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bellewintersroe · 3 months

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Max Verstappen x HornerDaughter!

ahhhh sorry for such a big break!!! I’ve been super busy and had no motivation to write- hopefully this writers block doesn’t last too much longer!! Here’s the LINK for part 17. Part 18 - Leni struggles with the loneliness she didn’t expect when arriving back in England. Without speaking to Max and completely skipping the Las Vegas GP, she thinks she’s hit a low point. Little does she know it’s about to get a whole lot worse when Max spots her with no other than her ex-boyfriend…

Sunday, 19th November 2023 - Las Vegas GP weekend.

The Las Vegas weekend was booming. Parties were happening left right and centre, alcohol was flowing and the advertising was just obnoxious.

Obnoxious that was to me. Whilst the race was occurring I was fast asleep- that quiet Sunday afternoon I sat in a local pub with a handful of my closer friends from my school days. It would’ve been pretty wholesome if my ex boyfriend didn’t just turn up out of the blue. I couldn’t have rolled my eyes any harder, immediately turning back to my phone to scroll past the many pictures of Max celebrating his win.

The sense of separation was straight up depressing. In fact, what happened between Max and I seemed to hurt worse than my breakup with my boyfriend of four years. I very quickly began to realise the overwhelmingly stupid mistake I’d made with Max. I no longer knew how to handle the feelings I had for him- who to tell, who to turn to. I replayed every moment over and over in my head about where it all went wrong- how it all went wrong. I was positive I’d exhausted all my friend’s ears about the topic, yet I still couldn’t rid the ache off my chest, no matter how hard I tried. “Guys let’s get a picture!!” My attention was diverted to my friend holding a phone up at the head of the table. Little did I know, taking that picture was about to make my life 10x more dramatic. It seemed that Max somehow did see a lot of things on social media, including the pictures of me and my friends and, sadly, my ex boyfriend sat right next to me. It’s not like I even talked to him once. So of course when my phone buzzed whilst I was sat at home later that evening, it was like all my prayers had been answered. Max had text. However, reading the message wasn’t so… prayers-being-answered-worthy. “I’m gonna go to bed, night night, you two.” I was very quick to leave the room I was in, my two siblings watching me in confusion as I sheepishly hurried upstairs. I didn’t even make it to my room before I was stood still, rereading the bitter toned text from Max.

Max: you could have told me if there was a reason you didn’t want to be with me

The message was short, sharp, it kinda didn’t make any sense, hence to why I was constantly re-reading it. My heart rate was sky high, and if I didn’t eventually collapse on my bed, I would’ve fainted from the lack of oxygen. I didn’t have it in me to hold the reply for another few minutes. I stared in utter confusion, feeling all the colour drain from my face. Leni: what????

Max: you’re back with your ex already

I momentarily frowned at the text, wincing in utter confusion. It became very clear what he was talking about when I remembered the picture from prior today. I felt borderline frantic, then silly. Max being bothered about this was a punch in the gut, maybe now was my chance to explain myself completely. Leni: he’s still friends with everybody, I didn’t speak to him once but I can’t stop him from going out to the same places as me? Max: ok

Leni: can we talk properly about all this? I let out a sigh, feeling as though my chest was about to literally explode. I couldn’t crucify with myself any longer knowing I’d completely destroyed this. Now Max was being blunt? Borderline petty? I knew how he normally text and this wasn’t right. The tears began to form around the same time my fingers started to tremble over my keypad. Max: I don’t know what there’s to talk about Leni

Leni: the fact you think I didn’t want to be serious with you because of my ex?? Max: I know that’s not the only reason

Leni: no its not a reason at all, me and my ex literally haven’t spoken a word to each other since we broke up, things didn’t work between us and I don’t want them to, I stopped things cos you’ve literally just broken up with Kelly, its way too soon

Max: it’s been months Leni, you know how I felt about that relationship and exactly why it ended, you know I would’ve waited for you, but it was all too immature for me, sleeping with each other and then nothing progresses? I don’t want that with you. Despite my attempts, there was no possible way I could even fathom a response. Anything I typed sounded pathetic or desperate- exactly how I felt. Max thought I was immature, maybe I was, but it still hurt to hear from him. I was torn between begging desperately for his forgiveness or succumbing to my internalised rage- thankfully I decided neither would work.

Instead, I kept myself to myself, using my I phone notes to rant out my dismay about the situation- about myself. I’d played Olivia Rodrigo on repeat, cried myself to sleep and during my showers, most mornings, if not all, I woke up with puffy eyes. I had officially hit rock bottom, and there was nothing I could do. I stared at myself back in the mirror. My eyes were red rimmed and despite my best efforts, the swelling around them hadn’t gone down. It didn’t help I couldn’t stop crying. I was so pathetic and immature, Max was right. I was being so dramatic, treating this like I’d broken up from my decade-long boyfriend. But I soon came to realise that’s exactly what it felt like. I’d been friends with Max for as long as I could remember, even during the awkward teenage days when I was too scared to be around boys. I remembered the prior few years before, when I was so happy to see him at the Grand Prix weekends, how close we’d been. Maybe getting together in the first place was a mistake? No. No that can’t be right.

How could it be when I’d just realised I loved him- and I think I always had.

My forehead dropped against the mirror with a groan, only picking it up when my phone screen lit up from the floor below me. At first my eyebrows knotted together, then they released in surprise.

Dad: I’ve bought your tickets to fly to AUH on Thursday. Geri’s told me you’ve been moping around, we’ll talk about it when you get here but I’m not having you missing the last Grand Prix. Fuck. Don’t get me wrong- anybody should and would be grateful for their dad doing this for them, and I was. But the thought of seeing Max was terrifying- I felt like an outsider, somebody who shouldn’t be there. It dawned on me that everybody’s friends and families would be there- including Max- I’d have to face his mum and sister knowing everything that had happened between us. I proceeded to drop my head against the mirror again. The anxiousness grew in my belly fast, all I wanted these past few days was to see Max, now all I could hope was for not to see him. As much as I hated to admit it, I absolutely dreaded the Grand Prix. Not only was I an angsty mess- I was an ungrateful one too…

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Taglist: @ironmaiden1313 @callsignwidow @fangirl125reader @norassimpingzone @roseseraj @eugene-emt-roe @copper-boom @its-elias-world @cassiopeiia24@larastark3107 @maxxiemoo @crashingwavesofeuphoria @18754389 @eviethetheatrefreak @rossylightwood @formula1mount @gulphulp @lou-bean28

#max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x oc

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davidtennantpussytulpa · 7 months

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sorry im gonna send you another ask cos im Obsessed with you. now do star trek. um specially ds9 but also tng pls and thank you also i love you . And you can answer for tos too if you want 😋

KICKS MY LITTLE FEETS IN THE AIR FOREVERRRRR 🤭🤭🙈🙈🙈 YAAYAYY MUTUAL OBSESSIONNNN ❣️❣️❣️❣️ILYYYY

Favorite character: tos is spock tng is data ds9 is quark HEEHEEEE 🤭🤭🤭

Second favorite character: tos is jim tng is UHM. IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE. BUT MY SWEET ANGEL WESLEY 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 OR MY SILLY ANGEL WORF 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 and ds9 i loveeee jadzia… 💙💙💙

Least favorite character: tos i dont dislike anyone on the crew so probably mudd bc even tho i really love his eps hes a good villain hes also a misogynist </3 tng is pulaski like SORRYYY to all the thinkpiece bitches out there saying its not feminist to hate her bc shes basically the same as bones its like. 1. okay so shes kind of badly written bc they just tried to rip off bones and 2. her thing with data isnt the same as his with spock bc spock was bitchy right back but data just didnt get it. so she was just being straight up cruel to him all the time and nobody defended him. YEAH SHE GOT ME HEATED. and ds9 i got distracted by so many other tv shows shes been on hiatus for a bit but kai winn booooo we hate your ass 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻

The character I’m most like: now. Uhm. literally fighting one million years with myself to determine kirk or spock and i never fully decided so we will leave it at they are two sides of the same coin and that coin is MEEEE ^_^. tng is hard to say bc i love them all but none of them ever grabbed me by the throat and shoved me into a mirror like so many other shows have done. i think either data geordi or picard (minus his leadership skills) would be the closest fit for me. and well as those who were here for biquark url know. 😏🤭

Favorite pairing: tos is obviously spirk 5ever and always like it changed the world. they are the fucking blueprint for everything they invented gay people. tng literally everything is so fun i think everyone has huge chemistry such interesting dynamics with each other. deanna and riker invented t4t bi4bi love but then geordi and data invented my lovely robot wife but then rikorf invented silly boy and autistic boy love and then qcard invented me and my wet crumpled paper bag weirdo boyfriend. HOW COULD I DECIDE… 💔💔 and ds9 quodo is everythang… i love you sillies ❤️

Least favorite pairing: this has less to do with tos and more the crimes of other trek series using tos characters but. spuhura i guess you had some moments but why did they do both your characters the disservice :(( and tos chapel and spock was so nice and hurting like i love her she crucified herself for the right to love a stoic alien (girl i get ittt) and snw fucking slaughtered her. literally feel sick thinking about how horribly they adapted her. evil and sick and twisted. anyways. tng i didnt love geordis weird hologirlfriend and also barclay stay your ass away from any woman on board. ds9 whaaaleeeee i dont really hate anything at the moment ^-^ i guess when i swing back around to it i may have more to say…. 🧐

Favorite moment: OHHHOHHHHOHHH. WELL. tos pretty much anything with spock he is my beautiful angel. but ill say the entirety of city on the edge of forever its so insanely good and has me vomiting up blood. oh also i love kevin riley when he goes crazy and is singing to the ship :•) tng oh god when data is on that planet with the little girl hes pen pals with. ingrained in my brain forever. but there are honestly so many moments i could name like i think they might be my favorite crew ever like i said the chemistry between each and every character is so fucking amazing. and also horny. i love you deanna and riker 🫶🏻 and ds9 frankly im obsessed with quark and the undercover girl ferengi bc hes so bisexual with her in drag well um. who said that

Rating out of 10: 10/10 fucking all around forever theyre my three beautiful weed smoking girlfriends. We Dont Have To Talk About The Movies.

#alsoooo teehee in good omens when she calls crowley a good lad and he says neither actually #it reminded me of when sulu called uhura fair maiden and she said neither #LIKE!!! TEEHEHEE THEY SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDSSS 🤭🤭🤭🤭😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️#asks #I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVAARRRRRRRRR

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snkpolls · 3 years

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SnK Episode 62 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 73 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

RATE THE EPISODE 68 Responses

Again, the response to last week’s episode was notably positive, with 98.5% of responses giving it a score of 3 or higher. Marley and Me is still going strong!

Gave a 3 because while I don't give a rats ass about the Warriors or their "tragic" sob story, the animation and voice acting was on par

It was way better than the first two of the season I liked it a lot!!

I think it was one of the best episodes not only in this season, but in the entire show. It shows deepness of the characters in Attack on Titan and shows as the other side in such an amazing way. It was brilliant.

I think the episode was pretty good

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 68 Responses

Eren’s formal reveal as the amputee soldier took the biggest piece of the pie, with 45.6% of respondents enjoying that scene the most. Trailing behind that is Reiner’s tragic suicide attempt with 10.3% of the vote, followed closely behind by RBA’s side of Shiganshina at 8.8%.

Flashbacks were important. And eren intro was epic

Reiner standing up looking like an undead zombie after getting clobbered by Annie and then stating "Reiner is dead...I will be Marcel" was just...Wow. Just loved seeing the wall breach from RBA's perspective. Reiner gains more dimensions and complexity with each episode and I'm here for it! Bless MAPPA :-)

WE GOT THE FULL ED LAST WEEK. AFTER SEEING IT IN ITS ENTIRETY, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT NOW? 66 Responses

Although just over 59% of responses gave the ED a decidedly positive grade (with praise going towards both imagery and the song), almost 20% of responses simply thought it was “okay”. A relatively equal amount of responses alternated between liking the animation and disliking the song and vice versa. Only a few seemed to dislike both.

Didn't watch/care

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 5, HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY THE SEQUENCE INTRODUCING ALL OF MARLEY’S TITANS? 67 Responses

The sequence introducing all of Marley’s Titans has gotten rave reviews, with 97% of responses rating it positively. Truth be told, I’d given it a 5 myself, if I could… But I can’t, I’m just a mysterious voice, detailing the results of this poll.

OUT OF ALL THE TITANS THE MARLEY MILITARY HAD 9 YEARS AGO, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE? 67 Responses

For the question regarding possible inheritance of the Titans, we’ve gotten a rather colorful pie chart! Annie’s Female Titan is clearly leading with just under a third of those who took the poll picking it out as their favorite option. Reiner’s Armored is taking second place with almost 21%, followed by Zeke’s Beast at almost 18%. Bertholdt’s Colossal and the Series Mascot is, surprisingly, at just under 12%, with Pieck, unsurprisingly, bringing up the rear.

WHICH OG WARRIOR CANDIDATE WOULD YOU WANT TO ADOPT? 64 Responses

When it comes to possibly adopting a warrior candidate, we’ve gotten even more pie flavors! Reiner is at number one with just over 20%, with Pieck and Annie going into second place, both with just under 19%. Bertholdt’s in third place, with a little over 14%. Marcel and Zeke bring up the rear and it seems like no one wants to adopt poor little Porco. Just over 20% seem to not want to participate in this little scheme for various reasons.

A LOT OF THE SHIGANSHINA BREACH HAS REUSED QIT ANIMATION FROM PAST EPISODE - THOUGHTS? 67 Responses

When it came to the fact that a lot of the Shiganshina Breach Animation was reused for the episode, most seemed to respond either positively or indifferently. Just over 58% thought just that the old animation flowed decently with MAPPA’s new style, while 16.4% didn’t really care. Almost 12% expressed nostalgia for WIT’s style of animation and 9% noted that while they weren’t fans of this move, they understood the reason for it. Whoever was left noted that they either really preferred MAPPA’s new style or really didn’t like this move from MAPPA, as a whole.

KAJI YUKI HAS LOWERED HIS VOICE A BIT TO DEPICT AN OLDER EREN. THOUGHTS? 67 Responses

A bit of a lopsided result for this one. 71.6% of all responses noted that they enjoyed Yuki Kaji’s move of lowering his voice to depict an older Eren. 16.4% states that they didn’t care and the rest either expressed further “enthusiasm” for this move with one person noting that they preferred younger Eren’s voice range.

I didn’t even notice

WE’VE LOST COUNT ON HOW MANY TIMES WE’VE SEEN MARCEL GET EATEN. BUT OF THE OPTIONS BELOW, WHO DID IT BEST? 67 Responses

When it came to seeing Marcel biting the dust numerous times, it turned out that we have plenty of options and styles to choose from. 37.3% said that they preferred MAPPA’s depiction of the event, with just under a third preferring Isayama’s newer depiction. Bringing up the rear with 22.4% were those who preferred WIT’s depiction and 7.5% who like Isayama’s older depiction the best.

DO YOU THINK THAT REINER WAS CORRECT, THAT MARLEY WOULD HAVE HAD ALL OF RBA EATEN IF THEY HAD FOUND YMIR AND RETURNED HOME IMMEDIATELY? 65 Responses

In what is perhaps the most divisive question of the poll, it would seem like those who thought Marley wouldn’t have had all of RBA eaten if they had found Ymir and returned home immediately came out on top, with almost 57% arguing they would have either threatened the kids before keeping them around or became understanding from the get-go. 43.1% dissented and thought Marley would have, in fact, done so.

Don't think so because we only saw 1 other warrior candidate and when the warriors failed in the Shinganshina arc they didn't pass on Reiner or Zeke's powers.

Marley = maybe. Zeke = would have been understanding

Maybe just eat Ymir

WHAT’S THE FORECAST FOR TONIGHT? 66 Responses

For the question about tonight’s (or rather, the night when the fanbase took the poll) weather, we’ve received a multitude of responses. From the most popular to the least, we’ve had people predicting a cloudy night, a snowy night, clear skies, a rainy night and finally, a stormy night. On the other hand, just over 18% didn’t seem to care.

Call if hail at you’ll be late for muster

freckled Jesus getting crucified, RIP Marco

Fuckkkkk Berttttt

Hangman

it's gonna rain titans

Meh, don't care about Bertolt

REINER GRADUATED 2ND FROM THE TOP IN THE 104TH, BUT DID YOU EXPECT HIM TO BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SELECTED WARRIOR CANDIDATES? 65 Responses

Reiner’s surprisingly poor performance during his years as a Warrior candidate surprised most of those who took our poll, with 40% expressing just that. Almost 37% thought this development made him more relatable as a character, with the rest either noting that they either didn’t care or that this portrayed the 104th in a somewhat poorer light (lol).

I feel like his traumatic experience of watching someone he grew up with die and his resolve to become more reliable and strong pushed him to reach the point that he did considering he also outranked both Annie and Bertolt.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT REINER IS HALF-MARLEYAN? 66 Responses

When it came to the fact that Reiner turned out to be half-Marleyan, almost 38% thought the said fact gave more depth to Reiner’s character. Just over 24% thought it made him even more tragic and 18.2% hope that said detail will have more significance in the future. The rest stated that they didn’t care.

I think it's sad for Reiner, but a nice twist. I was wondering what happens to half Eldian/Marleyans so it was nice to see the result from a more cultural and political standpoint.

GALLIARD’S FIRST NAME IS ACTUALLY “PORCO.” THOUGHTS? 66 Responses

For the reveal of Galliard’s first name actually being “Porco”, we’ve had 45.5% of responses understanding why the big man himself decided to go by his last name instead. 13.6% asked what Isayama was thinking when giving him that name. The rest either expressed further sympathy for the boy or thought it was a decent name for character.

I can't stop thinking of him as Porky Pig now. He had such a cool surname too xD

DO YOU THINK THAT THE RIFT BETWEEN REINER AND PORCO CAN BE RESOLVED? 66 Responses

When it came to deciphering the rift between Reiner and Porco, a bit over 40% thought that the rift would never be able to “go away”, with Porco disliking Reiner for various reasons. Almost a third dissented and thought that it would be possible, provided Porco either learned of Marcel’s actions or kept working with Reiner for longer periods of time. The rest weren’t sure exactly.

It seemed like the rift wasn't really prominent in episode 2, so maybe it's already resolved.

IN THAT SAME VEIN, DO YOU BELIEVE PORCO’S COLD FEELINGS TOWARD REINER ARE UNDERSTANDABLE AND/OR JUSTIFIED? REMEMBER: HE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT MARCEL’S ACTIONS. 65 Responses

When it came to a similar question, most (67.7%) thought Porco’s cold feelings towards Reiner were understandable, but not justified. 20% thought they were, in fact, both understandable and justifiable. 10.8% thought they were neither and there was one sole person who stated that they didn’t care.

REINER AND ANNIE WERE REALLY ROUGH ON EACH OTHER. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THAT? 66 Responses

Reiner seems to have even poorer relations with Annie and this episode surely confirms it. Almost 50% were surprised to find out just how poor said relations were. A third stated that they believed the two still cared about each other, just well, “deep down”. A little over 15% predicted this hatred, on the other hand.

Annie went full "Levi on Eren" on Reiner. I knew they had a tense relationship, this just confirmed my suspicions. I don't think they hate each other.

HOW DID YOU FEEL GETTING TO SEE MORE BERTOLT AFTER HIS UNTIMELY DEATH LAST SEASON? 66 Responses

Seeing Bertolt again in the story was generally treated positively by most, with almost 44% stating that they enjoyed his extra screen time. A bit over 20% stated that they really missed him and were sad to see him, knowing what happens in the future. On the other hand, a little over 21% openly expressed their dislike for the character. Just over 12% simply stated that they didn’t care.

Dude had it rough, at least the suffering is over now.

i barely care about him... he's just there. he adds nothing to the show compared to other warriors. his personality is way too boring and bland.

This doesn't make me sympathize with him in any way shape or form

I'm so glad to see Bertholdt... Mappa did him cute as a kid and hot all grown up.

ANNIE AND KENNY: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS UNLIKELY ENCOUNTER? 66 Responses

When it came to seeing Kenny and Annie’s unlikely encounter, the responses were rather distinctive. A little under a third thought it was random, but enjoyable. Others stated that they were just happy to see more Kenny or Annie. Some noted that Annie’s survival rate when taking on the Ackermans is impressive. Finally, just under 11% noted that they didn’t care for it.

I thought they did it as fan-service bc Kenny = popular

It was a bit too short to be impactful in my opinion.

I wish we saw more Kenny

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AFTER LEARNING THAT REINER IS THE ONE WHO PUSHED FOR THE ASSAULT ON WALL ROSE AFTER TRAINING WITH THE 104TH FOR 3 YEARS? 66 Responses

Upon learning about Reiner’s push for attacking Wall Rose after 3 years of living with the 104th, the fanbase came out to be rather divided. Whereas a bit over a half expressed at least some sympathy for him, the rest were sharp in their critique. A few stated that they didn’t care, however.

HOW DID YOU FEEL SEEING REINER ON THE EDGE OF SUICIDE? 66 Responses

Seeing Reiner on the verge of suicide brought out a lot of sympathy for the man himself, with people expressing degrees of sympathy for him. A little under a third simply noted that this is a dark story. However, a few also stated that they didn’t feel much sympathy for him due to his previous actions.

besides the fact that this whole episode was dark, this particular scene made the episode more and more uncomfortable and depressing :( can someone please hug him and tell him that everything is gonna be fine?

WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION TO THE REVEAL THAT EREN WAS THE AMPUTEE SOLDIER FROM THE LAST EPISODE? 66 Responses

The reveal that Eren was the amputee soldier from the previous episode is another one of this series’ twists and turns. Sadly, a third of the responses had already been spoiled about it. On the other hand, another third or so seemed to have an inkling and were happy to see a confirmation in this one. Just over 21% were simply in shock.

I knew from his voice

He's learnt to control his regeneration o.0 I wonder what else he has learnt. Also guessed last episode.

EREN OBSERVES THAT FALCO MAY BE TRYING TO PROTECT “A GIRL” FROM INHERITING THE ARMOR - IMPLYING FALCO MAY HAVE FEELINGS FOR GABI. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT? 66 Responses

When it came to Love Doctor Eren Yeager, more than 50% thought that this development showed his maturation over the course of the story (and 4 years, specifically). Some thought that it didn’t really mean anything, while others looked to a bit more romantic answer. Finally, some thought he was being influenced by the memories of his father or his father’s Attack Titan predecessor.

Don't know if Eren was implying that or if he was trying to gain intel.

BE HONEST - DOES EREN WORK THE HOBO LOOK? 66 Responses

When it came down to seeing Eren’s new design, the majority actually seemed to be more interested in seeing his “manbun” one, as seen in the trailer. Almost 20% thought it was his coolest design to date! The rest either seemed to prefer one of his earlier designs or thought that he looked kinda gross. And some people were just thirsty.

Cool change. Doesn't look "better", but does make him look more serious/battle-scarred.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

i was super confused at first, but after a lot more research im completely caught up w the story and very excited for whats to come!

Would've enjoyed even more REINER

Definitely ready for more. I always assumed our old team has been lurking on this side of the wall ever since ep 1 (call me crazy, but was that my mans Jean who bought the newspaper??) anywaY, I can’t wait for the reveal/ambush WhatevEr it is they got planned. You know Armin’s behind this shit. Let’s get ittttt

I need to see Levi already!! I feel like I’m going through withdrawal

The artwork was really nice, same with the animation. I thought the bit with Annie and Reiner was too intense though I felt kinda sick watching it. Also, they showed the scene in the trailer where Reiner is talking to Eren when they were in training and also when he was trying to commit suicide but the audio was different from the visual so I'm curious now if Reiner like tries to have Eren kill him but Eren and co want to interrogate him??? So he's like "why won't you let me die?". Also, I like Falco even more now, seems like a great and important character.

Seeing the Titans normally animated makes the cgi hurt more :(

it gave a lot of clarity cant lie

Reiner's backstory with his dad broke my heart. I thought he took it well. For Marcel to die afterwards and the warriors to be pushed down that path was terrible. I also love how Annie was really against attacking the Eldians, and voiced her disgust, and it felt organic. It didn't feel like it was forced in to show viewer thoughts. The episode made me appreciate Annie's maturity from a young age and emotional depth, and the fact that this was achieved with Reiner as the main focus makes it amore impressive.

mappa > wit. no doubt. the cinematography was a m a z i n g. it was very aesthetically pleasing to watch.

Why did the smiling titan ignore Bertholt?

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 65 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again after next episode.

#snk poll #snk polls #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #snk spoilers #snk s4

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monika-red-diary · 3 years

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Hold Me (Chapter 1)

First story, so don't crucify me on grammar. It's gonna be a few chapters before we get the M rating from the story we all deserve. I don't own Naruto or these characters. I forgot what else you're supposed to put in these intros. Leave a review. Help me grow, enjoy the story.

Chapter 1: A Foreign Chess Match

We've finally started. We had built it together, and it's something beautiful. It's a spectacle Hashirama and I dreamed of when we were just children. And it was, for me, what I had dreamed of and envisioned during the war, what I desperately hung onto and strived for. I'll miss that wide view filled with trees, forage, and general greenery dearly. But happiness overtakes the imminent nostalgia. Building like this, after years of searching for an end, a peaceful resolution, extremely gratifying.

Can't help but reflect. It's all I ever wanted. And I'm glad that instead of just words, we were actual able to see it all within our lifetime. As much as our lives depend on passing things down to generations after us, history upon history, building and growing and evolving over time, I'm glad it's finally coming to an end. This difficult chapter of bloodshed can come to a close. I do wonder when the next time conflict will arise; but for now, I will enjoy peace. Hopefully. The feel, the sight, overbearing. Crisp leaves, the sun's light only slightly dimming as it partially touches the horizon.

And the sound of happy families everywhere we look. It's almost paradise. And the most wonderful part, I'm allowed to have my mind is at ease. I feel I can relax myself for the first time since Hashirama and I met. I turned to my left to see that man, whom I shared this dream with. The optimism, the pure life and exuberance, the very radiation of joy that emanates from the man currently at my side. I look at him with immense adoration.

Both of us played an equal role in an equal part in creating this, yet I can't help but feel like I'm basking in his shadow. A glowing picture of light incarnate. I'm shocked that I was able to move past my feelings for him. The only man I gave my adoration in this world of Shinobi. Wanting to give more, I couldn't show any. Hashirama's the only one I can claim to be a true friend of mine. I've lost all my brothers to this war.

Struggling to keep hold of my sanity, to keep my joy, to hold my peace and to be there for others all at once. Being the leader of the Uchiha clan, it's kind of a daunting task; I'm not a socialite like he is. But I'll manage.

Hopefully…

With all the fighting, with everything I've had to endure in my life, I've never stopped to consider what or who I am. And what I truly want after peace comes about.

It may have been made obvious by this point; I think a little too much about my surroundings. I just overthink in general. Hashirama sees it as a strength, but I have trouble seeing his point as I now realize that I've been too distracted with my thoughts to notice him almost yelling at me.

"Hey… Madara!" Almost patronizing, and had it been anyone else, it's highly plausible that I would have just torn them apart to save myself the embarrassment of the situation. One look at his concerned face however and my defensive auto pilot calmed itself down.

"Don't take that tone with me Hashirama," I bit back, maybe a bit harsher than I intended. Okay… It may be very slightly possible that I still need to work on my anger. I wouldn't say I have anger issues. I'm just a grown man who feels that when people step on me, I need to have the last word so they know not to do it again. Is that too much to ask? I still have some growing to do.

A truly discontent and apologetic look lied in Hashi's eyes, and his face, and his entire demeanor, very telling. I clearly brought him down. Yep, there are definitively some issues of mine that need sorting out. A pang of guilt washes over me.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you Madara."

"You think you can scare me?"

As soon as the offending bit of intended banter leaves my lips, I felt idiotic for letting it slip out. It probably came off as insecure too. Why can't I be a normal person? Why is small talk only outlandish fantasy for me?

"No, and it wasn't my intention to try and scare you either. But I did have to speak loud considering this is the third time that I've called your name. What are you thinking about?" Suddenly too embarrassed to speak, a retort becomes far too difficult to muster. Not only had I managed to miss Hashirama calling me while staring directly at him, but now the very rare occurrence of my cheeks flaring is giving me away.

I quickly look back to the front of me, the back Village in view; very caught off guard and flustered, it feels impossible to think of something to say.

"Never mind that, just tell me what you had to say," is all I could blurt out in my failed attempt to save face. Out of the corner of my eye, I witness Hashirama's face jump from puzzled to annoyed to inquisitive, before he internally drops the matter entirely and settles on bored of all things. Am I boring you Hashirama? But before I could blurt out anymore, Hashirama interrupts my train of thought a second time.

"Madara, the people need someone, and I want that to be you. During this war, while both of our clans payed dearly, you've had to suffer more than I. And while we've both wanted this for the same amount of time, you clearly have more passion for the role. What I am saying is, I would like you to be appointed the leader of this Village."

My unconscious reaction was to fully face my body towards him, paralyzed in shock. What. The. Hell. I've never heard anything so scripted. I know Hashirama likes to sound stoic in his speech when he's trying to command a room, but he's really putting me on the spot here. How does he expect me to react to all of that? Facing me, sternly looking me dead in the eye, it's clear that he expects an answer right this moment. Got to buy myself some time to read the situation.

"Do you have a name for that yet?"

"What?"

"For the leader of the village. Am I stuttering?"

"Oh, I'm just thinking of the Hidden Leaves Village Leader. You like it?" I almost fucking cackled in front of him. And while I did a good job of not reacting to the name, somehow, I think he could take a wild guess about what was going through my head. It was plain obvious that I didn't like the so-called "name" he came up with.

"Oh-oh wait! What aboooouuuuttt…. Hidden Leaf Village Elder? Hehhh? What about that?" He was gleaming in pride as he said it too. I couldn't stop it; I was already holding my sides before he could finish his sentence. Choked air pushed past my nostrils after a botched attempt to keep my chuckles to myself. Why does he do this? This would not be the first time he's pitched an idea this poorly and acted like it was a legitimate award-winning gem. Oh my god.

"That's an awful name. Why are you so bad at these things?" A genuine question I, to this day, cannot find an answer to. Maybe he shouldn't be trusted to run a village.

"I know…"

Hashirama now in his depressed manic state. Meanwhile, a burst of full out laughter erupts out of me. You know, one could call it evil to shoot down his friend's ego. I would call it mission complete, considering I now have Hashirama distracted for 30 seconds to ponder his initial offer before he questions me again. And I like to believe that I'm a quick enough thinker. Okay, what do we know?

Hashirama doesn't want the position himself. Of course, this is rooted in general concern for the Village and his genuine belief in me. However, I can't ignore that there are likely some ulterior motives. Nothing too grand or evil. But we do know that as tired as I am with fighting and war, Hashirama is just as tired with the bonus of being naturally lazy, all things considered. And with the obvious lack of introspection and critical thinking shown in things like his naming ability, you can see why he lacks confidence in his ability to lead the Village. But above all else, the most incriminating piece of the puzzle is that we all know Hashirama to be a HUGE COMPULSIVE—

"GAMBLER!" I shout directly at him all the while pointing my finger to the accused person of interest. Clearly confused and still depressed, fake tears continue rolling down his face as it finally dawns on me what his motives are.

"You're MEAN!" A grown man, I almost want to laugh, but I've got a mystery to solve.

"Oh no, don't try to change the subject now. I see what you're up to Hashi! You want me to be the leader so that you don't have to be responsible for anything! In fact, you're probably hoping I'd peddle money to you in complacency with your damn gambling issues and alcohol problems!"

*Intense gasp*

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?" The once mirroring streams of crocodile weeping are now two matching lakes. He thinks his puppy dog eyes are going to get him out of this one.

After turning back to the village and giving him half a minute to collect himself and clean up his bad acting, I receive a pull on my right shoulder. As I'm turning back to face him, I'm taken aback at how close he got. I wanted to walk back a foot or two to put space between us, but somehow, he's got me stunned and locked in place, lost in his brown pools of light. A moment of silence is held between us, both of us still thinking, not fully knowing what to say. At least I don't feel so lost. It's in these moments that I feel saved by him.

As typical and casual as this conversation (in my mind at least) may seem, I feel very honored that he would bring this all to my attention. That he acknowledges me as a possible suitor for that role, let alone his sole choice. Not only that, but thinking more about it, I can guess with full confidence that I'm the first and only person he's talked to about it.

However, I want to share that role with him. I believe that people could respect him if he did it on his own. I wouldn't get that same respect though. I wouldn't be able to do it alone. I wouldn't even want to do it alone, and while I may have been able to cast aside my feelings for him, I objectively would need his help for something like this. Sometimes, in my mind, I imagine my life without him. And I imagined the scenario that people would not have taken my declaration of a peace treaty seriously in such a universe without Hashirama. I need his help.

"Hashirama, let me ask you something. Why would you assume that I am the better person for this role rather than yourself? It seems to me that you just want to seem humble. How am I to suspect that you don't actually want to do it? Maybe you're just trying to use reverse psychology so that I urge YOU to do the role, with no further competition from me." I proceed to cross my arms in a defensive stance. The accusation itself wasn't so baseless and out there that I regret saying it; it wasn't that great of a case to build in the long run. And it also takes away from what I want to know.

"No, Madara it's nothing like that. You know me. And I know you. And I've seen what's in your heart. I'm not willing to call myself stupid, I do have to admit though, you are the more tactful and careful one out of us two. You would not leave this Village astray. Whereas I wouldn't be what the Village needs to be most. I couldn't do it on my own."

"Then we could do it together. Did you ever consider that Hashirama? Why haven't you considered there being multiple leaders?"

"No, it must be one, this is the first time any Village has been established ever, and before others follow suit, the system needs to be done correctly. We can't tinker with the idea of multiple leaders the first time around, especially when we're the leaders of our respective clans. It could lead to conflict down the road over which clan is more powerful."

He does have a point; he's clearly thought about all of this before talking with me. Something I do tend to forget is that he clearly does exhibit critical thinking about things he cares about. There is an overwhelming effort towards fighting for his goals, unlike any other.

"The last thing I would want is to bring more turbulence to the great people of this land, Uchiha or Senju; we've all given a lot just to be a part of this. We've done it all together, and we'll all be in this together. And as I said, I feel like you suffered, more than I have. It's also my way of thanking you for not attacking Tobirama. You may still hold contempt for him, but it was you who had announced an end to the war. Whether it be because you didn't want to see me die, or because you didn't want to see anymore people you care about die, I thank you."

He's been thinking hard about this hasn't he. He's been worried. Something about this makes me want to cry. I haven't cried since the first time I lost a brother. I can tell Hashirama feels my discomfort because he then grabs both my shoulders while looking like he's about to cry himself.

"We've both lost our parents and brothers to this war. Unlike me, you lost all of them, and I know you don't like talking about it… and I'm sorry."

I see him starting to shake continue to unravel right in front of me; we're still locked in fierce eye contact. I almost can't bare all of it, everything he's telling me, how much he's trying to get me to see what he sees. I lay my hand on his chest to try and console him. As he starts to relax, I resist the urge to caress his pecs. I partially try to console him as to keep him from hugging me at random, it happens a lot, and I always stuck in a position of trying to escape before unwanted erections embarrass me and ruin our relationship forever. I find the best way to avoid unwanted physical contact is to give partial physical contact. It works with him anyway.

"I'm not fully sure what to say."

"You get what I'm saying, though? I really would like you to consider the position."

I thought it all over quickly. But when I think about the Village accepting me in general, let alone as their leader, I imagine massive hatred and fear in response. A full on rebuke of my character. Not saying I'm fragile to critiques, I'm just aware that I'm not... popular... enough...

Hashirama was born to be universally loved. Everyone loves him. He's even made me see light and it's not something anyone can do. If it had been anyone else at that pivotal point in the war, I would have taken their lives. Especially Tobirama's for killing my brother in front of me. Hashirama is the only one in my mind that can reunite this land and recreate the Shinobi world. I don't believe I have that power. And that's not even to knock me down as I don't think anyone else around me has that power either. I'm not even fully respected in my own Clan. I've been called weak just for creating the truce with the Senju in the first place.

I'm not even sure…

If I'd be good in any role…

Or what I'm supposed to do…

This is all happening so quickly. And it took a long time filled with mindless fighting and endless battles. It has all lead up to this. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. And it's not something I can talk to Hashirama about either. He'd obviously win the people's vote anyway. And then there won't be any time left for me to be with him like this.

"Well, what do you say? Do you accept the bid the nomination for Leader of The Village hidden in the leaves?"

I take one last moment to think it over. And with the facts that I just laid out. It becomes a resounding answer in my mind, all too clear in fact.

"No Hashirama, the position is clearly yours. There is no way the people of the Village would accept me as their leader. And besides you're clearly the one of us to that everyone loves; that everyone adores, that everyone roots for. Everyone sees this Village as yours anyway. In any case, it would not be in my power to accept the nomination. Nor is it yours to give. It's the people's. Whether or not I accept your personal nomination isn't too much of a factor. It all depends on whether people see me as a good fit. When we get to that point, I might consider it. But until then, I must be acknowledged by the people of this Village first and foremost. So, I guess my answer for now is technically no on the grounds that I wouldn't win anyway." Whew. A bit winded after that. At least I didn't stutter this time.

Hashirama's face scrunches and puffs with annoyance and disappointment.

"But I really would like to thank you. I appreciate the offer and I'm glad you still are trying to think of a way to make me useful." Nearly grumbled that last sentence. Instant regret as now we're about re-argue the legitimacy of my nomination. Can't I catch a break with him?

A defiant stern look rises upon Hashirama's face, he raises one finger and-

"Hey, what are you two wasting time up here for?"

A powerful voice filled with spite and clear bitterness cuts through the tension. Whipping our attention to the other side of the mountain, we immediately distance ourselves from each other out of shock and embarrassment, a mutual silent agreement to drop the current discussion for now.

As we turn around, we see none other than the expected white hairand scarred face bearing red eyes that could challenge even my Sharingan.

While he is making it a point to yell at both of us, he's very obviously glaring directly at me with those eyes. And I, of course, return the glare in full. As much disdain that we clearly have for each other, he's the only other man that's really given me any purpose, other than Hashirama. In this time of peace, I shouldn't want to create more conflict. However, avenging Izuna will probably end up being my purpose in the far-far-far future. If anything, he's the one who'll end up ruining the peace that we all worked so hard to achieve.

I can't help it. I can't help but feel angry when I look at those eyes. It's like God's playing a sick cruel joke against me. Why is it always me? The man I'm glaring at. The man who took away my last brother and yet still standing. Has the audacity to glare at me? Worsened by the fact that I didn't start this. Something about him has always put me on edge. Partially it's the mutual distaste for each other. He's never liked me. Not when we were children. Not now. Not even after I put aside my anger for him and declared an end to the war, after directly establishing peace. When I see him glaring at me, I see how the village looks at me, although the people don't want to admit it. We're still outcasts in our own village. Tobirama is just more upfront with his hatred of the Uchiha than others. Especially with me.

When I look at Tobirama, I lose faith that we will ever truly be equals in terms of respect; that our clans will ever truly be united.

And most of all, pride be damned, I feel like I'm hopeless. When I look at Tobirama, I do feel like a weak leader. Like I truly should have killed him before he ever laid a finger on Izuna, and I definitely should have done so after. And me letting him go was a slap in the face to all the Uchiha clan members who had died before.

I'm so tired of feeling this way.

I'm so tired of looking at the Senju clan and feeling this way. But something that can topples this hatred, something that keeps me in line, something that may be deemed as a weakness.

I just can't help it.

I don't know what Hashirama has done to me.

Why do Senju men have to be so. fucking. hot…?

Part of me feels stupid for glaring at him. Part of me knows it's just an excuse to ogle him while he wastes his time glaring. Glaring at him is clearly not going to make any situation better. It's obvious that if we were to fight that I would win and if at any given point I wanted to kill him, I could. I'd have to deal with Hashirama's wrath, and I'd probably die from that. But that doesn't take away from the huge gap in power between me and his younger brother.

Words may seem meaningless in the Shinobi world, holding pointless hatred and animosity towards each other is even worse though. Feeling very complex emotions in one hand because I feel like I've been made the scapegoat for a lot of people's hatred. And I must do it in the name of the Village's happiness. In the name of ending that hatred and dying with that hatred. it's becoming painful and I don't know who to talk to.

But we've been staring at each other long enough, so I turn to face the village for the last time. As in, I'm finally ready to move forward. I'm ready to move past hatred, with or without people like Tobirama. Clearly Hashirama sees this; he sees how his own brother doesn't like me. How much he clearly despises me being in his vicinity or even having to see me at all. As if on cue, He beckons Hashirama to come back to the village with him. But before Hashirama decided to leave me here alone, he walks over to me and he hugs me as a goodbye.

"I know something's on your mind… other than what we were talking about… something really painful. You've been like this all day. I'm worried about you. And if you ever want or need to talk about anything. Please reach out to me. Please be kind to yourself. Don't suffer."

"I'm fine Hashirama. I promise. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I am fine. Don't worry." Maybe I should've sounded more confident. He was making me nervous. And I needed to get him off me before our unwanted visitor gets any ideas. I also wanted to keep MY unwanted visitor from doing the same. Again, I am confronted with the disappointed distraught look on his face. It's all real this time though, which is so much worse. It rips me apart on the inside to lie to him like this. And his response alone is shutting me down. He's not stupid, as much as I tease him. He's astounding with human emotions. It's one of many reasons why people like him so much. It feels like there's nothing he can't do. Maybe that's why he's always trying to lend a hand. If I let him into more of my world. Things won't be the same with him. I'm not sure I can ever give him my full honesty.

And then I was struck by a revelation, did he just offer me the position because he knew I was depressed? The pieces are all there. It may be an audacious thing to assume that Hashirama is putting me on a pedestal, but that look in his eyes told me that there was nothing of higher concern than my well-being. I want to scream. Intense agony writhes through my body. Why do I always bring people down? There's no other word for it. I'm heartbroken.

After awkwardly looking back at Tobirama, Hashirama finally decides, it's time to go. He waves me off with a goodbye and both proceed to exit the Mountainside and I'm left here with my depressing thoughts. But before they are gone, I can feel Tobirama's eyes wandering back to me.

So anyway tell me what you like/don't like in the review section. Do you think Madara should take the position? Do you think a duo Hokage shared position could work. Or is Hashirama doomed to the chair? I'm still working on the story so let me know what you think would be interesting.

You can follow updates on this fanfic at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13772524/1/Hold-Me

And you can follow what I’m doing at monikareddiary.com

#madara #tobirama #gay #naruto #narutoau #yaoi #anime #naruto shippuden #gay fanfiction #madara-x-tobirama #lemon

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procancelled · 4 years

Text

Let’s Start A Riot (2008)

I want to start out by saying that while this album came out in 2008 so some of the stuff I reference may not have happened yet, the lyrics show that he had the ideas.

Also while some of these may seem like nothing, or very minor, given the things Dahvie has said I think that it’s important to look at everything he has chosen to put out to gain fans. The messages his fans are getting.

I Can’t Get Enuff

I’ll hit you harder than meth

I’ll leave you gasping for breath

References to rough sex and Dahvie’s oral sex fixation as well as drug references. I feel like the references to drugs matter a lot more now that we know he gives drugs to minors, clearly has access to drugs and promotes them.

Bitches Get Stitches

Stop the hate congratulate

Dahvie dismisses all criticism as hate which is always a red flag, especially when that hate is to do with any kind of sexual crime (Though this was before the Jessi Slaughter incident there were still allegations against him at this time)

You know my name so eat some cake

Flaunting his fame and clearly doesn’t care if people know his name for negative reasons.

Party hardy grab Bacardi

Young audience having alcohol referenced towards them. He gives minors alcohol, slips drugs in their drinks and then rapes them.

Talk your shit watch you get hit

Violent nature towards anyone who speaks up against him. Gives the idea that being violent towards anyone who says anything negative about him or the band is okay.

What’s up with that awful gossip

Rape and pedo allegations are not just ‘gossip’ dismissing it as something so trivial is gross. He’s just trying to convince his fans that anything they hear is just ‘gossip’ and not to be taken seriously while not saying what the ‘gossip’ is.

Don’t be mad cus my hair is so rad

Your hair is a wig. I don’t know if it was at the time but I would assume it was, or parts of it were extensions of some kind. And I have no problem with people wearing a wig, but when someone is pretending it’s their real hair and are wearing it to look younger so they can maintain having a young audience who they can take advantage of, yeah, I have many, many problems with that.

Also Dahvie offers to do young girls’ hair as a way to be alone with them so he can take advantage of them.

Bitches get stitches, end up in ditches

Violence and demeaning towards women

So get the riches

Cares about money a lot more than say, being a decent human being. He scams his fans out of money.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Acting like everyone who says anything about the allegations about him have the facts wrong

OMG blah, blah, blah

Rude and dismissive. Teaching his fans to act that way

I’m rated x for explicted sex

To me this feels like Dahvie is saying ‘I make it clear I’m sexual so you can’t blame me for what I do!’

You can talk your shit

You can run those lips

Implying that people who talk about the allegations are lying

You’re only making me famous you ignoramus

Dahvie is clearly a man who believes that all press is good press. This also, again, shows how much he cares for fame and how demeaning and insulting he is towards those who question him.

I’m dangerous

Well we can agree about something Dahvie.

Again his violent and threatening nature shows though.

You can talk your shit you’re only making me famous

This is a message he still puts out to this day and he makes his fans push it out too. He just calls everyone who exposes him for the awful person he is a liar.

And again, he continues to go on about fame and gaining more fame. More fame means more underage fans that he can take advantage of.

Blood On The Dance Floor

Slash, gash, terror, whore

I like you better on the floor

Shows Dahvie’s views on women and how demeaning those views are. Also uses violent language while referencing sex.

On the bed give me head

Oral sex fixation and demanding

Make you scream, candy cream

Childish

Scene sluts like it super rough

That’s the way they like to fuck

Shows that he goes for scene girls, who more often than not are on the young side. He’s generalising, being demeaning and also telling his fans, a lot of who are scene, how they should be having sex and how they should like it.

I like to twerk, I like to hurt

Okay so I know the Austin Jones things was years after this, but still Austin Jones vibes isn’t a good thing to give out.

Again with the violence

Bitch, don’t make me fucking work

Demeaning and also gives more of his views on sex

Now make your move into my room

And I’ll whip out my Dr. Doom

Okay so this isn’t a big deal but it’s just so cringy to call your dick ‘Dr. Doom’ and now I’m just thinking about how Dr. Doom is a villain. Also about how he loses, because that tends to be the theme with villains.

Oh, what the fuck?

Bitch, just shut up and suck

Again with the oral sex fixation and the demeaning language.

I need to feel myself inside you deep

More sexual references. Very demanding

Uh, uh I like it rough

I believe a girl sings this part. I’m just reading the lyrics and sparing my ears but Dahvie does not give it ‘rough’ he is abusive.

Uh, uh I give it tough

Like I just said, Dahvie is just abusive and has even gone ahead to say that that’s just what BDSM is which is so wrong and harmful.

It’s like a porno flick!

This line just makes me think about the fact that he has filmed himself raping minors, sometimes after drugging them.

I’m pure triple x

Redefine ultra sex

Dahvie constantly talks about how good he is at sex, which we know isn’t true given that he doesn’t even understand consent. Then there’s the fact that he’s telling his fans how he’s good at sex.

Sex and Violence

Just from the title we already have sex being linked with violence.

You’re so submissive

I’ll get you in position

Dahvie likes to be able to take control over whoever he is with, and he’s telling his fans what he likes. He goes as far as to take a women’s ability to have any control by drugging them.

Deep throat me girl and rule my world

Oral sex fixation

Be my scene queen

Most scene girls are young due to the fact that older people can’t dress and style themselves that way as they have jobs and such.

It’s just the way we fuck

It’s the way we cut

(Sex and violence)

Connecting sex and violence, probably trying to normalise this; ‘It’s just they way things are’.

Fuck me

Rape me

Just a disgusting line, acts as if rape is something asked for. It’s also ironic since he’s the one that’s the rapist.

Take me

Blow me

Oral sex fixation

I’ll slice you, I’ll dice you

More threats of violence.

I ❤ Hello Kitty

Referencing a character intended for children. If a child searches for Hello Kitty they may come across this song.

Also I think it’s really important to keep the name of this song in mind while reading the lyrics.

Ah! Ah! I like it

Against the wall

Just fuck me in the hall

Demanding and somewhat violent/rough/intense sex

You scream ‘meat sucks!’

Well you’re out of luck

Oral fixation. Also it sounds like he’s raping a lesbian.

I’ll fuck you in the face

And leave a nice taste

Oral sex fixation.

Dahvie would tell girls that had no sexual experience that cum tasted like ice cream... what fucking ice scream is he eating?

I’ll fuck you in the club

Exhibitionist

On the ground

Mop it up

Relax! Relax!

It’s my sexy track!

Acting like this is all an act, it’s just a joke and means nothing.

H.E.L.L.O.

Blasting through your stereo

K.I.T.T.Y.

Let me slip between your thighs

Hello Kitty is a children’s cartoon character and also is a minor.

H.E.L.L.O.

Coming straight from Tokyo

K.I.T.T.Y.

My sex will leave you satisfied

Again, this is a cartoon character aimed towards children he’s referencing.

H.E.L.L.O.

Show me how you’re such a whore

K.I.T.T.Y.

Bitch I’ll make you fucking cry

Okay so first off, ‘whore’ and ‘o’ don’t rhyme. Secondly, again we have Dahvie being violent and demeaning towards women. Lastly, HELLO KITTY IS A CHARACTER AIMED TOWARDS CHILDREN!

We mosh like liars

Well Dahvie, you are a massive liar.

You’re A Dancer, You’re Not A Lover

I want to tell you a tale

Of love, drugs and complications

Dahvie knows nothing about love. He drugs women/young girls and leaves them with a lot more than just complications.

Get into the bigger tits

Many of his victims have said that Dahvie was very interested in their chest. He views women as objects for his satisfaction.

So fuck me on the dance floor

Exhibitionist

Take off your pants

And do the revolutionary dance

Sounds really childish while the song, as well as the album, also contains many adult themes.

Modern World Christ

Dahvie compares himself to Jesus due to his name, or middle name as survivors have stated that he goes by Jesus David Torres instead of David Jesus Torres so when people look him up they wouldn’t find his arrest record.

This also just makes me think about all the cult leader who tie themselves to Jesus in some way.

Hollywood is full of shit

Say what you like

So we can call you a pedo and a rapist?

I got nothing to hide

I mean, you do but you can’t hide it any longer and you were doing a bad job anyway.

I’m not special or unique

Glad we can agree on that

I’ve been crucified like Jesus Christ

You’re not Jesus Christ!

As I grow stronger my voice gets louder

Just because you’re loud doesn’t mean you’re right or truthful

Your shit gets weaker as I stomp you with my sneakers

Rude, dismissive of claims against him and he’s also threatening those who come out against him.

Let my words eat you alive

Mocking victims

I wanna be the boy you adore

Not gonna happen Dahvie. And you’re not a boy, even at this time you were an adult.

Without the label of a Bedroom Whore

No one calls you that. We do label you as a rapist and a pedo.

And if you didn’t want any chance of being called that maybe don’t sing about sex.

So shut the fuck up with your ignorance

Me at BOTDF fans

And shut the fuck up with your competence

What? Why would you say they’re competent if you’re trying to act like they’re just liars and haters?

Money and Hoes

Again the want for money, probably to buy more wigs. And being demeaning towards women.

They want my cock

No they don’t, you force it on them.

They’re sucking my ding

Asphyxiation prescription perfection

Oral sex fixation. And who the hell calls it my ding? Like, he was rhyming it with bling, but seriously.

Hi, I’m danger

More dangerous but okay

I’m mightier than any Power Ranger

Power fantasy

I get what I want

Like the rapist you are. You get what you want because you prey on vulnerable people, make them trust you and then take what you want.

And be obscene

Leave parents feeling disgusting

Ironic since Dahvie befriends the parents of his victims to make it easier for him.

And I’m hood rich

You’re a middle class white guy

My grill is so ill

Just no

I’ll make your titties spill

No.

Also, demeaning

Till Death Do We Party

Cut your bone and slash your tongue

Violence...

Gonna shoot my hot load

...then sexual reference

Fuck me in the club, and light this bitch up

Exhibitionism

(Fuck me in the dirt, life up my sexy skirt)

Dirty, rough sex

Fuck me in the house and shake it all about

Shake it all about sounds childish

(Fuck me in the car, like a movie star)

He often raped people in the back of a car, forcing them to preform oral sex.

Fuck me in the rain, take away my pain

Sex won’t take away pain, this is a bad message he’s sending to his underage fans. Sex with Dahvie will only end in pain.

Fuck me in the church, make it fucking hurt

Violent

Dahvie,

I would not fuck you in the rain,

I would not fuck you on a train,

I wouldn’t fuck you in a church,

I wouldn’t fuck you for research.

I just want you in jail,

And for there to be no bail.

I Hope You Choke

Me to Dahvie

More violence

Cutting and frustration

Self harm, most likely trying to pander to his audience and seem relatable.

Sex and complication

Connects sex with negative emotions

I lost my grip

I’m about to slip

Love is cruel, remember this

Acting like this tortured soul to get pity.

Makes love sound bad.

Protect yourself from the fighting fists

Covered wrists

Self harm bating again

The whole song is just Dahvie singing about how some girl broke up with him and he hopes she dies.

Incel vibes x100.

Fallen Star

We’re so in love,

We did every drug

Connects love and drug use.

Normalising drug use when he has a young audience.

We kissed in the dark

In the back of your car

Many stories of Dahvie forcing himself on girls, or rather, forcing them on him, in the backs of cars. If it’s dark then they can’t see him.

You died in the crash site

Okay so there’s this whole story about how someone who was a member of the band died in a car crash, but while researching this I found a Facebook post where someone said at a show they asked Dahvie about it and he said she didn’t die and it was another one of his friends. I take this with a grain of salt because I can’t find any confirmed evidence as to whether this ex-band member is still alive or not.

He’s basically using someone’s death, not long after it happened, for sympathy on this album filled with references to sex and drugs as well as threats of violence.

Libertine

Okay so people say this song is dedicated to the member that may have died, however the fan in the Facebook post said that Dahvie said the song is dedicated to her because it was her favourite song on the album. Again, I have no idea which claim is real.

You’re living out a lie

Ironic.

If I could have my way I’d sit and watch you die.

Violence.

Also, you can see why I question this song being dedicated to someone who died since it has a lyric like this. Either Dahvie is being really tasteless, which I wouldn’t be surprised by, or she didn’t died and it was someone else and the story got twisted.

And there we go. One album done... so many more to go.

Wish me luck.

#blood on the dance floor #dahvie vanity #kawaii monster #botdf #anti botdf #anti blood on the dance floor #anti dahvie #anti dahvie vanity

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escarlatafox · 4 years

Note

whispers for the 'send you a series' meme, i'm tempted to just be Unoriginal and say kung fu panda, but if you'd rather something else, i'm seeing a lot of steven universe around here jfjfiea

Masha ily. You know that, right? :D

Kung Fu Panda:

Favourite character: Who else but Shifu? XD

Second favourite character: It might actually be Po

Least favourite character: Hard to think of a least favourite character. If we ONLY count the main cast + the villains in the movies and exclude any other minor characters, then I’d say Kai maybe? Just wasn’t as impactful to me as the other characters/villains. Or if we include minor characters I might say the hugging panda from the third movie because the gag and his character didn’t really add much. Also, I’ve already spoken about this in the past, possibly more than once, but back when I was a child upon watching the first movie, my answer to this question would actually be Ping. Suffice it to say, my opinion on him changed a LOT. XD

The character I’m most like: Maybe I am like Po in some ways. At my core, I’m a fangirl lol. And I like food :O

Favourite pairing: Don’t really have any ships. Crane and the girl from that one short tho. Like idk if I’d want them to get together, maybe not now that I think about it. But it would be nice to see them interact more.

Least favourite pairing: HAH. Let’s just say I really hate what Legends of Awesomeness decided to do with Shifu in the shipping realm and leave it at that. :P

Favourite moment: YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CHOOSE? There’s no way. I could only list off notable ones. Okay, if we narrow it down to non-Shifu moments, off the top of my head, you obviously have the iconic cannonball scene at the end of kung fu panda 2, and in the THIRD movie I love love love how when Po is in the spirit realm and he says “turns out... I’m all of them” and the music swells and the framing and the scenery is just. so gorgeous . I love. So much. If I sat here thinking too long I’d probably start recapping all the movies SO since I’ve thrown those two out there I’ll cut myself off before I get too out of hand. XD

Rating out of 10: First movie is just 10/10 for me. It’s my favourite movie, not just in the franchise but like, probably ever among movies in general, and just about every moment and scene feels like home when I watch it. The trio of movies I’d then put at probably around 9/10.

Steven Universe:

Favourite character: I can now say with confidence that it is Steven Universe.

The people who liked Steven “before it was cool” certainly have bragging rights, because I was one of those people who failed to find myself among them, as I lacked the foresight, or... future vision for it. :P. At first, in the very early days, I didn’t really care for Steven. It’s often very easy to gloss over a protagonist, and, in my case, not truly appreciate what’s great in a character like early-days Steven, or even Po. Now, Steven and Po are, naturally, quite distinct characters in their distinct franchises but there are certainly parallels that can be drawn, not only in their character but how I initially felt towards them. By asking for both fandoms in the one ask, I feel like you’ve given me the opportunity to speak about this, which has been idly on my mind every so often. XDBoth Steven and Po are the protagonist of the franchise they’re in. They’re both fond of food, they both start out needing training and then develop incredible skills along the way until they become one of, if not the most powerful in the cast. They’re both generally very easygoing, excitable, enthusiastic, FRIENDLY, and generally kind. At the start of their journeys, there’s a lot of focus on how much they’re lacking in skills and abilities, how difficult it is for them to accomplish even the basics. They both gotta Save The World, whether it be more in the sense of the universe as a whole or China.And the thing is I had the same issue with Po as I did with early-days Steven; I didn’t realise how great Po is. I was just a little too dismissive. With time, (and I’m talking around the point where I actually entered the fandom after the second movie was out, so it was mostly kid me who is guilty of not recognising Po’s greatness) I grew to realise just how cool Po is, to truly appreciate his genuine enthusiasm and excitement and also utmost reverence and admiration of kung fu. I simply Expected Po’s character to be less than it was, which is what caused the oversight. But Po is honestly so fantastic and deserves every last bit of love the fandom has to offer him. Also, seeing his potential and him reaching his potential is so damn epic. See: his “turns out, I’m all of them” quote/scene I mentioned earlier.So to bring things back to Steven, whose character arc nonetheless has its VERY stark differences from Po’s, it was around when Steven managed to calm down and stop the cluster that it fully registered in my mind how fantastic and amazing he is and how much I appreciate his character. In fact, it was a little earlier than that. Pretty sure I hadn’t actually started watching the show yet when Sadie’s Song aired, but I was getting all the deets secondhand on my dashboard and I loved what I heard and saw in gifs/pics. A boy who just wants to perform and dance around on stage in heels and a gorgeous outfit to boot (I really liked the thought of trans girl Steven at the time tbh, which was being thrown about on my dashboard back then, though of course that’s not the path the show decided to go down, so he/him it is...!). He had my full support. And THEN when he calmed the cluster down like that... (and I think I was probably watching the show at that point?) I just, loved his incredible talent to reach out to others and HELP them, I loved his magical gem abilities and how he always seemed to be triumphing against the odds, and as the show progressed his feats only started getting more and more impressive. I absolutely noticed how much responsibilities he’d started forcing onto himself, how he was trying to manage everyone and be an adult to all the adults in his life, I was kind of intrigued by how much he was shouldering, and it struck me that he had developed an Atlas Personality long, long before he was ever listed as an example of it on the wikipedia page. I simply adored Steven and his placement in the show and everything.He’s also completely ACING things as usual in the movie too.And then Steven Universe Future hit, and oh boy, that’s a whole other story. Steven truly emerged as the forefront seeing as the focus was now unrelentingly on him and his issues. What initially got me really hooked as well, was the inherent shock and intrigue of seeing a character who would usually always do the right thing, who always seemed to know what was best for everyone, who always seemed to be able to read a situation and understand who needed help and then reaching out and offering them help... not only completely failing to recognise that HE was the source of a given problem (see: the pink dome rapidly closing in), but to actively dig himself deeper by being convinced SOMEONE ELSE was at fault, and whirling around and trying to pin it all on them. Before Steven whirled around to point at Lars, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was about to be like “guys, you know what? I think I’m causing this - I think I have some stuff going on” LOL NOPE. And that was only the tip of the ice berg. Steven had nowhere else to go but down, and boy, down did he go until he hit rock bottom, pulled out a shovel and started digging.

Second favourite character: Hard to say. I do know that I am crazy about the zircons (I mean c’mon - lawyers!). I was crazy about Blue Pearl when we first saw her too. My answer might’ve been Aquamarine or even Eyeball if it wasn’t for Steven Universe Future. Seeing more of them just kinda made me go “ok you know what, yeah this isn’t really what I expected and they’re not actually really my thing after all.” I reeeeally don’t know. Steven Universe has such a stellar cast of great characters. Steven Universe Future also kinda threw me off Spinel, but obviously Spinel is A+ as well.

Least favourite character: I don’t really care about Lapis. She just kind of lost appeal as a character to me and I never really understood her I guess. I was also never fond of the diamonds... because you know, discourse, and like, the discourse kind of has a point. But after Steven Universe Future I might invest more in trying to understand their positioning in the show a little more, now with the confirmation that Steven never did actually forgive them. I completely wrote-off White Diamond’s seemingly quick turnaround for the longest time and honestly never bought it and felt it was WAY too easy and rushed/forced. But I came to an internal understanding quite recently and I THINK I finally get what the show meant there so I think I can buy it now and find it believable at last, which is nice. So don’t quote me and don’t crucify me, but I might warm up to the diamonds a Little.

The character I’m most like: omg. There’s so many characters idk who is most like me hahaha

Favourite pairing: Connverse. Connie kissing Steven on the cheek in the movie made me SO pleased, and I can say this is my favourite pairing if only because the prospect of it not working out and instead going up in flames and not actually having a good resolution - which is a threat that felt so very real during Steven Universe Future - was deeply, DEEPLY upsetting to me. Like I didn’t care because I’d been taking it for GRANTED, but the moment anyone suggested, with alarming plausibility that they may split up or whatever, I was immediately on edge like “NO NO NO NO NO”.

Least favourite pairing: Stevinel. Stevidot. Just, any ship with Steven and any of the gems is an instant no from me. D:

Favourite moment: omggg. Again, there are simply way too many, so no answer I give here can or will be definitive. So I’ll simply state my love for when Steven is singing Change and Spinel yeets him in the sky and there’s the stellar animation where he goes “You can make it different... You can make it right! You can make it better! We don’t have to fight!”

Rating out of 10: I’d probably give it a 9/10, if only because, look. There are a LOT of shows out there. There are a lot of pieces of media I’m into and have watched. And Steven Universe is just. It’s good. Even when I like another piece of media MORE than Steven Universe, I can still more than readily acknowledge when/if SU has vastly superior writing. And it usually does. The only thing stopping me from giving it a 10/10 is because for the vast majority of SU’s existence I was mainly only ever a passive watcher/fan and/or got secondhand knowledge (closer to the start of it airing), so it lacks that fundamental closeness to my heart that something like Kung Fu Panda has. (Though I got way more close to it during SUF, as my reblogs can attest to LOL). The other thing stopping it from hitting that 10/10 is there are things I still take issue with, like how the Rose=Pink reveal undermines Pearl’s character (the “rebellion” aspect) and casts an EXTREMELY uncomfortable light on Pearl being in love with Rose. Yes, the show already showed us that Pearl’s obsession with Rose is unhealthy and problematised it. But regardless of how problematised it already was, I’m just not comfortable with a former slave being shown as being in love with their former master at all. What does that add, realistically? There are other valid criticisms that have been pointed out, namely how aspects of the show such as Sugilite’s role in Coach Steven do fail its Black audience. That undercurrent is there and it’s unfortunate.

#mashanevershutsup #ask #asks #THANK YOU I was actually feeling unhappy and you sending me an ask like this kinda cheered me up?#Gotta love that Human Interaction #long post

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uinen-harth-estraven · 5 years

Text

Anath (Michael Langdon x Reader)

Title: Anath

Chapter no.: 2

Notes: Michael and reader don’t meet until the end,that’s how I imagine it,but there are some parallels,oh and reader becomes a witch.Italics are song lyrics.

Rating/Warnings: deaths

Chapter’s Soundtrack: Fire And Forgive by Powerwolf (x)

Summary: Every new pope learned that the antichrist would be born by spirit and human,they didn’t know when,no one did.When Michael was born,at the same time a daughter of Christ was born too.No one knew that both of them had the same purpose or that the one was the soulmate of the other.

Tag List: @roxytheimmortal

“Fire and forgive

We all

Fire and forgive

We call

Fire and forgive”

As the days went by I couldn’t forget his beautiful face,those electric eyes so pure and innocent,how could he be the Antichrist..?

I told my dad about that dream,and Michael,he told me that it was time for my training.I didn’t know what he meant by that but I trusted him.And so the next day he helped me pack some things to take with me,he told me that they’re gonna give me something else to wear where I’m going,but eitherway I took some clothes with me.The road was long but calm,my dad was explaining to me how he found that kind of university or church or whatever,but I wasn’t listening to him,because something inside of me was wrong.Something wrong happened to my Michael I could feel it,I felt trapped and scared.As if the emotional pain wasn’t enough..I felt physical pain as well,a sharp pain on my chest and stomach,and the left side of my face,sorrow.

“Darling..are you alright?”

“Somebody hurt him!”

“(Y/N) stay focused..”

“They hurt him dad! I must do something!”

“Hon..”

“GO AWAY!” I screamed and a vision popped in my mind.. “oh my God..” I whisoered to myself but dad hear it..

“What is it? (Y/N)..?”

“I..it’s..”

“You can tell me..I can’t help you if you don’t..”

“His..his head..exploded..?”

“Whose head..?”

“I don’t know..dad..what’s happening?”

“It happens faster than I thought..”

“What..?”

“Your urge to help him,Michael,to keep him safe..it somehow gave him strength to do what you saw..”

“Like some kind of magic?”

“No..something stronger than magic..”

“That’s where you’re taking me? To a magic school?”

“No..well something like that..it’s more like a heretical kind of church school..”

“I don’t understand..”

“They’re people like you..they know you,and you know them..you’ll understand when you go inside..” he smiled at me and wiped the tears off my eyes,wait..when did I start crying? and when did we reach our destination?

“Go..I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

I got out of the car and looked around me,it was the middle of the forest,and as I was walking in the direction my dad showed,I found an old church,big as a castle,but for some reason I wasn’t scared or afraid,I felt at peace.

“Rex patrum

In cielis

Peccata mundi delis

Rex patrum

Ignis imperia”

I walked up the stairs,and opened the gate.It was the most beautiful church I’ve ever seen,it was quiet,the light coming through the windows giving a supernatural aura around.There was no one around,so I went to the crucified Christ statue,lightly touching his feet,I felt tears in my eyes again.Then I heard footsteps coming closer to me,soft footsteps.I turned around and I saw a man,tall and thin,with short brown hair and ghost like face,but I wasn’t afraid of him.He was wearing dark grey clothes,that had lighter grey waves or smokes on them,like stripes but not exactly.He was..familiar..

“Fundamental armament

The price we all ignore

Bring to fall the last of saviour

To son of god we swore”

He looked at me with a smile and bowed his head slightly.

“Welcome home (Y/N),my name is Falk-Maria.”

Before I could even ask how he knew my name,other four men came out and joined him,the three had long dark hair and the other one was bald,they were wearing the same clothes.

“Please allow me to introduce you,Matthew,Charles,Roel and Attila.”

“Well,kid,welcome.Let’s get you settled because we have little time,every moment your bond is getting stronger.”

“Sons of god and sacrament

The night we're dying for

By the call of pyromania

Bring fire into war”

I was there for about a week or so,they were teaching me forbidden gospels,prayers,hidden Bibles,things that people could never learn and yet I felt I knew them all my life.In my dreams I could see Michael,dressed in a very weird uniform,and his hair in stylish waves,he’s so beautiful and he would always smile at me.

One day I woke up by the sound of the church’s bells,they never ring the bells..something happened,I thought to myshelf.I dressed in those grey clothes they all wear here,and went to see Attila.He told me that there was no more time,we must move quick.So that’s where I come in..

“You must go to Miss Robichaux Academy,a scool for witches,but..before you reach it there’ll be a quest that you’re gonna face.I can’t tell you more..”

“This quest,you speak of..has it anything to do with what I..my soulmate did to that man..?”

“A part of it..you must go now.You made us proud,kid..now it’s your fate to complete the prophecy.”

“I’ll do my best,Attila.” I hugged him,and he hugged me back it was the first time he did that.

“Rest in flame by testament

At midnight we return

Raise inferno for the living

The grail of life we burn”

I was very close to Robichaux Academy,I need only to take a bus and then walk some more and I would reach it,but there was one problem..Attila didn’t tell me what I was gonna say to let me stay with them,because clearly I couldn’t say that I was the Antichrist’s soulmate now could I?As I was waiting for the bus,I felt a pain in the back of my head and before I knew it everything went black.

I felt sore,and I couldn’t move,felt a bit cold and I was lying on a wooden bed? I opened my eyes,and groaned from the candle light that was around me.Oh no,nonw everything made sense..this wasn’t a bed but an altar,I was actually tied up naked on it.I started to freak out,my heart rate fasten as my eyes looked around me.There were people dressed in red with pentagrams on their cloaks as thir priest was talking about the end times,she was holding a knife and I knew..I knew what was gonna happened and for the first time in my life I felt scared.When the priest turned to me,she smiled wickedly at me,but then I felt something..it wasn’t my feeling,I felt calm and powerfull,was Michael helping me?Did he felt my distress? I thought that yes,it was him.He calmed me down,and I had the time to think what Attila told me about the quest,and what Matthew had taught me about fighting.I couldn’t help myself and I smiled..it all made sense now.The priest saw that..

“There is no God that can help you now,little nun.”

I laughed

“Oh..I’m not a nun,love,I’m something that even your savor is scared..”

“And we bring fire, sing fire

Scream fire and forgive

Forgiven the liar, by fire we live

We bring fire, sing fire

Scream fire and forgive

The last of our blood we will give”

I felt a strong amound of power running through me,and all the candles burnt out,and light up again,a blue fire so strong that made all of them fall down on their knees screaming bloody murder,the ropes that kept me tied up are cut,my church’s clothes materialized on my body.

The priest was looking at me in horror,it felt so nice.With a wave of my hand she burnt in blue fire,as everyone else..one..by..one.

“Rex patrum

In cielis

Peccata mundi delis

Rex patrum

Ignis imperia”

When no one was left I stopped my magic.The satanic church’s only lightthe small red candles under the pentagram,which I didn’t knew they were there..Satan must have known..or something.So I bowed out of respect to him,and left.

It’s time for Robichaux Academy,and I know exactly what to say.

Notes: So that’s the 2nd chapter! Hope you like it! Also if you please leave a comment and also if you want to be in the tag list,let me know! ♥

#snake's fanfic.#michael langdon x reader #michael langdon x you #michael langdon #ahs #ahs8 #ahs apocalypse #cody fern

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marshallhawkins666 · 6 years

Text

Sexism; or My Attempt to Score Feminist Points with the Ladies; or Getting Distracted and Ranting About Corporate America Without Any Research!

(Disclaimer, if it seems like I’m being sarcastic I probably am.)

It seems like we’re all posting all over social media and all over our lives about how good we are as people. Anytime we’re posting shit on these platforms it’s usually some form of bragging. Fine. I get it. Check me out. Karen likes this. Oooo Ted comments ‘this is problematic racist because you called that guy black’. And so on whatever. We’re all posting all this shit about how fucked up it is that police brutalize these people and rich white guys are raping these people or how this chick keeps lying about being raped and this Mom is a terrible parent cuz her kid is pissing on a picture of Obama. So we gotta get the Republicans cuz they’re all heartless ghouls. Or gotta get those Libtards trying to take my guns and spreading Gay Communism to my children! Not great examples but you get it.

It’s not fucking brave to be like ‘I, the straight white male think women are equal!’ or ‘I think black people are just as good as white people! Cops shouldn’t shoot unarmed black males!’. How fucking bold. Wow. Good job. You’re a real hero. Or heroine. See I’m not sexist.

And we walk around going he’s a sexist because he said cunt! He’s a racist because he said the n-word! We’re acting like three year olds telling on each other for cursing. And then we keep walking like we have this imaginary sash and a crown that says ‘Not-racist, not-sexist, see? because i can tell who somebody is based on a word they used! And i never use those words! Can i buy you a drink? I’m pure! ooo weee women are greeeeaaat’ Like if i just write the word nigger right here that means i’m racist right? I must really hate black people. That word is magic. It transforms you into a slave owner mentality monster. That’s silly. It’s never one word. It’s the context. It’s the meaning and intent behind the word. Censorship is fucking dumb. Censoring art is even worse. There was a communist revolution once and they destroyed all religious art. That’s dumb. That’s so misguided.

The truth is sometimes we’re all sexist, racist, homophobic. Sometimes on accident! Admit it! That’s not even the point. The point is to recognize it and learn from it and grow as a person and don’t act on these made up stereotypes society and media put in your brain. Also admit when you’re racist! One time I called one of my black friends, one of my other black friends name. That was racist of me. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to. I was an idiot and racist in that moment probably. And then evaluate yourself! Have empathy!! Sheesh.

It seems to me we’re all seeing horrible things happening and we instantly make them about ourselves. We instantly put ourselves in a position of hostility because we react so emotionally now because the news told us when you hear the word ‘cops’ or ‘woman’ you get fucking ANGRY. The news says it’s an all out culture war. Which side are you on? Huh bro? Which side? We don’t even care what’s right. We care who’s right. We want to be right more than we want shit to change. Does anybody talk to each other? Or are we all reacting to the reactions of shit. We’re in an echo chamber and we don’t remember what the original sound even was. We’re just sitting on the edge of the ocean dipping our toes in the very, VERY edge of the water and judging and yelling about every wave even though we don’t talk about what’s causing it. We’re just cars covered in bumper stickers and if you cut me off in traffic with a Trump sticker I’m gonna fucking rear end the hell out of you cuz you’re obviously a rapist nazi. Or you’ve got a Hilary sticker and obviously you’re a Communistic trust fund college kid going through a hippie phase and constantly refers to Marx despite never reading a word of the ‘Communist Manifesto’.

The Kavanaugh (sp?) trial thing was so ugly. Obviously we have no culture and no grace or dignity. Because fuck that. Grace doesn’t get views. Dignity doesn’t get hits, baby. Where’s the juice?! Is he a pedophile rapist or is he a Saint? There’s no fucking nuance at all. We just want to crucify. It’s sad. We wanna get on TV and yell at each other and name call and tell people ‘here’s the news, two unqualified idiots yell at each other for a half hour. Okay! Here’s some weird prejudice way of looking at it! Which fucking side are you on? Satan or Jesus? Pepsi or Coke? Don’t worry! Tune in after the commercial and we’ll keep justifying your prejudices!’

I remember hearing on a radio station in Grand Theft Auto five, the DJ goes ‘tune in to WXYZ News, justifying your prejudices since 1992′ or whatever. It’s so outrageously true it hurts. Turn on any news station. We live in a capitalist society. Shit is run on money no matter what. So giant corporations pay people to tell you what’s going on. That’s so inherently insidious, right? They’re gonna pay people to tell you to keep voting a certain way and to keep buying iPhones and Nabisco. This is what freedom looks like! You get to pick what kind of Nabisco cookies you want! You have the freedom to be in debt to one of five banks! Ah how beautiful this country is! Look at the breathtaking skyline of Walmart, American Express, and McDonalds! How beautiful the homogeneity of capitalism all over this concrete nation and slowly but surely all over this planet! You get to choose which of these twelve (and ever decreasing towards a monopoly!) corporations you can work for! With the promise of a trophy wife and some kids you half-resent! Ugh, I hate it. I hate myself for getting caught up in this kind of angsty teenage energy.

I believe we’re arguing about the wrong things. I don’t think humans are the enemy. I think the enemy is the same as it has always been. It’s the inhuman systems we create. These inhuman systems that put people in charge whether they’re qualified or not. Because it allows for the wrong people to attain to much power. And these people transform into something inhuman. Because it’s never one person. We like to put faces to it. We like to say Hitler did all that! Well, he did. But also a giant army of people did too. That system that was created to persecute and we fell in line. This is a we problem (please reference the Michael Jackson song ‘Man in the Mirror’).

We’re fighting among ourselves while system continue to allow for evil to exist. The thing to destroy is the systems. Not us. Not your neighbor. Not that kind of racist guy you see at the gym. Not that weird girl telling you all white men are rapists. They’re scared. What I mean is we’re scared. And it’s because of the systems we created. It’s not the individuals. Even the weird lizard people news anchors aren’t the problem. They are a symptom of a much, much bigger problem. But it’s so easy to confuse us because we’re so tired and busy and our dad’s are dying and your uncle’s sick and your cousin’s in jail and you’re not getting enough hours at work and your boyfriend keeps texting Erica from work. So we get mad at these faces that some corporation props up on a screen to get money and ratings. And then we get mad at each other for not hating the same faces we do.

I don’t know anything I’m talking about really but my guess is that the evil or rather the shit that is planned to keep us docile as a masses is hidden from us. Obviously that sounds conspiracy-ish. And it is i guess.

But my point being stop hating your Dad because he thinks building a wall is a good idea. Stop hating your sister because she said maybe we shouldn’t punch Nazis in the face. Stop hating your neighbor because he’s afraid of Islam. Becuase we all feel a certain type a way because of the one of two news channels we choose to subscribe to. And the news has been telling us to hate each other since news was invented. Talk to your dad. Talk to your sister. Talk to your neighbor. Or don’t but understand that they’re just scared and don’t know what to do. We are all scared and exhausted and don’t know what to do. Maybe as a rule of thumb we should always try to find the humanity in what’s happening. Not try to find what problematic alliance you should join and then claim the other side is aligning themselves with Darth Vader. We don’t know what’s going on. We just create villains or heroes because of a headline a corporation paid to put in your brain. That’s gross. Let’s discuss what’s right not who’s right. Not this made up left vs. right, pepsi vs. coke, Red Sox vs. Yankees. We need to grow up and talk like adults. Me included.

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pack-efron · 7 years

Text

fake it like you matter; that's a lie we can both keep

Listening to “Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash” got me to thinking. My old college roommate visited the Bay Area this week and I got to hang out with her and her med school buddies in the city on Monday. I hadn’t seen her in person in like, 8 years, which was when I visited her in Texas. I’m gonna preface the rest of this post by saying this:

I had a crush on this woman during our college days.

We hung out a lot; I cut many a lecture to sneak into her class just to kick it. We had lunch, dinner, we caught movies, played games, we were roommates yadda yadda. It’s kinda natural for one of the people involved in the equation to develop a slight crush on the other, yeah? Just a crush. Nothing serious or anything. In fact, if you asked me back in 2008 if I liked her like THAT, as in strongly considering a relationship, truth be told, I would’ve said no. I was 20 then and I was young and stupid and I didn’t know anything or any better. I certainly wasn’t as in tune with my emotions or as honest with how I feel as I am now.

Unfortunately, she found out that I had a crush on her. To this day I’m not exactly sure how; whether she added 2 and 2 together herself and deduced it or if somebody noticed it and got in her ear about if, regardless, she figured it out and just like that, it all stopped. The hanging out, the talking, the laughing, the lunches, the dinners, all that. We stopped interacting with each other for about a month and a half WHILE we were still roommates. Imagine how awkward that was!

Anyway, we eventually started talking again after she dropped the news on me, well it wasn’t really news, I mean, it was pretty much captain obvious at this point: she didn’t like me like that and that she never ever saw me as anything other than a friend. Overkill, sure I guess, but whatever, I was always a guy who understood that no meant no. I could take the hint here. I was just glad we were gonna be friends again. And even though we remain friends to this very day, I would be lying to you if I didn’t notice that our friendship slightly changed.

I’m entirely convinced that the only reason why we remained friends was because we were roommates. She has a habit of picking flight in fight or flight situations, and had she wanted to and had we not been roomies, I’m 100% certain she would’ve avoided me like the plague until out friendship evaporated. But that didn’t happen and we stayed friends but it definitely wasn’t the same as before. We’d still talk, laugh, eat together and do all the things we did before but now, there was like this subconscious elephant in the room. I always felt like she held back or refrained, as did I, out of fear that everything would boil back up to the surface.

She moved out of Cali and back to her home state shortly after graduating. And wouldn’t you know it, she mistook me feeling bummed out that my best friend during college was leaving for “oh no his feels for me are returning, gotta avoid him again”. And she did. We didn’t hang out or talk or anything, and just like that, she was gone.

I visited her the following year after I had graduated and I was genuinely excited to see her again, but I quickly realized the writing on the wall. This trip to Texas wasn’t really about the two of us hanging out again, although we did; it was more me getting her cat that she was forced to leave behind by her father and helping her sneak the cat in while her parents were on vacation. When I flew back home, that was the last time I saw her in person.

Now, we did keep in touch over the last 8 years. Initially, we were on the phone with each other constantly. Then that stopped. I hadn’t heard her voice in about 5 years. From that point forward, our only means of communication was Facebook. Either she or I would write a status update and maybe we would notice it and hit like or comment on it. Other than that, it was random Facebook messages sprinkled here and there few and far in between.

To be honest, over the years, she went from being a best friend of mine to a Facebook acquaintance, really. She went on and did her thing, and I went on and did my thing. This past Monday was the first time I’d seen her in person in 8 years and the first time I’d spoken to her in person in 5. Her, myself, and three of her med school colleagues hung out in SF for a solid 5 hours, just walking around town. You’d think that she and I had a lot of catching up to do. And we did.

But…

It didn’t feel right. A part of me was happy to see her again and get to talk to her again, but another part of me felt emotionally uninterested, mentally checked out, and uninvested. I couldn’t figure it out why and I was getting kinda upset at myself because it was fucking rude. I wasn’t sure if she could deduce it this time around like when she presumably came to learn that I had a crush on her before. At the end of the day, we parted ways; she and her buddies went back to their hotel, and I went to go work a closing shift at the gelato shop. We didn’t even like, hug hug as in a goodbye type embrace like when I flew back home after one week in Texas. It was more of a one arm bro-ish around the shoulder deal. All in all, the whole situation left a lot more to be desired to say the least.

And then it dawned on me. Is this what “moving on” feels like? Yeah we’re still friends, but have I moved on from her? Finally? I mean, after I got crucified for having something that every human being goes through at some point in life, a simple crush, I swore to myself that I would never ever find myself or put myself in that situation ever again. I wouldn’t allow myself to get entangled in feels of love and romance as a self-defense mechanism from getting hurt. Because in my head, if that’s what happens to you when you only have a crush, holy shit, I don’t even wanna begin to fathom the drama and shit that would have happened if I DID like her like THAT, if I did want to pursue a relationship with her. Fuck that noise. That shit isn’t worth the stress. And because of it, while I haven’t sworn off love entirely, I have effectively not participated in “the game” since that whole situation went down in 2008.

That is until I met a co-worker of mine at the ice cream store six months ago when I started working there. And overtime, slowly but surely, through working together every now and then, I’ve gotten to know more and more about her. And for the first time in almost ten years, I’m experiencing those feelings again. Those crush feelings. Except this time, I know better, and I stop myself because of what happened the last time. I know, it sucks, but to be perfectly honest with you, I feel like I would be a much better best friend than I would be a boyfriend. I don’t want to be her boyfriend. I just wanna be a friend. I see a lot of best friends dynamics change the second they start making out and transitioning to dating and making out and sex and shit. It becomes full of politics and power plays and quite frankly, it’s nauseating to see and be around. I just wanna be able to jab my friend in the shoulder and give her shit without there being any ulterior motives and “feelings” eww

So what if I’m not capable of love or if I won’t ever get to experience it. I’m perfectly okay with it. I don’t want to make the same mistake with her that I made years ago with my old roommate. When that whole situation happened, then, in the moment, it was the worst feeling in the world. But looking back at it, it was probably the best thing to ever happen to me. Not being consumed by trying to find a girlfriend and “get laid” lent its way to be being a far more mature person than I was at age 20. It’s helped me shape my feminist views.

I was happy to see my old roommate again. I was even more happy that I was finally able to truly move on from her. It didn’t necessarily consume my life the past 8 years but it was definitely a loose end that needed to be tied up. And it feels nice.

I’m not sure where we stand now. I’d like to think we will remain friends, but at the rate we’re going, I wouldn’t be surprised if we lost contact with each other completely over the next 3-5 years. 20 year old me would have dreaded that thought but 29 year old me is now not only fully prepared for such a possibility, but is sort of indifferent to it.

I’m far more excited about developing a potential blossoming friendship between myself and my co-worker. It’s a bit strange; she’s much younger than I am. In fact, she’s going to turn 20 this year. Humorously, she learned I was at the time 28, after she thought I was at most 25, and vice versa, she’s so mature and well spoken and wise beyond her years, I assumed she was at least 23. We both do not look and do not act our respective ages and so far, it’s made for a really fun and interesting friendship. And I do not want to ruin this by contracting feelings like I did eight years ago. I never ever want to go through that ever again.

All I know for sure is this: she’s really cool. She’s really smart. And she’s really funny. And I’m uncool. I’m a goof. And while I don’t see myself as a funny person, I lead a funny life where funny shit happens to me constantly. Y'know, hanging out with my old roommate, the only thing I could think of was regretting asking for that afternoon off to do so because it meant I wouldn’t be able to talk and laugh at little children customers with my co-worker (children of which we are both terrified of) for an overlapping shift. Which, again, was totally rude of me, I do admit. But if that right there isn’t a clear indication of “moving on”, then I don’t know what is.

I’m a much better best friend than I would be a boyfriend.

#personal #3:00am thoughts

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