#I'm never going to have less responsibilities
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: ̗̀➛Breathless
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╰┈➤Pairing: David Rossi x platonic! reader (main), BAU x platonic! reader
╰┈➤A/N: This is my entry for @reiderwriter 5k writing challenge. I have to say you have wonderful prompts<3 I may write a sequel. Also, I don't have any knowledge of medicine. NO hate against any name used, they are randomly picked.
╰┈➤Prompt: Cancer - "I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil." (Having the zodiac sign Cancer I think it's appropriate to write on this one first)
╰┈➤Word Count: 3.2k
After experiencing so many moods of life, Rossi has become somewhat patient as compared to the rest of the team members. He's eluded to all the caprice of the fledglings of the team.
“What’s all the chatter about, my nerd?”
“Oh, a new agent is joining the team, Rossi.”, Spencer told him.
The team, even though it has been the same since his re-joining many years ago, the news wasn't a surprise. It was about time Strauss interfered again in the team to show her control hadn't decreased in the past and to establish her superiority to Aaron.
“Great news.”, he smiled and moved to his office.
Aaron wouldn't take it lightly. Rossi shook his head lightly thinking of the consequence of her immature action of Strauss.
And he was right. The next time he met Aaron when they were going towards the jet, he could have a tense jaw and an annoyance, no question of the recent news. And all the feelings poured out one night when they were in his office, drinking after a case. Even though the case wasn't tough, Rossi could feel that Aaron needed to talk.
“So?”
Aaron raised an eyebrow in response.
“Are you gonna speak or we're going to be oblivious?”
“About what?”, Aaron was looking down rather than at him, twirling the glass in his hand. A classic sign of avoiding him.
Rossi gave him a deadpan look. Hotch sighed.
“I'm not angry with Strauss's decision. I knew she would pull something like this. I'm just irritated that among all the candidates, she chose the youngest.”
“Is she not qualified enough?”
“No, no. It's not that.” He sighed looking around to search for words. “She has all the recommendations. She has the best record at the academy too but it's just Reid was also a year or two younger than her when he joined and see how it turned out. Strauss just did it to show other department heads that she has the youngest and most brilliant agent.”
Rossi gazed at Hotch. He couldn't help but agree with what Aaron said. Spencer has faced problems all his life and this job didn't make it any easier.
“Tobias did a number on him and he was young. After that too, it wasn't easy on him.”
“This job isn't easy and doesn't come with a warning sign. It's difficult for everyone but mostly for people like Reid and Y/L/N. They have not seen the world so much--they never get the chance to see it in a brighter light afterwards.”
“But that doesn't mean you can stop them from making their choice Hotch. They are their individual. They have the right to choose what they want from life. Life's different for everyone. It doesn't treat everyone the same way.”
Aaron did nothing but nod to acknowledge his words. Rossi was cent sure that it was going to be difficult for the new agent to adjust. He could only hope that Aaron would change his view.
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When he woke up this morning, he was unaware that this day would be one of his life's most significant days. As he does daily, he stepped into the BAU conference room for the briefing.
He tilted his head slightly backwards, eyebrows furrowing in confusion at the different atmosphere of the room. His eyes started roaming at everyone.
Aaron is looking furious but his expressions are schooled. What is happening? Derek and Emily are cool while less relaxed. Spencer is absorbed in the file while Garcia looks joyous. JJ was looking between Aaron and..oh!
That's when he saw the petite figure sitting between Spencer and JJ. She was a young brunette, with ambitious eyes with a hint of nervousness. Ahh the first-day glitters. She was fidgeting her fingers and trying to hide them from the team of profilers. Not a good idea.
"Good Morning everyone." "Hello Agent..?"
"Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N sir."
"Then hello Agent Y/N Y/L/N."
"Hello, Agent Rossi. I have read all of your work. It's incredible how your profile of Scarsdale Skinner's reading habits ultimately led to his capture."
"Well, thank you. I see we have gained another nerd."
Their handshake was like the signing of a deal. Deal of familial love which both wished for and never got, failing every time in their attempts but this time some universal power wants them to experience it.
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But today David Rossi, a man of wit and patience, has finally come to his wits end. It's safe to conclude that his patience has also given up. One may wonder how the miracle happened. Well, all thanks to SSA Y/N Y/L/N.
They had been called in to solve a case in Bullhead City, Arizona. The team had been given all the prerequisite information by the police (as much as they could give). What the team hadn't been made aware of was that it was their youngest team member, Y/N's hometown.
David has always admired one trait in Y/N i.e. to maintain her position staunchly in the face of opposition. She presented her views and never feared when anyone questioned her. He can still remember that incident clearly.
However, today Y/N wasn't herself. The moment they landed in Bullhead, it was as if she had undergone terrigenesis. Outwardly, she was looking the same but inwardly as if something transformed inside her and when they heard the female shriek
“Y/N,Y/N. Where are you, my dear? Y/N.”
It was as if the temperature dropped in the room to -10°C. Y/N previously was in a banter with Derek and Emily had an emotionless facade on immediately. Seeing the change in her behaviour, Rossi and Hotch shared a look of concern and “What just happened?”
"I think we should go and see who's there?", Aaron asked everyone but he was looking at Y/N.
"Yeah"
Y/N didn't respond but went with the team outside.
As soon as the lady saw Y/N, she ran to her and pulled her in a hug. Another girl was trailing behind in her high heels and dress.
"How are you, my dear? It's been so long since I have seen you. Don't you miss me? Miss our home. Miss your sister."
"Hey Y/N."
"Hey, Mom. Hi Charlotte."
The team stared at each other dumbfounded. They didn't know that Y/N's family lived here. She never said anything.
"That's all you have got, young lady. I have been worried sick about you and that's what you say to me."
"Now I get why she is such a bullhead person," Derek muttered, which earned him a look and glare from Rossi and Hotch.
That was when Y/N's mom noticed a group of people behind Y/N, some shuffling on their steps.
"Yeah, mom, these are the people I work with. They are—"
"The BAU, isn't it?”
"OH. Hello. I am Susan Y/L/N. Y/N’s mom. I hope she isn't giving you guys any trouble."
"No mam. She's good.", Hotch replied with a straight face.
"Don't be shy. You can complain about her to Mom. She won't say anything. Will you Y/N?", Charlotte tusked and looked at Y/N with a smirk.
Y/N simply stared at Charlotte for a long time and then passed a fake smile to her. Seeing her behaving in such a manner, the team looked at each other, clueless. However, there was one thing clear in everyone's mind.
I don't like these two.
"Yeah. She tends to create problems. Her sister is such an angel but she......anyways why don't you guys come to our home for dinner?", her mom said which made everyone frown.
"Ahh no no no"
"We don't want to create any trouble."
"No, it's alright."
The team said at once.
"Nonsense. Do come. It'll be our pleasure to have you. You will bring them, won't you Y/N?"
"Mom, if they don't want—"
"Will you or will you not Y/N?"
Y/N sighed and said, "I will. I will."
It was clear as daylight to everyone in the station that the team was getting angry by each minute passing if Hotch's clenched jaw and fierce eyes were anything to go by. Rossi had his fake smile out while his eyes were spitting fire. Spencer was shuffling on his feet while the rest three were bewildered at the audacity.
However, Y/N was blind to all of this. She couldn't see anything except the fact her mom and sister were again doing what they always do.
Downgrading her in front of anyone.
She was brought out of her la la la land when her mom addressed her.
"We will see you in the evening, okay dear?"
"Yeah."
"It was good to meet you.", your sister said to the team.
"Same.", the team chorused.
Absolutely not.
"I will walk them out."
When they were at the stairs, Charlotte began,
"What do you think they like about you?"
Y/N just started at Charlotte. I should have known.
"Like really, Y/N? How stupid can you be?"
"Stop it Charlotte."
"No no you stop it, Y/N. Seriously you need to stop living in this fantasy. Learn when people like you, and care about you and when they do not. You think that— uhh what's his name— yeah Hotchner. He likes you. No way. I can see in his eyes. He doesn't even want you on this team. I only want the best for you.", Charlotte told Y/N in the most caring big sister voice.
"I said stop it Charlotte. I can decide for myself. Thank you for being so helpful."
Charlotte stared at Y/N with a lazy smirk.
"Your wish. Don't come crying to me like last time."
She looked at the figure of Charlotte, standing at the stairs until she couldn't anymore. A tap on her shoulder made her turn around to come face to face with Rossi, standing with a smile. She smiled feebly to which she received a confused look.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. Yeah. I am good.", He looked unconvinced but didn't press on.
"Sorry, Y/N. We can't go to your hou—"
"No, it's okay. You don't have to force yourself.—"
I don't want to.
"Let me complete, kiddo. We can't go because we're going back to Quantico. We are leaving right now. Else we would have come."
"Oh okay. No problem Rossi."
These endearment terms made her want to grin like a Cheshire Cat. Her brain feels mushy as if she got injected with a dose of happiness.
Since dad, no one ever called me anything except my name.
But today that did not decrease her worry.
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As she went with Rossi in the car while the rest were with Hotch, she couldn't help but think about Charlotte's words. She told herself that it was manipulation. The team likes her. She was certain. Else all those conversations with Reid. Girls date Emily, JJ and Garcia. Banters with Derek. Pieces of Advice from Rossi. Don't they mean anything? Charlotte didn't mean it but how can one just go on and pull the roots of their deepest fears?
She took a look at Rossi, busy driving and vibing to songs.
What if they don't like me? What if they are just tolerating me for the same of my feelings? Why would they like someone who has done nothing but create problems for them in every damn case they have been?
All her destructive thoughts did nothing but leave her vulnerable. She could feel her airway beginning to get constricted. As normal as breathing is, it hadn't come easy to her. Even if her asthma is as severe as some people's, whenever she got emotionally overwhelmed, she was left at the mercy of her inhaler.
With every passing moment, you could feel your chest tighten more and more and you were panicking like hell. It's been years since you had one and now it has set off without any prior notice. You put a hand on your chest.
You tried to suck in as much air as you could but nothing worked. You repeated the mantra in your mind 'Don't panic don't panic' but it wasn't working. Having an asthma attack after such a long time increased the panic by tenfold. You started patting your jeans to search for your inhaler. Your rational thinking had gone out the window the moment the attack started.
Rossi wanted to ask you why you didn't stand up but he couldn't. He can recognise the signs of emotional abuse when he sees one. It's the pros of being at BAU for so long. However, he never thought he would have to see that with you. Seeing you all jolly mostly, he never thought that there could be people out there to degrade you. It sounds absurd.
Rossi wanted to talk to Y/N about this but wanted to avoid crossing boundaries, and stopped himself. Instead, he focused on driving. However, when he noticed a movement in his peripheral vision and moved to see, he was shocked at Y/N's state. He pushed the brakes harshly and undid his and her seat belt.
"Hey, hey, hey. What's happening Y/N?", his frantic eyes met Y/N's scared ones, as if she was telling him to do something.
"I-I-hav-", her voice came out to be raspy. She was unable to speak but he needed to know what was happening to her. He can't do anything with half the information. Her eyes started closing due to the lack of oxygen in her body.
"Don't close your eyes, bella. Don't you dare? OPEN THEM!", her eyes fluttered open but again threatened to close.
I can't keep her awake for much longer. She's not in the condition. What is happening? Where's Reid when you need him?
It suddenly clicked in his mind.
"Is it asthma? Where's your inhaler? Is it in your bag?"
Her weak nod was the only indication that he was correct in his assumption. You couldn't even manage to get a word put as you were wheezing so badly. His hands moved towards her bag to go through. In a hurry, he dropped half the things but he didn't give a damn. The only thing he cared for was that Y/N, his kiddo, was gasping for breath and he needed to find the inhaler!
The moment Rossi found the inhaler, he shook it violently in his hand. He was staring at Y/N who was trying to keep her eyes open and breathing however failing miserably.
"Here." She takes medication. "Three, two, one. Breathe out."
He does the same again. By that time, the medication started to kick in making breathing easier for her. When Rossi saw the even breathing, he took a sigh of relief. Uff the panic!
"What the hell Y/N! What if something had happened? Why didn't you tell anyone you have asthma?"
"I-hadn't..", she took a deep breath while he kept rubbing her back."I hadn't had them for years. I forgot."
"You forgot?" He sighed listening to the absurdity of the statement.
Why do I have the biggest idiots in my family?
"Ok. ok. How did it get triggered so suddenly?"
Her whole demeanour changed in front of his eyes and he couldn't help but ask.
"Is it your mom and sister?"
Her eyes widened comically. It was as if he read her mind effortlessly.
"So, am I right? Is it them?"
"No. No. You're getting it all wrong Rossi. It's nothing like that."
"Then make me understand kiddo. I really want to."
You stared at him wide-eyed. You could feel the anxiety build up in you. The feeling of not being in control is beginning to creep up. You could feel your chest tighten again.
"No, no no-- this can't be happening--", you began to shake your head.
"Okay, okay. Calm down bella. If you don't want to, we won't. I promise. Just take a deep breath. Now, we don't want you to have another attack. Yeah, just like that.", Rossi said, cupping her cheeks.
When she began to breathe evenly again, he hugged her. Y/N managed to scare away 20 years of his life that too without any effort. He couldn't help but smile thinking of the small incidents which led him to be so fond of her but he didn't regret it. He won't. Ever!
"Charlotte said that you guys are just tolerating me. You don't like me.", that's when she looked up at Rossi, her eyes pleading for whatever she was saying to not be true. She was still crying.
His eyes soften seeing the child in an adult's body. He smiled slightly.
"Your IQ just went negative."
She gave him a confused look with a tilt of her head.
"You are a fool, bella if you think we just tolerate you."
"I'm not Rossi. Have you seen the way Hotch looks at me? It's like he will eat me. And the rest. What if they are pretending to like me? What if—", she said tiredly.
"Do you think Derek will have long meaningful conversations with anyone who he's just tolerating? Or Spencer will talk to anyone about anything without any worry about who he is just tolerating? Or anyone else on the team will just trust such a person? Invite them to every party, include them in anything? Yes, you have acquired some of the idiotic brain cells from the team.", he told her seriously.
She still looked at him unconvinced. He sighed and held her wrists.
"See kiddo. I don't know what happened in the past to make you suspicious of everyone but listen carefully! No one on this team dislikes you. As for Hotch, he doesn't. He doesn't trust easily but he doesn't dislike you. Honestly, if anyone dislikes you, you have been troubled a lot. So no need to listen to your sister for Heaven's sake.", he said looking directly into her eyes, which were still pouring, her mouth set in a frown.
"I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil. Let your hurt and stupid thoughts, you had been harbouring for days washed away."
"How did you know it's been for a long time?"
"Honey, I set up the BAU. Give me some credit.", he said dramatically which drew a laugh out of her.
They sat there for another 10 minutes before he started the car. He kept glancing at Y/N periodically to see her with her eyes closed, being in tranquillity. He faced forward and continued to drive towards their destination. However, he was proud of his decision to come back because he found a home.
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Rossi has asked Aaron for another car. He wanted to try to talk to Y/N, so he agreed, but when the BAU team reached the jet, they came face to face with an unusual site. Well, it's not every day you see the oldest of your team smiling softly at the youngest who's sleeping on the sofa with a soft, cute smile of her own.
Everyone smiled at the serenity the moment offered. It was hard to catch peace in their lives. Either they are caught up in a case or too busy to deal with the aftermath. They went on to occupy their positions, still smiling.
"So, what happened?", Derek asked, unable to maintain his curiosity any longer.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?", Aaron questioned.
Rossi let a small smile grace his face.
"Our nerd isn't so intelligent after all.”
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#david rossi x reader#platonic david rossi x reader#david rossi x daughter reader#aaron hotchner x reader#bau x reader#david rossi x y/n#aaron hotch x reader#behavioral analysis unit#bau team#criminal minds#criminal minds work by madesavage07#reidersshootingstars#david rossi
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Hi!
I know right now may not be the best time to say this, but I'm kind of still processing how fast this all happened. As someone who likes to look over artists' past work esp my fav works daily and just suddenly noticed that they're almost all gone: twitter, instagram, and tumblr. It frustrates me that not only has this situation affected you, but how it really takes one selfish and inconsiderate person to ruin everything for others. I truly hope that you can heal from this and maybe we might see those pictures again, but this is just soo much to process. Just love and support for you <33333 🥹🫶😭🫶🫶🫶🫶
Hi. I’ve privated a lot of my work on tumblr and Instagram, so they’re not gone forever. I still have a lot of positive memories with them so I didn’t want to delete them. I wanted to keep all the nice comments and support I’ve gotten over these past few years.. I might unarchive them sometime in the future when I’m more okay with it being looked at. Twitter, I had no choice but to delete it, especially ones with dick, jason, and Peter Parker. My brain freaked out a little bit from seeing evidence of the person saving my art and making fake clip files with them. Logically, I am aware deleting my old art in response is stupid.
But it wasn’t limited to just comic art, it was other interests I had too which was really uncomfortable that someone would go to the extent of pretending they like other stuff I liked. They would also paraphrase tweets I’ve made about my personal life onto their own twitter. That just isn’t okay.
Every interest I’ve ever fallen in love with meant a lot to me. This is probably not publicly known information since I’m relatively private, as a depressed autistic person, a lot of who I am is what I end up liking. My friends and relatives describe me as dressing up like a cartoon character, because everything I like is so visibly obvious. I become utterly consumed in my favorite things. Suddenly, it feels like all of my control was taken away from me. My interests collected over the years were no longer just mine, it was someone else’s because they decided to lie and it was easier to continue lying. I don’t know how much was saved. There was a screenshot of a message with over 8+ of my art works sent excluding the fake files.
I don’t have control over it. The impersonation of my identity and my life experiences.
But I do have control over who gets to see what I put out in the future. I could probably write this better but I’ve rewritten a lot of things within these two days. Rewritten posts over and over so it sounds less aggressive, less hurt, less like I am trying to call for a witch hunt and more just taking extra precautions. I don’t think I have the energy to rewrite this to seem less vulnerable/pathetic.
I want to apologize to everyone who hoped I’d keep my past art public. I know how it feels. I’ve been fans of artists who just blew up their account one day and never came back. I only privated them on tumblr and Instagram. That’s all I can do. Honestly, I’m hoping a part of my brain just forgets some of this happened since depression does come with memory loss.. This post is now too long.. but I hope it gives some insight for what’s happening on my side of the brain. I appreciate all the support so far.
If you see me acting a little weird on twitter, I’m just trying to regain a sense of control over my identity.
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You know, back in the 2010s when the push for $15 was a big thing, people would argue "if we have to pay everyone $15 an hour, a Big Mac will cost $15" which was meant to convince we that we can't give everyone $15 an hour.
My response was "no one is going to pay $15 for a McDonald's burger."
This usually resulted in them trying to explain economics to me. My response to that was to ask them - "I know you already make more than $15 an hour. Would you, right now, pay $15 for a Big Mac?"
The answer was inevitably some variation of "no, of course not. It's not worth that much. That's what I'm trying to explain to you."
Me "look, we agree on the value of the burger. My point is that I'm not the highly paid CEO of McDonald's so it's not my responsibility to make the burger affordable. Since I currently make less that $15 an hour, my responsibility on only my own lunch. Which is this PBJ. So, my question here is - is the goal to keep wages low to provide cheap food or to keep wages low so I have no choice but to buy the cheap food?"
They shrug that I'd never understand.
I think 2024 might have proven me at least partly right. Seems no one wants to pay $15 for a Big Mac.
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Taking Care of a Difficult Child - Mayoi Ayase Feature Scout 2 4* Story
[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su♪ ]
Warning: This is a Fan TL and is not proofread.
Characters: Mayoi, Tomoya, Tatsumi
Season: Winter
Mayoi: So you're asking m-me to take care of Hokuto-senpai?
Tomoya: I'm sorry to ask so suddenly. It turned out that our next location wasn't going to be a day trip.
I can't take Hokuto-senpai to work with me, and the pet shop manager hasn't returned to Japan yet, so...
I'm looking for someone who can take care of him until I return from work...
Mayoi: I see. I understand your situation.
Well... I'm very happy that you came to me for help, but...
I really don't think I'm suited to take care of Hokuto-senpai...!
Even when you first got Hokuto-senpai, I mostly spent time in another room so I wouldn't get in your way...
Um, umm... Can't you ask the people in "ANIMALS" for help, like you did before?
Tomoya: Well, I tried to ask them. But it looks like everyone already has plans on that day.
They can only be back by the evening...
Mayoi: And someone has to take care of Hokuto-senpai until then, right...
(Wh-what should I do? I more or less know how to take care of Hokuto-senpai, since I watched Mashiro-san doing it...)
(Even though I know how to care for him, I don't know if he'll listen to me at all.)
(Nevermind that, if something was to happen to Mashiro-san's precious Hokuto-senpai because I wasn't able to take care of him properly...)
Tomoya: ...I'm sorry, Ayase-senpai. I put you in a difficult position by asking something like this so suddenly.
Mayoi: No, I...
Tomoya: Please forget about it. I'll try and ask some other people as well.
Mayoi: (I've troubled Mashiro-san a lot, not only in the "Dead End Cafe", but also as a roommate...)
(I want to return the favor if I can...)
(After all, he came to me for help. There must have not been anyone else that he could ask.)
I, I got it!
Tomoya: Ayase-senpai...?
Mayoi: If the members of "ANIMALS" can make it towards the night...
I will accept the responsibility, and take care of Hokuto-senpaii!
Time: The next day
Mayoi: Then... Let's get along today, Hokuto-senpai ♪
(Since Tomoya-san is off to work, from here on, I have to take great care of him..!)
Uum, Mashiro-san already fed him, so next up...
Mayoi: Eek!? Hokuto-senpai cried out suddenly...! What's wrong!?
I'msorryI'msorryy, I know someone like me isn't fit to take care of you!
But please, be a little patient with me...!
Ah, where are you going...! Please waaiiit!
Tatsumi: (I'm relieved that my vegetables seem to be growing nicely♪)
(Right. Before I forget, let me send this picture I took to everyone in "Gardenia". Uuh, to attach an image...)
(...Hm? There's a familiar crying sound coming from somewhere.)
(The source of the voice... seems to be Mayoi-san and Tomoya-san's room. That means...)
Mayoi-san, Tomoya-san. It sounds like Hokuto-senpai is crying. Did something happen?
(No answer. I can still hear the crying, but no sound from Mayoi-san or anyone else...)
(I'll have to invite myself in, Mayoi-san!)
Tatsumi: This is!? Mayoi-san, are you okay!?
Mayoi: Uuu...?
Tatsumi: Why did you collapse in the room like this!?
Where is Tomoya-san!? What exactly happened here!?
Mayoi: ...Ah, God must be so merciful as to allow even a person such as myself to receive a final call of fate...
Tatsumi: Please hang on! This isn't a final call of anything!
Mayoi: Uuu... I'm sorry to make you worry like this...
I was so deeply focused on taking good care of Hokuto-senpai, I forgot to take care of myself, even to eat...
But I never thought that I'd pass out... If Tatsumi-san didn't find me, who knows what would have become of me...
Tatsumi: You're exaggarating. However, I'm relieved that you seem better now.
Mayoi: You even made toast for me. Thank you so much, really.
Tatsumi: It's Hokuto-senpai that you should thank. I was alerted to the situation thanks to his cries.
Mayoi: I-is that so. Thank you, Hokuto-sen--
Eek!? Why are you screaming so much? Did, did I do something to offend you...?
Uuu, you really won't listen to me...
What do I do... At this rate, we won't even make it until everyone from "ANIMALS" arrives.
Tatsumi: Please raise your head, Mayoi-san.
Tatsumi: Hokuto-senpai is yelling at me as well, it's not because of you.
I heard from Koga-san that the reason why Tomoya-san started to call him "Hokuto-senpai" was to get him to listen.
He seems to have a bit of a difficult personality, right? We need to get him to let his guard down first.
Mayoi: Let his guard down, huh... But, how...
Tatsumi: That's right. Is there anything that Tomoya-san uses regularly when taking care of him?
Mayoi: Well, there's a blanket on the bed over there, but...
Tatsumi: I heard that having an item around that carries their smell, or their owner's smell, is calming for animals.
Using that, maybe we can try and see whether we can get Hokuto-senpai to lower his guard?
Mayoi: I see...! It's bath time right now, so I'll try to take him to the bathroom with the blanket!
He-here! This way, Hokuto-senpai! It's bath time now♪
Ah, he's walking this way...!
....but, ahh! He completely stopped in his tracks!
Tatsumi: Hm, it's not going all that well.
Mayoi: N-no! When I take a step back, he also takes a step forward...! I just can't get any closer to him!
Tatsumi: That's fine. We can work like this until Koga-san and the others arrive.
Mayoi: Yes! Like this, I'll succeed in taking care of Hokuto-senpai properly ♪
Tatsumi: That's right, keep going, Mayoi-san.
Tomoya: ...Ah. Akehoshi-senpai sent me a text.
"Hokuto-senpai's doing just fine~!", it says.
Hm, there's a picture attached too... This is, Ayase-senpai feeding Hokuto-senpai?
I'm glad that Hokuto-senpai seems to be listening to Ayase-senpai seriously...
I have to thank Ayase-senpai properly. Let's get him a nice souvenir before returning home ♪
Tomoya: ....That aside, why does Ayase-senpai seem to be holding my clothes that should have been in the laundry basket?
[ ☆ ]
#mayoi ayase#tatsumi kazehaya#tomoya mashiro#enstars#mayoi ayase idol story#ensemble stars translations#idol story
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I've been seeing a lot of "If Dabi dies it'll be a mercy" lately, and I have some Feelings™.
For the record, my blog is essentially Daddy Issues Central, so I feel like I'm uniquely qualified to weigh in on this situation.
But that's neither here or there, so;
On the one hand, I'm sure Dabi DOES in fact want to live, but wants and needs are different, yes? Would death really be a mercy? That depends. He needs help, REAL help. And that road is a long and winding thing. But I believe in my innermost heart that he'd have the support he needs. If I ever thought my sibling was dead, but then they popped up a decade later, even if they had committed horrible crimes I legitimately believe that I'd give them another chance. And the same with my mother. For all the crime shows she watches, she always says that she'd turn me in, but I honestly doubt she would, and even if she did I think she'd stand by me. There's something about being the first child, your mothers 'first baby'. There has only been a couple times my mother has called me her first baby, but it is never a pretty thing. It's heart wrenching, every time she's called me that it's been voice cracking, heart breaking situations. And every time I look at Dabi, I can almost hear Rei's voice, cracking, "my first baby." I refuse to believe his mother and siblings would abandon him, I reject that possibility absolutely.
And that's not even taking The League into account, because whether you like it or not, Dabi cares about all of them in some way. My whole point being; Dabi has a lot more people who care about him than he thinks, which seems to be a common theme with people who have a low self-worth.
So there's that, now on to the less pleasant side of things. So; would death REALLY be a mercy? And that's the million dollar question, isn't it? Unfortunately, I believe without a shadow of a doubt that Dabi couldn't possibly be happier than if he burned himself alive, taking everyone he wanted with him. I think he truly believes death is the only option, because he's been so miserable, so hurt for a full fucking decade at this point, he just wants it to end. When you've been so thoroughly rejected and neglected by someone who is literally 50% of your life, that hurt never goes away. Then factor in that someone believes their entire family is the same, you've got a recipe for disaster. And whether or not that's the 'good' or 'right' decision, it doesn't change the fact that it's a very human response to perceived rejection. Just because it isn't 'actually' real doesn't mean it doesn't feel VERY real to whoever it is happening to.
So I guess at the end of all this, I say what Dabi really wants is a 50 / 50 shot. Unsatisfying, I'm sure. But I really do think he feels both ways.
But I do need to add in that I NEED this God damn singed fucker to live, because if he dies not only is it going to be thematically awful for him and Shouto, but I personally will never recover.
As sad as it is, this ridiculous fictional character was the only thing that made me realize that I was fixating on my own sperm donor (who I haven't spoken to in over a decade) and that I need to GET A GRIP and fucking move on.
That's the main reason I need Todoroki Touya to live, because I'm selfish and sad and I need to see that he can live through this hell. Because if he can do it maybe I can do it too.
#I have too many feelings#dabi#todoroki touya#touya todoroki#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia
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...
#I wish I could just finish something for once#I joke about being a slow writer I own it#but oof its like. all this time and nothing to show for it#(and I don't mean nothing at all I mean nothing to show)#I just. I know I need to get better at self discipline#and not only write once in a blue moon when the fancy strikes me#or else I'm never going to get anywhere. realistically#but idk I just feel like I came out of the womb already low on ''forcing myself'' energy#and the little I can eke out is always used up on the basics of life#and I know it's never going to get better#I'm never going to have less responsibilities#and my writing brain is never going to get less fickle#so what am I supposed to do?????????#like ik ik get a routine#except going to work every day and feeding myself is like the most routine I can manage I swear#anyway most of the time I'm like. I don't want to make writing into something stressful that would be counterproductive#what matters is that I'm having fun#but sometimes it's like. dang. I am just never going to accomplish my goals i guess
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👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽some of my skipy lore in the tags i was supposed to bridge it with something else but i forgot what i wanted to say 😭
#i feel like i always show skip as like. a loser.....which he is#and a cheater. hes that too.#and a shit person in general. i dont show that one but he is#he tries to do right by other ppl but he'll always put his feelings first. self centered mf#he got married before he turned 20 he was NOT ready for that shit 😭#literally got married to brandi out of guilt bc he fucked up her life n shit too kinda. even tho she wanted a family she lost a lot of#other shit too#skip experiences a slight hurdle in his life and hes like ''i have to have an affair/fuck/fun away''#man that had high hopes for himself and his future gets frustrated by the consequences of his impulsive actions. more at 11#he thought he'd have a slightly better life than the rest of his family. but then his parents died and he got a girl he'd been dating for#less than a year pregnant and he was like. fuckkk it#started doing some foul ass shit to the ppl around him when he realized there was no getting back up to where he wanted to be#everything culminating into him running away from his family and responsibilities and changing his name#idk i never talk abt my skip broke is alive headcanon anymore 😭 mostly bc i'm not writing my story anyways so it's stagnant yk#hes stuck in limbo while i decide his fate based on what i want to post 😭#IDK WHY I WROTE ALL THIS IN THE TAGS IM PISSED. oh well#hidden skip lore if u read this u get one pass to leave ur wife and kids go fuck sexy bitches in belladonna cove
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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hey girl is the room flooding or are you just happy to see me
#the room was flooding#btw#i have to say stepping out of my bed and into ice-cold water barefoot woke me up VERY quickly#it was only a little water tho so it's ok. less than an inch. AND it was clean#like this is not FLOODWATER floodwater. my stuff is soggy but not ruined. it could be so so so much worse#i also think the maintenance people were rather perplexed by my good mood? like#1. this is so far from the worst case flooding scenario it isn't even funny#and 2. girl my daily struggle is waking the fuck up. the fact that my room is flooded means that i can now be awake to study for my midterm#this is honestly an improvement over my normal daily stress level#cus see. ultimately. this is other peoples' problem. i'm not responsible for this one. i just happen to live here#the joy of dorm life i suppose#always very interesting to be standing on my soggy doormat in my buc-ee's pjs watching someone's job security flash before their eyes#at least one other suite was flooded this morning AND they mentioned that this isn't the first time this has happened. so. erm#maybe that's not a good thing. maybe some of my tuition should go towards... preventative maintenance? perhaps?#you know. as a treat. it's not really that important or anything.#not like there's a threat of. oh idk. burst pipes? flood damage?#all hypotheticals of course. that would never happen in real life#anyway...#this means i sure won't be procrastinating doing my laundry any longer!
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very tired of the. everything. can the everything stop for a moment.
#teaposts#not fandom#maybe delete later#idk man so much of the world is in a terrible state and my heart is bleeding too much these days#and no matter how i try i can never seem to make my list of academic responsibilities less all-consuming each semester#and i can't really afford not to work this semester too so i have to be on the grind basically from dawn until dark every day now#and the changes to this website are giving me more psychic damage every time i log on so it's not even an escape anymore#and i'm always in pain and always so tired and it just. doesn't stop. none of the anything ever stops.#can i at least go to sleep and not lie awake thinking about what comes next and not wake up regretting how long i've slept
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not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine
#like yes i want rascal to use them so he can be happy and fulfilled but also i dont fucking trust you#she didnt even ask. i wasnt even AROUND and she just yoinked them#she also took the new litter box my roomie got for him bc the old one was so caked in shit that 20 mins in a powerful sink didnt even#change it. like bedrock-hard cat shit. who fucking knows how old that was bc they never clean or empty it. fucks sake#and obv he needs a litter box and my roomie threw the old one away bc again it was Unsalvageably And Hazardously Filthy#like we could get sick he could get sick. get a grip#but like i dont wanna be feeding her replacements for her stuff she doesn't take care of over and over#just burning money trying to make rascal's life a Little better bc again our control over his situation is limited bc hes literally her cat#it's so frustrating. like i waited a full month to get him new toys bc i didn't know how long this situation was gonna last and i dont have#cats and cant have them for a while (not that this is stopping me oops) so it's not like the toys'll be used w me#like if she decided to up and drop him at a shelter like she'd planned less than a couple months ago I'd be sittjng in a pile of cat stuff#but he needs more stuff yknow. theyre not providing for him and i have the means to atm. and just when i bite the bullet and surprise him#with a bunch of new things he was SO excited about she swoops in without warning and takes him#god. my roommate told me he just froze up when his owner came in..and he looked so pissed about it#having to go back and leave us and leave all his fun new stuff to go back to the room where they cant even bother to feed him regularly#much less play with him or take care of him#it's heartbreaking. it's such a delicate situation im trying to move carefully so we don't lose him completely but it's so frustrating going#slow. ughhghhgh AND THEYRE ALWAYS LIKE man he's so much nicer to y'all. MAYBE IT'S BC WE TREAT HIM WELL. CRAZY THOUGHT I KNOW#fucking. i love that little man this sucks for him so bad. trying to get him back for a couple days while im here but no response yet#and my roommate's staying on campus over break so she's gonna show up as soon as that week's over like I'm Here For Rascal. Your Time Is Up.#rauguhhhhh sorry if these rascal vent posts are a downer guys. it's just. god dude. fucking hell#i know this is a stupid situation i have gotten myself into i know it's stupid to try and finagle someone's pet from them BUT SHES ABUSIVE#AND SUPER LIKE. INDIFFERENT?? AND APATHETIC ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE PPL SHE DUMPS HIM ON CARE FOR HIM WELL OR NOT. AGH#sighhhh. whatever. gotta focus on tmr's exam and then i can complain about rascal some more.#i get she prolly thinks it's a team effort but the only reason we take her stuff is bc we didn't have a cat and werent planning on it#ggggghhzgzzjzjkkzkzkkzkk. grinding my teeth
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Daily Log 5
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.
I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.
Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.
Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.
Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.
eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)
Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.
Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.
Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#Not sure if this is helping me be more productive#though I think it might in some ways help me appreciate things around me more. Since I'm kind of collecting 'notable' sights or smells#or things. sometimes through the day I'm looking around my environment trying to spot anything whimsical or wonderful or pleasing#I could see this excercise possiblyhelping people pick out more positives around them and appreciate small things in life more#I kind of already do that (very meticulous slow moving person who notices tiny details in everything) so I'm not sure if it's any more than#I usually would but.. eh?? maybe??#Still craving a ton of hearty foods lol my body is so so so deficient in something right now and I'm being very cool about it#I have a very high level of self control (so like am very responsible good at managing money and getting placeson time and planning and#etc. and abstaining from things if necessary (like wearing a mask and cutting out certain activities during a pandemice#or not eating something now that might hurt my stomach later etc. etc.) so It's not much of a problem but#if not... I would probably be ordering in so much random fast food and stuff or something ghh#Even before I was put on a restrictive diet by my doctors I still never ate out very much for money reasons#Usually once a month or less. this includes stuff like coffees (can be made at home cheaper) or drinks or etc.#Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit#/have never known or gotten used to anything else - because if not I feel like it would be a real shock or like a struggle#I have friends that order in food for like every single meal and it's only getting more and more expensive#so I guess it's kind of releiving to not really have the prospect of that stress as much (though things in the grocery store#are still expensive too so.. even if you're cooking at home. You do save money but its STILL a strain with the current#economy). ANYWAY... maybe sometimes it is good to be miserly and poor.. if I had unlimited money and a spending habit or something#I could go through with ordering ribs and chicken wings and 5 plates of lasagna and a burrito and udon and etc. and eat it all at once#and then have such a bad stomach pains I have to go to the hospital lol#ANYWAY...#daily log
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i actually also have a lot of feelings on like. kids seeing adults as people? like. there's always that moment as a kid where it really like. hits you that your parents are like. human people. like, imperfect, flawed people, who can have negative emotions or not know the answer. and i think reynie has kinda already gotten there, and constance never had much of a choice, being psychic, although she doesn't seem to deal with it in the same way or like. hmm i'll get back to her actually but i want to talk about kate for a second. i have a feeling that a good way to get through to kate about the whole situation with milligan is to get her to see that like. a big chunk of the reason why he's behaving how he is has less to do with her and more to do with him--that he's someone who lost his memory for over a decade and as a result lost his daughter, and now desperately wants to keep her safe, be a good dad, make up for what she lost, etc, be the responsible one, take care of her, and like, yeah, obviously part of that is the fact she's a kid and he wants to parent her, but like. a lot of it also has to do with his own issues. you know what i mean. and then with the last reblog my god oh fuck like. cosntance having her dad "roommate" apologize for not being strong enough my god.
#i also just think like.#hmmm how do i like. put this.#obviously kids and adults like. there's a power dynamic there. adults are more experienced and have responsibility to like. protect/guide#while kids are still learning and growing and like. there's a lot more wiggle room for growth/understanding there#if a kid hurts an adult (like their feelings i mean) there's a certain like. uhh. like. it's not the same as an adult hurting an adult#but it's such a strange dynamic#from either side#because as a kid it's like. holy fuck. i didn't even know i COULD hurt an adult--much less MY adult (parent/guardian/etc)#and you feel bad and weird and guilty#but as an adult it's like! that's a child! i'm not going to be mad at a child!#but whatever they said still can hurt your feelings#but like. it's again not the same as another adult doing that so like. you just kinda have to be the bigger person#and feel shitty/guilty for being hurt/upset at all#so like. idk something something constance constantly being brusque and dismissive of their relationship with the idea of like#he gets it he gets me it's okay i can not acknowledge that i care about him#and like. she's right on some level! she is! he does understand her and get how she expresses herself#and he would never be mad at her for her emotional distance/protecting herself#but like. that doesn't mean it couldn't like. hurt? even though he's angry at himself for feeling that way?#and when she realizes this. big oof. like. fuck.#you know what i mean? its complex. its weird.#have you ever done that? as a kid hurt your parent or teachers feelings on accident or when you were really mad?#and it's such a weird feeling bc they seemed untouchable and you really didnt mean to! you didnt! but you did and you feel awful about it#and like then as an adult... on the other side of that interaction... oof. anyway#mbs disney#mbs spoilers#mbs disney spoilers#nicholas benedict#kate wetherall#constance contraire#milligan wetherall
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so.
#thinking a lot about how difficult it is to live#i don't know when i'm going to bother with making friends again#i'd rather be good to people but not compromise myself with them in any way again#i used to ask myself why some people were distant because i didn't know any better#sometimes you put everything you have into your words to make another know how much you care for them#and it doesn't stop them from breaking your heart#because it's more natural to not think over things#when one is less careful or not used to understanding that sort of affection#rambling right now because i wish i had never met some people ever ever ever ever#i need to remember that the happiness of others is not my responsibility#constantly putting my neck on the guillotine#personal#text
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It's just a fact that nothing I do matters or has any impact
I can prove it, and I do mean that
I wouldn't want to because I think it would bother people, but I have... endless proof
#functionally I don't exist#I exist only in the sense of a vague technicality in that I'm physically present and all the think therefore kind of trash#but I have zero impact or interaction with the world#it's not that unlikely that I'm a hallucination haunting a keyboard#a figment of my own imagination#...the only sad part is if that was true at least I could just stop dreaming myself alive#instead of having to take more concrete and failure prone measures#but I genuinely do not and never have existed#and I really can prove it a thousand times over#but... I think it would be upsetting to have it all laid out; so I never will lay out the proof#besides; even if I said every last thing that would just sink into the void too#... I could say a lot more but I won't#there's questions I'd love an answer to but... but there's reasons I can't ask them including I already have and never got a response#...shame I won't even have anything to drink on my birthday I don't think#...if only I could dissect myself and place myself in neat little piles for medical folks to use as parts#if only if only if only#what I wouldn't give for a crumb#mm tag so i can find things later#or less kindly; what I wouldn't give to be able to breath these feelings down the world's throat#see how you like it when lockdowns are enough to make you squeamish#just bitter on that one cause everyone talked big about how sad it made them... but not a shred of anything given my way#when that's just a normal day everyday forever for me#I literally forgot about lockdowns being a thing on a regular basis#my life then and life now are the same except I don't have to drive to the trailer to clean; just have to go to the storage room#so that's nice at least#but I see the exact same amount of people every day as I did then#you could make some money killing me you know; and I'd film a clip making it clear it's all my idea#only problem is I'd have to trust you with people I like despite you being willing to kill... but maybe I would if you get it's a mercy#eh... I can't even say what I really think... I should go to bed#and I can't even talk about the stuff that got me thinking on this
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You're a reasonably informed person on the internet. You've experienced things like no longer being able to get files off an old storage device, media you've downloaded suddenly going poof, sites and forums with troves full of people's thoughts and ideas vanishing forever. You've heard of cybercrime. You've read articles about lost media. You have at least a basic understanding that digital data is vulnerable, is what I'm saying.
I'm guessing that you're also aware that history is, you know... important? And that it's an ongoing study, requiring ... data about how people live? And that it's not just about stanning celebrities that happen to be dead?
Congratulations, you are significantly better-informed than the British government!
So they're currently like "Oh hai can we destroy all these historical documents pls? To save money? Because we'll digitise them first so it's fine! That'll be easy, cheap and reliable -- right? These wills from the 1850s will totally be fine for another 170 years as a PNG or whatever, yeah? We didn't need to do an impact assesment about this because it's clearly win-win! We'd keep the physical wills of Famous People™ though because Famous People™ actually matter, unlike you plebs. We don't think there are any equalities implications about this, either! Also the only examples of Famous People™ we can think of are all white and rich, only one is a woman and she got famous because of the guy she married. Kisses!"
Yes, this is the same Government that's like "Oh no removing a statue of slave trader is erasing history :("
You have, however, until 23 February 2024 to politely inquire of them what the fuck they are smoking. And they will have to publish a summary of the responses they receive. And it will look kind of bad if the feedback is well-argued, informative and overwhelmingly negative and they go ahead and do it anyway. I currently edit documents including responses to consultations like (but significantly less insane) than this one. Responses do actually matter.
I would particularly encourage British people/people based in the UK to do this, but as far as I can see it doesn't say you have to be either. If you are, say, a historian or an archivist, or someone who specialises in digital data do say so and draw on your expertise in your answers.
This isn't a question of filling out a form. You have to manually compose an email answering the 12 questions in the consultation paper at the link above. I'll put my own answers under the fold.
Note -- I never know if I'm being too rude in these sorts of things. You probably shouldn't be ruder than I have been.
Please do not copy and paste any of this: that would defeat the purpose. This isn't a petition, they need to see a range of individual responses. But it may give you a jumping-off point.
Question 1: Should the current law providing for the inspection of wills be preserved?
Yes. Our ability to understand our shared past is a fundamental aspect of our heritage. It is not possible for any authority to know in advance what future insights they are supporting or impeding by their treatment of material evidence. Safeguarding the historical record for future generations should be considered an extremely important duty.
Question 2: Are there any reforms you would suggest to the current law enabling wills to be inspected?
No.
Question 3: Are there any reasons why the High Court should store original paper will documents on a permanent basis, as opposed to just retaining a digitised copy of that material?
Yes. I am amazed that the recent cyber attack on the British Library, which has effectively paralysed it completely, not been sufficient to answer this question for you. I also refer you to the fate of the Domesday Project. Digital storage is useful and can help more people access information; however, it is also inherently fragile. Malice, accident, or eventual inevitable obsolescence not merely might occur, but absolutely should be expected. It is ludicrously naive and reflects a truly unpardonable ignorance to assume that information preserved only in digital form is somehow inviolable and safe, or that a physical document once digitised, never need be digitised again..At absolute minimum, it should be understood as certain that at least some of any digital-only archive will eventually be permanently lost. It is not remotely implausible that all of it would be. Preserving the physical documents provides a crucial failsafe. It also allows any errors in reproduction -- also inevitable-- to be, eventually, seen and corrected. Note that maintaining, upgrading and replacing digital infrastructure is not free, easy or reliable. Over the long term, risks to the data concerned can only accumulate.
"Unlike the methods for preserving analog documents that have been honed over millennia, there is no deep precedence to look to regarding the management of digital records. As such, the processing, long-term storage, and distribution potential of archival digital data are highly unresolved issues. [..] the more digital data is migrated, translated, and re-compressed into new formats, the more room there is for information to be lost, be it at the microbit-level of preservation. Any failure to contend with the instability of digital storage mediums, hardware obsolescence, and software obsolescence thus meets a terminal end—the definitive loss of information. The common belief that digital data is safe so long as it is backed up according to the 3-2-1 rule (3 copies on 2 different formats with 1 copy saved off site) belies the fact that it is fundamentally unclear how long digital information can or will remain intact. What is certain is that its unique vulnerabilities do become more pertinent with age." -- James Boyda, On Loss in the 21st Century: Digital Decay and the Archive, Introduction.
Question 4: Do you agree that after a certain time original paper documents (from 1858 onwards) may be destroyed (other than for famous individuals)? Are there any alternatives, involving the public or private sector, you can suggest to their being destroyed?
Absolutely not. And I would have hoped we were past the "great man" theory of history. Firstly, you do not know which figures will still be considered "famous" in the future and which currently obscure individuals may deserve and eventually receive greater attention. I note that of the three figures you mention here as notable enough to have their wills preserved, all are white, the majority are male (the one woman having achieved fame through marriage) and all were wealthy at the time of their death. Any such approach will certainly cull evidence of the lives of women, people of colour and the poor from the historical record, and send a clear message about whose lives you consider worth remembering.
Secondly, the famous and successsful are only a small part of our history. Understanding the realities that shaped our past and continue to mould our present requires evidence of the lives of so-called "ordinary people"!
Did you even speak to any historians before coming up with this idea?
Entrusting the documents to the private sector would be similarly disastrous. What happens when a private company goes bust or decides that preserving this material is no longer profitable? What reasonable person, confronted with our crumbling privatised water infrastructure, would willingly consign any part of our heritage to a similar fate?
Question 5: Do you agree that there is equivalence between paper and digital copies of wills so that the ECA 2000 can be used?
No. And it raises serious questions about the skill and knowledge base within HMCTS and the government that the very basic concepts of data loss and the digital dark age appear to be unknown to you. I also refer you to the Domesday Project.
Question 6: Are there any other matters directly related to the retention of digital or paper wills that are not covered by the proposed exercise of the powers in the ECA 2000 that you consider are necessary?
Destroying the physical documents will always be an unforgivable dereliction of legal and moral duty.
Question 7: If the Government pursues preserving permanently only a digital copy of a will document, should it seek to reform the primary legislation by introducing a Bill or do so under the ECA 2000?
Destroying the physical documents will always be an unforgivable dereliction of legal and moral duty.
Question 8: If the Government moves to digital only copies of original will documents, what do you think the retention period for the original paper wills should be? Please give reasons and state what you believe the minimum retention period should be and whether you consider the Government’s suggestion of 25 years to be reasonable.
There is no good version of this plan. The physical documents should be preserved.
Question 9: Do you agree with the principle that wills of famous people should be preserved in the original paper form for historic interest?
This question betrays deep ignorance of what "historic interest" actually is. The study of history is not simply glorified celebrity gossip. If anything, the physical wills of currently famous people could be considered more expendable as it is likely that their contents are so widely diffused as to be relatively "safe", whereas the wills of so-called "ordinary people" will, especially in aggregate, provide insights that have not yet been explored.
Question 10: Do you have any initial suggestions on the criteria which should be adopted for identifying famous/historic figures whose original paper will document should be preserved permanently?
Abandon this entire lamentable plan. As previously discussed, you do not and cannot know who will be considered "famous" in the future, and fame is a profoundly flawed criterion of historical significance.
Question 11: Do you agree that the Probate Registries should only permanently retain wills and codicils from the documents submitted in support of a probate application? Please explain, if setting out the case for retention of any other documents.
No, all the documents should be preserved indefinitely.
Question 12: Do you agree that we have correctly identified the range and extent of the equalities impacts under each of these proposals set out in this consultation? Please give reasons and supply evidence of further equalities impacts as appropriate.
No. You appear to have neglected equalities impacts entirely. As discussed, in your drive to prioritise "famous people", your plan will certainly prioritise the white, wealthy and mostly the male, as your "Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin and Princess Diana" examples amply indicate. This plan will create a two-tier system where evidence of the lives of the privileged is carefully preserved while information regarding people of colour, women, the working class and other disadvantaged groups is disproportionately abandoned to digital decay and eventual loss. Current and future historians from, or specialising in the history of minority groups will be especially impoverished by this.
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