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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 4 years

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Breathe ~ the Doctor (part 7)

A/n: The word count got messed up because I did a passage that I added later and forgot to add it before I deleted it, so I didn’t do it this time. I have no idea how long it is, but I figure it’s long enough? Lol

Warnings: PTSD flashbacks, grief, overwhelming emotional pain, death, loss, depression, physical pain (mostly just a sort of headache), slight disassociation.

MASTERLIST

Suddenly the Doctor's arm shot out and that little light from earlier shot forward like a super charged energy beam, beaming into the head of one Cyberman and surging into the head of every Cyberman around them. They all melted, the same way the Daleks did when Rose was imbued with the power of the TARDIS. They were erased from time itself.

A car pulled up, honking behind them, and they all surged in. Mickey grabbed Y/n to the surprise of most people, and he realized why when he sat down and didn't see the Doctor. He almost raced out again, but then Rose and the Doctor joined him just as he stood, so he sat down again and they sat on either side of him, Pete on Rose's other side.

When they were safe and going, Rickey turned toward the Doctor from the front seat. "What the hell was that?"

The Doctor held up the little light from the TARDIS. It was a crystal. Y/n hadn't looked closely enough before now. "Little bit of technology from my home," he explained.

"It stopped glowing," Mickey pointed out, worried. "Has it run out?"

"It's on a vitalizing loop," the Doctor assured. "It'll be up and running in a few hours."

"So we don't have a weapon anymore?" Rickey groaned.

Jack, which seemed to be the name of Rickey's gun happy friend - reminded Y/n of another Jack but this wasn't the time to think about that - huffed, "We've got weapons. May not work on those metal things but..." Y/n tuned them out.

He fell into his memories, escaping this conversation and this world for just a second. He returned to the TARDIS, trying to think of times he and the Doctor had spent laughing or cuddling or eating together and listening to himself and the Doctor tell stories Y/n shouldn't know. Thinking about those stories though, the one Y/n shouldn't know, set off other memories he shouldn't have.

There's a soft breeze. People talk quietly. The sun is warm, but not like on Earth where it's harsh unless it's the morning or evening, when they sun is not completely in the sky yet. It's just a nice warmth, that tickles your skin and fills your insides, like drinking a warm drink on a cold day. Comfortable. I feel a peace. This is my safe place. This is where I go when everything else gets too hard. Too much. This is where I got to be alone. The sun smiles at me, and kisses me on the cheek, and promises to keep me safe.

"You okay, dad?" I turn and there is a child. Young, and small, but not so much that she doesn't recognize the state I'm in. That she can't see that I'm upset.

I smile at her anyway. "Much better now that you're here." She smiles and approaches me. Her hands reach up, but hesitate. "May I?"

Shaking my hand, I reached up and hold her by the wrists to stop her. "You don't want to do that, Darling. It really is nothing. Just having a rough day is all."

Her smile is persistent though. "I don't want to see, silly. I want to show. I've been thinking about a story recently, and I was wondering... could I try and show you? Let you picture it as I do? It might cheer you up. You love stories."

Despite everything, I find myself smiling. "I would love that." She reaches up and takes hold of either side of my face and I relax into her touch as she fills my mind with details of the story she wants me to see.

"Y/n?" He looked over, blinking as he faded away from the best memory he could muster. The Doctor was looking at him, like what he knew what had just happened. Y/n gave him a sheepish wince, but the Doctor shot an understand, sympathetic smile in return. It's okay, he seemed to be saying. "It happened again, hm? You go into memories when you zone out like that don't you?" Y/n nodded. "Well, that's understandable. We're here though. Got to get out and walk. Come on!" Y/n did as he was told, and soon they were walking through the streets of an alternative London, racing against time to save the day.

So, the usual.

Rather suddenly there was a loud beeping sound and people began to stop one by one, only this time they didn't say frozen like before. They turned and began walking in the same direction.

"What's happening?" Rose asked.

"It's the earpods," the Doctor explained. "Lumic's take control."

"Why don't we just take them off?" She asked, starting toward the nearest person.

"Don't," the Doctor commanded, pulling her to a stop. "They're connected to the brain still." He sighed, shaking his head. "The human race. For such a smart lot, you are far too simple. Given the chance, you submit. Sometimes I think you like it. Easy life."

Y/n smirked. "I mean, you can control me anytime you want Doctor. I'd more than just like that."

Before the Doctor could respond - and from the smirk on his face, Y/n got the idea it would be quite the response indeed - Jack called them over. They went to see that it wasn't just the street they were going down. People were coming out of their homes even, all headed the same direction. "Where are they going?" Rose wondered.

"I don't know, Lumic must have a base of operations." The Doctor bit his lip, not pleased with all of the people he couldn't save just yet.

"He's got a factory," Pete told them. "That's where he's been holding a base for ages now. I can take you there, easy."

Rose looked at the crowd, her face sad. "Why is he doing this?"

"He's dying," Pete answered. "This all started out as a way of prolonging life. Keeping the brain alive. Conquering death. At any cost."

"The thing is, I've seen Cybermen before haven't I?" Rose spoke up. "The head? Those handle shapes, in Vanstaten's museum."

"Well yes, there were cybermen in our universe," the Doctor explained. "They started on an ordinary world just like this, then swarmed across the galaxy."

Y/n bit his lip for a second. "If we hadn't come here, do you think they would have won this time? No Timelords to stop them if the TARDIS hadn't pulled us here."

Before the Doctor could say anything, Pete had something to say. "What are you three going on about?"

There was no time to respond though. Rickey stood up, turning around. "Nevermind that. Come on we have to get out of the street. We need to split up. Mrs. Moore, you go that way. Jake, distract them and go right. I'll go left and we'll meet back at Woodlyn street. Move!"

"I'm going with him," Mickey told the Doctor and Rose before giving them a nod and taking off after Rickey, leaving the others to follow Mrs. M as they'd been told. They all ran, the Doctor in the lead, ducking and swerving to avoid those same lines of Cybermen trying to box them in. They turned a corner at one point and ducked behind a bunch of bins, realizing they couldn't win with the running thing. They'd get boxed in just like last time. The Cybermen got close. Too close. So close that Y/n's whole body tensed, as he readied himself to throw his body in the way of his friends. Then the Doctor raised his screwdriver, clicked a button, and the Cybermen turned away like magic.

Then they were gone

Everyone stood and Y/n grabbed the Doctor's face, smacking one on him. "You're a genius, you are."

Light up like a Christmas tree with a grin, the Doctor gave a wink. "Let's be on then." They all took off again, heading to the meet up point.

First came Jack, talking about how much of the city was on the moves. Then, came Mickey. Or, Rickey... Only or, even though it should have been and because they left together. Except now there was only one of them. "Which one are you?" Jack asked.

"I'm sorry." Immediately Y/n realized which one it was. This man was soft and tender. Not as brave or as strong. It was Mickey. For the first time, Y/n realized that he was glad Mickey was the way he was. Rickey was too trigger happy, and too aggressive. Things would have been hell traveling with him. Mickey might be a bit of a coward, but he was a good man and that counted for something. More than he was given credit for. "The cybermen came and I couldn't..."

Jack got suddenly very upset. "Are you Ricky? Are you Ricky?" There was something to his voice that made Y/n sick. It was the same panic he'd heard in his own voice every time he thought he'd lost the Doctor. Oh Jack...

Rose stepped forward. "Mickey that's you, isn't it?"

Reluctantly, Mickey answered, "Yeah." There was a pause and then Rose and Y/n both surged forward to wrap the man in a hug. Everyone seemed surprise to see Y/n do it, but no one said anything about it. If he secretly cared about Mickey and had up until this moment refused to admit it, that was up to him. It absolutely wasn't the case, but even if it was it wasn't anyone else's business alright? Mickey turned to Jack. "He tried, he was running, but there were too many of them."

"Shut it," Jack snapped, turning away.

"There was nothing I could do," he begged Jack to understand.

"I said shut it!" Jack snapped. "Don't even talk about him. You're nothing, you are. Nothing."

Y/n glared at Jack. "Don't talk about him like that."

Again, everyone was too shocked to do much about it, except the Doctor who spoke up in the quiet. "We'll have time to mourn him when London is safe. Until then, we move on."

So they did.

Pete lead the way to the factory he'd mentioned earlier and they stood on a hill, looking at it, trying not to think about how many people were walking to their deaths inside. Y/n stood tall, his hands clenching into fists. "This is horrible," he whispered.

No one responded, just stood in silence and looked at the factory with equally upset looks. After a while the Doctor said, "The whole of London's been sealed off and the entire population's inside that place to be converted." He said the last bit in a mocking tone. It would have made Y/n smile if he hadn't been so angry.

"We've got to get in there and shut it down." Rose's tone was hard. Steely. It fit Y/n's mood perfectly.

"How do we do that?" Mickey asked.'

"Oh I'll think of something," the Doctor drawled in a much lighter tone than everyone else. Y/n forced himself to calm. The Doctor had to have a clear head for stuff like this. He couldn't be boggled down by anger. He didn't express dark, heavy emotions. Once he did, once he released them, they controlled him and drove him too far every time. His strengths was his smarts, and he needed an awake mind for that - being boggled down by red anger wouldn't do any of them any good. Y/n would be the same, if it wasn't for the whole thing with his mum... It didn't stop him from being just a little irritated all the same.

Mickey ruined his anger a bit. "You're just making it up as you go along."

Y/n scoffed, but the sound was too soft. Almost a laugh. "Well yeah. Despite what you think, he's not an all knowing genius. That's what he's got us for. He needs help."

"I do it brilliantly even when I'm alone," the Doctor declared. Y/n shot him a look and the Timelord actually smiled. "I will say, better with friends though. Much better."

Mrs. M pulled their attention over to look something she said could help. She showed them the old schematics of the building. Most importantly: tunnels, underneath the building, that were big enough to move through and could give easy access inside.

The Doctor declared his plan: Under and then up, to the control center.

Pete had his own ideas. "There's another way in. Through the front door." They all looked at him and he continued to explain himself. "If they've taken Jackie for an upgrade, then that's how she'll get in."

"We can't just go strolling up." Jack was getting frustrated, and Y/n could honestly understand.

Mrs. M was a level headed one though, like the Doctor. Unlike him, she was an enabler. "Well we could've. With these," she admitted, reaching into her bag to pull something out. "Fake ear pods. Dead. No signal." Pete took two. "You put them on, the Cybermen would mistake you as one of the crowd."

"Then that's my job," Pete declared.

"You'd have to show no emotion," the Doctor warned. "None at all. Any sign of emotion would give you away."

To Y/n's horror, Rose spoke up. "How many of those are there?"

"Just two sets," Mrs. M responded.

"Okay. If it's the best way of finding Jackie..." She looked at Pete, smiling at him. "I'm coming with ya." She stood to her feet, taking a pair."

"Why does it matter to you?" Pete asked.

"No time," Rose dismissed. "Doctor, I'm going, and that's that."

The Doctor gave her a desperate expression. Y/n felt his insides shrivel. He couldn't lose her now. They'd only just begun. They had so much time. Not yet! He was frozen though, slowed by that damned anger, too focused on all of the emotions he'd felt in one day. He couldn't think of a way to stop her, so what was the point of saying anything at all? "There's really no way to stop you?" The Doctor asked softly, speaking what Y/n was thinking.

"Nope," Rose declared immediately.

"Tell you what," the Doctor sighed. "We can take the ear pods out at the same time. Give people their minds back, so they don't walk into that place like sheep. Jakey boy!" He surged forward and Jake followed.

Y/n turned to Rose. "I can't even go with you. I could... Would you let me take your place?" He asked, quiet and breathless.

Rose smiled, raising a hand up to touch the side of Y/n's face. "I know I'm stubborn and difficult. I know I'm a little muddle a lot of the time. I'm sorry Y/n, for things with your mum. I'm sorry I drove you to do that. But I-"

"Have to," Y/n finished, nodding. "Yeah, I know." He nodded and turned as the Doctor turned back to the group after giving Jack his part of the mission.

"Mrs. Moore! Would you mind accompanying me in the cooling tunnels? Above, below, we can stop the converter machines."

"I would love to," Mrs. Moore responded, shaking the Doctor's hand.

Y/n hesitated, giving Mickey long enough to jump in, "What about me?"

"Mickey," the Doctor realized. Y/n sighed as he realized the man had forgotten Mickey again. "You can, um..."

"What, stay safe? Tag along? Be the tin dog?" Y/n winced at the memory of K-9. Had he been holding onto that ever since then? "No, those days are over. I'm going with Jack.

"I don't need you, idiot," Jack seethed.

"I'M NOT AN IDIOT!" Mickey screamed back. "You got that?" He calmed a little. "I'm offering to help." Jack dismissed him, moving on and allowing it hesitantly. Mickey perked up when he saw Y/n smiling at him. They exchanged nods and then everyone went their separate ways after a few goodbyes, and a good farewell from the Doctor to Mickey. Y/n sort of drifted after the Doctor, realizing he hadn't actually been given a job either. The whole thing with Mickey had distracted from it. Did the Doctor want him to come?

"Aren't you coming?" the Doctor asked Y/n. He nodded, moving again more purposefully. He warmed a little realizing that the Doctor had just assumed immediately that Y/n was coming along with him. The three of them moved toward the head of the tunnel, opening it up and climbing down. The Doctor skipped the last few wrungs so Y/n braced himself and just dropped from the top, landing hard but well. He had learned long ago how to land. "Show off," the Doctor mumbled. Y/n winked.

They were distracted by Mrs. M who mumbled, "It's freezing."

The Doctor looked around. "Any sign of a light switch?"

Like an angel sent from heaven, Mrs. M reached into her bag and pulled out three headlamps. "I've got these. A device for every occasion."

"Ooh," the Doctor cooed as the trio placed the gear on their head, turning it on to light up the tunnel. "Haven't got a hot dog in there have you? I'm starving."

Mrs. M just chuckled but Y/n smirked. "You want want meant-"

"Hush now," the Doctor interrupted. Y/n and Mrs. M both let out a bursting laugh that cut off as they remembered where they were, and that the tunnel echoed.

"Better than what he wanted though," Mrs. M reasoned. "Of all the things to wish for - mechanically recovered meat? Isn't that a bit fitting?"

The Doctor smiled at the irony. "I know, it's the Cyberman of food, but it's tasty." Y/n smirked but didn't say anything - not that it wasn't obvious by the other two's face they knew what he was thinking.

Mrs. M reached in her bag again and pulled out another set of three, but this time they were better than the last if you asked Y/n. "Proper torches," Mrs. M announced proudly.

The Doctor looked down the tunnel, raising his torch. "Let's see where we are." They all nearly had a heart attack when his light hit a a Cyberman, back against the wall. There was another next to the first, and then another and another after the second, stretching to far down the tunnel that they turned a corner and went out of sight. "Already converted, just put on ice," the Doctor whispered. His voice pitched up when he pipped, "Come on." And they did, Mrs. M in between the Doctor who lead, and Y/n who followed behind her. He paused only a second to knock on one of the Cybermen to test if it would react. Nothing. "Let's go slowly," the Doctor decided. "Keep an eye out for trip systems."

Therefore, the journey down the tunnel of seemingly endless Cyberman began.

Eventually the silence got unbearable. Y/n began humming, trying to keep his mind distracted from the fear in his body. He liked fear, it came him ready and awake. It was good for running and dodging. Not, one would say, walking slowly down a dark tunnel with countless machines that could kill you with one touch. Y/n tried to keep them countless too. He forced himself not to count each and every one he walked by. Tried not to think about how many people had been killed so that metal murder machine could be there now. He tried to channel that fear that was so useful when he had to move fast and be smart, into forcing himself to stay slow and occupied.

Mrs. M wasn't a fan. "Could you not?"

Y/n did stop, because he was always about what other people needed more than anything, but he quickly got antsy. He found out pretty soon that he had been subconsciously counting the machines, and the tally picked up in his head the second he wasn't distracted with trying to think of what tune to hum next. So, he busied himself with a different sense, planting his free hand along the wall that wasn't lined with Cybermen, focusing on the feel of the stone to reorient his mind instead. Mrs. M grunted and Y/n offered a terse, "I can't sit in silence. Not like this."

Before Mrs. M could shoot something back, the Doctor piped up. "How did you get into this, then?" For a second Y/n thought the Doctor meant him, but then he clarified, "Rattling along with the Preachers I mean. I know your story Y/n."

Mrs. M sighed. "Oh, I used to be ordinary."

"As we all did," Y/n sympathized, nodding his head.

He instantly worried she might take offense as he had technically interrupted her, but she just nodded. "Indeed. I even worked at Cybus Industries, back then. 9-5." Her voice changed, and Y/n realized she was recalling that past with a sort of bittersweet wistfulness that dropped into relief. "Until one day, I find something I'm not supposed to. A file on the mainframe. All I did was read it." That made Y/n chuckle a bit. That is how it always started, wasn't it? One accident. One moment that you made a decision to answer a question you had, a curiosity that was bugging at you, and then everything changed. "Then suddenly I've got men with guns knocking in the middle of the night. A life on the run. Then I found the Preachers. They needed a techie, so I just sat down and taught myself everything."

"What about Mr. Moore?" the Doctor asked, taking Y/n by surprise. Though... he shouldn't have been surprised, thinking about it. The Doctor might pretend not to care or think of those things, but that's probably what mattered to him most. Having love and a home and a family. Something he'd never get, really. Not as the last Timelord. Not with Y/n, or anyone else anymore.

Mrs. M spoke, pulling Y/n from his thoughts. "Well he's not called Moore. I got that from a book, Mrs. Moore." The Doctor and Y/n both shot her a look and she returned a soft, amused smile. "It's safer not to use real names. But he thinks I'm dead. It was the only way to keep him safe. Him and the kids."

Y/n's heart broke at that. "I can't imagine that. I'm sorry."

"Oh it's fine," Mrs. M dismissed. "Anyway, what about you two? Any family, or...?"

"Oh who needs family?" the Doctor scoffed, putting on the same front he always did when people got too close to things that hurt too much to talk about. Y/n grew quiet, thinking about how his own response probably would have been something similar. "I've got the whole world on my side."

Mrs. M nodded. "And you, Y/n?"

Having had the realization of him similarness to the Doctor, Y/n didn't make the same move. They might have a similar backstory, but Y/n didn't have to act the same about it. "I had one, once. Not- not really much of a family, even then. Very small, and quite broken." He was silent for a moment. "They're gone now. All of them." He shook his head. "Look at me getting all sad and sentimental." He sighed. "What's your real name, Mrs. Moore?"

She hesitated a moment. "Angela Price." There was a hesitation. "Don't you dare tell a soul."

"Not a word," the Doctor vowed.

After a few seconds, Y/n started humming again. This time, Mrs. Prince didn't give him lip for it.

Thought, it could have been because of her mild panic over something else. "Doctor," she breathed urgently, jumping forward, closer to the Timelord. "Did that one just move?" Y/n looked over her head to see the arm of one of the Cybermen bent, where they'd all been stood at attention, limbs straight and ready to be activated.

"It's just the torchlight," the Doctor whispered.

"No way," Y/n argued. "That arm is bent. None of them were bent." As if in response to him, the same Cybermen turned to look at Y/n, its body beginning to turn and take up more of the hallway, making it harder to pass.

That kicked the Doctor into action. "They're waking up. RUN!" They all took off, going as fast as their legs could carry them. They made it to the end of the tunnel that echoed with the sound of hundreds of marching men and the sonic screwdriver working at hyper speed to unlock the lid. Y/n knew it was too late when the lid was finally removed, Mrs. Price's voice mixing with all the others sounds as she began to panic and rush.

The Doctor made it out, and then Mrs. Price. Y/n was only halfway up the ladder when his ankle was grabbed and he was ripped off the ladder and onto the ground. His name was screamed. There was the sound of electricity and pain shot up Y/n's body, like earlier with his mum, except this time he wasn't held mute by shock.

He screamed.

"Close it, it's too late!" the Doctor instructed. The lid fell back into place and the sonic screwdriver sounded, muffled this time by the metal.

The tunnel went silent.

Only for a moment though. Realizing the path up the ladder was sealed, the Cybermen moved back down the tunnel and out of sight, their footsteps fading into the distance. When he was sure they were gone, Y/n pushed himself to his feet, shaking off the pain he'd felt moments ago. He climbed the ladder and knocked three times on the metal hatch. There was a second where Y/n thought they'd maybe left him behind. Perhaps the Doctor thought he'd be fine on his own. The risk was too great. They didn't know if the Cybermen would even leave. Perhaps they'd left him.

Then there was the wonderful sound of the sonic screwdriver, and the lid lifted. Y/n scrambled out of the hole and the Doctor replaced the lid. Once finished, the Doctor turned and pulled Y/n to his feet, hugging him tightly. "I have to stop worrying you like this," Y/n joked weakly.

"I wasn't worried," the Doctor reassured. "It's just nice to see you okay. Even though I knew I just... I like seeing you okay."

Y/n smiled softly. The moment wasn't to last though, because Mrs. Price was not satisfied with what had just happened. "I'm sorry what the bloody hell was that?"

Pulling away from the Doctor's embrace - as much as he didn't want to - Y/n turned to her with a sheepish smile. "Long story but in short terms, he's an alien and I can't die. Get the confusion out now."

Mrs. Price glared at Y/n. "Don't lie to me."

Y/n nodded. "Fair enough. You wouldn't believe the truth then." Mrs. P went to argue but Y/n held up a hand. "No time for explanation, especially with how much it's take to get you to believe us. Let's just go and we can tell you about it later." Mrs. Price hesitated but then nodded, letting it go for now.

They began walking further into the factory to get to their goal and stop the converter machines, but were stopped by yet another Cyberman. "You have not been upgraded."

Quite impressively, Mrs. Price stepped forward, reaching into her bag like Marry Poppins. "Upgrade this," she spat, and threw a small rectangular device at the thing. It stuck to the Cyberman's check and went off, spirals of electricity shooting out and across the metal body. The Cyberman collapsed, unresponding.

Amazed, the Doctor breathlessly asked, "What the hell was that thing?"

"Electromagnetic bomb," Mrs. Price answered. "Takes out computers; I figured it might stop a Cyber suit."

"Well, you figured right," the Doctor complimented.

"He doesn't say that often," Y/n pointed out. "Enjoy it while you can."

"Let's have a look. Know your enemy," the Doctor continued in a rush. He didn't like to admit that he wasn't goo enough about recognizing other people's smarts. To be fair, practically no one could measure up to his intelligence, so it only made sense to Y/n that with such an example as himself everyone else seemed rather plain. Y/n pushed that thought away, reminding himself the Doctor thought no one plain or small. He had always looked at humans and seen a wonder. It's why he was so confused by their occasional stupidity.

The Doctor took out his screwdriver, kneeling next to the Cyberman. He ran the tool along the circle in the middle of the Cyberman's chest. "The other ones didn't have that logo," Y/n noticed softly.

"Different than these ones," the Doctor reminded. "Not much different, but it can be said that Lumic doesn't seem the man to turn down the opportunity to slap his name on anything and everything he can. Even humanity... he's shoved them in metal suits, taken away their hearts and turned them into a brand."

Y/n glared. "What kind of person can be okay with that, just to keep himself alive?"

"Worst of humanity," the Doctor mumbled as he pulled off the front plate finally. "Just as bad as the best is good, which is saying quite good. Humanity is cool that way." He changed the subject, flipping the lid over and showing the wiring on the back. "Heart of steel," he told the other two, as if guiding them through the build. "But look." He reached into the inside of the Cyberman, pulling out stringy bits that were so thin and white they were almost see through."

Mrs. Price looked at the Doctor with a gloomy expression. "Is that flesh?"

The Doctor hummed. "Central nervous system." He put the bits back inside. "Artificially grown then threaded through the suit so it responds like a living thing. Well- it is a living thing." He looked deeper and leaned closer. "Ooh, but look." His finger rested against a sort of square hard drive looking thing that was stuck into the top of the chest. "Emotional inhibitor. Stops them feeling anything."

That made Mrs. Price jerk. "But, why?"

Returning to looking at the two humans, and not the metal thing that used to be, the Doctor began to explain, "Still got a human brain. Imagine its reaction if it could see itself. Realize itself inside this thing. It would go insane."

Y/n rose a hand to cover his mouth. Not because he was crying, but because he was so disgusted on how the understanding had come to him so easily. How he had forgotten what it was like to not understand, and not see. What it was like to look and for once not know what was going on. How it had gone through his mind for a second and he hadn't wept or screamed or ached, but simply acknowledged until the Doctor had said that last bit out loud. As if understanding, the Doctor reached over and placed his free hand on Y/n's shoulder.

"So they cut out the one thing that makes them human," Mrs. Price realized softly.

"Because they have to," the Doctor confirmed, leaning away from the machine with a dark expression.

To the group's horror, the Cyberman spoke. "Why. Am I cold?" The voice was still electronic and processed, but it was hesitant. Broken. Slow wit a pause between each word. Unsure, Y/n realized.

"Oh my god it's alive." Mrs. Price leaned away. After what the Doctor had just said-

"It can feel," Y/n whispered, his voice full of regret and pain as his hand dropped to rest on the metal chest of the poor creature.

"We broke the inhibitor." The Doctor leaned close, trying to be in the Cyberman's line of sight. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The machine didn't respond to that. Instead it repeated, "Why so cold?"

Skipping past that question, the Doctor asked instead, "Can you remember your name."

"Sally." It seemed to have begun to struggle with each syllable, like speaking was hard. Y/n's head was filled with a woman's face, eyes blinking as her head swam and she stumbled, words fumbling as she tried to orient herself and understand what was happening in all the sudden confusion she felt out of nowhere. "Sally Phelan."

"You're a woman," Mrs. Price realized aloud.

"Where's Garret?"

Suddenly, a man's face. His features were so clear it was like Y/n was seeing him in person. Or, had at one point. He was smiling, his arms open for a hug, his head tilted endearingly. "Not far." Y/n winced as he answered, knowing he was right even though he didn't know why or how.

"He can't see me," Susan suddenly insisted. It was still slow, like she was half asleep, but Y/n could somehow see the expression that would have been on her face had she still been able to make it. Nearly hear the inflections in her voice, had she still been able to expression such things. "It's unlucky the night before."

Y/n closed his eyes, turning away. His rose his hand to his head, feeling a sudden painful pressure behind his skull. There was a thrumming and pulsing and then a hand on his shoulder, but this hand was smaller than a Cyberman's. Softer and warmer. He looked over to see Mrs. Price, who had a concerned expression on her face. Y/n saw a glint of silver behind her as she went to stand, about to encourage Y/n to do the same. But it was all too late. Mrs. Price's shoulder planted immediately into the waiting hand of a Cyberman and her body was covered in those coils of electricity, and she fell, dead.

"No, you didn't have to kill her!" The Doctor wailed, face full of pain as he shot to his feet.

"Binary vascular system detected," the Cyberman answered without a hint of regret. It looked at Y/n, who stood next to the Doctor, taking his hand silently. "I have seen you die. You have died twice now, we have killed you. Yet you live. You are both unknown upgrades. You will be taken for analysis. There were three Cybermen in total, around them, and they began marching. The two men had no chance to grab Mrs. Price's body, and even if they had what was the point?

So, they left her and they marched to whatever was next.

The walk was silent and grim. They were directed to what seemed to be Central Control. They turned the corner to see familiar faces, and to vent his heavy heart the Doctor drawled, "I've been captured! But don't worry, Rose and Pete are still out there." His voice was laced in sarcasm as he and Y/n approached the two previously mentioned, who should be far from where they were now. "Oh well never mind." He shook his head, making it clear he was only teasing. "Are you okay?" He asked Rose.

"Yeah," she offered, but her face said differently. Her eyes drifted to Y/n then shot away very quickly, her face twisting with pain. He felt his own features contort with confusion. What had she seen to upset her so much, and why was there the sense it had something to do with Y/n? "But they got Jackie," she continued. "And..." she hesitated, before deciding to continue. "Y/n, I met your other half. In this world. Um, I know... why your mum said you were missing."

There was something horrible about that. "How did you know it was me?"

"Your mum was... in line. After we were identified, I tried to save her but... then this other Cyberman came up. Said he was her son. He said-" She cut off, but Y/n looked at her earnestly. Despite everything, he had to know. "She's been rejected for upgrading. They... they put her in the incinerator."

Y/n looked at the ground. "I'm sorry about Jackie."

Rose didn't seem sure how to respond to that. Didn't know if Y/n was mad at her for telling him about this universe's Y/n and his mum. Pete responded for her. "We were too late," he lamented. It was more fitting than saying nothing, or dismissing it as okay when it so very much wasn't At first Y/n worried Pete blamed himself but then he added, "Lumic killed her," and it was immediately clear his anger was not self directed.

The Doctor took charge there. "And where is the famous Mr. Lumic?" He demanded, turning around the room, looking for the man they'd all heard so much about but had not had the chance to see. "Don't we get the chance to meet our lord and master?"

One of the Cybermen stepped forward. "He has been upgraded."

"So he's just like you?" The Doctor's voice had dropped to a deadpan.

"He is superior," the Cyberman corrected. "The Lumic unit has been designated Cybercontroller."

This memory came sudden and without warning. Y/n's vision was wiped and he was seeing something else.

"Oh come on love, you can't expect me to be able to control everything."

"You can make it snow but you can't turn the heating down a little in your own ship?"

Immediately he knew something was wrong. Because that was his own voice, coming from where he was speaking now. He was himself... but he didn't know this memory. He was talking to a man as well that he didn't recognize. The man had longer hair than the Doctor's. A bit floppier. His chin was broad, his shoulders wider. His eyes were darker, not in color but in age, like he'd seen more. Lived longer. That thought occurred to Y/n because the Doctor was the one man who had the eyes of one who had lived so long that it was impossible anyone had reached further back. Had seen more. Had been through enough to even come close to that depth and age and darkness. Yet this man... surpassed that easily. And all with a smile, tottering around in a tweed jacket and a bow tie.

Y/n moved closer to the man, reaching out and running a hand along his jaw. "I miss when you wore a proper tie. I can't pull on this thing like I used to."

The man blushed. "Well, bow ties are cool. Had to switch it out no choice. I've got to look cool now, don't I?"

"Of course you do." And then they kissed, and Y/n thrown back into the present with confusion as to what the hell he'd just seen, and also tripping over himself internally to try and catch himself up to what he'd just missed, because they were mid conversation and Y/n had not a single clue what was going on in his head or out of it.

The Doctor was rambling, going on and on about how someone could do something to stop Lumic. Speaking in generals, and talking on and on and getting rather specific. Y/n saw him look several times in the same spot and followed the Doctor's eyes to see a camera. What... was going on? His brain was processing too slowly, understanding what was being said a second after it had been said. And with how much the Doctor was saying and how fast he was saying it, Y/n just couldn't keep up.

He closed his eyes, raising his hands to knees the base of his palms against his eyelids, trying to massage away the tension building mildly behind his skull. It began to fade and his mind began to right as Rose spoke up. "It's for you," she said.

"Like this," the Doctor responded, catching the phone as she threw it to him and plugging it into a port in the desk. And Y/n didn't have time to understand because suddenly he was full of agony. Not physical pain, but an internal poison that coursed through his blood and seeped into his muscle and shelled around his bone. Searing torture of a million minds screaming out all at once as they realized what they were. What had happened to them. A human, cold, surrounded by the dark, realizing they'd been ripped from their body and shoved into a machine. And it hurt. Oh, it hurt so much. IT HURT.

Y/n's knees gave out and he bent forward, pressing his forehead to the cold ground to seek some reprieve from the boiling heat just under his skin and the pain bouncing around in his head. He screamed and screamed and heard nothing else until finally the pressure faded and lessened and eased enough for his vision to clear. To his surprise, they'd moved. His hands had been pried off his head and he had been forced to his feet. It seemed he'd been dragged by Rose and the Doctor, who each had one of his arms around their shoulders. He was sure he'd been screaming, but it seemed that he had instead just woken up from knocking out cold entirely.

"I'm sorry Y/n I don't know what's happening but this building is collapsing and I don't know how far your immortality goes. Please come round, we have to climb this ladder and I can't carry you any further," the Doctor was begging. "PLEASE Y/N!"

Y/n forced his feet underneath him, standing shakily on his own. He nodded wordlessly, feeling dizzy and lightheaded. The Doctor and Rose shared terrified expressions but climbed the ladder anyway. Pete has already gone up and Rose was next. "Go," Y/n told the Doctor.

"No." The Doctor had the same look as when Rose had set her mind to going with Pete to save Jackie, and Y/n knew he didn't have energy to put to waste, so he just climbed. It was painful and draining and he almost stopped with no room for the Doctor, but Rose called his name and he forced himself to take a few more steps further up the swaying ladder. The Doctor got on and the balloon lifted off. Everything else faded as Y/n closed his eyes, resting his forehead against he stung by his face, focusing all his might on keeping on the ladder.

Finally, there was an electronic scream, and then everything else faded into silence. Y/n realized what he couldn't before. His mind had been full of faces. Hundreds and hundreds - maybe millions - of faces. All crying out. All horrified as they realized they were no longer human. No longer in their bodies. The same feeling that he had sensed in Sally in the hallway with Angela Price and the Doctor. That same sensation, but on such an astoundingly larger scale that it had mushed together in pure agony, blinding him and knocking him unconscious because Y/n was only human. He could handle memory, but the first hand shared pains of so many? He couldn't handle that.

When they landed, Y/n didn't y'all to anyone. He looked away from them until they backed off and then he shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way to the TARDIS, far ahead of the others. The wind whipped around him and the cold seeped into his skin like London air always did at night, and he aches for the lives lost. He mourned all of the faces that were in his head now. All the lives lost. All of those voices calling out for him, pleading for mercy. For reprieve. Begging for safety and release from the terrible thing eating them up slowly, starting at the edges and working it's way to their core, consuming every detail of them.

Finally, Y/n understood what the Doctor felt watching Gallifrey buen and fall. He didn't just see it, but he felt it. He internalized it and his heart throbbed with an understanding he wished he wasn't capable of. Far, far too many lives lost because one man was incapable of stopping it all from crumbling to the ground.

When he got to the TARDIS, he surged inside to his room, this time refusing to answer the door when several people knocked. The TARDIS light up again, alive and thrumming, and Y/n felt something course through him that was both new and so very familiar. Like the feeling of the weight of your hair, but only noticing after you cut it. Something that had been there for ages but only now he was seeing and recognizing. A warmth spread through his whole body and he heard a voice, clear as day in his head.

“I’m sorry.”

For some reason, Y/n wasn’t afraid. That wasn’t much of a mystery either though. Even though it made no sense and should be impossible and he should be shocked and confused and maybe even worried, he knew who was speaking to him, and he was okay with it. “It’s okay,” he mumbled, suddenly exhausted. “I forgive you.”

The walls of the TARDIS thrummed and Y/n knew she understood he was telling the truth.

“You need to let them in.”

Y/n looked at his lap. “I can’t, don’t you understand? I-” He squeezed his eyes tight, and he felt the feeling of sadness and regret, but not from him. What he felt was so, so much deeper than just sadness. It was... emptiness. Deep and eroding, like it was wrapping him in a darkness so deep he couldn’t tell the difference between his eyes being closed or open. So dark he couldn’t see his hand even if it touched his face. Like that, but a feeling. A feeling that seemed to change the world, sapping all of the color and muting all the sound, like it was far away. In the distance. Out of reach. He saw all those faces as they filtered through his mind. and he wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. But all he could do was limply stare at his lap and feel emotions that threatened to destroy him. “How can I explain?” It was hard to speak, to think enough past the numbness that seemed to be very quickly making it hard to do anything.

“They’ll understand.”

Instead of opening the door, Y/n just sat there. Suddenly there was a click and the door opened slowly, and Y/n turned slowly to see that the TARDIS had unlocked the door herself. “No,” Y/n moaned. “No!”

“Y/n?” Came from down the hall. “Rose, the door is opened!”

“NO!” Y/n screamed, curling away from the door and pulling a pillow off the bed to cover his face. He curled into himself, his body coiled impossibly rigid.

Despite his protest, he knew that the Doctor and Rose were in the room with him. Rose sat next to him on the bed, the Doctor kneeling in front of him. “Please,” Rose begged, sounding as if she was already crying. “I watched too many people I care about die today. I lost Mickey, and my dad... Please don’t shut me out Y/n. I can’t care it.”

“And it’s always about what you can handle, isn’t it Rose?” Y/n shoved the pillow away from him, turning to her with empty anger in his eyes. There was no life or fire behind it, and it was that which hurt far more than what he’d said.

The Doctor grabbed either side of Y/n’s face to force their eyes to meet. The Doctor searched Y/n’s face, then closed his eyes and began to search Y/n’s memories. He gasped, jerking back and letting his hands drop as he stepped back. “That’s impossible.”

“What?” Rose rushed. “What’s going on?”

Y/n sighed, rubbing his forehead. “The TARDIS... when you brought me back that day, the TARDIS was using you to do it. She was trying to create something specific. I don’t get it, but she... she put things into me that should destroy me, but because I’m immortal, it doesn’t. She put a piece of herself into my construct. It’s why I can see the Doctor’s past. She can see all of time and space, of course she could look into a person’s past and recognize it. She knows what happens, everywhere, always, at all times. She knows everything, and everyone, and she’s put the tiniest piece of that in me. But she wasn’t in complete control, because she was working through you. So she didn’t just give me pieces of the Doctor, she implanted chunks of him inside of me. Not like... I can’t understand half of what I see sometimes, but I can see everything. I can sometimes everyone. Or, sort of. On a smaller scale. A mass of people. If the Doctor is connected to someone, say, Cybermen... if his pain was similar enough to them, those pieces of him and the pieces of the TARDIS inside of me merge together, and I can see them. I can see them as they go insane, crumbling under a pressure so great that they combust and explode and crumble. Imagine that - an emotional so great for one person that it makes the wires they’re made of blow and they self destruct. Now imagine that in the thousands, in the millions. All compounded and shoved into one body. One mind. One soul. Imagine the loss that person would feel when it was suddenly silent. When they were suddenly alone, empty, and could feel the loss of all of those people on an individual level. Could see their faces, and knew their personalities. To have them erased in the most violent way... emotional and mental destruction. Going insane to death.

Rose covered her mouth. “Oh my god.”

The Doctor moved closer. “I... can take it away.” There was so much pain in his voice. An aching as he faced a goodbye he couldn’t handle.

Y/n caught his wrist, stopping him. “When I agreed to be your companion, I knew the risks. I knew that this life could kill me. Or worse. I could be suspended forever in every single disease in the entire universe and locked away, sick and in pain, forced to die slowly. I could get shoved into a metal suit with my soul stripped away, turning more people into things just like me. I could be one of the empty children, forever searching for my mummy, y skin replaced with leather and incapable of dying, but far, FAR from human. Lost. Floating. Nothing. I saw it time and time again, and even fell at the feet of a fate far worse than death several times. I was ripped apart by a werewolf after the throne and put back together again because my life has been cemented in time to withstand anything, always. A fixed point. And I choose that life, Doctor. I choose unfathomable pain and loss and heartbreak. I choose emptiness and darkness and a void of emotion that threatens to consume me. I accept being impossible, and the incredible weight it will put on me forever because it hurts - GOD, it hurts - but it will never kill me as it should, because I’m only some mortal human.”

The Doctor looked like he was about to cry. “Why?” He demanded softly.

Y/n didn’t answer with words. He stepped forward, grabbing the Doctor by the back of the neck and pulling him into a kiss. A kiss that was infused with so much deep, resounding love that it made the Doctor shiver. When they parted, their foreheads rested together and they breathed quickly to catch up on all the air their lungs were demanding. “I can’t die, and I refuse to be lost. Without me, you will always end up alone. There will always be a time when you look around, and there will be no one to look to. You will lose everything you care about. Everyone you hold dear. And the TARDIS saw that and rebelled, because it’s too much pain, too much loneliness, to expect just one person to carry. You won’t ever bare the weight of the universe on your shoulders alone, Doctor. Not ever again. Not as long as you let me be here to help you. I will stay by your side until you tell me to go, and no one but you will remove me from that spot. Not pain. Not hope or happiness or dreams come true. There is nothing that can take me away but you.”

The Doctor melted, his shoulders sagging and his facial expression fracturing into part pain, part relief. The look of a man who had been on his own for far too long and was finally accepting that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance to start over again. “You would do that for me?”

Rose stood, raising a hand to stroke the side of his face. “You do it for us. Its our honor to lessen that burden. To return the favor.”

He rested his forehead on Y/n’s chest. “Please don’t go. Don’t ever go.”

“Never,” Y/n promised. “I promise.”

Story Tag List: @shoochi @e-reads-fics

Male Reader Tag List: @sheepfather

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strawberrybabydog · 3 years

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My ideal death plan is to be given a natural burial with a nice headstone that says 'you are now as I once was' and let the reader work out the rest. But realistically it'll just be whatever my family at the time wants or can afford. Also snails are adorable, and smelling through your eyes can be cute if you do enough mental gymnastics. I have actually seen the video you mentioned and it was very sad, also human taxidermy is just really a bad idea. Jeremy Bentham did his best but yikes on a trike. -Jiggly

☆bentham's head☆ i meeeaan, if bones is taxidermy in animals, it could technically be in humans as well... maybe bentham is... technically... taxidermied. id say same goes for mummification tbh. if taxidermy and modern embaling are preservation, where is the line? /rhetorical. but yeah its... a really bad idea. i'd go to say rosalia lombardo's corpse may be human taxidermy because of how beautifully shes preserved tbh, but... shes the only one. i wonder if you could embalm someone in resin lol. i mean, ice doesnt melt when its in resin so eh lololol!!

i love your headstone idea. my favourite headstone is a hello kitty one which says something like "beloved friend, sister, and lolita" and i love that! but i likely wont be buried (yknow, water cremation is super cool and so much more eco friendly!!) - epic doggy galaxy brain thought: a headstone which cites me as a dog? being buried in a pet cemetary?? BIG BRAIN!!

#death #death mention #mummy mention #jiggly anon

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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just had a thought also along the lines of like, what do you feel being autistic is conducive towards / makes easier for you, adding the baja galaxy brain blast i had here like "oh right, the linguistics thing" lmao....b/c that's always been something i like Immediately latch on to and have had some intent Interest in forever, i've been enthused about Language Learning (despite only knowing one language lol), translation, interpretation, transcription, and transliteration are all Really interesting and/or engaging 2 me, i'm big on etymology and always get struck like where tf does this word come from, or like, Figurative Language equivalent of etymology lol like where's this phrase come from actually, or i'll be like "oh i only really know the definition of this word via Context Clues, i wanna look up the definition directly / figure out what differentiates it from close synonyms," i think reading a dictionary is fairly fun, i'll like, find some very particular / strange Word and try to memorize it like, on principle lol, i'm big on Puns and Wordplay lmao i find puns genuinely funny i do not understand the experience of disliking them in the least, and it occurs to me how yknow, i think being autistic you're used to needing to try to figure out how to translate what you're saying / what you Mean for other people, and to translate what they mean for yourself, where, you know, nt people might recognize like "oh the classic Irl Experience and Fictional Theme of Misunderstandings / Miscommunication / Incorrect Assumptions / etc" but are out here not realizing they're Misinterpreting you in the first place, so you say something and they don't get it and don't realize they don't get it and instead dismiss whatever you said entirely, probably also You by extension. like when it comes to Talking, it feels like the rarest thing of all is for someone to like, realize they maybe don't understand what you meant / aren't interpreting something in a way that makes sense to them here and will like, let you know so you can try to clarify / Translate what you're thinking in a different way......and like, always preemptively defensive about things, With Obvious Reason, like i'm really interested in breaking things down re: language and stuff but it's like Ah, autistic people Would be interested in the nitty gritty mechanics and Rules and miss the transcendent forest for the cold, reductive trees, like well you know what i also am super interested in how the Limits and Ambiguities of Translation are navigated, where there might be different approaches in trying to minimize interpretation and maintain fidelity, or that also there might not be some "correct" or "objective" translation of an idea or element and you do have to Interpret it and its context and end up with a less literal translation or, you know, that there isn't that available Literal translation and you have to convey the equivalent idea within the context of whatever target language and/or culture you're translating for......when there's some figure of speech being translated, i definitely want to know How and Why it's translated like it is, but i also want to know the literal translation lol. well the point is i'm big on Translating and it's like well yep i guess in a way i have to consider it all the time lmao, i do not expect people to always Get what i mean and god knows i don't always get what their secret implications or contexts are, and i'm having to try to break it down and reverse engineer it, and you know. i also think about my particular like, personal vocabulary tendencies or whatever, i sure absorb things lmao like well that phrase or quote is kind of in my lexicon now, for some reason i do like to drop like, specific french words or phrases or when i just choose something to spell as if in french syllables lol, i do not know french at all.....i will make up my own custom figures of speech lmao......i've got my "words of the week" like aha i just used some particular word / remembered how good it is and i can tell i'm gonna be using it a bunch now, or words i

just always especially use like "conducive," i suppose even language things like when i start an alphabet list but almost every time this was only to separate two ideas / parts so it's just a) b) the end

#sorry for the block of text it's Been 6am i cranked it out #still took a minute but editing would take even longer. as though i edit anything i ever say #but again it's 6am so whatever's going on here.....extra chaos #just was thrilled to look up ''why both catsup and ketchup'' and learn it's b/c it's a transliteration #i forget things i'm v interested in like ohh yeahhh i guess my whole life i've been big on linguistics or whatever #i also feel my Math Passion fire up....bit into physics as well. alternate timeline particle physicist me or smthing #quant.......um #but then i also like animals. jot that down #wow wasnt even thinking about it like ‘’nice; the The End works two ways’’ like the Wordplay again lol #why im saying this yet am ‘’im completely incoherent ive never articulated a single thing in my life’’ Well lmao #part of it is im trying to Transcribe my thoughts in ways where it’s like #oops i forgot that maybe this wouldnt read back v comprehensibly lol #was trying to evoke whatever particular maybe vibe or cadence or something but forgot that when im writing down like #‘’okay so i shift from one line of thought midsentence to another with No indication of this’’ lmao like hmm. maybe a comma or semicolon or #Something here bc otherwise of course someone’s not gonna know to read it some certain weird way #had to edit a tag on a prior post like that lmao like nobody’s gonna read it and be able to interpret how you meant it #while sometimes I gotta decode my own writing too lol. rip

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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June 25: 2x24 The Ultimate Computer

Belated notes on my watch of The Ultimate Computer yesterday.

Kirk’s definitely in Captain Mode today. You can tell when he’s on edge and suspicious and serious.

Yet another old Kirk friend. Does he know everyone in Starfleet?

War games lol. But it’s “not the military.”

Spock is super into this computer.

A-7 Computer Expert Certification.

The crew’s not needed? Wow, okay, this is going to end badly.

“This gadget.” How do you really feel, Kirk?

And there’s Spock literally making faces behind the Commodore’s back. He is soooo that type. He’s like “Jim, are you hearing this? Can you believe this guy?”

I’m insulted on Kirk’s behalf right now. Replacing people with machines so blithely is offensive.

Of course Bones doesn’t like it.

Oh yeah triumvirate walking scene. I love them. it takes so little for me to think ‘what badasses.’ S2 is really stepping up this dynamic in particular.

And Spock is comfortable enough around Bones to be sassy around him

Oh no, the computer is already glitching, and there is no backup and no plan B.... Bones is completely right in his assessment. This is essentially a Titanic situation: way too much hubris involved. Nothing can go wrong so nothing will go wrong so we’ve planned for nothing going wrong!

McCoy has BFF Clearance. He can go wherever he wants.

“It’s the M-5? What happened to Ms 1-4?” Channel #5.

Ahhhh little gratuitous touch to Spock’s arm. They’re In Love.

“There are certain things men must do to remain men.”

“The right computer finally came along.” Damn Bones.

Jim’s suspicions about the computer coming right after that line make it look like he’s jealous that Spock likes it so much.

He’s getting a “red alert right here.” Computers don’t have that kind of intuition.

Jim’s so thoughtful and self-aware. He really cares both about his instincts and about interrogating those instincts for bias and unreasonableness. This is giving me real S1 vibes: the quiet, intelligent, idealized hero Captain at the fore.

This whole scene is perfect, eminently quotable, and sounds exactly like something that could have been written about automation in 2021. You’re okay with it when it’s happening to someone else but then the computer comes for YOUR job....

Uh-h, M-5 is turning off all the lights...

Space merchant marines... good to know.

HOW are the Captain and CMO “non-essential personnel”? The first sign that M-5 is illogical. They should bring some doctor on the landing party mission given that uh humans are going on it and might get injured.

Anyway I can’t wait for Kirk to destroy this bitch and save the day.

Lol it turned off the lights on Bones in sickbay.

Damn, now it’s trying to take Uhura’s job too!

Chekov is so bored.

Spock wants to serve under one man and one man ONLY. Loyalty to one man... sounds like a wedding vow... and Kirk looks so soft...

So, if Spock has to describe to McCoy what that (unnecessary bitchy and catty) “Captain Dunsel” remark means, by saying that it’s a phrase that “midshipmen use at Starfleet Academy,” is this to imply Bones didn’t go to Starfleet Academy?

He’s never felt so at odds with the ship.... a lover’s quarrel...she’s cheating on him with another man...

Jim Kirk, certified Poetry Nerd. He’s such a romantic.

So glad Bones got him a drink so he can return to the bridge and a possible emergency with just a little bit of a buzz going.

Spock in the chair...

Huh, an automated ship with no crew. Interesting concept.

Oh no M-5! She’s got control of the ship and she won’t let go!

Kirk’s face when Enterprise attacks.. the betrayal... his beautiful lady used for mindless destruction.

“Only a robot” ship--! Bones is insulted.

Kirk orders the computer turned off but we’re only halfway through the ep so...

....And the computer is sentient now.

That was the shortest Captain’s Log ever. “The computer has taken over the ship the end.”

Scotty’s like, “...Well what if we just unplug it?”

Okay so now they only have 19 crew.

Spock and Bones are on point today. “Don’t say it’s fascinating.” / “I won’t. But it is... interesting.” This bitch knows exactly what he’s doing.

The computer isn’t a child, guys!

We need powerful computers “so men don’t have to die in space”--like uh that man your computer literally just killed?

I don’t get Daystrom’s logic at all. He talks as if people, like, needed to do work in space, to survive or something. We don’t need to. We want to! We want to go out and meet cool aliens! This guy is no fun.

What is the thing “greater” than fact finding in space that the robots are going to free us to do? Like what is more impressive than SPACE? I don’t even get that.

Time to mix up fake sci fi world-building references with real references! The Nobel and Zee-Magnee Prizes. Sitar of Vulcan.

A theory emerges... the computer acts illogically...Daystrom won’t let Spock near it... I know this isn’t where this is going, but it kind of sounds like they’re implying it’s a scam, lol. He sold an idea he didn’t have so it’s like.. not a real computer.

Spock’s little protege, Chekov.

“We have been pursuing a wild goose.” Aw, bb’s trying so hard to be colloquial. (Also he 100% learned that phrase from McCoy in The Gamesters of Triskellion and now he’s trying it out on Kirk...when McCoy isn’t around.)

“Not to offend you by using the h-word, but... could it be... human?”

Kirk’s really mad at Daystrom now.

The Commodore really set up that dramatic turn to camera there.

Poor Kirk. His ship is being used for evil.

“They can’t destroy the ship, what would happen to the computer?!” Yes, the computer. And the other 19 people and himself but mostly the computer. Daystrom really has lost it.

I love the actor who plays him, though.

“You are great. I am great.” Nothing weird happening here.

Spirk attack! (Spork it out.)

Spock’s way too sure Commodore Wesley is about to die. “He was decent, it’s a shame the ship I’m on is gonna kill him.”

And now another round of Kirk versus the computer and Kirk’s logic wins.

M-5 should argue that it did not commit murder, it committed homicide in self-defense. But then Daystrom didn’t program it with a lawyer’s brain.

It’s uh just gonna leave? Not turn the lights back on?

Kirk is so smart! I know I say this all the time, but it’s true! He knew what to do to save the ship because he knew Bob Wesley. He had formed connections, he had experience and knowledge that doesn’t come from logic. He is not replaceable!

McCoy’s like “Spock, fight me. Debate me Spock. Fight me. I’ll be fun.”

Spock HAS answered the computers versus humans question--he likes humans. He wants to be surrounded by humans.

That was really good! One of the better S2 episodes. Great Kirk, great triumvirate--as a trio and all three sides of the triangle--great sci fi concept, great guest star, great social commentary--still 100% relevant today.

i definitely have to think more about the ‘human computer’ concept. I liked that they specifically went out of their way to explain why the computer was human, how that was part of its design, and then tied that into its creator, his background, his belief system, and his insecurities. I feel like most ‘sentient computer’ or ‘advanced AI’ narratives just assume a computer that’s powerful enough will eventually be alive, which is not something I believe. The scariness of advanced AI to me is the incredible power it has to act quickly, but in a complete black-box way: you can’t literally see the logic string of its thought processes, and nor can you figure them out easily or completely using the creators’ intentions or logic because the machine has ‘learned’ since its inception, and its learning processes are not human. There is a real alienness to them that I find scary. And I do think this ep captured that nuance in M-5: it has the speed and abilities of a super computer, the “human” qualities of its creator for well-explained reasons, and the unpredictability of a mechanism that is NEITHER human nor human-controlled tool. And of course the ep’s ultimate thesis--that humans cannot be completely automated or replaced, and that we should not want to automate or replace humans--is comforting and of a morality I can and want to agree with.

This was also one of those eps that made me curious about the differences in AOS and TOS Kirk--in other words, an ep that relied on his history with Starfleet and his experience, on the reality that he’s a 34 year old man with 15+years of experience in the Fleet. Time, experience, connections, these aren’t things you can replace no matter how smart you are, and I feel like it would have been interesting to see AOS!Kirk deal with some situation that is trickier for him because he’s a Captain with a startlingly small amount of institutional experience. It’s not just about being young or generally inexperienced, in other words--it’s about NOT knowing every Captain, Admiral, and Commodore in the service, it’s about NOT having friends across the galaxy because he just hasn’t had time to make them. Even in deep space, that matters. And I think it’s something that I appreciate more as an adult myself, with actual real world experience of the importance of connections and experience and time, especially in sort of insular or smaller work communities.

Anyway, next is Bread and Circuses! Another great ep for the triumvirate. I can’t believe we’re almost through S2!!

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #star trek tos #2021: fandom thoughts

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icharchivist · 3 years

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first: WAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭 I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I can’t even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! I’m writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know it’s serious business™

ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah it’s a tragedy whatever it’ll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. it’s crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like it’s limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style they’re going for. especially like tsumugi’s death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that I’m actually reading the line that’s like oh don’t fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and it’s wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. it’s very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someone’s acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michael’s love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugi’s style of acting. the heart that he’d lost while within the god troupe. mb I’m losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles tho—same for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so I’ll have to do another part lol

going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking “hm where r the winter troupe cgs anyways” and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesn’t seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my “hisoka is capable of murder” bit? listen.... I’m not saying anything but I’m also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokémon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways I’m unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...

okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just don’t feel like calling him that) for the money lol it’s just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol

all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and I’m even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didn’t want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...

HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFD Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the whole “shrimps can see more colors than humans can’t comprehend” thing has been disproved but i’m not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans can’t comprehend anymore and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem)

1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you they’re not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that they’re more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugi’s voice especially knock it off the park anytime he’s on screen.

2) Second: what does it say about me that i’ve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set on “oh Raphael you’re in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life away” i didn’t even consider “maybe Raphael went through that too”. Though i guess if we’re going with that reading i can totally see “The Woman” they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.

3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasuku’s acting it’s just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, i’ve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was just “can i skip it i can’t go through this again i can’t Tsumugi i love you i can’t do this”. It doesn’t match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god

4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasuku’s character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!! The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didn’t know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and i’m HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he can’t let him destroys himself again and it’s just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!

5) Fifth: “i’m losing my mind a little” winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupe’s mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i can’t help it TwT) but yeaH i’m looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!

Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!

6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didn’t know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and i’m soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i can’t cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united on “taking care of him” but that’s really the moment i went “i care you and i will keep taking care of you” and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. I’m glad you liked it i’m aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....

7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but 👀 that’s so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea of “well we have yakuza and supernatural entity what’s an assassin adding himself to it” dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but that’d be peak. I’m not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain i’m just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.

8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!! Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard it’s just. It really shows you it’s not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey you’ve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arc’s lines really drive home “oh my god that was a journey” i love them sO MUCH....

9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! They’re all so good i just. i’m gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it can’t end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that. AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and they’re a family now and i’m hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isn’t just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.

10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! I’m genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and i’m so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it!

11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So they’re easily accessible and they’re sorted in a way that’s easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. They’re all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldn’t make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but it’s okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and it’s wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.

ANND That’s it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and i’m so happy and excited!! i’ll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope you’ll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!

(side note i need to update the drive too but it’s mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuya’s birthday card i think?? i think Itaru’s is already in act 2 so i’ll try to get around to it eventually but it’s so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so i’m missing three cards -)

The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and there’s a file with cards that aren’t associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. I’ll send it to you in DM ;O

Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c

#ichafantalks a3 #i love the winter troupe SO MUCH it's unreal this ask made me cry i was just LDKJFDLK WINTER!!!!!!!#i love your thoughts so much thank you for all of it <33 #sonnets-of-beauty #ichareply #long post for ts

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itwouldbeajoytobringyoutea · 4 years

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Zukka RWRB AU

Alright y’all, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. (This means literally only @firebenderlesbian and @beemami.) While watching ATLA for the first time not long after reading Red, White, and Royal Blue — I want to say, oh — six times, I had a galaxy-brain moment and thus, this AU was born.

Basic character breakdown...

Zuko = Henry

Sokka = Alex

Katara = June

Suki = Nora

Toph = Bea

Aang = Pez

Azula = Philip (lol)

Ozai = Queen Mary

Ursa = Arthur

Hakoda = Ellen

The real shit...

Zuko is the crown prince of the Fire Nation, and has grown up around his shitty father, Fire Lord Ozai, his younger sister, Azula, his best friend / fellow royal person, Toph, and his other best friend / random diplomatic tie, Aang. (How does the Avatar becomes friends with Zuko? Why isn’t he killed by the Fire Nation? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) He’s known he’s gay forever, but his father and sister have tacitly kept him in the closet.

Sokka, big-shot-but-not-technically-royal of the Southern Water Tribe has two friends: his sister, and his ex-girlfriend. (Do not ask me Sokka and Suki met!)

Zuko and Sokka meet when they’re, like, 18 at some diplomacy thing. Zuko instantly falls in love, while Sokka instantly fall in hate (because Zuko says something petty and Sokka is a dramatic bitch). Cue three-ish years of one-sided pining and one-sided hatred.

Then there’s a Big Thing hosted by the Fire Nation (Azula’s wedding?? Who would marry Azula, though, let’s be real.) that Sokka, Katara, and Suki all attend. Bullshit ensues, Sokka accidentally causes a scene, and Hakoda is pissed. So, he sends Sokka back to the Fire Nation to patch up appearances with Zuko / the Fire Nation / Ozai (whomst we do not yet know is a Motherfucker™). They spend some time together and actually talk, and Sokka realizes that Zuko isn’t, you know, a stuck-up product of inbreeding who probably jerks off to photos of himself. (Woof.) Zuko suffers the whole time because like Sokka is hot? And funny? And smart? And talking to him??? Of course, Zuko is desperately awkward.

Once Sokka goes back to the Southern Water Tribe, they start writing to each other to keep up the ruse (nothing incriminating in these letters, oh no, not yet).

After months of long-distance flirting, Zuko visits the Southern Water Tribe for an Event and kisses Sokka before fleeing and ghosting him.

Cue Sokka’s bi panic. He always thought he was straight? Like he loved being with Suki? But Zuko? Kissed him? Basically this super bi-acting character has his bi-awakening to the surprise of absolutely no one. Suki is there to tell him he’s fucking bi guide him through it all. “Still waters, deep dicking.” is obviously still a line.

Zuko comes back to the Southern Water Tribe for an Event, Sokka confronts him, they make out, they bang it out, etc.

Zuko and Sokka start sending letters (coded this time) and meeting up to make out, etc. Sokka is desperately trying to not catch feelings without realizing he is desperately trying to not catch feelings.

Somewhere in all this, Zuko tells Sokka about his whole family’s deal — Ozai being an abusive, awful person, Azula trying to meet Ozai’s expectations and becoming shitty in the process, his mom dying, etc. Sokka wants to kill Ozai with his bare hands.

Katara confronts Sokka about fucking the crown prince of the Fire Nation, which means that now Katara, Suki, Aang, and Toph know. (Who are Cash, Amy, and Shaan in this AU, you ask? No fucking clue.)

The Super Six all go out somewhere (maybe in the Earth Nation?) for a night of drinking and debauchery!!! Zuko absolutely does some sexy karaoke.

(Maybe there’s some drama with Water Tribe politics? IDK, this AU is pretty light on the political part of RWRB.)

Sokka tells his dad about his relationship with Zuko, and Hakoda is happy for him but does nearly herniate himself.

More sexy times, more sexy coded letters.

Zuko visits the Southern Water Tribe, meets Hakoda, and hangs with Katara and Suki. Sokka realizes he’s in love, but Zuko runs away before he can tell him. :(

After being ghosted, Sokka follows Zuko back to the Fire Nation, where he declares his love. “I fucking love you, okay? You don’t make it fucking easy. But I’m in love with you.” still stands.

Zuko takes Sokka to his favorite place in the Fire Nation (What is this? No idea!), info dumps about his passions, and Sokka falls even more in love with him.

Some level of Zuko and Sokka’s relationship is leaked, leading to Katara to imply that she’s the one dating Zuko. It helps, but it sucks.

Not long later, their whole relationship is revealed, as their decoded letters show. They both freak the fuck out, but Hakoda supports Sokka and his relationship. Suki figures out that Ozai is the one that decoded and leaked the letters, because he wants to publicly shame/discredit Zuko.

Team Water Tribe heads to the Fire Nation in order to get a meeting with Ozai. Ozai’s plan backfires, because it turns out the world shows overwhelming love and support for Zuko and Sokka. Some kind of hand-waving happens where Aang strips Ozai of his power (and/or kills him, I want Ozai dead) and Azula abdicates (perhaps because she realizes she’s real fucked up and wants nothing to do with the Fire Nation for the rest of her life), so Zuko is now the Fire Lord!

While all this was happening, Katara and Aang start dating, and Suki and Toph either become BFFs or start dating, whatever you prefer.

Zuko and Sokka because the power couple of the Four Nations and everything is good and gay in the world!!!

There’s another version of this AU that aligns much more closely with RWRB, but I love the world building on the Avatar universe so I decided to do it this way instead.

***

Edit: Y’all, @llamora is writing this AU and I’m helping! She’s posted the first chapter already here. Please read, kudos, comment, and subscribe!

#there's another version of this au that aligns much more closely with rwrb #but i love the world building in the avatar universe so i decided to do it this way instead #myken i hope this meets your expectations and if not feel free to add on / fix it / roast me #rwrb #atla #zukka #my posts

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honestlyhufflepuff · 4 years

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Mr. Universe Breakdown

I just had a lot of feelings about tonight’s episodes, so come with me while I attempt to process them.

Ice cream and pie for dinner is great, but you can kind of tell Steven is eating it more for his dad’s sake than his own.

The entire "Dear Old Dad" callback is so sweet, imma cry.

I love how Steven is this nearly adult drool-snoring with his mouth wide open in Greg's van and Greg still looks at him like he's the cutest child ever.

Alright, this expression with that weak laugh was the first hint we get that Steven is not totally into this. He's trying, but it's getting wearing.

Trying on tacky convenience store sunglasses and Greg noping out of the bathroom were peak moments.

Matching icons, anyone??

Greg, you live in a van, how are your standards that high?

Also, I wasn’t expecting Guacola to have a callback. No redemption arc for that abomination of a beverage.

“Dad, you’re rich, you don’t have to steal!”

I love how Steven just immediately assumes his dad is taking him to steal stuff. I’m doing this react on my second watch through, but I immediately knew this was the house Greg grew up in.

There’s a picture of the barn in the hallway! And a “Love Lives Here” sign. Oh no, is that this Universe’s equivalent to “Live, Laugh, Love?” Here I thought Greg avoided his parents because they were toxic or abusive, but it turns out they’re probably just super lame and cramped his style.

“Sorry for breaking into your lovely home. You seem like such nice people, with excellent tastes.”

First watch through, I totally thought this was a sarcastic little teen snark comment. Because come on. This decor is the quintessential representation of dated-grandparent-mild-hoarder-chic. On my second watch through, this seems utterly genuine. This house represents a peaceful, happy, stable life that Steven’s never known, and that he thinks he never will. He has so much longing to take in every single detail, before he even knows the people who live in that house are related to him. I had to take a break after writing that sentence because I got emotional.

He is more than strong enough to forcibly stop his dad from “stealing,” or to demand an explanation from him, but instead he goes off to write an “i’m srry we broke into ur house lol” note. Seems like he wanted a justifiable reason to explore this house.

Steven thinks later in the ep that Greg rejected a perfect life, but why would the parents not open any of Greg’s letters? Do they know about Steven? Do they care? It seems like they would care quite a bit, given that all of Greg’s memories have been preserved throughout the house, and yet no pictures of Steven, which tells me they don’t know about him. It’s not lost on me that Greg uses a PO box so they can’t find him (also because he still lives in a van). Is Greg repeatedly sending them checks so he feels he doesn’t owe them anything, and they are just refusing to cash them? I have so many questions.

Alright, so Steven is SO EXCITED to see Greg’s childhood memories. So excited to see his roots. To see his own connection to his human heritage. And Greg just shuts it down.

Way back in “Gem Harvest,” Greg saw how desperate Steven was to make a relationship with Uncle Andy work. And yet Greg did nothing to expose him to other human relatives.

In his attempt to grant Steven “freedom,” he just bound him and lived through him in a different way than his own parents did. If Steven’s upbringing was really about freedom more than Greg projecting his own issues, then Steven would have been given the option to have grandparents in his life. He would have gotten to decide if he liked meatloaf every Thursday and been given the chance to take road trips to their warm, lived in little house. It is a huge, glaring mistake that Greg never gave Steven that chance, especially after seeing how much he loved Andy.

“Leave that junk behind.”

Greg found the one memory he was looking for, and paid no attention to what Steven was drawn to.

“I get it, Steven. When I was just little Gregory Demayo I was going through the motions. Doing what everybody else wanted.”

And yet that’s exactly what he’s having Steven do. He’s literally having Steven walk in his footsteps to find himself in the same way he did, and he’s so lost in his own nostalgia that he’s not understanding that the reason that path worked for him was because he chose it. Steven’s way of breaking free and finding himself might end up being horribly boring and domestic to Greg, since that was something he never knew growing up.

This song is pretty tight, but Steven is not feeling it. Read the room, Greg. It’s like that “who wants to go a ROAAAAD TRIPPP??” line all over again.

“I don’t need this song, I need what you had...they can’t have been worse than mom’s family. I went half way across the galaxy for them, and THIS was right here??”

PREACH, Steven! He has always been so desperate for family. I’m getting so frustrated with Greg for denying him that choice because of his own hangups with authority figures.

Steven: You’re just like mom!

Greg: You grew up with actual freedom!

Steven: I grew up in a van!

Oh geez, stuff is about to go down. The leak did not prepare me for this moment.

“My problem isn’t that I’m a gem! My problem is that I’m a UNIVERSE!”

And here we see Steven shift from blaming his mom for everything, to blaming his dad for everything. And it’s so cathartic, honestly. It’s hard to be mad at Greg because he’s just so sweet and gentle, and rarely gets angry back at someone even when they are angry at him. And he genuinely loves the crap out of Steven. Even with all that, however, he is not blameless. And Steven has a right to call him out on that.

Scene breakdown: The driver’s side is totally crushed. The impact is enough that Steven was unconscious while Greg pulled him out of the car, and while he called for a tow truck. Think of all the impacts Steven hasn’t been knocked unconscious for, including all those hits from Jasper in the very next episode. If he was a normal human, Steven would have died on impact here. His gem probably was working overtime rapidly healing multiple fractures and internal bleeding in his brain.

And here’s where Steven starts to tune Greg out. I can’t help but see a parallel to when Aquamarine/Bluebird gets so annoyed with Steven’s relentless positivity.

I guess the talent of delivering all those cheesy motivational pep talks came from Greg. You know what, though? Forced positivity is just widening the divide between them at this point. Steven is not in a positive place right now, and he did his best to express why, but instead of owning up to anything Greg is just chalking it up to him “going through a hard time right now.” On the surface he appears sympathetic, but his response is ultimately condescending and invalidating.

And in the background he just talks about eating ice cream for more meals, like that’s going to fix everything. Like Steven didn’t just tell him that was the opposite of what he needed.

Even at this moment Greg never offers to connect him with his human family, when Steven has very clearly stated that’s what he wants.

I never would have thought a simple scene deleting a photo would be so tense. The building music, continuing to make Greg seem further away. The tired, bitter look in Steven’s eyes. This is like a villain origin story wtf.

Steven is slowly running out of people who he feels he can connect with. At the start of SUF it was the gems, and then it was Connie, and now it’s Greg. With that deleted photo he’s decided that Greg is no longer worth confiding in. He’s just another person who won’t listen.

I thought this scene would be the most painful one I saw tonight, until I saw Fragments...

#mr. universe #suf spoilers #su meta #su analysis #su reaction #steven universe

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professorspork · 3 years

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ANOTHER BUSY DAY IN THE ANDROMEDA GALAXY

I started the day running errands on Havarl, culminating with finishing off Jaal’s loyalty mission! I took Vetra with us thinking ‘hey, if anyone knows sibling dynamics...’ but then she factored into all of that absolutely 0%, lol @ me. but no matter! Jaal was super flirty as we made our way to the Forge, and it was adorable when he was like “HERE MEET MY FRIEND SO YOU CAN SEE AKKSUL IS WRONG” and bodily dragged me toward his siblings. their fight was absorbing and intense; I LEGIT GASPED WHEN HIS SISTER SHOT HIS BROTHER. LIKE!! the whole confrontation with Akksul felt super weighty and I really enjoyed it-- keeping my trigger discipline to not shoot that dude was really hard! there was a split second there where his bolt was headed toward Jaal’s face and I was like “if I kill off Jaal in his loyalty mission I’ll be so upset” but nope it all worked out, he has a bitchin cheek scar now, and the respect of his people, and I got a forehead touch so y’know. i melted. GOSH. then I died laughing at Akksul’s not-apology email.

now Jaal wants me to meet his mom(s) but Helen said that’ll lock in the romance, so I’ll probably wait just a little longer so I can uh keep having FWB sex with Peebee and ?maybe??? flirt with Vetra at some point? altho I teasingly called her MOM last time we were in Kadara Port so maybe not. (Jaal still hates it there, he’s so grumpy and it’s cute, but I digress)

this one got even longer than usual so doing a cut

one thing that I really like, that the game navigates in interesting ways, is that to the angara, we’re all just “Milky Way people.” like. so much of the original trilogy is about navigating the differences between all these aliens, and like, some of that is here too, esp with the krogan, but it’s actually really neat the way we’ve flattened out. and even with the krogan it’s still night and day-- like. comparing what Tuchanka is like in ME2 when Wrex is still solidifying his status as warlord is miles away from what it’s like for me to wander around New Tuchanka or, especially, just run into random krogan out and about (like the nice water scouts. WHY COULDN’T I JUST GIVE THEM THE WATER? but I’m getting ahead of myself). I know some of it has the Watsonian explanation of, like, only forward-thinking, open-minded krogan would be interested in the Initiative in the first place, and some of it is the Doylist explanation of ‘well people really liked that Charr/Ereba romance so let’s have more sweetie pie krogan’ but like. overall. it’s interesting, and I’m sure there’s more angles I haven’t considered.

I traced more of those comm buoys for Addison and learned that the doctor she’s obsessed with ran away to get pregnant! I definitely read that whole situation as Addison being in love with this lady and tbh it still doesn’t refute it? but I won’t get any more progress until I make a new outpost. the whole idea of ‘the first human baby born in Heleus’ thing is really cool, though, and I’m invested.

then I went to Elaaden! I feel some kind of way about Lexi diagnosing all of these scavengers with Brain Disease, but I can’t put my finger on it exactly-- other than, I guess, my general discomfort with pathologizing criminality. I was glad she said we couldn’t vaccinate people without their consent, but the whole thing smacks as very... self-conscious on the part of the game creators? like they thought people would say “hey it’s a huge plot hole that the Initiative screened every person before putting them on the arks and yet so many of them do crimes, explain that to me” and they were like “oh yeah shit that makes no sense, it’s not like people faced with the existential crisis of being in a brand new place 600 years away from everything they’ve ever known with no way back and not enough resources and multiple things wanting to kill them might just make desperate, risky choices, that’s not good enough, obviously we need to explain it with BRAIN DISEASE.” come on.

I made it to New Tuchanka, where the postings on the terminals are literally my favorite part of this whole game. THE ONE KROGAN WHO WANTS GINGERBREAD. THE ONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO FOCUS ON CONS AND SUGGESTS A “PRO-VERSATION.” THE ONE ABOUT THE “PROBLETUNITY” OF MATING SUGGESTING WATCHING KRANTT HARDLY WAIT. THE ONE WHO INVENTED BLOOD RAGE FOR GUN TURRETS. but also, the best one, my favorite one of all: KRANTT THE RAGENING LARP. there is nothing I would not give to play Krantt: The Ragening.

I sort of tripped and fell and decided to finish Drack’s loyalty mission even though I intended to do more Elaaden things first, and that was a blast. Vorn is so presh! and also Drack is my dad so there’s that. I loved that Vorn helped save the day with a poison vegetable, and I love that Kesh pretended not to like the flower he got her. it was like-- okay. real talk, I just spent like 20 minutes trying to find proof that there is, in fact, a scene in parks and rec where someone gives April a friendship bracelet and she pretended to hate it until they threatened to take it back and could not find it ANYWHERE and felt so gaslit until I realized that that scene was not about April at all but Louise Belcher so. GOOD JOB ME. anyway. it was like that. kesh pretending her comm was broken when Tann tried to talk to her is the oldest joke in the book but I laughed anyway.

and then I TOOK SPENDER DOWN FOR GOOD. I’m a little miffed that neither Kesh nor Tann got to be in on that discussion; like, I recognize he was Addison’s underling but given all the bullshit he pulled with the krogan I especially felt Kesh deserved to be there? at one point there was a dialogue tree where I could either say it was Addison’s fault or Spender’s fault, and I picked the latter because I think they both such but Spender sucks worse, but in hindsight I wish I’d stuck it to Addison more because my dialogue was way too nice. when faced with the choice of jailing or exiling Spender, I picked jail despite my desire to defund Nexus Militia because I was scared if I exiled him he’d just come back as a worse enemy because of all his off-station contacts. when reviewing the choice in the codex, though, it narrativized my choice by saying I imprisoned him knowing he “would never survive life on the run from his former associates.” that wasn’t my assumption at all! quite the opposite! I jailed him thinking he’d start a coup from without if I didn’t, and it’s really interesting to me that the game isn’t framing that as a concern Ryder would have reasonably had. anyway, now Brecka has his job, which is good because Brecka is the best.

before leaving I unlocked my last memory, and SURPRISE MY MOM IS ALIVE. WELL. FOR A GIVEN DEFINITION OF ALIVE. i don’t know why I’m surprised; of course my dad sucked that much. but also, the fact that all of that got nestled in with the reaper ‘reveal’ (if you can call it that) felt... very strange? like. this is such a personal, emotional thing for Ryder. obviously for the player harkening back to the trilogy is supposed to be a gut wrench, and objectively, yes, I can see how the knowledge that they might have narrowly escaped certain death is a big deal, but like. the reapers aren’t HERE. they aren’t relevant. my MOM, on the other hand, is and is, apparently! it’s occurring to me I didn’t even try to find her mis-labeled pod, I was so turned around by all the benefactor stuff after the fact. anyway.

swung by Kadara to get drinks with Drack and had an epic bar fight, and then Lexi p much lectured us both abt it because Drack is like 90% spit and duct tape at this point. him talking about raising Kesh giving him a new lease on life was VERY sweet, tho, and his line about how parents aren’t the finish line, they’re the starting line was very good.

went back to Elaaden, which Jaal called “a big planet” while discussing hunting someone down and AU CONTRAIRE, JAAL, IT IS A MOON. wish I’d had Drack with me when I found Annea’s water because I bet he would have had better dialogue than Cora, but alas. felt very weird giving control of the reservoir to the Nexus, but like. Annea being like “you can’t, this is my emotional support monopoly on a vital natural resource” just wasn’t gonna fly with how I’m playing Ryder. I was gratified to hear the Nexus guy at Paradise say we were giving the water to everyone, including krogan and scavengers, because I 100% did not trust Tann not to overrule him with some shitty call.

then I went to the Remnant ship to stop Morda from making a bomb out of the drive core, and it was all going swimmingly until I traced the signal to that cave inside the flophouse and suddenly my triangle button stopped working, making me unable to activate the console. YIKES. a quick google of the issue tells me that this mission is buggy for a lot of people and reloading from an earlier save tends to help, but I tried that and the issue persisted so I gave up for the evening. hopefully a fresh start tomorrow and time for the ps4 to cool off is all that is required.

#leah plays mass effect andromeda

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nat-20s · 4 years

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practically all of them fit for tendonna but "please stop petting the test subjects" for themb and they're just wreaking havoc at this weird, cool laboratory they found???

LOL remember these prompts from 900 million years ago?? WHOOPS. anyway have this, which is hopefully mostly in line with what you hoped for?

~~~

“Donna, please stop petting the test subjects.”

Donna hears him, clearly processes the words, and then pointedly stops stroking what appears to be a furry nudibranch only so that she can scoop it up in her hands and press it against her cheek. The thing makes trills in response, which emboldens her to throw the The Doctor a flat look and say, “I did, in fact, stop petting them. And they’re not test subjects, they’re, you know….”

The Doctor raises an eyebrow at her, hoping their typical back and forth will disguise the uneasiness that is starting to curl its way aroundhis ribs. “They’re what, exactly, Doctor Noble?”

“Oh hush you. I don’t know exactly, but they’re not a threat! I mean, look at them!”

Pulling out the sonic screwdriver, The Doctor starts to scan them despite Donna’s incensed expression on the odd chance that they’re, say, full of toxin. “Right, because when something is cute and fluffy there’s no possible way it could be a threat. Like bears. Definitely not a threat.”

With an eye roll, she replies, “Yes, because something that fits in the palm of my hand and a bear are clearly equally vicious. How many bears do you have to deal with anyway? Wait, shit, how many bears do you have to deal with? Are we gonna get attacked by a bear? Do we need to get a dog?”

The Doctor has a reputation for being a bit..scatterbrained. Lot of tangents and nonsequiturs come out of his mouth, so most people seem comparatively linear in their logic. Donna is not most people. He pauses his assessment of the critters to stare at her and ask, “What?”

“For bear attacks. Loads of people who survive them do so because their dog helped out. Read about it in wilderness guides.”

“Why were you reading wilderness guides in Chiswick?”

“Because I’ve gone camping? What are you, the literature police?”

“Well I do have the police box-”

“-No! That doesn’t make you any form of cop! We’ve already discussed and settled this! Besides, who even wants to hang out with coppers? Nasty creatures, unlike the little bundle of joy that I have decided is named Tanya and is my friend.”

“Tanya” makes a cooing noise at this, and Donna sticks out her tongue at The Doctor. The Doctor, in kind, throws his hands up and says, “You can not go around befriending strange alien creatures that you know nothing about!”

“It worked out pretty well for me last time.”

“Last time? When-”

“-you, time boy. You were the strange alien creature.”

The Doctor swallows down the reply that she doesn’t know it’s worked out, that given his track record it most likely won’t. Donna has a low tolerance policy for fatalism and would happily steam roll over that response, so instead he sputters out, “That’s! That’s completely different. For one, I am a person rather than a creature, and secondly, you didn’t find me in a decrepit abandoned research lab!”

Amusement rather than annoyance threads itself into her words when she says, “No, you were just my kidnapper. Completely innocuous.”

The Doctor lets out a groan, about to make a rebuttal, when the sonic screwdriver lets out a series of dings. Holding it up to his face, he mutters, “Oh. Ooooh. Interesting.”

Sufficiently distracted from her lil buddy Tanya, Donna leans over and squints at the sonic as if she has any idea how to read it herself. Maybe one day. “So? Final verdict, is Tanya killing me?”

“No. Well. Eh. Sort of? No. Not yet, at least.”

Donna slowly half pulls Tanya away from her face, giving it a side-eye before looking back at the Doctor and saying, “Not the most promising thing I’ve ever heard. Is it going to go all giant and eat me or something? Is it going to turn into a bear?”

“Not exactly. Our friend Tanya-

“-thank you for using their proper name-”

“-it definitely isn’t but okay. Tanya here is a very distant and much less threatening cousin to the Kantrofarri. Instead of feeding directly on the brain matter, it feeds on brain waves, specifically the emitted by you as a positive response to it’s presence. The noises it emits have remarkably similar effects as that of a cat purring, albeit to a more extreme degree.”

Without realizing she has resumed her stroking of Tanya’s fur, Donna says, “That doesn’t sound so bad. Like cleaner fish and sharks, symbiotic or whatever”

The Doctor tilts his head back and forth a couple times as he replies, “Eeeehhhhh theoretically, yes, under the right conditions, it would be much like having a pet. Mutually beneficial, two sided domestication.”

“However?”

“However, these aren’t the right conditions. With any organism that can directly interact the dopamine center of the brain has risks, and Tanya very well can become addictive, especially if stressed. In fact,” The Doctor pauses, sticking his hands in his pockets as he looks around, “that’s probably the point of this lab. Making a drug out of living creatures.”

Eyes downcast, Donna’s voice is softer as she says, “That’s horrible.”

Somehow, nomatter how many awful things she sees traveling with him, they always manage to surprise her. She hopes that that stays true, that the cruelty of the universe doesn’t become something she’s accustomed too. She wonders if The Doctor is already there.

These thoughts pass in a matter of seconds, before she gives her head a quick shake and says, “Tanya appears to be the only one left around. Is there any..I mean, can we take them home? Is there a home to take them to?”

A small smile appears on the Doctor’s face. “That there is,” the smile grows, “We’d have to skip the spa we came for though.”

Donna rolls her eyes, knowing it’s not even a question for either one of them, and says, “You know, one of these days you’re going to actually have to make good on your promise of taking me somewhere relaxing.”

“You seem pretty relaxed right now.”

“Yeah. No, telling me the small fluffy creature I’m holding was being experimented on to turn deadly is not actually super de-stressing. Little bit of human lore for you right there, I know you don’t get a lot of it in your day to day alien activities.”

“Hey! At this point I’ve spent exponentially more time with humans than my own species! I’m very well versed in your lore.”

“Sure.”

“I am!”

“Uh huh. Then, pop quiz Doctor, what destination would a human such as myself actually find relaxing after we drop Tanya off?”

“There’s this lovely planet called Midnight, admittedly with a deeply toxic atmosphere, but the facilities are incredible! And the views, wouldn’t wanna miss that for the galaxy! Waterfall made of sapphires!”

“But do they have massages?”

“They do in fact have massages.”

“Perfect! I’ll need it after the emotional stress of parting with Tanya. Maybe we could keep them?”

“Donna.”

“Right, right, I know, it’s not right, deadly addiction. I will do the responsible thing here. But then massages.”

The Doctor gives a nod. “But then massages.”

#donna noble #tenth doctor #anon #replies #nat talks doctor who #nat drabbles #Anonymous #OKAY THE FORMATTING SHOULD BE FIXED

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seoftheart · 5 years

Text

100 things i love about johnny

“his english name means “god is gracious” and it’s derived from hebrew words יוֹ (yo) which is the hebrew god and חָנַן (chanan) which means “to be gracious” and i mean,, true

his korean name is written as 英浩 in hanja characters and they can mean “flower, petal, brave, hero” and “great, numerous, vast” - also true

his lisp

his bad puns and pickup lines

how he donated his voice by recording audio guides to aid artists with development disabilities

how much he loves haechan and taeil :((

how much he loves nct in general

his love for yoona

how he never fails to include both female and male fans when he’s talking so nobody gets excluded

his silky hair

the way he furrows his eyebrows and one side of his upper lip goes up when he says something sassy or tries sounding smart

the little, cute wrinkles that appear on the sides of his mouth when he’s smiling

how hard he works on his chinese and tries to communicate with chinese members in their native language grfsregkajeg

the way he discreetly comforted yeri on enana when she was sick

how he noticed that on the vlive commentary function it said “say something nice” and found it really nice

how he’s really humble about the things he does and his qualities, oh my god !!

he thought his selfies weren’t good and asked for advice and didn’t believe jaehyun and doyoung when they told him his selfies are really good indeed, he was so surprised when they told him!!

his wannabe raps LMAO that rap he wrote in high school still haunts me

he stayed in sm for so long, ever since 2008, but he didn’t give up and made it to debut with nct! he had to watch his friends from exo debut before him while he was left behind but that didn’t discourage him one bit ;((

how he always finds a way to play on enana during the commercial break, and it’s usually playing with the cameras, which is really cute

his smile when he’s talking with the fans

how he always does that dance where he swings his arms left to right constantly while doing the same with hips, in sync with the arm swing and embarrasses others but does it anyway

he always thinks of nct’s international fans!! he always adds a sentence of two in english so everybody understands what’s going on

he has a lot of trouble learning japanese but he still tries so hard ;((

his “boku wa johnny desu”

he’s really shy when someone compliments him, but never fails to compliment others

he has such a nice relationship with enana staff members and always helps them and encourages them

“to everyone out there, i just want to say that whoever’s listening to this is absolutely beautiful, and there’s nothing you need to change about your appearance, you’re already as perfect and unique as you are. don’t let anyone tell you differently. if you ever feel like you’re not worth anything, seek help or change your environment, don’t let the bullies get to you. life is long, life is beautiful. don’t stop right here because of these mean people. live for yourself, live happily, and show them you’re stronger than them.”

saying “bless you” when people sneeze a lot of people overlook, but he finds it meaningful

he always encourages either the nct members or complete strangers when they’re speaking english even though they make mistakes and makes them feel confident about their language skills

that one time he started randomly meowing on enana and made jaehyun laugh

ok but on a serious note tho. johnny likes to,,,meow around. idk if it grew into a (weird) habit of his but he just,,,meows. he meows around jaehyun, he meows around mark, he probably meows around everyone in nct. can i pls get this limited-edition cat too

his super broccoli and super corn t-shirts

his singing voice ;–;

how he never hesitates to do aegyo but regrets it straight afterward so he lowers his head and covers his face with his hands

he said he loves running through the rain when it’s raining and it’s so unusual but cute!

lmao he’s such a hopeless romantic tho, i bet he got that running-in-the-rain idea from a romance film or smth

“to do and regret, rather than not to do and regret”

his hobby is photography and he takes really nice photos which he posts on nct’s instagram!!

his signature is really pretty!! it’s one of the most beautiful signatures i’ve seen an idol have tbh

he plays the piano really well and he used to play it together with jaehyun in their room when they were roommates

during the time he shared the room with jaehyun, jaehyun used to always light up scented candles and it sometimes bothered johnny but he never said anything about it so jaehyun wouldn’t feel bad

also,, he sleeps naked?? but like,, he’s so open with it. he’s like oh? clothes? i don’t wear clothes when i sleep lol and taeil is ????? so c o n f u s e d but johnny is just there, with a big grin on his face lmao

he’s a bit clumsy but it makes him adorable ;-;

his laugh!! it goes from a simple giggle to a high pitched laughter and it’s so recognisable and funny to hear, but it never makes you tired of hearing it

the dimples that appear on his face when he’s smiling, #help

he always gives other members the chance to speak in english if they want to or if they’re confident but never forces them if they don’t want to

how he’s so passionate about photography and he uses his camera more to capture the nature and his members than to take pictures of himself

also. that one photo of a smiley face written on a foggy car window (probably?) that he took is so, so, so important.

seriously, i love the style of photography he is going for!!

how he always participates when nct does volunteer work, like how he went to that school and made meals for children or how he went to a p.e. class and taught the kids how to dance

the way he laughs!! he always laughs in little fits, like, it goes hahaha hahahaha hahaha and it’s a d o r a b l e

how he’s secretly a meme king and loves sharing memes with nct members on their gc but they never reply to him and it’s so sad but so cute fsdjkghs

the way he looks at cameras like they’re the most precious things in the world

he never fails to hype a nct member up!!

how much he loves his family. he doesn’t talk about them a lot but when he does you can see it in his eyes how much he misses his parents. also when he cried when they sent him a video message for his birthday during his smrookies days!!

also when he was so surprised and teared up when his mum sent an audio message to enana back in 2018

“love starts with a smile” - johnny, 170327

he always sees beauty in some things that would usually get overlooked or wouldn’t be seen as beautiful and pretty and he never fails to express how he finds them nice!!

his relationship with mark. it’s not only that they’re english speakers so they’re close, you can see just how much johnny cares for mark. mark is like johnny’s little brother

he has a tendency to say things in a tone someone could find sarcastic but he really means it. he uses these phrases that have grown to be seen as sarcastic only to convey his true feelings and i find it so unique and beautiful (like when he said “it’s beautiful, mark” in the first relay vlive when mark, jaemin, winwin and kun were making standees for the sprouts - one would think he’s saying it just so that he wouldn’t hurt mark’s feelings but if you listen closely enough, you can hear the sincerity in his voice)

how he uses “your one and only” when writing to the fans

also the message on a photocard for the regular-irregular album where he wrote “from your one and only to my one and only” i literally blushed okay.

seriously though, the messages he writes on photocards are so thoughtful and cute, for example on the regulate pc he wrote: “simon says... smile!” and like,, i might have cried.

his face with no makeup on!!!

his thighs that are both muscular and soft, you can’t really tell if he’s really fit or a bit chubby and it makes my heart go whoosh whoosh bc!! my bias!!! is chubby!!!!! and i love it!! !!!!

seriously though, the songs he recommends and/or plays on enana

he says he’s a really clumsy person or it’s just his height so he always bumps into things and i find it adorable even though it must hurt him but how can you not love these small things about this giant man shjsjs

how he sleeps with so many plushies and gives them names and always changes the one he’s hugging at night om g

“pandas. OmG PANDAS” - johnny in ikea

have i already said this but he’s so empathic and compassionate and conscientious and always tries to make people around him feel comfortable with his jokes and warm smiles

he’s also so patient and laid-back and doesn’t get angry so easily, like, someone would probably get angry with yuta were it his phone number that was exposed (even by accident) but johnny was just liek,,,yah it’s okay and forgave yuta and sgjdjsh he’s just so nice :(

how he thinks make-up shouldn’t be limited to girls only and doesn’t believe in gender roles!!

in addition to that, he even appeared in an episode of netflix’s bill nye saves the world that touches on the topic of sexuality & identity and it’s such a big thing for an idol, especially a rookie idol to talk about how kpop is changing the traditional ideas of what gender norms are in such a conservative country??

“just be yourself. i feel like that’s a big point” - johnny in bill nye saves the world

*serious, with a smile on his face* “do you have a boyfriend?” *serious* *can’t contain the cringe and laughter* *turns away in an adorable way*

johnny’s fashion evaluation much?? it’s just him giving weird names to nct’s outfits and pretending to be an expert by giving them star ratings but it’s all just random and it’s so funny shjsh

while we’re at being funny! god of humour!! right there!!!! johnny suh invented humour ok i don’t make the rules

like,, his humour is not the normal kind, i saw many people actually say he’s not funny but LMAO joke’s on you, his humour is the galaxy brain type of humour, it’s like,, a bit dry but it’s so funny if you’re on the same page as him

when he went to ikea with jaehyun to buy a lamp but they only ended up looking at plushies and johnny immediately made friends with two snake plushies, fred and jason. “fred, what are you doing here??” “jason, jason! no, he’s my friend, jason. jason, he’s my friend.” - johnny in ikea, after saving jaehyun from jason’s bite. like that’s so random but it’s working because i’ve melted

him wearing hoodies and putting them over his head while taking photos of his members is so precious and soft!!

the way his pinky kind of drifts away from the rest of his fingers when he’s waving or covering his mouth or doing anything with his hand really

his plump lips and the way they curl upwards a bit and it makes them look so c u t e but they’re also a bit sexy???

he has these scars on his face (a lot of them on his chin) that are almost invisible because of the makeup but i think they’re from pimples, perhaps? but they’re so beautiful and precious and i love them when he smiles and they get a different shape and it’s art?? on someone’s face?????

he speaks so confidently in korean even though it’s not his native language! one would think it is by the way he never stutters or has a loss for words but it’s just because of his never-ending friendliness and confidence that’s a part of his personality

remember the rolling paper event during the 127 1st anniversary party? all of johnny’s messages were the longest ones and were so heartfelt and sincere. he really poured his entire heart while writing those and that only shows just how much he loves his members

his role inside the group may seem unimportant but he’s one of the few people holding the group together. there is taeyong as the leader, but johnny is like a leader from the shadows who puts everyone before himself first - and it is not easy to do

he cares for the foreign members so, so much. out of all the nct members, he’s been in sm the longest and as a foreigner he understands and knows what it’s like to suddenly be in a completely new country surrounded by nothing but strangers. he kept on conversing with ten, both in english and in korean, so ten would feel more comfortable and he’s the main reason ten’s korean has gotten so much better. also, he takes so much patience with the chinese members who have language barriers with both him and the rest of nct and never fails to correct them when they say something wrong or when they can’t think of a word/phrase to say. when they were touring seoul, he was always next to lucas and closely listening to how lucas speaks so that he can help him learn better!!

johnny knows how to flirt and seduce but what he doesn’t know is how to act afterwards so the embarrassment that comes after he says something cringy is just the most adorable think ever (take “do you have a boyfriend?” ig video for an example). he’s just so awkward and he can’t compliment someone without blushing ;(

also oh boy, johnny is just so bad at lying like fksjshksh he can’t keep a secret to save a life. were we, nctzens, not so dumb, we’d get so many spoilers he accidentally gave lmao

while we’re at this, he also can’t have a nice phone because he literally doesn’t care about it, hE THREW IT IN THE FLOOR in that one video, isn’t that enough as it IS

also,,,,,,he put a metal fidget spinner on its screen and somehow expected it not to break?????? just how lovable this idiot is.

he’s so,,,,awkward and cute around girls,,,like,,,,,,,help me. him confessing to yoona (kind of?) is the cutest thing ever and it just fills my heart with love and i!! wanna protect!!!!!

the thing i always look at when i watch enana are his ears because he always fiddles with them and touches the earring(s) and it’s cuuuute

but lmAO somehow the earring(s) always fall out when he does touch them and it’s somehow so,,endearing because he’s so cute jfc

he once said he tries using “thank you” and "i love you” a lot because those words are so powerful and he seems to always want to bring smile to other people’s faces..

also!! his parents call him prince as a nickname and,,well. i might be crying because that’s s o f t

do you know that johnny always tries to wear colourful clothes on rainy days so that he breaks the monotony and the nostalgia of rain?? fdkjhsrgahkdsg

“you can overcome everything with laughter”

also,, have you noticed how he always makes a double peace sign when he’s embarrassed? cute.

#johnny #nct #johnny seo #johnny suh #seo youngho #nct 127 #john suh #john seo #happybirthdayjohnny #happyjohnnyday #100 things i love about #my text #mytext #i love this one man and that man is johnny #i put so much thought into this okay ;(((((#i'll post it on twitter too so know that it's not someone stealing!#<333

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