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omgpoindexter · 1 year

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what are you top 5 fave nurseydex fics you've read? (a girl is needing recs)

oh yay!!! first of all i have to admit that over the years i've dipped in and out of omgcp tumblr and therefore have been very bad at staying up to date, so most of these are quite old. they are my favourites for a reason, however! also i did 6 not 5 lol <3

to be alone with you by @alocalband Will and Derek spend their junior year learning how to live together, learning how to be friends, and, eventually, figuring out that they'd like to be more.

i actually only read this fic recently, but it’s instantly one of my new faves. it is SO well written, the characterisations of every single character are perfect, and the story is so beautiful. i’ve reread it a few times already!

in so many words also by alocalband Derek writes a short story. That's his first mistake. His second is getting it published.

idk why but i absolutely live for fics where everyone on the outside knows what nursey and dex are up to except for them, and this one is really good at it. the ‘derek “nursey” nurse is unchill’ tag is very accurate in this case.

in front of the same small bathroom mirror by @geniusorinsanity It's not surprising that sharing a room changes things, but neither of them expect the most important conversations in their strange, awkward friendship to happen in their shared bathroom. (Or: five conversations Dex and Nursey have in a shared bathroom, and one in bed.)

i absolutely adore this story. dex and nursey learning to coexist and care for each other is so special to me and this fic captures it perfectly. honestly, anything by shelly is going to be a must-read, but this one is really really wonderful.

it drops with the gravity of rain also by geniusorinsanity It happens like this: “I don’t--this is a bad idea,” Dex says, his lips still tingling, his hands shaking on Nursey’s hips where he’s shoved him away. “This is a really bad idea, Nurse. I can’t--We can’t do this.” And there’s hurt in Nursey’s eyes and his bottom lip is swollen from Dex’s teeth, but he says, “Okay.” And then, “It’s chill, Dex. Just friends, then.” It happens like this: “Actually,” Nursey says, talking more to his granola than to them, “I kind of have a date.” It happens like this: When Nursey calls, Dex almost doesn’t pick up the phone.

another wonderful fic by shelly - i reread this one all the time. it’s such a lovely character study of dex and it tackles the subject matter so well. content warnings in the end notes.

things you said by @quidhitch / @maangoes “Awww, looks like Dex appreciates a lady in uniform,” Nursey teases, tucking his feet a little further beneath Dex’s thighs. “You have a thing with the head cheerleader back in high school Dexy? Hold her pom poms and kiss her whatnot?” Dex seems to be contemplating something, and Nursey figures it’s one of his lame clapbacks like your mom’s a pom pom. He brings the bottle to his mouth, smiling around the lip of it. “Actually, I’m more of a captain of the football team kinda guy.” Nursey chokes on his beer.

i always come back to this one. it’s just so sweet and funny. i remember reading it years ago and it has stuck with me all this time.

today the sun comes in by @playedwright Will looks beautiful, Derek thinks, and it isn’t fair. Time has done nothing to lessen the extent of his feelings, either. Derek realizes a little too late exactly why he was nervous. It has been four years, three months, and five days since they graduated from Samwell, and Derek is finally facing the undeniable fact that at some time during his college years, he fell in love with William J. Poindexter and never got around to falling out of it.

this is one of those special fics that stays with you. i have never been to seattle, but this story made me homesick for the city. mars is such a gorgeous writer and this fic is a perfect example of it! (also i miss u mars!!!)

this was fun, i've missed reccing fics! i hope i could be useful! maybe i'll do some more recent ones if I manage to keep up to date with the nurseydex tag <3

#i love fics u guys everyone in this fandom is so talented #answers #kimikofrenchie #nurseydex #nurseydex fic rec

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giuliano-fan-account · 1 year

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Hxh ch 396-397 review

WHY DID EVERYBODY FLOCK TO MY CHAPTER 395 REVIEW FOUNDING PART ONE OK??????

Anyways yeah I didnt do reviews for the past couple of weeks because Things happened and I got busy and it got me out of my groove so.

I have been reading of course because who am I .

I’ll do an overview of the rest of the flashbacks because those Messed Me Up actually and I have art and things to say about it.

Spoilers, obviously . (Warning for Child Abduction and death)

Chapter 396: Founding part 2

Sadly I dont have viz screenshots because of it only being the recent 3 lol so I’ll be using an unofficial translation

There he is again with some weird Popcorn Cauliflower lookin things and ooh nooo

Hi Uvogin!

Also hi Phinks with the walnut hair. At this point I’ve adjusted to how wonky it looks though but

SARASA *50 crying emojis*

I actually love Sarasa a lot. She’s adorable and confident and fearless... I really hope nothing BAD HAPPENS TO THIS CHARACTER. auughgggggg

I also really like Sheila. Even though they didn’t end up being actual phantom troupe members Sarasa and Sheila matter to me and I really want to know what Togashi has in mind by bringing her back into the plot. But aside from that we also get another moment of exposition for Pakunoda and Chrollos relationship. Im Not Crying Youare.

I love to think that while a lot of other people call him ‘Little bro’, Pakunoda is the closest to being his actual “big sister”

Power cleaners moment. I actually slipped up and call them Power Rangers sometimes or like for example “Ranger red” instead of Clean up red. Whats funny is that I didn’t even watch power rangers as a kid this is just how it is

Look at all those sillies

I really really want to know what this sounded like because Im not gonna say that it’s really bad just because they’re kids, but I think it would be very funny if they were sugar coating it not even on purpose because of how young and silly they are.

Chrollo is actually 11 you learn in 397 so I’m guessing that would mean Paku is 10, Sarasa is like 8-9 or something since she’s the youngest, and Sheila is somewhere inbetween them all.

I love how out of context he sounds like a victorian child whos about to make an important announcement.

“Father, may I have the mic?” I never thought I would hear those words but knowing that it comes from baby Chrollo makes it all make sense.

Also look theres Nobunaga!! Wow!! He’s finally in his own flashback!

I like the composition of this panel because This chapter is supposed to be a highlight on Uvos progression and his relationship with Chrollo and the fact that Chrollo is straight ahead of him really drives that home.

IM CRYING THIS PANEL

To be honest you gotta love this because you really just see how sincere he is in just wanting to make all the other kids happy here, and they are ecstatic

With Chrollo doing all the same lines though just imagine theres this kid and he just has crazy vocal range for no reason and hes talking to himself in 7 different voices

omfg is he Jerma985. .

.....

..i mean i did make this one thing

Anyways

HOLY CRAP JEDSURS

I bet he put his entire freakin heart into that line like no holding back

I love how everybodys like stunned and then theres just Nobu who is there

HELLO??????????? JFC

ALSO IS THIS A SAIKI K REFERENCE BECAUSE I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF TOGASHI JUST SLIPPED THAT IN THERE... (In some volume extras I think of vol 35 he put references in random panels and replaced the text and there was a saiki k reference in one. Fun fact)

Scrungly Sarasa and Sheila only ever

I also really like the composition of these panels.. Its also very centric on Uvo and Chrollo which I appreciate. Also I can see it being animated a lot for no reason like its so easy to imagine with this format.

When the Sarasa are Scurngly and adorble

Im just gonna put this whole page here and then talk abt it I love it so so so so so omuch and tears are definitely not in my eyes right now because of it.

So first of all, I read this translation first, and I think the lines they put here are better than what they put in the VIZ one. I don’t remember what they were, but the top panels lines here are just so raw and “That was me dubbing you!” Flows well. Sometimes unofficial translations can be wonky, but they did great on this page.

I love Love Love the way this page was drawn too. The way that Uvo and Chrollo just look shocked and are shown side by side is great, and I love the focus and detail on Sarasa and also even though it’s a still picture, her hair has so much motion and i i i i

Everybody’s reactions are nice too. I’m just thinking. No wonder Togashi had to take all that time off especially for these chapters. Drawing this many people is not easy at all...

IM M MLITERALLY CRYIGN HH hh G HHhhhhh UE h fhf hh n SNIFF

I like Uvo and Machi’s dynamic lol. They seemed to already be friends which is just really funny since she’s just this tiny little child and then Uvo is like. Already like 6 foot 2 or something idk. (He grows to be 8′5.)

This is so funny because when you think of the Phantom Troupe you think of incredibly twisted people, but no, their original original name came from them trying to make a company name for their little dubbing thing.

Im Crying again haha. I mean I guess in the end he did become a villain, so wish fulfilled!

This line is so relevant to so many things involving Uvogin, even having to do with his character in the yorknew arc

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ONO NO ON NO NON ONON ONO OOOHHH NOOOO SARASA. COMMUNICATION IS KEY SARASA. JUST TELL THEM THAT THERE WAS A BUNCH OF TAPES THERE. SARASA. SARASA NO STOP RUNNING COME BACK

NO!!!!!!!!!! YOU CANT DO THAT

Chapter 397: Founding Part 3

at least this time I can take fro m the viz official translation.. Ha ha

Are you ready guys? This is going to be a wild ride! (Warning for Child Abduction and death especially here)

So they finally notice that Sarasa’s not here and there Might be Something wrong! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE RIGHT ABOUT THIS IN MY CHAPTER 395 REVIEW.

This is Depressing but I love the attention to detail with how he’s gripping his shorts. I just wanted to point that out

Oh and haha he’s blaming himself for something only somewhat inside his control as a young child... Hmm.. That sounds familiar...

Dont you love when you start having a little more hope for something again...

Oh haha look at them on the bike Oh look everybodys doing their own part in the search!!!......

Oh god....

....And then everything just plummets....

Seriously when I read this part I felt my heart drop. SO much so that I made a whole redraw of it for chapter 357!

I love Hunter x Hunter.

THIS WAS THE TREE. THE TREE. TOGASHI WHY. I TRUSTED YOU WITH THE TREE. WHYYYYYY

mmm I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this

Currently completely Fine right now actually ignore everything I just said.

NEVERMIND. IM NOT SHOWING THE PANELS WHERE IT HAS WHATS IN THE BAG FOR OBVIOUS REASONS BUT LIKE. THERE WAS A NOTE. ON HER AND IT HAD A FREAKING SMILEY FACE ON IT

A SMILE FACE....

My exact reaction

GEEEZZZ!!!!!

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM NOT OK WITH THIS AT ALL OK OH MY GOD NEXT PAGE NOW PLEASE NEXT

Thank You.

I feel like the flowers on her head would be little orange roses.. Because well for one, the orange cleaner, and also orange roses are a symbol for Joy I think and that’s perfect for her

Im so glad that Togashi decided to make this little scene because I wouldn’t be able to handle what just happened before without this closure and Im pretty sure that was done on purpose because That was like one of the most horrific scenes in Hunter x Hunter in my opinion.

You could feel how everybody was panicking and the grief and anguish and it was just aaahhhhhhggghghhgh.......

Anyways. Onto another thing that is helping me process all of this lol

NEN!!

LITTLE MACHI AND NEN!! EVEN BETTER!

This is another line that I liked better in the unofficial translation

JUST. JUST. “Those pretty eyes of yours make my skin crawl.” ESPECIALLY IN THE CONTEXT OF MACHI IS SUCH A COOL LINE!!! anyways :)

I like nen so This is also very relieving. We are getting lore....

THIS GUYS LIKE 11 AND HES ALREADY DOING STUFF TO FIX METEOR CITY. SO IS CHROLLO THE REASON WHY METEOR CITY HAS TO DO WITH THE MAFIA???? PROBABLY.

Add Predicts the technological revolution to baby Chrollo’s achievement list. This kid Hunter x Hunter children are insane for a fact

He would do great in my English 10 Honors class with all that evidence and reasoning there

hey guys its Shalnark here and today I’m going to explain chrollos Nefarious plot

Hes so happy that he didnt have to do 3 paragraphs of more explaining! ..also

Jus dont even ask why I made this but I sure did I also made a video but idk how to put videos on tumblr other than have them be at the top which is not what I want so you just get this

I kind of wish we got more of younger Shalnark because we got focus on Paku and Uvo who are both... decreased and you know...

oh god I just realized

All the phantom troupe characters that are commonly nicknamed are Dead. Quick everybody stop saying Nobu for Nobunaga

Anyways

At least he gets a little bit of a moment here

I feel so bad for Sheila little sheila talk here

Like man her best friend just got Murdered and she can not do this. I bet part of her does not want to be involved with the troupe anymore because they have the most to do with her death, and maybe she even counts them responsible for them not caring, and with that she probably blames herself too.

I really want to see her again she is such a character and there’s no way that Togashi’s just gonna bring her back here and not have her be plot relevant. Was she for or against the kurta massacre!??!?!?!? wha????

Top ten ways to become a mass murderer

lets play a game. Is this a quote from Kurapika or Chrollo?

Look at all these parallels and foreshadowing... Putting that in perspective, that means that Chrollo became the very person he sought to destroy as a child, and I wonder if he realizes that, especially now in his current mental and emotional condition. But at the same time, he may have been expecting that. He should know that the Troupe has all the right to be persecuted with the amount of carnage that they’ve caused.

THIS OUT OF CONTEXT.

I think the whole thing with the Villain and this panel is a callback to Uvo’s line about being the worlds greatest villain, and maybe Chrollo was thinking that he would fit as leader because of that but...

Get pranked! Also notice how Paku is also gripping the end of her dress. Since I’m an empath, I can tell that Paku is having mixed feelings and is nervous about this /s

In 3 years he shed his old pair of eyes and then regrew Strange Eyes. Hold on.

This is extremely important and like one of the best things Ive ever made.

He has Strange Eyes HE GOT HIS STRANGE EYES LETS GOOOOOO

I decided I wanted to do math So their reunion happens around 7 years before the Kurta massacre, and that’s when Chrollo is 21.. so 10 years after sarasa’s death is when the Kurta massacre takes place.

Ok were finally to the end of this fun fun fun Chapter! I have 2 questions.

1. Where is Phinks?

2. Shalnark What has he the Hair and Outfit? What? Ok well technically he’s in style since this is like the mid-late 80′s then but he looks a little bit like a Flamboyant Pop star from that era and then everybody else is just regular for their character. Then there’s just Shalnark with his fluffy mullet and the oversized suit and the collar

And also if that was his style when and why did he change? We could have had a totally different Shalnark tbh but I’m happy with the one we have.

Anyways

Hope you enjoyed this absolute behemoth of a post and I may do another one with the next two chapters some time

In the meantime, who knows, just keep doing what you do & make sure you drink enough water so that your pee looks like light pineapple juice or lemonade (that means youre healthy)

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thatkdpoh · 5 months

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Introduction i think?

Ok so I’ve been like really excited to do this I don’t know why but this is I think controversy? I don’t know how controversy works but this is how it happened.

I am 12 yrs old, My height is 5,1 and holy shit wanna kms but I am 130 pounds. This will flucate and idk how to spell it but it’s like a line with a dot in the front or end and it goes left to right so I flucate to 130 to 140 I hate that.

How I know about ED/Backstory/rant (cringy ik sorry :c :

I was always a fat kid and I’ve hated it, I understand that I didn’t care about my weight but when I was like what 8 to 9 whenever my dad would say cow to me in taqvaylit I don’t know how to write it but I know something’s like amcic or tizizwith or afkroune which is cat, bee and turtle in that order. I would feel self conscious and sometimes cry to because I’m very sensitive which is like cringy i know lol. My heaviest had to been this year like 140 pounds but I think it was water weight and shit. Anyways my mom tried to get me to fast and she would force me or smth maybe not force but like tried to get me to lose weight. She’d say it directly and it would always make me feel bad but like I understand being 130 for like 8 yrs or 9 to 12 is very heavy and embarrassing considering I always saw kids would be more skinner than me I’d feel very bad. Until recently like last year in 6th grade I was reading fanfics of a human au of TMNT i didnt know what ED’s were so when it showed up the word bulimia I thought it meant bullshit but it didn’t sound right so I searched it up and saw the symptoms that’s when I also learned about anorexia and pica etc. When I saw the symptoms I started copying them now this is the part that I think is controversy I copied the symptoms which I know was bad but I was fucking lazy and still am couldn’t do a workout for the life of me or restrict food, I was used to eating a lot and when I saw the symptoms I copied them and they worked!! I loved it and then the minute I knew how to starve myself, I actually don’t know how to continue with that but I didn’t know how much of a deeper hole I got into but I really loved it and still do EMBARRASING. I did do exercise I did like 100 sit ups a day which did nothing but it did make my body ache and stopped, 5th grade was the worst out of all my grades for now but 6th might be second but it wasn’t that bad just a lot of crying and seeing how fat I am made me cry that’s it. Now if I don’t starve at all or try too I would feel like shit. In 6th grade I also saw that purging was a symptom so I made myself throw up but only if I ate way to fucking much and I’m so bloated it hurts and I can’t take the pressure so I throw up just to take off a little pressure and go back but then I’d feel sick which sucked :C. When Ramandan came though I was A BEAST not an actual beast but like it was my oppertuinity to fast without anyone questioning because I live in a studio apartment with 5 other people that are my family >_<. Obviously with my blabber mouth which I hate told everything to my mom but I think she thinks that I’m ok now :D. Any way I’d only eat 5 tablespoons of soup every night and I was very tired and I lost 6 pounds!! Which isn’t a lot but I made it to 124 pounds!! But then I gained it all back in summer break, cried, tried to fast for 3 days but fainted on the 36 hour?? I’m not sure because when I stopped the fast because my mom told me to eat and spoiler alert I cried cause I have little bitchitas if u know Kubz scouts u know. I paused at the 38 hour so like 36 is my highest to fast which is embarrassing again. ANYWAY NOW IM IN 7TH GRADE STUGGLIJG EITH THIS THINGY :]] I sound like those I guess I deserve it heh thing but like no I’m not seriously I just wanted to be silly. Anyway I’m gonna try that ABC diet which I think seems kind of mid to hard but I think fitnesspal would help me with it <33

BYE EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING SND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! :33

#i need to lose so much weight #thinner is better #@na tips #@tw edd #ed bullshit #th1nsp1ration #thigh g4p #tw ed but not sheeran #@na vent #4ana #proana.#pro a4a #ana dairy #ana rant #tw ana diary #tw ana trigger

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oldcoyote · 1 year

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so i hate the way i look, and i hate my face, and i genuinely believe it’s difficult for people to look at me without judgment or flinching unless they’re already accustomed to seeing my face. i always have, since i was very little and children used to put push-pin holes in my face in photos of me on the merit board at school when i was five years old. i learned from that that my face is awful, and people hate it, so i should hate it too

i recently talked about how all the pictures of me online are edited with photoshop and youcam so that they’re less difficult to look at, so that people don’t have to feel bad or want to laugh seeing them. i also only ever post pictures of my face or shoulders-up because i’m obese, and miserable in my body, and embarrassed by it

but i recently saw a tweet asking people to list the things they’re proudest of doing this year and realised i have done nothing all year that i’m proud of. i’ve regained weight, i’ve wasted all my days, i’ve laid around feeling sorry for myself and wishing i could get up and do the things i dream of doing. no progress made

so, with only a handful of days left in the year, i figure if i’m ever going to do something a little bit brave - it should be now. so here’s a photo of me i took in the mirror awhile ago, no edits, no face slimming app, or makeup, no cutting down to head and shoulders only, no photoshopping out the bags under my eyes. though i do wish i’d cleaned the mirror first lol

think anything you want to think, that’s your right and it’s none of my business. you can think i’m fat, i’m ugly, i’m whatever. but maybe, just for today, i’m also a little bit brave

#face warning #self hatred #self image #fatphobia #internalized fatphobia

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boxwinebaddie · 9 months

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bashful anon here again! i was scrolling through your blog again and i found your post announcing your break. i’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way! you seem to be very sweet and cool as a person, so seeing you in a bad emotional state hurts. i know i can’t single-handily solve all that troubles you (believe me, i would if i could) but i can try to comfort you the best i can.

please don’t feel bad about taking a break! you’re doing great, honestly. in fact, i highly recommend you take a longer one if you feel like it’s needed. fanfic is supposed to be a fun lil hobby for everyone, and when hobbies start to become stressors, a break can help kind of…reset your mind (i learned that from experience. trust me, me and executive dysfunction are so close we might as well be wed ) your effort on pep truly goes above and beyond, and a week or two hiatus between chapter is actually reasonably quick! i’ve been waiting on fics that haven’t updated in more than half a decade, and even then i try to be patient for them.

also, a reminder that you don’t owe us anything. you could inherit the entirety of south park studios (don’t think about this scenario TOO hard lol) and never write fanfic again, and that is totally in your right as a united internet citizen. nobody should give you shit about it either, and if they do, they would do the world wonders to just stfu and RESPECT. YOUR. AUTHORTAH.

cringy sp reference aside, i hope you underSTANd (can’t help myself at this point) that we are all here for you and we’ll still be joyously waiting for your updates, no matter how long they take!

bc i’m also a hs senior citizen, i’m going to go play some bejeweled now. please take care <3

bashful nonnie!

good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night wherever you are on this day in the world, which is surely a better place with you there and is good because of you!

i apologize for letting this sit in my box for a long time and i sincerely hope you didn't think i was avoiding you! it just....very deeply touched me and i wasn't sure to respond in a way that wasn't embarrassing or lacking...to which i realized, nina, you silly and strange, sentience! that's the entire moral of this ask message! that you are enough and anything you put out is a reflection of your hard work and dedication!

my friend...thank you from the bottom of my heart for your message. i'm glad i seem sweet and cool to you! i feel like it's important as a fanfiction writer to accurately and effectively portray flaws. that goes for stan the man with the plan, kyle pile and...myself.

i'm just a little person in this big world and i sometimes get stressed and sad, same as you ( though i hope not too often my dear! you also seem very sweet and cool! ) it was embarrassing to share that with you all but necessary because as stupid as it sounds...it's not always easy to write my silly multi-part style fanfiction.

i really wish i could update frequently because a lot of it is very tediously planned but...because of that tedious planning...there are a lot of steps, a lot of scenes, dialogue, chapters...WORDS! my goodness so many words i wish there were less! and my god...the formatting. don't even get me started. it fills my soul so much to do it but it is...laborious. a labor of love. and i do love you all...so much.

i always think its very cute when you guys refer to pep as your 'favorite book' or a 'novel' or a 'story' because at first...i was like...it's a fanfiction you silly gooses, not a novel....but recently just looking at the time and effort i put into pep and how important it is for to really build this living breathing cohesive thing...it kind of is a novel. novels are complicated and wonderful...but they aren't written quickly.

but i want this one to be written well. it's important for me that when i write chapters they are not just things i throw out that mean nothing or are just so you guys can read something. i want you to read somehting that matters to you. that you look forward to and enjoy thoroughly ( at least i hope you do. ) for me...but for all of you. who i suppose i owe nothing to...but really...you guys are everything to me. the fact that you all care so much about me and peppermint...it literally made me cry!

which! pfft! a one time occurrence! clearly i, like kyle pile, am an impenetrable, unfeeling fortress who never shows human emotion! what are 'tears'...the liquid salt that sometimes falls from your eyeballs? how curious shdlkahd just kidding! i cry more than stan!

but thank you friend. so many times! more than i can express. i am going to try and go forward and learn form my mistakes. i think i am going to stop confining myself to a deadline. i am going to stop promising you things or telling you what should be in each chapter because that was what stressed me out the most. i am just going to publish a fiction...that is my authentic truth. and if we all don't like it. there, of course, is no punishment for stopping reading it. but i hope you like it.

i am currently editing the formatting for chapter 12...which is so exciting! i have one last scene...very short at the bottom that is not done, but i think i am going to write it straight into the bottom and publish it. it's...kind of a strange and deranged little chapter. but in the middle...oh my god, you'll know when you're there. i wrote something that is one of my favorite things that i have written in peppermint ever. e v e r. it means a lot to me and i really hope you guys like it.

to close this...very long message, you guys know how i am by now, wordy and emo, like kyle, like stan...i love you. i love you. i love you. you are so kind and wonderful and bright. you can do anything you set your mind to. be it high school or saving the world. you save the world every day by being here. please, if you can, try not to be bashful about this. your humility is very touching, but you can touch the hearts of so many with your precious existence...that is nothing to be ashamed of.

until next time, nonnie!

-bashful uncle nina who may be doing the eyeball liquid salt human emotion thing again but for a very happy reason.

#thank you angel #i am sorry this is going out fashionably late and is so long #i hope it is as special to you as you are and all of you are to me

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jayflrt · 2 years

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alice as one of the older kids on sfw enhablr (not saying ur old !! 😭😭 it’s just that there’s a lot of minors on here) how do you feel abt the current content for the maknae line? like ik it’s not always super sexualized or anything but sometimes i see stuff that’s just the way it’s worded really rubs me the wrong way ☹️ esp bc some of the kids on here are so young it makes me feel like if they see stuff like that , they might start think it’s okay for others to treat them the same or vice verse … whenever i see edits of niki on tiktok , i have to avoid the comments bc there’s almost always like a “daddy” , “how is he 16” or “you don’t know what you do to me” like wtf he’s a literal child ?? it makes me so mad and honestly so uncomfortable :( and i saw an article on kboo today too that said niki apparently has around 200 explicit or mature fics written abt him on ao3 … sometimes even the fboi trope (usually when it’s written abt minors) bothers me bc i see minors writing abt it (like 13-15 y/o) and i don’t understand why they don’t just use the term player or smtg … bc they’ll go out of their way to mention how the character has sex a lot an whatnot , even that feels way too suggestive for me personally for a minor too write let aline abt a minor too , sorry for the rant,, i was just wondering how you felt … omg also though tbh i noticed that some of the minors on here / blogs in gen seem way too comfy on here like they’ll be sharing where they live , their actual names and sometimes like giving a lot of personal info … like did they not learn abt internet safety or do they just no care? as one of the older kids , i kind of worry abt them :( i really hope everybody stays safe on here <3 & some reminders: never be afraid to block anyone ! bc i’ve seen a lot of minors on here get sent stuff from the p*rn bots or just weird dms :( & u don’t need to force yourself to interact with someone , make sure ur comfy with them first !

HAHAH dw anon i know what you meant !! plus i’m aware i’m on the older side of the enhablr audience 😵‍💫 you actually bring up a point that’s been my mind a lot recently because i’ve been seeing a lot of suggestive undertones in comments directed towards riki especially on tiktok lately 😭😭 as you said, i get that there’s a trend of comments that are like “how is he only 16” and “the things he does to me” but i always feel so weird about the first one especially 💀 idkkk i thought i was just being a buzzkill but the comments do put me off a little LOL like these ones

yeah idk ab minors writing fuckboy tropes bc it’s like veryyyy suggestive and very much toeing the line of borderline smut 💀 also i don’t get the point of a fuckboy trope for riki :/ i feel like it adds absolutely nothing to the plot too if the point is just a “bad boy au” other than fanservice so i truly don’t understand the point. and riki has over 200 mature fics written for him??? that’s so horrible oh my god 😭

i think it’s much more common to share more information over the internet now than it was years back, and it’s a little scary sometimes 😵‍💫 i do hope everyone is practicing internet safety tho bc there are some evil evil people out there <//3 also i actually find it hard to block ppl HAHAH but yes don’t be afraid to block porn bots and people who are being suspicious !! i actually blocked a porn bot just a while ago 💀 i’m not sure why there’s soooo many of them on tumblr all of a sudden :o

#💌 : love notes #anon

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wiseatom · 2 years

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hi! i was wondering if u were willing to share what ur relationship to writing as a writer has been recently or when you first started out? maybe also like how you envision a piece before you start writing it?

my problem is that i only seem to want to write when i'm REALLY entrenched in a fandom and that hasn't happened since i gave up on harry potter a few years ago. so i'm pretty out of practice, and i wasn't that good to begin with, and i don't even really consider myself a writer, but i just have so many ideas for the characters that i love that i feel like i need to write them down!!! any advice?

anyway i just love your content so i thought i'd ask. no pressure to respond tho haha :)

hello!!! i am absolutely willing to share because i’ve had a very similar experience to you!!

i’ve had a really weird relationship with writing fic. i wrote and published around 400k words of fic from the time i was thirteen to when i was sixteen, and then literally just. stopped. for several years, lol. i got really into art around then, and spent more time and energy on developing that skill set vs writing, and i just found it very hard to balance the two (and i still do!!). i wrote a little and posted a little when i was around twenty one/twenty two, then stopped actively writing again until last year. i completely get where you’re coming from as far as feeling out of practice, and i also really only want to write when i’m deep into a fandom — i can’t tell you how many unfinished fics i have sitting in my google drive because of how many times my interests have shifted over the years lol. it’s a crime ❤️

my best advice is to stop getting so caught up on whether or not you’re a “writer” (whatever that means to you! it’s different for everyone!) and whether or not what you’re writing is “good”. writing is a skill, and like with any skill, you can’t get “good” without being “bad” first. i put these in quotations because i use these terms very loosely — creative skills in general are annoying and hard, because your brain learns what “good” is faster than you are able to actually produce. that’s why blocks happen! because you feel like nothing you’re coming out with lives up to the learned standard you have in your head. sometimes your standard/your ability match, and then your standard pulls ahead and your ability has to catch up. something i’ve found that’s helped my writing so much is making sure i’m reading more, because being well-read increases that standard, and your ability WILL get there. you just have to fumble and flail a little for that to happen.

which leads to my writing process! it depends on what i’m writing — i mostly write one-shots, but i have a multi-chapter in the works that is Scaring Me because i haven’t written anything multi-chapter since i was sixteen lol. i don’t have any master doc with writing ideas, so each new idea gets it’s own separate document. once i make a new doc, everything i’ve thought of for that idea goes in there: dialogue, a certain sentence, concepts i can’t turn into a sentence at the moment but want to later, etc. with dialogue, i find it easiest to script it without dialogue tags. isolating the lines of dialogue like that helps me hear it in the characters’ voices, which helps me identify when things are out of character or worded weirdly. when it comes to actually writing the scene the dialogue is in, i just follow the script and re-write with dialogue tags, narrative introspection, etc. i usually have the beginning of a fic in my mind, script all the dialogue associated with the idea, and then go back and write (mostly) chronologically around everything. it’s very disjointed, but it’s what works for me! with multi-chaptered fics, i make a pretty rough outline so that i can make sure certain ideas don’t get lost and that themes are cohesive.

editing is a whole other process, because like i mentioned earlier, it’s not productive to get caught up on whether something is “good”/“bad”, so when i’m writing, i try to treat it as a very rough draft (emphasis on try, bc this is easier said than done, lol). once the draft is done, i go back through and absolutely tear it apart, like to the point of bullying myself lol. since i use drive to write fic, my first run through is just making comments on things i think need to be reworded, awkward parts, etc. then i go through the entire thing again on suggestion mode and make those changes, and do a third reread to see how everything is sitting. yes, this process does make you sick of your own fic before you even post it ❤️ after the third run through, if everything is good to go, i’ll plug it into ao3, fix the formatting, and then read again in post preview because i’m a little insane! i accidentally hit post instead of post preview for it’s a choice, so i am still finding formatting issues weeks later lol. but anyway! i find that doing it this way helps my ability match my standards a little better!

i am SO sorry that this is so long omg. i hope that this answered your questions and helps at all!! thank you for enjoying my content and letting me ramble for four paragraphs!!!

#asks #writing*#when you’re insane and can’t give a concise answer to anything ever 😇

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souvlakiandcocaine · 29 days

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so like

I haven’t seriously considered the possibility I may have been sexually abused until rlly rlly recently like 2ish yrs ago though it’s entered my mind in passing when I was a teen. It’s just that as far back as I can remember in my sexuality I’ve just been SO horny sorry 4 tmi but like insanely horny 2 the point it was interfering with my life n causing problems. I also never really had normal sexual fantasies like from the very beginning right off the bat it was like hardcore noncon stuff. And this was just in my teen years where I guess it could be explained by too much exposure 2 weird porn n some pretty weird interactions I had w hypersexualized peers (I started kinda “sexually experimenting” around 12-14 which some ppl might consider early). But going even further back when I was a littler kid I remember having dreams/fantasies inclinations w very sadistic/sexual undertones maybe not explicit sex but heavy on the domsub innuendos (especially choking I was obsessed with strangulation for some reason? and vampires). I didn’t really attempt 2 interact sexually with other kids til I was like 12 but yea those kinds of thoughts were always there. Always had a sadomasochistic thing going. when I first “formally” learned about “sex” (which was around age 10ish thru fanfic lol) I remember like deja vu feeling clicked like oh yeeaaah that’s what that is. since then I was just Constantly maladaptively daydreaming abt sex like always. This would make me “burn out” and become sex repulsed so I’d fly between hypersexual feelings and just utter disgust. There was also some other stuff like I had some (albeit very mild but still) uti symptoms that came back and forth throughout my childhood (my 2nd grade teacher sent a note to my mom once abt it cause I took too long in the toilet). I hated teachers/adults I didn’t know touching me in any way it would make me liek prickle all over and I had rlly bad night terrors 4 a bit at ages 6-7 and I would beg my mom to sleep in my room with me cuz I didn’t feel safe but lots of kids have those so idk. I’ve had a lot of issues with anorexia and gender dysphoria which is a big csa survivor symptom I’ve heard. I hated my puberty and sexual development I just wanted to be a child forever but like I wanted 2 be a Sexually Desirable Child?? I also just Hate being touched irl despite how hypersexual I am every time I tolerate it I want 2 throw up every time I make out with some1 specifically I also nearly throw up afterwards. But like there was other non sexual abuse in my childhood and just general disrespect of my boundaries so it could just be leaking into this one area of my life or I could just be using sex 2 soothe myself from other anxieties I honestly dk I don’t want to give myself false memories but some days it just seems so suspicious and it’s not like I have DID or serious memory issues or something so I’d remember right? ☹️ I feel like it would explain a lot honestly but I’m just so lost and confused and thinking about it too much makes me feel like an attention seeking liar

. . . and I’ve done really stupid shit 2 try and figure it out too like I thought maybe if I get violated again the memory will come flooding back so I purposely put myself in a dangerous situation with bad men twiCe once last yr n again this year and got sa-ed and then raped which obviously did nothing for me (and I really can’t complain it was super brief and non violent as far as rapes go I just got fingered without permission on a club dancefloor and the guy left me alone once I froze up). I thought about getting my hands on shrooms and maybe that would do the trick I don’t care if the memory is terrifying I just want to know it’s making me crazy not knowing I need 2 know did it happen yes or no

#my txt #ignore this ignore this ignore this #this is nothing ignore this #this is so dumb #tw csa mention #lilya lore #14 #20 #21 #22

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steviescrystals · 9 months

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its 5am and i can’t sleep and i have to ramble about something (a few somethings actually) bc i cannot stop thinking about it!! this is really just for me to get my thoughts out bc they’re driving me crazy, but on the off chance anyone reads this, prepare yourself: it’s about to be a very long post.

i have so many chronic issues — both physical and mental — that i’m just used to dealing with at this point, and i’m only just recently realizing how not normal they are?? the main thing that’s driving me insane lately is just my overall physical well being, like it’s just so… not good lmao. i’m extremely anemic, so i’m basically exhausted and lightheaded and dizzy and nauseous pretty much all of the time which is just awesome for me, and it’s been even worse than normal the past few months bc i have a ton of food issues that just keep getting worse (caused by a super fun combination of depression, disordered eating, constantly being sick, and just general stomach issues). my diet is really just all over the place and definitely not as nutritious as it needs to be, which as you can imagine does not help all the health issues i already have! on top of all that, i was finally diagnosed with adhd earlier this year after spending forever 1) constantly learning that a lot of things i had always thought were just “me things” were actually symptoms 2) being told by so many people around me WITH ADHD that i seemed like i had it, and 3) outright asking various psychiatrists and doctors to test me for it. because of the shortage on adhd medication, i only recently was able to get a prescription, and (this is where the relation to food comes in) literally no one — not my doctor, not the psychiatrist who prescribed it, not the pharmacist — thought to tell me that the medication i’m on lowers your appetite?? i only found out bc my mom, who’s a nurse, mentioned it one day and was shocked that i didn’t already know that was a side effect. so that sucks because i need the medication, but i also need to be eating a lot more than i currently am (especially because i’m also taking iron supplements for my anemia, and if you don’t eat enough while taking them, they make you sick). so! that’s all great for me!

i’ve also had chronic headaches since i was 11 years old that have continually gotten more frequent and more painful over the years, to the point that i get them almost every day and have taken advil, tylenol, midol, etc. so often that i’ve pretty much built up a tolerance to them and they do essentially nothing for me anymore. they’re usually just really bad headaches, but sometimes i get full-on migraines, and when i ended up in the ER in the spring (long story), the nurses told me i’m likely developing a migraine disorder. this is kind of just an unfortunate fact of life for me now since it’s been going on for eight years, but i’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately bc of a psychiatrist appointment i had a couple months ago (lots of various appointments lately but not much has gotten better… lol). when i was telling the psychiatrist about my headaches, he told me that the average person gets a headache twice a year, which just… genuinely blew my mind. like, i cannot imagine not having this problem. what a nice life that must be for the average person. and i mean, i’ve always known that i get headaches way more often than most people, but i truly could not wrap my brain around the difference being that extreme. i literally started asking everyone i knew how often they got headaches bc i was so surprised and curious, and they all told me they just never get them?? like that is insane to me, i’m so jealous.

okay last thing for now: the reason i’m still awake rn! i started struggling with insomnia when i was maybe 11 or 12, and just like with the headaches, it’s gotten worse and worse over time and i’ve just kind of grown accustomed to it. it always takes me hours to fall asleep, and i have a very hard time staying asleep — i usually wake up in the middle of the night at least two or three times a night. it’s another thing i knew wasn’t super typical, but it’s not insanely uncommon either. but that same psychiatrist had a statistic for this too, and he said that the average person wakes up in the middle of the night ONCE A YEAR (under normal circumstances, so not counting things like being sick or having abnormally high stress levels). he also asked me how long it takes me to fall asleep again after waking up in the night, and i said “not that long, like half an hour usually” and he quite literally just stared at me and said “yeah so that is long actually.” like, i know not everyone has insomnia, but this whole time i thought that everyone who DOES have it would have generally the same experience as me, and apparently that’s just not true lmao. in fact, he said my insomnia is so bad that i have what’s called terminal insomnia, so i guess this is just my life forever! how fun is that!

so that’s pretty much all i wanted to say (she said as if she didn’t just spend 30 minutes typing all of this). whenever something like this is on my mind, it makes it even harder to sleep than it already is all the time, so i figured i’d just come on here and word vomit for a while. i don’t expect anyone to read all of this (or any of it tbh), but if you have, thank you for listening! i hope you have a great day and get a better night’s sleep than me tonight :)

#send help the fucking sun is already rising as i’m typing this #loving life rn #vent

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survey--s · 9 months

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571.

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? Nope. I’m not even sure if Victoria’s Secret exists here lol. I guess there are probably a few shops in London or whatever.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? From Mike asking where the kitten’s food was. He’s my husband and I love him, though he does ask silly questions lol.

Did you have a New Year's kiss? No, I was asleep at midnight ha.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? Nothing is coming to mind right now.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? My back, for sure. I have chronic back pain anyway though.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Sure. I use Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and Mumsnet the most, plus Spotify and a few games too.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? My husband. Because he picked me and continues to pick me.

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? An English teacher - I’d hate to be a nurse - I’m really not very good with bodily fluids and bad smells lol.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? Yeah, the one at the end of our road lol. I mean, I’ll go to other places if I need to but that one’s the most convenient.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? Chris was eight years older than me.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Nah, I’m feeling pretty chilled out right now.

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? Been there, done that, would never do it again.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Sure, most of them seem to do the job.

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out, or have just an overall pretty face but have no special features? An overall pretty face, I think.

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? It’s only July lol. We didn’t do anything last year, we never do.

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? No.

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so? I put a reminder in my phone.

Do you think you're a confident person? In your opinion what makes someone "confident" anyways? I think I have an average amount of confidence? I mean, I’m happy to go places alone and do things alone, at least.

How would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? I really don’t have a type.

Do you read books often? What is your all time favorite book and author? I don’t really read much anymore, but my favourite author is probably Neil Gaiman. Neverwhere is definitely my favourite book of his but I also like Alice in Wonderland and The Night Circus. I love fantasy type stuff that’s also kind of based in reality.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? Yes! Setting up my own successful business, and I’m also proud of myself for learning to ride horses even though I fell off in a lesson and it really knocked my confidence.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? I wouldn’t say we were friends but I have a few of them on my Facebook.

What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I really don’t care - people can spend their money on whatever they want.

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? It depends - normally I just start at the entrance and work round unless there’s something specific I’ve gone in for.

Are you the type of person to fight for someone or walk away? It depends on the situation, but normally I’ll fight before walking away.

Is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? Nope. I don’t really agree with it being legalised but I do think it should probably be decriminalised.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my husband, three cats and a dog. If Mike died I think I’d prefer to live alone rather than with a roommate.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? Never.

What is the last online purchase you made? Some supplements for the dogs’ anal glands lol.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? Yeah, mood swings and spots beforehand, then pretty bad cramps for a couple of days - even to the point of vomiting. I also get diarrhoea for a few days lol.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? Nope, thankfully not.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It’s really fine and flyaway - it’s not very easy to manage, no. It’s curly but frizzy and really not very nice lol. I just tie it up mostly.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? Yes.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? No.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? I’m not really a fan.

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? I met Chris through work but we didn’t get together until he left.

What type of deodorant do you use? Do you notice any difference between powders and gels? Just whatever is on offer at the supermarket. I only use spray stuff though, I find roll-ons really sticky and unpleasant.

What would you say is your worst habit? Squeezing spots.

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered "a regular" at? Yeah, our local ice-cream coffee place, I guess.

Do you ever read the articles posted on the home page of Xanga? Has there ever been one that has really stood out to you? I’m sure I have done, but none of them stick in my mind now.

What is the weather currently like where you live? Rainy. It’s due to be like this for pretty much the whole of the next week lol.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don't you have their number saved? Nope.

Do you have any plans for Mardi Gras? We don’t have that here.

#survey #surveys

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halseybellaclementine · 10 months

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i linked my account since halsey does tumblr as well! so i’m back :) i love my job it’s really great money so doing well there. i bought myself a car in december - a honda which i really love ! my son is almost 17 now and he has a job as a cook and i couldn’t be more proud of him!! we have a new dog (Finn- he’s actually my sons dog) we got 2 years ago when Sparky passed away. that was a sad time. also Bella, my most beautiful baby girl- my best friend in the entire universe, passed in September. it’s been so hard without her here. but she gives me strength every day. having her was a complete blessing because she got me through the most difficult times of my life!

lately i’ve been traveling to Nashville, Atlanta, and recently to Fort Lauderdale for concerts (halsey twice) and to visit my family in Tennessee. last year i saw halsey and i was in the pit at the stage and let me tell you it was insane and so amazing!! unfortunately i caught covid after that! but it wasn’t as bad as others have experienced thankfully and i didn’t pass it to my family cause i’m a germaphobe lol. before that concert i had surgery on my right wrist because i ruptured all of my ligaments & dislocated my midcarpal joint. sadly it was from abusive relationships that i was in, and it wore down my ligaments and what-not down so far, that when i got my job with amazon, it was just a disaster and sadly had to leave that place cause i can’t use my wrist the same way anymore. constant pain so it sucks but it’s okay. i learned to deal with it. i went to occupational therapy which was nice cause i had muscle atrophy so that was wild.

i’m also very thankful i ditched all of the toxic people & things that i had in my life. i lost a lot of good people due to that whom i miss dearly and think about all of the time. i hope they’re okay but hey i know it was my fault because i let others dictate me and my life. i was too scared to stand up for myself & i paid the consequences.

in 2020 i was hospitalized once again but they diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder & it really just made everything make sense. i had to go through numerous therapy classes like s*xual assault, EMDR, DBT, grief therapy, etc. it took a long time to get on the right track but i’m finally here. it’s crazy looking back on my old posts because i honestly never thought i’d be here- i never thought that i could get to a happy place. of course life isn’t perfect, as nothing is, but i’ve learned how to cope and manage. i feel like a completely different and new person now.

anyways june 23 i flew to fort lauderdale to see halsey with a live string ensemble! it was a really awesome show! i was on the floor section in row 7 and i just so glad to have been able to see her again. the hard rock hotel and casino down there was so huge in my opinion! it was soooo amazing! the weather was extremely hot and i vowed to accept the hot weather up where i live (which wasn’t as hot as down there) but when i came back we have been under a heat wave from texas and the temperatures have been scorching hot! way worse than south florida haha! can’t wait to see halsey again!!

soon i’ll be picking up my son from work & then heading to bed! by the way i love my new bed i bought last year! so comfy 😆

wow i still can’t believe how far i’ve come. my daddy and Bella would be so proud!! anyways i should get off here. there’s so much good that has happened i’m sure i’ll post more soon.

sorry for the long post and thank you to those who took the time to read :)

#Spotify

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steamishot · 1 year

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setbacks

in my last post, things between matt and i were getting better. however, he since had a 100+ hour work week, one day on days and then 7 days on nights for a consecutive 8 day workweek. he became very irritable/sensitive and impossible to communicate with (imo) which led to bad communication and useless arguments again.

we had a couples therapy session last friday with a new therapist cindy that we both like and find helpful. she’s a POC (i believe some kind of hispanic) so it seems like she’s more understanding of the immigrant mentality. in summary of the session, i learned that i tend to have a fixer/”how can i solve the problem” mentality before offering emotional support. L has pointed this out to me recently when he was going through a hard time emotionally. he mentioned multiple times that he wants me to empathize and reassure him that everything will be okay, but i just try and ask questions or use logic to help solve what i think is the problem at hand - this makes him feel worse.

in the case between matt and i, i become a fixer when matt has anxiety/OCD attacks or starts spiraling. i try and remove the stressor (by handling it for him), or try and talk him out of the anxiety using logic (which almost never works when he’s at what cindy calls “cloud 9″ of anxiety). this dynamic has caused me to feel depleted when dealing with matt’s anxiety/OCD and act as an enabler, almost coddling him. he depends on me more to help assuage things, which in turn makes me more irritable/short fused whenever he does have anxious spirals. i overextend myself to try and “solve” his problems, when all i should do is offer emotional support and tell him it’s going to be okay.

cindy provided a very good analogy that really helped me put things in perspective. when matt has anxiety/OCD crises, it’s equivalent to him drowning. he is only using his reptilian brain at this point to go towards flight or fight. it has been over “small” things such as using the wrong credit card to pay for something (i.e. one would get 2% back vs 5% back as an example). would it work while he’s drowning to use logic and teach him how to get out? or is it more effective to throw a life jacket to help him ground instead? all this time, i’ve been stupidly trying to use logic and explaining to him why X is not probable/not worthy of being anxious over and probably making him feel dumb for feeling certain things.

she explained the difference between coping and grounding. coping is the consistent activities one takes to manage their stress/anxiety: exercise, yoga, meditation, socializing, etc. grounding is what one does when they realize they their anxiety is reaching a peak. she said it is the time to use one of your 5 senses to help distract your mind from reaching “cloud 9″. this could be something like smelling a perfume you like, watching something calming, listening to something soothing, etc.

i will need matt to really put in effort in the coping and grounding aspect, and i will also try and stop my fixer tendencies because it makes matters worse. i need to be more emotionally supportive instead of coming off as blaming when someone else is mentally suffering.

highlights of this week off:

book of mormon BOGO broadway. i watched it in LA with my brother and his friend (coincidentally named matt) back in 2014. they have since rewrote the play. it was hilarious and very liberal. the best performers are really in nyc

my director confidentially reached out to ask if i’m interested in a payroll manager position. i thanked him for considering me and said i’m very interested. it was really happy news because i’ve been at the same position for like 4 years now and itching for a promotion lol. i’ve also been helping my manager and him with faculty payroll the last half a year or so. nothing is confirmed at this point but he and the CAO both think there is a big need for this position. they would still be supportive of my remote schedule. fingers crossed that this will come to fruition.

autocamp trip in catskills for one night. the trip was too short but it was a super nice glamping experience. we cooked in the dark in 35F weather, got to have a nice hot shower and sleep on a tempurpedic (my fav mattress thus far). this time, we did the manager’s special at hertz and got a gigantic car - the dodge durango.

booked roundtrip business class flights and hotels (pending 2 nights) to portugal (lisbon and porto) in march. thanks to matt’s travel hacking expertise, the roundtrip flights only cost us $900 out of pocket +220K points that i’ve been hoarding in amex. the cash price of the fights would have been $20K for the two of us.

we decided to cancel our return stay at the equinox hotel. it would have still been ~$700 so we thought we should use it towards new experiences

loved our autocamp stay in catskills; immediately booked autocamp in cape cod for april

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makeste · 3 years

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“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua and @class1akids’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

#bnha 322 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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unpretty · 3 years

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~astielle askdump with spoilers up to chapter 24 starts here~

anonymous asked:

"then once you get to the faewild you have to not piss off the fairy king, and instead convince him to give you a shot. sometimes there are intermediate steps here where you have to prove you got gud, because he doesn’t bother booting up the goddess gacha for scrublords."... so Vaelon skipped like an entire chapter/quest with a single charisma check?

it turns out in this universe if you put everything you have into charisma at the expense of all else you become comically overpowered and only clinical depression can nerf you

@driftward asked:

I think I see the spirits of the originals in their descendents; Karzarul, of course, who has not changed as much as they would like to think they have, and perhaps with enough denial they can be loved after all. Lynette in Leonas, the part where if he cannot have it on his own terms he does not want it at all. And Vaelon in Minnow, who shows her love for all things through collections and wanderings, but does not want the responsibility that often comes with attachments

anonymous asked:

"Stay with me? No war, no fighting. Let the world think you’re asleep a little longer. Until I pick one of every flower and eat every edible thing, take a feather from every kind of bird, map the whole world and catch a thousand fallen stars." You make me think that maybe I could love the world, reading stories until I hold the heart of every little thing in my memories

@eriquin asked:

Lynette: No matter how hot I find the monster I will not fuck the monster because he is a monster. .... hmmmm wonder how that's related to Ari's kinks. Nope, can't mean anything.

every single trio encountering each other for more than five minutes: i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me

@ivylaughed asked:

After reading the most recent Astielle chapters and then doing yet another reread, I'm thinking Leonas's threatening speech about Toast in Chapter 8 was reassuring to Karzarul, whether consciously or subconsciously. "Oh good, this one knows how to deal with loss. She knows how to live and keep on living."

@ivylaughed asked:

Sorry not sorry for two Astielle asks in one day, this story has eaten my brain and I think I've reread it three times in the past week. BUT. Leonas coughing up flowers and dandelion fluff is totally deliberately isn't it? He's got it bad.

he's got a terminal case of shoujo aesthetics for sure

just look at how often minnow notes the length of his fingers

anonymous asked:

......that shit hurted and now I'm all in my Karzarul feels again. how could you do this to me

anonymous asked:

Karzarul can eat my problems if you know what I mean (sorry)

if we've learned anything it's that you could probably just ask apropos of nothing and that would work out

anonymous asked:

Ohhhh. I've been wondering where the terms and conditions were.

only one man can be trusted to keep them safe and he probably drinks tadpoles through a boba straw

anonymous asked:

Well that answers Leonas' question about how he got so good at dreams.

karzarul making a dream flower: what, like it's hard?

karzarul trying to make a new form: WHERE DID THESE ARMS COME FROM

@onwardmotley asked:

I know Ari is probably right about Malgath and Kelruil but I actually have been in fandoms where fully-consensual vivisection is on the table as a fun romantic thing between two mad scientists, including holding someone's heart in your hands, so like. Maybe Karzarul just shouldn't kinkshame people idk.

canonically it is open to interpretation but in my head while they had a very unhealthy relationship karzarul really did just kinkshame that man to death

@onwardmotley asked:

Also a very heartfelt RIP to all the heroes and heirs who came all prepped to avenge their fallen partners and spouses and got thirsty Karzarul. "I'm not so terrible as my reputation would have you believe" "You never take me dancing anymore" good lord.

the fact that karzarul doesn't understand why violet is Like That gets funnier all the time

@windmillcrusader asked:

delighted to learn that karzarul has a multi phase boss fight. it’s what he deserves

@phasestab asked:

There is something intensely erotic about a man who knows how to structure himself a good boss fight.

despite what SOME COMICS would have you believe he is NOT easy!! he doesn't show off his final form in the first fight!!! he's gonna make sure you can last until PHASE FOUR!!! ... unless you use the glitch where if you use the kiss emoji he goes into final form immediately. but that's cheating.

(i like to imagine that if the starlight heroes games were real they would be old-school nintendo hard and the majority of the fandom would tell you that you don't need to beat the final boss battle to be a true fan because almost no one gets past phase two, at least not in the ORIGINALS, these new games are TOO EASY and also they didn't remember the sprites having so much hip action)

@asimovsideburns asked:

god I’m also just. SO head in hands about the fact that there’s a whole legend about how the three are fated to kill each other by the will of the gods and it’s just. WRONG. just completely wrong!! and like I’m going to have to reread but I remember Minnow early on being like “I won’t kill you” and Ari being like “we have to kill each other” and Minnow being like “well then I’ll kill you later, and the gods won’t take vengeance on us for not fighting because we’re just putting it off for a bit” and I’m like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

"the reason we're always killing each other is because it's fate and can't be helped because the goddesses hate me and don't want me to be happy and thinking i could be happy actually just makes it worse so it's better to just really lean into it" - a reliable source

@flyingseacow asked:

Don't mind me, just rereading the whole story after chapter 23/24 giving so much new context:- Chapter 3 = “He is not your prince,” Ari said. “Astielle is not your kingdom. The Hero need be loyal to no one.” - AHHHH- "it felt offensive to treat a Tauril as a collection of other animal parts, rather than a whole monster with all his own parts - HAH! - “She should be mine, if she’s anyone’s.”“You’re not the first Heir to think so,” - Uuugh, and this was just chapter 3, rereading this might hurt

minnow's trying not to commit a microaggression while karzarul's out here hot-gluing regular sized bat wings onto a bear

anonymous asked:

Oh no. He's why she can't sing in front of others, why she panics when asked to sing. And poor Leonas, no wonder his memories are all of blood and death, when Flynn was the longest they'd ever spoken (lol) after he killed Lynette. "In the earliest reincarnation cycles, I. Made a lot of mistakes." Karzarul, King of All Monsters and also King of Understatements.

has finally met his match in "he has a lot of problems" minnow

@ultragenta asked:

HEY KITTY?? UH, HEY, HEY KITTY???? DOES MINNOW FEELING WEIRD ABT SINGING IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH, SAY, THE FIVE OR SIX TIMES HER SOUL '''REMEMBERS''' A GIANT TERRIFYING STRANGER HOLDING A BLADE TO HER THROAT AND DEMANDING SHE SING OR DIE???? KITTY????? DID YOU HVE TO HURT ME THAT WAY SPECIFICALLY KITTY?????????

maybe she just has regular stage fright! we'll never know!! and neither will karzarul!!!

#original #writeblogging #astielleblogging #astielle spoilers #asdjasdjk originally said 25 bc that's. what i'm working on.

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