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sunoorintarou · 4 months

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Catharsis: Christmas Special

Phos!Reader x Teen!Gojo Satoru and Teen!Geto Suguru

Warnings: Gojo - centric, usual angst, fluff if you squint, major character death, dead bodies, set in 2006, lots of talks of politics, death, murder, trauma, morals, etc, borderline bullying? (Satoru is a jerk), self - blaming, grief, and all it's stages, trouble processing and understanding emotions, Gojo is seriously just his own warning

Notes: Merry Christmas!!!

"You're weak. Why do you bother being a sorceror?"

Satoru's words make you freeze, eyes widening at their bluntness. He doesn't react, however, because in his mind, he's simply telling you the truth.

You're weak. He's known that from the moment you set foot in this classroom almost three months ago.

He doesn't understand why Suguru and Shoko seem so fond of you. All you do is get into trouble, injure yourself, and make it everyone's problem to save you. You can't fight, your Cursed Technique is subpar, not to mention that you're annoying.

Stepping into battle like some sort of self-righteous hero knowing full well that if a curse so much as touches you, you'll crumble. Literally. That's another thing he finds annoying about you. How easily your skin chips and cracks like porcelain revealing an ocean of Phosphophyllite underneath.

You can't lift anything heavy, you can't fight, you can't help out without injuring yourself, you're clumsy, you're annoying, and the list could go on.

What he finds the most annoying about you, however, is your soft voice going, "Gojo - san, are you alright? You look tired", "Gojo - san, you should rest, you don't need to use your technique so often", "Gojo - san, you haven't eaten yet, so I brought you this, I hope you don't mind".

Gojo - san this, Gojo - san that, God. You drive him crazy. How do you manage to see through every front he puts up? Every act? Even Shoko and Suguru can't see through it, and yet you have the audacity to call him out.

You're a liability in battle, and you're practically useless, more like the team's overglorified mascot. So, for the life of him, Satoru doesn't understand why everyone likes you so much. Even Nanami, his grouchy underclassman, doesn't seem to mind you.

What annoys Satoru the most, however, is the tug his heart feels when he looks at you. Because no matter how he tries to deny it, you're growing on him like a parasite, and a part of him wishes he was as close to you as they were.

"I am weak." You agree, seemingly taking no offence to Satoru's question. It's just you and him in the classroom. You're standing at your desk, bag still in hand, and he's sitting a desk, two desks behind yours. Shoko and Suguru are still on their way, and he's taken this opportunity to ask you what he's been dying to.

Satoru's eyes widen at your response.

"If you know you're weak, why do you try so hard? It's kind of pathetic, you know." His brows furrow, glasses sliding down his nose bridge as he tilts his head.

"I- because, I'm selfish, I guess." You say softly.

There it is again. That annoying soft tone of voice that makes his chest hurt whenever he hears it.

"I know I'm weak, but I want to keep trying. I want to fight. One day, I want to be able to repay everyone for everything they've done for me. Yaga - sensei, Shoko, Suguru, Ken, Yuu. Even you, Gojo - san. I want you to be able to rely on me. I want to be able to protect innocent people like you guys do. So I hope you can bear with me for a little more, Gojo - san. I'm sorry for being such a burden, but I promise I'll pay you back." You say earnestly, looking Gojo in the eye.

Satoru's eyes widen, and he's silent for a moment. Before he bursts out laughing.

You suddenly feel embarrassed. You were being serious and heartfelt, and all Gojo does in response is laugh.

"What's with that? Did you quote that from an anime?" He cackles, hitting the desk with one hand and holding his stomach with the other.

"I- I did not! I was being honest!" You defend, feeling the heat tinting your cheeks.

"If- if you really want to repay me, buy me something sweet from the vending machine." Satoru stutters between fits of giggles.

"OK, I'm on it." You nod, turning on your tail to leave the class. A hand grabs your shoulder, stopping you.

"Where are you going?" Satoru asks, leaning down to look you in the eye.

"The vending machine?" You reply, brows furrowed in confusion.

"You're going now?"

"Yeah? I'll be back really quickly."

Satoru scoffs, but there's a smile on his face nonetheless.

"Really? I'll time you then. You have 5 minutes." He challenges, smirking as he tilts his head at you.

"5- 5 minutes?" You stutter, eyes wide. The vending machine was on the other side of the school. There's no way you'd make it back in 5 minutes.

"Yeah. The clock is ticking. Didn't you say you'd pay me for saving your butt all those times?" He mocks.

Satoru's eyes widen as you put down your bag, determination clear on your face.

"I did. I might not be back in 5 minutes, but I'll be back in less than 10!"

"Hey, wait-"

And with that, you've rushed out the classroom, leaving Satoru absolutely bewildered. As he sticks his head out the door, watching you run and almost slip multiple times, Satoru thinks he's figured it out. He understands why Shoko and Suguru keep you around.

You're amusing. And he wants to get closer to you.

Unfortunately, things never go as planned. And if Satoru had known the outcome before, he would have tried to get to know you much sooner.

Things change quickly when you're a Jujutsu Sorceror. People come and go, live, and die. They change, they evolve. People grow apart, and people grow closer.

Regardless, it's not a pleasant feeling when you lose someone close to you.

Gojo Satoru had never thought the day would come when he'd feel regret. He was the strongest, after all. Everything he wanted he got. The world was his oyster. Money, power, good looks, everything. So it's safe to say that loss was also a new concept to him.

A feeling he decided he'd prefer to live without.

It hurt in a way he couldn't explain. He felt as if he couldn't breathe, as if there were something heavy on his chest. Almost as if he were having an out of body experience but could feel whatever the stranger he saw when he looked in the mirror felt. Pain. Anger. Despair.

Cold and light. That's how your body felt in his arms. He couldn't bear to look at the white cloth covering it. This, this couldn't be you. This body in his arms, the broken shards of its head cutting into the cloth.

Yet it was still vivid. Amanai Riko running out and finding him, letting him know that you had died saving her. A bullet straight to the head. Pushing her into Suguru's arms and telling him to run with your last breath. Riko's tear filled face as she begged for him to help Suguru because she couldn't bear to have anyone else die because of her.

Since then, he's felt numb. It hasn't faded. The coldness in his skin, the haze of his reality, brain clouded as it was forced to process the events that had taken place.

"Suguru... should we kill them all? I probably wouldn't feel anything right now."

Did he say something? The words don't register in his mind. Was that his voice? Raw and soft.

Them. The higher-ups. If only he had known earlier that they were supportive of your death. That there was a bounty for your head somewhere.

He didn't know why. He didn't know anything. You had kept so much to yourself. Just what were you dealing with alone? All this time, smiling wide, eyes always sparkling, hiding everything behind your carefree, happy - go - lucky persona.

You didn't deserve this. You of all people. You weren't weak. You were sweet, kind, caring, and selfless to a fault.

This was not you. Lifeless in his arms. You were never this cold.

He remembered it, how warm your hands were all those time your fingers brushed his forehead to check if he was well, when your fingers brushed his whenever you handed him something, how warm they were when you held his face in your hands and scolded him for being reckless. He remembered it vividly.

What would you say if you saw him now? The exhaustion in his face, the blankness in his eyes, the way his- his hands were... trembling?

He could hear your voice, clear as day.

"Gojo - san! What happened to you!"

"You should really take care of yourself more, what were you thinking?"

"I don't care if you're one of the strongest! You're a teenager. Right now, you're just Satoru, and you're going to learn to be kinder to yourself. You- you don't deserve this."

What did Satoru deserve? Was it really kindness? Care? Gentleness? Love? He had messed up. If he had been stronger, he could have saved you. If he had been stronger, you wouldn't be dead in his arms.

What was the point of awakening his powers when they weren't there when it mattered? What was the point of being the strongest if he couldn't protect the people he cared about? The people he loved?

What made matters worse was finding out the higher-ups were happy you were gone. The people that had singlehandedly been the cause for his suffering. His. Suguru's. Shoko's. Yours. Those filthy old bags who only thought of themselves.

What would really happened if he killed them all? Would it really be such a bad thing? Weren't they supposed to be the pillars of the Jujutsu world? The elders for people to look up to and learn from. A symbol of hope, something, anything even remotely positive, beneficial to the future of the young next generation of Jujutsu Sorcerors?

All they had done was applaud the death of someone innocent. A teenager. A child. How dare these self-righteous ba-

Your hand falls from the covers of the white sheet, hanging limply.

Satoru's brain goes blank. A pale arm, an empty hand, and familiar phosphophyllite fingernails.

"No need. It's meaningless." Suguru's voice is low, as if the reality that you're gone hasn't hit him yet. His eyes linger on your hand. The palm that patted his back, the fingers that ran through his hair, the hand that was so warm in his.

Before he can stop himself, he finds his own hand grasping it. It's cold. He drops it like the contact physically hurt him.

"Without the higher-ups, the Jujutsu world will go up in flames. And even if they die, there's the possibility even worse people will come into power. Killing them won't bring her back either."

His words don't make sense, even to him, but Suguru utters them nonetheless. The look in Satoru's eye is enough to tell him that if he doesn't do anything, today will mark the beginning of a massacre. And although he feels the same anger Satoru does, Suguru's moral compass, as well as his understanding of the type of person you are... stops him.

"Meaning... huh?" Satoru repeats.

The Satoru in front of him is not the Satoru Suguru knows. The playful, snarky, overburdened boy replaced by something else. Something unfamiliar. Something... cold.

"Do we need that?"

Suguru hesitates for a split second. The girl in Satoru's arms is just as unfamiliar. A bubbly, bright, kind girl replaced by something else. Something unfamiliar. Something... almost sinful. A shell. An empty shell. The existence it harboured long gone. A disgrace to the being it had once been.

"Yeah. It's very important... for sorcerors."

Your corpse wouldn't decompose. The crystallisation forming a perfect seal to your body, and perhaps that's why they can't bring themselves to immediately bury you.

Clinging onto the false hope that perhaps you'd wake up, bounce back like always. Familiar head of teal hair poking over Suguru's shoulder, a second softer set of footsteps padding behind Satoru's, a warm hand flinching at the touch of Shoko's cold ones.

It's sickening. How quiet everything has become in your absence. How the shadows seem darker due to the absence of your light.

Perhaps you wouldn't know it, but your death was beneficial in a way. Suguru spiralled into depression but your words of the past kept him strong, and somehow, he managed to graduate with Satoru and Shoko.

They left an empty seat between them at graduation. Your certificate is still in Shoko's office to this day.

Your warnings and nagging that reminded everyone of their mother saved Haibara's life. You had always told them to never accept missions alone, and it was thanks to your words ringing in his head that Nanami became paranoid while Haibara was out on a mission. This led to him going out to check on Haibara and ended in him saving his life.

It was almost idealistic how almost everyone graduated that year. A rare thing in the Jujutsu World to have so many young people survive.

Satoru jokes its because you took on the unwanted burden and closed the gates of Heaven yourself. You always did. Eating the bitter parts of his food that he didn't like, letting everyone choose first when Yaga gave you rewards, not touching your food until everyone had started eating. You always took on the unpleasantries so that everyone else could live without knowing suffering.

Why did everyone deserve happiness except for you?

Why did everyone deserve to live except for you?

"Gojo - Sensei."

"So even Sensei sleeps, huh?"

"Of course he does. What kind of nonsense is that?"

Satoru's eyelids flutter. He pulls up his blindfold, his vision coming into focus as he sees a blurry image of his students.

For a split moment, he's in high school again. He's in his second year, and he's sleeping before class. He hears soft footsteps approach him. Feels someone lean down near him, but he's not scared. Not even annoyed.

Rather, he plays dumb and waits in anticipation. There's butterflies bursting in his chest, a smile pulling at his face that's hidden in his arms. Smirking at the familiar scent of yuzu and caramel engulfing his senses. He'd chosen it, after all.

"Gojo - san? Wake up, class is about to start."

"Gojo - sensei!"

But when his visions focuses fully, he realises it's been 12 years and his beloved students have visited his office.

"Oh, he's awake!"

There's a red rim to Satoru's eyes, but it's almost unnoticeable. He smiles before pulling his blindfold back down.

"Please don't fall asleep after summoning us all here." Megumi states.

Satoru stands up, and Yuji and Nobara are quick to fight over who gets to sit on his chair.

"What are you smiling about?"

It's today. By 4 that morning, Satoru had found himself sat in front of a familiar grave. He was always the first to visit. He brings a bouquet of white heliotrope and places it on the grave. He crouches in front of it, his blindfold tucked away in his pocket.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Y/n. Happy Birthday to you."

If there's one thing Satoru wishes, it's that he was able to tell you his feelings truthfully while you were still alive. It's unhealthy, but he finds himself uttering the same three words on every occasion to a stone in the ground.

If only he could have seen your pretty face while he uttered them in person.

Satoru doesn't know if he believes in the afterlife, but he hopes you're listening. And maybe, just maybe, you're screaming at the top of your lungs, repeating the words in hopes he'd somehow hear.

"It's nothing."

A lie. Because deep down, Satoru knows he's thinking about a certain place, a certain person.

Maybe in his next life, he can finally go home to you.

#houseki no kuni #jjk angst #jjk x hnk crossover #land of the lustrous #phos!reader #catharsis #hnk x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #platonic getou suguru #gojo satoru x reader #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru angst

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gwenllian-in-the-abbey · 3 months

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What do you think of book&show!Rhaenyra as characters? And who do you like more?

Hi anon! I've been turning this one over in my mind since you sent it, because I wanted to give it some thought (and anyone who is sick of reading show critical stuff, just skip this one. I don't hate the show, I just think it's interesting and fun to dig a bit deeper). What it comes down to for me is that while book!Rhaenyra is fun, I wish the show had been braver with their depiction of Rhaenyra.

While book!Rhaenyra's motivations are not particularly complex, I feel like I understand her better than show!Rhaenyra. She hasn't heard a prophesy, nor does she feel any real responsibility toward the kingdom to make her second guess the war; her father had made her heir and that was that. Anyone who disagrees can go ahead and die. Her motivations are not particularly noble or self-sacrificing. If anything, it's the opposite. Book!Rhaenyra loves the finer things in life, she's headstrong, and a bit of a mean girl. She goes after what she wants unapologetically, lies through her teeth and never backs down. Book!Rhaenyra never weighs the consequences of her actions, she is vengeful and reactive. She is given terms which would allow her to keep Dragonstone in perpetuity, and unlike her show counterpart, she doesn't even consider them. She says no outright, even before Luke is killed, and replies to tell Aegon that, "I shall have my crown or I shall have his head." And while surely she values the lives of her sons, you get the sense that she never even considers the danger this war puts them in because losing isn't even an option for her. She's going to win because of course she is. And as a reader, you never question her motivations really because, whether you agree with her or not, it is easy to understand that she is fueled by a self-righteous conviction that she will be taking what she feels belongs to her, and woe be to anyone who gets in her way.

Show!Rhaenyra, on the other hand, is more thoughtful. We see this when she's crying at half-dead Viserys' bedside telling him that being heir is a burden, and we see it when she truly considers Otto's peace offer, when she tears up to see the page that Alicent saved from their girlhood. We see it in how she talks to her sons and in the way she apologizes to Alicent at the dinner table. She seems to have some concept of what is at stake, and understands that the throne is a tremendous burden and responsibility, and that the lives of her people are in her hands, and moreover that she does have the option of backing down. When she considers the peace offer, she very clearly states that the prophesy means that she has a responsibility to keep the realm stable, and maybe it is not the best thing for the realm is to throw it into civil war in order to sit the throne at all costs. But all of this, the added sense of awareness of the enormity of the the responsibility and the desire to do right by the realm, while they make her an easier person to support, also makes a lot of her actions that much harder to understand.

One of my main nitpicks with the show as a whole is that the actions of the book characters do not always fit the personalities of the show characters, and so the characterization seems inconsistent. Rhaenyra is aware of the gravity of her position, she learns about the prophesy and the threat to the realm, and then proceeds to have three bastard children (and this is a problem, because it jeopardizes her position. If she gets caught or Corlys/Laenor change their minds and disavow those kids, it's over for her). We have things like Rhaenyra asking for Aemond to be "sharply questioned," which comes from the book, when the episode before she was offering up a dragon and a Jace/Helaena engagement (a show invention, and even though it's not a great deal for the greens if you give it some thought, it reads to the audience as a peace offering). Or you have her telling Daemon she needs his help to fight the greens, and there's this whole conversation about making their enemies believe they're the kind of people who will kill to protect Rhaenyra's claim, but then in episode 8 they have this attempt at reconciliation between Alicent and Rhaenyra and in episode 10 Rhaenyra is going on about how Daemon has "gone to madness, gone to his war." She's seriously entertaining Otto's peace offer (which never happened in the book) while sending her sons off to muster support.

F&B has pretty thin characterization, but what is there comes mostly from the characters' actions and their dialogue. To create a consistent character, the writers needed to start there and ask, what kind of person would say these things and do these things, rather than taking the character they conceived, and trying to shoehorn canon events into that characterization. And the thing is, the show could have created a more fleshed out version of book!Rhaenyra and still made her sympathetic. Take Shiv Roy from Succession, for instance. Shiv is someone who is a victim of misogyny, but also undeniably not the best choice for CEO (neither, of course, are any of her brothers). She's overprivileged and not nearly as experienced or as smart as she thinks she is, she gets in her own way, and in trying to be "one of the boys," she consistently overshoots and alienates actual allies. But she's also a victim of misogyny-- she is expected to provide a woman's touch to delicate matters, but is expected to be as ruthless and cutthroat as the men. Her fuckup brothers are given endless second chances, but Shiv has no such leeway. The specter of motherhood hangs over her constantly-- once she becomes a mother, she will be cast out from the world of men, an asterisk beside her name. And show!Rhaenyra does lean into this a bit (think of Rhaenyra's boobs leaking in the small council, her being stuck giving birth at the moment when leadership is needed in episode 10), but it doesn't commit to the darker side of this. It is not brave enough to make Rhaenyra a bad person as well as a victim.

The thing about Succession is that the show never asked us to view Shiv as good, or as a better choice than her brothers. It didn't even ask us to find her particularly sympathetic, although I certainly do find Shiv sympathetic in some ways. She has a genuine love for her family that makes the moments when she betrays them even more bittersweet, and we can understand her as a pretty bad person while still understanding the ways in which patriarchy screwed her over. In fact, in some ways it was refreshing to see that a woman could be privileged, ruthless and occasionally cruel and still get fucked over (this article is a good breakdown of Shiv-- now imagine a Rhaenyra in this mold!). But central to the difference between HotD and Succession is that Succession doesn't ask us to view the "throne" as a force of good, nor the position as a force of change. The CEO position in Succession is pretty explicitly toxic. Roman refers to the company itself explicitly as a cage. The audience is meant to understand that the person who "wins" is going to be more miserable and more morally compromised as a result. And the Iron Throne is similar. It's a throne made of literal swords! The closer you get to it, the more cursed and compromised you become. But so far, HotD not only insists on casting Rhaenyra as a protagonist, with the addition of the prophesy and the vision of the white hart, winning the throne becomes something she must do for the greater good, her claim something she has been righteously chosen to uphold. And if winning the throne is righteous, then the throne itself must be righteous too. And that's a framing that I don't think can hold up through the Dance, but I fear that the show may have backed itself into a corner by casting Rhaenyra as the correct choice, which inherently frames the throne as something she is right to fight for, no matter the cost to the people, her family, or herself.

#asks #hotd critical #hotd vs succession #rhaenyra targaryen #shiv roy

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ivesambrose · 1 year

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𝕽𝖊𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖚𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 🖤🔪⛓️

1. 2. 3.

As promised to the ones who were wronged and I mean it, severely wronged not a 'they were mean to me once' neither a 'I was the problem but I'm gonna pretend they're the villian of the story',

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of bullying, abuse etc

"how badly are they gonna get fucked up after this."

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]

♦️ More pick a cards ♦️ Paid Services ♦️

Thank you for the tip 🌿

Picture 1

They were a bully weren't they?

A self righteous hero in their narrative. Someone who simply, "says it like it is." But the intentions are your downfall rather than just an act of care or 'tough love' making you second guess yourself constantly. Perhaps a gaslighter or even physically violent/would threaten you as well perhaps.

Some of you may have felt like you'll never be able to progress and move forward in your life and your plans. Some of you feel like a machine sometimes trying to prove your worth but it's never enough.

I keep hearing, "I wanna go. I wanna go. I don't belong here this isn't my place."

For you, rest assured you'll boldly venture into the unknown and succeed.

They however,

Can say goodbye to peace and balance in their life and their health. Constantly struggling internally to the point it starts showing on their face. I think some of these individuals peaked at a certain point of their lives (you know the ones who peak in highschool and think they run the show) I see them reminiscing how they looked like before or the attention they got before. I see them feeling stuck in one place and not being able to make progress. If this is someone who would bully you for your physical looks they'll have a severe glow down. If this is someone who cheated on you then they get a taste of their own medicine but worse. In some cases I'm seeing even more severe loss and maybe even trying to make amends with you because suddenly you're more successful or better off without them. I honestly see a lot of regret on their part but some of them may not have the guts to admit the same.

Picture 2

This may have either been a liar or straight up emotionally abusive and controlling. I do sense some of them have been physically or sexually abusive as well. The image I'm getting is someone treating you like their puppet or thinking they have a right over you.

Some of you may have felt or believed that you can't do better than this neither deserve better than this. They made your question your very worth and reality and you often took pity or emphatized and continued to forgive and go back to them.

I'm also seeing for some, that this could be someone who keeps you around for their convinience like you're their emotional crutch.

For you, there are is a light at the end of the tunnel you've walked out of.

For them,

Literal unseen disruptions that shake the very core of their ego, stability and power. Maybe even their career declining to nothing. Legal troubles as well and finding out that those they have trusted or considered their friends don't really care about them either. For someone so selfish and constantly stuck in their narcissistic victim mindset this would be a heavy blow and all I see them doing is throw a child like tantrum.

Picture 3

I believe you attract jealousy, envy, stalkers and maybe even people who need to match the effort you put for them but find an excuse to slack.

I believe that you are aware of your power, this awareness has come after years of being shunned, talked down on and made fun of.

You may have a list of people adding up (it's giving Kill Bill) who have literally just put you down, taken you for granted, betrayed you and it's all piled up almost because I do see a lot of you are rather forgiving or try to understand the other person.

Oftentimes you can care less because you know if someone does you wrong in any shape or form and it's unwarranted then may God help them.

I don't feel you actively seek vengeance.

You seem like a creative soul, perhaps you channel your pain into art or other things that can benefit you or others. But scars in your heart remain.

For you, I see recognition, fun and good money/stability in life.

For those who have wronged you or wish you harm,

Anxiety, the kind that feels like they are in the middle of a circus show and someone asked them to do the sword swallowing trick at gunpoint. Financial loss, having people backstab them or abandon them.

On a more personal note I see that you get the last laugh in this situation.

Few of you could also be witches? A handful of you I'm seeing. So your words could literally be hexes.

#free readings #tarot community #divination community #pick a card #PAC #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a picture reading #tarot readers #psychic readings #psychic reading

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sgiandubh · 8 months

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Sasnak City - a different view

I will never encourage you enough to read the whole comments' thread of a post you liked. Otherwise, it's blink and you'll miss it, as I almost missed the only feedback of the Sasnak City event we have on this side of the spectrum: @rosfrank's. She graciously agreed to let me repost them and I truly thank her for the kindness.

Her comments were made under two different posts, so I collated them and vetted their content as much as I could, given the unprecedented context of the SAG-AFTRA strike and the scarcity of details. I did not watch the recap on Instagram, because I am not a fan of the format.

I had no idea Sasnak City was a consistent partner of the Camp Encourage for autistic children project. At least since 2020, as a very superficial Google search shows:

...in 2020, with RR...

... in 2022....

What is Camp Encourage?

This:

Do you have any idea of what it is to be the mother of an autistic child? I don't have this honor. I have never been through the stress and the pain of looking for the right solution, for the good therapist. I never had to swallow my impotent tears and fight with the angel, fruitlessly asking myself why did it happen to me.

I can assure you that career, money and the white picket fence house which mortgage you just paid off do not matter. Not when you wait dejected, with your well-garnished checkbook and no hope in sight, until the good doctor will finally see you. Not when your child is a desperately inaccessible fortress. Not when you tell yourself you just can't take it anymore and yet miraculously find out that yes, you eventually can, over and over and over again.

Before judging, you might want to take a moment.

Side note: the man who supposedly is not good with kids interacted with the organizer's autistic son. On stage (try and take an autistic person out of their comfort zone, anyone?). Oh. What an inconvenient truth, again.

Different figures circulate. I think this is pretty close to reality and also to the 'small and personal fan convention format'. Not sure it made anybody rich overnight, after you deduce all the costs - part of proceeds went to the above charity, anyways. Zealots would like more transparency, perhaps. With which moral authority?

Second bone of contention and a particularly unsavory one, at that, the disrespect of the SAG-AFTRA's strike rules:

What was I telling you, the other day?

As for the limbo, I cannot believe no one bothered to look around a bit for confirmation. On Facebook, for example:

They did their due diligence homework. This announcement was posted on July 14, 2023, with a solidarity with the strike hashtag to boot. Propaganda? Hypocrisy? Oh, give me a break. It is legally impeccable.

There you go. No mention of the show anywhere - check. Screened questions - check. Only the SS paraphernalia (pics, etc) supplied - check. Books still ok for autographs (at S's discretion to go ahead or not, which means SAG-AFTRA is ok with, by the way) - check. Make lemonade when life gives you lemons and 'be creative' - check.

Where is the problem? Why certain sleuthing skills suddenly vanish when it's about formulating a balanced, reasonable POV?

Let me guess. It's all about the "go away, ugly socks, your story sucks" syndrome. Oh.

You'd wish, duckies. You'd wish.

I am not these people's lawyer. Playing Atticus Finch completely ceased to interest me sometime around 1998 AD. I even doubt we can stand each other IRL, for reasons. But I am not discussing people, here. I am discussing and debunking a homespun web of self-righteous lies.

Thank you, @rosfrank. Your gesture was generous and very, very brave.

#sag aftra strike

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umflowers · 3 months

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one thing i do love about f1blr is like "max verstappen uses racist, sexist, and ableist language. he's a bad person and i don't like him." "RIGHT! GOD HE SUCKS!" "valtteri bottas wanted covid-positive drivers to be allowed to race when covid was still near its peak. as an immunocompromised person that deeply offended me and i don't much like him either." "...okay... i guess... like just for you tho cuz you're sick..." "mark webber is 'proudly heterosexual' and laughed at the struggles of trans people and i find that gross and worth noting" "................ooookayyyyy?" "carlos sainz's family karting track had a blackface situation and i've been told by spanish people that his constant wearing of the national flag is usually a nationalist thing, so i'm not big on him" ".............." "lando norris threw a party that's entire theme was mexican stereotypes and a lot of mexican fans spoke out about how offensive and harmful that behavior is" "OH NO YOU D-" "and like ricciardo has been repeatedly sexist or not spoken up when people were being especially disgusting about women" "GOD WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM" "and ofc fernando was incredibly flippant and crass in responding to his fans' deeply racist behavior toward lewis when they were teammates and has had some kind of outsized vendetta against lewis pretty much ever since that makes you wonder" "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SELF-RIGHTEOUS" "heheh remember how charles couldn't figure out how to squat onto one knee to do the literal bare minimum to say racism is bad" "-nuclear explosion-" like it's okay to acknowledge the wrongdoings of the unpopular guy and the same people who hate his fans for being bothered by it will be bothered by you doing the same to their faves and it's so consistent apfohaodpsfhpasdf.

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ewingstan · 4 months

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So there's a few ways we've seen the public hostility to capes be framed.

There's complaint 1, the general "all parahumans are more trouble than they're worth," which has been something that's at least been brewing since Worm (a lot of Cauldron and the PRT's activities being focused on tamping down on this perception). A fairly common trope in superhero media. You see it everything from the X-Men to the Civil War comic event. Hell, its popular enough that the last two comics I've read (Chainsaw Man and Clown Corps), which are pretty much as different as you can be while still being in the same vague genre and medium, both had "Villains try to get everyone to fear superpeople indiscrimantly" plots.

But then there's the more specific complaint 2: "cape heroes aren't justifying their presence because they directly cause violence without lowering the amount of crime and violence overall." Now, Capricorn is obviously framing it in these terms because he's trying to appeal to the police he's talking to; he knows that's a complaint made about cops and he wants to make them feel like they're on the same side fighting the same battles (and in turn kinda claiming that both capes and cops are "against" a public who criticizes them). But I'd also say that the text itself wants us to consider complaint 2. Worm basically endorses it; a lot of the book reinforces the claim that capes/cops are integral to how a system gives rise to villains/criminals and largely fails to deal with such problems in a useful manner.

The question is whether Ward is best interpreted as making the opposite claim, endorsing Tristan's argument against complaint 2. Its certainly sympathetic to the frustrations of the "don't tell us we didn't make a difference when you weren't there to see" crowd—it almost has to be, given our narrator. But whereas in some parts I read Ward as saying "yeah its frustrating, but they're right, you aren't making a real difference and are part of the problem" other times it does portray Breakthrough making real changes for the better that couldn't have been accomplished other ways by fighting ontologically evil enemies (see: Teacher).

Again, kinda hard to do a story from this POV and completely avoid that. Disco Elyisum probably does the best job of it and I've still seen people argue that it doesn't avoid it entirely (still unsure where I land on that). Zdarsky's Daredevil (man I need to catch up on that) tries to avoid it in a way that doesn't really cohere; largely because it tries to be anti-prison while still framing characters like Spider-Man as paragons. Though in that at least it kinda works with Matt Murdock's whole pattern of righteous violence followed by intense doubt and guilt followed by newly directed righteous violence. I guess I'll have to keep reading to see how things ultimately land.

#leo reads ward #ward 10.5 #wardblr #parahumans #wildbow #sorry for the daredevil tangent that comic's just kinda fun to poke at #reminds me of ave wiseman's critique of how the two knives out movies show changing public attitudes towards the justice system #leo says

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tessenpai · 2 months

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Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 130 Scans and Rough TL

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT use this translation to make your own TL of the chapter!! The KOT TL group works very hard to give you the most accurate translation, that does as much justice to the original script as possible. This is a ROUGH translation. That means is faulty and there must be mistakes in certain places. This is just for impatient people like myself to get a grasp on what is going on in the chapter! You can REFERENCE my TL if you want to discuss the chapter but never USE it as it was your own.

Scans:Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 130 – Rawkuma

Page 1

Side text: Embodying the sound, the pinnacle of aesthetics

Chapter title: #130 Saotome Miran

Page 2

Miran [thoughts]: It all started with a small distortion

Side text: The essence of Miran's problem is...

Girl 1: Woaah--- Your big sis is so cute, Miran-chan--!!

Girl 2: She looks like a real princess!!

Miran: Hehe...

Girl 1: But Miran-chan, you look nothing like her!

Girl 3: That's so weird...

Page 3

Miran's mom: Listen here, Miran!!

Miran's mom: Are you playing with mom's makeup again? How many times have I told you not to!?

Miran: I want this. Buy me.

Miran's mom: Children don't need it!

Miran: I want, I want!

Miran's mom: Don't throw a tantrum!!

Page 4

Miran's mom: Miki, you had all perfect scores again!?

Miran's mom: That's amazing!

Miran's mom: I haven't even seen you study all that much at home...

Miki: I just pay very close attention in class--

Page 5

Miran's mom: Miran!! Why did you tear up and throw your tests in the trash!? I didn't even come to show them to me!

Miran: ...Cuz they are trash.

Miran: There's no point in showing you something like that.

Miran's mom: ...

Page 6

Girl 1: Miran's big sis appeared in the newspaper ---

Girl 2: She won the Grand Prize in the Essay Contest. That's amazing!

Miran [thoughts]: Mine wasn't selected.

Girl 1: She also has the leading role in the school play.

Miran [thoughts]: I'm Citizen C.

Miki: Miran--!

Miki: Let's go home together--!

Miran [thoughts]: Big Sis is

Miran [thoughts]: As pretty as a princess

Miran [thoughts]: She's smart, very athletic, the best at anything she does, and very popular in class.

Page 7

Boy 1: Whaaa--- Is this really Miki's little sister?

Boy 2: This is incredible, you two look nothing alike. Are you even blood-related? This is hilarious---

Miki: What?

Miki: I came to pick up my precious little sister... And what is this?

Miki: I don't see what's so funny. Saying things like that is seriously lame.

Boy 1: Eh- Ah.

Boy 2: Sorry...

Miran [thoughts]: She is kind, strong, righteous and fair. She's cool.

Page 8

Miran's mom: Miki, congratulations on being a representative of your class on the relay race!

Miki: Thanks!

Miran's dad: And you are going to be the anchor? That's awesome--!

Miran's dad: I guess you are like me in terms of athleticism. Your mom is as uncoordinated as they come.

Miran's mom: Hey now!

Miki: What about your class, Miran? Who's going to be representative?

Miran: ...Don't know yet. We decide tomorrow...

Miki: You are also very fast, Miran. I'm sure you'll become a representative as well!

Miran: Last year you just were one step behind from becoming one, right?

Page 9

Miki: I would be super happy if we sisters were in the race together!!

Miran's Mom: That's right! That would be great!

Miran's Dad: Go get them, Miran!

Page 10

Teacher: Now will take place the competition to decide our representatives for the relay race.

Teacher: The six fastest students, please line up.

Miran [thoughts]: The first three will get to be representatives... Last year I was 4th.

Miran [thoughts]: I just need to place one spot higher...

Miki [memory]: I would be super happy if we sisters were in the race together!!

Teacher: Get in position--

Teacher: Ready--

Page 11

Sfx: Dash

Page 12

Miki [memory]: I would be super happy if we sisters were in the race together!!

Miran's Mom[memory]: That's right! That would be great!

Miran's Dad[memory]: Go get them, Miran!

Boy 1 [memory]: Whaaa--- Is this really Miki's little sister?

Boy 2 [memory]: This is incredible, you two look nothing alike. Are you even blood-related?

Miran [thoughts]: I just need to place

Miran [thoughts]: One spot higher

Page 13

Miran: Ah...?

Page 14

Miran: ------Eh...?

Page 15

Miran's mom: I deeply apologize!!!

Girl's mom: Enough of apologies. Fortunately, her injuries are minor.

Girl's mom: --However

Girl's mom: I believe it would be best if you thought carefully about the way you are educating Miran-chan.

Girl's mom: This kind of thing is not normal.

Miran's mom: ...Miran...

Miran's mom: Why, why did you do that!!??

Miran: ...

Miran's mom: Do you even realize what you did!?

Page 16

Miran's mom: You got a friend hurt... She was one bad fall away from getting very badly injured.

Miran's mom: What were you thinking!!

Miran: I... wa- wanted to be

Miran: A representative

Miran: In the relay race...

Miran's mom: ...It's our fault for saying that to you. That was our wrong. I'm sorry.

Miran's mom: ...However, Miran

Miran's mom: Hurting someone else to forcefully grab something you want, it's a very cowardly and disgusting thing to do.

Page 17

Miran's mom: Never do that gain.

Miran's mom: Never. Understood?

Miki [imagination]: Miran! Congrats on becoming representative!! I'm so happy we will be running together!!

Miran's mom [imagination]: That's amazing, Miran! You worked so hard!

Miran's dad [imagination]: We will all go to cheer on you in the competition!!

Page 18

Miran: I'm sorry...

Page 19

Student 1: Miran-chan is truly the worst.

Student 2: Right? So scary.

Student 3: Her face is also scary.

Student 1: Her face reflects her heart.

Student 2: True.

Student 3: And yet her sister is so cute and extrordinary.

Page 20

Student: I feel sorry for her sister---

Shoes: *Scum* *The worst*

Shoes: *Die* *Ugly* *Trash*

Page 21

Miran's mom: Miran, are you not going to eat?

Miki: Miran, let's go to school toge-

Paper: I'm the most digusting scummy trash.

Page 22

Miran [thoughts]: Then, one morning several months later.

Miran [thoughts]: I just couldn't get myself out of bed.

Miran [thoughts]: I haven't been to school for a month now… I have truly become a pile of trash...

Miran: ...

Miran [thoughts]: Right. You gotta take out the trash.

Miran [thoughts]: You can't leave it at home.

Page 23

Kifune-sensei: ---Oh my. Could that be Miran-chan!?

Kifune-sensei: It really is Miran-chan!

Kifune-sensei: It's dangerous to lean forward that much! Come on, get quickly back inside!

Miran: ---...

Page 24

Miran [thoughts]: Who...?

Miran's mom: It has been so long, Kifune-sensei. Sorry for calling you on such short notice.

Kifune-sensei: It was no problem, I was free anyways so I was happy to come.

Miran's mom: Miran, are you okay to be up now?

Miran: nods

Miran's mom: This man here is a friend of your grandpa. His name is Kifune-sensei, and he is a composer.

Miran's mom: Although you met him many times before, when your grandpa was alive.

Kifune-sensei: You probably don't remember, you were too young.

Kifune-sensei: But your eyes haven't changed at all, Miran-chan, so I recognized you immediately.

Kifune-sensei: You've gotten so big. How old are you now?

Miran: ...I'm 10.

Kifune-sensei: I see!

Page 25

Kifune-sensei: Miran-chan, are you interested in the koto?

Miran: ...? The koto..?

Miran's mom: Right, it's this. This instrument!

Miran's mom: This instrument is a "koto".

Miran's mom: The granny of a friend of mine just passed away, you see.

Miran's mom: She found this koto when she was orginizing her belongings.

Miran's mom: I thought it would be such a shame to let it go to waste, but I don't know anyone who can play the koto so...

Miran's mom: I called Kifune-sensei to ask him for a bit of advice.

Page 26

Kifune-sensei: I will be testing it out. Miran-chan, if you'd like, do you want to try and play it together?

Miran: Eh?

Miran's mom: Oh, then...

Kifune-sensei: Aah, sorry for taking such a liberty.

Kifune-sensei: I value fate very much. I wonder if it's fate that broght this koto to this house, and it brought me back to meet Miran-chan, who I haven't seen in such a long time.

Kifune-sensei: What do you think?

Miran: ----...

Page 27

Miran: nods...

Miran's mom: !

Kifune-sensei: Ooooh--- will you look at this! What an splendid dragon---

Miran's mom: Dragon?

Kifune-sensei: See, doesn't it look like a dragon? The koto?

Kifune-sensei: Each part, too. They are called "Dragon's tongue", "Dragon's horn", and so on. It's interesting, isn't it?

Page 28

Kifune-sensei: Now, what tone will you show me.

Kifune-sensei [sfx]: Pa--------n

Kifune-sensei: Oh! It resonates so well.

Miran [thoughts]: It sparkles...

Miran's mom: Mira-...

Page 29

Miran [sfx]: Pi---n...

Miran: ...

Miran [Sfx]: Pi----n Pi----n Pi----n

Kifune-sensei: He

Page 30

Kifune-sensei: Miran-chan's sound is

Kifune-sensei: It's such beautiful and delicate sound.

Page 31

Kifune-sensei: It's a sound that I like a lot.

Page 32

Miran: U- Wah. Aaa--

Miran's mom: Miran-?

Kifune-sensei: Oh, oh my!? Wha- what happened!? I was praising you just now, though!?

Miran: Waaah aaaah. Waaahh. hic.

Miran: Waaaaaaaaaaah. Waaaaaaaaaaaaah. Waaaaaaaaaaaa.

Page 33

Miki: What!? You're going to start playing the koto, Miran!?

Miran's dad: And under the tutelage of Kifune-sensei!?

Miran's mom: Yeah. Miran's condition has improved a lot, so she can begin any time now.

Miran's mom: We also decided to keep that koto at home so Miran can play it.

Miki: That's so nice, Miran!! I'm so happy!!

Miran: !

Miki: I hope you get well soon now!!

Page 34

Miran[thoughts]: Ever since then, I went frequently to Kifune-sensei's house to practice.

Miran[thoughts]: Playing the koto was complicated but, so fun. So fun.

Miran[thoughts]: So much fun.

Miran[thoughts]: It I had any time, I played it.

Page 36

Miran[thoughts]: It's fine if I'm not cute. Even If I'm stupid, or trash. Even if I have no place at school.

Miran[thoughts]: The moment I remembered I had the koto, I became strong.

Miran[thoughts]: So

Miran[thoughts]: I said farewell to the past me.

Miran[thoughts]: Or so I thought

Page 36

Miran[thoughts]: Until I reached High School, and met him.

Side text: Luka's curse weighs on Miran---...

---Kono Oto Tomare! continues in the next issue---

#kono oto tomare #kono oto tomare!#kot #sounds of life #kot!#rough tl #spoilers #kono oto tomare 130 #kono oto tomare! 130 #kot 130 #kot! 130

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doromoni · 8 months

Text

Hunting Affections

Charles Leclerc x photographer!reader

Max Verstappen x photographer!reader

Part 6.

fanfic + smau fic

y/n faceclaim : Hwang Eunbi

warnings : Ferrari bashing ( Im so sorry , the plot needs it 🥹) , mentions of abuse.

A/N : UP FOR EDITING 🤍

Summary; Love is but a concept — just connections of neurons that take part in the brain … and yet, why is it the most painful when one falls alone?

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back , until you can’t no more. Maybe then they’ll actually know what they’ve lost.

Ignorance is medicated by knowledge and experience — but ignorance can only be cured when the problem is seen and acknowledged.

I used to think that I was just what you made of me, thinking that what I’ve accomplished was because of your influence. You were sensitive, I wouldn’t say that you were insecure, no— you just had the tendency of being self righteous and self serving , I grew in fear that I would’ve taken a piece of your spotlight, so I hid in your shadow … always so quiet and obedient.. But I guess , I now know that i was also at fault, I was ignorant of how you made me so dependent to you and your actions.

I liked to think that I grew apart from ignorance, being enlightened by my own wrong actions and thoughts. Braking the chains that hindered me from living life— the chains that you’ve shackled on me. Maybe, it wasn’t your intention to cage me and poison me with your affections… maybe you’re we’re ignorant , just like I once was. But your ignorance is still no excuse.

I could only hope that you find your own peace and fulfillment . Because I have found mine, and I will be selfish this time and I wont ever let go.

———

Majority of racing fans see Red Bull Racing as the evil power hungry villain of Formula 1 , that and all people in its team are hateful scums of the motorsport world . When in fact , they are the most kind and loving team I have had the chance to work with — where people who treat each other with respect and warmth no matter their organizational hierarchy . But do not get me wrong , the other teams aren’t bad … it’s just Red Bull has its business and employee relationships balanced to a tee.

Moreover, the issue of sexism had been rampant in the motor world, that is already a fact, yet I felt both seen and understood in the premises, in walls of the Red Bull Office… who would’ve known. My presence here was not for a diversity hire or some agenda. I was put here to actually innovate the Red Bull Racing brand and pull my own weight.

Never in my career in motorsports have I felt so appreciated and significant enough to be treated correctly , most specifically in this moment , that sadly I cannot say hadn’t happened before .

I was discreetly pulled from my meetings to talk face to face with Christian Horner. All the possible mistakes I could’ve made came rushing in to my mind. It hasn’t been a week since I’ve officially worked for the racing team , yet here I am walking towards the office of the CEO and team principal of Red Bull Racing.

With a deep breath , I gently knocked on the mahogany door that separated me from my possible dismissal.

“Christian, its Y/N”

“Oh , yes yes . Come in!” Christian’s voice echoed through the thick wood. Slowly opening the door , there I saw my boss with his back pressed on the plush leather material of his office chair ; a hand perched on the bridge of his nose as he signaled me to sit.

“ So , am I in trouble? Why did you need me?” I gave an awkward laugh as I tried to lighten the mood

“It’s about Max” Memories of the meetings and debriefings of relationship lectures from the Italian team came to mind. The lectures were harsh and are mostly one sided , as the fault was somehow always pushed to me ; even if I wasn’t entirely involved , but who could they have blamed? Charles? He was their golden boy — so the nearest person to point to was me. It was always me.

Just like muscle memory, my words instantly echoed.

“I’m so sorry “ slipped from my mouth.

My hands trembled as I waited for the unending reprimands to be more careful not to taint the team brand and all the crap that followed.

But, nothing came … Christian’s face contorted to a face of confusion and perplexity

“…For what? “ He then asked leaning a smidge forward ; his chair squeaking a little.

“Oh … uhm , you said something about Max? I’m assuming that I did something to dirty his image?” I said slowly, now also confused.

“What? No! Max’s image has never been better., Well not if we couldn’t cover this issue. I called you here because I wanted you to work closely with the PR head to cover a fight with Max and other drivers”

my brain stop working , as I heard the words Max , fight and other drivers, slowly connecting the dots ; my mouth spoke before I could realize

“WHAT?! Is Max okay?! How did that happen??”

“Max , is physically ok .It was after the press conference. It was between Max , Leclerc , Daniel and Oscar . We couldn’t get any of the drivers to talk … We were hoping that you could talk to Max.”

As I processed his words , the dilemma of professionalism and personal life came tumbling down and the distinction between the two are becoming blurry. The trauma of working for Ferrari with Charles once again came rushing back.

“Sir, are you asking me as an employee to interrogate my boyfriend? “ I asked , swallowing my nerves . Hoping that what I was thinking of was no where near the truth.

“No y/n , I’m asking for you to see If Max is alright and If he would like to sit out the practice races tomorrow … and if he does open up to you about the fight, then you are not obligated to tell us anything without Max’s consent” As Christian said those words , I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding in; the huge weight leaving my shoulders , because even if they had asked that of me I refuse to betray the person that I love for my career.

“Thank you, Christian. Where is Max right now?” I asked standing up .

“He’s currently inside his driver room — he’s not allowing anyone to enter. Well we hope you’d face a different outcome ” Christian said as he walked me out of his office.

I chuckled at his statement , a very typical Max Verstappen move. Not that he doesn’t want anyone to near him, he’s just afraid that he might say something wrong in the heat of the moment ; something that I’ve learned to handle in the years that i’ve known the Dutch Red Bull driver.

“Hey, Christian… thanks for not asking me to break Max’s trust” I said as I hesitated going out the door.

“Of course, kid. Max is family and now you are too.” He said as he ruffled my hair, earning a groan and a swat from me.

— — —

Pacing through the Red Bull motorhome in a mix of a jog and sprint , I made my way towards Max’s driver room.

And right outside the door was Mary : Max’s Pr manager, pacing back and forth as she spoke to someone on her phone.

Her eyes met mine , and in an instant she was in front of me

“ Oh thank goodness! , y/n! Finally ! you go talk to Max , please . I need to sort important matters about the issue, which of course will be debriefed in our meeting later… alright bye!”

And just like that , Mary was gone . And once again I am facing a mahogany door, only this time it was my boyfriend on the other side.

I raised my knuckles towards the door and gently knocked. Pressing my ear towards the door

“My love , it’s me . What happened? Can you open the door” I heard rustling, but there was no reply.

“Max, please open the door, love . Remember what we agreed on? Communication is the highest priority, please love, let’s talk”

then a soft click and a knob twisting was heard , as the door opened I was then pulled into his embrace . Max’s head buried in my neck , as I felt wetness and heard soft sniffles, Max was crying.

Suddenly alarmed with the severity of the situation, I instantly wrapped my arms around him , a hand softly brushing his hair ; saying soft reassuring words in his ear.

I continued to hold Max tightly in my embrace, as rouge tears slowly fell from my eyes. hurt filling my heart at the sight of the person I love breaking down. Briskly wiped the tears from my cheeks, I heard Max mumble.

“Max?” I asked as I gently maneuvered his face towards me , cradling his cheeks and wiping his tears away with the pad of my thumbs.

“I- I lost control, and I hit him. I punched Charles … I’m sorry. He was insulting you and I-i … it just happened. I was so angry … and I enjoyed doing it., am I really a monster?” His voice broke . A gasp fell out of my lips as my eyes fell to Max’s knuckles , they were bruised and bleeding from the cuts.

The conversation that we had about physical violence came to mind. Max had entrusted me with the knowledge of the extent to which his father had used physical violence to discipline him in his childhood. They’re relationship was better now… but the trauma still stays. Max had sworn to no longer resort to physical violence , he didn’t want anyone to go through what he had before.

“ Shhh, shhh Max, my love . It’s alright. Everything is okay , you’re okay. You didn’t enjoy hurting him , you fought for me, you protected me… that’s it my love, that’s it . You’re not a monster , you never were and you never will be. Max you’re the farthest from it . My love, I’m sorry that you’re facing this because of me. Im so sorry” I lifted the his busted hand and gently pressed a kiss to his wrist.

Guilt suddenly came twisting my stomach, bile rising to my throat. Because of me , Max had done what he hated the most. Im so sorry Max.

“N-no , I don’t regret protecting you , Schatz. I regret my way of doing it. You will always come first.” Max’s change of attitude gave me whiplash. Gone were the tears and vulnerability. The look of determination overcoming his entire feature, he looks so determined for what? Am not so sure.

“My love , what do you mean by that?” I asked as I searched the answer in his eyes.“The track , Liebling … the track” a grin now stretched his face.

“Max , please think straight .You don’t need to do anything “ I said as I once again raised a hand to his cheek softly.

“It’s my job to protect you, My Schatz” Max said , now pulling me closer in his embrace.

“Yeah , yeah … but who treats your wounds, huh? Big baby, please be safe” words muffling as Max pressed my head to his chest. The worry never leaving my mind.

y/n_stills.

Liked by redbullracing, maxverstappen1, schecoperez and 1,427,995 others

y/n_stills. I didn’t sign up for this @redbullracing I was promised 2 normal drivers. But good job on P1 and P2 on practice 3 I guess

tagged : @maxverstappen1 and @schecoperez

user1 not you using these pics 😭.

user2 y/n outing the red bull drivers. i love it!

user3 Keep em coming @y/n_stills.

y/n_stills. You’re welcome children

maxverstappen1 wow… thanks dear

y/n_stills. Love you 😘 @maxverstappen1

redbullracing you’ve signed the contract

y/n_stills. unfortunately :))

redbullracing excuse us?

y/n_stills. nothing ~ thanks for the snacks 😘

user1 y/n is continuing the beefing with motorteams saga 😭

schecoperez thanks y/n

y/n_stills. you are welcome checo 😇

danielricciardo the sarcasm is so nice 😇

maxverstappen1 you’re lucky you’re not here @danielricciardo

landonorris oh, are we bullying @y/n_stills.?

alexalbon another reason why I don’t regret leaving Redbull. 🫶

y/n_stills. I hate you all >:(( and @alexalbon? lily wants a word with you 😇

mclaren our drivers are well behaved 😇

y/n_stills. Im giving the fattest side eye. 👀

landonorris I am well behaved!

y/n_stills. This u?

landonorris … touché

danielricciardo what did I do??

y/n_stills. @danielricciardo fault by association

oscarpiastri but i’m good right? @y/n_stills

y/n_stills. You’re safe for now @oscarpiastri , little papaya… better watch your attitude 🤨

user4 y/n is not playing y’all HAHAHAHAH

user5 she ain’t holding back fr fr , the grid should watch their back 🤣

user6 everyone say thanks to y/n for giving us driver interactions.

user7 it’s great to see Redbull’s wacky side tbh~ they are not as evil as people make them to be .

user8 they literally instantly cut off their second drivers.

user9 @user8 woah thats statement is baseless, they do give them chances for the drivers to prove themselves… at the end of the day the goal is to win.

scuderiaferrari work for us again

y/n_stills. I don’t go back to my exes , sorry ☺️

user1 SIDE EYE

user2 did y/n really just 🫣

user3 THE TEA IS HOT , y/n your never escaping the rumors , girl.

mercedesamgf1 get it line! you already let her go once smh

user4 which ex 🤔 hmm ? Don’t be shy y/n , which ex.

y/n_stills. 10 mins

viewed by maxverstappen1 , charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 2,729,691 others

story replies

maxverstappen1 Thank you, Liebling! I love you 💙

y/n_stills. love you more 💙

maxverstappen1 lmao no.

y/n_stills. Emilian 🤨 Excuse you? Dafuk you mean , no?

maxverstappen1 no, because I love you more.

y/n_stills. Your love disgusts me 🙄

maxvestappen1 well then be ready to be disgusted for the rest of our lives.

y/n_stills. Woah wut?? Max?

y/n_stills. MAX?? Hello??? You don’t get to dip after that

y/n_stills. max max max max

y/n_stills. safe driving … luv u 💙

maxverstappen1 Love you more 💙

y/n_stills. ugh I hate you >:((

oscarpiastri make em chow their last ka-chow?

y/n_stills. You’re too young to understand top tier humor , oscar

oscarpiastri I’m literally 1 year younger than Lando and 3 years younger than you

y/n_stills. Yes and still a baby

oscarpiastri Wowwwww. Ghee and you’re old, mom

y/n_stills. Watch your mouth, young man 🤨🤨

oscarpiastri sorry mom

y/n_stills. That’s better! Good luck with qualifying ,little papaya 🧡 drive safe

oscarpiastri thank you 🧡

charles_leclerc seriously y/n , stop it

y/n_stills. seriously charles, move on.

charles_leclerc do you honestly not miss me at all?

y/n_stills. nope, so stop whatever you’re doing and be happy with what you have.

charles_leclerc you’re just confused

y/n_stills. Dude? You’re the one who’s confused . For the last time, leave me aloneeeeeee . I swear I’ll block you and file a restraining order.

f1wags

Liked by user1 , user2 , user3 and 168,281 others

f1wags Y/N L/N spotted with Victoria Verstappen today in the F1 Paddock! But the Red Bull Senior Designer is not in a Red Bull Uniform , I see. It looks like y/n is a full time wag today and she is off duty. Go support yo man, girl! 😏

Y/N L/N was a no show today at FP3 , which had fans curious and speculating of the photographer’s absence on the grid . But the curiosity of fans are quickly satisfied, as it was reported that y/n is indeed within the confines of the Red Bull motorhome offices , catering to her responsibilities to Red Bull. Nevertheless, she had shown support by posting congratulatory memes of the 2 Red Bull drivers on her instagram account.

Moreover, it looks like we will be in fact seeing more of y/n l/n but this time within the confines the Red Bull Garage; as a support of Max Verstappen and the whole Red Bull crew!

user1 it’s great to see that y/n takes her job seriously.

user2 we do love a boss bitch

user3 Red Bull had hit the home run with y/n fr fr

user4 a professional queen 🤍

user5 she supports Max both emotionally and professionally, we love to see it

user6 you know what I love the most? Right after her work , she said bye to the uniform

user7 I mean, no one can stop a fashion icon 😎

user8 she’s so extra , I love it HAHAHAHAH

user9 Im in love with her jacket! Someone please tell me where to get it pls pls

user10 Brunello Cucinelli … and the price hurts 😀

user 11 I always forget that they are literally loaded

“ So everybody , welcome back to Formula 1 . It’s a sunny day , no rain forecasted for today’s qualifying. Teams are stowing away their slicks and wet tires and our drivers are all at standby in their cars as they wait for the firsts qualifying session to officially start.”

“ I must say, Crofty . Our drivers are quite tense today during FP3, and even yesterday during the practice sessions; specially our drivers in red .The Ferrari Garage not particularly happy with Charles Leclerc’s rookie mistake during the 4th turn — almost causing a collision with his own teammate Carlos Sainz.”

“Ferrari was not having any of it! the drivers were called to pit instantly— was this another lapse in strategy? Or perhaps a driver error? I cannot tell, the issue was not brought up to the FIA… I mean it’s their own teammate. Very aggressive on Leclerc’s part, I might say”

“ And do you know who’s also driving aggressively during the free practices? Max Verstappen and Checo Perez — I believe that Christian Horner is loosening the reigns on his drivers. There were no radio calls to the drivers when both cars were given warnings for impeding Leclerc’s car during free practice 2 yesterday “

“ Also , another impending incident had also happened to Charles Leclerc, only this time it was by the Mclarens, By rookie Oscar Piastri and Lando Norris .They were also only left of with a warning by the FIA , as the both Mclaren were bound to enter the pits.”

“Wow , wow, The FIA is very lenient with the teams this Grand Prix… but what an unlucky session for Charles Leclerc, They could only hope that his chances in qualifying would be better”

“ First one to go out of the garage is the 7x Champion Lewis Hamilton , and not long after is George Russell. Both Mercedes are out of their garages and is waiting at pit-lane exit. Along with Fernando Alonzo’s Aston Martin.”

“And out goes Charles Leclerc’s Ferrari and Max Verstappen goes next, last year’s pole position and winner”

“Will he be able to do it again? Will Max Verstappen be able to grab another pole and another win?”

Max’s eyes never left the car infront of him , his gloved hands flexing on the Red Bull steering wheel. Body fueled with adrenaline

Mind zeroing on the red Ferrari, til the radio sound came on and the voice of GP sounded,

(Radio conversation are italicized)

; Max we are with you. Do what you need to do;

;Thanks guys, will do. I’ll keep it clean, tell checo I said thank you;

;Thanks Max, will relay your message to checo;

Max’s eyes came to view the Ferrari’s side mirror , to see Charles already looking at Him ; eyes glaring with rage. Max scoffed , lifting his visor — staring back with no fear nor regret.

“Oh, a radio from Max to his engineers, “say thank you to perez”. What could that mean?”

“And that starts the first qualifying session for this week’s Grand Prix!”

***

“ 17 minutes in Q1 and all cars are out of their garage with Lando Norris is currently leading and Piastri 0.100 seconds behind his team mate. 1 minutes left in Q1”

“Oohh! And Charles Leclerc spins out to the gravel… the wing might’ve taken some damage on that turn. It looks like the car is beached! Let’s look at it in another angle .Ferrari could only hope that Leclerc’s time will get him to Q2”

;MERDE!! THE CAR IS UNDERIVABLE!

; You’re pushing the car so recklessly!! Go back to the garage!;

;Fix this, Oversteers like shit…;

“ And that’s the checkered flag! Sargeant, Zhou, Magnussen, Hulkenburg and Ocon . And that is it for Haas and both Alphatauris are in q2! Leclerc barely making it! “

As Q1 had ended, both Red Bulls are called back to the garage and asses damages.

;That’s P3 , P3 , Max. Don’t push the car … let’s conserve the tires for now , Leclerc has been beached;

A scoff escaped Max’s lips.

;Copy;

Heat, sweat, the roar of the engine and enraged shouts filled the Ferrari garage. Charles Leclerc was seen in an argument with his engineers and mechanics — tension within one side of the garage grew rampant as the mechanics scramble to replace the front wing of the car.

Q2 was not any better for Ferrari, barely qualifying both drivers to Q3. Having everyone confused at the driver difference — as Sainz qualified in P4 while Leclerc qualifying P9.

“And welcome back to Formula 1 , We are starting Q3! Verstappen , Perez , Leclerc , Sainz, Norris, Piastri, Alonzo, Hamilton, Russell and Stroll battling for pole position”

“And that’s 12 minutes on the clock! And Half of the cars are on the circuit”

“ Hamilton sets the fastest 1st sector and 3rd sector , while Piastri sets the fastest 2nd sector!”

***

“And that is the checkered flag! The drivers have 1 one more lap for qualifying!”

“LECLERC TAKES THE FASTEST TIME! That’s P1, and Sainz crosses the line! That’s P2 and P3 for Oscar Piastri!— an amazing drive by the Ferraris!”

Everyone was tense at the red bull garage as they wait for Max to cross the finish line.

;Max , your currently in P7 , P7 , thats P7. You can do one last lap , send it Max;

;Copy, copy, where’s Leclerc?”

;Currently P1;

Max’s fingers flexed , a smirk growing in his face.

“Max makes the fastest 1st sector, and the 2nd sector…. and that’s the fastest 3rd sector!! And max crosses the checkered flag! ”

“AND THAT’S P1 FOR MAX VERSTAPPEN ! MAX TAKES POLE AGAIN! “

; What position was that?;

;That’s P1! P1! You got pole Max. Nice driving!;

; Amazing job everyone , let’s do well in the race;

“And that Qualifying! P1 for Max Verstappen, P2 for Charles Leclerc, and P3 for Carlos Sainz!”

The three drivers parked their cars to their respective places . The spaniard came rushing to hug Max , excitedly patting the Dutch driver’s back while the words “great driving” and chuckles were exchanged. The spanish driver parted from Max, then nudging the pole sitter towards the car of Charles .

The 1st Ferrari driver was getting out his car, clearly fuming. Max went near the Monegasque driver only to whisper “That’s for Y/n”, then moving away not once looking back.

“Max! Max! Congratulations on getting pole today! How does it feel to be in pole in this circuit again?“ Max went to answer the question

“Getting pole was amazing , specially this one… this holds a significant meaning to me personally.Today had been great , the car was amazing to drive ; and the team was as cooperative as ever.”

“Also Max, People had noticed that you were particularly motivated today? Is there a particular reason for that?”

“Well it’s always a motivation to win for the team , for all their hard work and all the time they spent making sure that the car was to its best. Also my friends and family are here to support… and of course my girlfriend who’s in the garage cheering me on right now”

Max answered smoothly with a practiced smile , as Leclerc was fuming from his peripheral vision.

“Ah ,of course! Y/N! A dear friend of ours here at Sky Sports! And lastly , any words for tomorrow’s race , Max?”

“Winning is always the goal , so yeah , We will try our best to keep the adding wins to the record. Thank you”

Max turned his back to the camera , handing the microphone to the Monegasque Ferrari driver — a face splitting derisive grin plastered on his face further infuriating the Ferrari driver.

“Thank you Max! We now have Charles Leclerc here with us! So Charles, how does P2 feel?”

Charles wanted nothing more than to storm out and leave the interview , as his face grew redder by the second .

“Well , its not better than pole. To be honest I’m very disappointed with the results.”

“Still an amazing effort for the team! That’s P2 for you and P3 from your teammate, right? Basing from the previous races, Ferrari had brought serious upgrades”

“Yes , but it is not enough for pole. But we will do our outmost best to beat Red Bull in tomorrow’s race. That I am sure. Thank you” and with that Charles went storming back to the Ferrari garage

“Oh! Uhm.. thanks Charles! Next we have another Ferrari Driver, Carlos Sainz on P3! So how do the upgrades feel Carlos?”

“I personally thought that the car was great compared to the last car during the last Grand Prix… the upgrades worked. We are very far from the Red Bull level of machinery, but we are getting there ….”

y/n_stills.

Liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, oscarpiastri , and 728,627 others

y/n_stills. Another pole for you , love! Amazing driving as usual. Couldn’t be prouder 💙

P.s you didn’t have to show off, just because I’m here 🙄

tagged : @maxvertappen1

maxverstappen1: I mean that pole was for you :))

y/n_stills. 🥺🥺🥺

redbullracing a motivated Max is a scary Max

y/n_stills. Boy you said it 🥵

maxverstappen1 🫣🫣🫣

landonorris ew, keep it in your pants

y/n_stills. go cry somewhere else , norris ~ we are happy here.

comments are limited

—SPORTS HUB DAILY—Formula 1 driver Charles Leclerc sparks fire within the Ferrari Garage

Article by Joseph Bens

Ferrari Driver Charles Leclerc was seen to be having a heated argument with his team, despite qualifying 2nd for the race this Sunday. The team statement was that they are happy with both of their drivers’ performances during the qualifying. According to Sainz , the car was very pliable and relatively easy to handle— and so we can rule out Leclerc having major issues with the car.

The Monegasque was reported to be unusually touchy and erratic based on fan reports as he was very adamant not to sign merchandise and interact with fans. The usually friendly driver was then seen storming off the circuit with alleged girlfriend scurrying in tow .

An inside source had tipped that an scuffle had happened between the drivers last Thursday, after the driver press conference , between Leclerc and Verstappen . The details of the fight were unknown, but it was said that Verstappen came storming out of the room — followed by Daniel Ricciardo, Oscar Piastri and a bloodied Charles Leclerc. The FIA not taking action as the incident was said to be just that, an incident and the drivers involved has refused to release a statement.

The Red Bull driver and the Ferrari driver are bringing heat on and off track! And we cannot wait for it to unfold. Tomorrow’s race would be one to watch indeed!

———

——— F1 Breaking ———

Ferrari appeals for FIA investigation towards Red Bull Racing and McLaren Racing for Impeding and possible brake checks

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theerurishipper · 8 months

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It’s so hard being an Adrien stan in this fandom. People are constantly nitpicking every little thing he does. He can never do right by them. It’s so frustrating. And that’s not even mentioning how he was treated in canon

I feel you anon. I wasn't actively posting for the fandom during the major salt periods, like right after the airing of Syren and then Chameleon, but I was around to see the ridiculous salt fests that would go on. People love to pick on Adrien for every single little thing that involves him making a decision that doesn't cater perfectly to Marinette's whims and needs, but woe be upon you if you say anything about Marinette that isn't praising her. It's not even like I have a problem with Marinette as a character. Some of her writing in Season 4 and 5? Yes. But in Seasons 1-3, I really loved her. She was such a breath of fresh air for me as a character. She was so full of charm and life and energy. But she got ruined for me by her stans who jumped to salt on every other character for not exactly agreeing with her every decision and for having minds of their own and having desires that weren't about her.

And another annoying part is their insistence that Marinette is treated oh so cruelly by the narrative and poor Marinette is always suffering and everyone is treating her so cruelly and she deserves better than people who aren't willing to be her faithful slaves. Then Seasons 4 and 5 brought this into canon, and then you saw people who were salting on Adrien for being upset about being neglected by his partner, and they were blaming him for "feeling entitled to her" despite never calling her out for her treatment of him. Lemme tell you, the chimney discourse was wild. And all that bullshit ass "discourse" about him harassing Ladybug, while ignoring all the stalking Marinette did and pretending it was nothing. I generally ignore anyone who says either of these things because they are clearly meant to be jokes, and I think calling Adrien a harasser is just as ludicrous as calling Marinette a stalker, but the double standard of taking the joke seriously for Adrien but not for Marinette is annoying, to say the least.

And ultimately they just want Adrien and everyone else to be Marinette's sidekicks/yes-men who will never disagree with her and will always do whatever she wants and will never think for themselves. And you unfortunately can see this attitude seeping into canon too, with how Adrien isn't allowed to have independent thoughts outside of how he can be of service to Marinette. Nothing matters for him, the only thing that matters is her and what he can do for her. She's allowed to yell at him and throw him into trashcans, but fuck him if he disagrees with her on something and isn't happy to just sit by and accept being replaced and ignored. And canon Adrienette is such a good example of this phenomenon.

But the salters will whine and rage about how Marinette is such a victim of the narrative and how she suffers so much that we should all excuse her less than perfect actions, while also raging at Adrien for any small slight and denying that he also suffers. I guess Marinette can be excused for being traumatized and stressed, but being a victim of horrific abuse is too less of a reason for Adrien to be excused, and I guess it means he isn't suffering. To them, only Marinette's feelings and suffering matters. And this has also become true for the show, because Adrien's feelings don't matter, only Marinette's feelings about him matter.

And the worst fucking thing I've seen from this fandom is the occasional post about how Adrien is "spineless" and "cowardly" and "doesn't have a backbone" because he is non-confrontational and doesn't get up in arms about everything. And, aside from the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with not flying into a righteous rage about everything, this is some fucking heavy victim blaming bullshit. Like, y'all know that Adrien is like that because he's a victim of abuse, right? That his actions are a trauma response, right? It's called fawning. How awful of Adrien to have been conditioned into being non-confrontational by an abusive father who wants him to be subservient to his every whim! How useless is he for being traumatized because of the abuse he suffers! What a loser!

Honestly, the deranged Marinette stans are the worst. If someone says that shit about Adrien, they can go fuck themselves honestly. The gall to accuse a character who is an abuse victim of being "a spineless worm who can't grow a backbone" (someone legit wrote this word for word). Acting like he's the scum of the earth for not agreeing with Marinette 24/7 and victim blaming him for not rising swords drawn the moment someone does something mean to her.

So yeah, I understand you anon. It's really annoying to see all these "hot takes" going around. But there are still many Marinette fans who are nice and don't say all this goofy shit about Adrien, and there are plenty of Adrien stans who love and defend our boy. My advice is to block the salt tags, follow the right blogs and curate your experience the best you can. Trust me, it took a while for me to learn to stop putting myself through the agony of looking through these salt posts and to start blocking tags and salters' blogs. But I'm better off for it now. It won't stop some of these posts from popping up here and there, but it'll massively improve your fandom experience.

Thank you for your ask!

#MLB #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain Cheng #ML Salt #Marinette Salt #ML Fandom Salt #Meta #My meta #Asks #Also how could I forget the fucking Maribat fics lmaoo #Anyway it was nice to get an opportunity to vent about this #So thank you anon

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vivaldisspring · 4 months

Text

Due to popular demand (5 people asked me), I shall tell the story of how I married my TC

LONG READ AHEAD – THIS IS 7 PAGES ON MY WORD DOC

Hi TCC! I’m Anissa, I’m 27 years old, but I’ve had dumb tcs since I was 11 because of whatever the hell is deeply wrong with me. Before I start, I want to point out how very lucky I was to be surrounded by sensible, responsible, righteous adults as I grew up, so that I was never exposed to any danger – and I’m including adults in the tcc, as I was around here when I was a minor as well. I hope, if you are a minor, you understand that my story is a college story, everything happened between adults (and it started when I was 21), and absolutely nothing that I will say here applies to a high school setting. To be completely honest, it is not exactly any advice for a college setting either, as you will see that I have sorely regretted a lot of my actions and they have led to people getting hurt (mostly me). Even when it comes to professor-student relationships, I would still advise you to not act on your crush, or at least wait until you’ve graduated college. Had I done that, I would’ve spared myself a lot of headache. Also, I do believe as you get older, large age gaps get easier to deal with.

PART 1: JAMES (my crush)

I was 18 when I started college as a History major. It was 2015, and due to issues with my family that I’m not going to go into, I was severely depressed. I soon dropped out of college, spent some time away, and returned in 2017 (20 years old) as a Foreign Languages major this time. So, at 20 years old, I was still a freshman, which to me was super embarrassing, but oh well. Mental health first.

That’s when I met James (not his real name). He was a professor at my university, mainly teaching English. (I do not live in an English-speaking country, so English here doesn’t mean literature in English, but rather the actual language – reading, writing and listening skills in English). James was in his mid-thirties back then, I think, had gotten his PhD and a professor job at my university not too long before. The way it happened is, he published on the department’s Facebook page a notice that he needed an assistant to one of the English classes he taught. His only requirement was, the student needed to have finished the course with the highest grade. That was my case, as I had taken that course the previous semester (with a different professor). In my university, when you’re an assistant to a professor in any class, you get credits. I wanted credits, so I emailed him expressing my interest. He said great, come by my office next week at this time, and we can talk about it.

I went to his office as we had agreed, and that’s when I first met him in person. We talked for a bit, I thought he was very nice, and we agreed I would be his assistant in that specific English class. As his assistant, I was present in all of his classes, I helped take attendance, set up the projector, organize the desks/chairs, prepare the assignments, hand them out, grade them if necessary, answer any questions the students might have, etc. It was a Reading Comprehension class, so I also selected texts in English that I thought would be a good fit for him to assign to the students. This meant that we spent a lot of time together and we had a lot of contact outside of class, discussing plans for the course and solving problems that showed up. We would meet earlier than the time the class started, and after the class ended we stayed together for a while too. I didn’t have a crush on him immediately – it developed throughout the semester, because I guess of our growing proximity.

Now, let me tell you. When the crush did develop. I was OBSESSED. It was INSANE. I’d had crushes on teachers before, in middle school and in high school, but NOTHING LIKE THIS. Those crushes paled in comparison; they were reduced to jokes. My crush on James CONSUMED me, mind, body and soul. I don’t think I can stress this enough. I was a MESS – it was so deep, so strong, unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I thought about him every single minute of every single day. I planned every single one of my actions around him. I dressed for him, I got into credit card debt from buying expensive/pretty clothes that might appeal to him, I started a diet so I could lose weight for him (I was the thinnest and unhealthiest I’d ever been during that time), I started doing exercise (I would go jogging for 2 hours straight) also to lose weight, I wore short skirts, I showed cleavage, I put on more makeup than ever in my life. I wrote poems and songs for him, I overanalyzed our interactions and his very micro expressions, every word that he said. Every praise from him was like the highest high from the most powerful drug – the tiniest word of perceived disapproval was enough to render me suicidal. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I hesitate to call it a crush. It was an ILLNESS. I stalked this man, I stalked him online (I found out everything I could about him and his friends and family), I stalked him physically (I would wait outside his office, at a reasonable distance, for him to come out - sometimes I would go up to him and talk to him, sometimes I would just walk by him and wave, pretending it was a coincidence we were in the same area, sometimes I would just watch him walk up to his car and drive away. I wrote down his license plate and looked for his car everywhere I went. I found out what neighborhood he lived in, and I used to go there in hopes that I could find out his exact building by checking parking spots for his car, and maybe I could also run into him there?). I found out he had a girlfriend and stalked her too, and I compared myself to her to the point of insanity. I shed literal blood, sweat and tears, I dedicated months of my life to this sick obsession, and this sick obsession ONLY. This was all I had. Guys, I did things I can’t even speak of here, because they were too wrong, too petty, quite frankly too embarrassing to admit even to strangers on Tumblr. That’s how bad it was.

I couldn’t regret it more. I think, being severely depressed, I considered this crush my lifeline, and I poured my soul into it like it could save me from darkness. But it was darkness, it was awful. And the worst thing? James didn’t deserve to have to deal with it. He is actually a good guy. I’m pretty sure he noticed how I felt, but he never once took advantage of it. He kept his distance, kept everything professional and ethical, never made advances, never did anything inappropriate, and reacted to my inappropriate behavior very well. He knew I was depressed, he tried getting me into therapy, but there was only so much he could do.

Looking back, I feel my crush on James as something of a curse. I was cursed with it – and it still lingers to this day, I still feel the pain from having been burned alive by these feelings even though I’ve put out all the flames by now. I’m fine, I’m better, 6 years later I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been… but I still shake at the sight of James. I still feel like I can’t quite breathe, even though I’m happily married now and most of the time it’s like James never existed. If I run into him, I can’t say it’s not a blow.

I hope one day I can get over him completely. I wanted to tell you guys the James story because I don’t want this to be simply a “omg I got married to my tc, if I did it you can do it too!!” kind of post. I don’t want to encourage anyone to go after their tcs like I went after James because it DOES NOT END WELL and I know better than anyone how unhealthy a teacher attachment can be. I still love to hear all about your tcs and your cute interactions with them and I so relate to how you guys feel, the good parts and the bad parts, I’m absolutely not judging anyone and I love this community so much. I even write tc/age gap stories, I’m always looking for books, movies, fanfics, etc. I love the trope, I love it. But I can’t lie to you – this particular experience in 2017 screwed me over hard.

Okay. I hope that was enough of a cautionary tale. Let’s move on.

PART 2: MARK (my husband)

So I was James’s assistant in that class, and then in some others. Whenever possible I would also sign up to be his student in courses he taught. This lasted for all of 2017 (the height of it) and 2018 (got slowly better, he was no longer the center of my universe, but I still loved him).

And in the meantime, I met Mark (also not his real name), another one of my professors. While James was in his mid thirties, Mark was in his late forties (which was older than my preferred age gap). The Foreign Languages major at my university focuses mostly on English, Spanish, and French – while James taught English Comprehension, Mark taught French History (actually the exact course title is more specific, so I’m not going to name it, but it’s basically French History).

Now, remember how I said my first choice of major at the university was History? (I was persuaded to change it, I regret it, let’s not talk about it.) At that point, I was still very much a History nerd, and French History was my jam. You can still go back to my posts about Robespierre (love of my life) from 2013/2014 here on the archive to this very Tumblr account. So needless to say, I knew an awful lot about the French Revolution going into Mark’s course.

Fun fact: the first time I enrolled in one of Mark’s classes, I thought absolutely nothing of him, but I did know one thing – all of the department offices were shared by two professors, and James’s office was shared by Mark. So on the very first day of class with Mark, he (Mark) was like “guys, I forgot some papers I wanted to hand out to you, they’re in my office – would someone be so kind as to hop in there and get them for us?”. (Office was located very close to the classroom) I was a shy student who almost never spoke in class or volunteered for anything, but when I tell you I JUMPED OUT OF MY CHAIR and practically yelled over another student was already offering, I was like “I’LL GO, I’LL GO, DON’T WORRY PROFESSOR, LEAVE IT TO ME”. I knew James would be there because his class had ended just before Mark’s started. Mark thanked me and so off I went, happily. James was indeed there, working on his desk. I knocked on the door, “Hi professor, may I come in? It’s just that Mark asked me to pick up these papers right here, don’t mind me, thank you so much, hope you’re doing well, see you next class?”. It was such a short interaction with James, but it MADE MY FUCKING DAY.

One week later I dropped out of Mark’s course because arriving on time for his class was getting in the way of me spending more time with James after his class.

Yeah. The irony.

I only saw Mark again on the next semester, when I enrolled in his class once more and there was nothing keeping me from finishing the course. We got closer as time went on precisely because none of the other students even really knew who Robespierre was, and I not only knew his name, but all of the names of the main French revolutionaries and the specific radical/moderate groups they were part of, and exactly their role in the start of the French Revolution leading up to their death. I was not new to being the teacher’s pet – most of my professors loved me at that time, so I ended up being an assistant to many professors apart from James, and Mark was only another one of them. I never had a crush on Mark. When I tell you he meant nothing to me, even though we were so close and we got along so well and had so many interesting conversations about the French Revolution – still my obsession with James was deep and I didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

So how did it happen, you ask me?

One day, Mark and I were having such a good conversation, it ended up lasting longer than we anticipated. We were talking, I was walking to the bus stop, he was walking home because he lived so close to the university and he didn’t have a car. He actually rode a bicycle to the university, but that day he just dragged his bicycle with him by his side so we could keep talking. We decided to stop at a food place and grab something to eat. And we kept talking. Conversation just flowed really naturally with us, and it was kind of a relief to not have to overanalyze everything I say and everything he says. I could just talk about History, I could just fangirl over Robespierre (Mark totally gets it, he thinks Robespierre is awesome too), I could just be myself. I didn’t have many friends at the university, no one I could really talk to and just have a good time with, so Mark was a godsend. We ordered food, kept talking, argued over the bill, then resumed heading towards our destinations. I had long passed my usual bus stop, but there were many stops I could go to, so I just decided I’d take the bus on the one closest to Mark’s place.

At this point, there was definitely a vibe already, we were both going out of our way to keep spending time together. I’m not sure what inspired my actions here. Maybe I wanted to forget about James for a while. Maybe I wanted a chance to make James jealous somehow. Maybe I just wanted someone to be into me, since James clearly never would. So I made up an excuse to go up to his apartment. We spent some more time together in his balcony, overlooking the city, and then out of the blue he’s like:

“You know, James broke up with his girlfriend.”

I was SHOCKED. I was SHAKEN TO MY CORE. I swear to God, I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump, I wanted to dance. I was SO HAPPY. But I couldn’t do any of that now, could I? So much was going through my head. How did Mark know about my feelings for James anyway? (Why else would he say that??) Was I so very obvious? Had James mentioned anything to him? What about the vibe between Mark and me? WHAT WAS EVEN GOING ON?!

I tried my best to not let out my hysteria over the news that James and his girlfriend had broken up. I tried to say as nonchalantly as I could:

“Oh, really? What a shame. Why did they break up?”

“She had an abortion, it seems, that he didn’t agree with.”

Guys, I can’t even describe the turmoil inside me. I’ll be honest, it affected me so much I don’t even remember what I said next, or what he said, or the rest of our conversation. The next thing I remember, Mark and I were making out on his couch and then the rest is history.

Okay so. Mark knew I liked James, not him. I knew Mark himself had just gotten out of a difficult relationship – he had lived in France for a while and had been in love with a French woman. When he returned to our country (he had to, because of his job at the university), she came with him, they had plans to get married and have children and everything. But she wasn’t able to adapt to the new culture and to being away from her family, so she broke up with him and went back to France. There, she got back together with her ex, and soon she was pregnant by him. Mark was still grieving that, he was still very much in love with her. So basically, I wasn’t really into Mark, Mark wasn’t really into me – we were both aware of that – and we started something of an ~~affair~~ (sex, it was just sex, friends with benefits at most) having agreed that it would be nothing more, considering our feelings for other people.

And like that, it stayed, for many months. And then, I don’t know. I guess when we were together, it was hard to keep it just sex, because we got along so well. We had so many of the same interests (e.g., French Revolution), and other things we introduced to each other – he got me into so much 80s/90s music, I got him into horror movies. We also found out we both loved Nietzsche, so we started reading Nietzsche together, and it was SO productive. He helped me understand so much of what Nietzsche wrote, that now I consider my readings of Nietzsche when I was 16/17 to have been useless, I didn’t GET IT AT ALL. And (he says) my thoughts on what we were reading helped him deepen his understanding as well. I started spending a lot of time at his apartment, and we just had so much fun! Also the sex was amazing

Eventually, we decided to give it a try. We just made sense for us to date, right? If we were attracted to each other and we were the best of friends, literally what was it about James and French Lady that was so important to keep Mark and I from moving on with our lives? Especially when French Lady was already married to another guy, and James was just not interested in me no matter how hard I tried to be something he might want. It made sense to at least try. So try we did, and you know what? Best decision I ever made.

PART 3: JAMES/MARK (how it ended)

James and I were supposed to work together on a project. It wasn’t a class this time, just a separate academic research project. It was the perfect chance for me, because it would give me even more time to spend with him. But honestly. What was the point? James didn’t want anything with me. This was crystal clear. And I was trying to move on with someone else. The topic of the research wasn’t even something I liked to study (it was no French Revolution!), it was literally just an excuse to spend time with James. And that didn’t seem fair, considering I was dating Mark now. So I decided to drop out of the research project.

But I’m not going to lie to you guys. I still loved James very much, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. In fact, it was so hard that I kept putting it off, I kept delaying it, to the point I kind of ghosted James for a little while. I was so paralyzed by the prospect of giving up on him completely. And you don’t ghost someone on a research project, that’s shitty academic behavior. (Mark didn’t know about any of this, by the way. He still doesn’t to this day. I had stopped talking to him about James, because well, awkward, right?)

So one day, I decided it was time. I can’t ghost him any longer. I wrote a James a LONG (!) email, explaining why I had ghosted him (I blamed it on my depression), apologizing profusely for dropping out of the project, complimenting him intensely, and then, finally, asking him if we could maybe meet for coffee one of these days, I would like to give him a hug. Remember, this was a LONG email, and it ended with a question (can we meet in person?). Two days later, I get an answer. I don’t remember it word for word (it hurt me so deeply, I deleted the whole email exchange 5 minutes after reading it), but it was something in the lines of:

“Hi, Anissa. Thanks for explaining. Don’t worry about it, I completely understand. I hope you can get the help you need.

Best regards,

James”

I don’t think I need to explain how painful it was to receive an answer like that, after I had opened up so much to him in long paragraphs, and expressed a desire to see him. And as I got that answer, I started to ask myself why the hell I even wrote such a long email, why the hell I even asked to see him (said I wanted to HUG HIM), when I was dating someone else. In hindsight, that was an asshole move on my part. I guess James thought so too.

I don’t know if James knew about my relationship with Mark. When it comes to James and Mark, the truth is they never got along. I only found out as Mark and I became more intimate and he felt more comfortable confessing that he hates James, always has, and James hates him right back. They both avoided being at the office together. Mark thinks James is stupid, James thinks Mark is arrogant. And since I was Mark’s student, we kept our relationship a secret all along, and I’m sure Mark never told James anything. But who knows? Maybe he found out another way, maybe he guessed it. Maybe he doesn’t know at all, he just answered so coldly because he was angry at me for ghosting him on his project.

Guys. Ever since that email… I never talked to James again. We saw each other from a distance plenty of times at the university, and hell, I even took one of his classes again (it was mandatory, there was no way around it). It was 2020, during the pandemic, so it was all on Zoom, and I never had to say a word to him or show my face on the call. I took the online quizzes, and at the end of the semester I submitted a paper I had written for the final assignment. I received feedback from him saying the paper was excellent. It gave me a little bit of joy, as his praise was does… but also, a little bit of disgust. I know everything that went wrong between me and him was my fault. But I’m only human, and I can’t help it, I resent that email. I resent it a lot. I stopped talking to James partly out of respect for my new boyfriend, partly out of hatred for James and his stupid fucking email that broke my heart into a million pieces.

Flash forward to 2021. Mark and I were better than ever. One day, we’re like, you know what, if we get married we can probably save up on health insurance (I could be included in his health insurance, as his wife, and I was at that point without any health insurance at all). So I told my mom, “by the way mom, Mark and I are getting married for health insurance reasons”. My mom was over the moon and decided to plan the whole wedding. At first we wanted something small, but my mom went crazy and did something bigger than we planned (still small, because pandemic, but bigger than we wanted – there was an actual reception with my closest family and friends, back in my hometown). It was cute. Though I hate the pictures because I look so fat in my wedding dress. Being with Mark, I gained weight again, because he makes me feel loved me whether I’m thin or fat, and quite frankly fat is healthier for me. I still carry the harmful fatphobic feeling of inferiority from back when I was losing weight for James though.

2021 is when I should have graduated, but the truth is that when I had a crush on James, I fucked up a lot of my class schedule (remember how I dropped out of Mark’s class just to be able to spend time with James?) to make it work in favor of my obsession with him. And then the pandemic happened, which delayed my courses even more (we lost a whole semester there). So unfortunately, I only got to graduate last year, 2023, at the old age of 26 (awful, terrible, I hate it, I feel like shit for it, especially because it was my fault, my depression that kept me from college in 2015/2016, my sick obsessive crush that ruined my life in 2017/2018, and it was 2019 when I was able to start healing).

I’ve been married to Mark for 3 years now and it’s been THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I’ve never been healthier, physically and mentally, and I love him so much, and we have 2 cats, and I love my cats, and our little family and our little home.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t feel (and never have felt) for Mark what I felt for James. But I think this is a good thing in the end. I think it’s the reason why my relationship with Mark is so good and so healthy. Because what I felt for James was an illness, not love. And I love Mark for who he is as a human being, NOT as a teacher. James was my teacher crush through and through, it was always about his position, his authority, his praise, his reproach, his distance, his inaccessibility – never about his friendship. Because as much as I might want to fool myself sometimes, we never were friends, we were always teacher and teaching assistant.

I’m gonna end it on this note: last month (December 2023), I presented my final paper (a research paper every student has to present in order to get their diploma by my university). For the final paper, most of the professors in the department are present to watch you speak and present your research findings. So that was the last time I saw James – he was there to watch this semester’s graduating class present their papers. He watched me present mine. When I got up on stage, he was sitting directly in front of me, facing me in a way that made it almost hard for us not to stare at each other. I was deeply affected by his presence. I don’t even remember how my presentation went, I was so conscious of James being right there in front of me. When I finished, I was congratulated and complimented and praised by almost every professor in the department, they all had loved my research. All except one. James didn’t say a word to me. I didn’t say a word to him either. At a certain point we were pulled into the same circle of conversation, but we both kept quiet, let other people speak, looked away when our eyes met, and made sure to walk away in opposite directions as soon as possible. I have no idea why he’s being like this, whether he hates me for ghosting, whether he hates me for being with Mark, whether he just doesn’t care about me at all and never has. I just don’t know. I’ve been trying my hardest not to care too.

Anyway. This was a ride. If you made it this far, I LOVE YOU. I may need to go cry now.

#teacher crush #male teacher crush #teacher crush community #teacher x student #teacher attachment

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buckybarnesss · 9 months

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Every single time a sterek anti says "well, sterek could never be made canon because derek is oooolldddd" I think of that weird Lydia/Jordan fighting scene and roll my eyes

The show has no problem with pairing teenagers up with adults. I was forced to witness a 22 year old brag about how young he looks and then immediately try to make-out with a 16 year old girl.

lydia outright is hooking up with adult men in season 3. she says she's tired of teenage boys and there's a scene in tattoo of a man in her bed that she ignores before leaving for school. aiden and ethan have a conversation where aiden reminds ethan they're not teenagers after ethan's been flirting with danny. all of this is in the first episode of season 3.

in season 2 they have danny going to a gay club that clearly isn't for teenagers.

at the rave harris is shown to be dating much younger woman where he is very defensive about her not being a student.

the whole lydia and parrish thing is weird and i do remember people bringing up how uncomfortable they were with it but not enough people i guess. they totally tried to play it off as oh it's just the hellhound and banshee connection.

it's not that i think everyone has to ship sterek or whatever. there's no need to even justify disliking a ship but it's the anti self-righteous stance that makes me roll my eyes and be annoyed.

nothing overt happens in the show. six seasons and it's nothing more than mostly subtextual hints at deeper feelings between the two.

even behind the scenes crystal reed and arden cho were in their late 20s when they were playing teens and kissing barely in his 20s tyler posey but no fuss is made about that but even talking about how fictional 16 year old stiles may have a crush on derek whose at most 3-4 years older is somehow terrible.

it's just tiring. i get it antis are mad the ship is the most popular one in fandom and don't like age gap but you're not gonna stop people from shipping it.

#my blog #thoughts on teen wolf #sterek #teen wolf is terrible about it but people always focus on sterek

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merthwyn · 6 months

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My thoughts about Kat Von D

I had no idea who she was up until all the news came out about her recent baptism. I went to her FB and Instagram account to "get to know her". Needless to say that I did not like either her lifestyle nor her music. And I do see that these two stay the same even after her conversion which I find quite worrying.

HOWEVER

I am sick and tired of the judgemental Christians out there. Dozens of times the effects of being born again take years to actually appear. And even if they do, you can still be a "not Christian enough" for many self-righteous Christians and churches. Personally, unlike Kat Von D, I'm not doing spooky sensual music with vampires, I'm not covered in tattoos, I don't have a controversial lifestyle, I'm not dressed like a witch all the time. Unlike Kat Von D, I am "normal". But GUESS WHAT! I'm still an abomination for dozens of Christians just because I don't "fit in" their church's lifestyle!!! 😱

My point is: Yes her situation is quite worrying. But if you spend more time judging her instead of praying for her, you are part of the problem. You forget that the enemy hates seeing people approaching God so he does his best to stop this. You forget that we are in a continuous spiritual warfare. And you also forget that people coming out from witchcraft (like Kat Von D) need extra care, prayers and warfare. I myself was tempted to get into witchcraft before I became a Christian and I did made my first steps into it. Even today, although in an extremely weak form, the temptation is still here. I do fight it but this doesn't mean it's not here. So, if I am tempted, imagine what happens with people who were completely into witchcraft for their whole life!!

JUDGE LESS, PRAY MORE. And, maybe, study the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. It may say things about yourself.

#kat von d #christianity #witchcraft #Pharisaism #spiritual warfare #baptism

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visorforavisor · 9 months

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warning: Good Omens series / season 2 spoilers

you have been warned

final warning okay thank you

(also Pride and Prejudice spoilers I guess if anyone still cares about that 210 years on)

·—·

they’re Pride and Prejudice, people! I’m telling you!

Aziraphale still holds onto his anti-Hell, pro-Heaven, anti-demon, pro-angel bias, his prejudice telling him that there is no “institutional problem”, that Crowley fell because he asked questions rather than because Heaven didn’t want questions asked.

Crowley refuses to let go of his pride in his identity (whether that be as one of the fallen, or as part of a side that is neither Heaven nor Hell), and go back to the Heaven that betrayed him, which he doesn’t trust not to ruin everything.

Aziraphale is Lizzy, Crowley is Darcy.

and, come on, we all know what happens in Chapter 34.

Darcy proposes to her. he talks about having tried to pretend the love is not real (“in vain I have struggled”), and asks Lizzy to marry him despite the fact that they come from two different factions who traditionally wouldn’t marry, and despite the fact that he knows she does not possess the same identity he is proud of in himself.

and Lizzy turns him down, because she’s prejudiced against Darcy’s type and this has influenced how and what she thinks about him specifically.

Darcy leaves this proposal feeling hurt, betrayed, and upset, while Lizzy is too confident that she is right in the core beliefs that influenced her decision. and they go away needing to work on themselves.

(is all of this sounding familiar?)

and then they meet again and fall in love and there’s a successful proposal etc etc.

Crowley’s pride in what he is won’t let him take Aziraphale at half quality, still part of Heaven; Aziraphale must be so exceptional as to transcend that restrictive category. an angel who would buy into that nonsense is not what Crowley stands for. he cares about people in his own, very small category: their side, which he thought included Aziraphale. those outside Crowley’s side are not to be ruining Crowley’s “precious, peaceful, fragile existence”.

meanwhile, Aziraphale’s prejudice presents him two options. either Crowley remains a demon which means he is bad, or Crowley becomes an angel again, which means he can be properly good. in the second case, Aziraphale can have him. Aziraphale can’t have Crowley if he’s bad, which he must be if he’s a demon.

there’s a subtle difference between the two.

Crowley’s tactic is more about self-preservation for his group (which would have included Aziraphale if Aziraphale’d agreed to dump Heaven for their side, just as Darcy’s remaining pride extends to protecting Lizzy when they are married (“Darcy could never receive him [Wickham] at Pemberley”)).

Aziraphale is being self-righteous for the good in the world (which he would have done for Crowley too if Crowley’d agreed to be an angel, just as Lizzy loses her shit at Darcy for not helping Wickham and all of his myriad other moral failings and then turns around and defends him once she’s convinced he’s good (“that [her dislike of him] is all to be forgot”)).

of course, this all might be an accident on the part of the writers, but then again….

Crowley and Aziraphale’s ideas to get Nina and Maggie together were sheltering from the rain, one fabulous kiss, and Pride and Prejudice.

Crowley and Aziraphale have already had their sheltering from the rain — twice, actually (at the end of the creation scene, and the end of the Eden scene). they have also had their kiss — no explanation needed.

this is their Pride and Prejudice, right down to Crowley (Darcy) protesting when a dance with Aziraphale (Lizzy) is suggested.

I could go into how Pride and Prejudice is in and of itself a Much Ado About Nothing retelling, but honestly that’s not particularly relevant, just cool. (do watch the David Tennant and Catherine Tate Much Ado, though.)

so, my hypothesis for the conclusion of a potential series 3 is as follows.

it will involve Crowley’s equivalent of “one word from you will silence me forever”: Aziraphale’s last chance to answer in the affirmative and be with him. Aziraphale will learn that Crowley is not bad simply for being a demon (I hope), and Crowley will realise Aziraphale should be let into his heart even if he wasn’t always on Crowley’s side (I hope).

Darcy / Crowley stops refusing to interact positively with anybody not in the little clique, and Lizzy / Aziraphale stops believing an entire group to be awful.

I don’t know if I have anything else coherent to say on this. something about how they have to accept the things they cannot change about the other and change the things the other cannot accept about them?

(also Gabriel could arguably be Wickham, given that Crowley tries to convince Aziraphale that Gabriel did a nasty thing and should be kept away from those he wants to keep safe but Aziraphale won’t believe Gabriel is a bad person because Gabriel isn’t one of the group he considers to be bad… I mean, it’s just their pride and their prejudice again isn’t it. whether we’re talking about Darcy, Lizzy, and Wickham, or Crowley, Aziraphale, and Gabriel.

I’m not going to follow that extension of the comparison too far, though, because I don’t think I can reasonably claim that Beelzebub is Lydia.)

concluision: I don’t care whether it’s Benedick and Beatrice, or Darcy and Lizzy, or Crowley and Aziraphale. I love all of their dynamics.

and we have amazing things to look forward to if we can convince the company to make series 3.

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