#IM SO SICK WHAT THE HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

axolotlclown · 2 months

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Ok, none of you know what's going on. None of you understand why so many women and young streamers are stepping forward right now. None of you understand why this has to be public.

Multiple large streamers have used their fame, influence, and money to manipulate and abuse those they see as below them. So long as they continue to have fame, influence, and money, this cycle will not end.

This is bigger than just individual cases of sexual assault or other abuse. This is a break down of a much larger problem within the entertainment industry.

These women are telling stories about very powerful men in this space. They are sharing stories of abuse and manipulation. This is very scary for them—it could ruin their careers or lives.

Stop saying "they should have handled this privately." This isn't a private matter. So long as these men have power, they will hurt more women. They aren't sorry. They won't play fair.

By trying to stay silent and bury these accusations, you are ensuring these women never know peace. You are ensuring that more women get hurt.

One day your boss will assault you, and all the men in your life will blame you for waiting as long as you did to speak about it. They will find any reason to blame you. They don't want to get rid of your boss. They hope that one day, they can assault a woman just like you.

This is fucking serious. This is real life. This isn't just some fucking fandom drama that we can bury and move on from. These are real life issues that require real meaningful discussion.

Stop trying to discredit these women just because your streamer is in trouble. You are part of the fucking problem.

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ihavesomejays · 10 days

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roll with it

the aventurine trailer???? so ill so ill so ill im on my knees he had one hand behind his back the whole time i'm shaking and sobbing and yes i am aware of that one random stroke on the bottom right but i drew this all on three layers so i can't fix it sorry folks

closeups below keep reading

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deoidesign · 21 days

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Hm... I'm feeling benevolent...

#every time i use the word 'benevolent' i remember that guy who called me 'sensei'???#because he asked me for a crit and i was basically like 'i really dont like your comic' but obviously constructively #and then he kept messaging me asking for more critique and i had to tell him to stop #and then he made a video review of my last comic and the whole review was like #'yeah so i havent really read this comic. looks pretty sick though. i basically harassed her and she had to say to stop lol'#anyways. that was weird. he used the word benevolent a lot so i always think of him. sending good vibes hope hes still making comics #oh yeah also this is kind of spoilers but not really #sorta like afterword stuff #gotta sketch gotta get into the mindset...#im not sure if that counts as spoilers at all lmfao its just minor design changes #anyways.#time and time again #spoilers #what the hell i typed 'spoilers' and '911 spoilers' was the first option??????#uh #adam and steve #ttawebcomic #sketches #sketch dump #these used to be patreon posts but its been like 5 months so. theyre free noe #the word 'benevolent' is literally an inside joke with myself now LOL

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mouseshift · 1 year

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im crazy !!!!!!!!!! GRAAAAHHHH MARBEL HORNETD

#marble hornets #art moment #jay merrick #brian thomas #GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM SO SICK WHAT THE HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#timothy wright #i just put tim .whoops in the tag

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chrisbangs · 8 months

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#what tha hell #girl u r so fine ...... pleag marry me #i have been suffering from a compromised immmune system but i'm in love no matter what and isn't that the worst sickness of all 🤒🤒🤒#i would rather have tonsillitis than be love sick yes that's what im saying

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puppyeared · 4 months

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man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

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phoebespenglers · 4 months

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can we please stop telling people to kill themselves and to rot in hell and that they deserve to be bullied and that they are inherently horrible people who deserve to die and get doxxed. please. can we please stop doing that.

#like #okay first of all. do you understand the gravity of what youre saying or are you just throwing words into sentences #second of all. that kind of language is so fucking harmful for people with ocd or just obsessions with morality #because i mean not to make this abt Me (though this is kind of a vent ) but when i see people saying that it just. Sends me into spirals #because if people can say that to other people then what if they say it to me because i secretly believe the same things (even if i don't #-most of the time!)#what if im an inherently horrible person deep down? am i going to rot in hell for feeling slightly bad for this person?#i cant imagine that others dont feel like this or something along those lines.#im so fucking sick of death threats they do nothing. they do fucking jackshit except make more people feel terrible.#if you send death threats to people or say shit like this im blocking you. i dont want you in my space #bee.txt #moral ocd #scrupulosity

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toxooz · 6 months

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lords gon hafta drag me outa the kitchen cause im cOOKIN AGIN

#wip #ramsuse #shoulb be done friday cause my ass goin into the wilderness tomorrow #its the 18th and i still havent even drawn 1 goretober what is thissss #naw ill probably draw some next week maybe just 2 or 3 cause my ass is just to occupied by Everything #hopefully next year ill have some damn ass time and management bc im so SICK of having to scimp out on goretober #i wanna go back to doing like 17 or 20 of them but god damn this cursed ass adult life curse it all to hell #ANYWAY 👁👁 coming soon

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the-kipsabian · 1 year

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#kip sabian #penelope ford #renee paquette #hangman adam page #hangman page #aew #all elite wrestling #aewedit #wrestlingedit #wrestling #night gifs #i wanna point out. even tho i know this will get lost in the shuffle in the tags but i dont want to add it into the actual post either #but kip doesnt hide behind penelope actually #i know its the 'haha funny man hiding behind his wife' trope but im tired and im sick so i have something to say #thats not whats happening here. yes he is dodging hangman by backing away #but you can see penny purposefully stepping more between them clearly instead of kip backing away behind her #they all know hangman wont hit her. but she will protect her husband come hell or high water #compare her to renee stepping away for example - for penny its the fight instinct. renee has the flight instinct as a non-competitor #kip is just fucking dumb but he aint hiding. its penny thats stepping up instead #sorry ive seen this take so many times im just irritated and nobody will read this so yeah okay carry on #my beloved #kip in a box #vampire wife #boxman saga #(rp blogs dont reblog; saving and other personal use with tag credits is fine)

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naamahdarling · 1 month

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#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months #i don't even remember the names of them all at this point #this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay #thst will also prescribe my adhd meds #and my anxiety meds #and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would #only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it #so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave #and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something #but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works #but that they morally object to i guess #and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like #what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that #I'll give her a nasty scrap about it #im not interested in those meds at all #and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best #and removing that would just make me worse #but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that #and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow #which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you #if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers #they just gotta pathologize!#so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever #i shouldn't have to deal with this

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designernishiki · 7 months

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im realizing what’s really bothering me the most about the upcoming kiryu cancer arc (words i never expected to write in total seriousness) isn’t the cancer itself but how kiryu’s response to it (or lack thereof) is straight up suicidal in a way that’s impossible to ignore or deny. like there’s no way around that this time- he can explain in circles about “taking responsibility” and how “retirement’s just not in the cards for me” and whatever else but the fact is he was getting treatment and then he gave up and stopped, resigning to literally fighting til he’s killed or drops dead. because that’s all he thinks he’s useful for at this point and he’s got nothing else to live for. I really don’t wanna be a huge downer or whatever but like god it’s hard for me to enjoy all the fun silly stuff announced for this game when the whole time I know that oh, kiryu’s actively slowly and painfully killing himself and a good number of the people around him having fun doing whatever apparently Know About It and are just. not making a bigger deal of it. sorry kiryu I love you but karaoke isn’t very fun when everybody knows you should seriously be in chemo instead.

#I kind of think part of it is that he’s running from the issue of haruka finding out he’s alive #like. it’s almost convenient for him that he gets sick. if he dies like this then he won’t have to worry about admitting to faking his #death and putting his kids through hell and whatnot. cause he’ll Actually be dead.#plus at this point it’s like- what would he even say? hi haruka sorry I had to fake my death like that. im back for now but I have cancer so #we’ll see how long that lasts #fuck.#sorry it just really hit me that this is the most. outwardly. suicidal thing he’s ever done #hearing his explanation………. it’s really. the most depressing thing I think I’ve ever seen in this franchise #rambling #kiryu #y8 #rgg 8 spoilers

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musubiki · 2 months

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recently thinking about the tcwg episode where mochis mob spell finally starts running out. apparently its maximum possible usage is 10 years (which they find out from pom) and appearently tiramisu put it on her too soon,,... when they ask her she says "Oh...you were such a cute kid I didn't want to wait too long!!" while pinching her cheeks, and suddenly theres a few more people at school who are like "Hey...I never really noticed but...Mochi is kinda pretty, huh?"

for the people who start to notice, they chalk it up to "Maybe she hit puberty late...?" or something, but regardless she has 1 or 2 more people actually ask her out, and lime starts to realize how much it bothers him

#text #bpp #lore #she is....not used to it #mayhaps let this be the moment lime realizes #the pitcher on the baseball team one day standing next to lime and goes (So....mochi doesnt have a boyfriend right?)#and lime takes a very long pause #(technically no but first of all what the hell? no one ever notices her. and second of all i feel sick to my stomach) -lime thoughts #pom: it should be fine. youre almost graduated so you dont have to deal with it much longer #and mochi trying to grapple with the idea that some people actually think shes pretty #(besides her mom and coco. theyre the only people who tell her and she thinks theyre being nice)#shes like (i think theyre lying...)#(they are definately not lying) -lime thoughts again #only like 2 people have enough bravery. the others are like (shit shes limes girl though....how am i supposed to compete with that)#the mob spell is op but only for a little while #and after it runs out it cant be recast on the same person #lime didnt realize that she doesnt think shes pretty at all #when that guy confesses to her the first thing she says is (you...think im pretty?)#coco oscar and lime all hovering outside the classroom listening

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anxiously-sidequesting · 5 months

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My Personal Shadow Magic Headcanons - "Shadow Sickness"

I'm so autistic and lazy so here's another weirdly-worded headcanons post from me at 4 AM (lmk if I need to tag this as anything specific btw

What I'm personally calling "Shadow Sickness" is the official, prolonged version of Backlash - adverse effects that target the practitioner even outside of the duel circle and in their everyday lives. While "Backlash" refers to the immediate and spontaneous barrage of attacks that takes place after a Shadow spell, "Shadow Sickness" is the gradual deterioration of the practitioner's mind, body, and soul. True to the name, this effect likens more to an illness, a virus; something that's alive and slowly takes over until there is nothing healthy left behind. The symptoms are emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual.

While regular Magic has life force within it, Shadow Magic is the only type of magic that can be considered "sentient". Not a thinking being with goals and plans, but something living and breathing with the most basic instincts. It's what's considered "Chaotic" and dangerous about it - the Wizard bends and controls regular Magic, but Shadow Magic can bend and control the Wizard. It is the only type of magic that can "fight back" in its own way.

This sentience is what allows for Shadow Sickness and Backlash to happen - these are purely just the results of it "fighting back". The Shadow Magic is reacting to the practitioner. It's acting by its nature by rearing its head back and snapping the hand that controls it. If the practitioner is NOT sound and secure in their mental, physical, and spiritual health, then Backlash and Shadow Sickness can cause even more adverse effects within the Wizard and as a result can suffer more severely.

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness can vary between physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The "virus" affects every single aspect of the being, down to their very life. The severity of these symptoms can also vary depending on certain variables. Unlike a true virus, Shadow Sickness has no "incubation period" and can flare up at any time during which the Wizard is practicing Shadow Magic. These symptoms include:

Physical scarring (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) - one of the only symptoms that comprise of all four categories. Scars may appear on the Wizard's body that take various shapes and forms: most commonly taken after that individual's unsolved trauma. This includes old grudges, previous serious injuries that have not healed correctly, repressed memories, obsessions and delusions, etc. No two scars look the same (i.e. two different wizards who have a fear of spiders will have scars that look entirely different from the other). Depending on the severity these scars can cause physical discomfort (tingling, numbness, pain, leathery skin, decay/cellular deterioration) and can greatly impact how the Wizard looks to others to how the Wizard can move around.

Involuntary movements (physical, mental, spiritual) - the Wizard may begin suffering from accidental and spontaneous gestures and movement that is either randomized or triggered. This can include loss of coordination, disorientation, mini seizures, jerks and spasms, etc. Other than being physically affected, the Wizard is not suffering from any medical emergencies. The individual is fully conscious and aware when this happens and depending on the severity, can recover seconds after. This is one of the only symptoms where others could be harmed due to a wayward hand that comes flying out by accident. There is also a magical version of this, where involuntary spells or bursts of magic can be cast spontaneously (hence the 'spiritual' aspects of this symptom as mana comes from the soul). Usually these magical bursts are Shadow Magic and not the Wizard's primary or secondary Magic abilities. (Another involuntary trait recorded is the Wizard suddenly switching to an ancient "Shadow Language" in mid-speech.)

Hallucinations (physical, mental) - the Wizard may begin to experience things that cannot be detected by any other individual. Usually these hallucinations start out as smells or taste first, but there are reports of the Wizard hearing, sensing, and even seeing things to start out with. Contrary to popular belief not all hallucinations are violent or even turn out to be that way, some reports even describe them as pleasant. Hallucinations vary from each Wizard even with those who share the same traumas or fears. Depending on the severity of the symptoms, the Wizard can either be fully aware or completely immersed within them. Since these are only hallucinations they cannot harm the Wizard but can cause further deterioration to the mind.

Depleted energy/"Mana Loss" (physical, spiritual) - as the Shadow Sickness takes hold, eventually the Wizard will be slowly sapped of strength and magical energy. THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM IF THE WIZARD IS SKILLED IN SHADOW MAGIC. A Wizard can practice Shadow Magic and still NOT be affected by this. Since Shadow Magic "takes", Shadow Sickness does the same and gradually depletes the Wizard's energy. Like how Backlash takes health in a duel, Shadow Sickness takes your life. This is the only symptom that is constant in all cases of Shadow Sickness. Not only will the ability to cast spells be taken away, but overall physical health will suffer as well and the individual is more susceptible to regular diseases due to a compromised immune system. This symptom only appears in the very last stages of Shadow Sickness and is the last symptom of the individual experiences in their lifetime.

Tulpas (emotional, mental, spiritual) - contrasting hallucinations, Tulpas are the Wizard's visions made real. A Tulpa (from Shadow Sickness) is a physical and magical manifestation of the Wizard suffering from the Shadow "virus". Although it is born from the subconscious of another being, it is a separate entity all its own and has the ability to make decisions and have feelings and desires. However, these feelings and desires are not really of their own and reflect the Wizard's subconscious fears and threat responses. (i.e. our Azteca Tulpa in Khrysalis that formed due to unresolved survivor's guilt. Its "goal" was to destroy us and fully consume us within itself, similar to how guilt behaves in reality). Tulpas can either be created from visions, nightmares, intense and obsessive thoughts, or even previous hallucinations.

Can Shadow Sickness be reversed, or cured?

Shadow Sickness can be reversed, yes, or more commonly halted. Unless the Wizard is fully submersed in their mental and spiritual anguish ((Malistaire even though he wasn't using shadow magic; Morganthe even though that wasn't what killed her)) Shadow Sickness can be stopped. The road to recovery varies wildly from each person so there is no set "recovery time" in which you are expected to be fully healed. It is your own journey and it is ultimately your say whether or not you are better. Clinically, recovery can be sorted between these categories

HALTED: In which the Shadow Sickness is no longer infecting the individual but the symptoms may still persist. These symptoms do not get worse or better, but the Wizard's mind is clear and their soul is at peace. Wizards may either learn to live comfortably and adapt with their Halted condition or could continue to strive for partial or full recovery.

PARTIAL RECOVERY: In which the Shadow Sickness is reversed slightly or moderately. The effects are not all the way gone but are measured to be better than when the Wizard was still infected. In this state any severe symptoms the Wizard is experiencing are now moderate or slight, or less frequent. Just like in the Halted category, the Wizard is sound of mind, body, and soul.

FULL RECOVERY: In which Shadow Sickness is totally reversed and there are no more symptoms that persist. Full, 100% recovery is actually quite rare in the Spiral and a lot of scholars consider the Full Recovery to count as "70% or more reduced" - meaning the symptoms are very slight and few and far in between. Technically this is still a Partial Recovery but due to the above fact and how difficult it is to reverse Shadow Sickness, 'Full Recovery' is an umbrella term. Some individuals even claim Full Recovery even if their symptoms are moderate, because their mind and soul are no longer diseased.

ONE LAST FACT TO LEAVE OFF WITH: Not every Wizard who practices Shadow Magic suffers from Shadow Sickness, and alternatively even the most skilled Shadowmage can develop Shadow Sickness.

okay this took days. bye hope you liked this

#btw tagging some of these symptoms jic theyre triggering to some #tw seizures #tw hallucinations #lmk if i need to tag anything else #BUT YEAH THIS IS IT #i got lazy at the end but i def wanna expand on this #a few things i wanna talk about more in depth: the 'shadow language' thing and the 'mana comes from the soul' thing #BUT THIS WAS SUPER FUN TO MAKE #giving holly even MORE trauma #due to canon reasons and because i love suffering holly isnt even in the “halted” category #theyre still suffering from ongoing shadow sickness. its progressing a hell of a lot slower than others but shes def feeling it #due to ambrose's thinky veiled threat of always being watched and everyone else unintentionally-#-brushing aside holly's health the shadow sickness remains undetected #except for velma. she sees that shit #but since holly is the master of bottling things up theyre like “ahaha what virus” (throws up black blood)#holly has the scarring as the worst symptom and has a few specific scars i wanna talk about in another post #but they also suffer from hallucinations and the shadow language thing #since holly is unintentionally holding off the worst of the Sickness she doesnt have the mana depletion yet #i think i forgot like maybe one or two symptoms but im so tired ugh. this is all yall are getting for now LMAO #idk if this is even a good post. im proud of it #one symptom i forgot to mention is madness. or i think thats the end result same as depletion #its what morganthe suffered dueing the end of her life as a giant apider creature she just fully succumbed to the madness #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts

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quietwingsinthesky · 10 days

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was writing this down for an ask but realized i was quickly getting off topic for that ask lmao. let’s talk about Dean’s handprint, the wild misinterpretations of it, and how those have affected how people read Anna covering it during her sex scene with Dean.

We have to establish the obvious first: the number one way the handprint is misinterpreted is to establish a romantic connection between Dean and Castiel from their very first meeting. Because of how popular the ship is, we’re now left with the unfortunate aftermath of people knowing the ship first and the show second, and therefore being more inclined to interpret the show through the lens of the ship. Needless to say, while looking at season 4 through that lens for hints of destiel is fun, it doesn’t lead to a thematically cohesive reading. The handprint is the best way we can demonstrate this. If we take the handprint to indicate that Castiel has been romantically interested in Dean since minute one, or even that he sees Dean as a person rather than an instrument of Heaven’s will at first (put a pin in that), then the rest of his character arc for the season is incoherent and meaningless. To assert that this is what the handprint is about takes the conclusion Castiel needs the entirety of season 4 to reach and transplants it onto him at the very beginning in order to make it easier to find evidence for the ship.

There’s a lot of media out there where interpreting it through the lens of a ship, even one unintended by the author, can enhance the original text. (Lest we all forget our Winter Soldier roots.) Supernatural does not have that relationship to interpreting it to be about destiel. A season 4 where the handprint means Castiel is in love with Dean is a weaker story and does a huge disservice to Castiel’s actual character arc.

So, now that we’ve established what the handprint isn’t, can we talk about what it is? Yes. It’s pretty simple, actually.

Think of it this way: To Heaven, Dean is livestock, and the handprint is the brand telling everyone (but especially Dean) what ranch he belongs to.

Let’s start with the obvious: it isn’t a metaphorical brand at all. It’s literal. It’s burned into his skin permanently (or at least, when the makeup department wants to put it there.) I’d argue that from the nature of it being notable as the only scar Dean has from being raised from Hell and later showing up during his sex scene with Anna that even if we don’t see the handprint, we’re meant to interpret it as continuing to be there for… well. The rest of his life, most likely. And that’s horrifying. The handprint is telling us two things when it shows up: one, letting us know that Dean’s resurrection was intentional and through a manner we as the audience don’t have the information to guess at yet. Anyone who watched the show airing, or watches it now without knowing about angels would have assumed demonic deal intervention as being the cause of Dean’s new lease on life, and this. handily. discards that theory. But secondly, it tells us that this resurrection was violating. All resurrections on Supernatural are.

We assume from Castiel’s line, you know the one, we all know the one, Mr. Gripped-You-Tight, that he’s the one who put it there. However, to then make a further leap that it was Castiel’s personal decision to do so is, I think, a misunderstanding of his role. Take that pin out now. Dean is not a person to Castiel at this point. They’re not friends. Dean is a tool for Heaven to use, a tool that should be honored and grateful to be picked up at all. Make no mistake: Castiel branded him for Heaven, not for himself. Castiel’s a ranchhand. They aren’t in the business of letting the cows run free if they look a little sad to be slaughtered later.

Castiel needs to start here for his arc to be as impactful as it is. He can’t begin rebellious. He has to learn how to doubt. He has to develop a personal friendship with Dean that threatens his allegiance to Heaven. He has to see Anna having chosen to fall rather than obey Heaven and to be betrayed by Uriel being so desperate that he’s turned to killing their brothers and sisters trying to find a way out from under Heaven’s control.

There’s another line I think gets misinterpreted a lot in this initial meeting. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved?” On its face, easy bait for someone looking for shipping fodder, but that misses the actual point of the line. It’s a powerplay. We don’t learn until later why Dean wouldn’t think he deserves to be saved (aside from his general Winchester levels of self-esteem, but knowing that trait about him actually serves as a pretty good red herring to mask real reason Dean is thinking about himself as irredeemable now until the reveal. It’s not that Dean had a low opinion about himself in general, but that he tortured people in Hell and can never forgive himself for that.) , but Castiel does know. All of Heaven knows what Dean’s sin in Hell was. Without saying it, Castiel can remind Dean of it here. This line isn’t about Dean being so inherently good that Castiel had to rescue him. It’s about making sure Dean knows that the only way he can be ‘redeemed’ is through obedience to the heavenly powers who own his ass now. This is how he deserves to be saved. Because God commanded it. Because they have work for him.

And if he doesn’t bow? Then, as Castiel puts it in the very next episode, “I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.” This threat hanging over Dean’s head won’t go away for the rest of the season, not from Heaven. The only shift is that Castiel’s continued doubt and disobedience levels the playing field between them. They’ll both be punished, rather than Castiel taking on the role of disciplinarian. (It’s a really clever way of dealing with that power gap between them, actually. There’s always a bigger fish.)

The handprint and Castiel’s early conversations with Dean serve as a reminder of the precarious position he’s in. We shouldn’t take him ‘being saved’ at face value, no more than we should take Heaven being good just because they’re the angels in this equation as a given. Dean hasn’t been saved. He’s being used, just as much (if not arguably more) than Ruby is using Sam. (Because at least Ruby truly believes this is for Sam’s benefit, in the end.) And the worst part is how aware of it Dean is. How could he not be? His entire stint in Hell is defined by how Alistair used him. He’s just been handed off to a different owner, one that will still happily push him into the thing they ‘saved’ him from the minute it proves useful. Dean needing to torture Alistair reminds us just how little his circumstances have actually changed. He’s not allowed to say no to this.

So. The handprint is Heaven’s mark of ownership. It’s Dean’s status as their tool, their victim, burned into his flesh and inescapable. What does it mean when Anna places her hand over it?

I’ll lay my cards on the table. I’ve been thinking about this for so long because the aforementioned tendency to assume that the handprint is evidence for destiel means that the scene between Anna & Dean also gets lumped into being interpreted as more evidence for destiel. For over a decade, I have endured people joking about Anna being jealous of Cas for getting to leave a mark on their boytoy. And that’s one of the nicer things the Supernatural fandom will say about a woman who they perceive as a threat to their ship.

So, not to be rude or anything, but fuck Castiel. This ain’t about him.

This scene—It’s a lovely scene, a fantastic continuation of Dean and Anna’s previous conversation into the language of a sex scene—is about two people who have both been used and threatened by Heaven connecting over that shared trauma. Before, Anna gives space for Dean to open up about Hell, but he can’t, not yet, and though she knows what he’s gone through, she hasn’t been there herself. But when it comes to what Heaven has made of them, she does understand. It’s an incredibly vulnerable moment.

You make the handprint about Dean and Cas, and you erase what that scene is about entirely: the way Heaven’s abuse has tangled itself deep into Dean and Anna’s lives, into their bodies, and how they can resist it, if only for a few moments together.

The handprint was never about Castiel at all. It was about Heaven and its dehumanization of Dean.

#not to be annoying or anything on this wednesday morning #but uh. handprint meta.#everyone else is wrong about the handprint and what it means. except for me <3 im special and the Understander of Soup Or Natural #spn #dean winchester #anna milton #castiel spn #annadean #i really did try to keep the frustration in this to a minimum and just discuss what the handprint is #eh. arguable how well i managed that. but i think i can be forgiven after dealing with over a decade of Incorrect Handprint Takes #and im allowed to be salty down here in the tags :3 hi. hi. if you think anna touches the handprint out of jealousy you are bad at watching #shows and bad at media analysis and i hate you. personally.#god no but seriously it flattens the three of them so much to say the handprint is about cas loving dean. it really does #its a disservice to castiel’s gradual rebellion. its a disservice to dean’s struggle in s4 of transitioning from an openly abusive dynamic #in hell to one that’s trying to gaslight him into believing he’s better off under heaven’s control. its a disservice to anna and her own #trauma with heaven and the way she connects to dean through it.#number one dean/anna enjoyer and i am SICK of it. justice for the handprint scene

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