#I wasnt even sleepy anymore my head was just hurting so bad I got physically sick from it and lying in darkness and silence was killing me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captainvictoryboat · 6 years

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Behind The Scenes 4 (7/?)

Author’s note: I last minute changed a part of this scene so i am not use how much i like it or how it is going to effect everything. (technically i took a detail out so yeah i don’t want this to change things too much)

*The part i took out was because the topic was a trigger to me, so i only scratched the surface the whole thing. You still get the main idea, i just imply more that what is written. I am sorry about that*

Genre: fluff? (but with suga)

Word Count: 1793

Summary: Suga and y/n bring up kinda bring up somme deep stuff.

ALL PARTS

( i am debating making a new gif for this part. I still don’t know how far i will go with the story but this gif is like a bit over a year old haha)

You heard a loud thud right next to you. You opened your eyes and searched of the source of the sound.

“Aish.” He grunted. Immediatley you recognized who it was

Your eyes adjusted to the dark room and you saw the silhouette in the fetal position grabbing his knee.

“Yoongi are you okay?” you whispered

“Yeah” he groaned as he crawled up to you. “Scoot over and don’t hog the blanket this time.”

You moved to the wall, giving him enough space to join you

When he situated himself next to you, he fixed the blanket over the two of you. His hand went to your wait and you scooted closer to him.

You could sensed his body heat and already felt so much warmer. You could smell his faded cologne, happy that you weren’t getting any hints of beer on him

“Hi.” He said with a bit of frustration in his voice

Things had changed over the past week and a half. V went back to his room, jimin fnially able to sleep in his own bed again. Jin’s resentment towards you had come down a tiny bit and he only stuck to the enraged stare if you ever encountered each other in the living room on those late nights watching tv with v. Suga and Jhope were actually trying to cut down again. You could see it. They were still struggling but they were trying harder than they were the first time. Jungkook… There was more space between you and Jungkook. According to V, Jungkook felt you wee a bit mad at him over the argument with your dad. V said that he therefore advised Jungkook to give you some space (because he remembered how annoyed you were about Jungoook and Suga). Jimin however denied this. Jimin pointed out that Jungkook never listens to anyone so he wouldn’t listen to V’s advice. Jimin said that Jungkook was just going to the gym more because he wanted to make sure he looked good for the comeback. You weren’t too sure which was the real reason and you didn’t really care. You liked that he wasn’t around because it made everything easier with Suga. Suga was the one sneaking into your room every so often so you coud talk some more(*cough* make out a bit *cough*). Tonight was probably his third night coming over to be with you.

“Hello Mr. Grumpy.”

“I am sleep deprived, hungry, physically drained, going through withdraws, stressed, and I just tripped and hurt my knee do you really blame me for being grumpy?” he said with a tired smile “I want to get drunk so bad!” he whined. “ Remind me why I am not blacked out right now.”

“Because you claim to love me.”

“Oh yeah.” he remembered, as he leaned in for a kiss.

You let him kiss you, unable to deny his lips. But you left it at just one to let him know you were trying to be serious about not wanting him to drink.

“If you are so tired, why are you in here again?”

He gasped at you. “Again? You think I am in here too much? you don’t want me here or what?”

You laughed and slapped his arm. “You know what I mean.”

He shrugged. “I can’t sleep. You know how it is.

“You have really deep bags under your eyes from not sleeping. I am sure the stylists are mad at you. Have you tried sleeping medicine? Being sleepy isn’t gonna help with your writing either. Hobi told me that Namjoon was on your ass the other day and had a melt down at the studio.

His eyes shifted a bit. You could feel his body get tense. “Last thing in need to to get myself fixed on pills like Hobi.” He mumbled. “I just got a lot on my mind and getting drunk is the only thing that would help.” there he was bringing up the beer again. He had done well with going cold turkey so far, but by the way he was whining, things were getting harder without it.

“What do you keep thinking about?”

He rolled onto his back, putting space between the two of you. “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like that. Is it the deadline? The solo?”

“No”

“Is it jin? You all have been good in keeping him away. My bruises are gone now. I am fine… except for my pa- Is that what is getting to you?" Lately that is where your mind always went. Being alone in the room, all you would do was think oof your parents. Thankfully the guys were aware and they would try to cheer you up, this being now of the reasons suga snuck in. He never said it, but you knew he went back to this tactic of sneaking into your room and coming into your bed as a way of keeping your mind off your parents. But maybe this was putting alot of stress on him, maybe you were the reason he was feeling this way.

“No!” He rolled back on his side and pulled you into hug. “you aren’t stressing me out. Don’t think that way.”

Still, just bringing them up made you sad again and you coudn;t help but start crying.

“Hey don’t cry. It’s alright.”

“I just miss them.” you whimpered.

“I know I know. But remember what we said the other night. We know that they still love you, they are just upset because that dickhead down the hall lied. And we agreed that was for the best! It means that they aren’t going to be on his radar anymore ad they are going to be safe.”

“…Yeah”

He wiped away the tears that trickled down the side of your face. “ What’s bothering me is nothing, don’t worry about it ok.”

A very stubborn you shook your head at him. You weren’t going to let yourself get distracted with your own problem “No. I know you want to talk about it. Don’t feel like you cant tell me anything anymore! I can take it. I am here for you. Tell me. Talking about it might help you sleep. It might keep you from wanting to drink. Tell me.”

You could make out his features from the light coming in between the curtain. You could see the creases on his forehead, the uneasy look in his eye as he looked at you, his quivering lip. He was conflicted. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

“Yoongi, tell me.”

“…It’s Aiko.” He said to so softly you could barey hear him despite how close he was to you

Hearing her name broght back a waved of memories and emotion. You let out a deep breath “Oh… ok” you said as you tried to hold back that tears that were forming in your eyes again

“I can’t get her out of my head.” he sniffled. “I can’t stop thinking about how her family is feeling right now. I can’t stop thinking of what things would be like if I just did one thing different. I can’t get your words out of my head. You were right, she trusted me! I hurt her when all she did was want to do something for me! And- And the little sleep I get, she is in my dreams! And- she- she talks to me and-“ that’s when he broke.

He shoved his head in to the pillow. He was crying so hard, although muffled, his sobs filled the room.

“What’s going on?” Jimin’s sleepy voice asked.

You saw jimin sit up from the bed

That’s when Suga tried to stop crying.

“Yoongi?” Jimin turned on his lamp. “Yoongi are you crying?”

“It’s nothing Jimin.” You told “Can you just give us a few minutes.”

“…Yeah… I- I have to go to the bathroom anyway…” Jimin said as he slowly got off the bed. His confused eyes were glued on suga as he left the room. “Are you sure everything gis ok?”

“Yeah we are only talking

JK POV

Blood. Fire. Guns. The nightmares wouldn’t stop. How could he sleep with dead eyes staring back at him.

Jungkook stood up from his bed in a cold sweat. He looked at his phone, 2:17am. There was only five hours left before he was supposed to wake up.

He took off his shirt, just a way to try and cool down. His fingers ran through his damp hair in an attempt to calm himself down and remind himself that everything was a dream. (of course it didn’t help since he knew that although, yes it was a nightmare, it was still a reality that he was causing)

“Water. I need water...”

His sore legs moved moved him out of the room and down the hall. In the dark hallway, the light coming from under the bathroom was enough to light the way to the kitchen. He didn’t care who was up, his mission was to go quench his thrist

In the kitchen he dug himself into the fridge in search of a bottle of water. Once he did, he chugged it sown in a good 10 seconds

It was when he hunched over to catch his breath, the idea came to him to go to y/n’s room. A week had been long enough to give her some space. Things were probably better now.

He was a bit more awake as he waddled down the hall. He reached for the door knob when suddenly it moved. In a panic, he jumped back and shuffled in the direction of the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Jungkook heard a voice ask him just as he was a few feet from the kitchen

He stopped, it was time to be cool. He “yawned” as he turned around to the source of the question. “What?” he grumbled, scratching a fake itch on his chest.

“What are you doing?” suga asked more harshly

“I thought I lived in south korea, when was it illegal for me to get some water.”

Suga scoffed at him

“But I think I should be the one asking you that. Why are you coming out of y/n’s room?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I said it before, if it involves y/n, it is my business.”

Suga walked up to him, stucking his jaw out all smug like. “So just becuase you are her fake boyfriend you think you can starting interrogating me as if are her real one? I think you are forgetting who it the hyung here, let alone your actually relationship to y/n.”

Jungkook looked right into Suga’s bloodshot eyes. “Just because you are older doesn’t make you any better than me or any better for y/n. Leave her alone and let her sleep instead of bothering her with your drunk ranting.”

“I’m not bothering her if she wants me in there. Not like you would know, she doesn’t even look in your direction.” Suga said as he walked off to his room

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lost-ghoost · 5 years

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A lot of fkin shiet happened in life and i havent written a thing...

Lets start with new and will go to old shiet okay so today i had panic attack after year(?) In my bfs house... im turning 18soon and i have golden birthday i have planned to go one place ,,tskhaltubo" theres abandoned sanitarium and its freakin beautiful that place was in my dreams and after days i found it on internet and i have dreamed to go there but plans are ruined... so i have been really sad about it because i hate my birthdays and i just wanted golden one to be different... soo my anxiety got worse suits doesnt work on me anymore i cleaned room it didnt helped either... i went to my bf i tought i would do things i had to like choosing music for videos while he was playi ng on pc or me drawing i have this urge to draw i dont know why and we just fucked because he was down because of game and i wanted to cheer him up i wore all slutty as he liked and we just fucked i even did bj... and i almost puked twice but everything for him ya know... i was just dead so i tought at least one of us will have good mood... i was quiet on bed searchig for music he started hurting me because,,i didnt talk to him" while he wasnt even starting conversation... i just couldnt be active u know? I was so down im thinking to let go of my every dream so this shit doesnt happen i felt really bad... i felt like that time of period when i didnt care what would happen with me i would die or no or whatever would happen but i didnt want to die this time i was just hugging pillow didnt care about thing just wanted to do something to keep my mind busy but he kept hurting me... i know he doesn't know any better so im used to it but he hurt me so much i just cried because i couldnt keep it and he started saying why didnt u tell me it hurt?! I just didnt care... and he kept hurting me then he got all angry and started asking me stuff wich didnt go in mind it was too messy there i dont even remember what he asked he was staring at me and i got super nervous... i started playing with fingers he stopped me... then i started biting my lips he stopped me again... i was playing with fingers but it just didnt help i got that my ticks kept my mind busy as well and it went all physical so mind wouldn't have full control of body so he stopped me every time i did something and i couldnt hold it anymore it just snapped i started shaking fully he got up from bed and was watching me as i was some sort of show it had more affect i dont know why and i was shaking on his bed... he was just looking and i kept shaking and crying covering my face so i wouldnt scream or do worse i was in others house it wasnt my room... it was all a huge mess i had to keep myself all together i had to pick up my pieces... so it was the most short panic attack... tears came like river i was hiding my face he started asking me: did you have heart attack?

I nodded my head ass no

N: did u have attack?

Me: i nodded head as yes

N: it was panic? Panic attack?

Me: i nodded as yes

N: this is your panic attack? U shake and cry? U dont knock out?

I was silent he sat on floor and i was thinking hows different panic attack didnt he say he had one as well? But it wasnt time for those toughts he saw me having a panic attack on his bed its first time anyone has seen me... no wait my brother was first and it was worse! No whatever think about him keep yourself together! I just got tissue from backpack and calmed myself down i sat next to him he started crying he wanted to cry alone but i just didnt leave him he wont be alone suffering as i did or will be... i will always be with him to comfort him he calmed down soon... i tried to ,,correct" my mood and i was tryig to be all happy and stuff and it kinda made everything better i ordered food and thats all...

GIRL KISSED ME AND MY FRIEND RAN AWAY.

okay this one now... two days ago i finished my school completely and i was sleepy tired just woke up face i was huge mess not gonna lie but my bf saw me worse(i was going to bf after exams) so me my classmate and one girl who i knew were out after exam i was going at my bf and girl said i look bad and i should look better for bf so she would put lipstick on me i tought ya i should look good for bf i will be pretty for him maybe he will like me with lipstick because im really bad with make up and he said once he would love to see me in little make up so i was like meh why not and she started to put it on because i dont know how YES IM 18 AND I DONT KNOW HOW MAKE UP WORKS and she just kissed me... i felt like a cheater i felt like i have put dirt on our pure relationship i felt he would never kiss me i tought nothing ever would be same i ran to him i was thinking calmly but when i saw him and started telling him story i just cried so much i almost had 3panic attacks but in his arms i calmed down his soft a bit scared voice would calm me down he just said it was bad what happened but its not my fault and he kissed me he calmed me down i wanyed to cut god damn lips off it was disgusting... aaaand worse my classmate and she are now in relationship after two days ,,they love each other" and WANT TO GET MARRIED AFTER DAYS and wanna hear the worst? They asked us to be their bridesmaid... LIKE WTF before they asked me that and my bf my classmate ran away i told them where he would be but they didnt check it good... fkin idiots and made me worry... i just want to leave those two idiots alone... p.s: my classmate said i was overreacting... they dont know how much i love this man and how much he means to me they never even been into serious rp and i just...

BESTIE.

I nwo hire whoever wants to have a best friend because my best friend has left the chat... he has gf aaand doesn't care about anyone person who told me he would vet old with me has left me... i had huge fight with my real brother as well he is a complete dick and i see it now...

Nothing good is happening in my life yet so i dont know what will happen...

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