#I don’t want to go through this again
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Things may be looking up but perhaps another reason to fling myself off a cliff is appearing.
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y’al tonight’s the wedding. please pray no one asks for my hand.
#i don’t want to go through this again#i need to hold on so i can apply for the japanese embassy again#japanese scholarship***#you can tell how nervous i am omg
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I’m numb
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How do you shut off the thoughts telling you it’s all a lie…
#I don’t want to go through this again#it feels like life is out to get me#I can’t believe anyone can ever or will ever love me#I just want to give up#the paranoia is starting…
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I’m going to order food and find something to watch. This just triggered me because I usually watch something with him. Or we’d be texting right now. The thought of even thinking about finding someone else makes me laugh.
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Does everything really happen for a reason though?
#i don’t want to go through this again#im so scared#i don’t understand#is this a blessing or a curse#why now#i don’t know what I want#choices#big decision#right or wrong#fml#why is this happening#confused#de nile#denial
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…he was just here so he could watch me.
#THERE IS NO SIGNATURE ON THIS#please don’t steal!!!#THIS IS BECAUSE I WAS CRYING MAKING THIS#(and didn’t want to go through the whole process again)#COULDNT FIND A WAY TO CONVERT PIXEL ART INTO GOOD QUALITY GIF#i was dying inside gfhjfjdhfgghjf#anywayyyyy#woo pixel art!!#dsmp#dsmp fanart#dream smp#dream smp fanart#tommyinnit#tommyinnit fanart#my art
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In their own words
-> Quotes aren’t strictly in chronological order
-> All those people in those old photographs I've seen are dead, and in the end, I'd do it all again, I think you're my best friend. - Fall Out Boy
#cuz I wanted to explain to a friend whatever they had going on 😭#never did so many photo study at once#I don’t think im getting back to f1 yet though I’ve been busy to say the least 🥲#sorry to all my amazing mutuals I’ve missed seeing all ur f1 stuff#in the last 2 years I went through all the stages of burnout dropped out of uni for a while and now I’m starting it again so yeah wild#brocedes#lewis hamilton#nico rosberg#f1 art#f1 edit#long post
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thank you @mafaldinablabla for the tag!! the game is to share 9 of my favourite books from the last 12 months, or 9 books on my tbr list for this year.
Here is what i’m looking forward to read this year! (my hunt for beautiful covers never ends. in this house books Shall be judged by their cover)
tagging uhh @erisenyo, @chitsangenthusiast, @ranilla-bean, @poikilotherm, @kyoshialone and whoever else wants to do it u.u
#also i really wanted to read the iliad but idk if there is a good prose translation/adaptation of it???#if any of italian moots has come across one…#blease tell me... blease hmu#ive also been meaning to get more into uhh#social theory books?#if that’s the word?#but idk where to begin#esp bc i read on a short commute and i usually don’t have the brain space to engage with academy level texts#again if someone know a version of this for tired dummies lmk#ALSO cheating a bit bc i already started the seven moons of maali almeida and i’m loving it sooooo much#plus jorjus cover#so rlly the perfect book#realizing i should prolly start a book tag hmm#anyway#send post#oh I'm also looking forward to finish the murderbot diaries it's slow going but I'm halfway through and they're so good
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soooo beautiful. ”can you hear me” up the octave, ray coming over to sing into the microphone with gerard, the crowd!!!!
#sorry for the videos i’m going through a situation#even the tiniest possibility of this never happening again. well i don’t want to think about it
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Screaming crying sobbing shrieking punching kicking yelling bawling weeping LOSING MY FUCKING MIND
#The small ‘I’m so scared’ surrounded by darkness- my heart is broken#That sound you can hear is the sound of my heart breaking#DC really thought hmm let’s just put Jason through hell that’ll be fun#I love angst don’t get me wrong#but this oh my god#It’s so heartbreaking but also I want to eat it#The ‘please…’ and ‘I’m so scared’ FUCKING RIPPED OUT MY HEART#I don’t care if this was Bruce or whatever the hell zur is possessed him- this fucking hurt#I want to hug him and tell him everything’s going to be okay 😭#red hood#jason todd#batfamily#batfam#Dc really took the ‘family’ out of batfamily#batman#dc#dc comics#I once again forgot to queue this ahead of time
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:(
#EXCUSE THE LITTLE SPIRAL HERE QKDJWJS but I just want to talk it through as a crew#Feeling very very gracious towards David’s lovely message#But also feeling sad#Because I was happy to see him being so quiet and being so secretive#Because to ME that seemed like a good sign that negotiations or some kind of discussions might be taking place#And that there subsequently might be some sort of intense NDA#But now with THIS…#Idk it just feels like we just took so many steps back#Like to me it reads as though there are NO current negotiations#And that we’re actually still just suspended and have BEEN suspended#Which…jakdwjdnwjdwkdk#And no I don’t understand how all of this works so who KNOWS what’s really going on the background#But idk man. Idk.#Not to be such a negative nancy either when I’m usually so energized#But I was just sort of taken aback and wanted to see what yall were thinking too#Things just feel a little more…DIFFICULT again#praying for some hope and ALSO praying that jac makes a thread for additional clarity AKDJWJ
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I’ve been lurking in the 911 tags for only a week and I’m already exhausted of most b*ddie shippers holy shit
#the annoying ones know who they are#this isn’t a personal attack#I truly don’t want them to become canon out of spite#why even tag your hate in the goddam tag dedicated to another ship#Tommy’s tag has a lot of hate and people talking about eddie how there’s clues etc etc#I haven’t been deeply involved in fandoms in the last few years for this exact reason#when it becomes too meta it kinda ruins it for me#people digging through interviews and trying to find evidence in situations that weren’t intended that way in the writing drains you#sorry to break it to you#but Bucky is into tommy and was since the beginning of meeting him#yall going#well actually#he’s in love with eddie but doesn’t know and misplaces it with Tommy#is tiring#I don’t know if b*ddie will be canon but not everything has to be about romance with them#they seem to have a connection that goes even deeper than romance#having them be a couple just kinda irks me#they don’t need to be two bros sitting in a bathtub five feet apart but they seem like soulmates in a way that I don’t see as romantic#I say as an aromantic person too#deep connections can be just as intense and interesting if even more than coupling up#obviously not tagging the ship name cause I’d be lynched if I do#and again this isn’t about the actual ship it’s more about the fandom and how they feel entitled to claim theories as facts#lety rambles#tommy kinard#tevan#tuck#911#911 abc#911 show#bucktommy
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2023 reads // twitter thread
To Shape A Dragon’s Breath
YA fantasy
a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic
historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes
bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC
#To Shape A Dragon’s Breath#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is really really good i loved it!#the chapter titles are all like snippets of a story. or like sentence fragments that match up. which is cool#it is definitely more about being indigenous in a coloniser institution than Dragon School - not Super dragon heavy if you want that#I suspect the subsequent books will get into that when she gets big enough to ride and stuff#t’s also def YA! i’ve seen a few ppl assume it’s adult and be like its very young :( but like. I mean its perfectly reasonable for a 15yo m#definitely a Lot of racism and colonialism which is not fun to read! though it's still through a YA lens. there was def a part of me that#was imagining consequences of the narrative as if it were an adult novel#on that line of thought - at the end a lot of it is kind of solved by them going to the king and he's is like. oh no racism is happening?#that's bad i'll deal with those people! which felt like. a little simplistic. but maybe the easiest way to end the narrative for book 1 -#I don't think the author ACTUALLY is going to portray the king as a Good Guy throughout the series - it just felt conveniently like -#a simple YA solution to some very big and complex elements? if that makes sense? (but again - it is YA so it's allowed I suppose!)#some of the worldbuilding (like all the science learning) is probably setup for next books - we don’t really see any practical application#the romances are also subtle and not Overbearing In Book One which i like - leave some space for the series!#also her getting fanmail from a 10yo mixed race girl who looks up to her 🥺#anyway. i really loved it!#oh also it reminded me a little of leviathan. i guess just the steampunk/time period/european culture....#To Shape A Dragon's Breath
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Jon becoming KiTN in Winds (specifically) would actually be bad as far as themes go
#hot take of the day y’all 🌚#idk if I’ll write about this more in depth one day but……#jon is going through a traditional hero’s journey - perhaps almost very literally#he is currently at the lowest point of the journey which is where the hero faces his toughest mental and maybe physical battles#winds will be his innermost cave (like a gaze into the abyss) + ordeal step which have to happen before his reward (apotheosis and boon)#so unless grrm wants to paint him becoming kitn as his lowest point thematically which could mean jon knowingly usurps his siblings#-because let’s face it him being robb’s heir while valid still comes with A LOT of issues-#there’s just no way his ascension to the northern throne could thematically be good for anyone but most of all him#I tend to think that jon will be tempted -this will be his gazing into the abyss part instead of the usually accepted theory#that he just doesn’t do anything at all for the whole book- and that is what will create the most believable narrative tension in his arc#but he won’t go through with it and will ultimately choose to sacrifice himself AGAIN#pulling back from the abyss before it’s too late#so yeah his kitn prospects for winds don’t look very good….sorry to say guys :(#but if we talk about king of WINTER…that’s a different matter yes? 😀#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#jon snow#preparing to be excommunicated from the fandom in 3 2 1…
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i really do hope that 911 ventures further into Chris’ abandonment issues and doesn’t just ignore it for the rest of the season
#also i think they should have expanded on the buck and chris scene#buck’s on-going storyline is allll about his abandonment issues#i love that eddie was there for chris but they really missed out on a good heart-to-heart between buck and chris#something about wanting better for your kids and working to make sure they don’t have the same trauma that you do#something about seeing too much of yourself in your kid and wanting better for them#something about doing everything in your power to ensure that your kid never goes through the same things that you did#something about raising your kids in an environment that helps them become a better person than you were#something about not wanting your kids to make the same mistakes that you did and doing everything you can to lead them down the right path#something about buck reassuring chris once again that he will never leave him#that he’s loved and he’ll always have a home#christopher diaz#evan buckley#911 abc#911 on abc#911 spoilers#buckley diaz family
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