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jvnluvr · 1 year

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torn lies ; itoshi sae ♡

author’s note: i came up with a something on a whim today after my lovely follower @uvbnr21-killer requested so i'm sorry it took a bit. nobody saw the first post, i forgot to add tags so i deleted it and now am rewriting it. kaiser angst would hurt my soul, but sae fits this perfectly. i'm so nervous & scared because i never write angst so i hope this is okay.

itoshi sae couldn't, wouldn't and will never understand you. maybe that's why he keeps coming back into your life.

itoshi sae x f!reader

notes: foul language, implied toxic relationship, reader has anxiety and hand tremors, sae acts like he's innocent when he's not, ft. isagi and rin

"i understand. now say it with me, we're gonna be okay.”

that was the last lie itoshi sae could say to you.

how long had it been? with how busy your life had become, itoshi sae was just a distant thought in the back of your mind. a man you wished you had never met, never wanted, or never had been with. how could a man, even like him, be so heartless? you knew him, you knew that wasn't him, but that doesn't mean he was going to change.

as much as you could have dwelled upon it, cried about it, have gotten angry about it, and all these other complex emotions humans could feel, there was simply no point. itoshi sae has been long gone, and life had made other plans. you became a professional athlete, just like itoshi-. wait, you just said you would stop thinking about him.

see, that was the entire problem. taking the same career path of the man who was once yours just made you think about him more. your mind was tainted with the thought of sae. you couldn't keep living like this, life was already miserable as is. you couldn't go out in public without having to hide away like you were an embarrassment. nobody knew, but they knew. they knew from the way you would rarely come out in public anymore, the way cameras caught your hands tremoring trying to talk to interviewers.

…

"can't you just leave me the fuck alone?”

"i’m your girlfriend for fuck's sake! you can talk to me for 5 minutes a day if you're really that busy."

"yeah? 'know what, you aren't worth those 5 extra fucking minutes.

…

what came after that was more yelling, then it came to tears, and finally, you left what you had once called home, what you had once called your forever. you slammed an awakening in itoshi sae's face before you left, for good.

"[name]! tell us how you feel about the upcoming match." an interviewer asked, shoving the mic close to your lips. "i think it'll be good." you let out a very monotoned voice, signaling that your anxiety was starting to get worse again. "ah, please share some more thoughts with-"

"oh look! it's itoshi sae!! why is he here?" your eyes widened as you followed the voice, and it came from all across the area. " think she'll leave with us, thanks for your time." a smooth, yet deep voice replied near your ear before you were dragged away. you already knew who it was, so you looked back once last time, seeing the interviewer run off in the voice's direction.

"everyone is obsessed with him, it makes me sick." you sighed out, your breathing starting to get shallower. “thanks for dragging me out of there.” the man let you go, letting you sink to the ground and hug your knees. "stupid media people, forget them. how are you feeling?” isagi yoichi asked, crouching down to meet your pained eyes.

"'Il be fine, jus' hope this fuckin' tremors stop before i have to go on." your hands were burning. not because of the tremors, nor was it because of isagi. because every single thing you did reminded you of itoshi sae. you were more than just frustrated because of this, so you couldn't help but try and rip your hair out as your eyes watered.

"fuckin' asshole, how could he say that even 5 minutes for me was a waste of his time," you mumbled, not wanting to lose your composure in such a public place. "sae-san will never change, [name]. you deserve a lot better anyway. c'mon, the other guys are waiting for you." he held your hands as he helped you get up, but it was all mindless movement in your eyes. walking into the stadium, across the bleachers, everything felt blank.

itoshi sae is the worst.

how could he do such a thing?

was that really the sae you fell in love with?

no, he'll come back, right?

he didn't mean it.

whatever, fuck him anways.

an inner monologue with yourself that always bought you to shreds. what point was there in constantly being in a stage of denial when the evidence was right in your hollow eyes? you so desperately wished for your feelings to change, for your heart to not crave, desire, to want to love itoshi sae. but he always walked away. away from his friends, his family, from you.

"[name?] is it sae again?' itoshi rin snapped you out of your trance again. you blinked widely a couple times, before your tired eyes met rin's. '''t wouldn't usually be this bad, stupid fuckin' guy decided to waltz into here today." you grumbled to him, in which he sighed.

"sorry, [name.] even i don't know why he keeps coming back. it's best if you just ignore him though. sae doesn't actually care, we've seen."

yeah, itoshi sae doesn't care about you.

…

then why his is gaze so warm?

you're on the field, staring into the crowds of people when you see him. you could only manage a second of eye contact, but immediately you felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest.

…

"don't do that."

"do what, [name]?"

"don't look at me like you still care.”

…

"good game out there today, [name]."

"you don't mean it. why are you back?" you could feel the tremors coming back, despite your best efforts to control them.

"tch, i'm not allowed to tell someone 'good job?"'

"should you fuckin' be allowed to break someone's heart? no! but ya did it anyway. now get out of my sight, stupid egoist." it's vicious, but it's also been long overdue.

[name], it's been so long, why are you still hung up-"

"you're an asshole who ruined my life, all because you're a narcissist, self-centered and close-minded. you want me to spell out more?"

for once, your voice stood against him.

his eyes widened, an unmistakable look in his eyes saying that he didn't expect that, not out of you.

and for the first time, you walked away from itoshi sae.

#itoshi sae #blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x you #blue lock imagines #blue lock itoshi sae #bllk x reader #itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae x y/n #itoshi sae x you #blue lock angst

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dirtytransmasc · 10 months

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What if Miles didn't save his dad and his universe collapsed anyway.

It'd happen so fast, one minute he's rushing to his dad and the next he's sprawled across the ground, shoved off course by someone.

(Miguel is an option but I like the idea it's just some random Spiderman.)

Miles 'canon' events happens but his universe still glitches, half of it falling into the Spot's holes as it does as the villain becomes more and more unstable.

1610 collapses in front of everyone, swallowed up by the ever growing pitch black holes, leaving only Miles Morales as it's lone survivor.

to say the boy would be a mess, would be more than an understatement, it wouldn't even come close enough to smell, let alone touch, the way Miles is feeling. but he wouldn't just be sad or gutted or hopeless or even broken after losing everything; he'd be angry.

if he allowed himself to be dragged from the glitching, fading rubble of his now barren dimension, he would rip HQ apart, piece by piece. he'd scream and cry and break down, his abilities turned up to 110, his electricity flowing out him without any control, lashing out at anyone who tried to invade his space, let alone tried to touch him or stop him.

I think he would come pretty close to taking down Miguel, he'd defiantly pin him, using his enhanced reflexes and sheer surprise to get the upper hand, before just snapping. he'd let loose on Miguel, physically yes, but he would scream at him. he'd shove his stupid canon theory back into his face, begging for an explanation; if he was supposed to let his dad die, if he was forced to, than why did he lose everything anyway?

he'd leave Miguel bloody, even in his fury, he won't kill him, he can't do it, but he will make him suffer. he wants answers, he wants so many answers, answers to questions he doesn't even know he has, and he needs Miguel for those.

once he burns up his anger and cries out his sadness, he's left numb and empty, frequently returning to his dimension to sit amongst what little remains of his home. it doesn't really hit him at first that everything is gone, he knows it is, but he just can't accept it, his mom, his dad, Ganke, his friends, the cashier at the bodega, all of them, they can't be gone. he didn't even get to say goodbye.

part of him knows, deep down, that he should have saved his dad, he should have been allowed to try, that they would be here if he had just gotten to try. call it insanity, desperate attempts at coping, grasping at straws, spidey senses, intuition, some higher intervention and knowledge, he has no fucking idea, he just knows, and it only fuels his anger.

he stops coming out of his "room" at HQ, stops letting people in, not even Pav and Hobie who have never wronged him, who were always on his side, let alone the others, who at one point or another abandoned him or saddled against him. he stops in general, stops eating, stops sleeping, stops trying to distract his mind with things like music. he loses it a few more times, tearing up whatever furniture he had been given to make up for his lack of a home, before turning to laying on the floor, looking up at the blank ceiling for hours, ignoring any of the desperate pleas from outside his door.

he cringes when he realizes he's just becoming Miguel. he ignores the thought. tries to at least.

he lies there and withers away until he can no longer fight the others off, till he's forced to let them take care of him, forced to listen to their apologies and their "it'll be ok"'s. he honestly doesn't care; everything that ever truly mattered to him is gone or tainted, he's lost his world, his people, his family, he lost his friends, he lost his purpose. he just floats through life, accepting that he's just gonna turn into someone like Miguel, cold and closed off, not really living, but not dead, and he's "ok" with that, more so, he doesn't have the care nor energy to be more than that anymore. he accepts his fate, for once, cause its clear that trying to do anything else only get him and the people he loves hurt.

#kinda forgot about spot...#lets just say when miles was fliiping out he handled him and then beat the shit out of miguel #I don't have the energy to go back and fix it so just be imagininative #I can not see someone like miles #young and optimistic and soft #coping with losing their reality #like he's angry but has no energy to be angry #he just goes so numb #I think he'd basically just give up #watching himself become a parallel to Miguel #having to be fine with it cause he just *can't* bring himself to be anything else #my poor baby #miles morales #miles morales 1610 #miguel o’hara #atsv #across the spider verse #spider man: across the spider verse #across the spiderverse

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tiredpandaportfolio · 7 months

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DMC Questions Anon here!

Take every character you wish to and tell me what you think is the most emotionally devastating situation they could be put in and how they would react to it.

[crawls out of the ground] I have been busy.

===

Well, easy. I am in the process of writing something, about that. Dante gets to feel the sting of the consequences of his feud with Vergil.

The whole DMC5 thing killed a lot of people. There is nowhere to hide from that fact. Dante and Vergil and even Nero cannot hide from that fact forever. Vergil may not care, and Nero may try to cope, but I believe Dante will start to buckle. He has been weathering so much all these years and using shitty humour to cope with what he's seen and what he's done.

But what happens when he can't take anymore?

What if, he had some connection completely separate from his family nonsense, that he wanted to keep separate from the problems so they wouldn't taint it? A witch he's gotten very fond of. A witch, who lives in a quiet, near-constant state of being a cornered animal because demons want to literally eat her and unscrupulous humans wouldn't bat an eye at murder and dark rituals just to gain power off her life.

She gets to see exactly what the trees do, she gets to find out that the trees are particularly after witches because their blood runs thick with power. She sees a lot of people die horribly. She nearly dies. She hasn't seen Dante in months by the time they finally see each other again and she's a very different creature now. She's terrified of him. She has no patience for his jokes and his light-hearted attitude. She doesn't use jokes to cope and her trauma is too fresh and too deep.

She's angry. She blames him--she blames all of them. She doesn't want to fight, she doesn't want revenge, she just wants to never see them again because she's terrified one day Dante, or Nero or Vergil, will snap and give in to the demonic urge to acquire more power, and she will be a prime target.

Because they've had a taste of the power the trees distilled from blood and she's scared it's like an addiction they can't help. She does not want to be a rabbit in a den of wolves. So she angrily curses them and flees. Whatever she and Dante had is over.

And he blames himself, because that's what Dante does. He bottles it all up, blaming himself and trying to forget it, but he can't. It's not fair. He got his brother back, he has a family again... but it's not complete. He feels as though the cost of achieving all that was losing her. It's not fair. He's been living with guilt and grief for years.

His time with her was a reprieve; a welcome break from his life of quiet suffering, hidden under his humour and weary pretending that all is well. She really made him feel happy. And now, she's gone. He scared her away. Her words have hurt. Her presence has hurt, because he spoiled her. She went from friend, ally and love to a victim of his idiotic feud with Vergil. But he can't blame Vergil-- he had as much of a hand in this as Vergil. And he can't bear to start another round of fighting over that.

So he bottles it up until it starts to crack him. He can't fight against the dread any longer. Any joy he got from Vergil being back has been marred. He can't ignore the blame anymore. He blames himself for everything and it will destroy him.

#panda writes #devil may cry #ask panda

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miawstic · 10 months

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oh hey!

it's me! I'm back!

lots of folks are flocking over from twitter right now, so now seems like a good time to start again for myself as well—though I've actually been thinking about starting again for a long time now. a lot has changed in my life and in return I've changed a lot about this blog, so I'll be talking about it all for a bit.

there'll be a tl;dr at the bottom if you don't feel like reading it all, but I'd appreciate if you did!

so, hey. I thought for a long time about what to do with this account. this place spawned and held a lot of memories of people who did me wrong and the mistakes I'd made, and it was bad enough for a while that I just didn't want to look at it at all.

it took a long time to accept what happened to me and that it shouldn't have happened, and that I shouldn't be protecting and supporting the people who were involved anymore. but, yeah, I think I was kinda groomed. that sucks, and I won't go into details about it. I'm thankful to have the clarity I have now as an adult to come to terms with it.

I considered wiping this account entirely and moving to a new account—both to try to erase what happened and to have a more appropriate place to house the new type of content I've moved onto. but, I've had this account since the day I turned 13. I'm 22 now. it's been my home and I'm not letting any assholes' influence taint it and take it away from me. also, I can post what I want, lol.

that all being said, though, I have updated the look of this this place to match my current tastes! I'd like to do even more, but I'll need to draw stuff to do that. so, while this blog has already been hugely overhauled, it'll continue to be a work in progress until I get the time to make some assets for it. I also wiped a large chunk of my old posts because, frankly, nobody needs to see all of that. and, y'know, memories of being groomed and all that, lol. I'd like to totally redo my about as well—maybe make a new one entirely somewhere else?

speaking of Blogs and Posting, I should probably let you all know that I'm not going to be posting anymore megaman content anymore—neither through my own posts nor reblogs. I've grown out of that fanbase, and I think it's time to move on for everyone's sake. if that disappoints you, I'm sorry, but also, I'm not sorry because this is the best thing for me. I don't need it anymore, but I'm grateful for all the growing I did while being into it. you're entirely welcome to leave if cookie run and my ocs aren't your jam—thanks for staying with me all this time! and to those who choose to stay regardless, you have my whole heart. thank you to both!

I can't say how often I'll be posting here, as I've gotten a lot of things in my life now that eat up my time (this is a good thing, in my teenage years I would've never imagined having the responsibilities I have now!). on top of two jobs, I also co-own the cookie run kingdom wiki now! managing and improving that place takes a LOT of my time, seriously. it's made me slow down significantly in making my art, but that's alright—I seriously love it there, and I've met so many amazing people and built a lot of other skills from being there. like coding! I can do that now! I'm responsible for coding and designing a very big portion of the templates and extra styling on there, and I'm very, very proud of it! being a representative of the wiki, you can always feel free to ask me about the site, its policies, etc. here. also, I'll probably be going back to school soon...

but anyways, oh yeah, art. I've got a pretty good backlog of completed drawings that I'll be posting to here. I'll be queuing the posts to come out at probably a rate of one a day until they're up, though. no more posting 7 pieces in one day and posting the next in 3 months (at least for now 🤔). like I said, I don't have a ton of time to draw constantly like I used to, but I'll do what I can in making more in the future. as for what I'll be drawing, I mean, probably cookie run. maybe some ocs though, because I've got a few ideas. maybe things from my other interests? we'll see! I've also been sculpting a lot, actually...

and yeah, don't let the seriousness of this post fool you; I'll certainly still be reblogging dumb, non-serious posts like I always did. fixing up the look of the blog itself is enough professionalism I think 😵‍ also! I'll be letting up on all the trigger warning tags I had used in the past—scopophobia, animals, food, that kind of thing—because I've literally never been asked to tag anything like that. I mean, feel free to let me know if you do need things like those tagged, but, starting now, I'm going to take it a little easier with the tags. very common triggers (blood, abuse, so on) will still be tagged, of course.

I think that's it? yeah. nice to be here again, it's much more relaxed and individualized than twitter! I think I almost felt intimidated by tumblr for a long time since it almost feels like posts need to have more "purpose" than tweeting on twitter. but, like, I'm older and give less of a shit now. my house, I post silly thing.

---

thanks for reading if you did! here's your tl;dr:

I've deleted the majority of my old posts and revamped the look and theming of my blog to have a fresh start, to cut rotten ties, and to have a place that suits my current self. also so I don't have to be embarrassed every time I post.

no more megaman! in terms of art, it'll be cookie run and maybe some ocs, or whatever else. art won't be frequent, though, because I'm always busy with work and the crk wiki.

I'll be posting my backlog of completed art over the next few days.

I'm no longer tagging the more specific trigger tags like scopophobia (unless you really want me to???).

you should commission dani.

#mad gab #grooming mention /#do we still use slashes in tags? maybe I'm just a grandpa

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lemonhemlock · 1 year

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I dont see Helaena cheating. I see her having feelings for Aemond both romantic and sexual in nature but I don't see her cheating. And IK people bring up the "so you don't want female characters to have agency and sexually fulfilled lives? So you think only men are allowed to cheat? So you think all people with autism are aroace robots with no interest in sex?" arguments and I believe some anti-helaemonds genuinely smack of that kind of thinking, but something it's simply: I just don't think Heleana is that kind of character from what we have gotten. Helaena not cheating doesn't mean all real woman cant ever cheat or all female characters cant ever cheat, its just in Helaena's case she does not. There are female characters who cheat, not as many as men, but they're there. I don't see why Helaena specifically not cheating would be such a big blow? Is it because of the autism? In that case the scarcity of autistic characters should be criticised IMO; we shouldn't need to make one autistic fill a niche by herself. Thats just sad tbh.

It's the only reason I don't believe anything happened between Helaemond on the show and will be very surprised if it has or will unless helaena does a 180, which IG could be a kinda fun angle - her becoming more like Aegon/a Dragon. But there's so much gonna be going on I don't know if we need this. I'm just a little sick of Aemond I guess.

Just to maybe drop a different perspective.

hey there, i want to take this opportunity to assure everyone that, with all my ranting, i'm not really a prescriptivist person, bent on shaping the way people interact with their chosen piece of media :)

so, if that's your interpretation of helaena's character, that's completely fine in my book, and you are entitled to your headcanons. don't get me wrong here, i'm not trying to police the way people consume fiction or how they like to play in their own sandboxes, lord knows there is enough room for all of us under the sun. so, if you think that she wouldn't cheat for various reasons, i'm not here to contradict your view specifically and tell you you're wrong. our opposing opinions can co-exist just fine in the space-time continuum. :))

personally speaking, i interpret their social & familial roles breaking down so much within this cycle of generational inbreeding that whatever this is doesn't even register as cheating anymore since the regular boundaries start bleeding into one another. but that's bc that's what i find a really cool idea to explore, others can and should come up with their own takes

i only take issue with a certain type of moral framework that excludes all other possible interpretations bc it doesn't fall within whatever the circulated papal bull stipulates at the moment. especially when it's over really silly stuff like this. meaning to say that other people are not stupid or badly-intentioned or sinister or secret team black sleeper agents :)) for enjoying alternative possibilities. and, i have to say, it does feel really kind of rotten when you hear how other greens talk about helaemonds like they carry the plague, bc i think there are some really lovely people in this little internet niche that could contribute in a lot of positive ways to the fandom.

i, for one, can't control how people choose to judge me for not shutting up about this (lmao this really unintentionally feels like coming out, which is absolutely ridiculous, touch-grass-levels), but i'd think it rather childish if 1. i felt force to go underground and lie about it so people wouldn't blacklist me for this dumb reason and 2. i couldn't really engage in other ways bc people formed this unfair opinion that i'm some tainted radioactive waste. i write a lot of meta on a lot on topics and i enjoy talking to a wide range of people, which is why i rarely even block, so, that's just a personal disappointment i would have as a fandom navigator.

at the end of the day, it's.... you know, whatever, as far as i'm concerned, because i have a big mouth anyway and i don't really shut up IRL either, so, in that regard i had to already teflonize myself. but i feel like a lot of users are held back from participating and being more active for fear of judgment, which is just a damn shame, as the toxic voices always tend to drown out the ones who would really help turn this place into a more pleasant experience for everyone

so, what can i say, i'm a big softie, y'all

#hugs for everyone etc #ask #anon #helaemond #it's barely even monday & i'm already causing waves

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nik-jr-musings · 1 year

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I bought into it. The purity talk at church, the lectures from my mother, the scare tactics on media like 16 and Pregnant. I've been thoroughly convinced my whole life that I would wait until marriage. Gossip about pregnant teenage girls in town would pass from nosy mothers' mouths to their innocent children's and it quickly tainted our entire view of women. But we grew up soon enough, and now it's not declaring someone a "slut" or "whore," but instead silently pursing our lips and muttering "well it's not a choice I would make" as soon as their back is turned.

My parents' 26-year anniversary was yesterday. I saw a post my mom made online with photos of their wedding. I cried when I saw them. My mothers' pregnant belly under her poofy skirt made my skin crawl. How could you?

I remember a year ago my church did a seminar on purity. Women I talked to on a daily basis shared their opinions about how it was demoralizing to be intimate with a man before marriage, how they felt objectified. I teared up when one of my closest friends shared that she had never felt so guilty in her life than after she made out with her boyfriend in a hammock. I remember her saying, "what good is this doing either of us? Nothing." We prayed for women who engaged in hookup culture or lived with their partners unmarried. I thought of my sister and cried when I went home.

I started seeing my partner when I was a sophomore in college. I remember our first kiss on his dingy sofa. It was nearing midnight. I had wanted it for ages, had dreamt of it for months. Being 19 and unkissed seemed beyond embarrassing, yet I was simultaneously proud of how long I had stuck it out. Even back then I had conflicting emotions about relationships. He asked me, I said yes, and then he leaned in. Out of instinct I flinched away. He asked me again if I wanted it, and I said "just do it. I'll stay still." I forced myself to sit perfectly still as he kissed me. I didn't move a muscle. He pulled away, and I read disappointment on his face.

My sister used to be depressed. I remember knocking on her door, asking for permission to enter, and opening the door to a pitch dark room. I remember sitting on her bed and having nothing to say. I remember when she told me she wished she were never born, that maybe if mom hadn't gotten pregnant they wouldn't be together and they would be happier. I remember the feeling of hot tears blurring my vision even in the darkness. I remember hating that my best friend felt like that. I never wanted to make anyone feel that way.

The first night I slept with him, I cried. It was a month after our first kiss. We laid together in the darkness, untouching, scared. I told him about my mom, about what my church taught me, about what I believed in. "But we're different," I said, "we have self control and can sleep in the same bed without being tempted." He asked me, "but does it bother you that, to some people, what we're doing is sinning?" I turned my back on him as tears rolled down my face. I considered getting down on the floor to sleep but ultimately stayed.

It was during the lowest time of my life that I learned everything the church believed about sex. The options were clear: either break up with him or succumb to your vocation of motherhood. Sex was not to be used for means other than to conceive a child. I have never wanted to be a mother. Never. I visited my priest to get advice, and he said "but I think you'd be a great mom!" It's not about that, though. It's not about me. A child deserves to be wanted.

I think of him when I touch myself. I imagine what we would do together. But we don't touch when he's here. I flinch away when he tells me my shorts look good on me. Are you objectifying me? But this is right. This is ordered. We mustn't touch each other now; that's for marriage. But I'm afraid I won't want to have sex once we're married. I can't even kiss him anymore without guilt seemingly eating me alive. You're objectifying him. He's objectifying you. It isn't love if you look at each other that way, touch each other that way. Fuck, I'm so afraid of being like those teenagers from my hometown, like my mom. I have to be better, strive for perfection. I need to be patient and happy to wait yet eager to touch him, undress him, fuck him the instant a ring is on my finger.

I don't know what to believe anymore. My mother is a hypocrite, my church friends are hornier than I am which leads them to getting married before 23, and people continue to tell all women that they would make lovely mothers. It's a big mess, and I have no clue where to stand amongst the rubble. I do know I like to sleep next to him, but I also know that I am terrified of sex. Perhaps, then, they all got what they wanted. No premarital sex, congratulations! The only sacrifice was me and my ability to be perceived physically by my partner. But that's just some shit you can sweep under the rug, right? I mean, it's nothing as blatantly obvious and offensive as a teenage pregnancy!

12/1/2022

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bokuroo-squeals · 3 years

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Of rough time, marriage and fears

Daichi x reader

Genre: Requested angst to fluff

Summary: After a year of being happily married, trouble seems to appear at paradise when Daichi starts growing distant.

Note: This is not the best, and I don't think I took it the right direction but it was fun to experiment with this. Let me know if there's any orthographic or grammar mistake ,and thank you for reading!!

Marriage is more than a pretty wedding and golden rings, more than a cozy house with nice plants to water. Marriage is way more than all that, so it's not surprise to have though days, fights and disagreements are not a foreign concept, but nothing of this was enough to break you and Daichi. Or so you thought.

One year into your spouse life started like a dream. Even when the road had potholes in the way, you two were mature about it and faced them together. Every morning you woke up next to the love of your life, and he held you close as if you were the most valuable thing in the world, and for a while, you thought you were to him. But months gone by taught you otherwise, because now the space between you was unbearable, like ice left too long on skin. And how it started you don't know, but you wished you did.

The first sign was Daichi growing distant, the second one was him getting in contact with an old friend, a past 'almost something' he knew since high school. And then, it was him spending more time with friends, with her, and you left alone at home to play the loyal housekeeper, the cute spouse that cleaned and cooked but couldn't enjoy dinner with the husband. So it hurt, the feeling of being left behind was slowly filling your lungs until you couldn't gasp for air normally, until the sensation was too much to handle.

The night was as normal as it could go, with you sitting on the couch, waiting for Daichi to come back home from work. Dinner had grown cold, and the clock's hands had moved so much for you to remember how long have you been waiting. Alone in a house meant for two, you couldn't help but feel lonely without Daichi, and you stop to thing briefly, maybe it's your own fault.

It's almost midnight when you hear the door open, then the shuffle of his shoes against the floor. He comes to through the frame, notices your figure and walks your way with heavy steps, Daichi's weight pulling him down in every movement of his legs shows how tired he is.

"It's late, you shouldn't have wait for me. I was out with Suga and the rest after work" he explains briefly after he collapsed next to you on the couch, finally giving into exhaustion.

The conversation ends like that.

Next time is not as peaceful

"Where are you going?" You asked again, the third time already on the week. You're tired, tired of not feeling like you still matter to him, exhausted of feeling him escape through your fingers even when he is right there in front of you.

"Another class reunion. Yuna-san..."

Your blood rushes with anger and you don't let him finish, you can't. It's too unbearable, the feeling of fury.

"Yuna-san? Another reunion? Daichi, please. You're rarely home this days, please, can you just stay with me this time?" Is not easy or possible for you to mask how exasperated you are at this point. Your husband notices the trembling of your body, coming closer to you with a tired sigh.

"We talked about this. Don't do this tonight, Y/n" with how hard he mutters it, it comes out like a warning, one that you're willing to ignore in favor of your feelings. This time is different, any patience or consideration have been thrown to the drain by you, and you are finally ready to explore.

"No! We haven't talk about this, we never talk, and that's the problem! Is always just you asking me to drop it, to leave you alone, to swallow everything inside me, and honestly, I'm not doing that anymore" He stares at you with brows knitted together tightly, a clear sign of him not approving what he takes as a tantrum for his attention.

"We'll talk when you have calmed down. Until then, I'm going out" Daichi turns to walk out, about to leave the scene like nothing, like your marriage was nothing.

Tears you didn't know were there start falling out of your eyes, dramatic style out of a lame romantic movie.

For him, it started with jokes and teasing from the team, making fun of him for a few laughs. It wasn't anything too malicious, a few comments here and there over his marriage life, how he was an old man now and how they were getting ready to not see him anymore at reunions or parties. Daichi could handle that, even laughing along with them, until Yamamori Yuna arrived back into his life.

There was a school reunion that he decided to attend after months of being stressed by work, just going out for some drinks and catch up with their past classmates, a night to refresh those records left in their memories from their youth. Everyone was chatting animatedly, the same jokes Daichi was used to were repetead, which he responded with an equally happy laugh. But the girl next to him frowned, her hand discreetly sneaking in a smooth motion all over his arm to get to his shoulder.

"Doesn't it bother you, Sawamura-san? They're making fun of you. " The seemingly troubled expression on her face was enough to cut his laughter.

"It's alright, I'm having fun out of it too"

"Well, it's not fun for me as your friend. Ever since the wedding you have been so engrossed on your partner, that it looks like have forgotten to be your own person, and now you're the joke of your friends". Yamamori's frown deepened even more, her pretty face painted with fake consern. She was so immersed in the little act, in her own selfish intentions, that every word sounded like authentic worry.

That conversation stays engraved on his mind more than it should've.

It's not like he doesn't love you, because he does. The band on his finger is the proof of his adoration towards you, but the fear of losing himself is powerful and big enough to overthink. Daichi starts going out more, because after thinking about it, he was closing off his friends, going out less, not answering texts, missing calls and updates from his friends.

Yuna seems to have all the answers for the questions plaguing his mind, so naturally, he hangs out more with her and his friends. Getting loose and enjoying himself with other people that's not you, because he thinks it what he needs.

He's told you before that she's hanging out with the boys and him lately, he's talked about her when you ask where he was or what was he doing. It's not like he's hiding the fact that he's been in contact with her, yet you still feel like trash when the ghost of doubt makes it's way on your heart.

When he returns, he doesn't expect you to be awake, thinking that you'd be on your shared bed, passed out after calming yourself. But you're as awake as you could be, with bloodshot eyes and dry tears over your sad features, and his heart pants with pain at the view. Is heartbreaking, seeing you as equally heartbroken, and us even more heartbreaking knowing he was the cause of your suffering. So he holds you, close to his heart to comfort a little what he has hurt.

"You don't love anymore. You're gonna leave me for her, Yuna" your words are tainted by anguish. An uncomfortable affirmation from your part, one that's not even close to the truth. His breathing stops and for a moment, he swears his heart does too.

"Don't say that, don't you dare say that again. I love you so much, you don't even understand." He opens up his heart with you.

Fifteen minutes is how much it takes him to explain to you all what has gotten to his mind ever since the first reunion. How he was afraid of not being him anymore, of being forgotten by his friends, of hovering over you too much.

"I'm awful, I'm the worst. My selfishness is the worst. I know, now I know. But please, you're the only one for me, I'd never cheat or leave you. The only one on my mind is you. At this point, you've ruined everything for me; love, sex, even religion. No-one can come close to whatever you do, to whatever you make me feel, I can't be tempted by anything that isn't you".

You belive him, you do. The way words spill so easily, flowing like water, can't be faked, neither can be the sparkle in his eye which you hadn't seen in weeks.

Daichi's path to redemption begins with being home early after work. Coming to your arms as soon and fast as he can, welcoming your warmth deep in his soul. Once again in your embrace, is hard for him to think just how much has he been missing out.

Is the kisses and hand holding, is your voice and your love what makes Daichi feel safe.

"Daichi, you have to shave" you tell him between giggles, his facial hair caressing the skin on your neck making you itchy.

"Later" he murmurs while he inhales your scent. It calms him down, it relaxes him.

Right now, he has to hold you close, love you as much as he can to make up for the bitter days he had made you suffer. Right now, you feel as safe and as happy as possible, between his arms that are your real home, beside him where you belong.

Marriage is more than just a pretty house and golden rings. Marriage is failing and hurting, with the promise of fixing whatever it needs to mend together.

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#sawamura daichi #daichi x reader #daichi sawamura x reader #daichi fluff #daichi headcanon #haikyuu fanfiction

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sunseteyes · 4 years

Text

THE RED ROSES IN WONDERLAND; T. KAMADO

theme/s: alice in wonderland & brave inspired. a beginning; where the child of the red king meets the one that is fated to bring peace in the land.

word count: 1,957 words

roze’s note: i suddenly wanted to write this as a multi-chapter but let’s see~ if my schedule permits it, why not? also, what do you think? should i really??

a sigh leaves your lips as your eyes glances over the same flowers every single day. yes, the flowers were indeed beautiful, but whenever you see the color red, you just can't help but feel that coiling of your stomach and the tightening in your throat.

everyone thinks you don't know of the blood that spills on your father's hands, but you do, and you're only pretending you don't.

just as you were about to turn back to the house, a figure catches your attention and you immediately recognized who it was.

"nosuke! you're back!" your mood brightened immediately at the only one whom you could call a friend in the whole land. despite being surrounded by lots of individuals and loyal subjects, your guard is still always up and you never full trusted all of them—except inosuke.

it was explainable though. he's the only one who is not entirely by your father's side but he can still manage to stay alive. as the record keeper of wonderland, inosuke the white rabbit is more like the neutral individual. he doesn't have a side to pick on and that's why you don't have a problem opening up to him at all.

"how was your travel to the other side? did you bring a souvenir for me?" you excitedly approached the boy and his ears twitched at the sound of your voice, his head turning around to face you with his beautiful face that you sometimes envy upon. he's probably the prettiest you'd ever seen in the whole land!—as if you'd seen everyone yet. you never got to get out much aside from the forest because your father insists that you must stay safe and not act hostile because you are a royal, the future ruler of the reds, after him.

you didn't want to adapt your father's way of ruling but you can't also say no to him. it's not that you were afraid but mostly because you love him too much to hurt him. he raised you with the outmost care and compassion he could give. the only thing you could give back to him is by abiding in his rules and obeying him by following his footsteps.

but you can't kill anyone either.

"huh? souvenir? i was there for work, you know! you can't just order me to do something when i've got other things to do." you smiled at inosuke's response. harsh as it may seem to others, you know it was his way of conversing to someone he doesn't particularly call his "minion". he can be a bit superior against others but it's what you admire most in your friend.

"wait, inosuke. i heard you brought someone from the other side. is that true?"

your question seemed to have made him tense for a second but it vanished as soon as it came. you realized then that it must have been the same question your father might have asked him that's why the rabbit was summoned there.

"you mean gonpachiro? he's not going to stay here for long. the portal will open a week after, there's no need to worry about the legend."

ah, so that's what it is, you thought.

there's a legend in wonderland that there will come a time that someone from "the other side" will come and give a path to peace between the white and the red, making the land as one as it can be. looking at it now, many have lost hope that the legend was not even often said anymore. yet, it is also a fear for others, especially the royals since peace will result to a singular leadeship.

it's either one will back down and give way so the other will rule all over wonderland, or one will have to fall in misery as the other rises in victory,

either way, you're sure your father will never like the idea of that unless he will be the ruler.

"i'm not worried about the legend." you say, looking up a inosuke's eyes. "i'm more worried about this gonpachiro you're talking about. you know how my father works."

inosuke's lips seals tight at your words. you have kept from everyone aside from inosuke about your knowledge of your father's dirty works but until now, inosuke seems bothered about it.

now you don't really socialize with the others in your household much and you usually keep your distant most of the time. one of the main reasons why was because of your father—he often tells you never to trust anyone, including the ones that are loyal to them. you agreed in his logic for the reason that his loyal subjects are the ones that obeys his orders and has the capability of killing anyone. you never liked that idea, even if you don't show or tell it to others, especially your father. he'd be very disappointed if that so happens.

this results to a lot of free time for yourself. with an idea you got from the back of your head, you begun to imitate how your father's loyal subjects often train around the palace.

by training, it meant drawing a weapon and using it constantly for you to get used to it. at first, you thought of it as something you do in your past time. however as moments passes by and more killings were done in the red kingdom, you decided it was for your own safety. you never know when time will come when someone tries to avenge their lost loved one because of your father. as the only heir to the throne and the ones that carries the king's own blood, you will surely be the best prey for a predator.

drawing back your arm, narrowing your eyes and casting a breath, you let go of the tail of the arrow, watching it hit the target whilst quickly reaching for another one and repeat the process.

eleven years. it took eleven years for you to master the art of archery.

at first, you tried with knives, swords and even a fan—which was the weapon of one of your father's loyal subjects. yet, the bow and arrows were the only ones you had gotten a connection too. thus, it served you as your main weapon that you had learned throughout the years without any guidance from anyone.

your father didn't like the idea of you fighting for your own. even if you had kept your training a secret all these years. you had a feeling he knows about it and he was either already pleased about it or he's too disappointed that you were keeping it a secret that he wants you to confess it to him instead of confronting you.

your hair flutters under the influence of the wind as you balanced on your horse, already used to its movement and shifts as he glides through the trees of the forest.

you locked your eyes on a target however as you shot the arrow, a figure catches your attention and it was too late.

"look out!"

you were quite sure that the figure was so a hair-strand away from getting hit yet it dodges, the arrow marking a perfect score on the target on a tree trunk.

you halted your horse and ushers it towards the figure's way, your mind failing to recognize what it was.

"who are you?" you made eye contact with the boy, the crimson in his hair resonating his orbs that were certainly of a different hues than your father and the roses in your garden.

he looks... different. far too unique from the people in the palace.

"how did you gain access in here? from what i remember i told everyone that only i should be of use of the forest." your brows furrow at the sight of him, your guard up just in case he will try something.

although, his face displayed of a gentleness that you had not seen for the longest time—was there ever been a moment, even? that you don't know. from what you can recall, everyone only respected you because of your title.

not because of you yourself.

"don't be alarmed! i bring you no harm, your highness!" he raises both of his hands up as a sign of surrender, his voice tainted of assurance and calmness that no burglar or man with ill-intention would have.

you still refuse to trust him.

"how will i know of your claims?" your grip on your bow tightens, prepared of any kind of attack. "what's your name, stranger?"

he seems to be at ease with your questioning, making you curious even further.

"i am tanjiro kamado. i... the white rabbit and the mad hatter sent me here. he thought i could be of help to you, your highness."

"help? why would i need that?"

then inosuke and zenitsu? why would they send this boy without telling it to you beforehand?

"you need to know what the red king is doing. he needs to be stopped. inosuke told me only you are capable to do that."

"i already know of my father's schemes." your lips tighten in your words, being the second time to have told your secret, you were beginning to think it was a wrong move.

the boy named tanjiro looked surprised, betrayed even. could it be that inosuke lied to him? you guesses that might not be the case.

"you mean... you know that he's planning to start a war against the white kingdom...?" there was hope and uncertainty in his voice, a mixture that you had deemed obvious with how he toned it. however, it was least of your worries for his words had processed in your mind first.

a war? now that you don't know about.

"where have you gotten this idea?" you question him further. "i... i never heard of that."

he seems to have perked up at your last statement, his aura changing in a millisecond.

"muzan learned of my coming here. you know of the legend, right? i didn't know if it at first but i was warned that my arrival would cause great chaos in this world." it had been awhile since you've heard someone use your father's name.

that fact alone changed your perspective on the boy.

climbing down your horse, your garments sticking to your skin as the slight formation of the sweat from your training. without letting go of your bow, you stood in front of tanjiro, feeling like the world had stopped at how you were feeling the beginning of change in you and your household.

looking straight into his eyes, you spoke.

"yes, that is a fact." you scanned his face and found a genuineness that you were not used of seeing as a result of being in a place with people that wore a firm and strict expression constantly. you were getting tired of it.

wait, no. you are tired of it.

"but your coming here is a sign of hope." your muscles eases up at how you let it out all in one go, "you will be the source of peace in wonderland, tanjiro kamado."

all your teenage years you spent on being silent. now that you were getting close to your coronation, it is time to show everyone what is needed to be done,

and with this boy in front of you, you felt as if the coil in your stomach contort back and relax, a ray of light showing you the path that you should take in order for you to succeed in stopping your own father from destroying the land you call home and the king that has the same blood that runs in your veins.

#nnr disney event #nnr kny #reader is so badass here #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu tanjiro #tanjiro kamado #tanjiro x reader #tanjiro oneshots #tanjiro fluff #tanjiro scenarios #kny oneshots #kny x reader #kny kamaboko #kny kamaboko squad #kny kamado #kny inosuke #kny zenitsu

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veliseraptor · 4 years

Note

I can't remember if anyone has actually asked you this. I apologise beforehand if you're repeating yourself. What are your three favourite scenes in The Untamed and why?

(Love how this took so long, mostly because I was waiting to get through all the listed moments in my rewatch. Anyway! It’s here now!)

Oh, fuck.

Okay, I couldn’t keep it to three. I tried! I did! But I couldn’t. So here is a list of just general favorite scenes with the three scratched off. I realized belatedly that most of these are just painful because I love pain I guess??? but yeah that’s just who I am and I think I have to accept that.

Under a read more because Jesus this got long.

1. The entire scene at Nightless City culminating in Wei Wuxian’s death. Like, okay, honestly, if I could expand this into basically everything between Jin Zixuan’s death and Wei Wuxian’s, I’d do that, but that feels like too much even though in my head it is all sort of...one contiguous marathon of pain. But god!!! I have a whole thing for...characters hitting their breaking point, for breaking points in general, for seeing a character I love just...crack open, and that’s what happens here.

Like. Wei Wuxian’s been cracking for a while, and there’s a number of breaking points that kind of build on each other, but this is, obviously, where the real snap happens.

And on a narrative level, too, there’s the thing that...this is the point that we as the audience have been spiraling toward since first seeing the beginning of episode one. This is where the entire long stretch of flashback has been pointing - here’s where it culminates, where it falls into place, where everything circles back to where the show started and now you know exactly how it got there.

Also I just. Love to suffer, and this entire scene is one whole long stretch of suffering.

2. The golden core reveal. Oh man, I was waiting for this conversation for, like. Ever. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to have to happen and I just kept being like. When will it be. When will it be and then it happened and god it was beautiful. Everything about this whole scene was just tailor made to hurt me and make me love it, from the confrontation in the ancestral shrine right down to when Jiang Cheng bolts in a panic.

I hurt for everyone here. Wen Ning who has hit the end of his rope and is just fed up with everything. Jiang Cheng whose world is getting turned upside down and inside out and a whole lot of things falling into place all at once, his self-conception wrecked and his understanding of Wei Wuxian both opened and destroyed. Lan Wangji who is understanding what he missed and, I think, beating himself up about having missed it, and also the fresh understanding of just how ready Wei Wuxian is to throw himself under a bus for the people he loves. Wei Wuxian who doesn’t know any of this is happening but has just collapsed after running on fumes basically since resurrecting and is going to find out later that the biggest secret he’s been keeping and planned to keep for the rest of his life is now out.

It’s just. Lord. It’s all so painful and it’s all so good, the payoff is so good, and especial mention here of Wen Ning’s done with your shit and I’m not taking it anymore face as he brandishes Suibian at Jiang Cheng not as a weapon, exactly, but a little bit.

(He doesn’t bite but he can hurt you in other ways!)

Anyway, this isn’t actually saying anything coherent, really, except just a lot of “ahhhhh” screaming about this scene and everything in it and everyone suffering in it and just. What a moment.

3. The excruciating conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian in episode 48. Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. Okay, so, I’m always going to be a sucker for extremely painful and difficult sibling confrontations where everyone is spilling their feelings everywhere and it’s just a lot, and this was like. I remember on my first watch when this happened and I was like. Holy shit. This. This was what I needed. This!!!!

And then no real resolution after, orz. But that’s what fanfiction is for. And there’s glimpses of the possibility, for sure, I Believe.

But anyway! And on rewatch this conversation just gets better and also more painful because of the ways that while it is finally a conversation that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng have sort of needed to have for, like, ever, it’s also one that rips open a lot of old wounds and it is also one that involves a painful amount of talking past each other.

There’s a long meta post somewhere (sorry! I never know how to find the meta I’m looking for when I want it and I’m lazy right now!) about how what Jiang Cheng needs to hear is that Wei Wuxian loves and cares about him, and what he does hear is that Wei Wuxian is, once again, cutting himself off, that it was all always about debts and obligations and nothing more. And what Wei Wuxian is trying to do is release Jiang Cheng from being tied to him by those debts and obligations, to give him freedom, with I think the idea of creating a clean slate that’s not tainted by everything that went wrong before. He thinks Jiang Cheng needs to be released, but what Jiang Cheng needs is to be held.

(Both of them do! Both of them need that! Both of them need to feel loved and cherished and these things also specifically by each other!)

And I just. I just cry a lot.

But it is also beautiful, in the way that it captures so much about their relationship and the blood and hurt and tenderness and love all tied excruciatingly together, the ways that they hurt and have hurt each other, the ways they push and pull, all of Jiang Cheng’s anger and hurt spilling out everywhere in a way that I think has been building for 16 years. It’s not closure, but it is a catharsis.

And for Wei Wuxian - I think it has to be, on some level, a relief. Even as it’s painful, even as it is exactly what he never wanted to happen, the secret is out now and he doesn’t have to hold onto it anymore. They are both - in his eyes - free.

It’s just...a wrenching conversation that hits, like, sixty of my buttons at once and gives me a whole lot of emotions.

4. asldkajsldfkj the flashback to Xiao Xingchen’s suicide in episode 39 and what comes after, just go ahead and kill me now. Like okay it’s probably obvious by now that I live in this hole called “Yi City, my Xue Yang feelings, and my XueXiao feelings,” and during this liveblog I specifically spilled several posts and screenshots worth of them, but god!!!! it’s just so much. Like, the entire Yi City arc is messy and painful as hell, it’s just like being put through an emotional wringer where I hurt for everyone in it, but this is the part that is especially excruciating because everyone in this emotional climax is suffering so much.

And, like. We knew where this would end. We knew Xiao Xingchen died, and a-Qing was just killed, and at this point Xue Yang is dying. No one is getting out of this alive - but we haven’t seen yet exactly how things closed out. And the answer is “badly. it’s badly.”

Both of these people in the very bad breakup scene are hurting. Xiao Xingchen is in agony, his life falling apart in his hands - everything he thought he knew has been a lie, he’s been tricked, played for a fool. And the hammer blows keep coming. It’s not enough that it’s Xue Yang, that Xue Yang has been fucking with him (as far as he knows), lying to him, for three years. It’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done. And then it’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done to Song Lan.

And on the other end - Xue Yang’s weird fake domestic life that he’s gotten attached to, Xiao Xingchen who he’s come to care about - it’s imploding, irrevocably, in front of his face. And first he tries to explain himself, sort of, but he must know it’s not going to work; and then he goes back to what he does best and lashes out. You’re going to hurt me? I’ll hurt you fifty times as much.

I think he expects a fight. Or maybe, at most, he expects Xiao Xingchen to break down, and maybe he has some vague idea that then he can say see, this is what the world is really like, now you get it and rebuild him in some kind of Xue Yang-esque image (though I don’t think he really thinks that’ll happen). He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to kill himself. He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to die.

And then he doesn’t expect to not be able to get him back.

It’s just. This whole arc is people destroying each other and themselves body and soul, and this is the climax of it, the breaking point. And it hurts, real bad.

And as we have established! I love to suffer.

5. Drunk Lan Wangji, take two. All of these are like. “Pain! Pain! Pain!” and here we are with some goofy antics instead. I mean, the intro to drunk!Wangji is sad in the way that it has to do with what happened to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen (and Lan Wangji’s always feelings about those parallels ouch), but then...I mean, drunk!Wangji is just generally adorable, but here he is especially adorable.

Chicken theft! Vandalism! Trespassing! His adorable little smile when Wei Wuxian asks if he likes rabbits and he’s like. Yeah. :) :)

And then we close out with more emotions, of course. Because it’s not The Untamed without a little bit of pain thrown in there.

“I have regret,” Lan Wangji says, a confession of fault, and of course Wei Wuxian can’t receive it, or won’t - and Lan Wangji reacts to his attempt at absolution by basically doing his usual “I don’t want to talk about this” routine of just bluntly changing the subject (in this case “going to bed now goodnight.”).

Also the entire bit where he goes from hopelessly drunk to fighting off an opponent and then back to hopelessly drunk, like. Even drunk!Wangji can and will kick your ass.

And all of Wei Wuxian just like. Basically trip babysitting him? Gently trying to herd him around? The gentleness and fondness of it all?

Good. All good.

6. Qiongqi Path, take one. Emotional mauling! Terrifying evil flute Wei Wuxian! Dramatic face-off between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji! The beginning of Lan Wangji’s moral crisis! (Or, okay, not the beginning but this is definitely a major breaking point for his worldview, I think, and where his questioning really, truly begins.)

It’s just...a lot of good. Everything with Wen Qing searching for Wen Ning’s body hurts so bad. Wei Wuxian coming stalking back into the camp with vengeance on the brain is as gloriously sexy as that vibe always is on him. And the confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian? oh man.

Juicy. And also. Ouch.

(And am I a sucker for everything about ‘former allies ending up on opposite sides and one of them saying something along the lines of ‘if I’m going to die then I’d rather it was you who killed me’ yes I sure am! I didn’t cry nearly as much on my third watch but this scene is another one of my points that I think of when I think of bits in The Untamed that make me cry.

And as we’ve established already, I just love to cry.

7. God like. All of episode 19? Is that cheating? But it’s all so good! We have suffering Wei Wuxian! Mouthing off while being tortured! The entire sequence of him grabbing the sword and that moment of choice where his life turns as he answers that question (do you want revenge?) with a resounding yes?

Lan Wangji absolutely fucking up some Wens on a desperate quest for Wei Wuxian? Teaming up with Jiang Cheng? (Do I still want to see more of that team up in that time? Yes please!!) SPOOKY FUCKING FLUTE MUSIC STARTING SIGNALING EXTREMELY OMINOUS THINGS TO COME?

Anyway it’s all very “fuck yeah, this is all quite tailored to me and my interests, thank you.”

8. Jiang Yanli coming for Jin Zixun’s life. I feel like I should just link to this analysis of this scene that really breaks it all down in detail? But god so satisfying. I mean, Jin Zixun is truly one of the most hateable characters in this show, in my opinion, and seeing Jiang Yanli step up and politely and meticulously demolish him is like. So satisfying.

The face of a woman about to murder someone. But with words.

I really wish we could’ve seen more of this Jiang Yanli, because before this point she’s all softness and gentleness and while that’s very true of her - this part of her is also there, always, and I’d love to have seen more of it.

But like. Getting it here? Stunning. Showstopping. Love it.

9. Wei Wuxian wrecks a party, but, like, sexily. I mean, he wrecks a few parties, but I’m thinking specifically of the one in episode 26 prior to Qiongqi Path, take one. Everything about that whole scene is gold top to bottom, but what really gets me going is everything from the dramatic entrance (I’m tempted to make a list of Wei Wuxian’s best dramatic entrances) onward to “sexy menacing countdown.” It’s just all so...I mean, I’ve talked about how much I love furiously angry and on the verge of losing it Wei Wuxian, and this is some prime that material.

(Pictured: the sexiest way anyone has ever said the word ‘two.’)

And just! The tension of it all, how it builds and builds and builds and even when it finally releases when Zixun caves there’s still all this lingering “oh fuck! that’s bad!” dread...it’s just very good.

And I also love it as one of those key plot turning moments where it’s like. This isn’t the irrevocable break, but it’s a big one as far as ‘no going back from this.’

And like. Not just Wei Wuxian, everyone else in this scene is excellent too. Just. Mm. Good.

10. Wei Wuxian is sexy when he’s mean and that’s just the truth. Which is to say: the very bad breakup scene between him and Lan Wangji in episode 20. I’ve read two different analyses of this scene, both brilliant (by @hunxi-guilai here, and @neuxue here), and I feel like I can’t add much to that other than to reiterate that Wei Wuxian is very sexy when he’s mean, and the layers of everything going on in this scene are. Ugh!!! So good.

(I mean, also everything that comes before, I have put myself down firmly in camp “Wei Wuxian is also sexy when he murders people, you go Wei Ying, murder people as much as you want, it’s hot.” And the hug with Jiang Cheng! (THAT HUG. IT IS SUCH A HUG.))

But the confrontation between him and Lan Wangji in particular! it is so fuckin good. Honestly just read the linked analyses, I’ve got nothing I can say better that’s not in there, just a lot of “ahhhhhhh” about it all.

BONUS MENTIONS TO: basically every time Wei Wuxian Yiling Laozus, “stay and die with me.”

#anonymous #conversating #fucking FINALLY #no idea how coherent this is but well #the sad queer cultivators show #the untamed #i am SURE i've forgotten things here #lise does meta #i mean the end of episode 50 is also prime in a lot of ways #IF I LET MYSELF KEEP GOING I'LL GO TOTALLY WILD THOUGH #love how many of these are just 'i like it when my faves suffer'

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akroma-amell · 3 years

Text

Tagged by: technically no one, but @kaaras-adaar left an open invitation and I love to talk about my gal so... Here I go.

Tagging: everyone!

GENERAL

NAME: Akroma Amell

ALIAS(ES): Warden, Hero, Maleficar, Abomination, Aunty Roma (Kieran), Herald, and Inquisitor.

GENDER: Female

AGE: 35

PLACE OF BIRTH: Kirkwall

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: Common, and some Elven.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

OCCUPATION: Inquisitor

APPEARANCE

EYE COLOUR: Gray

HAIR COLOUR: Platinum blonde

HEIGHT: 5'10"

SCARS: Numerous, littering her arms and hands

OVERWEIGHT: No

UNDERWEIGHT: Yes. Akroma will often forget to eat or take care of herself when lost in her desire to learn something new (which is often). Also a decade with taint has taken it's toll.

FAVOURITE

COLOUR: Blue. She finds the colour calming.

HAIR COLOUR: Golden or dirty blonde hair (as evidence by her weakness for cute ex-templars)

EYE COLOUR: Brown.

ENTERTAINMENT: Reading.

PASTIME: Reading research papers or exploring old ruins and the subsequent research.

DRINK: Tea.

BOOKS: Anything she hasn't read before. The comfort of re-reading an old favourite is not for her. She prefers the excitement of something new.

HAVE THEY

PASSED HARROWING: Yes.

HAD SEX: Yes.

HAD SEX IN PUBLIC: Yes. Morrigan's tent counts, you can't convince me otherwise. Everyone in camp heard everything and most likely saw everything, given the light in that tent. It would have been a very NSFW shadow puppet show.

GOTTEN PREGNANT: No.

KISSED A MAN: Yes.

KISSED A WOMAN: Yes. Her first kiss with a woman was actually with Isabela at the Pearl.

GOTTEN TATTOOS: No.

GOTTEN PIERCINGS: No.

HAD A BROKEN HEART: Yes. When her relationship ended with Cullen she was left broken hearted. It was not so much about the loss of Cullen and his affection, instead it was heart break over her lost belief in her chance for a happily ever after.

BEEN IN LOVE: Yes. She fell fast and hard for Alistair during their time together and it ended just as passionately, with raised voices and bitter accusations. With Cullen it was all girlish affection and old feeling rekindled but it never reached the same kind of depth she had with Alistair.

STAYED UP FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS: Yes. Often. She looses track of time a lot when focused on a new interest.

ARE THEY

A VIRGIN: No.

A CUDDLER: If the mood strikes. She generally relates hugs, cuddles or even just wrapping someone in her arms, and vice versa, with comfort. She's never understood the desire to simply cuddle. At first when Alistair would try to cuddle with her she wave him off, explaining that she wasn't upset. However after Leliana and Zevran explained that cuddling for some is a form of affection she became more open to the idea.

A KISSER: Absolutely.

A SMOKER: No.

SCARED EASILY: Not anymore. What would have scared her in the past now only evokes curiosity and intrigue.

JEALOUS EASILY: No. A lot of what would trigger jealousy in others only triggers curiosity in her.

TRUSTWORTHY: To a degree. She won't intentionally aim to betray anyone however she is not the most reliable person and when presented with an opportunity to understand or discover something new she will take it, no matter who it would affect or what promises may be broken.

DOMINANT: When she needs to be. She understands that sometimes it is necessary to take charge and/or dominate a discussion or situation. However, generally she prefers to stand back and observe or play devils advocate. She's an instigator, a button pusher and that would not be easy to do if people always felt a desire to capitulate to her.

SUBMISSIVE: When she needs to be. Her submissiveness is more like a mask, or a well worn coat, she can slip on and off when the occassion calls for it.

SINGLE: Yes.

RANDOM QUESTIONS

HAVE THEY HARMED THEMSELVES: Yes. Akroma was a prolific self harmer during her time in the Circle and will sometimes fall back in this habit during times of emotional distress. Her self-harm was/is always superficial and was never an attempt on her own life, but a maladaptive tactic she used to help regulate her emotions. Also as a blood mage she routinely cuts to cast

THOUGHT OF SUICIDE: Yes, during her earliest years in the Circle and when she first heard the false calling.

ATTEMPTED SUICIDE: No.

WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE: Yes. The Templar's from the Ferelden Circle (Templar's in general honestly) and Grand Enchanter Irving.

ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE: Yes. During the Blight and during her time as Inquisitor.

RIDDEN A HORSE: Yes. The Inquisition had a whole stable.

HAVE/HAD A JOB: She has done freelance work for the Mage's Collective and technically I guess you can count her time with the wardens and inquisition as a job.

HAVE ANY FEARS: Of being deprived of or missing out on an experience, obtaining new knowledge, or of understanding something.

FAMILY

SIBLING(S): She believes she has at least 4 siblings. Her two older siblings were taken to a circle years before her, and she doesn't know what happened to her two younger ones after she was taken.

PARENTS: Revka Amell

CHILDREN: none

PETS: She had mabari warhound named Liberty (she called her Libby), but she died several years ago.

#headcannons #self harm #suicidal ideation

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ionlyspeakinmyheroacademia · 4 years

Text

Late Nights and Lavender Tea

series masterlist ☕️

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Ochako Uraraka

Warnings: Some lauguage, gets a lil steamy at some parts, slow burn, MAJOR SPOILERS

Summary: After a year of friendship, Uraraka realizes that she is totally in love with her best friend, Midoriya Izuku. There's just one slight problem. She's in a happy, committed relationship with Iida Tenya.Or is she? As their relationship progresses, she sees a side of Tenya that scares her- and she wonders if she made the right choice to get with him in the first place. And her resurfacing feelings for Izuku aren't helping her case, not in the slightest.Midoriya Izuku always avoids romantic relationships, but he simply cannot avoid his feelings for Uraraka Ochako. She's taken, but Izuku can't help but hopelessly pine after her. After seemingly the millionth late-night talk over tea, he realizes that he's head over heels in love with her. He's in love with a girl who's off-limits. He can swallow his feelings for her sake, of course.That's okay with Izuku. If she's happy, he's happy for her. It's really okay, honestly.Teenage relationships are hard. That's one thing they've both realized.

Notes: This is my first fic, let me know what you think! (cross posted on ao3)

Chapter 4: Want Me to Beat His Ass?

“Tenya,” Ochako breathed, knotting her hands in his hair as they kissed. They were in his room, sitting on his bed making out, as they had been since they escaped from the commotion of the common space. His hands were on her back, one playing with the hem of her shirt, the other pressing her closer to him. They were supposed to be studying, but they got sidetracked quickly, when Tenya had pulled her closer, tossing the book aside.

“God, I love you,” Tenya whispered, breaking the kiss. She leaned back, they hadn’t said the L-word yet. She took a shaky breath, and smiled at him, not sure what to say. She didn’t really know how she felt. Two weeks ago, she thought she did, but now she wasn’t so sure. Ochako didn’t know what she felt anymore, her feelings had gotten extremely out of her control. “You don’t have to say it, I’m sorry if it’s too soon, I know we’ve only been going out for two months-” he stuttered, taking in the look on her face.

“I’m sorry Tenya- I… I’m just not ready,” she said quietly, not looking at him, guilt filling her, overflowing at the seams. His face fell, and he sat up, clearing his throat.

“That’s all right,” he replied, but his voice was stiff.

“Tenya-”

“I said it’s fine,” he said sharply, shocking her. “I told my girlfriend I love her, and she didn’t say it back, that’s totally fine.”

“You don’t sound fine,” she remarked, her voice hardening, and she turned to look at him. His eyes were full of anger and hurt and he was staring at his hands, which were clenched into fists. She backed up, and stood slowly.

“Where are you going?” he asked, swiveling to look at her. “I thought we were studying.”

“That’s all right Tenya, I’ll just catch up with you later, I’ve studied enough for today anyway,” she was desperate to escape, she felt terrible, and he had a look in his eye that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

He stared at her, trying to read her expression, which she wiped, conveying no emotion, except for the slight apologetic smile on her face. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Yeah,” she said, smiled warmly at him and, knees shaking, hurried out of the room and towards the elevator. She didn’t like this side of him, and yet she seemed to be the only one who brought it out in him. After all, he acted perfectly normal around other people, and even when they had been alone before they were dating, and in the first month of their relationship. He had never acted like this around her until the day of the Sports Festival, and had been getting angrier and angrier. It had only been a week, and at first after their fight, he had tried to be gentle and considerate, the way he had been throughout their entire relationship, but after that, he had been snapping at her whenever they were alone, he had been angrier, more impulsive, defensive. Ochako sighed. She didn’t know what to do.

She was standing in front of the open elevator, debating whether she should click the fourth floor button or go grab a snack from the kitchen. Choosing the latter, she stepped into the elevator pushing the button, and felt tears begin to slip down her face. She wiped them away hastily as the elevator opened, and she hurried towards the kitchen, grabbing a handful of saltine crackers from the pantry, and walked aimlessly through the commons, stopping in front of the door to the courtyard. Some fresh air would be nice, it’ll help me clear my head, she thought, and stepped out into May night, a warm breeze ruffling her hair slightly. She settled herself into a chair, and stared at the sky, letting her troubles melt away.

…

“Ochako?” she heard a familiar voice call, “What are you doing out here?”

She sat up groggily, taking in her surroundings. Why am I so cold? She turned to see Izuku, looking worried. She looked up to see the sky, the sun not even having risen yet, the stars still very bright, and she shivered.

“Ochako?” he prompted, walking over to her and setting a cautious hand on her shoulder. She turned back to him. He was so beautiful, his hair a wild, untamable, green mess, his spring colored eyes filled with concern.

“Hi,” she mumbled, still groggy from sleep.

“What are you doing out here? It’s three AM.”

“I don’t know, I remember I wanted some fresh air, and I guess I fell asleep. I’m sorry, I’ve just been so exhausted lately-”

“Why are you apologizing?” he asked, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you back to bed.”

“Okay,” she answered, rising slowly, leaning on Izuku sleepily. He supported her easily, guiding her towards the door. “What are you doing up?”

“Oh, well, I was having trouble staying asleep, so I came down to have some tea when I saw you out in the courtyard,” he answered, pressing the four button on the elevator and stepping inside, holding her against him so she didn’t fall. He was stiff, as if he was uncomfortable, but she was too tired to notice.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled, her words tainted by sleep, blurring together as they made their way towards her room.

“It’s alright,” he said as he opened the door to her room, guiding her to the bed, and helped her under the covers, tucking her in.

“Thanks ‘Zu. You’re the best,” she mumbled, nodding off into unconsciousness. He smiled warmly at her, and bent down to gently kiss her forehead. The last thing she heard before she fell asleep was the door clicking shut.

…

Tenya didn’t talk to her much the next morning, and he sat away from her at breakfast. Ochako knew she deserved it, but he had to respect her feelings, just like she respected his.

“What’s up with Iida?” Jirou asked her as she played with Yaomomo’s hair, the girls were all sitting in Yaomomo’s room, sprawled out on her gigantic bed, talking and catching up on each other’s love lives.

Ochako sighed. “Well, yesterday, we were making out and he told me he loved me.”

“That’s awesome!” Mina squealed. “But wait, isn’t that a good thing?”

“Well, um, I didn’t say it back,” she mumbled.

“No!” Hagakure gasped.

“What happened Ochako? A couple of weeks ago you said you were pretty much ready to tell him, you were just waiting for him to say it,” Tsu asked, looking at her friend quizzically.

Ochako put her face in her hands. “I don’t know!” she said, her hands muffling her yell. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately! I’ve just been having doubts ever since after the Sports Festival…”

Yaomomo sat up, much to her girlfriend’s chagrin, and turned to Ochako, setting a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Tell us what’s been going on Ochako, it’s not good to keep what you’re feeling to yourself. We love you and we’re here for you, right girls?” There was a chorus of yes’s from the group, and Ochako looked up from her hands, and smiled at her friends. She was so lucky to have them.

“Well,” she started, sniffling. “It all started the day of the Sports Festival…” she said, launching into the story of the way he acted after the Sports Festival, feeling relieved it was off her chest. “And then last night, he got so angry with me so quickly, I mean, I don’t blame him, he told me he loved me, and then I told him I wasn’t ready… but I don’t know… I just feel like he should respect my feelings too you know? I’m just not ready, it’s not like I’ll never say it…” she trailed off, and tears started slipping down her cheeks. “Or maybe I won't. I just don’t know he’s been so angry at me, I don’t know what I did wrong, he’s just so rough, and then I say something and he snaps, I just don’t know what to do…” Ochako was fully sobbing now, and was being squashed into a six-way hug.

“Aw babe, you should’ve told us,” Yaomomo soothed.

“Want me to go kick his ass?” Mina asked, wiping Ochako’s tears away.

“I’ll help!” Hagakure chimed in. Ochako wiped the rest of her tears away, sniffling.

“Thanks you guys. You were right, I just needed to talk about it.”

“Ochako, can I be honest with you?” Tsu asked, setting a hand on her leg.

“What’s up Tsu?” she said, rubbing her eyes.

Tsu and Jirou exchanged a look, and Tsu looked back to Ochako, concerned. “Your relationship with Iida seems to be emotionally abusive, and possessive. He doesn’t seem to respect your boundaries, and gets angry when you call him on it, and he isn’t respecting what you’re feeling, and again, is getting angry with you and acting like a child. Then, when he’s done acting like he’s a child, he expects you to have immediately forgiven him, without apologizing.”

“Tsu’s right,” Yaomomo said quietly. “If he isn’t respecting what you’re feeling, then he doesn’t deserve you. Honestly, from what you’ve told us, I hope he doesn’t continue to get worse. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but if he’s getting angry with you for just saying what you think, then you two definitely need to rethink if you should be in this relationship.”

“You need to be careful Ochako,” Jirou insisted. “None of us know what’s going on with Iida right now, but you really need to think about if you’re happy in this relationship- and if you’re not, then you need to break it off. If he’s taking away your happiness, then he doesn’t get to be with you.”

“We love you Ochako, and we just want you to be okay,” Mina pulled her into a hug.

“Yeah, don’t let him steal your shine Ochako! You’re our star!” Hagakure said, rubbing her friend’s shoulder.

“Thanks guys. I’ll think about what you said. We have internships starting tomorrow anyway, that’ll give me plenty of time to think,” she smiled at all her friends, feeling so grateful for them. “I love you guys.” There was a chorus of ‘we love you too Ochako’ from around the group, and they group-hugged again, laughing.

“A hero’s been captured,” Izuku heard Burnin yell through his earpiece. He turned to Todoroki, taking in his friend’s expression as they listened. They had been on routine patrol, with instructions not to engage, when Burnin’s frantic message had come through. “One of Ryukyu’s interns was taken by a villain- you two are not to engage, do you hear me?” Izuku froze. Ochako was interning with Ryukyu, along with Tsu. Todoroki looked over at Izuku, saw his horrified face, and asked the question Izuku didn’t dare to.

“What’s the name of the hero that was taken?” Todoroki asked, looking at a frantic Izuku, who had broken out of his frozen state and was resorting to panic.

“I don’t know exactly- Uravity I think?” Burnin answered, and Izuku felt dread wash over him, and he started hyperventilating. “Listen to me Deku, Shoto, you are not to go after her. Do you hear me? Wait for backup, and stay away from forty-fifth street!”

“Todoroki, we have to save her!” Izuku said frantically, turning to his friend.

“Midoriya, you heard Burnin. I want to save her too- but we have direct orders to stay put. Look at me, Midoriya,” he said, touching Izuku’s shoulder as Izuku stared at the ground, mouthing fighting and stealth techniques. Izuku looked up unwillingly, tears brimmed in his eyes- not tears of sadness, but of frustration, anger, hatred for the villain who captured the only girl he’d ever loved. “I know you love her. I know you do. But right now what’s best for her is for you to stay out of the way so the heroes can get to her. We’ll be doing no good interfering.”

“I just want to get in, get her, and get out. She’s all I care about. And if I had to fight, I’d have a pretty good fucking chance, because I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but I’ve fought villains before, and won. I just want her to be okay, and I’ll do whatever it takes for her to be safe. So let go of my shoulder so I can go save her,” tears of frustration were slipping down his cheeks, but his eyes were full of determination and anger.

“No, Midoriya, you know I can’t,” Todoroki shook his head in exasperation. “I can’t let you go. Remember when we fought Stain, and Iida let his personal motives get in the way and almost got himself, Native, and us killed? I won’t let you get killed. You’re my best friend Midoriya, and I’m not going to let you go.”

“If Sora had been the one captured, you wouldn’t hesitate. You would launch right into battle, am I right?” Izuku ignored the wounded look on Todoroki’s face as he thought about it and continued. “Can’t you see I have to save her? I have to, and I’ll never forgive myself if she gets hurt, that’s why I have to go now, because she could be being tortured, she could… she could be…” he didn’t want to let himself think it, but the thought filled his head, a poison spreading throughout his mind. She could be dead. “I have to Todoroki. Please,” he whispered, his voice full of agony, and Todoroki turned to look at him, seeing the pain splayed across Izuku’s face, and sighed.

“Fine, but we’re going to need a cover,” Todoroki sighed, and Izuku looked up at him, smiled a twisted smile, and whispered a quiet thank you as they dissolved into improvised planning.

…

Izuku crept silently through the abandoned building on forty-fifth street, weaving through the rubble of the trashed hallway, listening for a sound, any sound. It was then that he heard her scream, in the room he was standing next to.

“HELP! ANYONE! I’M IN HERE!” she hollered, and was cut off by a snap, and a bloodcurdling scream came tumbling out of her, a sound he didn’t know she could produce.

“Shut up you brat!” he heard the villain hiss, and it sounded as if he had slapped her. “You’ll draw the heroes right to us!”

He heard her spit, and heard the villain grunt in disgust. “That was the point you jackass,” she snarled, and he felt a swell of pride. That was his girl.

There was another snap, and he heard her gasp in pain. It took everything in him not to burst into that room and kill the villain with his own hands, even though he knew it was illegal. “Well now I have to go make sure no pros are coming to get you. Because if they do, I’ll have to kill you. Nothing personal.”

The villain’s footsteps were getting closer by the second, and Izuku looked around for a place to hide, and then remembered he could fly, and pressed himself flush against the ceiling, not daring to breathe as the villain opened the door and stepped outside, looking both ways, and hesitantly hurried down the hall, and out of sight. Izuku dropped down quietly, and ran into the room.

There she was, in the middle of the room, tears of frustration slipping down her cheeks, her wrists were bound, tied to the chair she was in palm up so she couldn’t use her quirk, and her head snapped up as she heard the creak of the floorboards when he entered. Relief flooded her eyes, and then fear.

“Deku, behind you!” she screamed, and he swung around, pushing off the ground effortlessly, the huge fist being swung at him missing widely as he soared to the ceiling, thanking God that it was a ballroom type. This must have been a hotel of some sort, he wondered before shaking his head in exasperation. Idiot! Now is not the time to focus on the building structure!

The villain jumped, swinging his abnormally large fist at Izuku’s head, who shot out Black Whip and threw the villain back. The villain’s head hit the wall, sending a rumble throughout the room, and he fell to the ground, immobilized immediately. Izuku was honestly surprised that had worked, after all, the villain was a big guy, he hadn’t expected him to go out with one hit.

He remembered Ochako, and turned to her, descending quickly, touching the side of her face before untying her wrists. He looked her up and down. She had a cut above her left eye, and a large gash in her arm. “Are you alright? Do you have any major injuries minus the ones on your arm and face?”

“Yes,” she gasped as he helped her up. “He broke my right leg, and I think he also broke my wrist. I don’t think I can walk-”

“That’s alright, don’t worry, I’ve got you, but we need to get out now, the villain will be back soon.” Ochako nodded, her face twisted in a grimace.

“Thank you,” she whispered, as he picked her up bridal style and rose slowly into the air, aiming for a large hole in the roof, where they could escape, and head out to the heroes.

He looked down at her, bringing his hand to cheek and brushing her tears away. “Always. I’ve got you.”

They smiled at each other softly, and for a moment, he thought he was going to kiss her, maybe it was the soft glow of the moon on her face, or maybe it was the love he felt for her taking over his brain, his body, before he remembered she was taken, and they were perched atop the dilapidated building he had just saved her from, and that her leg was broken.

He cleared his throat, and held her close, committing it to memory, breathing in the scent of her jasmine shampoo. “Let’s get you to the heroes, and then to a hospital.”

“Okay,” she whispered, nuzzling her face into his chest as they flew down, and he hoped she couldn’t hear his heart beating wildly from her touch.

…

After he had taken Ochako to the hospital, he called Todoroki, waiting worriedly as they took X-rays of her leg and wrist, hoping they weren’t too serious.

“Where the hell are you?” Todoroki picked up on the first ring, and he sounded anxious and pissed. “Did you find Uraraka? Is she alright? Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry Todoroki, I just checked Ochako into the hospital, I should’ve called earlier- I know that was the plan, I just got distracted, and I wanted to make sure she was alright… how has it been going with Endeavor and Burnin?”

“Oh they’re pissed, they’re demanding you come back immediately- but you’re probably going to stay with Ochako, am I right?”

“Well…” he said sheepishly, “That was the plan, yeah- but I can come if you need me! I just don’t want to leave her alone, not until her parents get here.”

“Fine, stay. I can handle my father anyway. Just get back before tomorrow morning, it’s late anyway, and tomorrow’s our last day of internships.”

“Okay, see you then,” Izuku said quickly, Ochako was being wheeled out of the X-ray room, conversing quietly, and Ochako looked very small and vulnerable in the wheelchair. Izuku hurried over to her, hanging up on Todoroki, and lowered himself to his knees to talk to her.

“Are you okay Ochako?” he asked softly, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. She gave him a look. “Seriously, are you alright? Your parents are on their way…” His voice trailed off as a tear slipped down her cheek, which was still covered in dirt from the building. “Hey, hey,” he soothed, wrapping his arms around her, stroking her hair softly.

“I was so scared, ‘Zu,” she said quietly, wiping her eyes. “I thought I was going to die…. I thought that it was over. I didn’t know if I would ever see you, or Tenya, or my parents ever again, and I had given up. But then you were there, and you saved my life. You’re my hero ‘Zu.”

She said the last part softly, so quiet that Izuku barely heard her, but he was close enough that he did. He pulled her back, and kissed her forehead gently.

“Izuku I-” she started, before she was cut off from behind the two of them, by a very familiar voice.

“Ochako!” Iida called, running towards them, lowering down to where Ochako was, practically pushing Izuku aside and taking his girlfriend into his arms, kissing her. “I heard what happened, Manual and I were helping with the cleanup from the villain’s original attack when I heard you’d been captured, and I hurried here, I had to make sure you were okay…”

She smiled at him softly, and said, “I’m okay Tenya, just a few broken bones and some cuts and scrapes, nothing too serious.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Iida asked suspiciously, looking over his glasses into Ochako’s eyes, brushing her hair aside, just as Izuku had moments earlier. Izuku got to his feet, brushing off his costume, and turning back to Iida examining Ochako as she laughed. Izuku felt a pang of sadness, but pushed it away. As long as she’s happy.

“I promise I’m alright. Now, let go, Tenya. The doctors have to take me to get a cast while we wait for my parents to arrive.” Izuku opened his mouth to offer to go with her when he was cut off.

“I’ll come with you,” Iida said immediately, before Izuku could utter a word. Izuku closed his mouth, and nodded at Ochako when she looked at him worriedly.

“Yeah… I’ve got to go back to Endeavor’s agency anyway,” Izuku said, plastering a fake smile on his face, and leaning down to hug Ochako goodbye. “Call me tomorrow, or later today I guess,” he corrected after checking the time on his phone.

She laughed, and smiled warmly at him. “Thank you again for saving me.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied softly, returning her smile with just as much warmth, and rising, ignoring the dumbfounded look on Iida’s face. He turned to walk down the hall, but before he turned the corner, he looked back to see Iida holding Ochako tightly, the doctors trying to shoo him off, and Ochako smiling, and he let the sadness wash over him as he opened his phone and dialed Todoroki’s number.

“Hey, turns out I’m going to be there sooner than I thought,” he said quietly, as he left the building, pushing off the ground and flying into the air, soaring towards Endeavor’s agency.

…

By the time Endeavor and Burnin finished chewing out Izuku and Todoroki, it was light out, the sun peaking over the horizon. Izuku was exhausted, the fatigue finally setting in, and was heading back to Todoroki and his shared room when his phone started to ring. He smiled at the contact photo, his favorite picture of him and Ochako, the two of them smiling and laughing in the rain, Mina had taken it in their first year, a few weeks before she had started dating Iida.

“Hey, Ochako, how are you feeling?” he said when he picked up.

“I’m okay, my parents just got here- they took the train in, and Tenya is asleep on a chair next to the bed here, it’s quite funny honestly, he’s drooling,” she giggled, and he laughed.

“How’s the leg?” he asked, leaning against the wall as Todoroki passed him, shaking his head and smiling at his lovesick friend.

“It’s alright, they have it in a cast right now, and tonight when I get discharged and back to the dorms, they’re going to have Recovery Girl fix me up.”

“Good,” Izuku sighed in relief. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was really worried about you…”

“I promise I’m alright, don’t you worry,” she said lightly. “Thank you again for saving me last night. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t got there when you did.”

“I’m always there for you, don’t you forget it,” he promised. “You’re my best friend Ochako, how could I let anything happen to you?”

“I’m lucky to have a friend like you ‘Zu,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“Same here,” he replied, and yawned.

“Have you slept yet Deku?”

“Well… no.”

“Izuku!” she reprimanded.

“I’m sorry! I’ve been getting chewed out by Endeavor and Burnin-”

“Wait, why?” she asked, confused.

“Oh, no reason,” he lied. She didn’t need to know that he wasn’t supposed to save her, that he wasn’t supposed to go after her in the first place.

“That’s bullshit,” she insisted, “They wouldn’t chew you out unless they had a reason.”

“They were just mad that I was back so late,” he lied again, hoping she couldn’t detect it, he had always been an awful liar.

“Uh huh,” she answered sarcastically, and he could practically hear how heavily she was rolling her eyes.

“Anyway, I should be getting to bed,” he said quickly.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you tonight I guess.”

“See you tonight,” he replied, and waited until she hung up to head into his room, where Todoroki was fast asleep, snoring lightly. Izuku walked over to his bed, and flopped down on it, and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

#my hero academia #bnha fanfic #bnha #midoriya izuku #midoriya izuku x uraraka ochako #boku no hero academia #endeavor agency #girl talks #quality girls content

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literaphobe · 5 years

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So, have you not watched the recent episode of B99? Curious. Also, does this taint your view of B99 as a whole series? Can't help but takeaway you may not be a fan of the show, Peraltiago, etc. anymore? Sorry, could be interpreting it wrong, but your hashtags seem that way.

idk why but like... perhaps its because what people told me have made me Afraid and Wary but i haven’t worked up the nerve to watch it yet? i prob will eventually though, maybe even later today, i have an interview so maybe i’ll be able to watch the ep once i’ve gotten that out the way... and like. i get why it seems like i don’t care about b99/jakeamy anymore and that’s... not exactly true? but b99 hasn’t exactly been my hyperfixation for a few months, and it has nothing to do with s6 at all. i still think the show is great, and at some level, of course i love it and i love what it’s done for me and what my experiences in this fandom have brought. and tbh, i don’t think recent events have exactly tainted my view of this show per se, i stopped putting b99 on a pedestal a while ago, and like many other shows i love dearly, ik there’s gonna be some good and some not so good and some bad in the mix. i feel like the thing that’s both strange and fascinating about this fandom is their refusal to critique (not even criticize, just critique) the show? like in many other fandoms i’ve observed/been in, loads of people discuss and analyze shows’ writing from episode to episode and there’s a lot of meta involved. in another fandom i’m in, two mutuals of mine started a blog where they basically... rank every episode from worst to best (it was started mostly in response to this article that ranked all the eps, but it’s still amazing) and they list out stuff like their fave lines, good and bad parts of the ep, they take into account the character work and how like inoffensive/offensive some stuff can be i guess? it’s all very fascinating and honestly it truly is fun to pick apart shows you love like that because you’ll learn a lot more about it. so idk what my point is but like... yea. no hate. everything here comes from a place of love and a desire for better things :)

#ask #ncrit #Anonymous

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thatskatergurl · 4 years

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A Collection of Rants

Here are some rants that I previously wrote but never posted:

07/03/2020 I swear to god I am going to fucking throw something at them. How she cannot literally do ANYTHING without asking her for help?! Have you never existed without help before? Why the fuck does she always sound like she's whining when she talks to her? Can she not fucking act normal around her girlfriend? In fact, can they not act normal around each other? I have never encoutered a couple that was as into PDA and always saying "Love you" or "you're so cute" so many fucking times!I know that I am not the easiest person to live with and I'm sure that I am a big pain in the ass but at least I don't make everyone around me uncomfortable! I really need to hang out with someone who isn't them cause I am going to lose my fucking mind!!! I love them to death but I am going crazy. Maybe it isn't even them, it could just be that I am extremly uncomfortable around couples and I am already dealing with a lot of mental unrest. I don't know, I just need to sort my shit out and I need them to stop being so fucking annoying. Maybe I should call Alex... Also I can't stop thinking about cigerettes and my dad.

07/15/2020 Yesterday I almost cried while I was making burgers for everyone. There was something about feeling the meat in my hands that made me want to cry and I haven't been able to shake that feeling. Also, I had a dream last night that I was murdered by a police officer. There is something about that thought that makes waking up and having a good day hard. It put me in a place where I was thinking about police violence, as we all have lately. This put me in an already vulnerable headspace, then once my friends began discussing the pandemic and our government I just felt this wave of intense frustration and helplessness. I feel like I am finally seeing all the things that are wrong with our system, but I wish that I didn't. Ever since I had that realization I have been miserable. I feel like I am forced to think critically about positive change and then watch the world completely ignore everything I thought about. I just feel like the world will continue exactly as it is whether I have read Marx or not so why should I be forced to be faced with reality when millions of others can just live in ignorant bliss. Stop, this is selfish. I don't think I am a martyr but if people like me don't see injustice and don't think about solutions, people will be forced to suffer far worse fates than be frustrated by a system that I still privilege from. I just feel mentally done with life. I don't want to say this but I'm kind of tired of being alive. I am sick of being caught in this endless cycle of stress, depression, anger, and axienty while my shames me at every step. "You need to be more _____", "You need to do _______", "You need to stop ______". I can't take it anymore. I am tired of never feeling like I have a true friend. I am tired of never feeling like I am good enough. I am tried of feeling like I can't achieve the goals I have for myself. Most of all, I am tired of suffering. I told myself for years that I only felt this way because of my family/homelife. Now that I am on my own and finally in the "perfect" place, I find that I am more depressed than ever. I have never felt worse than I have since I've come to college. My addictions have gotten worse, my self-harm has gotten worse, my physical health has gotten worse, and my well-being has declined so much. Now that I faced with the reality that I am still unhappy, I find myself saying "It will be better when I'm done with school". It was saying things like this in the first place that got stopped me from dealing with my actual issues. Now I feel like I have too much and I don't even know where to begin. I feel like the hole is so deep that it's easier to bury myself than to dig my way out. I don't think I am suicidal but I am definitely self-destructive.

07/18/2020 I can't explain it but I cannot see a future for myself. I guess I always imagined myself dying before I had to come up with any sort of plan for my life. I feel like none of my options are good and I am not excited for any of them. I don't want to work for some big company, I don't want to be a teacher, and I don't want to go through anymore school. Sometimes I think that I shouldn't have ever come to college because I have not enjoyed any of my experiences here. I keep telling myself that I just need to find the right kind of math or the right field but at what point will I admit that maybe there isn't a "right field" or a "right kind of math" for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to do anything because I wasn't meant to survive this long. If my brain would have had it's way I would have died when I was 15 years old and I would not have endured any of the suffering I've experienced since then. And yeah, I've have good times but were they worth it? Were they worth hating myself everyday? Were they worth me wanted to die more days than not? Every good experience I have has been tainted by an equally low experience before/after/during the "good experience". Every time I see my friends I get physically ill from my anxiety and stress of existing. I just want to move to a new country, get new friends, and get some nothing job that will cover my bills. I do not want a hard job, I don't want a meaningful job, and I don't want to exist.

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