#I am so tired of ppl telling me to chill out even when I am trying to in very calm very passive words explain my reasoning
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Me when my anger issues get the best of me...
#jelly.txt#i was like 2 seconds away from throwing things at him over something as stupid as him telling me i brush my hair wrong....#i am toooo quick to violence which is so sad cause i try to be like chill and nice and all but it's. hard sometimes#because my Bad emotions are always so big that the only way to get them out is through hurting ppl :/#which also sucks because even though i'm happy most of the time people say even when i'm happy i seem tired#(not all the time but most) because usually my Good emotions are kinda just. casual. dampened. they don't really *need* an outlet
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I feel like I am going BONKERS, rn like I know Twitter is the website ever but like ??????
#ramblez#idk when telling ppl they said smth that came across as mean or harsh became known as a personal accusation of that person being mean#but man I did not yknow catch up on that understanding!#just like hmmmm#I am so tired of ppl telling me to chill out even when I am trying to in very calm very passive words explain my reasoning#and its like 10x worse when I am agreeing with the persons main point but dont like how they worded it#and they take it as an attack on the correct point they were making instead of a simple mistake of wording that can easily be fixed#+10 points if they double down on said wording and then later say it was bc they are neurodivergent#like my man maybe ur autism does cause u to come accross as harsh sometimes thats okay#but when somebody tells you youre coming accross as harsh ur autism does not make u double down instantly and get angry#and also its like maybe I sound insane?#but if u gonna defend ur take as objective critisism it has to be something u can like objectively prove!#and if u then end off the thread stating it was just ur opinion and trying to spin it all to make me look like I had a fit bc I disagreed?#thats super weird?#and also in general u should be very careful when mixing objective facts with ur opinions or speculation#u need to put disclaimers or have smth that clearly shows whats meant to be taken objectively and whats an opinion u have#otherwise it can get confusing esp if anyone yknow takes ur word as fact bc its surrounded by actually provable stuff!#and I mean Im ignoring the part where the number one way they doubled down was by saying it was objective critisism when it wasnt KJDFHGKJD#just#ugh#tiring#one of these days Ill grow strong enough to delete twitter bc nothing good ever comes of it
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where i shifted to last night
(i used this method.)
about this dr:
i call it ‘futuristic dr’, i got inspiration from one of my favourite asmr lol, it’s this one if you’re curious.
when i woke up:
it was still night and it was raining outside, and it was strange because it was coming from my right side and I have the window above me in void reality, then I could smell a different type of scent like orange, but I kept my eyes closed because I was tired. at some point however, I don't know how much time passed, I felt a weight on my chest and a slap on my face that made me open my eyes and I found THIS BALD CAT (don’t get me wrong, i love sphynx cats) on me and it started meowing. I was weirded out because I was saying what the fuck does this guy want at this time of the night, so I got up to feed him and at that point I realized "what the, I don't have a sphynx" so I connected the dots, in fact it wasn’t even my house, that is, it wasn't my CR's, and I wasn't me, because I was fucking tall and when I complained about the cat I heard a low damn manly voice so yeah i was like that ain’t enea. since it was night, i had the time to recollect everything and remember. the house was very cool, a small apartment with big windows on each wall to the sight of skyscrapers and damn flying cars. it was chill.
about me and other stuff:
my name was Neo, a very tall 27 years old guy, I'm not sure how much tall, maybe 1.90m or something like that, literally a pole. I had very pale skin and short black hair, visible veins on my eyelids and temples, brown eyes with some big dark circles because of my job shifts. I was pretty introverted and doubtful of ppl, but very independent and mature, intellect and cleverness was a big trait i had (in fact coming back here with this small brain was a bit ehm) and I've noticed that I caught lots of stares from many beautiful women (i’m just telling you, even tho nobody asked about this detail, i was just very hot ngl, in fact my appearance was similar to the picture above, that’s the closest i found). and I had this bad habit of smoking every day, like as soon as I woke up I immediately smoked cigarette (i don’t smoke here). i had this long black leather coat that i wore everyday.
I worked as a bartender at this chic flying hotel called Hotel 47, a subunit of the Skyward Heights chain (like in the asmr). I worked the night shift, from 10pm to 4am, in fact I basically sleep until the afternoon and am always tired and sleepy.
I owned a flying black motorcycle with some silver and blue trims. I've only bought it recently, beforehand I had a smaller one that I practically grew up with, I bought this new one with my savings since my job pays me decently. I'm not super rich, but I'm good, I can afford everything I need easily.
I didn’t have many friends because of my stick-up-in-ass personality, but I had some good close ones that were very different from me. there was this guy with yellow spiked hair and he was literally the opposite of me, he was high-key hyperactive and dumb (/jk) and the other guy was funny, he made me laugh a lot gotta admit. and then there was this girl, similar to the one in the video, with long pink hair, and there was something going on with her, don’t know how to call us, but there was something indeed (which was weird because i’m hella gay here hello???).
and that’s some info about this dr, i have to eat dinner now.
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Sorry for that question but I really curious!
What made you fell in love with Cross and Lust?
Tell us more!!
😳😳😳 hhuh what rreally,, , ,,, 😳 u wanna hear me yap abt my sillies, my beloveds,,, (i appreciate the enthusiasm tho omg 🥺🫶🫶🫶)
i want to have the yuris with lust and the yaois with cross I I MEAN HWHWAT 🧍♂️
UM.
haha anyWAY,, (oh gog this ended up long)
🍫—
cross checks so many boxes for me it makes me go insane. too good to be true. versatile(??)— like it's somehow way too easy to put him in Situations. (he's bf and husbone material??? just -20hp me now; that already kills me) he's. hh. gawddamn there's reasons why he won a utmv sans sexyman poll.
he's like a crush that you can't get out of your head no matter what you do, i'm so freaking down bad for him it's not even funny anymore. ever since simping for cross i have not been the same since. the man has changed me. the attraction/simp feelings hit me like a bat out of nowhere and i don't understand why it's so intense— i. hh.
,,i like when ppl make him dorky. stupidly silly (absolutely love shitpost shenanigans and would absolutely LOVE to get into silly shenanigans with him and with/without his bestie epic). fun to be around when he's deemed you as a good friend. stars, he'd give good hugs. strong, solid, and warm, the kind of hugs u don't wanna pull away from so soon. a little endearingly cringe. fanon simp cross is adorable and fun to mess around with. tsundere cross is adorable and fun to mess with. cute anxious guy under all that intimidating aloofness. when i say his smile is an absolute treasure, i mean that. his blush making him look like a grape or a glowing bulb is adorable and makes me wanna tease him more. anime protag/character vibes so strong i wanna have a cute bl/shoujo manga romance with him type shit yk.
then there's times when he's The Hot Dude and i think it's illegal if he's all confident and smug and dom actually (/hj) cause that makes me wanna fucking fite him HELLO? SIR? ILLEGAL????? (<- the fight or flight response of a tsundere towards a milder tsundere LOL).
-hp every single time. mf gets successful d20 rolls w/ rizz on me and i get a critical hit every time. it's a 50/50 either i fluster to death and become weak or i wanna fite his dumbass
i'll. i can fight him. i'll lose but i can fight him for sure. (why is he so cool⁉️‼️💢💢💢RRRRRRR)
he makes me feel things. lots of things. (mostly fluster but when i'm feelin sooper soff i jst wanna shower his skull in keeses. ima kissy lil guy)
tired cross makes me just wanna take care of him. want him to come home to me without any worry because he thinks i'm his safe space.
when he's being stubborn i want to tell him to chill out for a little while, take a break and watch some funny stuff while drinking choccy milk or eating his fav foods and be cozy. bapping him if he's gonna try to get out of this too soon. he's gonna get the free time he deserves n relax n get cuddles n kithes.
the way he can gently hold my hand and look at me with a sincere look in his eyelights and say something genuinely affectionate feels like cupid shooting an arrow through my soul, but also feels like a balm. (a promise of loyalty and faithfulness.) (a kiss on the forehead? a cherry on top.)
well now i can't be mean to him with all the nice he's saying and doing. i just want nice things for him o(-< (even if he's a bastard sometimes lol<3 all circles back to the silly) (silly is always important)
💜—
i love lust. so so so much. the fanon interpretation of him, anyway.
(don't get me wrong, i absolutely adore the feminine slay content of lust; but am i wrong for yearning for more masc lust content?)
i like my lust sans respectful, goofy, sans-like, an absolute sweetheart, and a caring, wonderful life partner. under the flirty personality and charm(ing looks), is a sans behavior that made me fall deeper. (he makes me feel very gender too) (ohmygofd yeah no he actually makes me think of gender sometimes rauauagrrgh<3/pos). i don't have to worry about showing my cring, weird side to him, because he's also a gremlin,, o(-< he doesn't have to present himself all nice and pretty all the time (although he's always pretty in my eyes). he can be comfortably himself; with me 🥺
i want to be his safe space.
i want to see him heal and be happy and be happy with me and give him all the love i can give and care for him and make him soso happy i just want him to feel SO sosososo loved, he deserves so much more
he's the only one who's able to get a certain reaction out of me; to pull flowers out of my heart. to pull out words of love and devotion and appreciation, heart bursting with affection only for him.
for him, i would try. i would live for him. i wish someone like him (the him i've created from interpretations and headcanons) was real irl.
i want to not care i don't care if he's a gorgeous well-known person that people fawn over, or if he's a campus crush, etc.,
i want him to think i'm worthy enough to keep in his life. for him to know how special he is to me, for him to know how much i want him in my life as much as i want him to keep me in his.
my immediate reaction when i think of him is: 😊💕💜💜💜eeeee kicks and giggles and flaps hands teehee
i love him so much i get a heart-on for him (/silly but it is true sometimes; love him so much it aches (in a good way))
#ask#mblue talks#m rambles#(embarrassing myself under the cut 😁!11! !)#(these words are messy like my thoughts hahagahgs forgive me for not making it proper or something)#(oh whoops is that my heart down there uh haha sry i must've dropped it lemme pick it back up—)#(honestly it gets kinda personalll?? but yeah my heart haha whoops)#(head full yet empty only purple beloveds...)#(took me so long to answer bc... thoughts... i wasn't sure which ones to omit or include)#crossrot#lm#cm
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Forbidden Love
Alastor x Vox
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
It was an ordinary day in the Vee Tower like no other. Valentino comes home from work all pissy, Vel doesn't have time to care, and Vox is stuck with his boyfriends temper tantrum. "Val... just calm down. Angel Dust will be back soon enough for his big, fantastic film. I'm sure of it!" Vox said resuringly, yet quietly. Val groaned and spoke up. "YOU. KNOW. NOTHING!!!" Valentino yelled, throwing a glass bottle at Vox. Vox stepped aside in time and sighed. "Val--" "Don't you vAl me, bitch. If that slut isn't back by tomorrow, I am KILLING EVERYBODY!!" Val flopped on his couch and kicked his feet a little. "...He just moved into a hotel, Val..." "BUT HE'S SO FAR AWAY!!! UGHHH!!" "Val chill--" Vox tried to reason with Valentino but got cut off by a slap. Vox fumbled back and looked up at Valentino with wide-eyed. His eye glitched out (yk when he hypnotize(s) ppl? Yeah, that) and put his hand on his TV screen, where his cheek would be. "WHAT THE FuÇƘ VAL?!" Vox yelled, clearly pissed off. "Shut it, Vox! I'm fucking tired of you! You'll NEVER understand how I feel!!" "Yeah! I won't!! Because you're mad over stupid shit!!" Val gasped and growled, stepping closer. "Oh yeah? You wanna be bitch, Vox?!" Valentino's eyes glowed a darkerish-lighterish shade of red. Vox's antennas started spreading with electricity. "Call me a bitch again. I dare you." Vox's voice became deep and static-y. "...Bitch."Once Val said that, Vox grabbed Val's collar and pulled him closer to his face, his face/screen glowing to catch the moths attention more. "NOW YOU'RE FUCKING ASKING FOR IT, YOU SLUTTY PRI--" "Vox!! What the fuck?!" Velvette burst through the door. "What are you two doing?!" Vox and Val turned their head towards Vel, a short pause in between the three until Valentino huffed and pushed Vox off of him. Vox let go of Val's collar once Val pushed him off. Vox's antennas started to just spark and it went back to his blue/teal color. There was another pause until Vox sighed and the sparks disappeared. Vox dusted himself off and turned to the door. "I'm going out. I won't be back until later." Vox reached the door until Vel stopped him, grabbing his wrist. "You're just gonna leave?!" "I've made up my mind, Vel." Vox snatched his wrist back and walked out the door, leaving a stunned Velvette, and a mad Valentino behind.
Vox walked down the sidewalks of hell, scrolling through his phone angrily. He keeps walking until he bumps into someone, making him drop his phone. Making him even more pissed.
"Watch where you're going!" Vox growled and bent over to pick up his phone.
"Haha! Well, I am terribly sorry! Old Pal."
Old Pal?... No! It couldn't be!! Vox stood up and shot his head up with him.
"...Alastor..." Vox growled angrily
"The one and only!~" Alastor had his usual toothy grin plastered on his face, leaning on his microphone/cane with his hands. "The fuck are you doing here?" Vox scoffed, not letting all of his anger show. "Now now, Vox! Anyone could be on the streets of hell! Even an angel!~" Alastor chuckled, his radio filter slightly cracking and glitching. "No shit... you're just... not really and outside person. Just been staying at that... tacky hotel." Vox looked down and put his phone in his pocket. "Now, if you were inside your tower, YOU wouldn't know that!" "I've BEEN inside my tower excuse you!" "But you aren't right now!~" "And you aren't in the hotel right now, now are you?" Alastor took a long pause before sighing. "Touché..." "Exactly!" Vox made a 'hmph' noise as he turned his head away. "You're such a child." Alastor said which made Vox gasp. "Am nAt!!" Vox's voice cracked making Alastor laugh. Vox blinked and he blushed a little. Alastor's laugh seemed... genuine. Vox couldn't really tell because of the radio filter, but decided not to ask. Vox sighed and crossed his arms, turning his head away, blushing still. "Shut up.." He mumbling. After a while, Alastor's laughter calmed down. "Hah! Still an idiot, I see~" Vox huffed. "Still annoying, I see!" Vox remarked back, looking at Alastor's grinning face. "Whatever you say, old friend! Now, I must get going." "Heh, where? Back to Rosie's?" Vox smirked smugly, raising a brow. "Surprised you still remember her." Alastor mumbled. Vox chuckled a little. "Eh, every once in a while!" Vox smiled a little. It was... genuine. "Yeah yeah. Anyway, I shall get going!" Alastor put his hands behind his back, still holding his microphone/cane. Al leaned forward, a few inches away from Vox's face. "See you soon~" Alastor then stood up straight and walked away, leaving behind a VERY blushy TV.
Hours later after going to bars and hanging alone, Vox returned to the V Tower. Vox made it in and sat on the couch. Vox was still blushing a bit. 'Why do I feel so... fuzzy? My chest feels... weird... what... what is this?...' Vox stared at the ground until he was snapped out of his thoughts by Velvette. "Yo! Vox! You good?" "H-Huh? Oh, yeah. I-I'm fine... um... where's Val?" "At work. 18 hours again." Vel said, sitting down next to Vox when she finally noticed the blushing on his face. "You sick or something? Your cheeks are kind of... flushed." Velvette pointed out, putting her fingers on her cheeks to represent what she was talking about. "I--... No, its... ..." Vox's voice trailed off. He couldn't explain it! "...Did you go to a bar??" She asked "Ye--" "Go to bed, weirdo! You're probably drunk!!" Velvette huffed, puffing out her cheeks and putting her hands on her hips. "Huh?..." Vox mumbled. But he didn't drink anything... "But I--" "GET!!!" Velvette raised her voice, making Vox jump. "Jesus Chrsit... FINE!! Yeesh!!" Vox huffed and stood up, walking to his room.
Vox got changed and took off his hat, sighing. He groaned and plopped on his bed. He turned off the lamp and turned on his phone, scrolling through photos. Most of them were of him, Val, and Vel. He started getting deeper and further the more he swiped. He made it to a photo that caught his eye. It was his birthday, and Alastor was there. He stared at the photo for a while. 'Man I miss him...' Vox thought as he sighed, looking at Alastor's smiling face in the photo. Vox had his arm wrapped around him, smiling and wearing a party hat. While Alastor had a big genuine smile on his face, laughing, only having one eye open, and having a party hat on as well. Vox huffed and turned off his phone, placing it down on the side table as he shifted to lay on his back. Vox looked up at the ceiling and thought about the encounter he had with Alastor earlier. Vox frown slowly crept up into a smile and his cheeks became a light teal blush, chuckling lightly to himself. After a minute, his smile faded and his eyes widened as he shot up, with a fearful look in his eyes
"DO I LIKE HIM?!"
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#toxic relationship#valentino#velevette#vox#alastor#fanfic#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin velvette#hazbin vox#hazbin valentino#vox x alastor#alastor x vox#non tickles
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ive been living with sensory issues my whole life, i freak out when someone makes small changes to my routine, like i hate doing spontaneous things, most of the time i hate physical affection, & i have such a hard time socializing & making friends. i have bipolar disorder and other disorders like anxiety, etc. but my treatment for those things doesn't help with these other issues i have. i hate being like this and i want to work toward change but i don't know what to do to work toward it. 😞
like i said i have trouble making friends and i always have since i was a kid. i've always felt like an alien compared to other ppl. and that's fine because i prefer being alone. but i hate that i can't act normal in social situations and ppl always think im rude or weird when im not trying to be 😢 and it sucks because i kinda have to be in social settings sometimes because i have children. and i dread it for these reasons every time. nobody is interested in the same things as me. and when i talk about my interests ppl tell me im too obsessed with something or tell me its weird altogether. which hurts. and when i am able to make "friends" i always get taken advantage of because i can never tell when someone is taking advantage of me and my kindness or if they have malicious intentions with me. and i feel stupid every time because my bf will tell me they are "obviously playing you" or my mom will say stuff like "can't you tell that they aren't interested?" or the one i always get is "why can't you see that this guy is flirting with you/trying to sleep with you."
idk if im just having a panic attack or a mental breakdown or what. but this has been building up inside of me for years. i feel so stupid and weird. i have to carry lotion around with me because if my hands don't have moisture on them at all times i literally sit there with chills going up my spine and i can't touch anything. certain clothes make me want to rip my skin off. and my family gets annoyed every time i have to run back in the house because i forgot to grab it. which just adds to the guilt i feel for being this way and i can't control these issues no matter how hard i try.
i've literally made so many lists and "rules" for myself on how to act around ppl and i try so hard to follow them just to get through whatever event is going on.
i think thats why i throw myself into my interests and use them to escape reality so much. once i find something i like i become obsessed with it forever and i talk about it so much to the point where my bf tells me its too much. certain characters and shows are the only thing that brings me comfort sometimes. i have so many unnecessary lists and categories for my interests. i know its very time consuming and pointless but just having them makes me feel better. like pinterest for example is my best friend lol. making these lists and stuff just soothes me in a way. as stupid as that sounds. but even tho it comforts me it still makes me feel stupid because ive never met anyone else who does that.
i've never ever spoken about this stuff online/publicly before. mainly because of embarrassment and fear of being bullied for it since ive already been relentlessly harassed for a million other things. i just have so much anxiety all the time. and doing pointless things helps with it but i want to stop feeling this way. or at least have answers as to why i am this way so maybe i can fix it. im tired of feeling awkward or different from other ppl. i want to be normal and pleasant to be around. i want to get along with the other parents at school functions instead of being scared to talk to ppl. i can't even make eye contact with anyone i talk to. ive tried since i was LITERALLY a child and no matter what i always get scared or nervous and look away. and its really noticeable to other ppl because they've mentioned it to me.
i'm posting this to vent but also maybe someone reading this has gone through the same thing or can help me. because i feel so hopeless and im scared im going to be this way forever. ive only been able to find info on the sensory thing and ive found that there is no way to get rid of it. ive tried everything and ive given up on that. but i know i can change my actions and how i interact with ppl if i can just figure out WHY i am like this.
pls don't laugh at me or say anything mean if you choose to comment on this post. i already have so much anxiety and fear about posting it. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i just need help 😞🥺😢
i have an appointment booked for seeing a psychiatrist but that isn't until november i haven't seen one since i was a little kid. so i'm hoping to maybe get some answers in the meantime.
i already can't work and im getting disability soon because my bipolar is so crippling. it affects my ability to function so much. and i have these other problems on top of it. the fact that i can't even make a living like "normal" ppl makes me feel bad about myself already. and since i can't get a job or a career i want i just want to feel normal in my everyday life and around ppl AT THE VERY LEAST.
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A whole new level to being the supposedly "closeted" gay cousin at Thanksgiving. I know this may not get notes/views, but I was reminded of this today. So I wanted to share a wild "Me the Gay Cousin at Thanksgiving" story from two years ago that felt right out of a 90s sit com special episode.
Since I'm spending this Thanksgiving chilling with a friend instead, I realized yall might like to hear this story.
In my family my sister and I are the only two of our age. The rest of the cousins are MUCH young than us. Us being young adults and our cousins being lil gremlin preteen boys. We're talking like 10 boys overall and our two lil bros, and two newly not toddler girls at the time.
So bc of this my sister and I always sit at the kids table bc our uncles and aunts didn't want us excluded and feeling we couldn't be kids. (I am now 25 turning 26 for context, so I was about 23).
So, I know my family is highly religious and horribly homophobic/transphobic. So lil pagan nonbinary lesbian cupio aroace me has been squeaking by bc I've been holding my tongue and refusing to date in Utah around family for years in the past. Unless it was a group date with friends and the guy asked me out.
So imagine my shock when me and my lil bros and dude cousins are chilling on the floor playing a board game (my sister was at a friend's house that year) bc I don't want to hear the adults say anything that will rile me up bc I really don't want to be outed this year.
And right after I finish my turn, my kid cousin slides over a whiteboard and I look down and freeze in shock. It says "R U Gay?" And I'm knowing his parents are especially homophobic. And what I was afraid of AKA I'm out of the closet and tired, I wrote "Yes" and turned back to the game. He froze and squeaked out a "What!?" And he whispers back to me asking if it's true, as if I just admitted I was insane. And I shrug, trying to play it cool as I realize suddenly the ramifications of it and freaking out now bc he's a blabbermouth. I see both my brothers make eye contact to make sure I'm okay, which I nod to them. I then whisper back to my cousin and go "Yeah" and he tells me that's wrong bc nobody's gay and if they are they're evil, it's a joke you ask ppl in school. And I realize I have to walk this back immediately before my aunt and uncle are told and I'm outed on Thanksgiving and I haven't even come out to my dad yet.
So I shrug tell him I know a lot of people at school who are gay and they're really sweet people. And lie and tell him I'm not gay that I was just playing into the joke. He seems shocked that gay people exist and I know them. But finally after a bit he nods thinking nothing of it, but at least he's cooler about the gay topic I guess and I just survived.
I go downstairs where the adults are hanging bc the boys are running around in the snow and I'm wanting to try being with the adults, since I am one, for a minute. And to nobody's shock after a bit of joking around and stuff, my dad, aunts, uncles, and grandma are raving about "These people nowadays pushing their politics and gay agenda." I don't know how to react, so after a few minutes, I turn around and go back upstairs realizing what could have happened that night.
Luckily I came out later on to my dad and my siblings have already known for years so I felt less bad. But overall it really felt odd when I was put on the spot like that and then hearing my family talk like that. Like-... It felt like something you hear about on TV shows and go "That's such a contrived scene that doesn't happen in real life." And in that moment I was processing the whole scenario and less if I wanted to come out or not.
So anyways probs going to avoid Thanksgiving moving forward for multiple reasons, but mainly for the fact that I can't stay in the closet anymore bc I've been out for too long and I WILL get into arguments over gay/trans rights without thinking bc I'm tired and bad at staying in the closet. And the few ppl in my family who know other than my sibs have reacted oddly to horribly. And I really would prefer not being ostracized from the family whose already pretty sure I'm somehow gay bc I didn't pray enough or something rn bc I'm tired and in an unstable place that if I need to stay with a relative I'd like not for it to be being hate crimed 24/7. But I live in a different state than my family now and much better for it.
I have a good group of friends that are family to me now and I know I'll be okay. And I'm happy and living my best life rn and enjoy every day I'm being myself around ppl who accept and love me. But it still hurts to think about some days y'know.
TLDR: My preteen cousin asked on a whiteboard "R U GAY?" two years ago and I nearly outed myself on Thanksgiving to my religious homophobic family, bc I didn't realize he was doing a middle school prank.
#TLDR at End.#Just wanted to get it off my chest bc it's rlly coming to mind rn.#thanksgiving#gay cousin#gay thanksgiving#lgbtq+#lesbian#nonbinary#aromantic#asexual#aroace#cupioromantic#ose
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.
I try to mostly be chill and resigned about the round babyface, soft jaw, and what I suspect is a resting shy and gullible face, but some days I am not chill. The guy trying to get everyone to buy magazines at the tram stop (normal, not a problem, literally his job) came round me me a second time and backed me up against the advert sign I was standing by and tried to make me give him a fistbump. Which is really nothing. Normal city shit! And younger chiller me would have rolled her eyes and given him a slightly sarcastic fistbump.
Younger chiller me would NOT have scuttled away going “stop it. No.” (on paper this is good ig, in practice way to make myself a target) but unforch for my city smarts, I learned along the line that I don’t actually have to be okay with ppl touching me whenever they want to, and now I refuse? Mostly this is great, in every other aspect of my life. But it results in more harassment/getting grabbed, obviously. Man. I can’t ever tell how much wishing I was more masculine is about misc gender and how much is how the only time I haven’t been harassed regularly was when I cut off all my hair. Also how ppl treat me when I’m standing next to tall men.
And like— my best friend was in town a couple weeks ago and we were eating at a museum cafe and some guy came and sat down at our table and did one of the usual pickup artist (incel) lines — I think it was “can I ask you a question.” And I’ve learned that politely saying no actually works (“can you not, if you don’t mind?”), but I automatically pitch my voice high and breathy like I never use or like it. Which I hate. Again, just normal existing in the world shit, we all suffer under the patriarchy etc. But my friend was confused so I explained, and she was surprised bc this had never happened to her. And then she did a great job of not letting that ruin my day, bc I’m sensitive about it and it usually does. But like, it never happens to her? I guess? And 1) GREAT, I hope it never does, but 2) it makes me feel like I paint a target on my back in a few ways I haven’t quite unpicked: and MOST of all it makes me feels nuts trying to figure out how normal exactly a certain level of harassment is. I haven’t been actually full-on grabbed by a stranger since 2022! Is that good or??? Hate it! Not even upset right now, just tired and throwing my hands up like WHAT come ON
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Hello! I need advice on shifting and ur like the only person ik on here that does it😀 basically I used to be super hyperfixated on shifting but it never worked out and I got super frustrated, now it's been a long time and I'm trying to get back into it but idk how. I have adhd and have trouble staying focused. I've done meditations but even the ones specially made for ppl with adhd dont really seem to do anything. I'm good at visualizing, it gets me very tingly and almost convinced that I am fully there, but after a short while my eyes hurt and they feel like they cross when I try to visualise with them closed and opening them makes it harder to focus. And overall I cant really seem to get a grip on shifting as much as I used to anymore, cus I cant get really emotionally into it, so I'll try it once and then completely forget abt it and I feel like I'm not making any progress :((
U dont have to reply! Feel free to ignore this!!
I WOULD NEVER EVER IGNORE YOUUU :D
i totally get you tho, i’m the same and especially in the beginning i had a lot of trouble focusing. but the best advice that i have for that is one of twos things
1. just do what feels right
if you have trouble focusing or have something like adhd doing something you don’t really feel like doing won’t work AT ALL so if you already struggle with that and you think the method is boring or something along those lines you won’t get anywhere. so please just do what you want. since you’re good at visualization i’d stick to that and have fun with it! :D laying in the dark counting is so boring so please just use your imagination however you’d like
2. try while you’re sleepy
for this, try to sleep for about 2 - 4 hours and then wake up and start doing your method, when you’re sleepy it’s kinda hard to focus on more then one thing so i think visualizing while you’re tired might work for you :D (and don’t worry about not falling asleep, just set your mind to waking up where you’re shifting to and you should be fine) 
but other than that about your problem about feeling like you don’t have as good of a grip on shifting, that’s totally fine! i think being chill about it is better than being hyperfixated on it
also try shifting somewhere that you really really wanna go or like a new place if that makes any sense? if you’ve been trying to shift for a while to the same place and you kinda feel like you’ve lost passion for going there that’s okay and understandable, just try and make sure that you feel excited about where you’re going because it can be hard when that spark of motivate of really wanting to go there is gone
and i know that might sound sad but that dr will always be there and you can always go later :D
good luck tell me how it goes 🫂🫂🫂🫶🏻
ALSO THE EYES CROSSING THING DRIVES ME CRAZY AS WELL UGH
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Into post this is pinned!
Hey guys! My name is Salem but please, unless we actually talk, call me Riot! My pronouns are(in order of preference): they/he/it/void/voids/voidself/entity/entity's! Please use all my pronouns not just one or two sets. If you don't know how to use my neos in a sentence here's an example. "Void is annoyed leave Void alone today" "That's entitys phone please don't touch it". My bestest bitch is @shatteredhope123 so if you see me insulting them or typing in all caps at them IT'S ALL JOKES, WE'VE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR LIKE 6-7 YEARS. We also know eachother in real life. I'm transgender ftm, Polyamarous, Gay, Demisexual and Demiromantic but I'm HAPPILY TAKEN AND NOT LOOKING FOR ANYMORE PARTNERS. My partners are Sam(long distance), Cody(long distance), Berat(close distance), Carlo(Headspace alter), and Duff(headspace alter). I have DID, ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety disorder, separation anxiety,social anxiety, and I suspect I may have some sort of anger disorder, so please use tone indicators when talking to me. If I don't answer you when you dm me, it means I'm socially drained or I just don't want to talk, so please respect that. I'm a furry, my fursona right now is a Pot dragon(closed species by Wikk Elam on Facebook, dm him if interested in owning one), and a grey Greek demigod cat named Skyler. I'm quite chill and laid back, until you piss me off that is. My hyperfixations right now are Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, Subnautica, God Of War, FNAF, Wings Of Fire, the backrooms/liminal spaces, and weed(not doing it, the different strains and different effects, basically learning about it). If you couldn't tell, I am in fact a stoner. I'm 21 years old and I'm choas. I like to watch memes, or stupid shit, play games, and call my friends or boyfriends(mainly Berat and Sam, but separately). I have many many ocs so feel free to ask me about my oc lore, I so badly want to lore dump but nobody will listen to me yap about a fictional grey cat I made way back in grade 7/8.
Here are my triggers and things I'm not comfy with so please don't talk about these to me or tag me in posts related to these:
-Anything to do with someone dating someone much much older(had someone try to pull that shit with me recently)
-Abusive parents(unless ur my bestie then vent all you want, okay? Or oc lore, oc lore is fine as it's fake)
-Abusive romantic relationships, even if it's fictional. I've been in to many of these to fucking count
-Obsessive behaviors(had to deal with this recently, please just don't I can't even if it's fictional)
-Anything that has to do with Native legends(the W, flesh pedestrians, I'm native and highly believe in them so please don't glorify these things)
-Zoophila or pedophila(U WILL BE BLOCKED AND CALLED THE FUCK OUT)
-petty furry drama. Fucking sick of ppl claiming colors and animals. Grow up.
-Metallica(the band, trauma reasons)
-do not mention these names to me as I knew ppl with these names and they gave me trauma: Aiden, Justin, Annah, Sam, Hayley, Makayla,Karlee,Scott, Collette, Leonard. If I see any of these names for my own sake I will either unfollow you or block you. I know it's just a name but you guys don't get how heightened emotions get with ADHD.
Here are my current interests so feel free to dm me and ask me about these:
-fnaf
-subnautica
-Disney dreamlight valley
-minecraft
-wings of fire
-Eragon
-weed in general
-bendy and the ink machine
-Venom
-Spyro the dragon
-Ratchet and Clank
-animal jam for both pc and mobile
-my ocs
Feel free to tag me in things related to my likes or something you'd think I'd like! I love knowing ppl thought of me! I'm still learning how Tumblr works so I'll try to be more active to learn how it works. If I don't credit art please remind me to as sometimes I get way too excited to post art I get. I have a job so please be understanding that if I dm you, it means I value you. I'm VERY tired after work and have to constantly fight sleep all fucking day. I'm not very mentally stable from being exhausted so please be gentle on me. But yeah! Below are me and my boyfriend Berat! The dragon is the pot dragon, his name is Bear and he's HEAVILY BASED OFF MY BF BERAT SO PLEASE DONT TAKE INSPIRATION FROM HIM WHATSOEVER. DO NOT STEAL HIM EITHER. Art of Bear is by MilkyManta on discord. If you see someone other than me using him, TELL ME ASAP. same with Skyler.
This be skyler. if you see someone using them, TELL ME ASAP.
This be Bear, if you see someone using him, TELL ME ASAP. Species is by Wikk Elam on Facebook, they are a CLOSED species. You MUST tell Wikk if you are interested in owning one, you also must be 18+. Wikk will provide you the link to the official discord server.
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I was too tired to get worked up last night but now that Im awake again I am sooo fucking agitated rn. We HAVE to be at my parent's right now (car camping in the yard) bc I desperately need whatever help they can give me, my dad is getting the car checked and we've been here using the shower and the stove and whatnot. But my dad's bday was also this weekend so my WHOOOOOLE family was here, and Bel and I stayed inside specifically to avoid everyone, but then my fucking horrible grandpa (who was queerphobic and an asshole long before he had dementia) comes in and tries to make chit chat with us, and then my dad comes in laughing saying how grandpa went outside and announced to everyone that "there's two girls with mustaches in there," and dad just thought that was funny. And we had JUST come back from the store where some rando also fucking commented on Bel's mustache and I HAD a comeback but I was too fucking SLOW and I didn't fucking defend him
So anyway we like have absolutely no choice but to be here and Bel especially can't just leave and like it's weird bc yes they are letting us stay here, feeding us etc and I feel like I'm not allowed to explain why this is so hurtful bc if I do that's somehow going against all my dad is doing for me here. Like I'm being ungrateful spitting in his face and only focusing on what he's doing wrong.
Probably bc they spent my whole life reinforcing this idea that I only was allowed to need things if they agreed that I was lacking. When I became suicidal it wasn't "oh yeah you need help let's get you to a doctor." It was a litany of "here's all the things I did for you, I sacrificed my body for you, I ate healthy and quit smoking and I did everything right and I gave you a PERFECT body and brain, so no, you don't need help." And she stood by that until I was out of the house and went and got help myself, and she STILL tried to talk me out of it.
And especially with my mom being the terf-adjacent 2nd wave Michfest Feminist that she is, she only ever has shit to say about my gender when it's disparaging. The first time she saw me shirtless after top surgery she said "embrace the patriarchy" in this bitter fucking tone. She only ever calls me a guy if I'm acting so stupid that I need help or correction. But yeah it's so super funny and cute that my demented grandpa can't fucking tell I'm a guy and it's sooo funny and cute how he's disrespecting me and my boyfriend to my whole family and they're all just out there laughing. That's sooooo fucking funny and silly and ha ha and yeah people like my asshole grandpa, who was NEVER even part of my actual fucking life, is totally allowed to just walk into your home and talk about your loved ones like that, unchallenged, cus he's just such a silly little guy. Family is so fucking special am I right.
It's wild having the least normie and most functional family of all my friends bc when it comes to things like politics and gay rights and witchcraft and even topics like feminism and reproductive rights! my parents are always the most chill, understanding, easygoing, have the most reasonable responses out of anyone else's parents... But then they still have these very unchallenged ideals that come out at the worst time, and when i try to explain to them how they are hurting me and making me feel unsafe and making MY BOYFRIEND feel unsafe, and this is why I don't hang out with them, they pull the "dont make me feel bad when i do so much for you" card.
They also don't defend other trans ppl. They "love" Eddie Izzard, she is "their favorite comedian," but they can't gender her correctly to save their lives. One time my mom tried to show her cis gay friend one of Eddie's Dress to Kill bits and he started disparaging her outfit and calling her buffalo fucking bill and my mom just sat there and TOOK IT. I WAS HOME!!! I COULD HEAR HIM!!!!!!!!!
I also cannot threaten the help they're giving me w the car and the house bc my dad is currently still paying the insurance bc I can't even afford gas to go job hunting. So I did not sit my dad down and explain Why That Wasn't Funny. My stupid ass got up early and put the dishes away instead. Because if I criticize my dad, on his birthday, in his own home that we are staying at for free, AND Im leaving a mess (that I didn't make, but that I saw and walked away from regardless), they will kick us both out and never let us come back! Or maybe they won't! But they've kicked me out before and I can't let that happen to Bel again right now!!!
And unfortunately I need to stay connected to dementia grandpa too bc we may be living in his cabin part time this winter. I'm not super optimistic about finding housing before it gets cold. Especially not after yesterday. We were both already lamenting needing our names changed, but trying to do it while homeless and Looking Like Girls With Mustaches in Bumfuck Nowhere is gonna be even more fun!!!
#me#prsnl#my dad didnt used to say this to me directly#but when my parents got frustrated#they would Remind Me how my grandma on dads side used to threaten him with#'i brought you into this world i can take you out'#and it would be dangled over my head like see? i could talk to you this way. if i wanted. you're welcome.
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i am also marginalized and am telling you we should put an effort to educate when we make claims that are valid. im not asking to be spoon fed and i myself have given a voice to many things my people go through that nobody realizes is actually harmful. when we put sources to our claims, they make them more valid. i’ve learned that myself and someone who is margianalized and has to call out shit all the time. chill. you’re not special just cause someone asked for sources for you calling goblincore problematic 😂 also no? im not going to check your archive to see how long you’ve been here? your mentality is sad and this is why people don’t take us seriously btw
first of all, "us"? I have to laugh. if people don't take you seriously, that's on you, that has nothing to do with me.
if you can't take a Tumblr post seriously bc it's not a lit review + you can't be bothered to fact check? not my problem.
like I'm not even Jewish, dude, I just like forests + I'm tired of white ppl giving the aesthetic an antisemitic name. what do you think I know that Jewish ppl haven't already said??? you are specifically wasting my time for nothing. I have no new information. so, either learn to look things up bc you clearly refuse to do so even when it's easy.
#ask#anon#category 5 social media brain rot#i am not a news source!!! you know who is who wrote about this??? marianne levy + josh kaplan in the Jewish Chronicle!!#literally WHAT do you want from me
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How does Gale & Venali's first major holiday together go? (Holiday as in vacation or holiday as in annual cultural event, or both <3)
oh the can of worms you’ve opened and exact distraction i needed in the wake of bad weather. i made a table of the different known holidays in both waterdeep and baldur’s gate (way more known holidays in waterdeep btw. gosh.) and have used it to figure out how gale would help ven learn waterdhavian traditions once she moves there.
join me in this space. (hi it's me from after i finished writing the post, it's a bit rambly bc i thought the storm would be really bad and i get nervous but it's been chill)
so i'm gonna answer Both of those bc of course i am but bc of that preamble i'm doing holiday as a cultural event first.
it's usually between elient and marpenoth that the game ends (seasonally early-mid fall on the harptos calendar (i'm telling u i dug for this)). now it takes about a month to travel from baldur's gate to waterdeep, but i'm assuming gale can just kinda. teleport them there. like there's no way he doesn't have some sort of failsafe for getting back to his tower, wizards are just like that. or maybe even tara can help. though i suppose it'll still take about a month for ven to move her stuff into his tower even with the light help of magic for the sake of "holy shit i just need to do something a normal way for a second after All Of That."
anyway, that would mean ven's first official holiday in waterdeep would be liar's night (marpenoth 30th) OR last sheaf (the next month, uktar 20).
liar's night is a holy day for leira (goddess of deception and illusion) and mask (god of shadows, thievery, and at some point intrigue) where people will dress up in costumes and masks and pretend to be what/whoever they usually aren't. they also walk around with lit candles, called liar's candles, and as long as it's lit they can lie and do embarrassing things they wouldn't normally do and it can't hurt their reputation. this could be a really interesting one for venali conceptually given the whole. pretending to be a wizard for seven years thing. still gotta decide if she's keeping that ruse up once she moves to waterdeep or if she can just kinda do whatever now that she's saved faerûn and is engaged to famed, disgraced, and famed again but keeping it lowkey this time wizard gale dekarios. probably the latter. more than likely the latter. what a weight off her shoulders amiright.
the website said this holiday usually devolves into anarchic hedonism but i think that's bc ed greenwood is just kinda. weird. but y'know, ven and gale wouldn't really partake in that. tbh they'd still be Way too tired to even do normal festivities, and neither of them are really aligned with leira or mask so it's kinda whatever for them.
IF instead their first holiday is last sheaf, they'd be rested enough to actually celebrate AND have a great time (also i think it would be ven's favorite bc it's mine. it sounds so cozy). it's a day of feasting to celebrate the harvest. ppl will give gifts of lil nonperishable snacks like jars of jam or smoked meats and just in general be pretty neighborly. it's also when they do a last call for letters for trade ships, carriages, and caravans bc after that the roads start becoming difficult to travel and it'll be harder to send mail. ven writes a letter to her mom in baldur's gate updating her on the move, that she's getting well settled, and will be taking a gale-enforced break for the next handful of months to recuperate.
gale would make a Lovely homecooked spread and invite his mother over to join them and ven would make lil gift bags with hard bread and cheeses and preserves and dried meats to hand out to her neighbors so she can introduce herself and get involved in local customs. she has a lot of fun putting them together and is very pleased when they have something for her to take back :)
as for their first Vacation. i think it's gotta be after ven resolves her personal quest (btw still not planned out in full but i think i have decided that she doesn't get Rid of her wild magic but she does learn to manage it better (looking at u high level wild magic sorcerer traits)).
i think they go to candlekeep (fuckin nerds), but not just bc they're huge nerds. elminster helps them get in bc let's be real he owes them (i think it'd be funny if they go in 1493 bc that's like a year before they relax the entrance requirements). though i wonder if gale would be considered a "friend of Candlekeep" because he was an archmage at one point. idk. either way, they're able to get in.
the plan is ven's gonna have a new outlook on magic by the time she resolves her Problem and gale wants to help her foster a healthy relationship with it now that she's resigned herself to embracing her newly realized (and permanent) tie to it. candlekeep by my understanding has several amenities for trying out new spells and quiet research. ven loves research for fun, i assume gale does too. WAIT BUT ALSO. oh man. imagine you spend 7-8 years of your life pretending to be a wizard so you have access to information you were previously barred from so you can search for literally ANYTHING that can help you break a curse that ruined your life. maybe you've even attempted to get into candlekeep before and couldn't meet the entrance requirements. and then as soon as you resolve that Whole situation your partner is like "hey y'know where we could vacation? the one place that could have answered your biggest questions Years ago were you allowed to get in."
or they could just go to neverwinter.
#ask#technofinch#oc: venali kelvyre#hi it's kinda long but thanks for the excuse to infodump#took a Lot of the storm anxiety away :)
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AK anon is here -again- 🙊💛. I really wanna request a matchup with Amahisa but i have never done that before so kinda unsure how to do so but i will give it a go:
1- weak. 2- strong. 3- Insightful. 4- Cool (im not tho🤦♀️)
Orange (🍊): I am not very creative like you -🥺- so my ideas are very basic, but something like how he would approach a person like me ? I really can't imagine myself being with somebody like kousei who is so opposite. (personality wise). Ppl around think im cool, strong, independent women, laid back, chill etc .. but really im not like that, and i usually admire ppl who are like that (and like Kousei too). But what ppl see from outside is way different from inside ~~~ but ~~~~~ yeah ~~~~~ god i feel shy idk why 🤦♀️🙊🙈💛. Also, thank you for writing for DNA. I really enjoy my time on your blog.
omg no worries! usually in matchups you would give your info and then i would choose who to match you up with - but don't worry, i'd be happy to write one for you and amahisa (plus i can't see you with anyone else now LOLL)!
i think you and AMAHISA KOUSEI would be a perfect match particularly because you're opposites! he's a walking contradiction - whimsical but observant; carefree but invested; nonchalant but hardworking. so i think he'd really appreciate you being a bit of a contradiction yourself! sometimes he's so honest to the point that people can't tell if he's joking or not - so i think he sees your struggle in that area with being misunderstood or seen differently than you might think you act. and even if you don't think you're cool yourself - he certainly would, but not necessarily in the way others might perceive you. i think he'd want to get to know you at a raw, deep level - it might take you a while to be that vulnerable with him and open up, but he's determined to crack that shell and support you. and for someone who may get bored with one thing and move on to the next - he'd find you so interesting that he'd never get tired of you.
bit of drabble / headcanon under the cut! a bit longer than i usually do too ehehe 💕
❀ FIRST IMPRESSIONS
amahisa kousei is certainly one to say what he means, and you don't exactly understand that at first
his pickup lines aren't suave or clever - he'll literally tell you that you're pretty, smart, beautiful - with such a nonchalant face and then go back to doing his own thing
while you think you're gawking and panicking over what he's saying, you're really just staring at him with a straight face and a slow nod
"amahisa's always trying to get your attention... how are you always so cool about it? isn't he like, a big star on the baseball team?"
your friend taps your shoulder as you leave class, and you mumble back,
"he can't be that good at baseball if he has time to flirt like this all the time..."
your face is burning, but you play it off - sure, he's pretty handsome and charismatic. a bit of a mystery, even - but you do tend to wonder why he focuses on you specifically
it isn't until after you've parted with your friend and walked ten minutes to the bus stop that you realize something very important
you forgot your freaking laptop.
huffing, you start a light jog back but pause when you glance at your watch - there's no way you'll get there and back in time, and the next bus after that is in another half hour
and you definitely needed to grab your next batch of textbooks from home, or you'd miss your next class
"hey! you're pretty fast, you know? practically sprinted out of the classroom!"
when you look up, who else do you nearly run into but amahisa holding your laptop?
you blink once, twice. then you blurt out,
"you're a lot more thoughtful than you let on."
he lets out a full laugh, "and you're a lot less scary than you seem!"
you frown, asking what he means - to which he responds,
"everyone always says how intimidating and strong you are. but you're getting flustered right now, aren't you?"
"i- i- no i'm not! and i don't mean to look scary at all! that's just how people see me for some reason..."
you're feeling self-conscious, even when he gives you an easygoing laugh, and you're certainly thrown off when he ruffles your hair,
"you shouldn't care so much how people see you! except for me maybe, because i see you as pretty interesting."
you roll your eyes, taking the laptop from him, but can't seem to hide a slight smile from his watchful golden eyes
"see you later then, yeah?"
"we'll have to see about that. but i guess i owe you for this - so thanks... amahisa."
"it's kousei," he smiles before waving and taking off
"how am i supposed to talk to him if he doesn't even ask for my number..." you grumble
but when you pull your laptop out next class, a sticky note tumbles from it with his phone number and a "coffee soon?" on it - that boy certainly is full of surprises.
hope you enjoyed, i'm so happy i finally got to write for you and kousei - i love getting asks from you and think the two of you would make such an amazing couple ehe 💕
read completed matchups here 💫
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I fucking hate myself— I just had a spat with l******* after being spontaneously told we had to watch drag race with him when that wasn’t the original plan… I was immediacy annoyed cuz I don’t like watching my favorite show with all these str8 ppl who don’t know the lore of the show at all like I’m sorry but I don’t. And idk I
It’s just that I’ve never respected him ever since he went off on us at our party for meli. I think that was super inappriate for both him and meli. It’s like you don’t live with us and know the whole story and are yelling at us when if meli feels something why can’t she be a grown up and say something?? Also not to mention why are you yelling at us about not wanting to tell David we don’t like him meanwhile meli is sending them a homemade scrapbook of memories for their wedding gift like why are you yelling at us when meli still wants to be friends and is lying to us. Cuz that’s what happened they were lying to us and I don’t like them.
I don’t like any of them to be honest. Like whatever I don’t give a fuck anymore if I have to be alone for a while that’s fine I think I will grow from this but I am tired of this and I have no friends and I don’t want this life anymore period. I just need to move out and I will need my car and I know Kaiya hates that but that’s why I felt like I could never leave this relationship was cuz I don’t have a car so I just feel like we’ll that’s how I felt. Like I’m down to stay until they get settleend but I think k need to leave for real like o don’t care anymore like why am I so mad and also my partner is too stupid to even listen and agree with me like they didn’t even listen and have anything to say and I also said I don’t wanna do this to begin with like I am so tired of hanging out with people I don’t want to and also just having no friends and community of my own like wtf is my life right now I have had a close friend to text in sooo long like I am tired and I am done I want to move on so much right now like I don’t care I am tired I wish I could start this convo without a flood of tears and shit. It’s too much like chill we aren’t perf for each other I feel like that’s clear. I don’t wanna marry you cuz I know I will wanna divorce lol.
It makes me not even wanna move down there.
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BOY BUTT
I MET MR KUNT AT BRPADWAY JUNCTION N I HAV HIS MUMBER . n i HAVLOST MI ASS CUZ OF FALLING DOWN THA STAIRS N A POLTERGEIST SOooooo now I HAV BOy butt. n HONEstly I Tink i also lost it from SAYING DED ASS TOO Mucho I maniFesteD it . :-\
iMADE A REMIX OF KISh ME on A GUITAR W A BROKEN N3cK tht goes LIK DIS .
“Kishh me
under the broadway junction stair case ,,
N let my . balls….
Swing swing ,
Oh so freeeee-eeely .”
i reAlized after snorting K mi friendz nailz in the dress aisle of Goodwill dat i will aLwayz AGREE TO THA golden Rule of Lyfe which is to NEVER step on the black part of the crosswalkz U can ONLY step on the white lineZ or u will LITERALLY DIE . N y is it more often than not , the things that we want r not the things we need and i feel like i’ll always be yearning for something more in store but the emptiness can’t b filled w just more of this n less of that n elaine says no one has good or bad luck just more or less of it .
Tha nxt time a strangwrr in a fox- pikachu costume cums up to meh n mi fwendz Wiff a guitar in tha wick n asks to sing Meh a song i will NO LONGER LIsten But buttle it by more fart jokez. Bc it has been yrs i hav had theese shower thoughts/questions/water based introspection: If u fart is it a culmination of all the farts around u cuz Ur breathing recycled farts in the air in side u ???? N on a. philosophical lvl. Nothing is original bitch. No one is original . Not even ur fooking fartsz.
Im tired of being so sexy and also so funny and also people expecting me to be the intimidating and mysterious and sexy person . I believe in kindness and being an internet troll n i grew up ugly n barely am making it to be kind of sexy within the last few years . So stop putting so much pressure on me Bith . Im literally an empath .
im Nvr going to party with scary Ukrainian fashion photographers again in greenpoint even tho they Hav free pizza <best food group> n their bosses r retired sexy models and also the closest deli near them has a free compOoter . N im done being strangers who drink old coffee at 2am’s outlets n shulder to cry on ab their exs w bpd . Cuz im empathetic to dat but also im tryna strictly VIOBE . N the vibeZ were not there . Plus i had an allergy attack n cried in the bathroom . :-/
i <3 waking up to phone calls at 7am/8am after i tried to induce sleep to myself w my 12MG mellytonin dissolvable tabletz N goin to get happie hour b4 it opens n debating new piercings n brainstorming new tattooz n stealing salt shakerz from restaurants w moi best fwendzzzz. It is so fukin Kold in Nyc n im waiting for my seattle he they cutie to move back to nyc so we can give each other allergy attacks by sniffing 2 many flowers at maria hernandez n then claritin n chill . N show them mi plushies . Cuz rn meow dating lyfe is like casual but I don’t need messy ass ppl . N i don’t believe in ghosting bc every1 deserves to have a convo but Meh . Thts objective lol . n It’s pointless to argue or submerge myself in a convo ive already had w someone where they have historically been defensive n Ugh lames . Only dating ppl like 23+ yr old n up now . :-]
I almost slapped the doggone giv a dog a bone dog shit out of the bouncer at purgatory N also this Girl who accused me of “cutting the line” at Elsewhere when i was guestlisted N also this person who narced on me the beg of the Yr at tha party but i chose world peace . N zen . N kava over stogies now . Smh . Miso soup over mala base , red hot chili peppers over deftones . Hot cheetos over takiz. Smh . i rly need my karma to reverse .
werk has been alrite n im soooo sad sag season is almost over . I realized i love cucumbers so much the last few wks n i am not afraid to show n tell ab it . i Love all the saggitiusrss in my life n i hav luved the consecutive bday parties ive gone to the last few weekz in which ppl have fallen asleep in their wolf costumes after doing One bump of K and screaming at Alexa to play Sleeping wiff sirenz. N trying to go to tinas but their hours r weird now apparently so we all end up at Sum random Dunkin Donut Hole place where my ex used to yell at meh at 6am . N i luv all of the he theys i hav met within the last few weekz who drink white clawz n have pretty faces n All the goth girls who also have snakebites who Kiss me n tell me if i wanted a sprite they would buy me a sprite . tho the tru drug of choice here is Vanilla coke , i Am extremely flattered . <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
ive been spending alot more time on tumblr cuz it Just feelzz rite n wayyyy better cuz now PORN ;0 isback here. n idk if yall rly kno but ya . tumblr is likebACK cuz twitter is kinda lamess now. sigh . playing in Parks w ex situationships r fun n even fugging in Bars called Bar r fun but i almost got choked out by my Ali express vivienne westwood necklace at the playground N tht shuld hav been a sign I shuld hav went home. idk y i alwayzz put mi heart on tha line 4 Ppl i kno kant rly take kare of it the way i want 2. Im Goin to b working my last shift at holiday market Thurs evening then going to LA p much rite after s000000. Ima try to pull sum rockstar shit there nalso make 100 dumplings w my mummy for xmas even tho Lunar yr is technically way better n Idk why We as taiwanese ppl even care ab xmas so much butt.
My boy butt says BYE!!!!!!! n Til nxt week ?! <3
xoxoxoX0 , meunster cheeze is not monsterous Believer/civil rites activist/where do i find gahndi fan fiction online/lactose intolerance lactaid pills thtr expired dnt work save urself n ur liver advocate , renny ;]]
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