#I had a dr appt
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:c wrists
#vent#tw vent#I had a dr appt#nothing particularly bad we're moving forward with a new diagnostic tool once insurance approves it#it's just exhausting#it really is#I'm tired#advocate for yourself I'M TIRED!!!!!
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got time off for today and I was gonna work but I’m so exhausted lmao. I’m just gonna attend my lecture later and rest because these assignments are gonna be rough, I just know it.
#the money will come back to me 🤷🏾♀️#besides#it’s been a day#been up since 6am bc I had an appt at 9#but I had ti wait an hour bc the dr was running late 😭 whole time he was just bumping his gums with other patients#but he’s cool though#he’s an insane old man but he’s the releast dr I’ve ever had#he told me my best bet is to save up for surgery and get it rescuplted#not to mention I’m battling a cold and had to hobble around Walmart on crutches bc NONE of their carts were working or available#my body and brain are tired#cherry chats 🍒#don’t mind me I’m feeling chatty today#i’m literally just a girl#and I kinda had a bit of a relapse this past weekend and I’m trying to recover from that so sleep it is
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Treatment
“Take this pill,” They say.
Take this pill and it should work
In a month,
Three months,
Six.
Take this pill,
And it will make you tired.
They all make you tired,
Because they act on the brain,
You see.
Take this pill,
“We’re sorry the others didn’t work.”
We will smile
Sympathetically.
We do care.
Take this
Pill.
It will make you dizzy.
Take this
Injection.
Since it is treatment resistant
Now.
It will hurt,
It will make you itch.
You can still keep taking the old ones,
In case they end up working
Too.
Take this pill,
It should work in one month,
Three months,
Six.
No, we don’t know
�� Why this is happening.
We don’t know
How to fix it.
Your blood screening was
Normal.
Your CT scan was
Normal.
Take this pill.
-Lane Aconite,
March 5th, 2023
#poetry#my work#lane archives#chronic pain#chronic migraines#chronic illness#this poem is still pretty ouch#the us medical system can really suck in its cyclical lack of progress regarding finding out what's “wrong” with a person#due to crazy long wait times for appointments & processing referrals as well as 4 profit health insurance#my chronic migraines had to escalate into epilepsy for me to be seen by an actual neurologist and be taken seriously & even now I still fee#neglected by the system#not because my drs are bad but because they're overloaded with patients#it's really exhausting & difficult to have to fight at every turn to receive the care we need & deserve when we're bent over in pain#in my experience this repetitive cycle really broke down my ability to advocate for myself for a while because I was just too depressed#but hey if you're reading this and you relate: I love you. You deserve to feel better and to be supported by your physicians#I'm getting better care now but healing isn't linear#and if you have insurance & you're feeling absolutely fucking crushed by the system pls look up if they have a nurse advice line & call the#to see if they're able to set up a complex care coordination plan & if the nurses themselves can set up appointments for you#it really helps to have an insurance lady or 3 you can call to set up appts & referrals or check on them to see where they're stuck#I could write a poem dedicated to all the wonderful women in social services who are literally saving my life every time they call
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hi, all. i appreciate the patience, & if i haven’t gotten back to you here or through discord, i will do my best. my health took a rough turn & while i don’t want to get into specifics, im hoping to get some answers as soon as im able. i miss you all & hope everyone is doing well <3
#( ooc . mun speaks . )#had a trip to the ER & i have a drs appt the 30th#its had my anxiety sky high too#but im hoping all is okay and ill be able to come back feeling much better#but as it stands my brain is too muddled. this isn’t a hiatus by any means#but consider my activity low until further notice. thank you all for understanding.
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i think we should put up and out of reach the phrase "well-adjusted" until neurotypicals know how to use it appropriately.
"oh! but you have a job!" "you seem normal to me" "why are you complaining?" "you've been able to do it this long." "you mentioned that you have a couple friends!" "have you considered [x] diet?"
#skye speaks#im saying this mostly /lh but i had an appt this week and i had to throw a fit to be listened to#im miserable! im askin for help! smh smh. i may be surviving but I'm not living#again. it's whatever. but my whole life I've been dismissed bc I'm “getting by”#even though i feel like im barely keeping my head above water on a GOOD day.#anyway. tl;dr. adhd unlocked.#this is a warning tho.#'''youre so well adjusted --'' and what if i bit you irl. huh.
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god really said "fuck this guy in particular" and that guy is me. bam. one million medical issues all at once. thanks man, my wallet is really loving your work, it was too full anyways 🫶🏼
#i kid. i'm still a believer despite not being able to convert yet (bc of The Maladies and life in general) but this is really feelin like a#book of job situation here. it hasn't affected my faith but if the big man upstairs could cut me a break i'd really appreciate it#i'm not even posting half of the shit that is happening to my health on tumblr dot com just know that it's a LOT lmao. i just bitch abt the#biggest stuff. like i've seen 3 specialists had too many drs appts and have to schedule more followups and new specialist appts#on the bright side at least everyone i've met w/ has been v nice & even super chill like my endo. fuck that 1 xray tech tho he was a freak#len speaks
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aaaaaa woke up at 5am for a delivery shift at work and then straight off to the city for a dentist appt afterwards.......... tired!! then I have some errands to run, a shower to have, floor to sweep and this year's annual birthday letter to write for James and then I can finally rest...... aiming to finish P3R tonight while James is at work and I can enjoy it without interruptions, right before FFVII Remake p2 tomorrow (assuming it gets delivered, otherwise it will be a next week job) :')
#busyyyyyyy#a day in the life of kate#between yesterday's early wakeup for physio and today I am so ready for sleep#not keen for this dentist appt because I really fell behind on flossing the past half year#to be fair I didn't anticipate two deaths in the family between then and now!#but I am also terrible at remembering to floss unless I've had popcorn or corncobs lmao#at least I can see the squishable Dr. Plaque MD plush I gave the dentist practice last time!#mum said they put him in the glass cabinet to keep him safe but I can't see it from here yet#honestly considering buying another for myself because the little guy really grew on me haha
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i wish i could enjoy literally anything rn
#going to a concert tomorrow that i WAS super excited for once upon a time#now im just stressed out of my gourd and honestly tempted to just. not go#which wouldn't be the first time i bailed on a concert i had tickets for bc my mental health was in the toilet#but i know ill regret not going#my agoraphobia has gotten so bad you guys#im p sure the only reason ive been able to make my drs appts is bc the clinic is literally across the street from me#but they're leaving at the end of the year so unless im Better by then im basically screwed#anyway sorry for the pity party guys its been. fuckin rough round here#god i dont want to do this anymore#this has been an original post#personal spewage
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:/
#food and weight talk ig. just in case. but#i would love to know wtf happened to make me like this rn..#had a lot of food for dinner last night and now I’m laying here awake like. okay so I can’t eat anything today#like. i know why this is happening. it’s because I’ve been getting my weight taken a lot recently bc of all my dr appts#so it’s just. made me Super aware of it as a number which has always been bad for me#but it’s also. gender dysphoria. and just general feelings of self consciousness about my body that I’ve always had#but just feel so Heightened lately. like the last month or so it’s been so so so bad#and I’m just so stressed about other things that everything is just exacerbated so like. idk my brain has latched onto this#and it’s… really hard to shake. i keep restricting what I eat bc if I then eat too much I feel guilty about it#thoughts like this have been beating at my skull for the last like 2 years bc of dr appts and stuff. and I guess it’s just finally reached#a head that makes me wanna disappear into nothing#last night I think was the first day in 2 weeks or so I didn’t go to bed hungry bc I actually ate enough. and that makes me feel Bad#i say things
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I’ll give y’all a lil something shorter for kinktober today and the nanami fic cause we got that nefarious spirit on us today
#cherry’s asks 🍒#had an earlier ass drs appt and my only consolation was food + a trip to the dollar tree#so now I shall write to try and enjoy the rest of my day off 😭
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moodboard for when you have to look up ‘hymenectomy’
#at my big age 😭😭#tmi post#tw medical#medical tw#cw medical#medical cw#and the earliest appt w a specialist was at the end of april… PLEASE let me in let me IN#and who knows how long it’ll take to schedule any kind of procedure after that#all this just bc i want a hormonal IUD so that i can stop bleeding out badly enough every month to cause anemia issues#also would be cool to like. idk. have a normal functioning body#shoutout to my pcp dr ****** being like yeah we’re not getting in there. gonna need a specialist for this. she’s a real one tho#literally the kindest healthcare provider i’ve ever had
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I just want to get blasted, either out of my mind or into the sun, I’m not picky
#not me looking into the shitty guidelines for getting approved for medical marijuana in arkansas#yeeeaaaah looks like the process is ridiculously convoluted and pricey so nah#but missouri is just a few hours away so who knows#I hate weed for real. I mean it’s cool but I’ve had some bad experiences#but my anxiety is getting pretty rough and it would just be nice if I could turn my brains to mush every once in awhile#whenever my hearing gets bad I start freaking out and panicking and feeling sick. it suuuuuuucks.#anyway I have about 10 ‘emergency’ klonopin left which I don’t like taking bc I’m a hoarder and hate wasting stuff#like in video games when you stockpile potions but never use them#plus that shit can be addictive and I’m not a fan of that idea#tbh tho I diiiid take one earlier and I’ve been feeling preeeetty mellow#I ate two bowls of ice cream and I’m feeling good#I thought I had a drs appt coming soon to talk about anxiety meds but turns out it’s actually next month 🙄 so gonna reschedule that#anyway this was supposed to be a post about wanting to get blazed but I kinda whined all over these tags#whoops#uhhh…. how are you doing?#have you drank enough water today? for real#god I love ice water with a little lemon juice. I drink so much of that a day. it’s the best.#this isn’t important#if you read all of this then I love you#or at least like you. a little. a little bit. you’re good. I appreciate you.#ok I’m gonna go make coffee now#you can ignore this#text
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i did do the things i was avoiding yesterday, for those keeping track
#toy txt post#scheduled a dr appt and a mechanic appt#hopefully both me and my car get fixed uwu#tbh itll prolly Just be my car. but. yea#idk. had the panic of realizing i have like 3 weeks of FMLA leave left and my wrists are not. going back to where they were before this#maybe that wouldve happened had i taken such a break like. right when it started 😔#but alas i didnt realize how much of it was my job. and i had to go insane first. i really need to find a new job hhhhh#i was like oh ill take like a month off thatll fix me. it did not fix me. oh noooooooo#idk maybe if i switch to recieving ill be like 10% less insane? im filled with dread tho. whenever i go back theyll have the fucking robots#and ill have to miss my big renn faire bc i needed time off to rest and ill go back to being so exhausted#and ill probably freak out and quit on the spot and piss off my parents and get more depressed......anyway#i should. get out of bed. eat breakfast get dressed pot tiny plants clean the bathroom drop off tiny plants etc
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2 lovely enjoyable family phone calls today and I'm fresh outta Talking Juice :( but at least I have plenty of Posting Juice left :)
#ugh I'm so fried idk#i didn't even do That Much this weekend#AND i had an extra day off this week (mostly)#but but but i started new meds and had two dr appts...wait no 3 actually. luckily 2 were short zoom meetings#it's just a bummer cause i felt like i was doing Better but. i should not have let myself get my hopes up#like i would suddenly magically stop being disabled or whatever the fuck i am just bc I'm on new meds!!!#anyway it's ok i got done everything i needed to this weekend I'm Literally Fine#gonna go do very limited pt exercises and then either write or read depending on my brain!!
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i am so goddamned sick(hehe thats a pun) of having digestive issues
i am hungry. i would REALLY LIKE to eat food. but my body has given an Executive Order that i will wake up with stomach acid in my throat/nose/sinus/sometimes LUNGS if i eat food within like. 8 hours of sleeping. therefore i cannot eat anything. but i am so hungry idk if i will get to sleep. but i cannot eat or i will be sick.
#lets not even talk about the lower GI issues. thats its own whole separate ballgame#thiefbird whines#i really need to set up drs appts to sort out all the myriad tests that i should have had run on me 5+ years ago lmao
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Can I ever catch a break? The last month has been absolute garbage and ofc just when I start to feel the slightest bit okay, I get sick! I went outside once in the past week and I masked! What the fuck!
#Eli Speaks#ask to tag#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#ive been in bed since Wednesday#i feel so tired but i cant sleep except at night#got some upper respiratory shit or something#cause i only had a brief low grade fever but i still feel horrid#and i tested neg for covid#i went out for a fucking drs appt#i was masked the entire time!#love going from not wanting to leave my bed cause i wanna die to not wanting to leave my bed cause i feel like lead#(im okay enough mental health wise im sad but im okay)#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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