letting go of a dream, waking up from a dream (x)

Watch "Matt Doyle, Jay Johnson, and Morgan Karr (Morgxn) | "Two Strangers" | Kerrigan-Lowdermilk" on YouTube

❤💛💚💙💜😍😘😻💖💕Valentine's Day Playlist😽💝🌹😙💋💌💓💞💘😚

I was excited at the thought my Spotify top artist(s) might be Kerrigan-Lowdermilk, but then I remembered I share my account. So it'll probably be Gorillaz. 😄

I also remembered I bought the album Our First Mistake, so Spotify doesn't know about the many, many, many times I've listened to it. I'm late to the party, but gosh I love it.

Keaton St. James boyhood // mid90s (2018) dir. Jonah Hill // Keaton St. James pretty boy // Kait Kerrigan & Bree Lowdermilk Miles to Go // แปลรักฉันด้วยใจเธอ I Told Sunset About You / I Promised You the Moon (2020-2021) dir. นฤเบศ กูโน Naruebet Kuno & Tossaphon Riantong // Keaton St. James

i was playing around this idea for a fic for past fandom but im thinking about it again for luke: realizing (whether true or not) that you dont belong to your home anymore, that you dont belong in any home anymore

im obsessed with the concept of home (not necessarily tangible places, though those are great too. i like people, memories, experiences, feelings as homes) in general. but my heart hurts thinking about what happens when a person changes and grows and it's too different now.

it's inevitable to come back to a childhood home (a parent's embrace, the room you grew up in, the street you scratched your knees on) and realizing youve outgrown it. you can always come back and realize it's not really a fit but thats okay. it's not by that much and it's nobodys fault. youre not a kid anymore and there are other homes to discover and the old ones will always be there whenever you want to go back

but with luke.....what if you changed so drastically that when you go home you are overcome with the realization that you dont belong here. you are not the person that fit there anymore. youre like a puzzle piece in the wrong place, youre not meant for that home anymore and you try to find another one but chasing you at the heels is this neverending fear that you wont be welcome there either, youre too different now. desperately, you try to make one of your own, you realize your hands were trained to destroy so well that they tremble when you try to do the opposite, they shake with apprehension when you try to create. what if you thought it was all your fault. you didnt destroy your home but you did destroy the you that had a chance of belonging there.

"then go home / or make a home" from Instruction by Neil Gaiman. "I'll wait the time it takes to find a place called home" from A Place Called Home by Stereo Honey. "Your childhood's on the other side of a sprawling divide… too wide. / Take a silent breath. / Hold in the change. / Tell yourself you still live here" and "How to return home / And how to survive, / There's no written guidelines." from How To Return Home by Kerrigan and Lowdermilk. will you ever be able to lay your head down and rest

so. luke pearce. the 8 years gone is a tragedy of course but the dissonance of being back is also something ive been thinking about a lot. a return can ravage just as much as an absence. thoughts in my head.

learning now that vienna teng sings a track on a kerrigan and lowdermilk album??? alongside like, kelli o'hara and michael arden and matt doyle

I loved the part in Stranger Things 4 Volume 2 where everything was fine, so here's a fic where everything is fine!!!!

Steve gets a call that Dustin overindulged during the kids' first foray into teen drinking and runs into Eddie when he rushes to his rescue.

girls when i didn’t expect to see you here – i mean outside, smoking. i’m more of a nicorette girl these days. i’m joking. i mean, i did quit, but who feels like joking now? i’ll see you your scowl and raise you a furrowed brow. anyway. anyway. do you remember how we used to read? rilke, joyce? and we barely understood it, but it gave us a voice or a language… i don’t read poetry anymore. but if i did, i’d be reading it tonight for sure. oh. oh. i keep thinking about how the timing seems false, how some days seem faster than my fucking pulse, and others go so slow, like this morning feels like a month ago. oh. oh. oh. oh. i feel like i’m underwater. i feel like i’m underwater. i feel like i’m underwater. anyway. anyway. there’s this building you pass on the subway to queens. it’s on the l or the r or the one that’s green. it’s covered in tags, bright hieroglyphics. these fifteen-year-olds, they’re so fucking prolific. i’m commuting, i’m eating my goddamn apple and they’re secretly painting their sistine chapel, but whatever. it’s like they know their odds. if you're gonna die young, you'd better live like gods. gods. gods. and me? i’m not doing anything. i’m not helping or cleaning, i’m not even crying. i’m not doing anything. she’d be so goddamn helpful, well, fuck her for dying ’cause i, i’m not writing her elegy. not me. i’m not writing that down. and they would scrawl her name on a city wall but i’m a fucking clown. i’m making jokes so i don’t drown. i feel like i’m underwater. i feel like i’m underwater. i feel like i’m underwater. i feel like i’m underwater. like the whole world is underwater. like i’m screaming out underwater. i feel like i’m underwater these days. anyways. anyway. i didn’t expect to see you here. i mean – thanks for coming. i thought you’d oppose the use of religious rites as numbing. i mean, it is dumb, but what if she can hear them pray? i mean what the fuck do we know? who are we to say if there was any way? anyway.

see the first half of tarrytown sucks astronomically but they were kind of cooking in the second half 😭

Watch "Jason Gotay - "Hand In Hand" (Kerrigan-Lowdermilk)" on YouTube

❤💛💚💙💜😍😘😻💖💕Valentine's Day Playlist😽💝🌹😙💋💌💓💞💘😚

This is how it feels to fall in love. This is how it feels to fall.

missing the early 2010s broadway days ... broadway dot com vlogs. every kerrigan lowdermilk run away with me cover... show people ... side by side by susan blackwell ... ask a star ...

one day, a happy end

you and i, lady gaga // i look in people's windows, taylor swift // next time, jeff blim // run away with me, kerrigan and lowdermilk // run away with me, kim whalen and curt mega (starkid) // go tonight, kerrigan and lowdermilk // killer track, starkid // pinterest images // next time, jeff blim

musings on marius' loneliness and songs i think that fit him

"Love From The Other Side" by Fall Out Boy | "Cautionary Tales" by Jon Bellion | "Not What I Meant" by dodie | "A Place To Call Home" by Stereo Honey | "Golden" by Fall Out Boy | "Anyway" by Kerrigan and Lowdermilk