#I'm scared as fuck
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Aaron and Justin: *releases S6 episode titles*
Us:
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September is National Recovery Month!
I planned to do my first lineup of charity streams this month but ended up not doing so due to… a lot of reasons. But I still wanted to talk about it because awareness, education, and destigmatization of substance abuse disorders means a lot to me! This, along with mental health awareness (since both often go hand-in-hand), are things that I’d someday like to build my whole online presence around.
These topics are often taken lightly and I think it’s something that should be handled with a lot more care because you never know who in your communities are fighting with what. Like me.
I’m a recovering drug addict and the day I made my first tweet as a vtuber was the day I decided to clean up. If it were not for Tree, Rue, and Aoka, I would not be here. If it weren’t for all of you, I would not be here. If I had not connected so hard with streaming, I would not be here. I know exactly where I would be… and it’s far, far, far from glamorous.
This is very scary to type out and admit. I’m scared of what you all will think. But I want to be honest with you. I feel like I owe it. And I’m excited for some of the plans I hope will come to fruition. I hope this works the way I hope. I hope you think differently about those who suffer from substance abuse. We don’t choose this. It finds us, digs into our souls, takes away our greatest fears, gives us exactly what we want… but all at a very high price. A price we don’t understand the first time we try it.
We think we’re invincible. We think we’re in control. We think it will be okay. But it’s not.
Substance Abuse Disorders (a way of thinking about it that I want you all to get comfortable with) is often a symptom of other mental health disorders. Despite struggling with the hard shit for years, I actually did not know this. And this is where I’ll lead into my second topic…
I am bipolar. I have been presenting symptoms of bipolar disorder since about 17 years old but I did not even consider that I had it until I was about 28 when I approached my PCP about potentially being ADHD. He gave me a very informal “well, actually…” after several assessments. I thought I was just depressed, anxious, and maybe a little distracted. I thought the rest of my symptoms were normal and I just sucked at managing them. This was during the peak of covid, where getting a psych appointment was impossible. After several months of trying, I gave up. As many of you might know, it was only recently that I finally got my appointment and was officially diagnosed. I’ve been on meds for the first time for a little over a month now and it’s been extremely difficult. The side effects have been horrible, and as some of you might have realized… I’ve been a little all over the place lately.
I’ve beaten myself up to the stars and back about ever fucking with hard drugs. Finding out that addiction is a side effect of Bipolar was very comforting. Finding out that Substance Abuse Disorder was a real thing was eye-opening. Maybe I’m not a fuck up.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg of what I go through. This is just a little part of why I feel like education and destigmatization is incredibly important. Until informally diagnosed, I had a lot of misconceptions of what exactly the disease entails. Most people assume it’s constant mood changing. One minute you’re happy, the next you’re sad. That’s partly true. Instead it’s minutes, It’s days. It’s weeks. It’s months. It’s months of not being able to get out of bed. It’s months not being able to brush your teeth. It’s months of performing so poorly at your job that you’re lucky you still have it. It’s months of feeling worthless.
Then all of a sudden (but sometimes slowly), you’re the best. You’re the greatest. Everyone likes you. You’re doing amazing at work. Your social life is booming. You’re making art. Everyone loves you. You don’t need to sleep. You’re special. You’re too good for it. You’re powerful. You’re clever and exceptional. You can read minds and you’re smarter than everyone else because you know nothing is real and nothing can hurt you. You’re on to them. You’re on to them.
And that’s only some of it.
Anyway, like some of you might have realized from reading this… or following me on twitter recently… I’m manic as fuck right now. I could monologue about this for hours. So I’ll wrap this up.
I’m about 9 months sober now. That’s painful to admit if you do the math and consider when I started streaming. I feel like that admission will let some people down. But relapse, while ugly, is a normal part of recovery. I’m proud of where I am. Prior to streaming, I hadn’t gone more than a month for a few years. I’m proud of me. No matter what, I’m proud as fuck.
So anyway, yeah. Let me tie this up because it’s long as shit. I love you so much if you’ve read this entire thing. I love you so much if you’ve ever supported me. I’m picking up the pieces of who I used to be and I actually feel like I have help doing so.
The plans I have to implement all of this into my streams will be small at first. You probably won't even notice some of it.
I'm going to be very honest. I think it’s important that you see the ugly sides of all of this. I want you to know the signs, the symptoms, and understand. I want you to be able to help a friend or be able to help yourself. I want you to think twice when you haven’t heard from that one pal in months. I want you to think twice when you see someone walking down the street who is clearly out of sorts. I want you to change the way you think about both mental disorders and drug use.
Thank you. Big fucking thank you.
#super personal long fucking post#i'm scared as fuck#be nice#recovery month#mental health#drug addiction#bipolar disorder#vtuber#envtuber#ennitxt#ennitxtsrs
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With first post me :D
Based on "Dark Red" by Steve Lacy and inspired by old tiktok trend, hehe. I guess, it was the first song that I ever associated with them two years ago. I know it's not really about that, but my brain likes to interpret songs incorrectly and if you listen carefully, you'll understand what I'm talking about
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I just watched the new trailer and shit, how I'm gonna survive until july 1st??????
#byler#someone sedate me#I'm scared as fuck#robin my dear if you die so do i#also will's way of wording vecna's plans sounds like he knows too much for him not being connected to the ud in some sort of way#I'm also terrified for max#like no please let her be happy with lucas and the rest of the party#just 10 days more geez#are we ready cuz I'm fucking not#my therapist is gonna have a field trip with this
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TODAY IS THE DAY OH MY GOD IM NOT READY
#liverpool fc#liverpool#football#soccer#liverpool vs real madrid#uefa champions league#champions league#round of 16#part 2/2#good morning#I'm scared as fuck
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I'm waiting at the dentist, a kid next to me starts to violently stab the paper with pencil
Me: "Oh... The artist, I see. I like it, Picasso."
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HOLY SHIT I FOUND THE JERMA FUCK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY CLIP I KNEW I WASNT CRAZY
#IVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR FUCKING MONTHS HOLY SHIT#sassy speaks#jerma#turning off reblogs i'm scared. why are you all here.
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Listen, friends.
Someone is going to be elected president in November. There are going to be two options. There is no world in which someone who is not Biden or the GOP nominee -- presumably, somehow, Trump -- win the election.
Is Biden my favorite politician? No.
Has he accomplished a ton of good things in the last three years? Absolutely yes.
Pretending otherwise is disingenuous and dangerous.
If you do not vote, you are voting for fascism, full stop. Because you know who always shows up to vote? Your shitty racist neighbors, and the white nationalists trying to stop affirmative action, and the homophobic gun owners who want the party that's made dismantling marriage equality and civil protections for queer people a part of their platform, and religious fundamentalists who believe that women should be the subject of their husbands. They vote in drives, because they don't demand perfection from their candidates, just that they hate the same way they do, and do it loudly.
This left wing thing where people yell about how voting for a candidate that doesn't check every box is a valid political protest is deeply stupid and absolutely wrong. All this accomplishes is to discourage voting and make people stop trying to push for better from our politicians.
Not voting for a candidate that doesn't do everything you want them to is giving a point to the one that wants to bring out loud fascism to the US.
There will be a winner in November, and it's going to be A or B. The system sucks, but it's the one we have, and if we don't vote for the one who is actively working for at least some of the right things, we're going to end up with the one that's working for stripping rights away from the majority of Americans.
Just fucking vote.
#vote#vote blue#us politics#this was more eloquent in my head but whatever I'm so fucking scared and angry#block me babs
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at first I thought it was endearing to see the doctor constantly being like "oh do I say things like that now? is this who I am?" because it's an old face but with all the experiences and changes that come with living longer. so unlike ten, fourteen is open about his feelings because there were lingering regrets with not telling people how she felt as thirteen
BUT NOW. not-donna saying you're scared. because of the flux. because the universe destroyed itself just in the chance it could destroy you. and you know now that you're not from gallifrey and that scares you. because the doctor is scared. everything they ever knew is thrown out because on top of everything an old face came back and the doctor can't figure out why
the timeless child and the flux just being MENTIONED brought the doctor to frightened tears and we have never seen anything like that before. the doctor is so so lost and just wants to know who they are. so regenerating into something new but old has thrown them off so much that at every turn he thinks "huh. is this who I am?" and it is so strange to see the doctor unsure about themself, questioning their identity every second. and it is HEARTBREAKING
#HE JUST WANTED TO HUG DONNA I'M DEVASTATED 😭😭#ALSO I WAS SO SCARED WE WERE JUST GONNA IGNORE JODIE'S ERA BUT WE STAY FUCKING WINNING#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#doctor who special#wild blue yonder#dw spoilers#dw specials#dw 60th#tenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#thirteenth doctor#the doctor
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and angel was so proud of himself for being able to carry mr-hollow-bones husk over here
based on the hc where husk died from falling, and that's why his demon form is an ironic mix between two animals that should not be taking fall damage
so yeah he's afraid of heights and that's why he doesn't fly
aftermath:
they'll be okay
#hazbin hotel#angel dust#husk#angelhusk#huskerdust#angel dusk you're too tall look at that you scared the kitty#i posted this to my new twitter account since when i checked this morning i was finally unshadowbanned#BUT THEN WHEN I CHECKED AGAIN AFTER I POSTED I WAS REBANNED??#i'm gonna punch muskrat in the face#i was kinda embarrassed to post this with how heavily headcanon this is but uh..#fuck cringe#i'm proud of this#also you know in episode 3 where vaggie is throwing the gang into the trenches and husk runs away?#i don't think that was just bc vaggie scared him#i think he was genuinely terrified of being thrown off a high place again#sun art
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tiny comic about eating toast with friends
#i have sooo many more thoughts about this but i couldnt be arsed making a longer comic..a few ppl seemed to relate so i will put it here#comic#art#artists on tumblr#axolotl#studyblr#academia#<-why the fuck not. it's set at uni#furry#mine#personal#i do wish i spent more time on this but i got 80hd#anyway the experience of loved ones + food is so important to me#and those little moments which you don't realise are so special until they're gone#i'm very bad at living in the present.. always have been.. gotta learn to appreciate wot i have#my hall experience was a mixed bag - loads of fun but also problematic as an institution and i dont miss it#im lucky to have heaps of friends who i love :)#but it's my first year as a Real Adult outside of academia and im trying not to be scared of growing up
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"Sand. I'm sorry. Can you please forgive me? I was stupid. But I want you to understand me. I was mad at you because I cared so much about you. You can be angry or hate me all you want. I know now that you want nothing from me. On this Earth, there's no one who's more caring or loving than you. Though I've been nothing but an asshole to you, you are always there for me. Sand, please understand me. Being with me requires some patience. But if you don't want to put up with me anymore, that's alright. I get you. No one can put up with me."
Only Friends (2023)
#only friends the series#ofts#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#firstkhao#sandray#sand x ray#san x ray#only friends#my gifs#WHERE IS HIS OSCAR WHERE IS IT#and what the fuck is going to happen in the last episode if according to first this wasn't even khao's best performance#i'm genuinely scared
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Congratulations on your kitten!
A few (a lot) bits of advice from someone who raised 4 kittens:
Watch your step. It's very easy to accidentally squish them. My kitten used to hide in a pillowcase and she was so small that you wouldn't even notice. Pat down everything before you sit.
Kittens are small enough to hide in EVERYTHING. I thought two of mine were lost. They were just sleeping under a closet.
Kittens usually will try to escape the room as soon as possible. Be careful when opening doors so they don't get out.
Cats will meow a lot to get your attention so you'll open the door.
Don't run around them. They get scared.
Cats will try their best to get food. They will break dishes to get anything with dairy (they push them off the counter). They can open pizza boxes, take off covers. I wish I was joking. They also love to claw open flour bags and dump flour everywhere. Keep your food somewhere they can't open.
Cats love plants. Keep them out of reach or your cat will eat them.
Cats will eat everything. I mean everything. Do not leave food out.
Do not let the kitten get somewhere high. They can get up. But getting down is another story. (usually this is rectified once the cat gets older).
There is a very high chance the cat will sleep on you if you go to sleep.
Cats CAN open doors. Kittens can't, but older cats can.
Cats think strings are toys. Which means if you wear those pants with strings at the waist to tighten them they will attack you
Cats like to eat hair for some reason.
They will try to drink out of the toilet.
Some cats like to knead you. It's painful bc they use claws. Wear thick pants if they're on you.
It is VERY hard to pick up a sleeping kitten when they're on you. Even if you need to go somewhere.
Thank you!! :D
#I've had cats before lol but never this small#My other cat was about three months old when he came home in a granola box#I'm mostly worried about how young he is#He should NOT be away from his mom at four weeks and I'm scared of fucking up
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started the last trilogy today. this is my humble prediction based on what i've heard. no spoilers pls
#rote#realm of the elderlings#the fitz and the fool trilogy#fitzchivalry farseer#the fool#beloved#lady amber#amber comes back i know this. and the fool is all fucked up. thats pretty much it#im not scared btw 👍 not scared of a book series guys 👍 i'm very chill 👍👍#AND has a fuckass bob. fuckass bob amber
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Continuation/blurb/snippet from this writing prompt.
It took less than a week to get custody of the Fenton children.
Oswald expected that it wouldn’t take long with his connections, but even that turn around is faster than what he expected. He'd anticipated pulling strings, greasing palms, maybe making some threats, but before he can even think of getting things moving to do so the paperwork is signed and a social worker is calling him to sort out the travel arrangements for the kids.
It's all done local, the judge, CPS, the witnesses and lawyers, each and every one calling the town home. Each and every one pushing the case through at a speed that Oswald didn't think was possible even in the most crooked of situations. He smelled conspiracy, but not - surprisingly - a malicious one.
Amity wasn't the smallest place in the world, but it was small enough. And the Fentons were public figures, though not in the way that Jack and Maddie Fenton obviously thought they were. How long had the people of Amity been watching things go wrong for the kids? How long had they been trying - in their own, limited ability - to help? Long enough to get desperate, seemed to be the answer.
The only resistance Oswald can find as he reviewed all the information he could get ahold of, was from the Mayor - Jazz and Danny's godfather, somehow more crooked than even Gotham's elected officials as far as Oswald could tell - and the Dr's. Fenton themselves.
The Mayor was summarily denied any influence of the case by the judge on the grounds of the long standing and publicly recorded ugliness of Master's relationship with Danny - which was something else Oswald was going to have to figure out. Along with all the…ghost stuff.
Oswald wasn't sure what to make of the ghost stuff.
Honestly he was leaving it for his people to figure out and wrangle into a reasonable explanation to report to him later. It was…something, a big something, and not - as he'd originally suspected upon initial cursory research into the town - a tourist gimmick or an overly high meta population. A later problem, provided he had to co tend with it at all once the children were officially in his custody in Gotham.
The biggest issue had been the kid's parents. Or really, the biggest issue had been the shady government agency backing the kids' parents.
The Fentons were the Ghost Investigation Ward's pet mad scientists. Creating weapons and genocidal plans - against ghosts - and generally tormenting the towns' living inhabitants just as much as the undead ones. The GIW had been protecting Jack and Maddie from any repercussions of their recklessness, and were willing to butt in on an unexpected custody battle in order to keep their maniacal golden geese happily working away.
From what Oswald had heard, a representative of the GIW had shown up to convince the judge to dismiss the case, but the judge had been faster. By the time the men in all white appeared - garish and tacky in their ill fitted, bulky suits - it had been too late of course. The judge had apparently anticipated their impending appearance and had made their ruling and had everything filed tidily late the night before. Courts did not typically stay running til three in the morning, but apparently an exception had been made.
There were a great many things wrong with Amity Park - wrong in a lot of ways they were in Gotham, wrong in ways they weren't - but the people that called the place home seemed to have come to a decision on one thing: the Fenton children were not safe, and unknown or not they were trusting Oswald to get them out of there.
It was strange and a little overwhelming, for an entire population that did not know him to see him as some kind of hope. Some kind of hero.
There were many, many things wrong in Amity Park.
He tried to assure himself when everything was said and done and the kids were packed and on their way that it wasn't his problem. He was officially Jazz and Danny's guardian, in a city half a country away that even with his - nominally- cleaned up act he held a great deal of power over. He was nearly untouchable within Gotham's shadow, and no one from some half-mad town was going to be able to do anything to change that.
He made preparations though, just in case. He hadn’t gotten where he was by being stupid. The Bat could use something to chew on that wasn't one of Oswald's entirely legitimate business ventures anyway. An ethically suspect government agency that was likely to come sticking their noses in Gotham's business sooner than later would do just nicely for that, and might even earn him some kind of grace from Gotham's brooding knight without getting him in hot water with any of the city's criminal element.
All that was left at that point was actually meeting the kids in person.
His kids.
He ignored the strange, bittersweet ache that touched his heart at that. It was, after all, entirely a means of improving his reputation in the city. The kids mean an end. He'd take care of him the same he did all his people, but not any more than that.
It was just business.
If he reminded himself enough, it might even be true one day.
He suspected though, as he laid eyes on them for the first time - shadow eyed and leery, haunted in a way that ghosts couldn't manage and looking not much at all like Oswald outside the fear and the pain he did his best to forget from his own upbringing - that the point of not caring had been passed the minute he'd gotten that first call.
*
Apologies if Penguin is out of character, all I know about him is what I vaguely remember from TAS, what I’ve absorbed from fandom and what I tried to put together from a wiki lol.
I did this instead of sleeping last night because I couldn’t get the initial idea out of my head (which slightly defeats the purpose of making it a writing prompt so that I could just read everyone else’s wonderful thoughts and writings on the idea instead of getting side tracked from my other writing projects - again lol - but oh well).
I don’t know if I’ll write anymore, and as with everything else I post this is open for anyone who is interested to run with.
Tag time!
@phoenixdemonqueen @justgray15777 @gin2212 @blankliferain @meira-3919 @lexdamo @hallowsden @derpygirl64 @thewondersoflebanon @amercurio @vythika96 @my-perfect-storybook-love @apointlessbox
#dp x dc#dc x dp#Danny Phantom#batman#the penguin#oswald cobblepot#jazz fenton#danny fenton#danny and jazz get adopted by oswald cobblepot#amity parkers have figured out what's going on and are just trying to help keep the fenton children alive#the GIW have been interfering to keep CPS from getting involved#Lancer was one (1) day away from leading an armed militia against Fenton Works to get Danny and Jazz the fuck out of there#Oswald unknowingly saved Jack & Maddie's lives by getting involved when he did#he'll probably regret that when he finds out more about what the fuck is actually going on#the GIW are gonna have a bad time once Batman (and the JL) get wind of the fucked up shit they're up to#Penguin: just a straight forward PR stunt where I adopt these kids and then I don't have to have any emotions about that fact#Amity Park: *is fucked up*#Danny & Jazz: *is even more fucked up*#Danny & Jazz: look sad and scared and#Penguin: I'm a dad now#the batkids are just worried Bruce's adoption addiction is spreading
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