#I don’t think I’ve actually drawn Alice before so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lady-october · 11 days

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Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : 1-14 on Archive of Our Own

Content : 18+, Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

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Chapter 15: My head wasn't wired for this world

Chapter title is lyrics from "Avalanche"

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Oli was slouched over at the front of the stage, legs dangling over the edge near the barricades, looking out over the vast, dark and empty space, only dimly lit by a handful of spotlights throughout the arena.

When I slowly ascended the steps to the stage I pushed away the fear I felt about these types of spaces. While avoiding the stage completely was impossible when working on the touring team, I had always made my time on them as short as humanly possible, never actually taking in the view.

There was just something about how you could be seen so clearly from the entire arena when you were up here that made me anxious, but the fact that only Oli and I were here made the whole experience a lot more palatable, so I crouched down and took a seat next to him and let myself look out over the empty floor and seats, still covered in the majority of tonight's confetti and debris.

“I’ve never really seen an arena like this before.” I said with wonder.

“You’ve worked with us for like a month now, how is that possible?” He didn’t look my way as he spoke flatly, clearly upset.

My response came a lot quieter than my previous statement, “I try to avoid the stage as much as I can.”

Silence fell between us as I wasn’t sure how to approach the topics that were haunting us both, not even sure what I felt up for talking about.

“Thank you for last night. I was a bit of a mess.” Was the best I could come up with.

“Don’t worry about it.” Some of the bitterness emitting off of him dissipated, so I decided to take the plunge into the harder topic.

“I’m sorry about all this stuff with Mat.”

He huffed out a frustrated laugh, his eyes darting everywhere except in my direction.

“I feel like I’m going insane. Listening to you flirt with someone else…” His demeanour changed rapidly along with his tone of voice, now laced with anger, “Guess I had it coming after what I did to you at the party the other night.”

My heart sank. Did he really think I was doing this to hurt him?

“I’m not a vengeful person, Oli.” My own words came angrier than I’d intended.

He dropped his head, shaking it, appearing utterly defeated, “Then what the fuck are you doing, Alice…” He muttered.

“I don’t know.” I said, more to myself than him.

As I watched him not being able to face me, my heart ached so much that I couldn’t take it anymore. I got to my feet and started to make my way towards the steps. But I could hear him moving behind me, and right before I could exit the stage he pushed in front of me, shooting me daggers.

He appeared furious, yet all I could feel was a huge sense of relief over the fact that he was finally looking at me.

“Mat’s a good man, charming too – a lot less troubled than I am.” As he spoke he stalked me backwards, clearly intent on not letting me leave yet.

But I didn’t mind, I wanted his attention.

I almost immediately hit the wall of the second stage level that had yet to be disassembled, and I was left with a view of the arena, swimming behind the man that had cornered me, staring down at me with such intensity that I wouldn’t have been able to tell whether he was about to fuck me or argue with me if it wasn’t for the context of the situation.

“Who said I want someone less troubled?” I asked, feeling an involuntary shiver of lust snake its way up my spine from his threatening approach.

“It’s not a stretch to assume, is it?” He took one last step towards me, not quite close enough to touch me, but close enough that I could feel the heat emitting off of him, “We’ve fought over women in the past – he tends to win.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I gingerly placed my hand on his warm chest, both because I couldn’t resist touching his bare, art covered skin over the buttons of his revealing jacket, but also because I wanted to show him where my attraction lay between the two men.

His gaze dropped to my hand before he shot me a bitter smile, “Women want to fuck me, not date me.” I swallowed and removed my hand, realising how my gesture had come across considering what he just told me, “At least not once they get to know me… I think the problem is we’re drawn to similar women, and that type of women tend to favour men like Mat in the end.”

While my feelings had obviously chosen Oli already, what he was saying made a surprising amount of sense, especially if you were the type of person who craved stability over passion. Yet I couldn’t help but feel like a complete imposter, clearly not worthy of either man's attention.

“Men generally don’t want much to do with me in either department.” I felt pathetic admitting it to him, and saying the words out loud somehow solidified how I didn’t belong here.

He watched me for a while, as if trying to make sense of what I was saying.

“Thought we agreed on no more lies, love.” While his words could have been construed as accusive, his tone was sweet, turning his sentence more flirty. But I didn’t feel flirty, I felt like the shy loser I’d been trying to run away from; I felt like the girl trapped living with a man she didn’t love, because she was too scared of the world.

The familiar burn of unshed tears began to sting at the back of my eyes, “It’s not a lie. I’m fucking broken.”

I tried to push past him but he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder, and placed the other under my chin, guiding me to look at him as a lone tear ran down my cheek.

“Alice, that’s madness.” All the intensity on him had melted away, replaced with a soft and caring voice that matched the expression of his beautiful eyes.

“I can’t do this. I’m not made for this life.” I said quietly as I tried to keep the dam from bursting inside me, entirely too fed up with crying.

Frowning, he let go of my chin to dry my wet cheek, “Of course you are, life can be whatever you want it to be.”

“I have social anxiety.” I blurted out, trying to make him understand why I’m not right for him, for either of them.

“I know.” His response came immediately, completely unsurprised and unbothered.

Of course he already knew, it couldn’t be more obvious from the way I behave on a daily basis.

My head dropped out of embarrassment, “How am I supposed to be with a celebrity when I can barely keep from stuttering when talking in front of more than two people at a time.”

“Your stutter’s adorable, anyone with half a brain cell can see that.”

When I dared to look back up at him, I was met by eyes swimming with adoration. But I decided that it was misplaced, that his perception of me was skewed and incorrect, so I kept pushing.

“Whenever I’m not distracted enough, I get so depressed I can barely leave my bed for weeks.”

He placed a hand on the wall next to my head and leaned in closer with a smirk, “Lots of things we can do in bed.”

I felt my cheeks flush at his words, but the pain remained, “Oli, please… I’m broken.”

His smirk fell away as he looked at me with sympathy, followed by a sigh, “I’ve got addiction issues, chronic nightmares, ADHD, and I also slip into depression at times. We’re all broken, love.”

His eyes lit up suddenly and the faintest hints of a smile reappeared on his lips.

“What’s your favourite colour?” He asked out of nowhere.

I couldn’t help but frown in confusion, “What?”

“Favourite colour.” He repeated, more demanding this time.

“I-I mean, blue I guess–”

“Favourite food?”

“Sushi. Why are you–”

He looked utterly appalled as he cut me off with judgement in his voice, “Fucking disgusting, you should reconsider that.”

I gasped, eyebrows knotting into a deep frown, “Oh please, you’ve probably never tried any good sushi– and before you argue that you don’t eat fish, there’s plenty of good options without it– also, rich coming from Mister I basically only eat things that are so processed I can’t even tell what’s in it!”

As I was ranting his whole face bloomed into an absolutely delighted smile, causing my annoyance to spread further.

“I love when you’re like this.”

My jaw dropped, “You like when I'm annoyed!?”

He chuckled, “Relaxed.”

“Trust me, I’m not relaxed.”

“Your guard’s down. You’re just yourself – wild opinions and all. I don’t get to see it too often. It’s mostly been when you’ve cussed me out, or when we…” His gaze dropped out of what seemed akin to embarrassment, and his smile turned significantly more suggestive, “You know.”

All the annoyance left me immediately at the sight of him struggling to talk about sex, causing me to adopt a more cheerful expression.

“I thought I was the shy one, you can’t even say it?” I teased.

A low and absolutely filthy laugh left him, “Honestly love, if I start talking about it I’ll just get hard, and I’d rather focus on getting to know you better right now.” Without skipping a beat he moved on to his next question, “Favourite animal?”

“And why is right now the time to get to know me?”

“Why not? Favourite animal.”

My smile grew as I looked at him. I couldn’t tell if this was an attempt to cheer me up by moving away from the dreary topic, or if this was his way of showing that he’s still interested in me, despite all my flaws – or maybe it was because Mat had gotten a chance to learn more about me and he felt left out. Regardless of the reasons, I wasn’t going to deny him this.

“Cats.”

Disbelief painted his features, “Fuck off, dogs are so much better.”

“They slobber everywhere.” I retorted, scrunching up my face.

“Not all dogs, and cats are mischievous little bastards.”

“You should be able to relate then.” I don’t know how he did it, but he’d somehow managed to completely turn my mood around, and get me right back to feeling flirty.

The fight faded from him instantly at my remark, and he lowered his head with a grin. When his eyes returned to mine they were dark and playful.

“Favourite artist?”

I paused, considering my response, “Is that a trick question?”

“Of course.” He responded, studying my face.

Suddenly his lighthearted demeanour began to shift, turning more serious. When his next question came it was asked with a distinctly more thoughtful tone, clearly punctuating that we’re venturing into significantly deeper waters.

“What’s a dealbreaker to you?”

As his eyes pierced mine I felt the moment turn heavy from the loaded question. I knew that these types of conversations were incredibly important to determine whether we were compatible at all. But there were always great risks to learning the answers, with the looming potential of completely derailing any thoughts of what could have been.

I felt my heart rate speed up as I decided to join him in the depth, addressing the thing that should have put an end to my last relationship years ago if it wasn’t for my fears.

“I.. don’t think I want children.”

He visibly relaxed at my response, “Good, cause I’ve had a vasectomy.”

A sense of relief washed over me, knowing I’d never have to worry about that pressure with him if we decided to take things further – and suddenly his willingness to cum inside me made so much more sense. For me it had always been an easy decision, having had an IUD for years.

The part where we both made ourselves vulnerable to disease however, that can’t be chalked up to anything besides the stupidity that so easily surfaces when you’re beyond a certain level of turned on, and common sense flies right out the window.

While I wanted to return the question to him, to learn what would rule me out as a potential future partner, I also found myself curious as to why he’d done something so permanent to prevent having children when there’s less invasive ways.

“How come? I mean, I understand not wanting children, but why something so… final?”

“I just don’t want to risk it. I’ve been sure I don’t want kids for a long time. It’s not that I dislike them or anything, but with all my issues I’ve really just wanted to focus on myself and what’s important to me,” Before he continued, a softness emerged in his tone of voice, ”...such as finding love, and making that person a priority in my life.”

Understanding that the last bit had been aimed at me, I felt the familiar discomfort bubble under the surface, so I decided to steer the conversation back on track.

“What about you, what’s your deal breakers?”

He answered immediately, his response dripping with bitterness, “Cheating.”

“That’s a given. What else?”

There was a pause this time.

“Being shut out emotionally.” He answered, hints of sadness emitting from him.

His reply stirred up some confusion in me, an uncertainty whether he was referring to some of my behaviour, spoken as a pleading to let him into my heart. Or whether it had been in reference to something that happened in his past.

“Anything else?” He added.

It was my turn to think, but it didn’t take long.

“Someone trying to control me.”

He huffed out an amused laugh, “You sure about that? You seem to enjoy it a fair bit.”

I smiled back at him, “Not like that… Someone trying to make me something I’m not, which sounds daft cause I barely even know who I am anymore, but I just, I want space to figure that out.”

His hazel eyes swam with emotion as his hand reached for my cheek, the back of his fingers caressing my skin with the same tenderness as last night. While the gesture tugged at my heart, I couldn't for the life of me understand why he had any interest in someone like me.

“How can you be sure you have feelings for me, if I’m just a shell of a person?” I asked under my breath.

“I’m not sure that’s true, love.” He responded, speaking softly, “I know you’re kind, witty – incredibly sexy, and you’re working really hard to get to know and explore yourself, which I don’t just really admire, but it’s a journey I’ve been on myself for a while now.”

“What if I become something… undesirable?” As I asked my question that so clearly highlighted my insecurities, I was struck with the realisation that I wasn’t sure I’ve ever been this emotionally vulnerable with anyone before.

“I find that very hard to believe.” He scanned my face, “Is that what this is about, you’re scared I won’t like who you become?”

The truth is that I wasn’t sure I’d survive that intense degree of rejection. While mind numbing and soul destroying, it had been infinitely simpler to stay so void of personality for so long. At least then if someone disliked me it didn’t mean much at all. But if I grew into myself, accepted who I was as a person with opinions and interests, only for someone to decide that I wasn’t good enough? The thought of that alone was hard enough, I couldn’t even imagine the heartbreak if that level of rejection came from someone I actually loved.

“Part of it, but not all of it.” An honest answer without going into the specifics, or delving into the other reasons I’m full of uncertainty.

Some of the previous intensity made a reappearance on him, “It would be an honour to help you find yourself, love – no matter who you become.”

I looked away awkwardly, knowing how much he’d already kickstarted my self discovery, “In some ways you already have.” I opened and shut my mouth a couple of times before I found the words to continue, “I didn’t know I liked some things before… sexually.”

Suddenly his eyelids lowered, and so did his tone of voice, “Like being called a whore?”

The way he emphasised the word immediately made my knees weak, and I had to lean more of my weight onto the wall behind me.

I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I simply nodded.

A quick grin flashed over his lips as he gently placed his hand over my throat, causing my breath to hitch.

“Being choked…”

His words sounded distant as his dark gaze was transfixed on his hand on me,

“...Humiliated,”

His thumb leisurely ran up my throat to graze my jaw.

I nodded again, a bit more shaky this time, which seemed to have snapped him out of the lustful state he’d clearly lost himself in for a moment, as his eyes shot back to mine, appearing more sober now.

He swallowed and let his hand fall away from me before stepping aside to lean against the wall next to me, leaving me unpleasantly cold after having relished the heat radiating off of him for so long.

We stared out into the dark space together for a beat before he continued speaking, allowing me some much needed time to collect myself, and slow my breathing that had apparently become quite laboured.

“I’ve done some similar things before, but it’s different with you, in a way that makes my past experiences seem shallow and meaningless.” His words still sounded distant, “I see it in your eyes, you know. It doesn’t just turn you on, does it? It's like you come alive from it.” He huffed out a small laugh then threw me a side glance, “Or am I just talking out my ass here?”

I tried to meet his eyes, but he instantly looked away when I turned my head towards him, as if fighting himself to not slip back into his previous carnal state, not ready to stop talking to me just yet.

“No, I think you explained it pretty well actually.” I answered, sounding just as flustered as I felt, made obvious by the way he shifted his body in discomfort as I spoke, letting his head rest against the wall as he shut his eyes for a second, appearing tense from the invisible restraints he’d put himself in.

After taking a deep breath he pressed on, “Thing is, you’re so desperate for me to push you further and further that I’m constantly torn between holding back too much, or taking things too far. It makes me not trust myself,” He allowed himself to look at me as he spoke the next words, sounding apologetic, “...or you for that matter.”

My brows furrowed, “But, I promised I’d let you know if things go too far.”

He gave me a sombre smile, “Doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be safe, love.”

While his concerns made sense, my subconscious didn’t agree with him.

“I think that maybe you’re mistaking my trust in you for carelessness.”

It was his turn to frown. He studied my face for a long time with a contemplative expression, clearly deep in thought from my statement. After a while he looked away with a sigh. When his gaze travelled back to mine, it seemed he’d allowed himself to feel some of the lust he’d so valiantly attempted to push away, as if my counter argument had won during his internal battle. Because his eyes were suddenly dark and hungry – and his voice matched them perfectly.

“You like it when I scare you, don’t you?”

My whole body reacted to the question, heating up, yearning – wanting to finally be touched, to be played with. Our conversation had gone on for so long, repeatedly slipping into desire, yet we’ve been continuously ripped away from it. The more times it happened the more desperate the both of us clearly grew.

As I slowly nodded in response to his question, his gaze fell to my dark lips, and a pained expression flashed over his features, “To be honest love, drives me wild to see some fear on you.” His eyes travelled back up to mine and his next words were spoken under his breath, “...How fucking wet you get from it.”

My pulse descended between my legs, soaking me further, adding to the wetness already lingering there from each time he’d turned me on tonight.

He held out his hand, indicating for me to take it. As I slipped my fingers into his open palm, he led me to stand before him.

“Take this off.” He murmured, giving my sweater a gentle tug.

I was suddenly acutely aware of our location. Knowing Oli repeatedly had me do compromising things in precarious places, I should have expected somewhere like this to be on the table. But since I was still relatively clothed underneath my sweater, I decided to go along with his request without overthinking it.

I slipped the sweater over my head to reveal the vulgar, silk dress, with a deep, plunging neckline underneath, along with the marks on my body that I hadn’t bothered using concealer on due to how well the fabric had hid them all. He immediately took the sweater off me, flinging the offending garment to the side of the stage where it disappeared into the darkness.

As he took in the sight of me, he released a long, ragged sigh, “Fucking travesty to cover this up.”

He slipped a hand to the small of my back and crushed my body against his, and I could immediately feel the outline of his hard cock pressed against my stomach.

At no point had I dared sneak a peek between his legs during our conversation, knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else considering his attire.

Heat spread rapidly throughout my whole being at the sudden full body contact, causing my heart rate to speed up along with my breathing. I reached for his chest to steady myself against him, to feel him, digging my fingers into the bright red fabric of his cropped jacket, forcing it to shift under my hands and reveal more of the inkwork hidden there.

When my vision eventually ripped itself away from his chest in order to travel upwards, I was met with parted lips, and tufts of hair framing a delightfully lust-riddled face, so close to my own that our heavy breaths mingled.

A thumb appeared at my mouth, placing itself gently on my lower lip adorned by the dark, velvety lipstick.

“This is new for you.” He whispered with a flash of a grin, mesmerised by the sight of his thumb as it grazed along the lip, smudging the colour there, my mouth opening further from the intoxicating sensation, “...I love it.”

I was so lost in what he was doing to me that I’d completely forgotten where we were, which Oli decided it was time to correct, as he grabbed me by the hips to turn me around. The reminder of the view caused my eyes to widen, shyness creeping back in from every angle. But the man behind me pulled me flush against his warm and solid body again, causing me to effortlessly, eagerly melt back into him – back to the same intoxicated state he had me locked in mere moments ago, now with his cock nestled perfectly against my ass.

With his lips against my ear, dark hair falling into my peripheral vision, warm breaths fanning my cheek, all I could do was close my eyes and drown in him as his hands started roaming my body.

“No, open your eyes.” He whispered against my ear, one of his hands slowly caressing my inner thigh, with the other holding me firmly against him, splayed on my stomach.

I fulfilled his request, prying my eyes open, feeling the discomfort wash over me as I stared out into the massive, open space.

“Wouldn’t want you to forget where you are, now would we?” I could feel his lips twist into a smile against my ear as he spoke softly, clearly deriving great pleasure from my distress, further adding to my unease and arousal in equal parts.

The hand on my stomach began trailing upwards, caressing the bare skin between my breasts, so flimsily covered by the black silk.

“Do you have any idea how much I love to make you uncomfortable, my dear, sweet Alice?” His words came low as his lips moved along my ear, “...To watch you squirm, trying your very best to keep it together for me like a good whore.”

His hand disappeared under the fabric, shifting it slowly to reveal one of my breasts to the empty arena. My heart rate sped up further, making me feel slightly lightheaded.

I felt his dick tense against me before he whispered, “Too much?”

Knowing that I’d probably be having a panic attack right now if I wasn’t in such a lust induced trance didn’t matter one bit – I knew I didn’t want to stop.

“No.” I breathed, nearly a moan.

My response made him cup my breast, playing with it, feeling the weight of it in his hand, causing his breathing to come heavier against my cheek before the hand on my thigh finally began travelling upwards, finally reaching my core, causing my own breath to catch, grabbing for his arms that snaked around me to further steady myself.

“Do you wanna be fucked right here, on stage?” He whispered, nestling his head closer to mine, causing more of his hair to fall into my vision.

I nodded against him, my open mouth panting as his fingers circled my clit.

He breathed out another whisper, “You’re that fucking desperate for me?”

Gooseflesh began spreading over my skin from his teasing, demeaning questions.

“Yes.” I breathed, causing him to release a low, devilish laugh that vibrated against my back.

“Of course you are.”

To my disappointment, the fingers between my legs disappeared, only to immediately reappear beneath my mouth.

“I’d love to fuck this pretty, painted, little mouth of yours.” The warm and slick fingers followed the shape of my lower lip as he spoke, leaving wet skin behind – at no point actually touching the lip itself, as if to preserve the colour there.

Suddenly his hands fell away before he grabbed me by the hips again, pushing me off of him.

“Down on your knees.” He demanded as I struggled to stay upright without the solid body to lean against.

When I turned around he was already reaching for his belt, where his hard cock was pulling the already tight fabric awkwardly taut, his intoxicated expression confirming that he was every bit as desperate for this as I was.

I eagerly fell to my knees before him, watching in anticipation as he took his time unbuckling his belt.

“Now, we’re gonna test you a bit, love.”

I ripped my eyes away from his bulge as he spoke, in order to look up at him, instantly consumed with excitement from the promise of the mysterious trial to come.

“You’re gonna be good for me and tap my leg if I take it too far.”

He finished with his belt and unbuttoned the trousers, only leaving the zipper left to undo, but he stopped to lean forward, taking hold of my chin with a more sober expression, hair falling over his pleading eyes as he looked down at me, “I’m trusting you here, yeah?”

I swallowed, understanding the personal significance of his statement. So I tried my best to fight through the cloud of desire I was so hopelessly lost in to deliver my words with as much sincerity as I possibly could.

“I’ll tap, I promise...”

There was a punctuated sense of intimacy as we stared into each other's eyes, something infinitely deeper at play than carnal needs. While I’d managed to place my trust in his hands, expecting him to keep me safe as we explored, up until now I haven’t returned the favour. He was asking me to meet him halfway, allowing him to relax and not overextend himself as he looked after me, handing me his rarest commodity – trust, begging me not to break it.

“...You can trust me.” I whispered, to further clarify that I understood the gravity of his request.

An unreadable emotion flickered over his features before he let go of my chin and leaned back, undoing the zipper that had already started to slip from the pressure of his length pushing on it. It sprung free with a bounce, the head glistening from the precum collecting there, his trousers sliding down to reveal his art covered thighs.

I felt my mouth begin to water at the sight, overcome with an intense need to taste it right now, but as I leaned in his fingers laced into my hair and held me in place.

“Only use your tongue, love.” He breathed, and while keeping his fingers in my hair, his hand relaxed, allowing me to move freely again.

I instantly took advantage of my freedom, darting my tongue out to taste the precum, licking it off of him, relishing the taste as I watched the veins of his length grow more defined from my actions.

When I was satisfied with my work, having gotten most of the delectable liquid in my mouth, I moved to the base of his cock, looking up at his glazed over eyes barely visible though his unruly locks, the unwavering gaze locked on me as I let my tongue travel along his length eagerly. The sensation caused a ragged breath to leave him, along with his dick to tense and bob upwards, touching my lips on the way down, leaving an imprint of my mouth behind in the dark, contrasting colour of my lipstick.

As soon as my tongue had flicked off the tip, his fingers in my hair grabbed me again.

“Let’s see how much you can take.” His words came deep and rough, then he guided my open mouth over his head, pushing me further and further down his shaft until it threatened to cause my gag reflex to kick in, but he kept pushing me down on his cock until it hit the back of my throat. Right before I felt myself begin to gag, he released a sound so incredible I felt my pussy throb between my legs, then pulled me off of him.

“Not bad, love.” He breathed, sounding even more inebriated with lust than before. When my eyes managed to focus again, I took in the vision of his slick cock before me; a clear imprint of my lips around it, showcasing exactly how much I’d been able to fit in my mouth, which had been more than I’d expected.

I looked up at him with a proud smile, a quick smile flashed back at me before returning to his previous intoxicated state.

“Open up.” He murmured, before quickly pushing me back down on him as soon as my lips parted enough to let him in. I placed my hands on the warm and art covered skin of his thighs to steady myself as he guided me to suck him in long strokes. His hand fell away from me entirely, allowing me the ability to pleasure him on my own terms.

More ragged breaths and small moans started to slip from his lips, so I looked up to enjoy the sight of him as I worked his cock; his chest was heaving, head leaned against the wall with his eyes shut, his expression flickering to a pained desperation every so often.

“Fuck, you’re doing incredible things.” He breathed, nearly whimpered out, through his other delicious noises, right before his eyes snapped to meet mine, the familiar aggression so prominently on display there.

His fingers shoved their way back into my hair, to hold me firmly in place about halfway down his shaft. But then his other hand appeared in front of my eyes, suddenly pinching my nose shut. My eyes widened in surprise, causing his eyelids to grow heavy as he watched me realise what was going on.

An exhilarating rush of mixed emotions washed over me, intensified by the fact that I didn’t have a full lungs worth of air in me. I felt my nails dig into his thighs as I was entirely too quickly running out of air. Seconds passed and I could feel more precum spill into my mouth, making it obvious how much he was enjoying the sight of my struggle. But his eyes were watching me intensely, expecting – hoping I would put an end to this when I was ready.

Another beat passed and I felt myself grow increasingly desperate for air, so I did as I’d promised; I tapped his leg.

He instantly pulled me away from his cock, letting go of my nose in the same motion.

I slumped forward before him, inhaling sharply several times to catch my breath.

When I’d recovered enough to sit back up, my vision was swimming with his hand working his length as he waited for me, causing the lipstick left there to smudge and fade.

“You’re doing so good, love.” He said with adoration in his voice.

I felt a depraved smile grow on my lips before I parted them for him, indicating that I wanted more.

He huffed out a breath, a smile tugging at his own lips from my eagerness, before his hand slipped back into my hair to guide me into the same position as moments ago.

“Take a deep breath this time, love. Let’s see how long you hold it for me.” He said under his breath. As soon as I inhaled he placed his hand over my nose again, restricting my breathing completely.

Immediately I tasted more precum entering my mouth, followed by the sensation of my own juices running down my thigh. I was in heaven, completely and utterly blessed as I felt the steady pulse of his heartbeat through his cock on my lips, on my tongue, as he was getting off on withholding something so vital from me as air.

Without realising it, my eyes had fallen shut as I was enjoying the sensations and trying to focus on preserving my air supply so I could stay like this for longer.

“Look at me.” His voice came so low and desperate, when my eyes met his again they were glowing with hunger.

I felt his hand in my hair grip me tighter, pushing me further down his shaft with a shaky exhale, his cock tensing in my mouth as my tongue moved along it.

“You’re incredible.” He said so quietly it was barely audible before he gently started moving his hips against me, slowly fucking my mouth, instantly increasing the difficulty of my already challenging task.

Once again I felt my nails involuntarily dig into his thighs as I struggled, which seemed to only spur him on as a particularly delectable moan left him followed by several ragged breaths, his fingers venturing deeper into my hair, pushing me down on him further, almost as deep as when he was testing me. Suddenly I was fighting against my gag reflex as well as my need for air, and in my overwhelmed state I’d apparently shut my eyes again.

“Keep your fucking eyes on me.” He demanded, a lot louder than anything else we’ve said on the stage tonight, causing a small echo to travel throughout the vast space of the arena.

I could taste more precum as I pried my eyes back open, the man above me emitting a restrained, desperate energy, his dark eyes completely glazed over. My need for air was reaching a breaking point, I began pushing at his thighs out of reflex, not actually wanting to come up for air just yet, but he held me firmly in place – knowing that’s not what we agreed on. When I didn’t tap he pushed me down on him harder, this time pressing himself against the back of my throat with a moan, sending a shiver of lust throughout my body despite my obvious discomfort. But that was the last thing I got to enjoy before the moment had to come to an end, as it was time to tap.

The millisecond my hand hit his thigh he was already pulling out, knowing how far I’d pushed myself. After I’d collapsed against him, I clung to his leg as I recovered, coughing from the sensation of fullness still lingering in my throat where he’d pushed down on me.

This time he didn’t leave me enough time to recover though, his hand slipping right back into my hair, guiding my breathless face back into his view.

“You look perfect like this.” He whispered, working his soaking dick in long strokes over me, shaking the hair out of his eyes as he panted heavily. His words and the sight of him caused a tired smile to blossom on my lips, feeling high as a kite from arousal after having been played with in new, wonderful ways.

“All messy and breathless…” The grip on my hair tightened as his strokes came faster, “Do you have any idea how tempting it is to cum all over you right now? Have you walk to the dressing room fucking covered in it.” His expression shifted into a sadistic smile, sending more shivers throughout my whole body. He exhaled sharply, “Giving me that look doesn’t help, love. It’s only making me want to do it more.”

He’d made a similar statement at the afterparty, in the end he’d cum in my mouth instead. But I knew this time was different; I was already a mess, and the dressing rooms weren’t that far away. I couldn’t tell if I was negotiating with myself or not, but somehow the reward outweighed the risk massively, as I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more in this moment either. Just the thought of him coming all over me on the stage he mere hours earlier performed in front of thousands of people, elicited a type of thrill that I wasn’t sure I’d experienced before. When I opened my mouth to speak I could feel my heart pounding between my legs, feeling dizzy from arousal and breathlessness.

“Please, just cover me.” I breathed – a flustered whisper, causing his expression to turn even more desperate, his breathing coming rough and quick as his gaze travelled along my body. I looked down to see clear liquid pooling on his tip, obviously close to the edge, confirmed by his strokes slowing down significantly. My eyes snapped back to him, his head rolled back for a moment before looking back down on me with extremely heavy eyelids. His strokes turning jerky as the warm liquid fired over me, the first shot landing on my lips, I instantly darted my tongue out to taste it before I felt it dripping down my chin, dripping into my lap, joined by the second shot that hit my throat, running down between my breasts as he groaned and sighed.

“Fuck.” He breathed in delight as the third shot covered my face, but thankfully missed my eyes.

He was barely done coming when his hand fell away from my hair.

“On all fours, now!” He demanded as he shoved me to face the empty seats. As soon as I fell forward in the right direction, he pushed into me with ease as my skirt had already hiked up on its own accord from kneeling. I felt myself instantly lose control of my body as he moved inside me; I moaned entirely too loud, trying to stop myself, knowing someone might hear me, but the sounds just kept coming as his fingers dug deep into the flesh of my hips, pounding me hard and fast, my whimpers and moans mingling with the slapping sounds that echoed all around us. His exhales and moans joined mine, as he suddenly fell forward on top of me, my arms giving out from the impact. I was delightfully crushed by his weight, heaving breaths and moans being exhaled next to my ear, with more warm liquid filling me up with each pump.

When he was done, the only sound that remained was our laboured breathing.

“Fucking hell, love…” He started, his voice rough and unsteady, “It’s been a while since I came twice in a row.”

Without giving either of us any time to recover, he pushed himself up, pulling out in the same motion, eliciting one last moan from me. I heard the clanging of his belt as he was already putting himself back together. I don’t know how he’d sobered up so quickly as I was completely out of it; freshly pounded, breathless, and dripping of cum.

“I’ve made a right mess of you,” He muttered, still sounding shaky and short of breath, but he was clearly in a rush, “let’s get you sorted.”

A hand appeared on my shoulder before I got rolled onto my back, feeling like a ragdoll. I looked up at his flushed face as he slipped his hands under my body, collecting me in his arms with ease before stalking off with me.

All I could do was cling to him as he swept me away from the stage, my mind entirely too blank – entirely too happy, to feel any anxiety about my state, or who might see me like this.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

#oli sykes #oli sykes fic #oli sykes smut #oli sykes fan fiction #bring me the horizon #smut #You got a taste now #Yay - posted today as planned ♥#It's LONG but I couldn't bring myself to split it #oli sykes x reader

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yukidragon · 1 year

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hiya! i wanted to ask, do you have sauce’s old art saved, or is there an archive somewhere? from what i’ve read, they had a twitter that’s been privated/locked (?) but i see people post art that looks like it was drawn by sauce ;w; also i’m sorry if this was already asked, i feel like i sent in this ask before but can’t remember,,

i love and appreciate all your work btw!! i hope you have an amazing day <3

Awwww! Thank you so much! That makes me really happy to hear. I hope you have an amazing day too! 💖

I’m afraid there’s no archive set up as of yet, just pictures fans managed to save and pass around amongst themselves. Sauce did mention that they wanted to create an archive on the patreon before they closed their twitter. I don’t know if that’s still happening or not, but I imagine that’s taking a backseat to their personal recovery and making progress on their various projects. They have a lot on their plate right now, so it’s understandable that it might take a while.

I have quite a lot of old art saved myself, and I use some of the pieces here in my posts occasionally, with Sauce’s consent so long as I credit them. They’re really such a nice person. That’s why whenever I share some of their art, I like I plug the SnaccPop Studios Patreon and remind everyone not to repost any of the privately posted content elsewhere.

You can see a lot of Sauce’s art peppered around my blog, particularly in posts I’ve labeled as Headcanon Ramblings. Sometimes it really helps to illustrate my points, you know? Maybe I should add a Sauce-y tag sometime.

Sadly, I can’t show any of the NSFW art over here without heavy censoring. Tumblr might say they’ll allow non-erotic nudity again, but I suspect all it’ll take is one floppy ding-a-ling, some “female presenting” nips, or something a bit too spicy and suggestive and my blog will be taken out with an extinction level event.

I mean look at this. This is such a fun picture and all you get to see over here is Jack’s face. Sure I could show the man’s nips since he’s not “female presenting” but with the level of spice sprinkled in this picture, I’d rather not risk it. Such a shame. Not that I can complain about seeing a face like that. This clown is having a really good time and it shows. Sauce does great work with expressions don’t they?

You know, this picture actually looks pretty exploitable cropped like this. It looks like a good teaser illustration for some spicy writing. It seems like an awful shame not to do anything with this idea, don’t you think?

Alice might not be a part of the full picture Sauce drew, but I’m totally going to imply it with a little bit of writing. I hope you all enjoy this impromptu snippet of Adults Only spicy fun times between Jack and my version of his sunshine~!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

...

Jack moaned as he tipped his head back. His clothes were in disarray, his shirt rolled up close to his collarbone, his pants and underwear dangling off one of his legs, with the rest of his signature outfit nowhere in sight. His flushed skin glistened with sweat and bore countless pink patches that marked where Alice claimed him as hers with her mouth.

That same mouth was wrapped around him now, showing Jack love in a way that he had only dreamed about before. He lost count of how many fantasies he had about Alice going down on him, but no fantasy could ever hope to compare the real thing.

Alice had started with kisses that fluttered along his length delicately, but just as the teasing started to get too much, she switched to using her tongue. She tasted him thoroughly, making sure not a single inch was left untouched before she took the tip into her mouth.

“Oh Alice…,” Jack moaned before biting his lower lip. “Your mouth feels so good… so warm…”

Alice let out a low hum, and the vibration of her voice made him twitch a bit. She repeated the sound again, longer this time as she sucked on him, and she was gratified to see his eyes roll upward.

Jack was so big, bigger than anything Alice was used to. A part of her worried she might not be able to handle all of him without choking, but she was determined to try. She focused on relaxing her jaw as she dipped down as far she could before she had to draw back for a breath, taking him just a little bit further each time.

Jack twined his fingers through his sunshine’s fair hair as he watched Alice adoringly. “You’re doing so good…” She gazed up at him through nearly white lashes, and the way her blue eyes burned with desire that was only for him sent a jolt of heat directly into his core. “God… You look so beautiful like this. I love you so much.”

Alice wanted to respond in kind, but words were impossible for her at the moment, so she traced a heart on his inner thigh with her finger instead. Jack murmured her name in return, his rich voice dissolving into another moan as she teased him with gentle suction. She couldn’t get enough of his sweet words or all the adorable noises she coaxed out of him. It made her all the more determined to please and tease him.

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Ask #My Writing #Sauce-y Art

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lovelywooz · 1 year

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Boo Seungkwan - Night Walk

This is kind of a short open letter to him if I’m honest? I see so much of myself in Seungkwan. He’s a wonderful soul. One of my favorite people to have been born on this Earth. I’ve had something in my drafts about him for a while, but I wanted to wait to post it. Here it is now<3

Word Count: 743

Warnings: None, could be a little bit angsty? It’s short which I know takes some people out of the zone.

As you’ve gotten to know him, you and Seungkwan both see so much of yourselves in the other. You started going on nighttime walks about a month ago to let go of your deeply set stress together.

*******************************************************

Everything about Seungkwan is so tranquil. The way he holds your hand gently, but with a loving firmness. The way your pairs of feet make a tiny splash with each watery step on the park sidewalk. The way raindrops pitter-patter so effortlessly perfect you could be fooled into thinking its a studio recording.

You’ve each got one earbud in. The wired kind since Boo says that it’s ‘more intimate’ that way. Your left ear and his right ear both tune into the audiobook you’ve chosen for the night: Alice in Wonderland. It’s actually quite a long book and each chapter is about 45 minutes of blissfully calm narration. Both of you enjoy a little light ASMR here and there. You figured it’s good to start with the classics, since Boo said he’d never read most of them before and frankly it’s been a long time since you had either.

This little habit of yours, walking at night hand-in-hand while listening to an audiobook, has become an essential part of your relationship with Seungkwan. Though it’s only been a few months since you started dating, you’re not sure you ever truly lived without him.

He can see you’re stressed. You can see he’s stressed. And so the earbuds and umbrella come out and you’re out the door. This routine works to serve both of you. Sincerely you hope that you can bring him even half as much comfort as he gives you just being in his presence. His aura is like that of a blanket thats been warmed next to a roaring hearth. Even in the nighttime rain, you can still feel his burning heart through your connected palms. He’s the guy you wished- no, prayed was out there waiting for you.

Suddenly, he comes to a stop next to a large tree. He always looks around in peaceful silence, but he’s never outright stopped during one of your walks before. He speaks in a calm tone, still audible enough to be heard over both the rain and the narrator’s voice in your ear. “I used to walk here by myself a lot when I had thoughts to sort out”, he releases your hand and reaches his fingers out to trace them over the bark, “It makes me so happy that you like coming here too”.

“Any place with you next to me makes me happy” you chirp. A smile blooms across his features as he turns his head to look at you.

“I’m sorry that,” he hesitates, “that I don’t tell you enough. That I can never seem to show you or put into words how I’m feeling”. Knowing that you’re going to deny his words right away, he puts a finger to your lips. “Don’t go saying that it’s not true, because I know it is”. Despite what it seems like, Seungkwan doesn’t sound sad at all. His tone indicates more of a reflective mood than anything else, like he’s somehow collected all his thoughts and is ready to lay them out one-by-one. This is a rarity for him.

He continues, “Part of why I feel so drawn to you is that we are so similar. In some ways I love that we can instantly figure each other out, we know what the other needs without saying anything. It also makes me feel so bad for you at times, because I know how complicated you feel when you’re hurt. It’s hard when we choke up each time we’re asked how we’re doing. Because we honestly don’t know”.

His index finger reaches up from your lips to brush a strand of hair from your face. “When I look in your eyes, I see all the fondness I once begged for, the assurance that I need, a reflection of what I have always wished and hoped would come to me. It amazes me all the time that there is someone who just- gets it. That understands me. As if we’re bound by some cosmic force that I can’t see. Or cut from the same cloth”. He laces your fingers together once again. “I just have to say it, while I’m feeling brave, and I have you here in front of my eyes, I have to tell you what I’ve been feeling”.

The audiobook chapter ends, just in time for you to hear him clearly between the patter of the rain on your umbrella.

“I love you”.

#boo seungkwan #seungkwan #seungkwan fluff #seungkwan angst #seungkwan imagine #seungkwan drabble #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #booseoksoon #seventeen drabbles

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vampiireiinthesewers · 10 months

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The Cullens as The Magnus Archives entities

I’m going alphabetical on this shit I’ve got the brain rot. Also I think inherently vampires are hunt coded beings, and within the realm of twilight I’d say they can also come into the stranger bc of the way humans seem to have an instinctual fear of their kinda uncanny valley appearance

Alice- first thought for Alice was to go for the eye bc of her gift but the eye deals more in the present and past, recording and watching peoples current movements, which given her gift works more with the future doesn’t quite fit, however there can be some argument made about how her gift is reliant on peoples current decisions but also the eye is confirmed to be a dumbass that doesn’t really know what to do with the stuff its recording so I feel like despite some eye leanings Alice is probably more of a Web kinda gal, she takes the info she is given and through that she manipulates everyone around her to the best possible outcome. Alice is a web girlie.

Bella- Oh my god where to start. With the lonely first of all, Bella grew up with a neglectful mother who left Bella to care for herself and, despite Bella claiming to be besties with her mum, the two were not close, between that, the distant relationship with her father due to the fact that he could only see her once a year and her apparent lack of friends in Phoenix the lonely seems an ideal candidate for pre-Cullens Bella, and once again when the Cullens leave her again in new moon. Also her gift like, her brain is completely isolated from everyone, even those who can read minds that is so lonely coded what the fuck. Its in new moon that I feel like an argument for the spiral could be made, mostly bc of the Edward hallucinations. I also feel like while not being stranger aligned, she is drawn to the stranger, like bc lets be real all twilight vampires are kinda stranger coded uncanney valley fear level that bella is just drawn to, to the point where she wants to be a part of that. I’d also wanna point out that the lonely, stranger and spiral intersect a lot in tma so like while for Bella I’d say lonely, with some leanings to the spiral and stranger. I could probably argue for more bc like corruption deals with unhealthy relationships but at a certain point it would just end with me diagnosing her as Jonathan Sims and I don’t wanna do that. (But like I pretty easily could make an argument for lonely avatar bella being touched by every entity oh my god)

Carlisle- So much of Carlisle is defined by his loneliness after becoming a vampire, he spent over 200 years being the only person he knew on his diet, with any people he met viewing him as a lil fucking weirdo for it. Like he left the Volturi to find others who share his ideals and in 200 years not a single person could understand what the fuck this guy was doing, he had to actively change people to get the company he craved, and oh boy does he crave it bc for those 200 years he was going about desperately making friends with everyone he met, but even when he was so desperately lonely did he find someone he felt he could stay with on even a short term basis, before the Cullens the closest he had was the Volturi, and like lets be real I don’t think a single person but Aro cared about him, he stayed there for 20 years for this one guy, knowing the whole time this guy has such fundamentally different values that the relationship was doomed to fail. I’m also gonna, here me out, make a kind of a stretch argument, here me out here, that Carlisle’s human life, I get this is a stretch but here me out, is kinda desolation coded. HEAR ME OUT. First off, the desolation has so much religious imagery you wouldn’t believe but also, from Carlisle’s perspective so much of the trauma and hurt that he did in his human life was completely senseless, even as he killed those people he knew that, yet he did it anyway. Also I know that in London in the 1600s most people weren’t actually burned at the stake but Stephanie Meyer doesn’t so there’s also the whole thing with fire and the desolation like it works. Anyways vampire Carlisle is the lonely human Carlisle is the desolation. I’m sure I could argue that that he probably viewed a lot of the human’s death the people he surrounded himself in Volterra committed as senseless and so still kinda desolation coded but I am reaching I’m aware of this. (I’ve also had a friend suggest the slaughter instead of the desolation which also kinda works bc like senseless violence but it is kinda at that point that the two entities intersect so)

Edward- The corruption. Like he is the corruption through and through. Also a lil bit of the eye bc of his gift but mostly the corruption. Like a major theme with the corruption is infection and Edwin died of the flu I don’t even need to argue with this one. The corruption also deals with unhealthy relationships and that’s just the plot of twilight babes. Like there is not much I can say here bc he is so corruption coded you would not believe. Anyways he is also slightly eye leaning bc he can literally read thoughts but I’d say for the most part he’s corruption.

Emmett- the Hunt, he died bc a bear was attacking him, he has experienced the feeling of being prey and through that was able to transcend humanity to become the ultimate predator like all vampires are kinda hunt coded but Emmett more than anyone (Aside maybe trackers like James but I feel like the fact that Emmett was literally prey to an animal as a human still gives him an edge)

Esme- I’d also argue corruption for Esme. Her ex husband abusing her fits within the unhealthy relationships aspect of the corruption, while her son died form lung fever, also fitting within the corruption. I do wish there was more Esme content so I could do a better analysis but

Jasper- this man is the slaughter, like close association with war, check, unpredictable violence, check. Like this is the guy who lost it at the birthday party. Mans the slaughter

Rosalie- Rose is difficult ngl, I feel like with Rose to me the thing that always stood out about her was the fact that everything always came back to her looks, like aside from Carlisle she’s the most academically and scientifically minded of the Cullens, yet all everyone ever talks about is how she looks, her intelligence from the perspective that we see within the books is barely even an afterthought to everyone around her (and like yea that’s 100% Stephanie Myer being a misogynist but like) and there’s something to me that’s so deeply flesh coded about that like I cannot let go of, bc that’s what the flesh is all about isn’t it, that no matter what we think, how intelligent we are at the end of the day all we truly are is our flesh. You could also argue corruption but tbh I just prefer the flesh for her.

Renesmee- honestly I don’t even fucking know there is the fact that she’s isolated from everyone she knows by being one of the very few members of her species and how isolating that must feel (Lonely), there’s the fact that for most of the book one of the major concerns is no one knows how long she’s gonna live and the fact that she might get executed (The end), there’s whatever the fuck went on during bellas pregnancy (The flesh), there’s the fact that this kid is not going to have a single healthy relationship in her life (Corruption)

#twilight #the twilight saga #tma entities #alice cullen #bella swan #carlisle cullen #edward cullen #emmett cullen #esme cullen #jasper hale #rosalie hale #renesmee cullen #tw mention of abuse #im aware some of these are reaches but like i also dont care

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jonsaslove · 2 years

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actually I have more to say re: rhaenicent and d/ensa. this might be a bit jumbled but...

anyway obviously i’m a jonsa through and through but I was also drawn to the idea of d/ensa as like a corruption of power, making all the wrong choices, etc etc. but also i could never fully commit because I simply do not like dany. her character is not interesting enough to me to pair her with a character who I love so deeply, sansa. also if we’re talking canon (which is obviously not the only valid interpretation of texts, but as an aside), I cannot even remotely see them ever getting along enough to have that sort of connection. still, there is the smallest piece of what they could be that draws me in.

but rhaenicent. and we’re talking purely show here since it’s been too long since i’ve read fire and blood and I know it’s a much different dynamic there. rhaenicent is fated from the start. these two women are intertwined and really the only friend the other has for many years. but where alicent is constrained by the binds of society, rhaenyra doesn’t understand (yet) that she is too, and by nature of being a targaryen she pushes against those barriers in ways that alicent cannot. their bond intensifies before it starts to rot, but it starts with the simple things rhaenyra can get away with that alicent cannot.

i don’t have a good way to wrap this up other than to say that what compels me about rhaenicent is that they are both prone to self-destruction, albeit sometimes unknowingly, and I think d/ensa lacks that component that compels me to them. sansa’s story is one of rebuilding where dany was destined for tragedy from the start. rhaenyra and alicent might have been able to avoid the fates they were destined for at one point, if things had been different. but they weren’t. and it makes me love them all the more.

#rhaenicent #hotd #mine #to anyone who actually reads this very sorry for the incoherent rambling but i'm having revelations tonight lmao

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mookie--jam · 2 years

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Chapter 5 (Part 2): Such a Drag (Empty Canvas)

Eddie’s looking at the door of Cornell’s apartment like it’s the gate to hell. I want to give him a hug and tell him he’ll be fine. But first of all, he’s a grown man, he’ll be fine. Secondly he might think I can’t keep my hands off of him. The thing is that I perfectly can, but every time I see him he feels like a magnetic force. I’m just drawn to him, I can’t explain. Well maybe the most logical explanation is that I haven’t had sex in quite some time and it’s just lust. But it’s not that, I mean it’s also that, but he seems like so much more. I want to get to know him. I want to know what lies beneath the silent facade.

Jeff knocks at the door. Within a second it flies wide open and out comes the smell of smoke and liquor, carried on the sounds of Aerosmith blasting through the apartment. In the middle of the doorframe is Cornell, holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand, his other arm is held wide open. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a button down shirt with not a single button done up, completely exposing his chest. With the light coming from the apartment shading him in partial shadow he looks like an alcoholic Jesus. He will never actually admit it, but he’s got quite the flair for drama.

“Well, well, well, look at what the cat dragged in!” he shouts out. The guys go in one by one, each greeting Cornell in their own way, wether it be pats on the back or hugs. Eddie is still standing in the hall way, he quickly looks at me and is about to say something, but gets interrupted by Cornell’s voice.

“And you must be the reason for this party”, he says, leaning against the doorframe, waiting for Eddie to finally say something. He walks up to Cornell and hold out his hand which Chris shakes.

“Yeah, I’m Eddie, and you must be Chris right?” he says a bit hesitantly, but trying to be confident.

Cornell gives him a smile. “Yes, that’s me, and people have been telling me you’ve dreaded the idea of coming here.” Oh Chris, for fuck’s sake don’t mess with him too much.

“Uh… I mean yes…. Actually no… It’s just that… Uhm…” Cornell starts laughing and puts his free arm around Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’m just messing with you. I get it you’re nervous, because you know no one and you’re wondering who these people are and if you’ll get along. But don’t worry, I’ve given instructions. No one will attack you, just hang around and talk to whoever you want. You’ll get to know us all eventually.”

“Thanks”, Eddie says and gives Cornell a smile.

“Can I have some of that?” Eddie says and points to the bottle in the other guys hand. Cornell gives him another big smile and pushes the bottle in Eddie’s hands.

“I like you already, now go inside and socialize.” And with that he pushes Eddie inside. Eddie gives one more look and I give him a thumbs up before gesturing at him to go in.

“Well hello there, gorgeous, come around here often”, Cornell turns to me with a mischievous grin. I walk over to him and swat his arm before giving him a hug.

“I used to, a lot”, I mutter into his hair.

“Yeah, I know”, he says with the same twinge of sadness that was in my voice a second ago. “You’re fine right?” Cornell asks me as we break apart from our hug. His arms are now on my shoulders and he’s looking at me with a concerned look.

“Yeah, I am. Just if I get weird tonight, give me a minute alone.”

“Got it. But we’re just gonna have a blast.”

“Exactly.”

He gestures for me to go in with I do. The door hasn’t even closed behind us before I hear an all to familiar voice shouting through the bathroom door.

“Have you ever tried to put on a bra when you’re drunk?”

“No but I have taken one off on many occasions”, I hear McCready retort, quick as a bat.

“JOHNNY!” I shout out, seeing the guy in the bathroom door.

“LOLA!” he shouts back. Everyone else who’s there - the Alice in Chains guys, the rest of Soundgarden and some others - all know this is the normal way (and the normal amount of decibels) by which Johnny and I usually great each other. Eddie on the other hand has no fucking clue and I say him jump up in shock at the shouting, nearly spilling the cup of wine someone has given him in the last two minutes. I run over to him and take his hand, pulling him up from the couch before dragging him along to the bathroom.

“You’ve got to meet Johnny”, is the only explanation I give him for my actions. We get to the bathroom. Johnny is sitting on the edge of the bath, holding a mirror in one hand, smoking a cigarette with the other. He’s wearing only panty hose and a bra, his make up half done. This is confusing the hell out of Eddie.

“I thought you were working tonight, and it at least looks like you are, so what are you doing here?” I ask Johnny as I lean down to give him a hug.

“Well as you can see I am, but I’m not working till later. So I figured I had some time to stop by”, he explain, putting out his cigarette in the sink and picking up his cup with what evidently is vodka-cranberry (his favorite).

“So aren’t you going to introduce me?” Johnny asks before taking a sip. Eddie sees this as his cue and reaches his hand out to Johnny, who shakes it.

“Yes, I’m Eddie.”

“Oh I’ve heard a lot about you. Strangely enough everyone has forgotten to mention the very important fact that you’re gorgeous, but we’ll forgive them for that. Anyhow I’m Johnny and I see you are very confused”, Johnny says with a kind smile before gesturing at what’s going on around him. Because there’s three glittery dresses hanging from the shower curtain and a bunch of make up up and around the sink.

“A little, yes”, Eddie mutters, looking at the stuff around him.

“Well, long story short, I’m a drag queen.” Johnny says and downs the last bit of his cup. “Empty already, such a shame.”

“Wow, that’s really cool”, Eddie says excitedly. Johnny smiles at him. He normally doesn’t get this reaction when he talks about it. Most people can be quite on the fence about it, or even resentful. But not Eddie, he’s looking at Johnny with kind eyes, filled with interest and acceptance.

“It is indeed. By day I’m just plain old Johnny Kiriakis, but at night I’m known as Sandy from Greece, the country, not the movie”, Johnny says, his voice growing more dramatic with every single word.

“That’s actually quite a clever name”, Eddie answers. I think he’s one of the first guys to get the name straight away, because most guys forget about the movie Grease, but for some reason they never forget about Olivia Newton-John in those leather pants.

“So tell me a bit about you”, Johnny says, gesturing Eddie to come and sit with him on the edge of the bathtub.

“That’ll have to wait a minute”, someone says from the doorframe. I turn around to see Corrine standing in the doorway. She’s wearing a brown leather skirt with a floral blouse, her ginger bob perfectly messed up as always. I run over to her to give her a hug.

“Long time no see, you need to stop hibernating in that atelier of yours”, I say to her.

“I know, but when the inspiration flows you have to paint”, she says and then turns to Eddie.

“My boyfriend needs you.”

“And who’s your boyfriend?” he asks shyly. Corrine pretends to feel pain in her heart, her hand gripping at her chest. “So he hasn’t talked about me. He just forgets me, I must be dead to him. He’s probably fucking someone else. The bloody bastard! I’m broken!” Why are all my friends so fucking dramatic? Eddie is speechless. By the look on his face he’s not entirely sure wether she’s joking or not.

“Okay, let’s cut the crap. I’m talking about Jeff. I’m Corrine, his girlfriend”, she says and reaches out her hand to Eddie which he shakes as well. Lots of hand shaking being done tonight, his wrist might fall off sooner or later.

“Oh yeah, Coco, he has talked about you a lot”, Eddie says with a smile.

“Great, then I won’t have to kill him. Anyhow he needs you in the living room.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll go then”, Eddie makes way for the door, “Johnny nice meeting, Corrine the same for you as well”, he says nodding his head at each other, before tuning to me. There’s a soft smile on his lips. “I’ll see you around, I guess”, he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.

“See you around Ed”, I say and give him a smile before he disappears through the bathroom door which Corrine immediately closes behind him.

“How did you forget to mention the fact that he is smoking hot?” Corrine asks me, leaning against the door behind her.

“My thoughts exactly!” Johnny exclaims loudly. He’s drawing on his eyebrows.

“I mean…. I don’t know… He’s just… He’s more than just hot”, I mutter. I take the bottle of vodka and the bottle of cranberry juice and pour some into Johnny’s old cup and take a sip.

“Oh I see, she’s got a thing for him”, Johnny says, gesturing with his make up brush to Corrine.

“I do not have a thing for him”, I say after nearly chocking on my drink.

“Oh yes she does!” Corrine says with a huge smile. She’s now gone from the doorway to sitting next Johnny on the side of the tub.

“And he’s coming into your apartment on a daily basis. So lucky you. You could accidentally walk in on him showering. Oh that would make my day”, Johnny grins. He has finished his eyebrows and Is now moving on to eyeshadow.

“Yeah, uh-huh”, I mumble in a small voice taking a sip of my drink. If only they knew that that had actually already happened. This morning. God, I was so embarrassed walking in on him. He was just taking his time, having some coffee, listening to some music. He had put on Quadrophenia by The Who, one of my all time favorite records. I knew he must’ve had a good music takes, being a musician and all, but for him to put on one of my favorites…

He sometimes seems too good to be true. He’s kind, forgiving, funny, he’s got a great taste in music. And indeed as both Johnny and Corrine have stated, he’s absolutely fucking gorgeous. Ever since this morning I can’t get the image out of my head. Him standing beside my stove top, cup of coffee in hand. Only a towel around his waist and one is his hair, though a few locks of his brown curls were coming out of the back. There was this one that was stuck against his neck and it was dripping little droplets of water along his neck down to his chest and torso. I was just in awe of him. Him and his stupid hot body. It’s all stuck in my mind; his broad shoulders, wellformed chest, toned stomach, that little trail of hair between his navel and uhm.. And then obviously he had to run of to my bathroom, giving me the full view of his back and those shoulders and then I got a sneak previous of his butt as well. God why do I have to be so awful and tease him about it. I just couldn’t have held my mouth shut, but I had to let him know didn’t I? I’m spending way too much time around these guys, they’re turning me into an asshole.

And then he came back into my room, now clothed, handsome as ever. With his wet hair all tangles, framing his face so perfectly. I just want to tangle my hands into his hair and kiss him and tug and pull and that mane, twirl the strands around my finger and lose myself. His lips seem so soft, I wonder what they feel like. Or how it would feel like when he’d pull me closer, hold me tighter, how it would feel like to have his hands caress my body… Lola, stop imagining soft porn, for fuck’s sake, what the matter with you?

Conclusion: the guy’s seems fucking perfect. But then I know he’s not. I know there’s a ton of darkness in him as well, otherwise you don’t write the songs he writes. God, I need to stop thinking about him. I need to stop and I need to get some fucking distance. I don’t want to fall for him. I don’t want to fall for anyone. Not anymore. There’s simply too big a risk of getting hurt. And I can’t get hurt like that again. I could barely bear it once. I couldn’t bare it again. And to imagine such a thing with Eddie, sweet, kind, wonderful Eddie… It’s just too much. I can’t.

“Oh honey, you’ve known him for two days and you’re already smitten”, Johnny giggles.

“I am not smitten, nor do I like him in that way. And even if I did, he wouldn’t like me in that way. I’m clearly not his type.”

Johnny lets out a cackle and Corrine just shakes her head.

“Darling, have you seen the way he looks at you? He’s all dreamy eyed. He surely likes you.”

“Johnny, you need to stop taking drugs this early in the night. You’re clearly already hallucinating!” I state before taking another sip.

“Oh no, he’s not”, Corrine adds. “He does look at you in a very dreamy way.”

“Well maybe he’s thinking about something nice, like surfing… Or Debbie Harry!”

“Yeah sure, he’s thinking of Debbie Harry and not the sexy young lady whose shower he’s using and sure hopes to walk in on naked”, Johnny grins.

“For fuck’s sake”, I mutter, looking for something to throw at his head.

At that moment the bathroom door flies open, and in storm Ament and McCready, Gossard’s head is peaking through the door as well.

“Oh, wonderful, glorious, goddess like Johnny, we need your help”, McCready begs down on his knees in front of the drag queen.

“For the last time Michelangelo I’m not sucking your dick unless you pay me fifty bucks. I’m a lady and I don’t lower my prices, especially not for musicians”, Johnny says sensually whilst putting on his last fake eyelash. Stone bursts out in laughter at the door.

“It’s not that, oh queen of queens”, Ament says, falling on his knees next to Mike. Corrine looks at her boyfriend and then at me. Her look says something along the lines of: what the hell am I dating?

“Then do tell me”, Johnny says, intrigued, crossing his legs and resting his head on his hand.

“We need some of your fabulous garderobe!”

“How drunk are they?” I ask turning to Stone.

“Very, they just each took eight shots of vodka with Cantrell and Staley”, Stone explains. I hear the sound of Corrine face palming without even looking at her.

“You can use some of my drag, only of you bring it back in the prim and proper condition it was before, otherwise you repay me double what it cost.”

“Deal”, Ament and McCready say in unison. They rush for the bags of clothing on the ground. Jeff puts on a random maxi skirt and a purple feather boa, before also putting a blonde wig on his head.

“I thought I was gonna be the blonde one”, Mike whines. He himself has thrown on a short sparkly dress (and has somehow managed to take his pants off in two seconds) that’s making his hairy legs look surprisingly good.

“No, you are Frida!” Jeff shouts, before putting a long brown wig backwards on McCready’s head.

“Kahlo?” Corrine asks, confusion evident in her voice.

“Who turned the fucking lights out?” Mike shouts, they wig still on backwards. I walk over to him and turn the wig the right way around.

“Never mind, they’re back on!”

“Oh and we need your duct tape” Jeff shouts, frantically looking around him, before finding it on the sink.

“What the hell do you need my duct tape for? Guys, I need that, I haven’t tucked yet!” Johnny shouts as the two guys disappear through the door, Stone along with them.

“Guys, put him on the chair”, I hear Cantrell shout from the other room.

“What the hell are they up to?” I ask Johnny and Corrine who are looking at me with an equally perplexed expression.

“Let’s find out”, Johnny says and all three of us rush through the door. What we see is possibly the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.

They have somehow taped Eddie to a chair and have even put a piece of duct tape on his mouth. He doesn’t look fed up or panicked at all. His expression is more a combination of why ‘the fuck is this happening’ and ‘lets get this over with’, a comical unamused as it were.

“HIT IT”, Ament shouts at Cornell who’s standing by the record player. Chris puts the needle on the vinyl. A familiar tune starts playing. And now it all makes sense. Jeff and Mike are Agneta and Frida from ABBA and are now doing a performance of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme for the tied down Eddie, who probably would be laughing if they hadn’t gagged him. Oh poor Eddie!

“Why didn’t they ask me, I’d have loved to have given him a lap dance”, Johnny whines.

#pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfic #eddie vedder fanfiction #grungefic #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction

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mobloomspell · 1 year

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Reading diary

I want to start sharing more of what I read or watch these days, partly for myself, and also because I do actually engage with a lot during my free time but for a variety of reasons it’s not a “fandom” I can otherwise passively reblog stuff for and share that way. Putting my thoughts into blurbs can also be a low-stakes way of getting back into writing and hopefully beat a block I’ve been struggling with.

Pandora Hearts by Jun Mochizuki - read 10 volumes so far out of the complete 24. I mostly started this because Vanitas is on hiatus and I got sick of people spoiling it for me in critique/theory posts, and right now I can only say I think I’m too old for it. If I hadn’t been into Tsubasa, this probably would have been the convoluted fantasy I’d been obsessed with back when it was first coming out, but I’m not really that person anymore. I like parts of it (Gilbert and Alice are great, the art consistently improves) and can see how it may slowly become more of those bits I enjoy, but I also have zero patience for “carrot on a stick” style storytelling, even good examples of said storytelling, so its main mystery doesn’t intrigue me. Taking a break for a little while, and I’ll eventually come back to check out the second half people really remember this series for. I guess I love Vanitas so much nothing can compare right now, not even the author’s previous work.

Into the Wild by John Krakeur - I originally started reading this on my breaks at work, since I was cleaning a community college in the evenings and this was one of the books as part of an adult literacy class. Full transparency, I mostly bought this as a reference because I’m working on a Breath of the Wild adaptation fic, and I thought it not only described wild environments in a compelling way, but since I can’t do hiking or camping myself right now I thought it would be good research for basic things to know (I have a second-hand Adam Shoalts book for similar reasons). Right in the preface, the author says he is not trying to be a distant biographer, he was drawn to know more about Chris McCandless’ life and death because he’d been through similar experiences, and that honestly shows up a lot throughout even the more prosaic recountings. The book paints Chris as a completely normal guy, occasionally naive and stubborn but not as stupid as some detractors painted him as. My only major gripe is that it prioritizes men’s perspectives quite often while breezing by women’s thoughts and intersections in the recounting, almost like “they exist, too, I guess.” Part of this I’ve learned later is intentional - Chris’ sister Carine wanted to keep a lot of details about their volatile childhood off-record because her relationship with her parents had improved by the time she was being interviewed, but it still bothers me when the gender balance is so skewed to one side. I took a chance on this book and minor annoyances aside, I don’t regret my time with it.

From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty - I got into Ask a Mortician videos shortly before the pandemic, and decided to buy this because I was interested in learning about other funeral customs around the world. The segments vary in detail, some being more travelogue than history, but the whole thing is a very sincere wish for the funeral industry to help people through grief by not treating death as a scary, unseeable and untouchable phenomena. I really appreciated a segment wherein Doughty’s coworker and friend shared her own story of loss with a miscarriage and just wanting to acknowledge that her grief wasn’t stoic and graceful. It is basically an Ask a Mortician video in less than 300 pages, humorous asides and all, so if you like those I’d recommend it for other people also looking for a Death Industry intro. My paperback copy also has really nice gold foil and orange-peel texture covers, its the prettiest book about corpses I may ever own.

#reading diary #moposts

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creativeashproductions · 3 years

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Pregnancy Test Roulette // Charlie Gillespie

Summary: As a college student living with your three best friends is the best and even better when they get along with your long-term boyfriend. However, one of your best friends decides to film a video inspired by another tiktok video. You just had to jinx yourself.

Warnings: Swearing, unplanned pregnancy, allusion to abortion (doesn’t use the actual word), college, and reader has a gender-neutral roommate and best friend named Lu.

Words: 2.4k

A/N: This inspired by a video I watched of someone announcing her pregnancy by taking a test with her friends. They each took one and put in a box to shake and hell exploded with the positive, the actual person was aware before the pregnancy roulette

Masterlist

They say your ’20s are your best years and maybe that comes from being able to bounce back from a night out with your friends. A night that turned your memory into episodic moments you could recall and others you had to guess about. Maybe it’s because you’re in the years where you aren’t under lock and key with your parents but not at the point where you’re expected to have a marriage, kids and mortgage.

It was the sweet spot in life. Now you didn’t drink as much as you did your first year, but you did enjoy the odd glass of wine occasionally—a beer with your older brother or a shot with your best friend. But more often than not you were in bliss nestled into your boyfriend’s side watching an old movie with a bucket of popcorn you had argued over who would make. However, Charlie was in Vancouver filming for Julie and the Phantoms leaving you in your house for the upcoming season. The home you shared with your three college friends to save money but not be stifled in dorms.

“I have an idea!” Sophie spoke, sliding into the living room in her thick socks with duckies on them. Her sudden appearance received both Alice and your attention from the movie Bad Moms playing.

Sophie’s recently dyed blue hair concealing her face from you as she flipped the long strands from her hair. Her bright brown eyes glittering with the same happiness that typically exuded from her.

“What’s this idea?”

“Where’s Lu?” Sophie inquired scanning for them in the room, “Did they have a date?”

“Nah, I’m right here Phee,” Lu announced their presence from the kitchen island going over work emails.

Sophie quickly dragged them from the counter to Alice and you on the couch with a box in her hands. Everyone in the room shared a look as the blue-haired girl went into one of her tangents that could continue indefinitely.

“Phee, calm down. What do you want to do?” Lu questioned whereas Alice had leaned forward to grab a look at the box.

“I think the best question is: what does it have to do with the box of pregnancy tests in your hand?” Alice asked flicking her ocean blue eyes at the girl sheepishly looking at the group, “Do you think you’re pregnant?”

“What! No! I thought it would be hilarious to take a test each and put in the box.” Sophie replied, pursing her lips together with a pleading look in her eyes, “Plus I wanna know how you do it…?”

You sighed with a shake of your head, “You saw this on Tiktok. We’re all damn careful at preventative measures. There’s no harm in taking the test. Hand one over.”

Sophie was quick to hand you a test along with the rest of the group before splitting off to the attached bathroom to your master suite room. You hadn’t even fought for the room when you moved in your sophomore year of college. Lu had been quick to announce that as the only one in a relationship Charlie would be over and they didn’t want a show.

The instructions were straight forward enough you had capped the test brought it the hallway to drop in the box held by Sophie. The camera catching everyone as they did so. Lu followed with their test followed by Alice, and you wandered back to your seat in the living room.

“Is there a reason you made us pee on sticks?” You inquired grabbing one of the decorative pillows Alice had bought. It was mostly Alice’s touch that brought the living room together with her minor in interior design.

“I thought it would be fun.” Sophie simply shrugged joining Lu on their couch, leaving Alice back in her seat.

The movie still paused as per Sophie’s request, so no one forgot about the tests waiting to be revealed. You had no clue why it mattered to not forget about them, as you had said before. Everyone had a pact to keep up on contraceptive, hell there’s a box near the hallway filled with condoms. Everyone just added a few to the box if it was lower than twenty squares.

“Okay.” Lu trailed off, clicking their fingers on the phone in their hands. Their attention is easily taken away from the game Sophie wanted.

Sophie was always jumping on trends on Tiktok, a few even before they became real trends, so this wasn’t anything new. Sophie even had a few viral videos on the app that sometimes took all her attention for a few hours. That being said, you weren’t overly scared about the outcome.

“Ooh, Charamader is calling.” Lu snorted leaning overseeing the cheesy photo of Charlie kissing your cheek. His contact photo in your phone had been taken by Luk as well.

“One moment.” You told Sophie with her wide eyes pointedly staring at the box on the coffee table littered with magazines, “It will be a second!”

Sophie waved you off to the kitchen where you clicked on the green button.

“Hey!” Charlie beamed from the kitchen on the apartment he shared with Owen during filming. His wide eyes crinkled by the grin he wore, “What’s new? How was that exam?”

“I think I did a lot better than I had expected.” You admitted to the Canadian guy brushing the hair away from his face. He had to recut to Luke’s style when filming for the new season happened.

“I told you!” Charlie cheered, flipping his gaze from his phone to the pan he was carefully inspecting, “How lucky am I? My girl is going to graduate with a fancy degree! I’ll be front row when it happens.”

“Just as I will be right there when you win an Oscar.” You teased your boyfriend as Sophie loudly counted down from the living room. Charlie’s attention was drawn to the trio of your best friends waiting.

“Did I pull you away from something?” Charlie’s brown brows furrowed as he mentally went over the plans you had informed him of.

There wasn’t a single plan he remembered so he relaxed marginally when the fear of missing something faded.

“Sophie’s made us do this video for TikTok. We��re halfway through-“

“Hey Charlie, she’ll call you back. We had pregnancy tests to check!” Sophie interrupted ending the video call with your boyfriend.

Both Charlie and you frantically talking as Sophie ended the call with that bomb and not clarifying further on it. To take it further, the blue-haired beauty pocketed your phone as well to avoid her video being interrupted.

You had no doubt the Canadian actor was freaking the fuck out that you were taking a pregnancy test. If he was spamming your phone, Sophie wasn’t reacting to the vibrating other than to aggressively point over to the couch.

“Just text him,” Sophie grumbled throwing your phone back at you when the line formed between her eyebrows. The frustration of Charlie overcoming her excitement for the video.

“PREGNANCY TEST?” Charlie screamed as soon as you accepted his phone call, “Am I missing something?”

“Sophie wanted to do a video of Alice, Lu, her and I took one. We’re good.” You soothed the ruffled feathers of the male who released a gasp.

“Sophie, you gave me a heart attack. Holy shit, I just about knocked Owen unconscious.” The man in question was speaking, but you couldn’t hear the words he spoke, “What! I thought my girl needed me!”

“I’m Charlie but I won’t if I don’t end the call-“

“We can mute the call.” Charlie interrupted dancing on the balls of his feet with anticipation in his blood even if you had denied being pregnant, “This sounds like-”

“Nice try Gillespie. Y/N will call tomorrow, it’s roomie night.” Lu spoke before ending the call for you just like Sophie had, “AS much as I like the dude, this is getting interesting.”

You simply shared a look with Alice as Sophie expertly stationed the camera to get everyone, Alice was the one to shake the box again. Each of you was given a test to hold with snickers falling from lips. Lu’s hand ran through the recently chopped hair while Alice repositioned her body on the floor.

“Okay…one, two, three.” Sophie calmly spoke before flipping her test around. Everyone followed suit.

“Negative.” You informed the group. Lu was quick to announce the negative in her hand.

Sophie simply shook her head before everyone turned to Alice, “Alice?”

The brunette pixie-haired girl stared at the test before she lunged for the box, “What’s a positive?”

“Why-“

“The test is positive!” Alice snapped shakily reading the instructions as she gripped the test in her hand. Her lips mouthed the words she read with a speed that greatly impressed you.

Everyone was huddled around her after Sophie had ended the video in pure shock, reading the test that very much said positive. Your lips parted in stunned silence sitting back on your heels just as Sophie did.

“Who’s test is it?!” Sophie exclaimed roughly running her hand over her face, “Holy shit.”

“Not mine.” Lu informed the group with a nervous smile on their face, “The last person I was with was Susan from Statistics.”

That left three people.

“Eliminate the options.” You breathed looking at Alice, “Wasn’t the last guy you were with a few weeks ago? Jas or something from-“

“Jasper from my Mythology course, but that was like four months ago! I’ve been swamped with classes and work.” Alice spoke with a small smile, “He was terrific. I should see if he’d like to grab a- “

“Not the time Alice!” Sophie screeched frantically looking around the room, “Oh my god, what about you?”

Sophie’s eyes came down on you with a pleading look in her eyes at this very sudden twist on her once innocent game. Your mind went over the last few months, but you were blanking at every opportunity.

“I can’t. Shit. I need to call Charlie.” You grumbled tapping the screen of the phone, “Alice, can you go grab a box of tests from the store? We used all of them.”

“-grab as many as possible!” Sophie cried, shaking in her slippers and cosy clothing. This was not how she had expected the night to go.

“I thought it was roomie night.” Charlie spoke as soon as the phone connected, “Something wrong?”

“When was the last night we had sex?” You inquired, leaving the man in Canada to choke on his beer.

In Vancouver sharing a beer with Owen with a film that had interested the pair playing Charlie hadn’t expected your call. Owen barely blinked at the interruption when the movie was fascinating, but he did turn when he heard Charlie choke.

“W-what?” Charlie coughed wiping his chin with the back of his hand, “Is this some weird part of a card game-“

“Charlie, when was the last time we had-“

“Jesus, I stayed the night before we left for the airport two months ago? We had a quickie in the bathroom at the airport as well.” Charlie scrunched his face recalling the lack of time he had been physical with you. His face turning red with Owen’s full attention on the flustered Canadian actor.

“Everything good?” Owen asked his best friend but only received a wave off.

“You sound scared. Is everything okay?” Charlie now demanded while your lips parted to ask if it was possible the condoms you used broke. The frantic breathing of Alice interrupted you, however.

Your e/c eyes found the pixie-haired girl leaned over, catching her breath with the box in her hands. Without thinking, your phone fell from your fingers as you lunged to the box with three tests. Alice had thought ahead and bought a box each for you and Sophie.

“Sophie’s waiting in the living room. Lu’s got her.” Alice softly told you both deaf to the two males on the phone, “I’ll be right here.”

“Thank you, Alice.” You choked marching into the bathroom, “If it’s me…I-“

“If you’re the one pregnant, then this baby will be blessed if you decide to continue the pregnancy. If you don’t, I’m right here for you. If you’re not pregnant, we can do a couple shots.” Alice squeezed your hands unintentionally, sending Charlie into a frantic moment once more.

Your feet stopped suddenly remembering you hadn’t hung up the phone with Charlie, “Fuck.”

Alice, already reading the situation, tossed your phone to you with a smile as she sat on your bed. With a thankful one sent back, you entered the bathroom with your thumb, clicking the FaceTime button.

“This is the second time!” Charlie exclaimed scanning the background for one of your roommates, “I thought you weren’t pregnant!”

“So did I! Until one of four tests turned out positive, and now I have three more tests I need to pee on!” You exclaimed, “I jinxed us! I literally said how all of us are so good keeping up with preventative measures!”

“Apparently not as well.” Owen spoke, shoving his head over Charlie’s shoulder to see you with his kind smile, “Can you take three slow but deep breaths for me?”

With a few words coaching your breathing, you calmed down enough to mute the call and turn the phone to the ceiling for your privacy. Once the toilet was flushed, tests capped waiting on the counter, and your hands washed, you turned back to the call.

“What’re we gonna do Char?” You sobbed with a deep ache to be in his arms just as he felt the same, “We don’t live together! How can we do this!”

As Owen had led you through the calming breathing, Charlie had dug deep to calm down eternally for you. He found clarity even in the storm of being terrified and somewhat guilty, which he knew was misplaced.

“If you’re pregnant I’ll be there for you. No matter what, I will be there for you. If we keep the baby, we will rock parenting. We have friends and our family.” Charlie soothed you with his pretty hazel eyes glittering at you, “We’ve been together since we were eighteen. We’ve talked about marriage and kids.”

“Should I le-“

“You can stay.” You softly told Owen who squeezed Charlie’s shoulder while you sat in silence with Alice quietly sitting by your side.

Alice’s hand grabbed yours in comfort and support, waiting for the minutes to end and when they did you cried.

Separated in different countries you and Charlie took in the news that there was, in fact, a child on the way. Charlie’s lips parted in glee as he easily read the excitement in your facial expressions amid the fear.

Tag List (PLEASE SEND AN INBOX TO BE ADDED! I CANNOT GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE ON THE LIST VIA POST COMMENTS!)

@safehavenmuse @siennanoelle01 @whiterose291 @mell-bell @blackhood5sos @ficrecsideblog @ifilwtmfc @deadpoolgirl23 @crappy-unicorn @sunsetcurve-h @elioelioeli0 @lovesanimals @popcrone818 @lolychu @deepsleepnat @tenaciousperfectionunknown @aunicornmademedoit @just-a-writer-here @simp4reggie @merceret @faithiebrock01 @overlyhypedup @differentsoulrascalsalad @aesthetic-lyss @versaceapa @carleywhittaker @lostgirl219 @itsalexx21 @elllaoo4 @merxxleighann @mediocremunge @fantomlovesjuke4ever @dpaccione @oswin05 @kaylinfayezink @aberette13 @faithie-brock-gillespie01 @eharvey0218 @overlyhypedup @benstormy @auriandthepussicats @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @whothefuckstolemykeds @siriuswvrld @princessvader15 @xoxbloodreinaxox @heimdoodle @joshy-obx @lovesanimals @oopsiedoopsie23 @am3l1a-24 @flying-solo-without-you @jaskiers-sweetkiss @lostrandomfangirln @must-be-a-weasley-92 @jatp-holland @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @dxlanhxlland @dasexydevitt13 @ifilwtmfc @arianagrandes-things @kinda-really-lost @marinettepotterandplagg @ssprayberrythings @morgandamrose @thedarkqueenofavalon @zukoshonourr @crybabyddl @spooky-season-bitch @kcd15 @morganayennefertyrell @magnet-girl @all-in-fangirl @kinda-really-lost @tenaciousperfectionunknown @badwolf00593 @blowakissbabe @talksoprettyjjx @thesweetestsinner @kaitieskidmore1 @writerinlearning @aiofheavenandhell @sageellsworth05 @link-102

#charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie x reader #luke patterson imagines #jatp fanfic #charlie gillespie #dad!charlie gillespie #caitsy and ash productions

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hrtiu · 3 years

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hrtiu master list

Sat down to write this and realized I’ve written quite a lot over the past five years :) everything is rated T or less.

Star Wars

Stronger than Fate Series - Ahsoka has loved Rex since she was a teenager, but for a variety of reasons never acted on her feelings. Rex on the other hand was totally clueless until it was (maybe?) too late. Regardless, their friendship is one of the only things that has held true over the long years.

A Difference of Opinion - pre-relationship TCW era

Don’t Tell - pre-relationship TCW era

A Stubborn, Insistent Sort of Hope - pre-relationship between TCW and Rebels

Another Friend in the Snow - pre-relationship between TCW and Rebels, angst

Only In Shadows - pre-relationship between TCW and Rebels

The Shape of You - pre-relationship between TCW and Rebels, making out ;)

Tossed and Turned - pre-relationship Rebels era

Luckier Than We Deserve - friends to lovers, Mandalorian era

Make Believe - established relationship, Mandalorian era

This Means War - established relationship, Mandalorian era

Children of the Republic - established relationship, Mandalorian era

Rexsoka Oneshots

‘Tis the Gift to be Simple, ‘Tis the Gift to be Free - Chancellor Palpatine has been deposed and Rex and Ahsoka figure out what their new lives will look like. Pre-relationship AU

Zhiyin - Ahsoka’s soul sings to Rex’s, and that’s a problem. TCW-era soulmate AU

Bobannec Oneshots

A Betrayal of the Body - Fennec’s new mechanical body has an interesting tell that Boba discovers by accident. Friends-to-lovers

There’s Only One Bed on Slave I - Look, there was ONLY ONE BED

When Boba Met Fennec - When Harry Met Sally-inspired friends-to-lovers

Death and Taxes - Fennec wants to take Boba to the courthouse in Mos Eisley to get married. Only for tax purposes, of course.

Twisted Up in Knots - Every morning Fennec does her hair the same way, and Boba has always wondered why.

Foxiyo Stuff

Worthy of Devotion - After Chancellor Palpatine was deposed, junior senator Riyo Chuchi is unexpectedly elected Chancellor and CC-1010 volunteers to continue his service as personal protection to the Chancellor of the Republic. Chancellor/Bodyguard AU multi-chapter fic

Things That Would Have, Could Have, Should Have Been - Foxiyo week oneshots

Tech Stuff

Paradigm Shift - Travia Chan is a sort-of OC who one day finds herself having to share the only sleeping bag in a bunker on Fest during a snow storm with Clone Commando Tech. Whatever will she do???

The Completionist - Finally, after months of searching, Brit'ni had located the holy grail of Galaxy of Heroes collecting: a first-edition, mint condition, no-helmet figure of Captain Tabbard. Now only one scrawny nerd stood between her and perfection.

Other Star Wars

Do No Harm - During the Clone Wars, Commander Bly and General Secura find themselves drawn to each other despite their loyalties and commitments. A half century later former clone trooper Kix crash lands with the crew of the Meson Martinet and develops and unusual friendship with one of the locals. Kix & OC, Blyla oneshot

The 79′s Beat - Clone trooper Reese of the Coruscant Guard is good at his job, even if it mostly involves disciplining drunk troopers at 79′s. He keeps on running into the refugee-turned-waitress Kiraz at the seedy establishment, and finds he doesn’t mind. Coruscant Guard/OC waitress multichapter

Chaotic Good - Force-sensitive Hardcase AU

Impossible Dreams - Reylo oneshot

Conviction - Dogma and Barriss meet in prison. They find they have a lot more in common than they’d thought.

Legend of Zelda

A Hylian Marriage - After Calamity Ganon is defeated Zelda proposes marriage to Link. For the good of the kingdom, of course ;) Post-BOTW Zelink marriage of convenience multichapter

Mayor Harkinian - Zelink Modern AU, kinda abandoned >>

Reticence - Link is really good at keeping his mouth shut, and sometimes that’s a problem. Post-BOTW Zelink twoshot

The Failed Hero - Princess Zelda tells Link of the story of the Failed Hero. Post-Twilight Princess fic focusing on the Hero’s Shade

Another Branch in the Stream of Time - Post-Majora’s Mask Zelink multichapter. Look, this was one of the first fics I ever wrote and it’s not very good 😅

Rurouni Kenshin

Busu - Kaoru knows that Kenshin cares about her, but it’s been so long and he still hasn’t done anything to further their relationship. She’s sick of it. (this was the first fic I ever wrote and I still think it’s pretty sweet!)

Selfishness - Kaoru is beginning to understand Kenshin’s vow to never kill again and the ways her desire for him to keep might be selfish

Other

The Return - After the Snap a strange man arrives in the hospital without a name and no family to claim him. Nurse Alice somehow ends up bringing him home with her. What’s the worst that could happen? Actually, don’t answer that. Loki/OC multichapter, written between Infinity War and Endgame, so not Endgame-compliant. This is the longest fic I’ve ever written 😂

After The Fact - Shepard knew she loved Garrus from before their assault on the Collector Base, but she couldn’t afford feelings in the face of the Reapers. Years later after she’s made a family of her own, maybe she has a second chance. Post-game Shakarian friends-to-lovers

Krosis - Skyrim Dragonborn/Vilkas multichapter

#master list #hrtiu #star wars #tcw #rexsoka #zelink #shakarian #loki #skyrim #legend of zelda #blyla #foxiyo #bobannec #rurouni kenshin #kenkao #mass effect #the mandalorian

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thedamageofherdays · 3 years

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This week I was really craving fluffy fics so a lot of these are pretty fluffy. I ended up discovering some real gems (in part due to lovely people reccing some of these fics to me) and also re-read the fic that never fails to bring me comfort (Coming Up Easy). A good reading week I would say!

Favourites are marked with a 🌻

Wake Up Sleepy Head! by ishouldbesleepingrightnow [Stucky, 769 words, General]

‘Aww, he looks so cute and peaceful’, Natasha thinks with a smirk on her face. Then she takes a deep breath in.

“WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!”

Kiss Me Hello by kehinki [Stucky, 5k words, Mature]

Bucky and Steve take to kissing each other hello, goodbye, goodnight. It's all very platonic until it isn't.

How Bucky Barnes Convinced Steve Rogers He Loved Him (or, the many times Bucky told Steve and the one time he listened) by powerfulowl @stuckyflangst [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

Bucky laid his head down on the table (carefully so as not to mess up his hair too much – he’d just blow dried it this morning thank you very much) and groaned.

‘It is that bad Nat.’ He sat up again and took a long draw on his own iced coffee (milk, cream, icecream, sugar). ‘Bucky, I said to myself, how bad can it be? It’s seven years since you graduated, you can’t still be in love with your childhood BFF. This is real life. You are a grown man. You’ve been in other relationships. You’ve moved on. You can totally move in with Steve and Sam and it will be cool. Just bros living together. Sharing a house.’

-----

The tale of how Bucky Barnes tried to woo his childhood friend, Steve Rogers, and how Steve just refused to take the hint. They say desperate times call for desperate measures.

🌻 Let's Fall In Love by Desdemon [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

“I really am sorry, dollface,” Bucky said, his eyes huge and stupid. “I’m just flapping my gums, you know what a chucklehead I am.”

🌻 Coming Up Easy by musette22 @musette22 [Stucky, 45k words, Explicit]

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

Bucky Barnes' Birthday: 1934 by dottieapple [Stucky, 4k words, Teen]

Written about Bucky Barnes' birthday, 1934, for Bucky Barnes' birthday, 2020: in which Becca Barnes is an analogue for the fandom because she sees it before Steve and Bucky. It all starts with a hand-drawn birthday card, some cake, and getting stuck on a fire escape.

🌻 The one place (where something happened) by unremarkable @otp-holic [Stucky, 4k words, Mature]

“In your life there are a few places, or maybe only the one place, where something happened, and then there are all the other places.” Alice Munro.

(or the one where they receive a letter from a familiar name and we go into 4Ks of fluff around a lost afternoon in France)

🌻 Blindfolded by Lilibet [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

The creak of the rickety floorboards of their tiny flat seemed louder under Bucky’s bare feet, the rattle of the piping in the walls more noticeable, the tinny echo of a radio floating from across the hall.

“Somethin’ funny, doll?” Bucky drawled, and Steve’s grin grew wider.

“Just you,” Steve said, lifting his chin up to where he thought Bucky’s face was.

worth it by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“What are we doing?”

“We,” Steve wraps his arms around Bucky, hugging him close, “are going on a date.”

🌻 Item One by cheesethesecond [Stucky, 2k words, General]

Bucky was never actually Steve's boyfriend. No one bothers to explain this to Bucky. Bucky acts accordingly.

🌻 Wrapped Up in You by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 700 words, Teen]

“I made you something,” Bucky tells him, and that’s when Steve notices he has both arms behind his back.

“Oh, really?” Steve arches an eyebrow, interested. “I wonder what it is.”

#r's reading log #my reading log #fic rec #stucky #fic recs

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: The Anime (pt. 1)

I could go on and on about these two and I think I will, just because I don’t often see people talk about the analysis behind them. The meta I have seen about them has included a perspective that equaled the anime and the manga and I don’t think that’s an accurate way of viewing their relationship.

The anime is a different species than the manga, something that frequently happens during the adaptation from page to screen. Since they’re so different, I’ll analyze them separately.

There's going to be many parts to this so I'll keep a table of contents right here so people can more easily navigate (though you can also read through the "let's talk about natsumikan: the anime" tag on my blog):

Anime Analysis

Part 1: Exposition & Episode 7

Part 2: Episodes 8, 9, 10, & 11

Part 3: Episodes 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, & 17

Part 4: Episodes 18 & 19

Part 5: Episodes 20, 21, & 22

Part 6: Episodes 23, 24, 25, & 26 & Conclusion

The anime makes changes, as anime adaptations often do. The most outstanding changes are appearance related, as Natsume now has brown eyes instead of red, in addition to other characters who have hue-shifted eyes and hair. But there are also story changes, and I’ll be focusing on the changes that occur, specifically in regards to Natsume and Mikan and their relationship.

For one, their relationship starts evolving much earlier in the anime. I think it’s pretty undeniable that in the anime, Natsume started liking Mikan at the end of the dodgeball game. That scene never happened in the manga, but in the anime, it’s a crucial step in making sure nothing seems too sudden or forced.

The anime is 26 episodes long. If Natsume only starts liking Mikan after she saves him during the Reo Arc, then we’re already halfway through the show when positive feelings between the two appear. On the other hand, the feelings develop more slowly in the manga because there’s more time to properly develop the relationship in a more drawn out way.

My analysis will start with the anime, because it’s shorter and easier to discuss.

Exposition

It’s impossible to say that the anime was completely loyal to the manga. It very frequently couldn’t be, because it needed to fill in time in episodes or give closure early before the manga even addressed it (Natsume’s backstory in the anime, for instance, is vaguely referred to and implies deviation from the manga).

The most obvious difference between the manga and the anime from the get-go is visual. Not only do they have differing art styles (I don’t dislike the anime style but Higuchi Tachibana’s art style is so distinct and unmistakable while the anime’s isn’t so unique), but the setting is also different.

While the manga started in the depth of winter, the anime starts off in summer/fall. It always struck me as odd that while the first page of the manga has Mikan running after Hotaru in full winter-wear, the anime starts off warm and idyllic. You could almost think of that as a general warning for the difference between the anime and the manga. After all, while the anime has a reputation for being a cutesy and upbeat story about friendship and magical powers, the manga is much darker and discusses many morbid and depressing themes that can and WILL fuck you up. Warm vs. cold seems like an accurate difference, though I don’t think that was intentional.

We see way more of the village life in the anime, including Mikan’s efforts to keep the school from closing. This is a welcome change because Mikan’s passion to keep the school open is nothing compared to her friendship with Hotaru, and even after the school is saved, she runs away to see her friend, even if it means she goes to another school. The manga doesn’t imply that Mikan knew already about the school’s fate, and since she is always so preoccupied with Hotaru anyway, we don’t really get the impression that she cares very much. To Anime!Mikan, Hotaru is more important than saving the school, something she was so passionate about she rallied to get signatures. It’s an extra scene to prove just how much Hotaru matters to Mikan, and to show even more how selfless Hotaru was to go to Alice Academy, since she knew how much the school mattered to Mikan.

“Sign my petition to get a Gakuen Alice anime reboot!!!”

My boy Natsume is only introduced properly in the second episode, when we actually see his face and he speaks. His appearance is different from the manga’s too. I’m not sure if this was to appeal to a younger audience or what, but Natsume’s eyes are changed to brown instead of their iconic red, something that was always my biggest peeve about the anime adaptation. His hair is also somewhat purplish instead of entirely grey/black and, although this does bother me a lot less than the eyes, I wonder why they made this change when other characters have black hair. It might have been to differentiate him from Hotaru, another main character with black hair, though I’ve never had issue in the manga telling them apart.

His first interaction with Mikan is a lot more pleasant in the anime than in the manga, although that’s not really saying anything. Mikan’s skirt simply falls off and Natsume draws attention to it, rather than the unpleasant events that took place in the manga. This different event makes it a lot easier to support a relationship between the two of them right off the bat. They are still antagonistic but it’s not as terrible as it is in the manga. This makes it easier to establish romantic feelings earlier on, and might have been changed in order to achieve just that, or possibly also to appeal to a younger audience. Maybe both? Who knows.

“You can’t sit with us!”

With Natsume presented the way he is in the anime, it’s easier to make the claim that he’s simply a good guy who acts the way he does to protect people. And it’s true! He is! But he is also so much more. In the manga, he’s a more complicated character. Although he is a good person, he still requires character development, which is something he does go through, and something I’ll talk about more in his meta analysis later.

Most of the events at the beginning of the anime parallel the events of the manga. Mikan goes to Alice Academy at the same time of year, Natsume shows up with an explosion, Mikan has to go through the Northern Woods, she discovers her powers in her fight with Natsume, etc. Some of the continuation from episode to episode is different than the transitions between chapter to chapter, there’s extra scenes inserted to fill up time, and some of the exposition seems strangely presented (in the anime, Mikan finds out more about the school when she finds Narumi and Iinchou waiting for her at a tea party, which is…. Super weird…), but all in all the information and events are mainly the same. The big differences start with the dodgeball episode.

“Look how happy she is. Makes me wanna barf.”

Episode 7 vs. Chapter 9

I love the dodgeball episode. I feel like for the most part, the anime does deviation from the manga pretty well. With the last arc as an exception, I generally enjoy their changes and additions to the plot. The anime has to be different, has to progress at a different pace, has to introduce topics at different times. They have an episode to fill, and less time to build relationships. Natsume and Mikan are both different characters in the anime but it’s very subtle and has to happen due to the fact that the anime is shorter and seems more designed for younger audiences, in addition to wrapping up before the manga could explore more of the story.

Anyway, let’s talk about the dodgeball episode. AGAIN THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THE MANGA THE SAME WAY so when discussing NatsuMikan as a concept, the anime events cannot be treated the same as the manga events. A lot of people maybe forget that the manga is very different than the anime when it comes to this episode. I see the two media conflated in plenty of fanfics, where seventeen year old NatsuMikan reflect on the dodgeball game from their youth that changed everything, and I get it because the anime version of the dodgeball game is cute! It's shippy! It's fun! But it doesn't happen in the manga the same way.

There's a similar trope with the sakura tree, which I can only remember from the anime, and yet it's such a fundamental aspect of NM fanfic it might as well have played a vital role in both anime and manga. Nothing wrong with any of this, of course. I'm just making it clear that my analysis will cover the two media as separate for the sake of a cohesive essay. Separating them in fanfic is far less important.

This look could probably kill someone. I’m surprised Mikan is still alive, TBH.

The chapter’s focus is Mikan starting to feel more at home in Class B, making friends with her once-hostile classmates, but the episode is more preoccupied with Natsume and Mikan’s perspectives on each other. While in the manga, the game ends with a tie and Mikan accidentally hits Hotaru in the face with the ball, the anime draws out the game to fill an episode and to introduce an evolution in the way Natsume sees Mikan. The first part of the anime episode is Mikan introducing her friends to her new senpai, Tsubasa. After she invites her friends, we see Natsume glowering at her and promptly ditching the next class, saying to Ruka that he can’t stand being in the same class as her. This addition to the plot already foreshadows that their relationship will change in some way by the end of the episode.

Tsubasa tells a frustrated Mikan that if she wants Natsume to be less unpleasant, he’d need to release some of his toxic energy. Thus, the sporty Mikan introduces the concept of dodgeball to the unwelcoming class. When they finally agree, Natsume gives one condition: that they play with the notorious Alice Ball, which is powered by the thrower’s alice (a detail absent from the manga). This Alice Ball is particularly terrifying with the threat of Natsume’s dangerous fire alice. Mikan also needs to get more people on her team, another aspect absent from the manga. While in the manga, Mikan only had her few friends on her team (including a wandering Ruka) and this ended up playing to her advantage, the anime has a humorous plot of Mikan tracking players down for her team, including a fake mustache she makes with her pigtails (she’s so cute, I love her), paying Hotaru to be on her team, and blackmailing Ruka to participate. This was mainly to fill time, but it makes the dodgeball game more important as well.

In the manga, we don’t see how the game ends, just that the teams tied and that everyone in class is having fun and bonding. In the anime, more emphasis is put on the “Mikan vs. Natsume” aspect, so a tie like the manga’s would be anticlimactic. Thus, the anime concludes the dodgeball game with Mikan and Natsume being the only kids left on the court, and Natsume not using his alice when he throws the Alice Ball. Even Hotaru leaving the game is something she does out of boredom instead of injury, further separating the other characters from the plot. It’s about Natsume and Mikan, and everyone else is mostly a side character. (Though Ruka also plays a vital role to this episode AND chapter, and it’s at this point that I think he started developing real feelings for Mikan as well. So when it comes to the anime, he and Natsume fall for Mikan around the same time, but in the manga, Ruka likes her first and the “he liked her first” argument for Natsume vanishes, though he never had that “advantage” to begin with.)

“Thank you!”

Natsume wins (something that shocked me at twelve years old) and is ready to walk away with his handy “tch” and all but Mikan thanks him for not using his alice and he goes off on her, demanding to know why she’s still smiling despite her loss. She says she’s happy that he had fun and was involved with the rest of class for once, and that in a way that means she wins. For Anime!Natsumikan, this is it. This is the turning point. “I just wanted you to be happy and have fun,” is what Mikan might as well be saying. “Really, this was all for you!” It’s sweet and it’s thoughtful and I don’t think Natsume ever imagined he’d be on the receiving end of her kindness, especially after all their beef. Manga!Mikan would probably not say these things to him, even if she meant them, for the sole reason that Mikan is stubborn and holds onto her pride, especially when it comes to her early relationship with Natsume, but Anime!Mikan is much more forgiving and much more willing to extend an olive branch, like in the dance episode. In any case, Natsume starts falling right then, and it’s obvious too, because he is pissed, and even more angry because he’s not even mad at her. He’s angry with himself for his change of opinion. This is the girl he was fully content to hate forever and yet here he was, starting to like her. Not ideal.

This scene, something so crucial to the development of Anime!Natsumikan, is completely absent from the manga. In the manga, Natsume still dislikes her by the end of the game although he does have fun.

He's not angry, just disappointed. In himself.

I’m not going to say one is better when it comes to starting up NatsuMikan because they’re very different creatures and I actually thoroughly enjoy both.

Anyway, the NatsuMikan after episode 7 is almost the same as in the manga, but the events carry a different weight since we know Natsume likes Mikan now (even if he would never admit it).

Summary

I hope this first part was interesting, and that it introduced the idea of Anime!NatsuMikan as being a little different from the manga's version. Yes, it is more or less the same story, but with so many thematic and plot changes, they take a different form as well, in a perhaps more subtle way, kind of like a slightly canon divergent fanfic. Fanfic where Natsume starts liking Mikan a bit earlier on in the story.

Next Part ->

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deppsessed · 3 years

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Good luck charm #2

Part one here

Pairing: Johnny Depp x reader

It’s taken me a few weeks to write and be happy with this part to post. I hope that you all enjoy it and that it was worth the wait.

A few days later, I swear I can still smell the musky scent of Sauvage, and the taste of cigarettes on my lips. It’s hard to comprehend any of the last seventy-two hours being real, and going by Alex’s (who I’m sitting opposite having coffee with) reaction and raised eyebrows at me retelling the whole story, she’s having a hard time with it too. And in all honesty, I don’t blame her, it’s a lot to process.

“So, he invited you to the concert after party?”

I nod my head and take a sip of my coffee.

“Yep.”

“And he took you back to his hotel room? Where you-”

My lips curve into a smirk.

“He sure did.”

“And you’re aware of the fact this all sounds like a badly written fanfiction?”

I have to burst out laughing. There’s no denying it because it really, really does. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried.

“Did I tell you about the part where he had to get his security to smuggle me out of the building unnoticed the next morning?”

For me, that had been the most amusing part of the story. Having breakfast with him as if it was the most normal thing in the world. After a few more spent kisses and I’d decided that it was time for us to part ways, he’d sent in his security in to make sure I got out of the building safely.

“But the real question is… Has he called or texted you?”

He hadn’t yet. The band had played a show last night, and would be travelling again for their next tomorrow. I wasn’t hanging on and waiting for him to reach out to me either. It would be pretty easy for me to pick up the phone and call him too, but I refused to be that desperate.

I shake my head in reply to Alex’s question.

“No, but he gave me his number.”

“So, he’s waiting for you to call him then?”

Realistically, the chances were that it was a one night thing. I wouldn’t hear from him again and we’d go our separate ways. I’d rather be hit with the reality of the situation than holding out on hope for a phone call and being disappointed when it didn’t happen.

“I’m not going to. I don’t want him to think that I’m pining over him and completely desperate!”

“You’re insane… You know, if he wasn’t in the slightest bit interested then he wouldn’t have given you his number to begin with.”

That was a true enough point to make, but I’m still not deluded enough to give into the fantasy. I’m ready to give her a reply when my phone, that’s been sitting on the table in front of me, starts to frantically vibrate.

“Oh my god!”

Alex spots the name on the screen before I’m able to take a glance.

“He’s calling you! This really is a badly written fanfiction!”

I shrug my shoulders and continue to let the phone ring out. If it’s important, he’ll leave a voicemail.

“If you don’t answer that, I will!”

I scowl at her and shake my head, it’s hard to believe that I’m the one that’s being responsible about handling all of this. Before she’s able to reach for the phone, I’m swiping it off the table and standing up. “I’m at least taking it outside.” I grumble under my breath.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hi-” The voice on the other end is raspy and familiar. I can just about see him fidgeting around like he does in interviews when he’s nervous. “It’s Johnny.”

Silence.

I’m confused. Does he want me to make the next move?

“Right… Your name rings a bell. There was this Johnny, that the other night I went to go and see his band and ended up spending the night in his hotel room-”

I don’t even mean for the words to sound as aggressive as they do .

“I feel like I owe you a little of an explanation -- I don’t usually do this. I, uh, I don’t usually invite girls - especially fans - back to my hotel room, and not call for three days.”

So it’s one of those phone calls, where he’s expecting to let me down gently and feels the need to explain everything that I already know to be the case.

“There’s no need to make a fool of yourself… I get it.”

“I don’t think that you do.”

What isn’t there to get?

“I get it. I mean this is probably the part where you offer me an obscene amount of money to not go to the press about it. You don’t need to worry--”

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I freeze dead in my tracks, the thoughts of my overactive imagination and the words that I’m about to hit him with come to a close. Am I hearing things? Did he really just say…

“What?”

“It’s probably a really bad line. I don’t know if you heard me, I said….”

God, he’s insufferable.

“No, I heard you… I just don’t get it.”

He has his choice of any girl in the world. Models, actresses, and here he is calling me.

“The other night was special for me-”

It’s a cliché, and just about the worst thing that he could come out with, but I’ll let him continue.

“Listen, this probably sounds insane… but I want you here for the show tomorrow-”

He can’t be serious or that disconnected with reality. But then I remember the industry that he’s been working with the past thirty years, where he doesn’t have a nine to five job to cling onto, with a snap of his fingers he can pack his bags and travel somewhere else.

“I can fly you out, get you into the concert.”

That’s it. I can’t hold in my laughter, and I can just about see him pondering on the other end what’s so funny about his offer.

“I have a job-”

“So, call in sick?”

“It doesn’t work like that or that I don’t want to. It’s just, if I let you pay for the tickets and fly me out then that’s cheap, and I don’t want to be that person.”

There’s a long, drawn out sigh on the other end of the phone.

“Let me call you back.” I tell him, “I’ll see what I can come up with.”

---

A family emergency had been the most inventive thing that I’d been able to come up with, but it at least stopped any questions and pestering from work and friends about skipping town all of a sudden. The process of getting there had been planned to perfection, he was going to have one of the band’s security head on out to the airport and take me back to the concert venue - even if I had told him ten times how ridiculous it was and that I could get a cab, he had been insistent.

The journey from the airport to the venue has me pondering the insanity of it all. Both in him actually wanting me here, and me going as far as to make it happen.

The car pulls into the loading bay of the venue, where the tour buses and trucks with the band’s gear are on it. It’s when I get out of the car, that I notice him, like he’s just stepped off a photoshoot, puffing on a cigarette. I make the conscious decision to take him by surprise and sneak up on him.

“You know, those things are going to kill you one day-”

He startles, just about jumping out of his skin and choking on his cigarette in the process.

“Too bad we’re all going to die anyway, so we might as well indulge in the bad things while we’re alive and kicking.”

“That’s a little of a morbid stance to have.”

He laughs and shrugs his shoulders, unphased, “Calling me out on my smoking and then calling me morbid might be the best ‘hello’ I’ve ever gotten.”

He flicks the cigarette to the floor before stubbing it out with his shoe. He stands there with outstretched arms, ready to welcome me, but in blind panic I go for a handshake rather than a hug.

“Hi.”

His eyes widen, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I can almost see his thought process of just how he’s going to redeem himself and move on from the award pause.

“Hi,” There’s a long pause. “Was your flight okay? You got here safe?”

Thankfully, the flight had only been a couple of hours long - but that was more than enough time for me to spend on a plane. There was something about being in a constricted space, thousands of feet up in the air that made me nervous. Plus, without fail, I always felt disgusting afterwards.

“Guy beside me was snoring and drooling the whole time, I felt incriminated.”

“Should’ve taken my offer to fly you out first class.” I snort and roll my eyes at him. We’d already been over this, I’d made myself clear, I wasn’t going to be his groupie.

“Actually, without being rude, is there a place I can go and shower first? Being frisked at security and sitting on a plane kind of makes me feel gross.”

His eyebrow raises in amusement, I can almost see the cheeky comment that he’s threatening to make on the tip of his tongue, but something stops him. “Tour bus is free at the moment. I can give you the exclusive tour, too.”

Showering on a tour bus. Great. Exactly what I had in mind.

“Ladies first,” He gestures with his hand for me to move in front of him. It doesn’t take a scientist to work out that the giant black RV with the band logo across it is where we’re headed..

Much to my surprise, going inside, it’s more like a luxury hotel room on wheels. It feels a better standard than my apartment back home.

“This part is the kitchen…. We don’t use it much, aside from the mini bar.”

It doesn’t even qualify to be called a kitchen. It’s a tiny little counter space with a microwave, a coffee machine, and a mini fridge.

“And this is where we sit and relax, talk, play guitar...” He points towards the plush leather sofas adjacent to each other. “The cool part here is that the wall slides back if you need more space.”

“Impressive.”

“These are the bunks where we bring back the groupies.”

I’m unsure whether they look claustrophobic, like I’ve heard many complaints about, or if they look quite cozy.

“There’s a proper bedroom through there too, but Alice and Joe usually fight it out for it. I don’t mind sleeping it rougher.” He explains with a shrug of his shoulders. “Bathroom is through the back. Take as much time as you need. I’ll stand guard for you.”

“Thank you.” I look up at him with a smile before brushing past to open the door on the back wall that extends out into the bathroom. Much to my surprise, the room isn’t all that smaller than the bathroom in my apartment back home. The shower, that I assumed was going to be a small, cramped space, is quite spacious. The only strange thing is stripping down and knowing who is standing guard by the door.

He’s in every way true to his word, too. As I turn the water off and grab a towel to wrap myself in, I can hear a disagreement going on outside between Johnny and Tommy about the bathroom being otherwise engaged.

“I’m telling you, dude, you’re just going to need to find somewhere else to go and pee… Bathroom is off limits!”

“But I can’t hold it in, man! I’m dying! You think I can use the kitchen sink?”

Johnny starts to laugh at him, “You can’t be serious!”

There’s a little more toilet talk back and forth and laughing still going on by the time I’m dressed and nudging the door open carefully.

“Um, hi, Tommy.” I greet nervously and fold my arms over my chest.

“Oh! Now I get it… You have a girl here!”

I can feel a blush rise to my cheeks just thinking about what is no doubt going through his mind. Thankfully, Johnny comes to the rescue.

“It’s not -- it isn’t that, Tommy.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” He gives a wink at the two of us. “I’ll leave you to it, J-man!” And just like that, Tommy is off the bus.

“I’m sorry about him.” Johnny sighs, “He says what he thinks, there’s no stopping him.”

“It’s fine,” I brush off, acting as if I’m unbothered. But in reality, that one comment has gotten to me. I can’t help but have the niggling thought in the back of my mind, if that’s the way that Tommy is going to react, then what is the rest of the band going to be like?

---

The concert was amazing, even better than what it had been a few nights ago. I’d watched the show from the side of the stage, and could safely say that this time, Johnny had been looking and smiling at me.

I hadn’t wanted to face the confrontations of the band after the show, so after the encore, I had decided to hide away in Johnny’s dressing room to look at my phone for a moment of peace and quiet. If I was to exclude the fact that it was Johnny Depp’s dressing room that I was sitting in, it would have felt like the first normal moment of an otherwise bizarre day.

The door flying open makes me look up from the screen, to see Johnny standing there, still hot and sweaty from being under the lights.

“Everything okay?” He asks with a concerned expression, “You weren’t there when I came off stage. I was a little worried that I’d scared you off.”

I’m hardly going to tell him that I’m scared of running into the band when he’s the one that’s brought me out here to be with him. “I just didn’t want to get in the way, I thought you guys would be in a race to hit the showers.” I lie coolly. It seems to be good enough, since he goes to change the subject.

“What did you think?” He asks, a grin firmly in place on his lips. “Could you see and hear alright? The speakers weren’t too loud?”

I grin and nod my head eagerly. “You sounded amazing! Heroes was phenomenal...” I probably sound like I’m trying to impress him, but it’s my favourite song that the band do.

“Ah, you see,” He pauses to take a drink from his water bottle. “I think I had a little bit of extra good luck, with being cheered on the side front.”

I can feel that warm feeling of heat going up to my cheeks, and certainly not for the first time today. It makes me feel so powerless and awkward to just stand and say nothing.

“Um,” He scratches the back of his head, “You must be hungry?”

Starving, actually. I hadn’t had anything to eat since getting here and been too shy to pluck up the courage to ask about food since getting here. I’d accepted my fate and growling stomach a good few hours ago. But regardless, I downplay it, “A little, I guess…”

“Do you want to go and grab something to eat? I need to get showered and changed first…

I’m not certain what prospect makes me more nervous. Dinner with him. Or dinner uncomfortably sitting around all of the Hollywood Vampires eating. Both make my stomach flip. Especially since he isn’t going to specify.

#johnny depp imagine #johnny depp x reader #johnny depp fanfic

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pxssyliquor · 3 years

Text

Bridal Worries

A few days go @esmeshardwoodfloors wrote THIS post about Esme and Bella and I just had to make an oneshot out of it, I hope it’s ok! I’m not sure what exactly possessed me to write this, but I hope it’s nice. We need some more Cullen girls moments.

Bella stood in front of the Cullen mansion with her hands in her pockets. A bit anxious to come inside, she glared over the enormous house, hidden in the woods like a medieval castle. All the lights were off, and if Bella didn't know who lived there, she'd think all family members were sleeping. It was the middle of the night, to be fair, but Bella couldn't force herself to sleep and needed to talk with somebody. Charlie would be the obvious choice, but he was long asleep. And even if he wasn't, Bella would rather drown than ask him the questions she had, so she wore a hoodie over her pajamas and came to the one place where no one ever slept.

Bella sighed, hesitant to come inside. She knew she's always welcomed here, but she'd never actually came there without Edward. She never came intending to spend time alone with his family, and the thought of it made her nervous, but at the same time, she felt that if she doesn't voice her worries to anybody soon, she'd combust. Suddenly, she realized that she'd like to see Esme.

Bella hadn't talked with Esme one on one many times, but she had a feeling that only she would listen to her questions without any mockery. Esme, although being only eight years older than Bella, felt like her own mother to her. The difference, however, was that Esme was way warmer than Renee, Bella realized. There were things she would be too embarrassed to talk about with Renee, things too private or too serious, and she felt no such barrier with Esme. She wondered why that was. There was something about Esme that felt very welcoming, very sympathetic - was it her gentle way of being, or the fact that she willingly took five teenagers under her roof and treated them like their own, Bella wasn't sure. She knew, however, that Esme would never mock her worries.

Edward was hunting with his brothers, and Bella assumed that Carlisle went with them. So there were only women in the house. That thought gave Bella the confidence to walk over to the front doors.

She didn't get to knock on the doors before they opened, and Rosalie stood in them, with her eyebrows risen and arms crossed on her chest.

"Bella," she said with surprise in her voice, the reluctance she once felt towards Bella almost gone.

"I hope I'm not interrupting?" Bella replied quietly. She always felt overwhelmed by Rosalie, and even though their relationship improved recently, the blonde vampire still made her uncomfortable. Bella wasn't even sure what exactly Rosalie had that made her nervous, but it was probably a combination of her impeccable perfection and the way she felt about her. They made it impossible for Bella to relax while Rosalie was around.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You actually are, I was just about to go to sleep."

Bella chuckled, although she wasn't sure she was supposed to. Rosalie's sarcasm often left her confused, and she couldn't tell when she was joking and when she was serious.

"Come on in," Rose let Bella inside the house and switched the lights on. "Have you come to tell us that you're not marrying my brother after all?"

"Yes, I changed my mind," Bella joked. "I realized that marriage terrifies me more than vampirism. Call the whole thing off."

Rosalie smirked. "Fine by me, but Alice might have some objections."

They went into the living room, already prepared to host the wedding tomorrow. All the beautiful furniture was gone. The Cullens moved it out to create a big, open space, with only Edward's shining piano still proudly taking its place in the corner. It made Bella gasp out. Instantly, everything seemed more real. Only seeing the white flowers strategically placed around the living room, the ribbons and garlands of tiny lights hung around the windows, it finally hit Bella that she's getting married tomorrow. Her hands trembled again, and she hid them in her long sleeves, desperate to seem tough and ready. She didn’t want Rose to feel how terrified she really was.

Rosalie watched her expectantly, her arms still crossed at her chest.

"Bella, I don't mean to be rude," she said softly. "But is there any particular reason for your visit?"

"I was hoping to talk with Esme."

A shadow of surprise glimmered across Rosalie's beautiful face, but she quickly got rid of it and nodded.

"She's in their bedroom," she replied. "Do you know the way, or should I show you?"

"I know the way."

Bella had never been in Carlisle and Esme's room before. She passed it many times, but the doors were always locked, and so it was this time. Coming inside without knocking felt incredibly inappropriate, but before her fist hit the wooden doors, she heard Esme's voice inviting her in.

The bedroom was exactly how she imagined it to be. Just as the rest of the house, the walls were white, with wooden paneling on one of them and big windows overlooking the woods and sky. The room smelled of books and fresh flowers, and every paper, every pillow knew its place. The furniture was very tasteful, dark and mahogany, and made the room like an elegant hotel - only that hotels never felt this domestic. Heavy, velvet curtains were open to show the starry sky. The only messy part of the chamber was Esme herself; she placed her easel in front of the windows and painted on an enormous canvas, with paint on her apron and fingers. Judging by the details on the piece, it was almost done.

"I'm so sorry I didn't come downstairs to welcome you before, that’s very rude of me," Esme said, tracing the brush along her painting. "But you see, the sky today is just beautiful, I needed to capture it before it changes. Tomorrow is a big day, and painting always eases my nerves."

"No need to apologize," Bella replied and stood behind Esme, glaring at her unfinished work. "It's beautiful. Edward said you paint, but I think he diminished your abilities."

"You're too kind," Esme replied with a smile and wiped her fingers onto the apron. She looked lovely, very domestic, truly the heart of the house. Bella never saw her like this, and it almost felt like invading her privacy to watch her in her element, with messy hair and paint on her clothes, still beautiful, but a bit more human. If anything, it made her seem more real.

"Do you want something to drink, love? Maybe some tea? You seem cold."

"I'm fine, thank you," Bella replied, only then realizing that she'd been hiding her hands in her long sleeves.

Esme sat on the swivel chair, leather and brown, and crossed her legs elegantly. The moonlight fell inside the room and her skin shined with faint, sparkling diamonds. Bella saw it before on Edward, of course, but she couldn't draw her eyes away.

Esme didn't speak for a solid minute. She watched Bella with a smile on her face until it became quite obvious she's waiting for her to start. Bella sat on the bed, a bit hesitantly, and tucked her hair behind her ears.

Bella was never sure how she should talk to Esme - whether she ought to treat her like a mother, or like a friend. Esme had an aura of wisdom and grace around her, but after all, she was still only twenty-six years old. The rest of the family would call her their mom sometimes, but it didn't feel comfortable to Bella. She doubted if it ever would.

"I wanted to talk with you," she started a bit bashfully. She never opened up to Renee about certain things and wasn't sure where to begin, but Esme's calm, golden eyes were glued onto her, and Bella felt she has her full attention.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you a few questions, but they're rather private."

"You can talk to me about anything," Esme smiled at her reassuringly; she truly felt so. "You seem so nervous, Bella. Is it about the wedding?"

"Mostly."

"The night before ours I was so stressed, Edward had to talk me down for hours. He would later joke that I nearly ran away," Esme confessed, a faint smile on her lips as if the remembering itself amused her a bit. Bella raised her eyebrows in surprise. She always looked up to Esme and Carlisle's relationship; she knew no bond stronger or more admirable than the love they shared. It felt odd, but very comforting to realize that they were once newlyweds, too, and faced the same challenges she and Edward stood before.

"Really?"

"Of course!" Esme shrugged. "I don't think those things change. If you asked Alice or Rose, they'd tell you the same. It's perfectly normal to be stressed."

A veil of silence fell between them for a second, before Esme cleared her throat.

"Although I have a feeling there's something else troubling you."

"There is," Bella sat more comfortably, with her legs crossed, and looked out of the windows. She wasn't the best at speaking about emotions. Her mother never taught her how to do it, and Charlie was happiest not speaking about them at all, so opening up to Esme felt new. New, but not necessarily scary. Bella found it easier if she wasn't looking at her, so she glued her sight onto the stars. "The honeymoon scares me more than the wedding itself."

Esme let out a sigh. To say she expected it would be an exaggeration, but it didn't surprise her that Bella would need guidance, and it made Esme smile that she chose her to confide in. Bella looked tiny and insecure sitting on the bed with her knees drawn to her chest. She truly looked her age then, and Esme almost ached to hug her, but she wanted to ease her nerves first.

She tried to dig deep into her memory and remember how she felt that first time, and for a second, she relived it all over again - the fear, the nerves, the excitement, all to be rewarded with bliss and love. She hoped Bella would have memories to cherish, too.

"What would you want to know, Bella?"

"Everything," she replied, still looking at the stars. "Everything I should know. I've never-" Bella started, but words got lost on their way out of her throat. "Never with a human, and a vampire... I suppose it's different."

"Well, yes, it is," Esme tried to put her words together with much consideration. "It is way more intense."

"What should I expect?" Bella whispered, feeling Esme's amber eyes on her, but she didn't turn her head.

"Oh, it's an absolutely divine feeling," Esme replied softly and placed her hands on her knees. Bella felt as if she was talking with her older sister, not Edward's mother. She should be more embarrassed, but she wasn't. "It truly bonds you for the first time, body and soul. It's very powerful, sweetheart, even more to us than to humans."

"Will it hurt?"

"I'm sure Edward will not act hastily, but I'm afraid it might be a little painful to you. In the beginning, at least. Your human body is very fragile compared to ours."

Bella looked at her with her lower lip bitten. She surmised all the thigs Esme had just told her, but it felt comforting to hear them said out loud. The way Esme spoke, calmly, softly, it all made Bella feel safe. "Is it different from... intercourse with another human?"

"Very different," Esme nodded seriously. "My experiences as a human weren't the best, as I'm sure you know, and I don't know how is it between one of us and a human, but I can only imagine it's the most heavenly. Sex between normal people is... well... when you have a comparison, it's boring."

Bella let out a chuckle when Esme blinked at her, trying her best to make her more comfortable, and it was working. Bella's tense body loosened up a bit and she finally dragged her eyes onto Esme.

"What if I'm not any good at it?" she whispered, and Esme smiled at her warmly, reassuringly. Her smile made Bella believe everything would be alright. She knew Jasper was the one to control emotions, but there was something about Esme's loving presence, about her maternal ways of being and bright eyes that Bella felt more relaxed, and she was so happy she opened up to her.

"Oh, love, nobody's good at it at the beginning," Esme replied. "But communication is the key. I know Edward is not the one to open up easily but talk to him."

"I'm afraid we're similar this way."

"You're doing wonderful tonight," she smiled. "You need to talk about it to get better at it. Voice what you like and what you don't, make Edward do the same. You have to be truly honest with each other for it to work."

Bella was watching her with her eyes opened wide, invested, focused on every word, and it made Esme love her even more. Bella deserved somebody to confide in, and she was more than happy to take that role tonight.

"It scares me," Bella whispered. "The vulnerability. I want to, of course, but at the same time..."

"Remember that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Esme said, way more seriously. "No pressure, love. I know it seems very scary. It's very rewarding, but it can be overwhelming."

Bella just nodded, but Esme was still piercing her with her caring eyes.

"Is Edward pressuring you into something?"

"No, God, no," Bella shook her head so lively, she heard a quiet crack in her neck. "Don't worry about... it. But he said he talked about those things with Carlisle, and I wanted to get some insight, too."

"Did he?" Esme chuckled. "I didn't know that. I wonder what Carlisle told him."

"What you told me, basically," Bella shrugged softly and yawned loudly, making Esme smirk. She suddenly felt very sleepy. Talking with Esme eased her nerves a bit, and she felt she could fall asleep peacefully now.

"I'm so glad you came to me, Bella. It's really my pleasure to help you with anything you need."

"Thank you."

"Did I help a bit?"

"You did," Bella replied, standing up from the bed and smiling at her. "You really did. Thank you for listening to me. I didn't know who to talk to about it. Alice probably wouldn't help at all, and Edward... you know."

"Oh, I do," Esme laughed and stood up to take Bella into a long, tight embrace. Bella returned it thankfully; although Esme’s skin was cold as ice, the hug seemed warmer than any other. Bella yawned again, and Esme laid a kiss onto her forehead.

"You should really go to sleep, love," she said. "Tomorrow is a big day. You can sleep in Edward's room if you don't feel like driving."

"No, no, I have to go back," Bella mumbled, her arms still wrapped around Esme. "Charlie isn't a fan of my night escapades. I should be home in the morning. One last time."

She left the Cullen house feeling as if an enormous weight had been pulled off her chest. As she was driving home, she made a mental note to always come to Esme with her future worries.

other fics / have a request?

#i dont know what this is either but i needed this #it healed me actually #bella never had a good healthy relationship with renee and she SHOULD have one with esme #she deserves it #she deserves someone older and more experienced to guide her and give her advice i will die on that bella x esme hill #weronika writes #twilight #fanfiction #esme cullen #bella swan #twilight renaissance #anyway i hope its cool #inspired by a terrible talk i had with my mother #twilight fanfiction

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