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firefly--bright · 1 year

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jean kirstein modern headcanons!!!

warnings : none! gender neutral pronouns used, if any.

a/n: HI HELLO I'm so so SO sorry for the late fics. my finals ended like a month ago and oh my god I've just been Going Places™ like my schedule is jam packed with meeting up with people i haven't seen in three months because of the exams :/ I'm working on the requests!!! i promise, i read them and i am working on them. but!!! here are some headacanons to.... make up for the lack of content :3

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody , @holding-ishu-and-a-book

✿ masterlist is in linked in pinned post! ✿ enter my taglist ✿

• he doesnt have a big sweet tooth but he LOVES chocolate like can't live without it. if you're also a chocolate person, he'll buy your fav ones for you and lowkey judges you for it ("why would you like this one???? the one i like is wayyy better you should get those")

• he's most definitely a friend's to lovers type guy. he never really thought he would be, though. he's a hopeless romantic and falls in love with anyone and everyone BUT he's also, as mentioned before, more hopeless than romantic. he'll yearn for the person from a distance, so he doesn't really think that he would go and fall in love with his best friend, of all people. you fall first he falls harder type beat yk?

• he's kind of gives off this confident, cocky and kind of intimidating vibe about him. when you first met him you just knew he thought a little too highly of himself. but after getting to know him, he's super vulnerable and soft and actually tries to be close to you. his intimidating Mr. i-fold-my-arms-over-my-chest-to-show-off-my-biceps persona is just a front, like he thinks being that coccky guy will make people think he's like mysterious or something and want to be his friend/partner

• i have a bi jean agenda actually

• thinks VERY highly of you. asks for your advice on everything even if you might not be good at giving it, hed want to know what you, specifically, think

• he's an architecture major :D i know alot of people have diff headcanons of him doing pol-sci/law (which are all valid tbh i agree with those hcs) but!!! i think he chose architecture because he has the right amount of passion for it. it's the closest thing to art he can have. he loves art but he's also aware that it doesn't...pay well, neither does he want to loose his passion for art. hes heard one too many stories of people choosing art and regretting it because their passion for art is no longer just a passion. Jean's scared he'd lose his love for it.

• isn't really used to physical touch, and if you're a touchy feely person, he's a little surprised when you hold him for the first time. he quickly grows into loving your touch tho and initiates cuddles :)

• hes kinda super smart. like he scores really well in class and always has. not only that, but he's gifted athletically as well

• he's more of a listener than a talker, i think. hed initiate conversation, ask you about you day and let you take away the conversation. doesn't really mind if it's "all about you", but if you ask him about anything, he'd gladly talk.

• hes actually SO shy when it comes to actually doing relationshippy things. the first time you held hands as a couple and not just friends, he had a nervous breakdown. he couldn't even look you in the eyes when he asked you out on a date, even if it was just a casual movie night at home

• he's very organized, surprisingly. he's not a clean freak but he just likes knowing where things are. rarely rearranges anything because it not only frustrates the hell out of him, he'd also have to get used to the new arrangements.

• he has a fixed skincare routine!!! he had acne as a teenager so he started taking skincare more seriously. knows a lot about different products, and if you don't have a fixed skincare routine, he'd tell you to have one. if you have super sensetive skin (like me) and can't handle anytjing other than basic face wash, he'd remind you to wash your face every night.

• he also is protective of his hair!!! he used to have dyed hair, but it didn't go well. he TRIED to bleach his hair but failed and half of his hair came out :')) he never dyes his hair anymore but he does freshen up his mullet every now and then. doesn't let anyone but his mom and you touch his hair.

• asks you if you can help him with oiling his hair because he saw one of those tiktoks saying they work really well. if you're anything like me and are used to oiling your hair every week, you'd massage his hair and his eyes close and his entire body relaxes the moment your hands weave through his hair <3

• LOVES showing you off. either in little ways (by swinging your hands together while walking) or by literally making his entire Instagram page about you. all of his six posts (he rarely posts, but whenever he does it's all about you) have you in them. the cheesiest captions, too. if that wasn't enough, he'd have (y/n)'s with your fav colour heart emoji next to your name in his bio to let literally everyone know who he's with.

• he actually loves to cook!!!! as said before, he'd very organized, so i feel like he'd also be into meal prepping. he watched those aesthetically pleasing videos of people rearranging their fridges with ungodly amounts of plastic cabinets. his own fridge is sort of a mess becahse he doesn't know what goes where :') but he does meal prep, and sometimes even packs you lunches with lil notes

• speaking of notes, he's not really good at talking about his love for you. like he'd show it in so many ways but he can't say it out loud. not only does he get uncharacteristically shy, he's always had issues with saying the words "i love you" out loud, so he either writes about it or draws you <3 you'd find random notes and letters written to you, sometimes with just. a cheesy joke, sometimes he actually Tries and writes a whole letter for you pouring out all the things he can't say out loud.

• the start of your friendship, you two bicker alot. it's clear you care about each other, but he loves teasing you because he knows you'll shoot back.

• he wears really thin eyeliner on special occasions <3 he doesn't like bold looks, but he does like how subtly the eyeliner makes his eyes look different. if yiure good at makeup, he'd ask you to help him.

• has a plethora of diff hats tbh like he collects them like an addiction. he has a fedora and beanies and bucket hats and normal embroidered hats. he has so many it's concerning

• he's very good at driving. when the two of you started getting closer, he'd ask you on long late night drives, either for take-out or just to listen to music and talk. he enjoys your company while driving. if you usually have motion sickness in cars, you will never feel nauseous in his car. he drives very smoothly, not too fast and not too slow. he's kind of a perfectionist (not extremely) and literally screams at Connie to slow down when he goes even a little over the speed limit. he drives the whole time in every road trip.

• his fav dessert is cheesecake. his unpopular opinion is that they're the perfect ratio of sweet and savoury, crunchy and soft.

• hes one of those people to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. on the couch, at the table, no matter how loud it is or how bright it is. he's a light sleeper and also a snorer. if you're cuddling together, he'd either lay on top of you or wraps not one but both of his arms around you. one under your neck to provide a nice neck cushion, and one draped over your stomach.

• he runs warm, which is both a blessing and a cruse. in summers, even if he'd want to cuddle with you, you feel the need to get as far away as him because he's just so warm. you'd wake up in your own sweat if you do decide to take the risk and let him cuddle you. in winters though, his warmth is very welcome.

• loves it when you hug his arm while walking. if you're tired and kind of lean into him, expect him to eat that shit UP because he loves your warmth as much as you love his. loves it when you lean into him or hug his bicep. even flexes his muscles for effect (you definitely tease him for that)

• is not a fan of thunderstorms, he kind of has bad memories. either from being left out while the ither kids play in the rain, either from the rumbling and the scary sound that comes with thunders that resembles the sound of his angry father or its just how inconvenient it is.

• his dad wasn't really in his life that much, always away on business. every time he would come home, he'd srot of criticize jean's hobbies :( his mom eventually seperated from Jean's father and started her own bakery, hence Jean's love for chocolates.

• he panics very hard when you feel sick. he jumps right into his mama bird genes and makes you a soup from either his mother's recipie or he'd call your mother and ask her for her own sick day recipies. he'd feed it to you and refuse to leave you alone until you've had your meds.

• he loves kissing your forearm for some reason. you loop your hands around his neck after kissing him, so it's the closest to his mouth. he turns his head slightly, closing his eyes as he pecks your forearm :3 it's kinda a weird spot to like kissing, but it's really endearing when it comes from him.

• he has a couple small tattoos here and there. two of the five he has have actual meaning whereas the other three are just for fun

• he wants whatever you want. if you want children in the future, he'd be there with you. if you want nothing but a large house and a couple pets, he'd love to make your dream come true. he's passionate and extremely good at what he does, and he takes pride in it.

✿

#jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x you #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 5 months

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My Dear Sweet Home

Self-Aware! Sigma x GN! Reader

Description: You need a helper for one task. You talk.

Fluff. Hurt/Comfort. Give Sigma home he deserves

Sequel to Reading to him

Prequel to Art Forgery

Warning: OOC. English is my second language

A/N: Reader from one shot series getting bits of lore. The next part of"We will protect you" will elaborate a little on it.

_______

"[Y/N], do you think, this place will be my home?" Sigma's voice was quiet. You stopped marking the furniture in the catalog and looked at Sigma.

The table before you were covered in furniture catalog. Some of them you already looked through, others were waiting for their hour. Alcott, who brought this catalogs, overdid herself, by bringing two backpacks full of pamphlets.

And it was your job to look through it.

Fitzgerald finally found the house, that was big enough for all of you. And, he offered you to look through the catalogs and looked at the furniture for new house. And you immediately rope Sigma into helping you. His opinion about what to put in the new house deserved to be heard.

You two sat next to each other on the couch, looking through countless furniture catalogs.

Everything went well, until this moment. You were looking through decor part of the catalog, where all this "Home Sweet Home" things were displayed.

And Sigma asked his question. You put pen and catalog down. Sigma was waiting for your answer.

"Beg pardon?" His home? Is Sigma thinking, that you will kick him out? Or forget him in this apartment? He looked sad, nervous. And... hopeless. He looked at you, his eyes looked tired. Sigma point at picture of the house and a building plan.

"Will this place be my home? Will I finally found home?" you didn't answer at first. Sigma spoke again. "I knew, you already have home, so, my question may sound dumb to you, but, please, can you answer me?"

Home... Do you even have a home?

He looked like he was ready to plead. Your own thoughts swarmed your mind. You licked your lips and spoke.

"What is 'home' for you, Sigma? I need to hear it, before I answer your question."

Sigma looked at the distance, thinking.

"It's a place, where I belong. Where I feel safe. Where I can find people, that don't want to use me. Where I can be happy."

You feel tears in your eyes. You try to wipe them as stealthy as you can. In that definition, you also don't have a home anymore. Only a house. Should you share some of it with Sigma?

Not should. You must.

"Then both of us must hope, that new house will be our home, Sigma." your voice was soft. Sigma looked at you, baffled.

"But, this place... And you mentioned your family... Aren't you..."

You laughed. The laugh was hoarse and mixed with sobs. You wipe your tears again. You start talking, slowly, carefully choosing the words.

"My family don't want to see me. Ever since I promised to do something during last family reunion..." You chew your lips. Sigma looked like he wanted to ask more. You elaborate a little. "Nothing Illegal. Moreover, one day, I will be in the right to do it. But, my family didn't want me to do it."

Sigma looked confused.

"What do you want to do?" You looked guilty. But you can't tell him or others right now. You shook your head.

"Sorry. I can't tell for now. It's a long story. Something terrible happened in my childhood. And, what I am planning to do is connected to what happened. I am not ready to tell about it." After a few moments of thinking, you add. "I promise, one day I will tell you and others about my past. But, sorry, not today."

Sigma looked like he wanted to say something, but, he simply nodded, showing, that he understands. You decide to continue your speech about not having a home.

"Ever since I tell them my decision, they constantly remind me, that I am not welcomed in my parent's house. That I am not welcomed in any family gathering." You take a breath. "Mom doesn't agree with then, but, there are too many of them. And every call with them ends in futile attempts to make me change my decision."

You looked at Sigma again.

"So, I don't belong, I don't feel safe, people want to use me, and I am not happy. I don't have a home. And that" you slap one of the walls. "I am renting this place, and, I don't think I will stay here, after I graduate."

You leaned back on the couch. You were silent. The familiar sense of loneliness crept into your soul. You forced yourself to speak.

"I hope that new house will be a home to you, Sigma. And that it will become my home as well."

You reached out to Sigma, taking his hand in yours.

"I hope, that we will find our home. Both as in a place, and as in people."

Sigma scoots closer to you. He gave you a side hug and put his chin on your head. He squeezed your hand.

"I... Back in the app... I hoped that my home will be next to you. And I think, that's how it will be. [Y/N], let's find our new home together."

You turned your face a little and nuzzle his neck. On a whim, you kissed his cheek.

"Deal, Sigma."

Sigma chuckled.

"No problem, Cookie Heart."

You chocked on air. How did he call you? You feel, how your cheeks became warmer.

Noticing your face expression, Sigma blushes.

"Sorry! Just... All of us have a nickname for you, besides Guiding Light. And, I thought that moment was appropriate..."

You blinked a few times and smiled.

"Don't worry. If you want, you can call me that." you mentally repeated your new nickname.

'Cookie Heart... Cute'

The moment between you and Sigma were interrupted by Steinbeck's voice, who called from the kitchen.

"Sigma, [Y/N], are you going to join us for lunch? Or you two decide to skip lunch and bury your noses in the catalogs?"

You and Sigma glance at each other. Then Sigma stands up.

"We are coming. Shall we, Cookie Heart?" he held his hand towards you. You took it.

"We shall... Sigma, I want to promise you something." You looked at the former casino manager. Sigma raise an eyebrow, waiting for you to speak.

"I promise, that I will never ask you to use your ability. Friends don't use each other. Family don't use each other."

Sigma didn't look surprised. He hugged you.

"I knew, that you will say this. Back then, you also promised that I won't be used."

You stay like this for some time. After another shout from the kitchen from John, wondering if the 'two turtles get lost', you two finally go to the kitchen.

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #sigma x reader #sigma bungou stray dogs #bsd sigma #sigma x you #sigma x y/n #Self-Aware Sigma

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teatotaler · 22 days

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THIS IS NOT A JOKE: I Regret Making This Page, And Will Be Deleting It For Good Here Soon

Some time ago, I was asked whether I had second thoughts about posting on here, and I recall my thoughts being along the lines of 'almost every day. I may leave it at some point.' There was no urgency behind the words, but I assumed that the possibility still loomed that I would not be here forever. That time has come.

So why am I leaving? There is a host of reasons:

The Loss of Enthusiasm For This Hobby: In the first few months of my having this page, I used to get the best thrill from partaking in this odd little hobby. The sense of pride at feeling an entire gallon of tea sloshing and gurgling inside my stomach was absolutely amazing, and a year ago, I could feel it with every moment until it was promptly digested. As I have done it more and more, I noticed how fleeting the sensation is, how it just settles after about 15 minutes of my chugging the first half, and how I had to supplement the rest with an additional liter of water: the thing became work, and it was not very fun. The general taste of tea has become disgusting to me, and even when I drink a glass with dinner, I am near to spewing. I have alluded to my fear of water intoxication because, a year ago, I suffered from it and almost died mere weeks before making this page, which puts me off this the more. Also, looking back, I find it was a terrific waste of time from my real world obligations, and lamented the hours lost to needless, stupid, momentary satiation.

I Was Supposed To Drop This Habit Years Ago: So, I lied about not treating this as a fetish. I actually have it pretty hard, worse than many of you - I can't even look at pregnant women in public without lusting after them - and did a pretty lousy job of hiding it. But I have come to find out that such a thing is simply not natural, and akin to something like demon possession. I vowed to quit in 2021, but returned for health reasons which I would rather not discuss. Since I was for many years on the receiving end, I wanted to see how things were on the other side. It has almost destroyed my health, my finances, my sanity, and to some extent my life. How the professionals manage I cannot wonder.

3. Potential Fears of This Preventing me From Advancing Further In Life: If you wondered why I was so shy with sharing much about my personal life, it's because my intention is to one day be known for my art, of which this is NOT. Also, I began to think: is this sort of thing even legal? Without revealing too much, I plan to do quite a lot that requires major shifts in my life, and while it probably won't raise any hairs, I don't want to risk having this out there anyway and prohibiting me from reaching my goal, or encouraging ridicule from my family. It would utterly devastate me.

4. I'm Tired: Let me come out and say this right now: I was not myself making these posts. I had to plan these well in advance so I could be alone from immediate relations, who suspected me clean since 2021. I'm tired of having to hide this from everybody. I'm tired of having this define me. I'm tired of being possessed by this devil which refuses to leave me.

With heavy heart I bid you all adieu, and ask of you a favour. I am aware that some people have reblogged, mentioned, and allued to me on this site and possibly others (@unitbloat and @sticcpicc to name a few). If it is within your heart, any who have done this, I would like for any such assignations to be erased from this sight that I may continue to live as peacefully as I can with this freshly exorcised from my soul. My life hangs on a thin tether, and this simple action may be what saves it.

Farewell and have happy lives. Inform me when such deletions are made and I will be on my way out. Forgive me, as it will be best that you forget me.

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rabuhiiro · 1 year

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heart forecast

...oh dear god, please help me today!

[suou tsukasa / fem!reader]

SYNOPSIS — the smell of melted chocolates remain in the air after the 14th of february. most people would think that valentine's is over, but a certain knight thinks otherwise as he prepares a gift for someone whose birthday is two days after the holiday.

WARNINGS — gendered reader, with a set birthday and preference!

GENRE — fluff, (kinda) valentine special? dedicated to @narukape !!

"Maybe she'd like something a bit more bitter—? No, that's ridiculous. What kind of sweet tooth would like something bitter? Maybe something minty would go well with the occasion—"

"What the hell are you doing, Kasa?"

Yelping, the red-headed leader of KNIGHTS stood up from his crouching position, eyes wide as he faces his blue-eyed senior that had his hands on his hips. "S-Sena! What brings you here?"

"Look, I can't just stand here and watch you murmur to yourself while you ruin your posture crouching at the bottom cupboards." explained Izumi, sighing. "I can smell chocolates—didn't Valentine's already pass?"

Tsukasa fumbled with his uniform. "I know I could've had my gift ready two days ago..."

"Whaaatt? You're giving someone handmade chocolates!?" Izumi raised an eyebrow, leaning on the counter with a teasing glint in his eyes. "My, my, Kasa, I never took you to be that kind of person."

"I-It is only polite to gift someone something for their birthday, Sena!" The purple-eyed teenager retorted. "There's nothing else behind it!"

Izumi tilted his head. "Wait, birthday?" He paused. "Aha, is it I think who it is?"

Tsukasa looked down in shame. "Please don't tease me about it..."

"Well that is indeed gentlemanly of you, Kasa!" Said Izumi with somewhat sarcastic praise, not listening to his plea. "Especially since you're aware of her big and obvious crush on you, no?"

"I-I am fully aware, yes...!" Tsukasa exclaimed, a pink blush adorning his cheeks. "It would make her happy! It is only proper to make a lady happy on her special day—!"

"But you'd give her false hope, Suu," said Ritsu from behind the red-head with a mischievous grin. "Though, that wouldn't be a problem unless you like her back~?"

"I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THOSE KINDS OF THINGS, RITSU!" Yelled Tsukasa in panic, turning around to face his black-haired unit mate with his ears turning red. "As I mentioned earlier, it is but a formal gesture!"

"But you didn't deny the fact that you like her?" Taunted Ritsu. "Oh dear, we have a bad case of a crush here."

Tsukasa started gripping his hair in irritation. "I don't like her, either! She's messy and forgetful, she doesn't even try to tidy up her hair after tying it, she overworks herself, she stresses out too much on things she shouldn't—!"

"Kasa, Kasa!" Izumi slapped the back of his head. "Liking someone isn't gonna kill you, idiot! No need to be so in denial about it!"

The KNIGHTS leader shook his head, on the verge of pulling his hair out because of his seniors. "I'm not in denial!"

Ritsu sighed, walked over to Izumi, and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Let's leave him be, he'll figure out the obvious himself."

Izumi scoffed. "Fine," he replied, turning away and walking out of the kitchen with a wave of a hand. "I'll go find Leo so we can practice after lunch."

"Heh," Ritsu chuckled, leaning towards Tsukasa's ear with the same grin. "She likes milk chocolate with raisins and nuts, by the way."

Tsukasa crossed his arms and huffed, cheeks going pink. "How picky."

The older idol laughed. "Right?" He then gave him a pat on the shoulder too. "Good luck with your chocolate." He said before leaving the kitchen, probably to nap under another tree.

"...thank you." Murmured Tsukasa who was back to being alone in the kitchen in ES.

His eyebrow twitched. They're making me think I'm in denial, He thought. Which I'm sure I'm not. I'm only doing this purely out of formalities, yes. No more thoughts will eat my brain.

He was wrong.

Tsukasa stood in front of a theatre arts course classroom the next day, holding a heart-shaped box of what was obviously chocolates behind his back. His purple eyes wandered around the room to find a certain girl laughing and chatting with her friends. He was unable to take another step—he didn't know why, himself.

He watched as she talked, holding a notebook and pen in her hands at the same time. It looked like a graphing notebook—perhaps her unfinished math homework? He bit the inside of his cheek. She could've finished it the day prior. He thought.

[name] suddenly laughs at her s friend's statement, slamming her pen on the table they surrounded and coughing in surprise. Her [hair length] [hair color] hair was messy as usual, even if attempts to make it tidy were evident.

He liked her laugh. He never got to hear it a lot outside of school due to differences in jobs, but it was entertaining to say the least. Her laugh wasn't elegant or even formal in anyway—rather, it was funny. He almost laughed himself after hearing it with a little snort.

[name]'s classmates then started noticing the idol was waiting for someone as he stood in front of their doorway. Why was the leader of KNIGHTS in the theatre course area of Yumenosaki? [name]'s friend asked themselves that as they nudged her, nodding their head at Tsukasa's direction.

The girl glanced at him, her eyes turning wide and her cheeks turning pink. She stood up quickly. "K-Kasa! What brings you here?" She asked, her voice cracking.

Tsukasa cleared his throat, tightening his grip on the box behind his back. He could hear the little giggles from students passing by as they get a good view of the obviously romantic gift. He wanted to jump out of the building that moment.

...dear God, please help me today. He thought to himself.

He inhaled. "Do... Do you have a minute?" He asked slowly. [name] immediately nodded and shuffled through the classroom that now had their eyes on the two pink-faced teens.

"Yes...! I do have a minute!" Said [name] after standing in front of him. She ran a hand through her [hair color] hair. "Do you need anything?"

Tsukasa looked down at the floor, the ceiling, the rest of the classroom—anything that wasn't her eager eyes. He gulped, his mouth starting to feel dry. "W-Well, it's your birthday, right...?"

[name] nodded again. "Mhmm! I'm growing older, now—against my will, mind you."

The boy resisted the urge to chuckle and took a deep breath. Slowly, he revealed the heart-shaped box of chocolates from behind his back, handing it out to her whilst bowing. He was thankful his hair was long enough to cover his reddening face. "H-Happy Birthda—no, Valentine's? I mean, it is your birthday, but..."

She wasn't given any time to respond as the cheers of her classmates roared in the room, attracting passerbys that were curious enough to see what was going on. Murmurs mixed with the excited squeals that were deafening to their ears. A moment after, the school speakers started to ring, alerting them of the voice that was to be heard a second later.

"Aaa, aaaaaa—CAN EVERYBODY HEAR ME!?"

Every single person either flinched or covered their ears from the loud volume of a rather familiar voice. Tsukasa had sensed danger from the voices alone and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Leo! The volume is too loud, you could've made everyone deaf!" Said a scolding voice from the speakers. "I can't believe you even dragged me into this nonsense, we're not even supposed to be here, we're graduates!"

The massive iconic laugh of the person named Leo echoed throughout the whole school. "But we did get permission from Emperor, right!? We're fine~!"

A sigh was then given. "Please forgive us for taking your time, everyone." The voice apologized. "As you know, I'm Sena Izumi, and the loud idiot who almost bursted your earsdrums is Tsukinaga Leo. We are here to broadcast a message on Suou Tsukasa's behalf."

The previously silent school then started booming with whispers and excited giggles. Tsukasa felt many eyes on him—as he was supposed to be used to it, their gazes were not of the usual ones he knew was to be given. He hadn't expected this; he wasn't even expecting his own seniors to interfere! It was supposed to be a short interaction: him giving his gift to [name], greeting her a happy birthday, and then getting along with his day. But NO! They just HAD to do something stupid!

Tsukasa stood up straight, still holding out the box of chocolates, and then glancing at the speakers. "That is a complete lie! I hadn't requested anyone NOR any of you to deliver a message for me PUBLICLY!" He stated.

His two seniors seemed to have heard him clearly somehow, both chuckling at his response. "We know you didn't ask us to do this, Suo~! But it's for your own good, y'know?" Leo said, making Tsukasa's ears turn red in embarrassment. "It's not a want, it's a need!"

"WH—WHAT DO YOU MEAN—!?"

"Not everyone knows, but a certain friend of ours just turned older today, and it was a big deal for our dear little Kasa." Izumi started, ignoring Tsukasa's pleas to stop talking. "It was quite annoying seeing him fumble in the ES kitchen yesterday, wondering, 'What would [name] even like!? Dark chocolate? Milk chocolate!?' He had been murmuring the same thing over and over since the 14th! Why couldn't he have asked her? Because he's a coward, that's why!"

Giggles and teasing glances were thrown at the red-faced Tsukasa as he stood still in his place, powerless and unable to even speak a single word. [name] stared at the speakers with wide eyes, wanting to question the boy in front of her immediately but decided to listen in on the story more.

"Suo~ had been anticipating this day so badly, y'know?" Leo added. "He was more excited than [name] herself. I wondered if the Christmas spirit was late to get to him until Naru explained why he was as fidgety as a little kid. I was like, 'oh! So that means he wants to gift [name] something big? Does he like her that much?'"

"And Kasa was quick to retort with, 'no I do not! It is but a simple gesture of gratitude and formality!' and all the other things he says all the time." Sighed Izumi. "It's like that every time we mention [name]. 'She's messy and disorganized! She frequently stays up late, her eyebags can be mistaken for emo make up!' he says!" Laughs erupted from the surrounding students, making Tsukasa's hands shake in nervousness as the 'broadcast' went on.

Leo laughed along and sighed. "We are here today to show how proud we are of our little leader of KNIGHTS, despite him being in denial most of the time!" He stated. "You were in the process of giving the chocolates to [name], no?" He asked, and everyone knew he meant Tsukasa.

He stiffened. [name], meanwhile, glanced back at the boy after looking up at the speakers the whole time, her flustered expression catching the eyes of the witnesses from all around her.

"Hey, [name]!" Leo called. "There's a crumpled letter taped under the lid of the box—it's obviously written by Suo~! Fortunately, Naru was able to sneak it back in the gift before Suo~ could leave for school!"

The red-head perked up at the mention of the letter. Before Tsukasa could even react, [name] was swift enough to open the gift and take off the letter from the lid, moving it away from his extending hand as she read the contents with her hand raised up high.

"From what I remember, the letter says," Leo hummed. People could visualize him rubbing his cheek as he looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Thank you for being born. You are very special, and I appreciate you. Happy Birthday, dear."

Everyone went silent as they all processed the contents of the letter—the intended recipient staring at the said crumpled paper, her face slowly going as red as a sweet and ripe cherry. 'Dear'? She thought. ...DEAR!?

Tsukasa's thoughts were in an endless spiral.

He didn't think they'd find the letter he wrote on a whim—he thought it would be too much to give. He didn't even like her that way, he thought. But denial was a river in Egypt, and [name]'s feelings being reciprocated was definitely real.

He was slowly learning to accept it, and he kind of hated that.

[name] slowly lowered her hand, eyes glued onto the letter. Tsukasa then grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles, causing both of their heart rates to increase simultaneously. He smiled against the skin of her hand, murmuring,

"Happy Birthday, and Happy Valentine's."

Cheers, screams, yells, and somehow the sound of metal clanging spread across the classroom. [name] and Tsukasa's flustered faces being displayed for everyone to see, it caused the word to spread like literal wildfire and eventually, the school erupted with celebration.

Ritsu and Arashi popped out from the back of the classroom, both giggling as the former held a camera in his hands. "The others are gonna love~ this."

Arashi sighed, leaning her head on the palm of her hand. "They look so adorable together! I wonder when the wedding will be~?" She asked, purposely increasing the volume of her voice to tease the two at the front.

[name] was speechless at that point—staring Tsukasa and their joined hands back and forth, stammering and unable to think straight. It was a hilarious sight for most.

...but it's a cute sight for me. Tsukasa thought, smiling softly to himself.

After realizing what kind of words his brain had just formed, he let go of her hand and grabbed his hair, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. "GAH!"

The girl jumped in surprise. "WAH!?"

NOTES — HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH

#enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars x y/n #suou tsukasa #tsukasa suou x reader #suou tsukasa x reader #tsukasa suou

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insertdisc5 · 10 months

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Devlog #16: Answers and Questions

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!

If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, a timeloop RPG, which is also the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!). You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!!

LET’S GET TO IT. This month is Q&A: Cohost edition!

“A Q&A again?” Heheh well I don’t have anything to talk about this month ✨ We’re working hard on finalizing the localization! And on porting to consoles! And on secret stuff! You know, the usual!!! Get excited!!! So, Q&A again 💖 And see, I asked questions for Q&As on Twitter. On Tumblr. On Discord. But some new social media platforms have entered the fray. SO.

Welcome to Q&A: Cohost edition. (Follow me on cohost and/or read this post I wrote about why I think cohost is neat teehee) (and follow me on bluesky if you want. I like it way less though. Sorry bluesky)

@ItsMeLilyV asks:

One of the bits of advice that gets tossed around by indie devs is to avoid making RPGs, especially for your first few games, because they tend to be large in scope, difficult to prototype, and easy to underestimate.

Was this ever a fear for you in making START AGAIN, or In Stars and Time? Did you take any special precaution to keep these games within a scope you could handle, and did you learn tricks from START AGAIN that carried over to ISAT when in came to keeping things manageable? Thank you!! ✨

I had no idea that was a piece of advice given, but yep, that makes a lot of sense! Since I didn’t know, I went in blissfully aware, teehee.

I will say that I am familiar with working on big projects from working on comics, and with seeing big webcomic artists always mention to never start with your magnum opus… And I could tell ISAT had the potential to be way bigger than I imagined, which is why I decided to start with creating the prologue to get used to RPGMaker as well as making games. Kind of a pilot of sorts!

Again, thanks to comics, I know to keep my scope pretty small, because even if you keep it small it WILL balloon into something way bigger than you thought. Just for the prologue, I imagined it’d be a 20mn game, and it’s easily a 2-3h one! Keep your scope small!!!

As for tricks, when I catch myself thinking “wow what if I added this cool thing”, I try to always keep in mind those two things: 1. How long will it take to implement (including bug testing), and 2. Does it add something important to the game. I know we always want to add a fishing game, or a fun minigame, but do you Need It. Does it add something substantial to the story, to the Themes. Or are you just adding it because you like fishing games. Which is a valid reason, but also, maybe just make a fishing game instead. You are not the Yakuza series!!!! You are a small indie gamedev!!!! Think about you in 4 months who has to fix all the fishing game bugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@stem asks:

how is it to have a piece of art that's basically done (as far as i understand) that you can't share yet? like how do you personally bide the time until it's finally ready to release, or is it not really a challenge to wait? :0c

It’s so weird!!! The game has been done for so long!!! I’m very glad I asked some friends to playtest the game, so I could at least get some feedback before the game is out… In some ways it feels like the game will be done twice: once back when I finished making the game, and once when the game actually comes out. It’s just a very strange experience. Sometimes people tell me they’re excited to find out more about this story beat, or about this character, and a part of me is like… Wait, haven't you played the game? Oh, yeah, it’s not actually out. Guess you’ll find out later.

EDIT: My god. I just checked on my private devlog for when I completed the Alpha of ISAT. It was in August of last year (I lay down on the floor and look at the ceiling) (I still had to finish all the illustrations so really the game was Done Donezo in October but still…)

anon asked:

What role did Armor Games play in creating the final product?

SO MANY THINGS. Here are some of them: support when it comes to porting/marketing/social media/localization, feedback on the game and how to make it better, community guidance, testing support, QA/internal testing… The game couldn’t be the way it is without them.

For more small details, I have a weekly meeting with my producer, Dora! We talk about the game and how everything is going. A couple months back, I also was checking in with the internal QA team fairly often to fix any remaining bugs. They also helped me find ISAT’s additional programmer, Isabella, and she is a godsend because coding is hard. They also take care of communicating with press, finding more opportunities to showcase the game in conventions, talking with the localization/porting teams… I am probably forgetting a thousand little things they did to help out!!! THEY’RE SO GOOD OK

Anon asked:

So obviously the skills/spells/what have you are based off of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Did you design each "type" to be like a certain style? Rock being heavy damage and defense buffs, scissors being speed and quick attacks, like that?

Absolutely! I just went with the obvious. Rock is physical damage, defense focused, Scissors is swords, attack focused, and Paper is magic, mind focused. It was fun to develop a spell system around those! I’m excited for people to find out more about Craft…

@nickshutter asks:

I really loved START AGAIN (streamed it for a small handful of friends) and was super happy to hear about a follow-up! The cast is so much fun and their personalities are really well-balanced—did any of the characters change pretty drastically from their initial conception during development of the game?

I’m so glad you streamed it with friends… I hope you had a good fun time…

And for sure! Isabeau and Mirabelle were pretty set from the get go (himbo and shy wallflower), but Odile started as more of a gentle teacher type, even if I very quickly went the snarky old lady route. Siffrin and Bonnie were harder to pin down– I wasn’t sure how to portray Siffrin’s despair in the prologue, and started showing them more overtly depressed, but I thought it’d be Very Yummy to have them show a happy facade to their friends. And then, for ISAT, I had to figure out what a non-depressed Siffrin would be like, for the first couple acts of the game before the despair sets in. As for Bonnie, I had a lot of trouble figuring out what they’d be like, what kind of kid they were, what their relationship with everyone else would be like, and then I thought about what their past would be like and then their characterization was set in stone. Sometimes you need to figure out One Thing to unlock a character’s brain. I’m very excited for everyone to find out more about each character in ISAT!

@SuperBiasedGary asks:

What games (or other media) lit a fire under you to create your own?

It could be stuff you liked so much it inspired, something you found frustrating because you felt an itch to do it differently, or something that made you realise humans make things and you could be one of them.

I found a lot of indie games inspiring, but I think Umineko might’ve been the one that made me go… Oh, anyone can just make a massive video game narrative. And you can make it very simple, with kinda goofy sprites, and still manage to make an incredibly touching story!

As for frustrating games that lit a fire under me, I think I’d say in general, I found issue with the classic trope of the “main character helps people and doesn’t get anything back”. What often happens in some games is that you help NPCs with their problems, sometimes helping them with very intense, complicated problems! For a very long time! And, in exchange, you get… A cool item? A nice new skill? And that’s it?

I know this might be complicated to implement on a narrative perspective, but I remember playing Persona 5, and your character just went through a very harrowing experience (like, oh, being INTERROGATED AND TORTURED BY THE POLICE) and you help your friends during social links, and they go “thanks for your help! Bye~” like WHAT ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. CAN YOU GIVE ME A HUG

So on a certain level, I wanted a game where instead of the characters around you having problems, the main character also has problems. And is subconsciously screaming “CAN YOU PLEASE NOTICE I HAVE PROBLEMS AND GIVE ME A HUG.” And hopefully, the characters notice. Winks

Hm. I do want to say I wrote most of the prologue/ISAT during the pandemic, and I felt very lonely and not supported. But then guess what. I told my friends about how I felt. And most of them told me they had no idea, and vowed to support me more. And now I’m closer to them. So the moral of this answer is, yeah, it’d be nice if people noticed, but also, you need to tell people when you’re feeling bad. LOOKS AT SIFFRIN

Anon asked:

Is there a song you listen to in order to put yourself in the sasasa/ISAT mindset?

I have a whole playlist baybee. Before you ask: there aren’t any hidden meanings behind those song choices. It’s about the Mood, and also my personal tastes in music I listen to when I need to concentrate. I like songs that go WUB WUB

In no particular order, here are five random songs I played on repeat when making the prologue:

Future Club (Arcade Version) by Perturbator (in bold because this was THE song I listened to on repeat. I believe I gave it to Lindar for inspiration lol)

Arcades by C2C

Wake Me Up by Para One

The First Wish by DROELOE

Les Enfants du Paradis by World’s End Girlfriend

And here are five random songs I played on repeat for In Stars and Time:

Down by Chloe x Halle

Nonsense Bungaku by Eve

Non-Breathe Oblige by PinocchioP

Gentle Heart by Jamie Paige

Ready For The Floor by Hot Chip

It’s interesting, the songs I listened to for the prologue are generally more heavy and frenetic, while the ones for ISAT are more hopeful… I made sure to listen to more lively songs for ISAT, since that’s the feeling I wanted to give off…

That’s all the questions I have! In other, non related ISAT news, I have started a new project and having a lot of fun. It’s a visual novel this time. I’m hoping to get some screenshots ready in the next few months, but also I’m taking it easy on this one. If it takes years with many breaks in between to get it done, it’s fine. What matters to me right now is the process!

That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!

#in stars and time #start again start again start again #devlog #game dev #game development #indie game #indie dev #indie games #timeloop

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elkkiel · 1 month

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Sorry friends, this is gonna be a long one. I feel like speaking in a space where someone may see and perceive what I'm saying is helpful to personal accountability. Please feel free to skip, it's more of a thought dump than anything (I am midway through writing now and I think I lost the plot a while ago lol)

Topics covered: grind culture, mental health, self-care, and learning when to manually sound the alarm for yourself as an audhd-er in the deep end of life.

Here's some tags that I left on the the grind culture reblog before this. I just wanted to share some thoughts and didn't want them to get lost; I feel like making a proper post really solidifies the situation (sorta like getting those abstract thoughts from your head onto paper, and realizing just how bad it is when it's all laid out before you.) And I want to make a change when I can finally get my head above water.

I think it can be especially difficult for us AuDHDers, since we don't necessarily have alarm bells installed that neurotypicals in similar situations may have but "choose" (consciously or not) to ignore. Things can really spiral into a bad place quickly if you don't have the cues or signs to alert you. We need to be diligent in doing those manual checks ourselves, KNOWING that we have struggles that make life just that much more difficult.

Take inventory of your life. Do you allocate time to self-care activities, and/or are those the right activities for you? Turns out for me that building a complex skin care routine (as suggested by mainstream self-care culture) only stresses me out more. Especially when I never have the energy to do it, making me feel bad when I only manage to do the basics *sometimes* (and the stress acne persists smh my head). My therapist recommended productive activities that involve both current hyperfixes and that ADHD Motor™. I want to learn basic carpentry over the summer, since I love working with my hands! For now, drawing masked men as cats will suffice (though I will not complain about the kittenification of my faves)

Choose a moment to consciously feel how your body is feeling. Check in with yourself! This is important for my alexithymia bitches. Are you more fatigued than usual? Are your muscles tense for some reason? Have you been hungry with no appetite? If you notice anything, let's make some connections—really dig into it. The instance I mentioned in the tags above was a really clear one for me. I took like 12 hours on the IV in the Ivy art instead of coursework, and that weekend I slept almost 22 hours. A few days later, I'm still in a cycle of horrible fatigue and excessive sleep. Connecting the trigger event (taking the time to create "unnecessary" art) to current sensations (extreme fatigue) is giving me insight into how stressed I actually am that I wouldn't have really seen otherwise.

I'm also feeling more and more aware of how activities and things become a bit of a crutch to avoid expending energy on social activities. Idk how many other people deal with this particular problem, but I have almost zero social drive. Like I legitimately don't feel the need to meet people and see friends. Almost 100% of my social needs are covered by talking to my parents, chatting with the girls at work (while at work) and passively absorbing interactions from complete strangers within earshot. It's one of the big things I'm continually documenting for when I can finally afford to get evaluated for autism (babygirl I don't even have enough for the ADHD assessment yet and that's more crucial for disability stuff lol) and it makes life real tough.

Not having the time nor the drive to invest in relationships really stunts you as a person in my experience. I don't know how to actually quantify what makes a friend (e.g. are we friends because we are Tumblr mutuals who haven't had an actual conversation but hype each other up in notes?) and I don't have any time to learn. I can't participate in leisure activities that may take some of the pressure off since I haven't been able to practice initiating interactions. It baffles me how some of the girls at work just casually meet up outside of work, or make plans out of the blue in a conversation (how tf do you gauge when/if to propose something????)

Like, it's bad. I haven't seen my best friend in a year and a half, and even the term "best friend" almost definitely isn't accurate in this scenario anymore. It's just another stressor that could potentially be avoided by lifting one's nose from the grindstone, but it's so intimidating to even try at this point. I don't feel the drive to be friends, but something tells me it's healthier than being alone with my work and thoughts.

Idk I think that's all I have for now. I definitely went on a tangent or two that don't connect back to the original idea so apologies for the letter-based vomit.

ty if you read any of this, if you have any thoughts or input I'm always open for replies or asks. The world is big and fast and horrible and confusing a lot of the time, but I think sharing experiences helps to keep things in perspective.

maybe I'll ask more targeted questions for community input some other time because I'm genuinely curious how to navigate around social deficits (the "who is a Friend and why?" thing especially because I genuinely have zero clue)

anyways have a good day, drink some water, take ur meds, and be kind to yourself

#my head is so foggy from fatigue i would be surprised if this is cobefent #its rant time babey im gonna go order some groceries now ✌️#elkk.txt

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00-theguardians-00 · 5 months

Text

Hello im lazysimpluna or you can call me Luna or Finley

My other trumblr blog is called @morpheus-the-sandman hop in if you're interested and take a look around!

The pictures hight difference is by the way referenced by clowns drawing just so you know!

im not good at writing and my grammar isn't that great so forgive me for typos :'D I also didn't used Tumblr as much so I'm still

Important none of the stories are Canon to clowns og project!!

!! Boundaries!!

Yes you can

✅ make fanart absolutely tag me please!!!

✅ Shipping? Yes ofc but please only ocs sonas or yns yeah you can also ship Eddie and frank since I ship it too

✅ Im also okay with interactions trough I can't promise I will do all of them I mostly do what I feel like and if I don't feel like it I don't do it it also might take a bit

Donts❌

Please no applecest no wallycest no proships!!!❌

No nsfw with these aus mentioned here!!!❌

Don't do Ai bots of my aus I'm doing alredy bots but it takes a bit I get really exausted after a bit of working on bots like I get sleepy and all it takes a bit I know I'm working on them for quite a while now but still have patients I'm also not an expert when it comes to bots I'm still learning!! ( not sure if I make any ais of the aus here I see idk)

❌❌❌

Don't message me privately if I don't know you please if I know you for a bit from my comment section you can ask me if you can message me and I might say yes , please have patients with me I don't feel comfortable calling you my friend so soon so I just call you a mutual if I know you for a longer while I might call you a friend! I had a really bad experience with an ex friend of mine I knew since my childhood and that left marks , I might get easily overwhelmed or exausted so I might dip or don't talk at all please don't feel like I'm ignoring you or anything I'm not I'm simply not feeling like talking or it is to much at that day for me!❌❌❌

🌟Things about me that are important 🌟

my pronounce are she/her, he him, im genderfluid and aroace ❤️

I have auditory processing disorder or called

(APD )

Wich makes me slower I might forget alot of things or I also have hearing problems sometimes like when somone calls me it doesn't end up in my brain I'm also very sensitive so sounds loud notices specifically

I also take a while to understand things so be patient with me

(HSP ) I am a highly sensitive person

I also have social anxiety

I'm really sensitive like I would say emotionally there are often times where I do take things too serious or something please tell me talk to me about those things if I understand stuff the wrong way

I'm 22 years old and German

I only speak English and German I can't speak other languages

I have 29 aus by now I might add more depending on what ideas I get ( idk for sure I know I have alredy alot and I didn't even developed alot of them enough I do want to put an line to it but I can't I love creating I love making it makes me happy so just be aware XD when I decide to do a blog for my other aus that I might not post alot about those depending on how I'm feeling ( maybe I post more when I get asks idk)

Socials : I have tik tok Instagram also yt I also have another Tumblr but I don't like that one as much atm it's more actually idk it was more meant for oploading ahit art and such but I don't feel the account anymore idk I'm weird xd so ig I might do a new main maybe?? Idk anyhow I'm the most active on tik tok name is lazysimpluna on all platforms!

🌟Refs of my sillys🌟

What's the Xmas au about??

What is the Xmas au about??

Well I think you can guess Basacally they make gifts for everyone

Wolly Julie yn and Sally are outside to check the houses and make them ready for Santa home to enter before he comes

Eddie brings the letters from everyone to Santa home

Frank makes sure everything goes after plan

Howdy does work both as a shop keeper but also helps around and carries heavy things

Poppy well she bakes

Barnaby also helps around!

They are also able to travel trough aus

If one of them talks it's gonna be red

Because I'm planning on bringing in this blog also other aus so stay tuned!

#art #artists on tumblr #artwork #digital art #digital illustration #digital painting #drawing #welcome home #wally darling #welcome home au #askxmasau #xmasau

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ironladders · 25 days

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so i had a thought about ashrah and syzoth and i really dont know how to feel about it so i want your input. and keep in mind i am still new to MK lore and dont understand the ins and outs of it like most other people do. but i read that in past timelines at least, demons of the netherrealm were dead bodies reanimated by quan chi. so i was wondering, how do you feel about the idea of ashrah having been syzoths wife in her past life, probably unbeknownst to her. does it make sense, the implications of it, etc.

hi sorry i was in figure drawing when i got this ask & that class lasts 6 hours 🫠 art school was a mistake

anyways: this is so good and yet evil oh my god??????? it probably wouldn't work in canon unless stuff got retconned, but the implications here are so interesting to me regardless and you could do so much stuff character-wise (especially for ashrah) with this concept.....

first off, don't worry about not knowing extensive details about mk lore. it's bound to be confusing for someone new to the franchise, and even then plenty of us who've been here for a while don't entirely know what's going on either. i had to look up half the shit i mention in this post just to make sure i'm not off by a bunch

syzoth would have the biggest mental breakdown ever if this were a thing. poor guy can't catch a break

this would be a lot for ashrah, if she were to find out or otherwise put the pieces together. i mean, her whole thing is wanting to be fully human, and yet in this idea, she's not aware that she once already was human. that would be absolutely wild and 100% turn her entire world upside-down if she were to ever find out that truth.

the angst in this idea would go crazy. I LOVE IT. i think that syzoth would be reluctant to get close in any way with ashrah (at least initially) because, even if he doesn't know about how some demons are dead people brought back to life, ashrah physically resembling + sounding like his dead wife would mess with his head SO much.

poor ashrah, too; she's trying to learn what it means to be human and make friends with all these new people, and everyone in the good-guys group seems to be willing to be open with her--except for syzoth. and she has zero clue why. of course, because of their similar pasts and common struggles, they'd probably be drawn to each other anyways, but it'd be 10x more depressing than in canon

i imagine in this concept, shang killed her and then gave her corpse to quan chi. i don't think shang tsung would've given syzoth's family the dignity of dying in the living forest, tbh, i personally believe he dragged them off somewhere far away to die (which is also how i imagine syzoth went so long without knowing they were dead in the first place. easier to keep him in the dark about his family's fate if he's not aware of where they are). alternatively, ashrah could be put in a similar boat to old-timeline hanzo, who was a vengeful spirit of the netherrealm after being killed by bi-han, and then continuously manipulated by quan chi. i guess she would have to be somehow turned from a spectre to a demon, but i'm sure they can figure it out with magic lmfao

you're sort of right about the reanimated/reincarnation thing, it just doesn't apply to every type of demon. (more lore explanation under the cut bc i rambled a lot and it got a bit long oops) (if you read up on all this already and this information is useless to you i sincerely apologize in advance)

the lots of different demon types in mortal kombat: imps, oni, the enenera, cambions, and other miscellaneous ones. iirc there was also gonna be another class called "elder demons" (like elder gods but not really???? i guess???) in an older game but that was scrapped.

there’s technically a difference between the oni and other demons, because quan chi in the old timeline was an oni before he turned into a demon after mastering sorcery. so i guess oni are like… lower than demons??? or something?????? i’m not actually sure what the difference is between the two tbh 😓

we know that the enenra are created from the souls of slain mortals, so they'd be an example of an undead person coming back as a demon, as mentioned in this very sad scenario. the only enenra that we've actually met in canon is smoke, who was explained to be one after dying as a child via his mk9 ending

it's really fucked up lol, some cult kidnapped & sacrificed him when he just a kid

so that would be one example of how in this au/scenario/thing, ashrah could've had a human life once and not be aware of it. this tracks pretty well with mk9 smoke not remembering his previous life or death, until his early memories came back to him after so long.

the only issue is that smoke was reborn as an enenra right after he was killed, and after he took out his revenge on the cultists, he woke back up in his human body with no memories of his previous life. so i assume this would apply to any other enenra: they die, come back and do their thing, then go back to their original bodies right where they died with no memories of their old lives. they don't minecraft respawn in the netherrealm, which is where ashrah is from. but if pre-death ashrah in this au was dragged to the netherrealm and then killed, then brought back as a demon that's further manipulated by quan chi's dark magic, i guess it could work?????

(speaking of the enenra: in one of his mk1 intros with ashrah, smoke mentions dreaming of the enenra. so either tomas already died in this new timeline & just isn't aware of it, OR he's gonna kick the bucket soon and come back as an enenra. either way, we should probably prepare his funeral in advance lmfao).

there have also been demons that aren’t enenra, but are still dead people reincarnated by quan chi, as you mentioned. they're really obscure characters -- i had to look them up to make sure i wasn't making this up in my head lmfao -- but in the show mortal kombat: conquest there's siann, mika, and sora. they're undead corpses of the netherrealm that were brought back to life as demons via quan chi's magic

they lived they served cunt they died

from my understanding (i haven't watched mk:c, i just read their wiki page) they were basically being forced to work for quan chi otherwise he threatened take away their living forms, which sucks. also mika might have a crush on quan chi….. for some reason???

the difference between these three and the enenra, though, is that they seem to actually be aware that they're undead lol. but maybe that's just because quan chi keeps threatening them with being corpses again if they don't follow his orders (again, haven't watched mk:c). who knows! their wiki page isn’t that long and doesn’t give me much info so i don’t have much to go off of 🤷🏻‍♂️

ashrah in mk1 does have a canonical demon type; she mentions that her and her sisters are cambions in an intro with kitana, hence how sareena can seamlessly change between her human-ish and demon form. i don’t thiiiink cambions are “reborn”/undead the same way the enenra would be? in irl folklore “cambion” is used to refer to either a changeling — which makes sense given sareena — or a demon-human hybrid. i really doubt ashrah’s the latter, though, so i suppose she just... spawned into existence as a cambion one day. or maybe she has demon parents running around somewhere. idk bro

i guess what i’m trying to tie together here is that in the “ashrah is a reborn dead person but doesnt know it and unfortunately said dead person is syzoth’s dead wife” nightmare scenario you’ve presented to my inbox, it could go a few ways:

she’s an enenra

same situation as the mk:c girls

hanzo-esque situation (although he's not a demon so. idk)

the second one is probably more in line with what you're thinking of, except that unlike the mk:c girls, ashrah would be kept in the dark that she's a reanimated corpse of a human woman.

and, i said this earlier, but i'll say it again: this would be a wild twist for ashrah character-wise. imagine: she’s fighting for her absolution, fighting to be a human and rid herself of her demonic nature, and then it turns out all along that at one point, there was a time ashrah was human. she had a human life and appearance once, and it was all ripped from her one day and she had no idea. even if her previous life wasn’t related to syzoth or anyone else on the roster, that would still suck. but on the other hand, i think it would give her even more incentive to purify her soul & finally kill quan chi. she'd be hurt, angry, want vengeance for the human woman she once was. the woman that was wrongfully murdered for a sorcerer's selfish gains. the possibilities are endless!!!

i dunno what else to put here or how to end this off, but i've got so many thoughts now... oughh

#not art #ask #ashzoth #angelscales #ashrah #syzoth #iiii am too tired to tag the rest of the ppl mentioned here LOL

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inkedroplets · 4 months

Text

20 Questions More

A deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks @eqt-95 for the tag

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

I always have too many ideas and not enough time to actually write.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

There are way too many authors to list that I feel like would deserve a mention. I would love to give a huge thank you to all the gifmakers still in the fandom-sphere. I can probably thank gifsets for a lot of my ideas (even if I still haven't actually written them down).

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

Within the Supercorp-sphere, I love writing for Sam. I think because I would have loved to see her stick around longer in the show itself.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

I don't want to say any trope is technically off the table but I don't think I'd ever write a true enemies to lovers fic. I slow burn enough as it is, if I tried to write that, I'd never finish it.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

My editing process is akin to pulling weeds. I like to reduce my word count by maybe 10% on the first edit. Add back maybe 5% more and repeat the process until I'm finally happy with it. Spoiler alert: I'm never happy

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

I'm much more a gardener when it comes to writing so I never know where the story will go exactly. So just writing the first draft is always the most fun for me. I sometimes think the characters will act a certain way and they kind of take a life of their own and I'm just along for the ride.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

I remember having to research art forgery for essentially a throwaway line but it really was interesting. E

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

None in particular, but that's not to say I don't make many many mistakes. I do tend to make tiny changes as I go which means that I've doubled up on some sentences in the past and I am always mortified when I find them after I've already posted the chapter.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Scenes with urgency give me trouble. You want the scene to breathe but you need to be aware that time is short so what the characters can say, what they want to say and what they actually get to say are so different. There was a scene like that in A Rich Girl With Issues that I kind of agonized over. How much should I let Kara and Lena speak to one another, what's important, what should be left unsaid?

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

All. The. Time. I never have a plan. I sometimes have scenes I want to write and hope the story veers in that direction so I can write it but it always turns out so different.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Probably Lena because she's the loml (Apologies to the actual loml)

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

I am addicted to pining. Not just pining, angsty pining. I love writing something that's so obvious to everyone else when the characters are so in love or so full of self-loathing that they can't let themselves even begin to imagine their feelings being returned.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Reading. I read voraciously. I'm normally surrounded by books. Some that I pick up to just read anywhere. It's helped me find my voice and it's helped me grow as a writer (at least I think it has)

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I do small edits as I go but nothing major. If a line sticks out that I really don't like then I usually tinker with it before I move on. I think that's not good advice in general but it bothers me too much to ignore. But if you do edit as you go, there's a lot less to polish in the final editing stages.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

I hate making the summary. I don't even know what the fic is about, how the hell am I supposed to tell other people?

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I feel like my writing is very selfish in a way. They are stories that I want to read and I get enjoyment out of writing them. So every kind comment I get, there's always a sense of wonder because it's so strange that someone else is interested. I truly do cherish every comment and there are many I like to revisit when I'm not feeling so confident in my writing.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

I usually make a playlist for each multi-chapter fic. Some fic ideas get their start as a playlist. Please someone ask me about them, I have so many.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

I have been very blessed that people have made fan art of my work and I'm still in awe. I could never even begin to describe how touched and honored I am that anybody did that. One of the pieces has been my computer background for ages. It's not an exaggeration that I cherish every single piece. I honestly don't think I could ever adequately describe how much it means to me.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

For Supercorp I have 15+ I do plan on actually posting them in the new year.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

I would say to write for yourself first and foremost. Sharing your art or your writing or even your head canons or ideas takes a lot of courage. It's scary to put something out there that means so much to you. I'd also advise not to get too hung up on hits/kudos/comments etc. I can't say don't look at them because I'd be a hypocrite but I would say to focus on the journey rather than the destination.

- - - - -

tagging (respectfully and without pressure) @fazedlight @autisticlenaluthor @rustingcat

#ask game #writing #oh this was fun

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cubur · 1 year

Note

Excuse me, may I ask you a question?

I was really wondering how you are still friends with the artist named snow124? They are so talented and high amount of sasunarusasu community loves their art but once i saw their very rude and unsympathetic behavior because of my reposting their fan work on instagram, but that was one year ago. As far as i know you were friends with this artist even back then and i wonder if they've ever been rude to you? How you can still tolerate that person?

You can ignore my question if i caused you discomfort by my words

Hello there！ Hmmm ok I've been looking at your ask for a while and just thinking how to answer it… "should I answer in one sentence or the length of a novel?" And then I just thought i couldn't describe myself in one sentence. So here we go…

Warning！This is a long post, sorry.

First of all, I have a few things to say before answering your questions. And these things about me, if you don't mind. Okay so, I really have no idea what i look like through someone else's eyes, but i don't like to talk to people often in my real life. In most cases, creature called "human" acts only for its own benefit… This is purely my personal opinion and I won't say all, but 95% of people are like that even if they don't admit it. I don't like selfish, liars, two faced people. So can we say that I am as lonely as Sasuke? Yes I am. (I've already said that i feel close to Sasuke's character during the insta Q&A thing) but anyways… That's why there are very few people around me that I truly trust. And Snow is one of them.

Now coming back to your questions… Well…… Firstly i didn't like you calling her "the artist named snow124". I mean, what does that mean !? Many people in the sns community don't think of more than one person when Snow124 is mentioned, right (?) but everyone thinks of only one artist. So I would understand if you only say Snow124. (Just felt like you were trying to marginalize her or something, and this bothered me)！ Secondly, have you ever thought of turning the mirror at yourself before calling someone rude, unsympathetic, stupid, idiot etc? When there's a disagreement, do you really think it's always the other person's fault ? …You know what, I asked Snow first before answering your ask just because her name is mentioned here. And if she had said "don't answer", I wouldn't have answered. But why did I do that? After all, this is my ask box, my account, so why am i asking her? But actually the real question is, why do you post her artwork that she spends her hours maybe days on your own account without even asking her permission, while I get permission from her just because her name was mentioned in a question that came to me? Can you see the difference between these two examples i gave? Well, if you still can't see it, i'll explain in one word. This is "respect"！

Is that your commission? No. Is it your work? No. Is it your idea, design, collab or something? No. So then, who gave you the right to post someone else's work for just a few likes and followers? And what kind of reaction do you expect the artist to react to your disrespect towards their work? Think about it a little……

It's not the first time I've seen people call Snow rude. And maybe others are right in their own way but her attitude or words were never rude to me… I think it's wrong to expect everyone to give the same reaction when faced with a problem or something！For example; I'm not good at controlling myself emotionally …not that professional yet. On the other hand, I see that Snow is able to keep her emotional side more controlled and stronger than me. But do you think that means she's callous? I know many people don't even care about empathy. But just for once, have you ever thought about this repost issue from an artist's perspective? I don't know if you are aware but many artists even deleted their accounts for this reason！So you can't say you saw their rude (as you call it) behavior as if you were the only right side！

"I wonder if they've ever been rude to you? How you can still tolerate that person?"

Snow124 herself always says she's as cold as snow. Not rude but she is aware that she has a cold personality. So maybe "No." sounds very rude to you but it's just a simple no to her, you never know. And before I talk to someone, i try to get to know that person. I already knew she was like that, and frankly i like her critical attitude. She can see details that I can't see, but I take this as help, not rudeness (and this is one of the reasons i chose her as my teacher). I mean if someone likes rock music and says they hate pop, then I wouldn't try to get them to like pop music. Briefly, I accept that person as they are… Not with everyone but sometimes I talk so much that others even get a headache because of me …and from time to time Snow also (maybe forcibly) puts up with this side of me *im sorry* x) And she usually gives short answers to my boring novels but I never questioned that, or didn't think she was rude, or something. Do you know why? 'Cause she's not me, i'm not her. Maybe there are common tastes but one person is never 100% the same as another person. I never expected anything in return when i drew her a gift or a piece. When I care about someone or something i do it without expecting anything in return (this is also one of the reasons why i still keep drawing Naruto and Sasuke)

When it comes to "tolerate" thing… Hmm ok I don't understand exactly what you're talking about. I mean it's not about tolerating Snow, on the contrary she tolerates me at many points (and my silly jokes that aren't funny at all x)) Also yeah there are many things in my real life that I have to tolerate, so i just remember how i was able to calm my mind again thanks to my fanart accounts and some golden people here…

Also if I remember correctly, someone on insa said i was nicer than Snow for warning them before reporting their repost, just like you anon. But after that due to another report, someone else started sending abusive messages to my personal email address. Yes maybe i'm more patient about reposts than her, but not anymore！Everyone has a limit, please remember this！ And one last thing, you guys don't even realize when you're actually being rude by directly calling someone rude.

#believe it or not Snow is one of the most respectful and decent also kind hearted person I've ever seen #...but even she herself is not aware of it #just wish you guys could see this grumpy cat turn into a fluffy kitten from time to time #i'll probably disable anons again soon #and sorry again for my wall post...#text post

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celestialmint · 10 months

Text

Twitter alternatives (WIP)

Collecting some pros and cons (with sources if I can find them) for various platforms. I'm neurodivergent, this is how I cope with my stress, figured I'd share if it helps anyone! I'm looking for a place that vibes with my values (LGBTQ+, BIPOC, disabled, anti-hate, NSFW friendly, and preferably has boundaries against generative AI stealing art/writing etc.).

I welcome any comments/sources that people have as so many of us are trying to figure this out!! Updating as I find more options/learn more

Tumblr:

My experience: I used Tumblr back before the NSFW ban and am just coming back this year, I find it easy to use and filter content I do and don't want to see. But I struggle to feel a sense of community here (I haven't talked to anyone directly through this platform in the years I have used it, though I do appreciate the silly tags on my art!! keep them coming!)

Pros: As far as I'm aware (I used the site back in the popular days, so I'm just coming back to it): does not use posts for gen AI, does not ban queer/bipoc/disabled content. Many fandoms have a large base here.

Cons: cannot post NSFW, anything vaguely near NSFW can be flagged even if it is not sexual

Twitter:

My experience: I have been on Twitter for about a year, I've found a bunch of mutuals and enjoy interacting with people there. But I can't support the direction M*sk is taking things and don't want to post my art on that platform anymore.

Pros: Large user base/far reach including international, can post NSFW but it can sometimes be limited in the algorithm

Cons: M*sk, shadowbans/bans of LGBTQ+ and BIPOC content, arbitrary bans/flags for NSFW, will use posts for AI, bots, hate speech, and harassment of marginalized groups are getting worse

Discord:

My experience: I've used discord for at least 7 years and use it daily as my primary form of communication with friends (and my husband one room away).

Pros: Large user base, most gamers have it, easy way to communicate on mobile and desktop, fun bot integration

Cons: Hard to find your people, most servers are closed systems that you don't know exist, and being in dozens of servers can be difficult to keep track of/keep up with. Each server is run by a person and could disappear without any notice if they rage quit and delete it, the rules are also up to that person. It makes it hard for artists to get a broader reach unless they have their own userbase from another platform feeding into it. Mentions of using user content (VC?) for AI training. They combined the dev for iOS and Android and the mobile app has been AWFUL since then (constantly says connecting every time I go to the app, often have to close and reopen it to send a message).

Bluesky Social:

My experience: I'm on the waitlist (supposedly? Didn't get an email confirmation and just waiting for the past week).

Pros: Built by the previous CEO of Twitter so in theory knows how to build a platform, lots of people seem to be heading that way if they can get an invite code. There were previous worries about it using content for AI, however as far as I can tell it uses content for tagging/moderation the same way that Tumblr does, and NOT for generative AI, " Bluesky does not own rights to your User Content" (From their TOS). Supposedly allows NSFW but can't find a source on this.

Cons: Waitlist of indeterminate length/hard to get an invite code. As shared in my comments, there have been issues of harassment and racism that are not being moderated properly to protect POC users. There have been issues of racist slurs being used in usernames, which in theory got patched out with code, but took a while for them to respond, which does not bose well.

Misskey.io:

My experience: Seeing a few mutuals go over to Misskey.io, I have only clicked on a couple of their posts to see what the platform looks like.

Notes: Uncertain about much about the platform. A lot of the posts are in Japanese (and I'm rusty reading kanji!)

Cons: There are mentions of being Anti-LGBTQ+ or at least not wanting people to post LGBTQ+ content there (1, 2, 3).

Mastodon:

My experience: I don't have an account and have only clicked there once for this post, see below

Notes: I have no personal experience with this platform but people online keep mentioning how hard it is to set up and use (even those who work in programming). I just went to the site's explore page from a google search. The first post it showed me was anti-red state/political parties legislating/tracking marginalized groups (ok), but with a picture of Nazi's front and center uncensored or tagged/flagged as far as I can tell (that was a shocking welcome to the site, might have just been my bad luck, not sure what kind of content is usually posted there). My husband who is into following political content says that people looking for that content are more likely to go to Mastodon from the accounts he follows, rather than art/fandom (from his experience).

Threads:

My experience: I do not have Facebook and will not join this platform.

Pros: Lots of people already have Instagram accounts, so it should be easy to join Threads

Cons: They will collect every scrap of data they can on you and sell it. From your purchases, to health, to location, you are the product.

Pillowfort:

My experience: Only seen mutuals talking about it, do not have an account myself

Pros: According to wikipedia: "The website was launched in 2017 and is currently in open beta. As of October 2020, the site had more than 100,000 users. The website is popular among fandoms, the LGBT community, and adult content creators." Allows NSFW content. Looks a lot like Tumblr so should be familiar to use. They have a demo login that allows you to check out what the site looks like before making an account. They say they are "planning" (search for Stance on AI in the FAQs) to prevent bot scraping, however they believe "AI and AI Generated Images are a topic that is much more nuanced than we previously believed" and do not take a firm stance on the topic yet.

Cons: They do not have a mobile app, though it is mentioned in the FAQs as planned. They limit image uploads to 2MB, you have to pay $2.49/month to upload up to 4MB. Anything submitted over 2MB up to 10MB will be resized down to 2MB.

Notes: On the FAQ they mention "In order for Pillowfort to remain online we need money to cover our various expenses such as hosting & data fees, staff compensation, etc. We do not receive any funding from corporate investors or venture capital because we are committed to keeping our user experience a priority." For better or worse, it is not run by a large company, they mention working on getting volunteers for moderation, the site feels like a work in progress.

Spill:

Notes: Having trouble finding details on this one, don't know anyone personally on it to ask.

Pros: Black owned

Cons: Currently a waitlist, not sure how long the wait is

#twitter alternative #twitter meltdown #twitter refugees

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ruporas · 1 year

Note

Esteemed artist, I would love to hear your Trigun thoughts. What specifically? Well, up to you. I saw you have a lot to say in the tags of your art and would love to hear it without the worry of a shadowban

OH..! thank you so much for your curiosity!!!

god, there is SO much to talk about in trigun, i don't even know where to start honestly.

*adding this note after i've finished typing: this is just a whole lot of rambling with unspecified direction. mainly vashwood, mainly trimax

i think the easiest is to open up with vashwood, but if i start with vashwood, not even one post will be enough to encapsulate the layers of love, tragedy, the what-ifs that could've bloomed in-between their travels, their effects on each other, etc etc… and then it also depends on which version of vashwood because the beauty of vashwood is that if you intake all 4 versions (trimax, 98 anime, stampede, badlands rumble), then you get 4 kinds of vashwood that varies in slightly different ways, and i've been incredibly plagued by the brainrot enough to think about them All.

trimax, if not obvious, is my favorite vashwood… though tristamp vashwood is constantly making me lose my mind too -- the original writing and creation of both vash and wolfwood's characters are just so dear to me, even though my gateway into this series started with stampede.

i think the significant portion of my love into vashwood is just how much i love the individual characters themselves; i mean. ok wolfwood started as my favorite character and frankly, i could be argued with that he is my favorite character, but vash is the moooost lovable man ever and a week ago, i was Constantly tearing up thinking about the solitude he faces on the daily; how pre-trimax, he was well and aware of how moment-to-moment his life was and how he can't slow down because he needed to get to knives and thus, he knew any friendships and meaningful connections wouldn't last either… and then beginning of trimax, he got peace for a bit before being forcibly dragged out of it in knowing that knives is out on the move again, but now he has this semi-permanent companion alongside him, someone who follows him and is Really good at sticking by him, so even if vash tried to run, just as he tried to shrug off the insurance girls before, it's not possible against wolfwood.

and this could go into a whole thing about how initially, vash viewed wolfwood as someone that was just following him, trailing alongside him, unwantingly by vash because it really just brings more risk to wolfwood and that's not something vash wants. he reluctantly starts to accept wolfwood's companionship after vol 3 because it was the first time he did literally try to abandon wolfwood (and failed), and as they gradually continued on this journey and learnt more about each other and fought side by side, vash developed a trust that wolfwood would be there no matter what.

though by vol 6-7, vash suffered the most immense loneliness of his life and not even his trust in wolfwood could really shake that loneliness, esp during that chapter where he had asked wolfwood if he was a guide, and hearing wolfwood's affirmative yes, imo, disheartened him, because he might've been hoping to hear something more… like a friend…! but wolfwood is PACKED with guilt and as much as he loved vash at that point and time, he knew that at the end of the day, he was still leading him to knives, as originally intended. how could he call vash as something more, something so personal and dear when that was a mission he hasn't abandoned? they just make me so ill, BUT ANYWAY… inevitably, i ramble about vashwood.

though, i do want to say also… it's funny to receive a question like this since you mention just trigun in general..! i was rereading pre-trimax and end of trimax just yesterday. i honestly don't think i'm good at grasping the overarching messages of stories, so my wording here may butcher the beautiful ending that trimax gives; but i am so floored constantly by stories that dive deep into giving the feeling of hope through the efforts of a collective and highlights connections and love between individuals… i think i remember reading nightow describing trigun as a story that shows all kinds of love and i really enjoy that. from familial love to platonic to romantic… i am blinded by shipping bias but frankly, nightow left SO many clues about the implied romance between vashwood all these years ago, So. taking their romance as canon with Pride.

i talk about vashwood a lot, but the bonds shared between vash and meryl, wolfwood and milly are also so important to me -- by extension, vash & milly, wolfwood & meryl too; this little group dubbed peace & love gang because all 4 of them fight for and believe in a future of peace & love so vehemently. the way they care for people and the kindness they embody… and the support they give each other…!!! it's unfortunate that trimax didn't give as much highlight to these 4 as a group, but nightow always leaves enough crumbs for me to snatch up and just start building my own headcanons about them… i want to elaborate on them more, but i'm hoping i can draw it out first one day!! i really like them!

but ok, i think i rambled enough DFMGKSMHKS i'm sorry i didn't really dive into specifics. if there are any specifics you or anyone would like my insights on, feel free to ask and i'll do my best to answer..! i don't think i'm much of an elaborate analyzer or anything, i just Love to ramble about my favorite things. i've considered making a side blog just to dedicate to my ramblings, but it is a really brave thing to do, so i'm not sure yet!

but thank you again for this ask and i really appreciate knowing others read my silly tags!!

#asks #if i had a forever i would spend it talking about trigun #i love this series soooooo much godddddd #thank you for the ask again !!!

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sir-subpar · 16 days

Note

I think more people would be inclined to donate to your Ko-Fi if you posted art and fan-fics on what people want to see from you.

You had several interesting and popular projects that I'm sure people would eat up more of if you continue them and you could balance your original stuff with the popular stuff so to prevent burn out.

Just a humble suggestion from a anon.

You would think so, right?

Even if (when) I took turns posting a fandom thing and an original thing over and over and over.

Guess which thing gets more attention?

I haven't been in the mood to make "popular" things right now.

Because we're talking over text like this I can't quite read your tone. Maybe you are genuinely trying to be helpful, but most of the time when people send me things like this, it comes across as very patronizing. Or smug. Again, not necessarily saying this is what you're doing, but a lot of other times people have done this, it was there not so subtle way of trying to get me to draw and write what they want.

I keep getting asks about "bringing back" things (of which few people have elaborated what they want me to specifically bring back. Save for a few who mentioned so I don't even really know what they consider to be my popular stuff)

Art is not my main business right now.

It's just one of the things keeping me sane. I'm not making much money off of it in general. It bums me out, but it's fine.

Other than my pinned post I haven't asked people to donate to it for a while.

Because last time I did, was when my dog was dying. And we thought we could save him.

We couldn't.

And I am still devastated.

So sorry if I'm not in the mood to make "popular" things right now.

I have a picture of what Buddy looked like the very last time I got to see him. His face as the cancer got so bad we had to put him down.

That picture, is the last image of him I have, other than the mental image of the vet taking his lifeless body out of the room.

I am well aware that I'm not making much money with my art right now. I'm trying to get a second job. So I don't appreciate it when people come in trying to give me "humble advice" that I have tried before that didn't work. Especially during sensitive times like right now.

Please people, stop. If I want to make fan art, I will. Just let me make that call on my own.

It's not a problem if someone asks me if I'm going to bring something back. But when people keep saying "when are you going to do this" like I'm obligated, it only burns me out faster.

If I want to draw a fandom thing, I will and if I don't want to I won't. It's as simple as that. If you guys really want me to draw something then commission me. If not, let me draw what I want to. Because unless I'm getting paid for it, I have no obligation.

You know, I was starting to feel some motivation to draw some Andy's apple farm earlier today, and now I'm not so sure.

EDIT: Also, when I made/make fandom stuff, I don't do it because it's popular. I do it because I like it. Because it's fun for me.

#subpar speaks #I'm seriously tired of getting things like this #this happens way too much #it's really starting to bother me #innocent intentions or not #hearing anything too many times gets aggravating

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nananarc · 8 months

Text

EXCUSE ME WHILE I RANT FOR A BIT

So anyway I finally started with the graduation project and, lemme tell ya, it was annoying. I mean I expected this, but it's still annoying.

The school and the mentor wants things to be of a certain aesthetic and standard so it can fit with the general public's taste and eventually it can be picked up by a publisher. it has to be commercial and easy to digest, for a lack of better words. Which is like, the opposite of essentially what i am as a person and as an artist.

So anyway I'll be doing Truyện Kiều again, illustrating the full book with better art this time. Here are some sketches I did:

Below is the mentor's very quick sketch for demo:

Which is. Ok cool, it's very traditional, Vietnamese fine art design and aesthetic. The thing that you see everywhere in books and media. The thing that is taught in fine art school. And it's also very HIM because he's a very prominent artist since a long time ago. I'm not talking about the difference in the era clothing tho because he demoed in Nguyễn dynasty while mine is of the Trần dynasty.

My style was criticized (politely) that the face doesn't look pretty, the nose is too prominent and big, the lineart is too scratchy and loose, and that I have to restrict the freedom in my lineart more.

Which is. Like. Pretty much all the things that i like about my art the most. I don't really like drawing "pretty" people, I wanna draw distinct and unique people. I like the fact that the nose is prominent because that's a very Vietnamese facial feature. Our nose is big, flat and flared. And I like it. AND I DIDNT EVEN DRAW IT THAT BIG. it's already stylized and stuff. The lineart is scratchy and spontaneous because that's how my ADHD brain works! And I like the freedom, the raw unfinished feel to it. And my way of scrawing is kinda similar to sculpting in a way that I like to put in a block of line or shape (yang) and then erase it and putting in more nothing space (yin). And I like Maximalism and Kitsch and Neo-traditionalism so I love to do things a bit crazy and new and filled with emotions.

My mentor comes from a very different generation, and a different field than me. He's very commercial, leaning more into minimalism, fine-art conservative and traditional aesthetic. WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF ME. Sadly we don't get to choose mentor cos there's only one lmao.

And also I don't understand why I have to aim for publishing in Vietnam too, because that's not where my target customer is. I'm a niche artist with limited customer base and they are international clients (who mostly pay better, treat you better, and appreciate your art more than the general public in VN do). Luckily I have a bachelor in business admin so I know how to do brand and marketing myself, othewise id just keep on trying to please everyone (flexing a little bit, but i was graduating with excellence and on the top 10 of my intake lmeo). Not to mention the fact that why do I even have to publish in the first place, because this is a school, it is a place to experiment, make mistakes, and learn. It's not a place to conform to the industry to make a living. If I wanna do that I would not be here and start working for a company already!

I understand it when they said that it would be a huge advantage if you can get published, but then again, that route is not for everyone, and it's not the only way to be an illustrator like they said. I have my own path to walk on, and I don't think they are aware that we even have those paths, because they are from a different generation. I mean, that's why I was struggling so much before to find a footing, because virtually no one here knows there are other paths! I had to dig things up myself through sweat, blood and tear.

Anyway I rant but i will keep trying to fight and do it on my own terms. They can't make me anyway. There's gonna be sticks and stones, but I mean, I can't physically make myself do something I do not wanna do. There's another option which is to drop it because I don't need the certificate anyway, but I wanna finish a big project of my own too.

#might regret posting this later tho #but i doubt it because i know where i am now finally #and i know where they are too and its not where i belong #my Việt babies here probably know of the mentor if i mention his name #he is from a waaaaay different place than me #i mean this school is a commercial art school anyway #but like im cant attend fine art because thats even more far off than what i am lmao #cryptic na posting

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