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transmascutena · 4 months

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Bird Symbolism in Revolutionary Girl Utena

There is quite a large amount of bird and bird-related imagery, symbolism, allegories and metaphors in Revolutionary Girl Utena, and i think all of them are very interesting. Here is a ~2000 word essay about the topic.

The Birdcage Garden: Anthy and Ohtori Academy

This is perhaps the most obvious of the bird symbols in Utena. It is literally Anthy's cage. It is where she, as the Rose Bride, is supposed to spend her time watering the flowers. Touga talks about never letting her out of it once he wins her, and calls her a "lovely little bird." And doesn't that just sum up what so many people's idealized version of her is like? A pretty thing to be admired, only in captivity.

I think the birdcage can also be seen as a sort of microcosm of Ohtori Academy as a whole. Akio does call the school "a garden where people will never become adults," after all, and Anthy is not the only person trapped there, nor is she the only character associated with birds.

According to this analysis, "Ohtori" as a word can mean "big bird" in japanese, and is also a Japanese term for the Fenghuang bird in Chinese mythology, said to be "beautiful, immortal and rules over all birds." Sounds a lot like a certain someone in charge of this place, doesn't it? Which would make every person in Ohtori a bird, symbolically speaking, trapped in the cage that is the academy and ruled by Akio (who, despite being the biggest, and the one with the most control, is also a caged bird.)

Additionally, the statue on the gate to the dueling arena is in the shape of a bird, before it transforms into a rose when opened. I am not sure exactly what this means, but I assume it is in some way symbolic of Akio, Anthy and Ohtori.

The Bird and the Window: Shiori and Juri

The bird that flies into the window during Shiori and Juri's conversation in episode 17 is a Java Sparrow. Despite its name, it is a part of the Estrildid Finch family, but I think the symbolism for sparrows fits the context more, as they can represent love, devotion and compainionship, all of which are very relevant for Juri and Shiori.

The bird is also the symbolic item for Shiori's black rose duel, which means we should associate the bird mainly with her. What, exactly, is the window, then? I think it is symbolic of Shiori's feelings for Juri, Juri's feelings for Shiori, or most likely both. The bird hits the window directly after Juri says "Is that all you have to say to me?" and turns to leave. The bird hits something it could not see in its flight, just as Shiori hits against something that hurts her, even if she doesn't understand it, in her conversation with Juri. The bird is shown to be lying still, presumably dead, after Juri reveals that she was never in love with the boy Shiori "stole" from her.

The bird is shown again after Juri throws her locket in the lake, and before Shiori finds it in her dorm. I've heard it discussed that this implies the bird retrieved the locket (probably through Anthy-as-Mamiya), and if the bird is symbolic of Shiori and the locket is symbolic of Juri's feelings for her, it would mean Shiori is the one to bring them back after Juri tries to rid herself of them. This makes sense.

The Bird Nest: Kozue and Miki

The bird nest that Kozue rescues from the tree that is going to be cut down is symbolic of her and Miki. Or, at least they are symbolic of how Kozue views the two of them. The comparison is pretty straightforward; Kozue projects her and Miki's feelings of abandonment onto these baby chicks, who have been left behind by their parents, just like the two of them were when their parents divorced. I think she projects her protectiveness over her brother moreso than her own feelings about the whole thing, as Kozue likes to think of herself as very independent ("a wild animal") and very unaffected by it all. As seen by her attempt to save the birds in the first place, she is very willing to put herself at risk, and is less concerned with her own feelings/safety.

Now, I don't want to get too much into speculation, but I have to wonder if there was more going on in the Kaoru family than just the divorce and the too-high expectations for the "twin prodigies." Miki's uncharacteristic cynicism in saying "adults who tell you something is for your own good can never be trusted," as well as Kozue's total disregard for authority and her tendency to use her sexuality as a tool both concern me. Although Miki and Kozue's parents are not explicitly shown to be abusive, I do not think it is a stretch to say that there is a possibility that they were. It explains some of Kozue's behaviour in regards to Miki as well. It's not just posesiveness but protectiveness. She has needed to protect him before, and she feels she needs to protect him still (pushing the predatory teacher down the stairs, saving the birds she sees his innocence in.)

Interestingly enough, Anthy interacts with these chicks as well. She advices Miki on how to feed and take care of them. Utena even comments on how unusually straight forward she's being about the whole thing. This might just be another instance of characterizing Anthy as a person who is fond of animals, and that is certainly part of it, but i think there is more to it as well. If these baby birds are symbolic of (Miki and Kozue's, but also a general) feeling of abandonment by parents/adults, as well as their potential abuse, what does that mean for Anthy not only knowing how to take care of them, but being eager to talk about it? Could it perhaps be that she, like Kozue, sees herself in them? Like Kozue, Anthy herself is symbolically a bird, but a caged one in contrast to Kozue's claims of being a wild animal. Could it be that Anthy has had to become an expert in taking care of those (herself) that have been abandoned or failed or abused by the adults in their lives? Rememeber that this is the same episode where she says that Akio is more like a father to her than a brother. A parallel is indirectly being drawn between him and the Kaoru parents.

If Miki and Kozue's parents were abusive, this might be a rare moment of Anthy empathising with other victims, telling them through metaphor how to take care of themselves. Although, it doesn't keep her from continuing to manipulate them, as she goes on to say her line about returning the chicks to their mother, which is what sets Kozue off. Anthy also says that she's never actually raised chicks before. Maybe she's not very good at taking care of them (herself) after all.

There's also what looks like two caged parakeets in Miki's flashback of their childhood. I assume this has similar meaning to Anthy's birdcage, as a feeling of being trapped, in this case by their parents' expectations for them. Kozue used to be a caged bird, but now claims to be a wild one, despite still being inside the birdcage that is Ohtori.

Brood Parasitism: Nanami and Touga (and Utena)

The Kaoru's are not the only sibling pair in Utena to be compared to birds. In Episode 31, Her Tragedy, a pretty unique shadow play is put on in the Chairman's Tower about a cuckoo leaving its egg in another bird's nest, a phenomenon known as brood parasitism. It also references the fairy tale The Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen. Perhaps the most interesting part of this play is that it's done in the style of the ones in the black rose arc, with C-Ko playing all the roles, the return of the monkey-catching robot, and Utena's fourth-wall breaking commentary at the end. I won't get into what this means, as it doesn't have anything to do with the bird metaphor, but maybe in another post.

This shadow play is about how Nanami and Touga were adopted, and specifically about Nanami's feelings on the matter. Of course adopted children are not parasites, but it makes sense for Nanami to think along those lines, considering her fear of being compared to animals or aliens, and of being ostracized by the society she lives in. Nanami doesn't actually know that she is adopted, only that Touga is, which muddies that interpretation a little. Perhaps it is about Nanami blaming Touga's birth parents for "leaving him in another nest"? Something about her resentment of Touga at this point in time, thinking of him as a parasite in their family? Or simply her fear of what not being his blood-relative means.

I'm more confident about the Ugly Duckling reference, and it being symbolic of Nanami's worry of not fitting in among her peers. Nanami mainly copes with this by thinking that the reason she doesn't fit in, is because she is actually better than everybody else, because she's related to Touga (being a beautiful swan among the common ducks.) The play ends with the cuckoo insisting that it will become a swan one day, when really it can't. It will never be a duck that fits in, either. It will always just be what it is, a parasite (a space-alien. A girl who lays eggs.) This reflects Nanami's despair at the idea that she's "just another fly in the swarm" after her duel in the next episode.

And like all the shadow plays this one can be interpreted as being about Utena as well. She is an orphan who is now being raised in Akio and Anthy's "nest". Although she wasn't placed there by anyone but Akio himself, so it's more about her insecurities about feeling like an outsider in their family. And like the Ugly Duckling/cuckoo, she is also out of place among the rest of the students, and dreams of growing up to be something she can't actually become, in this case a prince. (credits to this analysis on the shadow plays for helping me piece together my thoughts on that. Always cite your sources!)

Cuckoos can also be symbolic of one-sided love, and is the origin of the word cuckoldry. Make of that what you will.

I should mention that Nanami also lays an egg of her own a few episodes prior. ...Or does she?

Her nightmare sequences show her fears of being compared to a chicken, a turtle, a frog, and of course, a space alien, but it is quite obviously a bird egg. And since we are later shown that Anthy has a chicken named Nanami, much like the cow with the same name, it can be assumed that the egg comes from there, and that Anthy brought it to Nanami's bed, perhaps via Chu-Chu. Could this relate to the brood parasitism of the cuckoo in some way? Is this not one bird (Anthy) laying its egg in another bird's (Nanami's) nest (bed) and getting them to raise it? is this what Anthy means when she tells Miki she has never personally raised chicks? Are all of these metaphors connected??? There's also the fan-theory that Nanami's egg hatched a reincarnated Chu-Chu, and in that case would he be the baby cuckoo while Anthy is the mother and Nanami is the duck? I'll be honest I'm not really sure what to make of it at this point. Draw whatever conclusion you want!

Last and probably least interesting is the third of Nanami associated bird imagery: the crow in episode 10. Crows can be symbolic of death, and it feels safe to say that this one is just here to set the mood of the scene, and as visual confirmation that the kitten did indeed die. Not too much to say there.

The Chicken and the Egg: The Student Council

I'd be remiss if i didn't mention the student council's chicken and egg speech in this post as well, even if it has been analyzed to hell and back by hundreds of people before me. It is a reference to Hermann Hesse's book Demian. It is about breaking out of childhood and into adulthood. It is about escaping Ohtori, which is both the egg and the cage (and interestingly enough, during the speech birds can be seen flying by outside the cage of the elevator.) In Nanami's version of the egg speech she mentions "the cage of freedom" and how it cares for the chick. This something that ideally should be true for schools. A place that limits children, but in a way that prepares them for the adult world. Of course, Ohtori as a system has no interest in this, as it is a cage in its most literal sense: a place to keep people trapped. Trapped in their harmful behaviours, in their lack of growth, in their idealized memories of the past, and most of all, in childhood.

And with that, we have come full circle back to Anthy's birdcage as a symbol for all of Ohtori. Thanks for reading :)

#it's done! my first proper analysis-essay since my very first post on this account!!#i know it's long but i put a lot of work into this and i'd really appreciate if you read it ^_^#although i'm not entirely satisfied with the juri/shiori segment. if anyone has anything to add i'd love that #revolutionary girl utena #analysis #anthy #akio #shiori #juri #kozue #miki #nanami #touga #utena #m #animal motif #kaoru siblings #kiryuu siblings

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ministarfruit · 2 months

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bitter tea 🍵

#vtuber #holostars #holotempus #kishido temma #hanasaki miyabi #regis altare #axel syrios #still thinking about the 3D...#WHERE IS THAT POST I MADE LAST YEAR #THE ONE WHERE I WAS LIKE 'WEHHH WHAT IF MIYABI AND ALTARE INTERACTED...'#'BEHH IT WON'T HAPPEN BUT I CAN DREAM' GUESS WHAT #THEY DID! YOU IDIOT!!! IN 3D!!!#PAST MINI!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DREAM ANYMORE #IT'S REAL!!!!!!!!!! IT'S REAAAAAAAALLLL #and altare hugged miyabi like three times I was boutta lose it #they're so stinking cute. I need to put them in a snow globe and shake them #axel as always. funniest bitch on earth I'll kick him into the sun #temma. perfect. no notes. love you big time #the screaming really made this segment for me #just all of them screaming as they try to cross the abyss. god I love holostars #WHO let hanakishi and shiny spicy collab. do you want me gone #DO YOU HAVE IT OUT FOR ME #in case anyone doesn't know this. miyabi has been like one of my longest oshis #he's my everything...#add that and hanakishi and. and everyone knows I love tempus #so yeah. good time.

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oplishin · 16 days

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"hit me. if that's what's gonna make you feel better, hit me. hit me as many times as you need to to get this out of your system- do it right, and do it right now. hit me, dammit."

#so many chairshots and beatdowns in shield history but i really love this chairshot that *didn't* happen #for once dean chooses kindness #Seth doesn’t understand in 2017. Roman didn’t understand in 2022 and he didn’t understand on Sunday #but I think Seth might now #this is also so so much about Seth’s relationship with guilt #like this moment reframes his later interactions with Roman for me #2022 is miscalculation and penance #2024 is him giving himself up for Roman one last time but now he doesn’t need Roman’s absolution. he’s found it for himself now #jifs #Seth Rollins #dean Ambrose #Roman reigns #I would tag this with the ship tags but the people in them scare me #insufferable bird of paradise #birds of a feather #anyway I made this mostly for fun!!! I wanna get better at this #and also I’m coping with Seth’s hiatus #I hope the earnestness of this comes off well !!!#// flashing #seths expression in this segment kind of haunts me also #the dead eyed stare + he actively gets frustrated when dean doesn’t hit him + that last gif where he’s confused and surprised #+ hopeful

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arohuacheng · 8 months

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what people don't get about hualian is that they're literally like. jock and alternative art student. xie lian lives like a frat boy (mattress on the floor and nothing else in his room, no standards for his own well-being, can't cook and ends up eating what could be classified as biohazards) and is really enthusiastic about fighting as a hobby. meanwhile hua cheng rocks up to the function in his cunty little outfits every day of the week, bells on his boots and the red eyeliner slayed, obviously has taste but is soooo in love with his boyfriend who only ever wears cargo shorts and the most fucked up questionable hoodies you've ever seen. hua cheng wants xie lian to have nice things but it's always like. "babe i promise it's no trouble can we please get you a bedframe??" nd xie lian is obviously so enamored with his cool alt boyfriend who wears skirts sometimes and never misses a beat on a bitchy comment that's just the way it is. basically if your hualian concept doesn't have hua cheng as the hot goth gf you just don't get it

#talking #tgcf #look i am so passionate about this. mxtx wants you to think they're big strong guy (hc) and damsel in distress (xl) but they're fr not #hualian is the couple you see at a fast food restaurant where a goth girl is sitting across from some random dude twirling her hair #going 'babe you're SO funny!' nd the guy is just talking really enthusiastically about the olympics segment he watched last night #but is obviously really happy to be telling her about it? and for her to be genuinely interested??? and they're obviously happy together?#my point. is that they're mismatched but NOT in the way that people tend to talk about them.#they're in love and they're best friends and hua cheng is putting their hands together going 'whoa your hands are SO big..."#you get what i mean. not enough focus on hua cheng as a campy gay person and xie lian as a guy who owns one outfit #they ARE overdressed gf and very normal bf. you know this in your heart. [ pointing a gun at you ]#hua cheng #xie lian #tian guan ci fu #mxtx

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krotiation · 18 days

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Feeling absolutely distraught over the face Rhys makes when he realizes just what he's gonna have to do to himself to cut Jack off

And Jack's face when he realizes that oh. This is actually happening. This is really it

#cant mansplain manspread manipulate yourself out of this one #one thing i will always love abt jacks writing is how you sorta get manipulated by him through the screen #despite knowing everything you know about him #and this scene + angels death segment is such good examples of that bc they really make you feel Bad #so imagine how rhysie feels when he has to literally rip jack out of his body right in front of him #while jack is pleading with him to stop #it doesnt matter that he tried to strangle him just moments ago because truly? things could have ended differently and thats what hurts most #and rhys is forced to learn that he cant “fix” jack or placate him enough to just let him go #rhack #txt #babe wake up new rhack ramble just dropped #im going insane

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fatuismooches · 3 months

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Hi! Hope you’re having a wonderful day today cuz it is STORMING where I’m at and it got me thinking about more fluffy moments with fragile reader and dottore. Like what is dinner like with him or his segments?

I remember a long time ago I read this Reddit post about how a crow broke her beak in an accident 8 years ago and her mate patiently fed her since.

And it got me thinking about fragile reader not being able to eat much due to their illness and so dottore has to aid them by assisting them with their meals.

“I’m sorry”

“What for dearest?”

“For making you have to feed me…I can’t help but feel bad since you have other duties to attend to”

“Well, you cooked for me plenty of times back at the academia. Did you not have other studies to attend to as well?”

“Yeah…”

“Did you want me to feel bad then?”

“Of course not”

“Then why should this be any different? You and I assist each other in our own way, and once you get back on your feet…it will feel no different”

YESSSS..... oh my the fluff is adorable! <3 You do need help with meals, for whatever reason it may be - shaky hands, trouble swallowing, struggling to find motivation, etc - but that is why Dottore and the segments are with you, especially on the bad days. Though you always feel bad that they have to waste their valuable time with you, helping you do something that should be easy but it's not, they always make sure to reassure you that it's no problem. Even on days when you struggle to even take a few bites. When it tastes like nothing.

Maybe you'll get a flick to the forehead too, just to get it into that brain of yours, about how he'll stay to the very end. Just like how you did the same for him in the Akademiya! He'd always bring up examples of helpful things you did back then (the extent of his memory makes you a bit warm) despite your own business. Not just cooking, but fulfilling his own requests and helping around the dorm/his research. You didn't have to do all that for him, and when his younger self questioned you about it, what was your response? Because you wanted to, you'd say with a smile. So, it is no different for him now, it is because he wants to (with the addition of his love for you, but that doesn't need to be said out loud.) So don't worry about the frivolous things and focus on eating.

I imagine even though the segments don't need to eat, reader still tries to feed them some of their food, to get the whole homely dinner part of it - you don't take no for an answer so they do give in eventually. (They definitely prefer the dessert part of dinner.) Dottore on the other hand, would prefer to focus entirely on you rather than fulfill his dietary needs, which you don't like of course - one, because obviously you don't want him skipping meals, and two, it'd be a nice feeling, an old married couple eating dinner together. And so, though he really doesn't understand your point, if it'll help you eat some more, he'll do it. It brings back memories from centuries ago, the two of you snacking on something cheap for dinner because you were too lazy to cook for once, but it was still quite delicious since it was shared between the two of you.

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #it hasnt rained in a few days where im at #its mostly been sunny! sunny but cold ...#really my hands are FREEZING #regardless i would love to have dinner with dottore and the segments... grrrr UGHHH ITS SO CUTE <3333 #I REALLY LOVED THIS ASK... i luv how he responded to reader and reassured them by using their own logic

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mushroom-kin · 3 months

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The Oboe section - Xianyun, Nahida, Tighnari

This is part of a very complicated Orchestra AU cooked up by my friends @h4msanta and @kanonavi, I will leave the explaining to them when ever they feel like telling the world about it. The document of this is currently 9 pages long.

They are the oboe section of an University Orchestra group. Xianyun is a professor that just ended up joining, Nahida is a genius prodigy who is a student at this university when everyone else thinks she is the daughter of some professor, Tighnari is wind section lead who is very helpful but can be strict at times.

This is also to celebrate both Nahida and Xianyun on banner! I hope everyone gets who they want. And I am going to try my best pulling for a Xianyun while she is still on banner.

#genshin fanart #genshin impact #genshin impact fanart #art #genshin art #genshin #i love nahida so much crying #genshin nahida #nahida #xianyun #genshin tighnari #tighnari #orchestra au #please excuse my poorly drawn oboe #instruments are really difficult #and there are like shit tons of keys on there #I know this #i play a flute and I would be sad if someone did not at least draw the segments correctly

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cementcornfield · 4 months

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PART 4 OF THE JA'MARR DRESSES JOE BUT NO HE DOESN'T (MAYBE HE DOES??) SAGA

Tee: Have you ever helped our QB with his style?

Ja'Marr: I don't know who dressin' him. I ain't dressin' him. I don't know who it is.

#i cannot BELIEVE THIS #now we can't even rely on objective third party witness tee anymore??#ja'marr has made a LIAR of our boy??? (he's lying now or he was lying then!!)#i love it - ja'marr was like 'hey tee you wanna know how we can make this sponsored segment really fun??'#and then he forced poor sweet tee to go back on his word from last year when he said he'd seen ja'marr buy clothes for joe 'multiple times'#OR i guess he didn't reallllly make a liar out of tee because tee's just enabling a lie now (potentially)#god this team is MESS i hate them i love them #ja'marr chase #tee higgins #joe burrow #(in spirit)#also ja'marr repeating three (3) times that he has NO IDEA who's dressing joe #uh huh ok.

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arsenicflame · 5 months

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ive had to step away from all the analysis of the finale because thinking about it for too long it fills me with such a [rage? bitterness? frustration? all of the above?] the likes of which ive genuinely never felt for a show before

ive cared about media before. ive been disappointed by media before, but i think the difference is i haven't put my faith in media like i did ofmd- and the more time passes the more i feel fucking stupid for putting that faith in the show in the first place, when so many of the things coming to light now were already there

i cant think about it too long else it makes me so fucking sad, and im tired of analysing it to bits because its not going to change anything, theres no way to fix any of this, no way to find a spark of light in it, no way to come back, to resurrect the show i fucking loved.

im sure everything everyone is saying is well thought out and nuanced things but for the sake of my own enjoyment of this fucking show i have to just not engage with it anymore.

#the last post was the exception to this and its only bc that segment of the interview was directly on my feed #like im sorry if you followed me for my serious takes and now youre getting silly goofy dude #but not taking this media too seriously is the only way im coping rn #ikyk ive talked your ears off about my relationship with fucking show and the fandom in the past month but. but #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd critical #like. the serangela break up Sucks and i could yell about it forever #but in the end i dont think i really went in having faith that marvel wouldnt fuck it up #and thats the difference here for me #the faith i did put in. and the way i see how that i shouldnt have #ill still complain. but i dont have the energy to read them or try and write them in a way thats in any way fact checked or nuanced i just #i need to complain but i need to keep my love for this fucking show i. need to #again. ikyk. so. silly hours. ignoring s2 hours. making up that fictional man hours. i gotta #also please enjoy nyx tries to label an emotion and fails

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pastasilly · 1 year

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welcome home wips + doodle (and my oc, Patty Cake!!)

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revasserium · 10 months

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*runs in* ISAWYOURAUPOSTNAJSJSJSJJS Omg hiii

I really like your blog! It's like yummy food for my tired brain, so I got really excited to see you're making aus!

Can I ask for roommate au with Jamil? I'm down bad for him;;;

for my 31 days of au challenge @bakedgrape

a story in reverse

jamil; 3,571 words; fluff and slightly suggestive themes though it's never actually nsfw; college roommates!au + implied fwb...; you can read the story top the bottom or bottom to top ;)

day 273.

on the last day of term, you say goodbye for the very first time — and it stings like an unsuspecting papercut found by a thoughtless dollop of hand sanitizer, sharp and bitter with the pang of betrayal.

“ah… i guess this is it, huh?” jamil’s voice is lighter than it usually is, and just as forced.

“you say that like we’re not coming back next year…” you say, though there’s a twist in your stomach that makes your throat seize at the thought, even if it is just a thought.

“s-sorry! i just meant —“ he clears his throat and tries again, “i meant that i’ll see you soon, hm?”

for a second, you don’t know what to say — you can feel a torrent of unsaid words pushing up against the back of your throat like an insistent tide, crashing against the shore of your tongue. but then, jamil is reaching out to tip your chin back, brushing his lips to yours.

“soon. i promise,” he whispers, his eyes softer than you’ve ever seen them, gray and bright as the breaking dawn.

“yeah — i’ll see you soon, jamil.”

you pull your lips into a smile and watch as he jogs towards the curb, kalim already waiting there for him with their family car (rich boys, ugh), a dark-suited man in shades dipping his head in your general direction before slipping into the driver’s seat. you wave as jamil and kalim both turn towards you, raising their hands.

“see you next year!” jamil calls even as you nod.

“yeah, see you!”

and then they’re pulling away from the curb, leaving you standing there amidst your three rather large, well-scuffed suitcases. you let out a long sigh, plopping down on the largest one, the shell painted red and gold, though the colors barely peak out now from beneath the countless travel stickers to places that you’ve never been to (but jamil had promised he’d take you to all of them, didn’t he?)

well. there’s always next year.

day 212.

“are you gonna dorm again next year?”

“hm? i’m not sure… kalim says that we should just get a place together, so that’s what i might do.”

“oh.”

you pause over your half-eaten tub of haagen-daz, licking your lips of the mint-chocolate flavor. jamil glances over, reaching out to dig his spoon into the melting icecream.

“don’t worry though, wherever you’re staying, i’m sure we’ll be able to find a place nearby,” jamil says, flashing you a smile and a wink even as you duck, your cheeks flooding with color.

“that’s not what i was thinking about!”

“no? hm… i could’ve sworn that’s what you were looking so upset over but… well, if i’m wrong…” you can hear the mock-seriousness in jamil’s voice as he shrugs and heaves a melodramatic sigh.

“you’re the worst…” but you can’t keep from grinning as he cocks a challenging eyebrow in your direction before pouncing on you, pinning you beneath him on the sofa, the springs squeaking beneath you as the nearly drop the nearly empty pint of icecream.

“j-jamil! the ac’s still out —“

“mm… but isn’t that why we got icecream?”

his lips chase fire over the plains of your skin and despite everything, you find yourself shivering.

“y-yeah but —“

but your words die on your lips as he sinks his teeth into the juncture of your shoulder and neck, tearing a gasp from your throat as your head tips back.

day 196.

he’s always running high after his dance competitions, and this time it’s not different. so when he comes home, his eyes limned in glitter and khol, you’re not surprised to feel yourself being hauled out of your chair and into his lap, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as you purse your lips, card your fingers through his hair and hold his face steady with a teasing grin.

“i’m guessing that you guys won?”

“course we did,” he says, his breath still coming in short enough pants, his irises blown nearly black as he leans up to nip at your jawline, “we swept.”

“mm — i mean, you guys are pretty damn good.”

“how would you know? you never come to our competitions, even when i ask.”

you pull back with a dainty smack of your lips, pressing a finger to his frown.

“you guys could try to have competitions that aren’t either overseas or during exam weeks — then i might actually be able to go.”

jamil rolls his eyes, readjusting your in his lap even as he lets his head fall back against the sofa cushions.

“stupid exams…”

“just because some people are geniuses doesn’t mean we all are —“

your breath hitches as he narrows his eyes, a quicksilver glint flashing behind them as he hoists you up into a bridal carry and makes a beeline for the bedroom door.

“but since some other people finished their most stressful exam today… don’t you think they deserve to be… rewarded?”

a delicious shiver races down the length of your spine as you allow yourself to be plopped down on your too-narrow bed. jamil grins like the devil as he tugs off his sweat shirt and you can’t help the way your stomach clenches at the sight of him — so lithe and muscular, his skin smooth and perfectly sun-kissed. you’d never get tired of looking at his body, not in a million years, you think.

“i… i suppose one night off wouldn’t hurt…”

“mm, that’s what i like to hear.”

day 120.

“dance practice again tonight?”

“yeah. every monday, wednesday, and thursday —“

“— and sometimes fridays and sundays —“ you grin as you watch him shove a towel into his sports bag.

“here,” you say, holding out his water bottle, “i — uhm — you said you wanted to try liquid iv’s the other day so i put a packet in for you — i don’t know if you’d like the flavor but…”

jamil blinks as he pauses over his half-tied shoes.

“thanks.” he reaches out to take the bottle from you, giving it an experimental shake, “i — uh — i’m sure it’ll taste just fine. that was… really thoughtful of you.”

you hate the heat creeping up your cheeks as you turn back to your studies.

“it’s nothing. they had them at the farmer’s market i passed by this morning so…”

“uhm… will you be… up… when i get back?”

your head snaps up as you turn to look at him, eyes wide. fire courses through you, followed quickly by the sobering cool of uncertainty but still. you gulp and lick your suddenly very chapped lips.

“i — i don’t know… may… maybe?” you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, casting your eyes back at your half-written notes, your mind already spinning over the calculations of how long it’d take for you to finish them properly.

memories from the past few weeks flood through your mind and you can’t help the twisting coil of tension thrumming at the base of your belly.

“well… i’ll text you later when i’m on my way back then,” jamil says, double-knotting his sneakers and flashing a grin your way. he gives you a two-fingered salute before he’s off and out the door, leaving you very nearly squirming in your seat at the mere thought of ‘later’.

day 101.

the third time it happens, neither of you can blame the alcohol. there was no party this time, no crush of ill-dressed bodies, no too-loud music and too-cheap beer. this time, there was just you and him and a shared bowl of under-salted popcorn, the lights off, a rerun of some movie both of you have watched at some indefinite point in time.

you don’t quite remember who made the first move — maybe it was you, when you’d coiled your legs under you, pressing your knee to the outside of his thigh and leaving it there. maybe it was him, when he’d rested his arm along the back of the sofa and let his fingers tangle absently in your hair.

maybe it was the moment of breath between one scene and the next, when the screen had gone miraculously dark and left nothing but the imprint of light behind both your eyes and before either of you could blink it away, your lips had found each other.

there’s nothing to blame this time but yourselves and each other, no questions to ask but the ones you’d already answered — right here, right now, because it feels good, because it feels right.

you fall asleep tangled in each other’s limbs, half beneath the silken covers of jamil’s brand new sheets.

and when you both wake up this time, it’s to the warmth of each other’s arms, the steady of one another’s breaths. jamil doesn’t pull away and you don’t try to think of something casual to say. instead, you both just look at each other and jamil grins.

“so… breakfast?”

you laugh, letting your head thump back onto his uber-plush pillows.

“yeah. that sounds fantastic.”

day 75.

the second time it happens, you blame the alcohol. you blame the crush of ill-dressed bodies, the too-loud music and the too-cheap beer. who’s idea was it to host a house party in your dorm room of all places anyway? and why is jamil’s entire dance crew suddenly here? hooting and hollering and grinning knowingly in your direction, a few of them even tossing you obvious winks.

as if they knew.

do they know?

you curl into yourself, press your body against the cool of the wall and toss back your drink, grimacing at the taste. whatever jamil had put in the punch bowl originally, there’s no question that it’s since been spiked with maybe a dozen different alcohols. and the mixture is fowl as it burns through your chest into your stomach.

the room spins, and eventually, you find yourself being pressed up against the back of your bedroom door, the party still booming along outside.

“f-fuck —” you fist your fingers in jamil’s long hair and tug; he lets out a hiss as his head jerks back, but even in your alcohol-induced haze, you can see the desire burning bright within him.

“sorry — did i —?”

“no — just f-feels good —” you bury your face in his shoulder, your body going soft and languid in his arms even as he slots a leg between your thighs to keep you still against the too-thin door. your hips ruck down against him and he lets out a thick groan at the way you shake against him.

“yeah? g-good… i like that —” he tugs you back with him and the pair of you topple onto your bed, all desperate fingers and dirty hands, sloppy lips, taking what you can, each from the other as if your bodies were endless things. and like this, with his hand pinning your wrists above your head, his gasping breaths bursting by your ear, you think they just might be.

the next morning, you wake up to an empty bed and cold pancakes on the kitchen counter.

day 47.

“why don’t you just talk to her about it?” kalim asks.

jamil frowns, running through his cooldown stretches, his eyes focused on his own form in the mirror even as kalim glances over at him.

“because — what’s there to talk about? i mean — it was just… one of those things.”

kalim shrugs, turning back to the mirror as well.

“if you say so but… it seems like you wanna talk to her about it.”

“it’s fine.”

“till it happens again.”

“it’s not gonna happen again.”

kalim slates him a look; jamil scowls even harder.

“if it does —” kalim’s voice is light as they both pack up their stuff and click off the lights to the dance studio.

“i said its not gonna happen again,” jamil snipes, readjusting his bag on his shoulder and digging out his phone. your message thread is pulled up and he’s halfway through the sentence — on my way back — before he catches himself and shoves his phone back into his pocket.

kalim grins, looking a bit too smug as jamil clears his throat and tries to play it off as if nothing’s happened.

“if it does… you should make her breakfast the morning after.”

“w-why the hell would i do that?”

kalim laughs, “because! then she’ll know that you might want to spend more time with her — time when you’re not —”

“okay! okay — ugh… but like… what do i even make her for breakfast anyway?”

kalim looks much, much too pleased with himself as he peers into jamil’s face.

“how about pancakes?”

day 31.

the first time it happens, it’s barely more than a month into your co-habitation. it’d been a not-quite-accident kind of accident. it’d been one of those rare nights when jamil doesn’t have dance practice and you’d finished all your work early.

“wanna play a game?”

jamil’s smile had been viper-sweet and just as dangerous.

“only if drinks are involved.”

you roll your eyes but agree.

“never have i ever.”

jamil shrugs, “sure. we drink if we’ve done the thing, right?”

you nod, pouring a row of malibu shots. jamil grimaces.

“why malibu?”

“cause — it’s sweet and it’s cheap and it’s the only thing we had in the cabinet.”

“fair. alright — you go first.” jamil pulls a glass towards him, his eyes fixed on you. he watches as you swirl your own shot glass with a contemplative look on your face, and he wonders if you know how terribly tantalizing you look.

so… he might’ve caught himself staring a few times right after you’d gotten out of the shower, wrapped in nothing but a towel, your hair tracing water down the bare skin of your shoulders and back. and he might’ve lingered over your uncapped bottle of perfume, swallowing hard as he catches a whiff of the vaguely floral fragrance, the base warm and woody and dizzying.

“never have i ever… gone to three different countries in one month.” your smile, when he finally fixes his gaze on you again, is nothing short of wicked.

he narrows his eyes as he takes his shot, “that’s not fair — you know i have to travel for my dance crew’s international competitions.”

you roll your eyes, “yeah, and i’ve never been to half the places you’ve been so…”

“i’ll take you with me one day,” he says, the words out of his mouth before he can stop himself. you cock your head as you stare at him, and then you raise your already refilled shot glass.

“i’ll hold you to it then.”

jamil refills his own glass and downs the shot.

“never have i ever… been walked in on after taking a shower.”

“hey! and who’s fault is that?”

jamil smirks, shrugging nonchalantly as you take your shot, quick and vindictive.

“fine — never have i ever walked in on someone after they’d just taken a shower.”

jamil takes his own shot in stride, swallowing down the burn with a wide, satisfied smile.

so it goes on like this, the never-have-i-evers getting more and more ludicrous till you’re both drunk and laughing and more than a little hot beneath the collar.

“never… have i ever… hm…” you muses, your head lolling back as you cast your eyes up at the ceiling, as if an interesting thing not to have done might be written there.

“what’s something… super cliché?” jamil wonders aloud, letting his gaze flicker up as well.

you pause for a moment before dissolving into a pile of red-faced giggles.

“oh! never have i ever hooked up with a roommate! there — that’s a good one.” you smile wide and sure, looking proud of your own accomplishment in thinking up this thing that you’re certain he’s done.

jamil licks his lips and swallows, his eyes meeting your as he lets out a breath.

“i haven’t either.”

the air between the pair of you thickens as your eyes flash down towards your empty shot glass.

“oh.”

“but i guess it is kinda cliché, huh…” he says, setting down his glass and dragging a thumb along his bottom lip before popping into his mouth.

he hears rather than sees the way your breath hitches and he can’t help the pleased purr rumbling through him at the thought of being able to do this to you.

“y-yeah… i guess it is…” you lick your own lips, “makes you feel a little left out, doesn’t it?”

jamil hums in response, and it isn’t till you look up again that you realize he’s leaned over the graveyard of now-emptied shot glasses, his lips hovering inches from your own.

“but how about we change that, hm?”

day 15.

it only takes two weeks for one of you to walk in on the other in the bathroom, and all things considered, it was kind of a miracle that it hadn’t happened sooner. the bathroom door doesn’t really lock and jamil had been too preoccupied with scrolling through the music for their next showcase to see the tell-tale strip of light beneath the door that usually indicates that the bathroom is currently occupied.

when he pushes through, it’s to find you stepping out of the shower, the steam still rising from your skin in thick, white wisps, your hand reaching for the towel on the rack.

“wh —”

jamil stares, drop-jawed and dumbstruck as his eyes rake over your very, very naked body, the music still thumping from his large headphones as he blinks.

you scream.

he slams the door shut.

15 minutes later when you leave the bathroom, your cheeks flushed a deep shade of maroon, your hair still damp, but your body now covered in a long t-shirt and sweats, neither of you says a thing.

day 3.

three days in and you have to admit that it’s kind of nice, having a super rich trust fund boy as your roommate. if nothing else, all the furniture he’s brought along is gorgeous — from the thick persian rugs to the tasteful suede sofa, you very quickly find yourself living in a dorm that looks like it might have belonged in the pages of a crate & barrel magazine spread.

“but apparently, his cousin’s family is even better off —” one of your friends had informed you after you’d looked up jamil’s family online, very quickly finding the wiki page that links him to the al-asim family.

“oh yeah? what do they even do?” you squint at the wikipedia page detailing the al-asim family legacy.

“i think something to do with… water filtration?” your friend peers over your shoulder as you scroll through the page before clicking back to google. she tugs your phone out of your hand and quickly types something into the search bar before making a gagging noise and turning the phone results back towards you.

“holy shit.”

“holy is right,” your friend had said.

“with a net worth like that… what the hell are they doing in school?” you ask, your eyes wide as you look back up.

your friend shrugs, a wicked grin twisting her lips as she leans over the library table and whispers in your ear —

“but y’know if you can bag jamil you’ll be set for life!”

you flush and shove her away, “shut up! we’re just roommates!”

your friend tuts, “plenty of people end up hooking up with their roommates — it’s a literal cliché at this point.”

you roll your eyes, “well not for us, it won’t — and e-even if we do… there’s a long way between ‘hooking up’ and bagging someone for life.”

your friend giggles, batting her lashes floridly at you, “never say never!”

day 1.

“o-oh! hi — sorry, you must be…”

jamil frowns, turning around at the sound of your voice.

“jamil viper…” he says as his eyes land on you for the very first time, taking in the three large suitcases gathered around your legs, and the light blush dusting your cheeks from what he assumes is the exertion of having wrangled them down the too-long hallway.

“yes — right…” you purse your lips, tucking a strand of hair behind your ears.

“and you must be my new roommate, right?” jamil says, recovering from his momentary shock to offer you his hand.

pretty, is his first thought, smells like flowers, is his second.

you beam up at him, nodding.

“it’s lovely to finally meet you!”

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absurdumsid · 4 months

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read through my old bad sanses fic and yknow what younger sid ? killer can try to kill himself instead of working for nightmare. nightmare can develop an attachment to killer because of the sheer amount of spite he has in him. killer can have a manic episode because he got shot by dreams arrow. dust can just be a landlord that isnt really part of the murdering. horror can just be some guy nightmare kidnapped out of panic. horror can have respect for dust because of his unwavering determination to kill the player. dust can also develop an attachment to horror for respecting him. god you are terrible at writing though

#sid rambles #i like the way u think kid #not the way u write though #there is a segment where killer has night terrors AND IT COMES OUT OF NOWHERE KID WHAT ARE U ONN #thank god this guy didnt actually post this #cringee cringeeee #<- this is a joke i love my art except by GOD this could REALLY be better #<- i am god in this context #i need coffee

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rimeiii · 4 months

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I hate beating up a dead horse (and in fear of incurring the wrath of the fandom once more) but the way WHB handles content warnings is just...

Where are the detailed content warnings? Not just for the angels, but for everything? Because honestly, I think the game would've garnered less backlash for having them - a "this game is made for mature audiences, viewer discretion is advised" screen before logging in would be the bare minimum honestly.

Say what you want about the angel cards including dub/non-con content and the cards themselves veering towards that sort of territory but at least give a fucking warning about it? I've always criticized the devs for not having 18+ rating all across the board when clearly mature games like Limbus Company get the 18+ rating. If WHB is NSFW because of the sex and kinky stuff, Limbus is NSFW because of the immense amount of gore and dark content.

"But they have content warnings-" ONLY FOR SEX. AND PAIRED WITH 16+.

It would be perfectly reasonable to assume that, for people who played this game without following any of the pre-release contents, with this combination THERE WON'T BE ANY DETAILED DUB/NON-CON.

This is in Indonesia's Google Play Store, and if it's different in other regions, then it also begs the question - why the FUCK is it not just rated 18+ across the board?!

Limbus Company, the closest comparison I can think of being with their devs (Project Moon) also being a Korean indie company that created a gacha with mature content that has a staff team the size of a high school class (in fact I wager Limbus has less staff working on the game because around half of their staff works almost exclusively at their merch café), only had warnings for extreme violence and strong language, but at least they had the decency to put more warnings in their earliest trailers and the game website - and it's always common courtesy in the fandom to warn potential players with one particular image I'll show down below, containing a list of the game's content warnings.

Oh, and they're rated 18+ across the board, including a Mature Content Description on Steam.

And sure, you can make the argument of "well you know what you're getting into upon looking at the card art", but therein lies the issue of not warning at the very start of the game - nobody knew for sure what triggers would be in the game upon startup.

Whatever way you slice it, dub/non-con is a genuine trigger for other people despite it also being a kink (I personally don't get it and it's a no-no for me even in fiction, but you do you). Adding clear content warnings would literally harm no one and helps people avoid things they know they don't want to consume. Yes, despite the in-game context clues providing hints, a clear indicator is still preferable.

Take, for example, the Lobelia summer skin controversy in Granblue Fantasy. People already know Lobelia as the twisted Evoker who not only murdered his own parents but recorded their dying screams of pain in his conch shells, doing the same thing to his countless victims afterwards. All of this is mentioned during the Fate Episodes to recruit him. You want to know the problem with his summer skin, Danger Beckons by the Shore, though?

There's a home screen voiceline where he offers one of his conch shells for the player to listen to, wherein you will hear the pained and tortured screams of one of his victims as she's attacked and later on eaten alive by a shark. Keep in mind, this sort of voiceline wasn't even in his base art, and while his Fate Episodes had tortured screams it wasn't even half as bad as this particular voiceline.

It's even given a content warning in the wiki.

For a rather significant amount of players who bought the skin, the inclusion of this voiceline despite the subtle warning in the skin blurb (which, fyi, is only accessible AFTER you bought the skin) hampers their enjoyment of the skin when they put it on their home screens then tap Lobelia - which many people who get character skins do. Mostly because there wasn't any clear indicator of the scream and a lot of people never appreciated the sudden jumpscare scream. The fact that Lobelia is a psychopath and doing this shit is in character for him should also be able to stand together with the fact that including a scream out of nowhere is pretty scummy and not a good time. Especially for non-JP speaking players, who essentially got jumpscared by a scream out of nowhere, as they never understood the fact that Lobelia was offering one of his conch shells.

Back to the rating issue, though. Why not rate WHB as 18+ if you're going to include content that could very much be considered controversial, like non-con? Like, say, Limbus Company (which I hate bringing up again bc fuck kjh)? Which not only has the warnings in the app store but plastered in the earliest trailers (still viewable on Steam and Project Moon's YouTube channel but not on the Google Play Store) and the official game website?

And sure. Some of these trigger warnings sound silly (reference to traffic accidents is more or less Charon driving Mephi like a maniac iirc based on the content we already have in the game). But I did genuinely appreciate the warning because let's talk about the first three Cantos after the prologue, hmm?

Canto 1 already includes cannibalism, war, torture, and body modifications, among other things! Canto 2 has references to alcohol and gambling, as well as mentions of homicide - despite being a lighter Canto overall! And in Canto 3, we experienced discriminatory violence, more body modifications, enforced ideologies and/or actions, and religious torture and violence among other things!

I can stomach gore easier compared to non-con and even I appreciate the warning, particularly with regards to Canto 3. Kromer's fascination with everything pure (i.e. no body modifications), all stemming from seeing...something...in the basement of Sinclair's old mansion, the cult behaviour that led to mass murder and torture by the faction she leads (up to and including brainwashing as detailed by Kleinhammer Heathcliff's Identity story) Kromer's obssession with Sinclair and him standing beside her as an ally...it's all genuinely so unnerving, and are story beats the game handles really well despite how disturbing it all really is when you stop and think about it.

"But you should've known considering the game's aesthetics-"

Maybe, especially considering one of Gregor's launch cards is literally this, and most if not all Uptie II arts are gory at the very least.

However, again, I have to underline the importance of content warnings - this time with an irl example.

I have a friend who was interested in Limbus Company. I've talked extensively about Gregor and how much I love him, and it started because I have a drawing I made of him in the back of my phone case and Liu Gregor's Uptie II art as my phone background at the time. They said they were interested, then I had to explain the sorts of contents she would encounter in my native language, Indonesian.

"Blood and gore, violence, a lot of mental health issues - Gregor has PTSD and his chapter depicted it pretty well, human experimentation, homicide, so Nagel und Hammer is basically the Inquisition and kills people to 'purify' them, oh yeah cannibalism is also a thing-"

"Stop, stop, I'm not playing if that's the content I'm going to see. I don't think I can handle it."

This same friend was also interested in playing If On a Winter's Night, Four Travelers - a free point-and-click adventure game that deals with themes like depression, homophobia, racism, and suicide. She was willing to try that game out because it wasn't as gory as Limbus Company. For context, the Mature Content Description for this game on Steam:

In both cases, I had to personally explain the content warnings in Indonesian since my friend isn't the most fluent in English and she has a far lower limit for dark content compared to me, but I did send that image of content warnings for Limbus Company and urged people to read the Mature Content Descriptions on Steam for anyone who wanted to try any of the two games and is fluent in English. Why?

Because it's basic human decency to try and keep people informed of any potential triggers and content they might not be comfortable seeing.

Either way, main takeaway from this issue:

Dub/non-con might be your kink, but it might not be for others - it might be uncomfortable or downright triggering as all hell for others, in fact. So, clear content warnings (in particular for any and all triggering content) harm nobody, especially as it helps people avoid story beats where their turn-offs and, more importantly, their triggers.

#what in hell is bad #i don't get why people are actively fighting against a more accessible gameplay experience #“you should've known with the card art” well nobody knew kleinhammer heathcliff would include the bit about brainwashing!#and i get that the dark content for limbus spans the entire overarching plot #but do we need a repetition of the lobelia issue in another game #“paywalling this content is a safety net” doesn't really matter at the end of the day because #1. some people got lucky and got the angel cards through the free seals #2. you're now under a heavier moral obligation to be clear about what you're providing/selling #christ y'all content warnings is just basic human decency #especially for a game that deals with mature topics #and for dub/noncon? yeah i would love clear content warnings for that so i can steer clear of the chapter/story segment in question!

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