense of smell. Flowers that would adorn your h/c locks. Ah, that’s beside the point…The point is, you’re very gullible! And there’s nothing he loves more than an exploitable person. Especially one as cute/handsome as you!

The way he laces his voice with a subtle hint of yearning, the way he tilts his head innocently, even the way he quirks his eyebrow with a gentle smile plastered on his face… Were all calculated in his fucked up mind! Even if it’s all for show, he knows you’ve already made up your mind.

You’re quick to agree so, eyes sparkling with joy, admiration, and yearning. Compared to his cheap fraudulent smile; yours is genuine, an adoring yet pathetic smile.

He leans in for a hug but you back away, “Ah, my apologies. I hadn’t considered if you enjoyed physical contact. Please, forgive me.” Oh, he knew what he was doing. The way he feigned innocence in his voice made you feel guilty. At that time you weren’t too open to physical contact but had you considered how he was doing? Being in such a high position must be on another plane of stress. Before he fully pulled away from you, you leaned in and wrapped your arms under his. It was a little awkward at first for you but he seemed to melt into you and embrace you affectionately.

You guys would meet up every week at the Komore tea house, talking about your lives and discussing plans about things you wanted to do currently and in the future. Ayato would have never guessed someone like you would want to leave your homeland for another nation. The way you talked about the nation of wind so joyfully, or how you thought about wanting to potentially open your own shop in Liyue, maybe even embrace the life of a scholar once again in Sumeru, the idea of learning the arts which Fontaine had to offer didn’t sound too bad either, although the world is a dangerous place so why not train in Nathan for a couple of years, ah, but the idea of falling in love in the snow-filled capital of Snezhnaya also seem to captivate your blissfully troubled mind.

Ayato did not like those ideas one bit. He would rather drop dead or be publicly humiliated if it meant for you to stay by his side for eternity. The way you showed signs of maturity angered him just a little. He wanted you to stay “young” and innocent like a little toy doll he could control, yet here you were, getting help from professionals, forming healthy relationships and habits, you even had someone to call your lover, he can’t be bothered to remember their name right now but he knows for sure you deserve someone better (he’s referring to himself.)

His hugs have gotten tighter, and the way he wraps his toned arms around your waist doesn’t seem to drive a reaction out of you, or at least a voiced reaction.

He wants to go further.

The way his hand possessively tangles itself onto yours, interlocking his slim fingers to yours, comparing hand sizes, and the way he cups his face with your hand while placing a kiss onto the side of it does seem to get a reaction out of you. “Um… You good, Ayato?” “Of course my dear, ah, my apologies Y/n if I’ve offended you. I just assumed I was allowed to do this since we are friends.” He says all while smiling into your palm.

“Haha, of course, it just caught me off guard is all!” you’re no better, the way you cup his face with your other hand before rubbing his face like a dog. “Although, Dear, I would advise against you telling anyone about this. It’s something that stays between good friends, understand?” All too entranced by how soft and smooth his skin is you agree.

Over the span of a couple of weeks, the touches have gotten worse, he’s touching places that only lovers should touch. When he comes in for hugs he’s groping the plump of your ass and feeling up and down your hips. Or when he leans in from behind to hug you, he’s wrapping his arms around you possessively and gently nipping at your neck. At first, you seemed a little concerned but your good buddy Ayato reminds you that it’s what friends do! Just don’t go around doing it to your other friends because you can only do this with very special friends. (Such as himself)

It was all part of his plan to break and rebuild you the way he likes. Breaking you was all too easy, all it took was for him to truthfully admit how much he adores his sister and his butler/friend Thoma. You broke down into a sobbing mess admitting how you longed for a relationship like that, longing for someone to treat you nicely, that aching pain in your heart you wished would go away. And it did when he hugged you and whispered positive affirmations into your ear, when he wiped your tears and snot away with his silk robes that definitely cost more than you, it relit your shrunken burnt out heart, it was now burning brightly again, with nothing but admiration for the prince who swept you off your feet and brought you to safety. Or at least that’s how you saw it.

Rebuilding you was currently in the works, he needed you to be whipped and ready to accept whatever passed through his throat as the truth and nothing more. Even if you’ve matured a little that doesn’t mean he can break through your now rough and tough exterior, the inside still raw and soft; gullible. The thought that you might shun him and realize his toxic behavior was more stress-inducing than all his work combined. He didn’t want you to throw him away! Only he was allowed to do that. If you were to get boring he could throw you away and leave you broken just as he found you, and he would be okay with it. But he loved you too much to even dwell on the thought even more than he has.

It was supposed to be a fun dinner party with everyone, and you’re lover too, but when he saw you adorning an apron with some excessive whipped cream your lover had booped on your face he couldn’t control himself. His mind plagued him with perverted thoughts, immediately he stated that you both had some things to catch up on and that the others should set the kotatsu with the proper cutlery.

As per usual, he greets you with a hug. The only difference is that it’s from behind and he’s trying his best to be the romantic man he is at heart and is currently helping you whip the thick cream that would complement the cake you had prepared. His hand is much stronger than yours, making it easy to stir and flip the cream, his other hand is mounted on yours against the side of the bowl. Nothing is said…

You can feel something hard poking into your rear but you ignore it, maybe it was his belt.

Ayato’s breathing is starting to labor, he’s bucking his hips ever so slightly against you. You turn around to say something but he simply leans in to kiss you. His hands have long abandoned stirring, instead holding your wrists with a single hand while the other fondles/caresses your chest. He’s guiding you to the island in the center of the kitchen before he’s bending you over. Bulge rubbing between your clothed sex was an amazing experience, the bundle of nerves was being stimulated pleasantly, and your hole was squeezing tightly against nothing. Based on the wet spot forming on your bottoms he can tell you’re bound to come undone soon. Hands wrapped around your throat with slight pressure applied has you turned on even more, everything feels hot and heavy down there, and you can hear a subtle slick noise coming from below, ah how embarrassing! You’re even more pathetic when he abruptly stops, whimpering and grinding your ass against him, trying to create even more friction, “W-why’d you stop?” His grip tightens before he whispers in your ear, “They’re near, let’s pretend to have a nice normal conversation, after all, it’s been a while since we’ve last caught up, hm?” he releases his grip from your throat, hands moving around your hips before he’s rutting against your sex again at a faster speed.

“So, Y/n, how has life been treating you? I hear you’ve made some new friends!” the longer you don’t respond he’s gripping bruises into your hips, “A-ah- I’ve been well! It’s true I’ve been- oh my- I’ve been making new friends! I wish I could’ve invited them today but-“you're covering your mouth with your hands, eyes rolling up from the pleasure as the fat on your chest bounces with every thrust. “B-but I know how jealous you get when I’m not paying- paying attention to you! Haahh.. So maybe next time y-yeah?” the ‘yeah’ was a little high-pitched but nobody would really notice unless they were right there at the door. “Oh yes, you know how possessive I can be,” emphasizing the word he can tell you’re about ready to reach your peak, his pants have long since dropped and his thick length is poking through his boxers, rubbing up against your wet folds and clit he can feel through those annoying pants of yours. He wished to rip them off then and there but he surely didn’t want to embarrass you by having you walk the walk of shame to the bathroom with ripped pants and a dripping wet cunt in front of everyone.

So he opted to give you your present early, it would have been so satisfying to gift you a beautiful silk kimono (in your favorite color) in front of your lover. Oh, how he wanted you to embrace him tightly in front of everyone exclaiming ‘thank you’ over and over again, something that he would definitely savor for his private time.

“I actually got you something, Dear!“ You’re not sure how he was able to easily flip you over and have your back pressed against the island but you’re too busy taking shallow breaths to even say anything. Stretching his limbs over you to reach for a plain-looking box, he pulls said kimono out and unfolds it from its once neatly folded state. “Isn’t it beautiful? I had it tailored to your body so it should fit like a glove. I won’t stress you the details but it’s worth a lot so please, cherish it.” once he finishes speaking his tip is rubbing circles into your hot clit, he’s smacking it with his fat pink tip, chasing his own high while he fists the thick base of his cock. Your high hits you hard and you squeal ‘thank you’ over and over again with the occasional ‘it’s so so pretty’ and ‘I’ll cherish it forever’ You’re loud enough for everyone to hear and that thought alone has him cumming onto your clothed cunt. Since he’s feeling so happy about it all he hasn’t stopped rubbing against you, which causes you to be overstimulated and for him to rip another orgasm from you. “C-cumming-“ is all he can muster up as he leans into you. His cock spasms as he pumps it, his cum spills onto your wet overstimulated cunt.

It takes him a moment to regain his composure as he slowly pulls away and clean himself up. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes but he’s kissing them away whispering, “Let’s get you changed, you’re going to look stunning for them all.” All you can do is hum okay in response as he starts to undress you. Pulling something else out of the box it’s a beautiful lingerie set, in fact, the one you’ve been thinking about buying for a while now… Not dwelling too much on the thought you kiss the mole beneath his soft lips in reciprocation. Ayato isn’t too vocal but when you kiss him there he can’t help but whine as he leans back into you, “Dear, I wouldn’t recommend doing that, or at least not until we’re in my quarters~” you stifle a giggle, “Okay, okay, just help me get dressed!”

When you slide the door open everyone is shocked and amazed at how stunning you look. You no longer look like a personal helper! Maybe not an equivalent to the siblings yet, but you’re getting there! Your lover is quite enthralled with your look but is also as bitter because they were planning on buying you that. Ayato notices their expression and huffs his chest pridefully.

The dinner goes well and everyone is happily content with all the food and desserts! Occasionally Ayato will glance at you or place his hand on your thigh but nobody knows.

After all, it’s what friends do! Right?

saw the barbie movie and am finally free to be a Hater on main without being accused of criticizing something without having watched it- anyway here is a non-exhaustive list of my Thoughts

this movie could have been nothing but fun dance numbers :(

i will say.........i like the costumes and barbieland set design. comparatively the way the real world is shot is so drab and visually uninteresting imo which. i don't feel is great given how much time we spend in it and that barbie ends up living there

the fact that barbies are supposedly affected by the people playing with them but they all act like..... That. just how shallow do they think kids imaginations are? why is there only one "weird" barbie???

admittedly i've never been to LA so maybe i'm completely off-base here but am i expected to believe that ken is automatically respected and admired (but not ogled! with no undertones of violence!) just for existing while my man is constantly dressed like he walked straight from a pride parade

on that note there was a lot of queer subtext/references but it was all very... wink wink nudge nudge in a way that honestly felt a little, idk, uncomfortable to me? but nothing overtly inclusive or even that subversive really

like with the construction workers scene i honestly can't tell if this was meant to be a trans positive moment or just a joke about them being dolls but if so it's like. you have these sexist catcallers but they support trans identities...? literally just as incoherent as everything else going on in this movie

why is barbie simply allowed to walk right into a school cafeteria

gloria and her daughter's relationship and the conflict between them was... very ill defined aside from the apparently all consuming and ever present suffocation of Womanhood™ like wtf is with sasha's line about hating women being the one thing everyone agrees on???? it's the kind of pseudo-pithy cynicism-laced quote that i would expect from a bitter 50s housewife or aging hollywood star, not a teenage girl who, idk, overuses buzzwords?

actually come to think of it pretty much all the female relationships in this movie are very surface-level and hinge almost exclusively on their shared gender identity and not much else!

the fact that all of the barbies were brainwashed to the point where they couldn't even remember their own achievements from ken mansplaining the patriarchy to them.......... and the fact that this is """explained""" with a fucked up and insensitive smallpox joke......... i am mad enough to spit tacks actually

pretty much the only thing i could think of during gloria's big feminist speech and subsequent appeals to the brainwashed barbies is that nothing she's saying actually applies to any of the dolls' experiences "You have to be their mommies but not remind them of their mommy." they don't have parents gloria

the use of push by matchbox twenty in the context of the movie sure is a Choice, seeing as the singer based it off a relationship where he was being emotionally abused by his girlfriend but had the lyrics widely misinterpreted as misogynistic.... anyway.

the way that all of the kens (and even allan) resort to violence and all of the barbies defeat them using manipulation and ~feminine wiles~.. thanks i hate it

i did like how the kens seemed to overcome their differences through singing and holding hands. also fellas is it toxic masculinity to want your girlfriend To see the man behind the tan / And fight for me?

confused by ken's "kenough" revelation from talking to barbie because he.... literally just sang all of that? I’m just Ken / And I’m enough / And I’m great at doing stuff / So, hey, check me out / Yeah, I’m just Ken is that all supposed to be just bravado? it's the same message but he needed barbie to articulate it to him for it to sink in. hm.

feel like barbie's motives for wanting to live in the real world could have been explored better because tbh... the pitch wasn't great!

like her arc is genuinely: experience insecurity for the first time ever because someone else was projecting it onto her > get over said insecurity (that till this point she had never struggled with) because that same person made a speech > gynecologist

not that gloria, the woc who all of barbie's issues represent and originated from gets any kind of satisfying resolution of her own other than pitching "everyday barbie"

the fact that barbie gaining an expanded range of emotions, many of which are negative, indicates that she is no longer a barbie and has to live in the real world to be fufilled- even though all of the insecurities barbie gained from entering a world that doesn't value her and not having a specific career, ken already HAD. men are automatically more human by default ig!!!

people saying that whole point of the ending is that barbieland is a mirror to the real world and the kens will only gain equality when women do as if it's not explicitly stated that the kens have LESS power and influence then women under the patriarchy... but that's fine because the barbies are nicer then men in the real world and kens have to earn their rights because we don't want to reward bad behavior and they need to prove their competence first /s

saw some other butches mention this but the fact that sasha dresses increasingly feminine to represent her character growth and overcoming internalized misogyny is an unfortunate trope

there was absolutely nothing that made me go "oh!!!" as a fan of the animated barbie movies + life in the dreamhouse, or someone who has the most basic understanding of barbie lore (they have one version of midge, skipper, and allan, but no chelsea, teresa, nikki, RAQUELLE, etc.?)

"stereotypical barbie" Her Name Is Barbara Millicent Roberts

is this enough for a love confession?

Dr. Ratio x Aventurine

warnings: none

word count: 2k

a/n: idk if this is wht ppl call tsundere, this attacked me at 1am last night and held me in a chokehold until i wrote every single thing veritas had to confess, help? not beta read, aventurine came home guys

description: a small argument tips Ratio over to confess his feelings to Aventurine

„should I apologize?” beat. he tilts his head, annoyment fills the sound of his voice, “should I fucking apologize? for being… what?... capable! of-“ vague gesticulation, “actual conversation, for being ‘smart enough to keep up with you’ and not disappoint?” his tone of voice suggests he is getting agitated by the second while trying to remain calm, “for being a competent conversationalist?” Aventurine scoffs, he takes the black gloves off of his hands along with the jewelry. “you will look at me while I talk to you- or, I’m sorry, is the view of a gambler- below one such as yourself?” he steps forward, taking Veritas’ chin in his hand making the taller man face him. Ratio’s expression appears tired, defeated almost.

Veritas’ eyes turn to meet his. there’s a certain silence, stillness… he knows he set him off by being insensitive or saying something that is triggering to a tired Aventurine. the apology is already dancing on his lips, ready to spill over the soft hills of the plush pink. Veritas hums, “I apologize, I must’ve been careless, although you seem a tad unwell in this moment- perhaps a cold shower would help? furthermore, no, you needn’t apologize.”

“I’m tired of this. I feel like you just don’t care.” Aventurine hisses with disappointment dripping from his words, he lets go of Ratio’s chin and looks away. “I… do not care?” Veritas calmly asks. “Aventurine, is this truly about that or did you have a difficult day?” “can it not be both? and, perhaps, do not undermine me, Doctor.” Aventurine snaps back like a whip.

Veritas sighs, pinching the skin between his brows in thought for a couple of moments. after sorting his thoughts he stands straight and looks at Aventurine who isn’t even turned towards him anymore. his words start low, calm, and slowly crescendo into a louder tone, more confidently, “I care. of course I care. not even a fool would be able to miss how much I care. I stand beside you at this moment and my heart and mind is yours, my body-“ he gives a dry chuckle, “is yours the stomp on. and if you’re expecting some warm, romantic words you’re asking the wrong man, I am a lot of things but I am no romantic.” he looks to the ground, gathering his thoughts once more. “if something happened to you I would never be the same. if anything, I think I’d turn for worse, seeking knowledge that is forbidden for a damn reason just to... bring you back. and, I’d- I’d take you reborn in any shape you’d come.” he takes a deep breath, “I cannot imagine starting my day without embracing you first thing in the morning, smelling your shampoo on the pillows, your hair falling through my fingers like melting gold… I cannot imagine my baths without you annoyingly popping in asking if you can join- or my breakfast without you reading me the day’s news while I complain about the insignificance of it. maybe I’m a creature of habit, and I simply grew used to you and you may argue that.” he falls silent, speaking the next words a tad louder than a whisper, “I yearn to be near you. I gravitate to you like a metal to a magnet; uncontrollably and eagerly. my day feels incomplete when I do not get to share it with you and everything that happened. the weight of your body on top of mine feels comforting at night and I cannot sleep without the pressure on my chest and your scent around me. mentally I feel like I crawl on my knees to get home to see you, like an insect bent over and staying low to the ground. just to get to you and my heart begs to kiss you when I do get home. to taste your lips like drinking mint tea with honey, the freshness because it feels every time like it is the first time, and honey because I cannot resist the sugar the same as any other human. I feel like a parched man without your touch, I can barely breathe when I don’t see you and that damn plaster head doesn’t help to tune it out when I’m sick and you’re my only remedy. and on the days you cannot handle physical contact, I pray that the next day I could be blessed with that exhilarating feeling of kissing your lips. like now… you took off your gloves and I’m weak in my knees like a little boy over how pretty they are- like I’ve never held them before, how delicate they look, how I get to see them, and how I wish to kiss every pretty vein while telling you its name in Latin and its function. what a blessing it would be to hear you giggle at my funny words and gentle touch, and then I’d kiss your knuckles and talk even more; about your bones and joints, naming them and talking all the time like I’m a teenager trying to impress my crush when all I’m doing is rambling as an excuse to look into your beautiful eyes and get your attention on me. you could hate me and I’d be happy you’d use your time on a strong emotion while thinking of me. you are my sun, I circle around you, a moth to the shiniest flame. and perhaps I can now understand believers of religions and sinners because I’d pray for your time and your gaze, and, oh Aeons, I’d sin for you, for your presence, your body, your voice, your everything. so please, please… do not say I don’t care when I would rip the skin off of my own body to keep you warm. I’m yours… Kakavasha, even if it burns me and destroys me from the inside out.” a stumbling love confession, portraying a man lost and needy. with his ending words he steps closer, and rests his forehead on Aventurine’s.

Aventurine feels speechless, he has a full monologue surely ready to give to Veritas if the need arises but for now he looks at him with shaky eyes and a trembling bottom lip, itching to meet his. he outstretches his arm, taking Ratio’s hand in his and the taller man exhales deeply.

“you do care,” Aventurine whispers the only thing that comes to mind. Veritas opens his eyes and stands straight once more. he nods. “perhaps I ought to care less”

“marry me” Aventurine raises his chin, meeting Veritas’ gaze with a sweet smile. “absolutely not. the concept of marriage is idiotic, moreover, I do not require a piece of paper to tell me I am loyal to another” he scoffs, rolling his eyes at the thought of it, making Aventurine chuckle. “hm.. of course not…”

“dinner?” Veritas suggests in a normal tone. “sure, official?” Aventurine suspects this might not be a casual outing. “sadly. we must show up for a dinner event, organized by your employer and mine.” he observes the smaller hand in his, thumb caressing Aventurine’s knuckles. “maybe I’ll find a way for us to leave early.” Aventurine flashes him a smile, “music to my ears, Doc.”

a/n: yes I even sneaked in a Kafka reference in there (the writer not the hsr character), also in case you didn't read it - I wrote a dinner event fluff thingy about them hehe here legato*

ok pause the mitski. theres lots of examples of bad internet apologies. ppl are still making ukelele jokes. or that one brunette girl who cried. and that other person (maybe same person?) who monetized hers? and on one hand yeah these examples r rlly insensitive and revealing of how the creators behind them didnt gaf abt the harm they did but its also like well what if they did a good apology. what then.

bc like the other thing i remember from that youtube era were these 'body language experts' who would take these videos and zoom in on, like, dilation of eyeballs or hand placement or whatever the fuck psuedoscience they thought sounded cool and smart and go "oh yeah see this here. she's insincere because her frown was 0.5 inches too shallow. if she really felt bad she would frown deeper". (on a lower note they did this 2 amber heard too). and overall everything just gave the impression that. like. if someone said the same thing but hit all the correct social cues, they would be able to do it right. even though that's just about understanding and hitting social cues, which doesn't have anything to do with sincerity or willingness to own up to harm and change.

[sidenote dude in minecraft (which i am playing intermittently between typing this) i just found like three different diamond veins in like a <20 block radius at y=0 wtf is going on]

i mean like i guess when i say all public apologies are inherently performative i dont mean that everyone who issues one is a sick and twisted master manipulator or that everyone who issues one isn't actually sincere. like. srry man thats just how it goes. everythings a play when you're on a stage platform. but idk. the way that creators then go about with that performance. as well as the way the public receives those statements. is interesting to think about. as well as i guess. what both parties are actually looking for, what they really want. out of these kinds of things.

Miss Fisher and the Crypt of Tears Discourse(?)(maybe idk?)

So… at this point I’ve watched the entire 3 series and film. Twice. I was going to post episode reactions for series 2 and 3, but I really need to skip ahead to Crypt of Tears because I have… questions. If anyone knows the answer or potential answer to any of them, please weigh in because I am just… struggling to understand some of the narrative decisions they made here.

(Btw, overall I enjoyed it, so I don’t want it to seem like I’m coming from a solely negative perspective - obviously, the last 5 minutes in particular… talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, etc etc. I may do a separate ‘things I enjoyed’ post. I just needed to talk this out. lol)

****Full warning, this is a very long post, I am so sorry in advance.****

1. Alright, first things first - wtf do you mean it’s been a YEAR since she left Melbourne?! What was she doing that whole time? Like obviously, you could infer that she got caught up in local shenanigans and hadn’t seen everything to a satisfactory end yet, but I feel it would’ve taken maybe 1-2 minutes to just briefly explain that for the audience’s sake.

I also totally understand that they were attempting to make a stand alone project that could be independent of the series, so referencing where the series left off would be antithetical to that. HOWEVER, I think at the point where fans of the series invested $1 million… that should have maybe made tying up loose ends from the series a bit more of a priority?

I also saw that they hoped to garner new audiences from the film. And maybe it’s just me, idk, but - I’m a new audience and the only thing that brought me to the film was the knowledge that I had 3 seasons worth of backstory to immerse myself in beforehand. There are very few scenarios in my mind that would’ve had me watching just the film and nothing else. So… help.

2. Similar to question 1 - SIX WEEKS?! Where was she for six whole weeks? How did she escape the train? Was it like a Bear Grylls situation out in the desert for a while or did she have to barter with local villages or something? Just again… 1-2 lines of dialogue and I’d be good. Instead, I’m just sitting here confused like, “okay cool, I’m super glad you’re alive and stuff, but um… HOW?!”**

(**acutely aware that this is how Jack must feel all the time) (and he deserves a pint from the pub for his troubles ‘cause omg)

3. SPEAKING OF JACK - *r2d2 screech* This poor man. Jesus. How many times does he have to grieve the love of his life? It’s kinda rude at this point.

I’ve read articles with the writers where they talked about wanting Phryne to be strong and independent without emasculating Jack as a character. And I remember thinking, “Yes! They do such an excellent job of finding that balance in the show and it’s really satisfying. It’s one of the things I love most about their dynamic - the freedom to be themselves while still having this very strong collaborative connection.”

^These scenes, though? Whaaaatttt happened? 🫠 I don’t think it emasculated him, but Phryne’s almost non-reaction to him being there… grieving her... it comes off kind of insensitive and perplexing at its bare bones, to me.

Upon a few rewatches of that scene, I’ve been able to slowly formulate potential justifications for her behavior - i.e. she did tell him to come after her and he didn’t, so maybe she lost hope on her end and dove into the first perilous mystery she could find to help herself get over him. Thus, when she finds out he’s there for her memorial service, I could see her inwardly going, “Okay wow, it took me dying for you to make any moves whatsoever. Cool. Good to know I’m only worth the trip if I’m not here anymore. (Hence, the ‘And I’m very sorry that I’m not dead!’ line later.)”

Which would be a fair point, imo, and they do have a track record of just… infuriating miscommunication, but ultimately… it’s all still hypothetical. We aren’t given any actual, spoken insight into her motivations or feelings in regards to Jack (the smallest glimpse we get is her teary eyes outside the door at his guesthouse along with the “damn it, Jack” line). So, without any further follow-up clarification in the film - at face value, that scene is harsh and almost callous imo. And, despite their many conflicts in the show, there was never once where I felt they weren’t at least making an effort to understand each other. Like there is never a point in the film where they take a moment to acknowledge the time lost between them. They don’t get to have that (necessary) release of emotion and mutual understanding (there’s no nightcap moment), so it just feels incomplete.

4. I promise not to make all of these redundant, but the quicksand scene. Obviously, I love it ~*for reasons*~, but I found myself once again choosing a side (Jack’s)???? Which, throughout the entirety of the tv series, I never chose a side between them ‘cause I could always understand both of their perspectives. In this scene and the reunion scene, I’m left confused both times about Phryne’s perspective. Maybe because Mac isn’t there to pull the full truth out of her just afterwards? That’s probably it.

But her lumping Jack in with “any other man” she doesn’t need to explain herself to - either that was a fear response or a flat out dishonest one. Girl quit playin’… we all know he’s not just any other man and we all know he has never tried to change you or take charge of you. Please, the bottom-leaning switch vibes that come off that man… he LIVES for you telling him what to do. He doesn’t want to control you, he just wANTS TO BE BESIDE YOU. GOD.

I so didn’t want to be frustrated with Phryne (I love her**) and I was honestly upset that I was, but there was just something… missing in both these instances for me (vulnerability maybe? idk) and I can’t quite get it to add up. It really probably was a lack of Mac, though.

(**again, Me 🤝 Jack, complicated feelings for a complex modern woman, we’ll both be at the bar if you need us)

5. Last one - “Is this your idea of sweet nothings?” “I thought they were out of the question?” “They are. Continue.”

Did I miss a scene where they laid ground rules for their partnership going forward in Shirin’s case? Or was that something that was cut/not included? Because… if there was a scene of them discussing that before Jack agreed to stay… that would have taken care of most of what I said above in and of itself.

(But no fr… did I miss a scene? Is my copy broken? Help?)

Gonna Leave on a Positive Note, because if you asked me if the below scene made it all worth it, I’d have to say yes:

AIN'T TALKIN BOUT LOVE - EP. 1

Citizens of Vanhalenville, WELCOME to Ain't Talkin Bout Love - a pile of rambling that I'm pretending is my podcast, where we talk about ANYTHING but love for our creatures 👺

Just kidding... obviously I love them down lmaooo. This'll be a lighthearted situation type deal. To get this disclaimer out the way, I am not anti David anti Sammy or anti Gary, I'm pro them all, so if I happen to be ripping into Samuel (which I will be 🤣,)that is not a testimony of me believing in David superiority blah blah blah, they're all gonna GET THE SMOKE if necessary. (Especially DAVID 🤣)

🙄. The fact I even have to disclaim that makes me chuckle but you know how it e-is , you always get a select few that suddenly possess all-knowing oracle powers and can tell you who you hate or don't hate 🔥🧠🔥‼️

ANYWAY let's get this shitshow on the road, hello I'm Raeyeon, call me Rae...or if calling me keefsteef tickles your tingle fine🤩... whatever works🤩...

TODAY, we'll be chatting about one of the possible reasons for the notorious "Alexander doesn't speak to Samuel" ordeal that quite frequently makes blog cameos in the form of some snarky joke. But really, it's hard to chuckle at as a citizen of alexanderopolis, because that just means he'll keep hiding from us 😭 kiss seeing him playing drums in the sun GOODBYE, BELOVED...

So to briefly recap it if you aren't aware, Samuel wants to do a reunion (yes, I know without Edward it'd be extremely bittersweet, but nonetheless still a nice tribute) but Mr. Alexander Arthur Van Halen is NOT DOWN FOR IT, and will not return any emails or calls.

I know we can easily put grieving at responsibility for this,which at this point I'm sure is the case, but correct me if I'm wrong, Samuel hadn't been keeping in contact with Alexander even when Edward was still around. I knowwww obviously the drama over the leaving of the band has a huge role, but here are MY PERSONAL SPECULATIONS 😩‼️

Samuel, beloved...I'm not delusional enough to think you'd read this, but talking in the pov that you are...there's plainly things you KEEP TO YOURSELF when you expect to keep a friendship.

The majority of us are probably aware of his book called RED where he spills tea (a bit too much tea in my opinion 😩) and what not, the extreme of it regarding Edward and his drug usage. I also saw the way he went about it to be quite insensitive, it almost felt like a haha let's laugh at this crackhead type of storytelling than a "gee eddies far gone and I feel bad".

I'm SURE he meant it to be more of a feel bad situation, but he's human, humans fuck up and make mistakes.

This was a big fuck up lmaooo. We KNOW Alexander loves his brother, and I personally think that he's well enough of a grown man to not hold a silly grudge over leaving...quitting... kicking out, whatever drama. (I've already shared my THOUGHTS on that fiasco 😭)

I think he's refusing to contact Samuel, because he's probably hurt about the way he aired Edward out.

I would be too. I wouldn't want to talk to anyone that seemed to kick my blood when they were down. Samuel is an INTELLIGENT MAN, so every time I hear him go "lol idk why he won't call me back"

BELOVED 👺👺👺👺🔪🔪🔪🔪, DON'T ACT DENSE!

Obviously...I am a stranger and obviously this is my observative opinion, Samuel could've apologized to Alexander already and in Taurus fashion he pulled a "forgiveness granted, trust and friendship denied" move, but if that's not the case...

SAAAAMMMUELLLLL needs to stop trying to force a music reunion, and instead needs to invite Alexander to Cabo and talk things out man to man. (And maybe take selfies for vanhalenville 😩😩🤩💅🏽🤪)

Neither of them are getting any younger, and it just saddens me to think of the possibility they'll never talk again. But yeah, I see that Samuel has quite the tendency to enjoy opening his mouth and sharing stories...but he really needs to have a bit more awareness about the type of stories he shares.

I'm sure there's things to talk about without getting all down and dirty and personal. Take notes from Michael Anthony 😩‼️

Anyway...this was quite a WAY TO KICK OFF WASN'T IT 🤣. I've been wanting to have a little chitter chatter about this for the longest time, but I wanted to sort of establish myself as a blog first so I wouldn't get "you hate Sammy" accusations 😭

I loooove Mr. Red Rockers curly headed self, but he for real needs to quit playing these games and make things right. An apology, if he's already given it, means nothing when you continue to do what you apologized for.

THANKS FOR TUNING IN 🤩❤️, NEXT we'll talk about Mr. Diamond David Gigolo Tarzan Atomic Punk Whoever Whatever Lee Roth!

I've got some interesting things to expand on about him...word in the STREETS is on the 1978 tour, he was really just a cute cozy little bookworm and all that hooping blabber mouth persona was just that... A persona.

MUAH!

Could you pretty please write a headcanon about Llewyn Davis x hard of hearing reader?

It's a pretty funny story how l found out. I've been having trouble hearing and it all came to a boil with two events:

1. I was called to go on stage and receive a diploma 3 times before l realised they're calling me and

2. As l was reading a post about deaf and hard of hearing people, and thought: "no way I'm hard of hearing, it's just hard for me to hear!" 😂🤦🏽‍♀️ Then realized how dumb that was and went to get checked out to find that l have mild to moderate hearing loss.

I'm not sad about it btw, just glad to have figured that out, and l think Llewyn would be the perfect choice for hearing related issues 😅

Thank you very much, so sorry for the ramble, and have a lovely day! 💐

Hi Anon!

Thank you for this ask! It’s so fun to get a Llewyn prompt. I haven’t written for him in aaaages! ☺️🧡

I’m so glad that you have been able to figure out that you are hard of hearing, and I hope it’s helpful to you to understand that about yourself! 🧡

Little headcanon/ficlet blend below the cut.

I will say that I am not hard of hearing myself, and I know each person’s experience of being hard of hearing will be unique, with such a lot of variation! Without knowing more about your personal experience it’s hard to tailor this exactly, but I do hope there is something in there that you can enjoy. Also, if I have misunderstood anything about being hard of hearing, included any harmful stereotypes / anything insensitive at all please do let me know! I’m always happy to learn and to do better 🧡

Warnings: mentions of food, making-out, kinda forward reader (sorry idk where that came from! 😂), light innuendo. Fluff!

Crown of crotchets: Llewyn Davis x hard of hearing!GN!reader

We all know that Llewyn loves music! And, from the first time you meet him at a house party, that becomes apparent to you too. He’s shovelling food into his face at the buffet table (as he has been for the last 20 minutes), and not one of the pretty, smiling faces has been able to divert this sullen man’s attention - at least, not until you step up beside him. “I love this song,” Llewyn sputters unsmoothly, with a mouthful of chips and dip, spraying even more food crumbs on to his rumpled shirt.

Sharing favourite songs is one of Llewyn’s love languages, and he can’t quite explain it, but from the moment he sees you, he wants to share every song he knows with you. Hell, he swears he’s composing music in his head as he looks at you. You (and the rather warming chicken casserole) are the only damn pieces of luck in his rotten week, and he feels the cloud of despondency above him part just enough for some sunlight to glimpse through when he’s looking at you.

You mention that you can’t really make it out - the song he’s referring to - the vinyl playing in the background a little lost to the hubbub of the party. Llewyn groans and shakes his head as though that won’t do, not at all, and before you know it he is holding your hand in his, the wool of his fingerless gloves all soft and worn against your palm, and he is tugging you upstairs. “Come on, you need to hear this song.”

You don’t protest, even if you do wonder whether (or even assume that) this whole thing might be a ploy to get to you alone in the host’s bedroom for a make-out session - after all, you might not even mind that. This guy is cute, if a little sad and tired and scruffy looking. But, as he folds himself cross-legged on the floor in front of the side unit, easing the vinyl out of its sleeve like it’s a sacred object and setting it atop the record player, you realise he truly does have the music in mind. He really does want you to experience it, in an environment set up and tailored solely for you.

(Also, maybe he’s had enough of the other guests talking anthropology or whatever. He certainly didn’t seem to warm to them.)

“Come on,” he says, waving you over (you realise he’s also nabbed a full plate of snacks, which he proceeds to wrap in napkins and hide in the pockets of his jacket for later, and as he drops the needle and fiddles to up the volume, you settle down opposite him, seating yourself on the rug thrown over the hardwood floor.

The song sounds out, and you bob your head along to the beat, Llewyn asking questions of you until he’s finely tuned the bass and levels and dials to give you the best experience.

You watch Llewyn become entirely lost in it, the man closing his eyes and miming the progression of the chords along invisible frets - with his appealing, dexterous fingers. You admire his crown of muddled, crotchet black curls as his head bounces in time with the beat, his hair appearing like a beautiful tangled song. “Well. This is good,” you concur. “But… I’ve definitely heard better.” You smirk infuriatingly at him, and Llewyn’s jaw goes slack with your challenge.

He already looks desperate to prove himself to you, in more ways than one, his eyes big and bashful now - likely as he observes his surroundings and finally clocks that he does, in fact, have you alone in a bedroom.

You mull it over, and then you reach out and dust some of the crumbs from his cord blazer, noticing the moth-eaten ribbing along the edges. You click your tongue and sigh in something resembling defeat. “I swore that I wouldn’t date any more guitarists,” you say to him, his profession obvious from the way he played his imaginary instrument. “But… you are a pretty one.” You swear his brown skin heats with a tint of crimson as you smooth your palms over his lapels. “So… do you want to get a drink sometime?”

Llewyn looks dumbfounded, and a little lost for words, but eventually, some sounds croak from out of his throat. You read the words on his lips to help you out a little, and you find you don’t mind looking at his mouth at all. “I-I’m a singer too.”

“Wonderful,” you purr. “So, you’re good with your hands and your mouth?”

And, as skilled as Llewyn is with his instruments, he can hardly make any sounds now - aside from affirmatives - as you crawl into his lap and press your lips to his in a languid kiss.

From that moment, Llewyn is smitten with you, and the feeling is mutual. You spend whatever free time you have (he seems to have an abundance of it) together. Often, you will listen to music at your place. Once you had properly explained to Llewyn that you are hard of hearing, Llewyn was so understanding, asking gentle questions so that he could better understand how you experience the world, and to find out whether he could do anything to support you.

Llewyn excels at making sure you’re able to access as many of the sounds he finds beautiful as is possible for you - in whatever way that works for you. For example, depending on your needs, maybe he saves up his Gaslight money to buy some high fidelity headphones - if that would work for you and you would enjoy them. Maybe he makes sure to borrow the vinyl of that song which was playing in the cafe that time (that he knows you would love if it hadn’t been drowned out quite so much by the bustle of the patrons and the street). Llewyn always saves your preferred table at the Gaslight when he’s playing too, with a little “reserved” sign. He always makes sure you have your ideal spot, whether you want to sit far away enough to protect your ears (or to simply let the noise take a back seat and enjoy focussing on the visuals) or close enough that the background noise of the bar doesn’t affect your ability to enjoy his set.

As well, Llewyn is typically a mumbler, but he learns to adjust - always facing you when he’s speaking, getting close to you, letting you see his mouth, or making sure he moves the two of you to a quieter space, if those things help you.

He always encourages you to do whatever is best for you too, and you always feel supported to make your own decisions around what works (for example, whether you wish to experiment with hearing aids or not, or whether there are other options you may wish to find out more about.) It’s always up to you, and the last thing you would ever experience from Llewyn is pressure.

Llewyn knows how great you are at advocating for your own needs, but he also wants you to know he has your back too, and he is always there to pull someone up (in his typical grumpy, snarky fashion) if they are ignorant around the topic of being hard of hearing, or if they aren’t providing what you need to be included and to participate fully.

At home, if there are times you might not hear him approach - for example, if you are already playing music, or doing the dishes with running water and the rumble of the noisy washing machine - Llewyn approaches from the side so as not to startle you, wrapping one arm around your middle until you smile softly at him over your shoulder, and only then does he shuffle up to hug you tightly from behind, his soft curls brushing up against you. He’s a gentle man, and he’s loving, and he shows you in so many little ways that he is mindful of your needs.

Of course, Llewyn also makes sure you spend lots of quality time together which doesn’t involve sound as a central component. Llewyn understands that sometimes certain activities can take extra energy for you, and he becomes attuned to spotting any signs that you need a break or rest. So, you and Llewyn enjoy plenty of quiet days together at home. For example, you spend a lot of time reading and cooking together. Snuggling on the couch. Going to see movies - with subtitles if you need them - and talking long walks in the park with a steaming cup of hot chocolate. You’re literally his favourite person in the world. He can’t think of anything better than a chilled, snuggly day with you!

Most of all though, you love to hear Llewyn sing and play, whether intimate gigs for only you at home, Llewyn sat on the bed in his boxers, his soft body curled around the guitar, or in his element at the Gaslight, the spotlight shining around him like a halo.

It has to be said that Llewyn’s heart grew ten sizes the moment he realised you enjoyed his music most of all. He hasn’t often received a lot of appreciation for his talents, and it means the world that it is coming from you when he values your opinion above anyone else’s.

As your relationship progresses, and the two of you become more deeply entwined, Llewyn’s favourite thing to do is to have you laying on his chest while he sings lullabies to you. For him, there is nothing which brings him greater happiness than having you blissed out on his chest while his music and his embrace each soothe you towards slumber. You love this too, as having him so close means the sound entirely wraps around you. You can hear the sounds filter gently over you, and even if some of the notes might be lost to you when his volume drops or his pitch fluctuates, you can feel the vibration of every one of them - from his chest to yours - as you press up against him.

“Mmm. That one,” you say - around a cute lil yawn - on one occasion Llewyn snuggles you in bed.

“What, angel?”

“That song. That’s the best one so far.” You snuggle into him tighter, feeling like his sung notes - delivered with such reverence - are gathering to form a crown of crotchets in your hair. The notes which reached the shell of your ear and the missed notes alike forming a beautiful bejewelled headdress, delivered as they were with such love. Llewyn makes you feel like royalty. “Whose is it?”

You mean the artist, of course. But Llewyn’s reply confuses you. “It’s yours, angel.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I… I wrote it the night I fell in love with you. The… the night I met you.”

Your heart grows ten sizes now, and you tug him even closer to you.

You are Llewyn’s greatest muse, it seems, and his heart sings for you and only you.

“I… I love you too, Llewyn.”

God.

You’re endlessly glad you decided to break that ban on dating musicians.

This one’s definitely a keeper.

Absolutely top of the charts - in your heart if nowhere else.

Which Sweden wins were deserved and which ones weren’t, according to me:

1974 - Waterloo by ABBA. Deserved.

This is the reason ABBA’s career set off! And they’re amazing!

1984 - Diggiloo Diggiley by Herreys. Deserved.

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE DIGGILOO DIGGILEY. I used to listen to this on a CD so much as a kid that the CD broke. It’s silly, it’s catchy, it’s cheesy, it’s amazing. To think, back in this day you could win by singing about something so simple as golden shoes.

1991 - Fångad av en stormvind by Carola. Deserved.

It is catchy asf and easy to dance to. I get it.

1999 - Tusen och en natt by Charlotte Nilsson (Perelli now, but Nilsson in 1999). Undeserved.

This is probably the most ”unknown” of the Sweden wins and sorry to all the Charlotte fans but i’m just not feeling it. Both my parents have said they were very surprised this even won because they weren’t that into it either. It’s not a bad song, but idk if I would call it a winning song either. But oh well, there were other tastes and standards in 1999…

But another reason is that Iceland came in second this year and if we hadn’t won, they would have gotten their first win.

2012 - Euphoria by Loreen. Deserved.

Euphoria was amazing. It’s still a song that plays and holds up.

2015 - Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw. Both deserved and undeserved.

I was not expecting him to win in 2015 and when he did, I was very happy about it. His song was good and I think what really stood out was the effects with his little animated dude. The only problem is that his win lead us to

1. Have like 7 years of men representing us in esc, all with pretty similar songs and I can barely remember how half of them except for in the chorus. The only exception was 2020 with a trio of women, but then we didn’t have any competition. Finally in 2022 we had a woman compete again and it really felt like a bit of fresh air.

2. Insert Måns every year in esc somehow. Stop inserting him. Stop milking the man.

2023 - Tattoo by Loreen. Undeserved…?

The question mark because I don’t know how to feel. I should feel happy that we’ve won, but I did not at all feel that. Especially when it was so clear that the audience wanted someone else. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel fair. And I think swedish media definitely makes it worse when they openly mock the others, especially Finland, over this win. They’re making us look like prudes and kind of insensitive with the things they say. It’s like not even swedish media can celebrate this because they wanna focus on the negative backlash. Like with this behavior, I think we deserve as little points as possible for at least 5-10 years so we can fucking calm down, because I’ve noticed kind of already after Måns’ win we’ve developed this hubris, and I had hoped we’d start to calm down, but now with this win I am sad to say it’s probably not gonna disappear for a longer while.

But at the same time. The song isn’t bad… and Loreen is a queen. And I gotta say, I didn’t think she’d win. First of all, she competed in our national competition in 2017 and didn’t even get to the finale, so I was unsure at first what would even be different this time. Then she won, and I thought, well, people have sent precious esc winners before. It’s never gone that well except for one time in the 80s, but that is an exception. But I guess Loreen just has that po-po-po-pooooooweer /j So seeing her win actually was a bit of a surprise. I knew she’d be popular with juries, but I really thought ”oh but the televoters will probably only give her 100 points at max”. Haha…

It’s cool that she’s the first woman to have won twice, but tbh, eventually it’s just gonna be a textbook trivia. I mean, how relevant is Johnny Logan now? Now we need other records to beat - maybe first band to win twice (Måneskin, Lordi? Maybe?), maybe first country to win with only jury/televotes because the other gave them 0? This year was also a learning year how to do it next time, or possibly a protest to change the system. Honestly, the voting system has changed so much in years, and now we at least have the power in the semi’s. Maybe it will change, maybe it will not. We’ll see.

Also as a final note: There’s a lot of songs you barely remember who have won. From 2016-2019, the only song I remember is Toy by Netta. Also, there’s gonna be so much other underserved wins in the future. Both in our national competitions to choose a representant from our country, and in esc. What happened this year has def happened before.

I’m a bit curious what next year will bring. But I do think this win was more undeserved than deserved, even if I could see why it would win too.

*cracks knuckle* sleep? I don’t need sleep. Disclaimer-the only stuff I know about SPN comes from tumblr and the occasional fanfic, so, uh.

Calum-Family Business, on both sides. Māori have a lot of legends and most of them are true. Same goes for the Scottish. I think he met a Kelpi when visiting Scotland with his family as a child (6 or 7) and was promptly let in on The Secret by local elders.

Michael-Is dragged into it when he accidentally witnesses 14 year old Calum banish a demon from his assistant football coach. He just wanted to know if he wanted to play guitar hero after practice Calum WHAT THE FUCK. Decides there is NO WAY he is going to be dead weight when they are together (‘I’ve played lots of video games, Calum, how hard can it be?’ *loud screaming*)

Luke-Family Business, kind of? There had been Family Lore for generations that they had the potential to be Holy Vessels (angel vessels). No one REALLY believed it until Great Grandad Henry started glowing during WW1. The family was quietly brought into the hunting community after that. None of them had ever become actual hunters, but they had the knowledge. None until Luke, that is.

Ashton-IDK man I feel, in my soul, that it needs to have SOMETHING to do with his bio dad???? But that also feels, like, insensitive? Was his bio dad a hunter? A monster? Just an asshole? OH OH I GOT IT! Ash finds some stuff his dad left behind when he’s, say, 15? Among them a few old books and journals. His mom says his dad told her he inherited them from his grandfather, but that the old man had been off his rocker. He tossed them in the attic and never thought of them again, not even when he left. Ash reads them wanting to prove that maybe what he left behind had value (*cough* self projection *cough*) but thinks, ok, maybe the old man HAD been off his rocker. Until he sees textbook signs of-(idk some kind of monster? Maybe a demon possessing the neighbor?) and decides to lay a trap according to what the journal says. And it works. And Ash kills it, and then Freaks The Fuck Out bc he had no idea those were REAL and now THEY ARE SND HE KILLED ONE and oh my god it was so close to Harry and Lauren. He doesn’t tell anyone, just stumbles through The Beginning Stages of Being A Hunter entirely on his own (and armed with what he finds out are his great-grandads journals). And then he meets Calum, Michael, and Luke and discovers there is an entire hunting community after they see the journals on his bookshelf (there was lots of screaming that afternoon, he’s lucky they were home alone). The journals alluded to a community but that was DECADES ago, ya know?

Uh *coughs* I’ll take that Pepsi now, I guess?-💜

everything about this. everything about this. i need it. i feel strongly and i need it. give it to me now. i tell you what I'd really like, in my heart of hearts, is for Ash to be part monster. I always fuck so hard with those storylines.

also the IMAGE of Michael being just The Worst hunter but trying his hardest and thinking he's really good at it when Calum is just constantly saving him is SENDING me to the MOON. malum being young hunters together and then running into Luke on the same hunt and being like "bro?? is this the fucking?? guy from our school?? wtf are you doing here??" "wtf are YOU doing here" is actually something that can be SO personal to me.

i also have already drunk the pepsi i am so sorry.

Not to make this blog a confessional but as a general people are garbage and it stuck out to me quite a bit about what you said about people being abusive because of the version of you they have in their head and that happens to me a lot as am androgynous small individual people are quick to make up their minds. It's made me quick to want to throw hands. Let them be foolish and embarrass themselves. That woman sounds like a bully and like she just wants an excuse to be nasty cause her life suck

I put your additional comment here too:

thank you so much anon. Also it didn't occur to me really until your message but you mentioning being androgynous and it just crossed my mind that she may have just had it out for me because I'm an openly queer man and my roommate is trans which was something she was weird about too.

Early on into our "friendship" she mentioned about how me and my roommate probably didn't have any people from her generation in our lives and when I was trying to explain about how much of a loss it was to the queer community when so many who would have been elders now were taken from us too soon because of the aids crisis and of how a lot of poorer or disabled people don't live as long as their peers which has created a void where there's fewer and further people like me left in older generations she just didn't seem to want to understand and insisted that she knew better than me because she was older than me. Which idk. With hindsight it feels really insensitive of her. Because I have often firsthand experience that not everyone gets to make it to be her age. I've had friends die from unnatural causes as young adults I've had family die of medical neglect or malpractice and my beloved best friend in the whole wide world died of incurable cancer. I know full well the void that premature death leaves and I consider myself at least somewhat educated about what the aids crisis meant for the LGBTQ community. She pointed out that I "tried to know everything" and that I reminded her of her adult son so idk maybe she's just mad she doesn't get to be smarter than me even though I'm disabled. *shrug* some people really like having power over others it's gross.

My attempts in social settings "to know everything" is a survival instinct from child abuse too so it's very difficult for me to shut off.

Idk. I'm really sad right now for reasons not relating to her so I'm getting sentimental about that topic again.

I really try to be comfortable with and proud of myself but it gets hard sometimes you know? I have a TON of internalized self hatred and one of the big things is that I don't want to be an abuser like my father and I know from experience just how frequent demonization of "scary" mental illnesses is so her insisting that I killed those birds just even though it isn't true it's a reminder that people are going to think that I'm a monster and a killer because of my stupid sick brain. Regardless of how I can't fix it. Regardless of how I implement self control and make the effort to do the right thing.

The more I think about this and talk about it with people the more it's becoming clear to me that she's in the wrong and has some sort of attitude problem. I try not to think of her as "a crotchety old bitch" because I know for a fact my beloved grandparents weren't like that (so in my mind there's no excuse and I shouldn't assume an old person will be like that by default) but it really does seem like she's living up to that stereotype. I'm just shocked she kept up a nice persona so well but then again people can be good at that and I'm especially vulnerable to that kind of social power play.

More Coincidences

In regards to Harsh Jayesh Rajput saw a lot of reversed mirror numbers yesterday night - loads of them, pouring everywhere… it’s called pattern reading some ppl see them often, those like me who know how the numerological meanings, the universe communicates through vibrations & signs but not with all, some are born alchemists. I am feeling very numb since morning I’m not in my senses im not able to sit it’s again autocorrect finishing my sentences im not in the state to write and the one who can is not ready to talk. He is the most insensitive and ruthless person I’ve ever seen, this is very important for me to share, I asked my mom to cook something today after 10 days cuz I feel more faint when I don’t eat and my pressure drops incredibly low but she just abused me very roughly. You know how she is… I’ve put up with her my whole life, I had a soulmate but he wasn’t man enough to save me or help me, it’s NOT the end of 2015 it’s the end of 2022 and my life, it’s been years and year after year my tears and torture increased, he wasted 2022 with a woman named Jiya now… why was I that bad in front of all of them? Its so insulting… coincidence I was thinking about breaking his heart the way he broke mine and I saw a pic which had Rafael as the last name, he’s a healer - the angel of medicine, I often take his name when I feel down, so as I was saying I was thinking of breaking his heart the way he broke mine and also noticed my irregular heartbeats i was/am still struggling to breathe cuz he has tattered my heart since 2015 he has rendered it physically weak now, I then came across a quote and it had just one line “Take care of each other’s hearts”… like a sign from Raphael, he’ll read this now, get high and fck that b*tch Jiya. That fake Pavitra I never lost my virginity and he isn’t done with her yet as if I’ll accept someone who’s been here and there and who’s chosen several others over me cuz they were all “better” somehow. No girl will take so much humiliation and insult. If I would’ve been in her place and I would have seen all this getting tagged under my name I would have shown support being another female but look at her… she is just taking advantage. Mazey maarte behti hai mere dum pe.

Next I asked about those mirror numbers which I kept seeing the whole night and remember I’d already underlined this… I would always see 12:21 for his brother as a reminder of what I texted him on 5th Mar, 2020 and this post had 21 twice when I added the last line

As guessed the mirror numbers were because of this… this came up when I asked about them:

Last but not the least, I would like to leave this for people who were supporting me with 🤍 and signs who stopped using those hearts flagrantly after I tweeted about it with a Thankyou note idk why maybe he follows them and they don’t want to come in that TV actor’s bad books, you took away my one and only one friend, congrats brother… (not talking about that childhood friend who stalks but never asks me if I’m okay) Secondly celebrity or non-celebrity you are a HUMAN being, not some spirit God or universe to converse in signs or innuendos, speak if you want to don’t leave such obscure messages here and there in the form of quotes and signs it is only ENCOURAGING him to not talk. Enough, this whole untouchability as in “not talking” is getting on my nerves he didn’t have that OCD when he asked for my BB pin or flirted with my fake ID? Huh? My autocorrect accidentally typed out the word “ZID” I’m not lying it means stubbornness so it’s not OCD - Zara Sauleh I received this quote when I was thinking about that… and it was very much relatable