#I sometimes question if I'm aro as well. based on how I think about romance irl (I more look at it from a “would we be happy in the end?” )
Note
Thank you for the ace content btw. Cookie for u
Of course! :D Thank you so much! (I love frosted cookies too so it's perfect >:D ) I mean it's a part of me and it's nice to talk about! I know there's a lot of arophobia and aphobia right now and it makes me sad that it's happening again. I hope we can go back to our silly memes and our experiences in the tag again!
Honestly, there's a lot of truth to the whole "If you're ace/aro/etc. your faves are now like that." because it's so hard to understand that type of attraction, and since aspec/arospec people are on a spectrum it can really fit anyone >:D
#Whoever made that cookie is so good at having that steady hand. I'm sure it's from practice but I SUCK at that.#I'm happy and proud to be asexual :D it's really nice having a name for what you're feeling! :D#I sometimes question if I'm aro as well. based on how I think about romance irl (I more look at it from a “would we be happy in the end?” )#“Are we actually compatible? Do we have similar goals we both wish to achieve?” and then if yes. then I let romantic feelings “grow”#but I'm so romance favorable that idk and just go with Ace/demisexual/demiromantic :P#thehelplessmortals#ask
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Class 1a pride headcanons let's gooooo 🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Going by seat order bc I'm autistic and it makes good sense
Also no mineta bc I don't know what to do with him
1. Aoyama 🌟🩶
Nonbinary and aspec. They aren't sure if they have a definitive gender one way or another but if anyone asks they just say "sparkling of course!! ✨️" as for sexuality/romantic attraction they are asexual and still questioning their romantic alignment. Honestly they would be happy going through life with maybe some qpps and not really thinking too much about it
2. Mina 👽🩷
Bi as hell babey!! Everyone is gorgeous in their own way!! Mina falls in love so fast and with so many people she's just like. Everyone deserves love and if she's gotta be the one to give it then so be it.
3. Tsu 🐸💚
Distinguished lesbian. Not afraid to tell the other 1a girls what makes them attractive. Tsu loves complimenting ppl and feels very proud of herself whenever the other girls get flustered bc she knows it means she's made their entire day.
4. Iida ⏩️💙
Bisexual and doesn't know what to do about it. Has many panicked conversations with Tensei over finding people attractive and feeling very weird about it bc they all live together and also puberty hormones hit him like a truck about a month or so after meeting everyone.
5. Ochako 🌌🩷
Pansexual. Very proud of it. Often seen very loudly validating her classmates identities and making sure that any potential homophobes and transphobes know that they will be punted into the stratosphere if they so much as breathe wrong in the general direction of anyone ochako cares about
6. Ojiro 🐒🤎
Token cishet. Great ally tho.
7. Kaminari ⚡️💛
Nonbinary and bisexual. Pronouns vary by the day. Often jokes that they've never made a decision in their entire life because of this. When they go pro there ends up being an official line of Chargebolt merch that has the slogan "gender? I don't even know'er!" On it.
8. Kirishima 💪❤️
Bisexual but kind of oblivious to it. Equates attraction to admiring someone for being "manly." It is discovered at some point during his years at UA that his personal definition of manly just encompasses all the traits that he finds attractive in a person plus other traits he admires but isn't necessarily into. This makes for a very confusing journey of self-discovery.
9. Kouda 🐇🤍
Grey ace. Questions his gender sometimes but is not overly concerned with what gender is the right one. More interested in solid friendships than dating too and so he ends up with qpps as his most meaningful relationships
10. Sato 🍫💛
Stereotypical cake loving aro ace. He doesn't care what everyone else is doing, he's busy perfecting his ganache.
11. Shouji 🤝🩵
On the ace spectrum but still figuring out exactly where. He has body image issues due to trauma and that kind of effects his views on attraction and romance.
12. Jirou 🎵💜
She thinks she's bi but she's still figuring it all out. Honestly anyone that can vibe to music with her could catch her eye, and she especially likes people that have slightly odd tastes such as listening to classical music or pre-quirk pop*
*(this is based on the headcanon that bnha takes place a couple hundred years into the future. Pre-quirk pop would just be the pop of the 80s up to about now in her view)
13. Sero 🩹🩶
(I couldn't find a tape emoji so bandaid it is)
Pansexual. He and ochako get along very well bc not only do they share an identity in this way, they also both feel like they're parenting their respective neurodivergent friend groups lol.
14. Tokoyami 🐦⬛🖤
Homoromantic ace. Sometimes does Bird Things to show his affection like bringing gifts and trinkets to ppl he is interested in or like nesting with their stuff. He finds these urges embarrassing but everyone else thinks it's cute and adores him for it.
15. Todoroki ❄️🔥❤️🤍
Gay gay homosexual gay. Has absolutely no idea how romance or crushes or teenage hormones or anything is supposed to work so he just does not realize that it isn't normal to daydream about cuddling his male classmates. Ochako gently explains the concept of a crush to him after he mentions something about this offhand and it blows his fucking mind.
16. Hagakure 🌫🤍
Bisexual and a very proud member of the Loving Women Club. Has a huuuuggeee crush on Mirko (which like, same girl).
17. Bakugou 💥🧡
Gay. Has a very specific taste in men but he won't tell anyone what it is because like three people on the entire planet fit the criteria (in his mind anyway) and he does not want anyone figuring out who he might be into because he sees it as weakness. Even after he goes to therapy he describes his type as "certain dumbasses who have issues and can't take a single fucking hint" so.
18. Deku 🐰💚
Bisexual disaster and everyone around him knows it. Has like 3 crises a day over finding random classmates attractive and overthinks everything there is to overthink in the situation. Luckily for him everyone knows what he's like and how his brain works and they find it endearing (even if certain classmates won't say it out loud)
19. Yaomomo ⚛️❤️
Lesbian. Momo recognizes that all the girls around her are so pretty and talented and it's a win for her bc they have such a culture of uplifting each other so she's constantly getting compliments from very pretty girls. She's living her best life as the president of the loving UA women club.
Bonus: shinso!!! 🐱💜
Shinso uses the Queer umbrella label. He has a preference for men but is generally attracted to any gender. When he transfers into class A the first two weeks are like a constant crisis bc he's like. Getting attention from all these attractive and talented people??? And they like him for who he is??? Paralyzing.
#bnha#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#todoroki shouto#aoyama yuga#ashido mina#asui tsuyu#hagakure toru#iida tenya#jirou kyouka#kaminari denki#kirishima eijirou#kouda kouji#ojiro mashirao#sato rikido#sero hanta#shinsou hitoshi#shouji mezou#tokoyami fumikage#uraraka ochacho#yaoyorozu momo#all of 1a#pride headcanons#bisexual#asexual#gay#lesbian#nonbinary#i wrote the bulk of this at 3am so apologies if it does not make sense
82 notes
·
View notes
Note
Real question, not trolling or asking maliciously; how can you be aroace and also a lesbian? If that’s aro/aspec then I understand, but I thought that aroace was the lack of attraction, and being a lesbian indicates presence of attraction?
Thanks, sorry, have a good weekend
Hiya sweetheart, no need to apologize, and thank you for asking!!
So, for me, it's mainly a case of 'which labels fit best'. I call myself aroace but am probably better described aro/aspec, as you say, where I slide a little bit on the scale sometimes. It's just not enough for me to actively pursue anything like 99% of the time, and I don't have the time/energy to deal with microlabels, when aroace fits me just as well. An important aspect to me here is also that while I'm aroace I'm not strictly sex or romance averse, which probably informs some of my feeling like I 'slide' on the scale every now and then -- and if I am to pursue anything seriously, at the moment I only really see myself with another woman.
There IS also the concept, within the aroace community, of tertiary attraction, ie attraction to people based on aspects that are not sexual/romantic, like aesthetic attraction. For me, if there is to be any attraction, in any form, it's usually towards women.
That all said, I'm a very big advocate for sexuality having fluidity, so it's not like I'm super strict about these labels for myself. IRL I usually just refer to myself as queer, and let people draw their own conclusions. I am secure in both my asexuality and my 'if I had to pick a gender to be with, itd be a woman no contest' frame of mind, so for now I use the labels I think represent me the best, and that come with the communities of people I feel kinship with, and leave it at that :3
Hope that answered your question!
#im p sure historically i'd've identified as a bambi lesbian. or stone maybe? idk. im honestly not too worried abt it lol#aroace#teki talks#asks
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Anon on tinhatting. I consider myself a shipper in that shipping is a part of fandom I enjoy. I read fanfic and meta and enjoy reading people's theories and exploring my own. I don't consider myself a shipper in that I don't have any set ideas about the reality of John and Paul's relationship. What I said in my ask (I believe John was interested in men and making the leap to him being interested in Paul on some level feels perfectly logical) is the most I feel certain of.
I think you're question of "where is the line?" is the core of what I was trying to articulate. I don't know what experience you have in other rpf fandoms, but the outline I gave is hugely informed by the stuff I've seen in fandoms like One Direction and Supernatural rpf. I'm in my late twenties, I've been in fandom since I was 12. And decent handful of those fandoms were rpfs. And it's shocking how quickly shipping theories spiral into conspiracy theories which often quickly turn toxic. And equally shocking is how, after you've been in one or two of those fandoms, you realize all those conspiracy theories look exactly the same.
I want to make clear, I think the Mclennon/Beatles fandom is 1000x better than any rpf fandom I've ever been in before. The premium placed on well sourced evidence is amazing and the openness to ambiguity is wonderful. But when that other anon said how they were occasionally uncomfortably reminded of larries, I felt that. So what I was trying to articulate in my last ask was those moments when I feel like things teeter close to that line.
What I was trying to point to with the song lyrics stuff was the reciprocal nature of the more conspiracists bent. If that makes sense? Theorizing that "in my life" is about Paul and romantic makes perfect sense. As does compiling evidence to try to support that theory. But, unless your evidence is 100% rock solid there is no other plausible theory, turning around and using "in my life" being about Paul as evidence in another theory is, for me, based on other fandom conspiracies I've seen, where things go from thoughtful fandom meta to uncomfortable tinhat rabbit hole. Same with the lying stuff. It's fine to assess if someone's telling the truth, but when dealing with real people, I do think there's an ethical obligation to double check whether your cognitive bias is encouraging you to dismiss the legitimacy of someone's report on their lived experience. It's not the analysis that slides into tinhattery, it's the willingness to discount evidence that doesn't fit a narrative you've already decided on. And over inflate evidence that does.
I maybe shouldn't have tacked on the platonic relationship stuff because it really isn't specific to John/Paul. It's just that the kind of "if not than why?" stuff always starts to drain on me and make me as an ace/aro person feel unwelcome in fandom spaces. Fandom is so romance centered in a way that most other fiction (besides romance novels and romcoms) really isn't. This isn't just a mlm thing either. I was talking about this with Mulder/Scully in X-Files fandom the other day. So that feeling for me is way bigger than tinhattery.
But I do think that kind of leads into the "loves of each other's lives" stuff. Because it's another thing that's really born out of lifelong fandom. The "one truest love" thing is such a fandom staple. It's basically in the DNA of fanfiction. And that's great! I like a "one true love" thing too. But when applied to real people it gets stickier. If that makes sense? And I don't think it comes out in any one way in practice necessarily (well, occasionally it does, I did once see someone say that Linda was great for Paul because she accepted that John would always be the most important person in his life). It's more the general, meeting to death, feeling you occasionally get from fandom sometimes. And there's nothing inherently wrong with the theory (sometimes I buy meeting to death), but it's impossible not to recognize how based in the standard fandom blueprint it is. And once you notice that the idea of when either one of them "got over" the other rarely, if ever, gets discussed as even a possibility, that standard fandom stuff starts to feel somewhat insidious.
I want to reiterate that I think this fandom is way better than any rpf fandom I've been in before. It's just these hints of conspiracy that peak through every once and a while.
I hope this all made sense. I'm about to go to bed so sorry if it's phrased weird
Hello again anon, and thanks for coming back. I know a lot of people were interested in hearing what you had to say, so we'll all appreciate the clarifications.
What you're saying makes a lot of sense to me. I can see that you'd be on edge from other fandoms, even if you've not seen the exact same behaviour here.
You're right that I've seen a lot less of the weird conspiracy stuff here than I've witnessed (at a distance) in other rpf fandoms (in fact the two you mention seem to be the worst of them). This isn't my first rpf fandom, but my first was very chill, much like this is. Here, there's not really lots and lots of disagreement that the men loved their partners or were really with them. Which I know isn't the case everywhere. Honestly, that's something that would really put me off.
And that's before we get into the really weird stuff people end up saying in other fandoms.
Yes, building theories on top of theories is very classic in conspiracy theories everywhere. It's something that it's important to look out for, for sure. I guess, I always take anything in fandom as not being 100% true, unless we have a lot of sources for it. Even John's sexuality, which does seem to be the most clear, we can't be sure of. And we certainly don't know how he felt or identified.
I also get what you mean about OPT thing. Like, real life doesn't work like that. It's not something that I've ever felt compelled towards, to be honest. I'm personally comfortable that people can love multiple people at once. Or, indeed, you can love someone so much it makes you insane... but it can still go away.
Anyway, I think you're right in all of this. I agree that I've only seen a little of what you're talking about actually done in this fandom. But, I do think it's worth checking in with yourself about it. Like, as I say, people should have fun. But, when you start taking things really seriously, start believing you have the 'one truth' that's where it starts to justify weird, invasive behaviour. Like commenting on the guys' or families' social media posts.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pick one of your muses . Fill in the questions/statements as if you were your muse in a new post Tag five people to do this meme
Tagged by: @thecreaturecrossroads
TAGGING: whomever else wants to do it
1. What is your name ? I am Gu Helong, the dragon of the river valley... even though there's not much river left in my valley, Ahah-!
2. What is your real name ? Eh? Do you mean my children's name, or-? I'm a little too insignificant to have earned myself a title, I am afraid.
3. Do you know why you were called that ? ....Because. I'm the dragon. Of the river valley.
4. Are you single or taken ? -sighs whistfully- Oh, who would even take a helpless cripple such as me and drag me away to their palace, to have their wicked- (Baohu Ku from the off: Just answer the question!) Ahahaha I mean. I'm currently single.
5. Have any abilities or powers ? Oh no! I'm just a useless cripple! (Baohu Ku: He can summon lightning at will and if the circumstances are right, he can fertilize the lands with just his presence.)
6. Stop being a Mary Sue. ....I'm a dragon, though?
7. What’s your eye color ? How would I know? I'm blind, you see? (Baoho Ku: His eyes used to be emerald green like the lush forests of his valley. Since the incident, they are milky white and blinded.)
8. How about your hair color ? Oh! I remember that! My hair used to be sky blue. Ku-ge~! Is it still as blue as the sunny sky? (Baohu Ku: ....yes, it is.)
9. Have you any family members ? Oh, soooo many! Dragons are a very fertile species, you see? But since I'm so useless and powerless, most don't ever bother with me. I only have my cousins Ku-ge and Zitian-ge, who care for me.
10. Oh ? What about pets ? ...do the ferocious beasts and monsters roaming my bog count? (Baohu Ku: Those keep trying to eat you. So no.) Oh. Well... then I don't have any.
12. Do you have any hobbies / activities you like doing ? I used to love reading stories of adventures and romance. Nowadays.... sometimes I can catch a wayward spirit and make them read some stories out loud for me. (Baohu Ku: I wished you would not make them read spring-books in broad daylight...)
13. Ever hurt anyone before ? Oh, how could a weak, crippled dragon, such as me- (Baohu Ku: Yes. Yes he did. Multiple times.)
14. Ever …. killed anyone before ? ....some things are best not talked about. (Baohu Ku: ...What do you mean by that? Gu Helong, what have you done this time!?) Anyways. What's your next question?
15. What kind of animal are you ? I'm a jialong. A river-based dragon.
16. Name your worst habits. I don't think, I have any- (Baohu Ku: He tends to strike lightning into people, that annoy him. Also he keeps using self-deprecating humor to deflect from his loneliness and he-) Ku-ge, don't be mean!
18. Gay, straight, or bisexual? I-... what? (Baohu Ku: This refers to the mortals understanding of sexuality as referring to which gender they are attracted to-) Oh, in that case, I'm attracted to whomever would be willing to take such a useless- (Baohu Ku: If you say cripple one more time, I'm going to tell Zitian!) ....Snitch.
19. Do you go to school? Who would build a school in a bog? No no, before the incident, I was still promising enough, that my parents afforded private tutors for me.
20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day ? .......well, maybe someone will find me suitable as a concubine one day. As for children, I do not know, if I still- (Baohu Ku: ...next question!)
21. Do you have any fanboys / fangirls ? How could I afford servants especially for fanning myself!? I can barely make do with the wayward spirits I manage to capture. (Baohu Ku: That's not what-... never mind. Carry on.)
22. What are you most afraid of ? Ahahahaha! I already got my home and body destroyed beyond salvation! What else is there left to be afraid of, no? (Baohu Ku: .....)
23. What do you usually wear ? I only have this set of hanfu left, everything else got destroyed in the incident, so- I guess, that's it?
24. Do you love someone ? No. I wished there was one around to love, though.
25. When was the last time you wet yourself? Wet? Oh, you mean, as in- Ohohohohoho! You have quite some scandalous interests my friend! -leans in closer- What else would you like to know about me?
26. Well, it’s not over yet! Do tell me more!
27. What class are you ? Eh..... As a dragon, I suppose I still count as among the highest nobility among the beasts.... but among dragons.... is "burden" a class? (Baohu Ku: -sighs-)
28. How many friends do you have ? Oh, well... I have Ku-ge... and Zitian-ge... maybe some of the lost souls wandering the bog.... erm.... does that count?
29. What are your thoughts on pie ? Wished I could have the pleasure to eat one some day.
30. Favorite drink? As in, what I prefer to drink nowadays, or-? I only can have diluted tea in this place, so-.... but sometimes I miss the heady flavor of rich rice wine.
31. What’s your favorite place ? There's a spot on the patio of my little hut, that is a little higher than the rest, since the place is slowly sinking into the bog. Because of that, this spot is almost completely free of mold and even completely dry for a few hours during summer days.
32. Are you interested in someone ? Well, I'd be interested in someone showing interest in me. Does that count?
33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean? I'm a river based dragon. The ocean is the realm of the Heavenly dragons. I would not dare intrude.
34. What’s your type ? They need to be strong and fierce. So they can push me around and manhandle me, while we- (Baohu Ku: Helong!) ...honestly, anyone who'd see some worth in me, will do.
35. Are you wanting the quiz to end ? Depends. What are your plans for after- (Baohu Ku: We're leaving!) ....spoilsport.
1 note
·
View note
Text
guess who finally wrote the qpr renga fic!!
(based vaguely off this post but it changed a bit since then)
it only took me like. 6 months.
summary and notes as well as the fic itself are under the cut (but its way easier to read on ao3 honestly)
But I Know That I Love Being Your Friend
"Langa," Reki said, swinging his legs where he sat at the top of the half pipe, "do you ever wonder if people think we're dating?"
Langa made a small thoughtful noise. "Not really. As long as we know we're not dating, I don't really mind."
"I think my mum thinks we are. She keeps giving me these weird looks whenever I talk about you. It's kinda annoying."
Or:
Reki is finding more and more that he really doesn't like when people assume he and Langa are dating, and when Langa comes out to him as aroace it gets him questioning a lot of things he'd always assumed about himself.
Words: 5715
Tags: Queerplatonic Renga, Minor Queerplatonic Matchablossom, Aromantic Asexual Hasegawa Langa, Aromantic Bisexual Kyan Reki, Demiromantic Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Aromantic (specifically frayromantic) Pansexual Nanjo Kojiro | Joe, Mild Angst, Fluff, Self-Discovery, Coming Out, reki has a mild crisis but its okay, cherry "helps", Joe actually helps, langa is very chill and loves his best friend a lot
Notes:
Slight warning: This fic contains mild implied internalised arophobia and romance aversion. It's purely cause I still struggle with both of those and can't physically imagine it not being hard to accept oneself as aromatic. But yeah. Be aware of that.
Also! Pls don't take anything in this as 100% Factual Information. Firstly because I'm a loveless aro-ace writing about an aro-allo in a qpr so my experiences are far from similar, and secondly because sometimes descriptions have to be simplified so this doesn't sound like a damn dictionary.
That being said, please do let me know if I've badly misrepresented anything/written anything insensitive, and I will do my best to fix it.
~~*~~
"Langa," Reki said, swinging his legs where he sat at the top of the half pipe, "do you ever wonder if people think we're dating?"
Next to him, Langa made a small thoughtful noise. "Not really. As long as we know we're not dating, I don't really mind."
Reki frowned in thought. "I think my mom thinks we are. She keeps giving me these weird looks whenever I talk about you. I guess it's fair, she knows I'm bi and I do kinda talk about you a lot," he admitted that last part with only slight embarrassment, "but it's kinda annoying."
"It is."
Langa didn't say anything for a minute and Reki figured that was the end of the conversation. He wondered if it was weird for friends to hang out as much as they did, especially when one was attracted to guys and the other at least had never shown interest in a girl, but maybe it didn't really matter. He liked spending time with Langa - he'd probably spend his whole life with him if he could - and he wasn't going to stop doing that because some people thought it was an excessive amount of time to spend with a friend.
Then Langa spoke again.
"When I asked my mum for advice on how to apologise to you, she assumed I had a crush on you too. I had to come out to make her back off."
"What?" Reki's head snapped around to look at his friend in surprise. Langa was fiddling with one of the wheels on his skateboard, rolling it back and forth with his finger. "Dude you didn't have to come out to her if you don't want to, you know that right?"
As he spoke, Reki wondered why Langa would need to come out just to say he didn't like guys. He must have missed something completely.
"I did, she kept trying to give me dating advice."
Reki almost snorted out a laugh but caught himself.
"It doesn't bother me if people I don't really know think it, but it's my mum and I was uncomfortable. I'm uh..."
Langa was still staring at the wheel and Reki finally realised what Langa might be trying to do. He opened his mouth to say he didn't need an explanation but he was interrupted.
"I'm aroace and someone thinking I'm dating or want to date someone makes me feel...not good. So I try to ignore it most of the time." He paused, finally glanced over at Reki, then added almost as an afterthought. "You know what that is right?"
No. "Sort of? But you don't have to explain to me if you don't want to," he hastened to add, "you're still my friend dude."
"It's fine." Langa turned to look out over the skatepark. "Asexual means not being-" like the awkward teenager he was, Langa blushed, "physically attracted to anyone. Aromantic means not being romantically attracted to anyone. I'm both so basically I don't like anyone like that."
"Oh. Okay." Reki tried to process the new information. On the surface, it wasn't particularly confusing, but it clashed harshly with everything he'd thought about, well, life. People dated and/or hooked up until they fell in love and got married. He didn't know there were other options.
"You don't think that's weird?" Langa asked quietly, and Reki suddenly realised just how vulnerable he was being right now. Langa didn't often open up, in fact the last time he'd done so was when he'd said his dad died, and he'd changed the subject right after.
Reki cursed inwardly. He should have been more supportive; this was probably terrifying for him.
"Nah dude, I just never heard of it," Reki shrugged with only slightly forced nonchalance. "As I said, you're still my best friend, and it's not like you not dating anyone means we can't still skate together." He flashed a grin at the boy next to him and was rewarded with one of Langa's own soft smiles.
"Forever, right?"
"Forever!" Reki beamed. "Come on!" He stood, pulling Langa up with him, and positioned his board at the top of the ramp. Then he fell with a laugh, his best friend right behind him.
-----
By the time Reki got home that evening, his mind had drifted back to that conversation with Langa and he was buzzing with curiosity. Once in bed, he skipped his usual routine of skating videos until the early hours to open up a search tab, typing "aromantic asexual" just to see what would come up.
The first result was an article describing what it was like to be aromantic asexual and Reki skimmed through it before clicking away. He couldn't really process such a large amount of text, and he was pretty sure he had a grasp on the concept anyway. He skipped past a few "Are You Aroace?" pages, and clicked on one for explaining the difference between the two words. At the sight of another wall of text, he was about to click away again when his brain caught on something.
While the two terms are similar, and some people do identify with both, it is also possible to only be one or the other. Some asexual people still experience romantic attraction, and some aromantic people still experience sexual attraction. They may also identify with some other orientation such as gay, straight or bi.
Huh.
Reki read the section again, and then a third time. He could understand the words fine, they just weren't sinking in. Obviously, if the two identities weren't really linked then it made sense that people could be just one or the other, but it was only now that Reki properly registered this.
So you didn't have to want to date the people you found hot? That was allowed?
On impulse, he found himself opening a new tab, typing "aromantic" and clicking the first result. He got barely three words in before he shut his phone off and dropped it onto the bed.
This was stupid. He didn't need to look this up right now, or possibly ever. He understood his friend and he knew enough about the subject to not be completely ignorant and that was enough.
And he certainly didn't need to look any of this up for himself.
He liked people of all genders and one day he would meet someone nice and he'd fall in love and get married and that was that. That was what everyone told him, so it must be true.
Reki rolled over firmly and glared at the wall. Then he huffed, grabbed his phone again, opened YouTube, and went back to his safe routine of burning his eyes to skating videos until he eventually passed out.
-----
Reki woke the next morning, phone on his face, alarm blaring, feeling drained. Questions from the night before tried to resurface but he pushed them away, stumbling out of bed and trying to find clothes.
"You'd better hurry up or you'll make your friend late," his mother warned as he rushed into the kitchen just minutes before he needed to leave.
"Yeah yeah," he mumbled though a mouthful of eggs, then swallowed. "Its fine. If we're gonna be late, I'll just tell Langa to go on ahead. He's so fast you know? And completely fearless! Okay, maybe that's not a good thing all the time, but he does look so cool when he's dodging cars-" Reki paused in his gushing to shovel more eggs into his mouth.
From next to the stove, his mother gave him an odd look - a kind of knowing half-smile.
"What?"
"You really like that boy don't you?"
"Well obviously," Reki stood and grabbed his bento, "he's my best friend."
Across the table, Koyomi rolled her eyes. "'Friend', sure..."
Reki stiffened. Then on autopilot he was heading for the door, grabbing his bag, his shoes, his skateboard, and throwing a "whatever, see you later" over his shoulder. Only once outside did his brain catch up.
They definitely thought he liked Langa like that.
Reki stepped onto his board, letting muscle memory carry him down the road, and tried to shake the uncomfortable feeling.
Of course they thought that. Reki already knew they did. But the accusation felt worse than it used to. Usually he'd just give a nervous laugh or roll his eyes and forget about it when someone did that, but now his skin was practically crawling.
It must just be because he knew it would make Langa uncomfortable too and Reki was being protective of his friend.
Yeah that was it.
-----
Somehow, Reki survived most of the day without thinking about the conversation with Langa the day before. It was helped by the fact that Langa acted no differently, and their friendship hadn't changed in the slightest. They still texted all through class, they still bumped shoulders and ruffled each other's hair in affection, and they still sat close and watched skating videos during lunch.
Nothing had changed. But then, why on earth should it?
"I'm just gonna put this bottle in the bin." Reki said, peeling himself away from Langa's side and standing. Langa huffed slightly at the prospect of being away from Reki even for a moment, and Reki laughed at his pout. "I'll be right back."
Reki crossed the roof, humming lightly to himself, but paused when he heard his name.
"What about Kyan and Hasegawa?"
It was one of two girls ahead of him who'd spoken, both had their backs turned to him and hadn't seen him.
"Hmm...I'm not sure if they're dating but they definitely like each other."
Reki froze. He knew all too well that "like" meant "attracted to" in this context, and he started forward on instinct. But the girls must not have been talking about him and Langa specifically for the first one listed off another pair of names, and the second gave her very confident opinion that the two were secretly in a relationship. Reki stopped listening, stopped hearing really, and backed away a little.
Why couldn't people just leave his and Langa's friendship alone? And why did they all assume that to be so close they must be dating?
When it came to Langa's feelings, these people couldn't be further from the truth, but maybe an outside perspective could tell Reki had a crush on Langa even if Reki himself didn't know?
But Reki's insides squirmed at the thought. No, he definitely didn't want to date Langa. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, practice skating tricks together, talk about their days, and sit close to each other in comfortable silence, but he definitely didn't want to go on dates, or even kiss him. They were best friends and Reki was perfectly happy that way.
But was it wrong of him to want to be so close without their relationship being romantic? Logically, the answer was no, especially as Langa didn't want that either, but a gnawing voice in the back of his head wouldn't stop saying he was wrong.
Reki shook his head to force the thoughts out and marched back over to the bin to dump the bottle. He wasn't going to stop being affectionate just because some people were dumb and nosy. That was stupid.
He returned to Langa and plopped down beside him, leaning more firmly into his shoulder as if to prove a point. Anxiety continued to growl at him from his stomach but he firmly ignored it.
-----
His brave face didn't last all day.
He'd been spaced out all through his beef with Miya, letting him win far too easily for which he got thoroughly chewed out by the kid. Or at least, it would have been thorough if Reki had been really listening. But he'd hardly heard anything since school ended.
He didn't want to date Langa, but had he ever wanted to date anyone at all? The answer was a resounding no and it scared him. That was normal for his age, right?
"Oi slime! SLIME!" Miya screeched and flicked Reki's forehead, finally jolting him out of his thoughts. "Are you even listening?"
Reki absent-mindedly rubbed at where he'd been hit. "Um...no, sorry-"
Miya huffed loud enough to interrupt him, and stamped his foot. "Whatever, just next time you challenge me, actually follow through on it."
"I will, sorry," Reki mumbled, vaguely ruffling Miya's hair and getting a squawk and smack on the arm for his efforts.
Everyone - their whole group was at S today - turned to the screen to watch the next beef and Reki felt a hand tug his elbow.
Cherry was pulling him resolutely to a quieter corner of the warehouse, leaving no debate as to whether Reki was to follow. Only once they were out of earshot of anyone else did he stop and turn to look at Reki shrewdly.
"Something is on your mind. Either stop ignoring your friends or talk about it."
Ah, blunt as always.
Reki held Cherry's severe gaze for less than a second before his eyes dropped to stare at the ground. He scuffed the toe of his shoe in the dust.
Eventually he spoke. "Does it make you uncomfortable when we tease you and Joe for being obliviously in love?"
It wasn't what was on Reki's mind and Cherry knew it, but the older skater just sighed. "Not really, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be comfortable with comments like that. There could be any number of reasons for one to feel that way, and they're all equally valid."
Reki scuffed his toe again, hoping Cherry would elaborate but not knowing how to ask.
There came another sigh and Reki glanced up to see Cherry pinching the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and then folded his arms.
"It frustrates me however, because of the assumption that a very close relationship must always be on some level romantic, and usually sexual too." He raised an eyebrow at Reki. "Am I correct to assume you wouldn't know what I'm talking about if I told you I am demiromantic?"
Reki shook his head awkwardly. "Not really. I'm kinda new to this, sorry."
All credit to Cherry, he did try not to look exasperated. "In grossly oversimplified terms, it means I don't experience romantic attraction until I am emotionally close to the person in question. Technically, I am also demisexual but I don't experience romantic and sexual attraction separately so I don't often bother using that label too. It that clear enough?"
Sort of. Reki nodded yes.
"Good." Cherry's tone was clipped, though not any more than usual. "Now, Kojiro is my best friend and has been since before we can remember. I have been in love with him a very long time and he loves me too, but not romantically. I shan't elaborate on Kojiro's side because it's not mine to tell, but we've been in what we call a queer-platonic relationship for many years. I suppose you don't know what that is either?"
Reki shook his head, feeling more and more intimidated by the minute.
"Look up the official definition in your own time," Cherry said with a wave of his hand. "In mine and Kojiro's case we found a middle ground between romantic and platonic that we're both comfortable with and are perfectly happy like that. This, and the fact it is quite frankly nobody else's business, is why the narrow-minded assumption we are romantically involved is aggravating."
It took Reki a moment to realise Cherry had finished talking.
"Wait but," Reki heard Cherry sigh again but pressed forward, "why're you telling me all this? You could've just said it's annoying instead of giving me a lecture." He frowned up at Cherry who, to Reki's surprise let out a breath and unfolded his arms.
"Don't take me for an idiot, Reki. I can make an educated guess that you're questioning some things, probably relating to your relationship with Langa. It's also obvious you learn best with real life examples. Thus: real life example on relationships and attraction that should provide information and...comfort.
"Anyway," Cherry continued, "I've now done the bare minimum to be considered helpful. If you have further questions, the internet is free," he raised a sharp eyebrow, "and perhaps talk to your friend."
Okay, so all that was uncomfortably perceptive. Reki took in a breath and focussed on the knowledge that at least one adult in his life understood he and Langa were just friends.
He tried to reply but all that came out was a "Yeah. Thanks."
Cherry's face remained impassive but he gave Reki a stiff nod and turned back towards their group. Not another word passed between them, and Reki was left to deal with relief, and a simultaneous new flood of confusion.
It was a jumbled mess of feelings and questions, none of which he could sort through enough to really know what he felt. By the time he was back with the rest of the group, and dodging Langa's question about where he went, Reki had given up and pushed it all out of his mind. Now wasn't the time.
And maybe, if he just ignored all of his worrying now, the time would never have to come.
-----
Reki rolled his eyes when Langa finally returned from the vending machine with a pair of drink cans.
"Okay now will you let me sort out your hands?"
Langa passed Reki one of the drinks and huffed as he sat down next to him on the bench, shoulders brushing Reki's own.
"Fine."
Reki shook his head and moved to open the first band-aid. Trust Langa to zone out during a trick and go flying, only to care more about getting food than being patched up when Reki suggested a break.
"Langa," he started, smoothing the first band-aid across his friend's palm and opening another, "can I ask you something kinda personal? You don't have to answer if its rude though," he quickly added.
It was a few days since Reki had spoken with Cherry and he'd spent the time swapping between ignoring his problems, and thinking about them way too much.
"Of course."
"How did you know...?" Reki didn't look up from wrestling with another band-aid, and just trailed off.
Somehow, Langa seemed to instantly know what he was talking about. Must be best-friend powers or something.
"That I'm aroace? I didn't. When I first read about it, I refused to think I wasn't 'normal'," Langa said, making a gesture he'd once told Reki was called air-quotes. Reki let out a sound of annoyance and pulled Langa's hands back down so he could keep bandaging.
"But slowly the idea started to make sense. I'd never felt any attraction, and I didn't want to be in a relationship like that. It felt like I was broken, and I didn't have anyone to talk to, so it took a long time before I was able to admit it to myself. But now I'm okay. Sort of."
Reki stayed quiet as he smoothed down the last band-aid, and just nodded.
A long silence stretched between them. It was broken only by the opening of two cans, Langa immediately drinking about half of his in one go.
Eventually Reki spoke up again. "Can I ask you something else?"
Langa nodded, chugging down the rest of his drink.
Reki fiddled with the metal ring on his can."Do you know what a QPR is? I tried looking it up yesterday but I didn't really get it..."
Beside him, Langa nodded once. Then his eyebrows furrowed and he got that determined expression on his face that Reki knew meant he was thinking really hard about something.
He suddenly sat bolt upright and turned to Reki. "Its like a friendship but extra close," he said, as if that was all the explanation needed.
Reki blinked at him.
After several seconds of staring, Langa got the hint and tried again. "You do things that people say are only for romantic relationships."
Reki huffed. "Like what?" he pressed, "details Langa!"
"Like...spending all your time together," Langa's gaze began to get unfocused, "and maybe going on dates but as friends." He sounded faraway, but slowly leant closer and closer into Reki's shoulder as he spoke, saying something about physical affection and sharing interests. Discussing feelings and what you want in the future. Living together for the rest of your lives.
"It can be anything really, but I think it's something like that," Langa said, seeming to come back from wherever he'd zoned out to.
Reki looked down at where their palms had somehow ended up close enough to brush together, not quite holding.
"Oh."
Something was swirling in his chest. Something that loosened his breathing, and relaxed the tenseness of his shoulders. Something that eased the storm of questions in his head.
He felt Langa nudge him. "Are you okay?"
Reki shrugged, then nodded. "Yeah. I need to think about some things, but not right now."
"Then," Langa rose and offered out a hand to Reki, "let's race home!"
Reki grinned, glad to be offered a distraction, and let his best friend drag him from the bench.
-----
The bright light from Reki's phone made his eyes ache, and his head throb painfully. His gaze had been fixed to the screen since practically the moment he'd snuck back into his room, and he'd been reading and re-reading the same words over and over again for what felt like hours.
Never having a crush on someone. Rarely bothered by being single. Finding people attractive but having no desire to actually date them. Discomfort at the idea of being in a romantic relationship.
He felt shaky, breath fast and uneven, palms clammy. The screen eventually went dark and he didn't even move to tap it, just dropped it on the bed. His head hurt.
So he was aromantic.
He'd kept trying to find other reasons - he just hadn't met the right person yet, he hadn't gotten close enough to anyone to fall in love, he was still a kid and skateboarding took up all of his time - but whenever he tried to imagine himself dating someone he just couldn't. And when he tried extra hard, he just ended up feeling sick.
But the rush of relief that this was even an option was impossible to ignore, even with the knots that pulled his chest tighter and tighter. He couldn't even pretend the relief was new. It had been creeping in since Langa came out to him, and now, in the dark of his room and through watery eyes, it all came in a rush.
He was aromantic bisexual. He thought people were hot but he would never want to date them, and he would never fall in love.
Something hot trickled from the corner of his eye, and across his temple.
The pounding in his head threatened to split his skull clean open and all Reki wanted to do was bury his head in the sand and forget about it all. He didn't want to have to go through all this questioning, and he didn't want to have to explain to everyone he met for the rest of his life that he and Langa were just friends.
His room was suffocating him.
-----
Rain dripped quietly from the awning in front of Sia La Luce as Reki hovered on the doorstep, just outside the glow from the few lights left on inside. It had already been raining lightly when he left his house, but he'd walked out into it anyway, so desperate to get out of his room and clear his head.
It had worked. Sort of. The word aromantic undeniably made sense, and the realisation that he wasn't romantically attracted to anyone actually somehow made the label bisexual feel better too.
But he didn't want that to be right.
It felt...like being told something was wrong with him, that he was a bad person for this.
He didn't know how or why he ended up lurking outside the restaurant, damp and tired, but he was still stalling when the door opened suddenly and he jumped about a foot into the air, shrieking.
"Woah, woah kid calm down," Joe laughed, leaning against the door, "I only came to see if you were all right, not give you a heart attack!"
Reki grumbled something about some warning being nice, but followed Joe inside the restaurant anyway. He ended up slouched on one of the chairs, Joe leaning against the counter beside him, neither of them speaking.
He was just considering leaving (with an apology for imposing his company on Joe right when he probably wanted to go home) when Joe broke the silence instead.
"Hey, if you have something on your mind, you can talk to me, you know."
"Cherry told me about your relationship," Reki blurted out. Then he caught himself and muttered, "it made me think about a lot of things. Well I was thinking about them before but it made me think...more..."
"Ah," Joe made a small noise, like a knowing little huff of air, and sat down on the chair next to Reki. "I assume he didn't tell you much about my side of it?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Reki could see Joe was looking at him evenly, expression relaxed and open as always.
"No, he said that wasn't his to tell."
Joe nodded and turned to gaze somewhere in the direction of the cabinets behind the counter.
"I'm aromantic and pansexual," he began, in that calm voice of his, "so though I love Kaoru a lot, it's not romantic. Not like the way he loves me. We're extremely close, but our relationship is mostly friendship with just the romantic parts I'm okay with. I guess it seems pretty weird to other people, especially with all the play-arguing," he chuckled. Then he turned to Reki and leaned in like he was sharing a grave secret. "Kaoru gets frustrated on my behalf when someone assumes we're dating, but he'll never admit it."
Reki smiled a little at that, the lightheartedness of the comment easing the remaining tension in his shoulders.
"It takes a lot of communication," Joe continued, "because technically we both want different things, but it's not all that hard to make it work."
Watching out the corner of his eye, Reki saw Joe glance over at him, as if to check he was still following everything he was saying.
"I said I'm aromantic, but more specifically I'm frayromantic - which means I'm only romantically attracted to people I'm not very close to. I like going on single dates and having, well, one night stands, and I'm always clear that it's no strings attached."
Reki frowned as Joe said that, trying to wrap his head around just how calm he was. Of course Reki knew there wasn't anything wrong with any of this, but just the casual way Joe spoke was helping him to actually believe that.
"But that's why Kaoru's the only one allowed to call me a flirt, and I'm the only one allowed to bully him for being a prude. Because we aren't trying to hurt each other, and we know what's too far. It's not exactly a traditional relationship," he shrugged, "and people certainly think it's weird, but we're happy. And we agreed a long time ago that was all that mattered."
Reki was quiet as Joe finished, still thinking over everything he'd said. He fiddled with a leaf on the plant at the end of the counter.
"Are you okay kid?"
"Do you...do you ever feel like you're...bad because you only-" Reki's voice caught and he had to swallow, "-only want to sleep with people, and not...date them?"
Joe sighed quietly. Not out of impatience, just a little sad. Like he'd known exactly what Reki was going to say.
"Sure, sometimes I get down like that." He turned to face Reki properly, resting his arm on the counter. "But much less now than I used to. It's not on me to do something I'm uncomfortable with just because someone else expects me to."
Reki's throat tightened, though not out of fear or sadness now. He finally let his eyes raise to look at Joe properly.
"Having Kaoru helps. He's always there to be aggressively supportive, and I know I can trust him to communicate with me. But mostly it's just...time."
Reki's vision was going blurry for some reason, and he blinked rapidly to clear it.
"You'll be okay kid."
He nodded, once.
A little bit of weight had lifted from Reki's chest, like a heartbreak starting to heal. It would be a long time before he was okay with all of this, but it didn't feel quite so bleak now.
"Yeah."
-----
A week later, another slow day at school, and another night spent too long at S and Reki and Langa were slowly making their way home through the early morning darkness. Or at least, home was the intended destination. They hadn't been walking in the right direction for a while, just taking a meandering route through the quiet streets, savouring the time together.
Not a word had passed between them for the past hour, and they hadn't seen another person since they'd left S earlier that night. For all intents and purposes, they could have been the only two people left on earth, just wandering together.
It was peaceful.
He wasn't sure when they'd started holding hands, or even who started it, but they were, sweaty palms pressed together and shoulders occasionally brushing. His friend's very presence seemed to both cool down the stuffy night air, and warm the inside of Reki's chest.
Yes, this was where he wanted to be forever.
They were passing by a park when Reki felt a tug on his hand and Langa broke the silence to complain that his legs hurt.
Reki laughed and turned towards the park. "All right, all right, we'll stop here for a bit."
Langa let himself be pulled along eagerly as if that was exactly what he'd been hoping Reki would say (it was, and Reki knew that). Skateboards were dumped on the ground beside them and they flopped onto the grass, side by side, still holding hands.
They fell back into silence then, just watching the stars slowly blink out and light gradually collect at the horizon.
Lying here in silence like this, curling up together to watch videos, talking for hours on end about something completely random, skating through the streets and daring each other to pull off crazy tricks - Reki loved nothing more.
Except perhaps Langa himself.
He lost track of time too easily anyway, but like this they could have been together minutes or days and it hardly mattered. Time didn't matter at all when you had infinity.
"Hey Langa?" Reki's voice was barely more than a whisper.
"Hm?"
"I've been thinking a lot about what you said a while back - you know, about being, uh, aroace - and um," Reki took a breath, trying to persuade himself he didn't need to be so nervous, "well, you know I'm bisexual?"
"Yeah." There was a slight shuffle next to Reki and Langa turned to look at him, but Reki kept his eyes trained firmly on one particular star above him.
"Well I think - I mean I know - I'm aromantic too."
There it was. He'd said it.
Reki finally turned to look at Langa too and was met with one of his friend's rare grins.
"Cool! Hey, we can share a flag now!"
Relief rushed through Reki so fast it made him weak. He gave Langa a shaky smile back and blinked away the blur from his eyes. It was all okay. Of course it was.
He felt Langa squeeze his hand, reminding him neither had let go.
"This is nice you know," Reki whispered, shuffling a little closer to lean his head onto Langa's shoulder, "I love just being with you. Heh, that doesn't really make sense."
"It does to me."
Reki hummed. "Do you...do you think this counts as that QPR thing you were telling me about?"
Langa shrugged, making Reki snicker as his head bounced. "If you want, or we can just make it up as we go. There's no rules." He smiled. "Like skating!"
The warmth that had been settled in Reki's chest for the past few hours began to uncurl and spread through him. He imagined passing it on to Langa too.
"Yeah, like skating."
-----
Reki let out a whoop as he and Langa kicked off in unison, for once not ending up in a heap on the floor. They'd been at this for several hours, trying to hold hands while skating, and finally seemed to have it down. They kicked again, speeds perfectly matched and Reki grinned at his friend, seeing him smile back just as excitedly.
"We did it Reki!"
"Hell yeah!"
To everyone else in the park, it probably looked ridiculous, the two of them wobbling around on their boards, laughing each time the other almost fell, but it didn't matter. They kept going, falling into a steady rhythm, a slight push and pull as they kept each other balanced.
They'd managed to go quite a way through the park when they passed by Joe and Cherry sitting together on a bench, Joe looking at his phone and Cherry sitting sideways to lean on his shoulder and read a book. They both looked up as the two boys passed, giving Reki questioning looks. Reki just grinned, getting two nods in return, then he turned back to focus on Langa.
"Hey, Reki," Langa was still beaming at him, "you're the most important person to me."
Reki yelped and wobbled, still not used to how forward Langa could be, but his best friend's hand was there to steady him.
"Y-yeah," his heart did a happy little dance, "you too Langa."
They'd gotten into the same university, and were going to move in together after high school. Reki still got giddy when he remembered that.
Nothing had changed, not really. But then, why on earth should it?
~~*~~
By far the most difficult part of writing this was every time Langa had to say more than one sentence at a time. Heart to heart conversation? The boy hardly speaks!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! For a while it was a real struggle to write and then lo and behold, a week before uni starts, I suddenly regain the ability to write after wasting like. The entire summer holidays. Whatever.
Thank you for reading! Peace!
#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#qpr renga#queerplatonic renga#aromantic reki#bisexual reki#aromantic asexual langa#god i do not miss having to tag fic posts#the others are in this too but that’s too much effort#to tag#i know posting fics to tumblr does absolutely jack shit#this is purely for my own consistency#sk8 the infinity
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm confused and questioning again....I identify as asexual but recently I have been wondering if I am also on the aromantic spectrum. I'm in a long term relationship going on three years now, but I'm not sure I feel romantically towards him. We kiss, holdhands, cuddle, etc, but none of these activities really spark a "feeling". This question came up after I formed an emotional bond with one of my co-workers. I realized the feelings I have for both of them are the same.
Absolutely this can be very confusing, especially when you’re realizing this while already in a committed relationship! One thing that may help you is, instead of trying to figure out how you feel/what your feelings mean (at least for now), try to figure out what you want.
Do you want to label your relationship as romantic? Do you want to be in a romantic relationship? Do you want to do traditionally romantic things? Do you want to be in a close and intimate relationship but not a romantic one? Does the idea of romance make you uncomfortable or feel disconnected from yourself/your partner/your actions? What are your current feelings about your relationship with your SO? Do you want its nature to change? Are you doing ‘romantic’ things because you want to or is it more routine at this point or do you do it just because your partner likes it?
Doing this can potentially help you sort out your sexuality more but most importantly, it can help you feel like you’re on solid ground again and give you a better base to figure out how you feel, what these feelings mean, and what your relationship is with them. Remember that labels are first and foremost for ourselves. They can help us feel more comfortable and settled with ourselves, as well as help more easily communicate how you feel to others and connect with others who feel similarly. However, labels are like chapter titles of our stories. In order to get to a label, we’ve first got to go through a journey of figuring out where the heck to start and what to try in sorting ourselves out. My main point here being that don’t forget labels are to help communicate. They are not the end all, be all of who you are. While a label may technically define you, it doesn’t have to define who you are or your relationship(s)!
So once you’ve done the middle work of figuring out what you want, then you can go back to labels (at which point, just based on some of your wording, you could also look into demiromantic and even demi-gray-aromantic if you’re interested).
Another thing that you can try to help sort this out is just label yourself as aro! If this isn’t causing stress to you in your relationship, you can even just do this privately. Think of yourself as aromantic and internally refer to yourself as aromantic for a while - a few weeks to a few months even. See how you feel about the term. Does it settle? Does it feel right? Do you feel comfortable with it? Or after a while does it seem off or not quite right or just not you? Sometimes taking the leap and identifying as something for a while is the most helpful exploration you can do to figure out how you feel!
Good luck!
x
7 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
katathliptikhtheatrina
Love has no gender. Take whoever loves you.🌈
kyokoruth-blog
ne modnyj okurok
il-passeggero
Il passeggero
commercialcleaningcompanysblog
Untitled
newsouthsavannah-blog
Savannah-Art and Music