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sailorfailures · 4 years

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ColourPop is dropping a Sailor Moon collab on Feb 20th and I have some Opinions

It’s the moment Sailor Moon makeup geeks have been waiting for - ColourPop cosmetics, noted for their affordable and colourful official pop culture makeup collaborations, has announced a Sailor Moon collaboration containing an eyeshadow palette, two liquid lipsticks, two lip glosses, two blushes, and two body glitters. Most likely this collab is being timed with the 25th Anniversary of Sailor Moon’s debut in North America to contrast with Japanese cosmetics from brands like Creer Beaute and Shiseido, which were released for the Japanese 25th anniversary.

Source: ColourPopCo on Twitter

After my initial excitement about the long-awaited collaboration died down, I was left with a somewhat disappointing realisation... this entire collab, over a total of nine products, was not about Sailor Moon: The Show... it was about Sailor Moon, the character.

When I imagine a makeup collection for Sailor Moon I immediately picture the rainbow of colours represented across the whole Sailor squad, or at least the OG Sailor Team five. But almost everything in the collab is quite warm, and either pink or neutral/natural. Exceedingly neutral/natural, in fact. One look at the names for all the product colours - “Shining Moon”, “Twilight Flash”, “Bun Head”, “Usagi” - make it clear that the products are intended to reflect Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon only.

The packaging itself is... interesting. I can appreciate that they were trying something new with the eyeshadow and blush cases, as they are all topped with different holographic pictures - not (just) the shiny kind of holo, but the old school kind that flips between two different images, all exclusively featuring Usagi and sometimes Luna. You can see the effect in action in this video review by TrendMood. Good concept but slightly awkward execution. I think they would’ve benefited from some kind of static frame around the images so that it didn’t look like I’d just hot glued a pog to my pencil case. The rest of the packaging features the same old redrawn clipart from every other piece of anniversary merch, so, yawn, though the prismatic elements are nice. The body glitter pots are cute, featuring Usagi’s first transformation brooch to mirror the round shape of the pots, but ColourPop’s “gliterally obsessed” branding seems out of place. I know that’s the name of their glitter gel series but maybe it could’ve been swapped out just this once.

(Screencap from above video by TrendMood)

The lip sticks/glosses are by far the most disappointing. Apart from the cardboard boxes they come in, the only branding visible on the tubes themselves is the series logo and a nondescript crescent moon pattern on the caps. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of subtle packaging. I don’t really want Sailor Moon’s face plastered all over a lipstick either; but I’ve also never been a fan of using random moons/hearts/stars as a stand-in for something more relevant to the show when that imagery is so generic and disconnected from the series. Why not little graphics of the Silver Crystal? If they’d thrown some rabbits, bows, and/or roses into the pattern then the combination would read more as “Sailor Moon” than moons on their own. (That said, splitting them into “Moonlight” for the liquid lips and “Daylight” for the lighter glosses with transformed vs. non-transformed? Brilliant. Genius. The perfect blend of nostalgic and practical.)

(Screencap from above video by TrendMood)

Here’s a photo of the palette taken from Temptalia’s website with everything but the shadows desaturated, so you can read the colours more clearly without being influenced by the packaging:

At first I wasn’t sure what this colour story was trying to tell me. I definitely understand going for a more neutral/“everyday” palette over something more glam, since the characters themselves are generally fresh-faced, but the AMOUNT of neutral shades here seem out of place for such a bright series. Tuxedo Rose and Love (the two pinks in the middle of the bottom row) are so similar for such a limited palette. Twilight Flash (top, second from the left) feels out of place; oddly saturated and just a bit too warm to play nicely with many of the other colours. Mare Serenitatis (the coppery-looking one) stood out as unusual but is actually more of a wine/plum under all the glitter, which is much more appropriate and reminds me of Sailor Moon’s transformation.

The more I looked at this palette, and the more I saw of reviewer's looks using it, the more I slowly realised that this palette wasn’t really evoking the character of Usagi herself, but rather the nostalgic, hazy, pink-washed aesthetic of the entire 90s Sailor Moon animation.

The dreamy not-quite-pastel quality of the 90s anime (half conscious design choice, half convention of the time) has received a lot of modern attention and praise. It makes sense that the palette feels like it’s being viewed through a rose-tinted filter when the entire show felt that way, or is at least remembered that way. It wouldn’t surprise me if ColourPop literally based some swatches on recurring colours picked from screenshots.

That being said... Does that make it a good choice for a makeup collab? Is this what Sailor Moon fans want and will buy? Is it versatile enough to warrant a purchase for non-diehard fans? Is it actually what casual fans, who might buy something like this out of pure nostalgia, are actually nostalgic for? Just because I see what ColourPop was going for, does it automatically translate to the most appropriate choice?

Ultimately, my judgement on that comes down to whether this is ColourPop’s only Sailor Moon collab. If this is them testing the waters to see if they can branch out into releasing products focused on the other girls, like a blue/silver mini palette for Sailor Mercury, a green/pink mini palette for Sailor Jupiter, etc. then I’m all for it. When perceived as a palette that represents the show itself, and not any specific character - not even Usagi, despite what all of the swatch names suggest - it really shines. But that’s not really ColourPop’s MO. Most of their pop culture collections are released in one big shining burst of products and then... nothing. And there are quite a few different products here.

I’d also be remiss not to point out that there are lots of indie Sailor Moon-inspired makeup collections already on the market, which makes sense for an almost-30-year-old series that literally repeats the words “make-up!” nearly every episode. Maybe ColourPop felt like they would be stepping on fandom toes or running the risk of copycat accusations if they strayed too close to any of the 2,348 red Sailor Mars-inspired eyeshadows online, though I assume they’d have the legal upper hand. In that respect, I do appreciate that this is a unique approach to a concept that has been nearly driven into the ground.

But ColourPop is not an indie brand and there are some benefits that come with that. They are generally more accessible, sometimes more affordable, can usually ship to more places in less time at a lower cost to the buyer, and can afford much larger runs that will sell out less quickly (though don’t be fooled, this collab will almost certainly start to sell out shortly after its launch). For many fans, especially younger fans, this is probably their only feasible option for Sailor Moon makeup. And some fans prefer the stamp of authenticity from an “official” collaboration, even if indie collections are often, well, better. So I think there’s an impetus for ColourPop to release a less specialised collection that’s reminiscent of more characters.

If this really is the only Sailor Moon collab ColourPop is planning to release, then the packaging, in my opinion, is an odd choice. I don’t know why they decided to focus exclusively on Usagi herself; if the colour story is meant to represent the entire series, then why not either have all the girls on the front in a rosey colour scheme, OR have none of them and focus on one of the cityscapes that clearly inspired the palette? I feel like there are lots of fans who aren’t necessarily fond of Usagi herself who may be put off by the overwhelming focus on her.

Overall: The lip sticks are nice but not super exciting, but I like what I can see of the lipglosses. The subtle glitter is very Sailor Moon. I love the Moonlight/Daylight concept but wish it were reflected on the actual tubes. The body glitters (Moonlight Legend, Moon Prism Power) are exciting and interesting, by far the most experimental part of the collab. The shape and colour choices for the glitters are very “Sailor Moon” and I can see them getting some use on the festival scene. The blushes also seem cute but a tad overpowering for the otherwise understated vibe of the rest of the collab, like the liquid lipsticks, and I love the Luna stamp in the blushes but would be sad to actually use them and see it get worn away. And while I like the gauzy backdrop-inspired looks people are making out of the palette, I feel like it’s extremely limited in the number of unique looks you could actually pull off.

So, in the end... am I going to be buying any of these? Hell, probably, if they’re not totally sold out by the time I get to them. My initial roller coaster of OMG COLOURPOP SAILOR MOON!!!! excitement dropped into “that’s it?” disappointment but has now leveled out at a respectable buzz of interest. I could see myself wearing most of these products, and the collector in me wants at least a piece of the collab for posterity. I just really hope that this isn’t the end of ColourPop’s involvement in Sailor Moon and that we might see some future products tailored specifically to the other girls, so that my collection isn’t just Usagi’s face staring back at me.

#Sailor Moon #ColourPop #Colour Pop #merchandise #long post #edit: just bc I have some questions about this collab I hope this didn't come off as overly negative #I'm still planning on buying a lot of it LOL #and the more I look at it the more excited I get #I think I wrote a lot of this when I was still in the disappointed downspiral from the initial announcement #bc I was thinking about what it 'could' have been based on my own biases #when i look back and see what it actually is I'm still very excited #the more I look at it the more I feel like these are uniquely 'sailor moon'

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degenerate-perturbation · 4 years

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Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Female Amell/Female Surana Characters: Female Amell, Female Surana, Anders, Velanna, Nathaniel Howe, Oghren (Dragon Age), Justice (Dragon Age), Sigrun (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Harm, Blood Magic Series: Part 2 of void and light, blood and spirit Summary: Amell and Surana are out of the Circle, and are now free to build a life together. But when the prison doors fly open, what do you have in common with the one who was shackled next to you? What do you have in common, save for the chains that bound you both?

The problem, of course, was that for what felt like a long time, it was alright.

In the months that followed, Loriel threw herself into her work, driven half by guilt and half by some unknown manic energy. If before she was aloof, she was a ghost now. The few remaining Commander’s duties which she had retained gradually slid under Yvanne’s purvey. A couple of the new recruits didn’t even seem to realize that Yvanne wasn’t the actual Warden-Commander, and seemed very confused to take orders from her, given that they’d all thought the Hero of Ferelden was supposed to be an elf.

Loriel encouraged her to stop correcting them. In response to Yvanne’s protests, she simply said, “Oh, very well. You can be acting Warden-Commander instead. Does that satisfy?”

So Yvanne was acting Warden-Commander.

There was more to do now than ever, with the Ferelden Wardens still growing. To keep track of it all, Yvanne was obliged to withdraw from much of her old daily routine, and resort to delegation. She simply had no other choice. She spent more and more time at a desk taking reports, writing letters in Loriel’s name, hearing petitions. Sometimes if she ruled against somebody, they would demand to see the actual Arlessa and hear her opinion. Every time, Yvanne would dutifully fetch her, and every time, Loriel would listen to the dispute with a glazed expression, nod understandingly, and back up Yvanne’s decision, whatever it had been. Eventually, people stopped asking to see the actual Arlessa. The actual Arlessa unnerved them, anyway, with her black, black eyes, and her too-pale skin and all the grisly stories about what she had done to save Amaranthine.

It was just as well, because the departure of Anders—and Justice with him—had as good as ripped a gaping hole in the social fabric of the Vigil’s original Wardens, and left it to rapidly unravel. It wasn’t that they weren’t friends anymore, but they were no longer a group . Yvanne still tried to keep up with their lives, to the degree she still could. Were Velanna and Nathaniel together together, or just together? How were Felsi and the nugget doing? Did Sigrun need another book? But it was getting harder and harder, and it wasn’t making her happy anymore. It just reminded her of what didn't exist anymore.

They’d come together to accomplish something, and they’d accomplished it, and now they were inevitably drifting apart. Maybe that was just the way of things.

Things didn’t change all that much between her and Loriel. They still spent a great deal of time together. They ate together. They drank a restrained glass of evening red together. They went to bed together. Oh, yes, they went to bed. Back when Yvanne was a teenager and falling into a discreet closet with anybody she could get ahold of, just because it was something to get away it, she’d thought of sex as something sort of fun but mostly uncomfortable. She’d had no idea how good it could be, with someone you really loved, when you knew so much about each other, when you had all the time you wanted to explore anything you liked.

In fact, when Yvanne thought about her life now as opposed to even a few years ago, it was so good, so much better than anything she'd had any right to hope for. It wasn’t that she was never angry or afraid, but compared to the stew of constant, helpless rage and fear—this was the dream. This was the life that she had fought so hard for.

It had all been so intense before, but maybe that was just what it was to be young. Yvanne wasn’t that much older than she’d been, but she felt old, like the main part of her life was already over. She’d had her grand romance, her heroic adventure, and now the curtain had fallen. N ow she was an actor still standing on an empty stage, unaware that the play was over, and only just now beginning to feel foolish.

And month ticked after month, until another full turn of the seasons had come and gone, and still the days piled higher.

—

Yvanne woke suddenly. She didn’t jerk awake or scream, she was too used to nightmares for that. She just slowly became aware that she was safe in her bed, still human, still sane. She groped blindly in the dark for Loriel, but found her side of the bed cold and empty. Then she remembered that she’d gone to bed alone that night, as she did more and more often. But even on the nights when she got too tired or impatient to wait for Loriel, she always came to bed later. Usually if Yvane woke in the night, as she often did, there was someone there waiting for her. But not tonight.

For a while she lay in the dark feeling her sweat cool on her skin, until she was shivering. The Keep could get quite cold. Sure, she could have simply redrawn a fire sigil under the bed, but suddenly she didn’t really want to stay under the covers. With a sigh, she got out of bed and slipped into a heavy robe, feeling the cold flagstones on her bare feet.

It was a good thing that Loriel was never difficult to find.

Yvanne groped in the dark until she found the passageway to her laboratory. She felt oddly furtive going down there alone, for a reason she couldn’t pinpoint. It felt, irrationally, like a violation.

Loriel was asleep at the desk she kept down there, head on her folded arms, snoring softly. She woke right away when Yvanne touched her shoulder.

“Hm? You’re still up?” she yawned.

“Already up, more like," Yvanne said. "You never came to bed.”

Loriel rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

“Not too long til dawn, I think.”

“Oh, no...I’m sorry, love. I must have lost track of time, and...fallen asleep.”

“It’s alright. I only just woke up.” She eyed her. Was it the dim light of this room—the gas lamps had long since gone out, leaving only Loriel’s fading magelight wisp to illuminate it—or were the circles under her eyes deeper than before? “You should really try to sleep in a bed more often. You look tired.”

“Why were you up, anyway?” Loriel said, and Yvanne didn’t fail to notice that she hadn’t really responded to her last comment.

“Bad dreams,” Yvanne said briefly.

“Oh?”

She recognized that tone. No getting out of it. She waved a dismissive hand. “Usually I just get back to sleep, but you weren’t there. It was cold.” And I got worried.

“Darkspawn dreams?”

Yvanne considered lying. “Yes,” she said instead.

Loriel’s brow crumpled. “They’re still bad, then?”

“Not so bad,” Yvanne said vaguely. “Still not my favorite thing in the world, but better than they used to be, during the Blight and right afterward. Mostly I’m used to them. Are you coming to bed or are you going to spend the rest of the night impressing wood grain onto your cheek?”

She snorted. “I’ll come to bed. I’m clearly too tired to get anything done tonight, anyway.”

“Good,” Yvanne said, relieved. “We can sleep in tomorrow. You look like you need it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”

Yvanne rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Here, this might help a bit.” She put her hands on Loriel’s pale cheek and muttered a spell she’d known for a long time, now. A tiny wisp of a spirit came to her, and her hand glowed briefly blue against her skin.

Loriel let out a little breath. “That did help. What was it?”

“Blood-replenishing spell. Just helps along what the body does naturally.” She couldn’t help but remember. “We used to cast it on women giving birth. In Kinloch.” She shook her head, trying to dispel the memory like dusting a cobweb, but it was no good. “I used to hate doing that. Helping bring a life into this world that was just going to get sold to the Chantry. I never felt worse about being a healer.”

She trailed off. She rarely thought about Kinloch. Whenever she did, it was like she was back there, still teenaged and furious, and there was little she hated more than to feel that way.

Loriel noticed. She grabbed her hand. “Thank you for it. I do feel better. Let’s go to bed, then.”

“Right. Yeah.”

They turned to go upstairs.

Then Loriel said, “I’m going to get you out of this, you know.” She said it so low and quiet that Yvanne wasn’t sure it had even been meant for her.

“What?”

“The dreams,” Loriel said. A fey light was in her eyes. “The Blight, the Calling...all of it. I got you into this, and I’m going to get you out. I’m going to get us both out. I swear it.”

Yvanne fiddled uncomfortably with the end of one of her braids. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I do, though,” Loriel said, yawning. “I do.”

“I’ll settle for you sleeping in an actual bed with me,” Yvanne said. “Come on, let’s go. I’ll get the light.”

—

One day early in the spring a knock on her office door revealed Nathaniel. Straight-backed, proud-shouldered Nathaniel Howe, how different he was from the man she’d met (and screamed at) in the dungeons so long ago—though it hadn’t been that long, had it? Two years, going on three. Not so long at all, really, but it felt like ages.

He indulged her obvious desire for small-talk for a while, but Nathaniel Howe wasn’t a man to beat around the bush. He got right to the point—he was requesting a different posting, far from Vigil’s Keep.

“Why?” she asked, befuddled, slightly hurt, and doing a bad job of hiding it. “I mean, of course you can have whatever posting you want, but…”

He shrugged and muttered something that sounded perfectly reasonable and utterly empty, and even all her most skillful prying wasn’t enough to get anything approaching the truth out of him. All she could do was shrug and approve the transfer and sternly lecture him on the importance of regular reports, and he’d better believe that if she didn’t hear from him for too long there would be hell to pay, from her and Delilah both. Yvanne saw her more often these days. She’d left Ser Pounce-a-Lot with her months ago. It was just too damn sad to see the poor animal wandering around the Vigil without Anders there to take care of it, and she didn’t want reminders of him, anyway.

Nathaniel laughed and said he was sure there would be, and departed a few days later. It all seemed to happen so fast. Less than a week and another one of them was gone.

It was a real shame, too. Of the people Yvanne trusted most, Nathaniel was the only one with even a smidgen of leadership potential. She wanted trustworthy people in high positions of the Ferelden Warden’s command structure, and nobody else fit the bill. Velanna would have been her second choice, but the last time she'd had any authority, she’d lead her people to a grisly death. Sigrun was too much of a follower, too ready to defer and subvert herself. And Oghren was...Oghren.

Nathaniel, though—she wouldn’t have thought it when she first met him, but he would have made a fine commanding officer. She’d been hoping to make him her successor

But he was gone now.

Her first, most obvious thought was that something had happened between him and Velanna. She never had quite figured out the nature of their relationship, just that there almost definitely was some kind of relationship. Or perhaps there wasn’t, anymore. But asking Velanna was less than illuminating. Even the mention of Nathaniel in her presence was liable to send her abruptly out of the room, and the one time Yvanne risked asking her directly, she got snarled at so viciously that she didn’t feel inclined to try again.

But Velanna was going to be fine, Yvanne was pretty sure. Velanna was like the vines she used in combat—resilient, and ridiculously so. It was Sigrun that she was worried about. She couldn’t help but feel like the ex-Legionnaire was still just waiting for her chance to die.

“How are you holding up?” was Yvanne’s regular question to her.

“Oh, me? I’m fine,” Sigrun said, just as cheerful as ever. It was pretty easy to get her going. They talked about the book Sigrun was reading right now and whether it was any good (it wasn’t) and whether Yvanne should read it (she definitely should).

“But what about you?”

Yvanne stared blankly. “What about me?”

Sigrun laughed. “I mean, how are you doing? We hardly ever get to talk anymore. What with you being so busy.”

“We don’t, do we?” Yvanne sighed. “Funny how the months get away from you. I swear the whole summer passed without me noticing.”

“Haha, not me!” said Sigrun. “It’s still such a novelty to me. love watching the seasons change. My favorite is winter, when it snows.”

Yvanne remembered when summer had been a novelty. When snow was a delight, and the brilliance of autumn colors and spring flowers was a marvel unparalleled. For most of her life she had watched the seasons change from inside the tower walls.

Sigrun smiled slightly. “I really am fine, you know.”

“Wasn’t saying you weren’t,” Yvanne said, as though she hadn’t been doing a fair impression of an anxious mother hen for nearly a year now. “Just wanted to, you know. Check in.”

“Consider me checked.” And then she sighed. “I just miss them sometimes.”

A sudden, powerful wave of abject misery hit Yvanne before she could consciously stop it. She was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to have fought for this. How could she possibly be so ungrateful as not to want it anymore?

She had to talk to Loriel. She knew she did. But these days Loriel felt as remote and inaccessible as a high, locked tower.

And besides, it wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t intolerable. Mostly, she was happy. She was.

—

“Hey—is everything alright?”

Loriel’s head hit the pillow with a thump and a weak exhale. “Sorry, love, I think I’m just tired.”

Yvanne rolled off her. “No need to be sorry.” She tried not to sound petty or passive-aggressive about it, because she wasn’t. Or at least, not about this.

Loriel propped her head up, leaning on her elbow. “I can still…”

“No, it’s fine. You’re tired.”

Loriel was often tired lately. It was no wonder. She’d lost weight—a lot of weight, and she hadn’t had much to begin with. Her ribs and pelvis and collarbone all pressed thin against increasingly papery skin. And then there were the scars.

She’d started out being quite professional about it, when she’d first gotten heavily into what was essentially blood magic research with herself as the subject. Neat incisions with minimal scarring, or none at all if Yvanne was on hand. But as time went on she cared less and less about neatness. Both her thighs were covered with little marks. Her arms, too.

It was taking it out of her, the research. Yvanne had increasingly little idea of how it was going. Loriel didn’t talk about it as much as she used to. But her eyes were getting hollower, and the scars were getting sloppier, and some days Yvanne thought she looked like she might disappear altogether.

If Yvanne thought too much about it she’d start panicking. So she tried not to think too much about it. Maker knew all her attempts to talk to Loriel about it were about as useful as a square wagon wheel.

“That spell might help. The bl—”

“I know the one.” For a moment Yvanne thought to refuse. Loriel couldn’t cast it herself; blood magic interfered too much with her connection to the Fade, made spirit healing impossible for her. Maybe if Yvanne stopped helping her, if Loriel really had to feel everything she was doing to herself...

Maybe she’d stop, clear her head. Realize that what she was doing wasn’t helping anyone.

But who was she kidding? She was a born enabler. She’d never refused Loriel a thing. Wordlessly, she cast the spell.

Loriel let out a little breath of relief. Some color had returned to her cheeks, but she didn’t exactly look healthy. “Thank you. I owe so much to you.”

“Mm.”

Yvanne got under the covers, and, realizing that actually she was also pretty tired, resolved to sleep.

“Are you alright?” Loriel said.

She wished she hadn’t asked that. “I’m just worried about you,” Yvanne mumbled.

That upset her. It always did. “I’m sorry,” she said.

Yvanne groaned and buried her head under the pillow. “Stop being sorry already. It doesn’t help.”

“You’re the one who said you were worried.” Her voice wasn’t exactly petulant, but...

“You’re the one who asked.”

Loriel hmphed. “Excuse me, then, for having perfectly reasonable concern for my wife.”

Like she was falling or that old trick. “You’re excused.”

“I can get worried too, you know.”

You don’t, though. “I know.”

They lay in silence for a while.

“Are you even still attracted to me?” Loriel whispered.

Yvanne was so surprised that she took the pillow off her head and sat up. “What?”

“Am I ugly to you?”

“Andraste’s—no, you’re not. Of course you’re not.”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Loriel pulled the sheets tight across her shoulders. “I’ve changed. The way you look at me has changed.”

“Nothing’s changed. Not that, anyway.”

Loriel’s breath hitched. “I’m not an idiot, you know. It’s alright if you don’t want me anymore.”

“Stop it.”

“I’ll understand. Really, I will.”

“I said, stop it.”

Loriel fell silent.

“You are,” said Yvanne, “the most beautiful woman in the world. To me, you always will be.” She meant it. Even now. “But you’re really scaring the shit out of me lately.”

Loriel had given her that look before, lots of times, but never out of eyes so sunken.

“You’re not sleeping. You’re not eating. And the blood magic…”

“I’m doing this for you.”

“Yeah? I never asked for you to.”

“You did, though,” Loriel mumbled. “Not directly. But you did. You asked in a hundred little ways.”

“You never gave me any of what I really wanted,” Yvanne shot back. “And I’ve learned to live with it, haven’t I? I still love you, don’t I? So don’t—just, don’t.”

It wasn’t fair. Never was an exaggeration. But she’d already said it and there was no taking it back.

She rolled over and pretended to be asleep, marking the end of the conversation. Loriel didn’t pursue it. In fact, she got out of bed entirely. Yvanne lay awake for—she didn’t know how long. Maybe only minutes. Maybe longer. She was sure Loriel wouldn’t come back at all, that she’d gone back down to her lab, but she did. The bed creaked and there was a brief rush of cold air and there she was again. Yvanne wrapped her arms around her and didn’t even complain about her cold feet and cold hands, and Loriel buried her face in her neck. They didn’t mention the argument in the morning, and Yvanne tried not to think about how in the morning light, Loriel looked like she’d barely slept at all.

—

Yvanne spent more time around Oghren these days.

At first she told herself it was because she was going to help him get his life together. It had never sat well with her, the easy way Loriel seemed ready to give up on a person they both considered, in his own way, a friend. You can’t treat people like projects, Loriel would say, and Yvanne would sniff. What did she know? She hardly treated anyone like anything.

But after three separate failed interventions and countless falls off the wagon even Yvanne was starting to think that Loriel might have been right about this one.

But, hell, who else was she going to reminisce with? It almost seemed perverse to reminisce with Loriel. They’d been too close. The memories they shared of the Blight bent under the weight of the memories they shared of—everything else.

It was so easy, being around Oghren. He didn’t demand a damn thing, and it was so easy to laugh around him. All Yvanne would have to do was say, “Remember the poet-tree?” and they’d both be cackling for probably longer than the quality of the joke warranted.

The drink helped, but it was still funny.

Of course she drank. What else was she going to do?

Yvanne wondered sometimes what would happen, if she just disappeared. What would happen to the Keep? After the siege, she had become like an overbearing mother to this place and its people. What had happened with Anders had only strengthened the feeling. But really, did this place even need her? If she vanished one night, the next-most senior Warden would take over—it was some fellow name Tevye, who’d gotten promoted ahead of the older Wardens on the basis of basic competence and leadership ability—and between him and the robust administrative support that Yvanne had spent so long cultivating, the Keep would probably be fine. If she stayed in bed all day, probably nothing bad would happen at all.

Oh, sure, there were still plenty for her to do. Assignments to review. Letters to send. Rotations to sign off on. But it wasn’t the same. Anyone could have done it.

That was what she got, for being such a diligent leader. She had rendered herself obsolete.

It was a cold morning, the one where she realized she knew how Oghren felt.

They played cards together, and enabled. That was one nice thing, about being a spirit healer. No hangovers.

“You know some of these days I swear I’m not even needed around here,” she hiccuped.

“Y’say that like it’s a bad thing, Warden,” he said, and took another swig.

They played cards until they no longer had the dexterity to hold them.

“Oghren,” she said, throwing her head back to stare at the dancing lights above. “Oghren, I think I’m rotting.”

He just laughed as though she'd said something painfully naive. “Warden, we’re all rotting." He topped off her tankard. "Get yer kicks in while you can, and sod the rest."

Another night, another game. They bet drinks and played to lose.

“Why does anybody love anyone, anyway?” Yvanne said, staring at her terrible hand. “You ever think about that? You ever think about why you loved Branka, or Felsi, or the kid? Makes no damn sense, does it? Maybe you just love people because they’re there, and the love is inside of you, and it needs somewhere to go. Does that make sense?”

“No,” he said, and belched. “Y’shouldn’t’a reminded me of Branka. Now I need another drink.”

“What you need is to go soak your head.” But she poured him another drink anyway. Why the hell not? Weren’t they all dying, anyway? Weren’t they dying right this second, no matter what Loriel did or didn’t do?

“That’s what’s so funny about it all,” she said out loud. “It doesn’t matter at all that she’s killing herself over this! It doesn’t matter at all. We’re all dying. Not just us Wardens, either. All of us, every single one.” She laughed. “Maybe you were right.”

“Course I’m right, Warden.” He raised his tankard. “Say the toast. Drinks don’t count if you say a toast.”

“Get your kicks in,” Yvanne toasted. “Sod the rest.”

They drank.

“Y’know what I really like about you, Oghren?” she said. It was later. She didn’t know how much later. “I can say whatever the hell I want to you, and you’re not going to remember any of it in the morning. Anything I want! Stuff I usually won’t even think. You’re such a good goddamn friend. I’m glad we met."

Oghren made a noise halfway between a grunt and a belch.

“Too right.” She stared out over her tankard. “I just don’t understand why she’s doing this to me. I’ve told her she doesn’t need to. But it’s like arguing with the sea. She says she’s doing it for me, but I don’t want it. Why can’t she see that? Why would she do this to me?”

Why, indeed? She looked at Oghren, his meaty fist clenched around a dark red bottle. He had his vice. Yvanne was well on her way to the same one. Maybe Loriel’s was a little unusual, but was it any different?

Why would she do this to me? It was the question she’d been asking over and over again in her head. It was easier to obsess over the question, after all, than to obsess over the only reasonable answer—that what Loriel was doing had nothing to do with Yvanne at all.

“I love her so much,” she hiccupped. “But I can’t remember why ‘nymore. Maybe I’m drunk, ‘n that’s why I can’t remember. But I don’t think I can remember when I’m sober, either. But I do love her. I love her so much. You know?”

If Oghren knew he didn’t say so. He was already snoring in his chair.

Yvanne started crying. It was true. She did love her, so much. And maybe when the room stopped spinning she’d go upstairs and tell her so and maybe this time it would work.

Maybe an hour later she made it, but Loriel wasn’t there, and she fell asleep alone. She felt terrible in the morning, but not for very long.

—

One night she returned to their chambers so late that Loriel was there. That hardly ever happened anymore. Most nights Yvanne waited for her, and many nights out of those she didn’t manage to wait long enough.

“Loriel! My best friend! My wife! My beloved!” She swept her into a sloppy embraced, nearly overbalancing. She leaned on her, laying her head on her shoulder. Her hair smelled like sweat, iron, and the acrid stench of intensifying reagent. “You make me so damn sad.”

Loriel steadied her. Yvanne could feel her trembling beneath her weight, but she couldn’t seem to make herself stand up.

“You’ve been drinking,” Loriel said. It was an observation.

“So what if I have?” Yvanne snorted and drew back. “What else am I going to do?”

“You know I don’t like it when you drink.”

“Yes, well,” Yvanne said, waving a hand dismissively. “You do lots of things I don’t like, too.”

She sighed. “You should have some water.”

“Spirit healer, remember? Don’t need to bother. I’m hangover-proof!” She wiggled her fingers to demonstrate. “Anything goes wrong, I can just use magic to fix it. Isn’t that what you’re counting on?”

Loriel looked like she wanted to say something, and then thought better of it.

“Listen, Lori—I’ve been thinking,” Yvanne said. She wasn’t really all that drunk. Just enough to give her the courage to say this. “Maybe we should get out of here.”

Loriel eyed her, arms crossed across her belly. “What do you mean, get out of here?”

“Out of the Keep.”

“Like a vacation?”

“Sure, sure. Vacation,” Yvanne said vaguely. “Maybe one we don’t have to come back from.”

She watched Loriel’s face, which gave nothing away, not so much as a twitch.

“I mean, we’re not really even needed here, are we?” she barreled on, before Loriel could say anything. “Keep practically runs itself, at this point. We had a goal here, and we accomplished it, why stick around?”

For a bright moment it seemed as though Loriel were thinking about it. Or else it was just her imagination. “And where would we go, exactly?”

“I don’t know,” Yvanne said. “Does it matter? It can be anywhere.”

Loriel only looked at her. “I thought you wanted to stay here,” she said, in a voice much sharper than her expression belied.

“I did, but—”

“I thought you were growing your garden,” she said, cold.

“I was! And I did! And it’s grown now, it doesn’t need me anymore. Doesn’t need us.”

“Isn’t it funny,” Loriel said remotely, after a time, “how only one of us is ever happy at a time?”

“Oh, come on!” Yvanne burst out. “You can’t possibly expect me to believe that you’re really happy? You’re killing yourself.”

“I am happy, in my own way,” Loriel said evenly. “I have everything I need, right here. I enjoy my work.”

Yvanne meant to argue, but Loriel cut her off. “Do not fault me because my happiness doesn’t look like yours.”

“Come on, Lori,” she said, going soft, “Wouldn’t it be nice to run away together? We never got to do that, did we?”

“Always with the running away.” Loriel set her jaw. “You’re still running away. Because of course you are. When are you going to stop?”

“It was a turn of phrase,” Yvanne said defensively. “It doesn’t have to be away. It can be towards. Towards a future.” A future where Loriel didn’t need a blood-replenishing spell every few days. A future where they could actually be a part of the world. A future where they weren't rotting in here, in anticipation of a death that hadn't come yet.

Once, the world had offered itself to her imagination. She had always revolved around Loriel, but at a distance, and no more than she revolved around her in turn. But slowly that orbit had shrunk—and the worse Loriel got, the faster it narrowed, going faster and faster, until Loriel was all she could see, all she could think about in a rising panic that threatened to swallow her whole.

And Loriel, as always, stayed put.

“Towards a future,” Loriel said skeptically. “A future you’re also going to get tired of, in a couple months time?”

“That’s not—it isn’t—”

“It is, though. It is.” No sound but the two of their mingled breaths.

Loriel went on: “You told me about the dream the Sloth demon made for you, back during Uldred’s rebellion. You said we had children, in your dream.”

“I remember.” She still dreamed of it, sometimes. That dream had been full of sunlight. Not like their shadowed chambers here.

Funny, how their world had shrunk to these four walls. This room was the only one they ever saw each other in. Yvanne had every part of it committed to memory. The velvet canopy; the linen sheets; the copper bathtub in the corner; the fireplace; the woven rug. Their home, their prison. Loriel, her home, her prison.

“But how realistic was that, really?” Loriel whispered. “Would you have gotten tired of that, too?”

Yvanne struggled for the right response, choking on the unfairness of it all. Loriel could be awfully manipulative, when she wanted to be. She didn’t fault her for it. It had kept them alive in Kinloch. But she hated when she caught Loriel doing it to her, knowing that there must have been times where she didn’t catch her.

If she could have just explained—

No. That wasn’t true, was it? No matter how much she explained, Loriel wouldn’t want to hear it. Loriel would find some way to turn it around on her.

Unpleasantly, she was reminded of Wynne.

“I’m—going to take a walk,” she said. “Clear my head.”

She went out onto a parapet. She had proposed to her here. Right there, on that spot, in the moonlight much like the moonlight tonight. It had been—nearly two years ago, now.

Do not fault me because my happiness doesn’t look like yours.

This had not occurred to her. It was hitting her now, the idea that Loriel might really be happy. That, absent any looming threats or mandatory duties, she really did prefer this life above all others. That her aloneness, her work, her magic—was enough for her. That what Yvanne experienced as loneliness, stagnation, rot—Loriel simply experienced as contentment.

Now that was a sobering thought.

After all, she thought, why were they together at all? Because they loved each other. But why did they love each other? The same reason anybody loved anybody, of course. But the two of them, specifically?

Because they had been imprisoned together.

But now the prison walls were gone. They’d destroyed them, one by one. They’d been shackled beside one another, and now they weren’t. Now they were free.

Without the prison walls pressing down on them, without the shackles binding them together—why in the Maker's name would a pair of prisoners be so foolish as to flee together?

Yvanne looked at her wedding ring, a simple golden band, the least elaborate of all her rings. Wasn’t that a shackle, too?

Some days she wished she’d been a better study at shapeshifting. At the time she’d insisted that it was simply because Morrigan was such a bad teacher, and that was true, but it wasn’t why she’d failed at it. If only she’d tried a little harder, she might have at least acquired it. And then she might have turned into a bird and taken off from this parapet, wheeled in the air for as long as she liked, and maybe never returned.

But she wasn’t a bird and she wasn’t a shapeshifter. She was Yvanne Amell, and maybe she was fickle and thoughtless and everything Wynne had called her during their last meeting—but she had chosen this home, and this person. Again and again, she had chosen them.

Her head pulsed. She really did need some water. So she went back inside to live with her choices, such as they were.

#dragon age #femslash #dragon age: awakening #amell #surana #please read my lesbian wizard fanfiction

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fauzhee10069 · 7 years

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I've just been idly looking fics from One-Punch Man fandom in Archive of Our Own site. Initially inside the tags of SaiGenos pairing, unintentionally I found many amusing tags about Amai Mask, and this was only from the first page. So I decided to click Amai Mask tag and I search every amusing tags about him.

Out of 87 Works (and probably more) in Amai Mask | Sweet Mask tag, these are the tags I found:

#Amai Mask is a dick or amai is a dick

#Amai Mask is a jackass

#Amai Mask is rich and a bully

#Amai Mask is a little shit (twice)

#arrogant Amai (OK, this is right sometimes but not always)

#Sweet Mask & Tornado are the worst customers (they probably would, but I don’t think they would be rude without reason, for example Tatsumaki: probably she would be rude and pissed out if she gets poor service or feels belittled)

#Amai Mask is a creeper and I stand by that

#Sweet Mask is awful

#Sweet Mask is a douche bag

Wow, so many hate tags about him. Okay well, Amai first appearance both in manga and in anime was not bad at all, just a normal high rank hero and probably also serves as Public Relation in Hero Association. In Anime, Amai calmly congratulated Genos for became an S-Class Hero (he wasn’t even provoked by Genos’ cold nature when the later thought that Amai intended to bully him) and in manga, he accepted Saitama’s promotion to B-Class. Amai ‘s bad impression began to show during Chapter 36 (Punch 36) “Crash” right after Saitama defeated Boros and the S-Class Heroes defeated his minions. Amai came late yet he berates the S-Class heroes for not preventing City A's destruction, even though there was nothing they could have done to prevent it, Atomic Samurai was even pointing out that they only knew of the threat after they got out of the Hero Association HQ and found the city already in shambles. Amai’s attitude not only infuriated the S-Class Heroes but also the readers as well ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Later Amai mercilessly executed some Boros’ remaining minions (who were weak and ready to surrender) and Genos commented that Amai is similar to himself, except that Amai has absolutely no compassion or empathy for the monsters, not even the ones that have surrendered. Some chapters later, Amai was shown defeating a monster (Suppon) mercilessly and got cheered by his fans.

Besides AO3’s hate tags about him, previous reddit survey from OPM section granted him the “Worst Girl” title (based on the poll): 10k Hero Special Survey - RESULTS!!!

And look how TV Tropes describes him, even though the description straightly follows the canon story without any fabrication, the words they used are heavily hinted their dislike to his character XD.

I wonder, just a scene of him being an asshole in the redrawn manga, many people already deem him as unredeemable character, despite other chapters didn’t show him as douchebag. Some fics portrayed him as being normally rude to everyone, cocky and thinking like he is above/better than everyone. I think, Amai is one of many characters that many people misunderstand about him. This doesn’t mean that I’m okay or support what he said in Chapter 36 (when he berated about the S-Class Heroes’ failure), but instead of him just being unreasonable asshole or narcissist, I think what makes him said that is because he is such perfectionist person (his profile in databook also mentioned this). Amai is workaholic, perfectionist and professional to his jobs; FYI that he is a professional hero, a recording artist, a model, and a TV star. In his drama CD “Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish”, it told the story during his early career, when he was having the first concert of his dome tour, despite his perfect appearance, he has an internal struggle due to the pressure he experiences every time before his live concerts. He has his usual ritual by going to the toilet to give himself a mental pep talk. One day, Amai had a problem and somewhat lost an idea to give the title of his new released song, Saitama accidentally entered the same toilet with Amai who the former thought that he was taking forever with his business. Long story short, Saitama calmed him down and (again) accidentally gave him great idea and finally Amai dropped the title of his new song. Amai who probably thought Saitama as a random crew greatly thanked him for it. So, while being perfectionist and has very high standard to his career, Amai is still a human who might have a moment of weakness sometimes. While normally being arrogant and rude, he doesn’t always behave that way to everyone (perhaps to certain people who he thinks annoying), also he could still feel grateful and thank to the person who helped him. Recent Special Chapter “Star” showed him being professional and perfectionist, Amai was performing a concert with a band in a concert stadium but was interrupted by the arrival of mysterious beings. Not wanting to ruin his concert, Amai continued his show (singing & dancing) while toying with the mysterious beings before eliminating them with a swift slice and uppercut, the audiences believed that it was part of the show. Amai was working well as a performer and as a hero, no one got hurt or scared and the concert was incredible success. The special chapter also showed what he was thought that he loves and appreciates his fans and the crews who helped him, this means that he won’t randomly rude to every person.

When Amai held such high standard to his career, he also expects the other to fulfill his high standard. This what makes his words seem bad and wrong in Chapter 36, he should know that not everyone could reach his standard because everybody has different talent, skills and pace of progression. Also his fault was that he refused to listen and didn’t want to understand what really happened before his late arrival, he ignored Atomic Samurai’s explanation/or perhaps he listened but didn’t believe it since he was too concerned about heroes’ professionalism and public views about them than observing and understanding the situation (I understand it since he acts as PR to HA). I think his disappointment made him overreacted and belittled the heroes, saying that their failure made them unworthy of being in the S-Class. This means that what is currently being shown about him and what I take for his character is that Amai is a workaholic, love his jobs as hero and entertainer, has very high standard to his career (and expects the others to follow his standard), despite this, he is still a human who might have a moment of weakness sometimes. While normally being arrogant and rude, he doesn’t always behave that way to everyone (perhaps to certain people who he thinks annoying), also he could still feel grateful and thank to the person who helped him. Amai really despises the evil (in his views) and would eliminate it with no mercy, very concerns about public view, would be harsh to the person who fails his expectation and (what people tend to forget) loves his fans and greatly appreciates the work of the crews that helped him perform and anyone who doesn’t fail in his eyes/disappoint him, he has his dark side but won’t randomly show it to random people.

He is not so positive but also not entirely negative as a character.

Edited!! Addition from reblogged:

I just re-watched episode 12 (S1E12). When everyone agree that Amai was being an asshole, I could see why he was late and didn’t immediately went to city A to save the world. As Metal Bat responded Amai’s criticism that the later himself was very late, Amai reasoned that since many S-class heroes already gathered in A city, he assumed that they were supposedly capable to handle the threat. He likely thought that perhaps his assistance wasn’t really needed and that’s why he didn’t rush to the spot but cared enough to observe the situation afterwards. He might be not as heroic as Mumen Rider who loves to handle every monsters with any threat levels despite only being C-Class hero or Tatsumaki who loves to chase every monsters and will get bored if not fighting them, but he has reasonable mindset like most people in general. My example of similar mindset is like this: I am an English interpreter, I was on my business trip in neighboring city. Suddenly at the central office came a colleague from England when I was away. Normally, I could helped translate during the business meeting between my boss who could not speak english and that colleague. But I remembered that I am not the only interpreter in central office and there was my friend there who also worked as English interpreter. Therefore, I don’t have to return immediately, no need to cancel my business trip as I believed that my friend already handled the communication between my boss and the foreign colleague.

Amai trusted those S-Class heroes’ capability to handle the threat and that is not really wrong. What is wrong is that his ignorance to believe what the heroes said in which they couldn't prevent the casualties as the attack that happened suddenly was so powerful that it destroyed the whole city in just one attack. He thought that was just their excuse and if I am one of the heroes I would also be annoyed at him just like everyone else LOL. Seems that he is so hard on heroes. I wish he would be more open-minded and trust his fellow heroes in the future.

We will see him more when we almost reach the climax of Garō arc but (spoiler): in the webcomic, Amai mocked the rest of the S-Class heroes for failing to protect humanity, you would probably hate him more XP. Though after Garō arc finished, Amai acknowledges and starts to appreciate Saitama’s beauty of power and probably will become his new fanboy. Sure, he was rude to Sugar Pop Boys boyband newbies, probably because they could be his future rivals in the entertainment world but unworthy as heroes. Perhaps the only hope that could make his character more redeemable and be more understood is when his backstory has been revealed.

It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t portray him bad in any fics we write, no- that’s not my point. We’re free to put any character to antagonist role and protagonist role and in OPM fandom, Amai himself often gets antagonistic roles and only one fic so far gives him a protagonist role. What intrigued me is that there are so many non-functional tags described him as being despicable being in their stories as if the writers really detest him so much, just one chapter & one episode about him being an asshole and he already earned this much hate (especially from manga-only readers) XD. Personally, I’d rather see the fics include him as antagonist with the simple tags like: #evil Amai, #antagonist Amai, #villain Amai, #Amai dislikes/hates__ etc though as a writer they’re free to express and tag their fic with anything in their minds, I just find it funny… that’s all.

I am not Amai’s fangirl, I don’t really like him too but I don’t despise his character either, in fact he is one of the characters that makes me curious and want to know more about him (besides Sonic-Flash’s relationship and Blast’s mysterious identity). I wish for some writers that someday will care enough to portray him in different light, when he becomes more sympathetic but not flawless, when he will be more than just one-dimensional jerk/asshole.

#amai mask #sweet mask #one punch man #my thoughts #opm webcomic spoilers #opm shitpost #Ikemen Kamen Amai Mask #handsomely masked sweet mask #amai is a jerk indeed #but he is not total jerk

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