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alizeh-talks · 2 months

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today my dad told me about my first tooth. he said that he came back from work and my mum so excitedly gave him the news, and when he asked how she knew she said it was because she could hear it against the spoon when she fed me. he said it with something so distant in his face. like he could remember when i was that small, small enough to only have one tooth, small enough to still need to be fed with a spoon.

stories like this always hit me because they remind me that i am not to my parents who i am to myself. because while my my body is just my flesh and my skin and my fat and my bones to my parents my body is their baby. it's the little arms they would rub baby oil on and the little face they would kiss every chance they could. it's the little fingers that would grab their hair and their cheeks and their clothes and the little feet that would kick when they tried to fit them into shoes. it was a body that didn't know how to have an opinion of a body, a body that needed to be loved, a body that they dressed in pretty dresses and bundled up during winter and held close during the night, to make sure it wouldn't accidentally roll out of bed. this was the body that i had for at least a third of my life. before my brain caught up and turned it into a body it could be mean to.

i think about how my parents must have felt when they first saw me cry over a plate of food. all the times i screamed at them when they tried to get me to eat a proper meal. the times i insisted that they didn't understand, that they didn't want me to be happy, that they wanted to ruin my life by making me eat more than what i wanted. i think about how they must have felt when the hair that first sprouted and was so excitedly pasted into the first haircut page of my baby book started falling out in clumps, residue left in the bathtub, on hairbrushes, on my pillow. how they must have felt when the baby that they used to wake up with tickles and kisses couldn't stay awake more than a few hours everyday, the baby whose first steps they cheered getting lightheaded whenever she walks up the stairs, when the baby whose first tooth hit the spoon for the very first time was telling them that eating a slice of her favourite cake made her want to die.

my body is my body in the same way that my phone is my phone and my bag is my bag. a resource. a utility. something that i can toss around a little without it mattering much.

but my body is also a baby, because it is my parents' baby, and if they can still remember the sound of the spoon against my first tooth twenty years on, then the body that they have watched me hurt so much is the same body they love with all their hearts.

#eating disoder mention #ed tw #eating disorder mention #i cried a little while writing this #im much better now but just. thoughts

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colealexart · 7 months

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story time! i met the cr cast this past weekend at mcm london and they were the kindest people imaginable, but my interaction with laura and marisha was just. incomprehensibly sweet and the best thing to ever happen to me.

first up was laura. my friends izzy (@wvearp) and abby (@overnighttosunflowers) went before me in the queue and they got my art signed by her. when they did, she said “oh, best art” and they told her that they were here with the artist. she immediately was like “what?! where?!” and started looking around frantically. i was standing just to the side and i waved awkwardly and she was like “NO WAY! YOU!! i favourite this shit on twitter ALL THE TIME!” which i find hilarious because yeah, i freak out a little every time she does.

when it got to my turn, i said hello and asked her how she was doing. she did not answer my question and instead said “cole, are you kidding me? these are gorgeous” about the two prints i handed to her. (the one pictured and a different one i got signed.) she said she remembers seeing this after the episode aired and i was like “yeah, it airs at 3am here so i drew this in a frantic, sleep deprived stupor at 7am” and she said “you did it so fast, i remember! i sent it to marisha! people are SO QUICK with the fanart, you guys are insane.”

after she signed the print, she held onto it for a moment and just sat and admired it, before looking at me with the BIGGEST smile and saying “you are seriously the best. thank you.” and i don’t know how to handle sincerity so i handed her the dice i got for her. she was so excited about them and immediately rolled the d20 and got a 10 (edit: i misremembered, she got a 3 lol). i then asked if we could play rollies and she beat me. i got a 5 and laura got a 7. i said i’m sorry they’re not rolling well and she was like “it’s fine, they just need charging up!”

i also got a selfie too, but the guy helping her at the table took the photo for us instead of me trying to take it because i suck at taking selfies. she gave me a really tight side hug and when it was done, she thanked me again with the biggest smile.

i also didnt realize until afterwards but instead of writing a character quote, laura wrote “you are everything” on my autograph 😭

next was the group photo op. as we walked up i said hi again to laura and she immediately recognized me from before. she grabbed onto my shoulders and literally spun me around to marisha and was frantically saying “marisha marisha, this is the person that does the amazing imodna art!” but there was a lot going on and marisha was looking at me with the most bewildered expression, until she eventually understood what laura was saying but we had to rush to take the photo. laura held onto my arm and marisha leaned against me and i didn’t realize until afterwards but liam and tal also had their hands on my shoulders lol. it was A Lot. i told marisha i would probably be heading to her autograph queue next so i’d see her there and she was like “awesome, i cant wait!”

so after that, i met marisha. i was probably the most nervous to meet her because she’s just so cool and intimidating but in reality she is just so warm and has such a calming presence about her. she was like “cole, good to see you again!” and i handed her the same imodna print that i had laura sign. she said “ohh, aww this is amazing! this is what laura was talking about, i was so confused!”

then we talked a bit about the live show because her voice was hoarse and i asked her how she was feeling. she said it was just her voice that was gone, but we agreed that it was absolutely worth it because the live show was incredible. i also congratulated her on the how do you wanna do this, then gave her the dice i got for her and we played rollies too. we both got an 18 at first and when we rerolled, she beat me with another 18 to my 16. then she was like “oh these roll really well, i’m definitely gonna use these!”

we took our photo together and afterwards she said “thank you for your art and everything. seriously, you’re so talented” while rubbing my shoulder, and then i headed off to join ashley’s queue.

i’m probably gonna make a separate post about meeting ashley and sam. i just wanted to write this down mostly to immortalize on my blog. i expected them to be kind but i did NOT expect to feel so loved and appreciated. laura was about as excited as i was, and made me feel so special. (this is also a pretty small thing but i dont think i pass very well, so the fact that laura said ‘person’ and didn’t misgender me meant a hell of a lot too.)

i did bring extra prints to give to them as a gift but was overwhelmed and forgot lol

anyway, that’s it! for anyone wondering if the critical role cast are as kind in person as they seem online, they absolutely are and then some. i’ll never forget this past week.

#laura bailey #marisha ray #critical role #imodna #yes i cried a little while writing this out #they just make me so HAPPY

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skitskatdacat63 · 7 months

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2023 Brazilian Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso & Oscar Piastri exchanging helmets

#WHAT IF I SCREAMED WHAT IF I LAID ON THE FLOOOR AND CRIED #okay like i know logically the knew esch other for a while #with oscar being in nando's kart school and then them being in alpine togehther #BUT ITS STILL REALLT SPECIAL TO ME TO SEE MY TWO FAV DRIVERS ON THE GRID INTERSCT????#me and dru are having an emotional breakdown rn 😭😭😭#mark webber just came in his pants i know this.#also very funny to see them interact bcs my god neither of them can ever both do great in a race at the same tkme #i wonder if we'll ever get a podium :< maybe !!!#also kinda sad they didnt write any messages on each others helmets 😭#Fernando: i fucked your boss. Oscar: i fucked your bestie #and the rest of the video is sooo cute with oscar talking about how theyve been planning it for a while 🥺🥺#AND THE PICS ON ASTON'S INSTA ARE SOOOOO CUTE!!!! THEYRE SO HAPPPYYYYY #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #oscar piastri #2023 Brazilian gp #fa14 #op81 #we do a little bit of f1

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gay-strawberry · 7 months

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what if i cried and never stopped crying what then

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possamble · 2 months

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(why does the read more cut keep breaking)

thank you marcille for letting my indulge in one of my favourite scenes to write (white girl total breakdown: bitch edition)

#fic #wip #a little creature #she's soo hypocritical and can be such a nasty mean girl about it i love her #not that i don't love writing for pearlina but i do need my dose of mean girl nonsense every once in a while #shoutout to ryoko kui for teaching me that you can let your characters be messy and terrible #without anxiously trying to redeem them immediately #loving a character as a writer should mean that you can let their terrible awful behaviour kind of sit with the audience for a while #so you can paint a fuller picture of a complex person who is nevertheless trying their best #anyway. all the comments saying they genuinely cried are so sweet but im nervously like...#no no that wasn't the 'im going to do my damndest to make you cry' chapter please just hold on don't get desensitized to the drama #not yet!! hold your tears i have something better to cry about!!

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nc-vb · 7 months

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if it’s gotten to the fucking point that the Ministry of Education has to announce that “the school year is cancelled” for part of Gaza because all its students have been murdered, humanity has failed, failed at everything— flat out, point blank, and unequivocally failed.

#I will not pretend that I’ve known the extent of the situation up until now #I feel I’ve been out of touch with true reality and have only now been catching up #and my heart and mind will never fully be able to comprehend why and how and WHY this is happening #but GOD these children #I once worked with Syrian youth who had come to Canada with their families #to hear their pain and listen to their cries— I still don’t sleep well at night. I hear them all the time.#now children are writing their names on their bodies so they can be IDENTIFIED.#humanity has failed; this is NOT humanity.#it’s just so insane and unbelievable and just simply UNFATHOMABLE that this is going on #LET ALONE FOR OVER 17 YEARS.#to hear my friends and coworkers cry over their lost friends and family members #to have to hold them for THIS REASON.#I have never been a praying person in my life but I am believing in any and every god for the people of Palestine.#I will not believe that choosing to pray does nothing.#because while those beautiful people keep praying I will keep praying.#and it’s not even corny to say that I’m praying for that bright break in the clouds #for the sun to shine upon them SOON AND QUICKLY.#for my friends and my coworkers and my neighbours who grieve and mourn but still pray for an end.#hugging and kissing and holding everyone very tightly from where I am. because I can do little else than I already am.#palestine #free palestine #free gaza #✦ nc vb.#cw murder

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kanrix · 3 months

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i would sell my leg to you if u drew me that faggot topher from clone high... my right kidney too....

Christopher Columbus??????????

#ask #anonymous #when i was a little kid they made me write a whole. 'essay' on this motherfucker. i cried while writing it cuz my hand hurt

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almondx1ao · 2 months

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Futile Sacrifices {MLP}

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Cw: angst, some heavy gore, body deformation, rot, and decay

Word count: 2,401

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Mlp infection au: Inspired by Theos/foxsoulz on tik tok

At first the signs of infection looked like something that could be easily taken care of, it seemed just like a simple cold. Slight panic only started to arise when it wasn't being cured like a normal sickness would be. Twilight especially started to panic scrambling to find a cure she took a sample from the pony that was sick, but the anomaly kept mutating. How was she supposed to figure out any cure if the subject she was studying kept mutating. She took matters into her own hands or should I say hooves.

Twilight went to the sister's old castle, hoping to find anything that could cure this ongoing sickness if that's what it even was. She searched high and low until finding an old journal and on that journal, the very first page she saw in scratchy writing 'DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN'. She opened it with worry in her purple eyes. The warning was ominous by itself, she hoped that she didn't find the contents of this journal to be the exact problem. With a deep sigh Twilight opened the journal and immediately studied the rushed and hurried words written inside.

The journal had descriptive stages of how the "infection" as it was called had spread. First it seemed like a normal cold, so none of the ponies seemed to worry about it, but it refused to be cured by modern medicine. But the next stage showed that the pony infected started to slowly lose control of their body and its functions, if they were a unicorn they couldn't use their magic, pegasi couldn't use their wings, earth ponies couldn't use their strength. Then the last and final state is when the pony's body deforms by becoming skinny, to the point where every bone could be seen, skin decayed in small spots, allowing black tendrils to escape the decay points.

The pony's eyes became beady and the lower lids around them drooped far down along with that their bottom lip droops down to let black ooze to leak from their mouths. Their eyes showing who they once were, but then coating the glassy eyeballs with the need to attack and cure not only the insatiable hunger, but anger that burned in their skin. The journal also informs that the group of ponies to first be infected inhabited in the depths of the Everfree forest. The first pony to be infected had found a strange plant. It was pretty and lured their eyes in it was a four petaled flower, the underside of the petals and the stem were pitch black.

On the inside the petals glowed cerulean blue, navy blue dots polka dotted the inside of the elongated petals. A black ooze, almost tar like substance pooled in the middle of it all. Black tendrils grew out of the middle and seemed to move on their own, which is what they exactly did. The pony who got infected had said that one of the tendrils extended and jabbed them in the leg, instantly leaving a red bump. The pony ran away back to the village and told the medic ponies what happened, but they put it off as if it was a normal sting and that it would go away.

That's when the sickness started and the stages started to evolve. The journal said that the ponies that got infected didn't have the cognitive ability to open doors, so the ones that weren't mainly stayed inside it seemed, like the infected only knew violence. They only went outside in the daytime, being as cautious as they could as the ponies that were infected were out, but not as much as they were at night. Because the infected ponies roamed and circled around the houses they once lived in, their glossed eyes looking into the homes almost as if they were yearning to go back to what they once were. But that's where other ponies got lured out and tricked.

It had also said that ponies who get bit mutate faster as opposed to getting infected by the plant, which would take a day or two. The bite would take minutes to hours. In the journal a different writing showed up, one that she recognized. It was Princess Celestia's and it read,

"Luna and I turned the infected ponies into stone, we weren't able to find a cure for this infection. We'll keep the infected away from civilization. Whoever finds this journal, if this has happened again run as far as you can."

Upon reading that Twilight immediately flew back to Ponyville to warn the ponies, but upon flying over the town that brought her peace and serenity she could see ponies ripping others apart, the sight of bones and blood filled her eyes. Even in the sky she could hear the cracking of bone and the tearing of skin. She could smell the iron of the blood waft into her nose. Her eyes grew teary at the ponies she once knew tearing at each other without being able to do anything about it. She thought she would have the hope to stop it before this happened, but she was too late.

She quickly advised the ponies that weren't bitten to stay inside and don't leave, she couldn't lose hope now. Twilight could feel tears form in her eyes as she saw Pinkie pie, one her friends being apart of the bunch that were infected. She couldn't dwell now, she needed to figure out how to fix this. She dove into her library and closed the door quickly. Spike was asking and telling her what had happened simultaneously.

She kept it vague and immediately started to study, asking him to send a letter to the Princess about what was happening. Days turned into a week of non stop ways to find a way to cure this infection, to get her friends back. She jotted down notes, scribbling some out, keeping some in. When Twilight had finally gotten an idea for a potion to make and hopefully cure. However, there was one roadblock she didn't have all of the ingredients to make it.

"I'll go get it."

Spikes voice echoed in the room, breaking her concentration. Twilight shook her head,

"No Spike, it's too dangerous."

Spike huffed,

"These are our friends Twilight. Why don't you want to save your friends?!"

He said clearly frustrated that she wasn't going out or letting him do it, but it was almost night time, she was not going to let Spike go outside until this was cured if she could help it. Though lost in her thoughts Twilight didn't see him run away, she had only realized he went outside when she heard the door close,

"SPIKE!"

She shouted and ran outside. The ingredient wasn't far from the library luckily, but she didn't want him hurt. Twilight found him as he quickly got the ingredient and held it up, waving it in celebration. But she saw something move in the shadows,

"Spike! Get away from there!"

Twilight shouted and ran over to him and moved him out of the way as an infected pony came out of the shadows. Twilight quickly put Spike on her back and tried to run away, but she tripped over the infected pony's splayed out hooves. She launched Spike near the door of the library with her fall. She tried to get up again, but she felt legs hold one of her's down. She let out an ear piercing scream as she felt teeth sink into her leg, she saw Spike try and rush over to her but she stopped him with a look,

"Spike get inside now."

"But Twilight-"

"Spike I said now!"

She watched as he reluctantly did as she asked. She screamed in pain again as she felt another bite be taken and ripped from her skin. Spike putting his hands on the window calling out her name faded out into the distance as she slowly started to lose consciousness from the pain. The infected pony wasn't interested in a non moving target and went to go look for another pony.

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Spike's green eyes filled with tears as he watched Twilight, a pony who had been like a mother to him, lay lifeless outside of the window. This was his fault, all his fault if maybe he would've listened this wouldn't have happened. There was nothing he could do to stop this, she was going to turn into one of those monsters and it was all his fault. But then he remembered the potion that Twilight was working on, the ingredient he risked hid life to get and made Twilight lose her's was clutched in his fist. Spike quickly moved to go study Twilight's notes and make sense of them, one of the very few times he was thankful for her meticulous nature.

Though a few hours into his studying Twilight had rose once more, but not as the pony that fostered him as a baby, but a beady eyed monster he didn't recognize. Her glossed over eyes watched him through the library window as he worked. As if she missed him and was almost proud that he started to work on something sh sought out, but couldn't finish.

After a day Spike had made sense of the notes that Twilight made. He executed each step with careful and calculated steps. He wanted Twilight back and he couldn't mess this up. He NEEDED Twilight back, Spike was still young and he lost the only parental figure he's ever had. The thought brought tears to the baby dragon's eyes once more. But he shook them away, getting back to work the notes left said that the potion that was going to be made was going to be turned into a pill that could be easily digested and described how it was supposed to cure.

It was aiming for the source of the infection. Spike really hope it worked, he wanted his friends and his old life back before the infection had wreaked havoc on the town and the ponies that he once knew. After carefully crafting the potion he could see a cloud of smoke puff up in the beaker and as soon as it dissipated he could see a pill like the notes had said. He took it out and examined the small pill, when giving it a thorough look he set it down and waited for night time to fall. He knew what he planned on doing was reckless, but there was no other option in his eyes.

Spike had taken a moment to think, everything happened so fast he's been in overdrive. He took a moment to grieve. Tears pricked at his eyes when he was reminded of the fact that before she died, he fought with Twilight. She was the only one who could fix this and she was gone because he was too stubborn to wait. Spike was devastated.

A part of Spike also wanted to see if Twilight, the Twilight that he knew was actually gone. Despite the hopelessness he felt, he also couldn't help but feel a sense of hope that he was going to see her again, that he was going to get those he loved back again. He had to do this, he was going to make sure that he saw everyone back to normal even if it meant, putting his life on the line. Twilight had sacrificed her life for his and it was time that did the same. His eyes watched the window where just a day ago he had saw her...where she laid...

He shook his head once more and watched as the sun started to fall. Spike waited for Twilight appear at the window, the shell of the pony he loved so dearly. He saw her form pass by the glass, beady eyes looking in at him. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he wiped them away. Even if this didn't work he would at least get to see her again, right?

He grabbed the antidote and walked to the door, taking a breath before quickly stepping outside. He rushed towards Twilight, antidote in hand. She pushed him down, ooze dripping down as she tried to bite at him as he pushed the antidote in her mouth. She swallowed, but before Spike could even see the results his vision went black.

Despite the lack of control, Twilight still had a conscious. She couldn't stop herself from taking the life of the one she loved the most. But she aimed to make it as quick and painless as possible, if her body let her. When her glassed beady eyes saw the unmoving form of Spike with his rib bones popping out and blood covering his form, tears flowed from her eyes. She didn't want this for him, for any of them.

The tears that flowed were one of the only things she could really control. She has killed Spike, the baby dragon she's raised from hatching. She killed him....she....killed...him. And she couldn't control it. She wept for him, for herself, for all the ponies she loved.

When Spike thought he woke up he saw the apparition of Twilight, he started to cry and ran over to her, hugging her leg,

"Twilight! I did it! I saved you!"

He said, but she frowned,

"...You didn't Spike..."

Spike looked up at her but then his eyes traced over to where her familiar purple eyes looked. He saw still infected Twilight biting at his flesh, his ears fell and he frowned,

"It didn't work?"

He asked as he looked back at Twilight,

"It didn't work."

She repeated. Spike sighed and teared up,

"I'm sorry Twilight...this is my fault.."

Twilight shook her head,

"You wanted to help your friends, I would've done the same if I was in your position."

Spike frowned and wiped his eyes,

"What can we do to stop this?"

Spike asked, but Twilight frowned,

"There's nothing we can do Spike."

She said and spike looked up at her with teary eyes,

"....Then can I stay with you for a little while...?"

Twilight smiled at him,

"Of course you can, my favorite dragon."

She said as she laid on her side, inviting him to sit in the pit of her stomach, which he gladly did.

#mlp #my litte pony friendship is magic #my little pony #mlp infection au #mlp infected au #my little pony infection au #spike #spike mlp #twilight #twilight mlp #i cried while writing this

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buckttommy · 1 year

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more of my writing

#Trying this new thing where I write extremely vulnerable poetry and then post it for the masses to read #Fun fact: I cried before writing this and I cried while writing this and I cried after writing this and I'm crying a little even now.#Have fun!#jack.txt #my writing

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writeouswriter · 1 year

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Moooom (tumblr), the spam bots are changing their naming conventions again

#tumblr sure is a website #bots #I’m so tired fending them off with sticks and squinting suspiciously at user names #they were all the same name pattern for a while but now they’ve shaken it up a little #also new users stop using the same naming conventions as the bots I’m gonna whack you with a broom by mistake by god #and make some posts with tags or something *cries*#wordwordword and namenamenumber now I’ve seen at least several others that break the norm #not writing #check your notes 😔#I have too many to really look back through but I’ve got the recent ones cleaned out

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echo-goes-mmm · 8 months

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Ambrose and Elliot #14

Masterpost

Warnings: brief murder, offscreen sex

Once upon a time, a hundred years ago or more, there was a temple boy. The title was a bit of a misnomer, really. Ambrose was a grown man at 21. But he was no priest, and if you lived at the temple and weren’t a priest, you were a temple boy. Or girl, or assistant.

Ambrose’s job was to keep things clean and tidy. To sweep the polished floors, launder the tapestries, water the plants, and secretly open the windows when the priests used too much incense in his opinion. That last part wasn’t in the job description.

It was monotonous, but it was a job. It allowed him some anonymity anyway, his parents wouldn’t think to look for Ambrose here. No one paid attention to the temple cleaners when there was a chance to run into a god.

Ambrose wasn’t a worshiper but he knew better than the fanatics. He’d peeked and seen the serpent god a few times, and he was certainly divine, but also he was kinda just… a man? A very handsome man with pretty brown-and-gold slitted eyes and lovely auburn hair and a sharp smile that made his stomach do some interesting maneuvers and-

Still. Not exactly the mind-meltingly powerful image some followers claimed to see. Their offerings usually went unnoticed, and Ambrose bet they hadn’t actually met him.

He was wandering the upper floor of the temple, looking for the rumored records room, when the tell-tale flash of golden light appeared behind him. He whirled around. And yup, the serpent god was right behind him. Shit.

“You’re getting closer,” said the god, in a sing-song voice. Fuck, his teeth were sharp.

“Hm?”

“The records room,” he said, stepping forward, and holy shit he was tall, “you’re getting close to it.”

“Oh, uh, you know about that?”

“Of course. It’s my temple after all, and secrets are in my domain,” said the god. Right. How could he have forgotten?

“So you know what’s in it?”

“I’ll do you one better,” the god moved to face the wall, pressing on a stone, and a part of the wall creaked open.

Unfortunately, the records were just a log of offerings over the centuries. Incredibly uninteresting, and the serpent god laughed at the face he made.

___________________

Apparently he was the god of a lot of things. Sure, most people knew the “secrets” aspect, but there was much more to the serpent god than most were aware. Self-confidence, Generosity, Indulgence. The list went on.

"How are you the god of all these things?" Ambrose asked. "They're all so contradictory."

“We can stretch our natures. Some of my kin pick up and put down titles like toys. As long as we can connect them. A friend of mine branched from logic to knowledge to science because it interested him,” he explained.

“So how do you connect yours?”

The god smiled at him. “You’re a clever man. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Ambrose learned he was also the god of Revenge when he came to the temple with blood up to elbows, cheerfully informing Ambrose that his abusive parents were now dead. Or was it Justice? It certainly felt like the latter when Ambrose was planning the funeral.

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They were on the grassy hill outside the city. They’d had some pastries, and split a pot of chamomile tea between them. Ambrose wasn’t a tea person, but it was growing on him. Now, though, they were just watching the clouds go by.

“Why do you visit me?” asked Ambrose, after picking out a bird-shaped cloud. “Surely I'm not that interesting.”

“Hm? I don’t know what you mean.” Jay fidgeted with a flower stem. For a god of self confidence and secrets, he was a terrible liar.

Ambrose rolled over, propping himself up on his elbow. “You know exactly what I mean. You could see anyone in the world, do anything you want, but you come see me. Why?”

Jay turned towards him. “Maybe you’re just pretty.”

Terrible liar.

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“I have a gift for you, darling.” Ambrose examined the golden jewelry that Janus presented to him. It was gorgeous. A golden arm cuff in Janus’s signature animal, complete with emerald eyes.

“It’s beautiful, honey, thank you,” said Ambrose, pulling it on. It fit perfectly. He kissed Janus’s cheek, and the smile he got in return was as radiant as the sun.

___________________

Ambrose had never been so happy. The past few years had been sheer bliss.

They were in Janus’s bedroom, in the divine realm. The smell of sex still lingered in the air. Janus was exactly a head taller than him and Ambrose (who had always been taller than his previous partners) laid on his chest with his head tucked under Janus’s chin.

Janus had one arm around his waist, and the other was stroking his back. He hummed, nearly purring as they cuddled.

“I love you," he murmured. He kissed his forehead. Ambrose's stomach dropped.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted. Janus tensed underneath him. Ambrose rolled off, sitting at the edge of the frankly massive bed.

“Wha- Rosey, why would you say that?” Ambrose could hear the hurt in Janus’s voice. He couldn’t stand to look back at him.

“I... I just,” Ambrose sniffed. “I’m going to die someday. And I love you too, and I’m sorry.”

The bed dipped behind him, and Janus’s warm arms wrapped around his waist. He brushed a kiss to Ambrose’s cheek.

“It’s okay.”

“It really isn’t,” sobbed Ambrose. “I don’t want to do that to you. I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to leave you! I’m so sorry, Jay, you should go, it’s not fair to you-”

“I’m not going anywhere. It’s alright. We can fix it.” Janus tucked a piece of Ambrose’s hair behind his ear.

“We- we can?”

“Of course, darling,” Janus gave him another kiss, this time to his temple.

“You could live forever, if that’s what you want.”

taglist: @cupcakes-and-pain @secretwhumplair@paintedpigeon1 @whump-blog @whump-em @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @starfields08000 @littlespacecastle @mylovelyme

#im so sorry yall but it had to be done #<- isnt sorry >:)#fr though i cried a little while writing this #honestly i dont think ambrose is actually mad in present time. upset yeah but mad no. he just misses him so much #i was literally so excited to post this #Ambrose and Elliot #my writing #whump

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milkypuffette · 27 days

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Made for the @lbpfanzine Our Moon

......So this really is it, huh? It all ends here, not with a bang, but with a whimper.

When I was a kid, I went into the gameroom at my grandma's house & saw my older brother playing this game. I got curious, so when he left the room, I started messing with his controller, trying to see how the game worked. I stopped as soon as he came in, but it didn't fool him & he scolded me for it.

Years down the line, when I was a bit older, I got to play a bit of LBP2's storyline (through regrettably, I only remember this one in bits & pieces.)

A few years after that, my uncle got LBP3 for the PS4, and every year after that when I went to my grandma's house, I would play the game almost every single time. So many hours were spent playing shark survivals, hangouts, scenery, horror levels with strangers. I even made some of my first levels on there. Some of them were costumes inspired by Sailor Moon (& at least one level was themed around Yandere Sim 💀.) Later on, I'd take those costumes & spin them into my own little OCs.

In 2020, when COVID hit & we were all stuck inside, my Dad brought me a PS4 to entertain me, and the first game that he got for it was LBP3. I spent even more time playing it before, cause' it was one of the few things I had to distract me from the current situation we were stuck in.

When it was first announced that the servers for LBP1, 2, PS VITA & LBP3 Ps3 were shut down, I cried. I didn't really have that much experience with them (hell, I never even played PS VITA), but it still hurt a little. In hindsight, I probably should've realized that it wouldn't last.

Then come a few years later. I didn't play as much as I used to because of school & some...personal issues, but I still tried to make time for it every once in a while.

Then come yesterday, when I found out scrolling through Twitter that the server for LBP3 was shut down permanently. Great way to find out, right? Out of all the games in the franchise (excluding SABA), it was the only one whose server was still online. But now, it's not even that. They're all gone for good.

I don't even know why I'm telling you all this...I guess I just wanted to express my experiences with this franchise. It really did help me through some of the rough times in my life & it will always hold a special place in my heart. And it inspired me to create, so there's that too.

Thank you, LittleBigPlanet. Thanks for everything. I'll miss you 💔

#little big planet #yaz drops art #fanart #fanzine #lbp #I cried a bit while writing this #It really does hurt seeing it leave #But nothing lasts forever #it's time to let go

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blorbologist · 10 months

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Two for joy: Chapter 38

The earth titan teleporting in Vecna’s place leaves room for a long descent as Vox Machina slowly drift back down to earth. Clearly the horrors in its bowels were not included in the spell, resulting in quite a splatter of rotting flesh and bone. Zahra and Kashaw wave them down in a less gorey patch, the latter pumping healing into them both.

Ravens descend as fog onto the corpses, merrily getting to their goddess’ work. Mortal in every way, squabbling and poking for anything edible. There’s a flash of white among them - one magpie, or perhaps two.

Vex’s legs shake when she touches down, gratefully putting Percy on his feet. His arm remains around her waist, tight even against what might be a broken rib. She leans into the living ache.

It takes a moment for her numb fingers to summon Galdric from the necklace. Fate-gold glow and lupine eyes match perfectly as they open. “Sorry you didn’t get to kill a god, buddy.”

“Rrrrf,” he huffs, ears twitching at that last bit. Right - still not on a buddy basis, yet. There’s something a bit resigned to him as he limps closer, arranging himself at Vex’s side.

“You got that big nasty vampire, though,” Vex points out, drawing her knuckles under his chin. That gets a reluctant wag of his tail.

Velora, busy pestering Kashaw ‘the human’ (oh, that’s going to be an ordeal, isn’t it?), gasps. “A puppy?!”

Galdric does not make a move to evade the child bounding over, her exhaustion forgotten. He does give Vex the most pathetic look, begging for her to call off Velora. No such luck.

“The Slayer's Take is in desperate need,” Zahra is saying. “We should check on the sphinx.”

Vex abandons the wolf to her sister’s fussing and cooing. “We can't thank you enough - again,” she says. “I'm so glad you're alright.”

Kashaw has his arm slung over Vax’s shoulder and is muttering something to him, pausing just long enough to go “I’m totally kidding, that’s never going to happen” and spurring them and a nearby Keyleth into laughter. Ravens scatter at the sound.

Zahra rolls her eyes, fond, and leans towards Vex conspiratorially. “We’ll get a Sending stone,” she promises. “If you need me- well, I won't come, because I'll be away, but -”

“Yeah - yeah.” Vex waves her free hand around (Percy still hasn’t let go, though he seems content to just listen). “You'll be a little busy with the - child and all.”

Somehow that feels more ludicrous than the fact they just defeated a god. Her friends are having a baby.

“A little busy, yes. But come and visit if you get a chance. Who knows?” Zahra grins sharp. “Twins run in my family, so you never know.”

“Really?” Correction: her friends might be having two babies.

Vex slides her hand free of Percy’s hold to envelop Zahra in a hug. It’s something weak and shaky, and she’s half sure their blood smears together across their arms. Wings curl around them, brushing the tips of Zahra’s horns, and pressure around Vex’s wrist reveals itself to be Zahra’s tail, looping lightly around it.

“I love you, darling.”

“I love you so much. Congratulations.”

As Zahra drifts away to offer goodbyes to Scanlan and Grog in turn, Vex finds Percy’s fingers drift from her shoulder, down her arm, back into her grasp. Still hanging on.

“You’re being very literal,” she notes, soft.

He shrugs. “Figured there’s no harm to it.”

Vex squeezes back. Enjoys the muted quiet of the space, the hum of her friends and little sister talking over eachother. No, enjoy is a lie - she’s too tired for real joy, she’s writing a memoir with this hum. Her whole life could be distilled to Vax and Grog bickering, Velora asking something of Keyleth, Percy’s thoughtful presence, and Zahra’s -

“Percy.” Both of them jump to see Zahra sashaying her way back to them. She leans heavily into the gunslinger’s side, effectively sandwiching him.

Without pupils, it’s quite hard to tell - but Vex is sure she glances up at him from where she’s tucked her head against his shoulder, horn pushing into his jaw. “Take care of our girl.”

Percy softens. A debate breaks out among the carrion birds, almost drowning his words: “I’ll try -”

“Take care of her,” says Zahra, with no room for debate.

(Vex’s heart, too slow, wonders how long he will have to.)

[One for sorrow] [Ch1] [Keep reading on AO3]

#posting to tumblr a little early too. while I Hide #if it's any comfort... I cried writing this. I love them so much. I hope I did this justice. I just hope. fuck #critical role #campaign 1 #cr 1 #vox machina #vex'ahlia #vax'ildan #perc'ahlia #cr fanfic #critical role fanfiction #my writing #my art #The Raven Queen #cr1 spoilers #vex and vax

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kiwi2229 · 11 months

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Medicine for my mind

(James Potter / Regulus Black | 997 words)

For @jegulus-microfic prompt: Potion

CW: underage drinking, bad coping mechanism

The silence that filled the room after the door closed behind James is deafening. Regulus was never an optimist, but when every bad scenario he ever could think of became true he found out there was a little hope in him after all. And now it’s gone. Regulus is pretty sure that losing hope is the worst feeling ever.

He sinks to his knees because there is no point in standing. He is done. He lost everything. And he isn’t even surpised. He always knew once he shows James his dark mark the boy will leave him. But seeing him actually walk out of the door destroyed him. It tore him open, leaving him bleeding alone in a cold room. And it’s all his fault.

Regulus waves his wand and summons a bottle of wine. He doesn’t even bother with getting glass. He just opens the bottle and drinks straight from it. “I’m sorry, Jamie.” He whispers and the only answer is the silence.

He can see the moment James finally realised Regulus was lost cause. He didn’t shout at him, he didn’t cry, he didn’t even talk. It was just a simple sentence I can’t Regulus. And with that, James walked out of the room and out of Regulus’ life. Regulus swings the bottle again drinking large gulps. The wine even though is expensive is tasteless in his mouth. It just burns.

It was only a matter of time before they would come to an end. There was never a different scenario for them. But to Regulus, the little time they had was everything. He only got taste of what it feels like to live. Not just surviving. And he doesn’t think he can go back to his old life. The bottle is empty, and Regulus opens another one. He drinks the wine like it’s medicine for his mind. Because the more he drinks the blurrier the world seems. The pain is still there, but instead of eating him alive, he feels like he is slowly drowning in oblivion.

“I’m so sorry.” He chatters over and over. “I was afraid. I’m sorry I was afraid, that I’m not as brave as Sirius.” His words are slurry, but it doesn’t matter. No one is listening anyway. These are just secret confessions that he never got to say out loud. “I wanted to be, you know? For you. But in the end, guess everybody was right. There is no point in trying to save a broken piece.”

His body is cold, and Regulus lost the only person who could ever warm him up. The bottle slips from his fingers and the red wine spills on the white carpet. Regulus doesn’t even bother to clean it. Nothing matters. He just opens another one determined to keep drinking until his mind shuts up.

He is lying on the floor curled up in a ball. “I just believed you for a moment. For one flattering shiny moment, I believed in a different ending. You once promised you would always be there for me.” Regulus wraps his arms around himself. He isn’t even angry with James for breaking the promise. He gave up on himself a long time ago. Sad acceptance filled his body. “I never got a chance to explain. But I guess it doesn’t matter in the end. I’m just so sorry.”

Regulus falls asleep alone on the cold floor surrounded by empty bottles and unfulfilled wishes.

~.~.~.~.~

James comes back to the room several hours later just to find this boy on the ground his body limp, the air filled with the smell of alcohol. It’s almost morning. James spent all night wandering around the castle trying to work this out. He didn’t want to leave his boyfriend alone last night, but he couldn’t stay there. It was too much. He picks up Regulus and lies him on a bed.

We are too young for this. We shouldn’t be dealing with it. We should be worried about exams and how to sneak into Hogsmeade. Not war. It’s not fair.

He wipes the tears from his eyes. Regulus stirs on the bed and opens his eyes. James can see the boy is still drunk. And considering the number of bottles on the ground he isn’t surprised.

“James?” Regulus whispers. And James’ heart breaks from the sadness in his voice. “at least I can see you like this.” James doesn’t understand, nothing makes sense. It all stopped making sense when he saw the mark on Regulus’ forearm.

“What do you mean like this?”

Regulus reaches up to him and the moment his fingertips touch his skin Regulus’ already red eyes swells with tear again. “You even feel like the real him too. I take it. If I can have you only in my dreams, I take it. Anything. Please just… I’m sorry that I wasn’t better.”

“We will fix it. I don’t know how but we will fix it.” James says.

Regulus smiles at him sadly. “Yeah, if you say so.”

James links their fingers together and it feels the same as yesterday. At least this is still theirs.

“My head is spinning,” Regulus whines and closes his eyes.

“Hold on,” James says quickly and summons a sobering Potion, that should help the younger boy. “Drink this and go to sleep.”

Regulus shakes his head. “I don’t want to go to sleep...” James’ heart aches from how defeated Regulus looks. “…not when you won’t be here when I wake up. I can’t do it.”

“I’ll be here. I promised, didn’t I?”

“You left. I let you down and you left.” Regulus whimper.

“I came back. I’m sorry, Reg.” There is no point in having a conversation right now. James shifts so he is lying on the bed and tugs Regulus towards him. “Sleep, I will wait, and we will talk in the morning.”

Regulus closes his eyes, the potion taking over. “I love you, James.” He whispers.

“I love you too.”

#Inspired by song Feel by Fletcher #this one is a little long #but it just took over me #i cried while writing this #I need to write some fluff next time #angst #sunseeker #regulus black #james potter #james x regulus #jegulus #james potter x regulus black #jegulus microfic #marauders #marauders era #first wizarding war #kiwi2229 writes microfics

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