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seospicybin · 3 months

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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART IV

Seungmin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Seungmin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (8,5k words)

Author's note: Enjoy the last part and let me know what you think about it :)

Even though you've been given the space that you asked for from Seungmin, being on your own makes you feel a little empty inside. Maybe you're so used to having him around and even when you're not in the same room, you know you can always find him nearby.

But this... having this much space doesn't help you find the answer. If anything, you find yourself unable to think or come close to a decision.

You're deep in your thoughts when Zane steps in, finding you lounging on the sun chair next to the cabana.

"Hi," he softly greets with a warm smile.

You return the smile, "Hi."

He comes closer and then sits on the end of the lounger, "How are you doing?"

You fold your hands in front of you and just say whatever is in your head, "I'm doing good," you reply with a normal answer.

Zane nods with his smile that doesn't wear off even for a second as he stares at your face.

"You have a nice smile," you compliment, "A nice, bright smile."

One compliment and he gets flustered already which you find very endearing.

"That's very nice of you. Thank you!" He says with a smile that grows bigger on his face.

He hesitantly places his hand on your knee and rubs his thumb on the skin that's warm from basking under the sun for some time.

"Are you comfortable with me?" He suddenly asks.

"Surprisingly yeah, I do feel comfortable," you honestly answer.

He slides his hand down to your shin, touching you as he speaks, "If you're comfortable with me... just know that my arms are open for you," he says.

Zane is not shy to be very open which is unlike most men you've met who chose to play it cool and have a superiority complex.

"My head is..." you pause to inhale air, "it's a mess right now."

He bobs his head, intently listening to you with his hand constantly rubbing up and down your shin.

"My attention has been shifted," you tell him.

He licks his lower lip and hesitantly asks, "To me?"

"To you, yeah," you confirm with a nod.

"With you, it's just... I don't know how to explain it. I just want to know you," you vaguely answer, unable to crack the need in your head into words.

"Probably because I offer a lot different than most of the men here," he says, sliding his hand down to wrap his hand around your ankle.

He squints as he looks at the sun then looks back at you with an intense stare into your eyes, "Fairly speaking, you haven't had a chance to learn about me," he says.

That's true. Things could have gone differently if Zane came before Seungmin and it's only fair if you give him the same chance you've given to Seungmin.

"Tell me something about yourself then," you let him have his chance.

Zane thinks for a moment for a piece of himself he wants to share with you.

"I grew up without a father so it's been just me and my mom.. all my life," he openly shares.

You didn't expect him to share a very personal thing about himself but you appreciate him for that.

"That's crazy because I went through the same thing too. My father walked out on me when I was five," you share back.

It's even crazier that you open up to him more than you intend to but maybe that proves a connection is there.

"I can relate to that cause I know the pain and that's something you and I could connect on a whole different level," Zane says, finding something in common with you that would help both of you to bond.

Zane rests his hand on your knee again and deeply looks into your eyes.

"I don't want you to think that I'm just my looks. There's far more than what you see," He adds with his smile disappearing from his face only to show you how earnest he is about his words. For now, you decide to take his words into account to see if there's a connection between you and him.

YOU: I'm getting to know Zane better but the fact that I care about Seungmin is making the whole situation even harder for me.

Something keeps tugging on your chest and as you go about your day, it keeps weighing you down and down, making it harder for you to breathe. You take advantage of the empty dressing room just to be with yourself but being alone with your own thoughts is not it either.

Someone walks into the room and your head turns to see who it is.

Vale makes his way to sit on the chair next to yours which is the one Adriana usually used to sit. He only smiles at you and does not say anything until he knows you accept his presence well.

"How are you?" Vale asks.

"I'm not doing good," you honestly say with a sad smile on.

Vale thinly smiles and rests both hands on the armrest of the chair.

"So... where are you at with Seungmin and Zane and all of your men?" He playfully asks as he leans back on the chair.

If there's someone you can safely share your deepest thoughts with it's with Vale so you let yourself open and pour all your worries to him to see if he can help you make up your mind. You pull your legs up and hug them as you sit facing him on your chair, "I feel bad to say it but I want to get to know Zane," you answer.

"Is it because he's hot?" He asks with a low laugh.

You chuckle at that, "Well, that's like ... my old tendency," you playfully respond.

"It was fun and game at first then I realized that there could be something deeper than that. That's one of the reasons why I am drawn to Zane," you explain as best as you can about the dilemma you're going through right now.

Vale does his thing of rubbing his beard as he talks, "What are you going to do now?"

You shake your head, feeling even more confused whenever someone asks you that.

"I honestly don't know," you honestly answer, "but I am leaning towards Zane at this moment."

You throw your head back and stare at the ceiling as you let yourself be completely open and bare.

"I don't know it's the connection that I have with Zane and that we could be a potential match or..." You rake your hair to the back and sigh, "I'm running from Seungmin."

It's not hard to know what Vale thinks, there's a big chance that he thinks it's the latter but the only one who knows what you truly feel is yourself, no one doesn't know how confusing it is for you. Your head feels like it's about to explode from all the thinking that it's taking a toll on you and tears are forming in your eyes as you stare at the void.

"I don't know what to do," you mutter with a quivering voice.

Vale grabs your hand and holds it tight, letting you know that you're not alone and you have his back.

"I don't want to give you unsolicited advice or preaching you but do you want to hear what I think?" He politely asks.

You nod with tears already pooling on the corner of your eyes and you quickly dab it with the heel of your hand.

Vale leans forward and looks at you as he utters his thoughts at you, "I think it would be unfortunate to see your abandonment or trust issues get in the way of your connection," he says.

However, Vale decides to not force his thought on you, he places his other hand on you, sandwiching your hand between his.

"You have a big decision to make because if you choose Zane then you'll lose Seungmin," Vale simplifies things for you.

You're aware of the things you could've gained and lost if you choose one over another because apparently, you can't have it all and the world sucks like that.

YOU: This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make [exhales air]

The amount of make-up you put on wouldn't be enough to cover what you truly feel underneath. Your head is close to short-circuiting from thinking day in and day out, trying to find the answers to everything. However, Zane always finds you there, sitting alone, and uses it as a chance to make a move on you. You don't mind at all, you need all the distraction you need but more importantly, some assurances from him.

"What's up?" He asks, taking a seat opposite you.

You stay quiet and assess yourself to find an answer to his simple question.

"There's like... a whirlwind in my head," you answer a few minutes too late.

He looks a little concerned by your answer, "Yeah?"

"I just need to know if this," your hand gestures to him and you, "this connection is real."

Zane understands what you're actually asking him. He leans forward with his elbows planted against his knees, "I think you're beautiful. I think you're sweet. I like your personality, your attitude, I like you as a whole person."

You smile and nod at his compliments, letting him finish with what he has to say to you.

"I think you might be the one," he confidently says.

And that takes you aback. You know that he's not the type to hesitate talking his thoughts out loud but that's just blew you away.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asks with a shy smile.

You stifle a nod.

"There's no one else in this villa that I'm attracted to like that," he adds.

You're not yet able to wrap your head around the fact that Zane is a sweet guy which is the opposite of what he looks like. But you need more than just his good intentions.

"I need to know if there's something there," you tell him.

"There's something there. No doubt," he says with so much faith in his words.

You can't tell if he wants to impress you or if he has that much faith in you two, you can only chuckle and admire his confidence.

"I would love it if we share a bed tonight," His confidence fades a little as he asks you that.

"You know, just to explore our connection," he immediately adds, not wanting to give you the wrong ideas.

Well, that has been your intention all along, to find out if this connection is real or not. However, it's not going to be easy when you have someone's feelings to consider.

"I'll think about it," you tell him.

YOU: If I don't explore things with Zane, then I'll never know if it was a real connection. On the other hand, I really do like Seungmin and I care a lot about him so what am I supposed to do? [Cries] Fuck!

Seungmin is giving you the space you need so he has no idea where things stand between you and Zane or how far you have known each other but he's hoping to hear something from you.

The day almost ends when you finally come up to him and ask, "Can I talk to you?"

Seungmin doesn't want to expect because he doesn't want to be disappointed but he can't help hoping to hear good news from you soon. He follows you to the dressing room and sits on the chairs next to each other. A couple of minutes have passed and you haven't started talking yet.

He looks at you and puts on a smile, "You know you can talk to me."

You return the smile with a sad one and lay your hands flat on your thighs, "You know that I like you and I don't feel what I feel for you for anyone else," you begin.

By you saying that, he guesses that you have something unpleasant to tell him afterward so he prepares himself for the worst.

"Yes," he nods.

"But I... I'm going to sleep with Zane tonight," you say in one breath, not wanting to have to repeat those words to him.

Seungmin always thinks no matter what the situation is he can be mature and handle it well but this hurts. He manages to stay calm but his heart shatters, it's certainly not what he hoped to hear from you.

"I do care about you and that's why I'm telling you this," you say with a trembling breath.

"Okay," he casually responds because that's what his brain can compute at the moment.

You look down at your hands on your lap and sniffle, "I hope you understand that I don't want to walk out of here and wonder 'what if?' I need to see how it goes," you explain.

He understands your good intentions in telling him about this but he can't help it, it's painful to know that you choose someone else over him.

"Thank you for telling me," he calmly says without showing how disappointed he is about this.

You let a moment pass to let everything sink in and then ask, "What do you think?"

Well, what do you think? Seungmin has no other choice but to tell you how he truly feels.

"It's fucking sucks," he bitterly says, letting his anger erupts for a split second.

"I told you I feel something for you that I've never felt with anyone else. I want you in my bed," he utters everything he wants but not getting from you.

He holds the armrest of the chair so hard his knuckle turns white, he quietly inhales air to calm himself down and then continues talking.

"But if you feel like that is your chance at happiness then that's something that I have to give to you," he concludes.

In the end, everyone wants to be happy even though he has to be the one not getting his own happiness, he's willing to do that for you.

"I don't know if this is my chance at happiness, I still need to figure it out," you say with another sniffle.

He can't believe that the first time he feels a sense of love toward someone like this it would hurt this much which only makes him realize how genuine and tremendous his feelings for you.

SEUNGMIN: People say that if you love someone, you set them free and that's what I'm doing here.

In his profession, this is what they call a curveball. It's something difficult and unpleasant to deal with, one that he can't hit away because he didn't see it coming in the first place.

"Aren't you going to bed?" You lowly ask.

Seungmin stares at the void instead of looking at you, "I just need a minute," he says.

You take it as a sign to leave, you rise from your chair and head for the doorway. You stop on the way out to look over your shoulder to say, "Goodnight."

Without looking, Seungmin answers back, "Goodnight."

When he's finally alone in the room, he leans back on his chair and stares at the ceiling as his heart breaks into smithereens.

There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Seungmin can only try to put on a brave face but he's struggling so hard when he sees you on the bed with someone else.

"Oh, no," he can hear someone quietly mutter when he steps into the bedroom.

Everyone can see what is going on in the room, how he walks to his bed with his soul feeling like it has left his body and it's merely just the vessel.

He has to share it with the new girl by default and worse is, the bed is right next to yours and he can hear the low chatter between you and Zane.

"Do you like cuddling?"

"I am, yeah."

"That's just perfect."

Seungmin lays on his bed trying to shut the world and into his head, reminding himself of what kind of person he is, it's a shame that it doesn't work out with you so it's time to give his time to someone who truly acknowledges his worth.

At the end of the day, Seungmin is relieved that he stands his ground and that he will never be the person who has to persuade someone to be with him.

SEUNGMIN: I really like her but this seems like the end for us.

The morning comes and you feel like waking up in an alternate universe. There's nothing wrong with Zane, he's a great guy and you like sharing a bed with him. This feels nice but feels wrong at the same time and you don't know how that happens. He smiles when he notices you're already awake, turning to the side to face you so he can look at your face.

"I can get used to this," he says with a foolish grin on his face.

There's no denying that he likes you and you can see that from the way he treats you, and how he makes you feel comfortable around him but instead of feeling assured, you feel more befuddled.

The lights are on and everyone starts to wake up as well, sleepy faces and all. You refuse to see the bed next to you because you know how that'll make you feel.

"How's everyone sleep?" Elliott asks around while half yawning.

"Good," Jeff shortly replies.

The others give various answers but they're mostly positive then when it comes to Seungmin, you immediately shrink in your bed.

"I didn't sleep at all," He answers.

Everyone knows the reason why but they choose not to meddle further into his business and Lana comes just in time.

"Good morning, everyone."

"Morning, Lana!" Zane excitedly responds, putting his hand on you.

"As we approach the end of the retreat, it is time for our more established couples to start looking towards the future and how their relationships might progress in the outside world," she announces.

You don't know where you stand right now because your head feels like it's been splitting in so many ways, you don't know where you are anymore.

"For those of you who are struggling to commit to a single emotional connection, it is time to focus your energy and make a choice."

Welp, that's you. Lana specifically says that to you and you shrink further in your bed, tempted to hide under the cover like a fucking loser.

"Please consider this today as you do not have long left."

It's like Lana doesn't care about how much pressure she just adds onto you.

"Goodbye," she finishes with a grim farewell.

YOU: Waking up next to Zane feels good but I feel guilty about Seungmin and it only confuses me so much more than before.

The day has just started but it seems like it won't get any better. Vale comes into the dressing room while the girls are still doing their makeup, knocking on someone's closet to get everyone's attention.

"Can you guys gather in the cabana in 10 minutes?"

"Wh–what is it?" Adriana asks in confusion with only one fake eyelash on.

"Is it Lana?" You ask, carefully sipping your coffee.

"Just come to the cabana," he says, skipping on explaining why everyone has to come.

You decide to do your eye makeup later and apply mascara so your eyes won't look tired, not forgetting to put on a tinted lip balm before heading to the cabana with the girls.

The rest are already waiting in there and you guess it must be Lana, you start to get nervous that your time to make a decision has come.

"Which one of you guys broke the rules?" Tom asks.

"No one breaks any rules," Vale says with a chuckle.

Once everyone settles in their seats, Vale gets up and takes a stand in front of everyone. He puts his hands in front of him and then rubs them together.

"So guys, I have something to say here," he starts.

You look up at him because he's just that tall and listen to what he has to say.

He looks at everyone and continues, "My time here has been great."

"No..." Elliott softly gasp.

You don't want to assume but you know what it's about and you don't want to hear it. Everyone seems to get to where he's heading with this conversation.

"No, no!" Adriana exclaims in denial.

Vale sadly chuckles at her reaction and continues talking, "But it's time for me to go."

Everything becomes a blur with tears clouding your eyes and when you close them, you feel tears roll down both of your cheeks, hot and wet, full of sadness.

"It's just what's best and I'm not sad about it, honestly, guys," Vale's voice is trembling in places.

You keep closing your eyes even though you know you can't avoid the reality but it helps you from breaking down.

"I've learned a lot. I made friendships and got to know a group of amazing people here," Vale keeps going with his speech.

You hear sniffles and groans around you, guess you're not the only one brokenhearted by this sudden exit.

"In order for me to progress and get to the next level of personal growth, I would've needed to make an emotional connection, and that—" Vale has to pause to get ahold of his emotions.

"I didn't find that here so uh—" he can't even finish his words without getting emotional.

Vale knows what he wants but he can't find it here so he decides to take himself out of the equation to find it somewhere else and you know Vale will find it, he will because he deserves everything in life if not more.

"It's important that you guys know that it's been amazing here. The best part of this is this," he gestures to everyone in the room, "you guys."

Vale has been nothing but a positive energy in the villa, his kindness and his gentle presence are one of a kind and everyone acknowledges that his exit would make a hole in their hearts.

Tom is holding back his tears to say something to him, "Thank you for being such a positive energy in here, man I– I'm genuinely upset that you leave," he says, choking on his words in the middle.

When it's your turn to bed a farewell, you hug him tightly and cry even harder into his chest. You know it's for the better but you just can't stop the tears from streaming down your face. You can't accept the fact that he leaves at a time when you need him the most.

"You'll figure it out," he mutters on the top of your head as he tenderly rubs your back.

YOU: He's like a big brother to me, he helps me become the person I've become so far I–I'm so devastated that he's leaving [cries]

You take a moment to process Vale's unexpected exit on your own in the bedroom. You get to make peace with it once you remind yourself that it's not the end of your friendship and you'll eventually meet again, one day in the outside world.

You see the bedroom door swing open and see Adriana come through it.

"Hey," she says while quietly closing the bedroom door behind her.

"Hey," you weakly reply, wiping your snotty nose.

She comes to your bed then sits cross-legged facing you, "Just want to check on you. Are you okay?"

You put on a thin smile and prop a pillow behind your head, "I'm okay," you answer.

She nods then takes the cushion into her lap, squeezing on it as she tries to check on your true condition, "How are things?"

It seems like she's no longer asking you about Vale, she asks you about the Zane-Seungmin question. Considering that you don't have much time, you're open to any advice at this point.

"I don't know what to feel. I'm so confused," you honestly answer.

"Do you... feel unfulfilled with Seungmin?" She carefully asks, not trying to offend you in any way.

"No," you immediately reply.

"It's just that when I look at Zane, it's just different from when I look at Seungmin but at the same time, I like Seungmin a lot."

Words can't even justify how you feel and how tangled your thoughts are inside your head.

"I see but do you see a deeper connection with Zane?"

You lightly shake your head, "I don't know."

You take a deep breath and not letting yourself get emotional this time, "I feel like I've been through this so many times because in the past every time a guy came by and caught my attention, I'd immediately jump ship," you share.

Adriana repeatedly nods while her hands are playing with the tassels on the cushion, "Is it because you're not ready for a deeper connection with Seungmin that you're scared?"

That question hits you right in the chest, you know the true answer to that, "I'm scared."

If you pursue Zane, do you think you're making the same mistake you did in the past?" She asks another hard-hitting question.

You can't find the answer to it, "I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," you desperately sigh.

"What is your heart telling you to do?"

You can't find the answer again, "I don't know."

Adriana nods again and tries to conclude what she gets from your answers. She reaches for your shoulder and gently rubs it.

"I think what you and Seungmin have is so beautiful. It'd be sad if you throw that away just because you're scared."

It's indeed beautiful and you don't know why you want to throw that away.

YOU: My head is... all over the place so I'm going to have to give myself some time alone to think.

Everyone in the dressing room is startled to hear the cone chimes. It startles you more that Lana calls for your name the first thing she comes online.

"Yes, Lana?" You answer with a groggy tone.

"Please, can I talk to you privately in the cabana?" Lana politely asks but it's not a question, it's a command.

"Right now?"

"Yes, immediately."

Everyone is giving you uneasy glances but you hurriedly finish your makeup, applying some colors to your cheek before heading to where Lana asks you to be. It feels strange to be there by yourself, you choose to sit in the middle of the sofa and face the cone.

Lana chimes once more and goes straight to business, "As you know, I'm here to help you make deeper, more meaningful connections. I can see you are struggling to commit to just one person."

You guess that Lana has given you the time to make a decision but it's the last chance she's going to give to you. You keep gulping air because you're not ready yet, your mind goes two different ways at once.

"With the retreat nearing an end, I'm offering you the opportunity to make a choice once and for all," Lana says.

You know it's going to end up with Lana taking matters into her own hands and you don't know if that's a good thing.

"You must choose only one to take on a date and in doing so, finally commit to one connection."

You ball your hands into fists on your lap, feeling a mix of feelings and your head is close to exploding.

"Oh, my god," you breathlessly gasp, "I don't know, Lana. I don't know."

Lana doesn't want to hear another excuse from you to avoid making decisions, "You have 15 minutes to make a decision."

Your heart palpation and you feel so stressed thinking about your choices and what's going to happen if you choose one over another.

As you delve deeper into your head and heart, you find yourself in a moment of clarity and realize that Zane is your comfort zone. The reason why you're drawn to him is because he offers something new but there's nothing deeper there.

On the other hand, Seungmin is out of your comfort zone because he actually takes you to new emotional places and you feel things more deeply with him hence why you're so scared.

Fifteen minutes pass in the blink of an eye and Lana asks you the final question, "Who do you choose to go on a date with you?"

There's a part of you that has to decide if you want to be this new person leaving this retreat. You look into yourself once again to find the answer and once you find it, you steadfastly answer, "I choose..."

YOU: This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make and I hope it's the right decision.

Even though he's angry, Seungmin so badly wants you to come back to him but he should bury that deep in his heart. You seem to have come to a decision and it's not him. Last night was the proof of it and that assures him that he shouldn't wait in uncertainty.

Now that there's nothing he can do more here, he considers leaving the retreat like Vale did but he has to hold that thought when the cone in the bedroom chimes and he's the only one there.

"Seungmin," Lana calls his name.

Seungmin fumbles to get up from his bed and sits on the edge of the bed, "Yes, Lana?"

"I have given her the chance to choose between you and Zane to go on a date," Lana informs.

Something warm floods his heart but he won't let it blossom until he knows for sure what he's about to hear is good news.

"She has chosen to go on a date with you," Lana continues.

He needs a moment to register that information into his brain but Lana is urging him to answer her next question.

"Seungmin, will you agree to attend?"

He should be happy to hear that you chose him but that also gives him an impression that you have a fickle mind and he's not sure if he wants to deal with that.

"I must press you for an answer," Lana urges him, "Will you attend?"

After everything that happened, Seungmin doesn't know if he wants to do this.

SEUNGMIN: If she chooses to come back to me, I don't know what I'm going to do but I want to hear what he has to say.

The date is located on the part of the villa Seungmin has never been to. He walks there dressed neatly for a date, a date that he didn't expect to happen under this kind of circumstance. He arrives there to see you sit with your back facing the entrance and not acknowledging his presence until he places his hand on your shoulder.

"Oh, my God!" You gasp to see him there.

You shoot up from your chair to exchange a quick hug with him and he can't lie, he misses the warmth of your body against him.

"I think we need to talk about this," he says as he lets go of the hug.

"Yes," you answer.

He takes the seat opposite you and places his hands under the table, ready to listen to what you have to say. But before that, he has something to say to you.

"Last night, when you told me you were going to sleep with Zane. It made me realize that I don't want to be away from you but I obviously don't want to force you to be with me," he starts.

These past few days have been overwhelming, draining him both physically and mentally, he doesn't want to go through the same thing, hanging in uncertainty and not knowing where you lead him.

"I've never felt this way to someone before but I can't do this if you're going to constantly have these doubts," he continues.

Seungmin places his hands on the table and stacks them together in front of him. It's time to ask you the question that he's sure you already have the answer to because why would he bother to be here if it wasn't for that?

"My question remains the same. What do you want?"

SEUNGMIN: I need her to communicate with me and be open and honest. Otherwise, I'm about to walk away forever.

For the last hour, you've been anxiously waiting whether he'd come or not to the point that your body shakes and your palms are sweating. Deep down, you know you deserve it if he chose to stand you up but Gosh, you can't imagine how devastated you would be.

Seungmin is here now and it's such a great relief, and now he demands the answer to his question: What do you want? Before you get to that, you owe him an apology for what you did. You swallow air before start speaking.

"The decision I made last night was very selfish and hurts you a lot. I'm sorry," you sincerely apologize.

Your body is shaking still but it's for a different reason, opening up yourself to someone is scary but you have to try. You grip the hem of your dress for something to hold on to.

"I know that I have a connection with you and I know that it's real. When I look at you, I get this feeling that I've never had before but I also don't understand it in a way," you utter your thoughts as best as you could.

Seungmin wants you to be open and that's what you're doing right now, you're ignoring how your chest hurts as you let your heart out.

"Trust me when I say I was really pushing myself to walk away from you because I am terrified," you bite back your tears and swallow them down to continue talking, "I am terrified because I felt like you are going to leave me at some point."

Seungmin has been getting nothing from you and accepting everything as it is when in fact you owe him an explanation of why you did what you did.

"It all goes back to when I was five when my father walked out on me and that made me think that I'm not worthy of love, that I'm not good enough."

The more you try to keep the lump in your throat the more it feels like it burns you like a hot coal. You let them spill, letting your tears flood your eyes and down your cheeks.

"I find myself doing this a lot in the past because I don't want to get hurt. I'm just trying to protect my heart," you barely made it to the end of the sentence without getting choked on your tears.

"That was an easy defense mechanism but I understand," Seungmin says.

His hand makes its way to you and not stopping until he finds your hand, he holds it tight in his. He smiles as he looks into your teary eyes.

"Thank you for opening up," he mutters.

"I've never done this before. I've never opened my heart to anyone, ever," you tell him with a trembling voice.

You quickly wipe your tears with the back of your hands even though they won't stop coming out of your eyes.

"I'm scared shitless right now," you admit with a dry chuckle.

He stares into your eyes with the warmth that you missed terribly much, giving you this instant sense of comfort you can't find anywhere else.

"I feel things and I don't know if it's love because I've never been in love before," you confess.

You bravely hold his gaze as you look into his eyes and in those eyes, you find the strength to finally give him your answer, "But I want to know what it is and I want to do it with you.”-

YOU: It was scary but I'm glad I'm taking that step and I want this, I want to explore this to the fullest with him.

This is exactly what Seungmin wanted to hear from you and now he gets it, he thinks that it's beautiful how you come out of your shell, shedding a layer of yourself and letting him see more of you.

"I'm just going to be honest," he says.

He rubs the back of your hand with his thumb as he speaks, "When I'm looking at you, I know what I feel is love," he openly tells you.

It's a new feeling but he knows for sure that it's love and it's pure, intense, and overpowering, he loves you and that feels right.

You brush your tears with the heel of your hand and smile at him, "Thank you for seeing me, coming here for me," you mutter.

You hold his hand back and intertwine your hand with his, "Thank you for being so patient," you add.

With you, Seungmin learns that loving someone means giving that someone power over him and he doesn't mind that because it's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.

"It sounds like we're both going to take a big step together into the unknown," he says with a soft smile.

You nod with a smile on your tears-streaked face, "But this time, we have each other," you finish his sentence.

And with you, Seungmin gets to know that he can have this much love inside of him and he can share it with someone yet he'll never run out of it.

The chime on both of your watches takes you by surprise. Seungmin rises from his seat and comes up to you, holding his hand out at you to help you get up from your chair. He holds your face with both hands and looks at your face, a face that he longs to see, and then slowly, he leans in to kiss you.

The kiss is such a long time coming, it breaks his heart open and ails his pain. He pours out the content of his heart into this kiss, hoping that you get to feel it through his lips how sincere and how deep his feelings for you are.

He breaks the kiss to say something to you, "You are worthy of love."

He holds the sides of your face with eyes overflowing with fondness, "You are good enough."

With all of his heart, he says the three words that have been on the tip of his tongue, "I love you."

And then he seals those words with a long, lingering kiss on your forehead.

SEUNGMIN: To see her finally take this step, face her fear, and put it out there for me [smiles] this moment is everything.

The first thing you do when you get back to the villa is to find Zane. You have so much respect for him to not give him an explanation on why you chose Seungmin.

In the bedroom, you find him lying on his bed and he looks like he knows that you chose Seungmin and went on a date with him.

"Hey, how are you doing?" You ask, sitting on the bed next to his.

He gets up to sit on the bed and fixes his shirt, "Good. You?"

"Good," you shortly answer.

You carefully pick your words before letting them out but it's always best to start with an apology, "I want to apologize for not choosing you."

Zane gets quiet for a moment then he scratches the back of his head, "I'm disappointed because I did not see that coming."

"Well, I think you're an amazing guy, inside and out," you genuinely compliment him because that's what he's been to you, an amazing guy.

"Thank you."

"But I have this connection with Seungmin, a connection that I've never felt before and I want to explore it with him," you explain.

Zane nods and folds his leg under him, "It's okay. I think I had my hopes up too high but I'm not mad at you."

It's a great relief that he has the heart to accept your rejection well and you appreciate him so much, he really is a great guy and he deserves more.

"Thank you for understanding and once again, I'm sorry," you apologize one more time because it feels like you're not apologizing enough.

Zane puts on a smile, "I appreciate your apology and honestly, I just want you happy."

It's heartwarming to know that he wishes good things for you and you're grateful that things end well between the two of you.

"Thank you, Zane," you say again.

You both get up from the bed to end things on a good note with a nice, friendly hug.

Tonight has been bittersweet.

But mostly, you are thankful for so many things. You are grateful for Seungmin and his patience despite you putting him through so much. You are grateful for Zane who has been so understanding. Lastly, you are grateful for you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Things wouldn't have ended like this with Seungmin's head resting on your lap and everything goes back into its place. You tenderly brush his fluffy hair and caress his cheek, getting that feeling that you're exactly where you should be.

"It's going to be okay now," you mutter to him.

Seungmin softly smiles and catches your hand to place a kiss on it, "It is now."

YOU: I appreciate this moment so much and I'll remember this for all my life [smiles]

A part of you can't believe that you have come to the end but this is it, this is the last day of the retreat.

You wake up with a smile as you turn your head to the side and see Seungmin there. You nuzzle your head, peppering his cheek and jaw with soft kisses then put your arm across his chest.

"My handsome man," you murmur as you place another kiss on his cheek.

He gets back to you by burying his head in your neck and tickles you there, his teeth faintly scraping the thin skin. Lana's chime interrupts the playful moment.

"Welcome to your final day in the retreat," Lana says.

Everyone is cheering in reaction and Jeff throws a cushion across the room, "Let's make the most of it!" He excitedly shouts.

"Later on today, I'll announce who has won the $79,000 prize fund," Lana informs.

"Guys..." Seungmin calls everyone.

All the heads in the room are turning to him now and Seungmin pushes himself up to sit with his back against the headboard of the bed, "I'm deeply sorry but we spent 40 grand last night," he mutters with a regretful expression.

You see everyone reacts differently but what catches your attention is the way Adriana's jaws hang open and the way Tom's eyes widen once they hear what Seungmin said.

"What?" Devon gasps, holding her hair out of her ear.

You exchange a look with Seungmin then nods, "False alarm, everybody!" He announces that it's just a joke.

That seems to knock down the tension that is about to build in the room. You point toward Tom and Adriana's bed and burst into laughter, "Your faces... oh, my gosh!"

"There are 12 hours left of my retreat. Use them wisely," Lana finishes.

YOU: We were the most persistent rule breakers but now our connection is something deeper than that [smiles]

While everyone else is busy talking about who's likely to win the prize money, you use the time to have a look back on how far you've grown in this retreat.

It's obvious that you've been through a lot but that allowed you to learn a lot of lessons, you learned to let your guard down, you learned that it's okay to feel loved and to deserve love, to let love in and be vulnerable. The one thing you learned the hard way is that the next best thing isn't always the next best thing.

This retreat has taught you a lot and you're proud of what you have become, a different person from when you first came into the retreat.

This time, you feel anything but nervous as you walk to the cabana. You can't believe that you're saying this but you're just sad that it's coming to an end.

One thing for sure is you're not going to miss hearing that melodic chime.

"Hi, everyone."

"Hello, Lana!" You cheerily reply.

"As you know, the prize fund now stands at $79,000."

"That's a whole lot of money," Tom comments while rubbing his hands together.

"Since your arrival in the retreat, I've been observing your behavior. Your ups and downs, your mistakes and breakthroughs.

"She knows everything. She's kind of nosy, eh?" Cara jokingly says, earning a few laughs from here and there.

"Now, it's time to announce my finalists," Lana further informs.

YOU: She knows everybody's journey so I trust Lana's decision.

"While I acknowledge that you have all shown impressive emotional development. I have identified four individuals who stand out for their transformative journeys."

Seungmin thinks that you must have the same mind with him that regardless of who wins the money, you both are happy to have met each other here and that is something that no one can value with material things.

And no matter who wins, he'll be happy for them.

"The first finalist is... Devon and Elliott. I have decided to nominate you together as a couple."

Everyone gives them a round of applause as they take a stand while Lana explains the list of things that earned them a spot as finalists.

Everyone gets tensed once again as Lana is about to announce the next two finalists and would likely win the money.

"The next finalist is... Seungmin."

It's not about the money to him, Seungmin feels proud that his growth is being acknowledged and it feels somehow rewarding. He looks down at you and wishes that you take the next spot because you grow so much in the retreat and fuck anyone who says that he's being biased, he knows you deserve it.

Just like Lana reads through his mind, she calls for your name as the last finalist. He enthusiastically takes you into a hug and having a moment together.

"As a pair, you have empowered each other to change. Therefore, you too, are nominated as a couple," Lana announces.

Everyone gives you two a round of applause too and Adriana is the one who can't stop squealing in happiness. He holds your hand because it feels like he's about to float away from this much happiness.

"Finalists, please make your way to the beach and await further instructions," Lana orders.

SEUNGMIN: I feel like she deserves it more from how much she has grown in this retreat. But to stand as finalists together... it's just perfect [Grins]

As you wait for everyone back in the cabana to vote, Elliott pops open the bottle of champagne and the white wine spurts out of it. he hurriedly fills the glasses and initiates a toast.

"Cheers!" Everyone exclaims as glasses are clinking against each other in the middle.

"Who would have thought the most spending couples become the finalists, huh?" Elliott says.

You chuckle once you swallow down your wine and say, "Well, not me."

The sun is sinking lower into the horizon when the rest of the guests are finally joining you on the beach. A few more bottles of champagne are being opened and glasses are being passed around.

while we wait for Lana to come, everyone is reminiscing about their time here in the retreat, both good and bad, they're just as precious.

It turns quiet when the cone chimes in and probably for the last time, ever.

"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.

"Hi, Lana!" You sweetly respond. Oh, how you're going to miss it.

"During your time at my retreat, you have broken the rules 14 times," Lana informs.

"Geez!" Jeff exclaims.

"Y'all was having too much fun," Tom grumbles then breaks a laugh after.

"Throughout your stay, I've observed people commit to the process and ultimately make a significant change."

Adriana raises her champagne flute to the air and says, "It's all thanks to you Lana."

Everyone agrees with her and also raises their glasses to the air to give Lana a toast.

"Finalist, your fellow retreat guests have been voting for the winning couple and the time has come to announce the winners."

Your heart is pounding and at times, you feel like it's about to jump out of your chest. You hold Seungmin's hand before getting up from your seats per Lana's order.

"The votes have been counted and only one couple can check out with the $79,000 prize fund."

Seungmin pulls you close to his side with a hand resting on the small of your back. He looks at you and you look back at him, you both couldn't ask for more but who can say no to that much money?

"The winning couple by 6 votes to 1 is..."

You suddenly turn deaf from all the screams and cheers coming your way, not realizing that Lana has announced the winners. Once it hits you that you are the winner along with Seungmin, you let out a high-pitched scream.

YOU & SEUNGMIN: $79,000 whoo!

YOU: [Looks at Seungmin] What the fuck??

SEUNGMIN: [Laughs]

It turns into a hugging fest in a minute but it's also a farewell to everyone. Seungmin lets himself savor the moment because it's one that he'll never get to experience again.

"We're all winners! Let's party!" Jeff shouts.

More bottles are popped open and the glasses are being refilled with more wine, everyone is having fun and enjoying the last moment in the retreat with the beautiful sunset in the background.

Everyone is busy having fun and forgets that Lana hasn't done talking yet. She comes one last time to deliver the last announcement, one that Seungmin anticipates the most.

"My retreat is officially over. The rules no longer apply."

He wastes no time to pull you close and kisses you hard like he wanted. It blows his mind that he gets to kiss you as he pleases as of now and other than that, it's the future that awaits him and you. It's exciting but also scary but you know what?

With you, Seungmin has no reason to be afraid.

SEUNGMIN: It was such an amazing experience.

YOU: And we can't wait to get out of here so we can f—

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#stray kids smut #skz smut #seungmin smut #seungmin x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fics #kpop smut #kpop fics #kpop fanfics #too hot to handle series #seospicy smut

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jadeddangel · 2 months

Note

Feel free to ignore this request if you want! But basically Adam and reader being pretty good friends who are casual with each other, have a similar sense of humor and personality, reader is a older sibling figure to many of the other angels, and him just beginning to actually gain feelings for them

Eeee I'm so excited!! Thank you for requesting!!

Adam x reader

"Can't believe I'm falling in love with such a cocky bitch"

You and Adam knew eachother since the beginning of time, and having known eachother that long you started to rub off on eachother. You both had similar humor and jokes the only difference was, was that you knew how to act politely, Adam did not.

You worked as a welcoming angel for new souls and angels of the like, showing them around and getting them set up in a home was just one of your many jobs. You worked closely with percious but you didn't like him, he was kind of a cunt when he wasn't around other people. You were on your lunch break sitting at a high table on a chair swinging your legs happily, you had gotten a milkshake and some fries. Adam snuck up behind you grabbing your sides suddenly, "hah! gotcha bitch!" Adam laughed. You had went to hit him at first but started laughing with him when you realized who it was, "adam!! You bitch come sit! I haven't seen you all week bro" you pointed to the seat across from you.

You couldn't even remember who had started the tradition of sneaking up on each other, but it just stuck, and Adam never failed to sneak up on you. Adam and you talked about your week together making small jokes as you ended up sharing your fries and milkshake with him. "And then she's over here hitting on the drummer, like, you think you want drummer dick? Nah, do you know who I am? I'm fucking Adam, I'm the original dick!" Adam recited the story to you as you started snort laughing. "Well it can't be that good if she wanted drummer dick!" You said between laughing as you hit your thigh loosing your shit over your own joke. "Hey!! My dick is fine thank you very much!" Adam huffed defensively before joining in your laughter. It took you both forever to catch your breath and stop.

Adam grabbed the last fry and ate it "Alright sugartits I've gotta go danger tits is waiting for me, but hey! I'll swing by your place with some Chinese food. Sound good?" Adam looked at you with hopeful eyes. You chuckled "sure thing dickmaster I'll see ya then" you said playfully giving him a sweet smile. Adam went to get you a hug but paused and patted you on the head awkwardly instead before speeding off to go find lute.

You were a bit confused but expected it from Adam, well atleast you were learning to Adam had been acting weird.. you thought that it would be all fixed up after mating week, but he was still just as weird as before.

You ended up getting an early day off since Emily took over welcoming souls for a bit to help. "Calm her energy down." In Sera's words, at least. You picked up your place, finally dishes and other chores you were behind on. You got a movie picked for tonight and some beer and sodas for you and Adam.

Adam finally came by your place after dark with a bag of Chinese food and a bag of clothes for him to change into assuming he was staying over. Adam knocked on the door rhythmically as he waited, you opened the door after a moment or so in some sleep shorts and one of Adam's band t-shirts(I keep forgetting Adam has a band bro).

"Woah, is that Adam without lute on his shoulder like a little parrot?" You teased letting the man in. Adam took his helmet off and rolled his eyes, "I'm not bringing my second in command to your house to hang out." Now that that was weird, Adam never responded that way to that joke, "bro, you good? What happened that got you all pissy? Are you on your man period or sum?" You asked concerned but still trying to make it a joke. Adam sighed "nah just a lot on my mind. There's this chick -" "ooooo does the Adam have a crush?" Who's the lucky bitch huh? " You cut him off plopping on your couch and turning your head so Adam could change(like you weren't just watching him in the reflection of the tv). Adam sighed and got changed into comfy clothes, "yea it's fucking weird though I mean she wouldn't leave my mind during mating week and ugh I get so awkward around her" Adam groaned laying on the couch with his head in you thighs. "Shit Adam do you actually like this chick? Or do you just wanna fuck her? Orrrr was the pussy that good that you want more?" You teased playing with Adam's hair carefully. Adam shook his head "I think I like her I mean I've known her for awhile and she just gets me yknow?" Adam said tilting his head a bit to look at you before changing his mind and grabbing the remote looking through Aisney(angel disney) and putting on the live action of "the jungle dude" (the jungle book).

You took a moment to think, it hurt, the thought of Adam falling in love with someone else after sharing so much. "Just think about your heart before you brain Adam, think about your feelings, maybe you should tell her I mean it can't hurt too bad, and I mean if your friends I'm sure she feels the same... and you guys can just be together, yknow.." You slowly got quieter and quieter, feeling like if you were any louder, you were gonna cry your eyes out.

Adam nodded a bit. "What would you do in my situation?" Adam asked under his breath, yet you still heard him. You took a deep breath "Adam I...." Your words got caught in your throat as you looked down at him looking guilty. Adam tilted his head to look at you confused at the look. "What's with the look sugar tits? You look like I'm about to cry, did I say sum?" Adam asked genuinely concerned for you. It made your heart melt knowing he cared for you so much, it made your heart melt so much in fact that before your brain registered what you were doing you had leaned down and trapped his lips in a kiss. The angle wasn't comfortable, and your spine was bent weird, but God was it worth it, feeling how soft his lips were. Adam froze for a moment before melting into it, licking along your bottom lip, teasing you a bit. After a moment of you both continuing to kiss each other, you both pulled away for air a small string of salive connecting you and breaking after you moved too far away. You were panting a bit but didn't go too far from his face. "That's what I'd do.. " you whispered softly, your lips barely brushing against Adam's. Adam reached up and put a had on your cheek "you wanna know something sugar tits? I think I would do the same.." Adam smiled as he locked your lips together in a passionate kiss pulling away after a few moments.

Adam smiled and sat up next to you , allowing you to straighten your back properly. Adam chuckled " awwe you hunched just to kiss me sugar tits? I'm honored" Adam joked. You rolled your eyes "yea yea whatever dickmaster now do you wanna cuddle up and eat while we watch a movie or do we wanna talk about what well we are first?" You tilted you head a bit. Adam was already reaching for the bag when you brought it up. "What do you mean what we are? I thought that kiss established it, I'm yours and your mine" Adam spoke almost boredly. You could feel the blush creep up on your face " your gonna be one heck of a boyfriend " you laughed.

The rest of the evening was relaxed as you cuddled and ate together. Before falling asleep together on your couch, hoping everything would be perfect with you both together

#hazbin hotel adam #x reader #hazbin adam #adam x reader #hazbin hotel #confession #adam x reader confession #jaded works🪶

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skzdreamz · 1 year

Note

if requests are still open ... wealthy man BC with a not-so-secret breeding/preg kink, a little obsessive/possessive personality, raising his eyebrow in ire, slightly clenching his jaw because (female character) lost a little bit of weight -- she thought he'd find her more attractive if she were skinnier -- and now has less of a belly pouch (i.e., that very womanly tell-tale of having a uterus lols). His grip around her hips tighten, stares down hard at her, "this body isn't your's to tweak with. it's mine." his hand hovers over where her little pouch used to be, "it's mine to fill."

Sorry it took so long, I tried to include every element of your request, but I also wanted to keep my own style of writing so I hope this was what you expected and I hope it was worth the wait! <3

Feedback is always more than welcome!

Check out my other stories here!

All mine

pairing: dom!Chan x fem!reader warnings: pet names, cussing, possessive Chan, choking, breeding kink, mentions of weight loss word count: 1.8K+

Chan is a hardworking man. having his own company means a lot of business trips and a lot of nights spending in your shared bed alone. you admire the passion he has for his work, but you still miss him every time he has to go out of the country for his work.

he just got back from a bsuiness trip. you haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks and you really missed him. so when he finally came back from his trip, you jumped into his arms. he drops his bags as soon as he sees you and greets you with open arms and a wide smile.

"I missed you so much baby girl" he places his hands on your ass for support. you can't help but giggle as he gives your ass a soft squeeze. you rest you chin on his shoulder and hum "I missed you too, these past few weeks have been very hard". you give him a passionate kiss. "I know baby, I know. but I'm here now and I won't be leaving for a couple of months for now" he says as he breaks the kiss.

as he unpacks his stuff and washes up you prepared dinner. you made his favourite dish to celebrate him having a good trip and coming home safely. you plate your food and wait for him to return so you can talk about the past few weeks and what you’ve been up to. you can’t help but notice how good he looks. even though he had a tiring trip, he just looks so good and every inch of your body is craving him more and more.

after dinner he insists on washing the dishes and guides you upstairs so you can finally wash up. you step under the shower and as soon as the warm water hits your back you whimper. you didn’t realize your body craved him as much as it did, but feeling the warmth of the fog around you makes you think about how much you’ve actually missed being in Chan’s arms.

you step out of the shower and put on some lingerie you bought for him as a little present. you put on a robe and look at yourself in the mirror, content with the way you look. you see him scrolling on his phone when you walk into the living room. his eyes immediately start scanning your whole body. he’s too curious to know what’s hiding under that robe, even though he has seen your body over a hundred times. he puts his phone down and walks over to you, kissing you passionately. you break the kiss and intertwine your hands in his, leading him to your shared bedroom.

you haven't really been intimate before he left for his trip, because he was so busy preparing for everything. seeing him again makes you crave him even more than before, but something inside you made you anxious. you were afraid he didn't love you as much as he did before. you began to overthink every single thing about your body during his time away and came to the conclusion that you had to lose some weight in order to keep up with his standards. so you did.

you push him onto the bed and as soon as you drop your robe, his smile fades. you mistook his expression for lust, but as soon as you try to kiss him he stops you. your heart drops to your stomach as you feel the insecurities washing over you again. did he really not love me anymore? does he think I look ugly like this? was I supposed to lose more weight? all these questions are popping up in your head and you try to scan his face for more answers.

"what is this?" he clenches his jaw looking annoyed. his voice is deeper than you've ever heard and you don't know if you should be turned on or scared. "I asked you a question didn't it?" he grabs your face and brings it closer to his. "who told you to do this?" he lets go of your face harshly and stands up. his breath fanning over your face making you shiver.

"I- I don't know what you mean Chan" you whimper. he lets out a sarcastic chuckle, he grabs your hips and stares at you. "now tell me why you thought it was a good idea to lose this" he says as he rubs his fingers over your now smaller belly pouch. you let out a shaky breath you didn't even realize you were holding and you close your eyes. his fingers are dancing around your belly and his free hand cups your face. "look at me and tell me baby girl.. what was the reason?"

you feel your voice giving up on you, but you still manage to say something. although it comes out more as a whisper. "I thought you'd like me better this way" you look down at your feet and fumble with your fingers. you feel Chan grabbing your chin. he still has that angry look on his face. "what made you think that was a good idea?"

you feel tears forming in your eyes. you couldn't help the tear running down your cheek and you immediately see his eyes soften at the sight. "no no baby don't cry, it's okay" he wraps his strong arms around you and rubs your back in order for you to calm down. "I just thought you would think of me as beautiful. we haven't been intimate for god knows how long and I figured it was because you didn't find me attractive anymore" you sniffle.

he pushes your body off of him and you see he has that stern look on his face again. "I will always find you attractive. you're the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on. I know we haven't been intimate for a long time. I was busy and didn't realise I was neglecting you, but I'll make it up to you" he cups your face with both hands and kisses you passionately. the passionate kiss soon turns into a heavy make out session. he backs you up and pushes you down onto the bed. lust evident in his eyes again. the soft Chan he was 2 minutes ago, disappeared completely.

"I guess I'll have to remind you that this body is not yours to tweak with. it's mine" he growls as he starts leaving love bites all over your neck and cleavage. you moan at the intense biting and you can't help but squirm under his touch. his mouth travels down your body and he stops right at your belly pouch. "this.." he says as he grabs the flesh "this is mine and you can't just take anything that's mine".

he hooks his fingers in your panties and slides them down your legs. he unclasps your bra and throws it on the floor with your panties. he blows some air on your wet cunt and you gasp at the sudden cold air hitting your heat. he grins before licking a thick stripe in between your folds, tasting all of you. you try to close your legs around his head but he stops you just in time and holds your legs open with his strong arms. he gives a harsh suck on your clit to warn you.

pleasure is overtaking you and you can't help but try to close your legs. he slaps your thigh, warning you again to not play these games with him. you know you shouldn’t test his limits. especially not when you made him mad about thinking you were not good enough for him. but his tongue is working magic on your clit and you can’t control your body anymore.

before you know it your thighs are on both sides of his head. you only notice once you don't feel his tongue on your cunt anymore, making you whine at the loss of contact. "wasn't one warning enough?" he flips you on your stomach. "ass up baby girl, you're in for a ride" he quickly takes off his clothes and rubs his tip through your folds to collect some of your wetness. he then shoves his shaft in you completely without a warning. he doesn't let you adjust and picks up his pace immediately.

his cock is stretching you out deliciously and he's hitting your sweet spot with every thrust. his hips are snapping into yours at a delicious angle making you a moaning mess. his cock is making you see stars and you feel a knot forming in the pit of your stomach. you know that you won’t last any longer if he keeps thrusting into you like that.

he seems to notice by the way you’re clenching around his cock. he pulls out just before you could reach your climax and you felt like crying for losing your orgasm. he turns you around again so you’re now laying on your back. “I want to see that pretty face of yours while I fuck some sense into you”

he inserts his cock again, this time taking it slower than before. his cock sliding between your walls and the wet sound of your mixed juices could make you cum right away. he softly strokes your face with the back of his hand before sliding down and wrapping his hand around your neck. he applies a bit of pressure on the sides of your neck making you feel lightheaded. the lack of oxygen makes the pleasure unbearable and you’re practically screaming by now.

“I love those pretty sounds you’re making for me baby girl” he groans. he feels you clenching around his cock even harder. “you like that? keep clenching like that and I’ll spill my seed into you” his moans becoming more high pitched as your cunts clenches at every filthy sentence he breaths into your ear. “yeah? want me to breed you? fuck I want to breed you” the only response you can give are moans and whimpers.

he sits up, now leaning on his heels as he keeps fucking you. “Ch-Chan.. I’m close” you whimper. he keeps up a steady pace as you fall apart beneath him. he fucks you through your orgasm and you feel his thrusts getting sloppier. “Fuck y/n I’m close” he rubs his hands over your belly. “I want to breed you so badly” he falls forward breathing into your ear. “gonna.. fuck.. gonna give you my babies” he says as he sucks your sweet spot beneath your ear. “yes Chan, give it to me, I want all of you” you whisper back.

he pushes his hand between your bodies and on your stomach before spilling his seed deep inside of you. he comes with a low grunt and lets his body fall onto yours completely. after finally getting his breathing back to normal he pushes himself off of your body and places his hand on your belly while still having his cock inside.

“this is mine to fill. you are mine”

taglist: @softyoogi @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @sillyrabbit76

#bang chan smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #skz #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #skz fanfic #skz smut #bang chan #bang chan fanfic #skz angst #christopher bang #bangchan smut

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shenanigans-and-imagines · 5 months

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Curious, do your Tav ideas work with dark urge too? Also cuddles! Have any cuddling head canons you’d like to share? :)

I honestly haven't seen enough dark urge playthroughs to say for certain. If anybody has a dark urge Astarion romance compilation they want to recommend me I'll take a look.

I will say I think Ace!Tav would be a very reluctant durge. I can't imagine them enjoying the violence and actively fight it at every chance, at least in how I characterize them in my brain.

As for cuddles, stand back, I'm about to ramble.

Let's be up front about this, both Astarion and Ace!Tav are touch starved as fuck

Astarion might have had a string of lovers, but we all saw what he looks like when he first got a hug; man doesn't know what to do with his hands, he hasn't been properly cuddled in centuries

Meanwhile Ace!Tav has more or less trained themselves to hold back on touching other people

When hugs and cuddles are tied to romantic connection, and romance is tied to sex, it's hard to get cuddles without something more being asked for

They had more than one relationship where they said yes to sex because what they really wanted was the cuddles after; it's a mess

So when Astarion and Ace!Tav finally get the whole truth out in the open about how they care for one another and that neither of them are particularly interest in sex, a whole new world opens up

It's slow going at first, neither are entirely certain what the rules are

Ace!Tav starts first, a brush of the hand here and head on the shoulder there

Slowly Astarion starts to reciprocate, squeezing their fingers and pulling them closer

One night they stay out late talking; not about anything in particular, just to enjoy each other's company and pass the time

Ace!Tav starts to get tired and says they need to go to bed...and, if Astarion wants to join them, he can, if he wants

Astarion just nods, any thought of words escaping him as Ace!Tav leads him to their tent

It's a bit awkward at first; Astarion is unfamiliar with this and honestly annoyed with himself that he's so clueless, his only consolation is that Ace!Tav seems just as unsure as him

Eventually they lay down facing each other, with Ace!Tav asking him if this was alright

He then takes the initiative, pulling them closer so his arms can wrap properly around them; he can feel their heart beat against his chest, echoing inside him like a memory

It's only then does he relax, knowing for certain that this really is all either of them want

After that, they hardly spend a night apart

Astarion may not need to sleep, but that's not going to stop him from cuddling with Ace!Tav until they do

They switch big spoon and little spoon

Some times Astarion wants to drift off to the sound of their heart in his ear and sometimes he wants to wrap them in his arms, knowing he's trust enough to keep them safe

In all honesty, Ace!Tav prefers to be the little spoon, but they can't deny there is something satisfying in being the big spoon now and again

Both of them had fallen victim to the cat in the lap rule; if one of them in laying on top of the other, they can't move for anything, no excuses

This starts to slowly extend to outside the tent as well

In actuality Ace!Tav is a very physically affectionate person, and Astarion is more than willing to indulge them

What better way to announce to the world, "this person is mine and I am theirs"

Hand holding, hand kisses, and playful nudges abound

It takes a lot of patience and communication to get to the point, but Gods does it feel right when they do

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x ace!tav #astarion x reader #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion headcanons #astarion ancunin #asexual!tav #asexual!reader #bard!tav #astarion x evie

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softtdaisy · 4 months

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🌲 save us for later l pierre gasly

summary. Christmas could have been great. if pierre didn't forget to tell his parents you broke. and you didn't have to pretend you were still together.

words count. 2,434

a/n. ok I'm totally obsessed with this one and I really hope you will love it as much as I do🫶

a very angsty Christmas l masterlist

“I can’t believe you did that.”

You heard Pierre sigh by your side, like he was already tired of this situation.

Like it wasn’t his fault if you were there today. What a joke.

“You don’t even try to understand.” he added, still focused on the road to not look at you. You noticed he was gripping the wheel so hard his joints were white. Or how he was biting his lips so badly, a habit you helped him to cease doing but apparently he didn’t stop, it was almost bleeding.

But you couldn’t care less. Because this was so typical of Pierre: putting the blame on you by saying you didn’t want to hear his explanation.

“Oh.” you laughed nervously, turning to look at him. “Maybe you’re right.” you took a break long enough for him to frown, wondering if you really agreed with him. He knew for sure that during your past arguments, none of you would flinch this easily.

“I really can’t fucking understand how you could lie to your parents and pretend we are still together, Pierre.”

“What was I supposed to do?

“Tell the fucking truth.” you replied, slamming your hand on the dashboard.

This was absolutely not how you planned your Christmas’ eve.

Well, to be honest, you didn’t plan much. Your parents were away for the holiday and you were just going to eat some homemade food in front of a christmas movie. Nothing much but a well appreciated evening.

For sure, you didn’t plan on spending it with your ex-boyfriend and his family.

Pierre suddenly drove on the sideway and stopped there, getting some horns from annoyed drivers. You looked at him with confusion, he wasn’t the reckless driver type. Obviously. It was his habit to scare you when you shared the car.

He stopped the car and turned to you. “I fucked up, ok? I know that. On so many levels.” you rolled your eyes at this and held back any bad comments. “But everything went fast after our breakup. I haven't seen them since this summer and I couldn’t announce that we broke off our engagement through the phone. When my mom said they were waiting for us tonight, I didn’t have the heart to ruin their christmas. You can blame me for lying. But don’t fucking blame me for protecting my parents for god sake!”

Pierre was right. You knew it.

It was something you’ve always kinda admired about him: how his family would always go first. You couldn’t count the number of hours you waited for him in the hotel room, ready to go out and celebrate, while he was on the phone with his parents or his brothers. For sure, you would be a liar to blame him for something you’ve always encouraged him to do.

Especially considering that you accepted to play pretend tonight for the sake of protecting them, too.

When Pierre called you tonight, you didn’t answer. When he texted you, you barely read the message.

When he knocked on your door, you didn’t have any other choice than to open.

And when he told you, you needed to come with him at his parents’ place to act like a couple even though you’ve been apart for three months now because he still hasn't told them about you…well you laughed. Nervously. And argued a lot.

Then you realised you didn’t want to be the bad person in this narrative. What was one night in a whole life?

You sighed, still looking at Pierre. He still hasn’t moved, waiting for an answer from you. You got lost in each other’s eyes.

And that was the thing that convinced you to come. The fact that he was ready to bring you back home if you really didn’t want to accompany him.

“Fine.” you sat back normally. “You could have told them I wasn’t available.”

You heard Pierre laugh softly. “You still want to have the last word I see.”

Most of the ride went quietly after that. Pierre put on some music and you answered most of your texts. You only started to talk again ten minutes before you arrived to make sure you had the same ideas in mind. No break up, you were still planning your wedding and happy as before. And the reason you didn’t see his family in so long was simply a lack of time from both of you.

“And…” Pierre started once he was parked in front of his family house. You frowned, wondering what you could have potentially forgotten. You memorised everything and it wouldn’t be that hard to pretend after a three year relationship.

But then it hit you when he took the box out of his pocket. “I almost forgot it at home but it’s here.”

You remember when Pierre proposed to you.

You went to Greece during the summer break, last year. One night, while you were walking around the city, you found a place that was recreating Mamma Mia and invited everyone to sing and have fun. And so you went there, singing Abba the whole night. At some point during the night, after a kiss that lasted longer than it should in public, Pierre looked at you with a big smile and said “I want to marry you.” You laughed, thinking he was joking. But he wasn’t. “I meant it. Would you marry me?” and this time you started to cry, nodding so hard you had a neckache.

You later learnt that Pierre had imagined a whole different scenario for the proposal. But it spoke with his heart and did it when it felt perfectly right.

And tonight, you were putting back the ring you worshipped with your whole heart. “It feels weird.” you whispered.

Pierre didn’t answer and simply left the car. It was hard for him too. Acting like he didn’t lose the woman of his life over stupid decisions.

“Vous voilà! Je suis tellement contente de vous voir.” (oh there you are! I’m so happy to see you)

Before you even got the chance to prepare yourself in front of the door, Pierre’s mom opened it and took you both in her arms. You couldn’t lie, it felt good to see her and feel just as appreciated as before. Like nothing changed. And it was the truth, somehow. For his mom, nothing has changed. You were still her son’s fiancé, the one she almost saw as a daughter.

You looked at them, the way she kept touching his face to see any changes. And, what she told you one day, if he had any scars from races he tried to hide from her. You had this weird feeling of being home. Like you were right where you belong. For a second, you were back a year ago, when everything was perfectly fine.

But then it hit you when Pierre took your hand to bring you inside to see everyone. It always felt natural when you were holding hands. In one of your birthday cards, you told him he must be your soulmate simply because your hands seemed to be held by the other.

Tonight, it didn’t feel natural. It was hesitant. Pierre wasn’t confident about closing his fingers on yours and you could feel it.

Everybody seemed so happy to see. They all see you as an official member of their family. And it would be lying to say you weren’t happy to be by their side too.

It helped that you didn’t see much of them for months. You spend the first two hours of the night talking with everyone but Pierre. Asking about their life, their own family, their friends… you had many things to learn. And you avoided some questions. That was one of the rules you established with Pierre. Pretend that the wedding was a big secret you couldn’t tell a thing about. For the rest, you just made the truth prettier.

Sure, you started a new job. But you didn’t admit it was a full time one because you didn’t go to the races anymore.

Yes, your pet was doing so fine. You just had to find the right pictures that would show your new apartment.

No, you still haven’t decided where you would spend the winter break with Pierre. Because you weren’t going on any holiday anymore. At least, not together.

The dinner was a little harder to live. Because you sat next to Pierre, like it was planned. Like it has always been. And this time, compared to the whole drive, you felt more trapped. Because you couldn’t roll your eyes at what he was saying, or avoid his hand when he tried to touch you. Everyone would notice that and understand that something was wrong. You had to be careful.

So careful that, at some point during the evening, you even forgot why you were acting like that. You got lost in his stories about races you went to and especially those you miss after your breakup. You laughed at his joke, sympathised with his bad moments and cheered at the podium you missed.

You remember that day, or night actually for you. You didn’t watch the end of the season after your separation but you still had the notifications from the official account. So you knew the results. And when you learnt that Pierre had secured a second place on the podium, you almost called him. It was still a natural reflex: this desire of celebrating with your loved one.

But you didn’t. You didn’t even send him a text. And for one good reason: the last text you got from him was simply “Je suis désolé” (i am sorry) and you couldn’t handle the pain of going through the pain again.

There had been hard times these past months where you almost forgive Pierre for breaking your engagement. There had been many times where you still wanted to call him and insult him for breaking up just because he woke up one day and realised this was maybe not what he wanted for his future.

What was this? This has been the question you’ve asked yourself many, many times. Was it your couple, your wedding or just you? You had no idea. Pierre couldn’t even explain it himself. He just knew that it wouldn’t be fair to keep pretending he was happy in a life he learnt to despise.

And it was now, sitting by his side, that you realised you had overcome all these mixed feelings. You felt alright. Not good, because the wound was still wide open. But you had accepted it. You would never marry Pierre. And you didn’t want to anymore.

After he finished telling the story of the last race of the season and the battle of champagne he had with Charles, while everyone was talking together, Pierre turned to you. You both got lost in each other's eyes. And you were convinced his little smile was a soft thank you. For being here, for lying, for…being happy.

Because it hadn’t been easy months for Pierre either. Many times he woke up, thinking he had made the worst decision of his life. And some morning, he still wonders if he didn’t lose you for nothing. And those questions weren’t created by some insecurities about his happiness because he knew that he felt happier without this weight on his shoulder. But because he was scared he had ruined you. He would have accepted to be miserable for the rest of his life over this stupid. But he couldn’t accept hurting you forever.

But tonight, you both realised that maybe, things were going better for the both of you. And maybe, that night, was the one you both needed to start healing.

This helps the rest of the night go smoothly. You played games together, laughed together without thinking about the lie you were telling everyone. Even the drive back home felt natural, you talked about his family a lot. He even asked about yours. It was a whole different from the outward journey earlier.

Pierre insisted on walking to your door with you. “It wasn’t that bad, right?” you couldn’t help but smile at him. He had this kind of unserious almost flirty tone like he needed to prove to himself and to you that he was right, in the end. It wasn’t such a terrible thing to do.

You crossed your arms on your chest, a way to protect your heart from opening itself again. “No it wasn’t. You’re right.” he shrugged like it wasn’t such a surprise and you immediately hit him in the chest. You both laughed and oh how it felt good to be this lighthearted again for a few minutes.

It meant more than you imagined that you were standing in front of your door, with your ex-fiancé in front of you. When you could already be in the bed but rather got lost in his eyes. Because you knew exactly what this moment was. And deep down, you weren’t ready to let it go.

You could hear Pierre talk before he even opened his mouth. “We were good together, huh?” you tried to not focus on his glossy eyes or the way he was playing with his fingers.

“Yeah, we were.” you smiled, containing your own tears from falling. “It was good while it lasted.”

Pierre crossed the few steps between you. You closed your eyes when you felt his lips on your forehead. Such a kind and sweet attention you remember he had when you started dating. When, for the first time maybe in his life, he wanted to take things slow to make them last. But this time, there were no other moments to share. And you had to watch him leave your place.

For the last time.

You finally put the key in the door, taking your time to not close this chapter of your life too fast. “Eh!” you jumped, turning around immediately and saw Pierre holding the elevator’s door open. “You know I'll still love you, right?”

“I do.” you tried to ignore this weird feeling in your stomach, not waiting to think about the fact you ended up saying the two words you would never say to him. “Me too.”

There lies the truth. You loved each other. Still.

But you couldn’t be together anymore.

And so when you finally opened the front door and got inside. When Pierre finally let the elevator closed on him and brought him back to his car. You both knew what it meant.

#pierre gasly #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly x you #pierre gasly story #pierre gasly fanfic #pierre gasly fin #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula 1 #my writing

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genericpuff · 2 months

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Not related to lore Olympus but this discussion seems a bit uhh strange. Some of the comments are calling Mattie bites a right woman hater. If you don't believe me,check this out.

https://www.reddit.com/r/webtoons/s/4zaDi6fWos

god okay I feel like I'm opening Pandora's Box with this shit but I have lots to say about it so... yeah fuck it, let's do this, I'm brave-

So I can absolutely agree with OP's sentiment that BlackLightJack's content has become uh... more aggressive and mean-spirited , and don't get me wrong, that was always sort of his vibe, but now it feels like he's straight up just weaponizing his fanbase and like... y'all know how curt I get about LO here, I can be a real asshole about it, even I think what BLJ is doing feels really shitty, immature, and frankly just uninformed? Because most of his videos are just him pout-screaming profanities into the microphone, like I know this is gonna sound nitpicky and petty but I can literally hear it in his voice that he's enunciating his words the same way an 8 year old would so that spit would land on the person they're yelling at ("STOOOOOOOOO-PPP-UHHHHH") and lately his content just feels like what it used to feel like being in CoD lobbies back in the day. Him having the name 'webtoon killer' just gives me such a sour taste in my mouth. Like... this feels like some kind of Batman villain in the making LMAO

But maybe no one wants to hear that opinion from someone like me who's literally called themselves the "far superior off brand" as a gag LMAO and that's fine honestly if you think I'm full of shit, this is also just my opinion!

But like... and I know I'm being an asshole going 'b-but-!' but... BLJ is also building an entire ass monetized platform off his vibe and using that platform to specifically go after Canvas series and creators. And let me tell you, while many would argue "well it's just the webtoons that are grossly negligent / breaking Webtoons' ToS / etc.", his fanbase is also constantly just sending him new comics to read and trash on and I feel like it's only a matter of time before he goes after a completely innocent creator whose only crime was being not great at webcomics which... shouldn't be viewed as a default crime punishable by pitchforks. That sorta already happened with the Fulcagay situation, I don't know Fulcagay and he almost definitely wouldn't know me, but he's a fellow Canvas creator who I've run into and shared a space with, and BLJ's original comments about him just felt incredibly off-base and volatile without giving even a shred of benefit of the doubt. I get the sense BLJ doesn't know about Hanlon's razor ("Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity") because EVERY video he does about every comic and creator he's addressing assumes maliciousness always.

This is the same shit we got with Youtube creators like Leafy who became infamous for just taking the piss out of everyone until they took it too far. Like, take it from me, it can be VERY easy to get so entrenched in being an asshole and taking the piss out of everything that completely innocent people get hit with splash damage, and if you're not willing to take responsibility for that, then you're gonna look like a bigger dick than the people you were aiming for. This pee analogy working for y'all? 😆

As for what Matty Bites has to do with that, I don't really get it? Like maybe I'm just misinformed here, maybe I haven't watched enough of her stuff, but she's never given me anywhere near the amount of red flags I get off listening to even one episode of BLJ. Matty feels like someone who actually reads and analyzes and researches the stuff she's criticizing in a way that's relatively harmless with her own flair sprinkled in (and her humor is hilarious btw, her opening skits are great LOL); BLJ meanwhile feels like he's constantly one opinion away from starting a #victimofcancelculture campaign because he's just trying to be as edgy and angry as possible LMAO (and ironically they're both often criticizing the same thing, but it goes to show how delivery makes a hell of a difference when it comes to dishing out criticism)

All that said, if there is something with Matty Bites that I'm missing here, I'm fully open to being informed because I haven't watched many of her videos and there could just as well be something that I've missed. But I don't think she's anywhere near as hostile as BLJ tends to be, I don't think Matty Bites' comedic video editing and sassy commentary has ever resulted in creators actually being attacked and bullied like BLJ's have.

Overall I think anyone who builds a platform or audience off criticizing content (and this includes me!) needs to practice responsibility and accountability in what they put out and what they choose to focus on and criticize. It can be really easy to accidentally use "criticism" as a get-out-of-jail-free card to just be a bully. It can be really easy to wind up leaving your criticism so unrefined and surface level without any deeper reflection that you never actually open your mind to anything and you just end up echoing out hate speech without even intending to. And it can be really, really easy to ruin your own palate from willingly consuming nothing but shit all day.

Just to quote some very famous words from a fictional character that absolutely apply here:

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #webtoon critical

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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AITA for only befriending people in order to provide them psychological counselling?

For context, I(24M) am autistic, which affects pretty much all areas of my life, but especially the social one. Since I haven't been able to pick up how social interaction works instinctually, I have had to manually start learning how it works and still haven't fully figured it out, but as it stands, through years of analysing human interactions and emotions of people (me included) I seem to be able to interpret social situations incredibly well when not actively involved in them. At the same time, I have developped a keen interest in helping people, up to a point where I consider this to be one of the most important goals in my life.

Now, I like to frequent a lot of different communities (mostly online, occasionally offline) related to my interests where I can casually socialize, and as it stands, most of the friendships I forge end up happening as follows - I single out a person who is very obviously mentally struggling, and then proceed to be consistently friendly and accepting towards them until they feel comfortable opening up to me. Once we've reached this point, I start actively listening to them talk about their problems and helping them brainstorm ideas on how to cope with those problems using my years of learning about different types of therapy and encouraging them to improve (and maybe find a licensed therapist) until they have made significant improvement and are able to get support elsewhere. I don't go into my personal issues outside of relating them to my friend's struggles, since I feel like that isn't helpful. Once this happens, I pretty much lose interest in being friends with them - I don't ghost them or anything, and with most of them we still occasionally send each other links related to our shared interest and I'm still avaible to them to come for help, but it just feels like there's nothing for me in the friendship anymore.

Obviously this is maladaptive from my side and hinders my ability to form strong bonds with another person which fucks my social life up severely, but am I morally wrong to do it? I am ultimately manipulating people into letting me become their therapist for my own personal interest, all the while not being a licensed therapist and likely not knowing all of the required theory, which could lead to me giving people bad advice. So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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jokeroutsubs · 15 days

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📝ENG Translation: NEW VOICES: RAIVEN in conversation with Bojan Cvjetićanin

Article published in April 2024 issue of VOGUE Adria magazine, English translation by @kurooscoffee, @moonlvster and a member of Joker Out Subs, Proofread by IG GBoleyn123.

Whatever it is, in its essence youth is almost always intense, authentic, revolutionary and brings new things even when it is not aware of it, and if there is a great example of this statement, then it is certainly this year's representatives at the Eurovision song contest from the countries of our region. It has not happened for a long time that at the same time Slovenia, Serbia and Croatia are represented by members of the younger generation who also bring a completely new sound. While Teya Dora extremely successfully brings ethno-influences into pop, Raiven gives her operatic background a pop form, and Baby Lasagna brings a rock sound with a specific local twist. However, in addition to being refreshing in the musical sense, they also know the little secret that "a song can bear everything" and that in it, it is possible to say more than in hundreds of words, so with their songs they open not only a new chapter in the music scene of the region, but also some important questions: migrations, feelings of rejection and not belonging, regeneration and triumph in difficult times. This year's Eurovision representatives talked about this sacred thing (and much more) with their colleagues Ana Đurić Konstrakta, Vesna Pisarović and Bojan Cvjetićanin, who participated in some of the previous Eurovisions and shared questions, doubts, experiences, problems, plans and excitement about the upcoming contest.

Sara Briški Cirman, Raiven, talked to last year's Slovenian Eurovision representative Bojan Cvjetićanin from Joker Out about authenticity, which always wins, stage fright and the new Slovenian music scene.

BOJAN : We haven't spoken for a long time, practically since the last interview we did via webcam, I called you from London last time if you remember.

RAIVEN: Yes, I remember. This is going to be very special now because I can't even imagine how the conversation is going to go, because you're going to be asking me questions mostly, and I think it's usually the other way round, so...

BOJAN: Look, I have a lot of questions prepared for you and I'm really looking forward to talking to you. I think it's best if we start with the fact that your life is probably mostly painted with the Eurovision colours at the moment. Please tell me, how has your Eurovision participation shaken up your inner state of mind? What is going on in your head?

RAIVEN: Yes, this Eurovision is absolutely much more mentally exhausting than one would think. Above all, I think it's not only stressful for the artist, but also for the people around the person who is going to Eurovision. There are many emotions, from excitement to fear and horror. Everything is present, but it is the most exciting period in my life so far.

BOJAN: You're an independent music artist, you're not signed to any record label, right? Do you, already at this moment, before Eurovision itself, see the disadvantages or advantages of being an independent artist?

RAIVEN: Yeah, there are definitely advantages in terms of having more creative freedom, but Eurovision is such a big project that I think it would be nice to have a bigger team of people behind you to help you out, but I still have a lot of people I can rely on and work well with. Through the Eurovision process, I've also got a sharper radar of who I'm cool working with and who I'm not.

BOJAN: Do you feel any fear? Do you feel equally competent to the other performers? Some of them probably have a background in the music industry, some of them absolutely come from these so-called powerhouse countries of Eurovision. How do you feel?

RAIVEN: I have a chance in terms of having some kind of starting position, but at the same time I feel a little less pressure because I feel that if you come from a bigger country, you have higher expectations about the result.

BOJAN: Okay. What is your realistic goal? What would you want in a year? I mean, in one year, Eurovision will be ten months behind you. What would be the ideal result for you in one year?

RAIVEN: I would probably be happiest if I managed to have concerts abroad. I also think my music is suitable for a foreign market. Yes, I would definitely be interested in that. I think you have more than obviously shown that it can be done, but there are a lot of factors. To go abroad would be ideal for me of course, at least to the Balkans. That seems somewhat realistic to me.

BOJAN: The Eurovision stage will absolutely be the biggest stage you have ever stood upon. Will Sara be scared?

RAIVEN: Yes, of course I'll be scared. But above all, I feel a very strong responsibility to myself not to disappoint myself, to be relaxed and confident enough in the moment, and ready enough to really enjoy it. I mean, everybody tells me that I have to go there first and foremost to enjoy it, but I honestly don't go there with that mindset. I'm sure I'll be happy if I enjoy it too, but I think I'm going there to work first and foremost. Then, when all the things and all the preparations have gone at least roughly as I had imagined, I can enjoy it.

BOJAN: It's been a while since the song has been out. Tell me, how are your ears reacting to the song today?

RAIVEN: I'm very proud of this song. I don't think I've ever released a song that I could stand behind so much. It's also absolutely clear to me how I could have approached it more tactfully and made a different song that might have been more suitable for that stage on a first sight. But it's a song that I'm still not tired of now that I've sung it a million times and that I've been rehearsing for a really, really long time. I know that at this point in my musical development, this song has been through the most; it's the best I can give of myself and I've put all the knowledge and all the experience I've gained so far into this song, so I'm very proud of it.

BOJAN: Nice. I like to hear it too and it always stays in my head when I hear it, so it's a good ear worm, even if maybe it's not uniform.

RAIVEN: But I have to say that I often think back to when you came to me and when we were still working on the song a little bit, because the song didn't have that most important hook in the first place, "Jaz sem, ti si, Veronika" ("I am, you are, Veronika"), and I often think back to what it would have been like if the song didn't have that part. I feel like it really elevated the song to a whole other level and gave it a part that maybe I wouldn't have dared to give it because I would have thought it was too hooky for me. I don't even know what I was thinking before, when that part wasn't there, so thank you.

BOJAN: My pleasure. I agree that a good part is in the right place. It definitely has a role to play. You know, I believe that the universe tends to take us where it can take us, if we're already working in that direction, to believe in our own success and in good energies. It was bound to happen, and it did. You performed at the Croatian Dora and sang Veronika for the first time in a stripped down version, in a different shape, acoustically, and as far as I could tell from the comments, it was very well received. Are there any more of your opera inserts to look forward to at Eurovision? Or is that a secret?

RAIVEN: I don't know exactly what people perceive as opera. If these high notes that I shout at the end of Veronika are operatic, then yes. I think it's a dangerous path for me, this pop genre of opera, because I think it can quickly take on a corny undertone, so I'm very careful when it comes to including opera into pop. But I'm sure it will be very audible on the Eurovision stage that my technical singing fundamentals are based on classical training.

BOJAN: Interesting, interesting and beautiful. The performance will, I assume, also have a strong dance or choreographic theme. I believe, given that we approached Eurovision pretty much on the principle of "Let's try to make a concert experience," which also meant that the choreography was really minimal and we didn't bother with it too much. But maybe you're even more worried about the choreography part than the actual performance?

RAIVEN: Not really, because I feel like with the choreography, if I can even call it that, because it's not really that, we've approached it as coming from me and coming from some natural movement of mine. I felt liberated to accept that I'm not a dancer and I don't need to look pretty or sexy or like some conventional beauty on stage and I've embraced this awkward moment that I'm having and I feel very comfortable in all these movements that we've put in, so now I don't (worry) anymore. But I have one question for you. What advice do you have for me as a female musician who is not so much conventionally or commercially oriented, but is still going to be standing on the Eurovision stage, who maybe even has a certain requirement from a female singer to be a Beyonce type singer?

BOJAN: My honest opinion is that Eurovision is the festival where unconventional acts have absolutely thrived the most so far, i.e. those who have managed to break through the boundaries of what we think of as ordinary. It seems to me that if in those three minutes it is clear to everyone that what you are presenting on stage is sincere, that is to say, that this mystery or complexity is part of you and that this is evident both in your performance and in your aura, then that is the only recipe for success, as far as I am concerned. That is to say, if it looks real, it is real. I think you know very well what you represent and what you are doing, so you just have to carry it through to the end and carry it through flawlessly.

RAIVEN: Hm, if you were going to Eurovision now, would you do anything differently? Or would you as a band have done something different?

BOJAN: I would definitely dress differently. I wouldn't change anything else, honestly. We were a bit too colourful maybe. But it was all part of the moment, we were having a blast, we were wearing the Garden of Eden colours, and it all happened as it should have happened. I wouldn't change anything else. We had a great team, we had great energy. Luckily I wasn't nervous on stage when I had to be myself, that's it. Obviously, a huge part of Eurovision is what happens behind the stage. The Eurovision community is very involved and they really love what goes on. Tell me, have you made any friends, at least through social networks or otherwise, with any of your fellow soldiers this year?

RAIVEN: Yes, I have. I met Baby Lasagna at Dora and we had a little chit-chat and I told him I was a big fan of his song and he said he was a big fan of mine. And then in another interview he said really nice things about me, so I've already gotten to know him and I'm also mutually following quite a lot of the artists on Instagram. There are a couple of them who are really inspiring me now that I've got to know their music.

BOJAN: Yeah, Baby Lasagna, is he still first at the bookies?

RAIVEN: I think so, I think that's pretty impressive, and especially that story of his is pretty cool.

BOJAN: Would you rather win the Eurovision and then not have much happen to you, as it goes for most Eurovision winners, or would you rather live up to the success of Rosa Linn, who was, I think, 20th, and then took the whole world by storm with her song?

RAIVEN: I would have loved to have had the success that you have had. I think you guys are a total inspiration to me.

BOJAN: Thank you very much. I also sincerely wish that it opens up for you in that direction, because our life has totally turned upside down in a very positive way. That dream that probably every kid has, once they start a band, to be able to play, let alone to be able to play in Europe; we've now managed to live and experience those things in one year. Without Eurovision, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened as quickly or as powerfully, so that's very nice and I believe you will do it too.

RAIVEN: But I think that you have given a lot of drive and pride to people on the Slovenian scene in general. What do you think about the young music scene in Slovenia?

BOJAN: We emerged on the music scene here, let's say, in 2014. That's when we started with our first band. I think we had already signed up for a gig in 2014 or 2015, with Apokalipsa. This was at a time when Kino Šiška was already running Špil Liga¹ and had newly produced a band called Koala Voice, which at that time gave a strong sense of something fresh on the Slovenian music scene. Koala Voice and Persons from porlock were probably the first two bands that managed to get a younger audience on their side and then the gigs started, the festivals booked the young artist, considering that the scene in Slovenia has been pretty much of the same colours and stagnant for the last 15 years. Then in 2016/2017 we formed, MRFY formed and I would say that then they and we, together with Koala Voice, became the carriers of the new wave of music in Slovenia. Then bands like Lumberjack and KOKOSY quickly joined, and now we have MASAYAH, so suddenly a lot of young artists started to appear, including Jet Black Diamonds, who managed to attract people to their concerts by themselves, which was not the case in Slovenia, let's say 10 or 15 years ago. I would say that the music scene in Slovenia is going through a total renaissance, so it's absolutely more than clear that the music scene has changed a lot in a positive way.

¹Competition for student bands organized by Kino Šiška, which Joker Out won in 2017

RAIVEN : How would you say pop artists are perceived in Slovenia and what is Slovenian pop like? Because most of these new artists that you mentioned are mainly from the band category.BOJAN: Slovenia is very different from the Balkans here because Balkan pop is more kafana/club pop, which is not the case with our pop. We have, or always have had, a lot of artists who have a media presence and appear every year, for example at the traditional Portorož² festival, or at these events that we have, but they never have their own concerts. In the Balkans, I don't think this is the case, because the performers are really very regularly playing at locations, whatever those may be.

² Kafana pop is a genre of music typical to the Balkans, and mostly consists of commercial folk/turbofolk songs. Kafana is a distinct type of local bistro, common in some former Yugoslav countries, which primarily serves alcoholic beverages and coffee, and often also light snacks.

³ The Portorož festival that Bojan mention is annual pop/ballad competition called "Melodije morja in sonca" (Melodies of the sea and the sun).

RAIVEN: What do you think is the reason for that?

BOJAN: For me, the reason is that there is no audience for the pop music that exists here. It seems to me that it's not music that you can transfer into some kind of a location and that somebody will actually go and listen to it; it's music for radio, for TV shows and so on. Folk music is performed, folk bands are by far the most present on the live music scene here, but pop artists are not, because it is very difficult to get that kind of music on the stage. I think most pop artists in this country don't even have a band or a concept, so they're practically just media personalities as far as I'm concerned. There is absolutely a very interesting difference between Slovenia and the rest of the Balkans. Club culture doesn't exist here, pop artists are more or less doomed to radio.

RAIVEN: How do you see the difference between how male or female performers are perceived in Slovenia, do you think there is any difference between how they are perceived? What are the demands on male and female lead vocalists?

BOJAN: Jeez, I don't know, In Slovenia we have a very specific problem when it comes to female lead vocalists, because it is very rare that a female lead vocalist dares to smash the stage. One true female lead vocalist was Nina from Tabu, after her Tina from Tabu, and now there is MASAYAH. In the Balkans they really don't lack in that regard, in the Balkans female performers are very sharp, with lots of character, very strong; you have the feeling that they don't care about the system; you can't come along and act clever, because you'll get a slap. But here it's all taken with laughter and joy, everything is nice and right, which is the difference between Slovenia and the Balkans. It seem that the audience here eats it up if a woman knows how to totally smash it when she comes on stage. Manca from Koala Voice is a pure example of that; she came on stage and she owned the stage so that we were all impressed, it's the same with Helena Blagne, she's a diva and the stage is hers, I think female leading vocalists with character are very well received. You absolutely have that, but you're in a different genre, you're not in a position to come and start jumping on stage, but you still take your stance. Of course, there are still singers, male and female, and bands that are great, but I can't mention all of them right now. I would also like to mention Nina Pušlar, who is absolutely by far the most active pop singer in Slovenia. She knows what she is doing. It would be bad to leave her out, To get back to your song, I have one more question, how did you come up with the title Veronika?

RAIVEN: The song was originally written about Jeanne d'Arc, but after I started thinking about entering EMA and Eurovision with this song, it seemed to me that I should choose a female character who is important for Slovenia and for the Slovenian space as an inspiration for the song. Veronika Deseniška (Veronika of Desenice) was the first woman accused of witchcraft in Slovenia, and I feel that I am very understanding towards people who are rejected or not understood by society, so there is a personal connection that I have with Veronika.

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credits:

PHOTO: MARKO SUVIĆ

Creative director: FILIP KOLUDROVIĆ

Fashion: ANA NIKAČEVIĆ

Makeup: NINA BURAZOR

Hair: ŽIGA ABRAM @ MARE DRESURA

Assistant stylist: KRISTINA VRDOLJAK

Note from JokerOutSubs: Photos for this post were provided by TWT dejanacm, text was provided by an anonymous fan. Thank you!

#joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #raiven #eurovision 2024 #slovenia #baby lasagna #croatia #teya dora #serbia

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