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rynhaswritersblock · 4 years

Text

new york boy (hc) | p.p.

a/n: 50TH IMAGINE WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWW!! this shit go 🅱razy!

summary: life is hard when you visit your uncle in new york and all of a sudden there's a cute boy named peter parker in your life (i suck at summaries just stick with me here)

warnings: the usual fluff/hella cussing + like a minute of slight angst, also DEADASS THIS IS LIKE 8.5K WORDS I GOT SO SO SOOOOOO CARRIED AWAY AHSAHDJFKSNFK

ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONSISTENCIES OR TYPOS OR ANYTHING I LITERALLY WROTE THIS OVER A FEW DAYS AND GOT SO CARRIED AWAY WITH DIFFERENT PLOTLINES AND BASICALLY WHAT IM SAYING IS THIS IS VERY VERY CHAOTIC BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS GET THE POINT LOL

+ + +

- SECOND HEADCANON IN A ROW YEAHYEAH

- you guys i've had a one direction relapse i was literally Obsessed with them like eight years ago (when they were still together rip) and all of a sudden they are just living in my brain Rent Free once again

- btw harry is my favorite and always has been. call me basic but it's been an eight year bond so try and fight that 😌✋

- anyways time to write the actual fucking story

- haha Oops!

- no i didn't accidentally spell oops "opps" at first. the fact that you even think that is complete absurdity

- CAN LITTLE THINGS BY 1D STOP MAKING ME EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW

- this is the eighth bullet point and i have yet to get into the actual story holy fuck

- guys i just watched knives out (yeah i know i'm late whatever) and i haven't fully processed it yet but it was Muy Bueno!

- STEAL MY GIRL IS PLAYING

i knowwww i knowwww i knowwww for sure

EVERYBODY WANNA STEAL MY GIRL

EVERYBODY WANNA TAKE HER HEART AWAY

- i am so sorry

- OKAY THIS IS WHERE THE ACTUAL STORY STARTS HOLY SHIT

- yeah ❤

- SO BASICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- fuck what is this imagine about again?

- OH RIGHT

- OKAY

- YOU'RE TONY STARK'S NIECE OKAY

- don't ask me how that works i have No Fucking Clue (which i'm sure you've gathered at this point)

- (i don't know what i'm doing)

- y'all i've got a headache but ❤ nevertheless she persisted ❤

- so basically

- you live like

- not... in new york...?????????

- so like SOMEWHERE ELSE

- let's say you live in like california

- YEAHYEAH OKAY

- SO LIKE YK HOW TONY USED TO LIVE IN CALI

- so you and uncle tones (😌) were super close when he lived in cali and he'd like pick you up from school and get you ice cream and basically be the Coolest Uncle Ever

- ur mom (let's say she's tony's sister) would be like 🙄 whenever he'd goof around with u but she loved y'all's relationship

- ain't that fluffy

- but THEN

- tony moved to new york

- bitch how fucking rude is that

- so u were like

- a little dead inside

- but that was when you were like six so time moved at Hyper Speed back then and you don't really like Remember the Pain 😀

- OH AND BY THE WAY KINDA IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE!!!!!

- SINCE UR MOM GOT MARRIED SHE TOOK YOUR DAD'S LAST NAME (aka l/n) AND YOU KEEP THE FACT THAT TONY IS YOUR UNCLE A SECRET FOR LIKE SAFETY REASONS IG LOL

- Anyways! from there on you only visit once a year and be there for a week

- but u best BELIEVE those visits were HYPE AS FUCK YEAHYEAH

- when you turned 13 ur mom surprised you by finally letting you start going by yourself

- badass 13 year old y/n 😌

- so u were like Heck Yeah!

- YeahYeah 😀😀😀

- happy picks you up from the airport and ur like "uh hi"

- ANYWAYS THE POINT IS YOU START TRAVELLING TO NEW YORK ALONE

- SO!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE NOW IN PRESENT TIME

- you go on your annual trip

- happy picks you up as per usual

- the usual awkward convo goes on which typically goes something like:

"are you excited to see your uncle" "yeah" "cool" "mhmm"

- yeah ❤

- but anyways by the time you're like 10 mins away you're practically Bouncing in your seat

- happy is like.... Girl. Calm Down! 😀

"oh by the way tony has the kid over today"

- bro Huh???????????

- ??????

- "the kid" Very Specific Thank You!

- you're like "who tf is the kid"

"spider-man"

......

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

- your head SPINS over to happy

"he's SPIDER-MAN?"

- happy just gets that Smug Smile Look on his face (y'all know the face) and shrugs, pulling into the garage

- you JUMP out of the car

- you wanna see sum real speed?

"identific-"

"FRIDAY! it's y/n let me in!!!"

- bitch calm down

"welcome back, y/n"

- WANNA SEE SUM REAL SPEED? 2.0

- you BUST through the doors

- not to mention your backpack is Barely Hanging On and happy is still in the garage hurling your suitcase out of the trunk

- sorry happy 😔😔

- happy ain't lookin so happy rn!

"friday, where's my uncle?"

"he's in the laboratory"

- WANNA SEE SUM REAL SPEED?????? 3.0

- go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go!

- spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬

- you FLY down the stairs to the lab

- tony looks over and a smile immediately breaks on his face

- you look disheveled as HELL cause you're like panting and Far Too Excited

- peter looks over and sees you and is like 0_0

- as soon as you see peter you're ALSO like 0_0

- he cute

- wait no fuck he's HOT

"short-circuit!"

- you manage to tear your eyes from peter Somehow and look over at tony, smiling like a madwoman as you jump into his arms and give him a hug

"short-circuit?"

- oh damn

- this kid's Voice!!!!!!!!!!

- adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- you and tony pull apart and tony explains the nickname

"peter, this is y/n, my niece. short-circuit just so happens to come from when this idiotic girl will be talking about something when we're in the lab and she suddenly drifts off and gets this zoned out look on her face. she short-circuits, basically"

- peter's Still like 0_0

- his brain can't even Function Properly because tony was just explaining the next updates to peter's suit and then you're here and you're really pretty and tony apparently has a niece? and Everything Is Happening!!!!!!!!

"well im so sorry that i drift off because my brain is coming up with super cool stuff, which usually tends to make your little inventions even better. let's not forget me figuring out how to properly program JARVIS"

- *not peter's 0_0 look managing to amplify*

- eyebrows are RAISED

- (also quick moment of silence for jarvis i miss him 😔)

in memoriam:

graphic design is my passion 2.0

fyi graphic design is my passion is becoming a new ~segment~ on these hcs because i love making them and i deadass couldn't stop laughing at my last one

- okay back to Da Program

- all tony does is scoff, clapping you on the back

"anyways... peter's interning for me, so i was just explaining-"

- intern? i don't think so!

- time to be a stark and fuck things up!

- YEAHYEAH

"happy told me he was spider-man? the suit is literally on that table over there? unless he's doing both spider-man and an internship? which is honestly impressive, i mean-" you look over at peter, "with school and everything- unless you don't go to school, but still-"

- you look back over and tony and this man is.........

- he's got that Look on his face you know what i'm talking about

"dammit, now i gotta go yell at happy"

"oh shit was i not supposed to know?"

- tony gives you an exasperated look and you're like Oops!

"it would've been better if you didn't know. just don't go running that big mouth of yours"

- you give him an offended look before being like Okay Fine Whatever

- tony is just tired and peter's standing there like OH FUCK UH OKAY??????????

- aka that one scene in infinity war

youtube

moving on

"y/n, your room is set up. i'm gonna finish up here with pete and then we can go get cheeseburgers. deal?"

- you smile and nod, giving tony a kiss on the cheek (signature stark move)

- (i'm sad now)

- (fuck)

- you start to walk off and look over at peter

"it was nice meeting you, peter"

- mans is like Oh! Who? Me!

"oH- uh- y- yeah, it was nice meeting you, too"

- you give him a small smile and walk up the stairs out of the lab

- fucking dopey ass smile on your face because YOU JUST MET CUTE BOY SPIDERMAN AND HES CUTE AND HOT AND KJSDFHKSDJF FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

- peter looks back from watching you walk away and makes sure you're out of earshot

- fyi his ears are like Red Red and homeboy looks WHIPPED

- silly goose. fools fall in love

"i-um, i didn't know you had a niece?"

- tony just kind of scoffs

- very original reaction, tony! Never Been Done before, Especially by you! Wow!

"and i didn't realize how little time it takes for you to fall in love. i mean the bar was low but, jeez, kid"

"wait- no- i'm not in love"

"hmm okay. but if i catch you pulling something i will not hesitate to say i told you s-"

"no- yeah- that won't be, uh, that won't be a problem, mr stark"

- yeah tell that to your FACE peter

- he's like No! Of Course Not! meanwhile his face is just 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

- why are emojis so goddamn funny. they're the stupidest shits ever but i love them so much

- ANYWAYS!

- you go to your room and unpack and everything and yeahyeah whatever

- btw tony Knows you so when he first moved into the headquarters he immediately set aside a room for you with a view he knew you'd love and like all ur favorite things (posters, comfy bed and pillows and blankets, any instruments u like to play etc) because Uncle Tony is Bae Man

- then tony like sticks his head in and knocks on the doorframe

- ur like "hola!" (soy dora!)

- is that what she says? fuck idk i didn't take spanish and have the memory of a breadcrumb anyways!

"y/n i think you made my intern fall in love with you"

- bro Huh?????????/

- cute random slash ryn! Very Good At Typing!

"what on earth do you mean?"

- on the inside though ur like YEAHYEAH

- MOVING ON I'M GETTING A BIT DETAILED AND IT'S CONFUSING MY DICKHEAD OF A BRAIN

- you and tony get cheeseburgers yeahyeah okay

- so you have the whole week in nyc right

- guess what

- guess

- the fuck

- what

- can i just make my goddamn point already goodness gracious

- these hcs are literally me just writing down every single thought i have while writing these

- you guys do be living rent free in my brain 0_0

- OH MY GOD ANYWAYS

- you best BELIEVE peter is at headquarters

- every

- fucking

- day

- YEAHYEAH

- now the whole reason for that is

- when you got back from the Cheeseburger Extravaganza! tony called peter and was like

"sup bitch"

- i'm kidding

"kid listen my niece needs a friend and at this point maybe even a boyfriend. she hasn't managed to pull anyone yet and you'd be a nice fit ANYWAYS come over tomorrow and show her around new york"

- now, hearing this, peter cannot breathe

- internal monologue be like holyhdhdjhksjdbfhitshitskjfdbjfk

- basically me

- my thoughts

- ✨always✨

- the inner snape in me just came out SORRY

- I JUST MADE MY SCREEN SMALL WHAT THEFUDBS

- oh i fixed it

- okay so YEAH

- peter wakes up next morning and pays SO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE WAY HE LOOKS

- puts on his best science pun tee (i love him so much wtf) and makes sure his hair is just right

- aunt may is like o_0

- Hmm...... something Hinky is going on!

(once you get your bearings, find the carpet that covers the taillight, peel back the carpet, make a fist, punch the taillight out the back of the car, thus creating a hole in the back of the automobile, then stick your little hand out and wave to oncoming motorists to let them know that something hinky is going on!)

- bae man john mulaney

- i can't hear or even fucking THINK of the word hinky without thinking of detective jj bittenbinder STREETSMARTS

- shut up! you're all gonna dieSTREETSMARTS

- guys i'm starting to think i have ADHD

- oh my god okay BACK TO THE FUCKING STORY COME ON KAMRYN

- writing my full/actual name on here felt weird as fuck. dunno how often i'll be doing that okay anyways

- peter gets to headquarters and is immediately met by thor

"ah, the spider!"

0_0

"sir stark said something about you coming today to show madam y/n around the city!"

- thor gives peter the biggest pat on the back and peter Does Not Know How To Act

"uh, yeah, that's um.. that's what i'm doing"

- thor smiles (the smile he gives hulk in that one scene in ragnarok makes me LOSE MY MIND it's so FUNNY)

- can my cat stop rubbing her face on my laptop goddamn

- I MADE MY SCREEN SMALL AGAIN WTF

- okay reset ANYWAYS

- take a shot every time i say anyways

- hi i'm editing this imagine rn and according to ctrl+f i wrote "anyways" 20 times. time to get blackout drunk and chug a bottle of perfume everyone!

- Not Me with the john mulaney reference Again!

- thor's like "go get em kid"

- peters like "y-yeah thanks"

- gets in the elevator and he's still so flustered and confused and anxious

- his voice fucking CRACKS when he asks friday to take him to your floor

- why is it so cute when boys' voices crack wtf

- when he reaches ur door his heart is like WANNA SEE SUM REAL SPEED? 4.0

- he just knocks quietly and ur like "yeah?"

- ohgodohfuckohgodohfuckohgodohfuck

- peter opens the door and the LOOK ON HIS FACE

- he (⊙ˍ⊙)

- as soon as you see him you go into Fight Or Flight ur like (ง •_•)ง...?

- but u regain ur composure cause ur a stark 😎

"oh, hi peter!"

"hey, um,"

- he like slowly walks in

- mans is So Unsure of what he's allowed to do

- ur just like My Man it is OKAY

"mr. stark- your uncle-"

- yes peter i know hes my uncle

"so i said to her, 'we've been married for three and a half years.' and she knew that."

no i will not stop with the john mulaney quotes do not even try me (Do Not Fuck With Me)

"told me to show you around new york today"

- ur like O Shit Okay?

- you already know tony is tryna pull some SHIT because this is deadass like the idk..... at LEAST tenth time you've been to new york??????

- you tell peter you'll be ready in a few and he just cautiously sits on your bed cause he's so unsure of everything (babey)

- the two of you talk about the whole story about you and tony and stuff

"so yeah then he moved to new york and i've just been visiting him for a week once a year"

"wait"

- you look over, aggressively shoving on ur shoes and peter's just Thinking

"if you've been here before then why does mr. stark want me to show you around"

- you shrug

"he's weird like that"

- so ANYWAYS (take a shot!)

- ur ready n stuff so the two of you leave

- sam is being himself ofc so he starts clapping for the two of you and whooping as you walk past

- bucky starts clapping too but he doesn't know what he's clapping for so he's just looking around like o_0? 👏

- (he eventually sees the two of you though and smiles SO BRIGHT)

- sam's like

"I KNOW THE TWO OF YOU JUST MET BUT DAMN Y/N'S BEEN NEEDING A MAN!"

- you turn and almost beat the Fuck out of that bird-man ur like:

┗|｀O′|┛

- WHY IS THT SO FUNYNJFDN

we ┗|｀O′|┛┗|｀O′|┛┗|｀O′|┛┗|｀O′|┛┗|｀O′|┛

WHAT THE FUCKDBGKDJFGNSKDJFNHEHAHHFSBJDFA

┗|｀O′|┛I'M WALKIN HERE!

- oh my god ANYWAYS (TAKE A SHOT)

- tony just chillin in the back with a smug look on his face

- so you guys just start walking through the streets and peter just points out random things

"this is where an old lady gave me a churro"

"right up there is where i did a flip for this guy at a hot dog cart"

"i hung a bike robber right here- oh shoot well like i didn't hang him but i like suspended him in the air.. with my web.... if you, uh, know what i'm sayingi'mgonnastoptalkingnow"

- ur like bitch if you keep acting like this (aka like yourself) imma start Acting Up

- it's Too Cute

- the two of you take the subway to get to queens so he can show you around His Area Of New York

- which is a whole experience cause it's

- the fucking

- subway

- in new york

- you see a subway rat and you get SO EXCITED

- the fucking brightest smile is on your face and peter just looks at you in awe because it's a fucking rat but for some reason you got so happy over it???????

- the subway car was PACKED AS HELL (aka peter. we all know it)

- (there's NO WAY peter's dick is small moving on)

- so the two of you are forced to hold onto the pole things

- and since cali doesn't have subways and subway poles are not something you generally see

- does it? i've never fucking been there i shouldn't be spitting facts that probably aren't actually facts

- for the sake of this imagine california does not have subways

😌

- you decide to Pull a Move and fucking wrap your leg around it, laughing as you spin slightly

- very ungracefully might i add

- we're talking about y/n. the Clumsy Messy Hair Bitch from every goddamn book on this app

- can we talk about how y/n is a whole ass character. like ask anyone who reads fanfic to describe y/n and they Would Not describe themselves DESPITE THE FACT THAT Y/N LITERALLY MEANS "YOUR NAME"

- anyways (two shots of vodka *glug glug*)

- peter gets slightly flustered at your stripper move but covers it up with a laugh

- something about The Way peter's holding onto the pole above ur head is VERY ATTRACTIVE

- now is the time to go look back at the gif i used for this imagine

"what's a camera like you doing in a place like this?"

- fuck you tom for being cute shut up

- the car stumbles and

- CLICHE MOMENT ALERT y'all know what's going on

- you stumble slightly and peter (speedy spidey reflexes) quickly grabs you by the waist to steady you

- AWKWARD MOMENT

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"thanks"

"oh- yeah, uh, no problem"

- he like... awkwardly pulls his hand away from your waist and suddenly his hand feels like a fucking lead balloon with No Purpose so he just stuffs it in his pocket because Pockets!

- you lowkey wish he'd kept his hand on your waist OOPS

- we desperate for human contact 😔

- the two of y'all get off the subway at his stop and as soon as you step out into the like Actual Street or Whatever you're like 😀 cause it's so PRETTY and it's peter's home so it's even more exciting

- you get lunch at delmar's (ofc)

- mr delmar kept making suggestive eyes between the two of you so you were like o_0

- but it was SO CUTE BECAUSE PETER AND MR DELMAR JUST HAD SUCH A CUTE RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER

- AND FUCKING MR DELMAR HAD THE BALLS TO GO

"supongo que ya no preguntarás por mi hija, eh?"

- WHICH

- IF YOU DON'T SPEAK SPANISH CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DON'T

- thank u google translate for the assistance😌

- TRANSLATES TO "guess you won't be asking about my daughter anymore, huh?"

como estas tu hija eh?

that'll be ten dollars

IT'S FIVE DOLLARS

- anyways (shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots!)

- ur like Bro Huh and peter's like NOTHING

- and fucking 🅱ETER

- this BITCH

- ALSO HAD THE BALLS TO FUCKING REPLY IN SPANISH

"ella es la hija del señor stark" (she's mr. stark's daughter)

- ngl you couldn't breathe for a second

- cause who The Fuck can when 🅱eter 🅱ucking 🅱arker speaks ESPAÑOL

- ????????????? WHO

- moving on (not saying a****** to give you a break from the shots you're welcome)

- you get your sandwiches and they fucking SLAP

- peter smiles SO HARD WHEN HE SEES YOUR REACTION CAUSE HE'S SO EXCITED THAT YOU LIKE HIS FAVORITE SANDWICH (not you saying "i'll have what he has" just because you were too busy thinking about him speaking spanish oops)

- the two of you share a bag of gummy worms

- overall 11/10 experience

- i got a bit carried away with that and we're running on over 3000 (rip) words here so i'm gonna hurry this up goodness fuck

- editing ryn here to say HAHA 3000 words little did i Fucking Know

- the two of you get back to headquarters and peter DROPS YOU OFF AT YOUR ROOM LIKE THE GENTLEMAN HE IS AND IT'S KINDA AWKWARD BECAUSE HOW ON EARTH WOULDN'T IT BE BUT HE'S SO CUTE SO IT'S OKAY

- ngl you lay on your bed for a second like "wait was that a date?"

- peter legit just walks to the end of the hallway before closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall, letting out a sigh

- he's like holy shit i need to stop getting so whipped over girls within less than 24 hours

- then fucking sir STANK rounds the corner

"hey, pete! how was showing short-circuit around?"

"oh, hi, uh, it was good"

- this boy is fucking Flustered As Hell

"good? good. what'd y'all do?"

"we, just, um, walked around and i showed her around queens, too"

- tony just looks at him for a second and is like damn this kid needs a break i'll lay off of him

- so like the Cool Guy he is he like awkwardly pats peter on the shoulder and walks over to your room

- u and tones have a convo about your day and you end up gushing about it a little bit OOPS

- tony is so proud of himself him and his egotistical ass Goodness

- a n y w a y s ( t a k e a s h o t ! )

- peter ends up coming over everyday because It's Summer! and he has No Life!

- just thought i'd let you know that i have spent the last couple days binge watching bestdressed's videos and now everything i write down is being narrated by ashley

- actually fuck that everything i THINK is narrated by ashley

- also can we gush about her in the comments like she seems like the coolest person ever and like the big sister i never had and she's so open about her life and funny and quirky but in a good way and i just have So Much Respect For Her!!!!!!!!!!!

- and i want her apartment SO BAD I'M LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH IT

- THE FUCKING FIRE ESCAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- not me having a weird obsession with fire escapes ever since reading/writing peter parker fics which tend to involve them in some way or another

- SO YEAH peter's hanging around a lot

- at first it's a bit weird cause you're like..... You Don't Live Here.....??????????? but At This Point You Almost Do????????????????

- AIN'T NO COMPLAINTS THOUGH

- the two of you break the ice pretty quick

- the night of the day after peter showed you around (did that make any sense at all probably not) you were just chilling in your room watching uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

- let me think rq

- um okay uhhhhhh (bonus points to you if you read that in peter's voice)

- OKAY SO YOU'RE WATCHING LADY BIRD (bomb movie)

- fun fact time! i like saying "what you do is very baller" at random times because idk why but that line makes me laugh SO HARD

- timothee's character in general was just..... so............

- ????????????

- yeah so you're watching lady bird and peter passes your doorway cause he was "going on a walk"

- headass

- you see him and ur like o_0

"peter?"

- bitch fucking TRIPS

- oh u got me trippinnnnn oh stumblinnnnn oh flippinnnnnnn oh fumblinnnn oh

- clumsy cause i'm falling in ~love~

- are those the right lyrics? eh whatever

- CANADA EH

youtube

ah the serotonin.. okay MOVING ON

"y-yeah? oH hi y/n didntuhhhhhhh didn't see you there"

- he's casually scratching the back of his neck because he's nervy

"yeah, i'm, um..."

- YOU'RE NERVY TOO

- composure equals regained though bc stark. yeah!

- my thoughts are........ incoherent

"i'm watching lady bird, uh, if you wanna join"

- WATCH A MOVIE?

- WITH YOU?????????????????

- hells yeah!

"o-oh, yeah, sure"

- mans awkwardly waddles in and sits at the edge of your bed

"you can like... lay down, peter. i don't bite"

- he just awkwardly lays down and his side lightly presses against yours

- you have to shut your eyes for a second because MAN does unexpected contact from a boy have such a big effect on you

- not even kidding one of my guy friends patted me on the head as he walked past my desk and i DEADASS GOT BUTTERFLIES I WAS SO ASHAMED

- LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHO ALLOWED THAT ???????????????

- so anyways (🥂)

- why isn't there a shot glass emoji this is discrimination (i'm kidding)

- the movie was great like

- you and peter would just laugh at random parts and eventually just started critiquing every little moment

- it ended up as a very great moment very nice very cool

- we like furthering our relationships with cute boys :D

- those of you who have been following the story (on my message board) abt the boy i'm talking to aka furthering my relationship with... yeahyeah!

- essentially you and peter start hanging out every day

- the Chemistry you have is Unmatched

- like you just clicked really well

- mainly y'all just watch tv in the commons

- you binge watch i'm not okay with this even though you've already seen it

- peter's like "so why do you like this show so much?"

- ur like 0_0 ... "the plot"

THE PLOT IN QUESTION: stanley barber

- who happens to give me peter parker vibes a little bit

- food network turns on and it takes you like five minutes tops to migrate to the kitchen

- the brownies y'all made did not turn out well

- bucky took a bite, made a face, then smirked

"you two put weed in here?"

- no, bitch, we just suck at baking

- lots of late night convos ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- BIG ICEBREAKERS THERE

"wait so like... how big do you expect our dicks to be"

"peter what the fuck"

"i'm curious!"

- if you haven't had one of those convos with someone of the opposite gender... You Haven't Lived

- also why do guys like talking about their dicks so much???? the amount of comments they make about them during those convos.. meanwhile i'm just trying to figure out their personality 😔

- the two of you even spend time in the lab together

- this is when he sees ~short-circuit~ in action

- y'all are doing some dumbass experiment idk

- OOH IDEA

- so y'all are making ✨something✨ for an upgrade on peter's suit

- my idea was only half developed don't make fun of me

- and you make a Stunning Realization and fucking SPIN around in your chair to face peter

- ur just rambling making science-y smart connections and peters like holy shit she's a fucking genius of course she is how on earth did she just

- and then as you get further into your discovery you suddenly just cut off and stare into the distance with this Super Serious Look on your face

- THE WAY THAT AS I WROTE "SUPER" 1D WENT "I CAN'T BE NO SUPERMAN"

(but for you i'll be superhuman!)

- then you just SPIN AROUND in your chair and start working on the suit again

- peter's just like 0_0 for a moment

"huh, okay"

- it takes you a few seconds to realize he even said anything but then you look up and ur like 0_0 (we're gonna have to start taking a shot every time i use that face goodness fuck)

"what?"

"you short-circuited!"

- he's all giddy and smiley about it too cause he FINALLY UNDERSTANDS

"shut up, parker"

- peter Totally has a thing for being called parker i just know it

- MY CAT JUST JUMPED UP AND CLAWED ME

- greedy bitch

- AS I WAS SAYING...

- once you get in the ~thing~ that you designed for the suit

- okay i really need to think of an actual upgrade give me a min

- OKAY SO YOU MADE A VOICE CHANGER

- wow very cool, me! innovation that Excites!

- we're just gonna ignore the fact that the interrogation protocol has a voice changer got it? yeahyeah

- peter's like No Way when you tell him you finished it

- you slip on the mask and tell karen to activate the Grown Man Protocol (not peter being offended by the name)

- you start talking and immediately BUST OUT LAUGHING because you sound like Siri

- and since you're Hella Genius you made it so you could change the voices just like how siri is

- so suddenly you're a BRITISH MAN

- you and peter can't stop laughing

- you give it to peter and then you're like

"wait no try it on with the suit too"

- peter's like o_0?

"for effect!"

- walter beckett?

- TOM?

- okay whatever

- peter's like

"okay um i'm just gonna uh... change over here"

- you nod and turn around

- just the sound of his clothes hitting the ground itself gives you butterflies

- and then you realize

- you can deadass See Him Through The Reflection Of The Microscope

- is that even possible? for the sake of this imagine Yes

- your face gets SO HOT

- it's a very small reflective area thing so not a lot of detail but ENOUGH TO SHOW HIS TONED SEXY ASS PHYSIQUE

- fucking crush me peter please i beg it would be an honor

"i want you to do it so i can stomp you with my hooves, i'm so fucking crazy"

- (crazy for you, peter!)

"okay it's on"

- you practically BLAST around in your seat because the VOICE IS WORKING AND IT'S STILL BRITISH

- peter your tom is showing

- ngl though you couldn't stop thinking about how peter looked through the reflection and you didn't even want to THINK about how he would look-

...

- you know

- in all actuality you did want to think about it like think about it for literally the rest of your life if you could but we're gonna ignore that

- nonetheless the experience was Muy Bueno Very Fun and you and peter spent a solid hour just messing with the voices

- ALSO!!!!!!!!!! another plotline: WHEN PETER'S AT HEADQUARTERS FOR A LEGITIMATE REASON

- that reason being training

- let me just say

- even though he only trained twice during ur visit

- you fucking CHERISHED those moments

- because when peter told you the night before his training session that he would be training in the morning you were like Hmm...... I Need To See This

- so you deadass "take a walk" (Very Peter Of You) by the training room

- and ur met with the sight of this:

i hate him so fucking much

who the FUCK ALLOWED THIS i can't breathe

- you definitely take out your phone to snap a few pics DON'T EVEN LIE TO ME YOU WOULD

- ur camera is on live mode too 😌

- then you run away before you get caught but DAMN

- when you go back to your room you just Inspect those pics like a crazy person and keep replaying the live

- then u look at the time

"friday, when does peter's training end?"

"peter parker's training is scheduled to finish in two minutes"

- TWO MINUTES?

- SAY LESS!

- you check yourself in the mirror before ZOOMING downstairs and distracting yourself in the kitchen

- silently thanking the gods (thor?) that no one was in the kitchen when you got there

- (hi i'm getting carried away with this mini plot so just like don't mind it)

- (carried away as in i really really did get carried away LOL)

- you're like what the fuck i can't just Stand Here in the Middle of the Kitchen so you grab some strawberries from the refrigerator and start cutting them up (they just Taste Better that way don't fight me) for a "snack"

THE SNACK IN QUESTION: peter

- yeah ❤

- just as you pop one into your mouth peter walks in to get a glass of water

- now let me just set the scene:

you: mouth in a weird 'o' shape as your mouth forgets how to chew because fucking peter just walked in peter: curly hair a sweaty mess, skin glistening with sweat, wearing black shorts and a gray tank top which Just Fucking Ends You, his usual adorable baby face, oh and he's also panting cause he's fucking exhausted and now you're also out of breath because damn that is Hot strawberries: chopped

"oh, hi y/n"

- the fucking PANTING

- why is breathing heavy so hot?

- i think we all know

"hey, peter"

- shoutout to your stark genes for giving you fake confidence whenever you need it

"want any strawberries?"

- he fucking chugs half of his water just Right In Front Of You

the jawline i hate him so much can he shut up right now like genuinely please shut the fuck up goodness fucking gracious tom

jk please step on me

- he swallows and has Finally Caught his Breath

"oh, yeah, thank you"

- he just walks over to you

- as if he doesn't look the way he does

- and just grabs a strawberry and pops it into his mouth

- nonchalantly or whatever

- you pray to THOR he can't hear your heart as it fucking SLAMS AGAINST YOUR STERNUM

- it's beating so fast it's like LET ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- he hums

"strawberries taste so much better after training"

- you know what would taste better after training?

- lol

"thank you for the snack, i'm gonna go shower now"

- he elbows you and smiles lightly

- you almost can't speak because it's all Far Too Much for you to handle rn

"no problem, peter"

- as if you weren't having a heart attack okay

- i really got caught up in that but WHATEVER

- ladies and gents we are running on over 5k words at this point holy shit

- SO I'M GONNA START WRAPPING THIS UP A LITTLE

- basically you and peter become good friends by the end of your trip

- and then

- the dreaded

😔

- time to leave, bros

- the night before is kinda weird cause you and peter are just hanging out on the roof of headquarters because why not

"leaving new york usually doesn't feel as weird as this"

- peter looks over at you

- btw at this point 🅱eter is Beyond Whipped so he's fucking SAD that you're going home

"what do you mean?"

- the two of you share a look and it's very sad because you both know that you've become really good friends and both want a bit more

- part of you considers being a baddie and just trying to like at LEAST kiss him tonight (maybe more wink wink) so you could at least have that before you go but you chicken out

- the two of you say goodbye that night because your flight is at the Crack of Dawn

- he awkwardly pulls you in for a hug and suddenly you deeply consider locking yourself in your room so nobody can make you leave

- and then you remember vision can fucking Hover through walls and you're like Well Damn!

- you hug him tightly (a bit too tight yeah maybe)

- when you pull apart this Bitch literally goes

"well it was nice meeting you"

- you CAN'T FUCKING HOLD IT IN AND JUST MAKE THE MOST OBSCENE LAUGHING NOISE

"peter we spent a week together and you're acting like we had a 5 minute encounter"

"i don't know how to act!"

- me neither, peter. me neither

- so you leave in the morning and you're fucking UPSET

- tony is in the car with you and happy and he WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU AND PETER BECAUSE YOU SPENT AT LEAST HALF OF YOUR TIME WITH HIM

- YOU'RE LIKE SHUT UP I'M GOING THROUGH A HEARTBREAK OVER A BOY I'VE KNOWN FOR SEVEN DAYS

- aren't we all

- your goodbye to tony is sad but like Not Even As Sad as your goodbye with peter which is KINDA MESSED UP BUT

- the heart wants what it wants

- and just when you get on the plane

- is when you realize

- you and peter didn't get each other's numbers

...

- Wtf 💔

- so THE WHOLE PLANE RIDE IS SAD

- YOU LISTEN TO MUSIC AND DRAMATICALLY LOOK OUT THE WINDOW LIKE UR IN A SAD MUSIC VIDEO FOR HALF THE FLIGHT

- YOU ALSO REWATCH LADY BIRD :,(((((((((((((((((((((((( in remembrance of the good old times

- when you get home you're like kinda happy to be home but you miss new york and tony and peter and everyone So Much

- even ur mom notices she's like 🤨 Hmm... this Ain't The Usual!

- so this is where the request ended off but i'm adding to it because i do Not want to leave this on an angsty note

- I'M ABOUT TO HIT 6K WORDS BUT IT'S FINE

- LET'S CRANK THIS OUT WOOT WOOT

- so peter just so happens to wake up that morning and SIT UP VERY QUICKLY AS IT HITS HIM

- (ur like on ur flight probably zooming over the Goddamn Midwest)

- he has the same realization that you did

"may!"

- the woman RUNS in she's like WHATISEVERYTHINGOKAYAREYOUOKAY

"i just realized i didn't get y/n's number"

- woman melts she's like i thought you were fucking DYING goddamn spider bitch boy

- but then she melts even more because she didn't even need peter to tell her how Whipped he is

"awh, i'm sorry hon"

- next time peter goes to headquarters he talks to tony and the mans just like This Is Your Fault!

- but then nat pops in

"peter, you do realize you could probably find her on social media, right"

- moment of silence for you and peter's stupidity because somehow Neither Of You Thought Of That???????????

- rip

- as soon as he leaves from training (looking Sexy As Hell) he searches your name on instagram

- "y/n stark"

- and nothing shows up

- because you never told him your actual last name because IT NEVER CAME UP

- he just assumed it was stark cause why wouldn't he

- SO HE'S LIKE :,)

- until his next time at headquarters

"mr. stark i couldn't find her on instagram"

- tony's like i really got this kid hooked huh

"pretty sure she has one, pete"

"well i looked her up! y/n stark. nothing"

- then tony's like oHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"kid, her last name's l/n."

- peter just sits there like 0_0 for a second before it all ties together in his head and makes sense

"oh my god"

- SO HE GETS YOUR INSTAGRAM

- he definitely looks through all his posts and deletes a few embarrassing ones before requesting to follow you

INSTAGRAM peterbparker has requested to follow you.

- you SHOOT UP IN YOUR BED

- NOBODY MOVE

- you do the same thing peter did and look through all your posts and delete a few before accepting his request

- and then you request back and he immediately accepts it

- commence the hour of stalking!

- the two of you just fucking Investigate each others' accounts before peter's like O Shit! i should Probably message her!

peterbparker: Right after you left I realized I forgot to get your number

- kinda awkward but your heart is RACING you're like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- the two of you begin talking and get each other's numbers and snapchats and whatever

- over time the two of you get really close over the internet like

- you become the first ones you go to when you see a dog or get food at a cool place or see a funny meme/tiktok or just like have a problem in general or want to talk

- and ofc you gush about him to your friends and they're like

- Girl... u really fell for a New York Boy Huh

- after a few months you finally muster up the courage to facetime him

- you almost Collapse once his face shows up because guess the fuck what

- he just finished training

- mua ha haaaa

"hello!"

- he says it all goofy like hi hello we're facetiming now holy shit oh FUCK we're FACETIMING!!!!!!?????!?!?!?!?

- i luv him

- the two of you talk for a bit and you fan yourself off-screen because the sight of him Genuinely made you light on fire and plus you were just nervous in general

- he even runs around the entire fucking building to find everyone so you can say hi cause he's babey

- the team DEFINITELY yells stuff like "lovebirds!" and "date already!" in the background and peter's face just gets So Red

- he finds tony and deadass goes

"mr. stark! it's your niece!"

- tony's like No Shit!

- overall amazing 100/10 time facetiming

- so the two of you start facetiming practically every day even though it's not summer anymore and you're back in school and have hella busy lives (peter's literally a superhero?)

- you'll facetime while doing homework and he'll help you with physics (even though you don't really need the help you pretend you do anyways) and it's so cute when he does because he Loves physics so much so he gets really excited and into it

- sometimes you'll fall asleep while on ft and he'll take screenshots

- ngl he set his favorite one as his lockscreen because he loved it so much and ned and mj definitely saw it and were lowkey like 🥺🥺 cause they ship you two so hard

- and when he'd fall asleep on ft you'd take screenshots too and look at them every time you missed him

- NOW THE EXCITING PART

- so it's winter now

- the Horrible Disgusting period between thanksgiving and christmas break

- because of finals the two of you facetime a bit less so it's kinda sad

- BUT THEN

- right when you get out of school for christmas break you're about to call peter so the two of you can celebrate (not peter checking the time every few minutes after he got out of school because he's a couple hours ahead)

- somebody's got a surprise

- you get a call from peter right when you get into your car and you're like Perfect Timing Hell Yeah

- you answer it and are met with the sight of him and tony smiling at the camera

*immediately screenshots it*

"oh, hi tony!"

"we have a surprise"

- peter's like bouncing from excitement and tony gives him a look before starting to talk

"we're fl-"

"WE'RE FLYING YOU TO NEW YORK FOR CHRISTMAS!"

- peter interrupts and tony looks so defeated but YOU BARELY EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE YOU'RE SO EXCITED

- tony explains everything cause he worked it out with your parents (y'all are just gonna celebrate early)

- (tony doesn't say this but deadass the reason ur parents even let you is because they know how much you wanna go back mainly to see peter)

- eventually tony leaves the two of you alone to talk and you're just in your car in the school parking lot practically yelling at your phone as you and peter talk about how excited you are

"and you can finally meet may-"

"may!"

"yes, may! and we can go back to delmar's and see murph-"

"murph!"

- peter can't stop smiling cause you're so excited and you look so cute cause you're Trying Your Best to get out of the parking lot while maintaining excitement

"can we go see times sq- MOTHERFUCKER GET OUT OF THE WAY JESUS CHRI- sorry peter i didn't mean to explode"

- if anything that made you even cuter in his eyes

- you and peter facetime while you pack and neither of you can handle your excitement AT ALL

- the night before you leave you're both in your beds across the country just talking quietly to each other over the phone and it's like the quiet cute excitement because you're seeing each other in less than 24 hours and you're both so so whipped by each other and just Cannot Wait

- it's really late ESPECIALLY for peter since he's ahead of you but he doesn't care at ALL

- so y'all are just whispering to each other

"i'm so excited, pete"

"i know, me too"

"i'm not gonna know how to act"

"me neither. you're not allowed to make fun of how awkward i am, okay?"

"peter, you being awkward is cute"

- the two of you can barely sleep from excitement but you fall asleep (on ft ofc) with smiles on your faces

- as soon as you wake up you text peter and you're like GO GO GO (spinch🥬spinch🥬spinch🥬)

- you call him one last time while you're waiting at the gate

"i think i'm gonna pee myself"

"well if you do at least clean yourself up before i get there"

- his LAUGH

- the boyish laugh that FUcking Ends Me

"i'm still so amazed at how i managed to convince mr. stark to let me pick you up"

- you can't stop smiling especially at the thought of peter DRIVING (hot as FUCK)

"you'd better be a good driver, peter"

"it's fine, the car has autopilot so we won't die"

"glad to hear it, pete- oh sHIT my plane's boarding"

- peter FREAKS OUT

"have a safe and amazing flight and text me when you land, okay?"

"i will peter, thank you. see you in new york"

"see you in new york"

- y'all say that in the most Giddy Way (literally how could you not)

- you're bouncing in your seat the whole flight and the dude next to you is like o_0

- the SECOND you land you text peter

y/n: IM HERE IM HERE WE JUST LANDED ILL BE OFF THE PLANE IN A FEW MINUTES

- peter's sitting in this Far Too Expensive Car and he's just bouncing in his seat cause he has so much pent up energy

- he gets the text and that's when it really settles in

- he starts freaking out a little and like constantly checks himself in the rearview mirror and starts playing the playlist the two of you made together (puppy eyes) and makes sure he smells good

- then he sees you walk out out of the airport looking really excited and tired and confused

- mans JUMPS OUT OF THE CAR

"y/n!"

- you see him and ur literally smiling SO HARD

- you run at him, suitcase flopping around and backpack nearly falling off of your shoulders

- but you look so cute and peter can't handle it especially when the two of you finally make contact and your arms wrap around him

- he squeezes you so tight and even lifts you off the ground cause he's Strong and Excited

- that sounded a bit sexual OOPS

- you can't even process the fact that you're finally back in peter's arms after half a year and now you're literally so much closer than you were when you left new york last summer

- when you pull apart you can't stop looking at each other and just smiling giddily

- your arms are still like holding onto each other

- what finally breaks you is a fucking Ungodly gust of wind and you're like

"holy shit winter here is a lot colder than cali"

"oH, right, uh we have blankets in the car"

- the two of you just take another few seconds to look at each other until it gets a bit awkward and you clear your throats

"i can take your bag?"

"yeah, thanks"

- you watch his muscles flex as he lifts your suitcase into the back and you're like i hate this man

- this GENTLEMAN even RUNS OVER TO YOUR SIDE AND OPENS YOUR DOOR FOR YOU BEFORE YOU GET THE CHANCE

- you MELT

- when you sit down he closes the door for you and you're hit with the sound of your shared playlist and the car smells like peter's scent and it's AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- when he gets into the driver seat (which was very attractive to watch) you're just staring at him excitedly

"you put on our playlist!"

"why wouldn't i?"

- he smiles at you before reaching back and getting the blankets for you, also turning on your seat heater to make sure you're comfy

- mans just watches you as you shift around, buckling in and getting your backpack situated at your feet

- by the time you're all ready and stuff you look over and he's just looking at you

"pete-"

"would it be too soon for me to kiss you?"

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- it takes you a second to process but you're like OH MY GODKFSDKNFSK

"yeah, peter, it would"

- your serious tone RUINS PETER

- HE'S LIKE OH MY GOD WHY DID I ASK THAT WHY DO I EXIST

- until you laugh and wrap a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him to you and planting your lips on his

- (AAAAAAAAAAHDKSJDFHSKJDFBKSDJGNSDKJFNADSJKABBJFS)

- bonus: the two of you are just singing in the car and (peter looks so hot when he's driving anyways) peter suddenly goes silent and you're like "what" and he just glances at you before going "is it bad that i really want to pull over so i can kiss you again?"

- double bonus: he pulls over and y'all makeout LOL

+ + +

holy FUCK i got so so carried away but i really like this one soooooo

OKAY HERE'S MY LITTLE THANK YOU NOTE IN HONOR OF THE 50TH IMAGINE AAAAAAAAAA: you GUYS. when i started this book it was literally just me being like "i'm in love with this fictional boy and need an outlet and have FAR too many ideas," which is really how every fanfic writer starts tbh. but oh my god, i never expected to get so much love and support and just such an amazing experience from this. there are people all over the world that read my chaotic fluffy shit, that are actually touched by my work and it legitimately blows my mind. 180k reads in almost a year? like 250 followers? INSANE. i've made so many friends on here that i can come to when i have no one in my real life to talk to and every time i reach out, you guys are here for me and so incredibly supportive and helpful and amazing. i love each and every comment you guys post on my works. they make me laugh so hard and are so beyond sweet and make my heart melt. some of them blow my mind cause you guys will be like "omg hi you responded oh my god i love your work" and like hype me so much and i'm like BRUH!!!! i'm literally just a stressed out, anxiety ridden teenage girl in love with peter parker lol and the fact that you guys support me so much and love my work just truly makes me so happy. i love writing and i love that my writing has reached other people, even if it's literally just silly fanfiction. I APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOU GUYS WITH EVERYTHING IN ME AND EVEN IF I DON'T REPLY TO YOUR COMMENT I SEE IT AND YOU GUYS MAKE ME SMILE AND AAAAAAAAAAAKJSDFNKJDF <33333333333333

okay now i have 5 more requests to write HAHA but i hope u guys are having an amazing day/night/whatever and that ur drinking enough water and eating enough and staying happy and healthy <3 MWAH!

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagines #marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #fanfic #fluff #writing #peter #parker #thomas holland

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onetruejonsey · 4 years

Text

Decade In Review, by Samuel Richard Sinbad Gandalf Jones

So as the ‘Teens’ come to a close (I’m writing this with 3 hours left on the clock!), Gabby has insisted that I copy her, and do a highlight reel of my last decade. Now I’m not on YouTube yet, so this’ll be more of a REALLY REALLY long post, but go ahead and read it, then read Gabby’s on her page (@mist-over-water), and see just how boring I really am!

2010-

Well this year was boring as hell, clearly. I CAN’T REMEMBER MOST OF IT. But I was part way through my first year of A-Levels, and boy oh boy, was I failing them, I’d gone from being a straight A student to screwing everything up! Didn’t stop procrastinating though…..

2011-

Okay, now things get a little interesting, I got my first big job working at a really pleasant and mature restaurant….AHAHA just kidding I got a job at my local McDonald’s! It took me three attempts to get in there, not because I sucked, but timing sucked, I think the universe eventually saw me and just said ‘Oh fuck it, have the job’. But I wanted to earn some money to take me to university, and this seemed like a good idea at the time! And my first paycheck was spent on a brand new guitar! So I was a happy Sam!

I finished my A-Levels, and when I got my results, I was crushed, not at the results, they were pretty good. All my university choices rejected me, and all my friends made it. It was my own fault to be honest, but I’ll never forget just how low that made me feel. I was pretty angsty back then, so this just added to my pile!

I decided it was best to stay at work, go full time, get waaaaay more money, and try again next year. This proved to be a good decision, as it led to me being invited to my first ever work party, I got drunk, and there was karaoke, and I gave my best rendition of Basket Case by Green Day, and to this day, there are still whispers of my singing prowess. Even though I’m a bit shit.

2012-

I started 2012 with a pinch of determination, and it paid off. I re-applied for university, and all my choices accepted me, so now it was down to me to make my final decision. I’d had my eye on one in particular, so off me and Mum go to Northampton, 2 and half hours later, and the sat-nav took us to a primary school (I’ll never forget the shopkeeper on the same road-‘Looking for the uni? You’re the 4th person today!’). I fell in love with the whole place, and as soon as I got in the car I looked at Mum and said that I had to be there. I accepted the offer within a minute of being home.

Now from the good to the bad. Something happened to me this year that still sticks with me, and to many, this may seem stupid. But my dog died. Sounds stupid right? Jazz was the best dog I have ever known; loyal, unwavering, had the gift of the gab, and never left us alone. I was convinced she was actually a human reincarnated, she looked after Mum when she was ill, she looked after me when I was miserable, and she loved Dad. What made it more heartbreaking was that she never let us know that she was ill, no, that she was dying. When we got her to the vet, they originally thought it was a little infection, nothing major. The next day we had to rush her in as an emergency, and they found a tumour in her stomach the size of a baby’s head. How we never knew about it I’ll never know, but they operated, and got her all cleared up, and yet it wasn’t enough, she died within the hour, and I buried one of my best friends. This led to a vacuum in our house, we’ve always had dogs and the house felt so wrong without one, so Mum and Dad decided, one day without telling me, to go and get our current doggo Indiana. AND TALK ABOUT GOING FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER. If Jazz was the best dog ever, Indy is definitely the worst. But we love him, still today as a grumpy old man.

2012 saw me do something that I honestly never thought possible, and dead serious moment here: I genuinely never saw this coming for me, and was convinced that I was not the guy who would be in this situation. But I got a girlfriend, and it was my first relationship. Not ‘first major relationship’, like people who would bounce from quick fling to the next, but my first relationship. To me, a relationship is no small matter, you date me, I’m in it for the long term. Sam ain’t no quick and easy thing! Oh god why am I still such a dork. Anyway, so, yeah, my first relationship, and dear god was I clueless about what to do! And oh shit, I was leaving for uni in September, so would this work long distance? Am I boyfriend material? Will her parents like me? Will my parents like her?....ah fuck it, I WAS 19 AND IN LOVE. I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT. And whilst we spent some of it long distance, we made it work.

2013-

Now that bit where I was really excited for university and all I’d learn in my 3 years there? Yeah I left after the first year. Cool. My finances were screwed over and I didn’t get my money, so I couldn’t go back, but I guess it was meant to happen for a reason.

Leaving university meant I could focus more on working back home at McDonald’s, so I tried for a promotion, got it, and lost it the day after because of bullshit. But I still carried on, because money’s nice right? I could buy nice things with it, like more stuff for my guitar collection! And many presents! But my my, I think I was getting into a world of pain staying there!

But while we’re on the subject of work and stuff, I got punched in the face by a shitty customer. And it broke my cheekbone. Which I didn’t find out about until a week later when I practically passed out and my girlfriend at the time rushed me to hospital! Since that’s happened I’ve always had a little problem with headaches, lately it’s been really good, to the point I’ve spent pretty much all of 2019, with no headache at all!

Still, finish a topic on a good note, I had my first ever trip to London, it was just me and my girlfriend, and we visited a bakery show. But London itself wowed me, and I fell in love with it, and I always knew I would be back there, just….not how I imagined.

2014-

Starting off, I went back to London! My girlfriend bought me tickets for me and my best friend to go and see Halestorm. MY FIRST CONCERT. And it was epic, I’d ben obsessed with Halestorm for some time already by this stage, so to see them live was a pivotal moment for me. The opening acts were shit, but my god, as soon as Lzzy belted out Love Bites…..oh, ohhh, OHHHHHH my god. The night itself was hectic enough, my friend and I didn’t think to book a hotel. Soooooo we had to run like fuck to make it back to the train, lest we be trapped in London for a whole night!

One big change in this year was my girlfriend and I moving into our own place, granted it was a static caravan, but it was ours, decorated, a bit cold, but it was home. Now, here’s a weird bit, I was home alone one night, and was just getting into bed, when I heard someone at the door. I thought it was my girlfriend home from work, but she was on a night? So, what’s the deal here? Oh wait that’s right, it was Gabby, drunkenly mistaking my caravan for hers! I heard muttering as she left, probably something along the lines of ‘Shit, not my caravan’. But if fate was starting the wheels turning, god she made it a slow fucking burn!

It took me a lot of years to pull this off, but I had my first ever holiday abroad! Rhodes, one of the Greek isles! I recall getting drunk a lot, really good food, and severe heat! But it was my first holiday in forever, and I went away with my girlfriend, her mum and her friend.

Aaaaaand then everything fell apart. I never expected myself to be in a relationship, but once I had one, I didn’t see it ending the way it did. And I’m not airing any dirty laundry, I wasn’t and am still not perfect, but I’m not bitter or twisted about it anymore, it just sucked at the time. I was cheated on, and to anyone who’s had it happen to them knows that it does a lot of damage, it can take a lot of time to recover, and I was lucky to have the friends I had to help me.

The latter half of 2014 saw me drop into a real dark place, I contemplated suicide, and one day I considered it, staring at a packet of tablets for about 6 hours. It took my best friend randomly appearing at my house, practically kidnapping me and taking me to see Guardians of the Galaxy to snap me out of it! But both him and that movie saved my life, so I’m forever grateful to the pair of them. Also I started drinking heavily, at an unhealthy level but, like John Mulaney said, we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

2015-

Back to having a bit of a dull year, but only a bit. I knuckled down and got on with work, and proved myself time and time again. I remade myself, sorted my drinking out, and did a lot to make myself better, or at the very least, less of a fuckup.

I also managed to cram in three more concerts this year, saw Halestorm again with my best friend and another friend, and we loved one of the supporting acts, Nothing More. AND I GOT TO MEET THE SINGER AND HE WAS THE NICEST ERMAHGERD AND I STILL HAVE THE TICKET WHICH HE SIGNED. Then it was Theory of a Deadman later in the year, and they were phenomenal. But by far, the cherry on the cake was seeing Nothing More again, as a VIP! I got to meet the whole band, watch them from close up, got a crapload of merch, and just have the best damn concert experience I could ever have!

2016-

I started this year a little bit worse for wear, I was a little downbeat about things, and was a little bit lost with my choices in life. So I got a cat. Meg the Merciless. And she is a total bitch, mostly disobedient, attacker of unwatched feet. But she is one hell of a companion, and she loves me and Gabby, we can always rely on her to show us a little love and affection when we need it. But as long as it’s on her terms.

Only one concert this year, but it was a biggie: Sum 41 in London, with the same two friends I go to concerts with, aaaaaand we were bruised and injured from surrounding mosh pits, I think Jacob got a cracked rib for his troubles, and I got a smack in the head, so fun times all round!

I tried again for a promotion at work, and made progress! So that was good, my life’s going forwards, what else could happen to make this year more awesome?

OH THAT’S RIGHT I MET GABBY. Yep, thank you Plenty of Fish for giving the option to exercise my social awkwardness from a screen, because that makes me feel so much better! Anyway, yeah Gabby and I started talking on there, I seem to recall the conversation starting off about surviving a zombie apocalypse? Darling, please correct me if I’m wrong! But we started off strong, and carried on strong from there, I was able to open up to her, which made me feel amazing, confident about being in a relationship again, and then we finally met. And our first date was amazing, it may have been a simple idea, drinks, dinner, walking, trying to be a gentleman and not look at Gabby’s butt. Being told by Gabby to look at her butt, giving said butt 2 thumbs up. The usual stuff you know? But the thing that marvelled me most? Her honesty. Gabby hasn’t had the best life, and she has told me so much that any one thing might break some people, and yet Gabby has endured it all, and she is still one of the kindest people I have ever known. She was worried that I might’ve been scared off with what she wanted me know, but it made me love her more, because she trusts me to the point that she’ll tell me all of this. I visited the zoo in October with her, had an amazing first Christmas with her, met her nieces, who are all adorable, met her friends, had a blast, and had a somewhat awkward time introducing Gabby to my parents!

2017-

After nearly 6 months, Gabby was offered the chance to move in with me and my parents, because her home life was…pretty terrible. After suffering psychological abuse for 7 years at the hands of a total scumbag (side note, I find it really hard to hate people, but if this guy died? Fine.) and going away with me to London for a few days, she made the choice to move in. And I think she’s finally realising how terrible a choice that was, because this house is a total nutfest, and she is now a part of it AND CAN NEVER ESCAPE. But she’s embraced it, and has become a better person with her new environment!

Sticking to the topic of Gabby, she landed a job working with me at McDonald’s. And we became one of the greatest working couples in the whole world, people loved us there. Well, most people. I loved working with her, but the managers were becoming total dicks at the time, and Gabby was being discriminated for her mental health, which pissed me off. And thanks to my shitty advice, she quit in November. So go me!

I realise that so far, my 2017 has been largely about Gabby, AND THAT ISN’T STOPPING ANYTIME SOON! I made a post before about this, but Gabby took me to LFCC, my first ever convention. We went to London again, had a ball, met Glenn from Walking Dead, and Crowley from Supernatural! Later in the year we would also go back to London for MCM Comic-Con, which was more spectacle, but I preferred LFCC more, there were more famous people, and I’m a sucker for meeting the famous!

I saw Sum 41 again with my best friend, and we learned our lesson from the last concert, so we got seats up top, and watched from relative safety, and thank god for that because my hearing went to crap after that night! Gabby bought me tickets to go and see Nothing More again as well, and to show her my world a little more, I took her with me! God they know how to put on a show!

The year ended on the shitty side, and I was a pretty shitty boyfriend with this. But Gabby’s nan fell ill, and it wasn’t looking good, and when Gabby needed me after going to be with her mum at the end of the year, I wasn’t there. So I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make up for it. Sorry sweetheart.

2018-

A shit start to be honest. Gabby’s nan died, and it was a stressful time all round, Gabby and I had a massive argument, and I nearly drove her to self harm. Way to go Sam, you prick. I was convinced that after that, we would be over. Why would Gabby want to be with someone who drives her mental health into the dirt? So naturally I was surprised when she told me she still loved me, and still wanted to be with me, and when she moved back, and got a new job, I saw this as a chance to get things going back in the right direction, for the sake of us, and to show Gabby that I will always love her.

NOW FOR A BIG DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. I quit McDonald’s. And looking back at it, thank fuck I did. I was gunning for another promotion, and I got so close to becoming a manager, only for it to be taken away. Yet another opportunity snatched by arseholes. So that was it, fuck ‘em. I quit, and thanks to Gabby finding it, I got a new job working in the same company as my dad, and I can safely say I have not regretted that decision. I love my new job to pieces!

Now, back to Gabby. AND YET ANOTHER DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. In August, on Gabby’s birthday, I wanted to take her to the zoo, with her mum and nieces in tow. And that was the day I lost my girlfriend. AND GAINED A FIANCEÉ SEE WHAT I DID THERE TUMBLR? SUBVERT YOUR EXPECTATIONS OH YEAH. I proposed, and she said yes! I’m going to be a husband! I’m grateful for everything Gabby does, she teaches me so much, and sometimes doesn’t realise it, so to hear her say yes has to be the greatest thing she has done for me so far, because it shows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with an overweight, greying, eccentric, potty mouthed nerd.

I started learning to drive this year, because goddamn it, if I’m going to get somewhere with my life, I needed to drive, I needed a car. So I found a driving school, and got to work. Now it took me going to a different driving school to find out that my first instructor was just trying to bleed me for money, but I enjoyed the driving all the same. But when I had to find a new driving school, I saw that as an opportunity to procrastinate my arse off again. Well done Sam, well done. You prat.

2019-

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST. After getting in with a new driving school, I got on really quickly, and passed first time, and in May, after Gabby passed her test as well, we got our first car. Moss, the (nearly) 18 year old Nissan Micra. He’s old, a bit clunky, but he’s an amazing car, and I couldn’t picture a better car for us to start with. Mainly because he’s small and really easy to park.

After getting my butt into gear, and sorting out some crap on my end, Gabby and I really got into planning our wedding, we set the date, and from there, we decided on venues, transport, Gabby chose a dress, everything was coming together in the planning phase. However, we didn’t anticipate that we would have already booked over ¾ of the wedding before the end of this year! Seriously, our wedding is in 2021, and we are practically done. WE BOOKED OUR HONEYMOON A FEW DAYS AGO FOR GOD’S SAKE. So yeah, 2020 may be a little less exciting!

Now for a little bit of a shitty part of 2019. I found out a friend of mine died, and that left me feeling down as hell. Of all the people, I never imagined my friend Jay would be one to go so soon. He was a massive character, big heart, and a bigger laugh to match. To hear him pass was frigging heartbreaking, and I don’t think I’ll stop visiting him anytime soon.

Do I know what the next decade holds for me? Not a clue, but I’m glad I’m not alone for it, with Gabby at my side, and our wedding not that far away, I’m ready to make her the happiest woman alive, to start the family that we both want (I mean, apparently we’ll have twins when we have kids, so that’s going to be fun!), to live the lives that we want to spend together. To spend time with friends, new, old, and really old. But most importantly, to have her for all of it.

#personal #personal post #life #ten years #decade in review

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rwbyremnants · 7 years

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THIS CHAPTER: First time, handjob, premature ejaculation.

=Chapter 9

Bowling was a lot of fun for the whole family. Of course, that was only because the parents didn’t notice Ruby teasing Yang and trying to make her smell her bowling shoes, but that was only briefly annoying. The rest of the time was a lot of fun, competing against each other, scarfing down pizza and sodas from the snack stand and generally goofing around.

By the end of it, Yang was even starting to feel less weird around Summer. Her brain still twisted the knife by flashing the memories of her nude body at her once in awhile, but it was becoming less frequent and she could easily tolerate that much. Besides, remembering Ruby’s body helped a lot with that.

On the way home, they stopped for frozen yogurt and chatted and laughed. Everything was on the mend; their dad definitely didn’t look put out about Yang skipping fishing now that they had some quality father-daughter time in, and they were all talking as normal. Even the occasional guilty look in Summer’s eyes didn’t bring down the evening; after all, they hadn’t really done anything wrong. Just didn’t volunteer an embarrassing story that would have probably made poor Taiyang a little green around the gills. In time, they would forget all about it, other than an occasional wet dream Yang might have when her subconscious mind decided to be an asshole.

By the time they got back, Tai, Ruby and Summer were all pretty tired. After about an hour of TV, they one by one drifted off to bed, Summer the last.

“This has been… a day,” she offered to Yang with a pained smile.

“A pretty good one.” Yang made sure to grin, and without any awkwardness; she wanted her to know that it was already no big deal to her. She noticed her relax, even if only slightly. “See you tomorrow.”

The woman came over to sit on the edge of the couch where Yang was reclining. Irrationally, she felt tense and wanted to worry about what might happen, but she made herself breathe and remain calm.

“Listen… again, I’m very sorry for what hap-”

“Don’t. I got a free show, and you got a tan. That’s it. Nothing else has to be said; we’re cool.”

“Alright,” she breathed with a small smile. Her hand raised, as if she were going to pet Yang’s hair or a similar show of affection, then drew away again as she thought better of it. “Don’t stay up too late.”

“I won’t.”

Once she was alone, she flipped through channels for a while. There was nothing very interesting on, but she found some reruns of an old sitcom that she used to love, and killed some time watching that. Then she got a text message…

BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey hows it goin down there? n_n

Another grin split Yang’s face. She didn’t think her teammate would care enough to message! Rolling over onto her back, she sat up just enough to make it easier to flash her thumbs over the letters.

ME : P good hbu?

BLAKEYWAKEY : Not baaad just chillin w fam c: BLAKEYWAKEY : Is it awk w ur stepmom? Is she being a bitch or

ME : Oh… if only u knew lmaooo

So she told her. There were a lot of “WHAT”s and “R U SRS”es from Blake along the way, but she mostly just let the story unfold until it was over.

BLAKEYWAKEY : Did u see BUSH?!?!

ME : DUDE NO STOP

BLAKEYWAKEY : Omfg u saw ur stepmoms bush im kinkshaming

ME : Ughhhhhh I wanna die

BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey question BLAKEYWAKEY : I thought u didn’t like girls

ME : Well ME : I didnt really know but now I think im bi? ME : Just never had any real dates soooooo

BLAKEYWAKEY : Omg but BLAKEYWAKEY : I showed u mine BLAKEYWAKEY : Oh man I didn’t mean to like freak u out

ME : YOU DIDN’T IM FINE

BLAKEYWAKEY : HOW FINE U PERV

ME : Dude pls don’t ME : I feel weird enough abt shit here ME : We both know u like dick so don’t act like u weren’t perving

BLAKEYWAKEY : ...no comment BLAKEYWAKEY : OKAY FINE if it wasn’t on u I’d be all over it

ME : WOW

BLAKEYWAKEY : U KNOW WHAT I MEANNNN shhh BLAKEYWAKEY : Maybe I’ll let u fwb me up if I get antsy

ME : …bad Blake down kitty

BLAKEYWAKEY : WHY DO U ALWAYS CALL ME KITTY I’M SNSKHDLSLDS

ME : Anyway… yeah maybe I thought she was hot but shes my dads wife ME : It’s not right

BLAKEYWAKEY : Yeahhh BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey im sorry for making it awk BLAKEYWAKEY : Ur probably feeling really messed up abt this BLAKEYWAKEY : Im sorry I’ll shut up

ME : Not really but a little yeah ME : And then there’s… ME : Nvm

BLAKEYWAKEY : ???

Yang really did think about it, but there was no way she could bring herself to tell Blake about her illicit affair with her half-sister. Not over text. Maybe she’d confess to her when she got back for Fall classes.

ME : Anyway tell me about Maine lol do u eat lobster every day

BLAKEYWAKEY : God I wish BLAKEYWAKEY : And do u really think this subject is over?!? What a bad segue

ME : I SAW HER NAKED BIG DEAL

BLAKEYWAKEY : IT KIND OF IS?? For u anyway BLAKEYWAKEY : how big were her boobs

ME : …

By the time Yang was done texting and bingewatching, she felt tired enough to try to go to sleep. Or at least, to lay down and hope that it happened. Worse come to worst, her phone had Netflix.

She poked her head in to check on Ruby once she was all washed up and changed. She was asleep and snoring quietly; it was such a gentle noise that she couldn’t believe Ruby had once acted like it would bother Yang. Smiling, she tiptoed over and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Hm?”

“Shhhh. Goodnight.”

“Hey,” Ruby breathed, smiling up at her. “Um… stay here?”

“What?”

“Stay. Sleep here.” She nipped her sheets open for emphasis.

“Nah,” she whispered back with a grin. “It’s okay, I can survive until morning.”

But then Ruby pouted, and she knew she was lost. Rolling her eyes, she walked back to ease the door shut, then slid into the bed next to her sister.

“You’re really warm,” Yang whispered to her.

“Your legs are cold.” They both giggled. “But they’ll be warm, too, in a minute.”

“Whiny brat.”

Pulling Yang’s arms more tightly around her middle, Ruby whispered, “You wanted to.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you did it. And you didn’t even act that grumpy first.”

Dead to rights. Again. Grinning into Ruby’s neck, she said, “I feel so good next to you like this.”

“Oh…” Yang had thought that was it, until she heard a little sniffle half a minute later.

“Ruby?”

Swallowing hard, she clutched at Yang’s arms tighter. When nothing further transpired for a few seconds, and Yang was still waiting for an answer, tense now instead of relaxed, she spoke up… and it became clear why she was so quiet before.

“I love you so much. I… kinda forget it, until y-you say something like that… s-sorry, I don’t m-mean to get so… to get all sappy about…”

“Ruby… I love you, too.”

After a few seconds, Ruby rolled to face her, eyes dark from the low lighting in the room gazing up at her. They didn’t speak for a while; just looked at each other and knew things that no one else would ever know. Then they kissed, chaste at first, more robust after a minute or two. No words.

When Yang felt a pink little tongue poking its way into her mouth, she withdrew and whispered, “Ruby… what are you doing? It’s late…”

“I want this…”

“What?” Another lick along her bottom lip, making Yang shiver. “You have me here already.”

“But I want you to be with me. I… I want…”

So that’s what she meant. Gulping, Yang reached up to pet along Ruby’s back through her tank. “There’s no rush, though.”

“Yeah, but there is. We only have a couple more weeks! And you’ll be gone! So… so I want to start now, I want to do as much as we can!”

The urgency alone threatened to make Yang give in. However, she was made of tougher stuff. Reaching up and grasping her bicep, she managed to catch Ruby’s eyes.

“Why? It’s… I like what we’re already doing.”

“But I want to do everything with you.” Swallowing, she glanced away, then up at Yang again. “I want you to f-feel… feel how wet I am…”

At that little turn of phrase, Yang almost fell out of the bed. “You what?!”

“SHH!” Ruby warned, though neither of them were loud enough to be heard, even by someone sitting right outside the door. Then she followed up with, “Kissing you… it makes my body heat up, my brain go fuzzy. I kinda love it, even while it makes me worried… but none of that’s the point. The point is, I’m so close to you, and I want to be even closer!”

“Ruby…” That was certainly making her own situation no better. While just kissing, her body had only responded a little, but now that her half-sister had revealed her own situation, she couldn’t stop thinking about it long enough to make it go away. Quite the opposite.

A shaky little laugh passed out of Ruby when she felt it. “O-oh, there you are. A little late to the party!” But she didn’t spend much time on that. Again, her lips were mashing into Yang’s as they kissed, bodies sliding over each other a little in their eagerness to feel more, to experience.

After some time, when she felt her own shorts being forced downward, Yang whispered, “This isn’t okay.”

“I know,” Ruby breathed. “But it’s okay with us. ”

“I…” How could she argue with the truth?

Feeling Ruby’s hand directly around her was far different than feeling it through her shorts. If she hadn’t finished herself off so much the past days, she might have succumbed easily… but instead, she merely put up with the teasing, exploring hand, the fingers poking into her flesh slightly as they glided up and down along the throbbing mass.

“It’s so hard,” Ruby told her with an earnest tone. “You’re so hard. Is this for me?”

“U-uh-huh,” she managed before swallowing. “Yes.”

“I, um… I got us a little something. Yesterday. Call me a ‘plan ahead’ kinda girl.”

Reaching behind them into her table, she brought out a little pack of condoms. There weren’t very many, but it was an entire pack’s-worth more than Yang expected to see.

“Oh my god… really? You seriously thought we… but we’re related! This isn’t just messing around and kissing, that’s a whole other-”

“I know, okay? But… no more hiding from it. I love you, and you love me, and this is… kinda part of that. Just dumb not to at least be ready for if it happens.”

As Ruby opened the box, Yang tried to ignore how badly her body was trying to get her to take Ruby up on her offer and failed. Not even the cute and amusing sight of her struggling with the box was enough; she still wanted to be with her in that way. Still liked everything that Ruby was.

“There we go,” she breathed at last, holding up the shiny packet. Her eyebrows waggled, and Yang rolled her eyes, which only earned her a laugh.

“Like you know how to put one of those on.”

“I do! We did it to bananas in health class. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

“What’s- whoa, you’re…”

Ruby had shimmied down to hover with her face just over Yang’s crotch, a face amongst a pool of blankets. She looked a bit distracted by how close she was to the object of her interest… but she managed to push the desire back for long enough to rip open the packet and pull out the little ring of latex.

“Mmm,” she breathed as she pushed a kiss into Yang’s head… and she felt her mind go blank. Ruby wasn’t just touching her tonight, it seemed. There was so much more in store! “So good…”

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, “You can’t be serious. One kiss on my dick is ‘so good’?”

“Yeah.” Bald honesty shone in her voice.

“O-oh? Really?” Another loving peck along her warm shaft, probably purely to prove herself. “You’re pretty… convincing…”

“I love this dick,” she confessed easily. “It kinda got us talking about us , weird as it is.” Then she began to roll the latex downward…

And all of a sudden, Yang realised she had a real problem. She wasn’t just ready for sex; she was ready to finish. Ruby was doing too good a job! Every movement intended to move the latex protection a little further along her member was one that made it ready to shoot. That early on, she was already biting her lip and writhing back and forth, hoping to resist.

“Ooh, someone’s eager.” Grasping the base, she pumped her hand a few times, causing Yang to gasp out. “Nice!”

“Ruby… y-you gotta stop!”

That seemed to catch her by surprise. Pumping her fist up and down furiously for a second, she smirked and whispered, “Nah. I wanna make sure you stay ready for me.”

“B-but if you- if- NNHHHH!!!”

The last part was somehow growled into the pillow at the last second, instead of the room at large. As much as she was convulsing and gasping out, she knew Ruby would probably figure out soon enough what was going on… but for the time being, she was still being stroked and loving every second.

Then the younger half-sister did start, glancing between the end of the balloon entrapping her sex and Yang’s face, stretched wide in release.

“Oh shit… did you- did we really just-”

“I’m so sorry, dude,” Yang half-wheezed, eyes closing in distant pleasure from the hand still wrapped around her. “Seriously… you were all about this, doing so much, and then, I… I suck! Obviously!”

Smiling gently, Ruby patted her thigh, releasing her spent length in the process. “I’m sorry! God, I really didn’t think you were that close to- I wasn’t trying- WOW, you came just from that?!”

Her face burned with embarrassment. This was even worse than the fact that they were crossing societal lines to be together; she couldn’t even seem to handle that “together” part without losing control way, way too early. She wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

“Oh… awww, Yang, it’s okay,” Ruby cooed when she finally realised how much this was affecting her. Her arms circled around her back. “Hey…”

“That was p-pathetic!” she snapped into the pillow. “God, after yesterday, I thought I could hold out longer!”

“Yang, I don’t care about that! I’m… it makes me happy that felt so good that you couldn’t wait.” Her smiling face pushed in closer to Yang’s, and she kissed both of her cheeks. “You did tell me to slow down and I… I should have listened. I’m really sorry. Um, I just didn’t want you to go soft while I was putting it on?”

Finally, she began to calm down, little by little. When she could talk again, she let out a long sigh and whispered, “Thanks, Ruby. I, um… I think you really wanted this to be… like, our first time? And… now it can’t be.”

“Y-yeah, I um, I’ve heard that… people with dicks can’t go again when they’re done.” To her credit, she did remember not to say “guys” that time. “But it’s cool! You finished, and I’m happy to help. Oh, and speaking of which…”

As Yang watched, fascinated and still embarrassed, Ruby pulled the condom off and threw it and the wrapper away, then wiped her hands on a tissue and tossed that before returning to the bed. In the meantime, Yang pulled her shorts back up; she didn’t want Ruby’s first real look at her anatomy being when it was freshly-milked and half-hard, coated in leftover lube and her own juices.

“Awww,” Ruby cooed as she returned to the bed. “I wanted to play with that.”

“Not tonight,” Yang said with a half-smile. “Maybe… I can do something for you?”

But when her hands fell to Ruby’s waist, the girl looked down with a self-conscious giggle. “N-nah. I m-mean, I, um… I don’t think I’m…” Then she cleared her throat. “I thought I was ready to go there with you, I guess, but like, just you doing it for me is different somehow. That’s probably really dumb.”

Wrapping her arms around Ruby’s back instead, she simply laid next to her for a long moment. Then, once they were a little more comfortable, she spoke.

“It’s not dumb. It’s… sweet, in a way. But I think… I think I’d be okay playing with you now. And I know, I was kinda weird about it at first, because of the sister thing. But by now I think we’re kind of past that, I guess. So… if you change your mind, I could try a hand, at least. O-or something.”

“Listen to us,” Ruby giggled quietly. “Both pretty nervous. I, um… I think it’s kind of more fun with you being my sister. No, wait!” she squeaked when Yang drew back in shock. “You know, because we’re kind of, like… destined to be together, because we’re related? I know, I’m crazy, but it’s weirdly romantic to me.”

Shaking her head, she pushed her face into her sister’s neck. “You think too much. But… maybe, yeah. And…” She’d been worrying about this for a long time. “And I kind of deserve this, for being such a jerk when you were little. Telling you that you were ‘dumb’ or whatever, and that I didn't like you. Like, what makes more karmic sense than for me to fall in love with you and have to eat my own words?”

“So you think of this as a punishment? Me jerking you off is a punishment?”

“What? Oh! Shit, no, that totally isn’t-” But Ruby’s laughter cut her off, and she grunted, “You butt…”

“Yeah, you like my butt.”

“All of you is on the list, and all of you is a butt,” she sighed as she snuggled against her even more closely. “Big, ridonk badonkadonk.”

#every little part of you #Enabler #rwby smut #ruby/yang #burning rose #rwbyremnants #incest fanfiction

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years

Text

ishqbaaz lb: 2 - 6th january

i thought i’d be all caught up and back on schedule by now, but somehow i find myself behind by more than a week’s worth of episodes again. oh well.

maybe this week’s my week. in the mean time, here’s the second installation of liveblogs.

2nd january

preview: whut the whut???? is shivaay drunk again? is he dreaming this? is anika dreaming this? am *I* dreaming this???? 😯😯😯

lmao these three sisters are rudra's nightmare come alive; the bhaabi he never wanted, HIS FATHER'S MISTRESS, and the cult leader who kidnapped him. 😂😂😂

this bloody house and family is so fucking big, they should implement whatever technology uber implements in its cars, to keep track of what family member is where. 😒😒😒

rudra's denim shirt/trackpants outfit is pushing the limit on "athleisure" methinks. 😕😕😕

GOD DADI YOU AND YOUR SCREECHING. JUST... SHUSH.

they should really get someone else to dub for the dadi actress, coz her voice. lord above. 😬😬😬

oh no shivaay thinks anika's playing. 😟😟😟

dadi looks downright horrified at the thought. dadi, it's ok. it's how billu and biwi do foreplay. stay out of their sex life. 🙄🙄🙄

lololololol the fridge is about to start ringing. 😂😂😂

give it up tia. you're not gonna win. 🙄🙄🙄

FIGURE IT OUT FASTER YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. 😑😑😑

lmaooooo "bhaabi fridge main kaisi pohunchi???" 😂😂😂

there's a sentence no one ever plans to say in their life. ever. 😂😂😂

PLEASE NOTICE THE FACE OF THE FRIDGE MOVING DUDE. ZERO REACTION. ALL IN A DAY'S WORK FOR HIM. he must move a lot of rich ppl's fridges with bahus in them. 😐😐😐

i was like "ok she's cold but not THAT cold that you need a bonfire in MUMBAI" before i realised tht this was a prinku scene. 😶😶😶

ok, acp is like... RIGHT UP in their damn group now, and no one's like "who's this weird, fully grown man who's appeared out of nowhere and staring intently at one of our friends? 🤔🤔🤔"

what the hell does he even want??? 😒😒😒

yes priyanka, leave the group and isolate yourself, while you're being stalked. that's the smart thing to do right now. for fucks sake, this chick has the survival instincts of a fucking dodo. 😒😒😒

oh great. three MORE rapey boys. just what the show needed. MORE RAPEY BOYS. 😤😤😤

(lemme save you all the trouble of wondering how this is gonna go - acp is gonna save her, she's gonna be indebted, he's gonna be all conflicted coz omg why did i save her i hate her and they'll angstily marry each other and be the most boring-ass couple ever. 🙄🙄🙄)

i need to know what makeup primer/fixing spray anika uses that's waterproof, crying proof, torture (by shivaay + daksh) proof, freeze proof... like... what sorcery is this????? 😯😯😯

ok rudra, if you think of her as your wife, why don't you just ACCEPT it, and TELL HER? why is this plot still where it was 2 months ago????? 😑😑😑

i want sAumya's jammies. they look comfy af. 😊😊😊

oh look. husband was here all along! 😚😚😚

aaaaand he's yelling. ouff. give a girl a second to wake up properly! 😒😒😒

ok relax my man, you're in mumbai, not the north pole, that a hand outside the blanket will make her get the chills. 🙄🙄🙄

aw, he's "snug as a bug in a rug"d her! 😚😚😚

"akduuuu!" 😂😂😂

honestly boys, you can find better porn on the net, you don't have to get your jollies from watching priyanka change into a nightgown ffs. 🙄🙄🙄

romi's outfit is cute af! i want! 😊😊😊

i don't like this new YELLYYYYY svetlana. 😑😑😑

wow ok yeah that plan sounds CLEAR AF, thanks svetlana, for being so precise and detailed. 🙄🙄🙄

A+ eyeliner though. if only you lent that laser focus on explaining the plan. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

oh this... credo, and hand gesture thing is... here to stay? not a one time thing from that reveal scene? 😬😬😬

it's reminding me of a hateful version of the thing the planeteers do to summon captain planet. 😂😂😂

BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAINNNNNN NAFRAT!!!! 😋😋😋

acp is shocked to learn that someone else is moving in on his "make priyanka feel violated with rapey harkatein" niche. THAT'S HIS CURB, DAMMIT, AND HE'LL BE DAMNED IF ANYONE TAKES IT FROM HIM!!!!!!! 😡😡😡

just once in my life, i want someone to be as excited about me as rudra is about anika. 😪😪😪

"aap fridge mein kyun chupi thi? aap waisi hi itni cool ho!" 😂😂😂

dadi: don't do anything that can get you killed, lololol!

seriously, dadi??? is that how you warn someone??? is the actress playing her wrong, or is she being written weird? either way, i can't fucking stand this character since shivaay and anika got married. 😒😒😒

@ ruMya: can you two just bang and get over it? 🙄🙄🙄

"hum risk sirf tabhi lete hai jab humein yakeen hai humaara prince charming humein bachaane aayega."

the day i risk anything in hope of a MAN coming and saving me is the day i die. of disappointment. 😑😑😑

headline of tomorrow's oberoi times: 30+ year old man gets his kicks from eavesdropping on youth and their discourse on romance; forces wife to participate in chichori harkat as a means to feel her up under the stairs.

why's he hugging her to his chesttttt? like cute af and all, but... lol, why? 😂😂😂

aw rudraaaaaa. 💗💗💗

aaaaaaand, there. you had to ruin it. asshole. 😒😒😒

waah, seediyon ke upar bhi romance, neeche bhi romance. 😏😏😏

where's my boy ommmmmmmmm? why isn't HE feeling up a PYT somewhere in the vicinity of this staircase???????? god knows if anyone deserves it the most, it's him! 😐😐😐

play a romantic song from this decade maybe???? 🤔🤔🤔

ok shivaay, she's your wife. you can seduce her in your room, ya'know. 😶😶😶

ok fine, i won't be such a unromantic grouch. carry on. continue fondling your wife under the staircase, like a horny high school kid. 😌😌😌

what do you mean "roka kisne hai?" YOU WERE ON HER LIKE WHITE ON RICE BRUH. pfffffffft. 🙄🙄🙄

the bad dubbing is ruining this scene for meeeeeeee. i'll have to watch it again on mute to get my kicks. 😫😫😫

wow. so this is what it's like when shivaay is romantic. nice. why couldn't you have just persuaded her to marry you her like this?????? 😐😐😐

shivaay, back in his room, googling "help i think i love my wife" and "how to make my wife love me". 😂😂😂

tia's hereeee, looking extremely becoming.😚😚😚

LMAO that HUGE step back he took when she mentioned the baby. 😂😂😂

oh i think tia's in that phase of her pregnancy when women get super horny. 😶😶😶

lol, i've never heard of the word "rest" as a euphemism for an orgasm, but this show has been so ~~~pathbreaking in so many ways so sure, why not? 😕😕😕

*while being seduced* "... i need to finish my emails!" 😂😂😂

lmao what an ISHQBAAZ. truly amazing. dadi, come take a look! 😂😂😂

anika strolling into that room like, BITCH STEP THE FUCK BACK, THIS WORKAHOLIC ROBOT IS MINE!!!!!! 🙃🙃🙃

3rd january

preview: I KNEW THE NEW HUNKY SERVANT WOULD BE SHADY! I KNEWWWWWWWWW IT! 😬😬😬

tiaaaaa was notttttt expecting anika to be so ferocious after being frozen like an bag of peas. 😂😂😂

shivaay's deep resigned sigh + "tia, you brought this on yourself" face lololol 😂😂😂

"nakhre noor jahan ke" hee hee 😂😂😂

"kasam shivaay BABY ki" LMAO 😂😂😂

shivaay's enjoying this smackdown too much lol, he's intervening soooooo reluctantly. 😋😋😋

"ACHAAR KE DAAG KI TARAH DHEET" omfg appropriating this for daily use irl 😂😂😂

might as well hang a sign around shivaay's neck saying "property of anika" 🙃🙃🙃

for that matter, tia's too, coz anika just OWNED HER ASS 😎😎😎

damnnnnnnnnnnnn anika, is this what being cold does to you??? i just get very angry and miserable and eat a lot of carbs. 😐😐😐

lololol the instant disappearance of her giggles. 😋😋😋

patidev is taking full faida of display of haq. 😚😚😚

MAIN ROZ BRUSH KARTI HOON HAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂😂

shivaay's not interested in your dental routine right now anika, he has lurrrrrrrve on his mind! 😚😚😚

(that look he gives her teeth tho, lol) 😂😂😂

it's weird that he's being SO romantic all outta nowhere. with a woman he served divorce papers to THIS MORNING.

(yes, this is the same day. god. i'm exhausted just thinking how long their damn days are. 😫😫😫)

bruh, parde toh bandh kiye hote. the whole house is getting an eyeful of your seduction game. 🙈🙈🙈

which is suddenly A+ btw. looks like googling "how to make my wife love me" gave him some fucking amazing results. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

such cute how they can't control their silly smiles and giggles at each other. adorable idiots. 💗💗💗

lol she literally jumped out the window to get away. 😂😂😂😂😂

relatable af. i woulda done the same. 😶😶😶

yes shivaay, what's happening to you? your constant smiling and being all romantic and shit is freaking meeeeeeee out. 😬😬😬

ouff, from that cuteness to this rapey nonsense. 😒😒😒

LOL ACP'S PUNCH. 😂😂😂

acp toh shivaay ka bhai nikla in phone tod department. 😐😐😐

where the fuck is everyone, did they just leave prinku alone? 😒😒😒

why doesn't the third dude deserve a name? 🤔🤔🤔

TUJHE CHAHTE HAI JAANEMAAANNN. abhishek and sumit have been watching too many b-grade 80's bolly movies. next they'll reply "bhagwan ke liye tujhe chod denge toh hum kya karengee?" 🙄🙄🙄

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. honestly, i am so fucking done with this acp and prinku track. i could honestly not give less of a fuck about them. 😑😑😑

yes acp, keep watching as they tear her dori and violate her. best. 😒😒😒

anika, pay attn to hunky servant. he just gave you a clueeeeee. 😐😐😐

anika, you need to get a job. 😗😗😗

pft. acp ki herobaazi. mujhe nahi dekhni. fwd. 😒😒😒

can shivaay enroll prinku in some damn self defense classes ffs???? while he's at it, some personality development classes as well. 🙄🙄🙄

lmaoooooooooo TUM MERE HO. 😂😂😂

what the hell is with this show and songssss from the fucking 90s. can they not afford copyrights to anything newer??

such dramatic dupatta odh-ing was unnecessary. hand it over like a normal dude, bro. 🙄🙄🙄

prinku's feeling the angsty lau feelings right on schedule. 😒😒😒

since when is there this giantasss plate glass window in shivaay's room? 🤔🤔🤔

snort. hunky servant's evil smile. lololol. 😂😂😂

lol what the hell is he doing with the pointer toy i use to irritate my cat? 🤔🤔🤔

what in the world is shivaay wearing? 😟😟😟

lmaooooooooo. the cat toy is being used to melt whatever's holding the glass. 😂😂😂

yeah honestly anika, why do you ask? 😐😐😐

tia speaks the truth. get a job, anika. a hobby maybe. 🙄🙄🙄

like, i love anika and all, but god, i love tia so much more. she's a cold hard bitch who gets hers. 💗💗💗💗💗

or tries very hard, at least.

by this time, you could have run back home to save him by now. 🙄🙄🙄

looking at the angle the glass was falling, he was out of the danger zone. but yeah, the flying shards... oh well. 😐😐😐

TELL ME WE GET SOME AWESOME HURT/COMFORT SHIT OUTTA THIS, WITH ANIKA NURSING HIM BACK TO HEALTH. *smoochy noises* 😚😚😚

4th january

preview: idc what these ppl are yelling about all i care about is that OM IS BACK OM IS BACK OH HAPPY DAY OM IS BACK I FEEL LIKE I HAVE REASON TO LIVE AGAIN MY LONG HAIRED ARTIST BOY IS BACK!!!!! 😇😇😇

ouff, move slower shivaay. 😒😒😒

UM HOW THE FUCK DID THE GLASS JUST SHATTER SPONTANEOUSLY??? WHAT NONSENSE. 😒😒😒

GIRL, HONESTLY IN THIS TIME YOU COULD HAVE RUN THERE. 🙄🙄🙄

pft. he's fiiiiiine. just has some glass in his hair. nothing that tadi waala hair gesture of his won't fix. 😎😎😎

what's om screaming about? boy stand still and smile so i can drink you innnnnnn. 😐😐😐

what logic. there's just one paraaya, compared to allllll these apne. 🙄🙄🙄

tej, again, he's a self made billionaire. he doesn't need your money. 😑😑😑

ouff. men and their egos. 🙄🙄🙄

shivaay's been shook out of his near death experience stupor thanks to all the yelling. ouff, this fucking family. can't you let a man ponder his mortality in peace????? 😒😒😒

rudra, maybe have less selfish reasons... like, something more compelling than a fucking SANDWICH????? 😒😒😒

anika's brain be like OH BETE KIIIIIIIIII 😂😂😂

this should be a rasm for the new bahu too, witnessing the first bullshit fight that occurs in this family on a near-daily basis. 🙄🙄🙄

for once, shivaay's angry grabbing is justified and not icky. 😶😶😶

god stop being such an angsty emo bunny, om. such a drama queen you are. 🙄🙄🙄

ouff this damn new servant. 😑😑😑

yeah we got that, om. give us the REAL REASON. 😒😒😒

ooooh i think tej's trying to marry om off to some richhhhh heiress??? 🤔🤔🤔

CALLED IT!!!!!!

why's pinky making that self righteous face? it's what she was doing to shivaay too. 😶😶😶

arre bas itni si problem? nothing a little google-fu and facebook and instagram stalking can't solve! such baat ka batangad. 🙄🙄🙄

i mean, i gotta agree with tej here, arranged marriage really isn't a revolutionary concept. why's om getting so hyper like a damn white kid who's never heard of the concept? 😐😐😐

um, that's so not the reason to have kids????? 😒😒😒

he wants lurrrrrrrrrrve, tej. he wants LURVE. 😗😗😗

god this fucking murdery servant dude is getting even more footage than OM and it's pissing me offfffff. 😒😒😒

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, i mean if this argument came from anyone other than shivaay. 😂😂😂

to play devil's advocate though, he was in a relationship with tia and THINKS he knows her though. 😕😕😕

lol tej has the same idea as me. 😙😙😙

LMAO OM'S BRAIN LITERALLY SHORTCIRCUITING BEHIND TEJ, I AM LOVING IT LEMME REWIND 😂😂😂

lololololol even better the second time. 😂😂😂

bro, someone explain the structure of the oberoi businesses to me. please. i don't get it. what does shivaay do, what does tej do, how does any of this shit even work????? 😕😕😕

they're really modelled on the ambanis, i guess. 😗😗😗

tej, maybe don't disclose your petty so openly? 😬😬😬

ouff, dadi, why do you even bother? just go back to tirupati or whatever. take om with you. live in peace. 🙄🙄🙄

yeah shakti. just shut up. let a mom defend her son. 😑😑😑

what's wrong with this fucking servant, he's just going around the house tampering with everything shivaay touches. 😦😦😦

ouffffffff, jungle waala chutiyapa abhi tak khatam nahi hua. 😒😒😒

lol that weird scream. 😂😂😂

god, that's one determined rapist, going to attack prinku IN THE MIDDLE of getting his ass kicked. finish him offffff, acp. 😑😑😑

um acp??? large knife being aimed at ya girl... 😕😕😕

of course... of course acp is the one who gets slashed. 🙄🙄🙄

i wanted a shivika hurt/comfort scene. ouff, looks like i'll have to settle for this off brand nonsense instead. 😒😒😒

no? prinku's just letting him walk away? cool. 😗😗😗

ouff tej, you're like a dog with a bone, om don't currrr about your damn business. 😑😑😑

god how many times will we have to watch the same fucking argument between om and tej. i'm so bored. 🙄🙄🙄

ok tej, just stfu. THEY WERE JUST STARTING TO GET ALONG AND BE ALL CUTE AND FLIRTY AND SHIT. WHY YOU GOTTA RUIN ITTTTT????? 😑😑😑

ouff pinkyyyyyyy, shushhhhhhh.

this episode is so fucking boringgggggggggggg. ouff. 😑😑😑

oh no is svetlana back in tej's life now?????? OH NO. 😬😬😬

thank god at least one sister in the kapoor fam has a strong seduction game. watch and learn from di, tia + romi. 😎😎😎

who is svetlanaaaaa gunning for om to marry????? 😐😐😐

OHNOEOHNOEOHNOE 😯😯😯

i have this teeny tiny feeling that maybe om may end up marrying the chaddha girl, through some tej + svetlana dhokebaazi, and he's gonna hate her, but she's gonna turn out to be super nice and shit and worm her way into om's heart. #tellywoodtrashKiBhavishwyawaani 😇😇😇

dadi about to keel over from a heart attack. 😐😐😐

i feel zero sympathy tbh, coz dadi kinda deserves a tiny heart attack from the way she handled the shivaay/anika thing. 😒😒😒

the oberoi kid deserving bachpan-waala slapping is behind you, tej. he's less slap-worthy these days but give it a week or two, he's going to do something to deserve it. 😕😕😕

anika be like lord almighty i miss my bua. she was easier to handle than these ppl. 😮😮😮

calling it already, jhanvi is #bestMom2k17 👸🏽👸🏽👸🏽

good riddance. bye tejjjj.👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽

precap: shit, i thought my "bye tej" straight off dispatched him into the afterlife. 😬😬😬 nope. just some rando chick. om's girl? 🤔🤔🤔

oooh, shivaay making anika some mighty big promises. 😚😚😚

5th january

lol @ tej's hissy fit. 😆😆😆

this servant seems to have a damn phd in killing ppl. 😐😐😐

LMAO, pinky is meeeeeee. 5ever interested in the drama, but super side eye-y of it. lolololol. 😂😂😂

anika, honestly, i mean, i get your urgency, but is this the time? 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

gaaadi hai, underwear nahi, that two people can't use one anothers'. just give him the damn keys, driver. 🙄🙄🙄

oh the plan was to kill tej all along? i have no issues with that. carry on, kapoor sisters. 🙃🙃🙃

GOOD LORD. RAPEY DUDES ARE ALSO KAPOOR SHILLS. WHAT NONSENSE. OUFF. 😒😒😒

also how the f did they send the mms to romi when acp smashed the phone last night???? 😑😑😑

anika, girl. you soundin' cray. 😶😶😶

lol the scenery chewing that this servant actor is doing. amaze. 😆😆😆

i want jhanvi's earrings. 😊😊😊

svetlana's super nonchalant "what?" at tej's impending death, i love it.

i've changed my mind, i think i love svetlana. i'm modeling my 2017 personality after her. 😍😍😍

tia, stop being such a weak bitch. 😐😐😐

OH NO JUST WHEN I GOT ON #TEAMSVETLANA, she's about to go do some suicidal stunt?!?!!! GODDAMNIT, WHY???? 😩😩😩

tej should have read @phati-sari‘s post on how to deal with failed brakes. 😊😊😊

yeah no one who takes an airbag to the face emerges looking completely fine like that. that shit deploys at like 300 kmph. 😒😒😒

oh shit u ok svetlana???? 😯😯😯

guessing this is svetlana's plan to make her way into the oberoi mansion. please don't let this end up with her marrying om tho. that's just super yucky. 😬😬😬

anika, you need to learn to communicate better. no one would believe what you're saying, the way you're saying it. 🙄🙄🙄

lol “dimaag ki dahi” what an un-shivaay like phrase. 😂😂😂

@ruMya: could you two kids just kiss alreadyyyy? 😐😐😐

ugh acp ka ott filmy dialogue. hope those big words are antiseptic and save you from catching some kinda nasty-ass infection. 🙄🙄🙄

“bohut khoon” my foot. 🙄🙄🙄

"main bura hoon, par gira hua nahi."

LMAO WHAT NONSENSE, HOW IS YOU FORCING HER TO MARRY HER IN ORDER TO TORTURE HER ANY BETTER THAN MAKING THE MMS? IF ANYTHING, IT'S WORSE. 😒😒😒

can you two get off my screen already????? 😑😑😑

thank you.

CAN YOU TWO IDIOTS STOP FIGHTING ABOUT THIS OUT IN THE OPEN LIKE THIS???????????? 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

oh boy, om's gonna fuckin' loseeeeee it. 😬😬😬

lol his crossed arms + "both of you shoulda died" expression. 😋😋😋

god tia, TOUGHEN UP. nafratbaaz my ass. 🙄🙄🙄

svetlana doesn't even look thaaat injured tho? like she's just got a few scrapes... 🤔🤔🤔

BREATHE, SVETLANA, I JUST STARTED LIKING YOU!!!! 😩😩😩

why is no one (anika even) noticing tia losing her shit while seeing svetlana like this? 😐😐😐

LMAO TRUST THE OBEROIS TO KEEP THEIR FIRST AID KIT IN AN ORNATE GOLDEN FILGREE EMBOSSED WOODEN BOX. 😂😂😂

loving jhanvi, pinky and om's #idgaf expressions. 🙃🙃🙃

fwding to when svetlana finally wakes the f up, coz we all know she's gonna. 🙄🙄🙄

om asking all the real questions. 🙃🙃🙃

ok that answer doesn't make sense, tej. 🙄🙄🙄

nothing gets me more heart eyed than when om calls ppl out on their shit. 😍😍😍

what “jaan par khel kar”???? she just happened to be in the way with her car, there were zero allusions that she did it intentionally. 🙄🙄🙄

finally, tej lending some credence to anika's story. 😶😶😶

pft, i only watched today's episode for the shivika scene i was promised in yesterday's precap, and instead i had to watch a whole episode of them bickering and have to wait until the next ep. 😒😒😒

6th january

preview: yay, team's all here and on a mission!!!!!! 😊😊😊

lmao the knife still in the tyre. looks like murder servant isn't that smart after all. 😆😆😆

lmaoooooo no pointtttt calling security, come on shivaay. 🙄🙄🙄

sup khanna? new year, new facial hair! 😏😏😏

lol you know khanna is here only to make fanmixes on his otp. i bet he has a thriving youtube channel filled with footage of you two. 😆😆😆

why's he calling tej when he's just indoors???? 🤔🤔🤔

says the person who whatsapps her mom from the next room about how the cat is chewing on my leg. 😶😶😶

um shivaay, please to notice that your wife is currently having a breakdown? 😶😶😶

this moment is coming across as super fake on anika's part. the whole stumbling around and talking to self thing. 🙄🙄🙄

“aap BHI mujhe chod ke chale gaye toh?” awww. baby. *pats her hair*

god shivaay, why is YELLING your go-to for everything? you didn't even try to reason with her normally, before going to yelling. 😒😒😒

bad writing/shitty editing or shitty acting on nakuul's part? 🤔🤔🤔

"main kahin nahi jaunga. na main khud jaunga, na tumhe jaane dunga."

aw. but also, kinda creepy and dakshy-sounding. depends on what mood you're in while watching. 😕😕😕

HUG!!!!! 🤗🤗🤗

oh come on, you could have totally hugggggggged. why's shivaay having sudden commitment-phobia??? 🙄🙄🙄

lol jhanvi, why so obtuse? how can someone so smart, be so fucking stupid? 😑😑😑

LMAO PINKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I FUCKING LOVE YOU 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

never let it be said that true love doesn't exist in this show. 👭🏽👭🏽👭🏽 offering to murder your sister-friend's husband's mistress is the GREATEST ACT OF LOVE that has ever been displayed in the 170-odd episodes. 💗💗💗 #female relationships mean everything to me

pinky's disappointment at jhanvi not taking her up on the offer = the best. 😂😂😂

"naagin ko full fats creams ka milks pilaao" amazing. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

also, subtle meta reference at svetlana actress's gig on a naagin show? 🤔🤔🤔

does anika even know the whole deal with svetlana? how????? 🤔🤔🤔

kanji aankhein be shocked at...?

oh. murder servant's game is up. bye boo. it was fun watching ya overact the fuck out of everything for 3 days. 😙😙😙

rudra's brief for this episode: make an exit within 30 seconds of scene and take sumo with him. 😑😑😑

170 episodes too late, but yes, please change the security staff. 🙄🙄🙄

oh god, time for anika to maarofy heavy sanskaari statement about patni protecting pati from blah blah blah. 😑😑😑

my expression, exact same as tia's. 😒😒😒

oh boy, anika's leading tia into a phone throwing type moment. the wily minx. 😬😬😬

ooh, is this the first time tia didn't call shivaay SHIVAAY BABY? 🤔🤔🤔

lol shivaay, not much of a date if she goes alone. 😐😐😐

oh boy shivaay, don't piss tia off. she's gonna ramp up the attempts to murder you. 😬😬😬

i thought she was gonna snap his neck right there and then. 😂😂😂

lololol anika's face. 😂😂😂

methinks the shivaay doth protests too much. 😚😚😚

snorttttttt, idk if she's enjoying this or not, but I CERTAINLY AM ENJOYING THIS. 😂😂😂

nakhra is not a very hard word. neither is noor jahan. are you just stupid, shivaay? 😕😕😕

this is a silly, quite badly written scene, but they're so cute when they're unable to stop grinning around each other. 😘😘😘

tho shivaay is unusally happy for someone who almost got murdered twice today. 😕😕😕

time for oberoi mystery inc. to convene and discuss. 😎😎😎

in the most open, obvious fucking location in the house. amazing. not a single bright crayon in this box. 😒😒😒

^^^^ ACTUAL PICTURE OF THE OBEROI BOX OF CRAYONS. 🙄🙄🙄

when will my om get a girl to walk with, who loves him the way he deserves to be loved? 😞😞😞

"laser". pfffffffft. IT WAS A CAT TOYYYYY COME ON. 🙄🙄🙄

where did all the furniture in this room go? 🤔🤔🤔

lmao AJAY VERMA. might as well be named john smith. 🙄🙄🙄

also, of course he didn't come from the agency you fucking idiots. 😑😑😑

DRAMATIC TADI WAALA POSTURING! 😎😎😎

i'd be downright disappointed with tia if she wasn't eavesdropping rn.

NOOOOOOOOO DON'T LEAVE! LISTEN TO THEM PLANNING WHATEVERRRRRR! FFS TIA, ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF DOING THIS WITHOUT SVETLANA HISSING AT YOU AT ALL TIMES???? 😩😩😩

may i remind you all that they were making out like svetlana was almost in a fucking coma. still, not a single person watching over her to find that tia is visiting her and calling her "di". 🙄🙄🙄

lol svetlana's giant hair eclipsing her head bandage tho. 😂😂😂

i'm bored with this scene so here are the oberois as mystery inc. team members:

anika = velma 🤓🤓🤓 (because orange. and she's ultimately gonna be the one who solves everything.)

shivaay = fred 👦🏽👦🏽👦🏽 (requisite cis male eye candy; mileage may vary depending by case.)

sAumya = daphne 👧🏽👧🏽👧🏽 (occasionally does shit, but mostly here to fulfill the cute quota.)

om = shaggy 🙇🏽🙇🏽🙇🏽 (coz i'm sure 87% of his chill personality comes from the fact that he's 420 blazin' it up in that studio of his.)

rudra = scooby 🐶🐶🐶 (self explanatory.)

I WANT TO BURN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE UGLY FUCKING VESTS THEY PUT ON THIS MAN!!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡

ooooooooh anika sleeps in the room now! progress! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

"anika? hi? good morning? 😶😶😶" lol. awwww. 😊😊😊

goddamnit shivaay, why the fuck are you always yelling??? honestly, that too so early in the morning. 😒😒😒

"you sleep like a log." "kaun log?"

snort. 😂😂😂

"dhang ke kapde"? you rather liked this outfit the last time she wore it. couldn't stop feeling her up every two minutes. 😏😏😏

"breakfast banane jaa raha hoon, TUMHARE LIYE."

NOW i'd say my man’s on track to redemption. 😚😚😚

what can i say, i'm a hungry bitch. feed me and i'll be yours forever. i'm very much like a raccoon that way. 😇😇😇

OOOOOOOOH A GIFT. 💖💖💖💖

wait, should i be worried? 😟😟😟

coz y'know, the last time he handed her a gift wrapped box, it had divorce papers. 😕😕😕

OOOH AN IPHONE. ANIKA FINALLY JOINS THE IPHONE FAM.

inaugarate it by dirty facetiming each other. 😏😏😏

sahil is a 7 year old. AT BOARDING SCHOOL. he doesn't need a fucking phone. 🙄🙄🙄

ooooooooh. "pyaar se." girl, watch what you're asking for. you couldn't really handle his pyaar a day back. you jumped out the window coz it was too much. 😋😋😋

goddamnit, this smooth motherf... where's he suddenly getting these moves from???? 😯😯😯

ok it's an iphone. not that there's a lot of variety to CHOOSE from. calm down, shivaay. 😑😑😑

his smiley romantic mood makes me both awwwww, and also be a little freaked out. 😬😬😬

mostly freaked out. i'm really not used to it. i'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 😕😕😕

"toh yeh pyaar se tha, ya dobara koshish karoon?"

holy shit. i... uh... 🤐🤐🤐😯😯😯

*loses my damn mind for a second*

ok i’m back... BUT WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE SHIVAAY WE KNOW AND LOATHE????? 😮😮😮

GODDAMN HIS SEDUCTION GAME... JUST... NO WORDS. 😶😶😶

i nearly jumped out my damn skin just like anika when he came back.

"phir se blush kar rahi ho."

GET OUTTA HERE, ANIKA AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THESE FEELZ. JUST GO MAKE THE FOOD. GO. SHOO. 😩😩😩

"yeh blush kya cheez hai???? main kar bhi rahi hoon aur mujhe pata hi nahi hai!" haha awwww 😂😂😂

sAumya looks cuddly af man. i wanttttt a hug from herrrrrr! 🤗🤗🤗

why is she not dancing in her own room tho? 🤔🤔🤔

the fuck is this???? 😒😒😒

ohhhhhhhh, it’s an ad for some shit. fwding. 🙄🙄🙄

also, why is it suddenly night if shivaay just woke anika up? 🤔🤔🤔

bloody hell, what a waste of screen time, this is an extra minute i could have spent staring at om's face. #respectOmkara2k17 😩😩😩😩

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs

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