#I have cant-shut-up disease
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Nine people you'd like to get to know better
Tagged by: @zu-zup! Thanks for tagging me, I feel so honored! 😁
Last song: I'm going to cheat a little a talk about some loose songs I would love to put on a Patho playlist but don't have enough songs to make a full playlist, I think people would be more interested in that ahaha
BODY/PRISON by HEALTH for Rubin - Okay so, my impression of Rubin is largely informed from his P1 version, and when he's going around dressed in leather like that and has a banging warehouse theme, my mind translated that into dark club music, and it's been stuck there every since. I keep joking about making a Rubin playlist but it's just HEALTH songs because their whole discography is just kinda like that.... Big recommend from me
Glass by Blood Cultures for my fashion model Rubin agenda - Man, this is harder to explain, but BASICALLY, I feel like Rubin would make a fantastic model. Not that he would be one in modern AU, but I think he has some traits that would be very good for an alternative fashion model. MAYBE I'LL ELABORATE ON THIS ONE DAY.... But anyway, this is the song I would love to see him do a runway walk to (Blood Cultures is fantastic btw, also a recommend)
Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes for Artemy - The lyrics are pretty self-explanatory.... a man struggles with growing up and his finding his place in life, and I feel like it's pretty fitting.... Love this song a lot
There There by Radiohead - SO I JOKED ABOUT SEEING HOW MANY RADIOHEAD SONGS I COULD SHOVE INTO PLAYLISTS, but I had a really complex Burda comic I was trying to plot in my head. Unfortunately, I think animation is the only way to really convey the vision, and that's a bit out of my league.... 😔 I can talk about it more if anyone is interested, though
I'm trying to create a creepy Polyhedron playlist just for fun, but I'm having some trouble finding the right vibes.... I feel pretty solid about these two though, they feel creepy enough:
Carol N°1 by Woodkid
Spring But Dark by Clark
Favorite color: I have lots! Big fondness for salmon pink and my art tends to run in on the warm, vibrant (sometimes neon) side
Currently watching: Trying to watch Bad and Crazy on Netflix but I'm not a huge TV show person unfortunately 😔 Too time consuming and most of the stuff I do wanna watch needs subtitles, which I can't pay attention to when I'm multi-tasking
Last movie: HOO BOY, I watched Marry My Dead Body on Netflix, and basically the premise is that an aggressively straight homophobic cop accidentally gets married to the ghost of a gay man, and they need to cooperate to solve a series of crimes and find the murderer. It's a fun premise and it's supposed to be an action comedy but I can definitely see how your mileage may vary depending on what's your sense of humor might be.... Not a super terrible movie, but ehhh....
Before that, I saw The Lure (Córki dancingu) which was more interesting to me.... It's supposed to be a modern retelling of Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid, but with flesh eating mermaids and discothèque flair.... I know people have mixed feelings about this movie, but I enjoyed the style and music... The music is SO catchy
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Currently reading: NOTHING AT THE MOMENT, I just returned some library books not too long ago, and these are my recommendations
What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher - A sort of retelling of The Fall of the House of Usher from the POV of a nonbinary solider in fictional mid 1900s Europe... a VERY easy read.... The characters are charming and the narrator is really funny, witty and sarcastic... Reminds me a bit of Artemy in that regard... Good body horror to be had here
The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw - This is more a traditional, dark fairy tale narrative.... It's told from the POV of a man-eating mermaid who burns her husband's kingdom to the ground... She takes on a nonbinary Plague Doctor as her traveling companion and they roam together before stumbling across a village of children who keep dying and coming back to the life thanks to the aid of 3 surgeons who conceal more sinister purposes...
Just Like Home by Sarah Gailey - I enjoyed this one a lot.... A supernatural haunted house horror/drama where a woman returns to her childhood home to take care of the estate of her estranged dying mother while confronting the dark history that her father left in the basement.... Excellent characterizations and I was really invested in where the story was going
Sweet/spicy/savory: BIIIIGGGG savory person.... I like sweets but I love a good savory.... Fries and chips are a big weakness of mine
Relationship status: In a relationship! 🥰
Current obsession: I'm still drawing Patho, so that's still sitting on my mind.... I just finished watching a playthrough of Dave the Diver though, so that's been sitting on my mind too.... UNBELIEVABLY cute and charming.... Sort of scratches the same itch Animal Crossing does
Last thing I Googled: Different kinds of biological slimes.... I never thought about categorizing them before, but now I really want to know what qualifies as a slime
Currently working on: Portfolio stuff.... 😞 I want to leave my current job, so a necessary and time consuming evil, unfortunately
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Worst part of people making karkat and zagreus parallels is that they're not wrong. They even both get called the same in universe slur
#hades game#my friend: reminds me of homestuck lore that i forgor#me: oh fuck i hate it here#personality wise i dont think theyre similar at all except for both having#cant shut up disease#but like. hate that they have some Identitcal Motifs
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Ronance headcanons?
oh my goodness of course i do hehehehe (if you cant tell I love them)
i am ignoring the canon plot and using the bits that are convenient to me because I do what I want
Before Robin realized she liked Nancy, she truly didn't understand the deep level of fury she felt against Jonathan. It made no sense because they were friends and she had so much fun with him! Except whenever him and Nancy were together suddenly she had the urge to rip her hair out
Nancy figured her feelings out before Robin did. I know this is controversial and I do agree Robin fell first Nancy fell harder. However, I think the fear of falling for someone who she loves and cares for very much who if Nancy finds out Robin could lose her both from being a lesbian and for being in love with her, just manifests in denial. This is also compounded by the fact that she's convinced she likes Vickie who conveniently is out of reach and (presumed) straight, so if Vickie wasn't into her she wouldn't be risking as much since she's not planning to confess in the first place
Nancy on the other hand very quickly figured it out. After losing Barb, her fear manifested less in denial and more as an overdrive of all her emotions because if she doesn't figure it out quickly she might lose Robin before she could even say a word, so the moment she falls she figured it out then and there. She doesn't want another situation where she didn't tell a person she loves how much they mean to her
that night she had a panic attack that was BRUTAL like she sobbed for hours realizing she's probably going to have to choose between being true to herself and a relationship with her parents. she already knew she liked girls, she figured it out after barb's death, but liking someone new felt so tangible. robin heard her crying and didn't ask, just sat with her for the rest of the night tracing her thumb in circles on her palm
A fluffier one: Nancy plans to confess but Robin does it before she does on accident. Like she's just talking about journalism and how much she enjoys investigative journalism and Robin is just like "I'm in love with you." My assumption is that Robin had already come out to her beforehand but she was just horrified. Nancy was shocked but then was like "you beat me to it <3"
Nancy had not come out to Robin yet, she was planning to do it with her confession, and she had already talked to Eddie (platonic soulmates edancy lover till I die) and talked to Steve so she was prepared but Robin was just FLABBERGASTED
this girl has the most godawful gaydar known to mankind so despite nancy staring at her with heart eyes on a daily basis she was in shock
hAND KISSES I WILL NOT STOP WITH THE NANCY GIVING HAND KISSES HC
wrist kisses too her favorite thing to do is hold robin's fingers or pulse against her lips and just feel her warmth
robin is really warm, unreasonably so, and nancy is really cold
they both love shoving their noses into each others neck and just breathing in each others smells
robin loves rubbing the fact that she's dating nancy fucking wheeler into people's faces
"you're better at me then this???? well I pulled nancy wheeler stevie!! and I actually kept her unlike you so shut up"
her and eddie are constantly at war at who her favorite person is
"you already have stevie this is MY emotional support comphet fruit"
robin hangs over her shoulders while she writes and just reads her words
there was a solid bit of time that robin thought eddie and nancy were together. she accidentally asked them and triggered the longest giggle battle she has ever seen seen
bisexual nancy or lesbian nancy, she's filled with so much comphet
fully convinced that romantic feelings for guys and platonic feelings for girls felt the same
sometimes she feels guilty and feels like she's 'replacing' barb but the feeling lessens by the day
robin gets anxiety attacks every once in a while and nancy knowing exactly what to do when it happens really calms her down. like it reminds her that the person she loves is the most capable ever
robin loves nuzzling herself into nancy's stomach because cold and nice
poor, poor steve. the amount of rants he's heard from both sides
"nancy is so amazing and cool!" "robin is so pretty when she talks <3"
Mostly Robin for obvious reasons but jfc it's concerning at this point
that poor man needs to start charging per hour at this point
I will never shut up if I keep going so I'll cut it off right here.
#im infected with cant stfu about robin and nancy disease#i love them you guys <33#virgil shut up challenge#ronance#since i have a fairly inconsistent upload schedule this is your reminder that I am pirating s5 <3#we will not be supporting n*ah schn*pp in this household do not worry#and any of the other people working on the show because ik there are multiple who are z**nists#any arguments about this will not be responded to <3#platonic edancy
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Ask game!! 🫶 💞
Top 5 foods and top 5 non dc characters!!! (yes i’m copying you bc i wanna see ur version)
yay! compare notes and such
Food
1) Flourless chocolate cake, the perfect passover dessert it is probably my favorite type of cake mostly cause it doesn't sit in the stomach, hence the no eggs
2) Reuben sammich, you start with the high note of rye bread (the best kind of sammich bread) and you finish strong with the bright notes from the sauerkraut and corned beef (or pastrami if u lean that way) it's a perfect sandwich and I love it so much
3) Saag paneer, I love fucking SO many indian dishes I would be here all week if I tried to list them all so i picked this one cause i like spinach, I grew up in an area with a pretty large Punjabi population so this is a classic comfort food
4) Matzo ball soup, lord this is such a jew-y list, it's a classic for a reason! it's the ultimate Jewish comfort food!! last time I made it was for a friend with covid who is no longer my friend ;-;
5) Falafel, this I added just cause I'm craving it ngl, I made my own recently and it was fuckin amazing, with hummus is just 😋😋 I'd say tzatziki as well but my gf would skin me (affectionate) (my beloved ur vendetta against the Greeks is adorable and I love u so much)
this got long I'm gonna Cut
Fav non DC characters:
1) He Xuan, I have to start out here they're still the home screen on my laptop, I love One Fish with a complex relationship with their bestie/enemy
2) Chuuya, he's a god, he's a bitch, he's in the mafia, what's not to love tbh, he's the deus ex machina of his canon and I want to see him beat the fuck out of dazai and do more dope shit forever
3) Deacon, he's funny, he's lying 25/8, he will just walk around naked, he's my favorite fo4 companion and he's just fun to be around, I wish streamers would stop shooting him ples and thank u
4) X6-88, unfortunately losing points because of shitty racist writing but! he's one of my favorite characters cause x6 and chuuya have a lot in common with the whole "built to be a weapon, learning to be a human" thing, there's so much potential for unlearning cult brainwashing and such and I just love him so much lmao
5) Mobei-jun, one of the characters that got me to open my trap and not shut up in fandom, he's a great character with a fun backstory and the Most Some Guy husband (who is actually god) I love his boobies and I love his dumb old man loving ass and sealbei-jun is probably the most fun ive ever had reading scientific papers for fandom
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like yeah anthy and harrow are definitely similar flavors of character to a certain extent but like fresh out of finishing htn a mikage and harrow comparison seems just as interesting to me. The whole novel really reminded me of the black rose arc in some ways, especially considering the shared themes of tampered memories, and obsession with something long dead. Like you have this character who is so powerful and imposing but they are slowly coming apart at the seams trying to grapple with reality (specifically in discerning what's reality and what isn't). Also I think harrows relationship to The Body can kinda draw parallels to mikages relationship to mamiya, especially kind of in an aesthetic sense (a character constantly trailed by a ghostly presence that they themselves idealize)
#disclaimer i havent read nona the ninth yet i need my eyeballs and brain to rest for a hot second lol#so if something in that makes this take very bad im rlly sorry :' 0#unfortunately i have rgu brain disease which means i see utena in everything i read and watch and cant shut up about it#revolutionary girl utena#the locked tomb#harrow the ninth#theres a ton more like actually smart analysis i could do here about themes and symbols and whatnot but im just gonna go to sleep ok
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rewriting an ocs lore is like your own personal theseus's ship
#they look the same sound the same have the same basic personality traits but their backstory has been completely altered#talking tag#oc#oc meme#writing#writing problems#writer things#writing memes#original characters#just writer things#just writer problems#im actually so embarrassed i cant talk about his lore its changed completely#never talking about my ocs lore ever again#<- said the person with chronic Cannot Shut The Fuck Up disease
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it is humbling to write so many tags that tumblr cuts them off
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Bro. Does anyone else feel hopeless
#like.#Palestine#capitalism#system racism#its all eating me alive. im doing what i can but. its not enough im just one man.#all i can do is be kind and help the people i can.#i know its enough for one person to do. to make a man a sandwich or give a friend a ride.#to give the person at the window a tip and hold the door open for others.#but its like. im so hopeless its not enough. the world is getting worse akd worse.#i feel like im living in one of those dystopian movie opening montages#war genocide famine natural disaster disease global warming#its KILLING me.#and on top of all that i have genetic depression its not just environmental#and im like. just shut up and be happy#but i cant be and im alone and just. depressed#idk.#jay rants#jay rambles#jay jabbers#i know this isnt just me feeling this way but i still feel isolated nd i blame capitalism & our government and i think we should [redacted]
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people claim to understand that progress isn't linear and recovery can take a long time until it becomes personally inconvenient to them and then you're just a stupid lazy bastard to them no matter how you behaved before you became outwardly sick or how hard you've been trying to get better. and i will be mad about that forever
#text post#vent#venting#vent post#chronic illness#mental illness#progress is not linear#recovery takes time#ive only been diagnosed and trying treatments for my autoimmune disease for 1yr#ive been sick for closer to 5#i just got covid for the second time in january and its fucked up all the progress#that i was making#and now rather than try to support me through a major setback#everyone is acting like i just dont have my shut together and im not trying#meanwhile i am doing my best to keep up when walking a single flight of stairs is still hard for me#and there are very few people who meaningfully recognize how hard this is for me#i used to work three jobs while going to school full time seeing my family frequently#AND having a social life and maintaining my ltr#now im married yeah but i only do one wfm full time job barely engage with my hobbies#see my family and friends infrequently and tbh barely leave my house#and its not for any lack of wanting to#its because i CANT#and even fewer people are making am efforts to accommodate me#so i force myself to occasionally go out and see people#and then need to recover for two weeks#and they dont even appreciate how HARD it is#so much of the effort disabled put into their interactions with abled or just differently#disabled loved ones goes completely unnoticed because its expected as the bare minimum another can do#but rhe bare minimum to them is the absolute best you yourself can give#and nobody cares
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Another day of no assignments... Time to draw all day :3c
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letting you all know i'm still diligently working on rubatosis chapter 2, and i finally made it 67%... apologies as well to the readers, cause i'm at 12.5k words and i'm still not done lmao
#. // ♡ basil speaks#patient zero of 'i cant shut the fuck up' disease#i love having coryo internally ramble to himself too much#i need to finish this chapter i want to get to chapter 3 so bad#also hozier's new ep dropped and i fear 'too sweet' is just that new coryo song for me#just wanted to keep you all updated
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I'm gonna tryyyy and get one more smutty blurb done tonight and then do the other few tomorrow!!! thank you all so much for the requests, I adore every one of you endlessly <333
edit; I lied. the sleepiness has got to me yall. MORE BLURBS TOMORROWWWW
#the cant shut up disease GOT ME#why am i doing 1.4k blurbs#BRO SHUT UP#i have so many good requests!! hopefully my brain works tomorrow too 🫡#writing maybe??
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bitches will have their flat broken into or get murdered some day just bc as soon as people tell me something about having to check on something and they also have like tablets or whatever my trust in people's goodness and fear of confrontation kicks in so I will let them in, answer questions, make small talk, and only think about the fucking stupidity and recklessness later
#cylas speaks#suffering from 'i cant shut up' disease#plus not knowing how conversations work#or what questions are normal#like yeah sure just tell complete strangers that dad isnt really home a lot and not married and no one else lives there and what/where you#work etc bc they're nice guys and probably don't have ulterior motives right#maybe i should also have told them that i am poor af and we cant afford shit lol#probably good i didnt have some type of receipt for internet that they asked for idk#since i understand and know fuckall about the world i am way too trusting#shouldve said no and that they'll have to talk to dad#alas#how naive and dumb can a 25 y/o be lol#especially one who used to watch a show about real life crimes
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Going to start expressing my emotions only though bloody stick figure image. im never articulating myself again figure it out
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honestly such a big fan of the fact that despite being the justice arcana akechi's focus is personal justice rather than true justice
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I saw your tags and I wanna say RitsuMao (I think that's the ship?) is the perfect ship for hanahaki in the way which you described.
Also, interestingly enough, I have written a hanahaki fic from the person who is on the receiving end of the crush, in a frustrated "why can't I return the feeling???" And not wanting to lose the friendship way.
So anyway I think that's a great angle to pursue and it's very big brain of you.
YESS thank you for the validation, this AU has been eating at my brains for a year but i'm just not very good at writing actual stories rather than just analysis so. it stayed in my brain.
yeah it is ritsumao and oh boy ritsumao with the flower actually removed would be a riot. they're childhood friends and so much of their identities are rooted in the relationship, so losing the relationship would destabilise the both of them so much.
to Make Things Worse ☺️✌️ in my AU, i made the surgery remove memories related to the person altogether rather than just feelings (although tbh it's also bc i never quite understood how you can "remove feelings" without fundamentally making the memory stop making sense. aren't memories a key way in which people make sense of the world and remember things?)
and this makes the story veer into exploring how one's memories and relationships with others kind of. makes you who you are. which a lot of hanahaki stories don't really explore.
that means ritsu just Forgets about mao and loses years worth of accumulated memories and self-narratives about how he became who he was. how did he manage rei's broken promise, who did he cling to? apart from chasing after rei, who made him want to 'enter the sunlight'? post-surgery ritsu would be a very different and a very confused person.
and considering how so much of their relationship was Just The Two Of Them (thanks ritsu), mao would have no one who shares so many of his memories. they'll probably find random trinkets all over their houses that either only mao or neither of them remembers the significance of. some matching keychains they got from an event. a pen with one of those plastic jewels that's the colour of mao's eyes, which ritsu used to like a lot but now just throws it away bc it's out of ink. maybe some random thing of mao's that ritsu stole when he was 6 because of some convoluted reasoning and jealousy, and which he never returned. and when they rediscover it mao is like "wtf i've been trying to find it for YEARS, why do you have this," and ritsu can only reply with "i dunno."
mao also can no longer use ritsu for the. to give himself self-esteem in his role as someone ritsu needs, or whatever codependent shit they have going on. he'll just have that pretty important aspect of the maintenance of his identity and self-image ripped from him because the flower is arophobic.
i just think ritsumao with the hanahaki surgery would just be rly tragic bc rtmo are the kind of friends who would want more than anything and who would do everything they can to ensure the other stays in their lives. or rather, they've been with each other for so long that they also don't actually need to bend over backwards to maintain their relationship. even when something does happen, i think they generally understand each other and value the other enough to resolve things sooner rather than later.
i think the both of them would choose not to have the hanahaki development in the first place if it meant that they could continue as they have always been. ritsu would never want to guilt trip mao with hanahaki (!! era at least, and not to make mao actually feel like shit for longer than a few hours at most). and mao would want to give ritsu what he wants as is usual but be unable to. so they're both absolutely miserable! falls face flat on ground.
anyway i can't believe i rambled this much but. after writing all that out i read that fic you wrote and. slams fist on wall and cries, you get it!!!!!! i don't know a thing about these two but oughhhhh. !!!!!!
(for anyone else who has somehow read to this point and who also has brainworms for Best Friend with Hanahaki, read it here before i spoil it below with my quoting)
the way Hak's first reaction is to do everything he can to solve things and his fear of losing 12 years of friendship. 12 years of memories. Their entire lives together. That was the price of getting it removed. while Soowon goes “But what if you find someone you have feelings for?” Soowon asked, “it’s not really fair for you to be bound to me this way.” and “Love” was too heavy a word to impose upon his friend
ohhhh my god. oh my god. It frustrated Hak, every time Soowon coughed up another flower and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t make it stop. Why couldn’t he make it stop?
it's the mutual love and care for the other!!!! screaming.
and the way Soowon just slowly fades away and Hak's heart breaks watching it happen. The way Hak finally says "I love you" and the way Soowon says "I know" and yet it doesn't do a thing because the flower is stupid and only cares about romantic love.
euggg this dynamic of hanahaki is really so interesting and real. i'm so glad you brought up your fic bc i have been trying for so long to find a hanahaki story like this. i get that the hanahaki haver's POV of keeping the illness and their feelings is dramatic and heartwrenching and all, but at the end of the day it's more or less just a more dramatised version of their already existing pining. the perspective of the one being loved, and of two friends trying and failing to save their relationship, is so unexplored in comparison. like these stories would require some very healthy, open communication, and yet somehow that is still not enough and that otherwise perfect relationship gets destroyed
#asks#clock#my god i have cant shut up disease#anw i think friends who love each other this much will probably gravitate towards each other again sooner or later#but it will never be the same and that's where the tragedy of hanahaki lies#hanahaki#rambles#rtmo#yeah ill tag it why not
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