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theorphicangel · 4 months

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𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫. | 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐱 (𝐟𝐞𝐦!) 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 |

[ “𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿?” ]

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

synopsis: You're pretty good at sticking to rules. Always have been. And for the past three years you would think that you've been good enough to stick to the rules of being a roommate.

Rule number one: Don’t fall in love. Under any circumstances.

Rule number two: Follow to rule number one.

Easy enough to follow.

Right?

series | previous chapter | next chapter

Chapter 4: April.

cw: suggestive themes, 18+

“Levi! Come look at this rock!”

Levi comes to a stop. He’s only a little ahead of you and yet you can already imagine the frown on his face before he turns.

“Why? So you can throw it at me? That’s attempted murder.” He deadpans.

You snorted aloud, watching him stroll over to you with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, don’t start giving me ideas, not when we’re getting along so well. I might just use it against you, and it’s not attempted if I succeed.”

“Too bad we’re in the open. Save it for later.” Levi turns to make his way back to the path but he stops again. “Who said that we were getting along well?”

“Well, you stopped calling me an idiot for one. That really annoyed me at one point.”

Levi snorts. “I’d like to see you try and pick that shit up anyways… idiot.”

“Hange’ll help me.” You say, purposely ignoring his insult.. At your comment Levi merely rolled his eyes as, unfortunately, you had a point.

If anything Hange would agree to any stupid thing you’d say. Together you were like tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum…only twice as worse. If Levi could prevent one moment from happening, it would have been the moment that the two of you met. If he’d known that you and Hange would live up to the expectations of making Levi’s life a pure hell, he wouldn't have taken you over to Hange’s house that day.

You laugh out loud suddenly, as if you had read Levi’s personal thoughts. “Don’t tell me you actually think we’ll carry this out.”

“Wouldn’t beat it past you.” Levi spoke, turning around and heading back to the path. You follow him diligently, wanting to keep up with him.

You quickly join his side abruptly bumping into his side. With this action you smoothly link arms with him. For a second you feel his body go stiff, freezing up in surprise but shockingly he doesn’t seem to protest by it.

You lean into him slightly as you tease. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on murdering my favorite roommate just yet.”

Now it’s his turn to laugh as you both walk down the path together, taking a slow pace.

“Okay one: I’ve been your only roommate… two: ‘just yet’?... I may as well take your guilty ass down to the police station myself.”

You shrug casually, ignoring his last threat. “One: Not many people have had the ability to earn the title of favorite roommate, so be grateful you jackass… and two: sure, I’ll give you credit for being the first but what about when I move out?”

Levi frowns almost immediately, a horrible taste in his mouth at the slight proposal of your last point. Levi feels his stomach suddenly drop and he tries to keep a light hearted tone in his voice as he questions you further. “What’d you mean when you move out?”

“After I murder you, I’ll need to find a new roommate of course, I can’t pay rent by myself.”

Levi rolls his eyes again but this time his shoulders seem to drop with a sort of internal relief. Levi hopes you won’t bring that up again, not even as a joke. He’s not looking forward to that conversation. Not for a long time anyways.

“So you’ll go off and find a new victim?”

“Something like that, although I don’t think anyone else will be as annoying as you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Levi scoffs in reply.“And where exactly are you planning to hide my body?”

“Not sure.” You murmur softly. “Wanna help me with ideas?”

“Fuck no.”

You pull a frown. “I want to find a comfortable spot for you.”

“Comfortable? I’m dead.”

“Whatever, I still want to keep your soul in peace y’know?”

“You are absolutely fucking ridiculous.” Levi mutters. “I should’ve recorded this so that I can prove to the whole world how fucking crazy you are.”

“They would never believe you.” You taunt. “Plus it was you who made the suggestion in the first place, doofus.”

“Are you sure about that?” Levi asks, tilting his head to look over at you. You notice his dark locks falling gently beneath his brow.

“Positive.”

Letting out a giggle and him a withdrawn scoff you continue to stroll down the path, arms still linked with his.

The local park was pretty quiet, give or take for a few lonesome people. You put this to the responsibility of the gloom of rain clouds approaching your overhead. You and Levi both randomly agreed to go out for a walk to clear your minds from rotting in the apartment all day. But it was suggested to you in particular.

Over the past few days Levi had noticed how you had been cooped up in your room all day, waiting for a text back from… him.

Earlier, Levi had thought for a second that you were alluding to about moving out to go live with Daniel. It was simply a joke. You didn’t even explicitly mention Daniel at all but it didn’t take long for Levi to quickly jump to conclusions.

Although you’d played it off as a lighthearted joke Levi would be lying if he said that he wasn’t worried about it turning to reality one day.

But who is he kidding? You’re only roommates. Friends even. Not…lovers. He has no right to get upset about what you choose to do in the future.

It’d be wrong to think of you as his. Completely wrong. And it’d be wrong to think of the ways you’d touch him. Particularly, late at night when he can’t sleep he’s conjuring up the ways that you would please him. It’s certainly wrong to think of you with his fist wrapped around his cock, imagining that it was yours.

How would you react?

Would you be gentle with him?

How would you sound when he touches you?

How would you sound when he enters you for the first time? When he fills you up? How would he feel when you're clenched around him? And what would the look on your face be when you–

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he shouldn’t be thinking that. Not when you’re right next to him.

“Are you alright?” You ask, noticing Levi’s silence. You felt his body suddenly stiffen.

“Yeah, yeah.” He plays off, trying to fixate his mind on anything, anything at all. Anything but you. In order to succeed in this, he thinks of the worst thing possible. And it seems to do the trick on getting his past thoughts to evaporate.

“Have you heard back from–”

He doesn’t even need to finish the sentence to get you to understand what he’s trying to say. Levi can barely say his name, mentally cursing himself for bringing him up. This walk was supposed to be an attempt to get your mind off him.

Lately, Levi’s noticed how you linger around your phone. Constantly refreshing your screen in the hope of receiving an immediate notification.

You shake your head beside him. Levi notices your facial expression drop at the topic of conversation and a sea of regret floods his entire body.

“No but…” you pause, taking a moment to search for some words. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

“It wouldn’t be reasonable enough.” Levi mutters under his breath, and he succeeds in getting a small smirk from you. The two of you continue to walk at a slow pace down the path, a comfortable silence emerging.

“I know you hate him.”

“What made that obvious?”

You chuckle at the sound of Levi’s sarcastic tone. “From the moment he came into the apartment and forgot to take his shoes off I knew that he would never be able to live up to your expectations ever again.”

Levi huffed, as if the remembrance of that occasion physically pained him.

“But I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now. You probably scared him off with all your glaring.”

“I was not glaring.”

“Oh yeah? And the sky is purple.”

“I didn’t say a word to him.”

“You didn’t have to.” you remarked. “It was obvious by your face that you didn’t like him.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Try and tone it down next time.” you sigh. “I really do want to make it work with him y’know?”

“I know.” Levi says, a random feeling of dejection in his heart and it takes all of him not to add to the end of that sentence ‘but you deserve so much better.’

A crease appears between his brows at your words of a ‘next time.’

Levi hopes there won’t be a next time. Deep down he hopes that there won’t be another time of Daniel coming over invading Levi’s personal space with his shitty jokes and pathetic conversation. He hopes there won’t be a next time of witnessing how Daniel eagerly tries to show off constantly to try and win your heart, blissfully unaware that you deeply dislike it.

He hopes there won’t be a next time when Daniel comes to stay over for the night and Levi is left to hear your muffled moans through the walls. It’s a violent reminder that he’s not getting the privilege of knowing you intimately. He hopes there isn’t a next time where he has to watch Daniel sneak out through the front door, not bothering to wait until you wake with claims of work at his excuse.

Levi truly hopes that there won’t be a time where he watches your innocent heart get played with.

“Ducks.” you say randomly, causing Levi to emerge from his thoughts.

“What?”

You’ve both now reached the lake that stretches wide and far, creating an oval shape in the center of the park. Over to the right there’s a bridge that leads to the other side of the park.

“Ducks.” You repeat, now delving your hands in your pockets to look for your phone. “Lemme take a picture.”

“Swans.” Levi points out impassively.

“And ducks. Same thing.”

“Hardly.”

You ignore his last comment as your thumb clicks the white circle, taking multiple photos of the scenery despite the gray sky and all.

“Take one with me in it.” You turn towards him, holding out your phone to him. For a few seconds he merely stares at your phone in silent protest. You tilt your head in pure persuasion. “Pretty please?”

He rolls his eyes, unable to resist your somewhat adorable charm.

“Whatever.” He mumbles taking your phone as you walk ahead of him ready to pose. Levi sighed before tilting your phone landscape to get a full view of the lake and the swans behind you.

“Smile.” he deadpanned before focusing on taking the photo.

A cheesy grin spread across your face, your hands gesturing towards the swans and ducks. Levi couldn’t help but shake his head at the way you posed bashfully.

“Are you finished?” he mutters, after you start changing poses numerous times. “I think your storage is full.”

Your face drops. “Wait really?” And in a blink of an eye you’re by his side with a concerned look on your face as you glance at your phone screen. “Wait where?”

It then dawns on you that he just wanted you to stop.

“Fuck you.”

“It was for your own reputation. Murderers can’t be seen making goofy poses in the local park.”

“They were not goofy–”

Your argument soon gets interrupted by a stranger approaching and you could tell someone was coming based on the way Levi’s eyes squinted behind you and how his teasing expression began to disappear.

You turned to see an elderly woman, who you assume to be out on possibly on her daily walk.

“Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but admire the two of you and I was wondering if you would like me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend?”

The question makes you double take immediately. Your cheeks grow warm and you stutter for an answer as you and Levi both go silent.

“Oh, no he’s not my–” you begin before you’re interrupted by Levi.

“Sure.”

Levi hands her the phone, your phone, and the two of you both shuffle backwards,

At first you’re unsure of how to pose but quickly relax and wrap an arm around Levi’s waist. Once again, you can feel how his body stiffens yet he ends up positioning his arms around your shoulders.

“Thank you!” you say, taking back the phone after she had taken a few pictures.

“The two of you remind me of my late husband and I. We met when we were quite young and we’d come to this park almost every day together.” As she comes to a pause, she bows her head making your heart ache for her as she remembers her gone soulmate.

“Keep each other close and don’t take each other for granted.” The older woman murmurs her advice. “You two are a beautiful couple. Please cherish every moment you spend together and don’t regret it.”

“Oh uh– thank you.” You nod, the idea of breaking the truth now a thought that you had pushed away.

You nudged Levi discreetly, who was listening silently with a blank expression, to say his gratitude. You wave at the woman who shuffles away, heading over to the bridge.

For a moment, there was a silence between you and Levi. Neither of you are sure how to carry on from that experience.

You take the opportunity to go first. “Why would you say that?”

Levi shrugs, “It’d be more embarrassing for us if we had to explain ourselves. It’s not like it’s the first time people have assumed, so I just thought to let it–be.”

You nod slowly, coming to realize that he’s right.

It was an honest and harmless mistake and that lady was not the first to think that you and Levi were more than just roommates or friends. It has gotten pretty exhaustive and repetitive to state your friendship so now, you don’t really care about the assumptions that people make about the two of you and by the looks of it…neither does he.

A small smile reaches your lips before carrying on with your stoll and in silence the two of you admire the lake which stretches to the other half of the park. On approaching the bridge, dark clouds of rain seem to be heading your way and this is the moment where you internally curse yourself for not bringing an umbrella.

“Maybe…we should start heading back to the car.” You suggest, anxious of the heavy shade of gray that looms over you.

“I second that.” Levi murmurs, beside you. “Let’s head back.”

Making a U-turn, the two of you decide to leave the opportunity to explore the other side of the park for another day as your weather app informs of heavy rain to begin in the next ten minutes which will continue for the rest of the afternoon.

You’re a little deflated, disappointed that your day had to come to a short end. Making your way back to the car, you and Levi briskly walk in an attempt to make it back to the apartment with your bodies as dry as possible but once you felt a large raindrop fall onto your skin, you knew that the raingods had come to curse you.

“Fuck’s sake.” you mutter underneath your breath, eyes watching the once dry pavement beneath your feet soon become patterned with raindrops. In a rush, Levi grabs your hand fiercely, taking you by surprise as he continues his pace despite the rain beginning to unleash its worst.

For a second he was optimistic. Thinking that perhaps this would be a slow start before the real downpour was set but his thinking has failed him as the light raindrops turn heavy and every inch of his body seems to become an antonym to the word dry.

You pull at his hand which causes him to abruptly halt for a moment to turn and look at you.

And by god were you a sight for sore eyes.

Your face is dripping with rain, clothes dark with precipitation and your waterproof mascara suddenly not living up to its name. It’s more than obvious that you needed to get somewhere dry. You both are in need of it.

Levi looks around, scanning for a place where the two of you can find shelter, the number of people in the park now becoming scarce. Unfortunately, there’s no buildings nearby but Levi spots a large oak tree whose branches seem to provide a decent enough roof for the two of you.

His hand, albeit wet, is still tightly wrapped around yours, guiding you to the tree as you try to blink away the on coming raindrops from your eyes. It doesn’t take long for the two of you to reach your safe haven whilst the rain is still smacking against the concrete.

Contrastingly, the ground is soft underneath your feet and you can feel yourself slightly sink a little into the ground with each step. Levi, of course, makes his complaints known by cursing as loudly as he can over the rushing sound of rainfall.

“Shit, I didn’t know this would be muddy. Maybe we should go somewhere else?” His eyes were already searching for a new location, a location with shelter and of appropriate ground.

You shake your head, raindrops falling from your head. “It’s fine, I don’t want to go back out there again.”

Although the leaves of the oak tree aren’t completely dense, you’re still glad that the amount of raindrops that are now falling on you has now slowed to a much relaxed pace.

You sniffle a little, wiping off the raindrops from your face, trying as much as you can to dry yourself up but you don’t seem to get much luck from your otherwise soaked sleeves.

“You alright?” Levi asks. And now you can hear his voice a little better as the volume of the rain has quietened down.

You nod wordlessly, straining your clothes from any damp, watching as water is squeezed out of your materials. You curse aloud, only now realizing the extent of being in the rain without the umbrella. You’ll just have to manifest to the universe tonight that you won’t catch a cold but you can’t completely disregard that consequence.

“Take this.” Levi mutters before taking off his black jacket. “I mean it’s pretty soaked, but you should stay warm. You don’t want to be catching a cold.”

You smirk a little at his offer. “I’m pretty sure it’s set in stone by now, don’t worry. You should keep it on, you might catch a cold.”

“Says the one whose immune system is weaker than an egg shell.”

You roll your eyes. “Alright jerk, just ‘cause you only get sick approximately every 5 years.”

You expected a laugh from him, maybe even an insult but instead you watch the frown on his face grow deeper, him still gesturing for you to take his jacket. “You’re shivering. Take it.” His tone is a little more forceful and before you could even respond, you found comforting material wrapped around your shoulders.

It's only now that you're aware of the sudden close proximity between the two of you. His features are somehow more prominent in the rain. The front locks of his jet black hair have raindrops dripping down onto his face, dripping from his nose and sliding down his cheeks to meet his sharp jawline.

Somehow the rain just makes him look even more…attractive.

“Levi, I’m fine I swear.” You grumble, trying to distract your mind as the warmth from his body transitions to yours. Your retaliations are continuously ignored, leaving you no choice but to accept the gesture gratefully.

“Thanks.”

Levi’s eyes meet yours. “No problem.”You blink and you’re suddenly lost in them.

The gray of his iris mixed with a hint of light blue, which is apparent if you squint and you can’t help but worship their beauty.Your eyes move to glance at his lips. Pink and plump, with water dripping from his cupid’s bow. You’re not really sure why your eyes suddenly fixate on those, but your heart does seem to race faster and all of a sudden you’re now wondering how soft he would feel against your own lips, your own skin.

Looking back at him, he’s still fixated on you and the two of you are stuck like a photo in time. The only thing that reinforces the notion that you’re not living in a freeze frame is the rush of downpour that streams behind you.

Swallowing thickly, you just wonder…whether…maybe…if you just leaned in to –

You clear your throat suddenly, stepping back and sniffing. You turn away to wipe the tip of your nose.

No. Absolutely not. Get that thought out of your head.

“Sick already?” Levi presumes and there’s a hint of playfulness in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah.” You brush off. “Do you think it’ll ever calm down?”

The rush of downpour continues to aggravate the stone pavement, water dripping off the leaves above.

“Should do.”

“Or should we just run for it?”

“You’ll get sick.”

“Which is inevitable either way I’m sure.” you shrug.

Levi raises a brow. “You sure?”

“Undoubtedly sure.”

“You’ll regret it.”

Rolling your eyes, you begin to step forward where the downpour of rain doesn’t hesitate in drenching you again. “Are you coming or not, Ackerman?”

Rolling his eyes, he follows you, making a mental reminder in his mind to get his favorite stash of tea out when you both get home. Immediately.

And boy, did you regret it.

There’s nothing more you hate in life than being constrained to your bed, with endless tissues that come with an endless amount of sneezes and snot. Not to mention the sore throat or the banging headache that returns every hour even after taking medicine.

But what you hated the most was having to deal with a smugass roommate whom you had to rely on for basic needs. After multiple ‘I told you so’s’ and his own endless amount of complaints and criticism for you, you decided to fulfill his ego and express your regret for your decision.

It was bad enough that you were sick but now you had Levi taking care of you. You were currently under the pretense that he absolutely hated every single moment which, unbeknownst to you, was terribly false.

Entering your room with your third cup of tea this morning, he caught you in the midst of a sneezing fit whilst placing the steaming hot china cup down on your bedside table. And of course he loudly grimaced as he did so.

“Shut up.” you groan, your voice croaky from your illness.

“I–”

“I told you so, yeah, yeah are you finished?”

Levi frowned. “I was going to say that I could get you another pack of tissues if you wanted them?”

“Oh.” you say dumbly. “Right. That would be great thanks.”

Levi quickly disappeared from your room and arrived by the next minute, a new pack of tissues in his hands.

“Sorry.” You mumble, accepting the package.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s really not.” you sigh. “I’ve got you running around the house like a madman all because I’m sick.”

“Again.”

“Again.” you repeat, a small smile appearing across your lips.

“Thank you.” you say, after a long pause of silence.

“For what?”

You roll your eyes, honestly sometimes you really want to smack Levi against the wall. He can be so dense, which is surprising for someone who has achieved the highest grade possible at university.

“For this.” you gesture around. “For helping me out.”

He shrugged. “Nothing I haven’t done before.”

You hummed, “I’m getting pretty used to having you as my slave, maybe I won’t kill you at all.”

Levi clicked his tongue. “Don’t get too comfortable, princess.”

Whether it was the pet name or your fever spiking up again– though you wish to believe the latter– your cheeks suddenly burned and you looked away in hidden embarrassment. You cleared your throat before speaking again.

“I really do mean it though, thank you.”

Levi sat on the edge of your bed. “It’s the bare minimum I can do as your roommate.”

There it goes again. Your constant reminder.

You’re roommates, nothing more, nothing less. At the end of the day, you’re around each other merely because of a single contract.

You’re roommates, this is normal, the bare minimum.

This is what friends do. Not lovers.

Yet… you can’t stop yourself from thinking about if you were. Shaking your head you attempt to pull that thought out of your head. No, no, no, you’re with Daniel. Thinking about Levi? That would be wrong.

But could it be so wrong that he’s the only thing that you can think about late at night?

When you touch yourself underneath the sheets, it’s Levi’s name that you moan softly to yourself, fantasizing over the ways he would touch you. It’s embarrassing to admit but… Daniel’s never managed to please you properly. The only way that you can reach your full release is by imagining if it was Levi.

But it was wrong. So wrong. Yet, you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering.

How would he touch you? What would he feel like? Would he be soft and gentle with you or the complete opposite? What would he sound like when he–

You inhale sharply which catches Levi’s attention.

“You okay?” He asks.

You nod. “Just really cold.” You play off, trying to get rid of that dirty thought about your roommate.

You couldn’t. You were loyal to Daniel, even if he seems to take weeks to respond.

You couldn’t ever because you’re pretty sure Levi doesn’t even feel the same way.

If he did then you would’ve known by now. There would’ve been a hint.

You think back to Valentine’s day. Perhaps if you didn’t have a date with Daniel would he have asked you out?

No. Don’t be stupid. You are roommates.

The number one rule of being roommates is universal: Don’t fall in love with each other.

Snapping you back to reality, Levi picks up the cup of tea on your bedside table.

You cough a little. “Levi, I’m fine, really. You don’t need to babysit me.”

“You can’t murder me if you’re sick right?”

You laugh, which soon falls to a series of heavy coughs. With his free hand, Levi rubs reassuring circles on your back, once you’re alright he holds out the teacup for you to sip. You do so obediently, the hot liquid satisfying your body. You let out a deep exhale, reclining back into your bed.

“So when I get better you’ll watch out?”

He nods, smirking a little. “I’ll always watch out for you. Always.”

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romantichomicide95 · 11 months

Text

Levi x Reader

can’t touch.

summary: drabble based of my lovely friend Sky ( @chaotic-on-main) post.

warnings: nsfw. MDNI. 18+. Lots of teasing, but still Dom!levi in the end cause I prefer it. Fingering. Penetration.

you don’t have to read sky(i know how you feel about smut) i just was inspired!

“God you’re such a brat.” Levi moans in your ear as you push his hands to the side. You had a good day today, it was a lowkey day of prep for an expedition next week. No fighting, no death…just peace. For once. This put you in a good mood, so you headed to your boyfriends bedroom for a little fun.

Unfortunately for him, that fun included you being the brat he so often said you were. So here you were grinding on his lap,wearing nothing but a short little dress forcing his hands away from touching any part of you. He was desperate, you’d never seen this look in his eyes. This utter desperation.

“You think you’re funny, getting me all worked up. Touching me like you were in that meeting?” he tries again to place his hands on your hips, your breasts, anywhere he could touch you; but you push him away again. You won’t let him have the satisfaction.

“Levi, baby you seem tense.” you whisper as you lean back removing yourself from his lap. His eyes follow you as you slip your panties down your legs, throwing them in his direction. You lay yourself on his bed dress hiked up just enough for him to see the outline of your ass, your wet pussy that he so desperately wanted to taste, to touch, to feel around his throbbing cock.

“Y/N fuck, please stop fucking with me.” Levi attempts to join you on the bed, but you push him to the end with your foot, making sure to open your legs so he gets a full view. He’s whimpering at this point, his voice breathy sounding more desperate as the seconds pass. His cock is twitching in his pants. He’s never felt so desperate for anything, all he wants is to shove his cock inside you and punish you for being the little brat you are.

“Why would I do that? When this is so much fun.” You crawl to him, unfastening his belt, pulling his pants off of him until he’s lying there in a t-shirt and boxers. The look in his eyes is a mixture of hunger and torment. He tries again to touch you as you your lips meet his but you pin his arms behind him. As much torment as he’s in, he could easily overpower you. He’s done it so many times before in bed, but he doesn’t. He’s enjoying this, deep down.

You rub his cock over the fabric as your kisses grow deeper. Slowly, carefully not giving him the intensity you know he wants. “I’m so wet for you Levi, do you wanna feel?” You whisper seductively in his ear. “Fuck, yes. Please.” He begs, kissing you hungrily, teeth slightly gnawing at your lower lip. You take his hand and brush it slightly over your clit, letting out a small moan but still not letting him fully touch you. “Do you feel how wet I am for you captain?”

“Mhmmm.” He breathlessly moans into your lips. “ Y/N stop fucking teasing me, holy shit.” You giggle, seeing Levi like this was rare. It was usually him doing all the teasing, you loved how dominant he was with you. How much control he took, he hated that the tables were turned.

“Alright captain. Take me than.” You say as you let go of his hand, you pull off your dress so you’re completely naked, letting him touch you the way he wants to. He massages your clit as he shoves two fingers inside you, hard and fast. He relishes the warmth of your cunt, pushing his fingers deep, causing little moans to escape your lips. He pushes you down on the bed so he’s hovering over you, his weight on top of you, kissing down your neck until he reaches your breast taking one his mouth, biting at your nipple. You yelp in pain.

“Wanna tease me all fucking day? You’re gunna pay for that. You’re gunna be a good girl now huh?” He says before entering you. Lifting both your legs above your head so he can fuck you deep. “Finally gunna let me fuck you like the little brat you are?” He takes no time hurrying his thrusts, one hand around your neck squeezing slightly. His cock fills you up so nicely, the way it penetrates your walls has you a moaning mess beneath him. “God, your fucking tight.” His thrusts are hard and fast, one hand still squeezing your throat the other placed roughly against the headboard.

“Fuck…you f-feel so good Levi. D-don’t stop.” Your hands grip the sheets beneath you. Your hips bucking up into his. Your hands are against his back, digging into his flesh at the pain mixed with euphoria you’re feeling. He grabs your cheeks making you look him in the eye. “You’re gunna cum with me like a good little girl, not yet.” He demands, letting you go as your head falls back against the headboard, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Get on all fours.” He demands, and you oblige. He enters you from behind, grabbing your hips and forcing your ass closer and closer to him with each thrust inside you. You can feel yourself getting closer, you don’t know if you can hold out.

“P-please baby, I can’t hold out much longer.” You whine as your orgasm approaches. “Not yet.” His thrusts become almost erratic, he can’t hold out much longer either. He grabs your hair, jolting your head back to look at him. “Now.” He demands.

“F-fuck.” You moan, breathlessly yelling his name over and over. Your legs begin to shake, making it almost impossible to keep your position as you cum around his cock. He flips you over, shoving his cock in your mouth. You start greedily sucking as he finishes within seconds inside, forcing himself down your throat until you’ve swallowed every last drop of his cum.

He collapses onto the bed next to you. Breathless, his raven hair stuck to his forehead in sweat. You both lie still for a few seconds, catching your breathe. Your head still reeling, before he leans over places a kiss to your lips and gets up. Your head still spinning you watch as he gathers your clothes, tossing yours to you.

“Clean up and let’s go eat dinner. Afterwards I’ll show you again what you get for being such a tease.”

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abz8 · 1 day

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I can’t get my mind off of Captain Levi who has photogenic memory and immaculate observational drawing skills. He can paint, draw, or sketch anything but refuses to tell anyone but you.

——————————————————————————

There just had to be one full mooned night that he called you to his building at 9:43 pm to discuss… “new protocol”. Confused, you left out from your quarters to meet his request and couldn’t help but be a little excited from the oddity of it.

You knock.

Levi: “Come in.” Voice just as stern as daylight hours.

You just knew something from your wildest dreams was going to happen. You just knew.

Soon enough, you’re on his desk…legs spread wide as he’s sitting in between you, focus switching between your flower… and his sketchbook. He looks you in your eyes from time to time as the hour of his pencil scratches fill the silence in the air.

Y/N: “Can I see it now? You’re driving me crazy captain”, you gasp as his face gets slightly closer to where you want it.

Levi: “Does patience ever find its way to you? I’m almost done…and keep your voice down”, he whispers against you.

——————————————————————————

Every single curve, line, and fold of your pvssy matched perfectly with what he displayed on that paper. Identical. Unbeknownst to you, he decided to add color to it after a week of you being away, which he delivered to you the night of your return.

Quickly, the tan envelope slid underneath your door as you prepared for bed.

You could not fathom how he remembered your vivid colors from your nether regions as you stared at your pvssy portrait in awe.

He even had the nerve to sign it.

#captain levi #aot lemon #aot x reader #aot imagines #levi aot #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackermann #levi x oc #levi x y/n #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #snk levi #aot #aot fanart #aot fanfiction #anime x reader #anime #animecore

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levisolace · 10 months

Text

[1] Expendable Hearts (Levi x F!Reader)

Chapter 1: Windex and Baking Soda

WC: 7,182 Chapter Warnings: slight angst Summary: Everyone in Levi's life knows he only ever dated one girl and that she left him wrecked, bitter, and heartbroken. Many years later, she's back in his life and he doesn't know what to do. story masterlist > next chapter

“It’s always my pleasure, Mr. Brown.”

The corporate smile on your face drops as soon as you hit the end button in the video call application on your laptop. It was the first meeting of the day with a client and you were already exhausted, wanting nothing but to go home and curl up in bed, heavily surrounded by your pillows and weighted blanket for hours. But you know that’s a dream that would remain a fantasy for a while. Why? Because it’s a Monday. It’s only the start of the week and judging from the pile of paperwork delivered to your desk this morning, you would have to work overtime again for the third week in a row.

Being recently hired by one of the top leading firms in the country is a blessing you will be thankful for every day but as the week goes by and you’re on your fifth pile of paperwork, more than ten meetings in one week, you can’t help but think what would it be like to work for a small, quiet firm. You shrug those thoughts away as soon as they come. You’re grateful for the more-than-average salary the firm provides, at least.

The day went on as it always does: hours of you trying to ignore your back pain. It was becoming unbearable and you can’t even use the ointments your grandmother used to insist you use because it would no doubt infest the building with its smell—your reputation and first impression from your coworkers is at stake.

As you’re typing back an email from your superior, Atty. Dot Pixis, you halt when you feel the buzzing on your table. You pick it up mindlessly, checking to see the notification. A smile spreads on your face to see that it’s your previous boss, Vanessa.

hey. how’s working with the big leagues?? pixis is not tiring you out too much is he?? i can give him a word if you want.

pixis is treating me really well, nes. thank u for checking up on me! i miss everyone there at the firm and little ian :((

Vanessa, besides being your former boss back in Olsen & Associates, is also your friend and self-proclaimed older sister. She's a well-known attorney, and Olsen is a legend back in law school because she’s an alumnus who’s actually cool and doesn’t have their head up their asses. However, after deciding to settle down and start a family, she opened up a small firm in her hometown.

i might just have to visit bc i miss my little sis :(( should’ve never let u leave

technically, it’s your fault i left

i know :( don't remind me

Two months ago, Vanessa told you that ODM is hiring and Pixis contacted her to see if she knows anyone to take the job. Your jaw dropped to the ground when she told you she recommended you and you can send in your resume if you’re interested. It was an offer no one could pass up so before you knew it, you were being hauled into a hours-long bus ride and then anxiously seated for an interview in the city you used to live in. And after about a week of being a nervous wreck waiting for their response, you were contacted that you’ve been selected for the position.

Now here you are, finally settled in your office. You still can’t believe you have your own space in this huge building. You would’ve never thought you’d be working here in the firm you only used to stare at in awe while passing by years ago.

Although, you have to admit that you miss the warm feeling of the small firm where you all know each other, exchange heartfelt greetings, and gossip when there are not too many clients. Now, you pass by a new face every now and then, most not even bothering to greet you or spare you a look. You can’t blame them. The work here is drastic.

By the time you left the office, it’s already dark and way past office hours. As you were driving home, you remembered you still needed a few supplies in your apartment. You haven’t exactly settled yourself in, prioritizing work more. God, you even still had a few boxes to unpack.

You stopped by a 24-hour supermarket that you spotted on your way to work this morning when you had to reroute because of the traffic. It was a little out of the way but it would do. It was still two hours before midnight, anyway.

As you drag your feet through the aisles and drop whatever you felt like you needed in the cart, unwanted memories come creeping in. The air in Paradis City is still the same. Even if a few buildings might have changed or some stores you used to frequent have closed down, it was still the same Paradis you knew—a buzzing city filled with dreams. The streets are never empty, famously congested by students from top universities or office workers.

When you got the offer for the job, you weighed out the pros and cons. There were only two cons you were able to determine:

You don’t want to leave Olsen & Associates and Vanessa’s hometown, Trost, and

You’d be going back to your hometown, the one you promised not to go back to.

The pros outweigh the cons, obviously. That weight being the thick fat salary you would be getting. Besides, Paradis is huge and has like three million residents. It’s not like you’d cross paths with him. And it’s been years. He probably forgot all about you anyway. You barely think about him. It was just a silly puppy-love relationship. No biggie.

Keep telling yourself that.

Shut up.

“That one’s better.”

A voice directed to you made you snap out of your thoughts. It made you painfully aware of how you had been staring at the two options of green tea in your hand for probably more than the normal minutes it takes one to decide. The tall brunette had on a face mask covering half his face, his hair parted in the middle, and he wore a simple light blue button-down and black slacks. He was about two feet away from you when he pointed at the tea canister in your right hand.

“Oh. Thanks,” you replied sheepishly. Desperate to run away from the embarrassment of zoning out in the middle of a public space, you take his advice and put down the canister on your left hand back to the shelf.

“You’re welcome. I see my friend drinking it all the time so it has to be good,” he nods and you see his cheeks prop up, probably sporting a smile beneath the mask. You smiled back and thanked him again.

“Can you grab that one for me?” He points at a sweet one, a flavor in contrast with the green tea you chose. It was on the shelf being blocked by your cart beside you. You quickly mutter an apology and reach for a can.

“My fiancée prefers her tea fruity,” he explains even if you didn’t ask, his ears tinted a bit red from his own statement. You immediately find it endearing. He seems very fond of his partner as he continues to babble about her. “Well actually, she prefers coffee with an unhealthy amount of espresso shots but I eventually persuaded her to drink tea once in a while.”

“Moby! I know we usually don’t get this brand but guess what? This has a free pink sponge!”

You freeze at the sound of that awfully loud and familiar cheerful voice heading towards you at a fast pace. You couldn’t turn your head. Your fingers unconsciously grip the can you’re holding harshly with wide eyes. Silently, you were wishing that the person just had the same voice as the crazed tall woman with glasses you used to know or the man beside you isn’t named ‘Moby.’ The former would hardly be the case because from the sound of the voice, the personality of being uncaring of the silent atmosphere of the supermarket, and the way she ran excitedly from your peripheral vision, you were sure that this person was your old friend Hange. For the latter, your last hope dies down as you see the stranger turn his head at the sound of his name and reply with a sigh.

“What the hell are you gonna do with a sponge, babe? We have lots of sponges.”

“Okay but imagine! We swap out Levi’s sponge with a pink one.”

“I don’t think Levi cares about the color as long as it cleans.”

The fight or flight response in you went crazy at the mention of the name you haven’t heard in years, heavily leaning on the former. You could just hand this guy named Moby’s tea and make a run for it. You doubt Hange would care while being heavily invested in her free pink sponge.

But why would you run? You only run when you’re scared or did something wrong. Which is it? It can't be the latter, right?

I did.

Oh? So you did. You’re scared, huh? That she’d get angry at you for what you did back then.

I am.

Run then. That’s all you know to do anyway.

Shut up. Leave me alone.

“Miss? Are you okay?”

For the second time in front of the same stranger, you were snapped out of your trance and find yourself gripping the can so hard that you think you’ve made a light dent on the can. Damn, you should really get a decent amount of sleep. You’ve been losing it a lot lately.

You shake your head and slap your cheek lightly with your free hand. “Sorry. Lack of sleep. I’m fine. Here.”

You turn to him and hand him the can, hoping he wouldn’t mind the barely noticeable dent you made. Purposely, you don’t stray your eyes away from the man. You don’t want to be the first person to acknowledge Hange. Maybe she doesn’t even remember you. Maybe she doesn’t even want to acknowledge you.

“Greenie?”

It was more of a mutter. But with how loud Hanji’s voice is, you and Moby clearly heard it.

That’s when you look at her and actually see her. She looks the same as you saw her last. Her brown hair was tied up in a ponytail and her brown eyes were covered by thick-rimmed glasses. Nothing much has changed from her appearance except for the disappearance of the youthful look now replaced by maturity. Her gaze is fixed on you, slack-jawed. Her reaction doesn’t surprise or faze you, having expected that much. It’s what would follow that you’re nervous about. What would she say? Will she get angry at you? Or will she even remember who you are? Somehow, you dread that last possible outcome worst.

“H-Hange,” you breathily let out. You wonder if it’s audible.

Her fiancé also looks shocked, staring at you and then back to Hanji with widened eyes. “This is Greenie? The Greenie?” He points at you while asking Hange who was still frozen. His tone and reference to you immediately tell you that you have been discussed with people you never met, no doubt now knowing your past with them.

Greenie. You haven’t heard that nickname in a while.

It was silent for a few seconds, eyes not straying from each other. You probably look apologetic—scared, even. The man beside her is waiting too. You think he’s having a mini breakdown in disbelief.

When you see her start to lunge at you, you shut your eyes, expecting her palm to collide with your cheek. You expect her to slap you and scream at you in the middle of the cold supermarket. You expect her to ask you where you got the nerve to come back to the city after all you’ve done.

Instead, what she did broke down all your expectations.

Long and slender arms wrap around your figure, pulling you tightly to her chest. Your face is squished against the fabric of her fluffy parka jacket. Even if you suddenly have trouble breathing with how tight her hug is, you were thankful that it covered your face and how you were biting your lower lip, trying to suppress the relief that comes with tears.

“Where the hell have you been?!”

You couldn’t even answer. Or move at all. Not that you even know what to say.

“Hange. You’re killing her.” You hear her partner say. Hange instantly loosens her grip on you, muttering an apology with a slight chuckle. When she looks down at you, you give her a gentle smile.

“I missed you too, Hange.” And you meant it.

The tall woman was still not letting you go, arms wrapped just below your shoulders because of the height difference. Even if you were caged in her arms, you can still tilt your head up to look at her. Suddenly, tears started streaming down her face as she tilts her head down to you, her mouth quivering. Then it turns into full-on sobbing. You chuckle as she starts swaying you with her, going side to side like a pendulum as she sobs while wailing your name repeatedly.

There was no stopping Hange when she gets like this. So you let it happen. You let her hug you like she did many times before. You relish the moment, wanting to pass out and let loose in her hold. Maybe you’re dreaming and you’ll wake up in your bed, filled with disappointment and yearning for some warmth.

When she was satisfied, she let you go and introduced you to Moblit, her fiancé and coworker. They walked with you as you continued to shop, telling you stories about her and Moblit. Thankfully for your sake, she didn’t ask you much about yourself or what happened when you were away. She just asked how you were doing right now and what you were doing in the city. Although you were scared that the news would get to him, you told her the truth that you recently got hired at the law firm.

“So you moved back then? Like permanently?” Her brows raised in excitement.

“Well, I have a temporary contract for six months before I’m permanently employed there so hopefully,” you shrug while heading to checkout. As expected, Hange doesn’t care that you practically explained that it’s technically a ‘not yet,’ she shrieks and jumps up and down anyway.

“Oh my god, this is perfect! Greenie, one of my bridesmaids had to back out but we already had the dress paid and it’s a no-refund. Can you step in for her and attend our wedding? Would you? Please? Please?” Hange begs you, hands clasped together as she stares at you with puppy eyes and a pout.

You stop in your tracks and feel your heart sink to the ground. She wants you to attend her wedding knowing that many, if not everyone, you used to know will be there. And if his name was so casually mentioned earlier, that meant that they were still very much best friends and he would definitely be there.

And a few minutes ago you were convincing yourself that you wouldn’t accidentally run into him in this city. Now, you have to actually see him and be in the same room for a few hours?

You start with a chuckle. “Oh. I wouldn’t mean to impose—”

You were abruptly overpowered by her loud negation. “No, you wouldn’t! Everyone would be ecstatic to see you! I swear.”

“But—“

Hange sighs dramatically, shoulders slumping with a pout on her face. “I guess it’d be too much, wouldn’t it? You’re probably busy, right? Right. Sorry, I just got excited.” She turns to her boyfriend. “Moby, can you pay for our stuff and Greenie’s too?”

“What?”

Your eyes widened but before you could protest or take a strong hold on your cart, Moblit was already dragging it away and sending a flying kiss to Hange who giggled like a schoolgirl to catch it with her fist. You turn to her in disbelief as he turns his back. She catches your face, knowing what you’re about to say.

“It’s fine. That won’t make a dent in his bank account.”

Just like that, you were painfully reminded how no one could get a word in with Hange.

“Un-fucking-believeable.”

Niccolo, the training chef, flinched from behind him when the silver-eyed man let out an unprovoked profanity as he entered the restaurant. Connie, his loyal secretary, doesn’t even bat an eye at the unprofessional behavior of his boss, only following behind him with a straight face.

“Shithead. Call Nile later. Tell him I want a new team on this…” his words halt in disgust as he sees the unfinished, poorly done walls of what was to be a new branch of Kuchel’s. “or I’ll fire his stupid construction company out of every damn project. Verbatim.”

“Will do, sir.” Connie nods, mentally sighing. Not only is he used to hearing the profanities, but he’s also used to being ordered to say it too.

Levi nods at his secretary’s response, eager to leave the abomination that was supposed to be at 80% progress at this date. As he turns, he’s faced with Connie and a blonde man he doesn’t know.

“Who’s this?”

The blonde man practically shivered at his haze, the corner of his lips twitching at the sides. It was a sad attempt at a smile. Mentally, Connie sighed at his boss’ unfocused mind when there was something that greatly irritates him. The trainee chef was just literally in the car with them and Levi told Connie to bring the chef with them on the way to check the new location.

“This is Niccolo, sir. He was in the car with us. He’s the one highly considered by the HR,” Connie expertly answered.

“So you’re on the last stage,” Levi addresses Niccolo. The nervous man gulps but answers. “Yes, sir.”

Connie watches the exchange, feeling a bit of pity for the tall man cowering at the gaze of such a short guy with a temper taller than a skyscraper. He was exactly like this when Levi interviewed him for the position.

“Sorry, I had to make a detour because some shitheads can’t do their job right. Let’s go.”

And so Niccolo and Connie followed the grumpy man back to the vehicle they just got not even three minutes ago.

Not that he knew what to expect or had guesses but Niccolo was utterly surprised that he was brought to the first Kuchel’s restaurant. The legendary one that went viral.

When he passed by the reception area, his eyes widened when he saw the reservation list filled with no spots left. It was practically booked for the month from what he saw.

The kitchen smelled amazing, each one of the cooks was busy and they actually looked happy while working. They worked with so much coordination and laughter like he had never seen before.

He thought that he’d train or cook with them today, seeing as they’re Kuchel’s main branch’s team. He was excited too. But again, Levi surprises him when he pushes another door open from the kitchen, revealing a staircase. The man says nothing but climbs upstairs.

Confused but too scared to ask, Niccolo only stares at Connie but who beckons him to follow him up the stairs. When he sees Levi take a glance behind him, his feet move on its own, following the cold short man’s steps.

He sees a living room first. It’s a simple home but maintained well enough to look pristine. He kept on following Levi as he eventually led him to a kitchen. Levi turned to him and he’d be lying if he said that his heart didn’t jump at his sudden order.

“Do whatever you like. You have an hour.”

And then he leaves the kitchen, leaving Niccolo confused as he looks around at the domestic kitchen. He sees Connie, Levi’s assistant aggressively mouthing the words ‘cook anything’ as he follows Levi back to the living room.

“Good job. I think he liked it.”

Connie whispers to Niccolo before he leaves. Normally, he isn’t allowed to tell the training chefs what Levi thinks. But he’s feeling a little silly and Niccolo is his friend and his best friend, Sasha’s, boyfriend.

Just like all the other training chefs, Levi brought Niccolo to his old home to cook something for him. Levi is hella picky with them but Connie could see that he actually liked his friend’s food. There was no pursing of lips, which was the worst of them all. Connie had to scramble and get the trainee out before he burst the room into a myriad of colorful words no one wants to hear.

When they got back to the office, Hange was already there and most probably uninvited.

“What the fuck are you doing here, four eyes?”

Levi’s eyes were seething with annoyance as he sees his friend sitting at his desk on his chair, spinning around like an idiot. It was hard to believe that this woman is a professor at one of the most prestigious universities in the country.

“Shorty! You’re here!” She exclaimed, slamming her hands down on the fine wood of Levi’s desk to stop the chair from spinning.

“Get the fuck up before I strangle you to death, Hange.”

Hange chuckles but stands up anyway, skipping before plopping herself on the couch in Levi’s office. “Can you relax? I was just here to remind you that I’m getting married.”

Levi groans and rolls his eyes. “Who would fucking forget, Hange? You text a fucking countdown at seven in the morning in the group chat tagged to everyone. The mute option has been fucking useless since you learned how to do it.”

Levi sits down on his chair and switches on his computer to return to work despite his friend’s unsolicited visit to his office.

“Oh! I wanted to ask you something too! Do you have a date for the wedding? So I can take note of a plus one, maybe?”

He gives a blank stare to his friend for a second before turning back to his screen. “You know you can ask me that through a phone call, right?” He began typing away on his laptop, answering a few emails Connie forwarded to him.

“Well, you blocked my number so I thought that you’d rather see me in person.” Hange shrugs with a grin.

Levi pauses, remembering that he did block Hange’s number that one night she insisted for he come over and watch a horror movie with Erwin and Moblit. He was working and couldn’t turn his phone on do not disturb mode so he had to specifically block Hange’s calls. He then proceeds to forget to unblock her until now.

“So, no date?” Hange presses further.

Levi grunts, annoyed at the stupid question. “Who the fuck am I gonna bring? It’s not like I’m gonna bring a random girl to your wedding, Hange.”

“You totally could. They’re called escorts,” Hange suggests like a know-it-all.

“I don’t want a random stranger in your wedding pictures, four eyes.”

“I would rather have that than see you so depressing in my pictures with your bitch face. Oh! Want me to set you up on a blind date?” Hange’s voice rises again, something that happens when she gets excited over an idea.

“Fuck no,” Levi spat.

“Your last serious relationship was decades ago, Levi. Give it a try again.”

If looks could kill, funeral flowers would be thrown at Hange’s casket instead of wedding flowers. His fingers hover over the keyboard, hanging frozen at her words. At the mere implication of you, his blood boils and his chest tightens.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well–”

“Are you saying I’m not over her again, Hange?”

Before she could answer, the door swung open, revealing a tall blonde man with thick eyebrows who was grinning cheek to cheek. Great. Erwin’s here. Maybe they could send a few more uninvited people, order greasy pizza, and have a party in his office.

“Over who?” Erwin asks, ever the gossip man. Levi grunts and rests his forehead in his palms as Hange greets Erwin enthusiastically before answering.

“You know who.”

Erwin narrows his eyes at Levi before sitting down on the other edge of the couch. Hange tells him about getting a blind date. “You could try, Hange. I’ve set him up with surprise blind dates before and you know how that went.”

“Can you two fucking shut up and leave? I’m trying to work here,” Levi spat in annoyance. The pair ignores his grumbling, carrying on their conversation like he wasn’t in the room.

“But I have never set him up with someone before,” Hange points out.

Erwin purses his lips. “I doubt that you can find a girl better than me, Hange. I tried everything.”

Erwin and Hange look at each other with mischief, clearly enjoying Levi’s suffering from their teasing. He knows they won’t stop. If anything, it only egged them on further.

Hange places a finger on her chin obnoxiously. “Maybe you could ask the girl to wear green next time.”

Erwin nods, crossing his arms like he’s actually considering it. “Absolutely. We all know Levi still loves his greenie.”

God, even her nickname is a pain to hear.

Levi slams a hand down his mahogany desk so loud that people outside his office probably heard it. It didn’t faze his friends who were snickering on the couch though. They know he’s about to blow. He’s so frustrated that he almost ran a finger through his well-kept hair but caught himself before damaging it, exhaling loudly in frustration before speaking.

“Look, you dipshits. I told you a thousand times. Forget about that damned woman. I’m not dating because I’m goddamn busy with all these expansions, not because I’m not over a girl who left us all without a fucking trace.” Every word is laced with venom and he ends it with a huff.

“Fine. We get it. You’re over her but you’re still angry at her.” Hange rolls her eyes.

Levi doesn’t know exactly when they started referring to her as mere stories or inside jokes. But evidently, it turned out that way. They used to be hurt at the thought of her disappearing. Slowly, they started to forget. Except him. He’s still angry and confused when he thinks of a reason why.

“I am,” he admits.

“And if she comes to see you again? What will you do?”

This question again, Levi thinks.

He sighs. Like an automated machine, he answers the question as he did a myriad of times before, the first being the answer to one of your stupid games of what-if questions when you were together. Most were just ways to make him say those damn three words to you. It was usually just dumb things like “What if I was a worm?” and he would roll his eyes and tell you that he would unhesitatingly kill you before kissing you when you frown in disappointment. One question, however, deeply offended him more than anything.

“Levi, what if I asked you to break up with me?”

You were sitting on the couch with a blanket draped over your legs, still reeling from the sad romantic movie the two of you watched where the disabled paralyzed man still decides to die even after he fell in love with his caregiver.

Levi, who’s in the middle of choosing another movie from your collection of DVDs, freezes in his seat. He doesn’t turn to look at you but you see his whole body tensed up having heard what you said.

“What if we break up like that?”

You repeat the question with a pout on your lips. Levi finally looks at you with a frown on his face. He sighs and looks away, gaze lifting up for a second as if he’s thinking.

“No,” he answers even if the question upsets him. “We’re not gonna break up.”

You noticed that his mood falters from your question. Feeling a little bad, you wrap a hand around his bicep, pulling yourself close to his side. With a smile, you lean in and give him a peck on the cheek. “Don’t be sad. It was just hypothetical.”

He instantly leans unto you. He always does so when you’re near—like opposite sides of a magnet being pulled together by force. He always wants to be near you.

“Can you just go back to stupid questions like the worm shit?” He asks with a low voice, faces too close to each other that his lips could brush yours.

You give him a teasing grin and hum, nodding but doing the exact opposite of what he asked. Ever his stubborn girl, you continue asking. “But what if I leave you?”

He glares at you, not very pained this time, knowing it’s just you teasing again. Instead, his brows furrowed as he gazed down at you with his silver eyes. His eyes flick down to your lips and his lower lip brushes against yours for a millisecond. When you were sure he was about to kiss you, he shoves a hand at your face and pushes you away with a little force, making you land on the couch on your back.

You laugh but curse him out loud for his attack. Levi huffs, crossing his arms and looking away.

“If you do that, I will ignore you for the rest of my fucking life. You’re dead to me.” He says it with so much conviction that you know he doesn’t mean a word of it.

You sit up again, frowning then lightly slapping his shoulder. “That’s rude. What if I come back to see you, then?”

He scoffs loudly, still looking away from you, and spots his box of cleaning supplies. Then, he says the second thing that comes into his mind, thinking that the first one he thought of would seem desperate and pathetic of him.

He opens his mouth to speak and the words you hear from him causes an ever louder laugh out of you. He smiles before pushing you on your back again. This time, pulling himself on top of you and sealing your lips with a kiss.

“I’d spray her with some fucking Windex, throw baking soda on her stupid face, and kick her out.”

Usually, the statement is so funny to them that it ends the conversation. Sometimes, he even gives them a demonstration where one of their unlucky friends gets to be on the receiving end. But this time, Erwin has a follow-up question that goes straight to Levi’s chest.

“And if she insists on staying? What will you do?”

Levi went quiet. Hange and Erwin give a knowing sad look at each other that Levi doesn’t catch. They didn’t mean to push him this hard. But they had to know if he was ready.

From just outside his door where Connie’s desk is placed, his secretary listens in as well. He heard about his boss’ ex. The whole office knows about it. His mysterious ex and the only woman Levi Ackerman loved. That was what everyone knew. But from spending too much time with his boss more than he wanted to, Connie had learned the following about his boss’ only relationship:

Her nickname is Greenie because she liked green tea. Levi prefers black tea but he accidentally told you he liked green tea too then ran with it for four months until Hanji revealed the truth accidentally.

The four of them knew each other for a long time. He doesn’t know if they met in high school or college. But in school, definitely.

After getting their undergraduate degree, she asked Levi to break up and broke his heart with words.

After the breakup, she disappeared from Paradis. Levi waited for her for a long time, broken and yearning. She didn’t come back. Now, all Levi has is bitterness in his body.

Those are what Connie gathered from his little detective skills to cope with having to work under the horribly mannered man. Then, he shares it with his best friend, Sasha, during his lunch break.

He listens a little more, the email he was reading sitting idle for longer than it should. His boss still doesn’t answer.

Inside, Erwin and Hange await their friend’s reply who is still lost in his own thoughts. Erwin decides to push him one last time. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“If she comes to you for closure, will you accept it? You’re over her, right? You can stay angry, that’s valid. She did you wrong. But will you at least hear her?”

Levi keeps quiet but listens to Erwin. The word closure gives his stomach an unsettling feeling. It felt wrong to hear it. But it doesn’t matter. His friends were just bored and bluffing again. He can bluff too.

“I don’t really care about her as much as you think I still do. When I see her, I’ll do what I said I would. Then it’s done. I don’t care what she does anymore.”

It’s been five days since you coincidentally met Hange and Moblit. Before you parted ways, you exchanged numbers and your old friend has been messaging you nonstop. You appreciated it. Hange was always light-hearted and kind. You’re glad she found someone who appreciates her and takes care of her. So when she mentioned that there was a conflict with the invitations, you offered to fix it for her, knowing a thing or two about it. You handled project management a few times as an intern.

There was once a time when you called her your best friend. You know that’s a title you no longer hold but either way, you were glad to talk to her again. Even if you know that in the very near future, you would have to face what it holds for you. Now that Hange is back in your life, it’s only a matter of time and you’d have to see your ex again. You lie awake at night thinking of what you’d do then.

It was Saturday. That means no work for you after lunch, thankfully. You ground through your paper works and clients like a corporate machine all week, wanting to finish them before Saturday so you wouldn’t have to go overtime on a weekend. And after about nine cups of highly caffeinated green tea, you finally finished all your work for the week. Now free from the shackles of labor and capitalism, you slung your tote bag over your shoulder and headed out of your office and onto the elevator.

Passing by Pixis’ office, you inform him you’re taking your leave which he cheerfully allowed, wishing you a happy weekend before you left his office. You bid him to have the same and left the building, anxious to see through the next events of the day. If this was a normal weekend, you’d be content with wasting away in bed as soon as you rushed home.

You handled the invitations over the week, using your break time to oversee how it’s going with the printing service you trust for things like this. They generously accepted your request for a rush order, knowing who you are.

The invitations were piled into a box on your coffee table by Friday, ready to be sent out to Hange’s guests. When you texted Hange that they were ready, she sent over her apartment’s address, telling you to personally meet her there on Saturday after work. She argues when you tell her you can just send it in the same day through an app, whining about how she wants to hang out with you.

Hange, ever the persuasive and persistent person, got you to agree. That, and you still feel guilty for declining her invitation to her wedding.

After you press the doorbell, you wait patiently with your left hand holding the small box of invitations. Her apartment was apparently a penthouse. An apartment in this building already costs an arm and a leg. Hange is smart and talented, one of her research must’ve been really successful. You also remembered that she was probably living with Moblit here. Ah, the wonders of having a partner in life—shared rent. Maybe you should get a roommate.

When the door was taking too long to be answered, you shoot up a text for Hange.

hey i’m here outside ur door ! :))

ok! just wAit a bit

It didn’t take Hange long to reply, easing your anxiety a little. When it takes more than a minute after she sends her text, you tilt your head in confusion. Are you at the correct address? Maybe you’re at the wrong unit. You were pretty sure you were on the right one, though. You rechecked it a few times.

You wait a little bit more before ringing the doorbell again. You assume she’s probably grossed into something and can’t take the door at the moment. With a sigh, you wait a few more minutes, turning away from the door and deciding to scroll through your social media accounts that you barely use.

A smile involuntarily plasters itself on your face when you see the posts of your coworkers from Trost. Warmth spreads to your chest as you see the office through the pictures, reminiscing your time there. It’s suddenly frightening, the realization that you’re alone in this huge city with no one to turn to. It’s a feeling you’re awfully familiar with, a state you’d rather not return to.

When you feel yourself drift away to those thoughts, you pull yourself away immediately, figuring that the time you waited should be enough to press the doorbell again.

But as you turn around to press it for the second time, the door swings open harshly in a swift motion, making you jump a little in surprise and fear as you hear an annoyed groan from a man that is most definitely not Hange coming with it.

“For fuck’s sake. Did Hange give a woman my addre…”

The two of you froze.

The raven-dark hair parted in the middle. The undercut. Those gray eyes and his beautiful piercing gaze. Those high cheekbones and soft cheeks. Those furrowed brows and scrunched forehead that was softly dissipated from his face when he sees you standing behind the door. Those delicate pink lips, now parted in awe and mirroring yours.

Neither of you can move like you were frozen in time. Every muscle in your body refused to move. Your brain stopped functioning and wasn't even able to conjure a coherent thought, much less a response. The only thing you could do was stare at the man you once called home.

He still had dark under eyes but they were more prominent than before. You hate how it still suited him even if you hated how little he sleeps; they make his gaze heavier, willing you to get lost with him. A few strands of his fringe fall over his eyes. They were a little longer than what you were used to but it was still the same haircut you used to run your hand over when you were cuddling. It was a little unkempt. And even though his white shirt is a little crumpled, it still smoothly falls over his frame. It drapes from his defined shoulders to his waist until the hem of the shirt goes over the band of his gray sweatpants that hugged his legs loosely.

He breaks the gaze spell when his eyes go over you, top to bottom. He stares at your shocked and devastated countenance, the casual but decent clothes that you changed into after work, the box in your hand, and the way your right foot has stepped further back than your left when he opened the door, ready to run away at the thought the man who opened the door was angry.

You open your mouth to speak. You know you have to say something. Anything. Hi? Hello? How are you? Is this where Hange lives? Why the fuck do you still look so hot?

But none of that comes out.

Why?

Levi’s face hardens before you can speak, wiping off the bewildered eyes and replacing them with his infamous glare, silver eyes glistening with specks of anger. His mouth closes into a frown but not before scoffing at you. The scorned expression on his face shuts you right up for a second but you try and carry on.

This time, before you can speak, he slams the door shut in your face with an impact so loud it booms through your whole being enough to raise all the hair on your skin, leaving you standing there in his floor’s corridor appalled and deeply belittled.

Your startled brain is more confused than ever. As you decide to slowly process what happened and not even ten seconds after he harshly shuts his door, it swings open again, revealing the same man who not-so-gently shut it, with a hand still on the knob and the other holding something blue.

His arm outstretched towards you and you were faced with a nozzle of a familiar spray bottle. With a straight face, he sprays the fucking liquid right on your face. You immediately shut your eyes and mouth, leaning your face away from the spray. Although it’s far enough to not cover your face if you hadn’t moved, you still cringe when you feel the tiny droplets on your skin.

You lift one eye open, scared that he’s about to spray again. He puts the bottle down to his side, looking satisfied with his work. When you open both eyes, he shuts the door again, leaving you in the corridor with heightened emotions from the first time he did it paired with an itching aggravation.

Was that a fucking Windex?

Hold on. Windex?

The door swings open again and he fully reveals himself without a hand on the knob like the two times before. This time he’s holding an orange cardboard box labeled Pure Baking Soda and reaches into it with his other hand.

You shut your eyes close immediately, realizing what was happening when you remembered his words to you years ago.

“I’d spray you with some fucking Windex, throw baking soda on your face, and kick you out.”

The baking soda hits your face, making your nose involuntarily scrunch up because of the fistful of powder he threw at you. When you guess that he’s satisfied after successfully throwing you the promised baking soda, you blink your eyes open, finding him still standing there with a straight face.

“Are you done?” you asked with a deadpan face, covered with baking soda.

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman angst #levi ackerman smut #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman #levi ackermann x reader #levi ackerman x y/n #levi imagine #levi fluff #levi smut #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan fanfic #snk x reader #snk x y/n

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humanitys-strongest-bamf · 11 months

Note

I REALIZE I ONLY SENT HURT/NO COMFORT SO HERE'S THE COMFORT!!

I'm imagining it being some years later and Levi and reader run into each other, both single and working hard in the careers they worked hard to get into after college. They both regret the way things ended and decide to try again. Before it was wrong time, right person. Now is the right time. :3 soulmates AU anyone??

k thanks sorry for making you sad als;dkfj;alsdf <3

I'M CRYING I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING THIS FLUFFY IN A WHILE DJSKLFKDJ

i also got too excited while writing this and made it longer than intended so this is a oneshot now apparently alkdfjlksajfd

this is technically a sequel to this other drabble i wrote the other day :3 it got too angsty so i bullied sky into sending me a follow-up request jsdkfjksdf

I Do | 1k Follower Event | Modern!AU Fluff Oneshot

✧ word count ➼ 1.3k ✧ notes ➼ modern!au, fluff, implied soulmates!au, i screamed while writing this, i'm a sucker for stolen kisses under the night skyf dskfjlskdjf

Even years after you last saw him, Levi was on your mind. There was something that felt right about being with him. Any partners that you've had in-between were short-lived. None provided you the passion, safety, love, and comfort that Levi had. You commonly found yourself staring at your phone, longing to reach out and go to him again.

After seeing you on the arms of someone else at that party all those years ago, you knew that he truly believed that you had moved on or hated him for pushing you away. It took everything in you to not pick up the phone and call him, to proclaim that you haven't taken a single step forward and that he was always at the forefront of your mind.

Thus, when you bumped into someone at a crosswalk and then immediately looked up into those gray eyes of his, you felt your heart soar and drop at the same time. You felt like you lost your ability to breathe. You felt your blood run cold. You couldn't bear walking away from him again. Now that he was in your presence again, you didn't know how you'd be able to cope with being forced to say goodbye again.

Even with completely different career paths and with the intent of flying far, far away from your alma mater, you both had still ended at the same town, walking down the same block, street, and crosswalk.

You weren't sure how long you were looking at him, getting lost in his steely gaze. You noted how mesmerizing his eyes were and how he was always able to communicate just through his gaze alone and how just him simply looking at you was enough to get your heart pounding.

"Hi."

You said shortly, as if you were frozen in place and was unsure of what to say or do.

"Hey," he responded quietly, sharing your thoughts of unease.

His eyes darted to the sidewalk and you quickly noticed that the light was about to turn green for the incoming traffic and the two of you quickly jogged to the other side of the street.

You awkwardly shuffled around him for a while. You could've just left, heading towards whatever original destination you had in mind, but something kept you from making that decision. Something in you wanted to be around him, as uncomfortable as it felt at the moment.

"Sorry," you apologized quietly, although you weren't sure what for. "Uhm-"

"-been a few years, hasn't it?" he spoke in a tone that indicated that he was feeling just as awkward as you did. However, he also couldn't bring himself to leave.

You looked up at him and nodded.

"Never thought I'd run into you here of all places," you said, throwing him a small smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Neither did I."

There was silence again, except this time the two of you spent the time gazing into each other's eyes. He couldn't tell what was running through your mind and you couldn't tell what was running through his.

You finally spoke.

"Am I holding you up? You probably have somewhere to be."

Levi shrugged.

"Not really."

"Oh," you said quietly, awkwardly shuffling again. "Well, I should probably get-"

"Wanna grab coffee?" Levi asked before you could finish your sentence.

He didn't want to let you go again.

Part of you wanted to leave the situation and awkwardness as quick as possible, but a much bigger part of you wanted to be around him again. You couldn't explain it, but you were drawn to him, despite everything that had happened.

You nodded.

"I know a spot. It has..." he began talking, but eventually trailed off.

"It has...?"

"It has that one drink you liked," he mumbled quietly, almost as if he was embarrassed about the fact that he still knew that.

"O-Oh," you said quietly, looking away in an attempt to hide the pink tinting your cheeks.

You were mesmerized once you reached the cafe and you heard him ordering for you. Even years after you broke up and had no contact, he still knew you like the back of his hand. It brought up memories upon memories of all the little things that Levi did to show you his love for you. It was like a habit for him and he fell right back into it.

The two of you chatted, catching up about what life has been like since graduating. You were both single and focusing primarily on your careers post-college. You had fallen into the pattern of a mundane, everyday life.

Chatting with him felt more natural than you were willing to admit. Even talking to the friends you had made at work felt like more effort, but with Levi—it felt like second-nature.

You looked up as the waiter returned with a check for the two of you.

Almost as if you were on the same wavelength, you and Levi both attempted to place your cards on the table, with his hand brushing on yours.

Feeling his skin on yours momentarily paralyzed you.

You couldn't lie to yourself anymore. Being next to him, talking to him, and feeling his skin on yours just felt right. You had felt an empty pit within you for the past few years since graduating, and you knew it was because you longed for him.

That was on your mind the entire time as the two of you handled the check and found yourselves walking along the block away from the cafe and towards your respective homes. The sun had gone down and the street lights were beginning to turn on. With most people having either gone home or gone indoors to one of the local restaurants, it was only the two of you outside, bathed by the night lights.

You walked with your hands in your coat pocket, with the night air being slightly too chilly for your taste, although that gave you an excuse to explain the rising color in your cheeks.

You walked along the same block for a long time. It was so long that part of you forgot that you lived in separate areas and would have to arrive at a crossroads eventually. When you arrived at that crossroads, you felt yourself freeze again as you noticed him walking in a separate direction.

You couldn't let him go again.

You grabbed at his sleeve as he walked away, prompting him to stop.

"Levi, wait-"

He stopped walking immediately and looked over at you.

You looked into his soft, but concerned gaze. Your heart was pounding as every memory you had of being with him began to play on repeat in your head. You remembered the first time you met, the first time you kissed, as well as how absolutely heart broken you were when you left him all those years ago.

Before you could convince yourself otherwise, you pulled him in and pressed your lips against his.

You felt him freeze as he felt your lips on his again. His breath hitched right before returning the kiss a second or two later, placing his hand on the side of your face as you gripped onto his coat.

Feeling his lips on yours felt liberating. It felt like you were holding your breath every since you broke things off with him and now you were finally able to breath again. Your mind was overtaken as you felt his lips on yours, his hand on your cheek, and his body against yours.

You were meant for each other. You always were.

You slightly pulled away so that you could speak, but only slightly.

"I've dreamt of this," you whispered.

"Yeah?" he asked, matching your whisper.

"Where you're holding me and asking me if I wanna try again with you and..."

You trailed off.

"And...?" he asked expectantly.

"I do."

im literally sobbing djfkslfdj #: @chaotic-on-main (although its your ask jdkslfksd) @romantichomicide95 @lovolee3 @svftackerman @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @idkks4m @moonmalice @elnyrae @sleepyfairyxo @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @belovedackerman @bejewelledd @fuyulvr @sad-darksoul @levis-squishy-cheeks @roseofdarknessblog @anviacker @aam1na @luvjiro @noctemys @sixpennydame @dumbfound-princess @raenacreates @deepzombieyouth join my taglist!

Come participate in my 1K follower event!

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hangeslefteye · 9 months

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leviloveslaundry · 2 years

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#attack on titan levi #levi ackermann #captain levi #levi x you #levi x reader #levi ackerman #snk levi #snk official art #eren jeager #mikasa ackerman #attack on titan #aot manga #aot levi #aot #aot imagines

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fscottcatsgerald · 1 year

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Comforting Levi Headcanons

warnings: hurt/comfort; gn!reader

do you ever just think about comforting Levi through literally any of the extreme amount of shit he’s been put through?

him letting you hug him for the first time ✨ he’s not quite sure how to respond at first and just stiffly let’s you hold him. It’s the gentle stroking of his back with your fingers that finally loosens him into timidly wrapping his arms around you; his head falling to rest on your shoulder as he takes in the unfamiliar feeling of being held and loved. he doesn’t stray away from your touch like he may have in the past and instead grips ahold of you impossibly tighter.

depending on how close your bond is and how comfortable he is in your presence he may actually, albeit extremely rarely, allow himself to shed like two whole tears. but that’s it. he’s still reserved enough to hold in the bulk of his pain in front of you.

stroking the back of his neck around his hairline is one of few things that makes him melt further into you. it’s an unfamiliar and incredibly vulnerable spot, but comforting when coming from you. he lets you gently tease at his short hair as he burrows his face further into the junction of your shoulder and neck; slowly breathing in your scent.

it’s a moment only for the two of you. if anyone were to happen upon you unexpectedly *cough* hange *cough* he might actually kill them, or at least traumatize them into never speaking of it.

conclusion: levi is rough around the edges, but can be persuaded to melt into your arms and escape your harsh reality for short moments of reprieve 🥲

#im at work and apparently not okay #I can’t stop thinking about him #levi X reader #levi X you #levi Ackerman X reader #levi ackerman X you #levi ackermann X reader #levi Ackerman imagines #levi ackermann imagines #attack on Titan imagine #attack on Titan imagines #aot imagine #aot imagines #snk imagine #snk imagines #levi ackermann #levi ackerman

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lazyexcuse · 5 months

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Y/n: “You better stop raising your voice at me! Right now!”

Levi, smirking: “Or what, Cadet?”

Y/n: “Or.. or.. I’ll cry! And I really don’t wanna embarrass myself right now..”

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amourology · 2 years

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AFTERGLOW — levi ackerman

ʚ ɞ pairings: levi ackerman x strong!reader (you’re able to lift levi, just go with it—strong soldier over here, people).

ʚ ɞ synopsis: aftercare with tired, clingy and adorably needy sub!levi.

ʚ ɞ author’s note: this is purely self-indulgent. i just want to cradle his face in the palms of my hands and tell him everything’s alright :( just wanna take care of him and give him a kiss on the nose :(

ʚ ɞ warnings: light descriptions of sex, i use the word cock maybe once—it’s basically non-sugarcoated fluff, implied dom!reader, implied sub!levi, reader dotes heavily on levi bc he deserves it. oh, and—let’s pretend they have sinks & running water in paradis for a sec, okay?

ʚ ɞ word count: 2.8k.

Levi Ackerman has always been pretty, always been so beautiful. With his pretty, plump and oh-so-kissable lips, and his pretty, silky-smooth dark hair, and his pretty, button-like nose—nevermind forgetting his pretty, blue-grey eyes carrying the winter season within them.

Yes—he’s always been utterly gorgeous. Still, you’d make quite a strong case arguing that him during the day wasn’t even close to him at his most beautiful. For he was prettiest whenever he laid in front of you like this.

On your shared duvet, with his head thrown back and his ink-black eyelashes fluttering while his chest heaved up, down, and up again. With his fingers twitching at his side, and with a few of his bangs sticking to his sweat-decorated forehead. With his legs opened, and his abdomen sticky with the mess he made of himself. And with one of his arms outstretched, hands grabbing around nothing as he beckons you to come closer.

“You did so good, Levi,” you coe at him. Abiding by his request, you adjust your position on the bed and crawl up towards him. When at his face, you delicately brush your fingers across his forehead—pushing aside the fallen strands of hair. “So good for me. Always so good.”

Your stomach flutters upon seeing him lean into your touch, relishing the words of praise as he always does. As if he has to make due with what you were willing to give him today, never knowing when he’ll earn them again. As if you won’t shower him in it whenever he so wishes.

“Thank you,” he croaks out. His head rests in-between the soft, whiite pillow beneath him and the even softer skin of your hand. “Felt really good.”

“Yeah?”

He nods against your hand, placing one of his own over your wrist to keep it in place. “Yeah,” he whispers. His voice gives out soon after; still a bit shrill after granting you all those pretty sounds.

“Hey.” You hum softly, bringing your face close to his. You nudge his nose with yours, withholding a smile. Levi scrunches his nose up after you place a kiss on it—a sight so adorable it made you wonder how people could ever fear him. “Want me to clean you up first? Or should I get something for you to drink?”

A tired sigh passes his lips; an indication he’ll sleep twice as well as he normally would in a night. “Clean,” he decides, because of course he does.

The predictable answer makes you chuckle. “Alright,” you say. You pretend not to notice the offended frown on his forehead as soon as you take your hand back. “I’ll be quick.”

You really are intending to hurry, knowing he doesn’t like to be alone for too long after such acts. And so, you rise from the bed—frowning when you don’t make it quite as far as you’d hoped. You turn back around, looking down at Levi who now holds a grip on your wrist. He pulls you back towards him.

“You okay?”

He looks up at you, cheeks still slightly damp from the tears he’d shed for you today; tears he allowed to flow after you kept bringing him to that edge over and over again, pushing him over it so many times until it started to hurt—until he couldn’t decide if he wanted you to stop or give him more, more and more. As always, he’d chosen for more. Only stopping when you’d milked him dry.

“Kiss,” he demands. “Gimme a kiss first.”

Your eyes soften. “Oh,” you breathe. No, you truly didn’t get why his subordinates were so scared of him. You smile, and start leaning down. “Come here, then.”

Levi hums contentedly when your lips finally engulf his. One of his hands reaches for the back of your head, keeping you in place for just a little bit longer—for just a second more of this feeling.

You chuckle against his lips, and one of your hands finds his cheek. “I’ll be back soon, Levi.” You tell him, caressing his cheekbone with your thumb.

His love-filled eyes wander around your face; first at your brows, then at the tip of your nose, then your lips, even your cheeks, until they finally find home within your eyes. “You promise?” He asks, voice no louder than a mumble.

You cup his jaw. “I promise,” you say, kissing his forehead.

He closes his eyes while you shower him with affection, enjoying it while it lasts, and sighing when you pull back. Knowing you have to leave eventually, Levi settles back down on the duvet. His eyes fall shut rather quickly, and for a short second it looks like he’s fallen asleep—though, you knew he was wide awake. He always waits for you to hold him before drifting off.

However—he seems quite tired, which means you’ll have to hurry. Quickly, you walk into his bathroom. You gather a washcloth and rinse it underneath some lukewarm water, walking back out and into the bedroom shortly after.

The bed shifts beside Levi, and he hazily opens one of his eyes to look. Once fully confirming it’s you, he closes it again. A soft groan escapes him, relishing in the way you so, so carefully and with such heavy affection, start cleaning him up.

Levi sighs quietly while you go to work, wiping all residue of his release away from his stomach, his thighs—he squirms a bit as you get closer to his cock, which makes you smile. He’s always so sensitive, so keen to your touch. Surely, it’s the most endearing thing you’ve ever seen.

Once you’re sure you’ve cleaned it all, you pull back. “There,” you mumble. One of your fingers starts delicately trailing upwards alongside his thigh.

Levi shakes his head. “M still dirty,” he says; you briefly wonder how much those words pained him to say.

You hum in acknowledgement, still focused on trailing your hand up his body. It goes along his stomach, making out the shape of his abs. He shivers underneath your touch.

“You want me to run you a bath?” You offer.

His eyes are fully open when your finger makes it up to his face, his line of sight fully locks on you while you start tracing the features on him.

“Please,” he says. His breath hitches in his throat as you glide your thumb over his bottom lip. “Would you?”

“You’re not too tired?” You ask, your index finger now finding its way towards the bridge of his nose. “‘Cause I’d hate to run a bath, only to drain it again right after.”

Levi frowns. “That was one time,” he grumbles. His nose scrunches up again after you lightly tap the tip. “”S hardly fair to hold it against me.”

“One time too many,” you muse. A smile settles on your face upon seeing his puffed out bottom lip, his eyebrow still pulled down into that frown and a slightly annoyed look in his eye. “I’m joking, love. I’ll go and get it ready for you.”

Again, he stops you from leaving. “Stop forgetting my kiss,” he complains. His fingers reach for yours and he pulls you towards him.

“I’d argue I’ve been kissing you all over tonight,” you mumble against his lips. You add another peck to them.

“‘S not enough,” he answers. This time, he allows the kiss to linger for a bit longer. When he pulls back, he looks you in the eye. “It’s never enough.”

“Well, aren’t you a little greedy thing, hm?” You hum, a slight smirk taking over your lips as you notice the tips of his ears and the apples of his cheek change in colour. “Suppose it’s a good thing I can never get enough of kissing you, then.”

“Yes,” he whispers, his peppermint-scented breath hitting your face. “I suppose it is.”

Levi sighs and lets you kiss his forehead again. The next time you stand up to run his bath, you’re met with less of a protest.

You gather the stuff you know he likes; making sure the water is absolutely scalding hot and smells of lavender and honey. When you deem it good enough, you go to get him. The sight you’re met with is enough to tilt your head to the side in amusement.

“Levi.”

He hums. “Just a minute.”

You’ve heard that one before.

The sheets crinkle underneath Levi’s figure, courtesy of you shifting him around on top of them. Once your arms are securely wrapped beneath him, you take a deep breath and lift him off the bed.

Never before were you so grateful for the ruthless training he puts you and the others through on the daily—if it allows you to carry him around in your arms like that, you’re quite confident you’d more than willingly participate in them. Perhaps even twice a day, if this would be your reward.

You stop walking once you make it to the tub. “Careful,” you say. “I’m gonna put you in, okay? It’s gonna be quite warm.”

He doesn’t move in your grasp. A mere “Okay.” Is all you get back.

Very carefully, afraid you might hurt him if you went too fast, you place him down into the newly-filled bathtub. Levi lets out a soft moan at the warmth surrounding him, allowing his arms to rest alongside the edges of the tub.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

The sudden vulnerability in his voice catches you off-guard, but you’re thankful for it nonetheless—forever grateful he trusts you enough to show it to you.

“Of course,” you answer. “Tell me if you need anything, okay?”

Once again you turn around to leave, now planning on quickly changing the stained sheets in the other room. Knowing Levi, he doesn’t like sleeping on them after the both of you made such a mess on them.

“You.” He calls out quickly, this time succeeding in grabbing your hand instead of your wrist. He looks down at them, and intertwins his fingers with yours. “You, too.”

His voice sounds so perfect; such a balanced mix between scratchy, whiny and pleading. You cup his chin, cherishing the way he looks up at you. The liking towards his sound reminds you of the soreness he must feel.

“Here, drink something first.” You say, using one of the glasses next to the sink to gather some water for him.

Levi accepts the glass, fingers curling around it while he quickly brings it to his lips. Before you realise, he gulps it all down—then he hands it back to you.

“It’s fine,” he says. “My voice is fine.”

“Okay,” you said, slightly amused at his eagerness. You nod towards the space behind him. “Scoot over.”

He does as he’s told. You briefly take your eyes off him to place the now-empty glass back on the sink. Soon after, you take your place behind him. The water feels unbelievably hot on your skin and it takes you a few seconds to get used to. Once you do, you nudge Levi’s body backwards.

You adjust him in-between your legs, and he lets you. The biggest sigh of relief passes his lips while he lays his head to rest on your chest, eyes closing as he hides his face in the crook of your neck. A featherlight kiss gets pressed to the side of your throat. Trying to fight off your smile at the gesture seems to be futile.

Your fingers dance along the skin of his arms, the toned muscle and faded scars feeling rough beneath them. Slowly but surely you fall into a pattern, drawing soft circles on his bare skin. Your other hand cups the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his dark locks.

The both of you sit like that for a while. Only when you realise he’s well and truly falling asleep this time—in your hold—do you nudge him awake.

“Levi.”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna wash your hair, okay? We’ve gotta get out and go to bed.”

Levi nods. It does take him a while, but he’s very well aware that he’ll have to sit up if you want to wash his hair—and so, he eventually succeeds in doing so. After a couple minutes, of course.

“There you go,” you mumble proudly.

As soon as he’s properly seated, you reach for the shampoo next to you. You slather your hands with it, rubbing your palms together to let it emulsify before you nestle your hands in his hair.

He tilts his head backwards, letting out a satisfied groan here-and-there whenever you scratch a particularly nice spot. Your fingers comb through the locks, massaging certain spots a bit longer whenever he lets out a slightly louder sound at the specific placement.

“There.” You say once you’re done.

Your arms wrap around him, one of your arms around his waist while the other crosses along his chest and with your hand resting on his collarbone. You pull him in closer and press a kiss to his shoulder blade, and then one to the back of his neck.

“Is it okay if you wash yourself off?” You ask, letting your chin rest on his shoulder. “I’ve got to change the sheets.”

Levi hums in agreement. Another kiss gets pressed to his cheek, and you immediately miss his warmth as soon as you stand up and hoist yourself out of the bathtub. You reach for a towel, tightly wrapping it around your body.

Just as you were to leave—you stop, and turn towards him. Crouching down, you cup his chin upwards to make him look at you. Then, you kiss him on the lips.

Levi huffs once you pull back. “You learn.”

“Seems like I do,” you answer, smiling. “I’ll get started on the bed, okay?”

He nods at you, allowing you to leave only after stealing another quick peck. You laugh at him, the laugh diminishing into a smile as you walk back into the adjoined bedroom.

After you’re dressed, you begin the task at hand. All current sheets are taken off the bed, discarded into the hamper in the corner. The linen cabinet is hoisted open, and the new, freshly-washed duvet covers the bed in a mere few minutes.

As soon as you’re finished, you feel a pair of arms wrapping around your waist from behind. Levi holds you against him for a while, then he kisses your shoulder.

“Thank you,” he whispers. “Thank you so much.”

Carefully, as not to scare him with sudden movements, you turn around in his hold. “There’s nothing you need to thank me for, Levi.” You tell him, both hands cupping his cheeks—they squish slightly against your palms as you hold his face. “If there’s anyone out there deserving of such treatment, it’s you.”

He exhales shakily, never looking away from your eyes. The love and admiration within them makes him feel more than fulfilled. “I’m—I’m not sure I believe that…” He trails off, clearing his throat. “But, still, thank you.”

You smile, the bridge of your nose softly bumping against his as you bring both your faces closer together. “You wanna go to sleep?”

“Please,” he says.

Before you, those were words he never thought he’d use to answer that question.

Levi didn’t like sleeping—couldn’t like sleeping, considering his insomnia never gave him the chance to enjoy it.

But on such nights as tonight, where you tire him out so good, where you crawl into bed with him and hold his head against your chest, where you wrap your arms around him so tightly as if you wish to protect him from all and everything bad out there—all while fully knowing he doesn’t need it but doing so, anyway.

…Yeah, Levi loves sleeping, then.

You do exactly that now, too, and he eagerly follows your guidance towards the bed. The very much welcomed smell of fresh linen hits him as soon as he lays down underneath the covers. And it’s as if he can’t reach out for you fast enough, arms outstretched and ever searching—until he feels yours wrap around him, one around his waist, the other on the back of his head.

Levi closes his eyes the second his head makes contact with your chest, the second he feels your slow-and-steady heartbeat rising beneath him. His figure curls into yours, and he smiles—and you do, too.

“Good night, Levi,” you whisper into his hair.

A kiss gets pressed to the crown of his head shortly after.

He nudges his nose against the base of your throat. Then, a soft, lingering kiss to your collarbone follows. “Good night,” he exhales.

At that moment, Levi falls asleep quicker than he ever has before.

taglist — join here.

@beautyofthcdark @local-hrs @smol-book-nerd @instabull

#subby levi is on my mind 24/7 nowadays #just wanna spoil him #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman one shot #levi ackermann #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk

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levmada · 2 years

Text

My Breath, My Light, My Hope

summary: Levi and your little girl go to visit you.

wc: 4.0k

content/warnings: bittersweet, post-war, internalized ableism, Levi being a caring sweet loving dad for his little girl, spoilers for ch132 of the aot manga+vague spoilers, fluffy, heavy angst, self-hatred and loathing

a/n: okay tbh this fic was originally for an event i am in by @xoayato with this song as its inspo. dadvi day just happened to be around the corner when i was almost finished! otherwise these fics are ao3 exclusive

Levi gently tugs his reins, encouraging Bay to slow down. “Hey, you wanna hear a joke?”

Rabbits hurry through the thicket nearby, and a few birds chitter above. Underneath the canopy of strong, stretching trees, sunlight glitters through the gaps between the leaves.

“Are you asleep?” he tuts. “You’re missing the scenery.”

His girl kicks mildly at the sling looped around Levi’s neck where she’s cradled across his chest. (He plans to take advantage of her being pocket-sized as long as he can, even though she’s grown a little too adventurous for it.)

A whining noise vibrates the cotton as a little hand reaches up to paw at his own—the one he has been bracing the sling with since this morning bled into afternoon.

Before, all he could see of her was her long, dark mop of hair. He chances a glance down at her pale blue eyes now—Just like the sky, he thinks—which gleam above a wide grin.

Then she giggles. Typical.

“What’s so funny…” he muses softly. He takes his eyes off the path to humor her, for just a second.

Ignoring the instant pang of anxiety inside him as their eyes lock is harder. Many of his nightmares since she was born have centered around her bright eyes locking with his face, only for her to scream, or to burst into tears, or call him ‘monster’.

At least her first word was ‘Mama’—so that was one fear erased.

“Da!” she squeals, and hits his chest with her tiny palm. “Fu’!”

“You better be trying to say ‘funny’.” Then he thinks about it, and snorts. “I look funny to you?”

His baby just giggles and stretches back in her sling, long bangs like midnight a mess in her face.

A mischievous glint shines behind her eyes which he decides he likes, despite the way his hand shoots to keep her from falling out.

“Ugh, you get all your energy from your mama,” he huffs.

He reaches to steady the reins before absentmindedly raising a hand to his cheek. Onyakopon keeps telling him to stop “giving the scars power”, like that’ll make it any easier to forget they’re there; just the uneven cleft in his lip attaches itself to the sides of his awareness all seconds of every day.

A feeling resembling relief tosses over him. Funny. Thank god.

“Anyway,” he drawls, “here’s the joke: What’s lighter than a feather, but uglier than Titan shit?”

A bird chitters.

“The punchline is in the question,” he hints. Seeing how he’s no good at coming up with these things, he has resorted to desperate measures.

She just blows a raspberry at him, peering happily up at him with abandon. Admittedly… she hasn’t gotten a hang of the talking thing yet.

“A Titan,” he tells her.

Silence.

“You know what? It’s probably better you don’t get it.”

“Da-da.”

He bites down on his tongue, but a smile slips through anyway. That joke, one of Hange’s, is not as funny as his face, apparently. He’ll take what he can get.

“Don’t worry about it.” He chooses, as he always does, to believe she’s completely understanding. “Whenever Glasses was trying to be funny on purpose, they were pretty shit at it. They had their moments, though.”

She babbles at him.

A vast sense of loneliness strikes him, that maybe he isn’t in some way speaking to you, or even half of you—but no one. His girl can’t understand him, really. Not yet at least.

“I’ll tell you about them one day,” he goes on, half-talking to her and half to the dirty path carving their way through the woods. “And… some others I used to know. But some stories aren’t gonna make sense until you’re old enough.”

That part still stumps him—that his daughter will (undoubtedly; if he has anything to say about it) grow old. A bit like how he’s older now, but in the exact opposite process (also if he has anything to say about it; she can be a candlemaker for all he cares, just not a soldier). She will never know the pain he has known, the terror, so his scars will never be anything but a funny quirk about him.

He sighs softly.

Before the war came to an end, he never imagined his and your place in this world—he couldn’t allow himself to in case you didn’t make it. Then… the war was over. He could begin. Then your baby came along, and suddenly and without warning, the carpet was ripped out from under him, and he had to scramble for footing.

He doesn’t want to think about it. Imagining his brat asking obvious questions—shit, the obvious ones always beg for the hardest answers. Regardless of some of the questions she will need the answers to one day.

At his chest, she has taken to yanking his weathered, scarred hands all around in her hands—hands that could only close around two of his own fingers if she tried her hardest—and it hurts. As impractical as it is, he wants to take away any future guilt, or heartache that will trickle inside her, and hold it himself instead.

How am I supposed to raise you when I’m so afraid?

He sets the reins down in his lap and adjusts himself on the saddle. His fucking doctor warned him what long rides on horseback would do to his leg, but he did it anyway. Levi likes the guy and all, he didn’t ask questions when he turned down a glass eye, but Levi has his own way of doing things to the end, he guesses. That guy is going to have a heart attack one day because of him.

With a grunt, he adjusts the sling with one hand. “Hey, it’s not a hammock. Quit squirming, baby.”

“Pfft.”

Snorting, he gives her nose a tap. “Don’t be a brat. I’m gonna tell you something, and you’re gonna listen, alright?”

She blinks doe-eyed at him while nibbling on a few of her fingers.

“You…” He stalls, thinking. These days always get him like this when there are no amount of words that could contain his feelings… but he really should keep practicing. “If anyone messed with you, I’d… get rid of them for you.”

He is horrible.

“You’re my baby,” he tries, quietly. “My daughter. You’re mine.”

All he gets in return is another doe-eyed blink. Her lips crinkle, but he doesn’t think the meaning is quite getting across.

Then it hits him. What did Mom used to say?

He clicks his tongue in triumph. “‘I have never seen sky, nor bathed by warm sun, nor marveled under the moon’s light’,” he quotes slowly. “‘But I don’t need to, because you’re my breath, my light that guides, and, and my hope in the depths of the dark’...”

But of course, he has done all those things, and so has she. With a dismissive headshake, he brings her close to his chest, which aches. “But in this case… Fuck it. No. Those things are all still shitty in comparison to you.”

The ending is somewhat anticlimactic, yes. He’s relieved to see her bright blues flicker around his face, loving with abandon.

But he’s still convinced those words are something she will need to understand, one day.

“So...” He adjusts, feeling beside himself. “Make sure you memorize that. I did.”

“Mmm…” She sounds the word out lazily. “Mem.”

“Almost,” he quips. “And look. Mama would say that exact same thing. Remember that too.”

“Mem.”

He decides to speak his mind. It feels safer to do that in front of someone who isn’t, or can’t, entirely listen. “Difference is, you’re hearing it from your father. I heard it from… from my mom. Fathers never meant anything to me.”

“Fa’!”

Levi nods his encouragement. Bay snuffles. “Yeah, you’re getting it. But I hope…”

He winces on the inside, saying this, but what does he have to fear? Fucking rejection?

He gives her full cheek a light pinch, causing her eyes to light up with a comically loud gasp. It’s hard not to smile around her.

“Forget hope. I’m gonna mean something to you, got it?—Just hope—” there it is again, “—Look, it’s not gonna be a shitty something. I have some friends that’ll keep me in check.”

“Da-da!”

“What about ‘mama’?” he asks her, petting her hair off her forehead. “Can you say that?”

A smile slowly spreads across her warm cheeks. “Mmm…”

“You’re killing me, here.”

“Mama!” she squeals, thrashing the sling around yet again. Bay hops over a fallen branch at the same time, causing her small hands to cling to the collar of his shirt.

But he’s got her.

“Good brat. You keep practicing that,” he tells her fondly. Then he glances up at the nearing clearing, and pins his tongue between his teeth. “We’re almost there. But don’t worry, I’m not leaving you anywhere,” he feels the need to say. “Got it?”

“Mama,” she replies, both looking and sounding very pleased with herself.

He snorts, but it feels more like a well-contained sob. “Yeah. Mama.”

Levi is not the type of person to take charity. In your case he was, majorly because you were worth more than money could ever buy. If only he had enough that would have prevented you from being taken from him. That would return you to him.

But this was the best case scenario, considering Levi’s past experiences with losing people.

Your place was reserved in the front right corner (“Right is always right,” you used to say, especially when you all first navigated Liberio…) of a private cemetery allocated to the lives of those who had been lost during the last battle, including Hange.

You did not fall during that battle, but he doesn’t believe you would have wanted to rest alone.

Upon fastening Bay’s reins to a low-hanging branch of a tree, his girl squirms inside the sling with more fury.

Maybe she has grown out of it…

As for him, he doesn’t know how to be eager, here. His lungs have already begun to stutter and constrict, just as soon as he hopped off his steed.

It’s this place, he wants to believe—it’s so fucking depressing he wants to throw up—but even after Erwin, Levi never found it so difficult to push air in and out of his lungs as he does on these days. As if he simply can’t breathe if you’re not alive.

“Dowww’,” his girl yells so eloquently, whimpering and squirming in her sling.

“Nothing worth crying about,” he huffs (maybe for himself as well) while fighting to contain his breaths. The air is always thick and hot this time of year, anyway. It’s not just because he still for some reason can’t deal with—

“Dow’.”

“I’m letting you down, just. Don’t trip over a rock or something.”

His leg is killing him—Onyakopon would be cursing Levi’s stubbornness right about now—but he manages a crouch so she can float to the ground.

She throws her arms out for balance, and when it seems like she might fall, he braces her waist so she doesn’t land on her face.

A bright giggle wracks her shoulders before she decides to break free to toddle about on her feet. A relief she can’t see the grimace thick on Levi’s face from behind.

He says nothing. If even she can tell that he’s struggling right now, then it’ll upset her. Let her explore.

Still, she hasn’t mastered walking just yet, something he fears endlessly and must be reassured of on the weekly. He knew jackshit about the right way to hold a baby before she came, let alone when a healthy baby was supposed to start walking.

(The moment Armin let that shit about SIDS slip out, Gabi blew a fucking gasket. Levi was a zombie with back pain for the next four months because he simply refused to sleep anywhere but the rocking chair in her room. Then it was his doctor’s turn to blow a gasket.)

Despite what feels like bricks crushing his kneecap, he rights himself silently with help from the tree trunk, teeth grit as he braces his bad leg.

But his eyes remain pinched open to keep an eye on his baby (she’s already wandering into the trimmed grass further ahead). No matter how old she gets, he’ll go blind before he lets her out of his sight. That is the least he could do for her. For you, especially.

He will have to face the repercussions of his actions when he can afford to, after they’re done seeing you.

There is always more he could do for you. He thinks—all the time—that it is a disservice to your life to live hating himself. He can’t be longing to curl up and die after the sacrifice you were forced to give in order for your baby to live.

The best thing he can do with his time is raise his girl, and do his damndest to love every minute of his life that remains. (He makes a face: that’s so sappy. Onyakoppn must be rubbing off on him.)

But he struggles. Each and every day he looks in the mirror, or wakes up to cramps seizing his leg, or simply remembers, and he struggles.

Like right now. He first takes the large bundle of your favorite flowers before his damn cane. The glare on his face as he unhooks it from his saddlebag could snap it in half; it is a symbol of his bodily weakness, a literal crutch when he never had to stoop down to leaning on a damn thing like this almost every day. Never. He should be stronger for her, in more than just the physical way.

He turns back, squints to see her waddling like a duck in a hurry down the gravel path, and bites the smile threatening his cheeks.

But, she does make him stronger. Every day, even though she doesn’t know it.

“Hey, don’t wander off!” he shouts to her, all the while attempting to catch up with aid from his cane. He is slower than he used to be, but taller for now, and so it doesn’t take very long to catch up.

She squeals and tumbles down on her knees in time for him to snatch her around the belly and lug her up under one arm. It’s hell on his knees, but he grits his teeth and takes it.

“Ugh, you're a pain in my ass, brat, you know that?”

Like usual, his girl doesn’t mind. She wiggles her arms and legs like a swimmer in the air, laughing brightly. Long black hair falls over her face and dangles down toward the grassy ground.

He sighs. “Nevermind. But you’ve lost walking privileges.”

He should’ve just sucked up the pins and needles where two of his fingers used to be and braided her hair before they left this morning. Some days are better than others as far as his body goes.

Your place is a large, rectangular mausoleum following silver stepping stones square with the ground. Surrounding all sides of the white granite itself is a neat, sparse garden, mainly tulips. Granite columns of the same color slope down from either corner.

At the front, a few wide steps take him to a pair of antique, stained glass doors. The handles are golden, matching the frames that trace the doors’ stretching windows.

Two candles, clean granite like the rest, are attached to either side of the doors where above, etched into the stone, are the Wings of Freedom.

Levi thought it would be in poor taste to etch his last name alone across the top. Not only was it a family name he never truly identified with, having been unaware of it longer than he has been alive (even at this point), but anyone coming by to grieve should know your name. They would be lucky to know it.

He (and Onyankopon, that saint) argued with the mason until both your first and last name, Ackerman, was approved to be inscribed proudly along the top, where it belongs.

His legs stop moving just far enough away for your name to be legible, but of course, his baby can’t read yet. She prefers to stick her face in the flowers while now propped up on his hip, since his other arm is taken by the cane.

“You’re gonna sneeze,” he tells her gently. She claps her hand over her nose.

Even if he was too pained to come, he needed to make sure your place stayed clean. Today there isn’t a spot of grit in sight… No overgrowth, either. The roof, when he peers up on his toes, is spotless.

Good. Anything else would be inexcusable.

“Veterans Affairs” is the organization originally appointed to the upkeep, but he fired ten of those fucking fools before going in search of a private company that gets the job as close to right as they can. For the last three months, it’s been paying off.

But he is still pained. Every week he subjects himself to the worst of it because every week he visits, sometimes with her, and it hurts so damn bad he feels himself and what remains of you detach from the entire rest of the world and drop into hell. He feels his lungs constrict and his one eye that can still produce tears blur what’s left of his vision.

His girl is quiet, gnawing gently at her thumb with her head tucked under his chin. He gets a hint of her light, lemony shampoo every time he sucks in a breath. It calms him down.

After more than a few of these visits, she caught on that this place makes Levi sad, but… not why he chooses to come, he thinks.

She’s not old enough to get it yet, which worries him too. Visiting her mother should never just depress her.

He needs her, one day, to feel differently, but he worries she won’t. He worries and worries.

But he holds no anger. What would be the point?—It’s easier to believe it’s his fault, even though that’s wrong too. He has heard it screamed at him that there was nothing he could have done. Sometimes, during the process of giving birth, something just goes wrong.

He has also been reassured that it wasn’t your fault, and to not harbor resentment, and to not blame your daughter.

The only physical altercation Levi has ever thrown himself in since the war ended was between him and the braindead nurse whose shit mouth threw up that fucking bullshit. As if he was such a weak man. As if he did not love you enough to see that as plain as fucking day. He has nothing to forgive you for, and he adores his daughter.

Fucking prick.

Levi shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath before he can work himself up too much. That memory still inspires a special type of rage in him.

Upon sitting down on a nearby bench only a stone’s throw away from the doors, he ignores the relief in his leg as strongly as he ignored the pain from before.

With his cane set beside him, the bouquet of flowers on the other, he angles his knee and props his little girl up on his good leg so her side presses against his middle. She lays her head there, clutching at his shirt while mindlessly kicking her blue booties from time to time.

She’s quiet. Maybe because he is.

He hates this kind of mood, but if he were to open his mouth, he suspects his voice will betray him. Then the mood will be truly shit.

“You wanna go walk around?” he grits out eventually.

Her head does a meager little shake, pressed against his chest.

“I get it seems like I’m sad, but I’m not, alright? This isn’t a sad place. Hey.” He ruffles her hair a little so she’ll look up at him. “Don’t be sad.”

She stares up at him blankly.

He deadpans. “I don’t expect you to understand. Just don’t start running away whenever I take you. We’re still getting ice cream after this.”

She sticks her tongue out a little at him at the mention of ice cream. “Mmm.”

Normally he would argue about flavors at her right about now, but he feels too heavy. He wraps both his arms around her and holds her to his chest as that familiar sting takes over his eye.

How is it still possible to feel as lonely as death at a time like this? She doesn’t get it, no, but he thinks she knows who you are, and isn’t just copying him when he says “mama.”

On occasion she will, while crawling around in the grass, sit up on her haunches, point at you, and say it.

Levi encourages this, even though it must be a little confusing right now.

“C’mon,” he murmurs. He gives her hair a peck. “I really need some more flowers. Especially…” He takes the flowers and shows them to her pensive face. “...in this color.”

Her brows pinch. “Mmm…”

“For Mama.” Then he thinks about it. “But you don’t actually have to. You can say no.”

“Mm. ‘kay,” she murmurs. When she starts to wiggle about, he lets her down, giving her hair a hearty ruffle in thanks.

“Thanks, baby. You’re… the best.”

He still struggles with the affection stuff.

She blows a lazy raspberry as she meanders off towards the small field to the side of you. Most of what’s there is weeds carefully masking as flowers, but it’s the color that matters. He doesn’t want her to get a bee sting, or thorn pricks. Or to get picked up by some giant bird or something.

Levi takes his cane as he stands, and, with her ever-present in the corner of his eye, walks up to the front steps. This time, he especially sucks the pain up so he can kneel down.

“I…” His breath catches.

After months and months of these visits, he struggles with what to say. After more than a year since you’ve been gone, he struggles to say anything. At least he can show you respect, and when he leaves, salute you.

But it is not enough. You were not simply a soldier to him. You were his very life before your little girl took over for the both of you.

He bows his head. Today he’s determined. Before this routine began, he didn’t believe Mikasa when she said that speaking to you would be soothing, but since that first time, he hasn’t been able to stop.

“I… miss you,” he whispers, then swallows. “She misses you too, and she never even knew you, so… Um.”

Get it together.

“If you could meet her, then you’d, love her even more than you did then. Still. I—I wish I had your opinion of whether or not I’m doing this right.”

His last words end in a strained hiss. After a heavy swallow, he lays down the flowers. One hand remains clasped over them.

“Keep resting well. I won’t let your. Sacrifice.” He heaves a large gulp of air. “Be in vain. I’ll… see you later.”

With his hand like a shade over his eyes, he sucks in a wet breath and wipes the damp side of his warm face. When he wet his lips, he feels the cleft.

His knee feels like it’s going to snap into pieces any moment. Although he’d rather take more time with you, with his cane propped he rises back to his feet. His head remains bowed in reverence.

He takes another look for his baby. Not far in the field, she shakes a bundle of stringy flowers above her as her head swivels in every direction in search of more.

She’s doing a great job. Even if she had every color of the rainbow clenched between her little fingers and every one were weeds, he’d think that.

She seems busy. That means he has time to stay alone with you a while longer. These visits strain him at the best of times, but he would be a wreck without them, too.

And your girl. She will understand how happy it is to go and see her mama here, one day.

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