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lost-and-ephemeral · 2 months

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Series: In Her Shadow, pt.2 (ft. main trio)

Part 1 | Part 2

Slowly but surely she replaced you in his heart.

Pairing: Xavier x reader, Zayne x reader, Rafayel x reader (seperate)

Tags: angst, hurt no comfort, reader is not MC, breakup

A/N: I recieved a lot of comments and request asking me to continue, so here we are! I've tried my best. Ty everyone, I appreciate every message, even if it would be hard to mention every single one of them in this post. Also, if you want to be tagged in future fics, let me know!

-`♡´- MASTERLIST -`♡´-

Rafayel

You began to notice that Rafayel was spending less and less time with you, choosing his bodyguard over you.

It wasn't obvious at first, yeah, but as time went on, everything became so noticeable that you couldn't ignore it anymore. Especially when he forgot about your plans with him and didn't even consider apologizing for it.

The smell of someone else's perfume in his studio, the way Rafayel would leave you at home and take her to all the important events because "you probably don't like spending time among journalists and annoying guests." It seems that he didn't even notice the moment when you were completely estranged from each other.

And all your attempts to talk to him about it ended with nothing.

"She's my bodyguard," he'd say. "No wonder I take her everywhere I go. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Yes, a lot of things were wrong.

But he was completely unwilling to notice it, and you were tired of collecting the shards of your broken heart from the floor day after day. Those warm feelings that brought a sense of lightness and happiness in your heart suddenly turned into pure torture.

You had to end it all, even if it'll hurt so much.

When you arrived at his studio this morning, you came face to face with "Ms. Bodyguard" herself. She was just about to leave, and didn't even hesitate to embrace your beloved. Right in front of you.

Maybe you would've exploded from all these negative emotions, if you had any strength left to be mad or to cry. But there was only emptiness in your heart.

You became strangers to each other.

"I'm breaking up with you," you said without any regret and pushed him away as he tried to hug you. "I don't want to be a second choice after your precious bodyguard."

"W-wait, why? What... But I didn't do anything!" he replied confused, apparently not realizing how much he's been hurting you all this time.

"Maybe that's the point. That you'd do anything for her, but not for me."

He looked at you with the same confusion in his eyes, trying to figure out if it was a joke, but you continued before leaving this place forever.

"You were everything to me, Rafayel. But for you, I was just a small episode of your life. I'm tired. You've been spending all your free time with her, like I didn't exist. It'll be better this way. Goodbye."

No matter how long he was calling your name, asking you to stop, to come back and talk with him, you didn't.

Zayne

Loving a cardiac surgeon with his busy schedule is hard.

But it's even harder when he no longer cares about your existence and spends a significant amount of time with his childhood friend.

After Zayne forgot about your reservation at the restaurant, making you feel like you were the last fool in this world, some more time has passed.

Yeah, he apologized. No, he didn't start spending less time with his "friend".

It's hard to count how many evenings you spent alone when he stayed late at work for her or was invited to a "friendly" dinner with her. But it happened often enough so finally your love turned into suffering.

At first you tried to convince yourself that you're too jealous and he's just happy to finally reunite with someone close to him from his youth. You care about your friends too, don't you?

But it only got worse.

All your plans were constantly adjusted to his friend's wishes. She wants to take him to a cafe at the same time you were planning to go to the cinema? "Sorry, love, let's reschedule our date for another day". You've made him his favorite dinner? Too bad, his friend already brought him dinner at work and he's not hungry.

Eventually you started feeling like he stopped enjoying your time together and just continued to exist in the same apartment with you out of habit.

Talking didn't get you anywhere, because Zayne didn't notice how much he was hurting you (or he simply didn't want to notice it) with his actions and only distanced himself from you even more.

At some point you felt like he put an ice wall around himself again.

He stayed late again this evening, completely forgetting his promise to spend time with you. You packed your things with tears in your eyes, ready to say goodbye to life with Zayne once and for all.

And he showed up at the doorstep of his apartment just as you were ready to leave.

"What's going on?" his voice didn't betray a shred of emotion. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to leave you and your lovely friend together so I don't have to be an unwanted addition to your life."

Zayne was taken aback at this statement and was about to say something, but you interrupted him.

"You were the one who brought happiness and comfort into my life. You were the one who made me feel loved and wanted. But now I realize that I wasn't good enough for you. Goodbye."

You walked away and closed the door behind you, leaving him all alone.

Xavier

Before, you without a doubt would've said that your relationship with Xavier was the ultimate dream.

But now it wasn't actually true.

Yes, your beloved still showed care and attention every spare minute he had. Just not to you. It seemed as if his colleague started to occupy his every thought.

During dinner, on a walk, after missions. He was always talking about her, how strong she is, and how lucky he is that she chose him as her partner. His eyes were shining with delight you had never seen before.

You were happy for him, but only until it crossed the line. Only until you started to feel like he was in love with her, not with you.

One day you found yourself completely miserable. Xavier texted you that he would be late because they had "decided to celebrate another successful mission". Except that you were usually the one he shared his joy with. But things have changed.

Even though you were the brightest star in his world, you were inevitably lost behind the glow of the Moon.

You were trying to be better, to be more interesting. Trying to reach an unattainable ideal. But you couldn't. After all, maybe you were never meant to be together if it turned out like this. Maybe you weren't enough for him.

You couldn't remember the last day you didn't cry. Sometimes alone, sometimes locking yourself in the bathroom after another conversation about this "super-strong collegue". But Xavier didn't seem to notice it at all.

"I thought maybe you'd be interested to know what happens during missions," he said when you brought up this painful topic.

And, yes, you were interested. But all you heard was, "She took down that Wanderer so easily, I couldn't take my eyes off her." Or, "she's so good with her weapon, it's amazing."

He distanced himself from you so much that you hardly spent any time together.

He wasn't even home the day you left.

Xavier sent you a message saying he'd be late again. As usual, with her. Even though he promised to have a movie night and you had already prepared everything you needed for it.

Maybe it's even better if you don't see the look in his eyes the moment you tell him you're breaking up with him. You packed your things and left a note on the table, next to the snacks you bought.

"Maybe in another universe I would be worthy of you so you could look at me with the same adoration. I can see that you enjoy spending time with her much more. And we should break up so you don't torment my heart anymore. Goodbye."

You glanced around his apartment one last time before leaving it forever.

♡ tags: @skyowlz @prettytemis @aishasreality @randompersonwhoexist @kreishin @reni502 @moonyzstarz @chin-chii

#love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace rafayel #rafayel x reader #zayne x reader #xavier x reader

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orionsangel86 · 11 months

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Hob Gadling - A Queer Romantic?

I have been listening to The World's End chapters of The Sandman on Audible lately and just finished Hob's Leviathan. I didn't pay this story much attention when I first read the comic, as I tended to read through the stories quickly and put more focus into the stories where Dream had a larger role. But one of the reasons I like listening to the Audible book is because it allows me to absorb each story more thoroughly and take my time thinking about each one and the (usually multiple) meanings behind them.

Hob Gadling is a character that fandom has fallen in love with. I think this is clear to anyone that takes even a partial glance at Sandman fandom. This isn't a criticism - Ferdie's performance as Hob in the Netflix show has done wonders for Hob's character. He has made his version of Hob very easy to fall in love with!

But the truth is that in The Sandman comics, Hob is a minor character who we only get to know very little about. The story Hob's Leviathan appears in The Worlds End Sandman book. We only meet him twice before this, once in The Doll's House, where we are introduced to him in Men of Good Fortune, and again in Season of Mists when Dream comes to let him know that he may miss their next meeting. In both these issues, Hob is introduced via the narrator, and therefore I like to think that we are given a fairly honest representation of the kind of person he is. We watch him grow and learn throughout the centuries in MoGF, but one of the major takeaways from this I believe is that he tends to always be on the wrong side of history. He makes bad choices and can be a bit narrow minded. He is rude and selfish and also rather self-absorbed. I actually think that the performance of the voice actor who plays Hob in the Audible book emphasises these character flaws making him even more unlikeable in many ways, though I am aware that this could just be my own experience and opinion.

But Hob's Leviathan takes a different view of Hob. Literally. The narrator of this story is a young boy of 16 called Jim. Jim met Hob on a ship travelling from Bombay to Liverpool in 1914. Jim was working on the ship as a cabin boy and Hob had bought his passage back to England - though it is revealled at the end of the story that Hob actually owned the ship they were travelling on. It is clear that at this point in time, Hob is extremely wealthy.

Jim attends to Hob throughout the journey, and grows very fond of him. In Jim's tale, Hob is a good man, who is kind and thoughtful and cares about others. He saves the life of a stowaway (who turns out to be another immortal). He is shown to be patient, and funny, and very intelligent. Jim waxes poetic about how smart Hob is, and how much he impressed him. It is particularly clear in the Audible book that Jim is taken with Hob, to the point that it could arguably be a crush.

It is fascinating how much more likeable Hob is when narrated from the viewpoint of someone with a crush on him, whether this story is exaggerated through rose tinted glasses is of course something to consider. All the tales in World's End are just that, tales. There is a constant undercurrent of exaggeration and make believe to them where even the other patrons of the inn question elements to each of the stories. We are not supposed to take these stories as absolute fact, rather they are supposed to reveal to us more about the narrators as well as their own experiences existing in this magical and strange world.

When it is revealled that Jim is actually a girl called Peggy in disguise so they can get work on the ships, the quite obvious crush makes more sense to a heteronormative audience, but what I particularly like about this story is its queer potential. See in the comic, it isn't really clarified if Jim goes by Jim because they feel more themselves as a boy, rather than a girl, or if they are disguising themself as a boy just to get work as a means to an end. I would argue that the latter is the more obvious interpretation. Jim tells the other World's End patrons that they are getting too old to keep up the disguise and will eventually have to stop working in shipping, and that when that happens, they will take on a new name, a new identity and do something else, but that for now, the patrons can keep calling them Jim.

*for a lack of clarity around the point in the comic, I am going to use gender neutral pronouns for Jim going forward*

Now from Hob's POV, he figured out that Jim was a girl, and they talk about it briefly along with the sea serpent they saw. I think that at this point, Hob is impressively progressive compared to the previous times we have met him. Now whether or not this is biased storytelling from someone who has a crush on him remains to be seen, but if we take Jim's word as truth, not only is 1914 Hob a fair and honest man who is willing to pay the way of a stowaway and fully respect the secrets of a young girl disguised as a boy so they can work on ships, but he's also totally comfortable flirting with them.

I like that he calls Jim the "handsome cabin boy". I like that this version of Hob, whether real or an exaggeration skewed by Jim's feelings for him, respects Jim's identity. Jim may be a girl in disguise, but Hob doesnt call her pretty, he calls him handsome.

It's all just a bit subtly queer and I like that for Hob (But then I would do, I'm a Dreamling shipper HA)

When Jim finishes their story, they state that they didn't see Hob again after that, but the comics later do give us a possible outcome to Jim's story...

We next see Hob in The Kindly Ones where he is mourning the death of his girlfriend Audrey. He briefly reveals that Audrey was the first person he had loved since Peggy, who was his lover until her death during the Blitz. Whilst it isn't made clear that Hob's lover Peggy is the same Jim that we meet in World's End, it is a bit too much of a coincidence. The timing adds up. If Jim was 16 in 1914, they'd be in their early 40s during the Blitz. Hob remains forever in his early 30s so I'd say its a safe bet that Jim eventually found Hob again and they were together. Hob loved them enough that he wasn't with anyone again until Audrey in the 80s. That's 50 years worth of mourning. A long time not to be with anyone, even for an immortal.

It's funny because we know so little about Hob, but one thing that I have seen commented on here a lot is that comic Hob is deemed to be as Straight as an arrow. Now I admit that the voice actor in the Audible book plays him very straight, but that is still only one interpretation.

All this is to say that I am fascinated with how the Netflix show will adapt this, since Hob in the show already comes across much kinder and more selfless than his comic counterpart. He already has an entire fandom viewing him as queer, and the comics certainly don't outright shut down such interpretations. There are moments in the comics that you have to wonder on. He does call Jim handsome rather than pretty, and when he talks to Audrey's grave he mentions his wives and loves as separate groups. He talks about finding it easy to get sex if you want it, and he talks about it in generally gender neutral terms. In Sunday Mourning Gwen reveals that she thought he was gay when she first met him, though her reasonings were that he knew so many dead people (a dark reminder that these comics were published at the height of the Aids epidemic). He reacts very badly to the news of Morpheus' death. He states on several occassions just how much he liked Morpheus, and he is one of the few people to wake up from the Wake with tears running down his cheeks. I would arguably state that its between Hob and Matthew as to who had the worst reaction to Morpheus' death, showing just how much both Hob and Matthew cared about him, and placing Hob on par with Matthew in the comics is a big deal. He seriously considers accepting Death's gift when she offers it, simply because Morpheus is dead. He doesn't, because at the end of the day, its just not in his nature to do so, and given he then dreams of Morpheus, I like to think that it was a test, that he passed.

When it comes to how the show will adapt all this, I genuinely think it will take a new approach with Jim/Peggy. I think they will be either a trans man, or at least non binary. But I think having Jim be a trans man is the better option. In the comics, Jim's tale is only very subtly queer, Jim clearly likes being Jim, but it seems like its a means to an end, a convenience in order to get work on the ships, rather than being something that is core to Jim's feelings on their gender. Besides, if we assume that Jim is indeed the Peggy Hob talks about in The Kindly Ones, then we know that Jim goes back to being Peggy when they get older and apparently continues living as a woman whilst they are with Hob, otherwise I doubt Hob would have referred to one of his greatest loves by a name they themselves rejected and only used she/her pronouns when talking about them. Nevertheless there is no reason for the show to take this approach, and if they DO decide that Jim should be a trans man, then their relationship with Hob is canonically a queer one. Trans men are men and if one of Hob's greatest loves is a trans man, then Hob is a queer man himself. I genuinely believe the show will take this route and I can't wait to see it.

Going back to my point about narrators bias, if MoGF, SoM, tKO, and TW are all narrated by a neutral third party, then this must be the true Hob. A not overly likeable rather selfish man. He has his good points, and he has certainly grown and changed over the centuries, and carries a lot of guilt for his past mistakes, but he is still quite self absorbed. Jim paints a picture of a rose tinted Hob that is far more the dreamy romantic older gentleman that took a young person under his wing. Which is fair enough.

The show is of course its own adaptation, with changes from the comics as it sees fit, but I do feel it's my duty to remind you that the show also has a narrator guiding the audience through its many stories. Dream of the Endless, Lord Morpheus, King of Nightmares and Prince of Stories himself. Take from that whatever you will.

;-)

#why yes i did just imply that show!hob comes across so likeable because we are seeing him from Dream's POV #what of it?#lmao #sandman meta #the sandman #sandman analysis #hob gadling #dreamling #dream of the endless #the worlds end #sandman comic spoilers #major sandman comic spoilers #the sandman comics

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dent-de-leon · 10 months

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I could be wrong, but--just thinking about how the twins assumed it was obvious Mollymauk was heading to a brothel. How he clearly knows that, lets them believe that--"I know what the others think, but..." And all this time when he sneaks out in the dead of night, he's really playing the hero, running off to protect someone in need.

And just, I don't know. I think about how Mollymauk was so devoted to Lestera, and we never see him actually indulge in a relationship with anyone else in the comic. How he's still so lonely, and tells Yasha so in a moment of vulnerability--when she catches him in the midst of Choir Practice, this side of him he doesn't let anyone else see. He admits to her that, "The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."

And then when Yasha says she'll stay with him, help him, that's when Molly lets a bit more of his true feelings bleed through. "Suppose I could use the company. I am recently out of a relationship the hard way..." He lets it play off like a joke, but it's incredibly sad and personal. I've lost someone too, he says. I'm lonely too. He doesn't quite know what Yasha's been through, but he can feel the kind of grief and pain she carries. Knows enough to know she's also been dealt a harsh loss, that they both know what it means to feel Empty and lonely.

Thinking about. Molly being a tease and a flirt, but never seeming to commit. Jester listening in on his antics in the Pillow Trove, and Taliesin saying, "It's mostly ridiculous conversation through this whole thing."

Thinking about Caleb and Fjord watching Molly flirt in Hupperdook, both of them assuming he'll run off to have some fun for the night.

Travis: "I turn to Caleb and go, 'I think I may be regretting my roommate choice for the night. It's just a hunch. I think he's in his element.'"

Liam: "Well, the odds are that you're not even going to see him in your room tonight, so I wouldn't worry about it so much."

Travis: "You think? He'll just like, tear off into the night and not come back until the sun comes up?"

Liam: "He's like a coyote. You know what that is?...Yeah, they like to fuck a lot, is my point--"

And they're being ridiculous and half joking, and Molly happily encourages it, but--it still feels like how Mollymauk lets the twins make assumptions. Like the most he does is a bit of playful teasing and some charming words. At the end of the night, he's still back in his room with Fjord--carrying Fjord to their room, because the poor guy's passed out drunk.

Thinking about how Lucien's personality was another facet of Molly's, how they can both be so silver-tongued and disarmingly charming. How Lucien cared for his late lover so much, and how he never found another partner. (He still flirts with Caleb though. Molly's still a part of him, so of course he does. But that is something Lucien also tries to keep his distance from, to keep fun and teasing. Trying so hard not to think about how the forehead kiss Molly gave his wizard feels far too much like his own goodbye to his fallen partner--)

And Mollymauk absolutely having those feelings for his magician. Those feelings ever enduring, even after Lucien, even after another death and rebirth. "Oh, you're cute, Magic Man--" And even then, Molly never actually gets to take that chance. To tell Caleb how he feels. It means something, I think, that he becomes bolder and more forward with his wizard when he wakes as Kingsley. No longer carrying his past lives' loss and grief and painful memories.

I think that's where Molly was always headed, honestly. There's so many parallels to how both Molly and Yasha lost their partner before the campaign, how they each try to cope with that in their own way. And, like how Yasha eventually opened up to Beau, eventually healed to the point where she was willing to start another relationship--I think Molly was gradually warming to that point with Caleb.

Realizing there was someone else he wanted to let into his heart, that he could find happiness again and it would be what Lestera would have wanted. It also seems like Molly was holding himself back from that a bit because he felt Caleb wasn't ready; still so withdrawn and closed off, not yet ready for the pain and vulnerability of another relationship. But, he wants to wait. For Caleb, he's willing to wait. For lifetime after lifetime. And that to me is the proof that Lestera and Caleb were Molly's only true loves, I think. Aside from dear Yasha, of course--his kindred spirit, platonic soulmate--

But romantically, I don't think he ever gave his whole heart to anyone the way he did for them. It speaks volumes to me, that when King wakes with little to no memories, it's still Lestera and Caleb his heart longs for. When he dreams of the circus, he immediately starts asking about her, over and over, "There was a--oh. There was a circus. And a...a beautiful woman, in a red coat. She was telling me secrets, showing me how to keep secrets. Show secrets--I...Where's the woman? No, not her...where's the woman--"

Thinking about how Kingsley still woke with feelings for Caleb too. Immediately told him he was cute, started biting his lip. Can't help flirting even in their last scene together, "Magic Man. Looking good." How Caleb was someone Molly ached for even when Lucien had his soul caged and tormented, "Caleb. Softness and light."

Like, I could be wrong, but. I don't know. I just don't think Molly had quite as much relationship experience that everyone imagined. And instead of having a string of lovers, it feels more like he just liked to give the illusion of it. A romantic who loved with his whole heart, and only really gave it to a close few--

#mollymauk tealeaf #caleb widogast #critical role #lucien tavelle #mighty nein origins

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angelwithdemonictendencies · 10 months

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when my hands were caked with dirt at the foot of the grave, you loved me still; ask atrocity of me and see how i tremble with willingness at the sound of your voice.

mt19 x reader: everyone loves to be taken care of.

(warnings: blasphemous filth, oral sex/fingering (m on f, another exception!), unprotected penetrative sex (m on f), kind of oral fixation (have you seen the state of that mouthguard), hair-pulling (bring back the curls), lots of praise and tension and all that nonsense, lots of talk about alcohol, also a lot of emotions! (be warned about those damn emotions! this one has a similar vibe to my qh43 og snakes one, i think), idk just please be warned, don’t read if you’re not 100% sure.)

(long a/n: my favorites - when i tell you i got carried away (again). but how could i not, when mt19 could not even play in the final cup game because he broke the bone that protects his heart? when poetry like that calls, you have to answer. the playoffs inspired me, mt19 inspired me, enough that i created this fictionalized mt19 character that is basically a bunch of insecurities personified. and the other character is just more of those in bartender form (i loved my bartending years! but they gave me a lot to think about!). so, sorry. this one’s a little sad, sometimes. but you guys seem to like the sad shit, so i hope you like this. apologies if i get caught up in the theatrics, at times. we haven’t done a takeaway in a while, so here’s one - you deserve to be chosen and loved and taken care of because you’re you, not just because you’re around. on a less serious note, can you tell how infatuated i am with mt19′s tooth gap? yeah, i know, i made it too obvious, i need to relax. i got a couple okays on the princess name, so if you don’t like it, you should have said something. am34 is up next, i’m thinking some classic older brother’s best friend, we’ll see if the muses are kind to me. please let me know what you think, i think i’ve made it obvious that your interaction means everything. also you guys literally should have seen me trying to figure out the physics of fucking against a barstool, it was legitimately ridiculous. gif is not mine. sending so so so much love to you and your snakes. go canucks. see you soon. be your own first choice.

meeting new people simply came with the job of bartending. new faces filtered in and out of your bar like wisps of fragrant smoke, most of the time too fleeting to truly remember, never mind get to know.

however, the first day he entered your bar, a peculiar feeling hovered around you: the feeling that you already knew him, deeply and personally.

of course, you recognized him and his small group of teammates from the games that constantly played on the screens above the bar, but this was different. you couldn’t quite place the reason behind the feeling, not yet.

he didn’t approach the counter right away, but it was a saturday night, a busy one, so you were constantly being pulled from one patron to another, barely noticing the passage of time as your hands seemed to never stop moving.

but at some point, there he was, sitting at one of your stools, looking at you like he had all the time in the world, a confident, just bordering on arrogant smirk slanting across his face. you didn’t have the presence of mind or time to appreciate the rest of him, not right now.

but you were paid to treat all customers the same. and at the end of the day, that’s what he was, at least then. just another customer on a busy, hectic night.

“what can i get you?” you asked as you mixed a drink for the party at the other end of the counter. your voice was steady, knowing, friendly, but only just.

his smirk deepened as he leaned forward. “all business for the princess, hm?”

your brow furrowed in confusion before you realized where the name had come from. you absentmindedly adjusted the plastic tiara a birthday party had given you earlier that night - the group of girls around your age had gushed about how delicious their drinks were, how you had made their night, how you just had to have it, how it would look so pretty with your hair.

they were sweet, and they tipped well, so you didn’t push the birthday girl’s hands away when she slid the crown from her head and onto yours, even smiling a bit at the gesture. it was hard not to smile at women being girls again, and you loved the opportunity to be apart of it.

“princess is my side hustle,” you said to him now, keeping your tone even as you poured the colorful drink you were mixing into two glasses.

he made a face that you couldn’t decipher before leaning on one of his hands. “well, listen,” he started, to which you raised a brow. you didn’t like being told to listen - you just did, it was something you were good at, and being told to made you not want to anymore. he nodded to the group he came in with. “my friends over there bet that i couldn’t get your number. want to help me prove them wrong?”

you turned to drop off the drinks before running his words over in your mind. you were hit on all the time, another part of the job. people were attracted to being taken care of, and it was your job to take care of them, which always led to some misunderstandings, some one-sided crushes, some regulars that tipped much more than they needed to.

but something in your stomach dropped at his wording. you didn’t like it, not at all.

“did they?” you asked, actually focusing on his face for the first time that night as you ran a rag over the counter. his eyes were blue, so, so, blue, and almost comically confident, unwavering. as was his smirk, his full lips so perfectly placed and practiced, not quite like a natural habit but more like a learned one.

and then there was the brutal cut of his jawline, only made more prominent by his scruff of facial hair. the way his hair curled over the tops of his ears, a youthful but not juvenile look. his long lashes, elegant nose, flushed complexion, it was a little too perfect, at least for you, right now.

all of his features together appeared more like a masquerade ball mask, not a real, genuine face. it was off-putting, this actor in front of you, the one you had seen on television so many times.

he hummed in affirmation, smirked deeper.

you sighed. “that’s too bad,” you said, to which he gave you what looked like his first genuine expression of the night - one of confusion. “i only give my number to people who ask for it because they want it.”

you had long ago learned your lesson about being the person someone spent time with in order to please someone else. it never ended well.

his brow furrowed in further disbelief, complete lack of understanding, maybe a bit of shock, but you only tossed the rag aside and grabbed a glass. “now, how about a drink?”

he didn’t respond for a second, searching your face for something, maybe an explanation, less probably a spark of remorse. you let him. you weren’t going to budge on this, not tonight, not for him.

he shook out of it, literally, a small shake of his head before the mask was back on, in full strength. “yeah, sure. just an ipa, whatever you’ve got.” he addressed you by the name on your name tag, an act you normally hated, but didn’t mind so much now, in his deep tone.

you gave a small grin as you filled a tall glass. “thank god,” you started. “after the million mixed drinks i’ve had, you might just be my favorite customer.” you set the glass down on a paper napkin in front of him, only meaning to meet his eyes for a second.

once you did, though, you did a double take, now trapped in his gaze, completely transfixed on the pure hope you found there, so devastatingly poorly hidden. this, this was genuine, no mask to be found. the innocent hope lit up his eyes, his face from within, exposing an almost childlike expression that had you so deeply intrigued.

“yeah?” he asked, his voice no longer oozing with arrogance but instead with something you knew well. unbridled wanting. hope, hope, hope. he might as well have the word please scrawled all over his face in thick marker.

you felt your lips curl up at this new discovery, this crack in his exterior that gave you a sense of deja vu. “yeah, matthew,” you said, a little slowly, letting the rest of the bar melt away for a second.

this moment felt hot, sticky, like you were both suspended in amber, neither willing to be the first to break eye contact.

but moments don’t last forever, and suddenly one of his friends was slapping him on the shoulder, saying something loudly about taking too long. you weren’t really listening as you watched his face again harden into that confident expression.

he ordered a round for his friends, and the moment was gone, lost in the neon light, and you were soon pulled again to another patron, the chaotic rhythm of saturday night overtaking you again.

you didn’t see him for the rest of night, caught up in your work. towards the end of your shift, though, you happened to look up, towards the door, urged by some magnetic force, and found his gaze awaiting yours right before he walked out of the door.

a real face, a real look, unveiled and vulnerable, swimming with heat and hope and a million other dangerous things. an expression so true that you had to look away from it’s veracity, complete candor. when you looked up again, he was gone, and you assumed that would be the last time you saw him.

so, a couple nights later, deep into your shift, you almost dropped the glass in your hand when you turned and found him sitting on that same stool at your counter, looking up at you expectantly with those storybook eyes.

“matthew,” you said, softly in greeting, almost a question, confused at his presence, especially on a weeknight, without his teammates. alone, seemingly.

“princess,” he responded, an imperfect smirk playing across his mouth, revealing more teeth than he had the previous night - enough that you could see the gap between his two front, a little detail so beautiful you might have sighed.

“no crown tonight,” you responded, half smiling.

“it was never the crown,” he said, to which you gave a slight shake of your head. it didn’t hide your shy delight.

“where are your friends?” you prompted, slightly suspicious.

something that looked like hurt flashed ever so briefly across his eyes. “they’ll be here, princess, don’t worry.”

you shrugged. “wasn’t worried. just wondering why you’re here alone.”

your last word seemed to strip him entirely, lay him bare in front of you, completely vulnerable. you regretted it immediately, felt almost mean.

“but i guess you’re not alone, right? you’re here with me?” you gave him a smile, tried to will one out of him, too, half-succeeded. “ipa?” you asked, eager to bring this interaction back within the boundaries you were familiar with, ones you could control.

“whatever you’ll give me,” was his odd reply, one that had you scrunch up your face instead of reaching for a glass. “ipa works.”

your voice was laced with confusion. “i know it works. what do you want, though?”

again there was that child-like look in his eyes, veiled by a thin film of doubt, uncertainty.

and somehow you thought you knew what might have been holding him back. you shifted forward, leaned on your elbows, closer than you had been to him before. “what if i promise you’ll still be my favorite, hm? will you tell me then?”

you watched his gaze dip down to your mouth as you spoke, linger there before meeting your eyes again. not like you minded, much as you wanted. a spark of warning fired in your stomach. don’t get too close, it mumbled, you can’t fill anyone’s void.

unfortunately, it was hard to deny the utter satisfaction you felt when he looked at you like this - like you had wiped away all the bad things in the world.

but then hands landed on his shoulders, loud greetings between friends exchanged, ripping you both out of the moment.

“now i know why chucky wanted to come back here,” one of them said eventually, looking at you with a gleam in his eye you didn’t quite like. “i remember you, beautiful.”

“shame,” you said, “i don’t remember you.”

he put a hand over his heart like he’d been hurt, but his smirk was brutally arrogant, almost animalistic. “how about we make sure you don’t forget my name again, yeah?”

you rolled your eyes. “matthew, come get your dog,” you said as you grabbed a couple more glasses and began to pour the same drinks they had ordered the other night.

“you want me to start barking? ‘cause i will,” the persistent teammate pushed before turning to his side. “but it seems like you’re the one she’s got on a leash, matthew.”

you watched his face carefully as you slid the drinks their way, interested to see what would win out - the desire to maintain his mask around his friends or whatever was building between you two.

you bit your lip as you watched the internal struggle play out across his face, shooting a pleading look your way for a millisecond.

you decided to throw him a bone, put his friends in their place. “i meant to tell you. i put your game on yesterday,” you said to him.

“did you?” he asked, so blissfully hopeful.

“yeah,” you said, leaning forward again, letting yourself get a truly greedy look at him. “but i like you better in person.”

you reveled in how desperately pleased he looked by your admission.

“we were playing too, you know,” someone said, half laughing.

“were you?” you asked, a theatrically confused expression on your face. you shrugged. “don’t think i saw you. maybe i was distracted.”

one of his friends laughed. “don’t feed him, beautiful, he’ll just keep coming back.”

but you didn’t even look at whoever said the comment, instead completely locked in on matthew, and he on you.

“god, i hope so,” you said, barely more than a whisper, only meant for him.

just something you said, a true thing, and yet he did. every couple of days you would look up and there he would be, on that stool at your counter, looking up at you. sometimes his friends would come, and sometimes they wouldn’t, and on nights he was playing you would always put the game on the television where you could best see it, so you could best see him.

and despite everything he did, everything he said to you, which screamed longing and interest and want, you were surprised every time he came back. surprised that his interest in you didn’t wear off after the first couple indulgences, like it seemed to with everyone else.

but, then again, matthew struck you as the kind of person who could make a home out of anything, anyone - like the kids who would cry if someone tried to come into their treehouse, as if the magic of the place was defined by it being all for them.

sometimes this job made you feel like a building with a revolving door, so many faces fading immediately as they came into your life. it felt so good to have whatever this was, this constant, even if that warning voice tried to convince you it wasn’t real, it wouldn’t last.

one night, when you put his away game on, he was picking fights, antagonizing the other team, all the while chewing on that abused mouthguard, which never failed to catch your attention, send a little shiver down your spine, make you wonder what those teeth would feel like on your bottom lip, your fingers, your neck.

this night, though, the officials had had enough, and handed him a game misconduct. he skated off the ice, into the tunnel, chants and boos echoing through the arena so loudly that even the television cameras caught their strength.

still, when the camera focused in on matthew’s face, there was nothing but that cocky, knowing smirk, that one that he had showed you the first day. that fake one. you narrowed your eyes at the tv, felt your stomach turn at the fact that he could be two people at once. how could you ever trust him that way? how could you ever believe that he really, truly, wanted you? that warning voice compressed into a lump that settled in your stomach.

the lump was still there that next night, and so was he, there in his usual spot, right before you were about to close. “missed you, princess,” he said, those blue eyes so full of meaning.

and you hated how those words meant so much to you. “yeah?” you asked, wiping down the counter. “what’d you miss?”

you expected the answer that so many people in your life had given you before: how they liked how you made them feel, how you paid attention to them. nothing about you, rather something that said more about them.

so you were stunned when his gaze dropped to you lips and stayed there. “think i started to dream about your smile,” he said, and you may have sighed, just a little, as you felt your cheeks flush.

“did you watch me?” he asked, that spark of hope lighting up his face in a silent plea.

you nodded slowly, remembering the game. “wish you had stayed on the ice longer.”

he shrugged, the motion emphasizing the muscles in his shoulders and neck. you pretended not to notice.

“why do you smile when they hate you?” you asked, your head tilted in genuine curiosity, recalling his face as he made his way down the tunnel.

there was that mask again. “i love it.”

“you don’t,” you said, shaking your head slightly, watched him swallow.

“what?” he asked. you could have imagined the smallest shake in his voice.

“you don’t. you do that other smile you do.” you didn’t tell him your theory, that you knew if a crowd booed loud enough, maybe he could close his eyes and pretend they were cheering, instead. pretend it was love.

he made a sound that was half-laugh, half-scoff. “what other smile?”

you bit your lip, unsure how to explain it. you reached your hands forward, paused for a moment as his eyes widened, so flooded with want. that beautiful second of expectation before a first touch, the first of what you inherently knew would be many.

“like-” you put your hands on his face, ever so lightly, moved his lips until that cocky smirk was opposite you. “like this.”

“like this, princess?” he asked through your fingers, his breath on your palms, and heat thrummed in your stomach.

you nodded slowly, reluctant to take your hands off of him. “and my favorite one is like this,” you said, moving his lips again until you were satisfied with the replica smile you had created, toothy and wide and beautiful - until you realized he was smiling at you like that anyways, without any manipulation.

you grinned back at him, melted at the simmering heat and longing in his eyes. before you could question it, you let yourself tap one finger to his front teeth, feeling the gap there, that imperfect feature you had most loved when you first saw it, felt your throat tighten at the way he was looked at you, the way he let his mouth just barely close around your finger.

a feather light motion that made your next breath come out shaky before drawing yourself away. you hadn’t realized just how close you had drifted towards him, even with the counter between you.

you glanced at the clock on the wall, surprised to see it much later than you expected. “i need to close,” you said, clearing your throat. “i need to count the register.”

“okay.” he looked dazed. maybe in a cartoon there would have been pink mist or little hearts floating around his head.

you tried to collect yourself, ignore the phantom of his lips around your finger, a ghost of a kiss, a promise, a plea.

you gave a shake of your head. “i need to sit there. the register unlocks from that side, in front of your chair.”

your stomach dropped at the sudden darkness his eyes took on, so much so that you knew you would give in to whatever he said next.

instead of getting up, he pushed his hips up and back, spread his legs apart, settling deeper into the seat. “seat’s open, princess,” he said, and the confidence in his voice, all over his face, it wasn’t fake, it wasn’t a mask.

it was real, genuine, set ablaze by your touch.

you looked around. you were closed, everyone was gone on this monday night, except the owner, a lady older than sin who was mopping in the corner, and who was known for minding her own business.

there was nobody to judge you there, nobody to punish you for giving into this, exactly what you wanted.

time felt like jelly as you made your way around the counter, paused for a beat in front of him before he helped you up onto his lap by your waist, faced you towards the register drawer, let his arms rest around your middle.

“this okay?” he asked softly, his breathy rasp warm on your neck.

you breathed out a yes, slightly overwhelmed by all of this touch at once. his chest behind you, radiating heat, his thighs firm below you, thick arms around you. here he was, everywhere, all at the same time, and after only interacting with a counter between you, this felt almost absurdly perfect, forbidden.

so perfect that it took every semblance of your concentration to unlock the register drawer, to push the rise and fall of his chest to the back of your mind, to ignore how your own body seemed to melt into his, relax completely, an utterly miraculous contrast to the stiff, constantly active way you usually were at work.

“still okay?” he asked as he rested his head on your shoulder. you could feel his facial hair through your thin shirt, smell his cologne, knew you would smell like it, too. his thighs flexed underneath you, and you could have moaned. you were having trouble focusing on counting, never mind answering his question.

he rumbled with a laugh you felt more than heard. “princess?”

“still okay,” you managed, “but you have to be still. i need to count.”

you felt him nod and smile into your shoulder as you got to counting, the rhythm of the bills eventually lining up with the rhythm of his breathing against your back, so peaceful and right that maybe, eventually, you both would have fallen asleep like this.

“finished,” you whispered when you were done, organizing everything back where it needed to go, soaking up the last few moments of his touch for that night.

“already?” he asked, although it had probably been half an hour.

you hummed, pushed yourself up and off of him, even as his hands continued to reach for you, his gaze hungry.

so hungry it scared you. you still didn’t quite know if he just wanted someone, or if he wanted you, if he would have acted this way for anyone who asked the right questions, gave him the attention he craved, saw through his mask.

hungry, hungry, hungry, and what scared you most was that you knew that you weren’t hungry for just anyone. only for him. and that question of reciprocation, it was like injecting ice into your blood.

“it’s late,” you said. “you have to go.”

if he was hurt, he didn’t show it, seemingly completely fine with taking things however slowly you wanted to. “okay,” he said. “may i have your number, please?” there was your favorite smile.

you smiled, despite yourself. “why?”

maybe it was the late hour that caused him to misspeak when he said, “because i want you.” he quickly realized his mistake and flushed, only just. “it!” he corrected, looking like a kid with chocolate he wasn’t supposed to eat schmeared all over his face. “i meant i want it.”

you fluttered at his mix-up, delighted that maybe he meant what he said. enough that this time, you didn’t deny his request.

it was a while before you saw him again in person, as he had back to back games and then several away contests before coming home again. but, like always, you put him on the screen by the bar, feeling yourself warm every time the camera caught his face.

one night, a late night, a couple hours after one of his games had ended, you looked up and you saw him at the doorway.

a bad feeling immediately bloomed inside you.

it had been a tough loss, close until the end, and one of his stupid penalties had forced a power play goal in overtime for the opponent. worse, this result had been crucial for their playoff bid. it wasn’t looking good.

you had not expected to see him tonight - he usually didn’t come by on game nights, only on nights off. and he didn’t look right as he stood under the neon signs at the door, he looked off. he looked drunk.

his speech was slow and slurred, making you cringe. after a couple of years at this job, oh, how you hated drunk people. oh, how you never wanted to see him like this, so at the mercy of something as truly stupid as alcohol.

and even more so, how you hated to see him drink himself stupid, how you wanted to make everything all better. you signaled for the bar-back to cover for a moment.

you walked around the counter and approached him. “matthew,” you began, “what’s going on?” you tentatively touched his forearm before grabbing one of his hands, wrapping it in both of yours, bitterly aware that he was not present as you were.

“oh, princess,” he said, stumbling just a bit into your grip as you pulled him outside. he mumbled something you couldn’t hear before laughing, but the laugh was cruel, devastated.

when you were outside, the only audience was the small group of smokers that always hung around the front of the bar. you took his face in your hands. “tell me what happened.”

“what happened?” he said slowly. “what happened?” he repeated, maybe asking himself. “ruined it, always ruin it, ruin everything.” his voice came out like a haunted childlike sing-song. it made your heart shatter.

you looked in his eyes, still holding his face. “you do not ruin everything, okay? you just need to go home and sleep this off.”

“princess, princess, always tryna’ make me feel better,” he slurred, letting the whole weight of his head rest in your hands, your fingertips touching the wisps that curled around his ears. he stumbled forward into you. “need to kiss you, yeah? make me feel better.”

you dropped your hands from his cheeks as if you had been scalded. if your heart wasn’t broken before, it was now, as you pushed his chest away while he leaned forward. you felt tears begin to prickle on your waterline.

of course, he wanted you now, when he was begging to be taken care of, when he was outwardly desperate to be reassured, when his vision was probably so impaired that he couldn’t really even see your face.

of course he wanted you now, when you could have been anyone.

“one of our cabs will take you home,” you said, trying to hide the wobble in your voice as you waved one over, barely able to look at him.

he pouted. “what?” he said, teasing, but there was a bite to his tone. “don’t like me like this? not your favorite anymore?”

you didn’t have the energy to scoff. “don’t be mean. sober up. goodnight.” you opened the car door for him, forced him down into the seat.

“don’t you want to kiss me?” he pressed, looked up at you, like he had before so many times from his barstool. like he had so many times, when it had been different.

oh, how they love to be taken care of. and look at you, taking care of them. desperate, foolish girl.

and even now, you couldn’t bring yourself to lie, to say no. “ask me when you’re not out of your mind.” you shut the car door and turned away, wiped your eyes with your sleeves quickly and methodically before taking a breath and getting back to the bar, to your job.

but you were a shell of yourself for the rest of the night, his words repeating over and over again in your mind. make me feel better.

so you blocked his number that you had just added, sighed of relief when one of your colleagues mentioned his team was headed away for a long stretch on the road. a week and a half without him. surely, completely isolated from him, you could forget about what happened.

and you half-believed that, until you came into work that next day and realized you would not be completely isolated from him at all.

right next to his stool there sat a bouquet of flowers and a red jersey, folded up. you already knew what name was on the back. you stood still at the entrance, reluctant to approach the offering.

“left it earlier,” the owner called from across the room, sweeping. “i told ‘m to fuck off, but he wouldn’t.”

“thanks anyways,” you said.

“i asked him why not,” she continued, the barest hint of a smile on her thin lips.

you furrowed your brow, confused.

“asked why he wouldn’t fuck off,” she said, “took him a second.”

you breathed out a laugh.

“said you didn’t know how much he cared, yet. and he needed you to know.”

you swallowed. “that’s nice of him,” you said, running the words over in your mind.

“not everyone deserves your second chances,” she said. “but i don’t let just anyone in our bar before we open.”

the words settled between you like diamond dust. the owner finished sweeping and left.

you approached the gift, found a note sitting on top of it in terrible handwriting.

i’m sorry, it read, i’m back next thursday. i’ll ask you then. you wondered briefly what he was going to ask you before you recalled what he had said to you that night when you put him in a car. your inability to fully turn him away.

you took a shaky breath as you read the last line of the note.

even if i’m not your favorite, you’re still mine.

your stomach fluttered, surprising you. so simple, and yet those words meant everything to you. that even when he got nothing from you, he wanted you still.

you hoped and hoped and hoped he meant it, and you believed it enough that you put the flowers in a vase and wore the jersey for each of his game days.

thursday came faster than you thought it would, probably because of how nervous you were. in this time apart, anything could be true. he could mean what he said, he could want you and only you, you could be counting down the minutes until finally kissing him, touching him how you so desired.

deep down, you were so deeply afraid that when he showed up, if he even showed up, that dreamy facade would be broken, and instead all of your greatest worries and insecurities would be realized.

throughout your whole thursday night shift, you were jittery, versions of how tonight could play out flashing through your mind.

the entire night flew by, until eventually it was time to close, and you tried to ignore your heart sinking. maybe this version of tonight, the one with you alone, maybe this one was for the best.

you counted the register, began to mop, waved goodnight to the owner as she left for the night and reminded you to lock up.

you did your final wipe-down of the counter, feeling the devastation begin to finally set in. you scrunched up your face, told yourself you wouldn’t cry on your bar top.

“princess.”

you looked up, and there he was, draped in neon light, and for a second it looked like sunlight streaming in through church stained-glass windows.

the sentiment didn’t seem altogether different. how many prayers had been answered at this bar? how many homemade temples had been elicited? how many haphazard gods?

“didn’t think you were coming,” you said as he made his way over to you, sat down on his stool, exactly the same dynamic as that first day, but there was no one else. only you and him.

“it’s my fault you ever had a doubt,” he said, looking up at you with those blue, blue eyes, an ocean of apology.

you nodded, tossed the rag aside, rested your forearms on the counter and looked at him, eye to eye, and waited for him to say something.

“i’m sorry,” he said simply, and there was no mask to be found, only genuine regret. “i’m sorry i showed up here the way i did, i’m sorry i embarrassed you at work, i’m sorry i made you feel like just another person.”

you felt your heart stitching itself back together, however painful the process. he gently took your hands in his, warm and rough and firm. “you’re not just another person, okay, princess?” his voice was rough.

your exhale was choppy, so forced you had to close your eyes for a second. how long had you waited to hear somebody say that to you?

“you didn’t embarrass me,” you whispered. “i could never be ashamed of you.”

he gave the smallest laugh, shook his head. “even now, that’s what you focus on. how i’m feeling.”

“only because i care about how you’re feeling,” you said, almost defensive.

“you gonna let me care about how you’re feeling?” he asked, his thumbs tracing circles on your palms.

you stayed quiet, bit your lip, searched his eyes for an trace of doubt, falseness, didn’t find any. only a slowly simmering flame, drowning in want.

“you’re too far away,” you whispered.

“i’ve always resented this counter,” he said with a hint of a smile.

you gave a small smile back as you walked around the bar top, finally stood in front of him, exhaled before sitting down on top of him, your legs straddling his hips, your faces only a breath apart. you clasped your arms around his neck, leaned forward into his chest as his hands settled on your hips.

“ask me,” you all but begged.

his voice was a low rasp, his gaze syrupy with lust. “don’t you want to kiss me?”

you nodded, and he smiled, and then you were leaning forward, finally capturing his lips in a kiss that felt like neon light and television static and a million pleases, all finally answered with of course, anything for you.

you let yourself melt into his chest, tangled a hand in his curls, felt his grip tighten on the flesh at your hips.

he smiled into your mouth when you ran your tongue along the gap between his front teeth, groaned when you began to move your hips back and forth across his lap.

you tugged at the curls at the nape of his neck as you felt him grow harder beneath you, to which he bit down ever so lightly on your bottom lip, the feeling even better than what you had imagined all those times you had watched him gnaw on his mouthguard.

he used his grip to set your hips into a rhythm as you ground down on his lap.

“want to taste you so bad, princess,” he breathed into your mouth. “let me take care of you, yeah? just want to make you feel good.”

you nodded feverishly, tugged at your clothes as he lifted you off of his lap and rested you back onto the counter.

laid bare for him, you become aware of how wet you already were, perhaps the result of all the waiting, the questioning, the wanting that had existed between you both since the beginning.

he groaned at the sight of you. “fuck,” he rasped, “so wet already, hm?” he ran a finger through your folds, brought it to his mouth and sucked. “who’s this for, princess?”

“for you,” you whimpered, so eager for him to touch you how you wanted. “for you, matthew.”

“all for me.” you could hear the satisfaction in his voice before he leaned forward and began to tease you with his tongue, forced a choked moan from your throat.

one of your hands braced the counter for stability while the other shot forward of its own volition, grasping a handful of his curls, making him grunt. the noise vibrated through you.

“fuck,” you bit out, overwhelmed. he pressed his tongue flat against your clit, making your hips push up into him and your grip on his hair tighten. “fuck, you’re good at that.”

you felt his smile as he pushed two fingers inside of you, began to move them in and out slowly while continuing to tongue your clit.

you moaned loudly as your eyes rolled back, the combination of sensations making it hard to control your breathing, stop your back from arching up off the counter.

he brought his other hand to your stomach and pressed down, cementing your hips down into the bar top, intensifying every shock of pleasure, immediately bringing you impossibly close. “fuck, i can’t,” you whimpered, your hand grasping for sheets that weren’t there. “can’t, shit, so close-”

he lifted his head up, thumbed your clit while curling his fingers slightly inside of you. “gonna cum for me?” he cooed.

you nodded, eyes scrunched shut.

“cum, then, princess,” he pressed. “make a mess for me, hm?”

that building wave finally crashed over you, and you gave him exactly what he wanted, reveled in the fact that you could.

you caught your breath, let out a weak exhale, opened your eyes when you felt him press a light kiss against your hip, on the side of your ribs, up to your collarbone, finally on your lips.

pressed against you, you could feel every inch of him, so hard, immediately making you hungry for him again. “more,” you pleaded simply.

“yeah?” he rasped against your lips. “want more of me?”

you palmed his cock in reply, making him hiss, helped him move his clothes aside. “need to feel you inside me.”

he shifted you off of the counter and against his stool, which you immediately bent over and rested your forearms on.

he groaned, pumped his cock once, twice. “tell me this is okay, princess.”

you nodded. “please fuck me, matthew.”

he did as told, pushing inside you entirely, barely giving you any time to adjust before he set a brutal pace, practically splitting you in half.

“holy fuck,” he choked out as you stretched around him. “shit, you’re so perfect for me. bein’ so good, princess, stretching for me so well.”

you moaned as you began to adjust to his size, every part of you still so sensitive from your last orgasm.

he built up his rhythm, forceful and deep but never so much that it hurt, only a pleasant pressure that began to build inside of you.

“so deep,” you whined, your voice muffled by your own arm, “fuck, feels so good.”

he grunted in time with a slow thrust in response, making your eyes squeeze shut at the sensation.

“want to see you,” he rasped, hooking one hand around your thigh and flipping you around before pushing back into you, so that now your back was against the stool, your front facing him, one knee bent. he groaned when your eyes met. “fuck, like that.”

you reached one arm up to his shoulder for support, rested the other one back against the stool. your thighs began to shake from the stimulation, making you clench down on him harder, urging another deep moan from him.

time disappeared as the rhythm of you both continued, so lost in the feeling of him and his noises, so perfect and better than anything you had imagined.

at one point, he brought one of his hands to your clit, began to tease you again with his thumb, while the other hand braced the back of your neck.

“hm, look, princess,” he said, his voice rough with wear, as he forced your gaze down to where your bodies met. “watch me fuck you, yeah?”

you whimpered at his crudeness, couldn’t tear your eyes away from the sight in front of you, his cock thrusting into you, his hands willing you to the edge again.

he let out a choked laugh. “oh, you like that, hm? feel you close.”

“fuck, i’m so close, matthew,” you whimpered, feeling your legs give out.

“‘s okay, princess, ‘m there too,” he mumbled, his motions becoming less controlled. “cum with me, yeah? want to feel you cream on my cock.”

you did as he asked, spurred on by his words, the overstimulation. you felt him reach his high with a groan, warm inside of you, his body collapsing against yours.

you held each other close for several long moments, the only noise between you satisfied breaths and shallow heartbeats. the air was warm, so peaceful, and you bit back a smile at how this bar was now forever changed - this peace would never leave.

you felt his facial hair scratch gently against your shoulder as his head rested there, so content to simply have you close.

it could have been a lifetime. it was probably a minute or two.

he was the first to speak. “so,” he said, drowsy and sweet, “you guys still open? how’re my chances of getting a captain and coke?”

you smiled. how far you had come from the man with the mask asking for anything, maybe an ipa.

if please had been written all over him before, x’s and o’s were now, in pastel pink.

“anything for my favorite,” you said, and he kissed just under your ear.

fin.

708 notes · View notes

ineffable-suffering · 7 months

Text

I'm back with another Good Omens meta in which I'm gonna scream about This Shot now because otherwise I might go insane:

Everything. Every single thing about this shot is so telling and painful and perfect. So, let's break it down before I loose my blessed mind.

LIGHTING

Notice the very obvious, massive ray of light shining in from the top right corner? At first glance, it might seem like it's coming from the window but really, the angle is completely off, the outside is way gloomier than the inside and it seems like it's actually coming from the skylight. The literal one and, mayhaps, also the metaphorical Heavenly one? *winks at you with both eyes*

PLACEMENT

In addition to the source of the Mysterious Ray Of Light being quite the obvious reference to Heaven: it also shines directly onto the heavenly array in the bookshop. The very array Aziraphale used to try and talk to God in S1. And who is standing in the dead middle of it? That's right. The fucking Metatron. Just like all the way back before the End of the World. Appearing to Aziraphale albeit not being called upon. Parallel much?

Aziraphale on the other hand, is not even close to being in the middle of it. Neither the array nor the ray of light. He's standing at the very edge of it, still distraught down to his angelic bones, completely cast into the shade. Despite being the one closer to the camera (= us, the audience), he still draws our eyes in less than the Metatron. It gives us a very clear image of which one of the two of them is currently dominating the shot and also the conversation.

The bookshop is Aziraphale's space, the most Aziraphale space there is. And yet, he's not the one currently owning it. The Metatron's presence is almost making this feel claustrophobic. If we were to draw a line right down the middle of the shot, both him and Aziraphale are crammed into the left side of the picture. Just like in so many shots with Aziraphale and the other (arch)angels, it feels like his space is being invaded, he's beeing crowded against a metaphorical wall, squeezed out of his own comfort zone.

Because that's exactly what the Metatron is doing here, isn't it? It's what Heaven has always done to Aziraphale. Get up all in his business when he leasts wants them to, with nothing but bad intentions and arrogant distain, masked under the hood of feigned corporate politeness. ("You.. you– bad angels!")

BONUS: CROWLEY'S ABSENCE PRESENCE

As we all know, Crowley has already left the bookshop after The K*ss. And he's clearly the missing half to this shot. The Metatron is crowding Aziraphale away from him, away from the door and the window that lead and look outside of the bookshop. Where Crowley is. Where freedom is. Just this once, the bookshop is actually not at all where Aziraphale wants to be. But he's being kept in there by the Metatron, because the choice was never his.

So, we have our clear image: The Metatron backing Aziraphale away from his freedom and what he wants – the metaphorical and literal "right" side (of the shot). And what do we see in the background, on that very right side? The horse statue Crowley always puts his sunglasses on. Look at her, there she is:

In S2E1, right when Crowley and Aziraphale get back from Nina's café to the bookshop (with the damn Eccles cakes), he puts his sunglasses very obviously atop the horse statue ...

... and then takes them again when leaving the bookshop.

It literally gets its own close up shot. It tells us: Crowley feels safe in the bookshop. Crowley feels safe with Aziraphale. This is his home just as much as it is the angel's. And I don't have to tell you about the metaphore of him putting the glasses back on once he realizes he has lost Aziraphale to Heaven. (In addition, I categorically refuse to talk about the way Aziraphale looks at him when he does it.)

So, the horse statue being on this side of the shot –– the side that Aziraphale actually so desperately wants to be on right now (their own side) but is being kept from –– is just beyond symbolical.

Because just like the statue representing him, Crowley is still there. He's waiting. Right outside the shop, by the Bentley. He's there. He'll always be there. He just can't come with this time. Not to Heaven. Not after how he just laid himself bare after 6000 years of wearing his bloody metaphorical sunglasses like a battle armour, and was left hanging just like his shades on the god damn horse statue.

Literally me right now:

#my heart = broken #why is everything a fucking metaphore in this show #i cant with this show #aziraphale's bookshop #crowley's sunglasses #and the 3490583049 parallels #metatron #aziraphale #crowley #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 #good omens s2 #go2 #gos2 #ineffable husbands #go2 spoilers #good omens meta #good omens #my own meta

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imminent-danger-came · 11 months

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Eldritch Abomination MK Theory

OKAY. @the-punning-ubus

I just want to say reading these tags are SO validating, because I have my little "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory and seeing someone else come to pretty much the same conclusion feels good.

I've been meaning to write a proper theory post on this for a while, so now is as good of a time as any!

Obviously we have Wukong's "Not just anyone can wield my staff, but you did" from A Hero is Born and "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to wield it" from 3x03, but there's also something in 1x09 Macaque:

Macaque: "Your staff kinda gives you away dude, not just anyone can wield that thing."

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

The sweet irony of "There really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick!" followed immediately by MK lifting the staff again is not lost on me.

So, from s1 it was pretty obvious that Wukong didn't "give" MK any form of power, but we knew that already with MK being a monkey demon and all. I just think it's particularly intriguing that all of this was laid out in the same episode where MK proclaims "I am the weapon!". In all honestly, he probably was/is.

One of the main questions coming out of s4 is "why was MK created?"—Monkey King's stone was used to form another, but for what purpose? To what end? What reason was MK at the center of all these stories?

Well, here's my current theory:

MK was something in a past life, and that something needed to be contained—and so, to put a stop to past life eldritch abomination MK, he was then sealed away in the stone.

I think this scene in particular raises some alarm bells:

The stone cracks open, bursts with light, and then it closes—like something was put inside it. The scene could of course just be an aesthetic choice, or chosen to be this way for another reason we don't know yet, but it just feels so deliberate. A ball of light appearing from the stone, then another ball of light in the mystery woman's hands being revealed to hold a monkey, and then the stone reforming around the ball of light. I just can't help but feel there's something there.

Next I want to discuss the two key things that make me feel this theory has merit:

1.) MK has made a habit of breaking out of things he shouldn't be able to (the calabash in 1x05, the trigram furnace in 2x00, the scroll in 4x07, Destiny itself in 3x14) and the stone would be no exception.

2.) Every antagonist in this show has been sealed away in some form, then being released to resume their plans from before being sealed. Here's a list:

DBK was sealed under the mountain, and after being released continued his plan of world domination.

Spider Queen was metaphorically trapped in her fallen empire, and after being given the chance to rule the above world once again, immediately takes it.

The Lady Bone Demon was imprisoned in her tomb, and after being released prematurely (before learning the error of her ways), she continued her plan to destroy the world and create a new one.

Azure Lion was imprisoned in the scroll, and upon being released (by an unknown 3rd party), immediately worked to free his friends and then end the Jade Emperor's reign.

Now, I love foils, so MK breaking out of the stone he was sealed in, yet coming out an actually changed being unlike everyone else in this show, would be DELICIOUS:

Lady Bone Demon: ”No backup and no weapon? So, you’re plan is to fist fight a child?” Sun Wukong: “We both know that’s not what you are.”

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

Lady Bone Demon: "STOP! Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host! Have you become so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless innocent child?" Sun Wukong: "You're giving me no choice! All the time you spent locked away, and you haven't changed a bit! I'm going to finish you, like I should have done a long time ago! I told you—you should have stayed buried."

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

Subodhi: "I have not brought you to your master. Although this is the stone from which Sun Wukong once sprung, it appears overtime, it was used to form another. A simple creature, with no past, no family, and no name. There is a reason you were at the center of these stories—a reason you can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!"

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

(If you want extra fodder for this, please see this parallels post :3)

So, if MK were to hatch out of the stone—where *he* was sealed away—and he actually came out of it a "blameless innocent child" with "no past, no family, and no name", it would work exceedingly well. Wukong's not above giving people second chances, but if you use that second chance to try and destroy the world, you force his hand.

(Side note: it could also be the case that the stone was used to "reset" whatever MK was in his past life, and Wukong was originally meant to destroy whatever came out of the stone—which could be the reason he stayed at Flower Fruit Mountain for hundreds of years. However, when an child came out, a new being without a past or the memories of what it was before—Wukong choose to let it go. He choose to let it live a normal life—or even ensuring it could live a normal life—and it then found it's way to Pigsy. This definitely gets into real crack theory territory, but I did want to bring it up.)

Now, none of this is even mentioning the suspiciously MK shaped figure in the mural from 3x13:

Now, the figure in this mural is only shown when MK is also on screen, which is framing that drives me insane. Perhaps this is when they first caught MK's past life, then finally able to subdue him and seal him in the stone.

And so, if MK really was this terrible chaos driven abomination in his past life, what does that mean ✨thematically✨?

Well,

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

SWK: “ENOUGH! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past, and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.”

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

MK can't change who he was in a past life. He can't change that the roads all lead to pain. But you know what he can do? He can try. He can try and get a little bit better every day. He can try and help people. He can try and make the world better than he found it.

Maybe in a past life, MK caused just as must chaos and destruction as Wukong did in his past. Maybe he caused even more problems then he has as the Monkie Kid. But that also doesn't undo the good he's doing now.

Anyways, that's my "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory. Hope you enjoyed

#wish I could be normal about anything ever #instead I write an in-depth theory post on why I think MK was fucked up in his past life #COME ON s4 SPECIAL. PROVE ME RIGHT #GIVE ME CRUMBS #THIS WOULD SLAP SO HARD #DO IT FOR ME #lmk theory #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk MK #this ain't even mentioning the god damn curse #Cause like bro. The curse reacting to MK (being a part of MK?) the way it does is so fucking weird #Why did MK get a flash of it in 4x03. Why #''harbinger of chaos'' WELL MAYBE HE WAS ONE. MAYBE HE WAS.#eamk theory

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comradekatara · 3 months

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Re: Zuko sexism and fandom: I think that a LOT of people are just genuinely unwilling to actually view Zuko's bad behaviour as actually consequential. He gets "forgiven" by the Gaang and he has a big dramatic duel and then he rules the Fire Nation so it's fine actually. If it wasn't fine he wouldn't have been forgiven, like Jet! They use the lens of end-of-series Zuko, influenced by how the Gaang forgives him, to then retroactively handwave away his earlier behaviour and view it as if end of series Zuko is just misguidedly doing those things, rather than it being an actual expression of what he believes in and his morality at that point in time. Part of it is an abundance of sympathy and projection because he's the most explicit (and arguably only explicit, because other child abuse victims are never injured or attempted-murdered that we know of, and that's the bar for many viewers. Neither are any other than Zuko positioned piteously or as victims of Serious Injustice.) child abuse victim in the show and we see so MUCH of his internal struggle. For like a whole book. There's also a consistent trend of viewing the Fire Nation as Yes, Actually, being better than the other societies, they just shouldn't have tried to spread it via war, so yes Zuko is ✨indoctrinated✨ but in a feminist galaxy brained way not a bad fascist way. So the colonialism would've been fine if people had just agreed with how great the Fire Nation is! Pretty much the entirety of Zuko's bad behaviour is handwaved away as "he's a good guy who had a bad life! We forgive him for all of it, he's trying!" And to a lot of viewers, it's also "he's also hot and I've had a crush on him since I was like 14!". He's genuinely a huge asshole to pretty much everyone around him like, almost 24/7, for the majority of the show. And he has his reasons but he's still caused a lot of harm, and that we see? he's basically only revised his views on violent colonialism, making his Anger other people's problem, and some parts of racism. He only ever addresses what he's done to the Gaang and Uncle to. Does he buy Song another ostrich horse? Does he give Kyoshi reparations? Did he ever find out if that farming family with the kid Lee were harmed for harbouring a FIRE NATION PRINCE? What did he do to apologise to the Southern Water Tribe? Whatever he did to apologise to and thank Mai, if anything, I can guarantee it wasn't enough. That's just his personal stuff, never mind his policy choices as the New Fiery Dictator. It's so boring and frustrating how much people gloss over his jagged edges, because without those edges his narrative and how he fits into the world and story just collapses completely.

you’re so right about all of this. I think his final scene with mai is especially emblematic of how his resolution is framed as “and they all lived happily ever after” even though I remember perfectly well how he treated that poor girl so I’m just yelling at her to run away the whole scene. although I will say that stealing song’s ostrich horse was probably his most justifiable crime just bc if I was a disfigured burn victim and someone tried to touch my face without asking I’d also consider committing petty theft against them. ngl. he still does owe her a new ostrich horse though. and of course framing his ascension as some grand victory is thematically/telelogically appropriate, but I highly doubt he would be like. good at firelording. but that’s for another post. ppl really like smoothing out his edges and treating him as if he’s beyond reproach when everyone only finds him so compelling in the first place because his flaws are so obvious, so they assume he’s more “complex” than the other characters (and also more relatable, but that’s for another post too). it’s actually kind of funny if you think about it. “he’s the best because he’s so noticeably flawed and therefore so complex but also I love him so he doesn’t have any flaws actually and is probably a feminist socialist who loves eating pussy and listening to women.” and this is also lowkey how ppl talk about sokka too but at least sokka does actually do those things, zuko doesn’t even pretend to😭 anyway. i keep saying today that you guys couldn’t handle revolutionary girl utena, but you guys REALLY couldn’t handle revolutionary girl utena…

#which reminds me that I still need to finish that sokka/nanami essay #estra-die-ol #asks #also ofc zuko and mai are both gay. but that’s beside the point #zuko #hot takes #mai #song #sorry I know she meant well but I hate that girl!!!!#she has smug nurse energy 2 me #like no u can’t touch some guy u just met learn some fucking BOUNDARIESS #anyway. he was still wrong for stealing her mode of transportation lmfao

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aziraphales-library · 2 months

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Hello! First off, your blog is amazing, and you're really helping all of us extraordinarily! 😭 anyways, do you have any angsty fics where Gabriel tortures Crowely and/or Heaven tortures Crowley and Aziraphale has to help him? (other than the obvious fic choices, Reposession and That Hopeful Feeling) thank you!

2/2: Oh and also, sorry I didn't mention this in my last ask, so just feel free to combine them. I rather prefer longer fics - 90,000 words at least (or else I get sad that I don't have enough Fic to cry over 😭😂) anyways, just any angsty and/or hurt comfort fics you can give me about Crowly, Gabriel, and Aziraphale would be so amazing!

Hi. We have #torture and #kidnapping tags you can check. But really, with requirements as specific as this, your best bet is sorting and filtering on AO3. Here is a search for angsty hurt/comfort fics which feature Gabriel, sorted by word count. I did the same thing, but with the torture tag, and here are some of the fics I found. Obviously, mind the tags and warnings on all of these!...

Tossed and Torn by Fire_Traveller (M)

Disclaimer: major character injury (he'll be fine, though, I promise) Disclaimer Number 2: This is part of my Per Aspera verse and will likely only make sense if you've read the other stories... When Crowley is forcefully summoned right from the sofa of the South Downs cottage, this does not only put the demon in a very dangerous place, out of which Aziraphale will need to save him somehow, but it also causes both him and Aziraphale to develop serious doubts concerning their seeming safety from Heaven and Hell. While they do have friends on their side (from both Above and Below), it seems that, despite all the promises, they are still not without very determined enemies...

Totality by rowenablade (E)

Crowley and Gabriel have a history together. Gabriel is the only one who knows about it.

A Memory of Eden by ImprobableDreams900 (M)

When Crowley gets captured by angels and dragged up to Heaven, Aziraphale knows he has to rescue him—no matter the consequences.

Another Time, Another Place by indigo (E)

What if? Two words - so powerful. A slight divergence from canon sees a very different life for Aziraphale five years after the world didn’t end. Ostracised from Heaven, he now lives in a world with bookshops and Afternoon Tea, but without Crowley; a world in which he believes Crowley gave his life to save him. However, it’s not quite that simple, and maybe they can somehow get a happy ending after all??? (They can, and they do. But let’s not tell Aziraphale that just yet. It’ll spoil the fun!)

Dark Our Woes by EdosianOrchids901 (E)

Aziraphale and Crowley's pleasant life together is thrown into disarray by captivity and torture. Heaven doesn't know how to kill either of them, but the angels have found plenty of ideas for punishment from the Earth Observation Files. After all, humans come up with the most inventive ways to make other humans suffer. Unsure what their captors really want, Aziraphale and Crowley struggle to resist Heaven’s manipulation, to find a way to escape, and to help each other survive.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #torture #kidnapping #major archive warning #graphic depictions of violence #non con #angst #hurt/comfort #mind the tags #adult omens #mod d #long fic

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knightyoomyoui · 8 months

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NewJeans Hanni x Reader - "What's Your ETA?"

It's really not that obvious who's my bias in NewJeans and what's my recent favorite song of them, right? Righttt? ;)

Your attention was diverted by a ringtone from your phone while you were busy drafting the lyrics for a song you were ready to play for your subscribers as a thank-you present for their support in helping you reach the 500K subscriber milestone on YouTube.

When you took it up off the table, the screen on the ID displayed your friend Haerin's name.

As you read over the lines you've already typed, you swiped the phone to the green button to answer and activated speaker mode.

"Hey Hyerin, what's up?"

"YN! Are you busy?" Hyerin asked with a frantic tone.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you sensed some trouble within Haerin's way of talking at you. "Uhh just writing a song here in my house, not that busy though. Why?"

"Good. C-can you talk to Hanni right now?" Hyerin stuttered because of her uneasiness.

"Why? Is there something happened between the two of you?" You asked curiously. "Sounds like you're nervous, did you two fought?"

"No, I-I mean... we didn't but... I think I pissed her off."

"What did you do then... and wait, what's with the loud noise in the background?" You spotted the only noise barrier that's been keeping you two quite hard to understand each other's words at each other's side of the line.

"Well... I'm at the party with Danielle, Minji, and Hyein. We were invited to perform here." Hyerin explained.

"And why's Hanni not with you four?"

"She said she's not feeling well so we did let her rest." She answered. "And now I'm getting worried for her because that girl's probably breaking down right now of what I've told her."

"And that is?"

Haerin sighed and clicked her tongue, massaging her head. "I reported to her that we saw her b-boyfriend here in the party... and he's flirting with another girl here."

Your blood starts to boil after hearing that information. The emotions intensify as it left distaste on you to learn that the bastard who won Hanni's heart against you still had the audacity to cheat on the most precious girl you've ever met in your whole life.

"How long he's been doing that?"

"More than an hour, I suppose."

"Keep your eyes at them. I'm going to Hanni's house and... say my hi also to the girls."

You heard Haerin passed the message to the other three who were just sitting at the same table together. They exclaimed their greeting at you, making you nod and smile at their adorable voices.

"Got it, oppa."

Haerin took the initiation to end the phone call. You closed your eyes and seethed off the anger rising inside of you as the memories brought you back on remembering those times when he always gets to snatch the opportunity and advantage away from you on winning Hanni's attention to recognize your genuine feelings for your bestfriend. You were a man of sportsmanship. Although it is painful that Hanni didn't end up with you, you tried so hard to accept the fact. You swore to self that you will maintain your attention focused at Hanni every day because who knows there will be a time that despite Hanni has already a man with her, there could be an instance that he's gone and that would put Hanni into a sense of loneliness in the midst of darkness... and you want to be the first person who would come and provide her companionship anytime it may be.

And you were right. It did happen, and it was a perfect time for 'I told you so'. You aren't happy that Hanni had to experience this moment, but at the samd you are relieved and glad that because of what that guy did to her already... you have no other choice but to do your role as her bestfriend and a secret admirer to her: pull her apart from him and do your best to prove her better instead.

Hanni deserves everything that is wonderful in this world, and you are willing to give it all for her as much as you can. This is why you have to do it.

Replacing your house attire with a much presentable casual outfit, you went out of your house and drove your car all the way to the destination which is Hanni's residence.

You parked and hurriedly went to the front door as you knocked slightly aggressive. "Hanni! It's me, YN!"

There was no response. You knocked again, a bit louder in fact, and continued to call her name.

"Hanni! Open the door, please!"

You were having growing suspicions and feeling strange that nobody's responding to your calls so you tried to peek on the windows but it was all covered in curtains, preventing you from the interior.

Picking up your phone, you dialed Hanni's number and waited for it as it rang.

"Cmon... pick it up, pick it up." You said as you tapped your shoes on the ground.

A few seconds after, the profile switches to a timer, informing that the respondent reaches the call. You pressed your phone on your ear and began speaking.

"Hanni! Why are you not in the house?"

"What?"

"I'm here in front of your house. Hyerin said that you're sick. Where did you go?"

"S-so she told you about it too?..." Hanni weakly said. You recognized it immediately what she's referring at.

"Yes, and I came here to check up on you but you weren't here. Where are you now?"

"I just left 3 minutes ago from there." Hanni replied. "I'm on my way to the party."

"Party? Wait, what?" You blurted. "Hanni, you don't need to go there. You have to rest!"

"And what! Just let my boyfriend there flirting along with a girl behind my back?!" Hanni frustratedly complained. "No, YN. I have t-to catch him. I'm going to make him regret what he did to me."

"Hanni, wait. Please, are you serious right now? You're going there all by yourself, and you're even sick right now while you're driving!"

"I'm recovering now! But nothing's gonna stop me from getting back at him." Hanni started to sniff, signalling that she's definitely beginning to cry and it pangs your heart listening to her pain. "I-It hurts... why did he do this to me, YN? I tried to be a great g-girlfriend to him but wasn't... wasn't I enough?"

"Hanni, I understand what you're going through right now okay? Even me dislikes what he did but... again, you're still not in a good condition so far and you're going there alone." You emphatized. "I know you have the girls there monitoring him but I just... let me be on your side like I always do for you, Hanni. I want to join and assist you on this because you mean a lot for me."

Hanni's heart swelled at your sweet and kind words. She smiled a little aside from the cruel situation she's in as of now. "T-thank you, YN."

"No problem, Hanni. Now tell me, do you know the location of the party?"

"i know, it was my former classmate's residence which is a close friend of Hyerin." Hanni said. "I-I'll give you the address."

"Alright, I'll try to catch up on you. Just... when you are already there, don't go there all by yourself. W-wait for me, please. Okay?"

"O-okay."

She ended the call and sent the message directly to you. You sighed heavily and lowered your head as the echoes of her pitiful somber repeats inside your head. It motivated you to help her in this current tough time she's dealing at.

You were about to enter the car when a kid suddenly appeared beside you, tugging your pants.

"M-mister, wait!"

"Oh uhm..." You were taken aback at this kid's presence. "Hey, little one. What is it?"

"C-can you get my kite f-from there, mister/miss?" The kid pointed at the kite stuck in the tree placed in front of a house. "Please... I don't want my mom to be mad at me. She made it for me."

You sighed and tightlipped. You are in a hurry, yes... but still your good-hearted soul couldn't resist a poor kid who is afraid of his parents just because he unintentionally lost a kite that is already meant a lot to his entertainment.

"Don't cry now kid, I'll get it for you." You nodded and patted his head. The kid led you to the tree where his kite is twirled and just swaying there along to the breeze of the thin air.

You noticed that the string were just wrapped around the branch and it's that high for you to reach. You thanked that it was not that hard and too much of a time consuming task for you to do.

Climbing the three, you stretched you body to untangle the string carefully on the branch until you finally got a grasp on it with it's straight form, now back at its fixed condition.

You jumped from the tree and stood in front of the kid. "Here's your kite. You can still play with it." you said as you handed it to him.

"Yehey!!! Thank you so much mister/miss!!!" He cheered loudly and you smiled at his bright mood. You patted again his head and return back to your car.

As you opened the door, you observed that there's a black cat sitting in the roof of your car. You had a staredown with it when it turned its head at you.

You were about to help it go down but it neverminded your kind deed, jumping out of your car by itself.

You just shrugged and entered the car to start driving away.

In the middle of the drive, you removed your focus on the road for a while to switch your music on the radio. It was then you had a glimpse of your gas meter that the fuel of your car is now at a low percentage.

"Oh you got to be kidding me." You groaned.

Fortunately, there was a gas station beside the highway. You went there and refilled you fuel first because obviously you wouldn't like not only yourself taking too much time to reach the party and meet Hanni but also to leave your car there, cause a problem to the other drivers, and have it towed away.

As it got refilled, you thanked the worker and entered your car as you proceeded driving. Remembering Hanni, you contacted her again to get updated. "Where are you now?"

"I'm close. Just a turn at the end and I'll be there now." She answered with a cough after she spoke, confirming to you that she is indeed still not fully recovered yet from her sickness. You felt sorry again for her that she had to go through this and leave her be at peace where she would be rather stay at home and continue resting.

"Okay. I'm on my way now." You stated. Right as you turned off the call, you stopped your car when the other one in front of you did the same, and that's until you realized that you are now in the middle of a traffic.

"BAD TIMING!" You pounded your fist on the steering wheel, causing a honking sound when you hit the horn. Looking back at the time, there's only 9 minutes left before it turns to five in the afternoon. Then, you already knew that you may be a few minutes late since Hanni might have already arrived. You just hope for the best that she won't make a create much of a scene out of catching her cheating boyfriend and that Haerin and the girls would be there to back up her.

You patiently awaited the cars to keep going since you knew that such an annoying circumstance had to develop at the worst possible time when you are in a rush.

There's only 5 minutes remaining in your watch, your desperation urges you to just hop out of the car and run it all the way or just grab a cab through the location instead.

Thankfully, the traffic loosened and the car started to move again, much to your relief but still disappointed that it wasted much of your time remaining.

You successfully made it. The party is still ongoing inside, and you entered the house because luckily there was no guards for you to be questioned if you got any invitation or not.

You went to the backyard and spotted Haerin, Danielle, Hyein, and Minji doing a Super Shy challenge with some strangers, might be their friends you just don't recognize.

As they finished, you called for their names and you drew their attention at you. "YN!"

"Girls!" You exclaimed. "Did you guys saw Hanni?"

"What?" Haerin was puzzled. "Why are you looking for her here? I told you she didn't come with us today, right?"

You facepalmed as you just recalled that she did said that but you never updated her back that Hanni was planning to come in the party.

"Ah shit, I forgot!" You sweared. "So none of you have seen her?"

"YN what is going on?!" Hyein asked, all of them are getting confused now.

"Hanni said she's going here to confront her boyfriend!" Your voice increased, the mix of unknown and nervousness is making you uncomfortable in your stance.

"Huh?!" Minji reacted the loudest. "But we never saw any signs of her around here."

"Then where did she went if that so..." You roamed your eyes around the crowded area as the thoughts only occupied of Hanni attacking your mind in a sense of fear and danger.

"Wait... his boyfriend..." You returned your glances at them. "Where is he?"

"Oh wait!" Danielle exclaimed. "I-I saw him went out of the house with the girl he's flirting with while I was grabbing a food at the kitchen!"

"Then they must be out already, and we lost them..." You slapped your thigh irritatedly as you hissed at your words.

"Wait, unless..." Your eyes sprung up when a possibility just occurred in your head. "Oh no."

"What is it, YN?"

They began calling your name as you quickly ran out of the house while you dialed Hanni's number.

She answered the call. "Hanni. HANNI, WHERE ARE YOU? I'M HERE AT THE PARTY ALREADY. I ASKED THE GIRLS IF-" You paused at your speaking when you heard Hanni crying on the phone.

"Hanni?"

"They were right..." Hanni said between her sobs. "I should've been more aware, now I know why they weren't so okay in their first impression of him..."

She keeps on muttering all her regrets while watching her boyfriend and the girls she's being cheated at kissing beside the house. Hanni is inside the car, sitting on the driver's seat, hands gripping tightly at the steering wheel matched with the intensity of the despair, anger, and dismay she's containing for the sinful act of his boyfriend that she's witnessing.

"Where are you, Hanni? Please, just tell me."

"How could he do this to me... I gave it all, my love... my choice... my trust. I don't know if I could still forgive him, YN."

Her hand starts to hold the stick shift and her feet positioned on the pedal as her lips crunched and eyes dimmed in rage.

You heard an engine revved near at your spot and looked at it.

"YN! THAT'S HANNI'S CAR!" Haerin shouted from the gate, your friends followed you after you began searching for Hanni.

"Yet what I just received in return from him is to break my heart and throw it all in the waste... I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE HE'LL SUFFER WORSE THAN ME!"

She was about to step on the pedal as she screamed in anger when just in time you grabbed her arm, surprising her. You saw that her window is down as you sprinted towards her car.

"Let me go! LET ME GO!"

You opened the car and hugged her instantly. She still tried to force you away from her but the longer you embraced her, the more she starts to calm down and let herself pour all her devastation at you.

"Please, don't. Don't do it, Hanni. You may not deserve what you get, but you don't have to do this. Don't be worse than what he did to you. Let him face the consequences on his own fate."

You helped Hanni get out from the car to allow her breathe some fresh air as you two were joined by Haerin, Minji, Danielle, and Hyein. They gave their friend a group hug to console the heartbroken lover.

Your stare sharpened when you caught the boyfriend and the girl watching the scenario. The girls looked at the direction you are looking at, with Hanni stepping away from the group to finally confront her cheating boyfriend.

"L-look, Hanni... I can exp-"

*SLAP*

The guy touched his aching cheek where Hanni slapped him. "You're done. I'm breaking up with you, and I don't want to see you ever again, do you understand me?", she intimidatingly said with angst.

"H-Hanni... p-please, listen to-"

"She said what she said. Starting today, you stay the hell away from her, you bastard." You grunted as you pulled Hanni back at you again.

Hanni rolled her eyes disgustingly at the girl she's being cheated at before her ex and the girl left. As their figures vanished, she returned on hugging you again as she starts crying out on your body. You stayed there, patting her back to provide comfort at her while your group softly and admiringly watches you two.

"Thank you, YN. I'm sorry if I was stupid to end up with him."

You chuckled and shook your head. "Don't blame yourself. Didn't we all become stupid when we fell in love with somebody. We don't think of the consequences, but rather we look forward at our feelings at first."

"I get it, we just want to try make ourselves oblivious to disregard and escape all the pain we could receive, even though in the end there will always be someone that will enable you to finally wake up in reality to spare you from it... because simply that person just doesn't want to see you suffering any longer." You smiled at Hanni. "You can take it being each of us as your friends including me who also... never gave up loving you." you muttered solemnly at the near end.

Hanni lifted her head and looked at you astoundingly. Her mouth agape, learning that the special boy she's embracing is not only the one who's been very extremely meaningful to her life as her closest friend... but also as the man/woman who was treating her more valuable for so long than what she does, remained loyal and faithful for his/her love to her, even though she didn't picked him/her in the first place and instead chose a bad decision by being with a traitor and didn't cherished all her efforts in return. And that's what she always desired. It's just that she never thought that all of what she's been looking for is already an amalgamation of a perfect lover type... which is you being on her side through most of the times where she needs you.

The girls put up a broadly smile, knowing that you finally got to confess your love for Hanni. Hyerin would never call you right away when they needed a help for Hanni if it wasn't also for that reason.

"Y-you're serious, YN? You meant it?"

You nodded. "I've been loving you for 5 years, 6 months and counting, Pham Hanni. And I never had and will have an intention in my mind that there will be a deadline for me to stop loving you. I just leave it on to my heart that still prefers you as long as I'm living."

Hanni blushed and was touched at your statement. You hugged her again, and she is now feeling your affection in a whole different direction now after your confession to her.

"I know it's sudden and not actually the perfect time for me to do it, but ofcourse I'll give you some time to think about it while you heal your heart." You whispered to her as you caressed her back. "My heart always hurts when you can't let him go because I had this doubt in me that you always deserve better than what he give. I always wanted it to be me, Hanni... but I don't have the control in your life. I'll just be as happy as what you are."

And again, you were the only one who could make Hanni smile in this dreadful day of hers. Her emotions doesn't feel like it weighs her down anymore, because with your presence; everything just helps for her.

It makes her feel amused, complete, and lastly... to be loved uncomparably.

In order to take Hanni home early so she could recover from her increasing health and wait for her sickness to totally subside, you excused yourself from the girls. The girls appreciated their compassion, said you farewell, and advised you to drive safely.

1 WEEK LATER

You were playing the tone of your newly written song in your guitar at the music room of your campus until you officially stopped doing it as you submitted yourself to your bored mood.

Placing down your guitar beside you on the couch, you slumped down and lazily looked around the house thinking of other ways to spend your free time.

An option popped into your mind and you were just hoping that she's also available for today.

You picked up your phone. Your fingertip was about to press down the power button but then your screen lit up, showing the call profile of Hanni, much to your surprise.

Coincidence? You think not.

Smirking at how amazing it was, you answer the call with a large grin in your face.

"Hmmm hey, Hanni how are you?"

"Doing fine but I'm bored right now." She said weakly. It was evident to her voice, but you chuckled again as how the mindset of you both were unknowingly similar. "Really? Because I am too, honestly." You replied. "I was just playing my guitar here and it doesn't please me still."

"Well I'm here building a puzzle and it doesn't help. So I just picked up my phone-"

"Yeah, I did too after-

"I think about you."

Both of you were stunned that you two said the same thing together. You blushed at smiled, with Hanni also reacting as you.

"You know, I find it pretty impressive that both of us were like sharing the same mindset these days."

Hanni laughed at your comment. "Yeah you're right. Well everything has a reason, right? We just have to give it some sense, so maybe... I guess we're just really that specially related."

You nodded, beaming a smile as you agreed at her opinion. "I guess we are."

Both became silent as you let the moment sink in to yourselves, having to hear the voices that belongs to the one that is being held dearly by each other's hearts again which was easily effective to uplift your spirits and lighten up together's moods.

"You're free today?"

"I am. Why?"

"Perfect. What do you say? We can go wherever you like." You smirked at your suggestion. "Just say the words and I'm down, Hanni. "

Hanni didn't think twice about it, it was already a great idea to be with you and she wouldn't hesitate to just let it across. "Well, all I need is you on my side so we can go whenever you like too, YN."

You were glad at her answer. "Just tell me now where are you and what's your ETA so that I could prepare while I wait for you, YN."

It was like every time when you were about to spend your time with her, she tests you how fast you are on preparing yourself to meet up with her...

... and this day might be your fastest so far.

---------------------------

You and Hanni were waiting for your orders to be served inside a fine restaurant you two have decided to try around the mall.

While you are watching the movie that is being showed in the TV screen, Hanni distracted you not only by her question but also with her actions.

She rolled up the sleeve in your arm to see your bandaged wrist. "This took me since earlier when we rode your car, what happened to this?"

"N-nothing." You shook your head and gently pulled it away, hiding it back on your sleeve. "Just got into a little accident, wounded in result."

Hanni nodded and patted your hand. "Try to be careful next time, okay? It's good that you applied it first aid already."

You flinched with a teasing smirk. "Ofcourse, I am. I'm a grown up now, mom."

Hanni bonked your head and pouted sulkily. "OUCH! Okay, I'm sorry!"

"No, that won't do." She swayed her head, rejecting your apology.

"Then what should I need to do, huh?"

"Buy me an ice cream." she requested with puppy eyes as she said it with anticipation.

"Pft. Basic." You scoffed, taking out your wallet from the pocket. "Deal accepted."

"No, I'm not done yet."

You slumped your shoulders as you stared at her ridiculously. "What do you want too, missy?"

She tapped her cheek repeatedly as she presented it to you. You were flustered, trying to deny if she's actually requesting the same thing you're thinking.

"I'm waiting, YN... or we're gonna go home very quickly after we eat~"

You can describe any synonym of "terrified" after she said that, prompting you to land your first kiss in her cheek, as there's going to be no way you two would ruin this day just because you chose stubborn and dense at her hint.

"That was as good as I expected." Hanni winked at you before she returned her focus back at her phone, leaving you sheepishly grinning and blushing intensely on your seat.

As your ordered dishes finally arrived in your table, she lead the prayer before both of you started to feat on each other's foods.

You were gonna pick up the fork until you had a glance on your wounded wrist again, and you recalled the question Hanni gave to you according with that... in which you didn't gave her a proper answer.

She must not know. It's for the better, you thought. You had to lure her away from the darkest secret you just made for the rest of your life.

From what you actually did behind the wound that was left within you as a cost of your unforgivable action.

You'll try to keep it with you as long as it requires to be, but if there's a time she learned about it; you already are willing to take all the responsibility to face her with it.

You ate with Hanni and gave her the same delighted yet forced reaction to the delicious taste of each other's food...

...while the guilt of killing her ex-boyfriend three days after Hanni broke up with her by running the car straight towards at him when he was alone walking in the street. You were stalking him for days, searching for a perfect opportunity to do the favor instead for Hanni on what she almost attempted.

You brought his body in your car's trunk and threw secretly on the cliff to dispose him off. That's where you also noticed the wound in your wrist left by him possibly from the struggle he tried to do to fight you back as you were about to leave from the place. All of it lingers in your head while Hanni is just enjoying her meal in front of you, no clue that her current love interest has just sacrificed him/herself to seek for blood in revenge for the guy who broke her heart and made her miserable.

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wilcze-kudly · 6 months

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Sure we can rag on Bolin for not realising he joined the Earth Kingdom equivalent of the Nazi party and call him an idiot for it (deserved) but honestly I can't really fault him for it?

Like the ostrich effect is a thing and we are watching it in full effect here. We've seen that Bolin is a character that deals very poorly with conflict. Like it's super obvious he'd avoid standing up to Kuvira as much as he could.

One of Bolin's biggest hurdles as a character is that he is looking for a purpose, the rest of team Avatar having 'found themselves'. So it's not out of character for him to join Kuvira.

I feel like he's also compensating for the loss of Korra, who was in recovery at the time by following Kuvira.

It's very obvious that Korra had a huge impact on Bolin's life, as she did with all of Team Avatar. But Bolin had definetly attached himself very strongly to her. He's been following Mako around his entire life, been a follower for most of his life. And then his first real friendship outside of family follows a similar pattern.

Korra is like the perfect character for Bolin to project his weird codependency thing onto. She's an effortless leader, very forceful, decisive and straightforward. Someone who he can easily listen to and carve out a path he can follow. And following the Avatar around allows him to do something worthwile and good. To actually help. With the added benefit that it gets him people's approval, something he so clearly desperately needs and craves.

Then Korra becomes so injured that she has to be placed in physical therapy for an indeterminate ampunt of time.

So Bolin projects that need and codependency on someone else. Kuvira. In his argument with Mako he states it clear as day: 'I mean, Kuvira is basically just like Korra. She might seem hard to deal with, but just because she's so passionate and believes in what she's doing.'

He gets to continue doing good and making people like him while under very clear orders he can follow.

I mean, this boy is traumatised. Clearly, Mako took the brunt of the horrors of their childhood, but it would be incredibly stupid to say that Bolin isn't fucked up as well. Clearly in a different way but fucked up nonetheless. I think this codependency thing is something both brothers benefitted from as kids but that's a conversation for another day.

And the events of the first three books are also traumatic?

Like he's just been part of a civil war/end of the world so excuse him for hoping to catch a break. I will once again refer you to the ostrich effect. Another war breaking out is probably like worst case scenario in his mind.

I feel like for him, if he opens his eyes to what Kuvira is doing is accepting that there is once again a 'big conflict' in his life. And that his loved ones are once again in danger. And worse, that he's contributed to it.

I can also see it all being a case of 'well ive waded neck deep into this swamp, now i gotta see this through'. Like he's sunk so much time and energy into this cause, it can't be all wrong, right?

Sure, ego is probably a big part of his behaviour. Everyone is telling him that Kuvira is bad and that automatically puts up the defences. Bit I can see how these warnings feel like a direct personal attack at Bolin himself. He was also incredibly isolated from most of his friends when serving Kuvira. Other than Zhu Li and Varrick, who aren't exactly peers.

So he's lonely on a train most of his time and when he does reuinte with his loved ones they start criticising his life choices . I can see him getting defensive and automatically resistant to critisism.

And Kuvira is also shown to be very good at emotuonal manipulation and threats and stuff. And Bolin, a chronic people pleaser whith a lot of trauma is, like, the perfect victim for those shenanigans. Bolin is canonically bad at reading situations that are detrimental to him (look at the entirety of his relationship with Eska)

You know, sure, he's an idiot for staying with her as long as he did. But it's not as black and white as a lot of people make it out to be?

#bolin is a much more complex character than most people give him credit #bro i made it that deep #it is so late rn and im rambling about the silly lavaboy #bolin #tlok bolin #kuvira #korra #avatar korra #mako #tlok mako #tlok #lok #the legend of korra #legend of korra #avatar the legend of korra #atlok #earth empire

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blackautmedia · 7 months

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Tears of the Kingdom and the use of Hands

It's frustrating how well Tears of the Kingdom incorporates repeat imagery of hands in some form. It has a lot of this great concept with it, but never really capitalizes on it or uses it in any thematically interesting way since the storytelling is so underwhelming.

From the start of the game, Link's separation from Zelda shows him reaching out and trying to grab her hand and failing to make contact, a scene that's mirrored at the end of the game when you have a moment to dive after Zelda and make the catch you failed to do at the start. The game makes sure to have a button prompt section specifically for touching her hand.

Link of course loses his arm and gets...magic emergency surgery (the disability lens of how Link is portrayed in Tears is an entirely separate conversation. Hoo wee...) and from the beginning of the game Rauru and Link are bonded together with Rauru's arm fused to Link's body. My issues with the Zonai as a race aside, this is still another part of the motif.

During multiple conversations between Zelda and Queen Sonia during the memories, they deliberately draw attention to having Sonia reach out and hold or touch Zelda's hands to emphasize the sincerity and love she's expressing. Sonia verbalizes the connection she feels not just as family but even notes how she can sense the similarities in Zelda's powers.

Honestly, for all the issues in how underwhelming Totk's storytelling is, I genuinely love these little moments with Sonia. I think they likely did it to get around possible limitations of creating nuanced facial expressions they couldn't capture easily, but I still found it very effective by helping the player relate to the sense of touch.

The completion of each temple is marked with a show of loyalty with the newly awakened sage and some variation of handshake or hand contact.

All of this makes it more of a wasted opportunity that they had a scene where Mineru is touching her late brother's hand for the first time after being in slumber for ages and they do nothing with it. You could have her tense up, maybe have her run both her hands across the top of Link's hand after getting to experience some form of touch from her brother for the first time.

There's also the fact that Mineru and Link both have the unique experience of altering their bodies and selves in service of being kept in slumber for a long period of time to carry out the responsibility of saving the world. Both of them carry the emotional weight of having to leave behind their friends, family, and the world they knew all in service of this grand plan with Zelda behind it all and yet they never capitalize on any of this. Pretty much nobody else can really relate to this situation and it'd make a great storytelling point to focus on her.

Back to the hands though, we all know the most iconic enemy in Tears of the Kingdom are the gloom spawn, which everyone calls the Gloom Hands.

The end of each shrine you're met with a Statue of Sonia and Rauru greeting you with hands held together as they stand as one.

Hands and the constant element of contact to convey significant moments would be effective in a story about community and the connection and strength that comes from cultivating it and organizing. There's also the obvious connection of unity.

TotK kind of have an aspect and theme of community care or try to lean in on that idea, but it's also messy and undermined when taken with *gestures at everything else*

I dunno. I think the repeat imagery of hands is a really thoughtful choice to convey climactic moments of these scenes. I just wish there was more actual meat to the story to give it some weight.

I've considered doing an addendum video to my Gerudo discussion talking about TotK's storytelling and maybe some of the things that come to mind with the portrayal of Ganon and the Zonai, cuz boy do they have some...implications.

#tears of the kingdom #totk critical #totk spoilers #legend of zelda #princess zelda #queen sonia #king rauru #totk rauru

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atalana · 7 months

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so i've been doing a doctor who rewatch with my flatmate, which is giving me whole new avenues to think about doctor who meta from

and i wanna talk about this moment

the dalek emperor asks "so prove yourself, doctor. what are you, coward or killer?"

and i think the full context of his response goes a little underappreciated

because especially if you know a lot about doctor who, this line seems fairly obvious. still poignant as hell, but we know the doctor, and we know he's the man who'd always make that choice, it's built into his very mythology

except this is nine

and the choice he's being offered is whether or not to use a weapon that will kill every living thing in its radius - it'll wipe out the daleks, but the range of it also includes the entire earth. you can finally stop the war, but you have to sacrifice a planet you've come to call home, and all of its people, in order to do so. and you'd better act fast, because the daleks are waging war right now, people are already dying - if you don't do something, they're going to wipe out the human race anyway

logically, he should. logically, he has to.

but this is a doctor who is fresh of the heels of making that same choice! he already did it! not too long ago, with his own world in the balance, he proved himself killer, once and for all. what's one more planet, compared to all that? one more planet, to prove it wasn't all worthless? if you let them go now, you killed your own people for nothing

i don't think he knew, until he got his hands on that trigger, what choice he would make. he was certainly planning to be able to do it. and it's not like he stopped being a soldier after the war, when he met that one lone dalek he did everything in his power to kill it, to make the war finally over, to make it worth it. nine doesn't want to be a killer, but he knows that he is. and he's proven it many times this season

until right now. staring down his worst enemy, his worst nightmare, knowing that if he acts with mercy here he'll condemn the universe to destruction, he does it anyway. throws everything aside to give the devil itself the kindness neither of them deserve

this isn't just the moment he declared himself the man who never would. this is the moment he became the man who never would

and time lord regeneration's a funny thing. same man, new man. same memories, new personality, new goals, new ideals. and sure, some aspects of that are random, but there's still a chain of connection. each new incarnation becomes who they are in response to how the last one ended. the 50th enjoyed going into the differences between ten and eleven, how eleven ran away from everything that the doctor was before, played up the childish and the trickster and never fully looked at all the horrors in their past, because ten couldn't help but take responsibility. he considered responsibility the only moral option, but at the end was still so angry that this weight never stopped dragging him down, that he could never make the selfish decision. the world isn't fair and i don't want it to end like this, i see so much of that in eleven

and that defining moment of nine's that birthed ten, that's right here

the man who never would is a line stolen directly from the doctor's daughter. ten is the doctor who holds up genocide as the worst crime someone can commit, no matter the circumstances. ten who will let a dalek go just to avoid causing another. ten who won't touch a weapon of any kind unless absolutely necessary. who doesn't even want to be in the same room as a gun. it all comes down to this moment, with nine against the end of everything, in the final hours of his life

handed an identical choice to the one that changed his life forever and saying never again.

#this has been sitting in my drafts for a while whoops #i got very passionate about it and then i forgot i hadn't posted it yet until i saw that post like don't skip nine #and i was like YEAH DON'T SKIP NINE HE'S VITAL TO TEN'S CHARACTER #and then i realised i hadn't explained that yet #but ye! i have many emotions about this. and genuinely you can't fully understand ten without looking at this moment #also nine good #doctor who #tenth doctor #ninth doctor #eleventh doctor

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deathonthe · 20 days

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mona lisa's smile | 1418

pairing: fernando/lance

rating: teen and up

word count: ~7000

tags: pre-relationship, 2021 season, non-driver lance au

summary:

Two-time world champion. Robbed from his third. A villain’s making—a slow descent from glory, trajectory fixed on an unfulfilling end. Back from his sabbatical. Fernando Alonso.

director's cut:

don't let my ramblings influence ur interpretation of the fic!

these are my notes/reflection on the fic. they don't have to be urs. different minds can come to different conclusions that are equally fantastic!

mona lisa's smile is supposed to disappear when u view her directly, but out of ur peripheral, she is always smiling mysteriously (eerily). i thought it was fitting given the characterisation of lance and the facade he kinda keeps up in the fic

my obvious issue is that since it is an incomplete fic, the focus on lance and esteban's friendship overshadowed his developing one with fernando

i thought the risotto scene was corny, i'm glad people liked it

yes, it's written so that u can't really tell if someone's talking about something or somehow implying it or thinking it

i'm impartial to when people portray lance as having daddy issues and lawrence being a bad father. obviously i don't know jackshit about lance's relationship with his dad, but i wanted to depict it in a positive light this time around

whether or not scotty was going behind chloe's back with daniel is up to u. i couldn't decide whether he would or wouldn't so i left it vague

i don't know shit about ice hockey. i had to google who the canadiens were. they're not mentioned more because i couldn't be stuffed doing more research

i back read way too many articles about lawrence buying racing point, because i thought the dts portrayal was a bit inaccurate

lance and esteban do speak french when they're together so i'm glad i at least got that part of their characterisation correct

i actually started taking duolingo lessons for french because of this fic

the style is choppy on purpose because i hate grammar and tense

the line of 'offers security physically in the only way he knows how' is not implying that lance fucks este. i think lance often grabbing parts of himself to kinda subconsciously reassure himself, i tried to transfer that vibe into his friendship with esteban

to be clear, fernando does not give a shit about lance really until he meets him again when lance is like 20/21

the part that goes 'lance had watched from the grandstands that day. the crowd roared. he hadn't thought much of it' was actually regarding fernando's abu dhabi retirement donuts, and not him winning in spain in 2013

if misappropriating classical writing in my trashy fics was a crime, i would be on death row

at this point, it is not clear whether fernando is approaching lance as part of his El Plan or if he's genuinely interested in him

re: esteban and pierre possibly both being in renault. hindsight is a beautiful thing

fernando's "we are like lions. podiums soon" is another reference to the iliad. i wasn't sure if the implication was strong enough

i was originally going to scrap the 'must've misheard italian for indian' line because i wasn't sure if it would offend people

in the risotto scene, sebastian is actually oblivious as to what's happening. he's not pretending to be. he is fully unaware

my most despised line in this fic is: a son of a billionaire he may be, but a waster of food he is not. i think it's too cheesy and doesn't fit with the style of the fic. looking back now, i'm not sure why i kept it

i think the 'lance's lack of passion' character choice stems a lot from how f1 fans think lance is somehow detached from the sport and doesn't really care for it as much as, let's say, fernando or max, who are always very clearly enthusiastic about racing. it's probably also got something to do with lance's 'monotonous voice' that people like to complain about. it's ok, though, because lance is plenty expressive in his face and body language

fernando's post-race interview after his bahrain dnf is an amalgamation of some of the actual post-race interviews he's given

my favourite line in this fic is: Un jour, vous en ferez l'expérience. Cela fait battre votre cœur pour la première fois et votre cœur ne cessera de battre après. too bad it had to be in french

the ass-tap was inspired by the video of fernando congratulating lance after lance got p3 in the wet qualifying for brazil 2023 (i believe, need to double check on that)

the aston engineer is 100% suspicious about lance and fernando

thanks for putting urself through all of that!

#lance stroll #fernando alonso #strollonso #1418 #1814 #ls18 #fa14 #f1 fanfic #my fic #once again me yapping into the void #f1 #formula 1 #forumla one

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last-ofthe-starks · 2 years

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HOTD episode 4

Some thoughts and Easter eggs:

WHAT A DOOSEY THIS ONE WAS

The choice for a female director for this episode was SO KEY. I cannot stress this enough.

Daemon and Rhaenyra chemistry is next level. I mean, wow. We open on a shot of the necklace Daemon gifted her. Having given her that necklace, it is now clear that Daemon made the first move of power over her; he exists in the back of her mind while we meets potential suiters. The excitement on her face when she sees Daemon is priceless, and tells you that she’s completely enamored by him.

When Rhaenyra is playing Westeros’ version of the Bachelorette, we see Storms End for the first time, and a member of the House Blackwood and Bracken. These are two family’s who “helped” Aegon during the conquest but absolutely detest one another. These are two houses we did not see in GOT but it’s always fun to be introduced formally to another family in this world.

Viserys really plays up his power as King when Daemon shows up. He makes a point to fill the hall, have his sword by his side, and dress up for his arrival in order to project his power and reaffirm his dominance over him. What is great though, is that despite all that and the time that has passed, Daemon still walks in like he owns the place.

Daemon and Viserys’ reunion highlights Viserys’ greatest strength and weakness: his love for Daemon. We know he deeply loves his brother, you can see how much happier he is when Daemon is there; joking and jesting with him. It’s a side to him we haven’t seen. But he is weak as Daemon says, and unable to detect Otto and Daemon’s motives every time he comes back. Daemon plays him like a fiddle.

Daemon with short hair.. wooooooie. Also, Matt Smith’s jaw bone could cut glass. He just exudes confidence. His reunion with Viserys is heavy but reiterates to us again how tangled and complex the brothers relationship truly is. He is back to gain his brothers favor again and this time an older Rhaenyra is a chess piece. My favorite shot was when Daemon was walking towards the throne and Rhaenyra mirrored him in the crowd, walking beside him but not together yet.

Alicent is positioned as an outsider a few times this episode, trying desperately to get back into the good graces of the Targaryen’s but struggling under the weight that position inevitably brings. Every time she tries to connect with Rhaenyra it’s obvious the disconnect these two have at their core. Alicent was born into thinking her only job was to be in court. Rhaenyra strives for more. Unlike the books you can really see her struggling to maintain a relationship with Rhaenyra and do the right thing by everyone. Their conversations this episode are great foreshadowing for when the two of them eventually breaking free of confines and tradition in their own ways.

We learn Corlys is speaking with house of Bravos and the rush to marry Rhaenyra to build strong alliances becomes all the more rushed. We also see that Rhaenyra is no longer a cup bearer, which FINALLY.

Daemon and Rhaenyra speaking in high valerian is such a wonderful detail that makes their interactions so beautiful and significant. They truly enter their own world when speaking. Partner that with their letters and secret meetings, and it’s no wonder they are so close. Rhaenyra white lied and swore on the memory of her mother in order to protect her and Daemon’s relationship, that is significant.

This episode reiterates what I love about this story, because the show, not the book, is able to dictate what is cannon for the first time. The book is told in the third person by multiple sources, so the moments we read about that seem so simple or one sided are now given great context and meaning. In the books Daemon bringing Rhaenyra out into the city and to brothels which simply put seemed crass (and is definitely effed up by todays standards), but in this episode we can also see how he was strengthening her character by exposing her to the realities and possibilities of the real world she was expected to rule. By showing her how the common folk feel about their family, I’d argue he is teaching her how important their opinions are, and how to be a better listener and ruler.

Rhaenyra sees people having sex for pleasure, while we see Alicent has only ever known being at Viserys’ beck and call in a loveless marriage. Daemon tells her women should be equals in control of their own pleasure, and we see that in her marriage Alicent is quite isolated and alone with no voice. The juxtaposition here was quite jarring.

Daemon 1000% got spooked by Rhaenyra kissing him back like she did. He lost his control and power over the situation, she took it, and he bolted. So much was said without words in that moment.

The writers are very clearly (and quickly) trying to show how Rhaenyra and Criston became closer in the year time jump since last episode. He seems much softer with her at the beginning of the episode. You can understand that he would be the closest person she has next to Daemon and can understand how her seeking pleasure with him could have happened organically. At the very least, she loses her maidenhead with someone she trusted and someone who cared for her too. This is a departure from the books where public perception was that Criston Cole rejected Rhaenyra and she loses her maidenhead to Breakbones.

When Rhaenyra is with Daemon, she maintains eye contact with him the entire time. When she is with Criston Cole, she does not. When they zoom in on her face after her and Criston are finished, she is not looking at him but beyond him over his shoulder. This is a great way to reiterate that she did not want Criston like she wants Daemon, she only wanted to use him for her own pleasure.

I know it is expected that Otto would have spies as hand of the King, but he still sucks so much. The way he delivers the news about her and Daemon is so calculated and the phrasing is purposefully done so that Rhaenyra looks bad. And I am SO GLAD Viserys made comments back to him accusing of being so ambitious that he would spy upon Rhaenyra, awaiting the moment to make her look bad. That said, Daemon and Rhaenyra were not very subtle, and that was clearly Daemon’s intention here. Again, he is a morally grey character!

Having Daemon screwed over by Mysaria was a nice nod to the books. She becomes a character similar to Verys. And has found agency as a woman that does not involve reproducing or using her body. Watching her exchange money with what we presume is a little bird is a nice detail we will see again no doubt.

The Daemon and Viserys confrontation scene is SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

Daemon is not a nice dude, we know that he has self serving motives and that at the end of the day he is untrustworthy. We know that he is using Rhaenyra to get back at his brother in a twisted way, because otherwise he would have denied having slept with her, and he doesn’t. But I do think he loves her, in the most complicated way ever.

Daemon asking Viserys to wed Rhaenyra is interpreted as an obvious bid to get closer to the throne, but I disagree. His earlier comments about being married for duty, but maintaining the ability to do what you want is important within your marriage are important here. He mentions wanting to restore their house to the same glory it had under Aegon’s rule; Aegon had two wives (like Daemon would if he wed Rhaenyra). It was said Aegon married his older sister for duty, and younger sister for love. Perhaps that is Daemon’s true intention as well. At the end of the day I don’t think he wants the throne, he wants his family protected and put in the best position to rule.

The Catspaw Dagger scene. Truly gave me chills. Viserys references previous owners of the dagger and one of them is Aegon (the man is mentioned constantly). This scene is a great way to make Rhaenyra come to terms and agreement with the benefits of arranged marriages, especially after her talks with Daemon. She must set herself up to succeed because being hair goes beyond her feelings, she now carry’s the prophesy with her, and that is the most important thing now.

Viserys and Otto scene. SO GOOD. I could watch Viserys remote that pin all day. This was the episode that we finally saw Viserys have a spine. We also see that despite their struggling relationship, Rhaenyra still has her fathers ear and influence. She quite easily convinces her father to finally be done with Otto and his untrustworthiness, something we know he’s recognized and thought but has not yet had the guts to do. This influence other her father proves to us once again why Daemon being linked to Rhaenyra could and would only benefit him. She is stronger willed than her father, and Daemon knows she could/would be a great Queen.

#house of the dragon #hotdedit #rhaenyra targaryen #gotedit #game of thrones #daemon targaryen #hotd #hotd spoilers #asoiaf #daemon x rhaenyra #house of the dragon 1x04 #hotd 1x04 #daemon and rhaenyra #daemon Targaryen #rhaenyra x daemon #Rhaenyra #viserys targaryen

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roscoehamiltons · 2 months

Text

Silly Season 2024 Predictions

aka predicting how the grid will look for 2025:

red bull: max verstappen, daniel ricciardo

mercedes: george russell, fernando alonso (or alex albon, if fernando remains at aston martin)

ferrari: lewis hamilton(!!!), charles leclerc

mclaren: lando norris, oscar piastri

aston martin: lance stroll, yuki tsunoda (or fernando alonso, if he doesn't go to mercedes)

alpine: esteban ocon, pierre gasly

williams: kimi antonelli, alex albon (or valtteri bottas, if alex goes to mercedes)

visa cash grab rb: liam lawson, sergio perez (or yuki tsunoda, if he doesn't go to aston martin)

sauber: carlos sainz jr, nico hulkenberg

haas: ollie bearman, kevin magnussen (or zhou guanyu, if kevin retires)

thoughts, explanations (and a lot of babbling) under the cut:

red bull: maybe i'm delulu for thinking daniel to red bull will still happen lol but it makes perfect sense on paper-- daniel's already familiar with the team and works well with them, he has support from the higher ups, he's a marketing dream, he has a similar driving style and preference to max...

also i know there have been rumours about alex going to red bull again but i don't think he'll do it in the end.

mercedes: i want it to be fernando that replaces lewis bc it would bring the most chaos and drama lol, but it's also a decision that actually makes sense? swapping a world champion with another world champion, and one that isn't likely to want to stay long term (5-10 years)? i guess this is dependent on how both mercedes and aston do this year but 🙏 pls make it happen lol

alex is my second choice for the seat if fernando doesn’t take it. i started making my predictions before james confirmed that alex was signed to williams for 2025, but even with that news, i still think it's a possibility he could go to mercedes. there's been so many whispers in the press about alex wanting to either leave williams or getting offers from top teams, that i can't help but think that alex is trying to gun for a top seat.. and mercedes is his best choice for a top seat imo. not to mention that james did say that he wouldn't stop alex from leaving if he wanted to, and of course the ties with mercedes that james and williams have... it would be easy for them to do some negotiations and make it happen. also i'm sure that george would put in a good word for alex, if alex was interested.

also some honourable mentions, because there's a lot of possibilities to consider: everyone is talking about kimi antonelli and mercedes and i do think that they're going to try and push him into f1 as soon as they can.. i just don't know if they'll take the risk of putting him in the merc seat right away. i'm really interested to see how he does in f2 either way-- if he's as good as everyone says then the results will speak for themselves. i think esteban is a good option too; he's a solid driver (and underrated imo), and more importantly he has ties to merc and toto. if merc wants a more short term option then carlos is a good choice, though it's more likely he would go to sauber. as for mick, i don't think that he's merc's first (or even second or third) choice for the seat, unfortunately for him and the mick girlies. lastly, this one is a bit random but nico hulkenberg also came to mind as a solid short term option (plus, he's german).

ferrari: still can’t believe lewis is going to be driving for them.

mclaren: no notes, very solid pairing.

aston martin: i think the lineup will stay the same if fernando doesn’t want to move to mercedes. i suppose there’s a chance that the rumours about lance going to wec could be true but we will see.

if fernando does go to mercedes then yuki is probably the most obvious choice as his replacement. i also think it’s in yuki's best interest in the long term to leave the red bull family, and this would probably be the best opportunity to do so.

i was actually initially considering checo as the driver to replace fernando — they have history after all, and checo seems to love the team. however, thinking about it, 2023 really took a hit to his reputation as a driver and I don’t know if aston would want him back anyways? i think checo would absolutely reach out to them though if the seat opens up, i think he’s going to try and stay on the grid if it's possible.

alpine: i think both will stay, but if one was to leave it would probably be este (to mercedes?) rather than pierre. if he were to go then jack doohan would be the likely replacement, maybe victor martins if his results in f2 are good.

williams: like i said earlier, i think mercedes is going to try and get kimi into f1 asap, even if he doesn't win f2, and aside from merc itself, williams is the most likely option for that to happen. alex will stay if he doesn’t get the mercedes seat—the supposed red bull offer doesn't start until 2026 and i don’t think he would break his contract to go to aston or alpine.

as for who would replace alex if he does go to mercedes, i would love for it to be valtteri. i stole this idea from @velvetsainz actually, but the more i think about it, the more i like it... the idea of valtteri and james on the same team again tickles me and valtteri is a fantastic mentor (as evidenced by his relationship with guanyu). also i'm fairly certain that toto is back on valtteri's management team again so i can see toto mentioning valtteri as an option for williams in their negotations for the hypothetical alex to mercedes move. is this likely this is to happen, idk, because valtteri did pick sauber over williams in 2021 for a reason but a girl can dream lol

visa cash grab rb: this one was the one i probably struggled with the most ngl.. i think liam is definitely going to be in f1 in 2025 (and deservedly so) but the question of who's going to be in the other seat.. the three main options would be yuki, checo and daniel (if daniel remains at visa instead of moving up, either checo stays at red bull or yuki is the one getting promoted). i originally had the lineup as yuki and liam (and checo at aston martin) but ended up switching yuki and checo around in the end. if checo does end up retiring at the end of this year and yuki goes off to aston then i'm not sure who would replace him..maybe ayumu iwasa? i looked at their list of juniors and am not really familiar with anyone besides him tbh

sauber: this one pains me because i'm a huge fan of both valtteri and guanyu, and they're actually my favorite pairing, in terms of overall vibes and personality... but i would be (very pleasantly) surprised if they both manage to stay at sauber next year. i think it's a given that carlos is going to go to sauber now that he isn't with ferrari, especially with his ties his dad has to audi. i also think sauber/audi would want to start preparing for 2026 and they would also want a german driver to drive for them, hence nico hulkenberg (plus the rumours that they were interested in hulkenberg last year, but ended up renewing guanyu instead).

there's a chance that one of the current drivers could stay, which in that case it would likely be valtteri (with carlos as his teammate, rather than nico). they could also promote theo pourchaire to f1, but i think it's likely they would stick to established drivers, especially during the first couple of years that audi settle in.

haas: the new haas tp has spoken very highly of ollie and with the amount of free practice sessions they have scheduled for ollie this year, it wouldn't surprise me if they're trying to get him on the grid. i know some people think that kevin might retire after this year, but i think they would like to keep one of the current drivers since the last time they had two new drivers didn't go well 😬. on the chance that kevin does end up retiring, i think guanyu is a good shout for a replacement. it might seem a bit random but he's a consistent driver who rarely crashes and more importantly, brings a lot of money and sponsorship, which haas needs.

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