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golbrocklovely · 6 months

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cultish love // colby brock

A/N: first off, so sorry for this being so late, i had a lot of things i had to edit about this fic. also this is my longest fic ever ! like the other fic before this, this is a AU version of colby… where he, you guessed it, is a cult leader. and he is also corrupt (but like aren't all cult leaders). again this deals with some possible heavy themes, so give a good read of the trigger warnings before reading ahead. i've always joked about colby being able to lead a cult, and that's basically where this idea came from. this fic also took a turn i wasn't expecting, but i like it anyway. also the first half is written as a journal entry (all italized) and then the rest is an actual fic (not italized). lmk what you think, and happy haunting !

prompt: you're a journalist, and your next big story is on the 'empathic love' cult, led by none other than colby brock. this cult is not known well, but you are getting a first hand look at them and what they do. and quickly, colby takes a liking to you. || fem!reader x AU!cult leader!colby brock

trigger warning: SMUT, no actual sex but you do get mentally fucked (it will make sense in the story), cult vibes all around, love bombing, cursing, supernatural powers, colby is very intense and kinda scary but also still his charming self, slight dubcon similar in vain to sam's story - you never say no outright, but you do have general feelings of 'wtf is this, idk if i like' so if that's too much for you, feel free to read something else :), colby's aura is crazy good at giving you visions, strangers-to-soulmates?? don't know if that's a tag lol, also…. colby's technically bisexual in this????? but like barely

word count: 8610

I've been a reporter for only five years, and this story.... it could make or break my career. Cults aren't as prevalent as they once were way back when. They still exist, just in the shadows. A lot quieter on most fronts. Usually disguised as a business or religion, for tax reasons of course. But this cult, Empathic Love, is unlike any cult I've heard of.

Of course, they don't call themselves a cult, but that's what they are. How else would you describe a bunch of randos following one man around wherever he goes?

They only started so many years ago, right before I graduated university. The main founder, Colby Brock, is a pragmatic individual, according to his followers. The cult began blowing up in my town a little over two years ago, and now people flock from all over the world to visit the Love Compound. You would think it's Disney World the way people grow excited about it.

But I am here to get to the truth of this cult. What is their motive? What are they planning to do? Will this be another Waco or Heaven's Gate? What sinister beliefs hide underneath the modern-day hippie aesthetic they show?

These notes will document everything I experience for the next couple of days. And in case I go missing, these are my proof of who's to blame.

I don't think it will go that far, but you can never be too sure.

~~~~

Day 1 - Investigation

I'm still incredibly surprised I was allowed to come onto the Love Compound. The leader himself apparently reached out to my boss and told them that they wanted someone to come down and interview the group. They allow visitors from time to time, "new recruits" as some of the townspeople call them, but reporters have never been allowed in. Not once. Until me.

Driving up to the compound was nerve-wracking. I never imagined I would be nervous; I've interviewed plenty of criminals in my years, have done full blown investigations into scary, horrifying crimes. But something about this place freaked me out. Partially because I didn't know what I was getting into. But another part of me, and I will never admit this out loud, felt... at home.

The only promise I made to myself was I wouldn’t drink any kool-aid while there. So, I plan to stick to that. Pretend my previous statement never existed.

I was greeted by a beautiful woman when I got there: Avery. No one went by last names. And some apparently changed their names altogether, which was not surprising. My guess is there were most likely criminals hanging out amongst the group. But I had no proof of that, just a hunch. It easily could be a safe haven for those wanting to escape whatever life they had before.

The compound was three Victorian style mansions connected to each other and had a decent size farm attached - about 222 acres. Avery told me about all of the vegetables and chickens they farmed. Everything was organic and used up as often as possible. Anything that couldn't be eaten or produced too much for the only 100ish people in the compound, was sold at the farmer's market or given away to the local food bank. Avery explained to me very clearly that everyone in the compound chipped in one way or another. Some still worked normal jobs, but just lived here with everyone. But she noted that Colby hoped in the near future no one would have to work at all and they would be self-sufficient in a couple years.

A cult with future plans? Almost unheard of.

I told Avery that I was given an all-access pass to ask anything I wanted to, and nothing I asked could be ignored or deflected. She agreed to an interview. I recorded all of it, but here are the highlights of what I gathered.

I asked her why Colby was such a secretive man. There were very few photos of him that did exist out there, but all that was rumored about him was his alluring eyes and generally attractive presence. She agreed that he was handsome, describing his as having "ocean blue eyes" and his voice was to die for. "Deep and arousing", as she explained.

I noted that she seemed almost lost in thought at the idea of him, like she was envisioning him directly in front of her. Strange behavior; but not for a cult follower. Many end up falling in love with their leader, believing they have a genuine relationship with said person.

I bought up the name of the group, Empathic Love, and said it felt a little too inviting. She laughed and told me that it was right on the money - the best way to describe why everyone was there. She expressed to me that so many of Colby's followers wanted peace and love and light, and that being in this group felt like that. It was rewarding to be surrounded by those that cared and wanted to see each other succeed. Life outside the walls of the compound was rough, scary, draining; but inside, it was all love.

Call me cynical, but I don't believe that for a second. It took all the strength I had to keep from rolling my eyes at her. But I could tell from her voice, her motions... she was telling the truth. Well, her truth.

I wanted to know what brought her here, so she spoke of her previous life. She was abused growing up, moved around a lot in foster care. She was almost homeless, and then one day she ran into Colby. He had just begun the Empathic Love group, and she just knew she had to stick with him. Her life immediately turned around the moment he was in her life. The adoration in her eyes told me a different story, so I pressed her - "are you and Colby... together?" She smiled and said no, but she knew that they were life partners before, just not currently.

Oh... so it's one of those types of cults.

She said that Colby doesn't have a second in command, wife, girlfriend, whatever. Everyone is equal and heard. He's just the face of the group, which is a bit ironic given even I have no clue what he looks like. I knew he was young, in his mid-20s. But other than that, no idea.

I needed to know, why stay? What keeps you here? A dreamy look came over her, like she had said this a million times before: "Colby. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."

Chills ran up my spine at the tone of her voice. It was dull, and her words sounded like a mantra, the way she said them so easily.

I wrapped up my interview with her, quiring if I was allowed to interview others. She said yes and began sending over random people one-by-one to me.

If I hadn't gotten chills from her first, I would have from everyone else. Something about seeing everyone saying similar things, smiling happily, like the ship isn't sinking around them was eerie. It made my stomach churn when I would ask questions I already asked Avery, and get almost the same speech back.

I interviewed about 15 people. All variety of ages and genders. I suddenly realized that there were no children around, and everyone was over the age of 21.

Consenting adults… minus the supposed brainwashing.

A couple of the interviewees stuck out to me:

Penelope, 25. Her upbringing was similar to Avery's, but she still kept in contact with her family. Apparently, she wasn't the only one like that either. Many still kept in touch and even visited their loved ones. I asked her to describe Colby, tell me anything about him. She giggled, almost like a schoolgirl, and began to weave such a story about him. He was kind and caring. His smile was contagious, just like his laugh. And his singing voice was fantastic. She talked about him like he was a boy band member, and she was his biggest fan. I asked her to give one word to describe him, and she said "Love. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."

Greg, 36. He had fallen into rough times, and desired a fresh start. He had heard about this group online, and figured checking them out while he was in town wouldn't hurt. And that was a couple years ago. I wondered why he didn't feel weird listening to someone that was younger than him, and he shrugged. It was nice not having eyes on him. He loved being in a wallflower, and he believed that Colby deserved all the love he got from everyone in the group. Every ounce he got was ten-folded back into the group. Greg had never felt so connected to a group of people and he knew it was all thanks to Colby. "He brought love into my life like I never have had it before. Because that's who he is: love."

Heather, 29. She mentioned how for most of her life she felt like shit. Her confidence was at an all-time low when she met Colby. He encouraged her to keep at it, to love herself and find happiness everywhere. And by spending more and more time with him, she did. She has never felt more confident about herself, her life, her direction, and Colby is the reason for that. The tone that took over her voice when she bought him up was odd. It was very similar to a partner describing the love of their life, almost like wedding vows. I asked her haphazardly about her love life, how that was going for her. And she told me she had been on many dates - something she never used to do back when she was younger or before Colby. But she did note that regardless of who she ends up with, she knows that a part of her heart will always belong to Colby. They were connected, forever. "Love and light and happiness is what I desired, and I got it - all because Colby exists in my life now."

It felt like I was getting nowhere with some of these interviews. Many said the same thing, Colby being love and light and blah blah blah. I wanted someone that wasn't gonna just quote to me whatever mantra he made them learn. And luck was on my side, because I was able to interview their newest member, Ash. They were 23, and very beautiful. There was an almost smugness about them, like they knew they were the shiny new toy on the block. The confidence only a young 20-something year old could have.

I asked them, point blank, about Colby. Be brutally honest. They told me he was hot, and that's what drew them to him. They liked the idea of living in a group setting, especially since they grew up with many brothers and sisters. They liked helping out, and they liked knowing that Colby was keeping an eye on them the most recently. I then followed up with how long it took for them to join the group. "Three days. That's how long it takes for everyone."

I questioned them about the "Colby is love" thing, and they agreed it was a bit strange, but they couldn't help but feel the same way as everyone else. They were like a moth to a flame when it came to him. Everything about him was hypnotizing, entrancing. It was like staring at the sun; even though you knew to look away, you just couldn't help it.

Then I had to know: were they sleeping with him? Most of these cults feed off of the leader fucking every person they wanted to and leaving other members high and dry. But for some reason, it felt as if Colby was sleeping with everyone with the way they all talked about him. Ash dissented, saying no one was sleeping with him. He didn't sleep with any of his followers. But they all shared a deep, sensual mental connection with him. They felt like, sometimes, he was in their soul. And that sensation alone was euphoric, bordering on orgasmic. They also knew that in another life, they would have been together, similar to what Avery said.

It was then I knew that this group was clinically insane, or just really infatuated by what Colby was selling. It had to have been some crazy brainwashing. But it was odd; people were allowed to leave, to see loved ones, to have lives outside of the compound walls. Hell, some had dating lives that included those not here! That's unheard of, and completely stupid on Colby's part if he wants to keep things going.

A cult leader that wanted to watch his world implode.... I had to meet him. I had to meet the myth that was Colby Brock. And tomorrow I get my chance to.

~~~~

Day 2 - Interview with Colby

I feel the need to explain that these are my notes, not really meant for anyone else to see. And really, the only reason anyone would be seeing this is if I disappear or got murdered.

So, I say all of that just so I know, for myself, that this is a safe space for me to express my truest emotions and thoughts after interviewing Colby.

And all I can say, honestly, is that... I get it. I understand it now.

I felt my nerves hit their break last night before going to sleep, unable to stop my mind reeling from what was to come. I ended up bringing along a bodyguard, or really a photographer. I had known Trey since I started working as a journalist, and I knew I could rely on him to get us out of the Empathic Love compound if anything went south. I wasn't sure what I was up against when I went to interview Colby, but God... I didn't think I was so underprepared.

I met him in his office, Avery walked me over to it. It was up in the attic of the third house. It overlooked the entire property with wide windows. For an attic, I expected it to feel dark and dusty, but surprisingly it was light and airy. Almost like being out in the woods and taking a deep breath.

Colby was sitting in his main office chair. He spun around to see us, a light smile on his face. I'll be honest - I was taken aback by his beauty. I understood Ash's whole spiel about him being attractive and looking at him was like looking at the sun. It was intense. He was intense. His blue eyes bore into me, almost like they could see through me. I felt chills, but they weren't of fear. It was out of... excitement, of awe.

He greeted me, giving me a warm handshake. I hate to admit that I almost blushed at the sound of him saying my name. I had to take a couple deep breaths before starting. Avery left the room, and Trey sat outside the door, in case of backup.

I recorded our interview, knowing that I couldn't keep track of everything he said. But listening back to it now, his voice.... it's like a song. A beautiful, spellbinding song. I could almost fall asleep to it....

I asked him about his life, and how he came to be a leader for a group like Empathic Love. He spoke of his upbringing lightly, barely scraping the surface. He talked about growing up pretty normally, having a loving family, a great friend group, and then one day realizing that he could make a change in the world. That many people loved him and loved being around him. And that's when he knew that if he could make their lives better, he would. So, he started Empathic Love. Originally, it was just gonna be a safehouse for those that needed it. But then more and more people joined and suddenly, it grew into what it was today.

I asked where his family was now. "In Kansas," he told me. He said nothing further than that.

He humbly spoke of all the love he received from his followers, or his "friends" as he put it. They all cared about him in a way that he only wished he could return tenfold. I questioned him about the whole "Colby is love" thing. "How come everyone says almost the exact same thing, like they've been brainwashed into saying it?" He didn't even trip over his words as he spoke matter-of-factly to me. "I didn't come up with that phrase, they did. You would have to ask them. I take it as the highest form of a compliment, truly. I'll be honest, it's a bit embarrassing at times when they call me that, but I can't help what they do. I appreciate their love, nonetheless."

I continued asking him about different topics, until finally reaching the one I was most intrigued about. "How many of your followers - excuse me - friends, have you slept with?" He smirked, smirked, at me and said "None. Did any of them tell you that we slept together?"

"No, but the way they talk about you like the sun shines out of your ass does seem a bit odd, don't you think?"

He looked unphased. God, he had an answer for everything. "I'll be honest with you, some of my friends might be in love with me. But I make it abundantly clear that while I love them, and love their love, I don't have feelings for them. I'm still looking for the one."

I remember holding back a glare, "So, you're celibate?"

"Now, I never said that." He let out a chuckle, then his eyes darkened. "Why do you care so much about my sex life? Unless of course, you want to join it."

I tried ignoring his gaze and his words but stuttered through my next question. “Then who exactly is the right one for you, if it's not one of your followers or friends?”

It took him a while to answer, he even closed his eyes for a bit. He sat up once he knew, sauntering over to his window that overlooked it all. "I imagine the one for me is someone that will bring peace to me and my life. Someone that for all my faults, can see who I am truly deep down. She will love me, and I will worship her. I will show her what true love feels like. Our souls will be one, because they always have been."

Something strange came over me. I don't know why I said it, but I uttered, "What about looks?"

Who cares about looks! Why did I ask about looks? I was a serious journalist, not a reporter for Star Magazine!

He looked over his shoulder at me, "Looks aren't that important to me. What matters is mind and soul. Who you are deep down. But if I had to pick… someone like you. I feel someone like you would be a perfect fit around here."

I wanted to give him the sassiest voice and rebuttal I could muster, but deep down I was shaking. Energy raced through my body, like I had been electrified.

He kept his back to me, staring out the window. “I'm not trying to be overly complimentary. I'm just being honest. But I can tell that you would do so well to have us around. To have... me, in your life. I bring a lot of love to people's lives, that's for sure. But I also bring a lot of drive, and passion, and intimacy.”

Intimacy?

“People open up when I'm around. They tell me everything, even things they never dreamt of telling another person. And I allow it, because clearly, they needed to express it. And once they do, it's like the floodgates open. Love and light just start pouring into them, into their life, and it's overwhelming - but so worth it. Doesn't that sound nice?”

I guess so...

“I bring happiness to so many. My friends have told me that they get jittery around me, I'm like a shot of adrenaline. And that energy, that power, courses through them. And when it gets expressed, it comes out in…” He took a long pause, turning back to me. The look in his eyes… I can remember it as if he was still in front of me. “Pleasurable ways.”

I hate admitting this, and it's embarrassing to say it even now, but I felt a jolt of... something, run through me. I won't even say what it was out loud, in fear of never being taken seriously again. But what happened after that, I don't know if words can even express it well.

Colby continued talking, but I couldn't pick up on any of it. He was talking up a storm, but I couldn't help the sensations I was feeling. Even in my wildest of fantasies, I've never felt anything in reality. It was all in my mind. But in that very moment, it felt like it was happening to me.

I felt lips tread up my neck, stopping just below my ear. A hot, low moan breathed into my ear. My spine tingled at the sound, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair. If I didn't know any better, I would think Colby was behind me, making those noises. My hands suddenly felt hands on top of them. My eyes widened, looking down, but nothing was there. I couldn't really move my arms once the invisible hands were there. My whole body felt numb and heavy, relaxed. My mind was the one on edge, worried as to why I was feeling all of this.

I hadn't eaten or drank anything at the compound. Maybe it was being poured into the room by the vents? I don't know, but something was making me feel this way.

The invisible hands drifted up my arms, massaging my shoulders for a moment. My head lulled back, almost hitting the back of the chair. My mind was on high alert, but my body was about ready to fall asleep. The hands relaxed me so much that my eyes began to flutter.

But then... they drifted down my torso. They traced along my neck gently, drawing small, insignificant patterns. The hands grew lower and lower until they finally were on my chest. I felt the hands cup my breasts softly, my breath hitching in my throat. They kneaded my tits gingerly, my nipples hardening in my bra. I bit my lip, praying that I wouldn't make a sound. It was hard not to, especially when the delicate fingers of these invisible hands found my nipples, gently pinching them.

I remember closing my eyes tight. Trying to clear my mind. This wasn't actually happening to me. There was no way. This was a psychosis or a drug hallucination that was happening to me and Colby was doing nothing about it.

One hand drifted down my body, stopping right above my sex. I suddenly became very aware at how wet I was, my eyes widening. I felt a rush of blood flow through my cheeks. I was about to get caught. These invisible hands made me wet, and I couldn't stop them.

And the terrible thing was, I didn't want them to. I wanted them to finish the job. To get me off... in front of Colby. One hand rose back up my body, grabbing my neck and turning my face to look up at him.

A deep voice whispered harshly, "You want him, don't you?"

I didn't say anything, afraid of what would come out. But deep down, I knew.

"Say it, and it's yours. Say you want him. And he'll have you... forever."

I opened my mouth. I felt the words almost leave my lips. I stuttered out something. I closed my eyes, my body feeling high.

And then in a split second, it was all gone. The room grew quiet, and Colby cleared his throat. "Y/N, are you okay? You look flush."

I jolted out of my seat, being able to move freely again. I looked around and realized Colby was sitting once more, staring at me concerned. I finished the interview abruptly, saying I had everything I needed - even though I definitely didn't. And then he uttered words I wish I didn't hear.

"If you want, come back tomorrow. We are having a celebration here. I would love if you came by, even if for an hour."

I nodded, not even really taking in what he said, and left. Trey was confused as to why I bum-rushed out of the room, but I never told him the truth. How could I?

I knew deep down I shouldn't have said yes to go to the party. But getting that footage would be killer for my article. Interviews are great, but a party at a cult compound? That's bound to end terribly (for Colby, but great for me).

But something in me can't shake this feeling that I basically signed myself up for the end. End of what? I'm not sure. But I'll find out tomorrow.

~~~~~~

Stepping back onto the compound made my heart race. I was nervous as all hell, and just wanted this day to be over with already. Today was my last day doing this story. I was counting the minutes to when I could go back to my office and write about how this place was insane, or whatever narrative I planned to write.

I had enough proof that something was up here. All I needed to do was a bit more digging. And during the party is when I planned to do it.

Avery walked up to me, smiling brightly. "Hey, Y/N! How are you doing today?"

"I'm okay. I know it's a bit early, but Colby never specified when the party was going to take place." I replied.

"No, you're totally fine. The party is gonna happen later. Right now, though, we have something going on that you'll definitely want to see." She clapped excitedly.

"Oh? And what is that?" I questioned.

"We are inducting a new member!" she exclaimed giddily. "There's a whole process that we do, and everyone is involved. I imagine that will bode well for your article if you see it firsthand. It's all taking place in that tent."

I stared over at the huge tent, its plastic cover doors strangely inviting.

I hummed, "Sure, I'll be there in a moment."

Avery nodded, turning on her heels and prancing over to the tent, following in other members.

"What's happening in there?" Trey asked.

"Apparently they are inducting someone new into their cult." I informed him.

He blinked. "Group, you mean."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Make sure to capture as much as you can."

He shook his camera, giving me a wink, "On it."

We both walked in, many members still up and around, giving everyone hugs and chatting. Avery waved me down, patting the seat next to her. I walked over and sat. My body tingled in anticipation. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. My breathing picked up as everyone grew silent, the doors opening. Colby walked in, and people rushed to their seats.

Colby called out, "Hello everyone, good morning."

"Good morning, Colby." Everyone said in unison.

Jesus, that was creepy.

"A lot of things are going to be different today. First, we have guests watching our festivities. Y/N and Trey. Everyone, give them a hand." He gestured to the two of us.

The tent exploded in applause, Avery evening rubbing my back sweetly. It felt like I was being congratulated on something I didn't achieve, my cheeks flushing at the acknowledgement.

"And secondly, sadly, the new member we were going to have decided not to stay." He frowned, his face dropping.

Members gasped, some audible "oh no" echoed around the tent. Colby nodded his head sympathetically. “I know, but fret not. I think this will be a learning experiment for our new guests. We can still do our traditional motions of having someone join us. But, imagine it as if it's a mock ceremony instead. Ms. Y/N, would you please step up here?”

My heart stopped when he looked into my eyes, the first time since yesterday. I glanced at Avery, who grinned enthusiastically. She pushed me out of my seat, my body following her lead. I gazed around, finding Trey, who pulled away from his camera with a concerned look. I stumbled up the walkway, stepping on stage with Colby.

Colby lowered his voice so I could only hear him, moving away from the microphone. "I know you wanted to know about how we induct someone into our little home, so I figured why not use you as an example? We aren't actually inducting you, in case you’re worried. This is just what would happen if you were joining. Are you okay with that?"

I gazed around the huge, white tent, making eye contact with many people in the audience. They all looked so eager, waiting to hear my response. Some were even shaking with excitement.

I stuttered, feeling Colby squeeze my hands to bring my attention back to him, "I-I guess so."

"Fantastic." He turned, still holding one of my hands, "Alright everyone, you know the drill."

The crowd cheered, suddenly many lining up to a microphone at the side of the stage. Colby lightly pulled me to a cushioned throne, sitting me down. "So here's what's going to happen. People are going to come up to that microphone, and they are going to give you plenty of love. Genuine love. And then the next person will go, and so on until everyone has spoken."

"Everyone here? Like, all hundred plus of you?" I whispered.

"Yes. It's gonna be a while, so get cozy." He laughed, rubbing my shoulders.

Time felt frozen as slowly everyone came up and said something nice about me. Some were quick, mostly just commenting on how nicely I dressed or how the stories I had covered in the past were interesting and thoughtful. But others, it's like they could see into my soul and point out the exact thing I was insecure about. Everyone was complimentary and it was nice, but exhausting.

The line had dwindled down, and the next person to speak was Avery.

She stepped up the microphone, giving me a huge smile. "Hi, Y/N. I know we don't know each other that well, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. These couple days of getting to know you, being interviewed by you, have just been the highlight of my life. You are such a lovely presence to be around, and you deserve all the success you've gotten these last couple years."

Lots of people in the crowd nodded, agreeing with Avery. She continued, taking a deep breath, "I wanted to add - you are so deserving of love. You are easy to love too, and I hope that you are surrounded by people that make you feel that way. I know that this is just a mock ceremony, but I truly believe you would be such a great addition to us. I know you don't trust us, but I hope that soon you will find that you have a safe place here. Even if you never come back here again. This is your home now, and forever will be."

My chest heaved suddenly, tears welling up in my eyes. What the fuck is happening right now? Why was I crying at what she said? Sure, it was sweet and kind, but... how did she know I needed to hear that?

I turned my head, wiping the tears before anyone could see them fall. The crowd clapped as Avery left, going back to her seat.

The last couple people were a blur, my mind still hanging onto Avery's words. Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. I gazed up, seeing Colby's beautiful face staring down at me.

"The ceremony is done. Now, time to party."

~~~~~~

It had been a couple hours since the ceremony, my body feeling almost numb but jittery all at the same time. It was hard to shake all the love and words that were thrown my way today. Sure, some were probably just lying and saying random things because they had to, because they were conditioned to. But it freaked me out how some just... hit the right spots, knew my insecurities.

The party itself was fine. Two of the houses had parties happening in them, and since all three houses were connected, you could leave one and walk into another. There was a dancefloor full of people, and multiple fully stocked bars. Tons of food was at each table. It honestly looked like an adult prom. But I wasn't in a partying mood. Trey, on the other hand, was enjoying himself immensely. Girls and guys surrounded him, laughing at his jokes and bringing him plates of food and wine. One girl kept rubbing his thigh, staring at him longingly.

I wanted to leave. I had had enough of today, and I just wanted to be as far away from Empathic Love as I could be. I decided fresh air was what I needed, so I got up and slid out the back door of one of the houses, taking a deep breath. There were still too many people around, but I noticed the last house, the one with Colby's office in it, had no lights on and no one around it. I walked through the yards, stopping once I was by the back porch of the third house.

I sighed, leaning back against a railing. I could still hear the party going on, almost getting louder now that I wasn't there. I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed.

“Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Colby's voice broke through my thoughts.

I exhaled. “Hi, Colby.”

He cocked his head, “Are you doing okay? You seem... upset.”

I felt this sudden rush of anger, knowing in reality he was to blame for all of this. “No, I'm not doing alright. I want to go home, I'm extremely overwhelmed by this party and all the people around here. That ceremony was too much for me to deal with, and the only way for me to get out of here is Trey and he's getting rubbed down by your followers!”

He took a step back, putting his hands up defensively. “Woah, that was a lot. You must have needed that release.”

I glared, “You think?”

“Look, I get it. It's a lot to take in. I myself don't love going to all these parties. It can be really overwhelming and if I'm honest, it gives me a lot of anxiety,” he admitted casually.

“You get anxiety?” I scoffed, “How? Everyone here loves you.”

“I know. That's the stressful part!” He sat on the railing, turning to me. “I'm the leader of this family. I have to make all the right decisions, and sometimes that means upsetting some of the people closest to me. Not to mention, so many eyes are on me, and it's just all too much sometimes. Even if you think this group is a cult, I still care for everyone here. I make sure they are fed, have a job, and have a life outside of here. And that's a lot to take on.”

“How do you deal with all of it, then?” I questioned.

“Patience. And a lot of alone time when I can get it - through meditation, specifically,” he laughed. “I was actually going to go meditate before I found you. Would you like to join me?”

I shook my head. “No, I'm good.”

“Are you sure? Look, at the very least, it will get you away from the party and all the noise. You don't even have to join me, you can just... sit in the room with me while I do it.” He argued, shrugging his shoulders.

I gazed at the party, everyone had grew rowdier while we were talking, and I didn't even notice. But my head felt like it was spinning from the noise alone. I sighed, nodding my head. Colby smiled, opening the door to the house, and I walked in first. I followed him up to his office, sitting down on his couch as he sat in the center of the room on the floor.

I raised an eyebrow. “That's where you meditate?”

“Yeah, I know it's a bit silly. But I feel so much more grounded... on the ground.” He replied cheekily.

I snickered, sitting back and watching him. He crossed his legs, resting his palms on his knees. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took multiple breaths until they were low and shallow. I furrowed my brow, my eyes never leaving his form.

It almost seemed like he was asleep, or in a hypnosis of some sort. He was completely still and silent. A dull glow appeared at the top of his head, growing brighter and larger. I leaned away from him, my eyes widening at the sight. What the fuck is that...?

An aura grew around him, surrounding him completely. He didn't move, unfazed by it. His eyes remained closed, and with each breath it grew.

"How... are you doing that?" I uttered, my mouth a gape.

"Doing what?" He spoke in a monotone voice.

"That... aura. How are you doing that?" I pressed.

“I've always been able to do it since I was young. You can get closer if you want to.” He suggested.

How did he know I was still far away?

I stepped off the couch, moving closer to him. I kept my distance, but the aura was almost pulling me in. It was beautiful, the light reflecting and growing bigger. I was almost engulfed by it, but it stopped right before getting to me. I could feel its warmth, its energy. It was calling to me, beckoning me to step towards it.

The aura wrapped around me, filling me with light and love. Or at least that's what it felt like. I gasped at the sensation, my legs shaking underneath me. I breathed in deeply, my lungs filling up with fresh air. I didn't feel like I was in the room anymore. I felt like I was flying, the world almost zooming around me.

“Let your body relax, Y/N. I know it's so much to take in.” Colby’s calming voice spoke.

I felt my body give out on me, falling onto the soft rug. I laid down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Visions began to swirl in my mind and around me.

How is any of this happening?

He answered, reading my mind. “Because of me. Because of us. Because of the connection you and I share.”

My body felt very heavy, unable to move even if I wanted to. I could move my eyes, and out of the corner of them, I saw Colby stand up. The aura remained around us, almost engulfing the entire room.

“You know, I knew the moment you stepped foot on to the compound's grounds, you were going to like it here. You were going to stay.” He smiled sincerely, gazing down at my body.

I blinked, confused. “What? I-I don't plan to-“

He cut me off, “This is the final step, Y/N. Everyone gave you love, people celebrated you, and now... I'm allowing you in.”

I wanted to shake my head, but couldn’t. “But I don't want to join.”

He chuckled, “Yes you do. If you didn't want it, none of this would have worked on you. You wouldn't be seeing what is directly in front of your eyes.”

The visions morphed around me, suddenly showing Colby and I. But we weren't us, we were different people, at a different point in time. But I could feel it was us. We were in love, growing a family together. Our lives were beautiful.

What the fuck is this?

“That is our past, or present, or future,” he winked. “The thing is, Y/N, I never seek out anyone. They all seem to find me.”

“That's not true, you emailed my boss about being interviewed.” I remarked.

"Oh, you are so forgetful, Y/N. You emailed us, begging to interview me and anyone else that said yes. I only agreed because I knew you wanted to meet with me. You sounded very eager to join in your email." Colby pulled out a piece of paper, reading from it happily, "Dear whoever reads this, I'm hoping to score an interview with your group, Empathic Love, for an article I am writing. I would love to meet Colby, and really pick apart his brain on why he created said group. Maybe I could even join if you guys win me over. Please let me know if any of this sounds of interest to you. Sincerely, Y/N of Global Gazette."

He leaned down, staring into my eyes mischievously, "Now does that sound like someone that didn't want to be here?"

My heart raced, suddenly scared. “Why don't I remember writing that?”

“I couldn't tell you. All I know is you wanted to be here. And there's a reason for it.” He sat down on the ground next to me. I wanted to get up and run, but my body stayed still, heavy. “Growing up, I realized very early on that certain people just... gravitated to me. A lot of women, yes. But really it was anyone. And not only did they gravitate towards me, they became obsessed with me. At first, I was confused, uninterested in ever going through that. Who wants someone obsessed with them? But then I realized how much good I could do with so many people rallying behind me.”

He continued, “As I got older, my ability, or power, or whatever it is - grew twice as strong. Suddenly, all the people around me followed me, did anything and everything I could ask for. Then, I began getting visions, and I understood why this was the case. Everyone here: we had a past life together. Their souls and mine have always been connected. They find me and then continue to stay. And almost always, they fall in love with me. It's just so glorious.”

“You're insane.” I mumbled.

He hummed, “Interesting, especially since you’re seeing the same things I am.”

It was true. The whole time he spoke, I saw vision after vision of our past lives together. We were always destined to meet, destined to be with one another.

“But the thing is, I know you're different from all the rest. You and I, we are meant to be together forever. You are meant to love me forever, and I am meant to love you. That's why my abilities affect you so greatly.” Colby divulged.

“What if I say no? What if I want to leave?” I grunted, trying to shake free.

“You've had the ability to go all this time. You just don't want to. You know how much love I can give you. You know how much pleasure I can give you as well.” He bit his lip, his eyes snaking up and down my body, “You've known that since yesterday, haven't you?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks, memories of yesterday played in my head.

“And do you know what’s crazy about that? That's not even half the pleasure I can give you.” Colby kneeled next to me, a devilish smile on his lips. His hand lightly brushed my face, cupping my warm cheek sweetly.

A burst of arousal raced through me, my body spasming in ecstasy. “Oh my God!”

“I know, it's a lot to take in. But I just want to make you feel good, darling. You deserve it.” He leaned in slowly, “You are mine, after all.”

"This is what your followers meant by a deep and sensual mental connection," I groaned, feeling hands all over my body, touching me in the most lustful of ways. "You got inside their heads and mentally fucked them."

“...That's one way of wording it. But if they didn't trust me, if they didn't already want me, it wouldn't happen.” He winced playfully, “So in reality, it's your fault.”

“Fuck you.” I growled.

“But baby, that's what's happening,” Colby laughed darkly. “Those hands, those kisses and bites... that's all mine. I can tell you're losing it. You want me real bad, but you don't want to admit it. I get it, you’re overwhelmed.”

I felt like my body was getting electrocuted with pleasure. My hips grinded into the air, needing some form of relief. My nipples strained against my bra, wanting any form of touch. I closed my eyes tightly, embarrassment rolling through me as I felt my damp panties against my sex.

Fuck, he was right. I did want this, and him.

I didn't even need to say it out loud. Suddenly I felt a cock slid inside of me, too easily from how wet I had become. I ripped my eyes open, looking around. Colby was watching me from his chair, smirking.

He palmed his hardening dick through his jeans. “Imagine how much better it would be if I was actually inside of you, filling you up with every. fucking. inch.”

I thought about screaming Trey’s name. Maybe he could help me.

He grimaced, rolling his eyes. “He won’t do anything for you, sweetheart. He joined our group just a couple weeks ago. Right around the time you sent the email. So really, you have all the more reason to join us.”

“Even if I join this cult, I will never stay here. I will leave here and never come back.” I hissed.

“And that is your choice to make. But Y/N,” his gaze lowered at me, his eyes intense. “You will never be satisfied. You got barely a taste of what I can offer you, and you're gonna want it forever. Just like everyone else here.”

“You're a- fuuuuuucckk!” I moaned, the cock inside of me hitting my spot deeper. I caught my breath, glaring at him. “Y-You're a freak.”

“Says the girl almost coming to my invisible dick.” He spat, clenching his jaw.

I bit my lip, annoyed at how right he was. The hands exploring my body gripped my ass, slapping it lustfully.

“Okay, okay. I'll agree with you. I am a bit of a freak of nature. But let's not act like I'm some monster. I let people leave. But they always come back because they choose to. I can't force people that far. Pinky promise,” He stuck his pinky out, and I rolled my eyes defiantly. He huffed, “It's not like this place is Scientology, for Christ's sake. We are love. I am love.”

“You are the most tainted form of love that I've ever met.” I retorted, gripping the rug to hide my building arousal.

He deadpanned, “Ow. That hurt.”

Colby strutted over to me, laying down right beside me. The pleasure grew more intense, my hips bucking desperately. His one hand hovered over me, never touching me. It didn't matter, because having him this close felt like his whole body was on top of mine, fucking me hastily.

“If you allow yourself to enjoy this feeling, you might actually come. Because I won't force you to. I'll just keep you here, for hours, riving in pleasure until your brain melts into goo.” He smirked, “How's that sound?”

"I-I hate you." I gritted my teeth. Why did I feel like I was lying?

"No you don't. But soon you'll be able to admit the truth." He leaned his mouth in close, his voice low and sincere, "I know that this place might not be what you imagined your home to be like, but it is. You will always have a place here. You will always be loved here. And I know that's what you want deep down. To be loved unconditionally. To have every fiber of your being satisfied. And if you let me, I will do that. I will please you every night, however you want me to. But for me to do that, you have to let me in. You have to let love in."

The cock inside of me pounded faster and faster. I could barely think anymore. The only thing on my mind... was him. The lives we had together, the life we could be having. I knew I shouldn't want it, but I did. I wanted him in my life, forever. He was what was missing, and I couldn't live one more day without him.

I mewled loudly, my hips thrusting up erotically. Colby's hand cupped my face gently, turning my head to look him in the eyes.

His alluring eyes stared deep into mine, his jaw clenched. "You will always be mine. I am love, and that is all you could ask for."

"You are love, and that's all I could ask for." I repeated mindlessly, grabbing onto his arm desperately.

His face softened, “That's right baby. You're such a good girl for me. My good girl, forever. You want that, don't you?”

“Yessss, please Colby. I want to be yours forever.” I keened.

"You will be. I promise, you will always be mine." His eyes darkened, the pupils almost completely blown out. "You will never leave."

"I won't!" I trembled, my orgasm building closer and closer to the edge.

“You wanna come, Y/N? Get close for me. Don't I feel so good inside of you? You like when I do this?” Colby's hand snaked down my body, rubbing my clit sensually.

I begged wantonly, dying to come. "Pleaseeeeee! Please let me come! I need it! I need you."

"Of course you do, baby. You and I need each other. Our connection is unlike anyone else's. Tell me the truth and I'll let you come." He leaned in close, his lips brushing against my ear, "Tell me, baby. Say it..."

"I love you," I cried out, right on the edge. I direly wanted him to say it back, knowing it was already the truth.

“I love you too, baby,” he smiled sweetly, kissing my cheek. “Now, come for me.”

Hot, white pleasure shot through my body. I had the strongest orgasm of my life, my mind shattering as I rode every wave of pleasure that went through me. Colby stayed by my side, shushing me as my high lowered down more and more. He kept whispering 'I love you' repeatedly, my mind unable to hear or think anything else after a while.

I blacked out at some point but awoke when my body was lifted off the floor and placed softly into a bed. “Wha... happenin?” I slurred.

“Relax, darling. I just brought you to my bed. Well, our bed now,” he chuckled. “I want you to get your rest because tomorrow is a big day for you.”

“What's tomorrow?” I murmured.

“Your introduction to everyone as my soulmate.” Colby informed happily, tucking me in. “Everyone will be so pleased that you changed your mind about joining us.”

I nodded my head, snuggling deep into his bed. He dimmed the lights, whispering softly, "Welcome home, Y/N."

#colby brock #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fic #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock x reader #colby brock smut #colby brock one shot #colby brock oneshot #golbrocklovely's 13 nights of halloween

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braxlrose · 19 days

Note

PLEASE MAKE 2005 BILL HCS 🙏🏻🙇🏻‍♀️

I based this on the song Ich Bin Nich' Ich from their Schrei album so I hope you enjoy!

content warnings: bill being sad? 😭 lots of angst yk (which if you've been here for a while you'd know I actually LOVE writing angst) idk if this is considered toxic bc the way I've written it, it's very much filled with codependency to like a point where without a person youre suffering so 😬.

summary: bill misses you more than anything right now.

word count: 1.4k

a/n: for this fanfic, you're dating Bill at the time and have been for a little while, and it's set in like 2004/2005. I decided to do this bc Ich Bin Nich' Ich is literally my favorite song from Schrei sooo I can't wait to write this. I'm not sure if anybody else has done this so if they have please tell me! also, lmk if you want to be added to the tag list 💖💖

+ this is from bills perspective

Ich Bin Nich' Ich

meine augen schaun mich müde an und finden keinen trost

I laid down in my bed, my head pounding achingly from tonight's show. Sweat dripped down my forehead and rolled onto my pillow as I turned over. My shallow breathing was catching up to me and my eyes closed ever-so lightly. The cold pillow was a perfect embrace after the show tonight. Well—almost perfect.

My heart twinged with sadness as you came into my head. You always sat in the back of my head like a lingering melody, haunting and sweet. My mind never was able to get fully rid of you, especially now since we're on tour. Your soft and supple hands always seemed to fit perfectly in mine. You're glistening eyes, staring back at me and that enchanting smile that sat flawlessly upon your face. Nothing could ever pull me away from staring at you when we were together. Everything about you always made me feel like we were destined to be brought together, we fit so well with each other and our bodies seemed to always be pulling towards each other like magnets.

My fingernails dug into the bed sheets as I closed my eyes to "watch" you. Who cares if I couldn't see you right now, right? I could always close my eyes and watch the way your perfect body; your perfect everything, moved like the water as you glided through the air, running towards me whenever we would see each other again.

That wouldn't be for months, though..

The coldness of my pillow was fading as my body denied itself rest. I couldn't fall asleep with the sound of your angelic voice, whispering in my head. Which was ironic, because that voice was the same one that always helped me fall asleep on my hardest nights. Nothing right now could ever comfort me.. not unless you showed up.

I groaned in annoyance as a soft knock cracked against my door. Who needs to talk to me right now, it's 11 o' clock at night.

I pulled myself up off of my bed; the bedsheets lightly sticking to my skin from the sweat that once dripped from my body. Walking felt like trying to pull myself through quicksand, all I wanted to do was to see you. You see you—no, feel you jump into my arms and press your beautiful lips up against mine.

God, how amazing that would feel right now.

My body finally brought itself to the door and my hand slowly pulled it open to see a face I had known for quite some time.

"Tom?" I mumbled out, pressed my face into the tinted wall, "What are you doing up here?" I asked, my breath feeling heavy again.

"We're going to a party, are you coming or are you going to coop yourself up in your room again, for the nth time in a row." He spouted at me.

I rolled my eyes before telling him I'd be staying in my room again. He may have seemed a little agitated about that, but from the way he was looking at me, I think he could tell what was wrong. He always knew what was wrong.

"It's always obvious, your eyes tell us everything, Bill.." He would say to me every once in a while when I felt down. I guess I was never the one who was good at hiding my feelings, especially from my brother.

ich kann mich nich' mehr mit ansehen—bin ich los

alles was hier mal war—kann ich nich' mehr in mir finden

I forced myself into the bathroom, my hands gripping onto the sink in front of me as my eyes hesitated to look myself in the face. I'm sure I looked awful. Ever since I met you, I never felt like myself without you. You brought the me out of me. That's what I loved about you so much.

My eye makeup was smeared a bit and some of my mascara had run down my cheeks. I honestly looked like a mess. I blinked in the mirror, watching myself crumble. I needed you so badly. This was one of the hard nights, the hard nights when I really needed you.

The water i splashed upon my face dripped down my neck as my eyes slowly came upwards to look myself in the face.

I could never seem to see myself when you weren't with me, you always made me feel so much better. About everything and anything. I'm still not sure how you did it..

alles weg—wie im wahn, seh ich mich immer mehr verschwinden

My freshly dried face from a cotton towel felt stiff as tears rolled down my cheeks. My eyes stung with a fiery intensity that only someone as gracious and wonderful as you.

My body didn't seem like my own anymore as I crashed down against the soft, recently sweaty bed. Makeup smeared on the pillow as my cheek rested against it, staring over at the dimly lit; slightly sparky (?) lamp next to me. The curtains surrounding my room seemed to understand my awful being right now as I could feel more tears threatening to spill over my waterline, down my face.

I could almost swear this was an out of body experience, maybe I was just tired. Everything around me felt like a dream and I could feel myself slipping away. My body, my dreams, my everything. Nothing felt real anymore. Not when I'm away from you.

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

und das was jetzt noch von mir übrig ist...

My breath was caught in my throat as more memories of you poured into my head.

××× I remember the first time I saw you—

Walking outside the studio while everybody else finished up inside, the cold wind blowing in my face, brushing my hardened bangs to the side. My teeth lightly chattered as you flowed by me. I could swear you were an angel.

From your angelic face, to your scent. You were absolutely perfect and I was infatuated with you. I remember thinking someone like you would never go for someone like me.. right?

How happy I was when I figured out I was wrong.

From the way you held yourself to your laughter to your strength. You were everything I was looking for and more. How could I stumble upon love so quickly? How was I so lucky to have you enthralled with me.

You had never even heard of my band yet, you weren't a crazy, obsessed fan girl. You weren't someone looking for a one night stand or someone who wanted fame by association. You were so beautiful and real and absolutely raw. I still don't understand sometimes why you chose me, but I'm so glad you did.

×××

but here... without you. I feel as though I've lost a part of me. Like I'm not me when I'm not with you. I don't feel whole and I don't think I will until we've been reunited.

××× you're bright red, slushy red tongue seemed to gawk at my blue one as we laughed. I laid my around around you as we walked through the park. I finally had a day off from rehearsing and playing live shows, to hang out with you.

I swear my heart was going to explode out of my chest just from staring down into your beautiful eyes. The way you were staring up at me—i don't think I had ever loved somebody so much. You were my true "everything".

××× your warm breath, slowly yet calmly blowing against my neck as you fell into a deep slumber was probably one of the most relaxing things I could ever dream of. My arms were wrapped around you as the TV quietly played in the background. My body had never felt so amazing. And now with you—you just made everything so much better.

My hands glided into your hair as you snuggled closer into me. With the warm air surrounding us and the soft hum of the noise around us. Everything seemed absolutely perfect.

How could I live without you?

will ich nich' sein

draußen hängt der himmel schief

und an der Wand dein abschiedsbrief

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

I slowly closed my eyes, my body finally relaxing. Ever-so slightly, at least. We'd be together again soon, I'm not sure why tonight was so hard for me, to be without you.. but I cannot wait to see your sparkling beauty staring back at me when we come together again. I don't feel like myself right now, but hopefully with time, you will bring that back to me...

sorry this isn't longer 😭 I hope you guys enjoyed this though! also here are the English translations for the lyrics. They're pretty accurate, but some stuff may be a little off 😞

translations:

one: My eyes show off all of my sadness, and find no comfort here.

two: I can't face myself anymore, I'm not me.

three: Everything that was here, I cannot find myself inside me.

four: Swept away like a dream, I see myself vanish more and more.

five: I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, i'm all alone.

six: And everything that is still left of me.

seven: I don't want to be outside the heavens hang a slope and on the wall your farewell note. I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, I'm alone.

also this isn't proofread, so if there are any mistakes sorry!!

taglist: none yet

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz fanfic #2005 bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz angst #tokio hotel fanfics #tokio hotel angst

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jessybarnes · 2 years

Text

Untamed

Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Tags: NSFW TITLE CARD, SMUT, angst, fluff, seducing, mentions of masturbation, mentions of using sex toys, lingerie, fingering (female receiving), cum eating, finger sucking, Bruce transitioning into the Hulk (not sure if this is a trigger, but I'm not taking chances), kissing (both Bruce and Hulk receiving), handjob (Hulk receiving… again Idk if this is a trigger but noting it anyway cause after some research I've learned that even his cum is green.), making out, biting, hickeys, fucking against a wall, choking, implied all night fucking, and I think that's it.

Word Count: 4,129

Beta and Title Card: Yours Truly

Written For: My amazing bestie and beta, Tiffany. <3

Being married to an Avenger had its perks. You got to live in Tony Stark's swanky tower, you had your own team of expertly trained bodyguards, and the best part of it all? You stole the heart of Bruce Banner. The two of you met under unfortunate circumstances, but it was still the best day of your life.

You'd been caught in the crossfire during one of their missions, a monster took you hostage to use as leverage for their escape. The thing had a knife held against your throat, threatening to kill you on the spot if any of the Avengers moved an inch. You looked into their helpless eyes. Captain America, Hawkeye, Thor, and Iron Man all stared helplessly back at you contemplating how they were going to save you.

In the distance, Natasha was holding her upturned palm to a furious Hulk. He was grunting and clenching his fists as she took a tentative step toward him.

"Hey, big guy. The sun's getting real low."

He trained his eyes on her, as his anger started to dissipate. Just before he was about to give in he heard you scream.

He snapped his head in your direction, a loud, angry roar shaking the surrounding buildings as he ran towards you. Cars, signs, sidewalk benches, nothing was safe from his wrath. It all happened so fast. One moment your captor was pressing the blade harder against your skin and the next you were in the Hulk's arms.

At first, you were startled, his big green eyes scanning your body as he held you in his large green hand. He was breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring, as he spoke.

"Hulk save you."

You smiled and were about to respond but Captain Rogers beat you to it.

"That's good, buddy," he set his shield down and slowly walked towards the two of you. "Why don't you put the lady down now, okay?"

The Hulk tightened his grip on your waist and snarled, "NO! Hulk keep pretty lady!"

Steve went to speak again, but you turned around to look at him.

"Wait. It's okay. Let me try something."

They all watched in wonder as you brought both of your hands to his face, your thumbs brushing his hard skin.

"Thank you for saving me," you smiled. "If it's okay, I'd like to meet Bruce too. He's a part of you, and in a way, he saved me as well."

He held you for a moment longer, taking time to mull over your request. Finally, he set you down on a nearby barrier and transitioned back into the well-known scientist.

You smiled as you recalled the fond memory. You and Bruce had been married for two years, and he made you the happiest woman in the world. Sure, it was difficult when he'd go on missions, but that wasn't what bothered you the most.

What you really wanted was for him to make love to you. Ever since the start of your relationship, all he'd ever done was kiss you. Sometimes he'd go as far as fingering you, but it never went further. He was terrified to do anything else because he didn't want the Hulk to accidentally hurt you. He'd never forgive himself if that happened, and he made you fully aware that being with him meant no sex.

You didn't have to have sex to be happy with him. It wasn't a deal breaker, but you couldn't help but want to feel him inside of you. God, you bet he made the prettiest sounds. You had plenty of toys to keep you satisfied, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't made yourself come to the thought of him fucking you into oblivion.

Natasha and Wanda helped you try and seduce him a number of times, but that always ended with a heavy makeout session and a very, very aroused Bruce.

That's what the three of you were doing now. Planning yet another attempt in getting him to fuck you. You were dressed in short lacy lingerie, a pair of stockings with little black bows at the bottom, and your favorite pair of black pumps.

"I don't know about this, guys. What if someone sees me on the way down to his lab?"

Nat grinned and crossed her arms. "Don't worry about that. I've got it all taken care of. Steve and Bucky are out on a mission, Sam and Clint are in the gym doing their weird juice cleanse workout, and Thor's in Asgard. That only leaves Tony, Vision, and Rhodey to worry about. Wanda, you're taking Vis on a date, right?"

She nodded. "Yep! Typical dinner and a movie, but it'll be fun getting some fresh air."

Nat turned her gaze back to you and smiled. "That leaves the two iron wonders, which by the way, I've decided to take on a supply run."

You sighed, playing with a strand of your hair. "Okay, let's do this. Get me to the lab."

Surprisingly, you made it there without being seen by anyone. The girls gave you a little nudge toward the door before blowing kisses and waving goodbye. Once you were alone, you took a moment to watch Bruce through the glass.

He was concentrating on some new prototype, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he silently worked. God, he was so beautiful without even trying.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door and walked past the threshold. There was no going back now.

"Oh, hey honey! Is it already time fo-"

The words died on his tongue as soon as he looked at you. The test tube in his hand clattered to the floor, his mouth hanging open in shock.

"Y-Y/N…"

You smirked and sauntered towards him, slowly running your hands over his chest. "Hey, baby," you breathed. "I thought you could use a break."

He swallowed thickly and let out a shaky breath. "What um… what're you d-doing?"

You brought his hands to your hips, his fingers making the barely-there dress bunch up to reveal your ass. "Bruce, touch me…please."

He closed his eyes and moaned. "You know I can't. I-I can't risk hurting you, Y/N."

You brushed your knuckles against the stubble on his cheek and smiled. "You won't hurt me. I trust you...both of you."

You grabbed his right hand, "besides, feel how wet I am." He gently circled your clit, a desperate whine falling from your lips. "See baby? See what you do to me without even trying?"

Bruce gripped your waist tighter, his breathing becoming erratic as he slowly continued sliding his fingers between your folds. You were close, so close to cumming already. All the built-up sexual tension, seeing him like this, was almost too much.

Almost.

Just before the coil of arousal inside you snapped, he pulled away, his hands coming up to grab his hair. "Fuck, baby, I… I can't. He's too strong, and if I ever lost you because of him… god, I can't even think about it."

You hated seeing him distraught like this. Bruce was an amazing, kind, loving man who gave you the world. The Hulk may be destructive, but he was still gentle with you. He'd never once hurt you, and in your heart, you believed he would hold true to that promise even during times like this.

You pulled him back into your embrace and kissed him like it was the last time you'd ever get the chance. He sighed against your mouth, his tongue sliding against yours slow and sweet.

He eventually pulled away, still holding you close as he looked at you with hooded eyes. "Y/N, it takes all of my strength every day to hold myself back. I want to, god, do I want to, take you apart, make you come over and over again."

His fingers curled a strand of hair behind your ear and you bit your lip. "Baby, can you hear me out? I… I think I may have a solution for both of us."

He sighed. "Yeah, honey, go ahead."

You moved him to his chair, pushing his shoulder lightly so he'd sit down. His hands found purchase on your hips as you straddled his lap.

"Bruce, I know you won't hurt me. I know the Hulk won't either because he's never shown any aggression towards me. Give me this, try for me, just this once. We can start slow and if you feel like you're going to lose it then we can stop. You have total control, baby." You kissed his lips softly. "Please?"

For a few seconds, he just looked at you. His brown eyes raked over your entire body. He swallowed, blowing a deep breath out of his nose as he held you a bit tighter.

"Okay. Okay, I'll try."

Your eyes widened, "thank you, baby. You have no idea how much this means to me."

He moved his calloused hand slowly up your thigh again, his fingertips tracing small circles on your clit. Your eyes rolled back, his darkening with unbridled lust.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so pretty like this. Watching your body shake, those sweet little moans and whimpers, I swear I'm the luckiest man in the world."

You began moving your hips, the sounds of your wetness echoing in the small space around you. "Oh, Bruce… baby I- …please. Oh, please don't stop!"

He quickened his pace, the newly added pressure of his fingers causing you to fall forward and grasp onto his shirt. He groaned, low and deep, his breath hot on your neck as he kissed your sweat-slicked skin.

"C'mon, baby girl. Come for me. Show me how pretty you look." That was all you needed, his command sent you over the edge, his hand and your legs becoming coated with your release.

If Bruce wasn't holding you up, you'd have fallen to your knees. He peppered sweet kisses along your jaw to your lips, rendering you breathless.

"Gorgeous. God, baby, you're breathtaking."

Words failed you but that didn't stop your wandering hands. They eagerly began undoing his pants trying desperately to feel more of him.

"Whoa, honey. Hey, hey, hey, slow down. I know you're eager, but we gotta go easy. I don't want him to hurt you, remember?" Reluctantly, you stopped, but then an idea popped into your head.

"Bruce? Can um… can I ask you a question?"

He pulled back, his thumbs brushing your upper arms, "you can ask me anything, Y/N."

You bit your lip and looked at the floor, suddenly nervous your request would end this whole thing before it even started. "Do you promise not to get mad at me?"

Bruce immediately wrapped his arms around you, "sweetheart, you're the only person I'm not angry around."

You blew out the breath you'd been holding and closed your eyes. "Can I talk to him?"

He stiffened. "Y/N, I-I don't think th-"

"Please. He won't hurt me, Bruce. He never has. Please, just… please."

Just when you thought he was going to shut this whole escapade down, he slowly stood up. "Promise me you'll run if he gets out of hand."

You nodded and watched as he closed his eyes, his skin, hair, nails, everything turning green while he doubled in size. At first, Hulk was confused. His big eyes look down at you with interest. He huffed and held his hand out for you to take it.

"Hey, big guy. Can you sit down for me against the wall over there? I wanna talk to you."

He tilted his head and haphazardly stomped to the opposite side of the room before plopping unceremoniously onto the floor making the lab equipment around you rattle.

"Thank you. May I sit on your lap?"

He looked up at you, his large hand gathering the thin material of your outfit between his fingers. "Y/N pretty. Hulk like clothes."

The corner of your mouth turned up into a crooked smirk. "Why thank you, honey. Can I sit down?" You gestured to his huge thigh and watched as he nodded.

You straddled your hips over one of his legs, because it was impossible to do both, and cupped his face.

"You know how much I love you and Bruce, right?"

He blinked, "yes, Hulk know that."

"Well, I'd like to show both of you how much I love you, but I want to make sure you're okay with everything first."

He waited, the fingers on his right hand holding your waist.

"I want to be with both of you, in a more…intimate way. I wanna make the two of you happy because I love both of you with all my heart."

A low grunt rumbled through his chest. "Hulk love Y/N. But what intimate?"

You scooted closer and smiled. "Can I kiss you?"

He nodded again, and you slowly leaned in, pressing your lips against his gently. At first, he didn't react, his whole body still except for his steady breathing, but then you felt him kiss back.

You pulled away to see his reaction and moaned when you saw the heat in his eyes.

"How was that, baby?"

His grip on your hips tightened a fraction. "Hulk want more."

You giggled and took his other hand. "I'll give you more, love, but first, I want you to feel how excited I am. You have to be careful with me though, okay?"

"Hulk no hurt Y/N. Hulk be gentle."

You curled his fingers into a fist, save for his middle one, and brought it to your soaked pussy. "Do you feel that? Feel how wet I am here?"

He slid his large digit back and forth, watching curiously as you bit your lip, and then pulled his hand back to look at his finger. "Yes, Hulk feel."

You maintained eye contact as you sucked and licked your arousal from his skin. "Do you wanna try?"

He wasted no time, a little more sure of himself as he collected more of your juices. He inhaled your scent, a low growl reverberating in his chest as he tasted you.

"Y/N good. Hulk need more."

You kissed the inside of his wrist and looked at him lovingly. "We can do more, but you really have to be careful, okay? Just one of your fingers is a lot for me to take, so you'll have to go slow."

He sighed softly and gathered a bit of your hair in his hand. "Hulk go slow. Always careful with Y/N."

You brought his hand between your legs again, but this time you guided his middle finger to your entrance. Bracing yourself, you sank down on him and whimpered from the slight stretch.

"Y/N okay?"

You licked your lips and let out a shaky breath, "yeah, baby. I'm fine. You feel so good."

Switching your position, you maneuvered yourself so your back was against his chest. He looked down at you, his free hand tilting your chin up.

"Hulk like when Y/N feel good."

You pulled him down for a chaste kiss and spread your legs so they were draped over his big thighs, "carefully move your finger, okay? Slowly in and out."

As soon as you felt him pull out and push back in, a breathy moan fell from your lips. "Yeah, baby, just like that."

The sound of his soft grunts, the feeling of his toned muscles rippling against your skin, the way he brushed the sweet spot inside you, it was all so toe-curlingly good. Your second orgasm was building rapidly, making you whine desperately.

"Y/N feel wet. Hulk stop?"

You shook your head and moaned. "No, please don't stop. You're - oh, god! - gonna make me cum. D'you wanna see me do that, baby?"

He adjusted slightly, and suddenly you could feel his very large, very prominent erection pressing against your back.

"Yes. Hulk see Y/N"

You canted your hips upward, meeting every thrust. "Go a little faster and do this with your finger."

You crooked yours to show him and he obeyed immediately making you cry out. "Oh, my god! Yes, oh, right there… don't stop please baby I'm so close!"

He huffed and grabbed your hand with his free one.

"Oh, fuck baby…yeah, oh, shit! Gonna cum… gonna come oh my g-FUCK!"

You squeezed his hand, your whole body convulsing as your walls fluttered around him repeatedly. He pulled out of you and examined his finger as you recovered from your moment of bliss.

"Hulk do good?"

You turned around in his arms and kissed him again. "You did, baby. Thank you. Can I make you feel good now too?"

You let your fingertips ghost over the large tent in his shorts and watched as he closed his eyes and growled. The noise alone would scare anyone away, but not you. You knew he'd never harm you.

"Yes. Hulk feel good too."

Carefully, you freed him from his shorts, marveling at his impressive length and girth. "You're so big, baby. Being so good for me." He watched you spit in your hands and snarled when you began to stroke him.

"Is this okay, love? Does this hurt?"

He threw his head back and panted. "No hurt. Feel good."

You smirked and began twisting your hands as they slid over the shiny green head.

"Remember, honey. Try not to hurt me, okay? I know it feels good, but when you cum you gotta try and stay still for me, alright?"

He gritted his teeth and brought a big hand to your cheek. "Hulk never hurt Y/N. Promise." He let out another choked cry. "Hulk feel funny...here." he pointed to his lower abdomen and you kissed his lips sweetly.

"That's good, baby. It means you're close. Just lean back and close your eyes for me. Let me make you feel good."

He listened and you watched his chest heave and his fists clench.

"That's it. C'mon. Show me, sweetheart."

A few more strokes were all it took, a loud guttural roar filling the lab as thick ropes of cum coated your hands and his chest.

He stayed like that, panting and twitching, while you looked for a towel to clean him up. Grabbing one of the extra lab coats, you knelt in front of him again and planted a sweet kiss on his forehead.

"You're incredible, baby. I'm so proud of you. Bruce will be too. I knew you'd never hurt me."

He rubbed your sides affectionately as you cleaned him and your hands up. "No way hurt Y/N. Hulk love you."

You kissed his lips. "And I love you, baby. Can I see Bruce now? I wanna tell him how proud of you I am."

He gave you one final smile and closed his eyes, his body slowly becoming smaller until a sweaty Bruce lay slumped against the wall.

He blinked a few times before he frantically ran his hands over you, looking for any sign of injury.

"Bruce, hey, calm down." You laced the fingers on both your hands with his and looked into his worried brown eyes. "I'm fine. He didn't hurt me, okay? In fact," you held up the lab coat that was now covered in sticky green liquid. "Things went more than okay."

He looked from you to the coat a few times before crashing his lips to yours. His kiss was possessive, nowhere near gentle as he explored your mouth eagerly.

"You were right, baby. I shouldn't have doubted you, but I was just so scared. I can't ever lose you."

You sat back on your haunches and grinned. "I know, honey. We can talk this over later, but right now I need you inside me."

Bruce stood and pulled you to your feet, immediately pushing you against the wall. "You're perfect. Absolutely perfect, Y/N. I love you so damn much."

He kissed, nipped, and licked at your neck, littering a trail of purple-ish marks anywhere he could reach.

"Fuck, Bruce…"

He hummed and tore the front of your lacy top down the middle. "You're so beautiful, sweetheart. Smooth skin, perfect body, gorgeous face, amazing personality, you're an absolute work of art. I'm so lucky to call you mine. 'M gonna fuck you over and over again until you beg me to stop."

A needy whine filled the small space between the two of you, your hands fisting in his hair. "Please! Please…want you so bad!"

He spun you around, pressing you against the wall as he undid his pants, kicking them off to the side. "Spread your legs, princess. That's it, brace yourself against the wall too."

You did what he asked and sucked in a sharp breath when he hooked your left leg over his thigh and pressed the head of his cock against your slick hole. "Don't you dare be quiet, you hear me, Y/N? I want every single person in this tower to know you're mine."

Your response died on your tongue as he slammed into you, setting a steady pace.

You couldn't stay quiet even if you wanted to. Nothing compared to the way his cock made you feel. No toy, no vibrator, not even your fingers felt this good.

"Oh, Bruce! Oh, my fucking god!"

His left arm hugged your middle holding you up while his right wrapped around your throat, squeezing deliciously. "Good girl. Love hearing you scream for me. God, your pussy feels so good, warm and wet around my cock, pulling me in every time I slide home."

You clenched around him and he bit your shoulder. "Fuck! I gotta fill you up, baby. 'M sorry, but I'm not gonna last when you feel this good."

Your left hand began rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts. "'S okay, Bruce… I-I'm close too. Feels - oh, fuck! Oh, my god! - s-so good!"

He was relentless now, the delicious drag of his cock against your walls was hard and fast. "Oh, fuck! That's it, princess. Yeah, that's right, squeeze me just like that. Come on, Y/N…let go with me."

His words were like a trigger, your third orgasm shooting through you like a bullet as he stilled inside you.

The two of you didn't move for a few minutes, the labored sounds of your breathing the only sound around you. Finally, he pulled out and turned you to face him, his lips colliding with yours in a passionate kiss.

"Fuck, that was…that was amazing."

Bruce caressed your cheek and smiled fondly. "Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for being patient with me and with him too. We wouldn't have made it this far without you, and we owe you everything."

You kissed him slowly, taking your time to feel him against you. "I love you, Bruce. I'll always help both of you with anything. You both complete me, in every way, and I can't imagine a life without you guys."

He held you close, his fingers sliding up your back and into your hair. He opened his mouth to respond, but F.R.I.D.A.Y. cut him off. "I'm terribly sorry to interrupt Mr. and Mrs. Banner, but Mr. Stark requests entrance to the lab."

Your eyes grew wide in fear of him seeing you naked. "Tell him to give us five minutes please, F.R.I.D.A.Y.."

"Of course, Mrs. Banner." Bruce threw you his clean lab coat, tossing the other one in the trash before pulling on his clothes.

"Let's take this upstairs, Y/N. I'm not even close to being done with you." He winked and a jolt of arousal shot straight to your core.

"As long as you promise not to go easy on me, baby," you smirked. He swatted your ass and walked past you to the door.

"Oh, princess, now that I know you're safe with me I've got so many plans to take you apart over and over again. You're gonna be putty in my hands when I'm done with you."

Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you looked at his hooded eyes. Literally and figuratively, you were fucked. That was just a bonus though because you had everything you wanted. Bruce was yours in every sense of the word.

Tony walked past you shaking his head, "there better not be a mess in there!"

You giggled and followed Bruce into the elevator. "No promises, Stark!"

Yeah, you thought to yourself, this is finally the start of our forever.

He glared at the closing metal doors, the sight of you and Bruce kissing being the last thing he saw. He smiled against your lips and you saw the happiness in his eyes.

#j snow writes #bruce banner #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x you #bruce banner x y/n #hulk #the hulk #the incrediable hulk #hulk x reader #the hulk x reader #the incredible hulk x reader #bruce banner smut #bruce banner imagine

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terrifyingly-bi · 1 year

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Fool for You (Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader) (Part 1)

Summary: You've never been one to be pushed around. When you work at Hawkin's Public Pool during summer break you're paired up with Billy for your shifts, and Billy just met his match.

Warnings/tags: flirty reader, confident reader, billy starts out as rough and tough but I've got a thing for softies so... we'll get there

Wordcount: ~2,2k

A/N: You wanted some Billy x Fem!Reader and I once again got carried away. Idk how many parts this will be... I'm sitting on about four or five... uh... :)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

『••✎••』

“And this is where you’ll be spending most of your time,” Adam said, gesturing to the small booth. “We’ve got at least two lifeguards out by the pools at all times, if one of them needs to step away, you will take over for them until they return. Otherwise, this is your hub.”

You nodded as you took a look around the tiny room. It reminded you of a ticket booth but pool-themed. On the only wall available hung a calendar with pictures of the beach, as well as a schedule for the lifeguards. There were seven in total, including you.

“Cool,” you said. “And do I need to keep my eyes out for anything in particular or…”

Adam shrugged. “Not really. You’ll be standing by most of the time. If any visitors have any questions or need equipment, directions, or help you’ll be in charge of taking care of them.” He pointed to the notepad on the tiny desk. “Any pool equipment or swimming aids you lend out must be recorded, so that we can keep track of them when they’re lent out and returned.”

“Write up the things I hand out and what I get back, got it,” you said. “Anything else?”

“First Aid Kit is in the box under the desk and there’s a phone in the office with a phonebook right next to it. Other than that, you should be all set.”

You doubted that, but you weren’t about to start fussing on your first day. “So do I just… go change or what?”

Adam turned and pointed over to the changing rooms. “You can just use the women’s to change. Head back here once you’re done and I’ll introduce you to your shift mate.”

With a nod, you began making your way around the pool to go and change. The brilliantly red swimsuit you’d been given to wear bore the Hawkins Pool logo, and you wondered if you’d look as good in it as some of the lifeguards you’d seen so far.

The changing room was mostly empty with the exception of a handful of girls gossiping and queuing for the mirror and a mother trying to wrestle her kid into a swimsuit. It smelled like chlorine, soap and sun lotion, and by the time you had squeezed into your new suit and made to leave you were alone.

You hesitated briefly when you passed the mirror. The Hawkins Pool suit fitted decently. It could have been a little bigger in the bottom area but you were confident enough that you would endure it. From the right angle, it even looked good.

When you returned to the booth, Adam had called another lifeguard over.

“You’re back, good,” Adam said. “This is Billy, and you already know me. Billy, this is Y/N.”

‘Billy’ was tall, muscular, and looked like a Californian dream. He stood with his arms crossed over his broad chest and looked you up and down, wearing a pair of dark aviators and a somewhat disdainful look on his face. “Yes, we’re happy to have you here,” he mumbled. “But unless there’s anything you specifically need me for, I’ve got things to do.”

You shook your head. “You do what you need to do,” you said. “You’re a lifeguard after all.”

The sneer on his face turned neutral and he gave you a quick nod before he turned and headed back to the tower, climbing up and taking a seat.

“He takes his job very seriously,” Adam said, leaning closer to you. “Don’t let him push you around. He is not your boss.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” you said. “I’m not going to let him.”

It didn’t take you long to learn that whenever Billy was at the pool, things were running like a well-oiled machine. It was mind-boggling to see how kids you knew from school turned into law-abiding visitors the moment Billy told them off, and it was difficult to miss the way people were particularly wary when they walked in his vicinity.

If you had to pick something to complain about it would be the number of girls coming up to you only to try and get a peek at the schedule on the wall behind you. Billy was popular with the ladies, and it was hardly a secret. Even the mothers put on a show for him whenever he looked their way.

You didn’t see the point. Obviously, he was handsome and you caught yourself looking longer than a few seconds a handful of times, but he was rude and never said hello when he passed you by. It wasn’t like you were going to waste your time on someone that couldn’t bother to say hi.

At least, that’s what you thought until a particularly unrelenting heatwave passed through Hawkins. The pool was filled to the brim with people trying to cool off and you spent a considerable amount of time handing out water bottles and helping out a few people that had burned themselves in the sun.

But while you spent most of the day in the shade of the tiny booth, you couldn’t help but notice that Billy sat dutifully perched in the lifeguard tower, glaring out over the pool and the visitors - on the lookout for trouble.

With a sigh, you grabbed one of the water bottles you kept in the cooler crammed under the desk, and headed over. “Hey, Hargrove,” you called when you approached.

He looked over at you just in time to catch the bottle when you tossed it to him. “What’s up?” He asked.

“You haven’t had anything to drink all day,” you said. “I would prefer it if you didn’t fall off that tower when something happens.”

Billy looked at you for a moment before he looked back to the pool. “Thanks,” he said, unscrewing the cap and taking a drink of water. You could tell by the way he went through half the bottle in a few greedy sips that he must have been thirsty.

“You gonna take a break any time soon?” You asked. “Maybe get out of the sun?”

“To slack off? Is that what you’re trying to get me to do?” he asked without looking at you.

You rolled your eyes. “No, I’m trying to make sure you don’t get a heatstroke so you can keep doing your job.”

Again, Billy turned and looked at you. For a moment, he seemed to be contemplating your words. “Five minutes,” he said. “I need to take a leak anyway.” He tossed the bottle back to you as he began climbing down from the tower. “You figure you can hold the reins until I get back?”

“Don’t worry about me, Billy,” you said and handed him his drink. “I can hold them just fine.” You turned and climbed up into the tower, seating yourself in the surprisingly comfortable seat. When you looked down, Billy was still looking at you. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.”

“I just might,” he said, a lazy smirk playing on his lips before he turned and walked away.

"Got ourselves a cut."

You looked up from the notepad as Billy appeared in the doorway, holding a girl in his arms. Looking between them, it was almost comical how indifferent Billy looked while the girl was making heart eyes at him. But upon closer inspection, she did have a pretty nasty cut on her foot.

"Damn, let me get the kit," you said and got up. "She can take my chair."

Billy put the girl down on the chair with minimal effort. "What did you say you cut yourself on?" he asked.

"I'm not sure. I stepped on something sharp over by the fence, I was just grabbing my bag," she said. She blinked at him, her lashes fluttering as he inspected her injury.

"Over by the fence?" Billy asked. He either didn’t notice or care for her ogling. Instead, he looked over at you. "Hey, Y/N. Can you treat this while I go and have a look?" he asked.

You could tell that anyone but Billy treating the girl's cut would ruin her day. The way she deflated made you feel bad for her. "Uh… why don't you help her out and I go and take a look? I need to double-check on the back gates anyway," you offered. It was technically true, only that you usually did that at the end of your shift. "I need to go and get another pack of gauze from the office as well, but we should have enough for now."

Billy looked skeptical as you handed the First Aid kit to him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Put those pretty hands to use and I'll be right back," you said and winked as you slipped out of the booth, leaving him with the eager visitor.

It was almost the weekend and you figured you could give that girl something to swoon about. It was a surefire way to keep the girl - and all of her friends - coming back.

The area by the fence was mostly covered with dry grass. Some people preferred to leave their things there or spread a towel out where they could enjoy the sunshine. You started by the concrete and followed the fence around the perimeter, and just like the girl had said, you found the culprit of the cut; a piece of aluminum from a soda can. After looking around you found the rest of the cam and discarded it in the nearest trash can.

You took your time as you went back, stopping to help a kid that struggled with a pair of goggles, and walking a full lap around the pool before you went about your other tasks.

By the time you returned to the booth - after having made a quick trip to the office for supplies - Billy had sent the girl on her way and returned to his spot atop the tower. You gave a slight wave as he looked your way, making sure he knew that you were back where you were supposed to be.

He nodded at you from where he sat before he returned to his lifeguarding duties.

The rest of the day was dull and uneventful. At the end of your shift, you counted the swimming aids, checked the lost and found, and walked around the pool to make sure everything was in order before you went to change.

You were usually one of the last people out of there - with the exception of the pool manager and sometimes Adam - but when you exited the changing room that night, you spotted Billy on his way out to the parking lot. He looked your way when you adjusted your bag on your shoulder.

"Heading home?" he asked.

"That's what I usually do after work," you said.

"Need a ride?"

That was an offer you hadn't expected. While you got along well enough, you would hardly call the two of you friends. But you appreciated the fact that he'd offered and that he made an effort to be nice.

"Sure," you replied with an easy smile. "What's the occasion?"

Billy snorted when he walked you to his car. "I can't be nice just for the hell of it?" He unlocked the car and gestured for you to get in.

You chuckled and got into the passenger's seat. "We both know you're not nice. Either you think you owe me a favor, or you're trying to impress me."

"Maybe so," Billy said as he slid into the driver's seat, closing the door with a huff.

You caught a glimpse of his bulging bicep when he pulled the door closed. It was a pleasant sight and you had since long given up on trying not to ogle. "So which is it?" you asked.

The car roared to life when he turned the key in the ignition. Stepping on the gas, he revved the engine, it purred pleasantly. He took his aviators off and put them in the pocket of his shirt before he turned and smiled at you. "Guess."

"Smooth," you said. There was no denying that part of you was very impressed.

Billy gave a light chuckle as he shifted gear and pulled out onto the street. "Where did you live, again?" he asked.

"I don't think I ever told you," you pointed out.

"Bit hard to drive you home if I don't know where you live, don't you think?" He glanced over at you but you stubbornly looked ahead, wanting to keep him guessing. "You gonna tell me? Or should I just take you home to mine?"

As tempting as that sounded, you were eager to go home and shower. "Coming on a little strong, aren't you, Hargrove?"

"Suit yourself. I don't offer that to all the girls I meet," he said and clicked his tongue.

"You'd better not," you said and looked over at him.

He laughed at that. An actual full laugh that had his shoulders bouncing and his eyes squinting. "You're something, Y/L/N."

Grinning, you turned to look through the windshield. "Just get me home," you said with a smirk.

『••✎••』

Taglist: @manyfandomsfanvergent

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x fem!reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #dingus writings

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chaotic-on-main · 9 months

Text

Chapter 8: June - Part 4 [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault, uhhh- sex? idk how to tag this kind of stuff. SPEAKING OF...

☾ Author's note ➼ Hehe, hi! I bet y'all never thought you'd see this tag OR BANNER on here ever. Tbh, I thought I would never see this tag or banner on any of my writings. But uhhhh- here we are! If it isn't obvious, this is my first time EVER writing smut. I've never even written self-indulgent smut before because it is REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO. That's mainly why this chapter took so long (I'M SORRY); I wanted to make sure it was perfect. If you're a minor and read the smut I will find you and cut you! Hehe. Anyways. Again, I am so sorry this chapter took so long!! I've hit quite a rut in my life and I'm just really glad to have gotten it done in the first place. Let me know what y'all think!! ALSO CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE PART LEFT HOLD ME I'M CRYING

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

The visual of Levi’s bewilderment haunts you just as much as the feeling of his lips on yours does. You’re not sure why you thought kissing your friend would be a good idea at all. Regret gnaws at you as you find yourself in a vicious cycle of rumination.

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

Maybe it wasn’t regret at all, actually. What you really felt in your core was disappointment. At yourself for not thinking before acting and at him for not responding the way you inwardly hoped he would. If Levi’s cold shoulder this morning wasn’t proof enough, you don’t know what was.

“Love?” Hange’s voice cuts through the white noise reverberating through your skull. Slowly, you turn to where your sister currently sits with light green paste smeared all over their face. You blink the glassiness away and raise an eyebrow at them – which is a little hard to do as you have the same paste smudged on your face that is in the process of drying.

“Were you listening at all?” Concerned eyes bore into yours. You’d say you were thankful for the green tea facial that covers the dark circles under your lashes, but you knew Hange had noticed the moment they laid eyes on you today. They click their tongue and sit upright in your direction.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

You stick your bottom lip out. In truth, you really did want to talk about it, but you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. Hange wasn’t the type to let things go when it came to you though, especially when you’re distressed. You’d need to say something now whether you liked it or not.

‘I like Levi.’ You sign quickly, averting your gaze from the piercing light-brown eyed stare burning holes in your face. You sigh softly and tuck your chin in the white fluffy robe that wraps around your body, ignoring the fact that you’re wiping the face mask off into the fabric as you do. It takes them a moment to realize you’re not planning on saying anything else.

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“If only you had a mirror. You should see the way you look at Levi. It’s so obvious, even Nanaba picked up on it.” They smirk as they twist in your direction, resting their chin on a hand that sits propped up on the armrest. A wide smile carved up and into their eyes.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

You hear Hange sigh softly but doesn’t press for the next half hour. Your body sinks deeper into the plush massage chair as your head sits back on the head rest. Off to the side, you hear the soft babbling of the fountain piece that pairs wells with the gentle spa music that floats from the ceiling speakers down to your ears. Your brain wanders and you feel the heaviness that comes with sleep about to settle in.

“Excuse me?” A sudden voice startles you. You pop an eye open to see a spa employee in mint robes standing in front of the chairs you and Hange were relaxing in. “It’s time to move on to the hot pools, are you both ready?”

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

The steamy mineral water stings your skin upon first contact. It wasn't uncomfortably hot, but it was close. It takes you a few seconds to get used to it and before you know it, you’re sinking low until your nose is submerged. Only your eyes and up show, like a crocodile floating as it hunts. You had put your hair up so that it wouldn’t get wet, but a few loose strands decide they want to get wet anyways as they float around your face.

Your sister, on the other hand, does not take the gentle approach. Before you know it, they’re running down the ramp ass naked. They throw themselves into the water when they get deep enough, throwing water straight in your face. Luckily, the pools are slotted out by appointments so it’s just the two of you in the small, enclosed room. They disappear for a second, submerged in the water leaving only ripples behind that float across the top.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” Hange’s low voice comes from right next to you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Despite the unnerving crawl of your skin, you side eye them and shake your head.

Their words bounce around in your skull. If even Nanaba picked it up, that would mean Levi knew too, right? Is that why he brushed you off this morning? This wouldn’t be the first time that he’s held things back from you, but you hoped that had changed in the last handful of months. A fleeting thought of going to him first zooms through your mind and disappears just as quickly.

“Did he kiss you?” Hange’s voice is so close that you feel the heat of their breath blowing right against your ear. You push back from instinct, swatting the water and subsequently splashing them in the face.

“Oh my, he definitely did. Look at your face!” Hange muses as they tread up closer to your face and there’s half a foot between noses. You shove at the tops of their shoulders and blow them a raspberry. They were ever persistent.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

Without another word, you turn your back on their open-mouthed stare and head for the sitting ledge in the back corner. Steam rises off your warm skin as you do, merging easily with the rest of the hot air. Hange follows, mumbling under their breath as they process the news. When you twist to sit down, you’re face to face with Hange as they squat into the water across from you.

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

You don’t answer that, instead you slide into the water until you’re halfway submerged again. The hot water tingles against your raw face, making you wince until the uncomfortable feeling subsides. A few bubbles burst on the surface from your released huff.

“You didn’t give him a chance to, did you?” They raise an eyebrow at you. The amusement that tugged at their features melted away to reveal concern. You raise your hands out of the water, water droplets falling back in with little splashes.

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

You roll your eyes at that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But that doesn’t change the shocked expression that he stared at you with before you ran off for the night. You feel the pressure of his lips on your mouth again and it makes your heart skip a beat. How confusing this all was.

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

“Just give it some time, you’ll figure it out. But probably not too much time because this was a friend group before you both decided to catch feelings and I will not have this group break apart because you both want to be teenagers about it all.” They shrug their shoulders at that.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

“Not allowed. I’ll lock you two in a room if I have to. Oh wait, maybe I should do that? Then you’ll either talk, fight, or kiss again.” They ramble on, tapping a forefinger on their chin as they think. Their eyes shoot over to yours, wide and full of excitement.

“If you both start dating, it’s for the long run by the way. Marriage or nothing. I can’t risk the friend group falling apart.” They joke. Part of you thinks there’s a bit of truth in their words but you let it slide. The prospect of marriage though? Was it your face heating up at the thought or the hot water?

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

“I’m only half joking. You and him will figure something out eventually. Who knows, maybe it’s all a misunderstanding! You’re shy and he’s… well. Him. Maybe you just need to make the first move.” They offer you a small smile, their eyes softening again.

That fleeting thought from earlier comes back. Again, Hange’s words held some truth as they always do. You already made the first move and that didn’t work out the way you planned. But If Levi didn’t know to come to you, maybe you would have to open that door for him, granted he doesn’t slam it in your face. You decide you’ll do what you can to pull him aside tonight.

Much to your dismay, the appointment ends too quickly. Fortunately, Hange kept up with their promise of taking you shopping since there were a few hours until it was time to meet up with the boys who were no doubt still out golfing. You laugh at the idea of Levi standing on the greens with a signature bored expression, but then you remember you were supposed to be anxious. You don’t know what you’re going to say to him.

After a while, you forget your worries for a time. Hange finds a really nice pantsuit that frames their tall body well. You found a simple sundress that frills out on your waist in a color that your sister exclaimed matched your eyes so well. And it was nice being able to chat, that feeling of dread that coursed through your veins like ice forgotten.

That is until you’re standing in front of Levi with your hands twisting in each other – a nervous habit you picked up just recently. The fabric of your dress feels like it’s digging into your skin as you stand awkwardly, your heart feeling as if it might explode. He doesn’t even look your way, eyes glued to his phone as he mindlessly scrolls. The idea of getting him to talk to you falters.

He's wearing a slate gray dress shirt in a complementary shade for his eyes. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows neatly. The rest of his outfit is clean yet casual and perfect for the place Erwin had reserved. Some of his hair falls in his face as he continues to look down, ignoring the fact that Erwin was calling everyone to attention.

“Are we ready to go? The taxi is here.” Erwin gives you and Hange a once over when he looks up from his phone. “Wow, you both look like you had a good day - practically glowing.” He gives you a beaming smile and you force one back in return, feeling the quivering of your muscles as your lips pull back.

Levi glances up finally and his dark eyes scan the room. When they land on you, they linger for a second longer before he looks away as he pulls himself up from the barstool. You did not miss the subtle surprise that flashed across his face as well as his eyes flickering down to the sakura necklace you put back on for this evening. You had taken it off the last few days to keep it safe, something you were not used to doing before. You almost sighed in relief when you felt the familiar and subtle weight around your neck again.

The car ride to the restaurant was fortunately short but to you, it was agonizing the whole time. Erwin opted for the front seat to help direct the driver so that left you, Hange, and Levi in the back. Your sister forced you in the middle and they claimed it was for safety reasons but you knew better.

Your almost bare thigh sits against Levi’s after you all piled in, snug as can be. You pull your arms together so that you’re not squishing into Levi any more than you have to. He’s facing the window, arm propped up and leaning against it as he looks out. You spend the whole ride rehearsing what you wanted to say to him.

When the taxi parks in front of the restaurant, you take a deep breath. It was now or never, you tell yourself. You force yourself out of Levi’s side after he slides out, having to push the door as he almost shuts it in your face.

You’re able to reach far enough to grab his wrist to make him stop and he spins on you quickly, eyes flaring with annoyance – barely softening when he notices it’s you. It takes all of your strength to keep your fingers latched on to him despite the look on his face. After a moment, he helps you out of the car with that same hand, making sure to keep you steady as you almost trip on the curb.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

“Tch. We don’t have time, Hange and Erwin are waiting for us.” He finally grumbles back, eyes aimed at the retreating figures now walking through the double glass doors. He turns on his heels and leaps up the stairs, leaving you and your hurt feelings at the bottom.

So much for trying.

Even in your sour mood, you still appreciate how beautiful the restaurant is from the outside. It’s very high end with a large crystal chandelier peeping out of the tall windows that make up the majority of the front wall. The railings of both sides of the stairs are adorned with growing vines and colorful flowers. A simple sign in neat cursive hangs above the front doors, reading ‘La Crevette’. You raise an eyebrow at that but say nothing before making your way into the air-conditioned interior alone.

The inside is even better. The gold inlay that decorates the white marble adds a delicate and elegant tone. On the walls sit ceiling high mirrors that you can’t help but stare in as your eyes scan the new surroundings. You catch Levi’s eyes in the reflection before he turns away to follow the hostess who is now leading you all to your designated table.

To say that the atmosphere at the table was so tense you could cut it with a knife would have been an understatement. You find yourself sitting across from Levi - at least 5 feet away. The chill emanating from him makes you shiver and you wish you had brought a jacket with you.

Orders were already taken so now you sit in silence as Hange and Erwin compare the activities they both did today. Levi’s fingers drum against the clothed table as he stares out the window to the left of you. It looks out into the ocean, the setting sun painting the sky, those beautiful oranges and pinks that you liked so much. You fidget with the napkin that sits across your lap in tight fingers as you stare. Erwin calls your name.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

“Hange said the baths were really nice. We might have to stop by one before we leave town, huh Levi?” The attention is now diverted onto a very bored looking Levi. He only hums in response, shrugging his shoulders as well.

‘You look like you got quite a bit of sun today.’ Your smile wavers as you eye him. There’s a soft flush across his cheeks as well as his nose and forehead. His gaze flickers up to you and you think you spot conflict in his steely eyes.

“I forgot a hat.” He says back, his curt tone a little too sharp for you. You pretend to not hear it. Your eyes fall onto your water glass after that, Hange and Erwin going back to talking about the other things they did today.

By the time dinner comes and disappears, the tense atmosphere barely stagnates. You sense Erwin and Hange can feel it too, but they don’t say anything. The only things you’re given are looks, ranging from curiosity to what you imagine is understanding. You don’t blame them though, this is really something that you and Levi need to hash out. Anxiety gnaws at your chest as you continue to pull on the thin fabric of your dress.

Eventually, the waiter comes with the check and hands it over to Erwin per his request - you all knew better than to argue with him about it. When Erwin hands the black book back with his card of choice, the waiter takes it and leans over to start gathering dishes out of the way. As he reaches from behind you, the feeling of his sleeve brushing against the side of your neck makes you stiffen up. When he pulls away, a small pop resonates by your ear.

The lack of weight around your neck is instantaneous. You watch in silent horror at your favorite necklace plopping into your lap softly. Everything goes quiet as you pick up the chain in shaky fingers, almost losing the sakura pendant as you do. The sight of the delicate golden chain now broken in a place that would not be an easy fix makes you feel like someone is stepping on your chest - crushing you.

You feel hot tears rolling down your face and you blink hard a few times. You’re in too much shock to make a sound. The waiter’s incessant apologies come muffled as realization dawns on you. You should have kept it tucked away and safe. You shouldn’t have kissed Levi. This necklace is you and Levi right now. Broken necklace, broken friendship. Your fault. All of it is your fault.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

Before anyone can protest, you push your chair out and away from the table, bumping into the still apologizing waiter. You sign a few hard apologies yourself before running down the ramp to the host station and out the front doors. Your feet take off down the street in the direction of the condo, tears streaming still but not a single sob escaping your lips.

A hand closes around your wrist, the force of your speed almost knocking you back as someone holds you still. The firm grip is telling enough that you don’t have to look around to see who it is, but you do anyway. Levi is out of breath from running after you, chest heaving and hair windswept.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

You only shake your head in response, still feeling the tears rolling down your cheeks and off your chin. You have no energy left for a fake smile and his subtle annoyance feels like another knife in the chest. You’re not sure if it was the exhaustion, the necklace, or Levi, but you feel inexplicable rage boiling over. Ripping your arm out of his grip, you start signing roughly.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘You could have fooled me. It seems to me you want nothing to do with me, ignoring me the way you have all day. What do you want?’ He flinches at that, surprised by your less than normal aggression.

“I-I’m sorry. I just don’t…” He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back and out of his face. He stumbles through his words, something you’ve never seen him do. But you can’t think about that right now, your patience is thinning and you can’t face him if he still refuses to acknowledge the hurt he’s dealt to you even if he didn’t realize it.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

‘I’m not talking about the necklace, Levi!’ You’re in the middle of the sidewalk slamming your hands together as people rush past you two. As always, it feels as if it’s just you and Levi and everyone else are blurring streaks in the background. This time, it doesn’t feel as pleasant.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘Right.’ You don’t give Levi a chance to refute as you turn around swiftly and start off in the direction of the condo, head hung low as you do your best to sniffle quietly. Fortunately, no one looks your way as you shuffle down the sidewalk.

Different layers of pain pile on your shoulders and you’re not sure how you’re going to get out from under them. The worst of them all seems to seep into your heart in a heavy way, weighing you down so much that you’re surprised you make it back to the elevator of the condo without collapsing. When the doors shut in front of you, you allow yourself to finally fall apart like you’ve been wanting to all day, sobs racking from deep within your chest.

The moment you get into the bedroom, you slam the door behind you and prep for bed. The lingering sunlight filters through the room, painting the room gold. You didn’t care what time it was, you just knew you were ready to pass out from the day.

As you loosen your hair from the multitude of pins sticking in it, you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes are bloodshot, the skin around them puffy. At least you don’t have to do much since your tears broke down most of the makeup already, only needing the gentle swipe of a cloth. The moment after you slip on your sleepwear, you toss yourself into the soft sheets of your temporary bed and curl in on yourself.

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

The next time your eyes open, they’re met with darkness. You’re not sure if the moon decided to stay away or if the clouds had rolled in during your slumber, but regardless your vision is pitch-black. Soft snoring to your right indicates that Hange had made it back and is currently deep in sleep. You vaguely recall hearing them calling out to you when they came back shortly after you fell asleep.

Rolling onto your back, you are greeted with the dim red light from the alarm clock illuminating the ceiling. You imagine it’s quite late in the night considering how refreshed you feel despite the lingering melancholy from dinner.

With a huff, you sit up and swing your legs off the bed. Your bare feet hit the cool, hard floor and you make quick yet quiet work of sneaking out of the bedroom. You know Hange could sleep through anything, but you did not want to suffer on the off-chance they woke up – you were not prepared to face them right now.

After closing the bedroom door, you pad over to the fridge and pull it open. The only drink options were a couple of beers and a handful of caffeinated sodas. You wish you had a cup of Levi’s tea in your hands, but instead you opt for water from the filtered pitcher. After taking a tentative sip of it, you decide that going back to sleep was not an option for you. You kick yourself for potentially screwing up your sleep schedule for the rest of the trip but that was a problem for future you.

With a cold glass in hand, you step over to the plush couch and sink into it. Grabbing the remote in the other, you turn it on and flinch as you’re met with a loud commercial about an action movie coming out soon. Quickly, you turn the volume down to one and sit still as you listen for any sounds of your roommates – luckily it stays silent. You sigh softly.

You pull over a blanket from the other side of the couch and tuck yourself in. You let your mind wander for a bit as a random movie starts to play, the low volume buzzing in the background. Thankfully, your thoughts stay away from Levi. That is, until you watch as a teacup is placed down on the glass coffee table in front of you with a clink as well as delicate fingers pulling away from the handle.

Blinking the glassiness from your vision, your eyes trail up the muscular arm that belongs to a weary-eyed Levi. His gaze shifts away quickly as he lowers himself on the other side of the couch as far as possible from you. He lifts his own teacup to his lips and takes a small sip, eyes forward on the movie ahead.

He doesn’t say anything to you, which you’re not certain if you should be grateful for, or annoyed. You were thinking about wanting some of his tea earlier, but now that it’s here, you’re torn between indulging him or not. As your eyes narrow on the steam that rises off the amber liquid, Levi pipes up finally.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

You let out a soft huff and reach for it, taking the handle in between two fingers and pulling it up to your mouth. Upon the first sip, you withhold a sigh of content. Levi always knew how to make a mean cup of tea. But you won’t say that to him right now. You’re still fuming, tea or no. With that thought, you down it the best you can despite the scorching heat of it as it burns itself down to the pit of your stomach.

You stand when you’ve finished, placing the cup back onto the saucer and then turning around to fold the blanket back up. The space is turning tense by the second and you don’t want to deal with this right now. After placing the blanket on the armrest, you reach down to grab your tea set as well as Levi’s, but his hand stops you as his fingers close around your wrist once again.

“Stay. Please? I want to talk.” You side eye him, noting the nervousness in his eyes. If it wasn’t for that, you would have stormed off. For once, it seems Levi is ready to talk, and whether you were ready or not, you needed to listen.

Setting the saucers back down, you sit on the other side of the couch again, facing him with your arms placed over your chest. Only now do you realize you’re still in a nightgown that barely covers your ass and no bra. Trying to be natural about it, you grab the pillow that sits in the middle of the cushion and pull it to your chest to cover up.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m afraid, okay? I’ve never felt so conflicted about stuff like this before. But I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you all day. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, I just didn’t know how to face you. Or what to even say to you.”

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

The look in his eyes is chock-full of anxiety and panic. Your fingers are flying before you can stop them. The strong walls of anger you had put up for protection start crumbling away, making room for disappointment as well as regret for making him feel this way.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

Levi scoffs at that, his gray eyes cutting over to you, narrowing. He doesn’t say anything right away, instead using this moment to shift on the couch until his knees are against his chest as he faces you a couple feet away.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

‘You’ve been brushing me off all day. It’s because I kissed you when I shouldn’t have. You hate me. And you regret it even now.’ You feel the tears from earlier start to well again, but you refuse to let them spill in front of Levi.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

“It’s hard to put into words.” Levi says simply. A scowl appears as he pinches the bridge of his nose between fingers. He continues to pace, eyes half closed as he mutters to himself. You hear something about ‘not being used to this’ and ‘being blindsided’.

You lean forward and grab his pant leg with tight fingers. His sweatpants’ waistband slides down his hip from the sudden force of your grip, immobilizing him unless he wanted them pulled down any further. His steely eyes snap to your troubled expression and he softens immediately, hands dropping to his sides.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

Levi side eyes you as you hold him in place, his lips pinched into a thin line. He opens his mouth as he attempts to figure out what he wanted to say next. It takes a few tries but eventually, he settles on the last thing you’d expected him to say. It’s like his naturally stoic demeanor melts into something completely unrecognizable – not like you were complaining.

“When you kissed me, it was like I understood everything and nothing at the same time. I was so confused.” Levi mutters under his breath, sitting back down on the couch but this time on the cushion closest to you. His thigh brushes up against your knees, sending tingles up your spine from the sudden contact.

“Ever since you’ve stumbled back into my life, I couldn’t understand why you were always on my mind. I think I do now.” He continues without missing a beat. “I think I’ve always cherished you in some capacity, just in different stages.” Levi places his face in his hands that were propped up against his knees. After a few seconds, his head turns to you with a familiar expression. The way he looks at you reminds you of the little boy next door all those years ago.

“Leeeeeviii!!” You yell as you bound down the front steps without a care in the world. Your brother and Levi currently sit on the lawn, messing around with their action figures who were currently in a heated battle. In your excitement, you completely miss the bottom step and stumble down onto your hands and knees, rough concrete digging into your skin.

The wails that come out of you are loud enough that the dogs across the street start barking. A pair of hands are on you in an instant, helping to pull you up and onto the bottom step that had caused you so much trouble in the first place.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“You’re okay, it’s just some scratches.” You look up through blurry lashes to see Levi staring at your bleeding knees. You’re not going to bleed out, but crimson is trickling down your legs and it’s enough to make you cry harder.

Levi takes your little hands into his slightly bigger ones and inspects them. He brushes off the small gravel that had embedded itself into your skin, his tongue stuck between his teeth in focus. You observe him as best as you can despite the salty water obscuring your vision. Levi’s eyelashes flutter across his cheeks as he turns your hands over to get a better look at them.

“Not cut, just a little dirty. Nothing that can’t be fixed.” He says softly to you. Blue-gray eyes look up into yours and you realize you stopped crying. He offers you a lopsided grin as he squeezes your hand a few times.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

You laugh at the sudden memory that flashes before your vision. You’re grateful for Levi in many ways, despite the fact he made you mad sometimes. Memory recovery was one of the reasons why. Levi’s eyes widen at your sudden outburst.

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“Which time?” His lips twitch at his comment and you realize it probably wasn’t the first time you had fallen. You appreciate your resilient nature as a kid, taking note of the small scars that probably decorated your knees even to this day.

‘Levi, I think there’s always been a part of me that’s always felt safe with you. And, I think having a future without you in it, no matter what that means, isn’t something I want to see. So, I think that’s why I was so torn up about this. The idea of you leaving just tears me apart.’

Levi sits up at your confession, staring at you in curiosity. There’s a new look of assurance on his face as he eyes you. A pink flush creeps up his neck and into his cheekbones as he focuses back on the colorful screen ahead.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

There’s more silence, only cut up by the voices on the television and distant crashing of waves from down below. You watch him closely as he blinks slowly, propping his chin up in both arms that sit against his thighs. Before you can sign again, he speaks softly.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

You narrow your eyes at him, annoyed he would close up after so much progress. But then a yawn so big escapes your mouth and you shove your face into the pillow you were still hugging until it’s done. When you look back up, you see Levi watching you in amusement before his expression changes into indifference quickly. Maybe this would be best saved for the next day when you were both awake.

‘What about you?’

“I don’t sleep much, you know that. I’ll be okay.” He shrugs his shoulders as he gets up from the sofa. He reaches for the remote and turns off the tv then carefully places it back on the coffee table. Then he turns around to offer you a hand which you take, still hugging the pillow to your chest. He raises an eyebrow at that but turns on his heel to head to his bedroom. With a soft sigh, you place the pillow back and follow him down the hallway to your room.

The need to figure out what was going through his mind was strong, but your exhaustion hits harder. As you pass the kitchen, you note the time was about to hit five in the morning which means you have been up for a while. Despite the amount of sleep from earlier, you feel your body giving in to the heaviness of fatigue – no doubt a consequence of having such a taxing day.

You watch as Levi stops outside of his door, right hand gripping the doorknob in white knuckles. As you pass him, you reach over and place your hand on top of his. When his eyes fall on you, you offer a small smile.

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

Levi looks down at your lips quickly before jumping back up to your eyes. In a swift motion, he releases the doorknob and grabs your hand, pulling you in closer to him with sudden force. His gaze is as firm as the grip on you, holding you in place. When he speaks again, his words come out measured.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

Your eyes widen at the sudden confession, and you stare at him with your lips parted in surprise. As if time slowed down, just like in the elevator, Levi tilts your chin in his direction - pinching it gently between his thumb and index finger. He leans in slowly, his eyes staring into yours as he wavers inches away. Levi is so close to you that his hot breath hits your face, and you smell hints of his black tea and traces of pine.

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

Carefully, his mouth meets yours and you instantly distinguish the difference between this kiss and the one in the elevator. This one is hesitant, nervous. But traces of ravenous hunger linger as an aftertaste.

That same heat blazes from your face all the way down to your toes. Levi’s fingers move from your chin to right under your jaw, tilting your face into him even more. After a moment, he breaks away granting you a moment to catch your breath. His face is still inches from yours, gray eyes fluttering closed as your forehead rests against his. Your name tumbles out of his mouth, almost like a beg.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

He leans in again, cupping your whole face in his calloused hand and locking his lips back over yours. The hunger intensifies just like the buzzing throughout your whole system. You open your mouth slightly to let his tongue in to explore and it does, eliciting a quiet moan from you. You swear you hear Levi growl in response. Oh, how touch starved you two were for each other.

As if in sync, Levi opens the bedroom door and you both stumble still lip-locked into his room. He pushes you up against the door, shutting it behind you. If you weren’t so lost in the kiss, you would have been worried by how loud the slam must have been. Levi presses up against you more, sandwiching you between the heat of his body and the cool wooden door behind you. You already feel how hard he is under his sweatpants.

You’re more inexperienced than most so there’s hesitation in your kiss – something Levi picks up on quickly. He pulls away but leaves his hands on your face as he looks at you with apprehension.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to tonight.” He whispers to you. His voice is as sincere as it always is, albeit husky. You place a hand over his that sits on your face, leaning into it as you do before signing back.

‘I want all of you.’ You offer a loving smile, wide and full of adoration for the man in front of you. Levi’s eyes bounce back and forth between yours as if searching for something. He finds nothing but pure truth.

Levi’s lips crash back onto yours, careful but just as heated. As his marred lips leave and make their way down your neck, one of your hands slides up his chest to his undercut until your fingers find what they were looking for, tangling in his raven hair.

The moment you feel his teeth pinch your soft skin, another moan comes out louder than before. Having him pressed up against you like that, the outline of his cock pressing into your stomach, you start to feel your patience slowly unraveling.

Your nervousness flies out the window. This was Levi, you had no reason to worry. Levi is safe to you. He would take care of you as he always does. And you would do the same. The thought makes you smile up at the ceiling. Before you know it, your hands push against Levi’s soft skin, and he pulls away quickly. Worry pools into his dark eyes as he watches you carefully.

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Instead of signing back, you force him to step back towards the bed with your palm pressed against his chest until the back of his knees hit the edges of the mattress. The force alone makes him lurch back so that he falls back onto the soft duvet, catching himself on his hands so that he’s sitting up.

In a swift motion, you straddle his hips, and your lips find solace on his mouth yet again. You don’t hesitate to push your tongue through to taste him again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing yourself into him more.

You don’t mean to, but you find your hips grinding on to him, the only barriers between your already soaked self and Levi being the clothes you wish were off. The pressure and friction against your very sensitive core make you pull away for breath. Levi’s soft grunts are music to your ears and his lips start trailing back down your neck, his teeth finding purchase in your soft skin yet again. His fingers slide up your back, pulling your night dress up with it.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

Levi pulls away again and stares up at you with heavy-lidded eyes full of impatience. You note that pink flush of his that you love so much, deeper in color and painting across his cheeks. As you stare down at him, you come to love this version of Levi and you want nothing but to see his face contort at the way you grinded into him. But he places his hands on your hips to keep you still, much to your dismay. You watch him carefully as he speaks, his voice husky.

“I-uh. I want this, I do. But we need to be safe. And I didn’t bri-“ He averts his gaze, staring at the corner of the bed. You were so lost in the exhilaration of it all, you didn’t think about it. A thick appreciation for him crashes over you because his cautious nature, even if it did slightly kill the heat of the moment.

‘Give me a second. I can help with this. Stay here.’ You give him a chaste kiss before sliding off his lap and out the door quickly. You tiptoe your way back to your room, making sure the only sounds that can be heard are the clock ticking on the wall and the muffled continuous crashing of waves just outside.

When you slip into your room, you see Hange flat on their back with their hair tousled everywhere. Soft snores escape their lips, a telltale sign they are out like a light. Hange wasn’t promiscuous in the slightest, but they weren’t closed minded either. And with that, it meant they stayed prepared.

You creep over to their unorganized suitcase where clothes were strewn all over the place. Reaching into the top compartment, your fingers feel the sharp edges of a foil package and slip it out. You blush to yourself as you think back to Levi’s outline as you make sure it’s the right size.

A snort from behind you makes you freeze in place, breath hitched as you sit crouching in silence. A moment passes. Another minute. Hange’s snores fill the room again and you let loose your held breath, shoulders sagging. You’re sure this conversation would come up again later, but you didn’t want to deal with it right now. Especially with Levi waiting for you.

It takes you next to no time to slip out of your room and back into Levi’s, closing his door with a soft click. Turning around, you show him the condom in between pinched fingers and smile widely to Levi who was still sitting on the edge of the bed for you.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“I don’t need to know any more.” Levi blurts out, hands up in defeat. A silent laugh shakes your shoulders as you make your way back over to him. You fling the package onto the bed before straddling him again, noting how hard he was underneath you still.

‘Now where were we?’ You sign with a small smile. Levi smirks and places his hand against your cheek, his thumb tracing your bottom lip gently. You playfully nip at him, and he huffs in amusement.

“You’re breathtakingly beautiful, you know that?” He asks you softly before pulling your face into his and locking his lips on yours. It’s a saccharine-laced kiss. His hands find your hips again, lowering until they are fully on your ass, and they squeeze. A squeak escapes into his mouth as he does, and it just makes his grip on your skin tighter.

Pulling away, you grip his t-shirt from the bottom and start tugging it up. Levi leans back so you can pull it up and over his head, discarding it on the bed next to him. Your hands trail down his toned chest and abs, his skin burning under your touch. It’s soft despite the hard muscles underneath them. Your mouth finds his again as your hands explore, not hesitating to slip your tongue into Levi’s already parted lips.

Your hands find their way back in his hair, fingers entwining through the fine strands. You can’t help it – you tug gently, and a small whine comes out of his pouty lips as he’s pulled away from your mouth. Something inside you burns and again you feel your razor thin patience cutting at you.

As if Levi reads your mind, he wraps an arm around your back while leaving his other hand cupping your ass and stands up effortlessly. In a mere moment, he turns around with you in his strong arms and then gently tosses you on to the bed. A soft laugh escapes you as you land. Everything around you smells like Levi.

Levi stands at the foot of the bed and stares down at you ravenously, a look you don’t think you’ve ever seen on anyone outside of the movies on your television screen. You sit up on your elbows and watch as he gets on the bed and slowly makes his way on top of you. He meets your lips with his own as his body hovers over yours, his fingers lightly trailing up your arms resulting in goosebumps following in their wake.

Slowly, you lie back down flush to the mattress, his knees digging into the sheets on either side of your thighs. Levi’s lips start to slide down your jaw which gives you some space to breathe but your breaths quickly turn into soft whimpers as his fingers lightly trace across your lower abdomen. His other hand snakes around the back of your neck, supporting it as he starts planting more soft kisses down it.

“You can stop me at any time, okay?” Levi whispers, his hot breath tickling your neck. You nod, only wishing you had your voice to say his name and tell him you wanted him. As long as he was with you, you would always want him.

Levi’s hand that was teasing your waist makes its way back up to the lacy lining that adorns the edge of your nightdress, long fingers tugging down the thin fabric that holds your breasts in place. You’re glad Levi isn’t watching your face because you are multiple shades of embarrassment.

But Levi doesn’t say anything, instead he takes a breast in hand and massages it gently as his kisses start trailing down past your collarbone. Before you know it, his soft lips clamp around your already very sensitive nipple, eliciting a loud moan from you. You can’t help but dig your nails into the firm muscles of his back in response, dragging them down as Levi bites down gently. An exhale of hot air blows out of Levi’s mouth against your skin when you do that, a small grunt escaping with it.

You feel the absence of his lips immediately as his lips leave and the wetness left behind leaves your skin defenseless against the cool air. Levi softly kisses back up your sternum then pulls away, leaning forward on both hands that now sit on each side of your face. His tousled hair falls forward, creating shadows across his face as he stares down with that same hungry look, only this time it’s tinted with pure amazement.

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

You blink up at him and swallow hard. You were more than okay but as always, your words fail you. Instead, you nod and the hands that once dragged down his back are now trailing down his chest again. The feeling of his skin against yours sends electricity through your whole body, and you want more. You need more. Your hands flatten against right above his rapidly beating heart as you do your best to give him a look that conveys ‘more’.

“I’ve got you.” Those were the words he had muttered down to you the day before as you fell asleep in his arms on the beach. It wasn’t just cherishment that he held for you; it was deeper than that. Hange’s words from earlier flit through your mind, only briefly. How could you not have fully noticed until now?

He leans down and places his lips back on yours, soft and sweet. As your lips lock on to his, you feel his feather light touch trace back down to the elastic band of your underwear. But instead of teasing you like he had before, you feel his fingers dip under the cloth and further down to…

Any other thoughts racing through your mind cease to exist as his delicate fingers slide down your slick folds. You don’t mean to moan as loud as you do and fortunately Levi’s mouth muffles it for you. He hums in response to your reactions, smiling into the kiss.

Levi’s lips graze back down to just under your ear as his fingers rub small circles around your clit eliciting more moans from you. Your labored breaths fill the space as the white-hot heat from his touch reverberates throughout your whole body, tingling down to the tips of your toes. He whispers your name under a heavy breath, mutterings of how beautiful you are to him floating up to your ear. All sweet words mirror the moans you made.

You reach down to Levi’s hardened bulge that currently fights against the stretched fabric of his joggers. Your fingers close around him as much as they can through the thick cloth. Upon contact, Levi’s breath hitches. You give him a gentle squeeze resulting in a guttural groan that comes through his clenched teeth.

In response, his touch burns deep into your core as he carefully pushes a digit into your warm entrance, the palm of his hand applying pressure onto your swollen clit as he does. His movements are gentle as he pumps it in and out slowly, and you feel his finger curving up into a spot so good your toes curl. The euphoria turns into building heat, and you know what’s about to happen - but you wanted more. You wanted him now more than ever and this was not enough. More, more, more.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He mumbles, his lips finding your earlobe and nipping at it gently. Reaching over with your other hand, you place your hand against his cheek and pull him up to you, planting your lips right onto his. It’s a hungry kiss, one conveying you were ready for him. You love him, you want him. You need him.

With that, Levi withdraws his hand and slides himself off you and the bed. You sit up and watch as he tugs down his pants along with his boxers. You knew what was coming and yet you couldn’t stop the blood rushing to your cheeks in shy embarrassment. You look away, staring at the ceiling as you hear Levi pick his clothes up including the shirt you threw on the bed, and then place them neatly on the dresser behind him. Your name quietly tumbles out his lips for your attention.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

Instead, you push yourself closer to the edge of the bed and take Levi’s hand. In a delicate flourish, you’re in his arms again and he pulls you in for another deep, lingering kiss. His fingers bunch at the bottom of your night dress and start lifting it up. You let him, pulling away enough so he can get the soft fabric up and over your head. He folds it and turns to place it next to his pants. When he circles back on you, he takes a moment to observe your half-naked self.

Being in your thin bathing suit was one thing, but to be standing there as the cool air conditioning drifted across your unprotected self was in a whole other universe. You shift your weight awkwardly and twist your arms together as you avert your gaze to the piled-on dresser.

Levi steps closer to you and takes both of your arms in a gentle grip and pulls them away from each other so that you’re exposed to him. You force your gaze on him despite how nervous you were to be in front of him. Levi’s dark eyes trail down your body but not in an ogling kind of way – he watches you with wonder.

“You’re just so beautiful. Every part of you.” He releases your arms, and his hands are back on you, sliding down your waist and landing on your hips. His fingers leave a trail of tingles. “I want you, all of you. If you’ll have me. Is that okay?” He whispers to you, pulling you by the hips into him. The length of his hardened self presses against your bare stomach as he does.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

With that, Levi gently pushes you down into the bed with a hard kiss, leaning into you until your back is pressed against the mattress. He loops his fingers into the sides of your panties and tugs them down your legs, pulling away from you yet again to place them next to the rest of the discarded clothes. At that moment, he takes the time to rip a corner off the metallic package with his teeth, the foil discarded onto the dresser once done.

He grabs your hips again, this time pulling you flush to the edge of the bed as he stands at the foot of it. His hand makes its way to your thigh and his perfectly trimmed nails press into your soft skin as he holds you close. The tip of his cock teases your entrance and if you had a voice, you would have begged for it. As usual, you didn’t have to.

Levi leans down to you and kisses you slowly, teeth brushing against your swollen bottom lip. He places his other hand on the bed next to your head, using it to keep himself propped up. His hair hangs low as he hovers, already moist with sweat from the proximity and building body heat between the two of you. You use one hand to grip his forearm while the other hand slides up the back of his head and into his sweaty hair, fingers digging into his scalp. As the kiss deepens, so do his movements into you.

Levi slides himself in gently, using his hold on your thigh to control his speed. He lifts your leg up against his hip for a better angle but the sharp gasp from you stops Levi in his tracks. He stays there, feeling your warm walls hugging tightly around him.

He pulls away from the kiss and hovers over you again, looking down into your eyes with worry. It's been a while since you have been touched like this, let alone this intimate. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this loved. Levi makes this all so easy despite the anxious knot in your chest. You realize it isn’t just this that he makes easy, though. It’s everything around you. Every issue, every solution.

You imagine you’re looking at him just the same, a small smile etching into your flushed and hot face. Before he can ask again, you move your hand up and under his fingers that digs into the bed next to you. Lacing your fingers in with his, you squeeze his hand a few times.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

In a breathless moan, Levi pushes himself all the way in. He presses his lips onto yours, muffling your moans that rise in volume as he slowly rocks into you. The hand he had on your thigh tightens as he pulls you into him more, quickening his pace slightly. The new angle hits a spot that almost puts you at the brink of finishing right then and there.

Levi lets go of your hand and moves his arm under your neck again, giving him the opportunity to trail his now sloppy kisses and teeth down it. Those razor-sharp teeth sink into your skin as one of his thrusts hit simultaneously. You bite into the back of your hand to keep yourself from wailing out and waking the rest of your roommates. The other hand that now sits against his sweaty chest digs into his skin, burying deeper with every thrust. It feels as if every part of your body burns like wildfire from his touch. Your name comes out in a groan this time, husky and deep.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

Levi thrusts soon become clumsy, feeling him slam into you inconsistently and with every hit comes more pressure against your clit. Heat builds into your core, the same as before. You’re pulling at his hair, in an attempt to warn him you were close. Throaty curses leave his lips as you both feel each other tense up.

In an instant, it’s like the world crumbles around you as you hit your limit. The walls surrounding Levi clenches as each wave of pleasure rolls through your whole system. Your orgasm sends Levi over the edge and in one deep thrust of his hips, you feel his body shudder as his moan almost turns into a whine. His teeth bite into you again as he rides through his own climax, filling up the condom within you.

Levi releases your leg and lets it fall gently against the bed before collapsing on top of you. He uses an arm to keep himself propped up enough to not suffocate you with his body weight. You focus on the heavy panting emanating from the both of you as you come down from your high. His heart beats in sync with your own against as he lays on top of you, digging his face into the crook of your neck.

You wrap your arms around his head and hold him close, despite the heat and sticky sweat between your bodies. Levi nuzzles his nose into sweaty soft skin and chuckles, low and hoarse. You both continue to lay like that until the breathing slows down to a normal pace. The next time he speaks, his voice is so soft and barely audible that you almost miss it.

“I love you too.”

☆ Taglist ➼ @averysmolbear @humanitys-strongest-bamf @youre-ackermine @spaghettiyarns @notgoodforlife @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @romantichomicide95 @janey-stempy @sckerman @secretmoneybearvoid @sujiroses @jadam724 @e-riellaaa @kamyru @highgoon69 @kingkonoha @nube55 @missyasma

If you'd like to be a part of my taglist to be notified for not only the rest of this fic but for my other writings, please go here!

☾ Previous Chapter: June Part 3

☾ Next Chapter: June Part 5 [Final]

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gamer-girls427 · 2 months

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Thanks for everything (also I suck with words so just try to follow this ok?)

uh so, as I said I suck with words. Infact, most of the time I communicate better through drawings, kin characters, qoutes, and music. But I relize those could be interpreted in any way so I'm going to try to put this into words.

if you wanna just skip the backstory and get straight to the thanks then go below the cut off!

For a long time I've been told I'm not trying hard enough. That I "don't apply myself" that I "just don't try to connect with others" and that most importantly, "Nothing is wrong with me cognitively, I'm just to lazy to try to succeed."

I have since been diagnosed with a number things, some more notable ones being autism and ADHD.

I always felt like those things never ment anything since for awhile I didn't get accommodations. Instead I just had more reasons people didn't want to be around me.

I discovered this fandom the year before tspud released so stuff related to this game was few and far between. But this game was always a safe space for me. A safe space I got shamed out of liking because it was too silly and childish, or in the words of my parents "all you do in this game is die over and over!" And "What's the point if it just makes fun of you for playing the game?"

This was what I had though in a time where I didn't have much else. I was being bullied, I was getting sexually harassed, and then my best friend left me for not being cool enough for her. Tbh I hated myself because all I would get in response was the same thing, that I "just don't try to connect with others." That "everyone was really nice, you just have to give them a chance."

I was alone, and no one was listening when I would talk about how I was struggling. The most I got was the guy who sexually harassed me got suspended for 1 DAY.

Fun fact, I once reached out to one of the devs of tsp, and they mocked my username and sent me a gif telling me that "I'm a nerd, leave me alone." So you could imagine how hard it was for me to reach out to artists I admire...

But I did, and now I literally cannot go a day without checking Tumblr at least once. Not only that but I feel validated by you guys. I feel inspired to start doing things I haven't done in a long time!

So... all I have to say now is:

Thanks to @file-unknown24 for showing me not everyone on the internet is a perv and introducing me to tumblr.

Thanks to @adventurecrimez for being my girlfriend.

Thanks to @mpils for being the first Tumblr blog I ever sent an ask to (IDK if you remember but I was that really shy anon from 2 years ago who said they really liked your art. I sent it on new years day when I was having a sugar crash lol.)

Thanks to @test-url-please-ignore for our very brief interactions (also I just have a weird obsession with British stuff so it's cool to know someone from the UK...)

Thanks to @insomniphic tolerating my DMs.

Thanks to @steampoweredwerehog for just tolerating my hyperfixation on their TSP AU as well as helping me be respectful while still being able to use my cryptid OC.

Thanks to @oswinunknown for showing me it's not weird to draw you and your comfort charaters hanging out (and following my Dungeons 3 roleplay account).

Thanks to @owlfromthemeadow for following my main account and tolerating my midnight DMs.

Thanks to @xandyprojects for drawing N!

Thanks to @finnleywiththesillys for doing roleplay with me and just being a cool person 😎

Thanks to @juaneloriginal for drawing people's narrators and having some very huggable narrator designs.

Thanks to @emmyisstrange for tagging me in reblog games (I freaking love those so much you don't understand!)

Thanks to @starpeep16 for helping me feel more confident in finishing that one drawing I was doing as a gift to steampoweredwerehog. (Maybe I'll post it some time?)

Thanks to @villiun for taking an intrest in my stuff!

Thanks to @corelex for also liking D&D and having the idea of basing a warlock patron on someone else's Narrator!

Thanks to @lee100pad for talking to me (even if it was only one time)

Thanks to @incorrectstanleyparablequotes for giving me somewhere to dump my dumb neurodivergent thoughts (when it comes to qoutes).

And lastly, thanks to @sowaran and @goony-gooner for being my friends in general.

You all mean so much to me and I don't think this post, or any other post, can express that fact.

#the stanley parable #tsp #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #vent? ish?#love you guys #thanks for existing #thanks for everything

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chameliyun · 6 months

Text

20 Q's for Fic Writers

thanks for the tag @spacejammie-eimmajecaps!

How many works do you have on ao3? Officially 8, but I have one on anon and one currently unrevealed in a fic exchange

What's your total ao3 word count? 61,996

What fandoms do you write for? So far I've written for Death Note, Tangled the Series, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Haikyuu, plus a couple of crossovers. Haikyuu is definitely my main rn though

What are your top five fics by kudos? #1: Frosting and Freckles: 69 (nice) #2: Draw Me Near: 39 #3: [embarrassing anon fic]: 35 #4: Varian Is Not a Wizard: 25 #5: Midnight Coda: 21

Do you respond to comments? Yeah, I love to! I don't get a lot so they always make me happy :)

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably the anon fic sdfsk but other than that, Midnight Coda is kinda bittersweet because of what happens later

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? hmm idk but the sappiest is definitely Frosting and Freckles

Do you get hate on fics? Not so far, thankfully! I don't think I have a big enough readership for that haha

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have not; not sure what kind it would be if I did

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I love writing crossovers! A PJO/HP crossover was actually what got me into fanfic. Unfortunately most of them are merely concepts or abandoned (for now), but as for crazy, I think my Lunar Chronicles/PJO one is the craziest in terms of how the plot grew out of control from a simple "what if these two characters interacted" to "I could rewrite most of this series," which is why I got stuck and put it on hiatus lol but I do want to get back to it someday. Maybe once I finish my other active crossover

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge

What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest? Uhhh well if we count "working on" as "having it in the back of mind to get to but haven't worked on in months," probably Sent from the Heavens lol. If not, then Varian Is Not a Wizard (just over two years since I published the first chapter). Shortest is definitely Midnight Coda, since I wrote that pretty much in a day iirc

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but it sounds like it could be fun!

What's your all-time favorite ship? From all fandoms? Dude I have no idea how to narrow that down. Best I can give you is my current fave is Tsukkiyama from Haikyuu

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Probably my "Leo Valdez ends up in the ATLA world" one :sob: It never made it past the word doc and about three pages of story and I haven't looked at it in like two years

What are your writing strengths? I like to think I'm pretty good at dialogue and grammar/spelling

What are your writing weaknesses? Everything else (jk). I am awful at describing scenes/settings; I get bored writing them so I don't put as much effort in as I should haha. I also tend to ramble and use passive voice too much

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I haven't done it, but I think it's fine as long as it fits the context

First fandom you wrote for? Published: Avatar: The Last Airbender. Unpublished: Percy Jackson

Favorite fic you've written? I think it's still Bent Out of Shape. It's so niche, but I had an idea and I executed it, and I'm proud of what I accomplished. Although once I finish Varian Is Not a Wizard, that might take the top slot.

No-pressure tagging: @supermarine-silvally @starrynightarchive @litterateur97 @palant1r @soreiya @lilac-writes @oloreandil @kandybarkreepshow @ellegamgee and anyone else who wants to!

#writing #fanfiction #ao3 #tag game

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hellfiremunsonn · 2 years

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Maple Syrup Kisses. Steve Harrington x Reader

Maple Syrup Kisses.

I do not allow my writing to be republished anywhere other than my own blog without my consent

Summary: "Hey! Can I request a cute morning fic of Steve and reader with lots of cuddles and maybe breakfast in bed? Thank you!!! <3"

(Requested)

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Warnings: unprotected sex (Please always use protection), slight dom! Steve? Fem reader, m and f orgasm, sex in general, swearing, and idk anything else that needs to be tagged let me know!

Word count: 2018

(DID NOT PROOF READ SO IF THERE IS ANY MISTAKES LEMME KNOW)

Steve warned me about the Summers in Indiana, but I almost didn't believe him. There was no way it could really get that hot right? As the second summer I was around for it indeed did not get any cooler than it did last year. It was probably five am and I wasn't sure if I had actually fallen asleep. I'm assuming I did because time passed suspiciously quick as the sun started to peak out into the sky, leaving Steves room a soft orange colour.

We were laying side by side in his bed, barely touching, only a pinkie sized space separating us. The fan at the end of his bed blowing air back fourth on our barely clothed bodies. Steve was shirtless and in his underwear, and I was in only a pair of underwear. Something I would have been self conscious of if everyone didn't have to literally save me from bleeding to death in the upside down. I remembered them cutting my clothes off me to get to my wounds and that I ended up pretty much naked laying across Steves kitchen table.

But now with Hawkins saved we melted next to each other in the heat. I sighed letting out a small giggle as a traced the thick scars across my stomach from that night.

Steve shifted next to me, turning to face me. "What are you laughing at?" He said quietly. Almost as if just the loudness of his voice would disrupt the air around us and make us even hotter.

"Did I wake you?"

"No I've been laying here for a while, I thought you were still asleep. What were you laughing at?" He asked again placing a hand on my cheek and rubbing his thumb back and fourth while I spoke.

"Just thinking about how I was practically naked on your kitchen table last year, when you guys had to stitch me up" I said motioning to my stomach. His warm hand slid across my stomach, feeling the scars.

"For a bunch of idiots who had never done it before I think we did a pretty good job" he stated, clearly proud of the three stitches he added himself before Nancy and Robin took over.

"Well it was obviously those three stitches you did that were the ones that kept me alive" I teased rolling onto my side to look at him.

"I'm glad you can recognize good work when you see it" He winked, brushing the hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear.

"I mean as long as you admit, that MY pillow fort was the better one"

"Oh no come on, did you see mine? It had a roof babe, and lights" He said raising his eyebrows.

"So did mine! You just can't accept the fact that you were beaten by a girl"

"Oh I've been beaten by women all through my life baby, and it's a privilege, but your fort sucked" He poked at my sides tickling me causing me to squirm against him while he pulled my back to his chest. His hot skin radiating against mine. "You're gunna make me sweaty again" I mumbled into the mattress.

"Yeah like we haven't been sweaty against each other before" he scoffed.

"Oh so romantic Harrington" I said attempting to worm my way out of his arms. "Steveeeee" I whined.

"Yes my love?" He said with that stupid teasing tone.

"I'm hungry, but if we cook anything in the house I think we might actually melt to death" Rolling over in his arms to face him again, my bare boobs squishing against my arm. He peppered light kisses along my shoulders, and collar bones. "What if we just have each other for breakfast?" He said with dark eyes, looking up at me through thick lashes. Grazing his lips across my chest, slowly moving me so I was flat on my back. My breathing hitched as he looked up at me again from between the valley of my breasts. "You gunna answer me pretty girl?" He asked still continuing his way down kissing my scars tenderly and frowning softly into them. I licked my lips regaining moisture to them. "Um I-" his hand trailed across my waist fingers sliding against the band of my underwear.

"Hmm?" He cooed into my skin. Heat began to engulf me, but different from the heat outside. Warmer, yet still making me shiver at his light touches. "I can't focus when you touch me like that" I breathed while raking my hands through his unkept hair.

"That's the point" He tugged lightly at the sides of my underwear and I instinctively lifted my hips as he pulled them off the rest of the way throwing them somewhere in his room for us to search for later. Kissing both my thighs and nipping at them slightly he crawled back up towards me, now hovering gently on top of me. Leaning down to kiss me he stopped just before his lips could touch mine, and when I tilted my head up to kiss him back he pulled away. I whined loudly. "Steve"

"Yeah baby?"

"Please touch me already" I said wiggling my hips under him slightly.

"Only cause you said please so nicely" and then his lips were back on mine. Needy wet and sloppy kisses, as if we had been apart from each other when we practically lived in each others arms.

Desperate for more I reached for the waistline of his boxers before Steves hands stopped me. "Can I at least make you cum first?" He chuckled. "I really don't care about cumming right now, I would really like it if you just fucked me"

Steves eyes darkened as he slid one hand around to the small of my back taking me with him as he rolled over, sitting up slightly so I was now straddling him. His thumb beginning to rub circles onto my clit and I shivered at his sudden touch. My hips rolled softly against his hard cock beneath me. Reaching for his waistband again, he didn't stop me when I slipped my hand into them grabbing him firmly and started jerking him slowly. A small groan emerging from his mouth as his head tilted back against his headboard. His mouth slightly agape, and his breathing picking up he looked down, grabbing onto my hips harshly with his other hand as he watched me grind against nothing, desperate for anything. I was a whimpering mess under his touch, begging for a release I claimed I didn't care about only minutes before. "Baby" I whispered, leaning my forehead against his shoulder, grinding into his thumb for more. "Please" Whining my hips bucked as he removed his hand completely from me. "No" I cried.

"Stop whining c'mere" He said holding my hips so I would lean up onto my knees. Discarding his boxers he took his cock in his own hand, pumping it a few times before motioning for me to come closer. Inching forward on my knees I held onto his shoulders as he positioned the tip of him against me. Swiping himself against my arousal, lubricating his tip before instructing me to sink down on him. I did slowly, hissing as I felt him fill me out. No matter how often we had sex I always needed a minute to adjust. When my hips met his a breathy whimper left my lips and I felt Steves hand come up to cup my face. I leaned into his palm and kissed it sweetly and he hummed in response.

"How we doing pretty girl?" And he thrusted ever so slightly causing me to gasp out and grip his shoulder a little harder.

"F-fuck Steve" I said through gritted teeth.

"Want me to stop?" He teased knowing I absolutely did not want him to stop. I shook my head frantically and he chuckled lightly.

"Always so desperate huh?" His thumb caressing my cheek before sliding to the front of my mouth, pulling slightly at my bottom lip until I opened my mouth. Sticking my tongue out his thumb grazed it and I held it between my teeth before swirling my tongue around it. "Fuck this" Steve said and shifted abruptly slipping out of me quickly. "Hands and knees" He ordered. "Now"

With trembling limbs I got onto my hands and knees arching my back so my ass was high in the air. Earning a hard smack. I squealed and fell forward slightly but Steve pulled me back to him by my hips. Re-positioning himself against me he sunk his cock into me slowly and began thrusting. I felt my skin jiggle, and shake with each thrust. I moved my hips in rhythm with his my skin slapping against his.

"God you look so pretty when you fuck yourself on my cock like this" He praised. He leaned forward and lifted me up so my back was pressed against his chest and he reached forward to continue rubbing circles on my clit while he pounded into me roughly. It didn't take long until I could feel his thrusts become sloppy. "Fuck you're gunna make me cum"

"Cum in me" I moaned tilting my head back into his shoulder. With a few extra thrust he came loudly against my shoulder, his hot breath dampening the skin there. He stayed still but kept rubbing my clit until I was writhing against him. "Oh my god Steve"

"You close princess?"

"So close" I whined.

"Come on baby, cum for me I know you're right there" He encouraged. Seconds after the words left his mouth the burning I felt in the pit of my stomach began to spread like a while fire and I nearly toppled over when my orgasm finally hit. "That's it pretty girl"

I shook against him but he held me tightly so I wouldn't fall, cooing praises into my skin with small kisses. When my breathing finally slowed I leaned my head back forward and opened my eyes. "You did so well baby"

Steve eased himself out of me and I winced at the feeling, quick to lay on my back while he grabbed a towel and a small wash cloth that he damped with hot water. Tapping my knee so I would lift my hips he placed the towel under me, and laid the washcloth between my legs cupping me gently. I jerked at his touched but laughed, relaxing back into his pillows. "You're good at that" I said glancing at him.

"Good at what? Making you cum?"

"mmhmm"

"Well I would hope so, I've been dating you for a while now, I've learned all about your nooks and crannies" He said gesturing to my whole body with his fingers.

I laughed and covered my face. "Do not refer to my body parts as 'nooks and crannies!'"

"Nooks and crannies doesn't turn you on?" He said hovering over me again. A goofy smile plastered on his face.

"Not one bit Harrington"

He sighed a fake sigh of defeat and moved around his room gathering clothing items "You sure?" He asked raising an every brow.

"You test my patients everyday I swear" I threw a pillow at him which he dodged effortlessly.

"Alright, get your ass up, we're getting pancakes" Steve said, standing at the end of the bed, hands on his hips like a dad waiting for his children.

"Pancakes?"

He nodded and repeated "Pancakes"

We spent the rest of our morning in the cool air conditioned diner that was open 24 hours. Stealing maple syrup kisses and annoying each other until we decided to finally make our way back home. The air wasn't as hot as the day before so we had the windows down and the breeze blew my hair messily around my head. "We should get the kids over for a pool day" I said quietly, looking over at Steve. One hand on the wheel, one hand on my thigh. "Yeah they'd like that huh?" He said stealing a side glance at me. "We should grab water balloons so we can attack them when they show up"

"Now you're speaking my language (Y/L/N)!"

#hellfiremunsonn #Steve Harrington #Steve Harrington Stranger Things #Stranger Things #Stranger Things fic #Steve Harrington Fic #Steve Harrington fluff #Steve Harrington smut #Stranger things smut #fluff #Steve Harrington x reader #x reader

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sehtoast · 2 months

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Writer Tag

Thanks for the tag @venus-haze <3

How many works do you have on AO3? 29

What's your total AO3 word count? 230k

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tender Threads

Satisfy Me

One Big Wet Spot

Say Please

The Hand That Feeds

(All Homelander fics) ^

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Most of the time, but lately I haven't had the energy or the time. My social battery is pretty fucked, but I do read every single one of them and love them

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? So it's technically unpublished, but it basically ends with Ben (my oc) sentencing himself to die pretty painfully alongside Homelander with that thing that got revealed in Gen V. If you know you know

What’s the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Honestly, Envy.

Do you write crossovers? I've done an AU crossover for the same fandom, but not really

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Most of the hate I get is in my tumblr inbox. I haven't really done/said anything about it bc no one really wants to see or hear about it tbh, but I've gotten a fair amount of shit for pairing homie with a guy and then also more for pairing him with a trans guy. I think the only ao3 hate i ever got was barely even hate, more like someone bitching that my tender threads formatting wasn't to their liking bc it's Y/n formatted

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yessir yessir. Honestly just whatever i'm vibin with

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i'm aware although i don't think i've written anything steal-worthy

Have you ever had a fic translated? no, but @anon-nee has been my personal jesus christ in helping me make sure my english to german translations in tender threads has been accurate. love you nonnums <3

Have you ever co-written a fic before? technically no, but @homelanderbutbig did a collab with me and made this to pair with a fic i wrote, which i feel like is co-creation so i'm gonna say yes anyway. love you HBB <3

What's your all-time favorite ship? honestly i don't really have one, unless i can count my ocxcanon ship in which case it's benlander

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? i have a depowered homelander fic where ben answers the door one day and ryan, now in his late teens, is there to finally see homie again after all those years went by. i adore the concept but i'm like NEVER in the mindset i need to actually write something like that

What are your writing strengths? yall got strengths?

What are your writing weaknesses? all of them

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i think it's fine so long as there's clarification shortly after for the readers who may not understand, and also that you've somehow gotten it cross checked by someone who actually speaks the langauge so ensure you're not just saying some wild shit. but ultimately do whatever makes you happy idk bro i don't make the rules

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Prometheus! i was am down so bad for david omg

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? astarion/tav. i wanna write something sooooo bad but i just can't get in the headspace for it

What's your favorite fic you've written? probably satisfy me because the role swap was incredibly fun and it's REALLY fucking cool to unbind homelander from his own behavioral patterns and manifest them into a reader's concept. like, of everything i've written, i could most clearly imagine everything that happened in that fic and i'd find myself grinning like a sick fuck while writing about literally eviscerating a man's chest cavity lmao

No pressure tags: @blindmagdalena @hom3landr @irenadel @slasher-smasher and anyone else who wants to participate

#tag game #sehtoast rambles

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eruherdiriel · 5 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @cellsshapedlikestars. Thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

40,689.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

ASoIaF/GoT, mostly Jonsa.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Well, lucky me, I have 5, so you get to see them all:

In the blood (the first thing I published, and it predates everything else by about 6 months so it makes sense)

Your crimson hands all over me

My eyes were wide open

The poor thing in the road, its eyes still glistening

Darlings (my ficlet collection)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. I like the interaction, and I like acknowledging I saw people's comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None of them really end with angst. I have an upublished WIP that would end in angst but IDK if I will finish it. Angstiest overall is probably "The poor thing."

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh, they all end on a positive note if not outwardly happy. The most lighthearted overall is my "Pumpkin" ficlet.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not much actually, and I've been theorizing about why while also being grateful for it. The rudest thing someone has said actually didn't bother me that much, and I had (I thought) a solid response to it. Shout out to the commenter who replied to that thread and agreed with me. You're a real one, whoever you are 😅.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Only pretty mild stuff. x

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hopefully not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Jonsa ...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

So far, I've only published when I was 98% sure I was done with a piece, and I'll probably stick with that because it suits the way I write (out of order, feeling my way around in the dark, general chaos lol). But I have LOTS of unpublished WIPs, including multichapters. I am trying to believe I will finish the one that I am currently trying to make progress on 🫠, but how much I believe it depends on my mood.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ummm rhythm of the text? I just made that up.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I rarely outline. I actually like the feeling of uncovering a story as I write, but boy does it bite me in the ass sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Go for it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Wrote and published = Jonsa. I started a Bellarke (The 100) fic several years ago but never finished or posted it. I only started writing fic seriously about a year ago.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Whichever one I've published most recently 😆. But I don't think I can pick. I'll just say "My eyes" because I like the concept and it hasn't had a second shout out here.

Tagging @estherruth-jonsatrash @jonsaslove @esther-dot @ofsansa @greenhikingboots if you want.

#tag game #writing #fanfiction

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spicerackofblorbos · 3 months

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Chapter 8: June - Part Four [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

So much for trying.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

‘What about you?’

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

“I love you too.”

☾ Previous Chapter: June - Part 3 ☾ Next Chapter: June - Part 5 [Final]

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