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heartsforhavik · 5 months

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mk1 men x reader hcs (fanfic tropes edition)

pairings: havik, johnny cage, kung lao, raiden, rain, syzoth, shang tsung, smoke x reader (all separate)

warnings: slight angst in havik’s bc his past is damn sad. slight gore in shang tsung’s. slight spoilers for mk1 story mode. reader is gender neutral in all.

summary: sfw headcanons of you and the mk1 men but with common fanfic tropes (only one bed, coffee shop, enemies to lovers, etc)

a/n: this. took. 6 hours. i was gonna put baraka, reiko, liu kang, and bi-han, but they didn’t make the cut lol. also if anyone wants, i can turn any of these into full fics. all u gotta do is request it!!

havik: only one bed

- you and havik were very close. you knew each other pretty well, but that’s about it. you were never more than friends, even if you wish you were. even if your banter together suggests to be more than friends, you usually assume it’s just a joke.

- until you both had to take shelter in an abandoned house. you were on the run, trying to escape the soldiers in sun do chasing you both down.

- what you didn’t know was that there was only one bed inside.

- “you may rest on the bed. i can just rest on the floor or keep watch.” havik offered.

- “no, you deserve rest too. we’ve had a long day. you should sleep.” you told him.

- havik sighed. “there is no point in arguing. perhaps we can share?”

- the idea made you a bit flustered, but you were not against it one bit. you found havik attractive, and you respected him like he respected you. but the idea of sharing the same bed is so… intimate. it’s like he trusted you enough to be beside you while he slept. it was flattering.

- you agreed to his offer, and crawled to opposite sides of the bed. he had his back turned to you, and you could clearly see his back muscles and his biceps in the dim light crawling through the window. thank god the moon was bright, so you can clearly look at him.

- you were so close. it was almost embarrassing how you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. you were basically ogling at him while he slept.

- but you snapped out of it and you slowly succumbed to sleep, not knowing havik was awake the whole time.

- havik tossed and turned, he couldn’t stop thinking about how you felt comfortable enough to be next to him while you slept. you’re so vulnerable. you looked so peaceful and delicate while you slept. usually he’d refuse to go to sleep since he doesn’t really need to, but he wanted to take the opportunity to be close to you.

- he’s a stubborn guy, always wanting revenge for his past in seido. he’s bitter. he’s angry. he wants freedom for other seidans like him. he craves liberation and to bless others lives with anarchy. but it’s in times like these when he can finally relax. when he can just sigh in contentment, and sit next to you as you slept.

- you looked so happy as his ally, having the freedom to do what you want. havik sees you as a symbol of what life can look like for others. surely if you’re happy and free, other people can be too?

- he also knew he had feelings for you. he tried to push them away and pretend you were just allies, because he wants to focus on his pursuit to liberation. but someday.. someday when he achieves said liberation… he’ll confess his feelings. someday, havik will finally feel safe enough to be vulnerable with someone for the first time after years of being a slave. and if he had to be vulnerable with anyone in all the realms, it’d be you. someday.

johnny cage: fake relationship

- you were a famous actor. you weren’t incredibly famous or anything, but you were definitely well-known.

- one day at another actor’s party, you happened to meet johnny cage.

- “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” johnny flirted, giving you a wink.

- you both got along for a few hours, laughing and talking as if you were old friends. you even gave him your number with no hesitation.

- but what you didn’t know was that somebody took photos of you two and posted them online. and the internet started assuming you were a couple because of how happy you both looked.

- your names were trending on twitter and fans everywhere were hoping you were a real couple.

- then, johnny himself texted you, proposing that you both went along with it and pretended to be a couple. you agreed, of course.

- so for the next few weeks, you both went to visit each other frequently and got ‘caught’ by the paparazzi many times. pictures and videos of you two were everywhere. you and johnny had lots of fun together going through the edits and fan accounts that were already made.

- but, you were secretly really enjoying the ‘fake’ relationship you two had. you actually wanted him for real. you didn’t know that he was doing the same.

- you found out one day when you were at his mansion for the thousandth time. he took a quick bathroom break and you wanted to scare him when he came back, so you hid somewhere he couldn’t see you. but you happened to overhear a phone call between him and his friend.

- “i’m telling you kenshi, this one is special. i really like them. a lot. i don’t think i want our relationship to be fake anymore. they’re just so understanding, and fun, and hot! but i don’t know. i don’t know if they like me too.” johnny admitted over a call.

- you were shocked. he actually had feelings for you too. you immediately came out of your hiding spot and confronted him.

- “oh shit. you heard that?!” johnny cursed.

- but his panic died down as soon as you admitted your feelings too. neither of you admitted your relationship was fake at first, but neither of you cared about the media anymore. because your love is real and genuine now.

kung lao: coffee shop au

- there was a coffee shop you owned and worked at in your village.

- it was pretty successful, and you got quite a few customers every day. it wasn’t too exciting though. at least until kung lao walked in for the first time.

- he was immediately attracted to you at first sight.

- he and raiden had to find a different place to rest at after work that day, since madam bo’s was temporarily closed.

- kung lao walked inside, not expecting anything exciting. until he saw you behind the counter. your eyes sparkled and your smile grew when you greeted him and raiden, offering them a seat and asking them what they wanted to order. he couldn’t even think straight. he was so lost in your eyes.

- “what can i get you two?”

- “uh. um. uhhh… i’d like uh…. coffee?”

- “what kind?” you sweetly asked.

- “coffee.” he blurted.

- you didn’t know he liked you, you honestly thought he was just indecisive. you were very patient with him though, since you thought he was cute.

- raiden instantly saw how kung lao was speechless at the sight of you, and teased his friend about it.

- “you like them, huh?”

- “what? psh, no.. maybe… so?”

- raiden came up to you while you were making the coffee, and let you know about his friend’s interest.

- “i think kung lao has a bit of an interest in you… but you didn’t hear it from me!” raiden whispered.

- the cute guy in your shop had an interest in you? yeah, sure. you didn’t really believe him. but a part of you hoped it was true.

- kung lao took his sweet time in the shop, and stayed for hours before it closed. even after raiden left, he still stayed just to talk to you. he kept ordering coffee over and over so he had an excuse to stay.

- before it closed, you asked him how the coffee was. clearly he really liked it because of how much he ordered it, right?

- “actually… i’m not a fan of coffee. i just wanted to talk to you.” kung lao admitted.

- thankfully, his efforts did not go to waste. he left the shop with a big smile on his face and a napkin with your number on it. he was definitely going to visit the shop every day now.

- oh and also, he kept that napkin. even years into your relationship, he never threw it away.

raiden: childhood friends to lovers

- you and raiden were friends since you were children. you used to run around the fields of your village together and play games without a care in the world.

- you both remained friends all the way to adulthood, even though you didn’t get to talk often since you had moved away and you wrote letters to one another every now and then. but you decided to move back home one day.

- upon seeing how you look now, he was pleasantly surprised. you looked absolutely amazing.

- you decided to catch up with one another, still getting along and sharing stories and memories you had with each other. it’s almost as if you never left. you were even meeting up every day.

- “it’s almost as if you never left. you know, you look amazing.” raiden complimented.

- “thanks, raiden. you look great too! especially when you come back from a long day in the fields, i can clearly see some muscle there. you put in a lot of work, huh?” you teased, making him blush.

- “well, uh, i do my best. i know what i do makes the village thrive. but.. i didn’t know you noticed. and i didn’t know you were looking at my uh, muscles.” he replied, slightly exposing you.

- that pretty much continued for a few weeks, as you both were slightly flirting but neither of you actually made the first move. but one day, raiden finally gained the courage to confess to you.

- he woke up early that morning to freshen himself up and give himself a pep talk in front of his bathroom mirror.

- “okay, you can do this raiden. just tell them how you feel. can’t be that hard…” he told himself.

- he rushed to buy goods and some candy for you, preparing a basket full of it. he was ready to confess his feelings to you.

- he showed up at your doorstep, and raiden was thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong. maybe you were in a bad mood? maybe he bought too much candy? was he shaking? did his hair look nice?

- “raiden? what’s up?” you asked, answering the door.

- “listen, i uh.. i like you. a lot. i really enjoyed being your friend all these years, but i fell in love with you over these past few weeks. i couldn’t stop thinking of you pretty much every day, it was like i was put under a spell. but i suppose, in a way, i was. you have bewitched me body and soul. i haven’t felt this way for anyone before.” raiden admitted.

- he kind of rambled a bit, but you understood exactly what he meant. you felt the same way.

- raiden was extremely relieved that you reciprocated his feelings. you both went on to have a happy, safe relationship. you wouldn’t change it for the world.

rain: rivals to lovers

- rain was a mage. and so were you.

- however, he mastered the ways of water. you mastered fire. they don’t go together.

- “my water will put out your flames.” rain threatened.

- “oh no, a splash of water, i’m so scared.” you replied sarcastically.

- you both tried to one-up the other every time you saw each other, refusing to show weakness. you couldn’t even be in a room together without staring each other down the whole time.

- the longer you were rivals, the more tension there was between you. other people even assumed you were dating already.

- you both wanted to be the most powerful mage in outworld. you just couldn’t agree on anything. he was so annoying, wasn’t he? and the way he would stare at you at every chance he got. the way he always had his full attention on you. even the way he was so dedicated to arguing with you for months.

- until you two finally sparred together.

- “i am tired of you. please shut up.” rain groaned.

- “make me.” you threatened.

- “oh, i will.”

- then, you both ended up fighting for hours. it was an even match. neither of you wished to give up, but you were tired of fighting.

- “listen, rain.. i think we should just admit it’s a tie…” you said, panting between words.

- “you think?” rain sighed, as you both finally stopped fighting.

- you both took a moment to sit down and regain your energy in silence. comfortable silence.

- something was probably in the air, because you were suddenly not fighting. neither verbally nor physically. just.. enjoying each other’s company for the first time in months.

- “you’re… very strong.” rain mumbled.

- “oh? what was that? can you repeat that for me? i don’t think i heard you very clearly…” you teased.

- he rolled his eyes. “you heard me loud and clear.”

- you laughed. “yeah, i did. thanks, zeffeero. you’re pretty strong too. to be honest, i was kind of nervous for this fight. i know we always argue, but i still admire your skills… i guess.” you admitted.

- his eyes widened in surprise. “oh… thank you. i always admired your skills as well. your pyromancy is extremely impressive. perhaps…” he put a finger to his chin. “we should train together instead of fighting.”

- you agreed to his offer and you started frequently sparring together in a friendly way. you even ended up confessing to one another after a few weeks of friendliness, and becoming a powerful couple. you’re both grateful for your rivalry in the beginning, because you have already seen the worst of each other. now, you can see only the good parts in one another.

syzoth: forbidden love

- you were royalty and you were ordered to marry other royalty or at least rich

- when you met syzoth, you immediately fell in love

- “are you sure you want *me,* your highness? i mean, i could never distract you from the throne..” syzoth asked, always feeling insecure.

- “nonsense, syzoth.” you comforted. “i truly love you. i don’t care if you aren’t royalty.”

- but the more you spent time with him, the more terrible you felt, knowing you couldn’t marry him

- but at the same time… it felt so fun. sneaking him inside the palace and trying not to get caught. cuddling in bed at night and talking quietly so you won’t be heard. syzoth turning invisible anytime you heard guards nearby. the thrill of it just made your romance more fun.

- until you *actually* got caught. that wasn’t fun.

- your name was dragged through dirt for being in love with a zaterran. you were shunned from your family. but that didn’t stop you from being with him.

- “your highness, please, don’t risk the throne for me. you shouldn’t be seen with me anymore. i do not wish to make you suffer.” syzoth begged. he didn’t want to leave you, but he didn’t want to see your life fall apart because of him.

- “i don’t care. you make me so happy, syzoth. you love me for who i am, and i do the same for you. i have no problems with giving up my status for you. besides, you aren’t ruining my life. you’re making it so much better.” you reassured.

- but it turns out, you got to keep your throne. you threatened to leave your palace and give up your royalty, but your family didn’t want that. so they reluctantly let you have syzoth as your consort, even though half of the kingdom wasn’t very pleased with that. you didn’t care. you were just glad you don’t have to keep your lover a secret anymore.

shang tsung: partners in crime (it’s not rlly a trope but who cares)

- shang tsung ? dedicated to someone and working alongside them ? what is this sorcery…

- it’s self explanatory. you and him are just a power couple. you fight alongside one another and you help him come up with plans.

- anytime one of you gets in trouble, the other helps. you’re just two troublemaking lovers bent on destroying the people around you. it’s a surprisingly healthy relationship considering the fact that you both ruin lives and kill people daily.

- shang tsung is devoted to you. he would kill for you without hesitation. and he expects the same from you. he sees you as his equal and he expects you to always be there for him and support his decisions, no matter how twisted they are. he does listen to your input and opinions, but that doesn’t mean he takes orders from you.

- oh remember how you both kill people together? he loves your strength. he loves how you look when you kill people. all his favorite memories with you are when you kiss while standing on the dead bodies of his enemies.

- “darling, you look absolutely ravishing. but must you be so messy?” shang tsung asks, pointing at your blood-stained clothes.

- “thank you, my love. i know i was a bit messy, but don’t you think it’s a representation of our hard work? our art?” you reason.

- shang tsung smiled at your explanation. “you have a point. you’ve always been so good at winning me over.”

- even when he was almost locked up outworld. if it wasn’t for you, he probably would’ve been executed.

- you noticed he never came home one day, and you knew something was up, you felt it in your gut.

- you went around outworld, specifically sun do. you wore a disguise and simply walked around, hoping someone would mention seeing him. considering the fact that you and him are both very recognizable faces in outworld, someone must’ve seen him.

- “did you hear shang tsung is finally lock up in sun do’s prisons?” you hear a merchant say.

- in prison? he got caught? whatever, you can lecture shang tsung later. you had to save him first.

- you broke into the prison at night, knocking out every umgadi soldier you saw. they definitely will try to find you when they wake up, but that didn’t matter to you. all that mattered to you at the moment was that you had to free your lover.

- “amazing work, darling.” shang tsung praised, as soon as he saw you in front of his cell.

- “praise me later, i’ll break you out now.” you whispered, hoping no other umgadi showed up.

- you both ran out the palace, not caring about whatever destruction you caused in the process of escaping.

- that whole scenario happens at least once every few months now. you always have to save his ass every time shang tsung gets put in a jail. in return, he grants you freedom and his love. he hopes someday he can rule the realms with you by his side as his consort.

- for now, he must be patient. his dream will come true someday, but for now, he is content with always being on the run with you. living a couple years of crime with his beloved doesn’t bother him one bit.

smoke: grumpy x sunshine

- smoke is not a completely soft, happy-go-lucky guy. he is a brave fighter that puts his strength and energy into the shirai ryu. however, he’s still extremely kind to his loved ones.

- when he met you, he was confused about your cold, almost angry exterior. it almost gave him flashbacks to the way bi-han treated him when he was a child.

- thankfully, you weren’t that bad. you weren’t mean, just distant and occasionally emotionless. smoke made it his personal mission to help you prove yourself non-intimidating now that you were a couple. especially because you were very soft in private.

- people were usually confused when they found out you two were together. how can someone as kind as tomas choose to be with you? you’re total opposites.

- he always defended you from your doubters. he gets annoyed when someone puts your name in their mouths. if only they understood you. if only they put in the effort to get to know you, they’d understand.

- but you reassured him that you can’t control what other people think. he knows you’re right, but he still can’t help but wish other people would stop judging you just because you ‘look’ mean.

- “i just wish they would see you for who you are. i know you aren’t rude. you’re just.. a bit distant.” smoke sighed.

- “don’t stress about it, tomas.” you reassured, running your fingers through his hair. “i appreciate that you defend me all the time, but it’s kind of my fault. you don’t need to apologize for how i act.”

- however, smoke now has scary dog privileges. (it’s you you’re the scary dog)

- anytime a random person comes up and flirts with him, they see your death stare behind him and immediately run away. even if you aren’t doing it on purpose.

- anytime someone tries to use him for his kindness, you shut them down and defend him. but it’s not that smoke *needs* defending. he’s strong enough, but you still like to step in and defend him just like he defends you.

- he appreciates that you look out for him just like he does for you. you both love each other very much, and he accepts you for who you are. he doesn’t judge you for struggling to express emotions, and he learned to read your emotions in smaller gestures like your body language and your eyes. you are his love, his treasure, his beloved. he just wants you to be happy and safe, no matter what other people say about your relationship.

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choicesficwriterscreations · 5 months

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December Creator of the Month: Oh-So-Youre-a-Nerd

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is @oh-so-youre-a-nerd . We're very excited because Ascindio is our very first artist to be highlighted! We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

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How do you want to be known on Tumblr?

Ascindio

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I started playing in 2016, I can't remember if I read Endless Summer or Rules of Engagement first, but I ended up deleting the app after like 2 weeks cause I couldn't stop buying diamonds 😅🤦

I re-downloaded it about, ohh idk 2 years ago?

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Fandom specifically on Tumblr and specifically for It Lives Within, which happened to come out right after I read the first two books

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I always try to seem cool and mysterious when I meet people irl, and then as soon as I open my mouth, I ruin it with some niche trivia or something, and they say, “Oh, so you're a nerd.” 😂 Can't tell you how many times this exact phrase has been uttered to me.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

This is the first Choices related post I made 😂 I was just thinking about the concept of what if characters make terrible decisions cause they're controlled by a player who is out of diamonds lol I was going to do a whole series of them (next was going to be lotr “fly on eagles to mordor?” *30 diamonds* or “simply walk”) but got lazy lol

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

Only art. God, I WISH I wrote too. I've thought about trying cause I have so many ideas floating around in my head, but at the end of the day, I'd rather spend my free time drawing.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

For Choices, since early 2022

For other fandoms, since well, forever, but I only started posting around 2017/18

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Favorite Choices book is probably It Lives in the Woods. All of the characters were so interesting, I never got bored reading it, and it had an incredible twist that made sense but I still didn't see coming.

Favorite to create for is probably Blades of Light and Shadow though because I am such a sucker for the fantasy aesthetic.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?.

This isn't the first Choices art I made, but it IS the first I actually shared

And honestly, I DO still like it because I still remember the way I felt absolutely POSSESSED while drawing it (I hadn't drawn anything for *months*). I would definitely change the background, though. Those trees look like shit, and they're not even the correct type for the kind of forest they're in.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

My favorite Choices art I've done is probably this piece.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I definitely didn't expect this one to do well at all as it was so hastily drawn

And I was sad this piece didn't get more love, it was such a dope scene and I was so excited about how the sword turned out

11- If you could only draw one style or type of art for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the question right, but if I had to pick like a specific type of art, it would be digital, and I would want to do fan art. I have a hard time painting anything that I don't already have a deep connection with (so original art with no story behind it is usually a chore for me), and digital art is just so incredibly convenient and not messy and so so versatile.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Because I use fiction as a way to safely process trauma/ grief/ other big emotions, each MC I make has a small part of me, whichever part I feel the need to explore at the time.

There's an amazing quote by Patrick Rothfuss that I feel explains it perfectly.

It's from Wise Man's Fear

“These folk knew all about death. They killed their own livestock. They died from fevers, falls, or broken bones gone sour. Death was like an unpleasant neighbor. You didn’t talk about him for fear he might hear you and decide to pay a visit.

Except for stories, of course. Tales of poisoned kings and duels and old wars were fine. They dressed death in foreign clothes and sent him far from your door. A chimney fire or the croup cough were terrifying. But Gibea’s trial or the siege of Enfast, those were different. They were like prayers, like charms muttered late at night when you were walking alone in the dark. Stories were like ha’penny amulets you bought from a peddler, just in case.”

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

I have a very difficult time making the poses seem natural and flowing. My all time favorite art is Baroque/Renaissance style and how fluid the poses are, how soft the skin looks, how delicately it's all done. Obviously, I will always have my own style, but those are things that I so want to incorporate but never seem to get quite right, and it drives me crazy 😂

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Not really. I mean, I have a ton of unfinished work, but as soon as the window of inspiration passes, I just can't get myself to care enough about it to finish it (insert Jake the Dog, “now it's gone, and I don't care about it anymore!” )

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

I would, and have. I typically show them whatever most rendered recent picture from my Instagram because I don't post any nsfw there and usually try to post only my prettier work for this specific reason haha. (As opposed to here, I post everything here, ain't NO ONE from real life invited to see my tumblr 😂)

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Writers: Brandon Sanderson, for sure. He's the reason I got back into art back in 2017 ish. His stories are just so emotional they push me to create. Same with @saibug1022, there is always at least one scene from every story he shares that I desperately want to draw to try to capture the emotions.

Artists: God, sooo many, here are just like my top 3 favorites and their instagrams.

Audra Auclair

Obsessed with her unique style, and specifically the way she draws eyelids and noses

f3lc4t

The way they draw those dripping, glowing wisps. I stare at their pieces for hours (no lie) trying to dissect them stroke by stroke to figure out how they do it.

Miho Hirano

Their art has a delicate whimsy-ness I would SELL MY SOUL to achieve

17- Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about?

JC, this is the shit I DREAM of.

Definitely this one.

So this is love.

This little comic means a lot to me.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

Very rarely, but I do, every so often. This is my favorite original piece.

20- What other hobbies do you have?

Gaming, singing, walking through the Cemetary with my wee daughter, reading, that's about it 🤷

21 - What’s your favorite emoji?

🙇

22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I really wanted to say that I don't believe in “good” art and “bad” art (just ethical vs non-ethical). That being said, I know what it's like to hate your art, like soooo intimately. If you ever are feeling shit about your art, you can ABSOLUTELY message me (I don't care if we're mutuals or not, I don't care if we've never interacted before) and just say, “I am feeling shit about my art” and I will go through your art and tell you every specific thing I love about it and why it's wonderful. I am not joking; I am so so serious rn. 💗💗💗💗

#choices fic writers creations #playchoices #choices stories you play #cfwc creator of the month #oh-so-youre-a-nerd #choices fanart #playchoices fanart #december creator of the month

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sleeplessdreamer123 · 1 year

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Fanfic Idea! (ABO Lucemond, Hair Care)

Lucerys is obsessed with Aemond's hair. It always looked impeccable, so straight and clean, and it shone wonderfully under the sun. Even when they were kids, Lucerys always found a reason to touch his hair. Sometimes he doesn't have a reason, he would just reach forward and touch it, marvelling at the softness, at how his fingers easily ran through it. Yes, Lucerys very much loved Aemond's hair.

Which was why when he returned from the Stepstones with his luscious hair all cut, he almost had a heart attack. Whilst he helped his husband in the bath, he decided to wash his lost love. He lathered up his hands with soap before massaging his head and petting what was left of the hair, mournfully wishing for his long beautiful hair back. Aemond was amused, asking if he was truly mourning for hair of all things, and Lucerys just continued petting the hair on Aemond's head, looking extremely disappointed each time his fingers combed through what was left of it.

"Couldn't you have left a bit more? Maybe just above the shoulders at least?"

Aemond huffed, amused. "I'll be sure to make a note of it next time, husband."

A bit happier with the answer, he washed and dried the hair, putting oils so it would grow soft and smooth for himself to play with.

----------

Aemond is beginning to like his husband's curly locks. He hated it, long before. Dark brown hair that curls around his fingers, how very un-Valyrian-like, it was like the most obvious sign that screamed "bastard", no matter how Rhaenyra and their father denies it.

Then they were engaged, and he watched, annoyed, as Lucerys takes a long time to fix his monstrosity of a hair in the morning, often giving up half way. It was nightmarishly tangled, like a bird decided to rest on top of his head, building a nest with his hair and abandoning the messy thing in the morning. Still, to ensure that they wouldn't be late, and to ensure that they would have a good image, he decided to help his little husband with his morning problems.

It was a bit hard, at first. He is unused to combing curls, and pulling the brush straight down was most decidedly not what he was supposed to do, if the tears coming from his husband's eyes and the yelp leaving his lips meant anything. He tried to be as gentle as he could, starting from the bottom before combing the top, gently de-tangling it and fixing it with oils. It soon became a daily routine, with Lucerys saying the servants couldn't do it properly. So Aemond had to wake up earlier to train and bathe before returning to their chambers where Lucerys would wake, just so he would help with his hair. And Lucerys, the little spoiled brat, enjoys it.

Soon, Aemond found some comfort fixing Lucerys' hair, which was why he was pleased with how much it grew while he was away. His poor husband doesn't find much joy in it's length as he does, though. Their children have a tendency to pull on anything, and Lucerys' poor hair suffered the most because of that. And it was up to Aemond to fix his hair again, braiding it, tying it up, making sure they're safe from grubby toddler hands in an effort to make sure Lucerys wouldn't feel the need to cut it off.

-----------

Note- I was going to make it painful and sad, but I'll save it for next time😀

Enjoy the fluff. For now.😃😃

#lucemond #aemond x lucerys #lucerys velaryon #aemond targaryen #lucerys x aemond #aemond one eye #alpha aemond #omega lucerys #married bliss #fixing hair is all they need

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kalcifers-blog · 6 days

Text

Dead Mans Switch - A Void Silver/ALTRverse FanFic

Angst, Hurt/Comfort Fic

CW: implied attempted execution, blood, injury, near death experiences, almost major character death (he doesn't actually die but he definitely thinks he's going too) self loathing, self deprecated thinking, major sacrifice

Also implied Sunday x Marvin because I want people to see them in the way I do

Word Count: 1, 643

If you had told Marvin only a year ago that The Magic Circle, the people he trusted the most, would be the ones to put him in grave danger, he wouldn't have believed you.

It was almost like some kind of cruel joke, it rang out in the back of Marvin's mind as the red hot pain of his injuries bled through the fabric of his now bloodstained and sticky clothes. A very small part of him grimaced at the thought of peeling said fabric off his wounds- but a bigger part of him wondered if he would be allowed to live that long.

A sadness and fear blossomed in his chest as Marvin started to come to realise that he is going to die. His mask layed shattered in half in front of him- his aid being stripped away and broken into pieces as the Twins first attack. One that left the left side of his face burning in an agony he couldn't even begin to describe- his left eye filled with red and began to darken. Marvin wondered if he'd be able to see from that eye again if he somehow managed to get out of his situation alive.

The face of one of the Twins- whom he never was able to discover the name of- stared back at him with a cold, uncaring expression. It wasn't even like she particularly cared that he had betrayed The Magic Circle, or her by extension, or that he mattered any more to her than some pest that needed to be dealt with.

He stared back at her with the one eye that could still see with as much sorrow and pleading as he could muster. If the mage had any compassion for the man at any point she certainly did not show it. There was a cruel nothing behind her gaze, something that only cemented Marvin's fate in the form of a stone cold headstone.

He should've been smarter- been more vigilant, consulted and found more allies. He shouldn't have looked into the void of a man in the first place. It wasn't his business and now he was paying the price for it.

He had Sunday- the one person who truly stuck by his side through all of this. He owed Sunday everything for the sacrifice the man made for him, Sunday had everything to lose by putting his trust in Marvin and he did so without a second thought- how Marvin could've ever repaid him he had no idea. All he knew is that, even if he escaped this situation, he'd never be able to.

Sunday was apprehended by the other twin- his magic had a stronghold on the man, forcing him in a stone like stillness, watching the brutal execution take place. Marvin wished nothing more than to spare the man the view, but paired against both of the twins, even at his full ability, Marvin didn't stand a fighting chance.

Marvin was not a pleading man, up until this point there was nothing you could have done to convince him to be vulnerable in any sense of the word. But today was not like most days and Marvin feared what would become of not just himself but of Sunday- and of the people that will no doubt be affected by the man who is void of all space.

Marvin looked back on Sunday- his eyes were glazed over in the same purple glow as the Twins where, his face frozen in horrified shock. It was then Marvin felt the warmth of his own tears sting the deep cuts on his face- It was his fault- all of it- he should've done or said anything, Sunday would've been spared if he hadn't. Marvin didn't want to think of what would come of his friend if he died.

Would they kill him off for helping him?

Marvin couldn't stand the thought- he had to- no he needed to make sure that this would not happen. His fear and sorrow gave way to the last resort Marvin had- a dead man's switch of all mages when they get to a certain level of their ability, only to be used in the most dire of situations and not recommended if you plan on continuing on having magic.

It was a true last resort. Marvin would never be the same if he did this. He would never get back to the level he had spent his entire life building up too if he even attempted this. But how much life does he have left? He's almost dead as it is- it would be the only way he could ever repay his debt to Sunday…

Marvin's magic erupted in a fiery blaze of agony- every last fibre of energy and magic left in him exploded into a wave of electrical rage. Marvin kept his eyes shut, only looking at Sunday to assure himself the spell wouldn't harm him.

There was a look of shock and rage that flashed on the faces of the Twins. The male Twin dropping his hold on Sunday- who collapsed to the ground in anticipation of the spell rushing past him. The spell hit both of the twins as they both attempted to stop Marvin. Neither of which succeeded.

As the magic settled, Marvin fully collapsed to the ground, feeling the life bleed out of him slowly. The pain even started to fade- he couldn't give up now- but he just could not move, he was so tired…

“MARVIN?”

Sunday's voice rang out- Marvin couldn't move or speak to settle his fear, but he felt him roll his body onto his back as his breathing, rugged as it was, came out in slow and painful waves. He felt the coldness of Sunday attempting a healing spell.

"Healing spells always leave such a minty taste at the back of your throat", Marvin thought- as he tried to cough up words to reassure the other with. All he could muster was his blood soaked hand lazily reaching out to the other- it landing on the side of Sunday's face and it stayed there until Marvin didn't have the energy to keep it held any longer-

Healing spells could only work on wounds that the body could naturally heal by itself, the spell essentially only sped up the process. Both of them knew that, it didn't stop Sunday from trying.

Marvin felt the world start to move around him as Sunday picked him up- was he planning on taking him to a hospital-?

The world went blurry…

And then it went dark.

There was a harsh light when Marvin woke up. A blinding light. For a second he almost thought that he was dead and had passed on to the afterlife. But as his vision came too, he was definitely in a hospital bed- a faint droning beeping of several machines he was hooked up to played in the background as he weakly took in his surroundings.

Sunday was asleep- a book half open still in his hand. The desk next to him had a small pile of books, most of them on healing spells- a small few being graphic novels Marvin recognised from his own shop. Had Sunday tried reading to him? The idea pulled at Marvin's heart in a way he couldn't describe- his attention pulled to Sunday himself. His clothes were in a state, bags under his eyes heavy and his demeanour just screamed that the man had barely slept.

The guilt of everything started to set in- even now Sunday was giving more of himself just to help Marvin. Probably not knowing if the man would live or not. Marvin couldn't help but feel a crushing sensation wash over him- he won't be able to protect him now- of course Sunday could protect himself, he was at the same level, if not deserved a higher level of magic compared to Marvin. Sunday was strong and resilient and Marvin knew that.

But the idea of him not being able to do anything to help Sunday- without his magic how could Marvin even begin to protect or to help Sunday.

He deserves better than this- he shouldn't be wasting his time with me- the warmth of his own tears poured down his face. Marvin couldn't help but collapse under the realisation of everything that had happened.

It must've been the sounds of his sobs that woke Sunday up-

“Marv you- oh thank fuck-” Sunday crashed into him in a strong embrace, he held onto Marvin like he was about to slip away again. Marvin clung onto his friend's shirt, all he could do was bury his face into his shoulder and let himself cry.

“You had me so worried- the Twins they've gotten off, I can't track them with a scrying spell so I don't know what they're up too but we're protected right now don't worry. You've been here for nearly a week now by the way..”

Sunday trailed off with a yawn. Clearly his nap hadn't helped with his clear exhaustion at all.

“Why are you here Sunday..”

Marvin asked, his voice broken and hoarse. The look on Sundays face in response pained him-

“You've done so much for me- I don't deserve it-”

“No- none of that”

Sunday cut him off almost immediately.

“Marvin I'm here because I- because I care.”

Sunday pulled Marvin back into a hug. Marvin tiredly accepted it without question. Maybe for just a moment he could let himself feel the warmth of the other man and let himself feel lost in it.

There was an uncertainty in the air. About the twins, the magic circle, the void man, his magicless future- everything. The only thing he could be certain off is the comforting liminality of this moment, just waiting for whatever happens next to arrive.

#jacksepticeye #jse egos #jse #jacksepticeye egos #marvin the magnificent #altrverse #void silver #fanfic #kalcifers blog #kal writes #kals fanfic #altrverse Sunday #marvin x sunday

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xaytried · 11 months

Text

Dan Heng x Depressed Reader

self-Indulgent idk what im doing bro. first fanfic ever??

not proofread!! 1.4k words

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The day you had begun as it usually does. Being woken up by your cat at 6 in the morning, even though you had gone to bed at 3 am. You should have learned your lesson by now. Why do you still choose to go to bed so late, knowing damn well your cat would wake you up with the sun.

It was hopeless trying to go back to sleep after getting up to feed the cat, so it might as well be productive right?

Your idea of productivity was different from others. For most people that meant maybe checking their email or cleaning up a little. For you though, it meant feeding yourself and taking your medication. Things most people don't think twice about, but the hardest part of your day. Your boyfriend knew this. He usually got up around 6, not because of the cat. He’s always been a productive and curious man. He gets up early and takes care of himself without any issues. That's not to say that he doesn't have his problems, but even he can admit that he doesn't have it nearly as difficult as you do.

You get up and don’t even bother getting dressed, it was impressive enough that you even got up in the first place. It’s just another extra chore. You’re not going anywhere today anyway. The only thing you have today is online, and surely your psychiatrist won’t be able to tell you don't have pants on while on the video call.

You make your way downstairs and on arrival, your lovely boyfriend, Dan Heng, greets you with a gentle smile, as he does every morning.

“Good morning, darling.” He looks at your exhausted expression, a little worried that you look so worn out despite having just woken up. But he knows how awful your sleep schedule is. You honestly don't know why he still even wastes his worries on you.

“Good morning.” You reply.

You make your way across the living you into the kitchen. The medication you take requires food before you can take it. Supposedly you'd get sick if you missed this vital step, but you have never risked it. The last thing you wanted was to puke all your expensive medication down the toilet. Unfortunately though, you never really found anything appetizing, not ever.

“I made you a breakfast taco, it should be in the fridge.” Dan Heng's voice startled you.

“Oh, okay… Thanks.” You make your way over to the refrigerator.

Dan Heng watches you. He watches through concerned eyes. It makes him sad that you always seem to wake up feeling absolutely nothing. No motivation or anything. And it's not like your sad or anything like that. It just hurts his hurt seeing you suffer.

Ever since you first met him you've been very open to him about your depression, but once he moved in with you it's been more apparent. It's just not fair. It's not fair that a beautiful and kind-hearted individual such as yourself struggled so fiercely to function. You never had energy, you were always tired and your body constantly ached.

He watches you take your pills every morning. This has got to be the fifth anti-depressant you've tried and it makes his heart ache to see you get absolutely no relief. It's like you're immune to everything you try. All he can do is be here for you, but he wishes so deeply that he could do more.

You slowly eat your breakfast and take your pills, standing in the kitchen for about 5 extra minutes just to stare at the remaining water in your glass. When you were little you used to always drink chocolate milk with your breakfast. That was too much effort now. You zone out, staring at your water, thinking about how much things have changed.

Your mother used to call you a “ray of sunshine”, her “sweet baby”. You never lost that kindness from your mother but it seems you certainly lost yourself. These are things that only Dan Heng can see in you now though. And no matter how hard you tried you could never see it in yourself. If it was the middle of the night and the sun wasn’t awake to mock you, this certainly is something that would make you tear up. But you physically couldn't cry right now.

Your thoughts are interrupted by your boyfriend's arms wrapping around your waist.

“You okay?” He asks, chin pressing against your shoulder as he speaks.

“Yeah.” You reply. Which is the truth. Nothing is ever exactly wrong, it's just never right. This is just how things always are. The cause of your depression was a chemical imbalance, there was nothing that could be fixed. So overall you’d say you’re pretty okay.

“Are you sure?” He lets out a breathy laugh. “You’ve been staring at that water for quite a while.”

You give him a soft smile. It’s not often your serious boyfriend lets out a laugh, but it seems even he knows the power his joy has over you. Coming over here and letting out a laugh into your ear, it’s enough to help you push forward for today.

You turn around, now facing Dan Heng, his hands now resting on your hips while you lean against the counter. Before you started dating him you would never have guessed how important physical touch was for him, he had always been so distant, wanting nothing more than to lock himself in another room and isolate himself for hours.

Dan Heng certainly preferred to be alone, but ever since he met you he realized her much more enjoys being alone with you. Moments like this, when the world is still and it’s just the two of you, with some peace and quiet. That’s what he lives for.

You were tempted to speak but then Dan Heng let out a sigh and rested his head on your shoulder. You let your concern show by moving your hand to his back, but you knew that if he wanted to talk he would. Perhaps right now all he needed was some quiet.

After a minute or two of silently rubbing Dan Heng’s back, he spoke. “You know you can talk to me right?”

You have nothing to talk about.

“I love you, I would love to listen, I would love to support you.”

“You’re already my biggest supporter.” You let out a giggle, hoping it would soften the mood a little more.

“I want to help.” He’s more serious than ever.

“You do help, baby. More than you’ll ever know.” Your comforting words also help to comfort you. It was true. Even before you started dating Dan Heng had been your best friend and biggest supporter. Honestly, without him, you don’t even know if you’d still be here. But you don’t tell him that. He doesn’t need to know that you ever think of not being here.

He stands straight up again to brush his hand across your cheek and that's when you can see it. His tears. There aren't many but he is without a doubt crying.

“Hey, what's wrong?” You ask him, no longer leaning against to counter, hands cupping his face, deep concern wavering in your voice.

“Y/N, you’re the most loving, kind, most perfect soul I’ve ever met, so why is the world doing you so wrong? You deserve to wake up every day full of excitement, full of energy, ready to take on the day. You deserve to smile, to laugh, genuine ones. Genuine smiles and genuine laughs.” Your eyes start to water, you continue to hold onto his face as tears roll down his cheeks and onto your fingers. “You deserve to be happy, Y/N. It’s not fair. You do so much good for so many people, for me. You make me smile, you make me happy, you make me feel alive. I don’t feel like I need to run anymore because I have you. So why must the world put you through so much pain?”

You had never seen him like this.

“Shhhh…” you hush him and he looks at you, no longer breaking eye contact to speak. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been because of you Dan Heng,” you promise him. “I finally feel loved.”

After a moment of looking at you, he kisses you. Its soft and warm, a kiss to tell you that he’s not going anywhere and that he’ll be with you forever.

With him… you’ll get through this.

#dan heng #honkai star rail #dan heng x reader #hsr x y/n #hsr dan heng #star rail

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the-lunar-library · 3 months

Text

I wish I could read my books.

Right now I'm on the fourth draft of the Next Book, which I love -- so far, it's my favorite thing I've ever written. At this stage, despite the work of editing, reading it is very much a pleasure to me.

Going by history, that won't always be the case.

Part of the process of editing, for me at least, is getting fed up with reading and rereading the same words. That's not what I'm talking about. That's a passing thing, temporary.

What I've found, having published the first two books, is that I can't pick them up in their lovely book forms with their pretty covers and their nice formatting and all of that and sit down and read them. As books, not manuscripts.

Which is sad, because I feel like that was part of the fantasy pre-publishing -- here's my book, finished, I get to relax and read it the same way I relax and read other people's books. But I haven't even attempted that. Even the idea of it just drives that hope of relaxing right out of me.

Rereading the manuscript? Relaxing. Rereading my fanfics once they're posted on AO3? Relaxing. Rereading my published book? Not a chance, move along, brain, it's time to think about something else.

I'm guessing as to why, but I think it's two factors.

The first is that the books are more personal to me than the fanfics. This isn't a judgment on quality or work involved, but just how personal the story is to me. I think detaching is often a big part of relaxing, escapism, so the books' intimacy with me makes that harder.

The second, and maybe the bigger thing, is the feeling of permanence. The manuscript is, by definition, something I can still change. A fic on AO3 can be edited in less than a minute if there's something I need to change, and it's not a big deal.

But a published book? Granted, I'm self-published. It's still possible to edit one of my books, though it would involve a lot more steps -- it's not a matter of opening one file and making a change and pressing Post.

But by the time a book is published, I've finalized characters and arcs I've been working on for years, I've formatted everything, I've bought the ISBN and slapped it in place. Can edits still be made? Yes. It is in the realm of things that can be done. If the edit is small enough, the ISBN can still be preserved. Maybe I won't need to reformat the cover. I will have to adjust the manuscript again. But.

But by the time I publish, my brain is telling me the book is done. It's not going back. It's not being changed.

To me, it's very important that once a book is done, it's done. I'm free to move on to the next project. I'm not just allowed to let go, I'm supposed to.

And I think it's that feeling that I'm no longer creating the book, I'm not "fixing" anything anymore -- I'm no longer in control of the book? -- that makes it hard for me to just sit back and enjoy the end product.

I hope so much that other people can kick back and enjoy my books the way I kick back and enjoy other people's books. Even if I never have the opportunity to read my books like that, I would still want to write them. Writing them means so much to me.

But I do hope that, some day, years down the line when these books no longer feel so close to me, I can kick back and relax with them too.

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #self-publishing #publishing #indieauthor #the next book

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bisexualchrissycunningham · 1 year

Note

hellcheer for the ship asks!!! 💗

SO glad you asked, buddy! As usual, I have so much to say lol.

when I started shipping it if I did: The forest scene of course!!! It changed lives. Her quick death was a punch to the gut though and it took until I finished Volume 1 and was on Tumblr looking through tags that I started thinking more deeply about them. I joined a discord server a few weeks later and the hyperfixation was in full effect.

my thoughts: They’re soulmates and that’s that.

what makes me happy about them: I don't know how to word this in the way I want to, cause I don't want it to be a "they complete each other" thing BUT they each have these personality traits and skills that the other lacks and it's just so complementary of them, you know? She's quiet and reserved and sad but stubbornly hopeful and optimistic about people, while Eddie is boisterous and feeds off attention and is cynical about the world yet softened so immediately in Chrissy's presence. They give each other things they need but could never find before they found each other.

what makes me sad about them: They're canonically dead. Eddie could never save her in the way he wished he could. They never got to do ketamine together and kiss a lil.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I'm always nervous to answer questions like this, but here is one of my big secrets: I hate when Eddie calls Chrissy Chris. I have such a firm headcanon that Eddie knew it's what Jason called her, and he specifically avoided it because of that. His reasons are twofold: cause he connects the nickname with the way Chrissy always shrunk herself in Jason's presence, and cause of some inner neanderthal instinct that makes him wanna avoid anything to do with the love of his life's ex. It's inevitable that the first time he calls her that in any fic, in my head, I hear it in Jason's voice from the time he said in on the show and it always takes me out of the fic. It's not something that will make me stop reading at all, but it's definitely a mental block where I actually have to work to imagine it the way it's intended.

things I look for in fanfic:

Fastburn! I can do slowburn of course, but my idea of Hellcheer is that they fall so fast and so deep that it's what makes the most sense.

Chrissy developing strong female friendships in the background is super important to me.

In future fics, Eddie being super content and fulfilled having a normal non-rock star life in my absolute jam.

Super emotionally charged character-driven sex.

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: No one else. I can play around with Chrissy having a few other relationships with Kali, Eden or Robin, and Eddie having a lil thing with Jonathan when they were younger, but I don’t believe either of them could or would ever love anyone like they do each other, and they would never be fulfilled in a relationship with anyone else.

my happily ever after for them: There are so many potential happily ever afters for them! Honestly, anything that involves Chrissy healing and finding herself, Eddie making peace with the chip on his shoulder and finding a way to feel like he's enough just as he is, and them having many years to know and love each other.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Just due to their literal bodies, Chrissy is usually the little spoon, but she loves switching it up and holding him in her lap. It comforts them both.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Playing music & writing songs together after Chrissy has learned to play guitar. Talking in bed when they're both falling asleep but they've been too busy to connect very much lately so they're both trying hard to stay awake and give themselves a moment together. Eddie loves cooking for Chrissy (she likes giving him kisses while he's doing it). Making up outrageous life stories about strangers they see in public. Chrissy loves pranking Eddie cause he never sees it coming. I know this was supposed to be just 1 favorite activity but they love doing ALL the things together, ok????

#hellcheer #eddie x chrissy #i miss them :(#thanks for the ask!!!#blondiest #answered

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uriekukistan · 2 months

Note

mutsurie…… and my boy aura……..

for mutsurie :3

when i started shipping it: literally on my first watch during the auction…it makes so much sense idk

my thoughts: when the two emotionally damaged characters who dont trust anyone enough to get close to them trust each other enough to get close 😖 also the fact that urie recognized that mutsuki was afab during the auction and he literally never said anything about it he was just kinda “oh okay” and never treated mutsuki any differently…it’s interesting because mutsuki really idolized sasaki for that same thing but never realized urie did the same thing for him…idk much to think about with that one

what makes me happy about them: see past comment, also they both care for each other unconditionally and i think they both need that because they both kinda care for themselves conditionally if that makes sense.

what makes me sad about them: okay maybe im too angsty rn but i dont think they have a happy ending together, or at least not for a while. like i said, they care for each other unconditionally but care for themselves conditionally, and i think before they can truly be happy together they need time apart to care for themselves…

things done in fanfic that annoys me: when they make mutsuki super emotionally and physically weak so he relies on big strong man in control of his emotions urie to put him back together…like it sometimes feels like its putting mutsuki in this traditionally feminine damsel in distress position and thats kinda ehhhh…also bold of you to assume urie is in control of his emotions or that mutsuki isnt strong or capable.

things i look for in a fanfic: im starving for content so the bar is pretty low….good spelling and grammar is nice :D

who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other: i think they’d be better alone if not together…i’ve seem mutsaura floating around recently and while im intrigued i do think it has toxic potential which is interesting to read and think about, but i just want them to be happy 😞 healthy relationships only for my pookies

my happily ever after: they take some time apart like at the end of re where mutsuki is not even in tokyo and they learn their own value as individuals (ideally separate from their jobs) and then they reconnect after that…not that i’m saying you “have to love yourself to love someone else” and i dont think in their time apart they wouldnt still love each other, i just want them to have a happy healthy relationship 😞

who is the big spoon/little spoon: at the beginning urie is definitely big spoon and mutsuki is little spoon, but when they get more comfortable, they switch around sometimes. i think urie really likes being the little spoon…not that he would admit it

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: parallel play, like just comfortable silence and mutsuki’s reading while urie’s painting or something

tbh i dont think that much abt aura so i’ll try my best 😭🙏

how i feel about this character: i like how much i…don’t like him if that makes sense? his decisions irritate me but also they are indicative of how complex he is. interesting guy.

all the people i ship romantically with this character: as aforementioned i have seen mutsaura floating around and i have definitely found it intriguing…may i also propose him with higemaru? they kinda give that opposites black cat golden retriever couple vibe idk maybe im crazy

my non-romantic otp for this character: from the scene where he and mutsuki are trying to intercept touka and miza from extracting kaneki from the dragon, i really liked his interactions with higemaru and hsiao so i like the idea of them as like a besties group idk

my unpopular opinion about this character: im not sure i have one? idk

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: for him to get closure from his aunt that she was okay with working with the ghouls for peace. i know he was told about it by…hsiao i think maybe it was higemaru, but it would have been nice to see him hear it from his aunt. i think he kinda needed it.

my otp: i dont think i really have one 😞

my crossover ship: again i dont really have one, but i can definitely draw parallels between him and geto from jjk…in that they both were so bothered by some tragedy that they both started to walk a very dark path. the difference being that aura’s friends were there to turn him around and (idk if you have or are planning to watch/read jjk but spoiler warning for s2 ep1-6 and jjk0) geto’s friends trusted him so much that when he said he was okay, they believed him and yeah…cutting myself off before i get too far

^could also be the long dark hair and emo vibes that makes me associate aura with geto

a headcanon fact: aura the type of guy to give scary vibes but talk to stray cats in a baby voice on the street…you see a scary man in the alley and you’re about to run away but then you hear “who’s a good kitty? you are! yes you are aweee what a cute baby” that’s him

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul :re #tgre #quinx squad #urie kuki #tooru mutsuki #shinsanpei aura

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silvfyre-writings · 7 months

Text

The Boy with Emerald Eyes Pt. 4 (BSD Fanfic)

Hello, hello, welcome back to paperboy, it's certainly been a while hasn't it? A lot's been happening recently, and I do apologise for the delay it took in getting this chapter out. Life's just been hectic, and I've been struggling a bit, but I managed to do it.

Tbh with you all, I've lost the plot for this story entirely, I have no idea where it's going because the original plan I had was derailed (thank you Edgar), but I think I'm getting back on track, BUT IN SAYING THAT!

Do not expect an update until the new year. Why? Because I need a break. I'm tired, and this fic takes a lot of energy out of me. Of course, if I do happen to finish the next chapter before the new year, I will post it, but do not rush me; I am only human after all.

Anyway, without further ado, I bring you the new chapter, and I hope you enjoy <3

It was January 30th when Edgar opened his eyes and discovered that his attempt to drink himself to death had failed. Unlike last time where he had felt nothing but anger and despair over his failure, this time he felt nothing. It was as if he’d woken up with absolutely no feelings whatsoever. The anger and despair he’d expected to feel was nowhere to be found, and he didn’t even feel depressed at the realisation that he’d survived yet another attempt on his life. He just felt… empty, like his very soul had been sucked dry, but by what, he couldn’t say. All he could say, was that the emptiness wasn’t just in his mind, it was in his body too; limbs heavy and unwilling to move, eyes slow to blink and struggling to stay open.

Yes, Edgar was an empty man, and he’d finally come to accept it.

As his mind slowly came back to awareness, Edgar continued to stare at the ceiling, staring at the markings and indentations that marred the surface. He just stared and stared, counting cracks, and observing stains and—wait, I know this ceiling. The moment the thought came to him, the realisation dawned on him and he recognised where it was he’d ended up, and honestly, he would much rather have woken up on the streets. How was it, that both of his suicide attempts had failed and landed him in Ougai Mori’s clinic? Surely he couldn’t be that unlucky? Oh, but apparently he was, for the door to the room opened to reveal the doctor in question, and that was when Edgar began to pray for the building to just collapse on top of him and put him out of his misery. Because anything was better than being at the mercy of the man that had already treated and lectured him once before—never mind the incident with Ranpo—and the last thing Edgar wanted right now was another lecture about how bad he treated himself.

He'd had more than enough of that already.

The bed dipped by his side, and Edgar glanced over to see Mori sitting beside him. The doctor wasn’t looking at him, but Edgar could see the pensive look on his face, a look that could only come from dealing with someone like him; he didn’t fault Mori for wearing such a look, but he wished that he didn’t have to see it. He turned away, and rasped, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for this time, Mr Poe?” Mori sighed, leaning back on his hands as he shifted his gaze towards the ceiling. “For taking up one of my beds again? For scaring my friend’s ward again? For failing to commit suicide again? Please, do tell, Mr Poe, why are you sorry?” The words were harsh, but not spoken in anger, yet Edgar couldn’t stop himself from flinching as he heard them. He didn’t know how to answer Mori, didn’t know if he even wanted to. But he owed the man an answer, so he’d try at least.

“I don’t know…” Edgar sighed and closed his eyes. “I just… keep inconveniencing you, and your family. And you don’t deserve it, so I am sorry.”

“Then why do you continue down this path of self destruction?” Was it just him, or was there genuine sadness on Mori’s face?

Edgar sighed. “Because it’s the only path I know to walk on.”

Mori looked over his shoulder, staring right at Edgar as he asked. “Then why not ask for help?”

At that, Edgar laughed, a hollow sound devoid of the usual joy a laugh should be filled with. “Who would want to help me?”

Mori didn’t respond to Edgar’s question, just sighed, and pushed himself up from the bed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat as he continued to just stand there in silence. It was clear that the man was thinking about something, so Edgar didn’t say anything—not that he had anything to say in the first place—and just let the silence grow between them. Finally, after what felt like hours, Mori moved, making to leave the room seemingly without speaking whatever was on his mind. But when the doctor reached the door to Edgar’s room, he stopped, hand on the doorframe, and turned back to face him. The expression on Mori’s face was one of despair, and it was so strange to see it on Mori’s face that Edgar couldn’t turn away. Mori’s lips twitched into a sad smile, his eyes falling out of focus just enough to be noticed. “You’ll find that there were plenty of people willing to give you help, Mr Poe. You just drove them away before you realized that you needed the help in the first place.”

And if that didn’t just make Edgar feel even more guilty than he already was.

Nothing more was said as Mori left the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving Edgar alone to his thoughts. They weren’t thoughts he particularly wanted to be having, but it wasn’t like he had a choice, not unless he could get back to sleep within the next five seconds. Which he couldn’t, because once Edgar’s mind started thinking, it was hard for him to stop it. So as he lay there, thinking, he couldn’t help but start to think about how he’d ended up in the clinic again. His memory was completely unreliable; foggy at best, blank at worst, but Edgar usually was able to piece the basics back together whenever he struggled to remember.

The last thing he remembered was drinking an entire bottle of liquor; after that, there was nothing for him to recall. It was like someone had reached into his brain and plucked the memory from inside of it, taking it from him, hiding it where he’d never be able to find it. But there was something that he could remember. Green and warmth. He couldn’t recall what the green and what the warmth belonged to, but whenever he tried to think back, that was what he remembered.

And for once, he wished that he could remember, because that warm green seemed important.

He just didn’t know why.

Edgar was left alone until sunset, when the door creaked open and Fukuzawa stepped into the room with a tray of food in hand. Their eyes met—violet and steel blue—and Edgar began to regret ever waking up in the first place, because the expression on Fukuzawa’s face was not a happy one. Truly, out of all the expressions that Edgar had seen on that stoic face before now, this one was the worst, and that clearly told him just how much he’d messed up. Because he vaguely remembered the argument that he’d had with Fukuzawa’s ward upstairs, and the way he’d walked out without apologising despite the sheer amount of guilt he’d felt.

Ranpo…

And just like that, a memory slipped into place; worried green eyes attached to an equally worried face that mouthed words he couldn’t remember in the slightest, and from there it didn’t take long for him to realize that Ranpo had been the one to find him and bring him here. Again. No wonder Fukuzawa was staring at him with utter discontent; he would too if he were the older man. There was no forgiving what he’d done, especially when all that Fukuzawa and his family had done was show him kindness that he’d done nothing but throw back in their faces.

“You’ll find that there were plenty of people willing to give you help, Mr Poe.”

Edgar turned away first, casting his gaze to the blankets beneath his hands. His hands clutched at the blankets and he listened as Fukuzawa moved about, first placing the tray on the bedside table before sitting in the chair that’d taken up residence beside his bed. He waited until silence fell upon the room before he lifted his head, drawing in a breath. “I am sorry.”

Fukuzawa didn’t say anything, and Edgar did not dare look at him.

But he forced himself to keep speaking. “You, and Dr Mori, and Ranpo showed me nothing but kindness when I did not deserve it, and all I did was cast it aside. None of you deserved that, so I apologize.” Edgar risked looking up, and felt encouraged when he saw Fukuzawa focused on him, not angry or upset, but listening. “And I’m not expecting you to answer me, but… I think I remember Ranpo being the one to find me. Is he… alright?”

For a long time, Fukuzawa sat there, arms in his sleeves and eyes closed. And for a long time, Edgar sat there and waited for a response, fidgeting as time continued to pass by and still, Fukuzawa said nothing. Another minute passed, and Fukuzawa sighed, head dipping. “Ranpo is alright. But I have made the decision to keep you two from seeing each other.” The older man stood and tilted his head towards the tray of food. “I ask that you respect my decision and do not ask about Ranpo again. I also ask that you eat at least one thing. I will return in the morning.”

Right… makes sense. He’s just doing what he can to protect Ranpo. The words hurt, but Edgar understood why they were said in the first place. He nodded. “I understand.”

“Sleep well, Mr Poe.” Fukuzawa gave a slight bow before he turned on his heel and left the room.

And Edgar was alone, but this time he welcomed it, because it allowed him to think.

And he had a lot of thinking to do.

At first, Edgar tried to think back to his missing memories, hoping to recall at least something that would give him an inkling as to what had happened. There was a few things he recalled, such as the argument with Ranpo—that wasn’t really an argument, but more Edgar lashing out—along with the disagreement that he’d had with John and Frances. Now that had been an argument, at least… in Edgar’s drunken mind it had been, but suddenly he wasn’t too sure, and he couldn’t remember enough of it to accurately tell what actually happened. They were bits and pieces that were just out of reach—there and visible, but taunting him by flickering in and out of existence right in front of him.

He really wanted to remember.

But did he really? What good would remembering do him when the damage had already been done? Whatever he’d said and done had already happened, and that was that, there was no going back. There were no do-overs, no going back in time to tell his past self to stop and think, there was only the future; a future that he was apparently supposed to live for. How, he didn’t know, nor was he sure if he really wanted to, but it didn’t seem like he was being given much of a choice in the matter. Two failed suicides was enough to tell him that.

“We can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself.”

Those were Frances’ words, one of the few things he did remember from that day, and he had to admit that his adoptive mother might’ve actually been right. If he actually wanted to be helped, then perhaps he had to actually ask for it and accept it. He wasn’t sure if that was possible, considering it was him, and that he’d been stuck in this spiral of alcohol and melancholy for two years now, but… maybe he could. Maybe he could reach out and ask for help? Maybe he could learn to stand on his feet again and find his way out the hole he’d long curled up in.

Because despite everything, there was still this little weird and obscure group of foreigners in some sort of makeshift family that were willing to lend a hand.

He remembered Ranpo telling him that pride was pointless, that it was overrated, and that it was better to live the way you wanted to live without thinking too much about what society thought, and Edgar remembered telling Ranpo that it didn’t really work like that. Because in the end, he and Ranpo lived wildly different lives, so of course it couldn’t work like that. But what if it did? What if Ranpo had had the right idea this entire time and Edgar had just been too blind to see it?

“Sure, I could take pride in myself, but what’ll that get me, really? Kicked to the ground by people who had more pride?”

At first, the words hadn’t made sense to him, but now they kind of did, because that was exactly what had happened to him. He’d taken pride in himself once upon a time, only to be beaten down by those who held much more pride; he’d been kicked to the ground and left to burn, all because he’d been too prideful and thought that nothing could touch him from his little cloud of happiness. Only, he had, and he’d been sent crashing to the ground, losing everything from his pride to his happiness all in one go, all because he and the man he’d loved hadn’t been careful enough, and they’d been caught and thrown into the spotlight.

Edgar sighed and rolled over, facing the wall as he tried to figure out just what it was that he needed to do. It would be so much simpler if someone would just come and straight up tell him what path awaited him, but no one would because that just wasn’t how life worked—well his life at least. There probably was some lucky soul out there in the world that had their life put together and knew exactly what to do whenever something bad happened, but Edgar was not that soul. He was the soul that fell apart the moment bad things happened, unable to find a solution in an ocean that threatened to drown him. But maybe… that was okay.

Maybe he didn’t have to know what to do next.

Maybe he could just take it one day at a time, and see what that brought him.

“Mr Poe, it is time to get up.” Edgar groaned, reluctantly opening his eyes as Fukuzawa’s voice invaded his dreams and dragged him out of sleep. He was greeted by the sun, the morning rays blinding him momentarily, and he immediately squeezed his eyes shut again, rolling away to avoid getting up. It was too early for him to be awake; sunrise was a time that he not seen for years, because he went out of his way to avoid it, much preferring the comfort of the dark. Night time was a much simpler time; when he’d been actively writing, he’d often stared out his window at the moon as it rose into the sky, watching and using it for inspiration in his novels.

If he’d tried to do that with the sun, he would’ve gone blind a long time ago.

Fukuzawa’s voice echoed again, and this time, it was accompanied by a hand tugging his blankets away. “Mr Poe, I will drag you out of this bed.”

Edgar looked over his shoulder, annoyed, and huffed. “Why?”

Fukuzawa raised an eyebrow. “You have been in that bed for a week. Now that you are awake, it is time to bathe.”

“A week?” Edgar’s eyes went wide, struggling to comprehend that he’d actually managed to knock himself out for an entire week. Just how much did I drink? Just as the thought crossed his mind, another one quickly followed, this one having him eye Fukuzawa warily. “What do you mean by bathe?”

“You need to clean yourself. Or do the nobility not take care of their own personal hygiene?” Fukuzawa tugged on the blankets more, and this time, Edgar allowed them to be pulled away from him. Mostly because he was trying to juggle what Fukuzawa was telling him, but also because he was still somewhat shocked about how long he’d been at the clinic. No wonder Mori had sounded so exhausted the last time they spoke.

Edgar swung his legs over the edge of the bed. As much as he didn’t want to get up, he could already tell from the no-nonsense look on Fukuzawa’s face that he wasn’t about to take no for an answer. Hell, the older man probably took joy in forcing the patients of the clinic up and out of bed the moment the sun was up. It was as Fukuzawa reached down to wrap his hands around Edgar’s forearms, that Edgar answered his question. “Of course we do! It’s just that… well… people of your class—”

“People of our class bathe as well, Mr Poe. If we didn’t there would be a lot more sickness. We may not have the fancy bathtubs that you are familiar with, but we still have our ways.” Fukuzawa only sounded mildly annoyed as he dragged Edgar upright and guided him over to the chair, and Edgar was surprised. If he’d been in Fukuzawa’s shoes, he probably would’ve been annoyed at such a stupid question.

But he wasn’t going to question it, not when Fukuzawa was the only reason he was even standing, his legs so shaky from disuse that he could barely put one foot in front of the other. But he managed, and collapsed into the chair. “I didn’t know.” He murmured, watching Fukuzawa as the other man stripped the bed of its bedding. “So, um… how do you bathe?”

Fukuzawa paused in his actions and looked over at Edgar. He could’ve sworn he saw the man’s lips twitch in amusement. “With a washcloth and basin.”

Edgar threw his head into his hands and groaned. Of course. “Excuse my ignorance.”

“It is excused.” Fukuzawa folded the dirty bedding and placed it by the door, no doubt to be taken and washed later, before he placed new bedding on the bed. “Mori and I have dealt with nobility before, so we are aware there are things you might not understand.”

Ignoring the jab towards him, Edgar leaned forward in the chair, a little curious at the information Fukuzawa was letting slip; he had started to think that Fukuzawa was incapable of talking about himself. “You have?”

“Mori is good at what he does.” Fukuzawa continued to make the bed without looking up. “Not all nobles are as fixated on race as some are, and the ones that don’t, pay well.”

Edgar bristled. He refused to be lumped in with the nobles that wouldn’t interact with other people purely because they weren’t from England. He wasn’t like the nobles that would beat down, mock, and ridicule people just because they had a different skin colour to himself. No, he’d always done his best to treat other people with respect… well, in theory at least. Edgar wasn’t so sure that he’d actually succeeded in showing it. But Fukuzawa didn’t know that, nor did he need to; either way, his comment was more than enough to get Edgar’s blood boiling. He wasn’t a cruel person. “I don’t fixate on race.”

Now Fukuzawa did look up, expression neutral, if a little surprised. “I didn’t say you did.” And before Edgar could even open his mouth, Fukuzawa continued, turning around to sit on the edge of the bed. “You know, you are a very hostile person.”

“What do you mean?” Edgar asked, suddenly unsure of himself.

“My comment was not directed at you, yet you took it as if I did.”

“Oh…” Edgar hunched in on himself, feeling like an absolute fool of a person. Of course Fukuzawa hadn’t been talking about him specifically, he’d just been talking about the nobility in general. Yet another case of him screwing everything up, all because he hadn’t stopped to actually listen and take note of what Fukuzawa was saying. The worst thing was that Fukuzawa was right, he was being hostile for no reason. Well… not no reason, because becoming hostile was a familiar path to him, one he’d taken many times, and the reason why he had no one left in his life in the first place.

A sigh came from the man in front of him, and Edgar flinched away as Fukuzawa stood, squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for the man to get angry and throw him out. Only, nothing happened, except a hand coming to rest on his shoulder, squeezing it. Edgar cracked open one eye to see Fukuzawa standing above him. That same hand began to pull, unrelenting until he was standing once again. “Come on. I have some errands to run in a little bit.”

“And?” Edgar blinked, bewildered at the sudden change in topic.

“You are going to accompany me, of course. After your bath, that is.”

Edgar had had a lot of embarrassing moments in his life. That was simply the case when one used alcohol has an escape mechanism, but nothing was more embarrassing than being bathed by someone else. Really, there wasn’t. Edgar had thrown up over himself and other people, he’d passed out in the streets, and he’d failed twice at suicide, but not once, had he been seen naked by another human being that wasn’t his family. And sure, Fukuzawa was kind about it, and not judgemental at all, and had probably even kept him clean when he’d been unconscious, but it was still embarrassing to have the other man hold onto his arms to keep him upright—because his legs were still shaking like a newborn foal—whilst he stripped himself of his clothing and then climbed into the tub that was as different from the one in his own home as could be. And then he bathed, scrubbing at his skin with a cloth and the tiniest bit of soap until Fukuzawa deemed him clean enough and helped him out of the tub, offering him clothes that certainly weren’t Edgar’s own, but were his size. He couldn’t help but give Fukuzawa a look.

“There’s a family that makes clothes, and they donate some to us for patients to wear when their own clothes are too tattered or dirty to wear.” Fukuzawa explained as he helped Edgar into the pants. “They caught wind that you were a patient here, and were very quick to make something for you to wear.”

“Wait, what? They—they knew who I was?” Edgar froze, fingers halfway through threading a button, stress growing within him at the idea of being recognized by anyone, especially in his current state.

“There are not many in this part of London that wouldn’t recognize you, Mr Poe. But before you can work yourself into a panic, they do not recognize you as Lord Allan the noble, but as Mr Poe, the writer.”

The writer? What do you mean by that? Edgar thought, but when he went to ask Fukuzawa what he’d meant by that, the man was already moving, taking Edgar’s dirty clothes into his arms, and leaving the room with them, and leaving Edgar alone. It only took him a second to realize that he probably needed to follow Fukuzawa, and somehow managed to get his legs working well enough to stumble after the man. And sure enough, Fukuzawa wasn’t far, having stopped to wait for him. Edgar chose that moment to open his mouth and ask Fukuzawa what he’d meant, but he was interrupted before he even formed the first word.

“You will help me deliver medicine to the families that need it today.” Fukuzawa said, entering a room to dump the clothes, before he returned and then ventured into the room on the opposite side of the hallway, once again, returning a moment later, but this time with a satchel. “It will do you some good to get out of the clinic and get some fresh air, and then we will get you something to eat.”

“Um… do I get a choice here?” Edgar asked. The last thing he wanted to do was go outside and walk around, where he would no doubt be harassed by people whose curiosity was greater than their tact. Because these were people that would recognize Fukuzawa and not him, and honestly, Edgar just didn’t want to deal with it.

Fukuzawa paused and looked at him. “You are a patient here, Mr Poe, and this is part of your treatment, so no, you do not get a choice. Of course, you can refuse, but then I will be forced to tell Dr Mori that you have, and you will find he will not be as kind as I am.”

Edgar sighed, and resigned himself to his fate. “Fine then. I’ll go with you.”

“A wise decision, Mr Poe.”

It was an interesting experience, to wander the streets of London with another human being, even if that human being was a man from a foreign land that stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the rest of the population because he refused to wear anything but traditional clothing. At least, Edgar thought it traditional, because it certainly wasn’t British, even though the British did sometimes wear some outrageous things.

He'd seen his fair share of over the top dresses at all the balls he’d been invited to over the years.

Of course, Edgar had no intention of asking Fukuzawa what his clothes were called because not only was it not his business, the man still scared him. But he was curious; very curious.

But what surprised Edgar the most, was how nice people were; it didn’t matter if they were children or elders, as he and Fukuzawa walked down the streets, people called out greetings, and stopped to talk to them about mindless things. Edgar always stayed quiet and out the way when they were stopped, more than content to let Fukuzawa do the talking. He was just grateful that his hair covered most of his face, because the last thing he wanted was to be recognized by someone—he didn’t think he’d be able to answer whatever questions they would have for him. He could barely answer Mori’s as is.

It was nice though, to see how the common people interacted with each other, because it was so different to the way that the nobility interacted. The world that Edgar lived in was filled with politics and false friendships, where the slightest misstep resulted in being backstabbed by those you thought you could trust. Sure, there were some genuine friendships amongst those that were higher in class than Edgar and his family could ever hope to be, but for everyone else, it was a fight to gain favour, to win the right to call yourself part of the inner circle. Edgar had set foot in the inner circle once, and once only, back when he’d actively been publishing his stories.

But after… that, he’d fallen out of that circle and been forbidden from ever setting foot into it again.

So it was… interesting to say the least, to see the difference in the way that commoners interacted with each other. From what he’d heard, the lower class was supposed to be filled with turmoil, people fighting amongst each other for scraps of food and clothing, leaving the sick and injured to fend for themselves, things like that. But there was none of that here. Edgar didn’t know if it was just this particular area of London, or if it was the same all over, but the people here had a sort of camaraderie that he could only have ever dreamed of having.

Children ran about the streets, laughing and playing in tattered clothes, but with smiles on their faces. Shopkeepers, rather than chase away the people that loitered outside their stores, chatted with them instead; Edgar watched as a café owner excused himself and returned with a box of sweets, handing them over to an elderly gentleman who then approached the group of children hiding around the corner and began to hand them out. He watched as the tailor took one look at woman with a torn shirt that was barely hanging on, and offered to fix it for her—for free.

It was all so kind, and Edgar honestly couldn’t believe that such a world existed.

“What are you thinking about, Mr Poe?” Fukuzawa asked him as they left the home of a family they’d just delivered medicine to, carefully pulling the bag of food he’d been gifted over his shoulder, taking great care to not break anything.

Edgar stared at the bag for a moment as he thought about what answer to give. “The people in this area are… really nice. I’ve never… seen such kindness before.”

Fukuzawa gave him a long look as the two of them walked down the street, before he sighed and turned to the road ahead of them, slowing his pace from a brisk walk to a gentle stroll. “Mr Poe, can I ask you a question?”

“What kind of question?” Edgar felt himself tense, immediately cautious about what kind of question he would be asked. It was impossible for him to decipher just what exactly Fukuzawa was thinking about, and this time was no different. In fact, it was even more impossible because the man was just in front of him, his face hidden and therefore expression unreadable. Yet… Fukuzawa’s questions had never been cruel or insulting, only genuine, and that was reason enough for Edgar to listen, even if he still feared what was about to come.

“Why don’t you believe in kindness?”

“Excuse me? I do believe in kindness…” Even as he said the words, they felt fake, like he was trying to talk through a mouthful of mud. It left a horrible aftertaste in his mouth.

Fukuzawa hummed and glanced over his shoulder towards Edgar. “Then let me rephrase; why do you not believe that you deserve kindness?”

Edgar ducked his head and came to a stop. “Because I don’t. Who would want to be kind to someone like me? I’m just… not someone who people love or care enough about to befriend. I’m just someone who came on a boat, that used to write stories for people until I exchanged my quill for the bottle and threw it all away. So, yeah, I don’t deserve kindness because I have done nothing to warrant any kindness. And really, that’s okay, it’s something I’ve come to accept.”

There was another hum, before a hand came to rest between his shoulders, causing Edgar to flinch from the suddenness of the touch. He raised his head and stared at Fukuzawa, eyes wide, and arms curled towards himself. Fukuzawa’s hand continued to remain on his back, but his expression was kind as he guided Edgar into moving forward again, and it was that kind look that loosened Edgar’s lips.

“It’s not fair.” Edgar began, allowing his arms to curl around himself as he walked. “It’s not fair that I was plucked off streets of America and brought here, just to be forced to conform to his country’s societal standards that I never understood. I did my best, I followed what Frances and John did, and did as they told me, dressed as they told me, and played nice as they told me, but even then, I was still the little American boy trying to play the lord he never would be. So I just ignored them and wrote stories—good stories—that the other noble children liked, and I kept writing, and writing, until a company offered to publish my books and things got good.”

He paused just long enough to take a breath before he pushed on. “People started to take an interest in me and talk to me; asking me about my books and my life, and seeing me for me instead of the adopted child of the Allan’s family. It’s why I used Poe when I published my stories actually, because… I could separate myself from Lord Allan, the noble, and Edgar Poe, the writer.”

Silence followed his words, and Edgar began to stress that maybe he shouldn’t have just blurted all of that out to someone who barely even knew him, yet Fukuzawa was still walking, still staring straight ahead, but also clearly listening to what Edgar had been saying. Still, he kept quiet, his face flushed and palms sweaty from where they still clutched at his shirt.

Fukuzawa stopped and turned to face him, wearing a look of interest. “So what went wrong?”

And that question, that simple question, was all it took for Edgar to continue, his eyes pricking slightly as he spoke, this time in a much calmer tone than before. “I fell in love with the wrong person, that’s what went wrong.” His fists tightened their grip as he strode past Fukuzawa and kept walking. “A group of American’s came over for business ventures just after I turned eighteen, and my family worked with them. It was an experience, to get to know people from the country I’d been born into, and they were nice. One of them especially. He was… kind.”

“You fell in love with him.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement, and a truthful one at that.

Edgar nodded. “I did. I fell for him, and he fell for me, and we pursued each other for two years. It was a secret, of course, no one knew what we did or how we felt. He had his own house in the city that I would visit him at, and we would just spend time together, him working, and me writing.” He couldn’t help but smile as he remembered the gentle way that his old love had handled him, treating him like he was buried treasure pulled from the ocean, always telling him how talented and gentle he was, kissing him and running his beautiful hands across Edgar’s bare skin. “It was—It was nice.”

And then he sighed, and the smile fell from his face. “But we were foolish. We got too complacent and someone caught us in bed together and told everyone. Soon enough, instead of being praised for my literary pieces, I was seen as nothing but a sodomite, a molly, someone who just whored himself out to men because he found them attractive instead of the countless women that tried to get my attention. And—And—” Edgar broke off as his eyes began to sting and swallowed, desperately trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall and make him look even more pathetic than he already was.

He heard footsteps behind him, and an arm wrap around his shoulders, providing a comforting, warm weight. “And what, Mr Poe?”

“And instead of standing beside me, the man I loved said that I made a move on him, and that he never loved me in that way, that he was just playing along because he thought I was lonely.” Edgar sobbed, ignoring the tears that ran down his cheeks. “After two years of loving each other, he just threw it all away to protect his precious reputation and let me take the fall for it. Alone! And it hurt. It hurt so much. I tried to talk to him the day after the papers ran the first article, but he wouldn’t hear me out, and the person that caught us continued to spread rumours and lies about me, and soon enough, everyone that had once liked or tolerated my existence wanted nothing to do with me. I was nothing but a piece of shit that needed to be shovelled out of the street.

It was the worst time of my life… everything I’d done prior, and everything I tried to do after… reduced to nothing and forgotten about just because I loved a man. The nobility refused to acknowledge me, and soon enough I was thrown from every social circle I’d once had the luxury of being in. And John and Frances, they tried, at first, they really did try to help, but they didn’t understand the pain I was going through and I knew that they thought me a freak of nature as well. I just felt so lonely after it all, that I dressed myself in peasant clothes and found a bar that didn’t recognize me. And drank myself into oblivion for the first time.” Edgar chuckled to himself and wiped away the tears that continued to fall. “And well, the papers pretty much covered everything after that.”

He waited for Fukuzawa to say something, hoped he would say something after allowing Edgar to go off like that, but the man stood there, silent with his arm around Edgar’s shoulders, and he began to grow worried that he’d upset the man or somehow angered him—which was irrational because Fukuzawa didn’t look angry, but also he couldn’t be too sure since he didn’t really know the man at all. The hand on his shoulder tightened and Edgar flinched, only to find himself pulled into an embrace, something that he hadn’t experienced in well over two years, and he could feel the tears returning.

“You are right that it wasn’t fair.” Fukuzawa’s voice was gentle as he held Edgar tightly in his arms. “It wasn’t fair that you were cast aside just because you found happiness in someone who didn’t fit the norm, and it certainly wasn’t fair that the man you loved and trusted, abandoned you to deal with it on your own. It should never have happened, and although I did not know you two years ago, I apologize for the way that no one stopped to lend you a helping hand when you needed it the most.” There was a brief pause, no longer than a few seconds. “But know that now you have that helping hand, and sure, it’s probably not from the people you expected it to come from, but it’s there, waiting for you to reach out and take it. Only if you are ready to take it, of course.”

And just like that, the dam holding back Edgar’s tears cracked and crumbled away, and he began to sob in earnest, hands reaching up to clutch at the front of Fukuzawa’s shirt as he cried into the man’s chest. His entire body shook with the force of his tears as an entire two years’ worth of pent up emotions broke free and made themselves known. Edgar couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried like this; surely it had to have been that day when, in the pouring rain, he’d banged on his former love’s door, begging for him to just come out or let him in so that they could talk.

His knocks and pleas hadn’t been answered, but he knew they’d been heard when a curtain had shifted, falling back into place in the way it only could’ve done so if someone had been watching him through it to begin with. And Edgar’s heart had broken entirely at the realization that he’d been completely and utterly abandoned by the one person he’d thought would stand by him through all the slander and hatred. But it seemed that he’d placed his heart and trust in the wrong person; obviously Edgar was just as unlovable as he’d always been.

So yeah, that night was probably the last time he’d cried so much.

And still, Fukuzawa continued to hold him, doing nothing more but being the pillar that kept him upright. He didn’t move to stroke Edgar’s back like his family might have once done for him, but his arms remained wrapped around him, strong and firm, more than enough to remind Edgar that he wasn’t alone. I should let go. Edgar told himself. I’m making a scene and a mess. He continued to think, but made no attempt to actually do something about it. Why is he doing this? I don’t deserve this—this kindness. He just continued to stand there and cling, desperately holding onto that kindness he’d been shown before it could be taken from him again.

He knew it would, because his life wasn’t meant to be a happy one, it wasn’t meant to be filled with kindness and people that cared.

Happiness wasn’t made for people like him.

Edgar didn’t know how long it was until he stopped crying, but by the time he was aware that he’d stopped, his eyes burned and his jaw hurt, and there was that exhaustion clinging to him that made him want nothing more than to curl up on the ground and sleep. For a while—he didn’t know how long—he stood there until slowly, his hands uncurled and dropped back to his side and he stepped back, Fukuzawa’s arms falling away. He raised his hands to wipe at his eyes.

“Do you feel better now?” Fukuzawa asked.

Edgar nodded. He did feel better after crying, as embarrassing as it was. “I’m sorry.”

“You have no reason to apologize.” Fukuzawa said, reaching out to grab Edgar’s sleeve and tug him into moving. “Come along.”

That was when Edgar realized that they were no longer on the street they’d been walking on before Edgar had broken down, but hidden in a little side alley where it was just the two of them. At some point, Fukuzawa must’ve dragged him somewhere quiet—private, for Edgar to break down where no one could see him. And now he was just following Fukuzawa like a lost puppy, trailing behind the man as he led him to wherever it was that they were going. No words were spoken as they walked, not that any needed to be, for Edgar was still embarrassed about the way that he’d dumped his entire life story upon Fukuzawa, and Fukuzawa wasn’t the kind of person that talked much at all.

And honestly, just this once, Edgar preferred the silence.

He didn’t know what he would say anyway.

Edgar found himself back at the clinic, although he didn’t really take much notice as Fukuzawa guided him back to the room he was currently staying in; Edgar didn’t hesitate to just collapse onto the bed and let his exhaustion sweep him into the peaceful ocean that was sleep. As he drifted off, he felt hands—no doubt Fukuzawa’s—pulling his shoes off and removing his coat, and the last thing he felt as he went to sleep, was the feeling of a blanket being pulled over him. And then that was it, Edgar was lost to the realm of dreams, and for once, they were pleasant dreams.

Of course, that was where his luck ran out, because when Edgar woke up the next morning, it was to Mori sitting in the chair beside him, and Edgar regretted waking up immediately.

“I brought breakfast.” Mori gestured towards the tray that was sitting on Edgar’s bedside table; some sort of porridge looking meal that wasn’t anything like what Edgar had eaten before. If porridge had a class system then this would no doubt be ‘poor porridge.’

But with one look from Mori, Edgar picked up the bowl and began to eat. “Thank you. But… uh, why are you bringing me breakfast?”

“Because Ranpo decided to exert himself yesterday and woke up unable to breath properly this morning. Fukuzawa’s watching over him, so I volunteered to bring you breakfast instead.” Mori shrugged, as if it Ranpo struggling to breath wasn’t a serious problem, but rather, an everyday issue. Actually… it probably is now that I think about it. Edgar thought, because he remembered the way that Fukuzawa and Mori had been worried about Ranpo that day Edgar had helped him, but not panicked.

“Oh.”

“Besides, it also gives me the chance to talk to you.” Mori went on to say, leaning back in his chair to study Edgar carefully. “Fukuzawa told me a little bit of what happened yesterday. Not a lot, because god forbid that man ever tells me the whole story of anything without me having to pull his teeth, but enough to give me some idea as to how you’re feeling.”

“Oh.”

Mori sighed. “Perhaps you could say something other than oh?”

What is it that you want me to say? Edgar wanted to cry out, but refrained from doing so in favour of eating more of his lumpy porridge, which was as tasteless as it looked, but again, he wasn’t going to say anything. And he didn’t really know what else to say either, so he just kept quiet and avoided making eye contact. Because unlike Fukuzawa, who was more than content to let Edgar speak when he was ready—within reason of course—Mori was not as lenient, digging and pushing until he was given the answer, regardless of how the person he was questioning felt.

He knew it was just Mori doing his job, and if Edgar was being honest, the man was a great doctor and the questions he asked, while difficult, undoubtedly did more to help. It was just that Edgar was far too broken of a human being to handle those questions easily; it was much easier to ignore or redirect Mori’s attention elsewhere—well, attempt to at least, for it hadn’t really worked in the short time he’d come to know the man.

“Mr Poe.” Mori said after he received no answer to his question. “Allow me to be blunt for a moment?”

Edgar nodded, already preparing himself for the worst question.

“If I were to discharge you, would you attempt to kill yourself again, or not?”

“I…” Edgar hesitated, letting the spoon fall back into the bowl with a small clang. Would he try to die again if he was left alone? The answer was eventually, because while he felt okay now, he knew it wouldn’t take long for him to fall apart and want to die again. The only reason he even felt okay now was because he’d been unconscious for a week, and aside from that first day where he’d had all the time to think about how he’d ended up in the clinic, he hadn’t had much time to think about his situation at all. He hadn’t been left alone long enough to be given the chance to acknowledge the clawing sensation inside of him that was his need for a drink, nor was he given a chance to really, truly, listen to that nagging voice in his head, the one that told him that dying was what was best.

But now that Mori had asked him if he still wished to die, Edgar was more than aware of these feelings that lay inside him, but rather than accept them like he usually did… a small part of him wanted to reject those feelings. Edgar let out a sigh and worried his lip between his teeth as he slowly put the words together. “I… don’t know. Probably, I guess, if I had to be truthful. I’m alone in a big empty house with no one around… so there’s not much for me to do other than die.”

“If that’s the case, then I won’t discharge you.” Mori said matter-of-factly, standing from the chair and crossing his arms. “However, I do need this bed—”

“Then I will leave.” Edgar said, fingers tightening around the bowl. “I have no desire to take up a bed when—ow!” He flinched as Mori whacked him over the head with a… newspaper? Where did that even come from?

Mori’s look was one of annoyance. “If you would let me finish, Mr Poe, I am not throwing you out. The opposite, in fact.”

Edgar raised his head, confused. If he wasn’t being thrown out, then what was going to happen to him?

“Until I deem you fit, you will stay with us and help out.”

On second thought, being thrown out doesn’t sound half-bad.

“Such an interesting look on your face.” Mori hid a smile behind his hand, chuckling at the look of displeasure on Edgar’s face.

Who could blame him really? Ever since he had decided to die, Mori and his strange little put-together family had interfered at every step. First, it had been Ranpo, dragging him away from the bridge with quips and insults that no lower class person would’ve dared to say to a Lord—not that Edgar had been a Lord at that point to begin with. And then it had been Mori and Fukuzawa, butting into business that wasn’t their own in a way that Edgar couldn’t help but give in to; there was just something about the two older men, something that he couldn’t quite understand, a kind of gentleness that said they understood the pain he was going through, but didn’t quite know how to help.

And Edgar just didn’t know how to handle it.

“I do not wish to inconvenience you and your family.” Edgar said.

“I would not have suggested it if it was an inconvenience.” Mori countered. “It will not be as simple as you think, for as you have seen, we do not have much space. You will help out, and you will work, and in exchange we will feed you and provide a place to sleep.”

“Why though? Why go to so much effort for me?”

“Because, Mr Poe.” Mori crouched before the bed and lifted his head to meet Edgar’s eyes. “We once lost someone to the very illness that plagues you, and call it selfish of us, but if we can prevent someone else from following that path, we will do everything we can to help.”

The words hit Edgar hard, and he wanted to turn away from the raw emotion in Mori’s voice, the kind that came from losing someone you cared about deeply, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stare back at Mori as the silence grew between the two of them. He tried to think of something to say, anything to say, but there was nothing, like all the words had been stolen from within him. He could feel his mouth open and close over and over as he tried to think.

But there was nothing.

He could offer condolences, he could offer apologies, but what good would they do in the end? The loss had already happened, long before Edgar had ever known of the man in front of him. Besides, what good would words do from him of all people? Edgar realized in that moment, just how painful of a reminder he must’ve been to Mori; how painful it must’ve been for the doctor to offer his help, only for Edgar to reject it again and again, to watch him try to die again and again.

He didn’t know how Mori had the strength.

He didn’t know how any of them had the strength.

And it was that lack of knowledge that gave him strength.

He reached out and rested his hand on top of Mori’s head, smiling when the doctor’s eyes went wide. “Okay. I’ll—I��ll give it a try. Just… don’t expect much from me…”

Mori chuckled, and climbed to his feet. “Don’t worry, we have no expectations.”

Somehow, despite the insulting nature of Mori’s words, all they did was make Edgar feel warm inside.

It was nice, to have no expectations placed upon him for once in his life.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd fanfic #angst #edgar allan poe #edogawa ranpo #fukuzawa yukichi #mori ougai #ranpoe #hurt/comfort #writing #fanfic

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providing-leverage · 4 months

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Fic in Review 2023

This looks fun, thanks to @writer-and-thrasher for the tag

Total Number of Completed Stories: 16, which is great because my goal was 12 (one a month, which didn't happen, but oh well)

Total Word Count: 77,440! Again, I had a goal and surpassed it (getting to 300k on my account) and it feels really good.

Fandoms Written In: So much Ted Lasso, which I discovered after Sunflowers came out and was trending. I saw canon gay characters and went sign me up even if I don't normally like comedy stuff. I'm super glad I did because I've not written so much for a fandom so fast since my Shadowhunters hyperfixation years ago. Other than those 12, I did some PJO, Supernatural, and Batman, and Teen Wolf.

Looking back did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expect: so much less! Ted Lasso brainworms truly won this year

What’s your own favorite story of the year, personally?: I'm super proud of myself for finishing Past and Present Now Embrace, one of my few non Ted Lasso fics. Bianca was a very interesting character and the Percy Jackson universe it a great sandbox to play in.

Did you take any writing risks this year?: I think my trend towards gen stuff, because obviously romantic stuff gets more hits a lot of the time so I've trained myself to sprinkle it in even when it doesn't really need to be there. But with Ted Lasso I really felt like I could embrace the platonic stuff and when I did write romance it was because I wanted to.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the New Year?: I want to write a multichapter, and I'm hoping that multichapter will be either Stranger Ranger or Guard Your Heart. I've also been watching to rework the second and third parts of SSA Sam Singer.

Best story of the year: personally I'm really proud of the Fundamentals of Love and Lying, which is so self indulgent

Most popular story of the year: Get It Off Your Chest for sure, and I think that's all to do with the blurb I used in the summary

Most personal story of the year: Oh for sure it's a rather touching notion which is also probably the one I wrote the quickest. An aroace character figuring out who they are, feeling outside of so many social interactions because they lack romantic and sexual attraction? Pure projection. Also The A Team because yay autism.

Funniest story of the year: While the summary for Get it Off Your Chest is funny, Colin's reasons for picking up lesbians is deeply sad so I can't really say that. Eliza's exasperation with Jamie in Flowers for Dani is pretty funny though.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Fundamentals took a lot of work but it's also a rarepair I invented the tag for and narrated by a character that is basically an OC, so I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Most fun story to write: Holy Novelty Socks Batman is pure fluffy crack and made me smile a lot

Story with the sexiest moment: none of them really. Fundamentals and some of the other TL fics have some sex allusion though.

Sweetest story of the year: I'll say Shake It Out, a teen wolf fic from early this year that I'd completely forgotten about. What's sweeter than breaking into your school at night for a date?

“Holy crap that’s wrong even for you!” story: dito on not doing scandalous, but for angst then maybe this fic where I give Dani my caffeine sickness

Hardest story to write: Past and Present Now Embrace, for sure took the longest, with me working on it for over a year. I wanted to get it up before the Sun and the Star came out but that didn't happen.

Biggest disappointment: Not any published fic in particular but I have a lot of drafts I wish had been able to see the light of day this year

Biggest surprise: the community I feel like I've found this year, especially within Ted Lasso. Doing these tag games, trading asks and ideas with other writers, is something I've never gotten to do before and I feel so lucky and grateful for my mutuals.

Speaking of... @orbitalpirate @mearpsdyke @manwholovescabins sorry if any of you have already been tagged

#wow okay this took a while #was very fun though #ted lasso #percy jackson #supernatural #teen wolf #fic in review 2023 #elliot writes

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scarlet-ancunin · 2 years

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Hi! I absolutely love your desire fanfics and I was hopping you could write one for me.

The idea is that the reader and desire have been together for a while but because Desire is so obsessed with getting Dream to spill family blood, the reader starts to feel neglected. So the reader has to tell Desire that they feel abandoned.

Thank you and have a nice day/night!

Also could I be Vixen Anon?

of course Vixen Anon, here is your mini Headcanon will mix with another request from @the-masked-scorpio

Their request: Desire accidentally snapping at reader maybe desire is stressed with their siblings specifically dream and reader being the great s/o they try to be funny to cheer them up but desire tells them to shut up reader is like "right sorry I won't bother you anymore I'll be with Cain and Abel if you need me".

Gonna be depressing for a bit before better be aware.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Please Don't Forget Me

love was all you felt for Desire, it was unconditional and you Knew Desire felt the same about you.

Everything was going well for both of you since Desire asked their sibling if she can make you immortal to remain by their side.

Death being surprised by this especially since Desire was definitely the cruelest sibling out of all of them could fall in love with anyone.

She granted their wish and they thanked her before leaving to see you once more.

Of course it everything was going beautiful and perfect for 100 years until Desire found out Dream, their older brother escaped.

Thats when they stopped talking to you for long periods of time. you felt your heart ached whenever you tried to talk to Desire and the only thing said was

"Later y/n" or "not now y/n" you looked away sadly and walked away sitting in the room once more. You wanted them to be with you why did they have to be so determined to bother their older brother.

At one point you decided maybe making Desire laugh or forget can help them not be so stressed about their mission or not focus so much on it.

Even if you can get them to laugh or smile would be enough for you. So you found Desire one day in their heart gallery pacing and thinking.

"Desire i have an idea why not just mess up dreams realm with random things like trashing the place" you grin. you proceeded to say another funny idea until Desire snapped looking at you

"Y/N SHUT UP" they said noticing you went silent quickly before looking away. "I-im sorry I'll just go i won't bother you anymore."

"Then leave your annoying me" they said turning away and picking up their twin siblings sigil as you walk away you could hear them summoning their twin sister.

You went to visit Cain and Abel for a bit their dragon playing with you but after a while you went back to the threshold you stopped from entering the heart gallery when you could hear Desire complaining about your idea being stupid and annoying "they always say stupid things instead of helping"

"Maybe it was meant to be that way to help you twin brother, they dont like you stressed" she would say sadly but listened to them complain more.

"I dont have time for games I want my big brother to know his place and trashing his Kingdom won't do that...so useless"

You felt your heart sink and unfortunately Despair could feel it strongly looking over. "What is it?" Desire asked their twin. "I thought i felt something...continue" they mumbled they knew it was you but for some reason they didn't want to see you suffer since they actually liked you.

You walked out of their threshold and into the waking world once more.

You look up seeing the clouds look just as gloomy as you felt. The first droplets of sadness against your cheek.

You started to wonder if it was the rain at this point or your own tears streaming down your face. You walked towards your home getting to your door in a soaking mess but someone met you their.

"Death? Why are you here" you asked glad it was raining because you can blame the rain for you soaked face and slightly red trimmed eyes.

"How are you doll" she asked. She helped you inside since you did buy some things to try and num the pain of missing Desire.

"I'm doing great" you said half heartedly looking at her smiling weakly. But that mask had a crack of reality the moment they mentioned Desire.

"W-we are doing great Death thanks for asking" you turned away "you can't lie to me dear we spend to much time together so i do know when your not okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

"N-no i don't" your voice cracked and your longing and anger was mixing together a perfect combination to catch a certain Endless attention.

Death looked over seeing Desire there suddenly looking at you they wasn't smiling.... No, they was smiling but it was not noticeable. "My sister we can talk later if you like I would like to spend time with Y/n."

Death nods saying of course but she heard you scoff and so did Desire who looked at you darkly for a moment and you could feel your heart beat faster and the urge was becoming stronger as you grabbed a glass cup squeezing it so tight that it cracked. Why? Why was Desire......you felt nothing but hatred in that moment, you wanted Desire to know how much you was mad at them for ignoring you, for neglecting you....for being mean and hurting you..

Your shatter the glass and it fell to the ground making you wince slightly seeing the cut on your palm.

While looking at it your tears fell once more. Suddenly their chest was pressed against your back and their hand held the one that was bleeding. They made you look at them and smile small at you.

"Im sorry y/n i didn't mean to ignore you this much or belittle you...you are important to me-"

You shoved them away "y-you have a funny way of showing it... i heard what you said how useless i am to you how much i get in the way of your stupid plans" you spat. Their eyes widen.

"I given up everything to be with you because i love you so, so much and it hurts." You said and threw a pillow at them to which they slapped away effortlessly.

"Y/n i didn't mea-" you cut them off swiftly "but you did it anyway! Why did you make me immortal so i can watch you do stupid things that can lead to something awful happening to you!"

"Why do you have to ignore me so much just because your stupid brother is free again he is stuck in his ways but that has nothing to do with you!" you shouted.

Desire agreed that Dream was stupid but he knew the situation was treading on dangerous ground. They didn't want to lose You.

Desire pulled you close suddenly and let you hit their chest crying a heartbroken cry "don't forget me please, I-i don't want to be alone a-again" you cried.

If Desire never knew what sadness felt like they did now seeing you broken like this in the edge of despair all because of them.

They felt their chest ache and they kept saying im sorry over and over making you look at them by placing their hands on your face kissing you deeply and passionately. "Shh y/n i promise i will try to be there i don't ever want you thinking i will forget you again your mine and mine alone and i want nothing more then to give you everything you long for. You are my perfect lover and i will always desire you and nothing else."

You looked at them eyes slightly puffy and sniffing your bottom lip pouting just a bit and shaking a bit.

Desire had to admit that expression was actually adorable but they decided to keep that to themself.

"I won't leave you i promise y/n....I love you so much." They said softly taking your hand in theirs.

"Come home with me...please"

"Of course my love" you said softly sniffing and rubbing yours eyes tiredly.

Desire sighs softly picking you up watching you cling to them and immediately falling asleep tiring yourself out.

"Oh my love....I will never let you cry like this again" they said returning back to their Threshold

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Taglist: @justaproudslytherpuff , @sherazyjade , @the-masked-scorpio , @sugakookieswithacupoftae16 , @happilydangerousworld , @harlekin6

#unhinged desire simp #desire #desire of the endless #desire headcanons #the sandman desire of the endless #the sandman desire headcanons #the sandman desire of the endless x reader #the sandman desire #the sandman desire x reader #desire of the endless x reader #desire x you #desire x y/n #the sandman

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drawthething · 8 months

Note

tinimmy for the ship part of that ask game plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I've been DYING to answer this thank you 😭♥️

when I started shipping it if I did

I've always found them funny and cute like "hahahaha dumb middle schoolers" when I started watching the show but also like, super normal (like actually normal) about them

But noooo, season 6-7 plus rewatching the old eps just had to slowly turn my brain into a MESS so now I just have to be all 🥺🥺🥺 even when they're onscreen for like, 2 seconds 😭

my thoughts

I love them and will not elaborate further or this post might as well turn into a 3 page essay

what makes me happy about them

Awkward dumbasses 😭 Walking teenage disasters are what they are!

I love them being sweet and silly and- and their stupid petty fights and- and how things might go wrong and imperfect one way or another but THAT'S their brand now and- and how they always reconnect in a sweet/bittersweet way because they obviously care about each other a lot and- and-

what makes me sad about them

The potential angst is so real with these two I SWEAR 😭 They're immature and all and every two episodes Jimmy Jr decides that it's a good day to become the dumbest teenage boy ever like darn it 😭

But they're learning and it's a long ass way to get anywhere near actual good communication with these two but they have all the time let them beeee~

things done in fanfic that annoys me

The fics that ship them or the fics that includes them so they can trash on Jimmy Jr?

For the former I'd say I'm not too fond of when they exchange too many fluffy dialogues so openly and smoothly, like I'd prefer them to be not that overly lovey-dovey with words?

For the latter one? EVERYTHINGGG

things I look for in fanfic

Always happy to read about the comedy, dumb shenanigans, awkward interactions, sweet sweet little moments, the lil angst, and kisses (heh) Also more of their flashbacks as kids pls 😭 And I can never get enough of fics with them during their highschool/young adult phase

Also everything you write ✨

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

For Tina I'd say Josh or Zeke, and for Jimmy Jr it'd be Zeke. Just some ships I have some sort of feelings for, I'm open to other options as well :D

my happily ever after for them

The least I wish for would be them to simply be important figures in each other's life in adulthood 😭 But really my ultimate happy idea would be them to get married and be dumbasses together all day everyday for forever (and they will NOT drop their petty fights)

who is the big spoon/little spoon

Jimmy Jr and Tina respectively :D But they can switch too ✨

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

Sharing their weird ass taste of music with each other. At some point Jimmy Jr's headphone broke but instead of buying a new one he gets earphones so Tina can listen to music with him too BECAUSE he has very important opinions he needs share with her

#well this got longer than i expected #i mean i don't know what i expected #thank youuuu #bobs burgers #bob's burgers #tinimmy #ask game

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choicesficwriterscreations · 9 months

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CFWC Writer of the Month - Aug 2023: ao719

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @ao719. We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog: ao719 Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Anitah

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I first started playing in June 2018. The Royal Romance was the first book I played, and I got hooked from the end of the first chapter. At the time, they were midway through releasing TRR book 3, so I binged books 1 & 2 and finally caught up on the day of the wedding, where the chapter ended with the attack at the boutique. Then I didn’t know what to do with myself because it was the first time I had to wait a week to find out what was going to happen.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

Finding Tumblr was a complete accident. I was googling something really dumb about Liam and TRR and happened to stumble across a link for a fic on Tumblr. At the time, I didn’t know what Tumblr was; I’d heard of it but had no idea what it consisted of. The fic I came across was around 40+ chapters, and I was in my glory reading this angsty story about Liam, but it wasn’t finished, so when I reached the last updated chapter, I was like, “I need more.” So I opened Tumblr and searched for more Liam fics and found a trove. I lurked for another month or so before finally making my account in September 2018.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I wish I had some good story for it, but it’s the most basic thing, lol. It’s just my initials and a significant date. I think if I came into the fandom with the intention of actually doing something with the blog, I would have tried to come up with something a little more clever and creative, but I had zero intention of doing anything but reading. I thought about changing it a few years ago, but when I learned that I’d have to relink everything in my masterlist, it didn’t seem worth the hassle.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

It’s from the day TRR 3 ended and it’s about how I was sad that it was over but was glad that I had all these stories to read.

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I’d never written anything until I joined the fandom, so I’ve only been writing for almost five years now. The thought of writing didn’t even cross my mind when I joined the fandom, but within a couple of weeks of making my blog, I had a random idea pop up in my head, and for some reason, I decided to write it down. A few days later, after talking myself out of posting and then talking myself back into it, I bit the bullet. For me to post a story that I wrote was entirely out of my comfort zone. I’m pretty shy and tend to be more of a wallflower, so I don’t usually put myself out there, especially like that, and I’ve never been someone who does something where I intentionally set myself up, knowing there is a very good chance that I will fail. And social media on any platform can be a pretty intimidating and terrifying place when you open yourself up, especially to strangers, even by way of posting a measly little fanfic. So to say I was terrified of posting that first fic is an understatement, but I’m so glad that I did.

6- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to write about?

The Royal Romance will always be my favorite. It was the first book I ever played and was the only one I played for well over a year (I just kept replaying over and over and over until @cocomaxley convinced me to give MotY a try, which I fell in love with). It’s my comfort book. And like every book, it definitely has its flaws, but I love it and the characters so much. And TRR is my favorite book to write about. Liam will always be my number one guy.

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were writing it today?

The first fic that I wrote was I Dare You. It’s not an all-time favorite of mine, but I like it well enough that I wouldn’t change anything about it.

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

This is tough because I have a few that I love for different reasons, but I think Always You will always be the most special to me because it was the first series I wrote that I can truly say I poured my whole heart into. I love that story, and I love the history between Liam and the OC, their bond, and their relationship.

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but found could use a little more love?

When I decided to start Hopeless Hearts, I didn’t think it would be received any differently from most things I’d written before. It was an idea I’d kept on the back burner for over 2 years prior to writing it because I didn’t think it was anything spectacular or out of the box. It turned out to be my most well-received series, and it became one of my personal favorites as well.

I don’t think anything I’ve written has left me feeling as though I wished it had gotten more. I’m still surprised to this day that anyone wants to read anything I’ve written at all, so any love that my fics get is beyond appreciated.

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst (but with a HEA). I love putting my characters through the wringer before giving them that happily ever after they deserve. Whether I’m reading or writing, there’s something about feeling the pain and longing they’re going through that gets me emotionally invested. I think that’s why I love the second chance romance trope so much, too. It’s a really versatile trope, but there’s a lot of room for angst in those kinds of stories because of that established history between the characters and a past that tore them apart the first time around.

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

I think I sprinkle a little bit of myself into all of my MCs/OCs. It’s usually something small like a favorite food, a hobby, certain mannerisms, etc. I think the one that I’ve added more of myself into than any other and can relate to the most personality wise would definitely be Charlotte.

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I struggle with all of it here and there, and I’m constantly questioning whether something makes sense, if it’s flowing together, if it’s too descriptive or not descriptive enough, etc. I think the one area I most consistently struggle with is deciding where and how to end because I always want to leave my chapters with a cliffhanger or if I’m finishing something for good, I want to give it the ending it deserves.

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I have quite a few that are unfinished that I know I more than likely won’t ever pick back up, mostly because I just lost my mojo for them, but there are definitely some that I want to finish. I’d really like to get back to Past Meet Present one day. I don’t even remember why I got off track with writing it, and it’s been at least two years or more since I last updated it 🫣 so I’m not sure if anyone would even still be interested at this point, but I’d really like to finish that along with Breaking Point and Us Again.

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

No. Maybe. I don’t know, lol. I try to be a “never say never” kind of person, but writing is something that I’ve done for almost five years that literally no one in my real life knows about. Not my friends, not my family, not a single soul. It’s like my dirty little secret. And it’s a little tough because it does get lonely sometimes when you have something that you love doing so much but you just feel like you can’t share or aren’t ready to share that part of yourself with even those closest to you. I’m a pretty self-conscious person, and posting on here where I can hide behind a screen is hard enough; I get nervous and have a good spike of anxiety every time I post something, no matter what it is. I don’t know if I could handle someone who knows me personally even knowing that I write, let alone actually reading something I’ve written. I’ve got the bubble gut just thinking about it 🥴

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

I’ve been lucky enough to talk to and befriend some amazing and talented people in the time I’ve been here who I’ve certainly looked up to when it comes to their writing talents. And there are also those writers who I got to know after I’d been writing for a while that not only continued to inspire me with their amazing stories and talent but who also became a huge support and really close friends. They were and/or are always willing to brainstorm, look over snippets, help in those moments when I’ve been extra critical of myself and feeling very unsure, and/or have just been the absolute best cheerleaders and constantly supportive and encouraging to not only me but others as well. I don’t want to make a list because I always end up forgetting someone and I don’t want to leave anyone out, but anyone that fits that bill above, you know how much I love and appreciate each one of you.

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

I’d say either Always You or Hopeless Hearts for a movie. Series I think Full Disclosure with some Charlotte shenanigans would be pretty fun 😂

17- Do you write original fiction?

I haven’t. I’ve been asked a few times about whether I’ve thought about turning a couple of my series into original stories, but I just don’t think I’ll have the confidence to ever do it 😬

18 - What other hobbies do you have?

I do photography. I love calligraphy and making hand drawn quote signs on wood or canvas. I love to read — I’m currently in my fantasy girl era and have been obsessing over the ACOTAR series for months, lol.

19 - What’s your favorite emoji?

I use so many to express myself in conversations that I think it would be hard to pick just one. My most commonly used ones: 💀 😂 🥲 😬 😍 🥴 🥹

20: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I just want to thank CFWC for working so hard to help keep this fandom active and supporting everyone here.

To anyone who’s taken any time to read my stories and interact with me in any way, I appreciate it more than I can say.

This place has been such an escape for me over the past (almost) five years, one I’m still very much in need of. So, whether you’re a content creator, writer, artist, reader, whatever the case may be, whether we’ve interacted before or not, thank you for what you’ve done to help keep this fandom alive.

#choices fic writers creations #cfwc writer of the month #playchoices #choices the stories you play #writer of the month #ao719 #august 2023 #choices fanfic #playchoices fanfic

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