fuck

i need to stop reading fanfics, i'm going to go insane at this rate.

anyway my knees are going weak at Ineffable Bloom by yomogi_mogi_mochi (I'm just gonna call them yomogi) cause like FUCK ok first of all, if you are interested in reading my ramble and then the fic, there's talks of like, hanahaki, emotional abuse, so careful about that.

next, i will say this fic has a lot left to be desired in terms of the technical side of writing (a few grammatical errors, for example (they misspelled Mostro but not even like Monstro, it gets farther from that to the point it's kinda funny)). but like. that ain't important because THIS FIC HAS SO MANY GOOD POINTS

I absolutely love how they depict MC as a childhood friend to the Octa trio and not only that but how they affect the Octa trio. They are notably much softer than their canon selves, but in a way that makes sense and it's not just serving to the readers?? A lot of fics that play around with the childhood friend trope tend to write them like their canon selves, like the presence of another friend didn't change them. It's not inherently a bad thing but often the MC is written to be kinder and such, so Octa being the same as the canon doesn't super match up ?? Like the MC's presence didn't matter. and on the other side of that, they're sooo soft that they start detaching from their personalities so then you don't see Jade, Floyd, and Azul, you just see three mushy guys that look and dress exactly like them.

but here, it's like yeah. this MC is defs on the kind and sensitive side. and you can see that their kindness changes the trio. yeAH tweels would be nicer and not just threatening. yES Azul wouldn't be just drafting up contracts and such to lure people into deals. They're more than their meanness, and especially you see this with Azul, who's being so accommodating and kind to MC. but like, the core part about each individual, the things that they learned, the things that make them unique and themselves, it's still retained. Floyd and Jade are still teasing and mean. Azul is still hardworking, and he definitely still does contracts.

in terms of childhood friend MC Octa fics, this one is really good.

ANOTHER POG THING ABOUT THIS FIC is that it really took an interesting take on hanahaki. like. like man. MAN. MC got flowers on their lungs because of a love for their mother that was not reciprocated?????? bro, yomogi could have taken the flower disease to the romance direction (like Azul initially didn't like them back) but holy shit, they went with FAMILY. and that's so SO SEXY???/ LIKE I NEVER CONSIDERED THAT AND THAT'S HONESTLY SOOOOO BIG BRAINED i . i love it. yeah :) also love that they actually did surgery for it and that they showed said EFFECTS of it, both physical and mental.

there were also moments that really broke me man. like. for example.

:-) cue intense sobs in the distance

no no because. fuck. you KNOW their throat is so badly damaged from all the surgeries and the flowers that grew in their lungs, you KNOW that as a result, they can't speak. and yet they'd almost speak just to say Azul's name. it's just. it's so. like. almost forgetting your disabilities or wounds cause you saw someone you love. like. what the fuck. actually, what the fuck.

then also this moment

I THINK ANY DISABLED PERSON WOULD BE INCREDIBLY TOUCHED THAT SOMEONE WOULD ACCOMMODATE TO THEM !!!

deadass read that and nearly choked like what the fuck. i'm not even mute or anything but like FUCK. and you Know Azul damn well studied the language just for MC!!!!!

and then we have this paragraph

new paragraph to make me feel oguhoghuhuouosdhosguohg

if i can sum up yomogi's writing in one paragraph, it's that paragraph. it's very poetic and freeflowing, it's very beautiful, it's soooo oughhhhhhhhh like, i'm kinda particular about the grammar, spelling esp, and spacing format in fics and this fic kinda hit my peeves for some of them admittedly but the writing makes me forgive it. cause it's that pretty like ohsguohdogdg the metaphors used it's soooooo good

man idk I just love the way they describe that giddiness and the sharp memory that you have for someone you love like DAMN DAMN THAT'S SO PERFECT, and i just love especially "the way his mole stretches across his chin, the world in his eyes" like. like GODDDDDDDDDD IT'S SO FUCKING PERFECT IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN WHY IT'S PERFEFCT IT JUST IS IT REALLY JUST. IS. PERFECT...

AND THEN WE HAVE THESE TWO

i'm gonna get diabetes at this rate MAN WHAT TEH FUCK

THE WAY THEY MIRROR EACH OTHER.........

"Spoil them, I don't care."

"Stain them, I don't care."

and it's in response to each other's tears.

lord i'm not your strongest soldier

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls Season 1, Episode 21 ("Love, Daisies, And Troubadors"). Part 1

WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS EPISODE: We're on the last episode of Season 1! Luke "Fixes Lorelai's Porch Rail" and wakes the neighbors. Lorelai asks Luke to Pound One More Thing while he's out there. Lorelai has a dirty conversation at work with Max. Max watches Lorelai suck on a ring pop. Luke breaks in Lorelai's back door. Clara Forrester needs a foster home. Rory pours her heart out at a town meeting and everyone pity claps.

"Ms Gilmore, I'm here to fix your porch rail.* "Well, my porch rail does need a lot of screwing, hammering, nailing, and pounding Mr Danes." *porny music begins playing* (disclaimer: this conversation did not actually happen). "You're gonna wake the neighbors." (this was actually said)

STOP LOBBING ME SO MANY SOFTBALLS! If you keep making all the dirty jokes for me I'll be out of a job reviewing a 22 year old tv show to 3 people on a dying social media platform! Luke disappears as Rory shows up causing Lorelai to loudly exclaim "He was banging on something!" about 4 times. You wish.

Michel Wisdom: "I've made peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner and usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui." Max calls Lorelai at work and they have a converation insinuating some kind of roleplay situation recently took place and they also talk about having sex withdrawals. Remember the time Max called Lorelai at work and they had a conversation about removing each others pants? Poor Sookie, already suffering from ennui, and the rest of the kitchen staff have to hear Lorelai and Max talk about how someone should write a novel about their Sex. Does she know about Archive of Our Own? Does she know that in the future a number of people will have written novels about her Sex with Luke? But not ol Max Medina.

Oh no, Rory found the DeanBox that she told Lorelai to throw away. Of course Lorelai didn't throw it out. Let's be real. Who's the one who really wants to hang on to pieces of Dean here? Lorelai explains that Rory "Is gonna want some of that stuff one day, when you're old and married, and you can look back and say "I certainly had an interesting life!" I'm sensing a theme here, which is that Dean's lot in life is to make Rory's life more interesting for her mother. Sure, Rory is going to want to keep her Dean box until she is old and married. Girls always keep boxes of their high school boyfriend's random shit for decades. "You can pull out all your old boyfriend boxes." I DON'T CARE THAT HE'S STILL 5 EPISODES AWAY, WHERE IS THE JESS BOX?! What was in the ChristopherBox? The box of expired condoms that led to Rory? I KID. I KID. Contents of the DeanBox Full Of Garbage Pointless Crap were as follows: Idk what the first thing was supposed to be-a dress? A stuffed chicken. Box of corn starch. Quarter on a string ("medallion"). OH WHAT PRECIOUS MEMORIES!

I love the Caboodles case in the background. When you're all grown up and married to your StepCousin Jess and open up your Deanbox, maybe the quarter will have appreciated in value. Rory is hesitating to enter Doose's because Dean will be working there. We're STILL doing this? Boycotting small businesses, hurting the local shopkeep every time you break up with a boy? Oh, the shopkeep here is Taylor, carry on not giving him your money.

Lane starts jumping up and down OMG'ing and freaking out just because Rory is going into the market. She didn't even have a plan yet. Everyone in this town has rotting fish carcasses for brains. The "this" is Dean & Rory getting back together. God help me. Time and time again, we see the primary lesson of Gilmore Girls is this: Don't date someone who lives in your small town. After your inevitable break up, you'll be doomed to wander the streets, unable to enter any businesses, and eventually you will starve to death. Don't shit where you eat, as Milo would say.

Honestly though I love Lane. How could you not? Taylor accuses Rory of looking like a shoplifter. The nerve! Like Rory would ever steal anything!

Mikey's an improvement from Dean! Go for it Rory! "He took Thursday afternoon off. He must have met one of those Thursday afternoon girls. They're slutty girls who get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things." It's fine if you want to calling hypothetical girls you don't know sluts, so we'll just keep calling you Mary, it only seems fair. Rory: Lane, you'd tell me if you ever saw Dean with another girl at school? Well, she never told you when Jess stopped showing up for class, so idk how reliable this girl really is.

"Suck my left nut" is my catchphrase of the week, and Diet Logan can suck my left nut.

Classic Diet Logan. DL lies to Madelyn and Louise by telling them Rory agreed to go with him to the PJ Harvey concert, which enrages Paris, who is still infatuated with Tristan, apparently, for some reason.

Shut up Rachel, can't you see there is a dalmatian behind you? Show some respect. Rachel: Luke's been at your place alot. Lorelai: Yeah, well, he's been fixing some things. The porch rail. Some roof shingles, then the porch rail again. Luke's been spending an awful lot of time "fixing the porch rail" Eh? Eh? Heh heh.

A Troubador War is a brewin'. Luke scares Lorelai when she unexpectedly finds him in her house. The following exchange requires no further commentary from me: Lorelai: How'd you get in here? Luke: I came in through your back door. Lorelai: My back door's locked. Luke: Well that's why I came through it. Your back door lock was broken. Lorelai: My back door lock is fine. Luke: Your back door lock is cheap. (this exchange goes on way too long). #BackDoor Nitpick Time! My favorite time! Same episode:

Lorelai Gilmore, Milk Denier. And a cracker denier as well. (She once said she didn't keep crackers in the house when a box of Saltines was clearly visible in her kitchen in the same episode). "I'm a loner." "I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner." "Some guys are just natural loners." "Yes, lonely guys." "Independent guys." "Sad guys." "Maverick guys." "Lee Harvey Oswald." "John Muir." "The Unabomber." "Henry David Thoreau." "Jess Mariano." Okay you got me. I made that last one up.

Being a Milk Whore is more honest than being a Milk Denier, Lorelai. But is being a Milk Whore more respectable than being a Thursday Afternoon Supermarket Slut?

The House Of Forrester. House of The Damned.

Sure she's annoying as hell, but how did Dean's parents spawn an otherwise normal child? Honey, I have some news. I think you were adopted.

Apologize at once, Rory Gil. Poor Clara didn't ask to be born a Forrester. She doesn't need you traumatizing her too. Lorelai's bringing Max to a town meeting to pop his Town Meeting cherry. And oh boy, it's gonna be a good deflowering.

You have to admire MaxMedina's earnest enthusiasm about Ring Pops, like he just discovered the wheel. I was eating Ring Pops in the early 90's. Stars Hollow is at least a decade behind the times for everything, so I guess it checks out.

A sea of weirdoes. I'd say that if you packed any more oddballs into that tiny room you'd open up some kind of vortex to another dimension, but Stars Hollow is already not of this Earthly realm.

The American political landscape.

Piece of literal human garbage. I haven't dunked on Dean in a bit so I had to let it out. I get all backed up otherwise. Subjecting minors like poor Clara to one of these meetings should be classified as child abuse. Anyone want to open up their home to an incredibly annoying but sweet foster child?

Boring old MaxMedina just soaking up the weirdness and sipping his drinkydrink.

How does a Town Troubador make a living? Is this a volunteer gig he takes too seriously? Taylor somehow didn't know he existed, so this is not some local government-sponsored initiative. Clearly no one is going to pay him in tips. No one even pays for their food at the beloved local restaurant. Taylor asks him "what do you do for a living"? to which he responds "I don't want people to know those things." Ah yes the old Jess Mariano approach. A gigolo? A WalMart worker? A "messenger" for a guy named Todd? Miss Patty: He doesn't accept money. I tried. So not a Gigolo then. Taylor: This troubador act is a money making scheme! Prett-y rich coming from Taylor Doose who spends 7 years putting together "Fundraisers" to repair a tiny wooden bridge and is totally not pocketing the money. Taylor's the type of guy who says things like "no one wants to work these days!" but then this nice gentleman is out there trying his best probably hoping for a few bucks thrown into his guitar case, which is a pipe dream since this is Stars Hollow and no one pays for anything, and Taylor calls him a vagrant and a scammer. Taylor: Watch out Morey, after that anatomically explicit epithet your wife yelled at me earlier, you're both on probation. Oh Babette! I'd love to know what she called him. A cocksucker? A dickhead? Did she tell him to suck her left nut?

Pervy old Max Medina only bought Lorelai a ring pop for one reason and he's thinking he got his money worth.. Looks like Lorelai returned the favor and bought him a hot dog to suck on. The speech to follow is one of my all time favorite Rory moments and I truly enjoy it (ironically). Enjoy. "I have something to say!" *awed hush falls over the town hall* "Sometimes you have something to say but you can't because the words won't come out! Or you get scared or feel stupid! If you could just write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot of yourself! All of us can't be songwriters, we'll never be able to say what we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again! Ever!"

I was about to type "And then everyone clapped" as a joke. And then everyone actually clapped.

Honestly, Barfbag's puzzled reaction to Rory's speech is the most reasonable one. Where the fuck that did come from Rory Gil? She took one look at that soiled mattress Dean Forrester and suddenly a prepared speech comes flowing forth?

Yeah. Everyone briefly pity-claps for Rory. Lorelai gives her a small hug. No Babette yelling "you go Sugar!" or anything of the sort. We see another brief shot of Dean looking confused. The meeting concludes. I applaud Rory's lack of social anxiety. If I gave an impromptu speech like that in front of what I would expect was a supportive crowd and no one even reacted, the humiliation would be a debilitating weight I would carry around for at least the next 15 years.

"Let's go home and you can suck on my Ring Pop." Tumblr only allows you to post 30 pictures per post, but just like Rory Gil, I have a lot to get off my chest, so I will continue this in a second post/ part 2. See you soon...

To Hell & Back

Part Four:  “My wings are frayed and what’s left of my halo’s black”

--

Summary: Your exit strategy involves your neighbour... Well, it is your neighbour.

Prompt: "I don't want to live on this planet anymore."

Warnings: swearing. (Typos that will be fixed). That's it??

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

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Series Masterlist

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You weren't always this...angry.

You weren't always this spiteful and short tempered, and malicious enough to deliberately poison muffins.

At one point in life, you were everything you'd ever wanted in a friend. Kind and compassionate. Even patience was a virtue you had an abundance of.

Then, one day, some guy from Asgard came with an army of aliens and ripped a hole through your father's finances. Apparently damaging a bunch of buildings, including the one your father worked at, was bad for business and so it closed down.

Just as your mother's job had barely managed to get your family out of the red, her boss gets murdered at some important meeting that blew up – along with some world leaders. In her boss's place, the son took over and ran the company into the ground.

Luckily, your sister had a bakery that made just enough to cover your parents' costs and your summer jobs had saved you enough to get you through college. Then, some other guy came with another alien army, and decided to take half the world with him – or whatever he did

The wrong half of the world, in your opinion. You could have lived without watching your sister's husband run her business into the ground. And life would have been a little easier if you didn't have to stretch yourself thin, to make sure your mother saw the next day.

"Then half the world came back," you continue, eyes focused on the cat. "And some random family showed up in my apartment. I'm pretty sure the husband had a heart attack when he saw me–"

Bucky places another beer in front of you. You hate the taste, but coffee on an empty stomach has never worked well for you.

"–so I moved," you take a final sip of your second beer, before placing it down and reaching for the one he just placed in front of you. "Now, I'm here. Stuck with a nosy neighbour and his cat."

"You can keep her." Bucky sighs, leaning against the wall next to you. Your shoulders brush. "I don't know the first thing about cats."

You frown and look up at him. "Barnes... You are cat. And I already have you, why would I want another one?"

He scoffs, blue eyes meeting yours. "I am not that kind of lady."

"Oh god," you roll your eyes.

"Gotta buy me dinner first, doll–"

"Not a doll."

"Maybe take me dancing," he continues, lips twitching at the sight of your scowl. "If you're lucky, I might invite you in for tea."

You glance at the coffee machine, still boxed, sitting on his counter but don't comment. You know what it means, you know why he bought it, and the thought alone makes you queasy.

So you look back at the cat, curled on your bare lap, and sigh. "Sorry I came in without pants."

You don't say anything else and he chuckles. He found you in nothing but an old shirt and socks that night, so he's not really surprised.

"Sorry I helped you without a shirt." He replies. He would've answered you immediately, the second you said his name, but he had to find pants first.

Silence falls between the both of you, and it takes actual effort for Bucky to look away from you. Tempering down the disappointment that has the audacity to knaw at you, at your stubbornness, you turn back to the screen of his laptop.

He was reviewing CCTV footage of your building's basement garage. Two hours into the viewing and he heard you calling him from the balcony, so he had to pause.

Now, four hours, three beers on your side and a weird trip down memory lane later – you're helping him sift through footage at a faster rate.

"So," you begin, eyes glued to the screen. "I have a question, about that whole serum thing."

"Hmm?" It's the first question you've ever asked about that part of him, that part of his history.

"How does it work when it comes to diseases?"

Blinking, Bucky has to pause the video to look at you. "Diseases?"

You nod. "Like flu, chicken pox, tonsillitis. You know, that stuff."

"I'm confused–"

"Do you not get it or does it run through you like water?"

"What?"

"Or does your immune system just basically butcher it within the hour?" You blink at him, eyes wide with curiosity. "'Cause like, I had this friend with one helluva immune system. He never got sick, so does it work like that?"

He pauses, lips pursing as he considers you. "Do you wanna know if my blood cells can cure AIDS?"

"If that were the case, you'd be in a CDC off-site lab right now–" you put down the beer you've been cradling. "–so, no. I wanna know what kind of illness can knock a super soldier out long enough for me to use it as an excuse."

He blinks. Once. Twice. "Huh?!"

"Saturday is in a few days."

Oh.

"What does that have to do with me?" His face scrunches up into the most confused expression you've ever seen.

"As we both know," you narrow your eyes at him. "Ever since you saved my life, like the asshole you are, my parents have taken a liking to you. And since I poisoned their favourite couple last week, I'm in deep shit this week unless I can find a good reason to not show up."

"I'm not gonna apologise for saving you."

You raise an eyebrow. "Of course not. That would mean admitting it was very selfish of you."

This is not how he expected this conversation to go. Or how he wanted it to go. So, he decides to turn back to the screen and continue watching the footage.

You know you struck a nerve, and it would be easier for you to blame it on the beer, but you can't. You want answers, just as much as he does.

You want to know what gave him the right to knock down your door, or the audacity to have his friend fly you to the hospital. He won't straight up tell you, you tried when you woke up in the ICU and found him there, and it pisses you off that he might not ever tell you.

Bucky frowns at the screen. "The camera's get switched off right after I leave–" he glances at you. "Did you bribe security to switch them off?"

"We have security?"

"The guys at the front desk?"

You frown at him. You know those guys, you bring them baked goodies from work three times a week.

"Hang on," you place the cat on the couch next to you, cross your legs and turn to move closer to him. "Let me get this straight."

Your knees gently press into his thigh and he forced to look at you.

"You're telling me that Laurence with sinuses, down in the lobby, and Percy with the three-legged rabbit. Those guys–" of course you'd know that. "–they're security? For this apartment building? We have security?"

"You can't be serious–"

"We have a biometric system at the door and like cameras, and a patrol car that frequents this neighbourhood–" you're pressing a little to hard on your fingers and he's worried you just might snap one off. "–what the hell do we need security guards for?"

You continue rattling off all the safety measures the building has, which means your fingers have to suffer throughout the list, unless he does something about it.

Which he does. Almost as if instinct, his hands are clasping yours before he can make the decision to reach for them. They're warm and cold against yours, but the right kind of warm and cold that makes you frown at them.

His hands swallow yours, which isn't something that surprises you. It's the way you're not pulling away, the way you're not fighting it, the way you can't blame the alcohol because it almost feels...normal.

You haven't felt normal in such a long time.

"You gonna stop tryna break your fingers?" Bucky starts. "Or do I have to stay like this 'til you knock out?"

You blink. "Does a concussion knock you out long enough to warrant an excuse?"

"You're relentless."

"Says the guy watching CCTV footage because of a cat."

"It's... For a good cause."

"Me missing Saturday dinner is a good cause, Barnes."

He sighs. "Doll–"

"–I'll owe you one."

Bucky is about to argue, his mouth was halfway open before your words registered. That's really what happened.

It's not like he was looking for an opening or anything. A way of asking you, that wouldn't resort in an argument or anything.

It's not like those were the words he's been waiting for, for quite some time now.

Not at all.

Of course not.

But, who is he to argue with the mysterious workings of a universe.

The room you're in is dimly lit, the only light originating from the kitchen and the streetlights. But you can still see that dangerous glint in his eyes.

He grins. "Is that right?"

You swear you heard yourself gulp.

-----

"Okay–" you're fidgety and anxious, and can't seem to stand still as the elevator doors close. "–now, let's go through this again. What's our exit strategy?"

Bucky turns to fully face you. He's been trying to keep you calm ever since the parking lot, but even he can admit that he was far too distracted to be helpful.

It wasn't even his fault he was distracted, it was completely yours. When he invited you to Sarah's party , the party celebrating the expansion of the success revamp of the boat business, he had said to dress comfortably.

Not dress like you were put on this Earth to be the end of him.

He was waiting in the parking lot, the same one that had the camera's switched off right after he left, when you came barrelling towards him.

You had narrowly escaped your sister. She was getting off the elevator just as you were nearing it, so you quickly opted for the staircase beside it. You were a flurry of floral black and white and pink in a summer dress, your hair barely in place – you tried using pins and thought about ribbons, but then forgot about them when you couldn't find your other shoe – as you basically pushed him inside the car.

You used the passenger window to try and fix your hair, as best as you could. And he spent the drive trying to reassure you that you looked fine.

You looked more than fine, but he couldn't seem to muster up the words.

"Doll–"

"Not a doll." Is your automated response.

"You look fine, " sweet as sugar, is what he wants to say. "And, well, there is no exit strategy."

You gape up at the mammoth of a man in front of you. His words, a ballad of heathens in your book, echoes in your head.

"No exit strategy?" You whine, fisting his shirt as you desperately meet his eyes. "Bucky, no. Please. You can't do this."

The elevator doors open before he can respond to you. Sam is waiting on the other side of the doors, champagne glasses in both hands.

Hands still gripping into Bucky's shirt, hair almost presentable, Bucky's face flushing from hearing you say his name, and your expression portraying pure fluster. You and Bucky both turn to find Sam staring at the scene in front of him.

His eyebrows shoot up, golden brown eyes lighting up at the sight. "Okay. This definitely makes up for you being late."

Bucky blinks, seeming to snap out of his stupor. "Wait, wha–"

"No–" Sam cuts in. "–I know how you 40s guys are about kissin' and telling. I won't pry."

"Hang on, Sam–"

"Bathroom's on the next floor," he has the audacity to grin. "Just be quick about it. The speech's in twenty minutes."

With that, he steps away from the elevator, gives a curt nod and – with a Cheshire grin – walks away.

You slowly peel your hands away from Bucky and take a few steps back.

Bucky clears his throat. "So, about the exit strategy..."

---

TAGS :D : @sunflowerxbarnes , @ginger-swag-rapunzel , @arctic-duchess , @sltwins , @thewayilookatbacon , @buckyisperfect , @paryl

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Two

Wattpad

Word Count: 3.2k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse, violence, sexual situations

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"Ah!" I squeal with a small giggle laced through it, Nikki's lips pressing to my shoulder while he pulls out of me and his cum spills on the inside of my thighs that are wide open.

My leg's hooked over his hip as he lays behind me with his arm snaking around my waist, between my breasts, while his hand has a solid hold on my throat.

When he's done, he's pressing one last kiss to my cheek before rolling over on his back, reaching for something on his night table.

I shift to my back, staring up at the mirrored ceiling to see him holding something out to me.

I turn my head to look at him just as he's taking my hand and sliding my wedding ring back on, pressing a little kiss to my hand before grabbing at my jaw assertively, kissing me.

"Apology accepted." I say once he pulls away.

"Yeah, ditto." He chuckles, kissing me one last time before I'm giving out a content sigh and sitting up to go shower.

Once I get out, I dry off and wrap myself in a towel, brushing through my wet hair with my fingers as I step into our bedroom to get some lotion on and get dressed.

"Wait, wait." Nikki stops me as I squeeze lotion onto my hand and I look up at him and raise my brows, seeing him grab his camera from the drawer in the nightstand. "Okay, drop the towel and oil up nice: I'm gonna need something to keep me company while I'm in the studio for countless hours the next several weeks."

I roll my eyes and hold back a smile, throwing my towel at him and it hits him in the face.

"Woo!" He cheers, tossing the towel away and I cover my chest just as the flash goes off and I shake my head a little, ignoring him collecting the dispensed Polaroid as I start putting my moisturizer on.

When I'm finished, I'm pulling on sweat pants and hooking my bra, about to pull a tank top on.

"Hey, Viv?" Nikki asks me.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Is the Lord's prayer important?"

I furrow my brows, finding it odd that's he's asking.

"Well, it's the template Jesus gave Christians to use when praying so yes, it's very important." I reply and he nods a little.

"So...like...what is the prayer, exactly?"

I drop the tank-top in my hands, my eyes widen, and I look at him like he's lost his mind.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Nikki Sixx?"

"Ha, ha." He sarcastically lets out.

"No, seriously, either you're a clone, had a bad dose of drugs, or your body is officially done with and dying and God's jabbing at you to throw one last 'hail Mary' attempt at salvation before you croak."

"No, I just wanna know what I need to say when I pray to you." He replies with a smirk and I pretend to nearly trip and fall on the floor as if it's slippery.

"Woah, woah, woah, you gotta give me a warning before you say something so slick." I tell him, grinning and he pulls me onto him, laughing. "And to answer your question, it's 'Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen'." I finish, deciding he wasn't even listening, but I have a weird feeling he's taking notes. "Seriously, though, why're you asking?" I add, my fingers fiddling with the various necklaces hanging around his neck.

A devious, childish, sneaky little tug of his lips his highlighting the "up to no good" look in his hazel eyes as his pointer finger traces the crucifix around my neck before meeting my gaze.

"Just curious."

Just a dumbass.

I finish dressing before stepping out to check the mail.

When I come back, I realize there's a handwritten note pinned to the door.

It's signed by our accountant and I roll my jaw.

It was $2,500.00 last May, which means he's been going through $5,000.00 a day.

"Uh, Nikki?!" I call coming into the house with the mail and the letter, going to our bedroom where he's plucking at his bass, waving the letter.

"Yeah?" He asks.

"Sixx 1 & 2,

Sixx 1 is still spending exponential amounts of money on heroin a day. I left a warning last May, and said Nikki will either be dead or the two of you will be completely broke by May this year. That still stands because the amount being spent has doubled since then. Slow down." I read it off. "Nikki, it was $2,500.00 last time so he's saying you're currently spending $5,000.00 a day on smack?!" I raise my voice. "How the hell can someone possibly do that much heroin--or any freaking drug--in one day?!"

"Viv--"

"--That's $1.6 million a year! Did we even make that much last year!" I scream.

"We? Vivian, you've never worked a day in your fucking life. There is no 'we made', it's what I made. And because I'm the one who made the money, I can do whatever the hell I want with it so just hop off."

"Nikki, baby, we have bills, and insurance didn't cover as much on my time in the hospital and follow-ups as we had hoped so we have to spend money on necessities and not..." I trail off, calming myself down, rubbing my forehead, trying not to start crying.

"Viv, I'll handle it." He tells me after a moment of quiet between us. "Alright?"

I rub my lips together, letting out a sigh as he holds his hand out to take the stack of bills from me.

I hand them over, not saying a word more, before leaving him to continue scraping up motivation to actually write something.

He wrote "Wild Side", which completely reworks and assaults the Lord's prayer...then the bastard listed me as a co-write because, "well you told me what the prayer was to begin with so technically you helped me write it."

When the conservatives went digging around once the album was released, they dragged me through the mud when they saw my name attached to a bastardized version of something sacred to christianity and I heard every degrading, yet passive, insult any holier-than-thou Bible-biddy could throw at me.

I stopped going to church for quite a while after that because I didn't even want to face the possibility of all those people smiling in my face while thinking, "she's not the really for God."

"Valentine's Day?" I ask Doc, raising my brows. "...Really?"

"Well, they wanna get a good feel of Nikki and you're obviously a part of his life, so they figured spending Valentine's Day with you two would be pretty interesting." He explains.

"I don't want anybody getting a good feel of Nikki's anything." I reply stubbornly, crossing my arms.

"Yeah, and Viv won't let me pull out the really special techniques while someone's in the house with us." Nikki adds. "And she only lets me do them on special occasions."

"Nobody's feeling anybody else, and you two sodomites can have all the fun you want once the interview is done with. It'll take four hours, tops." Doc says, looking at Nikki. "We're gonna have to start promoting the album."

This is the selling point.

Nikki sighs, rubbing his face, groaning.

"Fine." He gives up, looking at me. "We can entertain the nosy bastard for a few hours, I guess."

"I suppose." I roll my eyes.

"Thank you." Doc let's out with relief.

"Was that it?" I ask him, glancing around his office.

"Oh, yeah." He nods.

"We drove down here just for you to tell us something you could have easily called and told us over the phone?" Nikki asks next.

"Yeah, 'cause I wanted to see how you look and sure enough you look like shit." Doc states and Nikki rolls his eyes. "Which reminds me, clean up your house and make yourself seem like you're not on drugs. K?" Doc gives us a parting word of advice as we stand up to leave.

"Yeah, yeah, got it." Nikki waves him off, leaving in front of me.

"Viv." Doc says to me and I nod reassuringly.

"I'll make sure he keeps it together for the interview."

"Thank you, you two be careful on the way home."

"We will, bye." I shut the door and follow Nikki out to his Jeep.

"I really don't feel like dealing with the press." He grumbles, looking at me now with his sunglasses on and I give him a small smile.

"Maybe it won't be that bad."

"I don't like people I don't fuck with in my house. It's my house. My space. It isn't a fucking amusement park that's open for review." He cranks the car and I put my seat belt on.

"Baby?"

"What?" He says a little harsh.

"It will be okay." I pat his fluffy hair. "K?"

He doesn't answer, actually pouting like a spoiled little boy.

When he ignores me, about to start driving, I raise a brow, unbuckle, and my fingers slowly fumble with the button on his jeans as his pout falters and his smirk replaces it, followed by the sound of a content, groan-filled sigh, and the back of his head hitting the back of his seat when I get my mouth around his prick.

Once we get home I'm wiping the remains of slobber and cum from my lips and he's struggling to keep his legs from collapsing.

"Are you okay?" I ask him smugly when his leg shakes a little bit as he unlocks the front door.

"Watch it, Sixx." He warns as he points at me, his hand popping me on the ass when I walk in front of him to go inside, and I let out a small shriek, following it with a laugh.

My laughter abruptly stops when I see Vanity watching T.V.

She actually seems sober enough, but she looks like she just came off of a bender.

Nikki and I look at each other.

"Oh, there you are. Nikki wasn't answering the phone and I wanted to see him." She tells us, her eyes glued him, and he sighs.

"Well, I'm here. What do you want?" He asks her in a snap, taking his jacket off.

"Nikki, quit being rude." I tell him quietly.

"Showing up to people's houses uninvited is rude." He replies, glaring at her.

"Not when I gave her the code to the gate and a key." I state.

His eyes bug for a second and he's raising his brows at me.

"You what?"

"Tansy has the code and a key, Tommy, Vince and Mick have the code and a key. Izzy, Steven, Slash, Duff, Axl--"

"--That's different." He cuts me short.

"How? They're our friends and so is she." I point out.

"If I'm not welcome I can just go." She says, grabbing her coat.

"Bye." Nikki says just as I say, "no, it's okay."

He and I give each other dirty looks.

"I was actually about to start cooking dinner and invite some friends over so feel free to stay, please." I offer to her. "Nikki, I need your help in the kitchen."

He follows me and I yank on the ends of his hair once we're alone, scolding him.

"Will you stop being a jackass to her?!" I whisper-yell.

"Can you stop being so fucking nice to people? It's stupid."

"Oh, God forbid Nikki Sixx be married to someone who's not a complete bitch." I roll my eyes, grabbing a few pans from our cabinet and he let's out a heavy breath.

"She's fucking crazy, Vivian." He argues and I turn to face him.

"You say the same thing about me any time I piss you off. I really believe she's a good girl, Nikki. She just needs one, good, solid friend that isn't just friends with her to have someone to do drugs with." I explain.

"Oh, yeah, Viv, she's really good...at being a fucking slut."

I pop him in the side of the face and point my finger at him.

"You don't talk like that about Vince or Tommy or Robbin so why the hell talk like that about her?"

"Because she is one." He ignores me and I let out a breath. "Some of the dudes she's fucked are married." He adds.

"Tansy has slept with married men, is she a slut, too?" I ask him and he rolls his jaw. "What I thought."

"Viv, I really don't--"

"Okay, Nikki. Whatever you say." I interrupt him, grabbing some things from the fridge. "She's an awful person, got it. Can you please help me with this so I can clean up the house some?" I ask.

He hesitates for a second before opening the packet of chicken on the counter I pulled from the fridge.

"Thank you." I smile, kissing his cheek, before leaving him alone so I can get the house in nice shape.

To say Nikki projected shit onto Vanity would be an understatement. Her hands weren't clean, of course, but he would often externally put her down the way he internally put himself down for what the two of them were doing to me. It was moments like that, that I looked back on after finding everything out, and would want to hit myself.

He practically told me they were sleeping together without actually saying "hey, I'm screwing this woman that you think is your friend, and you're being too nice and naive to think we wouldn't do that to you."

"Tommy and Heather, Vince and Sharise, Tansy and Vanity, Duff, Slash, Steven, Izzy and Axl." I tell Mick how many people will be at dinner and I hear him let out a breath on the other end of the phone.

"I don't know, Viv." He tells me.

"Mick, c'mon, I haven't seen you very much the past year."

"I don't know..."

"Mick--"

"--Mick, get your ass over here so we can have a good time. We're gonna see you in the studio tomorrow, anyway, so just come celebrate the commencement of the start of the new album." Nikki says after he takes the phone from me.

Mick says something and Nikki grins.

"Alright, bye." He hangs up. "He's in." He tells me.

"Thank you for snatching the phone from me, dickhead." I say, half-joking.

"Okay, I am this close," he holds his pointer finger and thumb centimeters apart from each other. "to bending you over my knee and beating your ass."

"Promise?" I reply, grinning, and he tugs me closer to him, but just before our lips meet, Vanity is walking--more so bursting--into the kitchen.

"Nikki, when are we hanging out?" She asks him, nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Nikki's hands dig into my hips as if he's channeling his frustration instead of being rude.

I know what "hangout" means, and I don't need him cracked out, especially not now with guests coming over soon.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Vanity." I explain to her as politely as I can.

"Why not?" She asks me.

"Just not aright now." Nikki tells her, actually more tolerant than he was earlier.

I don't know if I'm shocked because he's not being an ass to her, or because he's  turning down the opportunity to go hit a crackpipe. 

Vanity looks at me for a split second--a very short, nearly millisecond--as if I'm the fucking Devil, before it vanishes and she smiles at us.

"Okay, I'm gonna be in the bathroom freshening up." She tells us, walking in the direction of the guest bathroom, and I let out a breath when she's gone.

"You mean you don't wanna greet our guests naked, waving a gun, and accuse them of being the FBI before opening fire?" I ask him.

He just gives me an unamused look.

"I'm gonna go change before that 'ass beating' is administered." I suggest.

"Yeah, good idea."

I change, put on some makeup, and run my fingers through my hair to comb it out before stepping into the kitchen to help Nikki finish up.

I'm met with uncooked food.

"Uh...Nikki?!" I call, glancing at the clock to see it's 8:00pm.

People will be here any minute.

I go looking for him, smelling the familiarity of cocaine.

"Oh my God." I say to myself, opening the guest bedroom to see Nikki and Vanity crouched over their pipes with a mountain of blow out.

They look at me with wild eyes.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings.

"Please be someone sober. Please be someone sober." I repeat, shutting the door as I step to the door.

I open it to reveal Duff and the guys.

"I need help." I tell them, sounding panicked. "Nikki and Vanity's cracked out."

"Um, w-we were gonna ask you for help." Duff tells me.

"What, why?"

They move over and I see Tansy, shaking a little.

"Are you--"

Before I can finish, a familiar "BANG" is sounding through the house and is joined with a loud, ear-shattering shriek of glass breaking, and we hit the ground, Duff securing me under him before a second shot is fired, breaking more glass, causing Tansy to start screaming and crying from under Axl and Steven.

I thank God when Nikki doesn't shoot again, instead the sound of him scrambling to get to his closet, and the sound of Vanity's heels scampering along with him has me sighing with relief. I hear him slam our bedroom door, and Duff runs his thumbs under my eyes to wipe at tears that I had no idea were even coming out of me.

"Holy shit." Izzy mumbles. 

"Are you okay?" Duff asks me and I nod as he helps me up.

"Tansy?" I ask her gently, she's got her hands over her ears, tears streaming down her face.

Axl carefully steps into the house as I continue to reassure Tansy.

"Uh, Viv?" Axl asks.

"I got it, Viv." Steven tells me, trying to calm Tansy down.

I follow Axl into the house, and I'm taken back by the sight of our entire ceiling in the living room shattered over our couches, the carpet, the coffee table, the T.V., it's a giant sheet of sparkling, sharp, shards of mirror.

It seems like forever just staring at the damage done to my house, and I'm unable to get words to come out of my mouth.

"Dude, is Tansy alright?" Tommy's voice sounds at the door and we snap around to see him.

I hear Heather and Sharise outside before Vince comes in behind Tommy, their brows raising at the sight of the mess.

"Hooollllyyyy..." the blonde singer drags out.

"You alright?" Axl asks me, and anger rolls through me, my teeth grinding together.

"Viv?" Tommy adds.

"Doc. Bob. Now." Is all I'm able to say.

"On it." Tommy doesn't waste a minute stepping through the glass to get to the phone in the living room while Axl tugs me back outside to avoid murdering Nikki.

That was the first straw that began the process of breaking the camel's back.

Bea & Bronson

Bea: Hey Bronson: You don't have to Bea: I do, though Bea: it's important, your feelings are important, I acted otherwise, so you have to know that's not how it is, how I see things Bronson: Yours are too Bronson: I know you weren't seeing things clear last night Bronson: Call it forgotten Bea: Fuck that Bea: I know there's no forgetting Bea: and I know I've broken your trust and there's no getting it back Bea: but please, let me rebuild something Bea: I only did it because you're important to me Bronson: important in what way though Bronson: we aren't gonna be that Bea: No Bea: not like that, I don't want that Bea: I don't even want what I did, not really, I know that's just words when I did it but I swear to fucking God Bea: you're my best friend, my only friend, frankly Bea: it's a distancing thing...you know Bea: make you like him, put you in that box, that way I can see it as a good thing when I lose you Bea: but you don't deserve to be tarred with that brush, so I am, I'm really sorry Bronson: I've been around C & R long enough to see some fucked up boxes Bronson: and not walk off Bronson: I'm not doing that to you Bea: It probably won't be you Bea: that'd be me too Bea: I can't sustain shit Bea: I did the same to them, you know Bea: but they don't care so I didn't have to feel bad about it, got to be selfish Bronson: and they never bragged about it in my earshot...whoa Bronson: blessing or curse Bronson: I mean, if I was gonna, you'd get first dibs, but let's not make it weirder like Bea: Guess they give enough of a shit about you to not put that weird on you Bea: little did they know...ha Bronson: I mean they have made some offers over the years Bronson: But we were a lot younger Bronson: And the flashbacks only occur sometimes lol Bea: Didn't mean to add to the PTSD Bronson: You're off the christmas card list but you can still come for drinks Bronson: Nobody needs the newsletter and cringey family photo really Bea: Bron Bea: stop making it a joke if it ain't Bronson: I don't know how else to deal Bronson: You're not a club random Bea: You could tell me what you wanna tell them Bea: might help Bronson: I don't see it, you didn't have those motives Bea: Wanna violate my trust somehow Bea: hack me Bronson: Sure Bronson: Scope out that inbox Bea: go for it, serious Bea: #exposed Bronson: Am I gonna go further down the PTSD rabbit hole by catching sight of your nudes? Bronson: You can delete but they won't go Bea: I mean Bea: perhaps best to swerve my texts then Bea: uni emails Bea: ooh the scandal Bronson: Fix your grades while I'm there Bronson: 100 or nothing Bea: 🎯 Bea: Too good, you Bronson: Then, you'll owe me solidly, there's my angle Bronson: 👀 Bronson: Express your gratitude in a manner we won't have to run from and everything's normal again Bea: Anything you want Bea: WANT being the keyword there Bea: no funny business ever again Bronson: Swear on what you hold dearest Bronson: I can make those grades go down easy peasy Bea: Hmm, myself? Bronson: Those are my terms Bronson: 'Cause I can't stutter a no out don't mean a yes 😂 remember that going forward Bea: DON'T Bronson: too soon Bea: always too soon to be assaulting people Bronson: I'll stop smacking you with these punchlines in a minute like Bronson: Living with those two scallys too long Bronson: Not too soon to think about moving out Bea: You'd miss the mess you bless Bea: having your stuff knicked, constant undesirable and unknown visitors, all the noise and drama Bronson: I'll miss you if you do one after this botched reconciliation Bronson: You're my fave hot mess they ever brought back, Judes Bea: Don't make me cry Bea: this mascara is 22quid a pop Bronson: We'd be close to even Bronson: I'm worth at least that Bea: How rude of me to suggest otherwise Bea: but the foundation, the blush Bea: adding up Bronson: 💸 Bronson: Gotta get Ronaldo to teach you everything she knows about 🖐 discounts Bea: I think John Lewis would see her coming from a mile off, babe Bronson: There's a reason I have no fucking idea what one looks like inside Bea: like you're inside a upper middle class home but the bitch is also selling avon Bronson: 😂 Bronson: Take me there girl Bronson: I wanna see this Bea: Get you a pot of tea and a slice of something nice if you behave Bronson: I can be bought Bea: No judgment Bea: can't we all Bronson: Bring me coffee and all will be forgiven like Bronson: I've got the headache to end all 'em Bea: 😱 you? never! Bea: surprised you're not caning the red bulls already you animal Bronson: I would be if there was any left Bronson: hot commodity in this household Bea: 🤢 you are garbage people Bronson: You missed a trick not calling us monsters 😂 Bronson: It's early but you're a 🤓 Bea: I'm not gonna stoop to such levels Bea: any time of the day Bronson: Not gonna say your forgiveness depends on it Bea: Good Bea: not gonna change who I am, babe Bronson: Can't either Bea: Noted Bronson: But I'm not trying to change you, note that Bea: I know Bronson: Your man might Bronson: But I'm not going that deep into your inbox Bea: At least I don't have to tell him Bea: unless I drunkenly did Bea: bitch you better not have Bronson: I remember taking your phone at some point Bronson: If you're drunk enough to let me that's trouble Bea: 😬 Bea: Oh great Bronson: Get me his phone and it'll be like nothing ever happened Bea: idk if my skills of persuasion are gonna match his rage rn Bea: or pay for the first class postage Bronson: Quick trip to Ireland to buy my forgiveness and do some petty thievery could be a plan Bea: how is this for your forgiveness Bea: its entirely for me Bea: too pure Bronson: I need a- uh- Bronson: Guinness and Lucky Charms Bea: 😏 as cultured as I expected Bronson: Whoa there, I've seen that Leprechaun film with Rachel from Friends in it Bronson: Putting the cult in culture lol Bronson: 😂 Bea: Oh God Bea: 🤓 for all things trash Bronson: Blame the trash queen herself Bronson: A slut for shite horror Bea: I'll take great delight in telling her her Mum is just the same Bronson: Start saving for a headstone now I will Bea: she's gotta face facts some day Bronson: She'd sooner spite her face violently Bronson: We all know it Bea: 🤞 Bea: whaddya think I'm aiming for Bronson: Not to get Charlie about it but peas in a pod you two Bea: how dare you Bronson: face them faces, Judy baby Bea: Dick Bea: Now either way, I prove your point Bea: 😒 Bronson: You might be a smarty pants but I'm a smart arse like Bea: think of some witty retorts for Fraze then and go at it Bea: 'cos I can't face that yet Bronson: Time to build another fort and hide you in it Bea: gonna have to take up permanent residence at this fucking rate Bea: kick Tommy out of my old box room, that's not my graduate plan Bronson: Shack up with you like you're my actual missus Bronson: bedsits are very affordable Bronson: leave Fraze in the dust and forget the awkward convo looming Bea: Ha Bea: not exactly the plan either Bea: as much as I LOVE what you lads have done with the place 😽 Bronson: I'm not as house trained as poshos need theirs to be but not the pup they treat me like Bronson: We'd manage on our own, hun Bronson: love conquers all Bea: 💘 Bea: You're ridiculous Bronson: You need me Bronson: Too sensible by half Bea: 😏 Not gonna deny or accuse you of mixed messages BUT Bronson: Victim blaming isn't the way back into anyone's good books, love 😂 Bea: 🤷 Bea: don't want you to get the wrong idea Bronson: My ideas are fixed Bronson: No changing this mind Bea: that impenetrable firewall, I get it Bronson: Yeah Bea: Don't even be impressed by my nerd talk then, bitch Bronson: You can better Bronson: And we're trying to swerve pillow talk Bea: Look, I can't help being the best k Bronson: Back at you Bronson: Hard life being irresistible and unattainable like but I'm styling it out as effortless Bea: Ahh Bea: the one goal I can never reach Bronson: You're up there for me Bronson: If we stick together you've done it Bea: Safe to say I proved that I can't Bea: whore that I am Bronson: You're my whore Bronson: Stick around Bea: Who could say no? Bea: Such a charmer Bea: can't go in my inbox nevermind home anyway Bronson: Say the word and I'll clear it or pack a bag Bronson: Whichever Bea: Cheers, Bron Bea: what's the morning after without some drama to sort Bea: be at a loose end without it Bronson: Rather wipe your texts than clear up after the motley two Bronson: Disgusting Bea: Eurgh Bea: Don't even wanna think about them Bronson: How strong are the flashbacks? Bronson: I don't wanna think about that Bea: Why did you ask then 😂 Bronson: I'm a caring son of a bitch Bronson: And nosy Bea: Fair and fair Bea: wasn't that bad but not needing to repeat, is the answer Bea: but keep that on the DL Bea: not having them think I'M more repulsive than they are Bronson: I would but I feel like R's got that tattooed on her cause its such a legit review Bronson: Revolving door for her lack of repeat custom Bea: Well Bea: 'cept one Bronson: Let's not start Bronson: Enough of a headache without going there Bea: 2nd that Bronson: Onward to John Lewis Bronson: How much scandal can follow us around there realistically Bronson: We're well safe Bea: unlikely they're gonna want us to stock 'em up on overpriced knitwear Bronson: Trying to sell that on for anything but a loss would be an even worse headache Bronson: It's a no from me Bea: aw but you'd look adorable Bea: and sexless, more importantly Bronson: Would I though? Bronson: Or would I look quality in a bit of salmon pink Bronson: Trying to make me a target for the older crowd so I wouldn't turn you down next time, is it? Bea: 🤢🖕 Bea: nice bit of argyle Bea: golf chinos Bronson: 🏌 Bronson: a look Bea: if you wanna be some daddy's caddy Bronson: And risk taking Charlie's gig Bea: you know i know he knows he's past his prime Bronson: Yeah but I'm not trying to take his place in my mine Bea: Your loss booboo Bronson: Theirs Bronson: My daddy issues don't go that hard Bea: Worst luck Bronson: Like in the rankings I'm the worst horse to bet on if you want that action, dads Bronson: Pay my bills and get nothing back if that's your deal otherwise its a strike out Bea: save all this time I'm wasting on uni, eh Bronson: I haven't got a leg to stand on agreeing cause I'm still showing up myself Bronson: Half the time Bea: 👏 Bea: get you Bronson: someone's gotta show up to tell the rest to turn the computers off and on again Bronson: be a hero Bea: ⭐ for you Bronson: High five Bronson: We're killing it Bea: gotta slay in at least one area Bea: even if the rest is going to shit Bronson: I can't tell you not to feel bad about last night but I am Bea: I'm glad we're alright Bronson: You gotta get right by talking to freckles though Bronson: Rip off the plaster Bea: Yeah Bea: John Lewis first though, eh Bea: cheer myself with expensive crap when it all goes tits Bronson: Return it when the guilt kicks in Bronson: Easy fix for that fuck up Bea: If only everything had that 30-day return policy Bronson: We have to try on the most ridiculous shit they have Bronson: Guaranteed cheer up Bronson: Nothing's better than taking the piss outta me so I'm told Bea: 😂 sounds good Bea: though i can turn a look with anything Bronson: There she is Bronson: I'll meet you there but you have to walk in with me so I don't get trailed round the shop like the scum I come from Bea: wear your nicest hoodie please Bronson: Never dressing like a dosser when I'm meeting my lady Bea: so 😍 babe Bronson: Deffo

I'm thinking of buying botw. I'm already buying nier automata and horizon zero dawn, but botw seems nice and seeing you so hyped about it makes me consider it. May I ask you to convince me to? Like, scream all you like about the game, tell me what's awesome about it, please. I don't even mind some minor spoilers if you think it's gonna convince me. Please, I don't know much about Zelda, but this game seems so good. (If you don't mind, of course).

IT HAS A BEAUTIFUL FISH PRINCE AND PRINCESS WHAT MORE CONVINCING IS NEEDED.

Ok but in all seriousness, even if you aren’t really familiar or into the Zelda series, here are some fun things about this game from what I’ve played so far:

absolute freedom to travel the world and discover quests and places all on your own in whatever order or way you like (i don’t even usually go for open world stuff but i’m praising this aspect so i guess that says something? idk.)

the game doesn’t treat you like an idiot and hold your hand every 2 seconds with needless tutorials or guidance which was also a thing in past zelda games. it never bothered me but i know it bothers a ton of people so like. there’s that.

you can find wild horses and tame them and name them and there are lots of colors which is important to me. mine are all named after desserts. which seems to be a common trend. eclair is my fave horse.

this is extra cool ‘cause usually zelda games just throw a mount at you (usually a brown horse. sometimes a bird. sometimes a boat that is a person. sometimes you’re a dog.) and that’s it but you can find different ones with different stats and have several of them!!

also you can befriend doggies????

there are tons and tons and tons of people to interact with in this world!!

ENDLESS SUPPLY OF BOMBS.

BOMB EVERYTHING I’M NOT JOKING.

again there are beautiful fish people

also bird people

the bird people part confuses me bc the story in another game’s setting was that the bird people evolved from the fish people but they are both in this world and idk if i’m gonna get an explanation but i hope i do

badass ladies

giant fairy women who could probably eat you whole but they give you better clothes instead

the towns are cute and i love them

the characters i’ve met so far are all pretty interesting!!

you can cook which at first i was kinda like “uughh what is this harvest moon” when i heard about it BUT IT’S SO ADDICTING AND USEFUL AND FUN. combining shit to see what you can make and what effects you can get is great.

it’s so fun to just explore and get distracted in this game. if there are any walkthroughs or anything available when you get it, fucking ignore them ‘cause all the fun is in exploring in this

the game will tell you you need to go somewhere but you can absolutely go somewhere else and do 500 other things before you even bother

except i should’ve gone to kakariko village when i was told to i would’ve had better armor earlier on but no i had to chase zora fin instead

BUT I DIDN’T HAVE TO AND I STILL HAD FUN

there’s a cool old man in the beginning who you will maybe want to give a hug

i wanna give him a hug

are you convinced yet

is me talking about fish people and giant fairy women doing the trick

i should point out that the zelda series is one of my fave things i literally wore heart container earrings to work yesterday so i mean maybe there’s a lot of bias here BUT

IT’S A GOOD GAME OK

LIKE I DO HAVE PROBLEMS WITH OTHER ZELDA GAMES BUT THE ONES IN THIS ONE ARE SO NIT-PICKY THEY HARDLY MATTER.

except idk how i feel about the motion control puzzles

there aren’t too many so far but

fuck ‘em

idk about the wiiu but the switch is hella sensitive and i scream

there’s a lot of ancient technology stuff which is always neat

you have this stone tablet thing but it’s basically an ancient magic iphone

complete with google maps

but like you gotta venture out to these big towers to download the google maps updates

and then you aren’t getting enough updates so you go to the apple store to upgrade your phone tablet and the apple store is run by an adorable little child with an also adorable outfit

also you can buy a house

so you have an iphone and a house

and maybe 5 horses

also your iphone comes with cool apps that give you superpowers

you can take your shirt off

your first mission is “equip pants” basically

there are small fish children among the fish people and i’m adopting all of them

that’s not an actual mechanic or anything i’ve just decided to adopt them

and i’m marrying the not-child ones

you can get lots of different clothes and also you can have them dyed different colors

i’m gonna cut myself off bc i could be playing it right now but i’m out of control

you’re probably better off looking up an actual review on youtube or something but i mean i typed this out it’s here

here you go

just bomb everything.