#I’m really considering to stop taking my meds tomorrow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlespoonevan · 1 year

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one line, any fic

thank you so much to @mellaithwen and @homerforsure for tagging me!! 💛💛💛💛

Rules: Pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the midpoint, pick a line (or a few), and share it! Then tag 10 people

(initially i was gonna just go back chronologically but then i sort of veered off into posting my favourites so here’s a mishmash of both askjdh)

i will admit it (if you admit it)

Eddie sighs, rubbing his hands over his face before fixing Buck with a pleading look. “I don’t know. I’m still- Buck, I’m still really fucking angry at you-“

“I know,” Buck cuts in before he can say anymore. He doesn’t need to hear it, doesn’t want to. “I know,” he repeats, stepping forward and cradling Eddie’s face between his hands. Eddie doesn’t brush him off; he only stares up at Buck like he’s begging him to offer up a solution to fix all of this.

Take What You Need, Darling

“How nice,” Margaret smiles – though it looks more like a grimace. “If you’re sure, Evan…”

“I’m sure,” Buck insists. “My place. Tomorrow night.”

Eddie mouths a silent thank you when the Buckleys’ backs are turned, biting down on a smile when Buck winks at him.

if you love me, wake me

“I’m really tired,” Eddie admits, half on a laugh as he casts a sidelong glance at Buck.

“I’ll get your meds and help you get ready for bed,” he starts, already making to get up again but Eddie puts a hand on his arm to stop him.

“In a minute,” he mumbles, head dropping down until it’s resting on Buck’s shoulder.

It makes Buck freeze before he forces himself to relax, resisting the urge to rest his cheek against Eddie’s hair.

Look How They Align

“Why? What’s different now?”

Eddie searches his expression, something unreadable in his eyes, and eventually, he smiles. “Moving here, meeting all of you, hanging out with you and Sophie- I’ve got…support here. I don’t feel so alone anymore, y’know?”

Buck knows. Buck knows so deeply that for an insane moment he considers doing something monumentally stupid like taking Eddie’s hand and just- holding it while he tells him he never has to be alone ever again.

i'm someone you maybe might love

The rest of her question gets cut off by a quiet, disbelieving, “Eddie?” and she and Eddie turn just in time for Buck to slam straight into Eddie.

Eddie takes a step back with the force of it but his arms come up around Buck immediately, hugging back just as fiercely. She catches sight of his blinding smile before he tucks his face into Buck’s shoulder and Lucy stares, can’t help it when they’re hugging like long-lost lovers being reunited.

Close Enough for Comfort

“Hey,” he replies quietly. And all he does is lift a hand but Buck takes it for the invitation he knows it is. He sinks down onto the couch and burrows himself under Eddie’s arm, pillowing his head on the spot where Eddie’s ribcage gives way to the softness of his stomach. Eddie’s arm settles over him, a grounding weight that finally pulls Buck back to reality.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asks, voice hushed and undemanding.

“I’m fine,” he replies, muffling the words in Eddie’s hoodie.

Say Anything...As Long As It's I Love You

Buck shrugs, a faraway sort of look on his face. “Do you remember the old couple we were called to a couple of years ago? The guy’s husband died and when we left them alone together so he could say goodbye he passed away too?”

Eddie does remember. He also remembers how hard the call had hit Buck. He nods, waiting for Buck to continue.

“Well, before Thomas died I was talking to him and he said you don’t find a love like that. You make it.” Buck looks down at his hands, mouth curving up just slightly. “So it’s not like- I don’t think fate is what keeps people together or anything. But I think it knows a thing or two about ‘right place, right time’, y’know?”

a touch of someone else (to save me from myself)

“I’m okay with blurring the lines like this sometimes,” he murmurs. “If it helps.”

Buck cranes his neck to meet his gaze and they’re so close it would take nothing at all for Eddie to close the distance and bring their mouths together. For all that Buck’s flirted, for all that Eddie’s indulged him in his own way, this is first time he’s actively thought about it. The first time he’s pictured kissing Buck in his head and wants.

nobody knows you, baby, the way i do

“Uh okay,” Ravi says, looking uncertainly at the flashcards in his hands that they’d appropriated from Hen’s stash. “Why are we doing this again?”

“Because me and Eddie are obviously better best friends than Hen and Chim,” Buck says and Ravi’s frown deepens.

“But I thought you and Eddie were-“

“Just get on with the questions, Probie,” Chimney interrupts.

Buy Back the Secrets

“Hey come on, you didn’t even make it a week hating me,” Eddie quips. “You’re physically incapable of being impolite for that long.”

“Or maybe you were just too fucking likeable,” Buck grumbles, making Eddie’s grin widen.

And it’s weird because Buck doesn’t know Eddie – or, well, he does but this version of him doesn’t – and yet he just feels…comfortable. Sure in Eddie’s presence in a way he doesn’t expect. There’s obviously a barrier between them, something clearly unspoken in the way Eddie knows everything about their relationship and Buck knows nothing, but it’s nice and it’s easy.

i wasn’t here yesterday so apologies if i double tag anyone but if you haven’t done it yet and would like to i’m tagging @buckactuallys @hmslusitania @evanbucxley @capseycartwright @finduilasclln @hattalove 🌷

#meme thing #scrolling to the midpoint of each of these fics was fascinating actually lmao #long post

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thessalian · 11 months

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Thess vs Travel

It stopped raining so I did in fact go out. Did pretty well, too, all things considered - didn’t get everything I wanted, but remembered a few things I needed.

Picked up some more mallet meds. I wasn’t entirely out but was going to be out by tomorrow, probably, so I figured better to get everything done in one yomp than to have to go drag myself out on a Sunday. Not that Saturdays aren’t bad (because they very much are) but Saturday and Sunday in succession are worse.

The grocery store in Peckham did not have little marshmallows for my hot chocolate. Woe. Still, I do have some; I just like to stockpile.

Speaking of stockpiling, on my hunt for basmati rice, I fould bulk bags of various spices I use in curry rather cheaper than I find them at my local corner shop. So I stocked up on turmeric, cumin seeds, ground coriander, chilli powder, and some paprika because I use that a fair bit too. Shouldn’t need to do that for awhile, and I can probably experiment with different curry recipes too. I’m kind of keen on trying chicken tikka masala next; it’s another of my favourites.

I got my basmati - just a small bag since I only have it when I’m having curry and I was going to be dragging home enough as it is. Though I might actually make pilau rice, since I worked that one out when I invited Mum over last month. I also got some ready-prepared pappadoms and some raita, because I deserve a treat.

I also took advantage of that grocery’s store 3-for-2 offer on fruit, so I have grapes, cherries, and Pink Lady apples (my favourites but I don’t indulge that often because of the cost). Like I said - I deserve a treat. And this treat is healthy, even.

I also remembered I kept meaning to get some toilet cleaner, mostly because the hard water in this country is a nightmare and I’m fed up with looking at the hard water stains. A little more expensive than I like, getting the good stuff that’s supposed to be ideal for breaking up hard water stains, but probably worth it.

So now I’m home and a little sore with it, because yomping around a grocery store is less than fun for me. Turns out I don’t have a Shenanigans session tonight because poor @lovefrometernity is still not feeling well and I would like the ability to teleport because SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT REQUIRES TAKING CARE OF AND THERE IS AN OCEAN AND A CONTINENT IN THE WAY AND I HATE IT. Small silver lining is that I get more gaming time, and a real full 100% week off where I don’t really have to do anything. But I’d rather be gaming with my friends, and I’d much rather have my friend not be sick.

EDIT: This is apparently my 100,000th post. I have been here THAT LONG, and posted THAT MUCH. Thank you for putting up with me.

#Thess is a motherfucking adult

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thenexusofsouls · 2 years

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{i am the caretaker of souls} Welp... I’m sick. So that’s cool. Turns out the filter in our AC system slipped and spewed a bunch of dust and other crap pretty much directly into the air in our house, and I am very much allergic to dust. We don’t know how long it’s been like that, but I woke up this morning feeling a little off, and I was hoping that replacing the filter would fix everything, but... now I’ve got body aches, coughing, sinus pain, and a sore throat. Looks like I’ve ended up with a sinus and/or respiratory infection. Which is just great, considering I’m immuno-compromised. *despondent headdesk* I came on here and was going to write but I just feel awful. Everything hurts and I can’t stop coughing. I think I’m going to take some meds and try to sleep it off. I’m really hoping I wake up feeing better because if not, this could go on for days. *sigh* Sorry guys... I will do my best to be on tomorrow night. =(

#{ i am the caretaker of souls } ᵒᵒᶜ

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variousandnefarious · 8 months

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maybe this is just 1 am thoughts but being much too self aware sucks sometimes because I’m too conscious that what I’m doing is wrong but I won’t stop doing it, so I just get the best of both worlds by doing the wrong thing and feeling terrible

I notice that I convince myself that people have a crush on me really easily but like. I’ve been getting hit on so much in uni, I’m not used to it. I’m more so used to being the one nobody remembers, being approachable is just an odd look on me.

But I like it. Every time I can tell that someone is into me (it’s not a lot ok I promise I’m not that fucking vain) I love to play into it, especially if they’re shy. I like to find reasons to talk to them, I like to flirt with them and worm myself into their brains. but im not interested in them.

Why the fuck do I keep leading people on. I love the attention and the want but when things get concrete, when the suggestion of a date happens, im just so so uninterested. I like to be admired from afar, to be that odd girl who talks to you and stays in your mind but I don’t want to sleep with you, I don’t want to consider you anything more than an acquaintance.

I don’t know why it feels so good to lead people on, and I can’t stop doing it.

Im starting actual therapy soon with the uni’s psychology system and hopefully it actually works and I can be a cool person and not a freak.

Also my new meds have been making me miss sleep since august, I’m fucking tired. If I remember, I’ll call the doctor’s office tomorrow because I can’t take it anymore.

20 mg of melatonin literallt does not do a thing, the only thing that has worked is NyQuil but my cold is ending and I have to take some just to sleep, it’s fucking unacceptable :/

Also also I haven’t talked to my partner in a while and im ramping up the courage to break up with him during studies week so I’m freaking out at all times of the day basically

It’s not the worst I’ve been but it certainly is not the best, I’ll tell ya

#shenanigans #haven’t overshared in a while…. had to rectify that real quick #just one misery after another for me this year

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mycomori · 1 year

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if i’m gonna make myself stop drinking full out in gonan ahve then take these meds tonight or tomorrow but preferably tonight cause it will keep me from drinking tonight but i kinda want one last night…but then i’ll want one last night on thursday where i dotn have to worry about work the next day but then i’ll want to drink the weekend and i’ll be right back where i was at the beginning of this week considering if it’s okay to take the meds after i drank a full 24 hours ago but once j take them it’s over i can’t drink again i don’t know im babbling but i really wanna drink tonight ut also what the fuck so taht honan did or em why can’t i get it through my fucjjhgbenadbuts not gonna help it gets in the way of EVERYTHING saving money loosing weight gojng to school getting into a better job exercising eating better drawing writing creating enjoying life all that is stifled by alcohol so why can’t i get it thigh my fucjing head

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unsprouted-seed · 2 years

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I came SO close to going into hard restriction to day. That voice has been whispering bullshit the last couple days in my ear and it’s getting REALLY hard to remember what I even want to do, what I’m meant to be trying to do, etc. Last night it was “Maybe tomorrow just don’t take your meds, then you don’t have to eat anything at all...” this morning I got up, and it was just “Okay so if we have this tiny breakfast we can manage the rest of our day so we can keep our cals in the low hundreds, no problem.” and I .... I so ALMOST agreed with it. And it didn’t feel like capitulation, just ... like I’d forgotten to fight. As if I’d agreed already.

I snapped and ate instead, but ... it’s getting very hard. And I just looked at the calendar... I’ve been home for a WEEK!! Christ how does time move so fucking slow??

Right now I’ve lost all my rules. I’ve lost all my control. My singular goal is make it to the doctor next week. It’s the only thing that matters, the only lifeline I have. So I’m eating what I can, when I can, I’ve stopped counting cals, stopped even trying to manage shit. I tell myself that my hunger can’t be a bad thing, that my malnutrtion must be solved so just eat what you want, it doesn’t matter in the short term. All I have to do is keep breathing, keep surviving. Control can come later. I’m not swimming, I’m just struggling not to drown, and it’s not pretty, but I’m somehow keeping my head above water.

Long term plans? I have none. The future doesn’t exist. The only thing I can see is the doctor’s visit and then... void. I’m so afraid that I’ll just collapse after I see her. I’m afraid she’s not going to have anything to offer me. I’m afraid that I’m just struggling on for no reason. And... a large part of me... is actively trying to kill me. Trying to drag me under the water and I’m not sure I have the energy to get back out again if it wins...

...

I’m heavily considering stockpiling toxic medication.........I’m sorry I just can’t say that anywhere else and I kinda needed to say it somewhere.

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spaceman-earthgirl · 3 years

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21 for supercorp, please :)

I combined two for this one because they fit so well together. 21. "Go back to bed before you collape." and 34. “You should be in bed! You can barely stand upright.”

---

Lena rubs at bleary eyes, briefly wondering how comfortable sleeping with her head on the table might be before she pushes the idea from her mind. She can sleep when she’s done, this is more important.

A noise at the door draws her attention, and she really shouldn’t be surprised to find Kara standing there, leaning against the door frame, but she is.

Lena is on her feet immediately. “You should be in bed! You can barely stand upright.”

“I’m fine,” Kara waves off the concern. Lena doesn’t miss the way she’s still holding herself up by the door frame. “What are you doing? I woke up and you were gone.”

It had been tough, leaving Kara sleeping, pulling her hand from where it was settled over Kara’s in favour of dragging herself to the laboratory. But then she’d remembered the gash on Kara’s forehead, dripping blood, the tears in her suit and bruise on her cheek, a sight burned into her mind, a sight she never wants to see again.

Which is why she’s in the lab now, making upgrades to Kara’s suit, to make sure something like this never happens again. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get some work done,” Lena lies.

“You’re tired, you should get some sleep.”

Lena swallows. “I don’t want go home.”

“I never said you should go home,” Kara says, pushing off from the door frame, still slightly unsteady on her feet.

“Go back to bed before you collapse, you should be under the sun lamps.” Lena hates seeing Kara like this, hates that she’s hurt, hates that she couldn’t help or stop this.

“I’ll go back to bed if you join me? You need sleep too.”

“But,” Lena starts, looking back at the work she’s started.

“It’ll be there tomorrow,” Kara promises, cutting in.

Lena can’t say no when Kara’s eyes are wide and hesitant so she walks with Kara back to the med bay, arm tucked through Kara’s to make sure she doesn’t fall even if she’s looking stronger than Lena had been expecting considering how bad she’d looked earlier in the evening. The cut on her forehead is even completely healed now, which is reassuring.

Lena tries to take the seat next to Kara’s bed, where she’d been sitting most of the night, but Kara doesn’t let her, she tugs her forward instead.

“Come here, please?” Kara asks, shuffling over to make room for Lena on the bed, switching the sunlamps off as she does.

“No, you need to heal.”

Kara shakes her head. “I’m fine, I promise, and I’ll turn them back on in the morning.” A pause. “I could just really use a hug from my best friend right now.”

There’s no way Lena can say no to a request like that, not that she would, except for the part where she’s not a particular fan of the sunlamps being turned off.

Lena smiles when Kara immediately wraps her arms around her when she lies down, when Kara presses as close as she can and rests her head on her chest.

“Much better than any sunlamps,” Kara hums. “I’m feeling better already.”

“I thought you said you were fine?” Lena replies, even as her heart skips multiple times in her chest. Kara must be able to hear it, even without superhearing she would be able to, head resting over her heart.

“Shhh, go to sleep,” Kara says, completely ignoring Lena.

Lena can hear the smile in her voice.

“Good night, Kara,” Lena says, relaxing into Kara’s embrace, deciding this is a fight she isn’t going to win.

“Good night, Lena.”

Tomorrow, Kara can rest under the sunlamps some more (Lena knows that if her and Alex tag team, they should be able to convince Kara to spend a little more time under them) and once she’s well rested herself, she can work on the suit to make sure no one can ever hurt Kara again.

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #ask #anon

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k-s-morgan · 2 years

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Hi! My Internet gradually stops working well, but I’m still fine and my family is still safe. As always, I can’t tell you all how much I appreciate all the kinds words, messages, financial and emotional support you’ve given me. The fact that the world has so many wonderful and compassionate people is one of my comfort thoughts at a time like this, where there is so much grief and fear wherever you go.

I’m once again at the stage where I feel rather optimistic. I don’t think this war will last long. Both Ukrainian and Russian news (and I’m sure plenty of foreign news) are distorting the truth in completely opposite ways, to the point where it’s difficult to say which of them is closer to being objective, but facts remain facts, and they help make some conclusions. I’m hopeful that my home will remain a safe harbor for me and my family. It’s possible that Russian troops might use one of the roads nearby to make their way into the city, but even that is far enough, and they won’t be interested in this location much, there is really nothing of importance here.

Many of the shops nearby are working, and with the help of those who contributed to my Patreon, my Mom and I keep buying more food, water, meds, and pet food. Today we volunteered to look after a pet shop - the owner has fled and told shop assistants to leave all the animals to die. Since the assistants want to leave Kiev, too, they tried to find someone who could come inside and feed the pets daily. We live close by, so we said we can do it.

I’ve started writing short semi-fictional stories that play well into my mood. Maybe I’ll make it into a book at some point. I miss my fandoms and my fics, and I hope I’ll be able to get back to them very soon. It’s just so difficult to enjoy something when fear and worry became a constant part of my life. On good days like this one, I manage to distract myself for some time, but even that doesn’t last long, and before I know it, I’m back to reading the news, trying to separate lies from truths.

Answering questions from some asks: I’m a born Ukrainian, but Russian is my first language, just like it is for the majority of our population (if you count Crimea). So I tend to spell “Kiev” like this instead of using the Ukrainian version of “Kyiv.” Leaving without any of my family members and all of my pets is not something I can consider right now. I love them so much, they are my world. I’m not sure I can envision life without them. We all have a very close, maybe even obsessive relationship with each other, and the idea of separation is a nightmare. Also, like I mentioned before, there are many risks involved with the trip itself.

That said, if things get really, really bad here, I might take this risk. For now, staying seems safer and better than escaping, but it might change. I still can’t imagine leaving my loved ones, but if it comes to surviving or staying with them... maybe I’ll choose the former. I don’t know yet, I can’t bear thinking about it.

I want to stay as optimistic as I am today. Also, sorry for not replying to asks individually: I want to keep records of my own posts for later, and this format is more convenient for me. I also don’t want to clutter people’s dashboards with posts that I never thought I would be making on this site.

Thank you again, each of you. Here are two selfies I took with one of my cats and one of my pigeons today. I’m praying that we all stay safe tonight and tomorrow.

#personal #ukraine #kiev

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cyborg-franky · 3 years

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Hello there. I saw your asks are open and the prompt "I'll feel much better if you let me walk you home" jumped out at me. I love your writing so I thought I'd submit an ask for this with a female reader and either Law or Zoro (with the guy offering the walking home)? I used to be team Zoro all the way until you matched me with Law and... now I'm conflicted. I love them both so I'll leave it up to you. Thank you for considering and I hope you are well.

Haha join the Law side of the force. I'll share so it's cool. I picked Law because I have done a butt load for mosshead in the last two days. I am doing well thanks <3 hope you are also ok my dear! and enjoy!

Law x Female reader TW: Some alcohol AU: Modern au - mature students SFW Word Count: 692 House parties weren’t really Law’s thing, but med school had been grated on him and the chance to avoid the books and work load for a weekend was actually rather welcome. He sat on the sofa watching everyone sit around in a hectic circle. He’d drank half a bottle of beer, swirling the liquid around half heartedly as he observed the rest of the group.

Nami was trying to stop Luffy from eating all the pizza before anyone else had a chance to take a piece. Zoro and Sanji were aggressively debating something, he didn’t pay attention, there was too much flexing of egos for him. Usopp was telling everyone a story, arms flapping around as he left no detail out.

He turned to his side, you’d been sat next to him, chuckling at the vibrant atmosphere as you gently sipped the bright cocktail in your hand, something Sanji had made for all the woman, always spoiling his female friends.

Cute he thought watching you brush back loose hair, laughing louder when Usopp and Luffy started to regale the group with another half-baked prank they’d tried to pull. The night went on, he’d finished his one beer, the empty bottle still in his inked hand, he couldn’t help glance at you every now and then, more reserved than the rest of his friends.

You had introduced yourself, spoken a little about yourself. “So, what do you do Law?” You asked shifting a little closer to the tall silent man, not wanting to yell across the din of the room. “I’m a med student, couldn’t you tell from the dark circles?” He smirked when his comment caused you to giggle softly.

“Yeah, I should have guessed.” You gave him a warm smile and it felt nice to have your attention.

“Are you getting a cab?” Nami asked you as she started to put the empty bottles in the trash, everything starting to wind down for the night. You shook your head “Nah, I’m only a fifteen-minute walk” You assured the pretty red head.

"I'll feel much better if you let me walk you home” You and Nami both stared at Law, Nami quirked an eyebrow at the man’s uncharacteristic politeness. “Yeah, he’s a good guy, he’s creepier then anything out there so you’ll be safe” Nami winked at you playfully poking her tongue out at Law.

Who did not seem impressed with the back handed compliment but shrugged his shoulders “If your sure… I’d like that”

The night was chilly, colder than you expected and you regretted your choice not to bring anything to cover your bare arms. “You alright?” The first words he’d said since you started off from your friend’s house. “Oh yeah”

“Tsk you’re a bad liar, here” You watched him pull off the ghastly bright yellow sweatshirt with the smiley pattern and shoved it into your hands. “Are you sure?” You stared at it, feeling his body warmth still radiating off of it.

“What sort of Doctor would I be if I let someone get a cold? It’s fine. Just give it back next time you see me” Law dug his hands into his jean pockets, a way of making sure you couldn’t hand it back to him. “Ah thanks” you slipped it on, it was long on your arms, he was a tall string bean of a man you supposed. It felt nice on you, his cologne was pleasant. “And when will that be?” You pushed.

“Hm? Well, I was going to get coffee tomorrow before I start work on a paper, your welcome to join me there” It wasn’t a question, just an open-ended offer which you smiled at nodding your head.

You soon reached your door and he waited until you’d found your keys and let yourself in, you waved your hand at him, and he nodded, giving you a half-hearted wave. Once in your house you looked at your phone, it lit up from a message, you unlocked it and saw the notification ‘Dr Traffy’ Goodnight, see you tomorrow.

You couldn’t help beaming brightly, you were looking forward getting to know your new friend…

#sfw #one piece x reader #one piece reader inserts #trafalgar law x reader #law x reader #fem reader #tw: alcohol #one piece law x reader

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toshis-switch · 3 years

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can't love you anymore - tsukishima x reader

word count: 706

warnings: cursing, angst, typical breakup shit

listened to "can't love you anymore" by iu feat oh hyuk while writing this, good luck

(will probably have a part two, but...maybe that's not a good thing. tell me what you think in the replies, reblogs, and/or asks! love u, take care of yourself, drink some water, take your meds, and have a snack or meal!)

“i’m so sick and tired of you treating me like this.”

he huffs, looking at you on his side. “and what am i treating you like?”

you look at him incredulously. “like i’m garbage to you! or like i’m second rate, or that you’re staying with me only because you can’t handle being alone.”

“oh, i’m the one who can’t handle being alone? okay,” he scoffs. “nice to hear from the person who’s so fucking clingy it feels like i can’t fucking breathe. can’t you pick up the cue that maybe i don’t need to you be attached to me? you’re like a fucking parasite.”

you stop in your tracks on the sidewalk. you can’t comprehend what he says, and once he realizes what he said and the fact that you’re not next to him anymore, his eyes widen. he turns around to look at you, shock and guilt in his eyes and expression.

it’s too late, though. this was it. this was your breaking point.

“i’m so sick and tired of this, dude.” you wipe your tears with his zip-up before taking it off and throwing it on the ground. “take your fucking jacket back-” you stop to pull your keys out of your purse, taking the key to his apartment off of the ring. “-and take your key back. i’m picking up my stuff tomorrow afternoon while you’re at practice, so leave it in a box outside the door. i’m going back to my apartment because obviously you can’t bear to be around me anymore, and i’m sick and tired of...” you shake your head. “we’re done.”

“you’re sick and tired of what, y/n?”

“loving you. because it hurts. you hurt me every time you cancel a date, or tell me that you’re too tired to head over to my place to hang out. you hurt me every time you push me away and i’m tired of putting my heart out on the line for you to crush it in the palm of your hands.”

you turn and walk away from him before he grabs you by the wrist and pulls you back.

“don’t-don’t give up on me yet.” he grabs one of your hands with both of his as he begs you to stay. “please.”

“i don’t have anything left to stay for,” you respond numbly. “i try to maximize the amount of time i spend with you, i work all day to make sure that i’m sufficient enough for myself so i don’t have to ask you for things all the time, and i take care of you because you can’t do it yourself. i am your girlfriend, your partner, your equal, and i refuse to coddle you and simultaneously be dejected every single day. i’m worth more than that. don’t try to manipulate me into staying by saying that you love me, because if you really loved me then maybe you would have realized that i’ve been putting up with giving you everything and getting nothing in return.”

you wrestle your wrist out of his grip as the sun sets in your eyeline, walking in the opposite direction from him. you feel his gaze on you as you walk away from him.

he doesn’t bother asking again, he knows how stubborn you are when you make a decision. and it’s not like you were wrong, either. he had to start living with the consequences of his actions, anyways.

he picks up your jacket—well, his jacket, really, and takes it home with him. and as he packs up your stuff, as you wished, his heart splinters off into pieces as he sees the pieces of you leave his apartment, from the trinkets he had gotten you, to polaroids and photo booth prints, to a travel sized bottle of your perfume.

he takes a picture of the small bottle, buying a bigger bottle of it so that he can keep a touch of you on him, and for a moment, delude himself into thinking that you would come back.

he considers staying at home and ditching practice, if only to see you again and try to convince you, but he’d know that it would hurt you more.

i’ve hurt you enough already, anyways.

----

surprise surprise, here's a part 2

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x y/n #haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima kei #tsukishima imagine #tsukki x reader #tsukishima angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x you #haikyu x reader #tsukki x y/n #tsukki x you #tsukki angst

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heliads · 3 years

Text

Are You Happy With Him?

Y/N is a Med-Jack in the Glade, who happens to be dating Gally. Newt happens to be completely in love with her, but he may have more of a chance with her than he’d first thought.

masterlist

The night is dark, the air is cool. Sparks dance away from the fire, and the Gladers mill about watching Gally pummel whatever boy had the misfortune to step into the circle with him, all the while pretending they can’t see the looming walls of the Maze rising up around them. Thomas is seated on the ground a distance away from everyone else, back leaned up against a fallen tree trunk while he listens to Newt explain everything there is to know about the Glade and the Maze and whatever else Thomas asks him.

The sound of footsteps draws close, and seconds later another boy swings into a seat next to the two of them. Newt grins to see his friend. “Thomas, this is Minho. Think you’ve seen him around before, he’s a Runner.” Minho waves a greeting to Thomas, then glances back in the same direction as the two boys. “Newt talking you through life here in the Glade?”

Thomas nods. Minho keeps glancing around the campfire, then chuckles slightly when his eyes fall on the lone girl standing among the other Gladers. “Newt mentioned her yet?” Newt groans, but Thomas shakes his head. “No, not once. Who is she?” Minho adjusts his position so he’s facing Thomas, holding up his hands as if the runner’s about to deliver a key piece of information.

“That right there is Y/N. She’s a Med-Jack, although we all call her a Med-Jane because we’re a bunch of shanks who like to mess with our friends. The reason she’s so important is because Newt here is head over heels for her.” Newt rolls his eyes. “That’s not true, Minho, and you know that. Besides, it doesn’t matter how any one of us feel about her, because she’s seeing Gally. End of story.”

Minho groans. “Come on, Newt, there’s not a single person here who’d believe that klunk. Newt’s obsessed with her, but to be fair, we all kind of are. Anyways, the point is she’s one of the best Med-Jacks here, but you wouldn’t know it because Gally gives us a death stare whenever we talk about her for more than thirty seconds.”

Thomas looks up to see Y/N approaching the three boys. She jerks her head at them, and Newt and Minho move over so she can sit down. “I heard my name being mentioned. You telling the Greenie about how I’m the best person in the Glade by far?” Minho laughs. “We were saying that if he ever breaks an arm he should go to Clint instead.” Y/N lunges over to hit Minho on the shoulder, and the friends break into laughter.

Newt reaches behind him to grab a glass full of a frothy (and somehow dirty) amber liquid, taking a sip to Y/N’s disgust. She makes a face at him. “Honestly, I don’t know how you stand that stuff. It’s foul.” Newt grins at her. “Your own boyfriend makes it, I feel like you should at least pretend to stomach it like the rest of us.” Y/N rolls her eyes. “Not even our relationship can make me want to look at that poison.”

She sighs suddenly, eyes travelling across the campfire to where Gally’s pummeling yet another Glader into submission. “And it wouldn’t be the only habit of Gally’s that I disagree with.” Minho nods slowly. “It’s the Med-Jane impulse. Stops you every time.” Y/N gives him a look dripping with outrage, and she and the boys dissolve into laughter.

After a while, limbs get stiff and the four stand up to take a tour around the campfire. Newt points out the different groups of Gladers, and they’re doing fine until Gally ‘accidentally’ shoves a stumbling opponent into Thomas’ back, causing him to lose his balance. Thomas dusts himself off, but looks up when Gally approaches him. “What do you say, Greenie? Want to see what you’re made of?”

Thomas stares at him, uncomprehending, but Y/N makes a quiet sound of annoyance. “Come on, Gally. It’s the guy’s first day here. Give him a break.” Gally ignores her, speaking even louder to Thomas to explain the rules of the fight. Newt drifts over, gently pulling Y/N away from the ring. “Let Thomas have a go. Gally probably won’t rough him up that much.”

They step aside, hanging on the outskirts of the group. Y/N winces as Gally shoves Thomas face-first into the dirt. “It’s barbaric. Does he really have to do this?” Newt stares at the ongoing fight, at Gally clearly reveling in the chance to rough up another Glader, then looks back at Y/N. “Are you happy with him?”

Y/N turns to him, a look almost like outrage on her face. “Of course I am, why would you ask me that? Maybe he has a few habits that aren’t my favorite, but he’s still one of the best guys in the Glade.” Newt shakes his head. “I’m not talking about Gally’s necessity as a Glader. I’m talking about how he makes you feel. Are you happy with him, Y/N? Actually happy?”

Y/N opens her mouth to speak, then closes it again. “I should be able to answer that.” She’s silent for a moment or two longer. “I don’t know.” She stares back at the fight, flinching slightly when Gally’s fist crosses Thomas’ face as if she’s already mentally figuring out how much time she’ll have to spend in the Med-Jack hut trying to put the Greenie back together.

“I don’t think I am. I don’t think anybody’s asked me that in a very long time, and I haven’t thought about it in even longer.” Y/N tilts her head down, sighing quietly. Newt glances back at her, then carefully slides an arm around her. She leans her head against his shoulder.

The morning is bright, heat already pouring into the Glade. Newt is about to take his break for lunch, but he looks around and realizes he doesn’t see the one girl who should’ve been out to eat before him. He taps Zart on the shoulder. “You seen Y/N?” The Track-Hoe nods. “She had some argument with Gally, then headed out to the Deadheads for some peace and quiet. I don’t think she’s come back since.” Newt considers this. “I’m going to go get her, tell her it’s time for lunch. See you after the break’s over.”

The trees of the Deadheads sway slightly, offering some much-appreciated shade and cool despite the burning heat of the sun. Newt doesn’t have to walk far before he finds Y/N seated on a high-reaching tree branch, head leaned back against the rough bark. He climbs up after her, and they both pretend not to notice when his bad leg gives out, making him slip for just a second.

“Is there a reason you’re camped out in the middle of the forest?” Newt asks, and Y/N smiles ever so slightly. “I’m here to avoid Gally. I broke up with him and now he’s passive aggressively building things as if every hammer swing could kill.” Newt frowns. “At least he’s being passive.” Y/N laughs. “Focus on the aggressive. It’s mostly just aggressive.”

She sighs suddenly, looking up at the tree branches around her. The leaves seem to form a slight crown around her head. “I never thought I’d be the one to end things. Always thought he’d get tired of me and that would be that. I don’t feel any different than I did before. Maybe a little more free, like I can finally complain about things and not have to mince my words around him.”

Newt nods. “He’ll come around after a while. He’ll mess around and be bloody angry for a while, but then he’ll be back to our usual easily-bothered Gally.” Y/N smiles. “You do have a way with words. I feel better already.” Newt laughs at that, then jumps down from the tree, holding out his hand to help Y/N down. “You’ll feel even better when you have your lunch. Come on, I’m sure Frypan’s outdone himself, or at least he’ll pretend he has.”

The afternoon is late, and Y/N’s still working in the Med-Jack hut despite the fact that she should have left long ago. Gally finally warmed up to her again a couple of days ago, and he’s sent in a torrent of injured Builders to join the already large number of wounded Slicers that occupy the hut. She’s been busy all morning, and finally finished sending the last boy out with bandaged hands and a promise to stay out of trouble.

Y/N’s just doing the last checks to make sure her workstation is clear and ready for the next morning when she hears a soft knock on the door behind her. She turns to see Newt lingering by the door, and smiles. “You’d better not have cut yourself too. I don’t even want to have to look at a bandage ever again, or maybe just until tomorrow.”

Newt grins, padding into the room to come stand next to her. “No injuries here. We’re all good.” His focus shifts to the cabinet open above him, and Y/N’s failed attempts to reach the door to put a faded glass bottle of ointment back inside. “Here, I’ve got you.” He takes the bottle from her hand, reaching up over her head to slide it inside and shut the door. When he looks back down, he realizes that his slight movement had shifted him close to Y/N, and they stand only an inch or two apart. He stands there for just a second, then leans forward with the air of someone taking a leap of faith and kisses her.

His hands slip around her waist, and Y/N presses her palms against the small of his back. When he breaks away, her eyes are light, and happier than he’s seen in a while. “I’ve been wanting you to do that for a long time.” She says, and Newt finally allows himself a smile. “I’ve been wanting the same.”

When morning breaks, it brings with it fear and overwhelming terror. After the doors to the Maze didn’t close at nightfall, the resulting Griever attack had left the Glade weak and unprotected. Newt walks with Y/N to the opening of the Maze, and wraps a protective hand around hers as they watch Gally prepare to sacrifice Thomas and Teresa to the Grievers in the hopes of protecting the rest of the Gladers.

Teresa, already tied to a wooden pole, argues desperately that their deaths will do nothing to save the Glade. Gally grows angry and orders Thomas to be tied up as well, but Thomas fights back against his would-be captors. The second Thomas lashes out, Y/N drops Newt’s hand, and the two of them join Minho, Frypan, and a score of other supporters to turn the tide, forcing Gally back with weapons drawn.

Y/N remains silent as Thomas speaks to the rest of the Gladers, urging them to escape the Maze with him. More walk away from Gally to join Thomas and the others, but still more remain on the other side. Finally, when the last of the Gladers willing to leave stand by Thomas, Y/N steps forward. She speaks directly to Gally, her voice cracking slightly.

“Gally, please. Come with us. You won’t survive here if you stay.” Gally shakes his head just slightly. “Good luck with the Grievers.” Y/N looks at him, remembering all of the love she’d once had for him in that moment. “Don’t do this, Gally. Please.” But Gally turns and walks away, leaving Y/N standing there to watch him go. Newt stands silently beside her, and Y/N looks at him with pain before allowing him to wrap his arms comfortingly around her. “He made his choice. There’s nothing you can do.” She nods hesitantly, and they walk together into the Maze.

The journey through the Maze is fraught with peril, and Y/N watches with horror as friends she’d known for months died at the claws of the Grievers. Finally, amazingly, a small handful of Gladers make it through the Maze and into the broken rooms of WICKED. Y/N holds Newt’s hand as they walk through the rooms, broken glass crunching under their feet. They do not intend to let go.

There’s a voice from across the destruction, from one of the other rooms. The Gladers group together instinctively, Newt pulling Y/N close to his side. A figure steps out from the darkness, and Y/N’s breath catches in her throat when she recognizes the boy. “Gally?” Her voice echoes across the room and he nods ever so slightly. Newt steps in front of her protectively when he notices the gun in Gally’s hand.

Gally shakes his head quickly when he sees the boy move. “I’m not going to shoot her, Newt. That’s not why I’m here. I could never hurt her.” Y/N speaks in a calm voice. “Put down the gun, Gally. We can talk about this, about why you’re here.” Gally shakes his head again with even more fervor than before. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I have to do this.” He takes a shuddering gasp, and his eyes clear for just a second even as tears begin to pour down his cheeks.

“Are you happy with him?” Y/N nods slowly when she hears his question. “Yes. I am.” Gally forces something that looks almost like a smile, but with the overwhelming twist of his face from the tears it looks bent and broken instead of joyful. Gally redirects his attention to Thomas, who is asking him to put down the gun. Gally shakes his head, sobs still racking his body. “I belong to the Maze. We all do.”

It all seems to happen at once. Gally pulls the trigger, Minho moves in a blur of movement to throw a spear through Gally’s chest. Gally stumbles and falls to the ground. Y/N lets out this quiet scream, her breath rasping sharply against her throat. Newt covers her eyes with his hand, making sure that she can’t see the dead body of the boy she’d once loved.

It is then that Thomas sees the blood starting to spread from Chuck’s chest, then that he sees the way Chuck’s breathing falters and he starts to collapse to the ground. Thomas bends over him, frantic. “Y/N, Clint, somebody! He’s been- he’s been-” Thomas can’t finish the sentence. Y/N kneels next to him, ignoring the blood beginning to stain her hands, but at last she stands up again and shakes her head almost imperceptibly at Thomas.

Silent tears run down her cheeks as Thomas stares at her in mute incomprehension, then turns back to Chuck. Y/N buries her face in Newt’s shoulder, unable to watch as the young boy breathes his last in Thomas’ arms. When it comes time for them to leave, Thomas’ screams echo down the empty hallways. Newt takes Y/N’s hand, whispers in her ear. “There was nothing you could have done.” She looks at him sadly. “I know. And it hurts even more for it.”

The two of them head back down the halls together, hand in hand. She won’t leave him, not now. Not ever. He needs her as much as she needs him, as much as the sun needs the moon and the earth needs one more chance to heal. They do not intend to leave each other, never again. They do not know if they will have a choice about it, but it does not matter. They would follow each other to the ends of the earth to give themselves the chance to stay together.

#newt #newt imagine #newt x reader #newt imagines #maze runner #maze runner imagine #maze runner x reader #maze runner imagines #maze runner newt #maze runner newt imagines #maze runner newt x reader #maze runner newt imagine #death cure #wicked

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bonjour-rainycity · 3 years

Text

Imagine: Being friends with Alice and asking Carlisle for help on your chemistry homework

Characters: Cullen family, female reader

Rating: G

Word count: 2120

Warnings: None

Request by anon: Wait, omg I’m so happy I found a blog that’s updated recently and I’m definitely gonna ✨stalk✨ your blog and read all your writing after hw but if you’re still doing requests, I thought of something that I would just love to see written. And this could be short or something, y’know? It can be whatever you want it to be, but what if the reader is somewhat friends with the Cullens? Reader (maybe like 20 years old?) is invited to their house one weekend after bumping into Alice and becoming friends and from passing conversation, reader knows that Carlisle is a doctor so she asks him if he could help her with her organic chemistry hw cause she’s studying to be a med student?

A/n Wow I’m so sorry this took me so long! It’s such a cute request and I loved writing it! Thanks for sending it in and for being patient with me :)

Shoot.

Mentally, I groan, stopping my progress towards my car.

I still have chem homework.

I fiddle with the keys in my hand, contemplating. You could go home…lay in bed…maybe with a pint of ice cream…and pass out in a stress and sugar-induced coma.

Oh, how tempting.

But then I remind myself of why I’m putting myself through the hell that is a STEM degree, and turn on my heel, heading back to campus. I know I won’t get any work done if I go home, so the library it is! Thank goodness it’s open twenty-four hours, because it’s creeping up to eleven and I don’t have the heart to return to one of the academic buildings.

Seeing as it’s Friday night, the library isn’t crowded. Still, I push past all the tables on the first floor and head up to my favorite spot on the second. Settling in at my favorite partially secluded table, I pull out my organic chemistry textbook, pop in my earbuds, and get to work.

{***}

A small, pale hand skims over the table near my book, and I look up with a start.

Alice Cullen stands by my desk, clutching a set of books that look too heavy for her thin arms, but she seems to be managing fine. She and I met during the first week of classes, and have been tentative friends ever since. We don’t see much of each other, given our varying degree programs, but she always greets me with a friendly smile and an offer to join her to study. I pull out my headphones, and give her a tired smile. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good!” She smiles excitedly, somehow keeping her energy levels at—I check the time on my phone—1:12 am! “Have you been here for long?”

I shrug, feeling the weight of the late hour on my shoulders. “Since around eleven. I was going home but then I forgot I have o-chem homework. I don’t think it should be taking me this long, but I’m struggling. Thankfully only half of it is due in the morning. The rest isn’t due until after the weekend.”

Alice peers over to look at my book and the problems I work through in my notebook. “Oh, those do look hard. But you know, my dad is a doctor, and he probably knows this stuff like the back of his hand. He’d be more than happy to help you.”

I blanch. An invitation to the Cullen’s house? And free help on o-chem homework?

But then I remember my manners. “Oh, thank you, but I couldn’t—”

“Please,” she squeaks, balancing her books in one arm and using the other to retrieve her phone. “We’d be happy to have you over! I’ll let my family know. Does tomorrow around lunchtime work?”

“Uh,” I swallow, not sure I’m believing my ears. “That works great, thank you! I can bring the food?”

She shakes her head, waving off the offer. “Don’t worry about it—Mom loves to cook and will be excited to really use the kitchen. Oh! And there’s this new series my sisters and I have been dying to watch. It’s called Broadchurch. Have you heard of it? Maybe we can start it and see if it’s any good!”

I nod dumbly, too tired and relieved for the help to refuse again. “That sounds fun! Thank you.”

“Of course,” she smiles, shrugging like it’s nothing. “What are friends for?”

My smile softens. She considers us friends. “Do you want to walk out together? It’s pretty late.”

She beams and waits while I collect my stuff.

{***}

I pull up to the front of the massive house.

Alice is waiting for me on the porch. She waves excitedly, and I notice her fiancé standing near the door, looking uncomfortable. I stifle a chuckle. It’s well-known that Jasper, introvert in every sense of the word, fell hard for Alice who is the embodiment of an extravert. I wave, grabbing my backpack and stepping out of the car.

“Welcome,” Alice practically shouts. Jasper gives me a polite nod.

I smile at the two of them, calling out my hello’s and climbing the stairs to the porch. The second Jasper opens the door, I’m greeted by the warm smile of Esme Cullen.

“Hello, Y/n, welcome to our home! We are so happy to have you here.” She extends a warm smile, one I can’t help but return immediately.

Alice leads us straight to the living room, where two of her adoptive siblings, Emmett and Rosalie, lounge. Rosalie sketches something I can’t see, and Emmett yells loudly at the TV, losing at a video game.

“Beat it, Emmett,” Alice chirps, dancing over and taking the controller from his hands. “We’re going to watch Broadchurch.”

Putting his frustration at the game aside, Emmett grins, standing and ruffling Alice’s hair. “Alright, I was getting my ass kicked anyway. Hey, Y/n, good to see you again.”

I return his greeting, familiar with Emmett from an intro to theatre class we had together last semester. The image of his interpretation of Juliet for our final project comes to mind, and I have to stifle a laugh. Emmett goes to leave the room, pulling Jasper with him.

“Send Bella down, would you,” Alice calls after them, already settling on the couch. “Rose, you know Y/n, right?”

Rosalie looks up from her sketching. She smiles briefly at me, then returns to her task. I sit awkwardly next to Alice, waiting for Bella so we can start the show.

“There aren’t many women in STEM.”

My head shoots up, wide eyes turning in Rosalie’s direction. She doesn’t look up from her work, but I know she’s addressing me—Alice is studying fashion merchandising and design.

“Y-yeah,” I stammer. Alice’s older sister is just so intimidating. Well-spoken, obviously intelligent, tall, prettier than anyone I’ve ever met, and top of her law class. She’s not exactly warm either, like her mother or sister—even now, there’s a cold bite to her tone. But the edges of her lips quirk up, and I can tell she’s being nice.

“Don’t let the guys push you around. What you’re doing is important, and you’re probably smarter than them. What do you want to do with your degree?”

The answer, always on my heart and mind, is automatic. “I want to be a doctor. So, med school is next.”

She nods once. “Good.”

And apparently that’s the end of our conversation.

I try to hide my smile by rummaging around in my backpack for my water bottle. It’s nice to feel supported.

Bella comes gliding down the stairs and twists into the living room, folding herself easily onto the love seat. She greets me, and then tosses me the throw over the back of her couch. Alice nods as if forgetting something, then reaches into a basket hidden between our couch and Rosalie’s chair and produces three more blankets, throwing two to her sisters and keeping one for herself. She shoots me a grin as each of us, even the serious Rosalie, snuggles up.

Alice stands, turning off the lights and then wraps back in her blanket and scoots near me on the couch. “I hope this is good!” With a grin, she opens Netflix and plays the first episode.

{***}

Broadchurch does not disappoint. Before I know it, we’re halfway through the second episode, eyes glued to the screen. Bella, who was definitely reading a book under her blanket at the start, has put it to the side, leaning forward and watching the show intently.

The front door creaks, then clicks closed, and Alice smiles, pressing pause on the remote. “Dad’s home.”

Before long, the famed local doctor comes in to say hi to the girls and to greet me. He’s just as welcoming as his wife!

“Alice told me you are having trouble with some organic chemistry homework?”

I nod, hoping it’s not too much to ask for his help. “I got a good start on some of the problems last night, but I keep messing up. I’m not really sure where I’m going wrong—there’s no answer key so I can’t work backwards through the problems.”

He nods, casually resting his hands in the pocket of his slacks. “I remember o-chem homework quite well.” He grins conspiratorially. “It is the bane of many a med student’s existence. Why don’t you girls finish up your episode and then join Esme and me in the kitchen for lunch? I can take a look at your homework if you like.”

Relief washes over me. “That would be great, thank you so much.”

He smiles warmly. “Of course. Now, if you all will excuse me….” With a twinkle in his eye, he leaves us to rejoin his wife.

This family is so nice! I wonder why they get so much flack at school?

Alice resumes the episode, and soon my musings are washed away as I try to piece together the mystery of the murder before the detectives can.

{***}

Esme is a wonderful cook. Carlisle sings her praises but doesn’t fix a plate for himself, saying he ate plenty as she was cooking. We all sit down at the table, though I’m the only one who eats in earnest — Bella claims to be filled up on snacks, Rose says she’s on a diet, and Alice takes a small helping for herself, every now and then poking the chicken in mild disgust. I don’t see what the problem is, the food is fantastic!

Carlisle sits down next to me, and I slide my textbook and notebook in his direction. He smiles, looking almost nostalgic. “I remember these. The good news is, as a doctor, you won’t be doing much of this in day-to-day life, if at all. But it is important for some courses you will take in medical school, so it’s best to master the concepts now. See, on number nineteen, you start the problem correctly, but get lost once you have to balance the equation to continue. Instead of waiting until the middle to balance, I would do that first, that way, you have a solid base before moving on to solve the rest of the problem.”

I nod, peering over at the paper intently. I hadn’t tried that strategy before.

Carlisle takes out a pen, and begins scratching out an equation. Then, he grins, shaking his head, and crosses it out, starting again in much neater handwriting. “Forgive my penmanship. Though, if you decide to continue and become a practicing doctor, your handwriting will soon be indecipherable, too.”

From across the table, Rosalie snorts, and I can’t help but laugh along. It seems almost a rite of passage for a doctor to have horrendous handwriting.

In clearer script, Carlisle continues working out the problem, then slides the paper over for me to see. He explains what he did at each step, and I nod along, trying to commit as much of it to memory as possible. He works out another problem in the same way, then asks me to try on my own. I smile tentatively as I go, hesitant to accept that I actually know how to do the problem now.

But I do.

It takes concentration to work through the steps, but I can, which is a far cry from where I was last night. Carlisle waves off my thanks, saying I just needed to try a different approach, but I had it within me all along. I bring up another section I had issues with—structures of the elements—and Carlisle teaches me a better strategy for memorizing a few and then figuring out the rest. By the time Esme and Bella have put the food away, my homework is done—in a fourth of the time it would have taken me struggling through it on my own.

“Seriously, Dr. Cullen, thank you so much.”

He smiles pleasantly, handing me back my textbook. “Of course. If you need help again, just come on over. I know the girls love having the company, and my wife and I enjoyed the opportunity to meet you as well.”

Esme appears behind her husband, laying her hands affectionately on his shoulders. “Absolutely, Y/n. Please come over any time.”

I pack up my homework and thank them once again for lunch and for the help. Alice darts to my side, grinning. “Ready to finish the episode?”

I feel so much lighter now that my homework is done, and I don’t feel guilty at all for spending time with my new friends. In fact, I may even indulge in that ice cream when I get home.

“Absolutely.”

A/n Thanks for reading! If you have a moment, here’s the link to my masterlist :)

#twilight #twilight renaissance #platonic twilight #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #jasper cullen #emmett cullen #rosalie cullen #esme cullen #bella cullen #twilight imagine #carlisle imagine #alice imagine

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losingitinjersey · 3 years

Photo

We’re going to ......................................................................................................... ................................................................................................................................ ........................................................................................................... Philadelphia!

Say what?! Definitely not a location we anticipated or even really considered going to which is what makes Match Day all the more exciting! You never really know where you’ll end up!!

But FIRST, we’ll spend this next year locally for his intern year and move in spring/summer of 2022 to go to Philly for the next four+ years! While this program was much further down on his rank list than we anticipated dropping to, it was still in the middle and we’re really excited about this next adventure!! Neither one of us have ever been to Philadelphia before but everyone we mention this to always has some kind of connection to the place and they’re all positive stories! It’s also important to note that I’ll be less than 3 hours from my sister and only an hour and a half from @zerocarb!!!

The great thing about this set up is it gives us a year to get familiar with the idea and we can spend our time finding a home to buy or rent in a good neighborhood before going. It’s also close enough (5 hours) that we can drive and look at places in advance so we don’t have to buy/rent something sight unseen.

The not so great thing about our current situation is that even though we’re staying local, we still need to move out of our current home asap because the landlord is in full swing ready to sell. Like, is listing the home next Friday (my birthday) with showings starting on April 1st. Super lame.

Now that we FINALLY know what’s happening, I spent all of Friday night searching the area trying to find acceptable homes to rent as quickly as possible. Most of the rentals aren’t available until May 15th or June 1st which definitely isn’t fast enough. Friday night I contacted four properties and have only heard back from two (but at least I’ve heard from two!) Thankfully, one of the places who I’ve been in communication with is my current top choice. While it’s not as nice as some of the other places, the cost is more reasonable and the commute is FAR better for Kevin (went from 35 minutes to the hospital down to 10 minutes). We have a tour scheduled for Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. to see this home. We already submitted a rental application in advance just to help move the process along since we’d love to sign a lease starting April 1st (you know, TWELVE DAYS from now) so we can gtfo before people start touring the home.

Before the call with my landlord this afternoon to fill us in on their timing, I had no idea we’d be saying goodbye to this home we adore so quickly. I *knew* it was coming but it’s always hard to reach an ending. I’m not a fan of change and, boy oh boy, is change all around us right now (new job, new home, new city, new baby).

It’s interesting, I’ve been so focused on the excitement and what it means, looking up houses and just being on full blown planning mode (yes, of course I made a spreadsheet with 11 categories all ranked by preference, price and distance) I haven’t really had time to process. This morning I had a song stuck in my head so I decided to play it to fully enjoy it and the next thing I knew, two seconds into the song, I was sobbing. Not sad tears by any means, but just letting go. Mourning the loss of this home, my walking route, my neighbors, my grocery store, everything I’ve cultivated and loved the last four years. The song? Take A Chance on Me, by ABBA :) Not really a song that should elicit such emotion. It was good though, healing.

In other news, my mom is here :) Not my dad, sadly. He got "a little bug” from his recent 10-day trip to Haiti that he took to do some mission work. Whhhyyyy he went to Haiti the day after getting his second vaccination dose and returning only four days before his trip out here is beyond me. Stupid, big-hearted man. Hopefully he’ll feel better soon so he can join my mom sometime this week. My mom only just arrived at 5 p.m. tonight so the 30 minutes she got to spend with erp was just so precious. We weren’t sure how erp would react to finally seeing the person she video chats with every day in person but she was so freaking pleasant and charming and just GOOD for her. I can’t wait to see how they’ll interact together tomorrow!

Speaking of tomorrow, we’re going to an open house for another house I’m not that into (but I need options just in case). While we’re on the peninsula we’ll drive by the house we applied for and a few others I’ve identified. It’ll be a nice trip for Kevin and I while my mom and erp hang.

To make a long post even longer... Backtracking to yesterday (seems so long ago), Match Day was amazing. This really is the most important day of a med student’s entire four years - way more so than even graduation. I’m glad we opted to do the in-person option. Seeing all the faculty SO freaking stoked to celebrate Kevin, congratulate him and just cheer over my husband was so inspiring. I actually teared up a lot from being so overwhelmed with the appreciation and affirmation he was receiving (thank goodness for the mask covering half my contoured face).

What was equally special was that he got to show off erp for the first time. Holding her with such pride as he strutted through the lines of faculty and volunteers. Having people oooh and awwhh over her is an experience we rarely get to have in this covid world. Apparently erp was clinging so tightly to him!! She’s never been around so many people, lights, sights and sounds before. She didn’t cry or make a fuss at all but definitely clung to home base.

We celebrated by picking up cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory and reveled in the exciting news of the day. We keep stopping each other and exclaiming, “We’re going to Philly!”

All in all, we’re excited! We’re stressed. We’re taking action and leaning on each other. Looking forward to this transition part to be over but trying to enjoy the journey while we’re on it. Thank you for riding along with us :)

#please don't reblog #matchday #medspouse #for those of you who asked the specific coffee times are for the french press I make every day #I like to know when I put the water in so I know how long to let it steep for #it's also helpful because Kevin isn't always sure if the coffee is fresh or old so if he ever looked at the board he'd be able to tell

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 14*

Chapter 13

Chapter 15

This chapter literally took me all day, and it's kinda super long, but since I'm only going to 15 it had to be done. Also, I wanted to get a certain part and all the bullshit detail action needs to be written before we get there so I just kept writing to get there. Lulz.

Tag List

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@mrsrafaelbarba

Okay and can I just say about the Goodbye Love thing it was in my head since I had her say "I need to go away".

This was supposed to be the preview:

Mimi Please don't touch me Understand I'm scared I need to go away

Mark I know a place - a clinic

Benny A rehab?

Mimi Maybe - could you?

Benny I'll pay

And this is for chapter 15: Mimi Goodbye love Goodbye love Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye Just came to say Goodbye love Goodbye love Goodbye love Hello disease....

*DUN DUN DUNNNN*

---------------------

The next thing you knew you were waking up in another room. This one was more lavish and beautiful; the sunset was peeking through green silk curtains with a matching chaise lounge. You were now in pink silk pajamas as opposed to a hospital gown, and you weren’t hooked up to near as many wires. Just a pack attached to your arm linked to your sides.

“What the…?” You cautiously crept out of bed, examining the room.

So many questions flew through your mind at that moment. How did you get here? Where exactly were you? Who the hell changed you while you were passed out? It was too much to imagine. You walked over to the full length mirror and examined yourself. You were still semi pale, but you looked pretty damn good for just having surgery this morning.

You walked back towards your bed where your phone was laying on the nightstand. You went to check your messages when you saw the date-- it had been three days. THREE DAYS?

“What the actual fuck--?” You muttered.

Were you in a Black Mirror episode? How did you lose three whole days of your life?! You began to panic, making you pace the room. Wasn’t there a button you could do? You quickly looked around the room for anything, but all you found was a TV remote.

“Oh are you fucking--” You started to curse the world when you saw a little drawing of a nurse on one of the buttons. You frantically pushed it until a girl who looked like she was a nurse out of a porno as opposed to a hospital came running in.

“Oh my god, I thought you were like, dying or something,” She rolled her eyes and twirled her hair like she was a teenage stereotype.

“Where the hell am I? Why am I---”

“Okay you need to like, chill babe,” Nurse Betty put her hands up. “

“I’m not your babe, mmkay pumpkin? We are not friends,” You pushed her hands down. “Now why don’t you get your little chart and explain to me what’s going on in the Twilight Zone?”

“Alright, well--” She whipped out a mini tablet from her scrubs and flipped through it. “You got here three days ago with an order to keep you in a medically induced coma-- Ooooh, wow that sounds like some soap opera shit. Where your organs harvested on the black market?”

“WHAT?” You grabbed the tablet. That DID sound like some soap opera shit. “You read the tablet, all it said was the details about the coma and then FILES SEALED.

“Can you-- unlock this, please?” You shoved the tablet back in her hands.

“Um no, you need a supervisor for that babe,”

“Can you please get someone to unlock this then, BABE?” Your eye began to twitch from stress.

“Yeah, sure I’ll try,” She shrugged and walked back out of the room. You continued to pace faster now, googling “HARVESTED ORGANS ON THE BLACK MARKET”, when a doctor came in wearing navy blue scrubs, looking like Derek Shepherd.

“Well hey there, beautiful,” He grinned at you.

“...What is happening?” You muttered, staring at him. He was gorgeous, you’d probably be more flustered if you weren’t so freaked out and pissed off.

“What kind of soap opera hospital is this?!” You scowled.

“Hey, just because we take care of ourselves around here doesn’t mean it’s Grey’s Anatomy up here,” He made a face.

“...Could’ve fooled me, McDreamy,”

“....Just because my name is Derek doesn’t mean I’m that tool,” He frowned.

“Oh my god you’re kidding me right?” You had to laugh at the irony.

“You’re probably just grumpy because you haven’t eaten for three days,” He patted your head. “How about a nice filet mignon?”

“Wha…?” You looked around the room in disbelief. “How about you tell me where I am and how I got here?”

“You’re at Whistling Pines Hospital and Rehabilitation Center in Hartford Connecticut, Miss Y/N,”

“Connecticut?!” You gasped. “Sonny said it was just upstate New York. Jesus Christ he sent me out of state?!”

“Calm yourself,” Derek put a hand on your shoulder. “We’re basically on the state line, Mr. Carisi didn’t send you to Siberia,”

“...And why exactly was I brought here against my will?” You crossed your arms.

“Against your will?” He snorted. “Your paperwork says you requested to be out while you recovered so you wouldn’t be tempted to ask for pain meds or anything. Part of the detox, you understand,”

“Detox?” Your face scrunched. “Seriously? So...so now what, you escort me down to the padded room now that I’m healed?”

“No, no of course not,” He shook his head. “Our rehab rooms are much nicer than this. And yours is all ready for you,”

“....Yeah, alright,” You shrugged, looking around the room.

“Wonderful,” He gave you another 100 watt smile before opening the door and motioning you to follow him. You walked for a while through what seemed like a normal hospital wing, then you came to two large doors that said “REHABILITATION WING”.

Derek opened it and let you go through first, into a beautiful lobby. The walls were made of marble, there was a koi pond with a waterfall in the middle of it, sparkling water stations next to big leather chairs. It was like a spa.

“Wow...” You whispered as you admired it while you walked.

“Yes, I know,” He chuckled. “It’s quite impressive, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…” You began to feel guilty; how much was this costing Sonny? This place looked like it cost the down payment on a house to stay in. You followed Derek down a hallway that looked like a hotel room hallway more than a rehab center, until he stopped at a door labelled 312.

“Ah here we are,” He opened the door and let you go inside first once again. It was an even more lavish room than you woke up in. A nice king bed with fluffy pillows and silk comforters were covered with extra blankets if you needed them. There was a huge sofa in front of a large screen TV, and a little kitchenette with a small fridge, cabinets, a dishwasher, and a microwave.

“....Wow,” You continued to stare in awe at the luxurious amenities this place had.

“Indeed,” Derek smiled. “Now, the TV comes loaded with digital cable and all the streaming services. Our WIFI password is LIVELAUGHLOVE, the fridge is stocked with organic, healthy foods only, but if you’d like to request something you can give our front desk a ring,”

You just nodded as you checked out the room.

“Now,” He cleared his throat. “For the icky part,”

“...The icky part?” You sputtered with a sarcastic smile. “Where did you go to medical school, Sesame Street?”

“Ha ha,” He rolled his eyes. “You will need to stay in your room at all times unless it’s social time, or group time. We do have several common areas such as a pool and a gym, but you’ll need to schedule times to use them, you can’t just walk around on your own,”

“Ah,” You nodded. “So it is a prison, just a very nice prison,”

“It’s not a prison, Miss Y/N,” He shook his head. “Not for you, anyway,”

“Really? Because it sounds like--”

“Your cousin did pay for your residency here, but you’re not under a court order or anything so you’re not confined here. Most of our residents have to be here several months before they’re even allowed out of their rooms at all, you should consider yourself lucky,”

“...Right,” You rolled your eyes. “Where is my cousin, anyway?” You asked. “Is he back at the hospital in New York?”

“Excuse me?” He looked at you in confusion. “I’m not sure I understand,”

“Oh I guess it’s been a few days,” You thought out loud. “He must have gone home by now,”

“...Well I’d sure hope so,” He chuckled.

“So..” You took a seat on the couch. “What am I doing now, warden?”

“Well like I said, I can have food sent up to you if you’re hungry,” He explained as he handed you your own tablet. “We have these for you so you can browse our menu for food and amenities,”

“Mmmkay…”

“Tomorrow’s social time is at 10 am, and your group therapy is at noon,”

“..Uh huh,” You nodded as you absent mindedly flipped through the menu.

“It’s mandatory,” He added.

“...Right,”

“Wonderful,” He beamed. “Now your bathroom is there, obviously,” He nodded to a door on the other side of the room. “It has a shower with three different pressures, and a spa bathtub. I recommend you take a long hot bath and relax, the first night is usually the hardest to get used to.

“Right…”

“Alright well I’ll leave you to it,” He nodded at you with another dreamy smile.

He walked out and left you to your own devices. You walked over to the drawers and pulled them out. They were full of your clothes, how did they get these so fast? It was so bizarre all of this happened while you were out, it really did seem like some kind of episode out of Dynasty or something.

You decided to call Sonny and get some things sorted out. You picked up your phone and dialed his number and let it ring.

“Oh hey...you, how you feelin’?”

“I’m good,” You went and sat on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Me? I’m good,”

“Really? Not sore or anything?”

“What? OH-- Yeah, y’know, of course, obviously,”

“...Thanks so much for this, Sonny. It’s gorgeous here,”

“Anytime….sweetie,”

“Is um, is Rafael doing better? Do you know?”

“Uh he’s...he’s fine, I’m sure,”

“...Well that’s good,”

“I’ll be up there next week to see you, you hang in there okay?”

“...Yeah, alright,”

“Night darlin’, you sleep well. I love you,”

“Love you too,”

Sonny hung up the phone and glanced over at Rafael who was busy writing his closing arguments for their case tomorrow.

“....Who was that?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Niece,” He lied.

“Mmm,”

“...How are you feelin’, by the way Barba?”

“Carisi, we’re not discussing anything personal, ever again. I told you that,” He grumbled, not looking up from his desk. He winced in pain every so often when he pulled on his stitches while writing.

“...Right,” He nodded sadly. He did feel guilty about all of this, but he knew in a few weeks it wouldn’t matter. You’d both forget about each other and move on, it was for the best.

--------

The next day you woke up and felt this overwhelming sense of dread. It was like everything had finally caught up to you, all the memory of how you got here came back to you. You missed Rafael almost immediately, Sonny’s words about how you had traumatized him rang in your head.

You wanted so desperately to call him and apologize, tell him how you would have never hurt him on purpose, and that all you wanted to do was make it up to him-- but you knew you had no way of doing that, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Your tablet began to go off, alarms for SOCIAL TIME were set on it. You tried to turn it off, but apparently a counselor had to do it when you arrived. Sneaky bastards. You sighed and pulled on some PJ pants, trying to ignore the blaring sound. You stomped out of your room and down the hall, down some stairs to a huge room labelled “REC ROOM.”

“Welcome Y/N!” A bright and cheery nurse came over and greeted you. “We have lots of activities for you here,” She began to show you around. “We have arts and crafts, several board games, and the Cards Against Humanity rounds get quite rowdy!”

“...Right,” You nodded softly, feeling more and more hopeless as you saw all the other “residents” mingling-- and by mingling, meaning most of them were walking around like soulless zombies. Was this your life now?

----

One Week Later

“Hey…” You saw Rafael laying down in front of you, reaching out for your hand. You took it, not believing this was real.

“I love you, Y/N…” He smiled at you, his green eyes sparkling.

“I love you too Rafael..”

You shot up in bed, it happened again. You had been having the same dream ever since you had gotten to Whistling Pines. It felt so real, especially when you touched his hand. And you always woke up alone, stuck in your prison. Never to see Rafael ever again; It was torture. No matter how fancy the prison was, it was still a prison. You looked at the clock on your bedside table- 3:30 am. You wondered what Rafael was doing at that moment-- well, probably sleeping, duh. Or maybe he was up late, working on law stuff.

You wondered if he was thinking about you, if he ever thought about you. He didn’t seem angry the last time you saw him, in fact you were pretty sure you remembered him holding you and crying. Well, like Sonny said he was probably just upset having to see someone like that again. But-- something inside told you that you didn’t leave on bad terms. Maybe you had been too quick to just delete and block his number. But it was too late to do anything about that now. You laid back down and cried yourself back to sleep for the fifth time that night.

=============

Two weeks later

Sonny drove up to Hartford early Friday morning, hoping to get back to the city that night. He signed in at the front desk, muttering obscenities under his breath. He paced the lobby waiting for you, trying to keep his calm. Finally you emerged from the big double doors: You were dressed in a t-shirt that used to be tight, but now it draped on your shoulders. Your hip hugger jeans were more like men’s jeans, hanging off your pelvis. Your hair was pulled into a messy ponytail and you had no makeup on. You walked over to Sonny who crossed his arms at the sight of you.

“Hey, Sunshine…” He pulled you into a tight hug, your face barely moved into a small smile.

“Can we talk?” He asked as he led you to one of the leather couches.

“Sure,” You nodded like a robot as you sat next to him.

“So Sunshine,” He sighed. “They tell me you haven’t uh, been doin’ so hot,”

“Oh, have they?” You mumbled, playing with a hole in your jeans.

“Yeah they said you’re not eating, you skip the group, you won’t talk to anybody,” He put a hand on your knee. “Is everything okay? Is it your new liver? The diabetes kicking yer ass?”

“...No, I’m fine,” You shrugged feebly.

“....Seriously?” He removed his hand, his soft tone gone. “So, nothing’s wrong with you physically? You’re just being a brat?”

“Excuse me?” You suddenly blinked in surprise.

“Here I came up here because I was worried somethin’ was really wrong with you, like you were rejecting the donation or-- or the trauma was too much, but you’re tellin’ me you just won’t cooperate?” He snapped at you.

“...What do you want me to say, Sonny? Sorry?” You snarked back.

“I want you to tell me why!” He tried not to yell but this was ridiculous. “Do you know how expensive this place is?!”

“Oh wow,” You scoffed. “Well I’m sorry my recovery is so expensive for you, Son,”

“It’s not even recovery, Y/N! You’re-- You’re just laying around here like a fuckin’ angsty teen!” He barked. “Why aren’t you trying? Don’t you wanna get outta here and get back to your life?”

“Maybe I don’t!” You yelled and stood up. “Maybe I don’t care about getting out of here, or not. There’s no point anymore,”

“What?” Sonny furrowed his brows. “Why not?”

“...Because,” You looked down at the floor.

“Oh for fuck’s sake…” Sonny threw up his hands, finally standing up himself. “Is this about Barba, really Y/N? You knew him for a few fuckin’ days, gimme a fuckin BREAK,”

“He was wonderful to me, Sonny! He was wonderful and loving and caring and YOU made me go off on him, and then I--” You paused, tears caught in your throat. “I fucking traumatized him. I hurt him so badly he didn’t even want to see me when i was dying,”

“I mean-- how bad of a person am I?!” You tried not to break down in the lobby. “I shouldn’t be allowed to be around anyone anymore, I just destroy things. Hurt people. I shouldn’t be around anyone,”

“Oh Jesus Christ,” Sonny sighed. “You need to stop, alright? If you actually tried to get better, you wouldn’t--”

“I don’t want to get better!!!!” You flat out stomped your foot, not caring about making a scene now.

“Y/N, tough love time. You need to get your shit together and forget about Barba, alright? I can’t keep paying for you to stay here--” He put both hands on your shoulders.

“So let me out,” You glared at him.

“....And if I let you out, are you going to stay sober?” He gave you a suspicious look.

“Nope,” You said with a smirk.

“Y/N come the fuck on,” He threw up his hands.

“What?” You crossed your arms. “I’m being honest. So either you keep wasting your money here, or let me go,”

“And what, let you kill yourself?” He asked angrily.

“...Maybe,” You muttered.

“Sunshine, come here--” Sonny went to wrap you in a hug, his t-shirt caught up on yours causing it to pull up on his torso. Your eyes went wide when you caught sight of it, letting go of him.

“....Where’s your scar?” You blinked in disbelief, trying to wrap your head around what you were seeing.

“What?” He began to panic.

“Your scar,” You pulled your t-shirt to reveal your own scar from the transplant. “You should have one,”

“Oh, Um--” Sonny began to rack his brain for an explanation, but your brain was moving faster.

“.....You didn’t give me part of your liver, did you?” You pulled away from him.

“Uh well--” He sighed “Not exactly, no,”

“Then who did?” You eyed him accusingly.

“They got you an anonymous--”

“Oh don’t even give me that shit, Sonny,” You stopped him. “This-- this whole thing, when I got here. It felt so much like, like a set up. A soap opera plot,”

“A soap opera?” Sonny laughed. “Come on Sunshine, don’t--”

“Why did you ship me here so fast, Sonny?” You asked, your brain now on a roll.

“What?” He half laughed. “So that you could get started early--”

“No,” You stopped him. “You could have just let me come here on my own, CONSCIOUS,”

“Well I just wanted you to skip the DT’s--” He tried to think of a defense.

“DT’s don’t happen to you if you get drunk ONCE, Sonny!” You raised your voice.

“Well how was I supposed to--” He looked around nervously.

“Who really gave me their liver, Sonny?” You narrowed your eyes.

“I told you, I don’t--” He began to lie again.

“I’ll look it up,” You threatened, making his eyes go wide.

“Y-You can’t do that,” He protested.

“Why wouldn’t you want me to?” You challenged him.

“...Because--”

“Rafael did, didn’t he?” You weren’t letting him think of any more lies.

“Look Y/N, he just wanted to help you out so that you wouldn’t die, like his dad. He couldn’t save him so he saved you. Doesn’t that sound like him?”

You had to admit, it really did. But why lie about it?

“So why didn’t you tell me that, Sonny? Why tell me you did it? Why didn’t you just tell me he did it to be nice, and not that he hated me?”

“I never said he hated you--”

“If you lied to me about that, what else have you been lying to me about?” You put your hands on your hips.

“What?”

“Oh my god…” You started to remember your recurring dream. “It was real, it was real. I know it was real!”

“...What was real?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“I keep having this dream where Rafael is across from me lying on a table, and he tells me that he loves me. And I know that happened I know it did,” You explained.

You were absolutely sure of it now. So many thoughts were running through your mind, you hated that you didn’t remember any of this before.

“What?” Sonny laughed again. “Sunshine it’s just a dream, don’t you think you would remember something like that?”

“They...they gave me something before I went into the OR,” You looked off into nowhere as you tried desperately to recall that morning. “The nurse called it…’giggle juice’,”

“Giggle juice?” Sonny rolled his eyes.

“Did you make them give me that too?!” You went for his collar, but a nurse came out of nowhere to hold you back.

“Wha who whoa, Sunshine calm down,” Sonny waved the nurse off of you. “I got her, thanks ma’am,”

“I didn’t tell them to give you anything,” He said softly.

“Yeah, just to keep me out for three days so I wouldn’t ever see Rafael before you sent me here,” You accused him.

“...Not true…” He shook his head.

“Why wouldn’t you want me to talk to him, Sonny?” Tears choked your throat.

“He didn’t want to talk to you--”

“Bullshit!” You stomped your foot, eyeing the nurse who had her eye on you in case you lost it on Sonny again.

“Bullshit, were you scared he was going to tell me what you were really doing? That you were trying to keep us apart?” Tears began dripping from your cheeks. You couldn’t believe this was happening, you couldn’t believe you could have been with Rafael this entire time.

“No!” He protested, his eyes darting back and forth. “No, I--”

“I don’t believe you!” You pushed him, the nurse stepped forward but you put your hands up in defeat. “You’re keeping him from me right now, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“That’s why you sent me so far, he has no idea where I am, and he wants to know doesn’t he? He wasn’t traumatized by my ‘incident’, he’s traumatized he lost me!” You hated that you cried when you got angry, it made you so much less intimidating.

“Traumatized is a strong word, Y/N…” Sonny rolled his eyes.

“Y’know what Sonny,” You shook your head while you wiped your eyes. “I’ll make you a deal. You bring Rafael here, and I’ll try to get better,”

“...I can’t,” He looked at the floor.

“Wha--Are you serious?” You half laughed sarcastically. “You’d rather me rot in here than--”

“I don’t know where he is, Y/N,” He looked up at you seriously.

“...What?” You asked, not wanting to know the answer.

“He…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “He left,”

“What do you mean ‘he left’?” You air quoted left.

“He went on some campaign trail, Hilary I think. He took off across the country, I literally have no idea where he is right now,” He explained.

“Why would he do that?” You asked.

“I don’t know, he said he had to get out of the city--” He shrugged.

“And you couldn’t imagine why?” You gave him a knowing look.

“Oh puh-lease Y/N, he’s not a drama queen like you--” He stopped, thinking about it. “Okay well he might be a drama queen but--”

“You can call him,” You pointed to his pocket.

“I can’t,” He looked down at the ground once again.

“WHY NOT?!” You were getting fed up with him.

“He was….he was super pissed at me for keeping you apart, alright? You’re right. He...he changed his number when he took off, he wants nothing to do with me,”

“So he’s just...gone?” Your voice cracked.

“Sunshine, I promise you. In a few weeks you won’t care about him, and you’re gonna wanna get out of here,”

“Why, you're gonna start adding memory pills to my regiment too?” You scoffed with angry tears in your voice.

“Jesus,” He rolled his eyes. “No, because you’re 22 and you can fall in and out of love like that,” He snapped his fingers.

“No I won’t,” You shook your head. “You’re gonna have to let me out of here or I’ll die in here,”

“God you’re such a--” Sonny sighed in frustration. “I can get them to get you to eat, y’know that right?”

“Do it!” You dared him. “Start treating me like some kind of mental patient, control my life like you think you need to,”

“...I can’t deal with this,” He waved his hands and started to walk away. “I’ll be back in a few weeks, I’m sure you’ll be over this by then,”

“Don’t count on it,” You stomped back into the ward.

-----------------

A week later

You let the night nurse into your room, she brought your meds and a nightly snack.

“Well, are you excited for tomorrow?” She asked, making conversation.

“...What’s tomorrow?” You asked as your downed your pills.

“Your last day!” She smiled.

“...What?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“Well, honey you’re not here on a court order or probation, and your cousin only paid for 30 days. So, you’re leaving tomorrow!”

“You’re just...you’re just letting me go??” You asked in disbelief.

“You’re not happy about that? I’m sure we could talk to your--” She started.

“No!” You stopped her. “No, No I’m totally excited, ready to get back to real life,”

“Good!” She smiled and patted your head. “Make sure you’re all packed, we’ve already filled this room once you leave,”

“...Of course you have,” You rolled your eyes.

She left and you began to frantically pack, ready to get out of here as fast as possible. You would find Rafael on your own, you knew you could.

----------

Sonny’s phone went off while he was out on a call, he saw it was Whistling Pines so he excused himself from the scene and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Yes, Mir. Carisi? This is Sylvia at Whistling Pines, we were just checking on Miss Y/N,”

“....Why would you be checking on her? Don’t you have her?”

“...No sir, she checked out a few days ago,”

“WHAT?!”

“Well it had been 30 days and you had only paid for a month--”

“So you just let her leave?! Why would you do that?!”

“Well sir, for one she’s a grown woman who’s a law abiding citizen, she wasn’t committed here by any kind of law enforcement. And like I said you only paid--”

“For a month,” He growled. “That’s all that matters to you people, isn’t it?”

“Well sir, this is a very expensive--”

“Where did she go?”

“What do you mean where did she go? She left with you,”

“Uh she sure as hell did NOT,”

“...Well she got in a car with a man…”

“Oh my god,” Sonny almost dropped the phone. “I swear to God if something happens to her because of you people I will sue you SO fast--”

“Okay no need to get hysterical,” She began to panic. “Why don’t you just come here and we’ll figure it out…”

“No I think you’ve done enough,” He growled before hanging up on her.

Where the hell had you gone? And with who?!

#rafael barba #rafael barba angst #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanficton #rafael barba imagine #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #sonny carisi #sonny carisi fanfiction

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heyitsphoenixx · 2 years

Text

I Hope You’re Happy Pt. 4

Don’t worry, Ryan’s coming soon. Gotta get business out of the way first. As always I appreciate feedback :)

TW: brief mentions of rape, suicide, murder, abuse, alcohol, drugs

All Parts AO3

gif by: @/horrorgifs

“Hello?”

“Hi Michael, it’s me. Have you seen the news today?”

“Yes.”

“So you saw that story about the woman who narrowly escaped being brutally murdered by that son of a bitch doctor who only got into med school because he had daddy’s credit card handy?” Gail winked at Cassie.

“If you’re talking about the Monroe case, yes, I saw it.”

“And?”

“It’s... interesting.”

“Good, because you’re taking her on.”

“Gail, you can’t keep demanding I take on every case you have an emotional investment in.”

“I most certainly can.”

“You really don’t have to do this,” Cassie whispered, to which Gail shook her finger and made a shushing gesture in response.

“Is that her? Is she there with you?”

Gail’s face scrunched up as if she had dropped her parents’ cookie jar.

“...Maybe.”

“Oh my--are you kidding me with this?”

“You already said you thought it was interesting! I didn’t make you say that!”

“He hasn’t even said how he pleads yet Gail, she might not have a case at all.”

Gail rolled her eyes at her phone. She stood up from her seat behind the counter and started pacing the room as she spoke.

“Oh, come on now. You really think this man, having strolled through his entire life getting by off his rich, white privilege, being told that nothing was ever his fault, including rape, you think he isn’t gonna plead not guilty? I know for a fact you’ve had to defend the victims of these men before, you work with these men every day. You’ve even had to represent some of them. You’re telling me he’s not gonna plead not guilty when he’s surrounded by those same men right now, telling him he did nothing wrong, saying that he even did the right thing, and that you don’t want to have the chance to take him down, this being one of the most egregious cases of rape and attempted manslaughter I know you’ve ever seen in at least the last decade?”

The phone was silent for a moment as her brother considered her words.

“Oh, and you’d be doing me a favor too, since Cassandra happens to be my best friend and employee,” Gail added, flashing a smile at Cassie.

She was in her top form, and Cassie was thinking how lucky she was to know her.

“Well?” Gail pushed after more silence. Cassie heard Michael give a small sigh.

“I’m on speaker-phone, aren’t I?”

“Maybe.”

“Ms. Thomas?”

Cassie moved to stand next to Gail. “Yes?”

“I’m truly sorry for what you’ve gone through. I ask that you give me time to build a stronger case while I look further into what exactly will be involved.”

Gail pumped her fist next to her and mouthed yes! triumphantly.

“His plea hearing is scheduled for this Friday, three days from now. I’ll need to meet with you tomorrow to go over the details. You’ll need to tell me exactly what happened and what, if anything, you think could be used against you in court should it come up so I can better defend you. Gail will give you my number. Again, I am sorry for how much you’ve suffered. We’ll talk soon.”

Gail did a small victory jump and took him off speaker-phone.

“Thank you Michael, love you!” She said with exaggerated sweetness before hanging up, dancing up and down and then wrapping Cassie up in a tight hug.

Cassie told her how grateful she was and that she’d never be able to repay Gail for this, but that she suddenly had to go home because it was almost time for dinner and she knew her parents would be worried if she didn’t return on time. She said this without really hearing herself, because that feeling was back. She felt like she was watching herself again, not really in her body. She felt like she was going to be sick.

Just as she was on her way out, Gail stopped her at the last minute.

“Wait!” Cassie turned back, realizing she was dizzy as she stumbled.

“I guess you’ll be wanting this back, right?” Gail removed the necklace Cassie had given her that Nina had once worn. Cassie smiled as her heart sank.

“No, keep it. I want you to have it. Besides, you’ll never catch me wearing a necklace with my own name on it, way too tacky for my taste,” she teased.

“Thank you,” said Gail, and with that Cassie was immediately out the door.

She’d have to tell Michael everything. Everything. He’d be a fool to take her on after she told him, but if he thought this case was interesting now he was definitely in for it.

She figured she’d let Gail keep the necklace while she still thought Cassie was a good person.

_________________________________

In the middle of the night, Cassie was wide awake sitting up in her bed, thinking. She had taken her old notebook out from the trash and was staring at the multicolored tally marks.

There’s too many, she thought. I can’t blackmail them all.

Will the trial give them the validation they need to stick up for each other by making them think they’re morally right to do so? Or will they all cower in the corner from the fear of being accused of anything? I know many will cower, but I know a few who won’t, and most I can’t be sure of. Fuck.

Cassie chewed the skin off her lip as she ran over seemingly endless possibilities in her head. She didn’t pace when she was stressed, but instead she became incredibly still. If not for her bleeding lip you might think she was in a meditative state, staring at the wall in front of her.

She went through every encounter in her mind, from the very first up to Al. She remembered every drink, every car ride, every kiss, every bruise, every forced entry. She even had a scar on her foot from one of them dropping his glass on the floor. And Cassie had taken all of it, for Nina. She wore all of it just under the surface each day, for Nina.

Cassie rifled through her night stand and retrieved a lighter. She grabbed her trash can closer to the edge of the bed, lit up her notebook and threw it into the bin. She remembered everything, she didn’t need it anymore. She saw her reflection in the large mirror doors of her closet, illuminated by the flames. She couldn’t help how her lips curled slightly like a pleased cat.

If he wants to step in his own rotting pile of shit, I'm certainly not gonna stop him. If he wants a war, I’ll give him a war.

_________________________________

Cassie’s heels were taller than usual as she strode down the street, now as steady as the concrete beneath her. She spotted who she assumed was Michael, as he was the only man dressed in a suit and sitting at an outdoor restaurant table in the 90 degree heat. He rose from his seat as she walked up to him.

“Ms. Thomas, nice to meet you. Michael Wallace, but you knew that from the phone. Please, call me Mike.”

He shook Cassie’s newly manicured hand with a brilliant, easy, practiced smile, and she did the same. She observed how his style seemed directly the opposite of his sister’s as he wore a plain grey suit and blue tie, thin and round wire glasses, and his hair was cut close to his scalp. Very simple and minimalist, not at all like Gail, but he carried the same grace in his posture that she held that could command any room they walked into. She assumed it was a family trait.

“Your sister doesn’t,” Cassie remarked, and he gave a tight chuckle.

“No, she doesn’t,” he conceded. “I’m lucky she ever calls me Michael instead of the usual profanities. Please, sit.”

She let him sit back down first before dropping the at least twelve inch thick pile of papers on the table in front of him and settling into her own chair. He didn’t flinch in the slightest, but his brows furrowed in confusion at the sight and he gave her an expectant look.

“What’s all this?” he asked, still smiling.

“That’s what you’re taking on,” said Cassie, quite relaxed. “That’s me. And it’s what’s going to win the case for you.”

Michael’s confused expression hadn’t faltered. “Straight into business then, I see. Alright, I’ll bite. Can I get the summarized version?”

Cassie couldn’t help smiling again. She sat with her back against the chair, arms folded on her crossed legs, and finally unloaded.

“Five years ago, my best friend since childhood, Nina Fisher, was raped by Alexander Monroe, at a party in dorm number 275, while all of his friends watched, at Forrest University. She reported the incident to the Dean, Dean Monica Walker, but it was dismissed on account of him being a rich boy and her being a drunk girl. She confided in friends who told her she was a slut for having slept with so many guys in school and that she shouldn’t be surprised this happened. So she dropped out, and so did I to take care of her, both of us two semesters away from graduation. A year later, Nina killed herself. I found her when I came home to our apartment. I tried living on my own for a year after that which ultimately didn’t work, so I moved back in with my parents.

Over the course of the next three years as a result, unbeknownst to my parents, I had taken up the hobby of going into bars, pretending to be drunk enough to let anyone get their hands on me, and letting men take me home. Each and every one, no matter how many times I insisted I needed to leave, sleep or vomit, instead took it upon themselves to either get me more drunk, attempt to drug me, threaten me, coerce me, hit me, slip their fingers inside me, or all of the above. I let them do this to me. I watched them all decide for themselves that because I was drunk, because I was too easy, because I was asking for it, they had the right to do whatever they wanted to me. And then, right before they ever got their chance, I’d let them know I was in fact completely sober. Until Al Monroe, I never physically retaliated. I never did anything but scare some self-described nice guys into getting a peak at the beasts they really were.

These are the men you are up against. Gail said you’ve defended these men before, which is good. You need to know what you’re dealing with, because they fucking hate me, and there are some who are going to do their damnedest to see Al protected and me vilified, just to get their dicks hard. They’re going to go up there and shout you down and tell their stories about how scary I am and how scary all women are, and you’re going to deny all of it, because it won’t be relevant. This will be only about Al, Nina, me, and no one else. They’ll even bring up some women I’ve scared too, the women who told Nina she deserved this. And you’re not going to let them get one fucking word in. You’re going to tell the court that none of their information is relevant to the case, because it isn’t. I never touched anyone against their will, I never maimed, raped, or killed. I did the one thing that gets people most dead-set on revenge; I scared them to their cores, so you need to be able to scare them even more into shutting the fuck up. The number of the retired lawyer who got Al’s case dropped with Nina is in there. You’re gonna need him. He’s dirty and looking for some way to repent, so he’ll be thrilled to get your call.

Also, there’s someone else they're going to bring up, a man called Ryan Cooper. He was there the night Nina was raped and he’s on the tape. He never touched her, but he didn’t stop them either. We dated briefly. I broke up with him when I discovered the tape and guilted him into giving me the address to Al’s bachelor party. You’re going to let him talk. Let him squirm and whine and cry. Work him up into a blubbering mess for all I care. Just don’t get him his own trial. This isn’t about him, so don’t let it be. They’re going to try to make it about me and him, they’re going to try to spin it into a Bonnie and Clyde story to distract from the real thing. Don’t let them. He doesn’t know about the other men, and he only knows what he’s seen on TV about what happened with Al. Get whatever you need out of him and then drop him cold. Let him get arrested for something else, but don’t let it be for this, I don’t want him being a distraction.

And... Gail doesn’t know anything either. Keep her out of all of this. I know they’re going to question her about me as her employee and her friend, let them do that. Don’t let them rope her into anything more. I let her call you for me because I knew you would protect her at all costs, so I’m trusting you to do that. It’s going to destroy her enough to hear about everything I’ve done, don’t let them take her down even further.

Everything else you need to know is in those folders, but I need to know right now if you can handle this.”

Michael had been listening to her intently, hands clasped in his lap and focused in on her every word. As she spoke, Cassie had noticed his tells. When he found something ethically questionable he would blink rapidly or sharply tilt his head, and she saw his face soften ever so slightly when he felt sorry for her, only to quickly shift back into hyper focus a moment later. They were minuscule and easy to miss, which gave her a small, odd sense of relief if he was going to represent her.

He briefly glanced at the folders and then at the ground, brows knit together in thought. After a moment he lifted his head to look back at her, and the corners of his mouth lifted up.

“Frankly, Ms. Thomas, I’m mostly wondering why you’re asking for my help at all instead of simply representing yourself,” he admitted with a grim laugh.

“Call me Cassie,” she avoided.

“For my own safety, I’m not sure it would be wise of me to be that casual with you.” Cassie couldn’t help a small laugh at that.

“Do you really think I would’ve laid all of that out for you if I was going to hurt you?”

“Hey, for all I know you could be prone to monologues before your acts of righteousness,” he teased. She couldn’t believe he was teasing her and not running in the opposite direction. She shook her head.

“They’d never take me seriously. I could represent myself, but I’d never win just for being a woman. For being a mean, angry woman.”

“And you think a black man is going to help your image with that frat house of a jury?”

“You’re a lawyer, and you seem to be a good one too, so at least they can’t just outright dismiss you on those grounds. They might not like it, but they’ll have to listen to you. And you’ve won cases for them before, so I know you’re compelling enough to make them.”

Michael shook his head, looking like he was in disbelief over what he was potentially getting himself into, but he didn’t seem nearly as rattled as Cassie expected. She assumed he’d seen his fair share of this stuff, but she knew even by his standards this must look insane. He rested one hand on his leg and the other arm was on the table holding his head up as he eyed the folders again, clearly considering.

“Anyone else I should know about?” he asked.

Cassie gave him the list of everyone else who didn’t know about her night life, and who was untouchable for rigorous questioning, including her parents and Mrs. Fisher. She delved further into Dean Walker and Madison McPhee, since they were most likely to present the most problems in their testimonies, and they were what got the most dramatic reaction out of Michael yet; raising his eyebrows. But apart from that, Michael listened and asked questions and stayed calm. Most importantly, he believed her. He was wary of her, yes, with good reason, but he believed that she believed that she was coming from a good place. Without saying so, he seemed to understand that she was not the revenge-driven killer queen the news was alluding her to be, but instead that she was intelligent, calculating, and most of all, perpetually grieving. She was silently thankful for that.

“So? Are you stupid enough to do this or are you smart enough to run?”

Michael took off his glasses and cleaned them on his jacket to give him a moment.

“You know, of course you’d be my client so I would always listen to what you have to say. But you would also have to listen to me, as your lawyer, since you are in fact not representing yourself. I will listen to what you think since you know the situation best, but ultimately, you’re gonna have to be okay with whatever I tell you is actually the best option for you. I just need to know if you can handle that?” He put his glasses back on with a smug smile as she chuffed at him.

“I think I’ll live,” she said.

“Well then, Ms. Thomas,” said Michael as he reached out to her across the table, and she shook her own manicured hand in his.

“Let’s get to work.”

#pyw #promising young woman #carey mulligan #bo burnham

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