#I am AWARE that I’m fat | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fregget-frou · 1 year

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Minor vent today was just really bad :p

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Ok I don’t know if this is dumb to ask but is it embarrassing to need to go home because of period cramps?? I think I made a big deal but I mean I did pass out but also I’ve heard people do deal with it??? I’m pissing off my parents because I’ve been sick so often and having to make them leave work because of it. It hurt alot but like. Idk.! I’m not even sure if I should’ve even gone home????? I just oh my god I feel really dumb and weak for some reason but also I get it because I passed out from the pain and this just does not happen but also I was told to ask my doctor which I know he’ll just say it’s my weight but. I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself and having a meltdown over a scratch but it’s not a scratch to me but aLSO I know that even if it wasn’t I should react and cause problems I’m being a burden. I mean they said it themselves I’m disrupting their work more often and I don’t want to do that but the last time I tried to tough it out I had to go to the ER which made an even bigger disruption and I just don’t wanna do that again.

#kinda wish the school nurse had pain killers but we don’t have them #I did yknow throw up but but #I could be overreacting #I know that’s what my doctor will say!! fucking hate that because I know he only has 2 responses to me it’s either because I’m fat or it’s #it’s just normal #I am AWARE that I’m fat #you don’t have to say everything is wrong about me and that I should suffer through things because of it man #I think he thinks I don’t know #which is incredibly annoying because hey man!! you’ve been telling me I’m fat since I was SIXXX #YOU DONT NEED TO FUCKING REPEAT IT AND BRING IY UPP #I KNKW #I KNOW #I FUCKING KNOW #MAYBE #JUST MAYBE IM GOING TO YOU FOR ACTUAL MEDICAL HELP #THAT IS RELATED TO MY #ILLNESS THAT HAS BEEN CONTINUOUSLY ATTACKING ME #I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME #BUT I SURE AS HELL KNOW ITS NOT JUST BECAUSE IM FAT #it’s so hard to not relapse right now #ohhh the ed that’s just asking to come back and kill me is waiting for this #I can feel my mental health deteriorating every day!!!#I AM FULLY CONSCIOUS MY MIND AND BODY ROTTING AROUND ME #I AM IN HELL.

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donnieisaprettyboy · 1 month

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hey y’all I’m trying to figure something out so…

#tw ed #tw weight #I just find myself thinking about my weight like. every waking moment #I’m constantly convinced everyone around me is constantly aware of and thinking about how fat I am #I’m so self conscious about it I think about it all the time

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captn-lovelace · 27 days

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i’m a fat bitch on both zoloft and adderall so needless to say i sweat enough for 10 ppl. and im moving to arizona. in the summer.

im actually so excited to live there but dear god, living in a hot climate, specifically arizona, is something that has occupied my mind to the point that it was a common topic of therapy 😭 like what if i show up to a professional event covered in sweat 💀

#this was easier before i was this fat. bc now when i sweat like a mf im so aware of what a fat stereotype that is #and unfortunately it’s a very accurate one for me at least. so i’m always like oh god ppl around me are gonna think i’m a gross sweaty fatty #even tho like…… i am lol. and that’s ok #i have a bad habit of like not showering for a week and i def can’t do that anymore if i get sweaty!!!!#how will i have the energy to shower daily #oh good and the fact that i’ll wear shorts most of the year!!! bc it’s hot!!! but shorts kill my inner thighs 😭#i so prefer pants #im gonna die yall

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jenjensd · 8 months

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If you ever consider a job where you have to care for people, you are not allowed to be a bigot. I don’t give a shut if you’ve “always wanted to be a nurse”. Quit. Now. If you are in a position where people depend on you, you cannot be selfish.

Doctors, Nurses, Teachers. If you are a transphobe, racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, eugenicist, fatphobic, misogynist, any of that shit. Quit right fucking now. You cannot be trusted to care for people unless you are able to put aside your biases and help people.

We’ve all heard stories of that shitty bully who became a nurse and acts like they never tormented the weird kid at school. The nurses who don’t like you because you’re not a typical case. The doctors who dismiss the person with a brain tumour because she happens to be fat.

If you are a Fucking bigot about anything you can get the fuck out of your job. If you won’t help everyone no matter who they are, you cannot do your Fucking job.

#I’m aware most bigots don’t think they are #and the rest are too stubborn #I am so fed up #my mum nearly died of a brain tumour because doctors called her neurological symptoms “excess adipose tissue #as if being fat can cause fainting and dizzy spells and loss of motor control #and all her other symptoms #fatphobia has killed people #racism has killed people #antisemitism has killed people #transphobia has killed people #homophobia has killed people #ableism has killed people #all of these things and more have killed so many people #because it’s imperative that people be treated right #and they rarely ever are #especially in medical settings

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what-the-fuck-khr · 1 year

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absolutely enamoured and obsessed now with the way someone drew Luffy with huge as fuck canines that he just shows off bc he has a big as fuck grin and likes to stretch his cheek to show em off. fucking so into that actually. what a design feature that could’ve been on him. I’m never gonna shut up about this

edit: here is the fanart in question

#like. like. the fuck #obsessed actually genuinely #I think Luffy has such a cute boyish charm to him #that is exacerbated in fanart. so charming. I know he’s a fucking idiot in all ways but #I am charmed by his stupidity and lack of awareness #anyways fanart makes him look so good. and the main point #is that the big fuck off canines makes him look better #like oh I absolutely know this boy has no idea what romance is. no fucking clue about it or sex or ANYTHING #and would not care to know either #but FUCK ME if I’m not a big fat loser for the boyish charms and big fucking canines in fanart #I’m a simple person I really am #ooc

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latinokaeya-moving · 1 year

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semi related kinda actually. one of those super common fat stereotypes that didn’t really stick/make sense to me until i grew older was the idea of fat equaling weak or pathetic like. that’s a really common association right in both media and the average consciousness of ppl. but it was never something i learned to internalise as a kid bc a Lot of ppl in my family including myself had always been built big and broad and everyone was always just so physically strong??? like looking back not in an unnaturally impressive way or anything but just so many of them had been manual labourers in some way in colombia and then they came here to do cleaning and even though it might not seem it that’s Such a physically taxing job especially if you’re doing it for 12+ hours every day and like. the strength that built Showed in the roughhousing at home so clearly ?

like as little kids me and my brother would gang up on my grandma to play wrestle and she would sooo soundedly defeat us each time like she had such solid grip and weight behind her arms even as an old lady she was short but broad and Sturdy and physically strong!!! and my brother is huge and tall and Fat he was the biggest kid in secondary school i’m so sure and he could pick up and manhandle and throw other kids even older than him with ease. he played rugby with these fit lanky guys i knew in my year who would tell me that they would stay the Fuck away from him when they played bc they knew he was unmovable and Would slam them to the ground without breaking a sweat. hell he could right now pick me up and physically slam me on the ground if he really wanted to and im big! i’m heavy as hell! i weigh almost as much as he does!

so growing up surrounded by my family i just. kinda got used to associating fatness with physical strength as this obvious innate thing so when i sorta expanded my horizons n saw the way it was used in popular media as visual shorthand for like. laziness And Therefore weakness it was just very. unintelligible. it didn’t make sense to me at all. i didn’t get it lol

#x #i know it’s a double edged thing right. like fat r both weak/pathetic but also these huge intimidating monsters to the dainty thin ppl #but while the monstrous association w fatness was Very much instilled in me the weak part was Not At All. it’s possible that being nonwhite #affected that for me in some way but u know. whatever.#it’s just a really strange disconnect i still have w the way fatness is perceived and portrayed #a lot of stereotypes i like. know them and am aware of them and. not necessarily Understand them obviously but like. i have reasonable #common knowledge of them that i picked up as a kid right #but this is just one of those things that continues to be rlly jarring when i see it #even if logistically i understand where the ideas n ideology behind it comes from #weird right. it might be a kinda ‘cultural’ thing of like. valuing the look of ‘real physical strength’ / sturdiness as well i guess #but even in theae cultures there still feels like there’s a kind of Obvious divide between the perception of fat ppl as Strong vs as Weak #and it just wasn’t something i ever caught onto lol. i guess i was too in my own feelings about feeling monstrous/inhuman bc of my fatness ?#idk man. does anyone get what i’m saying please tell me i’m making sense sndksndjd

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redhotarsenic-after-dark · 8 months

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I mean if I DID wanna post pics. What if I get Bullied (in the not fun way!)

#I am aware logically that with the way I’m built (fat and hairy guy) gay people would love me!#but! the voices! the voices! the voices!#they’re so intense!

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blurglesmurfklaine · 11 months

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so I did not get anything I wanted to done today, but I did manage to find ten years old pictures of myself and feel bad about my body enough to sign up for a gym class later today so there’s that

#personal #blurgleshutthefuckup #i just #like i look at my body and the way it was growing up #and first of all why was I so mean to her??? she was cute and very normal sized???#and then I’m like. how did THAT turn into THIS?#my fourteen year old self never imagined myself looking the way I do now and that’s just kind of a fucking bummer #and honestly I know blah blah internalized fat phobia I am AWARE okay #but It’s different when you’re the person who has to live in this body #and i want to try and get into shape again and lose the weight #but theres a part of me that is scared I’ll never get there so like why even try?#Bc it’s so hard to keep weight off #and idk man it’s so hard to take care of myself #and i know weight gain is natural but since starting college I know it’s a direct result of not taking care of myself #AHHHHHHHHHHH #anyway #I’m gonna go feed my cat

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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years

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Do I have to add ‘thinspo blogs dni’ to my header now. Is that something I have to do

#i thought that would go without saying. especially since it was a post where i specifically talked about how i eat a lot #&i love unhealthy food in the tags of said post #y’know what i said i wasn’t going to rant about this but actually i am. i hate these bitches #do what you want on your own blogs because you’re going to anyway & frankly if you’ve got as far as labelling yourself #as having a specific ED then you’re aware of exactly what you’re doing & at least some of the risks behind it & you’re certainly not going #to listen to a random 26 year old on the internet who says ‘hey i’ve been there before. cut it out’#but for god’s sake.#actually READING the tags of the post you liked or even looking at my blog and any other posts will show you I AM NOT A TH/NSP0 BLOG #SO DON’T FUCKING INTERACT WITH ME. do not bring your shit over here!!!! especially when the pinned post on your blog #is some really triggering shit #these bitches have no respect or regard for boundaries anyway so i’m not going to bother putting this in my header bc i know it’d do no good #but for real. this is why i’ve been trying to go a little lighter on tags lately #since leaving a lot of tags seems to attract weird people who search for stuff i didn’t realise people would search for #but god i’m so mad about this i just had to #maybe i’ll pin this lol. fuck it. never thought i’d make a DNI but apparently SOME people just can’t let me be a fat bitch in peace #personal #rant

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 16 days

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TW: discussions of body image/eating disorders/fat shaming/etc. Rant under the cut. This is about drag and body image as it pertains to Drag Race in the United States.

Thinking about Drag Race in the US. 16 seasons of Drag Race, 7 seasons of All Stars (excluding winners’ seasons), however many Vs The World seasons, and there has *never* been a winner that isn’t skinny.

Oh, some competitors get close. Supposedly, drag is open to all body shapes and sizes (with the right padding and shape wear and makeup). Supposedly, no matter your body, you can shapeshift into something beautiful. Over and over and over again, Drag Race has competitors who pride themselves on being “big girls”; people who grew up fatshamed, but turned it into their brand. Many of these queens are incredibly skilled performers, artists, and entertainers. And yet.

And yet.

Somehow, when the judging gets close, the fat queen usually gets cut.

I think about RuPaul’s background before Drag Race, as a runway model. How the Tic Tac Chit Chat is a running joke; “oh, RuPaul can’t finish a tic tac”. How many queens on the show are *frighteningly* skinny, and this is seen as a compliment. Producers will stitch together storylines of queens recovering from eating disorders, and in the same breath, cut to RuPaul and Michelle Visage complimenting a queen on how small her waist is in that corset.

I think about how many of these queens have had plastic surgery. At least one a season, usually more. How queens will come back for All Stars and I can no longer recognize them, not because they’re painting differently, but because their faces have entirely changed shape in the past few years. Hollower cheeks. Larger lips. Shaved jaws. Cutting and slicing for some proportion that makes them look slimmer and more feminine. How Morphine won the finale Lalaparuza Smackdown, with a $50,000 prize, and excitedly told the camera how she was going to “invest in her body”. “You get a BBL, you get a BBL, everybody gets a BBL!”.

Some of that is gender-affirming surgery, or other medically necessary surgeries. Detox got reconstructive surgery after a car crash, for example. A lot of it… isn’t. A lot of it is an “investment”. Part of the job.

I think about how a queen walked a runway with a look critiquing plastic surgery, all nude illusion and dashed lines, carving away at her waist and hips and butt. How Michelle Visage called it “overdone”. So many queens have talked about that already. It’s not new. It’s old news. Step up your game and talk about something more compelling.

16 years and not a single fat queen has won.

My friend and I aren’t watching seasons in order, but rather by how much they like a particular season. We’re working through season 7 right now. Violet Chotchki wins that one (sorry for spoilers). Violet also spends the entire season focused on emphasizing her body. How young she is. How skinny she is. Look, her “Death Becomes Her” runway is just her in the tightest corset possible, with an IV drip stuck into her arm. Cinched to death. The judges coo at how her waist is *so* small-

How many queens have come onto this show and bragged about losing 50 pounds? How many queens come back for All Stars, gleeful that they’re not a “big queen” anymore? Just “thick and juicy”, just “don’t need any padding”. You can have fat… as long as it’s in the butt or breasts and looks sexy enough. Otherwise it’s a hurdle to cry about in the cutaways. You can be as fat as you want on this show, sure, but if you lose weight you’ll get a camera in your face talking about how much “healthier” you are.

I think about how fashion runways are infinitely, horrifically worse. How most of these winners would, should they walk the runway, be put into a boring pencil skirt in the “plus size” category. They should be so lucky.

I think about Latrice. I think about Ginger Minj. I think about Eureka. I think about Mistress. I think about Megami in the Lalaparuza Smackdown. All these queens that get *so fucking close*. But some little thing-

Some intangible, unnameable thing-

Some unspoken qualia just barely makes their slim competitor stand out enough to take the crown.

I love drag. I really enjoy watching Drag Race. It’s a pocket of explicitly queer media I don’t get to see much of anywhere else. Disabled queens have won multiple seasons. People of color have won multiple seasons. Trans people have won multiple seasons. Just this year, the first East Asian queen won Drag Race in the US. Drag Race is incredibly inclusive to people from all backgrounds who are talented artists showing off their skills-

RuPaul makes another joke about skipping meals and getting surgery to maintain a queen’s “girl body”.

I turn the TV off.

#blue chatter #this makes me want to chuck rocks a little bit!!!!!!#this is not the only issue with the show by far; part of this is that it’s reality TV and they play up cultural biases and such for drama #I know that #there’s also plenty of examples of pervasive racism and classism on this show #even forms of queerphobia #and I understand that this is a show about a very particular subculture of queerness and that expecting it to be unproblematic isn’t fair #the reason I’m talking about drag race specifically is bc my roommate loves it and I’ve been watching a lot of it bc of that #so I’m more familiar with it and better able to call out what I see #please do not start discourse in my notes. I am aware that having a show like Drag Race continue to air is incredible #but please for once can there be a queen who looks like me who doesn’t have to talk about her weight constantly #I don’t think fat queens get judged fairly. I think there is still an association between fat and ugly that shows up in judging decisions #And I think there is a very real danger of encouraging behaviors that are harmful to the queens on the show and the viewers #yes I know part of this art form is being able to alter your shape. I don’t take umbrage with corsets and padding and such.#I do take issue with larger queens getting told they need to do more than their skinny competitors to attain a ‘flattering shape’#violet chotchki walked that nude illusion runway with literally no clothing and won that challenge #despite putting no effort into her look. that gets under my skin. that speaks to me that skinniness gets rewarded over talent #yes it absolutely takes confidence to walk the runway naked that’s not the point. the challenge was focused on altering your body shape #so that even with only your shape you were still giving an appearance of femininity and fashion and *drag* on stage #the most Violet did drag-wise on that runway was tucking. but because she was skinny and attractive it was feminine enough to win.#that makes me upset.#anyway. bat; meet wasp nest.

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fregget-frou · 2 years

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I had a good day!!!!!!

#my friends coerced me into dressing like SpongeBob today #it was nice #then I had a anxiety attack because I remembered I had form #god I’m so fat man #yknow I try to preach that all bodies are beautiful but #apparently to my ever dumber mind mine SPECIFICALLY sucks ass #do you know how sucky it is to be mentally ill and aware of it???#i don’t know why I hate it #people I care about look like me #and they act like me and people like them #I have friends!!! do you know how much of a deal that is from someone whose only had actual friends for only a couple years???#I’ve never had a friend before that!!#but I still think they hate me and are just waiting to drop me!!!#fuck you brain!! the meds are supposed to help!!! thEY ARENT DOING SHIT #IT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE IM JUST BREAKING DOWM NORE #BUT IM HAVING GOOD DAYS #NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TODAY #IT WAS ACTUALLY A REALLY ABOVE AVERAGE DAY #WHY AM I LIKE THIS #I HAD FUN #I FELT GOOD!!! I ACTUALLY FELT GOOD #I just want to scrub my existence out but I like it now #it’s not even the fucking ”””seasonal depression”””#I have depression all th time!!!!#WHY FANT I ALLOW MYSELFT TO FEEL GOOD GODDDJDDKDJDKDK

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party-gilmore · 9 months

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[on a post being upset at standard pattern sizing]

“A size such-and-such works well for me, I just need to alter the waist length and shoulders and and and-“

“…okay, I’m still pissed they don’t give even semi-realistic proportion options though.”

“nice to know you don’t think of MY body as semi-realistic 🙄”

YOU!!! WERE LITERALLY JUST GOING ON ABOUT HOW TO HAVE TO ALTER ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT THE PATTERN!!!! HOW IS THAT A “REALISTIC” BASELINE FOR YOU?!?

Big “my child used a standard pattern and it fit just fine” “…your child altered every single piece of it” vibes is all I’m saying.

#the only tweaking you should have to do to a pattern is take it IN if it’s too loose it places #it should ALWAYS default to the larger range of measurement for that size #because it’s FAR more realistic for somebody to have MORE fat in a certain area than LESS #and it’s a MUCH easier tweak #I am aware that’s not how things ARE #I’m saying that’s how they SHOULD BE #and that it’s FUCKED that the LARGEST AVAILABLE MAINSTREAM PATTERN SIZE #is a goddam THIRTY SEVEN inch waist #the LARGEST. L A R G E S T fucking size.

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spacelazarwolf · 2 years

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idk if cis women are aware of this but u can actually talk abt how difficult it is to be a woman living under patriarchy without wildly misrepresenting the experiences of men living under the patriarchy. i’m watching a comedy special where a thin white woman just said that men aren’t affected by weight gain and i would like to know on what planet being a man protects you from the disgusting and deadly culture of fatphobia we’ve cultivated. i would like to know on what fucking planet a thin white woman is more affected by gaining an inch around her waist than a fat man having to deal with being dismissed by doctors, passed over for jobs, and treated horrendously by fellow human beings. like. trust me, i lived as a woman for almost three decades and still am seen as a woman, i understand the urge to vent about the patriarchy. but you can so easily do that without completely ignoring intersectionality or speaking on experiences you don’t understand or quite frankly don’t care about.

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churipu · 5 months

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I love you so so much omg ur posts, ur content, un vibe everything. you’re so so nice and yet you have me crying over every single post because of how good this is. Like yesterday i had a whole debate talking to myself abt how good of a person you were and how the likes were not doing you justice.. usually I never send requests mostly because i’m scared they take a look at it and be like “you cannot be srs”. Idk if it makes sense but oh well😭😭

can i request u make a scenario where the reader is insecure and worried their partner is going to leave them for someone prettier but they dont say anything and just start to distance themselves from them from how big of a toll it was taking on the reader? thank you sm😭🫶🏽

YOU BEING INSECURE + JJK MEN

featuring. gojo satoru, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen x reader

warning. cursing

note. ANON YOU'RE SO SWEET OMG BRB SOBBING HAVE ABIG FAT KISS, and i love this request so much, you don't have to worry <33 thank you for requesting my love, sorry it took so long :')

GOJO SATORU. even if gojo didn't seem like the type to be aware of his surroundings — he is very much aware. behind those blindfolds and dark glasses, his eyes darts everywhere, making sure everything is fine. even if one small thing is different to his eyes, he'll notice.

so when you began distancing yourself from him, he notices off the bat. but decided to say nothing just to make sure of it, gojo did not want to jump into conclusions. it started off as you telling him that you're busy to go on dates, or even declining his offers when he wanted to come over to your place.

he didn't think much of it until it visibly worsened, you looked miserable. when he sees you, it was like the shine in your eyes have gone away — gojo didn't know what happened, but he automatically assumed that he was behind the disappearance of it. when he asks you if you were okay, you brushed him off with a forced out smile, and he was dying to push you to just tell him everything.

but he didn't. he was afraid that if he'd push you, it would spiral an argument. for a while, he was walking on eggshells around you, you were like a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at any minute.

it was gnawing internally in gojo's mind, what did he do? what happened to you? what happened to y/n?

his y/n.

so when shoko drops the bomb on him, asking if he had broken up with you. gojo was mortified, is that what it looks like to other people? him and you calling it off? he was terrified, scared, nervous. the strongest sorcerer. yeah — he was scared.

and so he felt like it was a now or never situation.

"y/n, can we talk?"

you grimaced at his soft voice, wondering if this is the part where he's had enough and decided he'd leave you. but you nodded your head, your mind was ready, you were ready to hear it, those words: "i want to break up with you."

"please talk to me. i can't do this whole...you avoiding me, tell me what's bothering you...please." the desperation in his voice was visible, almost as if he was in the verge of tears.

his cerulean eyes were filled with such hopelessness, one you've never seen even when he was fighting a curse. you widened your eyes and inhaled sharply, "i...i'm sorry, satoru."

that was all you managed to muster up and gojo was clueless, he needed more answers, he needed answers to why you were like this, "baby, i don't... is it me? did i do anything wrong to you? please tell me, don't run away.. let me make it up to you."

it pained you to see that he thinks it was him, when it was you behind this. you shook your head, "'s not you 'ts me."

and that made gojo even more terrified than he already is, a lot of questions spiraling in his mind, did you find someone else? did you get bored of him? were you finally breaking up with him because of his constant bothering? so many questions.

"i just...there're so many more people prettier than i am. i just can't stop thinking about it. you leaving and all. 'm sorry i distanced myself from you." when you said that, gojo felt like half of his questions were all useless and he felt a bit relieved to finally get an answer to his speculations.

gojo wasted no time pulling you into his embrace, he needed it, you needed it. both of you needed it just as much, you felt so small in his embrace, head buried into his chest. gojo didn't move a bit, fearing if he moved at all — you'd break, you looked so fragile and so dainty, it scares him.

"i..love you so much." was all he could say,

"'ts you, 'ts you that i love. it hurts me to hear you talk like that." you felt like shit, you really do — so you said nothing back, you kept your face hidden in his chest.

and gojo didn't pry you away, he just needed to be close to you, "sorry."

that was when he pulled away, "you don't have to be sorry, but please talk to me, 'ts not fair if we're happy together and you have to be sad alone.." you hated crying in front of people, especially gojo, and he knew that about you.

so when you cried in that moment, gojo knew this wasn't something light — he didn't need any more explaining from you, he was just there by your side the whole night. and the next day. the next week. month. year. both of you never spoke of it again.

he's in love with you and nobody could change that, he thinks you're the prettiest anyways.

NANAMI KENTO. nanami's eyes are always on you. nobody else. and everyone knows that.

everyone except for you, unfortunately.

usually he comes home and you were always there to greet him, with a hug and kiss. it was an inseparable combo he made a routine, but for the past couple of days — he hasn't been getting that.

instead, he was greeted with silence. and just from the second time, he knew that something was definitely wrong with you. he'll find you curled up in bed, under the covers like it was the only thing that mattered in the world; but he tries to see it as a sign of exhaustion.

nanami watches your every move, for the past couple of days. you have been out of it. to the point where it was plain obvious and nanami tries asking about it, but you tell him it was just because of the stress. a sweetheart he is, he tries telling you to get some rest from work — he'd even excuse you if it's needed, but you tell him that wasn't needed and that you were fine.

obviously lying. he could see it, smell it, hear it.

it was suffocating. everything was suffocating to you, it's like everything was slowly masticating on every fiber in your body. you wanted to just, drop down and cry but whenever you try to, you just end up sitting on the floor blankly staring at nothing.

it scares yourself sometimes how empty your eyes look.

you wouldn't be surprised if nanami didn't come back home one day because he's so fed up — that's what you've been planting in you. that nanami would leave you for prettier people, for people who don't overthink, people who are generally better than you.

"y/n?"

oh. you didn't even hear him come home, you sat on the bedroom floor trying to push yourself up. and you couldn't even do that, so when nanami opens the bedroom door, seeing you on the floor — he said nothing, not even a hello.

nanami just scoops you into his arms and lays you down on the bed mutely, his slender fingers brushing your hair, "i love you," he murmurs quietly.

that was enough to make tears dwell up at the corner of your eyes, and he said nothing, grazing your tears away, "'m sorry. 'm so sorry, kento."

nanami didn't understand why you were apologizing, he hushed you, cradling you in his embrace as you let your tears free fall, "why are you sorry?"

that's when it struck you, why were you apologizing?

nanami didn't question you any further but he held you close, pressing chaste kisses onto your forehead, "is something in your mind?" you nodded slowly, "do you want to tell me about it?"

you nodded, inhaling sharply, "i just don't feel pretty enough...i feel like you deserve better than me, ken."

nanami laced your fingers with his, kissing your knuckles, "why do you say such things?" you didn't answer him, and it just breaks his heart even more, "you're perfect for me."

his words fall into deaf ears, but you didn't continue saying your worries, you just feel like nanami gets a gist of it. nanami didn't leave your side, cradling you in his arms like you're the most fragile being, "i love you," he kissed your forehead, "so much," and he kisses your lips.

nanami makes sure to spend every second telling you how much he loves you, telling you how beautiful you are, and how you're the most perfect for him.

SUKUNA RYOMEN. he hates it when you ignore him without any explanations, he's told you before, "if you have anything to say, say it to my face, don't ignore me."

but this feels like something you couldn't tell him, how you feel. it's obvious that you were distancing yourself from him, when he calls you, you sometimes pretend like you didn't hear him — and when he confronts you later, you tell him that you just didn't hear his calls.

"you're ignoring me, hm?"

"what? no— i just didn't hear you calling out to me."

don't even try to lie to him because he will always confront you about it, he sees right through you and your lies. the second time you try to run away from him when he calls out to you, he wastes no time holding you in place; confronting you right at that moment.

"why're you running away, brat?"

"i...oh, i didn't realize you were here, ryo." sukuna clicks his tongue in mere annoyance — what a bad actor you are, it's so ridiculous sukuna wanted to just burst out into laughter.

"bullshit. why're you avoiding me?"

that was it. you were cornered just like that. sighing, there isn't any way out unless you tell him — sukuna just won't let you go unless you tell him everything behind your recent behaviors.

"just don't feel pretty enough for you," you mutter out, avoiding his sharp gaze, "i feel like you can do much better than me. you deserve better than me."

sukuna gave you nothing but a mere smirk, pushing his lips onto yours. god, he didn't want to admit it — but he hates the way you talk shit about yourself, if he could tell you everything that he loves about you, he would. but he didn't because he's a jackass (and he's too shy to tell you that).

"that's it?" that's it? that's it?

you were about to push him away when he gives you that glare of his, "which person has been making you think like that?"

"no one. me."

he flicks your forehead, "then stop."

if only it was that easy, you grumbled at his response, and said nothing else so you could just leave. but sukuna, despite his ignorant answers always makes sure that you never run away from him anymore, he's a lot more touchy than usual — and he (tries) to compliment you and your appearance.

keyword: tries

he fails at it though. but you gave him kudos for trying, that's all that matters, really. that he makes you feel loved.

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moonstruckme · 5 months

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HI, how are you?:))) so, I don't know if you are receiving orders :/ sorry if that's the case and I'm bothering you!

mas eu gostaria de pedir um leitor James Potter×Hufflepuff!, por favor ♡

where she is seductive but in a discreet way? She pretends to be stupid and innocent but in reality she is a pit of hell

I'm sorry if it's vague or there's something wrong, I'm from Brazil and I don't trust myself and I used google translate :)))

Hi, I'm good! You've got nothing to apologize for my love, thank you for requesting <3

cw: pre-smut? idk there's a mention of a hard dick

James Potter x fem!reader ♡ 463 words

“Hiya, sweetheart!” James calls happily as you flounce up to the marauders in the library.

“Hey, Jamie.” You bypass the chair he pulls out for you, going straight to his lap. “How’d your potions exam go?”

“Good, I think.” His hands land automatically on your hips, and he inhales softly as he presses a kiss to your cheek, smelling the perfume you’d put on before coming to meet him.

“Yeah?” You coat your voice in honey. “Did our studying last night help?”

James stiffens behind you. You make your eyes big and innocent in the way you know how, and Sirius and Remus are none the wiser, both bent over their charms books in preparation for the exam tomorrow.

“Yeah, angel,” he says, voice soft but amused. “Our study sessions always make me feel good.”

You bite your lip. “I’ll bet,” you reply lightly, shifting on his lap in a suggestion of how good your “studying” had made him feel the night before.

“About exams.” James’ voice gets a bit choked. His grip tightens on your hips, trying to still you. “They make me feel good about my exams.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” you say, all sweetness as you turn your head to peck him on the lips. You give his top lip the lightest nibble, and he jumps.

His chair squeaks against the floor, making Sirius look up. “Alright, Prongs?”

“Yeah,” James coughs.

You lay your head back against his shoulder, looking up at your boyfriend and giving him a view down your shirt in the process. “Are you sure, Jamie? You feeling okay?”

“I’m okay,” he insists, growing hard beneath you. He gives the fat of your hip a warning squeeze, well aware by now of the mood you’re in.

You have to bite your lip to keep from smiling, but you pass the action off as concerned. “Maybe you’re just tired from your exams,” you suggest. “You’ve been working really hard. Need to take a break?”

James’ laugh sounds almost dizzy. “You know what, I think I am a little tired. Come with me back to my room, angel?”

You hop up gaily, and Remus rolls his eyes as he flips the page in his charms book. “You could at least try to be subtle,” he says to James.

James’ tawny skin reddens, but you widen your eyes in a well-practiced look of naive blamelessness. “What do you mean?”

Remus’ gaze flits to you, softening. “Nothing, love.”

“Begone, you rake.” Sirius waves him away. You take James’ hand, helping him comply as he holds his book low to hide his stiffness. “Some of us are trying to study, and your girlfriend didn’t come to the library to be demoralized.”

“Neither did I,” James mutters as you lead him off.

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devilmademewriteit · 1 year

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Drabble request for dbf!joel getting blown under the table or something while he's having a convo with reader's dad?!?! IDK I just love your dbf!joel!!

You Can Be the Boss

pairing: dbf!joel miller x fem!afab!reader

warnings: rough oral (m receiving); petnames (angel, baby, sweetheart); age gap; choking; hair pulling; (yall this is pure pure daddy issues FILTH, I warned you. I warned you hard).

Hi y’all ty for sending me all ur requests. ummm you guys are insane ! and so am I ! maybe more because I’m actually the one writing these ! this one is so dirty ! don’t say I didn’t warn you !

more to come hehehe. I don’t tag ppl for my smaller drabbles / fics so turn on notifs or whatevs ;)

-em<3

—

“As close as I’ll get to the darkness, he tells me to, ‘Shut up, I got this.’”

- You Can Be the Boss

—

It was still a secret, after all.

Sneaking into his apartment, late nights in alleys, abandoned cars lining the streets of the QZ… you’d managed to keep your joint intoxication with one another under wraps.

Today… today was risky. You usually waited until the wee hours of the morning to even walk by his place, let alone enter, but you’d needed to drop off a sweater that Tess had leant you the previous week, intending to leave it folded up on the doormat before bolting down the hall. Your footsteps were nervous and heavy, which led to the door swinging wide open on its hinges, a gruff “where you runnin’ off to, Angel?” and a set of rough hands pulling you through the doorway.

Then you were spread open against the tattered table cloth of his (busy) kitchen table, underwear shoved to the side, watching a hunched over Joel Fucking Miller spit on his hand and run it up down his heavy, hard length.

“Shouldn’t come here during the day,” as he’d lined himself up, “Can’t fuckin’ help myself.”

That’s when you heard the definite sound of a key twisting inside a lock. Joel’s head shot up — your eyes barely had time to widen before he was shoving you under the table, panties still twisted around your ankles.

A quick zip, then footsteps.

“Oh, sorry man—”

Oh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

“—Tess said you wouldn’t be home.”

It’s your father.

You thank God for your his poor observation skills (and the tablecloth) as Joel responds, “ah, no worries,” frustratingly non-chalant as ever.

“While you’re here though,” and your heart sinks, identifying your dad’s intention to stay, “Was wondering if we could go over the plans for our new routes. FEDRA assholes blocked off another south-east one today.”

Your blood turns to ice inside your veins as both men pull out their chairs, settling into a purely-business conversation. Joel barely hesitates, cool as ice.

Not fair that he gets to be so calm while you’re so… not.

Not fair.

If only there was a way to even out the playing field.

Crunched into yourself, you scoot closer to Joel’s calves, clinging onto his denim and doing your best to make as little noise as possible. When it’s clear, however, that your father’s far too invested in the practicalities of the conversation to suspect or inquire into or even notice anything else, your eyes wander towards the slowly softening bulge, still visible underneath Joel’s belt.

And you get an idea.

The man always tortured you, and you were well aware that what made your arrangement especially enticing — for the both of you — was the taboo-ness, the wrongness of it all.

So your pussy drips just thinking about it.

Slowly, delicately, you slide your hands up Joel’s thighs, feeling his every muscle respond, tensing, turning to stone, or jolting with electricity beneath your playful touches.

It’s hard, quietly pulling down his fly. Still, metal tooth by metal tooth, you eventually succeed, unable to hold back a smile of vindication when his cock springs up, swelling and hardening between your fingertips. Joel covers his choke with a cough.

Just as you duck down to lick a fat stripe up his cock’s dark underside, noticing how the lungs above you constrict — freezing — the conversation changes.

“You been seeing a lot of my daughter?”

Joel takes an uncharacteristically long time to grunt out a “here n’ there.”

You hold in a laugh, both at your dad’s timely question and the reaction it causes. Placing a hand at the base of him, you consider this the perfect moment to start teasing his tip with patient, innocent little kitten-licks.

“Been acting weird,” your old man continues, unphased and unassuming, “Worried she’s been gettin’ herself into trouble.”

Trouble? You’re looking at him.

Your dad’s whole “fatherly concern” (not like he’d ever shown any before) angle makes you bold. You want to make it harder for Joel to deny your father’s suspicion.

You want to make him lie through his teeth.

You part your lips, wrapping them adoringly around the entire head of his cock before gliding down, using your hand to assist you as you please every inch of him.

While he mostly manages to keep it together, his legs don’t, gently parting with desire to allow you better access.

“She-she’s a good girl, man,” Joel manages, and while his delivery borders a groan, he stays surprisingly level (your body doesn’t forget to note his praise, either, aching cunt growing wetter and wetter at his every word). “‘Bit juvenile sometimes, and reckless—” he pauses, and it’s very clear he’s not speaking to your father, “—but good—” you work every inch of him with your hands, throat, and mouth, savouring the feel of his ridges and veins, the taste of his salt on your tastebuds, “—so good.”

You freeze, scanning the room for tension as both you and Joel try to figure out if his desire-stricken tone’s given you away.

It hasn’t.

Of course it hasn’t.

Your dad continues on as if everything were normal, as if Joel’s tip wasn’t kissing the back of your throat. “Just not sure if I’m raising her right—or… or if I was much of a father at all.”

Yeah, probably not. You know, given that I’m under the table sucking your best friend’s dick.

You watch, head still slowly bobbing up and down his length, a hand carving a careful path down his leg. Joel’s fingertips breach your shoulder, his palm slowly graduates to cupping the back of your head.

And he shoves you forward, forcing every punishing inch of himself down your little, gasping throat.

“Just needs a little discipline,” your torturer responds, raising his gravelly voice to mask the definite sound of choking.

“A heavy hand.”

You huff against his abdomen. Just like that, Joel’s taken the reins of your little operation.

Like he always did. Like he always does.

“You’re probably right,” your father responds, sighing with concession. Tears begin to well in the corners of your eyes while your lungs burn for oxygen, mouth stuffed and nose pressed into Joel’s skin. He chuckles, slapping the table. “Give ‘em an inch and they take a mile, huh?”

“That’s right,” Joel responds, a soft coo, tightening his grasp in your hair and somehow forcing more of himself between your lips.

Making his point.

You hold back a whimper, nails hopelessly clawing at his jeans.

Your dad raps his knuckles against the wood, pushing his chair back to leave. Unfortunately for you, Joel doesn’t move, holding you there like a prisoner — suffocating you.

He clears his throat. “I’d walk you out, but, you know—” your eyelids grow heavy, little stars beginning to dance in your vision “—been goin’ hard recently. Wearin’ myself out.”

A huff of understanding and concurrence from the other side of the room.

Eventually, after what seems like an eternity, hinges squeak, goodbyes are uttered, and your father’s left you alone with his buddy again.

Joel’s chair scrapes back — he pulls you along with him, attached to him, out from underneath the table.

Finally, finally, he releases his grasp.

You jump off of him, strings of saliva trailing from your lips, gasping for air as if you were seconds from drowning.

You aim to collapse against his knees, but he quickly grabs you by the throat, presses his big thumb under your chin, and forces your wet, tear-lined eyes up to meet his.

They’re filled with a lust so dark, you wonder if just that look might swallow you whole.

“Prouda yourself?” He speaks, voice low.

Dangerous.

And you just smile, dazed, nodding. Nodding because you know where it’ll get you. Nodding because you just know how much it’ll entice him.

“‘Course you are,” he continues, softer, “Shoulda been honest — shoulda told your old man he raised a fuckin’ slut.”

Joel lifts you up, indelicately shoving you down on the table, right back in the position you’d originally started the visit in.

His eyes darken to black when he sees how wet you are, how fucked-out, needy, and unapologetic you are.

“And you know what, baby?” A deceiving coo as he lines himself up at your entrance, using his other hand to squeeze your jaw — tight.

You look at him with big, begging doe eyes, eyebrows already knitting together from the tantalizing contact.

“I’m really fuckin’ glad he did.”

And as Joel Miller roughly sheathes his cock inside your young, tight cunt, you find yourself agreeing with him.

—

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST

AO3

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x y/n #Joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller tlou #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #dbf!joel miller #dbf!joel #Pedro pascal smut #Pedro pascal x reader #the last of us #tlou #request for em’s answering machine: answered<3

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