If I was in a lucid dream with a ghost, I would simply impress them with my blunt rolling skills

Ok so while that post takes off, a few notes.

1. I'm just going to go ahead an make an official Tumblr Book Club news letter.

1 a. We're starting with Frankenstein but I don't see why we have to stop there. We'll keep to things that are outside copyright so there is no legal stuff to worry about, but we really can just work our way through the classics a bit at a time. There will be voting on what gets read next and so on. I'm running it because someone needs to, but I'm not going to be bossy about what we read.

2. There is some worry that chapters are too long and that Dracula Daily works because each day's bit is short. So I'll keep that in mind and try to break each chapter up into 5-10 pages. I'll read ahead and find natural stopping points. I'll probably be mean and include an occasional cliffhanger. Just living my best life here.

2 a. I don't, however, want to post more than once a week like has been suggested. This is fast becoming my passion project, but it'll still be a hobby I have to balance with work, kids, and some personal health nonsense. I can easily make once a week happen though. And if each newsletter issue is short enough, back reading a bit to remember what happened last should be a big deal. Besides, we know weekly episodes work since that's how television at least used to work.

3. The infrastructure is already fallen into place because apparently this was just what Tumblr was intended to progress to and there really just aren't going to be roadblocks, I guess. So you guys can expect an official announcement probably around the time Dracula Daily ends in November. I'll blaze that post, put it on the dracula daily tag, and pin it here. Joy will probably also gladly reblog it for me.

4. It's been suggested by Joy that we start on Mary Shelley's death day which is February 1. That's as good of a day to start as any, so consider it official. In 2023 that's a Wednesday. From there the weekly chapter of whatever we're reading will drop Sunday morning. Which will realistically be late Saturday night. Probably about midnight est. But I have adhd and time is fake so that might fluctuate a little but not so much as to be obnoxious. Unless i can put these things on an actual timed schedule so it autosends at an exact time each week. We'll see. But that is the plan of when chapters will be sent.

There are probably other things. But this covers it for now! Looking forward to shit posting our way through the classics with yall!

Hi, sorry for bothering you. I just started playing Life Makeover yesterday. I was wondering if you could explain guilds? I haven't been able to join one, but I don't want to buy/spend coupons to create a guild without knowing what I'm getting into.

Thank you 😃

I really only know the basics bc i just joined the first english one i could find. As my previous history with archosaurs mmo Dragon Raja...it's honestly probably going to be much easier to join as a member...unless you plan on being very active and having enough members in your own guild. Bc of the real world value...if your guild shuts down via not having funds....well there goes your money.

Once you unlock guilds you want to act pretty fast. As like their other game, they like to auto apply you to a guild after awhile...and unless you want to keep leaving guilds best apply or make one as quickly as possible.

Ive yet to have any issues with my own guild, i do my basic dailies enough that i meet their requirements but every guild is different. Try to find one that suits your needs...some have discords (like mine but i uh didnt join and dont seem like i have to....) or require you to be active enough before they kick you

Heres the guild menu

And so i can explain here's the members page

Now as someone not in a position of guild power...some features are pointless to me. But first!

Members: these are the people in the guild that have access to every feature minus any features locked behind a certain role (like increasing sizes and merging guilds)

Reserve: You are not a full member. You can use the shop, take part in events and use the guild channel. You can support the guils but you wont add to funds. After 72 hours of not being online you will get auto kicked. Once you hit level 25 and earn ovee 90 points in the guild you will auto become a member.

Vacation: you can only use the channel, this is where you go if you're a member with 90 points or more and havent been online in more than 72hrs...

Merge guild: If its like DR then basically if your guild is small and is struggling to meet requirements to keep activity up...you'll be able to merge guilds with another one to help keep your guild going (i dont have access to this so i might be missing something)

Change Post: this just is a list of themes you can change the names of positions to...i assume this is something only you see? But i havent changed it

Inspiration project: those books from dailies go here (the game will let you know you have these ready to be donated with a red dot) this is the easiest way to increase your member points

Welfare...once a week you can claim some rewards based on how well you're doing

Guild shop: you'll get pearls from doing inspo and support....this is one place you'll be able to spend them

This is the other. If you've ever played Shining Nikki its very similar to the guild feature where you can unlock makeup. Some cost gold some cost pearls and they will get more expensive as you go farther. You'll get stat bonuses and every so many levels unlock makeup

Support: honestly the perfect support isnt worth it and costs gems. Three times a day you can support the guild to earn pearls and add guild funds...its mostly for yourself

All of this is for the pres and vice master to use...basically level up each feature i cant say much else since im not either of those roles

And that should be the basics? You can probably find more on the life makeover reddit (i dont have an account so i just lurk)

Bullet journal master list

Ok so I can't draw. I suck at being artistic and all these bullet journals I see are REALLY extra. So if you want to start a bullet journal but isn't the best drawer here is some help.

First of all you need a journal.

Click here for a bullet journal at Barnes&Nobel

It cheap, perfect for school and durable. The pages are numbered and has stickers for labeling. Overall it's really cute and useful. I got the one in royal blue because it fit my color scheme and I'm about the aesthetics life but it does comes in other colors.

Second you need some pens.

Click here to get 24 bullet journal pens

These are fine point pens and are great at designs. You should use these for decorating titles and drawings between notes and schedules. They have really pretty colors and the pens are about 6 inches

Example:

Third you need washi tape.

I have three sites. If you buy all 3 of them it cost $22.71 in total.

Number 1

Number 2

Number 3

These are the cutest things ever and it helps for overall cuteness. It also helps with nite taking and spereating months. Plus #aesthetics. It's way more durable than other tape for journals.

Fourth some STICKERS!!!

I use so many stickers for everything. I use them for my personality board, my locker, my bags. EVERYTHING.

Stickers are expensive so I got the cheap ones

Number 1

Number 2

Feel free to add anything.

Now to how to actually start.

1. Index

The Index is the organizing glue that holds the entire bullet journal together. I number all my pages so I can label and record them in my Index. Then when I need to find a certain page and I'm 50+ pages in, all I have to do is refer to the Index to find it!

2. Project Pages

I have a project planner page with a list of all the current projects I'm working on. Then I have pages where each of those projects is broken down into details, with tasks and notes. I'm getting more stuff done because I'm not overwhelmed with the entire project. I can just pick one task!

3. Montly Calendar and Goals

Each month I have a list of goals and tasks I want to accomplish for both my personal life and for work. It's essential to refer back to these during my week so I know exactly what needs to get done.

4. Weekly Planning

This is probably my favorite spread of all. On the left, I list out all appointments and events, which workout I did for the day, and then in between, all the daily habits I'm currently working on. On the right, I have a menu for the week, my to-do's, and a quick look at what's coming up next week.

5. Daily Pages

I list out all appointments and tasks for the day. Because you don't set up the next day until you're done with the current one, you have as much room as you need to take notes, jot down reminders, etc. This eliminates the need for extra post-it notes and papers.

6. Lists and Collections

I also have pages dedicated to things I'm currently tracking. Examples would be, online orders that I'm waiting on, graphic design projects I've outsourced, and even a special page for Birthdays and other celebratory events.

I've really only scratched the surface of my bullet journal, and these are the basics for a journal.

Follow @donnishdestiny

URGENT!!! Please! My body gets all anxious and my hearts starts pounding really fast when I look at my binder to put it on! I also don't breath PERFECT and I sometimes get anxiety attacks from my binder:( but I want to wear it because I'm dysphoric! What can I do?

Devon says:

It sounds like you’re having an anxiety attack when you go to put on your binder. Before putting on your binder, you could try a deep breathing exercise. That’s what helps me, personally, the most to prevent anxiety attacks.

If you don’t breath well wearing your binder, it could be from your anxiety or from an incorrect-sized binder. I would recheck your binder’s size and your chest measurements. It is possible that your chest has grown if you’re young. Wearing a properly sized binder can make it harder to breath, but not in an unsafe or painful way.

Here is a guide to see if you have a physical problem from binding.

I think you should try to think about some of these things: What makes you anxious about your binder? Are you not out, or recently out, and afraid of peoples’ reactions? Does the restriction/pressure alone make you panic? Does thinking about transitioning make you anxious?

If your anxiety is about getting a binder-related injury, following this advice might help you feel better.

Writing in a journal (or just in a word document) about your anxiety might help you to think more clearly about it. You could also talk it through with a friend or family member who you’re out to– especially a trans friend/ family member.

If you find anxiety affecting your life in other areas, on a daily basis, I would definitely recommend looking into starting medication (see a psychiatrist first of course) or meeting with a therapist regularly.

I am unable to bind because I get anxiety attacks when my chest is compressed. I see a therapist and take an anti-depressant (I’m also depressed) that lowers my general anxiety level. 

Over the past couple years, I’ve gotten to a point where I get anxiety attacks from physical stuff a lot less often (I used to get anxiety attacks almost daily from tight sports bras, hot weather, a tight shirt touching my neck, etc). But, I’m still not at the point where I can bind without panicking.

My situation is probably an extreme. Since you only sometimes get anxiety attacks while wearing your binder, it definitely seems possible to overcome that and be able to bind when you want to.

Everyone is different, and I know a ton of people with anxiety disorders who bind without it being a problem. You’ve got this!!

Let me know if you (or any other followers) have more questions about anxiety and trans stuff!

Lee says:

You might also want to consider taking your binder off if you find you’re having an anxiety attack that you’re unable to manage or cope with, and then put it back on after if possible. 

Like Devon said, your binder may be too small which might be contributing to the problem if it’s the physical feeling of the compression that makes you anxious. If that’s the case, then getting a binder in a size up that only compresses your chest and not your stomach might help.

My binder is less tight than a sports bra and a lot more comfortable than a sports bra, but when I had a smaller binder I found it more stressful to wear and I could only wear it for a few hours before it became overwhelming. If your binder is more tight than a sports bra or less comfortable than one, then maybe it’s too small. Basically, getting a binder in a size up could help even if your current binder doesn’t make it hard to breathe apart from the anxiety because a larger binder might be less constricting and therefore less anxiety-inducing to wear. 

Binding for shorter periods of time to let yourself become acclimated to the sensation can also help because it’s like exposure therapy which is backed up by scientific evidence as helping anxiety. Since you said you become anxious just looking at your binder, you can try leaving it out on your desk chair or somewhere so you get used to the sight of it and it isn’t an unusual experience seeing it. That may help desensitize you so you get adjusted to just having it as a part of your daily life.

When you bind for only 30-40 minutes and do your breathing, you can see that nothing bad happened to you and you didn’t get hurt. Then you can try to counteract your anxiety by reminding yourself “I did this last week, and nothing bad happened to me so I know that this time I’ll be okay too”. As you get used to what it’s like to bind, you can increase the time from 1 hour a day to an hour and a half, and then 2 hours, and so on. You may want to spend a week at each time interval but you can move faster or slower depending on your comfort level.

You can also try only binding while you watch 1 episode of your favorite TV show at first, because watching a show you like will help you associate binding with pleasant activities. When I first tried Nutella I always ate it when I watched Stargate: Atlantis, and then after I wasn’t able to find a link to watch the next season I stopped eating Nutella until one day I saw it and had it as a snack and it reminded me of the show instantly. 

Associations like that are also known as triggers, which can be positive or negative emotional reactions in response to some stimuli, and one trigger you may have is the association of binding with anxiety. If you can re-write the trigger so you associate your binder with being happy watching your show and with being happy because you look flat, things may be less stressful. 

Now I’m going to address the second part of your message- the dysphoria. Our dysphoria page has info on coping with dysphoria, and some of the advice may help you manage your dysphoria in other ways if you aren’t able to bind at certain times. 

If you find that you have anxiety about more things than just binding and it’s impacting the quality of your life we really recommend Telling your parents you struggle with mental illness/anxiety and want to see a mental health professional like a therapist. You don’t have to mention that it’s trans related if you’re closeted- you could just give the general symptoms that impact you. We have more info on Getting a therapist and being in therapy in that post that might help there.

I’m not always able to bind, usually related to sensory issues and not anxiety (Although I do have anxiety disorders) but doing other gender-affirming things like packing really helps me then. Everyone who knows me IRL knows I love packing because it doesn’t give me anxiety like binding does and it’s less physically intensive so you can wear it for longer periods of time. We have info on getting a packer and packing in our Packers and STPs post, or packing without a packer. 

Our transmasculine resources page has info on getting masc clothes, and that could also be something you could try doing if you haven’t already. When I can’t bind, knowing at least I’m wearing men’s clothes can help my dysphoria. Even just wearing men’s underwear is a good option if you’re closeted because nobody knows you’re wearing it. Again, check out the dysphoria page for more coping tips!

Not being able to bind feels awful when you have a big enough chest that it’s pretty noticeable to others and they’ll misgender you if you don’t bind (oh, how I hate that my chest automatically gives me away as AFAB from a distance!) but it isn’t the end of the world. Hopefully you’ll be able to get acclimated to binding, but you’ll make it through the days you can’t bind, and you can try to do other things to cope and address your mental health. You may be able to get top surgery one day, and researching and planning and saving for that can help you feel like you’re doing something to step in the right direction. Plus, sweatshirts are man’s masc’s best friend. Who cares if it’s summer! Again: You got this. Below are all the links I’ve gathered on anxiety and panic attacks, some of which should prove useful for you.

Anxiety:

Anxiety Masterpost

Introduction to anxiety

How to calm yourself during an anxiety attack

Coping statements for anxiety

Cognitive restructuring for anxiety

Anxiety guide

Worry self-help

Worry tree

Worry zones

Mastering your worries

How to handle worries

Facing fears

Decatastrophizing: The “What If” Technique (Worksheet)

Theory A/Theory B

Anxiety and intrusive thoughts

Challenging anxious thoughts

How to Combat Your Anxiety, One Step at a Time

Panic attacks:

What are panic attacks?

Surviving panic attacks

How to cope with panic attacks

Information on panic attacks and coping

Panic attacks workbook

Panic self-help

How to calm yourself during a panic attack

Panic stations

7 steps to managing panic attacks

7 steps to cope with panic attacks

How to cope with triggers you can’t avoid

Followers, any advice on binding with anxiety?

hi, sib. i just read your fic persistence, and it was so beautifully done that i wanted to drop you a note. your writing has seriously been such an influence on mine, but lately i've been having so much trouble because of my ocd. now i can't read anything without nitpicking the grammar, much less write. it's been this way for months now and i feel like i'm losing my mind. all i ever wanted was to write something good but... well, at least i still get to read something by you. i shall be content.

I’m sorry for the delay in replying, anon. Your message was so thoughtful, but also struck this… almost painfully bittersweet, personal note with me, and I had to take a couple days to reflect.

I’m so happy you enjoyed Persistence - it was a lil 500 word labour of love, but it’s somewhat different from my usual body of work, and I was a bit nervous putting it out there. So I’m delighted you enjoyed it. And it’s quite flattering to hear I’m an influence on your writing, since I feel I’m still learning the craft of writing, in many, many ways. Thank you!

Now, as for the latter half of your message…

Oh, anon.

Nonny non anon, I feel you. I’ve been… well, perhaps not right in your shoes, as I have never had OCD. But I’ve been in the same vicinity, most definitely.

Up until half a year ago, or thereabouts, my writing process was: write out a few paragraphs (if that - sometimes it was barely a paragraph) and then rework them. I would rework them over and over and over, until I felt they were just right. Only then did I feel I could move on. I felt like I was laying the foundations for a house, you know? If I didn’t get the first things laid down just right, then everything that came after would be on shaky ground, might even come tumbling down.

Thing is, writing is more like sculpting. You dig up some clay (your discovery draft or your outline, whatever), you mould it (your first draft), and then you carve and add little bits, over and over (editing. and more editing. and more. fucking editing >.>)

Anyway.

Eventually, I started slowing down, and the threshold of what I could stand before I needed to edit got smaller. It became ‘write a few lines. stop. edit those lines over and over’. And then it became ‘write one line. stop. edit that line over and over’. Rinse, repeat.

It got to the point where I stopped writing completely, for almost half a year, because everything I wrote down was so far from what I envisioned in my head, it was crushing. I had the exact same despairing thought you did: ‘All I want is to write something good’. And if I didn’t write it down, if I kept it in my head, it was good. It was perfect, in fact. Surely that was better (I thought to myself).

I feel you, I feel you, I do.

I wish there was some magic bullet that I could use to erase all those thoughts from you, to divide writing from editing in your mind, because they’re two very different processes. I would… well, I would use it on myself first, because I am human and selfish, but then I would turn it on you, and everyone else who is plagued by this period ;)

But the horrid thing (which I was very, very displeased to realise), is that if you want to write, the only thing you can do in this period is just… push… through it.

D:

It’s the worst fucking epiphany ever. If I got that in a fortune cookie, I’d be fucking pissed. But it’s seriously all there is.

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to write, if you ultimately decide it’s not for you.

BUT.

If you do want to write, or if there comes a time when you’re not content with reading, and… y'know, you’re willing to indulge me, random fanfic lady on the internet, I want you to do this:

Pick up the pen (or put your fingers to the keyboard, but if you can, I recommend pen because you can’t backspace pen and paper) and eke out some words every day.

It doesn’t have to be a lot. It might just be a sentence.

Whiskyrunner, who we all generally acknowledge to be amazeballs, went through a period where her goal was 10 words a day because she knew she could achieve that.

That’s important. Pick a word count that you know you can achieve, not one you have to push yourself to achieve, because if you fail, you will self-flagellate. Trust me, I have been there. I hated every son of a bitch who recommended ‘write every day’, because for every day I failed to write a page, I’d hate myself a little more, and the joy I found in writing would shrink. (And they’d always recommend a page, or pages, and I’d be like, ‘What, motherfucker? There are some days when I can’t summon up the energy to get out of bed, and you want me to write a page? Pages?’ There should be some script that edits ‘write every day’ to ‘write an amount that’s achievable for you every day, even if it’s one sentence’, I think.)

Write until you hit your word goal or until you’re satisfied, whichever you have the mental energy and fortitude for that day. If there’s a day where you do the latter, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to match that the next day. Don’t move the goal posts. Your goal is still (X) words. Everything beyond that is like the stretch goal on a Kickstarter. Nice, but not the main aim.

Next (and this is the hard part - or, at least, it was for me: do nothing.

Don’t tweak them. Don’t delete them. Don’t touch them.

The second you hit your goal, close the doc, close your notebook - whatever you write in. You did it, you achieved the goal, which is ‘(X) number of words’.

Do whatever you need to do to remind yourself of that.

Your goal is not '100 (or 50 or 25 or 10) good words a day’. Your goal is words.

Just words.

To paraphrase Bane: now is not the time for qualitative judgement, only quantitative. Right now, you’re at the 'digging up the clay’ stage of the writing process. You’re just trying to get enough clay to sculpt into some lumpy-looking motherfucker which you will eventually carve down into your nice sculpture.

(Don’t think about the sculpture right now. Think about (X) number of words, and digging up clay.)

There was a point where I did all sorts of objectively bizarre things to remind myself of this, and to outfox my anxiety-ridden brain and its need to edit, including, but not limited to:

- writing on a fresh page each day, even if it meant 90% of the preceding page was still blank

- opening new docs each day to write my daily goal (which I would then have to piece together later, haha)

- using that program - ilys? - that only lets you see the last letter of what you typed

- muttering to myself ‘the goal is (X) words. the goal is (X) words. the goal is (X) words. only the number of words matters. only the number.’

If you’re anything like me (and, hey, I felt your message on a deep level, so I think we’re at least a little alike), you will hate every word you write with this process. You will hate this process, period. You will want to go back and retool the words because holy fuck, what if someone, somehow, gets access to your notes and sees this mess you just eked out? What if you die, and all that’s left to show of yourself as a writer is this half-written piece of shit?

(Okay, maybe that last fear is just me.)

Still. This is normal.

But how you feel about your writing immediately after writing it is not an objective, accurate measure of how good it is. You’ll be tired, you’ll be stressed, you’ll be comparing it to the image you have in your head and thinking about how far apart they are and despairing.

Stop there.

Close the doc (or the notepad, or the notebook, or turn over the post-it note (I did that at one stage, too - writing on post-it notes, haha)). You did it, you wrote the words. You dug up some clay. No one will see them but you, and whoever you choose to show them to. You can edit them later. You can make them better, or throw out whole paragraphs or whole pages if you need to. But later. Only after you finish the draft, however many new pages or new docs (or post-it notes) it takes.

Try to be kind to yourself. It’s so damn hard, I know it is, but try to remind yourself that what you wrote for the day does not define you as a writer. Even the finished, edited work does not define you. It just shows what you were capable of writing in that moment, on that day, at that point in time.

I can’t guarantee this will work for you. But there is something to be said for habit, for retraining one’s brain (to a certain extent). If you do want to try writing again, and you try this, anon, know that I’ll be proud of you, and I’ll salute you for the very act of trying.

Much love,

Sib

(P.S.: Here, I recovered a partial copy of the very first draft I wrote of Persistence. I don’t know where the rest is (on paper, probably), but hopefully it’s enough for you to see the difference between draft and finished work, and to… idk, have a good chuckle, maybe, but hopefully feel reassured, too ;). We all write shitty first drafts. They’re the clay that you mould into something better.)

They’re two levels down, in a sunny, light-filled build meant to evoke the mark’s childhood home and favourite holiday spot, when the windows and the door and the fucking walls blow in, and a SWAT team swarms in like a tide of gun-toting ants.

(DUST, STUFF FLYING EVERYWHERE. YELLING. CHUNK OF PLASTER GOES FLYING TOWARDS EAMES.)

Eames ducks, which means the chunk of plaster misses him, but, unfortunately, takes out Cixin, their extractor, with a wet crunch. They’ll have to work on Cixin’s spatial awareness later, Eames thinks.

The SWAT team levels their guns at the remainder of Eames’ team. Even a few years ago, Eames might’ve considered running. Now, he just raises his hands, gets down on the ground when ordered to.

Everyone else runs.

There’s sporadic gunfire, the sound of running footsteps, truncated screams and cut off swearing as Eames’ team is violently kicked out, one by one.

Eames stays where he is until silence reigns.

(FOOTSTEPS, A GUN MUZZLE AGAINST EAMES’ BACK, BUT NO SHOT COMES.)

Eames peeks upward, just in time to see the leader of the SWAT team yanks his mask off, revealing Arthur’s exasperated, sweaty face.

“I can’t believe you’re working today, of all days,” Arthur says. “I should probably shoot you just for that.”

“But you won’t.” Eames rolls over onto his back, smiles his most charming smile as he gets to his feet. “And you have to admit it’s somewhat fitting, me working today.”

Arthur smiles fondly, diluting the exasperation. “Maybe.” He looks Eames up and down. “You look good.”

“You’re lying, but thank you,” Eames says. He nods at Arthur’s outfit. “That looks good on you.”

Arthur is inspecting his outfit. “You know, this wouldn’t be a bad disguise, if you were working on an opposing team. Make the other team think you’re the mark’s militarisation–”

“Stop right there.”

“What?” Arthur says. “Worried you’ll be tempted away from the side of the angels?”

“Worried I’ll be tempted away from my regular paycheck, anyway,” Eames says, sniffing.

Arthur chuckles, then nods upward. “Are they going to give you the kick soon?”

“Not just yet. They’re probably debating whether or not I’ve gotten to the safe or not.”

“You need to get on top of that,” Arthur says. “You can’t have your team hesitating over what to do next on live jobs.”

Loki & The Sandcastle

A/N: This is my first fanfic and I'm a noob at tumblr so sorry if this or how it's posted sucks

Word count: 2520

Rating: Flirts, Fluff, and implied stuff

Loki Odinson was the one person in the compound I would have rather not have to talk to on a daily basis. Especially now that the Avengers were on a mission on the coast. We had a beach house, and everyone always hung out by the shore. But whenever anyone asked him to go outside, he'd shrug them off. All the others tried to persuade him, but he just wouldn't budge. They all bet whether or not I could do it, and I decided to accept that challenge.

"Em," Natasha crowed. She leaned against the door frame to the living room with a towel in hand. Natasha wore a white, floral bikini and her red hair had natural waves from swimming in the ocean. "Come on," she barked. "The guys are already outside hanging out." "Hold on a sec," I countered. "I need to get something," I added. I walked past Loki and into my room. "I'll be outside," she chanted from the hall. I went to my books and picked the one about the beach town. Satisfied with my decision, I went back out and found Loki still sitting in his armchair reading a book. "Hey," I greeted him. I stood behind his chair, looking over his shoulder. "What is it do you want?" He asked without looking up. The trickster god licked his finger and turned the page. I rolled my eyes at the fact that I could hear his bored facial expression in his voice. "You to come outside," I answered. I kneeled down next to the raven-haired prince and thumbed through my own book. "No, no. I don't see that happening," Loki replied. He looked down at me, and the twinge of annoyance disappeared. He almost had a smile and then checked me out. He shamelessly checked me out. "Why?" I asked. "It's not like you can't read outside, and you'd probably have fun." I stopped on page forty-four. "I just don't see the point of getting wet and getting sand all over me." He answered, ending each word with a disgusted hiss. He put his novel down on the table in front of him. "Well, read through page forty-six, and if it miraculously takes the stick out of your ass, come see me," I replied. I stood back up and placed the open book on his lap, making sure to match his stare, shooting daggers at him with my sharp eyes. I left as calmly as possible with what just happened, but when I got outside, I ran as fast as I could throwing my towel in the sand. Nat swam up to the surface of the ocean as I dove in. The water was warm and tickled the edges of the metal swatches on my legs and stomach that replaced skin and tissue. "Look at the boys," she laughed. I swam up and brushed my light brown hair out of my face. Steve and Thor were playing beach volleyball in swimsuits. "Oh no," I replied. I wanted to look away, but I just couldn't. Thor set the ball, and Steve jumped about forty feet into the air to smack it back down. "I feel like this isn't all that safe to them and us and the house," I added. I turned to Natasha, who was nodding with a look of pure fear on her face. I laughed, but Natasha interrupted me. "Loki isn't out here," she observed. "We should tell the boys, that I won." She continued, getting out onto the sand. I sighed and chased her down. "Emaline couldn't get Loki to come out," she told them. "No," I argued. "It isn't like that. I gave Loki something to read, and if he prefers it, he'll come out." I explained, hoping they believed me. "Actually, he should be coming out any moment now," I boasted. Oh please Loki, please come through. As if on cue, the trickster god came through the back door of the bungalow. Not only that, but he was just wearing green swim trunks. Nothing else. And he had abs. I mean he had abs. Everyone looked at me. "What did you give him? A brochure for a cult?" Nat asked, looking extremely concerned. I laughed as the raven-haired prince joined our circle. He towered over me, easily ten inches taller. Loki turned to me. "May I speak with you in private?" He asked, cheeks getting flushed. I nodded as he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to the side. "I'm a god. A mature god, an Asgardian prince for God's sake." He started. "I am strong. I am the trickster, Emaline!" He said, leaning in to whisper in my ear. "But, still somehow your Midgardian literature drew me out here." "Wait, who's swim trunks are those?" I asked, sounding just as confused as him. "Umm... Nevermind that, dear. I just want to build a sandcastle," he whispered. He straightened his posture as his cheeks grew even pinker. I made Loki blush? I smirked and turned to the rest of the group. I threw my right hand in the air. "Ok everyone, we are having a sandcastle competition!" I screamed, walking back to the group. Steve and Nat started laughing - hysterically. I looked back at the trickster god, who now had his arms crossed and his head hung low. A sick feeling suddenly hit me. I didn't mean to embarrass him. I pulled his tense arms apart and wrapped mine around his left one. "We're a team!" I announced, looking up at the raven-haired prince. He relaxed a bit. "What is this 'sandcastle' you speak of, brother?" Thor asked, more confused than Loki when he came outside. "They sound truly amazing," the trickster god replied. "I'll be with Thor and Steve will be the judge," Nat said. She moved in between them so she could be closer to Thor, who was even more confused by how fast this was going. I turned to Steve. "Can Loki and Thor use magic?" I asked, still holding onto the raven-haired prince. After a moment of deliberation, Steve nodded. "One," Nat started. "Two, go!" She screamed. Loki found a patch of sand close enough to the ocean that the castle wouldn't be washed away, but still close enough to quickly get water. I ran to the buckets and picked a few that appealed to me. I brought them back to the raven-haired prince, who was staring at the ground which now had a few squares marked on it. "Thoughts?" I asked, setting down the molds. "I know you've never been there before, but I want to recreate the Asgardian castle." He answered. "Okay," I said. The trickster god then gave a brief plan on how to build it. We both picked up a bucket and ran down to the water. He actually got in it and got wet. I showed him the perfect ratio of water to wet sand before going back up to the dry area. I taught him how much dry sand to mix in, and then we put the molds down. This was the moment of truth. Loki and I both carefully lifted the buckets to reveal two perfect towers. We looked up at each other. I raised my eyebrows and smirked while he gave me a flirtatious smile. I whipped my head around. "You guys have nothing on us!" I screamed to Thor and Nat, who were just now planning their structure. "Oh, I assure you that our's will be the better out of our two castles!" Thor yelled back, earning a chuckle from me at his ridiculous trash talking. I turned around to find that the raven-haired prince in the water already, getting more sand. I ran towards him and scooped out sand and water. I stood back up but felt a hand push my head back under. I raised my head to the surface and looked around. The trickster god stood with a mischevious look on his face. "Did you just dunk me?" I gasped, walking towards him. He nodded before realizing what he did. He started walking backward. "Um... You don't want to walk backward in the ocean," I advised. "Why?" He asked before dropping a good two feet. His smirk turned into a surprised look of concern. "That's why," I laughed, continuing to walk towards him. Fortunately for me, he was too shocked to move. I gave him a smirk before dunking him. He looked back at me or at least tried to through his hair. "How dare you dunk a god!" He yelled, brushing his hair out of his face. I laughed, kneeling down a foot away from his face. "Well, I did. You said you didn't see the point in getting wet, but you dunked me nevertheless." I replied calmly. He leaned in closer to me, so only a few inches were separating us. "Well, maybe I see your point about it being fun." He confessed, looking into my eyes. His cold, minty breath mingled with the warm ocean breeze in my lungs, causing me to catch my breath. Neither of us said anything for a moment, but he splashed me. I stood up straight and gasped, splashing him back. "No one likes a tease," I whined. A genuine smile spread across both of our faces, and Loki let out a low chuckle. He climbed out of the crevasse he was in. "Only in bed, my dear." He replied before chasing my back to the bucket I'd dropped. My dear? I'm his dear? He calls people dear. Not my dear. I picked up my bucket and turned around. Loki was an inch away from me. "Forget the sandcastle," he whispered. The raven-haired prince placed his hands on my waist as I dropped the bucket. The trickster god effortlessly picked me up, so our eyes were level. For a moment, just a moment, we were the only people on the beach, in the world, but only for a moment. "Hey lovebirds!" Nat called, and I realized that my best friends and Loki's brother and friends were watching the whole thing. The raven-haired prince's face turned the same deep pink color that it was a few minutes ago, but his eyes shot daggers in their direction. He put me down, and I turned around. The trickster god protectively wrapped his arms around my waist. "I think we won!" Thor screamed, and Steve nodded in agreement with them. We all looked at their finished replica of S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters and our two towers that weren't even connected. I sighed in unison with Loki. "Worth it!" I yelled back, as Wanda and Bruce came outside. To my surprise, Loki still didn't let go of me. "The mission went just as planned," Wanda announced. "Thanks for the prep help Emali-" she paused. Her gaze went from Loki to my waist and back up again. "Anytime," I replied. Loki let go of me, and I made my way back up to the beach. There stood Bruce with the most hilarious look on his face. "What?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Okay," Bruce replied after a moment of silence. He looked at the other boys who nodded. Bruce looked back at Loki, and Hulk came out. "Don't hurt her!" He screamed before Bruce came back and apologized. This caused the rest of the boys to come out and investigate the threat. The threat that made Loki fall back into the water. "Hulk made an unexpected appearance," Bruce explained. "Why?" Clint asked, looking at the giant footprints in the sand. "False alarm," Bruce answered. He gave Loki, who was now standing up, a skeptical look. "Okay," Vision shrugged. We all went inside, but Thor pulled me aside for a minute before I could get in. "Listen, Loki hasn't liked anyone in a long time. You're both equally hurt, but I know you're strong enough to make him a better person and be his anchor. Thank you," he said. The god of thunder pulled me in for a sibling-like hug. I sighed. "Don't thank me yet, or ever. If I make Loki a better person, it won't be because I tried." I replied looking directly into Thor's earnest eyes. We went in to find everyone setting up a movie night. I went into my room to change out of my black bikini and discovered my book on my bed along with a note. My dear, I knew you’d be the one to pursuade me. Or at least I hoped. I smiled before getting into my grey and black pajamas. After tucking the note into page forty-four, I went back out to find Bucky about to sit down next to Loki. "Can you sit next to me, Buck?" Steve asked, looking at me. "Sure," Bucky laughed. I neared the raven-haired prince, and he lifted the blanket he and Thor shared. "Thank you," I said. I sat down, and the trickster god covered me up. "Anything for you my dear," he whispered. The lights dimmed, and Loki's fingers intertwined with mine. His now dry hand was warmer than I expected. More than that, his hand on mine made me feel safer than I had in a while. We sat like that for the whole movie, until everyone retired to their bedrooms. I went into mine, which happened to be across the hall from Loki's, and got into bed. I laid, avoiding the thought of sleep. Every night I had a nightmare about my life before the Avengers, and it got so severe that I would think of reasons to stay up. Loki popped into my head. Maybe I could sleep with him, but I don’t want to come off as desperate and needy. But this was my only hope. I got out of bed after a few minutes of wrestling with the idea. I grabbed my blanket and headed to his room, but I couldn't knock or open the door. I couldn't make myself do anything, but before I could make a decision, Loki opened the door. "Hi," I greeted him. Hi? Seriously? He chuckled. "I was just about to go to your room," he explained. He took my blanket in his hands, stroking it. "Come in," he suggested. I nodded, too tired to say anything else. I came in and sat on the bed. He sat down next to me. "Why are you here, my dear?" He asked, sensing my anxiety. He wrapped his arm around me as I looked down at the blanket in my lap. "I, I just don't want to have to wake up from another nightmare alone," I admitted. My cheeks became flushed, and Loki sighed. He turned towards me. "Neither do I," he replied. He got up and pulled the covers on his bed back. "Come," he said quietly. I followed his voice in the dark room, and a pair of hands landed on my exposed waist. He guided me into bed before covering me up. The raven-haired prince walked around the bed as I put the balled up blanket against my chest.

Why I'm Nuking My Facebook Account

I've been on Facebook since 2008. In nearly a decade, I've "liked" an awful lots of pages, groups, authors, books, movies, TV shows, creatives, news outlets, and on and on and on. As Facebook updates its newsfeeds to determine what content you see, and places a larger priority on advertising and sponsored posts and tracking your online trail to better determine your interests in order to advertise more stuff to you, it's become an Orwellian leviathan. 

None of this should be news to you.

For me, the impact was to slowly, but surely negate any and all reasons that I use Facebook. I got sucked in far too deeply, to the point that so much of my newsfeed was little more than postings from groups that were paying to capture my eyeballs. Actual human-interest content from those I follow was sparse, because Facebook made them sparse. I was seeing sponsored content more frequently than I was seeing posts from my own wife, or people I've been friends with (in either meatspace or just on Facebook) for years. Even those individuals I had marked as "see first" were still being bottomed out in favor of Facebook's advertisers and "suggestions" about whatever little bit bullshit they thought I would "like," or, better still, spend money on. If I wanted to see one of my Facebook friend's actual account, I had to search for it via the menu bar, otherwise I wasn't seeing it at all.

Last year, I attempted to go completely Facebook free. The site is an enormous time-suck, and part of that, obviously, was my own fault. Being an author, connected to other authors and the occasional anthology collaboration, though, made leaving Facebook difficult. I was kind of dragged back in due to secret groups for projects that were taking off at that time (and still am, in point of fact, so keep an eye out later in the year for news on a seeekrit! project), and ended up reactivating my account after a few months hiatus.

Things are going to be different this time! (he said, waving his hand in the air with defiant expectation.)

This time, I have a baseline for what I want to accomplish and how to do that. I'm not even going to try and quit cold-turkey since I know that's not really an option. What I will do, though, is acknowledge that change is necessary. Change in my own behaviors and interactions with the site, and a reasonable plan for moving forward.

The first step was to create a new account, something that could act as a blank slate, and one that I intend to keep reasonably blank for as long as I am able. This means cutting out "likes" on pages and groups that aren't completely necessary to my daily operations as an author. 

A lot of the stuff that I had liked on Facebook was redundant information, and served only to clutter whatever information the Facebook Gods deigned me to see. So, I will not be liking any sort of news agencies on Facebook. First of all, I think having Facebook as a primary news source is just a fucking awful rabbit hole to go down. Although I have a subscription to The New York Times and Washington Post, I will not be "liking" them on Facebook. It provides Facebook with too much information, and causes too many other third parties to rear their ugly heads in my direction. I have primary news sources already to rely on, and there's no need for me to utilize them on Facebook. And when I need real news, I can always YouTube John Oliver and Samantha Bee. (By the way, did you see this video from Vox? Pretty telling stuff, I think. And yes, I know, off-topic, but whatever. It's my blog, so deal.)

Nuking my previous Facebook account also serves as a bit of social culling. Honestly, there wasn't a heck of a lot of interaction from the vast majority of my Facebook friends. On the flip-side, I have made a few wonderful friends online and we talk or post on each others comments fairly routinely, or chat in Messenger, and are the type of people I'd get a beer with. I know there's plenty of users on there who wanted to friend me simply to boost their own numbers. I'm not a people collector, though. I have given my followers notice and put up a message on my prior account about the change. Those that want to follow me over to the new account are free to do so. Those that don't need not apply. The loss of ephemeral followers is no big loss at all, really, and only serves to further help streamline my new Facebook set-up.

So, fewer friends, no cluttering of liked pages or groups, and very little willful exchange of data between me and Facebook. I'm giving the site as little personal information as I can. A side aspect of this, one that I had not originally intended but have quickly adopted after doing some research last night, was reclaiming my data. 

And you know what? So far, it's working out pretty well. This project began yesterday, and I'm already noticing its impact. My newsfeed, for the first time in years probably, is actually showing me updates posted by friends. That's pretty novel.