#I have a problem that is not medicated I know I do there’s got to be something that helps with this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andhumanslovedstories · 1 day

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I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

#nursing tag

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vixen7243 · 2 days

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Undivided Attention: Team bonding

TF141 X AFAB!Reader

Masterlist | Soap | Snake in the Garden

MDNI!!!

Tag list 🖤: @jenniferpendragon @amyg1509

Hearing John's rough panicked voice sent a shiver down your spine as you squeezed your knees closer to your chest holding your breath. "Y/N? Dear, please, open the door. What's going on?"

"What do you care?" You croaked out sniffling, the silence deafening making you laugh, "Never cared before."

"Gorgeous, let u-"

"No, no, no. How many times do I have to say ..." Pushing yourself up, "no, " Turning and unlocking the door, "and to just go away?" Swinging the door open you glared at all of them.

They had all stiffened at the sight of you, your eyes were blood shot, cheeks flushed, dark bags under your eyes, you looked miserable and angry. "Luv."

"Go to Angie, tell her all your problems." The look of compete shock made you laugh pushing John's chest making him step back a little, "Didn't think I knew? She can't help but to walk around base talking about how all of you are pent up dogs eye fucking her and begging her to stay with you all." You hated even more that they were just standing there quietly, fear and worry in their eyes.

"Bonnie-"

"Don't, just..." Taking a deep breath as a few tears slid down your cheeks you groaned, "I may look stupid, we never said anything on being exclusive so you guys can do anything and one that you want. I know it's none of my business." The hurt in their eyes as you continued to speak make you choke up, heart clench but they hurt you first. You didn't want to hold back, "But seriously? John? As much as I've comforted you, held you and we've fucked I really thought you would be nice enough to tell me that you guys had some other medic on the missions." The visible flinch as if you had just slapped him across the face made you scowl, you waited a beat, still they said nothing. "Why didn't you tell me you replaced me?"

"I didn't-"

"Yes you did."

He scowled right back at you, you know he believes he didn't technically replace you, but to you, he really did. "I wasn't trying to dear, I jus..." You started crying, he froze, as he tried to step forward to wrap his arms around you but you stepped back shutting the door locking it again. Sobbing you fell to your knees, "Darling, I'm sorry ple-"

"She's touched all of you, I've seen it, none of you push her away, none of you do or say anything. She's clung to Johnny like a fucking desperate slag and you let her! Kyle is so fucking friendly with her you stand right in her shadow. You let her touch your beard, you let her..." Hiccupping you clenched your chest, "And Simon, you were actually gentle with her." You felt so sick, so tired, "I can't look at any of you, I may be overreacting but I thought that after everything you guys would actually care about me." Your sobs broke your speech up but they understood you loud and clear and they broke with you, as you laid before the door crying they all sat down in the hall breaking down with you.

It wasn't till late in the evening that you pushed yourself up and went to your bathroom sighing, taking a quick shower before slipping on a tank top and shorts, combing your hair you looked at your door. Taking small quiet steps you tried listening to the hall, hoping that they had gone to their rooms you opened your door and before you could close the door again Simon held the door open, "Luv, please let us talk to you."

Fighting to try and close it before groaning you pushed back, "What?"

You hated how they invaded your space and all you still wanted was to just lay down with them and have amnesia and live in ignorant bliss. God your heart practically stopped when Johnny got in your view, his eyes just as blood shot from crying, you've barely ever seen him cry before and the few times you have it kills you. "We've told her so many times to not touch us, that she is just there for papers that there's a medic." Kyle said, your eyes still on Johnny.

"We're not saying what you saw didn't happen, but please believe us when we say we reject her, every time." John said, you looked at all of them slowly, they looked just as miserable.

"Guys have only just glanced in my general direction and you guys loose your minds, have done things for even brushing past me. Yet there's a girl throwing herself at all of you and you don't do a thing to her but say some words that mean nothing to her." You say wrapping your hands around your waist.

"She'll get hers luv."

"Why, because now I'm upset and know?" You scoffed pouting.

As Kyle and Johnny slowly walked to you Simon's eyes caught sight of your papers on your desk and while you looked to the other two he read the papers. "Bonnie, ye are everything to us, we've set boundaries and granted we weren't as hard as when things happen to ye but that's only because even if she were to of done anything more compared to the guys getting close to ye..." He was before you and as much as you knew what he was saying that they could handle themselves against her and that she would certainly be at a bit of a risk if the men on base decided to go against her consent. It angered you and annoyed you but feeling the heat radiating from his body made your body tingle and hands itch to reach out and touch him.

"Gorgeous, we'd never let her get anywhere near us more than she was even able to. You're the only person we have ever let near, embraced or loved."

Snapping your head to look at Kyle your eyes widened, "What is this?" You looked at Simon and froze. "You're trying to transfer?"

Fuck, you felt lightheaded as they all looked at you, "I-"

"Darling." You looked at John, he walked up to you, cupping your cheeks he made you look into his eyes, your heart pounded in your ears as everything zoned in on him.

"I'm sorry." Not what you wanted to say but it was the first thing that came out, you felt like you all were mirroring each other in emotions and it was weighing so heavily on your heart how broken they were with you. "It was all too much for me, I couldn't st-stay. I didn't want to see you all with her li-like that." Grabbing his wrists you nuzzled your head into his hands sniffling. "I don't want to lose you guys but..." Looking up you sighed. "I'm tired."

Simon and Kyle flanked you, while Johnny pressed his chest to your back, hands grabbing onto you as John leaned down and kissed you. Breaking, you pushed into him and kissed him back, you felt everyone's lips on your neck and shoulders whispers of them declaring their love and how you own them in every way you ever could. Gasping against John's lips as Johnny ground into you whimpering of apologies and pleas to not leave him. Turning your head you kissed Kyle, hand reaching for John's shoulder holding him close. You'd never been with all of them at once, this was new and exciting as you were on the receiving end of their praise and love, their rough hands gently massaging and groping.

Turning to Simon you moved his baclava up enough to kiss him, his tongue invading your mouth making you moan as Kyle nipped at your neck. Trembling slightly you gasped as you fully turned for Johnny who wrapped his arms around you holding you tightly as he kissed you moaning with you. Feeling as everyone was easing your clothes off, you leaned back slightly for Simon to pull your tank top off and Kyle removed your shorts and underwear. John wrapped his arms around you from behind, as you rest your head on his shoulder you gasped arching when he bit your neck moaning as Johnny kneeled before you, lifting a leg onto his shoulder he kissed your thighs before littering hickies and bite marks along your thighs and close to your dripping cunny, moaning.

"Johnny, please." Whining you pushed your hips closer to him looking down gasping when he latched his lips onto your clit making you moan and grab onto Kyle's shoulder.

"Look so beautiful baby, no one can even come close." Kyle moaned cupping your breast moaning against your neck. Huffing you started grinding against Johnny's face reaching down with your other hand to grab his mohawk keening when he teased your hole with his fingers, his tongue flicking your clit. Already your leg was shaking under you as you turned to Simon to kiss him, your moans muffled against him as you pushed your back into John. Shaking you threw your head back against John's shoulder whimpering before a strained scream ripped from your already sore throat, hips moving quickly with Johnny's pumping fingers. Your leg slowly giving out as you panted trying to push Johnny's head from your thighs.

"Shit, Johnny, please. I came, stop fuck." Groaning you squealed surprised when Kyle grabbed your leg and Simon grabbed the other, working together they hoisted you up, John tightening his hold around your waist as Johnny groaned against your clit the vibration going straight to your spine. "Oh god." Pushing both hands into his hair you tried leaning to Kyle whimpering when you couldn't reach.

As Kyle leaned forward you both collided hungrily kissing, panting into his mouth as Simon leaned forward sucking on your nipple. Feeling the second orgasm flooding through you, you tensed in their hold whining against Kyle's lips pulling harshly onto Johnny's hair making him whimper and moan as he slurped your juices as it trickled down his hand and wrist. As Johnny leaned back he slowly pumped his fingers into you, easing you through your release smiling when Kyle pulled back and you instantly looked down at him, new tears staining your cheeks from ecstasy. Your body shivering as he eased his fingers from you gently rubbing your clit as he put both hands on your inner thighs spreading you planting a soft peck to your throbbing clit and leave open mouthed kisses along your thighs before he stood up slowly kissing you. Kyle and Simon Carefully lowered your legs while John went to your bed resting his back against the wall as he sat in the middle of it, Simon and Kyle joined him on either side while you and Johnny got lost in your own world.

Looking at the others you gasped pulling back tasting yourself now on your tongue from Johnny, crawling up between John's legs you straddle one of his legs while pulling Kyle back to yourself kissing him. Moaning as Simon grabbed your waist and moved you back and forth on John's thigh earning a groan from the both of you. Having already came twice from Johnny your cunt was dripping wet and you were sure John's pant leg was already soaked. Feeling a thick pair of fingers slide between you and John's leg you sighed as Kyle slipped his tongue into your mouth exploring every crevasse moaning when you also slipping your tongue around his practically tangling the two of you. Feeling the bed dip behind you, you sat up and looked down biting your lip as John's fingers slowly worked your overstimulated clit. Griping John's shoulders you whined, "Mark me." Gasping as Kyle also slipped his fingers down, your slick making their fingers easily pass each other and play with your clit. "Please, mark me, fuck me. I want to mark all of you. Want everyone to know- shit urgh." Your hips stuttered in Simon's grasp as both John and Kyle's fingers teased your tight hole. "Want everyone to know you're all mine. Please."

"How could we say no to that darling." John moaned as you locked your lips with his, the others finding any space on you, sucking, biting, kissing, squeezing hard sure to leave hand prints. Being swept under the waves you leaned back and went to Kyle removing yourself from John panting as you frantically started pawing at his shirt and pants removing what you could with his help. Latching yourself to his neck making him groan as you bit and sucked at him like a leach as you drew a little blood with a bite that was a little too hard but you were happy to see it already start to bruise a little. Pushing him to lay down you went down his body leaving a scattered trail hovering over his pelvic when you felt Simon grasp your hips pulling them up a little. His tongue dragged down your slit, moaning at the taste before suckling on your clit his grip on your ass spreading you for himself.

Pushing fully back against him you continued to work on leaving marks now on Kyle's thighs, his shaking just as much as yours, his cock twitching. Grabbing his shaft you slowly dragged your hand up and down watching as his stomach tightened, moaning looking down at you. Feeling a swift slap to your back side when you tried to pull to sit up happy with the littered marks on Kyle's body you gasped looking over your shoulder at Simon, "Not done ye' luvie."

"But Si." You whined pushing onto his fingers that were pumping into you. "I want Johnny." Groaning as his fingers slid out of you before he man handled you up and sat you in front of Johnny. Dazed you clawed at him, his grin and shiver of excitement pushing you to leave darker marks on his neck his groan vibrating his throat against your lips.

"Come on bonnie, don't leave an inch untouched. Mark me to yer hearts content. I'm all yers. Always have been, always will be." It didn't take you long to scratch and bite your way around his body, loving how he sounded when you would suck dark hickies into him. The whine he made when you withdrew from him made you smile as you leaned over him kissing him, his hands squeezing your already bruising hips.

"It's John's turn baby." You whispered into his ear nipping his ear lobe giggling when he groaned letting you go.

Crawling and turning to John, you smiled as he had started removing his shirt for you, helping him remove his pants you couldn't help moaning with him as the guys took turns playing with your clit, building you to another orgasm. Settling between John's thighs you suckled on his cock, his fingers scraping your scalp before fisting your hair holding you tightly. Feeling someone's fingers pumping into you as the other two abuse your clit you lifted your head up, mouth letting go of John's cock with a pop, "God, please don't stop. I'm so close." You whined grinding your hips with them, walls clenching around fingers tightly before a breathy moan left your throat. Weakly sitting up you looked at Simon, he had removed his baclava, undressing him, you slowly trailed around his body, focusing on his arms mostly knowing that the rest of his body is always covered but on some rare occasions he does pull his sleeves up at times. You still wanted people to know he was just as well marked as the rest.

Straddling Simon after being content with your work you ground on him moaning when the head of his dick kept catching your clit. Getting up to slightly hover over him as he lined himself up with you you gasped as your cunt stretched around him as you lowered down. Moving slowly with his guided movements you looked at Kyle, leaned down by him and started suckling at his cock moaning as Simon started pounding up into you grunting as your walls fluttered around him. Feeling Simon's thumb rubbing your clit you felt close and moaned around Kyle's cock as he pushed the back of your head down groaning as he came down your throat and Simon pushed up into you as he held your waist down against himself cumming deep inside you as you also came.

Panting as you were laid down onto your bed, Simon gently moving himself. You noticed that as Johnny got between your legs, lifting your legs up to his shoulders, Simon had put his baclava back on, you wondered momentarily if he was also over whelmed but your mind blanked when Johnny eased his throbbing cock into your sensitive cunt.

You didn't see the slim figure in the hall or small flash of a light but Simon and John did, both irate, having clearly seen who had caught all of them and decided to take a picture of your most vulnerable moment. For the time being they continued to focus on you, deciding to give the person in the hall a show that will be their last.

John gently ran his knuckles on your cheek as you held your head off the edge of the bed guiding his dick to your open mouth moaning as Johnny's thrusts started rocking you into John, slowly forcing you to take more of him, relaxing your throat you thoroughly blanked out as the two fucked into you. Rightly using your holes as you came again, Johnny whimpering as you milked him but he refused to stop. Drunk off of you, he pushed your thighs down to your chest, his cock ramming into you as John rested a hand on your throat moaning as he could feel his dick fucking your throat.

Digging your nails into John's hips you moaned around him when you and Johnny came, the guys all pouring out their love and claim for you. John groaned as he pushed flesh against your mouth cumming, tightening his grip on your throat feeling his cock twitch, cumming deep in you along with Johnny. As both men slowly pulled out of you, you gasped whining at the lose and stimulation as you were moved careful to lay properly in your bed, Kyle laying with you as Johnny listened to whatever Simon was whispering to him. John got in behind you, cuddling you as everyone massaged your limbs.

Yawning, you wrapped your arms around Kyle resting your head on his chest, humming as John told you how much you mean to all of them. Falling asleep you whispered back to all of them, "Love you guys." When they were sure you were sleeping, Johnny and Simon quickly got dressed and left to retrieve the disgusting little intruder while John and Kyle stayed with you. You were none the wiser of what was happening but in complete bliss.

----

I've been working on trying to get this done for the past few days and good lord!!🥴 I was so scattered brained trying to remember where each guy was and just absolutely getting lost in the damn fantasy. But here, declarations of love, group therapy, and some pizaz.✨ Really hope ya'll enjoyed. I'm thinking the next post will be a wrap up of this maybe two more posts but we'll see. I do have already another story brewing in my head that's bugging to get out but I want to finish this one. Let me know what ya'll think.

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f0point5 · 2 days

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The new fic was wonderful, I cant get enough of Em and Max I hope you never stop writing about them! That being said, I'm curious, would you write about one (or all four!) Times Max had to run around a city looking for Emelia?

Okay I’m sorry about how this turned out 🫣 I know in the fic it referenced that Max didn’t know there was a problem and only found out once she left but I am taking some artistic license with this being one of the four times! Don’t hate me 🫠

I did actually start a different one featuring Emilia’s dad so I may finish that one and we will get a funnier/more on brand instance of Emilia running away but…I hope you enjoy this one in the meantime!

✨Set in September 2021✨

They nicknamed her “The Bolter”

Max watches the sunrise in total, deafening silence. He thinks at some point he gets up to feed the cats. He thinks, but he isn’t sure. He’s so tired. His eyes are watering. It’s not tears. He can’t sleep. He wants to. He doesn’t want to. It doesn’t matter if he wants to, he can’t. He can’t sleep knowing you’re not home. He can’t sleep not knowing you’re safe.

He looks at his phone again. He has it on loud and on vibrate but he still checks. Still hopes.

Daniel: Did you hear from her?

Lando: She’s not answering me sorry

Clara Albizzi: You fucked up

That last one makes me feel sick. He did fuck up. He knew the second he’d said it. The way your face just fell and you couldn’t look at him. The way your shoulders hunched over.

You’re the reason she’s not here!

You hadn’t even packed a bag. Hadn’t even taken keys for a car. You’d just picked up the shoes that were lying in the hallway and left.

And he’d let you.

It had taken everything in him to stand still and let you leave, even as the fear set in. Fear that smelled like freshly cut grass and petrol. Fear that felt like crisp night air. Fear that looked like headlights in the dark.

The restraint had only last a few minutes.

You had blocked him, of course. So he’d called your friends. He’d ended up calling half of Monaco including more drivers than he ever spoke to regularly. Everyone denied hearing from you. He’d actually driven to Daniel’s to confirm his story that he wasn’t home. Max wondered more than once if you’d earned more loyalty from his colleagues than he had. Even if one of them was lying to him, at least you were safe.

But he couldn’t take the chance that you really hadn’t ended up at someone’s place. You didn’t have you bag with you, or even comfortable shoes. You couldn’t pay for a cab. It was that thought that had sent him to the Hotel de Paris. It was your favourite hotel in town, you even checked in for staycations sometimes. They would have your information, so you wouldn’t even need a credit card. The receptionist had refused to tell him if you were staying there - illegal, apparently - but something about his appearance must have incurred her sympathy, because she’d said that they hadn’t had any unexpected guests.

That had sent him to Sass Café. A long shot, because you didn’t usually self medicate alone, but he’d tried anyway. Fifty times he thought he’d seen you across the room as he’d weaved his way through the hoards of people. Normally he could spot you anywhere but when all he wanted was to see you he’d seen you everywhere.

By the time he’d got home, some time in the wee hours, Max could feel himself starting to shut down. As he’d called your name to no response and checked your room to find it empty, he could feel himself starting to get cold. He’d sat down on the couch, intending to think about what he was going to do next, but the thoughts had started to get away from him. The memories of the last twelve hours began to fold in on themselves, becoming smaller and squarer and so too did the feelings. The anger, the frustration, the panic, the disappointment, it all got more manageable, packing itself away in the corner in his mind that Max had so often found himself hiding in.

Even the fear had gone. The fear had gone somewhere around 5.30 am, when the darkness started to wane. As he sat on the couch and watched the sky go from black to blue to the colour of the dress you wore to Luka’s christening, his leg stopped shaking, his fists unclenched, and the tightness in his chest disappeared.

Finally, emotions had given way to a familiar and encompassing emptiness. Max just felt numb.

You’re the reason she’s not here!

What had he even been so angry about? He could almost laugh at himself. He hadn’t been angry. He’d been embarrassed. You’d told him you’d found underwear that wasn’t yours in the washing machine and he’d been so fucking embarrassed. And then he’d thought, what did he have to embarrassed about, and he decided in a split second it must be because you were judging him, and who were you to judge him when you were the reason he was fucking random girls in the first place. His relationship had ended because of you.

You’re the reason she’s not here!

Except you weren’t the reason. Not really. It had been Max’s choice and he knew that. Max needed you more than he’d wanted her and he had never once regretted that choice, although wherever you were, you probably thought he did.

He almost wishes he could feel all of it. Whatever it is that’s been forced under the surface because he can’t deal with it. He can’t feel anything. His eyes are sore and unfocused and they sting.

He drags a hand over his face. He should do something. Get flowers, or call the police, or…anything. But he doesn’t. His limbs don’t move. He just sits there…like he’s waiting for someone to pick him up.

You’ve got to come back.

Don’t worry, Max. They always come back. You’ll apologise. You’ll do better next time.

His eyes water again. This time it might be tears.

Somewhere behind him, one of the cats meows. Maybe he didn’t feed them after all.

“Max?”

At the sound of your voice, Max’s head turns so fast his neck hurts. He blinks furiously at the sight of you. For a second he thinks he’s imagining you.

“I brought strudel,” you say, holding up a small folded pastry box.

Max gets up before his he tells himself to. He wants to pull you into his arms, the urge to do it is the only thing he’s felt in hours, but stays still. You’re back, but that doesn’t mean he’s forgiven.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he says. His voice sounds hoarse.

“Not everywhere, clearly,” you say with a shrug.

“I went to Sass, Daniel’s, I called Lando, Alex, Clara, Zita,” he says, as if trying to prove that he’d tried. “I went to the hotel to see if you were there. I’ve been around the whole city all night, I didn’t sleep,”

“Oh.”

You look a little sheepish, almost guilty, as you make your way to the kitchen. Max follows, too far behind for his liking but he’s still too scared to get closer.

He sits on one side of the island and you stand on the other. He really takes in your appearance now. Hair up, no make up. Wearing a pyjama shirt. Where the fuck did you get pyjamas? He doesn’t care. His eyes run over you one more time. He might never let you out of his sight again.

“Don’t scare me like that,” Max admonishes, though there is no strength behind his words.

“Don’t piss me off like that,” you retort, and there’s strength behind yours.

The look you give him cuts like second place, and he looks away. He looks out to the balcony. The sky is cobalt now. What time is it?

“Did you mean it?” You whisper into the silence.

Max looks at you now. “No.”

“But-“

“No.” This time it’s an oath.

You shake your head as you open the pastry box. “Max, you obviously kind of meant it,” you say, turning to pick up two plates from the counter. “And I don’t blame you. I know I’m the reason you and-“

“You’re not the reason,” Max insists. “She’s the reason. She thought…she made that choice. And yeah, a part of me is still angry about it, and I cannot talk to her so I took it out on you. That wasn’t right and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I even- I’m sorry. It was my fault,”

Take responsibility. It’s your fault. You caused this to happen. If you don’t like the outcome then stop making people angry.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, quieter this time. Even to his own ear it sounds a little more desperate.

You stare at him, eyes narrow, like you’re trying to read him, and Max almost flinches under the scrutiny. Finally, your face softens, and you sigh. Something in your posture eases.

“Max, it’s okay,” you say gently. “People fight. I just felt like shit and you know how I get. You’re fight, I’m flight, remember? I was…anyway, it doesn’t matter. We’re okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Max says. “Of course.”

You don’t look like you believe him, but he’s telling the truth. If you’re okay, then he’s okay. If you’re there, then he’s okay. If you’re home then that’s where he wants to be.

You shuffle around the island with two plates of strudel, padding on bare feet towards the living room with Max in hot pursuit.

“Where did you go?” He asks, now noticing that not even your shorts are the ones you left in last night.

“The Maybourne,” you explain, settling on the corner of the couch, legs outstretched. “The concierge gave me some spa pjs,”

Max takes a seat next to you, further than normal but closer than he’s been to you in what feels like forever.

“I’ll pay you back for the room,” he says with a rueful smile.

“Yeah, I think you will,” you say haughtily, and Max forced himself to laugh. There must be something in his expression that tips you off, though, because your face falls. “I’m sorry I left,”

Please don’t ever do that again.

The words are on the tip of his tongue but he swallows them. He doesn’t ask. He can’t. He has no right to ask you that, because no one can ever promise not to leave and he can’t promise to be worth staying for.

“It’s not the first time,” Max says with a chuckle, nudging you with his elbow. “I’m used to it by now,”

You roll your eyes and turn on the tv, flipping through to find the Moto GP race as Max yawns. The buzz he felt at your return is wearing off and the exhaustion is creeping up on him. He doesn’t want to sleep yet, though. Not when you’re still in his periphery. It’s stupid, but some part of him needs to be consciously in your presence for a while.

“Max, you can go to bed, if you want. I know you didn’t sleep,”

“No,” he says, a bit too quickly. He imagines that he blushes when you notice. His cheeks certainly burn. “I’m just….I’m fine here.”

You reach over to pick up a pillow and lay it on your lap. “At least lie down,” you say, patting the pillow like you do to get one of the cats to sit on you. Max hesitates, but only for a moment, because he’d do just about anything you told him right now.

He settles his head on the pillow, eyes fixed on the tv. He used to do this with his mum, he remembers. The first night joke after being with his dad for months, she’d put on a movie and Max would lay his head in her lap while they watched. He doesn’t think he’s ever told you that.

Your hand running through his hair is like a little jolt of energy, somewhere above him he hears you giggle at the shiver that goes through him. You don’t stop, though, finger massaging his scalp. It quiets all of his nerve endings.

“You need a haircut,” you tell him. He knows what you’re doing, but he can’t bring himself to care. As long as it’s you doing it.

“Yeah,” Max agrees. It’s the last thing he says before he finally falls asleep.

#max Verstappen x reader

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magics-neptunes-things · 8 hours

Text

We are Infinity

Hi guys!

I had several asks for a new Luna one, I feel like I’m writing a lot for them those days but I think we all need some fluffy stuff after Mariona’s departure 😔 I’m still mourning.

TW : pure fluff honestly

It was hard for Lucy to let Ona go to the Spanish camp, where she knows that the staff and the head coach won’t really take care of her girlfriend. She got hurt on her face and near her eyes and to get better soon it would have been better for her to rest at home.

But it wasn’t on the Spanish’ plans, so Ona had to take her plane with Alexia, Mariona and the other player from the Barca to go to camp. Lucy specifically asked Alexia to have a close look at Ona, the younger girl being a little too reckless at her taste sometimes. Lucy’s request activated Alexia’s protectiveness and Ona couldn’t make a meter without having her captain near her, slapping her hand away from her face, asking her to hydrate herself or checking several times a day her wound.

It was pretty cute to be honest and Alexia doesn’t stop, even if Ona walked on her feet almost three times before she gets called by the medical team to have a closer look of her injury. Alexia was there too, listening to the discussion and even giving her opinion.

Ona wasn’t really happy to go back home, to be honest. She loves camp and Leila, who she liked very much and doesn’t see a lot, was called too. She was happy to be able to play with her again, but it would be for another time.

They gave her only two hours to get her things together before leaving and she even run into Jana at the airport, who were coming at her place. Ona was excited for her friend too; she knows how much Jana would be happy to be here.

While she was waiting for her plane, she finally calls her girlfriend, who is herself in England for the camp. Lucy doesn’t know for now that she was leaving.

“Hola Bonita” Lucy says happily, making Ona smile.

“Hello beautiful” Ona answers back.

She can hear noises in the background, and she wonders what Lucy is doing. She sometimes forgets that there is one hour less in England. It’s not a lot, but it’s sometimes very much too.

“I’m sorry, am I disturbing you?” the Spaniard says.

“We are at diner but it’s alright. Is everything’s fine?”

To be honest, Ona thought about making a little joke to Lucy about here face going suddenly not good as a revenge for asking Alexia to look after her. She then changed her mind, but she haven’t thought that Lucy would be the one asking if there is a problem.

“Yeah, I mean… You know, how you asked me to be careful with my wound?”

“Mhm?”

Lucy’s tone was perfectly neutral, but Ona knows better. She can draw with precision the face of her girlfriend right now. Lips pinched, eyebrows raised and waiting for the end of the sentence while knowing that she will not like what will follow.

“Well, they decided to send me home” she finally say, not wanting to play with her girlfriend nerves.

“Oh, thanks God” Lucy sighs.

Ona hears someone piping in the background and she frowns slightly, trying to hear who it was. Lucy answers to the girl but her voice is almost muted, like if she putted the phone against her chest or something.

“It’s Ona, she’s going home.” She hears from afar before that Lucy’s voice is clear again. “I’m so glad Onita, it’s really a great thing.”

“I don’t know, I’ll be all alone in Barcelona.”

“What do you mean? You will be with your parents, your brother, Mapi and Bruna, the dogs…”

“Well, they are not you.”

“I will be back before you know, I promise.”

Ona can hear Lucy’s smile in her voice and if she’s not able to hear what is said next to Lucy, she easily can catch the teasing tone with which we are talking to her girlfriend.

“Who is talking to you?” Ona asks when she hear Lucy answer a « fuck off ».

“Maya. She’s so annoying.”

There are protestations and Lucy is laughing, making Ona smile. She misses her girlfriend laugh so much and they are separated since only two days.

“Oooh I miss her! Say hello to her for me”

Ona knows Maya very well; she played with her at Manchester United for three seasons before coming back to Barcelona. They were both playing on the last line on the pitch, being a lot next to each other during the games.

“I miss you too Ona!”

The Spaniard chuckle when she hears her friend’s voice, probably stuck against Lucy. She then hears Lucy groan something and asking Ona to wait for several seconds before she’s talking again. Without any noises or voices behind her this time.

Even with Lucy reassurances, Ona hated her time at Barcelona without her. Sure she went to her brother’s house, she went for a lot of walk with their dogs, she ate lunch almost everyday at her parent’s house and she saw Mapi, Pina and Patri sometimes too. Not Bruna because she went to the camp after she left.

But the time is long without Lucy.

Even longer now that she knows how much her girlfriend is struggling with her knee. It’s not a surprise to be honest, their schedules are insane. Even if she hates being at home when her team is playing important games, she’s happy to have several days to rest correctly. This is something Lucy would have needed too.

And worse, Sarina made Lucy played the two games, every single minute. Saying that Ona is mad is very far from the truth. She’s fuming while looking at her girlfriend playing with her extra bandage on her knee.

Lucy complained about her knee several times on the phone during their calls and Ona knows how much Lucy is in pain to talk about it like that.

“Just ask to go home” Ona said during one of their FaceTime.

“I can’t, Ona. There isn’t anyone to replace me if I left. The team would be into deep shit.”

She knows Lucy is right, but having seen her girlfriend so upset after the first game and their lost crushed Ona’s heart. She almost jumped in a plane to England, but Lucy begs her not to do it. Ona wasn’t really happy about that, wanting to take care of her girlfriend if the England squad doesn’t seem to be able to do it.

Ona is jumping and stressing so much during the last game that her brother put several shots of tequila in her hands to try to relax her. It kind of worked, even if she’s a little bit tipsy when she FaceTime Lucy latter that night.

“Ona are you drunk?” Lucy asks after hearing her girlfriend giggling about everything during several minutes.

“Nooooo, not at all my Love, why?”

“You are” Lucy laughs. “What have you done; you burden?”

“Nothing” Ona giggles again. “It was Joan, he forced me.”

“He sure did” Lucy says, rolling her eyes, before asking with a softened voice “You are at home, right?”

“I am. At home and safe” Ona smiles too “I can’t wait for you to come home though. I really miss you.”

“Tomorrow you’ll have me in all for yourself again. It won’t be long now.”

“I can’t wait”

Ona rolls on her side to get under the cover of their bed. The dogs are sleeping on Lucy’s place in the bed, but Ona didn’t say it to Lucy. Dogs aren’t allowed in their bed usually.

“How is your knee?” Ona asks with a suddenly sleepy voice, the alcohol starting to kick in.

“The ice was very welcome, to be honest.”

She shows her knee wrapped in ice and Ona frowns. She hates seeing her girlfriend in pain and even more if she’s not with her to help her to get better.

“This is so bullshit, honestly.”

“I know” Lucy shrugs.

What can she say more? She knows her girlfriend’s opinion and she know too that if things were reversed, she would have the same. But she doesn’t want to pick a fight now, she would rather look at Ona falling asleep.

“Sleep well Bonita” Lucy whispers when she spots Ona’s heavy eyes.

The younger girl only answers with a vague groan before falling asleep for good. Lucy smiles and for the first time since they started talking, she doesn’t hang up. She cute the sound on her side not to wake her girl up, but she falls asleep a half-hour later looking at dead-asleep Ona.

Ona is more excited than ever. Lucy was only several minutes from her now, Ona can follow her on the app on her smartphone. Of course, her girlfriend told her when she left Paris and when she was in Barcelona’s airport, but being able to follow her like this help her to be patient. Or to be even more excited, maybe.

“Mommy is coming home Narla!” Ona sings, making the dog waltz in the living room.

Narla barks and Ona really think that the dog understands what she was saying. Laughing softly when she tries to lick her face, Ona put her softly on the ground, to hug a jealous Coco. She kisses her head several times but stops when she hears a car stopping at the bottom of their building. She just has to take a look by the balcony to see her girlfriend collecting her suitcases before going in the building.

Ona is almost running when she goes to the door and Lucy just has the time to open it before being struck by a brunette storm. Lucy laughs when Ona jumps on her arms, securely passing hers around her girlfriend’s waist.

She lets Ona hiding her face in her neck, allowing herself to do the same in her hair, breathing with pleasure the comfort that her smell offers her. She smiles when the younger one start to kiss her cheek and then every part of her face she’s able to reach.

“Hi” Ona says happily when she retracks her head to have a better look at Lucy.

“Hi” Lucy laughs in return.

She puts slowly Ona down, kissing her lovingly on her lips this time. She doesn’t remember who and when they close the door, but it doesn’t really matter. After the kiss, Lucy grabs very softly Ona’s chin between her fingers to tilted it a bit and have a good look at Ona’s injury. Rolling her eyes but still smiling, Ona lets her do, waiting patiently while Lucy is looking at it.

“It’s look better, sì?” Ona asks after several seconds.

“It does” Lucy approves softly.

She then takes Ona in her arms again to hug her, enjoying Ona’s heath against her. The Spaniard sighs of well-being and closes her eyes to enjoy the moment.

“I missed you so much” Lucy mumbles against Ona’s hair.

“I missed you too” Ona smiles, raising her eyes to look at her.

The sweet moment is interrupted by Narla, who seems to think that all of this is very cute but she waited enough for her humans to have their reunion and that it’s now her turn. The small dog nudge Lucy’s knee with her nose, making both girls laugh.

“You know I missed you too!”

Lucy manages to take Narla in one of her hands without letting Ona go. But it was before Coco came too, barking with what could be vexation.

“Oy and you too of course! I’ll never forget my boy. Sorry, Bonita” Lucy grins at Ona when she needs to let her go.

Too happy to have her girl back to even imitate a pout, Ona let Lucy with their dogs, taking her suitcases directly to the bathroom to start the laundry. She smiles hearing Lucy’s talking to the dogs, even if she can’t really understand all she was saying. They both are barking happily, and Ona doesn’t hear when Lucy asks “Alright, where’s Mama now?”.

She’s soon spotted though, Lucy’s hugging her from behind only ten seconds after that.

“Fuck the laundry, Babe. I need to catch all the hugs and kisses I missed” Lucy mumbles against Ona’s neck.

“Mh I don’t know if you deserved it, you choose the dogs after me just two minutes ago” Ona jokes before turning in her arms.

“You know very well that I’ll make it up to you”

Lucy has a smirk and a playful face, who make Ona smile wider. She knows that they will be separated again during the Olympics – if Ona is selected of course – but those separations aren’t easy anyway. Ona feels like it got even harder every time. She just too used to have Lucy next to her in her daily life.

Lucy drags her on the couch, and they put something on TV that none of them is really watching, too busy to hug, talk, look and kiss each other. Maybe not in that order.

“I’m hungry and I probably should go take a shower” Lucy yawns when the sky is almost dark.

“Go shower and I take care of the food” Ona decides before getting up from the couch.

She was already turning her mind upside down to know what to cook to Lucy, when the girl takes her by the arm and make her sit on her lap. She stoles a rather hard kiss to the younger one before letting her go.

“Now we can go” she smirks, getting up to even left the room before Ona.

Ona stays still in the kitchen for several minutes after deciding that it was better to command something for tonight. They are both tired and the fridge is empty, they really need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. When she’s alone, she’s usually feeding herself with fruits, avocado toast and Iberic ham, much to Lucy desperation.

Lucy finds Ona sitting on the table in the kitchen when she’s showered, smiling at her with her phone in her hand.

“What?” Lucy asks.

“Nothing. You’re here, walking with your two knees. I’m just happy.”

How can someone be so cute, adorable and dramatically hot at the same time? Lucy asks herself for the hundred times since she met Ona.

“Happiness looks good on you.”

With two steps, Lucy is in front of Ona, passing her arms around the smallest girl. She just can’t help herself, with time she even sometimes forgot that they are supposed to be private about their relationship in public. So, in private, she just can’t keep her hands away from Ona. The Spaniard being touchy, she never complained about it.

“You can congrats yourself, you are the reason of my happiness.”

“Look at you, who is the sweet talker now?”

Ona laughs, it was one joke during the first days of their relationship. Lucy liked to hit on Ona with the most random sentences ever. It wasn’t in attempt to flirt really, she just wanted to hear Ona’s laugh every single second. She had other things to flirt with Ona and make her fall for her. She never had to try hard to be honest.

“But I see no food cooking. Were you planning to give yourself to me for diner?”

“You wish” Ona laughs when Lucy wiggles her eyebrows. “I ordered to the Thai restaurant across the street. It will be here in like ten minutes.”

“Perfect.”

She made Ona squeak when she takes her suddenly in her arms to go to the couch again and dropping her on it before wrapping herself around Ona.

“We have time for more hugs until they come” she decides.

“We have” Ona confirms, smiling softly.

Looking at the ceiling, she starts to stroke Lucy’s back under her shirt. She can feel her muscles contract under her soft skin, and she just have to take a look at Lucy’s face to realize that she’s half-asleep. Lucy must feel her girlfriend’s gaze on her though, because she mumbles

“’m not asleep”

“Sure, Beautiful” Ona laughs slightly.

She smiles again when Coco jumps on the couch to install himself next to them and raise her head a little bit when she hears noises that she can’t really identify.

“Oh. Looks like Narla wants to show you her new rocks” Ona informs Lucy when she sees the dog starting to align to rocks in front of the couch.

If Coco groans before heading back to sleep, Lucy groans and sit down, rubbing her eyes. But she can’t be mad at her dog who have a strange thing for rocks when she looks at her with so much happiness, wiggle her tail with excitation. And she just has to look at Ona’s smile to feel her heart melt. She’s the happier girl in the world. She would never complain about anything.

#woso imagine #woso fanfics #ona batlle #ona batlle imagine #woso one shot #lucy and ona #ona batlle x lucy bronze #lucy bronze x ona batlle #lucy bronze imagine #lucy bronze

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babyyweebbitch · 23 hours

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haiii! im super impressed w ur writing. It's so good (must admit). can I have a Simon "Ghost" Riley when he found out I trying to hide wounds after fighting?

It's okie for no, thx u and luv uuu <3

no problem bubba :)) i wanted to do something like this but didn’t know how to | i just reread everything and saw u said fight 🧍🏾‍♀️ chat pls to kill me its been a while and i JUST woke up from a nap. i hope this is okay tho!!

content warning : Black female reader, blood, hiding wounds , simon being angy

you had gotten back from a solo week long mission a few days ago, you were being quite distant and secretive from everyone… nobody knew why but they didn’t pry thinking it was just you wanting space after a tough mission especially going alone… nobody blamed you

one day, you were walking through the base in regular clothing but baggy clothing, which Simon thought was odd because you were always known to wear shorts or something, you grabbed a few medical supplies and hid them before quickly going to your room across the bass, he noticed this.

how odd… what would you need with these items? he decided to follow far behind you and watched as you went into your room. after a few minutes he knocked on your door and waited for a response

“im busy! one moment!” you yelled out sounding panicked and hurried.

“can i come in?” simon called out from the other side, his deep, thick British accent was very easy to tell who it was because of how it sounded. after a few seconds you opened the door but leaned against the door putting weight on one leg as you did, opening it just so much so he couldn’t see the rest of your room

“whats up?” you asked, having a face of trying to hide pain, which he took notice of very quickly. he raised an eyebrow and looked at you, taking a few seconds to answer

“i saw you got medical supplies… is everything okay?” he asked with clear worry in his voice, which only showed with you

“yeah everything is okay, i was just getting them for Johnny” you said clearly lying, Johnny has been with Ghost most of the day

“you’re lying — what is wrong?” he said, with a stern voice, you kinda just looked at him with a look of ‘oh shit, im cooked’ but you wanted to try and lie again

“im telling the truth, Si…”

“lying again! Y/N what is going on, let me in”

you both just looked at each other before you slowly opened the door, simon saw all of your bloodied bandages on the floor along with the new ones you had just gotten… he didn’t say anything at first but once he did you felt like a kid being yelled at again

“what the hell? what happened?” he said with a angry tone, he looked at you and the look in his eyes scared you. you avoided eye contact and you just looked at the floor

“it happened on my mission… i got banged up pretty bad and didn’t want to tell anyone…”

“why?!” simons voice was raised just a little bit once he asked this, he was angry that you didn’t say anything about it and he was angry you let it go this long. after a few seconds he walked into your room and closed the door “show me now, you don’t have an option” he said, standing directly in front of you with his arms crossed. you were about to protest but after seeing he was dead serious you untied your sweatpants and let them drop, once he saw your legs you had a few cuts and bruises but the worst one was a gash on your upper thigh that was still healing. he sighed and he pointed to your bed without further explanation

you sat down and simon started to take care of the gash on your thigh first before the rest. he didn’t have anything to stitch it with so he just wrapped it tightly after cleaning it and he prayed for the best.

“take your shirt off, i know theres more” he said as he tossed bloody tissues away and he looked at you, you took your shirt off and you had a tank top underneath, there were a few scrapes and bruises here and there on your arms and rest of your body but nothing that wouldn’t heal on its own.

“if you do something this stupid again, i will tell Price about it…” he said getting up from the floor and subconsciously cleaning up the old bloodied bandages and other trash from your floor. he didn’t say anything else afterwards, he was upset with you and didn’t know what to say or do with you. you kinda just watched him and once he was done cleaning up he left the room.

you felt horrible now…

#call of duty #call of duty x reader #call of duty headcanons #call of duty modern warfare 3 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty modern warfare #simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley headcanons #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #female reader #x black reader #black reader #i tried 🧍🏾‍♀️

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countmothra · 2 days

Text

More misc. Abbey operation thoughts because I’m insane.

• There is an Infirmary of sorts within the abbey that will deal with the populations more minor to moderate health problems. But for anything severe like broken bones and serious and chronic illnesses they go to the nearest hospital for licensed medical attention.

• The abbey also has a Nursery/Daycare area because there are obviously kids living in the abbey because some siblings of sin come into the church already with kids or choose to have kids.

•Speaking of which, and going off an old headcannon of mine. Children in the abbey are raised communally, sure they know who their parent(s) are but everyone pitches in regardless of if it’s their kid or not. Only exception is Emeritus kids, they are raised ONLY by their immediate family (parent/s, siblings, grandparents) to make sure they have as much exposure to their future role as possible.

• Some of the siblings plan activity nights. Be it making crafts, watching a movie or playing board games, it’s all meticulously planned with sign up sheets and a suggestion box.

•Every six months there is 100% a day where EVERYONE in the abbey is tasked with deep cleaning. Nobody is safe from cleaning day. Ghouls, siblings, papas, higher clergy member, everyone is put to work scrubbing every last stone in that abbey until it shines. The chapel of ritual stinks like dead human sacrifice and Sister Imperator is tired of it.

• Old lady knitting club. Just a bunch of the oldest sisters of sin knitting and talking shit. Imperator goes on Fridays to decompress and gossip.

•there are secret passages in the abbey that some of the teenage inhabitants of the abbey hide in to do the typical rebellious teenage things like smoke weed and drink the wine they stole off the altar.

•BIG! LIBRARY! Books, lots of ‘em! All over! Just a whole bunch of physical media meticulously stored in a library for anyone to use for any purpose. Books? Hell yeah! Vinyl records? Of course! Cassette tapes? You bet! CD’s? Whole section of them! Film reels? They may not be pristine but they got those too! VHS tapes, DVD’s, they have it all archived.

•jobs for each and every sibling and ghoul are posted on a bulletin board outside of imperators office, just in case anyone forgets.

•piggybacking off my last batch of headcannons, they definitely sell some of their excess produce when the Papas aren’t actively touring. Money is still coming in from albums and whatnot, sure, but it’s nice for the ministry to have that little extra cash.

•The papas teach some of the religion classes and it’s a gamble on who they teach because their class could be made up of adults just entering into the fold or literal toddlers who can’t even spell “cat” yet.

Which brings me to silly scenarios that have 100% happened because I said so.

• Primo had to teach toddlers once. They did not care about the simplified version of how Lucifer fell, all they cared about was the sick new monster truck in the toy chest. Primo did have to admit that this monster truck was pretty cool as it was one of the cars where you pull it back enough and it goes forward on its own. (You know what I’m talking about)

• The old ladies in the knitting club are old enough to remember when each of the Emeritus boys were born. So whenever a rumor spreads about one of those boys, they are the first ones to discuss it. “Did you hear that Nihils youngest boy got drunk and started doing the most bizarre things to the furniture?” “Terzo?” “No! The younger one! Copia I think his name is… oh I remember when he was just a tot…” these devolve into wandering down memory lane.

• When Imperator goes, it’s mostly to gossip and drink wine. She’ll maybe knit a scarf…maybe…

• Terzo taught a class of teens once, and never again. Two teen girls pointed out how damaged his skin was and that he did a shit job covering his grays with box dye. He never wants to do that again.

• During those big cleaning days twice a year, it’s never the chapel that’s the filthiest, it’s the ghouls quarters. It’s always the ghouls quarters.

#ghost bc #the band ghost #shitghosting #nameless ghouls #cardinal copia #papa emeritus ii #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #papa emeritus i #papa nihil #sister imperator #i’m thinking thoughts #also the weed teenagers steal is 100% from primos garden #he notices it’s missing #and he knows where it’s going #but he did the same thing when he was a teen so he can’t judge

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shopwitchvamp · 2 days

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Hello! You can ignore this if the subject is too personal, but I saw you mention that you got a hysterectomy. I've been wanting to get one for awhile for a variety of reasons (no desire to have children, wanting to permanently stop periods, ect) and I was wondering if there was anything I should know about it that isn't talked about a lot?

Yeah I had one at 25 after yearssss of medical horrors. It's a lot and probably a good deal of people don't wanna read my nightmares so-

I had absolutely life ruining periods from endometriosis/PCOS, and I also never wanted children, but couldn't stay on BC to control any of those things because I found out at 21 that it was making my cholesterol sky high. I then spent a few years being truly, literally insane because I was going off and on birth control of various types every few months to try to find anything that wouldn't give me high cholesterol. Drs were like oh maybe the patches will bypass whatever weird mechanism is making this happen, maybe nuvaring, maybe progesterone only, maybe the hormonal IUD, etc etc.

I'd rather not get into what exactly led to finally getting the hysterectomy (extremely traumatic..) but I don't mind talking about the hysterectomy itself.

All I really have to say is that I have ZERO regrets and that my life has improved DRAMATICALLY since getting the hysterectomy. I had a partial so I still have ovaries, which means still having issues from PCOS, still having a hormonal cycle, still dealing with PMDD at times, etc. But given all of the issues I'd had with hormonal BC I didn't want to have my ovaries removed and need to rely on taking hormones forever when they might have caused me more problems. This is an issue very very specific to me tho.

But yeah, before the hysterectomy I used to spend 7-10 days each month-ish incapacitated by nightmare periods, and then very often end up sick (like with a cold or sinus infection or strep throat) afterwards because my body was so weakened. The only thing that had helped before was being on the kind of BC pills you take for like 3 months straight with no breaks so that you skip periods. But once I found out about the cholesterol problem, well. They just cycled me on and off a bunch of different options while doing frequent blood tests, and then in the end were like "idk guess you just have to live with it forever." Until the obgyn I'd been seeing since I was 17, who had witnessed 8 years of my suffering and already done 2 surgeries on me, was finally willing to just do a hysterectomy back in 2016.

I hear that maybe it's a bit easier these days to find a doctor willing to perform a hysterectomy, but I can't say I know much about the process. If you're on the hunt I think maybe like the childfree subreddit has a list of doctors?

If you have any kind of more specific question I guess lemme know. I'm not sure what people do or don't talk about when it comes to this stuff, but I really don't have any negatives to report, which I mainly credit to not getting a total hysterectomy (so no early menopause issues, etc). (EDIT: just fyi anyone reading this, I've muted notifcations because while I don't mind talking about this it isn't exactly something I want popping up into my awareness every few minutes 😅 if you leave any comments or reblog tags it's totally fine, just know that I won't see them. thanks for understanding!)

#ask #witch vamp #personal stuff #the feminine nightmare #health tw #medical tw

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good-beanswrites · 6 months

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If it's okay with you, could you write a drabble about the hypothetical aftermath of Amane getting attacked by Kotoko?

Welp thank you pal for making me absolutely insane with this request 👍 I ran through a few hypotheticals and realized I had to shift some things around since there were so many absolutely tragic outcomes. I worked something out but damn if it didn’t make me emotional to think about how uniquely rough Amane has it. Even making sure she's in a good place at the end, this got pretty serious, so warnings for child abuse and cult references.

(So in canon, Kotoko goes in order and attacks Fuuta, but Kazui steps in. Then she attacks Mahiru while he’s distracted with his injuries. She’s about to attack Amane, but Mikoto gets in the way (my hc that he did it on purpose survives!). By the time they reach a draw, Kazui is back, and the two of them can prevent Kotoko from any further action against Amane. Sticking to this apparent system of three attacks and one rescue, I’m just shuffling around the injuries for this story. Fuuta’s attack went unnoticed, and he’s in the same state as canon Mahiru. Mikoto steps in before Kotoko can fight Mahiru, so Mappi’s the one who get out physically unscathed. While Mikoto checks on Mahiru, recovers himself, or discovers Fuuta, Kotoko is able to attack Amane next. Kazui comes to help, but not before she leaves Amane looking like canon Fuuta.)

Mahiru could practically feel her heart shatter into a million pieces when Amane finally cried in front of her. She hadn’t shed a single tear yesterday – it was the shock, Shidou said. Mahiru was skeptical. After all, she had been shocked, too, and cried plenty.

Amane woke as she came in with breakfast. She took a moment to survey herself, bandages peeking out from beneath her pajamas and an eyepatch securely over her right eye. As calmly as one might say “good morning,” she started to cry. Mahiru might have missed it, if Amane hadn’t wiped at her good eye with her sleeve.

“Oh, sweetheart…!” Mahiru rushed over to her. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She wanted nothing more than to wrap the girl in a secure embrace, but she remembered the mass of bandages that were around her chest. Shidou had mentioned broken ribs and bruises. It took everything in her not to cry along with Amane, at the thought.

“I can get you another ice pack, if you need. Or more medicine.” Her mind spun with ways to help with pain. Many of the first aid supplies had been used to keep Fuuta from the brink of death, but surely there were extras to spare for Amane.

The girl just shook her head.

She muttered, “I can’t… I…I’m going to be punished, I’m going to be punished…”

“No! You’re safe now.” Mahiru placed her hands gently on Amane’s arms. “Kotoko’s not coming back. We’re all watching over you. You’re safe. She’s not going to hurt you anymore.”

“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...”

With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her.

“I can’t let you do that.”

Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.”

Mahiru didn’t. “I’m sorry. Amane, you need this treatment.”

“That is not your decision to make. That is not any human’s decision to make.”

Mahiru pressed her lips together. “I know. But I can’t watch as you… I can’t sit by again while someone…” She was careful not to apply any pressure, but she could no longer fight the urge to gather Amane up in her arms. “You don’t need to be afraid of those people, anymore.”

“I’m not afraid.” Amane hiccuped. “They love me, and I love them. I need to be good for them.”

“I love you, and I don’t want to see you in pain.”

“You just pity me because I’m young.”

“Why does your age matter? You are a lovely young woman – you are my friend – and I can’t bear to see you in pain.”

The two sat in silence for a moment. Mahiru doubted she would take that as an answer; Amane had refused to call any of the others her friend. At least she didn’t argue. In fact, it seemed she was leaning into the embrace a bit more. She sighed a shaky breath into Mahiru’s uniform.

“Listen, Amane. Can you do me a favor? I’m trying to be a good girl, too. To make up for something awful, I need to make sure you’re alright. Can you help me? Can we be good together?”

A long pause followed. Amane’s voice spoke up, ever so gently.

“I suppose I can consider it.” She added quickly, “for the sake of your redemption. Of course.”

“Of course.”

#milgram #amane momose #mahiru shiina #thank you so much! i dont want to be bubbly on such a serious drabble but i want to give an enthusiastic thanks because this one really got #the gears turning!!#i started making plans as soon as i saw the ask and it took so long finding something that wouldnt result in straight up tragedy :(#if i kept to the initial timeline and said kazui didnt step in until amanes attack then both fuuta and mahiru would be close to death #and given there seems to limited supplies i think one of them would have died if shidou needed to treat three critical patients #so i moved people around to make sure everyone survived #which brought me to the main problem of amane self sabotaging her medical care #even minor injuries could have resulted in death if she got her way and removed bandages/refused treatment #but the mental strain of keeping the treatment would be just as bad as the physical pain -- shed be paranoid 24/7 of #divine punishment and repeating the mistakes that led her here.... it would hurt more to be forced like that #so i needed someone to be able to get through to her gently #but the only one who shes been able to trust just got the shit beat out of him and is in no position to talk!!!!#everyone else would just make her more upset or not know how to convince her the right way :(#still - i think mahiru could do it the best! with her own trauma from allowing loved ones to die in front of her i think shed be motivated #so. yeah.#i know amane is supposed to be talking in the plural pronoun now but i couldnt get it to work - lets just say that kicks in soon after this #tw cults #tw child abuse #drabbles

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