#I HATE THE MILGRAM EXPERIENCE SOME TIMES | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

good-beans · 2 months

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this is so stupid but i always have fun imagining the milgram characters watching their own/others mvs and seeing their reactions, especially for MeMe

That’s not stupid at all, thank you so much for the ask!! It’s sooo interesting to think about! I planned on just posting this drabble, but the more I thought about it, the more I started jotting down headcanons for everyone 👀 Of course there’s the initial disbelief and shock that Milgram can really do what it claims, but once they accept that, they’d have a lot of interesting reactions…

Es gets to watch the video first, then the prisoners are free to watch their own in the privacy of the courtroom/extraction room/wherever. Other prisoners can watch them only with explicit permission from the video’s singer. No one is allowed to watch Undercover except for Es. At first they spend hours looking at those final frames of themself flinching from the camera, hoping to jog any sort of memories, but eventually they give up on it. While actually watching it, they don’t mind the murder silhouettes. While sleeping, however, it has triggered more than one nightmare.

Haruka: He thinks Weakness is very pretty – he’s amazed seeing himself on the screen and hearing his voice, knowing he’s not that good of a singer. Even before his innocent verdict, it gives him a huge surge of confidence. Once he gets to know the others better, he gives them mv permissions, then stares intently at their faces to see their reactions as they watch it. AKAA scares him a bit, seeing his own intense emotions on screen, and he only gives Muu permission to see it. When he’s alone, Haruka pauses the shots of his mother, just to stare for a while.

Yuno: Laughs at the symbolism her mind used in Umbilical. She’s never shied away from sexual words/thoughts, so it's funny the video was as tame as it was. She thinks the song is fun, and isn’t afraid to show the others and sing snippets of it around the prison. Some days it’s too emotional for her to get into it, but most of the time she tries to display a confident attitude about it. After Tear Drop, she’s satisfied with her anger and more overtly sexual images. If anything, she feels too exposed by the shots of herself looking more vulnerable/sad.

Fuuta: He experiences a solid mix of embarrassment at the gaming theme in Bring it On and feeling a surge of pride that he looks badass in the knight’s armor. He’s worried the warden won’t take him seriously with the video game obsession, but he absolutely loves the song and thinks it portrays his toughness and ideals well. He’s less thrilled with Backdraft, everything about it unsettles and embarasses him. He’s thrown by the shot of crossing out his own silhouette – he’d had self-harming thoughts, but wasn’t quite ready to confront them so blatantly yet. Like Haruka, he can be caught pausing the arcade shot just for a moment before turning the whole thing off and storming away.

Muu: She has mixed emotions towards After Pain. She hates seeing herself look so weak and pathetic, but it gives her a lot of hope that her story will be understood. She misses her friends, and seeing them again is bittersweet. She closes her eyes at the moment of the stabbing – she’s only gotten the courage to watch it through her fingers once. She watches INMF once, then refuses to look at it again from shame/horror. Despite Haruka’s begging, she doesn’t let him watch it, either.

Shidou: He asks Es what they saw in Throw Down. Upon finding out his family wasn’t in it, he chooses not to watch it. He believes he already knows all about his emotions and crime, so there’s no need to go through that pain again. He’s tempted to watch it when he’s confused about Es’ verdict, but still holds off. He does watch Triage when informed his family is in it. He spends hours in front of the screen by himself. Only after seeing that one does he watch Throw Down, though he’s still left confused about Es’ decisions.

Mahiru: Absolutely loves TIHTBILWY. She thinks it perfectly describes her situation, and that the song is very cute. She lets others watch it, and unlike Yuno, feels like singing it 24/7. It reminds her of her bf, and she thinks that’s very romantic. Similar to Shidou, she spends a lot of time watching I Love You just to look at her boyfriend. She shows it to everyone, just to show him off and talk about him, even if she does skip over the beginning and end each time.

Kazui: He is very similar to Shidou; he refuses to watch his videos until T2, assuming it would be too painful to watch something he already knows and wishes to avoid. Unlike Shidou, seeing Hinako is far too painful, and he regrets watching it and seeing her so happy on their wedding day. Though maybe he’s still waiting, and hasn’t seen any of the videos yet…

Amane: Magic makes her worry more than anything. She fears she’s poisoned by unnecessary vainness since so much of her video involves cute things, colors, outfits, animals, and is set up like a tv show. She’s also worried that Es and the others will really see her as a child because of how cute the whole thing is. She prevents herself from watching it too many times, but buried under all her fears, it gives her a surge of pride seeing herself so talented and pretty and the star of the show. Purge March only reaffirms her confidence in her crime – the video brings up some awful memories, but it shows her as a leader, a warrior, a hero! It brings her comfort and confidence more than anything.

Mikoto/John: The videos are distressing to both of them, and they spend all their time studying the others’ screentime. Mikoto watches in horror as John does things that line up with his spotty memories, and John panics seeing that his actions distress Mikoto more than they’ve reassured/saved him. John does end up watching his own scenes a few times – it feels incredibly good to appear in a way that Mikoto may finally notice him. He feels seen. Now, logically I think that MeMe would be the final tipping point in which Mikoto finally accepts the situation and his DID, but if I must stick to his canon denial, then I’d say he goes on a whole rant about movie magic andt the crazy things you can do with editing nowadays. He doesn’t have a good explanation on how Milgram found his home and knew so much about him, but he explains everything away as cgi or camera effects. Double manages to sway him a bit more, as he hears John speak so plainly to him. Just as the audience had some debate on who was apologizing at the end of Double, Mikoto and John wonder who is apologizing to whom. Though they both come to the conclusion it’s their own apology, they decide that if it was the others’, they’d accept it and forgive them.

Kotoko: She’s very pleased with Harrow, and is unashamed to show it to the others. Though she’d been able to watch a few of the previous prisoners’ videos, it still shakes her a bit when she realizes that Milgram really does have the tech to look deep inside her. She watches it just a few times – not obsessing over it, but not afraid either. Deep Cover, however, is a once-and-done sort of deal. She claims she’s not letting the others watch it because “they couldn’t handle such harsh but true criticisms about themselves,” but she doesn’t end up watching it anymore herself, either.

#milgram #es #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #thank you so much! and for being patient 😅#i didnt mean to take so long but i kept chipping away at ideas while i got to this one #these were so much fun to think about!! i went for more emotional ones here but i do have silly thoughts too #i have that silly post about them making a competition after seeing each others mvs #though -even if they dont make it outwardly a big deal like that #i think they definitely would silently compare their videos/crimes to each others and decide whose was better #i still stand by the fact that fuuta asks kotoko if shes a furry after seeing harrow sdfasdf #i cant imagine kazui allowing anyone in the prison to watch his but IF he did #fuuta would also ask if he was a furry after cat ADSFSADF #i think the reactions t1 would be pretty positive/comforting #but in t2 theres a lot less pleasantries and compliments #aside from the obvious deep insights the videos give i think theyd reveal a lot of sweet similarities #like appreciation for flowers or cooking or performance or video games or music genres #but by t2 everyones on edge and suspicious of each other #or ashamed themself :(#i think its really cool imagining who would want to share theirs and who would keep theirs private...#rose posts

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good-beanswrites · 10 months

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I talked about my Milgram actors theory earlier, but @amugoffandoms reminded me I also have a little emotional support au version of the idea I’ve been meaning to chat about! It's actually not a typical actors au -- the canon events still happen, but are staged by the in-universe Milgram organization.

(Edit, now with a fic!)

Just like in canon, the organization has a mysterious/supernatural ability to identify and track down ten specific people at their breaking point. In this au, though, it's ten people who could have committed crimes soon. They discreetly reach out to these individuals, requesting for them to be actors in their experiment. They say there will be someone playing a prison guard, and explain the premise. With a bit of coaxing or bribing for a few, they all accept.

Milgram ensures these newfound “prisoners” don’t need to change many details about their lives – the less lies to keep track of, the easier it would be for these ordinary people to pull off such an extensive con.

Some of them are exactly as they were right before their murders, such as Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, and Kotoko. Haruka, his sister, and Amane did go through traumatic abuse, but it was Milgram that pulled them out of the situation before they resorted to murder. Mikoto is/has been aware of his alters for a while at this point.

Some of the others are taken from their lives after things that could have ended fatally turned out alright: Shidou’s family got into an accident but all recovered; Milgram picked up on his private realization that he would have done anything to save them, were the damage worse. Mahiru and Kazui’s partners attempted/considered suicide, but did not succeed. In Mahiru’s case, they reached a friendship despite breaking up. I still don’t know enough about Kazui’s wife, but I like to think they’re pretty separate now.

The ten prisoners weren’t allowed to meet beforehand, but they individually collaborated with the Milgram team to write the lyrics for their t1 songs and film their videos. I'll mention more about the other actors later, but the filming process is a lot of fun. Though the topics confront them with some unsavory thoughts about themselves, it's a good time singing and acting and getting the giggles on set and everything.

Milgram pulls Es from wherever they were for whatever reason, wipes their memory, and drops them into the prison. The prisoners are unaware that Es didn't come willingly, as they all did.

Once the experiment begins, everyone’s interactions that we’ve seen to this point are genuine. The prisoners get to know each other, while they come to terms with the fact that themselves and these others all had murderous potential. Their personalities, behaviors, and stories from their lives are all true. In the interrogations, they speak honestly to Es about their values and choices. The only faked things are the actual references to the murders, and the “invisible force” that they pretend to hit when acting in violence. Mikoto is instructed to use a bit of violence during his interrogation, though Kotoko sneaking in wasn’t scripted – she genuinely had her concerns about his character and acted accordingly.

While Es sleeps after T1, the prisoners are treated the same regardless of verdict. They provide the team with their genuine thoughts about one another to decide what the staged incidents should be. Kotoko doesn’t actually hate the guilty prisoners, but she recognizes she would’ve wanted to take justice into her own hands in a real situation. Amane is very upset but Es' verdict, but the team helps her dramatize her transformation a bit. Haruka and Muu genuinely get that close. Yuno does wish to be left alone.

They film their second trial videos, now allowed to be around the other prisoners as they do so. They also invite people in their life to come in and play their victims. Yes, it’s just as awkward as it sounds. This is where the prisoners do their real reflection – they think about Es’ verdict for them and what they could have been capable of. There’s a bit of relief from both parties knowing that things will turn out alright now that Milgram intervened (ironic, I know, but this is my fix-it hehe). Shidou’s kids are excited to be filmed, not really understanding the context. Haruka once again works with an actor playing his younger self, a bit put off by how similar they look and the memories he bring back. Haruka’s mother, Rei, and Amane’s cult members (if they appear) are some of the only characters played by strangers, though they do look strikingly similar to the real people. Fuuta’s victim is also played by a stranger. Things are still tense with Hinako, but she agrees to appear.

The team helps the prisoners fake injuries with lots bandages and slings. Then they wake Es. The same is repeated for T2/T3.

Now, I’ve played out a few different paths depending on my angst tolerance at the moment – sometimes Es goes through with the third trial verdicts and is forced to watch the executions (not realizing they're cleverly staged). Sometimes they refuse, finding a way to stop the whole experiment. Sometimes the prisoners realize that Es has been an unwilling participant, and bring the experiment to a stop themselves. Sometimes someone jams a wrench in the mv machine and try to blow it up in order for everything to end before final verdicts.

Because of limited details, the ending can play out however one wants. But my go-to is that Es wake up sometime afterwards in a clean facility filled with scientists. They’re brought to an interrogation room – this time on the other side of the questioning. They’re asked about their motivations, actions, emotions, choices, verdicts (or the reason they rebelled at the very end). A few doors down, the prisoners are being asked similar questions of self-reflection and morality.

Es demands to know what’s going on, while the team tries to assure them that the prisoners are all fine. Es doesn’t buy this, though. They know what kind of mind games the experiment has tried to pull, and can’t tell what’s truth or lie anymore. Things get heated as they demand to see the prisoners. Meanwhile, the prisoners are getting worked up asking about Es. If they haven't already, this is when they learn that Es was an actual prisoner there the whole time. The last time they were together the situation was very intense, and they’re all incredibly worried about them.

In the end, they manage to break out of their rooms and reunite in the middle of the facility, and Es is shocked. All ten are alive and well, even those they may have seen die. No eyes or limbs are missing. They’re all laughing and getting along, no matter what kinds of fights they got into between trials. Even more shocking is when the victims join them later – also all alive and happy.

The ending has a bit of unavoidable angst since Es would be pretty fucked up by the whole experiment. They’d struggle with trust issues and knowing what’s reality. However, it’s still an overwhelmingly happy ending. They get to befriend the prisoners and their families outside of the painful context they met in. Regretting their ignorance of the situation, the prisoners decide to make up for lost time and spend a lot of positive, quality time with Es. The kids are finally allowed to play, and the they finally let the adults act a bit protective over them. This is when the found family completely kicks in lol. Es gets to sleep easy knowing they are all alive and happy, they receive all their memories again, and they get to return home to their own family.

I added it to a reblog but editing with @/qrevo's tags because this is what I was looking for but couldn't quite pin down to make it healing for Es too:

#milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #es #its not 'the prisoners leave milgram and get therapy' its 'milgram itself is the therapy for the prisoners'#i know the typical actors au would be more of a fix-it but i liked still having a small taste of the canon drama and interactions #its also nice to relate to es' relief -- after ive gone through the angst of canon its nice to imagine everything is okay #so in the au they also go through the angst of canon only to be relieved finding out it was fake and everyone is okay #it also keeps the prisoners lives/personalities the same!#as fun as it is to see actors aus give them whole new personalities offscreen im incredibly attached to these characters and this let me #keep them exactly the same lmao #on days i need the most fluff i picture the prisoners all together filming the t2 mvs -- getting giggly and silly on set #making bloopers and cheering each other on and interacting happily with their 'victims'#when i want intense but good emotions i love thinking of that reunion scene. es exclaiming that fuutas eye is okay and theyre all alright #lots of hugs and tears #(the only details i cant quite work out is how jackalope can talk in this fairly-realistic setting asdfd #that and the undercover mv wouldnt make any sense because es wouldnt have filmed it but ah well)#anyway if anyone has any thoughts or anything lmk! ive been really vibin with this au #analysis/thoughts #lights camera sing your sins

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blitz0hno · 1 month

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Drabble about the whole mikotosys-night-terror chronicles cuz I don't get to write much.

Post trial 2: Mikoto, still deep in denial (although deep denial doesn't mean ur as unaware as you let on/feel all the time), cries himself to sleep again. He hates the long-time habit, but thinking about his life up to this point, especially now... It makes sense, and unfortunately a lot more starts to make sense too.

It was happening again.

Mikoto was laying on the bed in his cell, staring at the ceiling. It was the only time he knew which way was up these days.

And today had been long, and stressful.

Why must he be this kind of person?

Chained up and interrogated.... Es trying to explain why the words "I saved you" echo in his mind.... a fuzzy ringing in his ears overtaking seemingly every conversation he had with the warden; Mikoto did his best to be attentive but was purely pretending. He was sure he dreamed the crime he was accused of, sure of it. It wasn't real, he couldn't do that! He had a future to look toward, and even if some people in his life were holding him back, his urge for quick relief had been but a horror-movie fantasy. A place for his brain to put his anger so he couldn't find it.

He had always wondered where his emotions went when he made them disappear. It didn't look good that nearly every moment now felt like a dream, either.

Answering questions with pen and paper had been particularly difficult. He didn't remember much of that either. He remembered the first couple questions. He remembered waves of frustration flooding his train of thought. He remembered feeling sick when he realized it was over and he thought he had only answered two or three out of the twenty questions.

Mikoto had started off this strange "Milgram" experience intrigued, but the more he thought about the events that led up to this "reality show," the more scared he got. He had always been a forgetful guy, but felt confident enough in his ability to keep track of important things. School, work, home duties, everything was always nearly lined up in his thoughts. Sometimes he had strong feelings about a task, but he was easily able to power through. He was oddly proud of that ability, from his adolescence up to his office job.

Sure, he had been picked on for living outside the city and never going anywhere. But he was reasonably popular with girls and very on top of his grades, which made other students like him well enough he supposed. No reason to feel lonely with how busy he was anyway. Taking care of home with his mom and sister, making sure he remembered to eat and study before shifts, and cramming for tests had all paid off, hadn't it?

He had a career he was passionate about, an end goal, and a stable job at a famous company. Although this job was... Not as glamorous as he had hoped. Nonetheless, he had worked so hard for it. He wouldn't just throw it away.

Not even when his meal times got shorter and shorter.

Not even when his boss made him redo weeks of work on a whim.

Not even when 60 hour weeks turned to 80 hours.

Not even when he broke down and cried after coming home to an onslaught of texts informing him of a deadline being shortened yet again.

He needed to sleep. Without sleep, he became irritated easily, and hiding it with a polite smile always left him with a permanent lump in his throat, as if he could burst into tears at any moment but wouldn't let it happen. When it all got too loud, Mikoto knew how to put it away for later.

Now was later, and he was crying.

He wished people listened to him. If they got to be cruel with no consequences, chain him to one thing or another, tell him to come and sit and stay until 3AM doing paperwork, he should get a say too. A say in how he was spoken to, in his rest, in his mind, anything.

But he second-guessed himself every time, coming up with nothing and doubling down on his polite diligent worker persona.

His chest heaved as he sobbed. How pitiful and pathetic, if they saw him like this. And to think everyone was scared of him now, not only because he apparently really killed people, but now more things he didn't remember were coming up. Torn up clothing he had tried so hard to laugh about reporting to Es; but all the morning he couldn't stop himself from crying, even through his mask. He had heard from others in the past that he talked in his sleep, but the noises? The shredding and screaming and destroying?

That was all new.

And embarrassing.

And mortifying.

Mikoto had no memory of any of it. He thought and thought, but only recalled feeling overwhelmed, perceiving the stares and the body language around him as tense, and the rush of anxiety which was renewing itself again. Out of habit, he searched for the smile he always tried to force through the tears, even now that he was alone.

Another sob.

Alone.

And everyone knew it. His boss, his mom, his baby sister, his peers EVERYONE watched him go it alone, pushing and pushing and succeeding at any cost to himself. But that was the goal, too, to be left alone. Not screamed at, following the rules in place, breaking them if it meant a more pleasing outcome for his current audience. His breath picked up as he remembered every comment, every stare every sneer every nitpick EVERYTHING others did to belittle his hardest work. His sweat, blood, and tears turned into a cycle that kept piling more on his back.

He held his hands against his ears as his sobs turned to a choked wail. Again tonight, he felt like he couldn't stop himself. "I HATE THIS! I'm not smart enough to even remember what I do, not strong enough to even control myself! FUCK!"

Again his uniform shirt felt far too tight. The restraints he had become more used to were suddenly like snakes whose every movement he could feel through the fabric, writhing on his skin. Mikoto screwed his eyes shut and begged to disappear, pulling at the jumpsuit.

Then John screamed.

He tore, he ripped, he fell off the bed and threw himself against the wall as if it would give him more force against the restraints. He couldn't stop. He knew it was his fault, and he knew why it was his fault, but they were hurting Mikoto all the same.

John forcefully wiped the tears from his face. His breathing was ragged as he felt himself grabbing at his hair. This was bad.

He couldn't calm down. Mikoto was beyond upset, he was terrified. John's own anger and Mikoto's fear had them in a frenzy, their hands pulling at anything they could grasp. What could he do? He had to help Mikoto. After all, it was John's fault, John's anger, John's actions that caused him this agony. Mikoto wouldn't hurt someone like that. He couldn't!

"I COULD. I DIDN'T WANT TO!" A shriek escaped his mouth. John didn't feel like that words were his. He took a deep breath, one hand still keeping his hair in a death grip.

The other was over his mouth. John had heard enough of what the other prisoners were able to hear. He was sure that they would be punished if they were any louder; or maybe Mikoto was sure.

He just didn't know anymore.

"They were killing you," John whispered, voice strained. "Even if you didn't do i-"

The words caught in his throat, and John's breath hitched as he felt the world start to blur around him.

"I do remember that I wanted to," came a choked whisper from Mikoto. "I wanted nothing more. Those people - those men... My life was hell. I was too slow with turnarounds no matter how long I submitted before the deadline. They called me day and night like a dog to their side. And th- the way they spoke to me and my coworkers - realizing their contempt toward the working men alone but god the WOMEN-" He sobbed loudly, burying their head in his hands. "The- these are the people our baby sister gets to meet next. The ones our mom married, the ones who lie and cheat and demand and force- they should be GONE they SHOULD. BUT- but I never thought-" he trailed off, curled into a tense ball. He could hardly feel John anymore -

Oh god.

He could feel John.

Like another person in the room, he felt another presence almost by his side. Another sob turned into a laugh at the absurdity of it all. The warden had no dog - Mikoto did.

And it was himself.

And that's why there was another "him," blaming his newfound self for Mikoto's plans and actions.

He felt terrible, in a hundred different ways. "John, it wasn't your fa-" Mikoto stopped mid-sentence, torn between guilt for his other self and the terror of realization hitting. He pressed himself against the cold wall and breathed slowly as he could, suddenly overcome with a clammy, nauseous feeling.

It wasn't a dream.

Mikoto had been sick in his cell once before, during a particularly bad panic episode. He had cleaned it up well and told no one, but somehow he was still met with looks of concern and pity and fear ten times over the following morning. Damn thin walls. The already isolated prisoner was not about to let that happen again. He slumped against the wall, closed his eyes, and grit his teeth as the room spun, wanting only to sleep. If only he could shut down, wake up in his apartment and cry about his shitty day at his shitty job surrounded by shitty people that his shitty singular self did not kill.

The weight of that possibility leaving forever made him feel like he would never eat again.

John felt the pressure mounting in their head and body, powerless to help. Just behind front, able to listen to the perspective he'd been wishing to hear for so long, and unable to do a damn thing. After all the begging to be acknowledged, he still hadn't saved Mikoto. Not by a long shot.

They were both stricken with panic by now, John beginning to pace around the cell and breathing deeply to the point of pain. Anything to keep from spiraling, from causing a mess, from snapping again, from hurting someone or even needing them.

And then they froze, a third voice that felt equally unreal catching their attention. Difference was, she and another were outside themselves , and outside the door to their room.

"He's at it again..." John heard Kotoko sigh faintly, breathing shallow as he stood at a standstill. He was so at a loss that he forgot to be angry at her treatment of Mikoto. Mikoto wasn't a killer. John was. Leave Mikoto out of it, let him live without this pain. It's why John was here to begin with! Did he fail? Did he drive any other help away?

"Ugh. I'll wait here, as you requested. Give him this." John heard a small acknowledgement from Es as they took the mystery item. He flinched, bracing himself.

Were they chaining him up again? Drugging him? What did he get Mikoto into now??

Whether he knew it or not, Mikoto was feeling the same guilt towards John, ashamed for not having noticed and feeling cowardly for running from him.

"John..." Es brought the protector to attention, gently holding out a water bottle. He hadn't even registered that they opened the door. He stared for a second, feeling shamefully and ridiculously dog-like, but took the offering. "How did you know..."

"Because Mikoto puts on airs," Es replied plainly. "He would have forced a posture that was more relaxed, perhaps greeting me as 'Guard-kun.'" Their voice went up a tad as they imitated Mikoto's tone, first amusing and then startling John. Was the switch that obvious? Had he ruined any chance of Mikoto being normal again?

"So you can... You can tell. We really are that different?"

"Afraid so," Es replied. "John, do you two... Do you know how DID happens?" They stood across from him, gauging his reaction. John seemed to be struggling to stay grounded as he explained.

"We never thought we had any sort of amnesia... We once read that it happens when... Oh," John sighed. "I have no idea what happened. But I know... I know..."

"When a child is hurt badly over a period of time, in their very early stages-"

"Yeah I know how it goes." He snapped like John, but John felt the words come from elsewhere. The voice also sound absolutely defeated, the truth having come to reveal itself.

"Mikoto...?"

"..."

Mikoto felt.

He was aware, he knew what he was saying, but his voice was bitter and monotone. He didn't know what to feel. He just felt.

"I don't fuckin know anymore," he sighed. Es was not entirely convinced it was only him - his voice was cold, and while quieter than John's, Es wasn't even sure they had heard Mikoto curse before. Of course, Mikoto was subject to change as any other prisoner, and his demeanor almost reminded them of Fuuta's current state.

Mikoto took a deep breath, standing a little straighter. "I... Suspected it, when I heard about it from some class, and then forgot about it. But yeah, when a mother and a father hate each other, and possibly you, very very much... I know how it happens." His eyes darkened. "Life got better, I think, when Dad left. Mom wouldn't talk about him, and she'd get mad if I even said something that she thought he would... But I could tell she missed him. My baby sis seems okay for her age, on track development and all, but despite all the responsibility I could handle I could never quite get it right."

Es nodded thoughtfully. "So you were ridiculed and blamed for things you weren't even aware was upsetting to your parents? Did they take things out on you, because you were older?"

"I... I guess. I never thought it was that bad," Mikoto sighed. "But living on my own, I started to feel more and more disconnected. More angry, more paranoid... And I started having nightmares. I forgot about those for awhile too. When it started affecting my work, I even tried to forget I was stressed at all."

"Or rather, your mind helped you forget," Es mused.

"It should have stayed forgotten," the prisoner growled. "I can't believe I ruined everything, and I didn't even know it. John wanted to protect someone who forced him to exist because I COULDN'T protect me!" He pulled at the strap over his chest, struggling to keep composure. There was no trace of his fake smile.

"You didn't force anything," Es corrected him softly. "The brain is an organ that adapts to survive. Even had you known, it's not something that can be harnessed and commanded. It's adaptation." It was a simple matter-of-fact, complex as it was. Es hoped they had their facts straight now, anyway.

"So how do we go back to normal?!" Mikoto cried. His hands were shaking now and was sobbing again; he quickly realized how dizzy he was becoming. "I-I need to sit." He lowered himself back to the floor and slumped against the wall, arms childishly wrapped around his knees. He felt nothing but shame presenting himself this way. He was 23, he was a graphic design agent, a working man! He couldn't break down like this! He couldn't have it this bad! Even if he didn't even feel like himself at the moment, even if reality felt completely made up... "There's got- there's got to be a way to fix this."

To his surprise, Es didn't look at him with judgement or pity. The only thing that stood out was curiosity, and they gently sat beside him as they gathered their words. "It's not a matter of fixing, Kayano-kun. You all need... Healing," Es spoke carefully. They figured the nickname would do for now.

"Can't heal from a murder charge," the prisoner scoffed. Mikoto felt reality spin as John spat out his remark. John ran a hand through his hair, smoothing some parts and causing others to stick out awkwardly. "It's still my fault. Those urges, those feelings... They're mine to carry, to protect him from."

"John... maybe you can protect each other. Share the burden. It was one body and, according to Milgram, one prisoner. Maybe if you can forgive yourselves... Milgram will show me a better outcome for you both." That was the best Es could think of to help right now. To think it was upon them to say whether this man was forgivable; he had seen so much of the real world that they themselves had yet to remember, and they couldn't even imagine the stress of his perfectionist lifestyle on top of it all. They wanted to cry from how unfair it all was, but prisoner 009 was the priority right now.

As the warden... They had to do what they thought was best. They almost felt guilty for having Kotoko on standby, even though it was she who insisted. But that didn't mean Mikoto, or even John, was dangerous.

"I know I didn't do the right thing," Mikoto sighed, sitting up as he regained composure. "And it still doesn't feel real. I can almost feel the memory slipping again. It hurts, Guard-kun!" He gripped the sides of his head. Es instinctively reached gently for his hands to discourage him from pulling his hair out, and Mikoto flinched. He hit the barrier between them with his hands as he automatically covered himself.

"Shhh... Mikoto..."

"I'm sorry!"

"You didn't hurt me. I startled you," Es said. "Mikoto, you don't need to remember all the time. That's what your alter John, and any others there may be... Are for," they looked away, thinking bitterly about what may lie in their own memories. "It can hurt to remember, Mikoto. Sometimes it's even dangerous."

"I was dangerous when I didn't remember, too," Mikoto sniffed. "John... He wanted to protect us - protect me - so badly that we hurt a lot of things. Even you."

"Well as for me, Mikoto, my physical health is no worse for wear," Es replied. They were only partly lying - they were exhausted constantly, but John's outburst was long down the list of incidents by now. "I forgive you. Do you... Forgive you? Forgive John?"

"John... I barely know John..." Mikoto sighed, feeling defeated as the words he tried to form seemed to fade from his mind. "But I... I forgive his mistakes. I hope he can forgive me too." Mikoto then felt lightheaded again, but although his throat felt stuck and his chest was tight, his left hand gave a small thumbs up.

Es couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Well, there you go."

Mikoto heaved a sigh, suddenly feeling more exhausted than ever. "Thank you..." He whispered. He began to cry again, but smiled a smile that seemed to come more from genuine gratitude than fear. "Thank you, Guard-kun. I know... John will be happier now. I'm... I'm really scared. But we don't have to be lonely."

Es stood up slowly, offering a hand to help him to the bed. 009 sat still on the floor for a moment, a small frown forming on his face as he took their hand. "It's... It's John." He whispered, although they were partly holding him upright, Milgram ignoring his presence and giving him away. It felt strange, announcing himself like that, but comfortable too. "I know we can't undo what we did... Thank you for helping Mikoto."

"You deserve help, too, John. Mikoto wants to be there for you, too," the small warden looked up at him with almost a sense of urgency, praying John wouldn't try to take it all on himself anymore.

"Well he can start..." John mused, "by not giving away my cigarettes anymore. How's that?"

"Oh yeah, he did tell me to stop giving those to him even if he asks. I think..." They almost didn't suppress a laugh as they walked the system to their cot; although the situation wasn't funny itself, it was an interesting process. "I think finding those over and over is when he knew he forgot more than he knew."

"Damn right..." John sat down on the bed, the body falling over nearly instantly.

"Goodnight, John-kun, Mikoto-kun," Es said softly, heading towards the cell door.

"Goodnight, and thank you again," John's low voice replied.

As they went out the door, they heard another.

"Oh! Goodnight, Guard-kun!" A soft whisper said from across the room. "...And thank you."

That night was the most restful sleep Mikoto's body had gotten in years. He almost felt like he could finally get used to this. He would never get used to "being a killer," though. He didn't know much about the social perception of DID, so he sure hoped that wasn't a general stereotype.

End.

#milgram #mikoto milgram #john milgram #milgram fanfic #character study #cw vomit mention #cw panic attack #cw rapid switching #?#idk if anyone needs that but it's there lol #cw mild self-injury (unintentional)#switching my be written confusingly but we did our best lol it's confusing on this end too #ambiguous third mikoto #longer than i intended but wasn't sure where it was going anyway lol #freeform yaaaaay #Es 009 siblings for life

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 6 months

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I'm really glad to ask some (a lot, lol) question~ 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 12 for Es 2, 5, 11, 12, 14 for Amane and 3, 5, 6, 19, 20, 21 for Kazui ❤

Yay questions!

CW Cults and indoctrination, child abuse, internalized homophobia

1- Favorite song lyrics?

They don't have a lot to pick from, huh? But from Undercover, it's probably:

The fine line between "Hate" and "OK" Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends?

The first line, to me, really encapsulates how black and white the judgement system in Milgram is, and thus how horrendously inefficient it is. There's very little we can actually do to convey nuance in our voting, it really is a choice of just "you're perfectly okay and have done nothing wrong" or "we hate you and think there is no way you could ever be Forgiven", with only the 50% voting line separating the extremes. Sure, we can try to communicate with the voices in their head, but that's highly unreliable and unpredictable, so in practice "hate or ok" are really our only options. And Es' by extension.

Then the other line, asking to look beyond our own experiences to understand people with lives extremely different from our own, and how we have to do it fast because we don't exactly get unlimited time to come to our conclusions.

Though of course, this isn't just about us. Es is the one singing to themself in a way, and seeing how these things are phrased, it really helps show that despite how Es always act in control and on top of things, they still have their doubts and worry about how their judgement can affect the prisoners.

There's also Hibana, and for Es (and in general) my favorite lyric there is:

I don’t want to love a weak-minded love Come on, make it hurt more properly Going so far it’s no longer funny, is surely much more enjoyable come on, melt me more properly

Going by my personal interpretation of what the hell is going on in this cover, this line really ties together the meaning of Es wanting to make decisions with confidence, when it actually gives them extreme anxiety. Which, I do realize makes no sense when you look at the line by itself but I swear it works in the context of the wider interpretation.

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

They have like three scenes what am I even supposed to say. Anyways it's probably this one.

It's definitely the most intriguing thing related to Es themselves in my opinion, only really challenged by the time they show up after all the smiles. The reason I'm not using that one is that it's difficult to tell whether or not it actually is Es even though contextually it's the only thing that makes sense.

Anyways about this spotlight scene. I like that Es isn't wearing all their uniform; they're missing the cape, the hat, the 'reciffO nosirP' (Prison Officer) and 'tse mudnatibud subinmo eD' ("Everything must be doubted" in Latin) band things... The point is to show that there is a person under all that, Es is not just the Warden. It's still a heavy part of their person, as they're still wearing most of the outfit, the gloves, and the keychain thing, but it's not all they are. Plus the spotlight and their expression, because again, as much as Es tries to confidently judge others, they themselves can get nervous when confronted, when there's a 'spotlight' placed on them.

Anyways I like it :D

3- Favorite non-MV official illustration?

This question made me realize I really don't know how many non-MV illustrations there are lol. Anyways here's the Tumblr compressed version of the third anniversary artwork.

I just love how this looks, and there's two Es'! That's double the fun! Plus them literally trying to grab at the prisoners' minds like grabbing at sand; it always falls off, Es literally cannot grasp what's going on in all their lives. Love it.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

You'd think it would be difficult to pick considering the guy shows up in literally all the VDs.

It isn't.

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You're a child, too! Es: Wrong. I'm fifteen, so I'm an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You're twelve, so you're a child no matter the country. Amane: ...!! Es: Hehe. You look angry. Amane: I don't. Es: You do. Amane: I don't!!

The siblings ever. The fact Es completely made up the fact is even funnier.

For something more serious:

[TASK] Es: What is this shit about being a companion? I exist to judge your sins - as a guard! I don't have the need to shake hands with you! Kotoko: Es? You don't see yourself as the executioner, right? Es: ...!? Kotoko: I've said it before, there are a lot of sinners which the law cannot punish. On the reverse, it is the same, there are also innocent people who are wrongly accused due to unsound laws. You also have the duty to forgive these people, no? Es: Haaah… Kotoko: You are not the executioner who convicts people for their sin. The person who offers to save the murderers who deserve to be forgiven.. It's also you. Es: Aaah.. Mm.. *shallow gasping* Kotoko: Come, Es… then, listen to my sin… Es: *gasp* Prisoner number 10.. Kotoko.. Come..! Sing… your… sins… *sob*

Es angst inject that shit in my soul-

[Imposter Boulevard] Es: It’s a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. Kazui: It’s personal? Es: Yeah. That’s right. Kazui: That’s strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a Warden, you had some things you dislike, but… Es: … Kazui: Isn’t it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? Es: You’re splitting hairs.

In case it's not obvious, I love when the mask slips a bit and we can tell Es as a person is more than just an extension of the audience. Look! They have personal dislikes! And of course it's Kazui who gets to see a bit of the "real" Es surfacing, because who the hell else would it be?

There's way more of course, but I have to limit myself a bit.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

Amane. Again, the siblings ever.

More seriously, it's not just that I love their interactions when they're fucking around, I also love all the parallels and the ideological clashes. The undying devotion to an extremely harmful system. The view of themselves as an extension of a group rather than as an individual ("we? what's we?"). The way they both hate being seen as children, forced to grow up too fast. The way they both try to convince themselves they're happy with their life and condition, to the point it's almost convincing, until you look closer and see the cracks. How Amane hates Es because of what they've done to her, because they're the same as her abusers in her eyes. How Es goes dead silent when Amane brings up their similarities, when usually they'd lash out at the mere idea of the Warden being like a prisoner, because they understand to an extent. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

I also love Es' dynamics with most of the prisoners, but Amane is something else.

7- Favorite relationships with another character if they weren't in Milgram, the way you'd imagine or would like them to be?

Honestly, this one's kinda hard because so much of Es' character is directly linked to Milgram. Imagining them outside the Panopticon in general is sorta difficult.

I think they and Amane could still be besties, but other than that, maybe Yuno? I think she wouldn't feel the need to put up a front next to the "I hate everyone anyways" vibe Es gives off, so they'd be judgmental buddies! Just imagine them doing each other's makeup while shit-talking everyone they can think of. Maybe throw Muu in for extra shit and giggles.

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I mean, literally anything? Es isn't discussed very often, which I guess makes sense, but it's unfortunate. More specifically, I wish people discussed the more concrete things we know about their personality a bit more. There's plenty of posts speculating on what is going on with them; where they came from, whether or not they're related to the prisoners in some way, what is their connection with the eleventh cell, that kind of stuff. And that's all very fun, I love those posts! But I have never seen an Es character analysis the same way I've seen analyses for practically all other characters (<- also hasn't written a proper analysis of them beyond the Hibana cover post). Still, I do understand why people don't, there's a lot of interesting characters in Milgram!

Amane

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child what do you mean. I love her MVs too much why would you do this to me.

Anyways here's my favorite child moment.

Look at her!!! She's going to fucking destroy her mother let's go girlie fucking kill!

I just love how happy she looks here. Plus the eyes, the eyes. This entire part of the MV is great, it just makes me happy to see Amane happy you know what I mean? Plus the whole rainbow and rain and umbrella symbolism, and the fiction bleeding into reality (the eyes!), it's all awesome. I love her so much, she should smile like this when she stabs Shidou in the stomach I think he'd understand.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

I could be cheap and tell you it's the same as Es', but it's really not.

[Apostle and Death] Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour. [...] Amane: ...isn’t it condescending of you to assume that just because I happen to be a child, I am incapable of hating someone enough to kill them?

Amane Freudian slipping into admitting she fucking despised her mother will never not be extremely entertaining to me. Yes, talk about how much you fucking hate her, kill girl kill!

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You fool. Isn't MILGRAM trying to enforce a new standard of judgment precisely because laws cannot guide this world onto the right path? Are you still being weighed down by the law? [...] Amane: "We"? What's "we"? Are you not just "I"? Es: ... I...? Amane: Aren't we the same? Me and Guard-san.

PARALLELS

Also when she attacked Es with scissors. I think Milgram should have allowed it, it would have been funny if the Warden just fucking died before Trial 2 ended.

11- What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

What aren't my favorite points of her narrative? Again asking me to pick a favorite child here.

If I had to pick one, probably the way the line between her cult's beliefs, Amane's interpretation of her cult's beliefs, and Amane's own desires blurs to a point it's really hard to figure out what she's actually thinking at any given time. Especially because of how Amane views all these things. Her cult is unquestionable but also she subconciously hates a lot of its aspects and twists its beliefs to justify her actions to herself. Her desires are sinful and animalistic (Animal cover and cat parallels go brrrrrr), but she still wants to follow them so so badly. Ugh, internal conflict my beloved.

And also I love how desperate she is to endure everything that's happened to her. Her unrelenting will to survive and go against the people who hurt her, the way she's still glad to have been born, the way she still tries so hard to be happy and make others around her happy. Holy shit this kid is the strongest (in terms of willpower) character in Milgram and no one can tell me otherwise, it's so unfair she has to be that way it makes me immensely sad augh-

And also I love how angry she gets occasionally. How spiteful and rage filled she can be. I will never get tired of seeing Amane in pure, unfiltered fury. Yes, girl, stab Es with scissors, kill your mom, stab Shidou, do it!

And also (could keep going for several thousand words)

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I think Amane is discussed pretty well here on Tumblr, much as I've heard horror stories about what the Discourse looks like in other sites. But if there's one thing I wish more people brought up is how despite everything, Amane is motivated by the desire to make everyone happy. Positive Parade cover go brr.

Especially in things like the Fuuta situation. I feel like some people see it as just her trying to recruit for her cult or something, when really she's just trying to help him. Same with warning Mahiru against medicine to "save her soul" in a way. Healing the cat. Becoming the "perfect girl", the March Leader with the cloud ribbon, to make her abusers happy. Trying to make the best of the situation by attempting to turn Milgram into an ideal world. Trying to stay happy because that's the one thing she's worked towards her entire life.

In fact, I personally believe this is why Yuuri is depicted in Magic as maybe "kinder" than the others (might make a post about that at some point). Its ordainment is "Thou shall deliver unto those thou believest in", as in, "help those you believe deserve it." This is the one ordainment which is actually kinda in line with Amane's desires, so she imagines Yuuri as less angry at her and more compassionate than the others.

My point is that a lot of the time I feel her actions are talked about as either just motivated by her cult or just motivated by Amane's """sinful""" desires, be it her anger at her abusers or her cravings like wanting to eat cake, when really I think the happiness thing is the main motivator behind those things and it's not quite talked about as much. Does that make sense?

14- Any headcanons on their appearance?

Huh, I usually don't have many headcanons on appearance, but I can try.

I think my favorite is Amane having really sharp fangs. Like, talking anime style unrealistically sharp fangs that make her a terrifying hisser. Cat Amane my beloved.

...

Also she has small (say, 0,5 cm diameter), red circular scars all over her back. Stun gun injuries (no picture on the link) basically. Listen things with Amane can't stay very wholesome for very long-

Kazui

3- Favorite non-mv official illustration?

Uh... Maybe his door?

(That's kinda small lol)

It looks nice as it is, plus it has some nice symbolism as does every door image. I just think it's neat.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

[Imposter Boulevard] Kazui: I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful. Es: Heh. Then just– Kazui: So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others! Es: … Kazui: I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born! Es: …Hey, Kazui– Kazui: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…! Es: Kazui… Kazui: I can’t live unless I lie. That’s how I was born… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

I mean, come on. It's the basis of his character and crime, and the voice acting is fucking insane in this section. Apart from how emotional it is, I also like that it still ends in the same somewhat performative self-loathing Es calls him out for in the first VD.

[Gouging in the Night] Es: Showing a hint of weakness and trying to get on my good side like that… Is that another one of your "adult techniques"? [...] Is there anyone who lets themselves get fooled by a specifically prepared "weak" side of yourself? I see, I see… So these are the kinds of skills that you gain when you've lived for a long time.

Gotta love it when a character regrets something bad enough not to be able to forgive himself for it, but he's so afraid of facing consequences and social reprimand because he's built his entire worth around others' opinions that he still heavily plays up the self-loathing to be pitied.

Timelines [23/9/2] Yuno: Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well.

Unlike Yuno, who explicitly doesn't want to be pitied. Love these two.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but that's what I get from the whole mess.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

I love his interactions with Yuno, of course, the Liar Duo. Yuno is such a little bitch to him all the time, I adore it. However, I also love his dynamic with Es, if they count for this question. Kazui's VDs are great.

But honestly Kazui has a lot of good options here. The smoking group with Shidou and Mikoto is fun, his interactions with Mahiru and Amane are also always nice, etc.

19- What do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

Extremely closeted homosexual, of course. Probably tried to """compensate""" in some way by acting as traditionally masculine as possible, I imagine he was quite the dudebro. With how much emphasis his parents seem to have put on his strength and tradition, I get the feeling he may have been a somewhat stereotypical jock.

That's why I think he may have done a lot of really stupid shit as a teenager and tries to distance himself from them now, which is why he puts so much emphasis on his age despite being less than forty years old. He feels like a completely different person than who he was as a teen, and while he was always self-concious about a lot of shit, he's maybe especially self-concious of the shit he did when he was younger.

Don't take any of that very seriously, though. All of that is practically headcanon vaguely guided by the text!

20- What do you think their social life was like before milgram?

Going off the previous idea, I imagine he only kept a few connections from his teenage years, which is why the one childhood friend he brings up is so notable to him. It's the only one who Kazui really wanted to stick around.

There's obviously Hinako and Kazui's other coworkers, fellow policepeople. The way I interpret the bar scenes in half is Kazui meeting with friends, the bartender being the childhood friend and the woman being someone he met as an adult.

Other than that, I imagine he was pretty closed off and didn't talk to many other people. He seems like the type to enjoy a mostly closed off friend group, but I don't really have anything to support that claim other than vibes alone so.

21- Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

Uh... I guess personality-wise we're not too different. In real life, I'm quiet and reserved, don't express much emotion, mostly have a "well this is happening now I guess. We vibe though" attitude to most of what goes down in my life, and don't like talking about myself much which yes is making this question sorta difficult.

Thanks for all the questions! This took a while lol.

#milgram #amane momose #kazui mukuhara #es milgram #000 #ask game

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inferablossom · 8 days

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2, 18, 25 for Kyoko from PMMM and 1, 7, 23 for Mikoto from Milgram!!!

Kyoko

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hm, I think I'd have to say it's the way she contrasts with Sayaka, tests her ideals, and calls out the dangers in the self-destructive edge to Sayaka's selflessness.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Hm, I don't know if admire is the right word, but again, her relationship with Sayaka is probably the most interesting to me in how they contrast each other, seeming to represent extremes of selfishness and selflessness that, under more peaceful circumstances, could balance each other out, and how it's revealed that a lot of her anger at Sayaka comes from recognizing in her the same ideals of heroism and kindness she used to have which come more towards the surface of Kyoko again as she interacts with Sayaka.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Hm, I think Madoka Magica probably wasn't the first thing I saw to be more than it appeared, but even if it was, but the time Kyoko showed up I probably knew better than to trust appearances, so her having some element of kindness deep down wasn't a shock. At least I don't think so, it was a while back.

Her being more or less ex-Catholic was a surprise though. That element definitely made me connect to and feel for her more, with her shitty dad (even if she doesn't seem to realize how bad he was).

Mikoto

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Ok, to start off, I know that some people use the tag Mikoto for the whole system, but I only use that for the first alter we as the audience met, the only member of the system to directly refers to himself that way.

With that said, my feelings on this character are complicated. I was at first excited at the theories of him being part of a system, and then when MeMe came out was disappointed and afraid they were going with a harmful and negative stereotype for the system (albeit more from who we now know as John than him), and then tentatively hopeful in trial 2 and relieved upon the release of Double that they seemed to be on to something or had potential to be after all.

Even so, I still feel somewhat conflicted on him. I do like a lot about him and find him relatable, in how adaptable he is and how he's learned to play the social games a bit as a form of self-preservation, and his anxieties and fears of being hated or rejected. Though the way his behavior effects John frustrates me a lot... Mainly because I see a lot of my own flaws in him when I was first learning about being a system. His denial, hesitation, and fear that lead him to demonizing and pushing away John even when he's trying to help due to how society makes people feel like those with multiple personalities are somehow "crazy" or "dangerous", and how he keeps on overworking himself and pushing down his emotions without actually solving the problem causing them, leaving John to deal with all the stress and making John only more worried over him... It feels familiar in a bad way. I don't like remembering times where I didn't handle being a system well or treat others in my system the way I should, even if I know it's realistic and probably a pretty common experience in this world that so negatively stigmatizes DID to the point a lot of people either fear that someone with a system might have a "dangerous alter" or just think the condition as a whole doesn't exist. Ultimately I probably like Mikoto more than I dislike him, but those aspects definitely do make me feel frustrated.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Well, while seeing the fandom react to this character and his representation as part of a system was definitely... A process, for sure, but I do appreciate that overall the majority of the fandom does seem to be making an earnest effort to respect real-life systems and hear them out, even if how they went about that has changed over time and it looks different ways depending on different perspectives.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

I didn't really have something already in mind so I had to go looking around a bit. I'm also not sure if you meant canon art or fan art, but I decided to go with the former for this. I think the art for Milgram got a lot better overall in trial 2, but due to how things happened I'd consider a lot the more elaborate art to be focusing more on John (as is only fair for his turn in the sun), but I think this frame of Double speaks to me and pulls at the heartstrings.

He just looks so tired, and like, I get it.

#madoka magica #milgram #ミルグラム #kyoko sakura #mikoto kayano #asks #rose #long post

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leminhthinking · 4 months

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"add something, if youd like" ok, here is something i used a throwaway account to comment on the Double MV. i didnt reread so i didnt remember anything about it sorry but there probably is mention about internalized ableism. also personal experience. its kinda shaped like a rant

posting it here now that i came out about being plural here. yeah.

tldr (theres another tldr at the end of it but it was from the time i commented and i want to add something else here) i love representations

I keep finding myself wanting to comment something under this video, but I know I'll say stuffs about myself that I feel would be unsafe to share using my main so I'm using this throwaway account to do it instead 😔

I just want to say that I'm so grateful that Mikoto and John (and maybe other alters in their system too? saying this just in case) were ever written. Being a system who had just discovered that only over a year ago, I can almost see myself, no, I can almost see *us* in every part of their story up until now. And in a way, I feel like I've also... grown with them? If that makes sense?

I have been following MILGRAM for quite a while, enough to be there when MeMe was just released. Back then, I still thought that I was certainly a singlet (didn't have DID), despite how one of my alters - I will refer to her as my sister from now - showed up pretty regularly at the time. That's why when I watched MeMe, I remember thinking to myself, "oh shit, this guy's just like me, and because [insert internalized ableism here] I'm saying he guilty then." But then we all know what's got confirmed 😂 Funniest thing is, a short while before that, I also came to term about being a system. Dammit, to think about it, it felt like a second confirmation 😭😭😭😭

Now that I have accepted who we really are, the release of Double and their second voice drama feels exceptionally special to me, as the host of our system. John and Mikoto's situation right now really reminds me of us last year. My sister and I specifically, respectively. At that time, I tried hard to deny the fact that I am not alone in my head, and that we are entirely separate people. It took me a while (with a few tarot spreads. fuck. I'm a Mikoto kinnie now) to know that we actually are... and some actual, honest conversations to know that she actually loved me, rather than wanting to harm me... Yeah. Yeah. You see what I'm talking about? That's why I'm really rooting for Mikoto and John to have better communication... Ah, maybe if Mikoto watched "his" own second trial MV, he would understand...

That being said, I'm still not sure on what to vote... When I first watched Double and listened to the second voice drama, I thought to myself, ouch, ok, guilty because John clearly seems to be the alter who knows more right now and that would keep him fronting more to interrogate. But after a while, my opinion... changed? I don't want Mikoto to be affected too much from the verdict and maybe going dormant because of that. John maybe still there for the interrogation but fuck, I don't think he's ever been without Mikoto for a long time and I'd hate to see his heart breaks. Maybe innocent is the better solution after all for the whole system, as it might soothe Mikoto's mood and his mindset. I also trust that MILGRAM's writer team know what they are doing and therefore would not "kill off" John. Maybe they will just let him be inactive for a while if they are voted innocent, given that he's finally satisfied with our decision...

(Yes, I do know innocent = forgiven and guilty = not forgiven and I'm deciding while knowing that. I'm just calling them innocent and guilty because I'm more used to it while speaking in English.)

Hmm, that was a longer rant than I expected. I don't know how to conclude really, so I'll say something that would sound entirely unrelated 😔 If I remember correctly, prisoners can hear us audiences right? If that's really true, I just want to scream to Mikoto and John that it's 100% ok to be a system! To not be alone inside your mind! To exist alongside another person in your system and love them! It's ok to just be yourselves! And please please please fucking find a way to communicate with each other!!!

Once again, thank you MILGRAM for letting them exist... I really hold them so dearly in our heart...

TL;DR: local system getting emotional over Mikoto and John, rooting for them to have better communication.

#leminhthinking in paragraphs #leminhtalking #milgram #its so funny that when i come look at the tags in my blog milgram appeared to be the one at the top and then umineko #like i didnt expect that but. Ok. i should have expected that

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lostxmelody · 7 months

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Not really a question but i’d just like to express that i’m a huge can of your fic, i’ve read it since chapter 1 and have been sucked in ever since. majority of the 0309 content made by fans often have them terribly mischaracterize making lots of people end up hating the ship instead cause all they think the fans are capable of doing are creating terrible stuff of them and just set a bad impression on the ship even when is just supposed to be a silly pairing cause milgram doesnt run on romance!! T__T including me i used to like (not like it too much) to say the least though i tried to be more open to it cause i was starving on fan content and just went on ahead on ao3 and said “fuck it i’m reading a fic of them” to which i did .. some of the fics are questionable though when i found yours i just knew it would be good from the start. The way you characterized Fuuta and his experience with his crime was just ODBAJhsjsjd /pos. The way you potrayed Mikoto’s social life, ideals and personality is so so close to his canon one if not that its quite exactly the same!! (to how i imagined it atleast) its refreshing to see people characterize him as someone that isnt a ‘big top hottie thats overly flirty and is an asshole and doesnt care about anyone’s feelings’ and the way you really showed and expanded the dynamic they’d have together (in an au) atleast was just well done, you elaborated it well in the fic. most of the people i’ve seen just makes them grumpy x sunshine, etc etc tropes not that its bad but i think they’d have more to if than just that especially with their crimes and ideals involved and how they view life. if you’d open a twitter account i’d totally support you like hell, big time i’d love to hear more about your thoughts on 0309, Mikoto / Milgram in general and maybe give your fic more attention it deserves one way or another <33 chapters are already 8/10 done! i cant believe its nearly done aswell. i’m not huge into shipping but i love the way you write the characters (even the side! Yuno + Mahiru + Shidou’s characterization is so good) pleaase give yourself more credit as a good writer in the milgram fandom!! i know you’re a busy person anyway (you seem like one) though i just wanna say thank you for taking the time to write life’s reflection and the other oneshot you wrote. Take care of yourself :D<333

thank you so much!! i havent delved much into other milgram fanfics, in this case talking specifically about 0309 because i know from past experiences in different fandoms that whenever i did that i'd become so worried about my own characterization that i just ended up dropping the entire idea and never writing it again.

writing a slash pairing the milgram fandom is a bit... i guess probably frowned upon, depending on who you ask. it's not meant to be a shipping scene but where theres a will theres a way lol. ive become really fascinated by their made-up dynamic. mikoto and fuuta have barely any canon interactions and whenever they did-- it was obvious that they don't even like the other. why ship that? well i can't provide an answer for everyone, but for me it's just because i like reading about two broken people healing and why not add a tinge of almost-enemies to lovers in there? lol

its funny you mention a twitter because i did make one about a month ago but immediately abandoned it because i didn't plan on using it... i guess i could though! i just end up overthinking everything i post but it would be nice to engage a little more with like-minded (read: 0309 truthers /hj) people

you can find that here! (barebones rn... but feel free to interact or whatever and i'll make it look better eventually)

thanks again for such a sweet comment!

#milgram #milgram fanfiction #and i am busy but...#(aside from work)#the truth is i just end up watching video essays all the time #i try to watch them as i write but i get too distracted wwww

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ruyalarincadisi · 11 months

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*strolls up several days late to your post about time passing in Milgram* okay, so I believe the birthdays are just a fun-for-fans sort of thing, and that events are happening fairly quickly compared to real time! No one is aging, because if they did it's disrupt a lot of the character Vibes they're going for (aka Amane would be like 18 and Haruka would be 23 and no longer fit the 'innocent child' thing, Mahiru would be 30 and no longer fit the 'young love' trope, even Es would be around 20). Also, some of the injuries the prisoners got during the trial hiatus would have definitely healed already -- Mahiru's arm (broken sometime before last August) should have been healed by November, and there's no way she'd sound that weak for her interrogation end of this May.

Sorry if that disrupts your Haruka theory, though ;--; it sounds really interesting and I'd love to hear more about it!!

hiii beans, thank you for answering it!!! has it been that long?? i thought only 2 years have passed :o but even if that was so, the injuries would heal in 2 years so you must be right either way! it makes more sense! it'll be long so i'll just put this here

regarding the time passing, we were trying to notice differences in character art to see if their hair grew longer with my friend and iirc it was only mahiru's and amane's (?) hair that looked different or longer in some way, excluding the style differences. amane's bangs and mahiru's hair completely! (bonus: the ahoge like thing haruka has ahaha) although it's a little funny to imagine all of them except mappi and amane getting haircuts regularly (from jackalope?!), it seems unlikely so it was probably a drawing mistake in mappi's and it looks that way for amane because her hair is messy...? hypomania can last just several days, google is saying 4 days is the criteria, it can still be true as long as haruka's changes didn't all happen in one day, i guess! we at least know it's not 1 day, right? lol i think they were saying mikoto is being weird at "nights", they must have spent some time there, correct me if i'm wrong!

though some stuff i said in that post could be explained with how comfortable he got there because he was accepted by es and mu, so this is mostly me giving my mental illness to my favorite character (i can't even call it a theory just a hc!!) but but!! especially when es asks if he's a different person because that's how it feels for other people when people around them experience mania or hypomania and it usually doesn't suddenly feel like someone changed their whole personality when they get more comfortable with you, you know? he clearly shows depressive symptoms too but i guess no one is doubting that one :') also the impulsiveness! he says he doesn't want to die both in his song and those questions in twitter, then he says he'll kill himself because he doesn't really think about what he's saying. i actually planned to shut up about this until i saw everything about him. i hate being wrong /lh but i couldn't because twitter is dead to me and my friends are usually busy and i get bored if i don't talk about my hyperfixations enough. and i'm getting so comfortable here lately... ANYWAY until we get new info contradicting this i'll be saying haruka is bipolar but again, i'm not assuming the writer did it intentionally so it's more of a self indulgent hc than a theory :33 EDIT: WAIT I JUST LOOKED AT AMANE'S DOOR PIC AGAIN? HER BANGS ACTUALLY GOT LONGER??? DID JACKALOPE REALLY CUT THEIR HAIR, HELP??

#gem talks #thanks for the ask!#god i talked so much. i'm about to diagnose myself too. it would explain why i'm so outgoing lately GHJGHEkjahjgjf

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linalilia · 1 year

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[meet the prisoners!] prisoner 004: chiba naomi

hi, i physically cannot draw characters who are older than, like, 24-25 years old. they always end up looking too young 😭

anyway, meet the oldest prisoner oc i have! she's basically gonna be everyone's mom friend because someone needs to watch over these guys and take care of them and they won't do it themselves.

(prisoner 001's profile)

(prisoner 002's profile)

(prisoner 003's profile)

General info:

Name: Chiba Naomi (千葉直美) ("Chiba" means "thousand" and "leaves" and "Naomi" means "direct" and "beautiful")

Age: 30 y/o

Gender: Female

Status: Prisoner 004

Birthday: December 26 (Capricorn)

Height: 178 cm

Blood type: A

Image color: #9DD1D1

Occupation: Elementary school teacher

Personality: Naomi is a very caring and understanding woman who is always here to help other prisoners and even the guards. She believes that she has to guide other prisoners and give them advice because she's the oldest one here and these guys really need someone to rely on. She also has a lot of experience because of her job, so she's good at dealing with the younger prisoners, even though she does look a bit anxious whenever she has to talk to the youngest criminal here who is only 11 years old. Maybe it's because she thinks that he doesn't belong here, so she has no idea what to do to help him? Or maybe her reason is completely different? But no matter how hard Naomi tries to stay strong and act as a reliable "mother figure", she often looks and sounds tired. Whenever her crime is mentioned, she starts visibly panicking, but she's able to calm down quickly. She's definitely one of those prisoners who actually regret committing their crime.

MV info:

Which canon Milgram song she would cover: Weakness. I actually wasn't sure which song I should give her at first but then I listened to Weakness again and for some reason I feel like the voice I imagine her to have would fit perfectly?? I JUST KNOW HER COVER WOULD SOUND SO GOOD. Also I accidentally made her pose almost just like Trial 1!Haruka and her MV/crime has similar themes, it would be weird for me to assign her any other song at this point, haha.

Which DECO*27 song she would cover: Liar Dance. It just sounds good in my head, okay?

If she could cover a song by a different Vocaloid producer, which one would it be: The Day I Was Away From School by Kikuo. It describes the events that happened before her crime really well :)

Her MV description:

Her MV starts with Naomi waving goodbye to her students who leave the classroom and smiling at them. The colors are warm and soft at first, but they become darker and colder when the music starts playing. The classroom is completely empty now, but for some reason Naomi still doesn't want to leave yet. She sees that it's raining outside and she looks a bit more annoyed now. She tries to close the curtains so that she doesn't have to see what's going on outside, but she still can see a lightning strike and she hears a very loud sound of thunder right after that. She gets scared and she almost falls on the floor, but she still can't leave the classroom. She also keeps looking at a particular empty desk, but she tries to distract herself from it. The lyrics mention that she can't go home yet even though it's dangerous for her to stay here.

It slowly starts to rain even more and when Naomi sees another lightning, she notices that the classroom is getting flooded and she finally decides to leave. But as she tries to leave the building, the water just keeps following her and the whole school is becoming more and more flooded. Naomi is finally outside and she gets in her car and she calms down for a moment until she realizes that even her car is becoming flooded. She starts to panic even more and the lyrics mention her getting really angry at someone and hating them so much that she wants them dead.

Another lightning strikes and Naomi opens her eyes to see that same classroom, but the colors are warm again this time and her students greet her and smile at her the same way she smiled at them in the beginning. She starts crying tears of joy and she feels like she's finally free, but then she looks around and realizes that everyone is way too happy. For some reason she doesn't like it and she looks at that empty desk again. She looks lost and confused and she doesn't understand why everyone is still so happy. She walks closer to the desk even though she doesn't want to and notices that something is written on it (but we can't see it that well). She tries to read it and after that she starts crying again, but not out of happiness this time. Her students get worried and try to comfort her, but she just keeps crying and looking at that desk.

Her Trailer 1 Voicelines:

"Ah, hello there. My name is Chiba Naomi. So you two are the guards of this prison.. Aren't you a bit too young for this? Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm sorry if that sounded rude. But.. are you sure you can handle a job like this?"

"CAN YOU SHUT UP FOR AT LEAST ONE SECOND? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? WHAT DID I EVEN DO TO YOU, I ALWAYS TRIED MY BEST TO BE KIND TO YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID! SO WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH??"

Trivia.

She thinks she deserves to get voted guilty, however, unlike Shidou, she doesn't want to die, she just wants "someone to tell her that she's guilty". She refuses to explain what she means by that.

Her murder was her only crime and she had only one victim.

She wants to become friends with all the prisoners if possible, but she's not as obsessed with it as Aimi, she just wants to have a good relationship with them and that's all.

If Akio and Aimi's theme is "reputation", then Shun and Naomi's theme is "expectations". I want to talk about it more, but it would be a huge spoiler for Shun's crime and backstory.

#i just realized that her color palette is very similar to haruto's congrats aurora i found your boy's mom /j #BOTH OF THEM WERE BORN IN DECEMBER TOO.. THIS IS SO FUNNY #tbh i think she's one of the most sympathetic prisoners here and her crime is pretty easy to solve #DON'T WORRY THE NEXT PRISONER IS GONNA BE MUCH WORSE #milgram #milgram oc #linagram

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unfortunate--moth · 7 months

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(Still the same milgram anon)

Now I'm thinking what murders the detectives could do hmm

Vivia- He has totally killed someone I'm gonna be so honest. I don't know when, where or how but, with how ready he was to kill Yuma, he must have some experience. Maybe it was another killing for the sake of peace and quiet, who knows?

Halara- Kills a cop. I don't know if it's on purpose or on accident, but thats the only way I can realistically see them killing someone. Their beating up went too far? They through an enemy against a wall too hard and their neck broke?

Fubuki- Maybe a thing like she screwed up somehow and got someone killed- but add a little flavour in that she kept repeatedly turning back time because imagine how cool of an MV that would be. But each time she can't prevent the death that she accidently caused.

Desuhiko- He's a little tricky. He hates dead bodies, so he wouldn't kill on purpose. He also wouldn't (I don't think) harass someone to death because he seems to back off if the person obviously isn't interested. He's pretty competent so I can't think of how he'd kill someone by mistake idk

Nodding along to all of this. I feel like Desuhiko reasonably could cause a murder, but again it'd be unintentional or one small act had a big domino effect. Not sure what it could be. Maybe he was messing around in disguise? Y'know the teacher side quest where she has a stalker? Maybe his "murder" could be something similar where he was just goofing around but it led to something more serious than he expected. I feel like he'd be treated the way Fuuta was treated by the audience, in that he gets unfairly judged because his first MV only gives half of the context.

But yeah I can definitely imagine Halara and Vivia killing someone. Halara does have that vigilante vibe to them, so they definitely could've taken something too far or maybe something even like fighting on a roof or near a street and accidentally pushing the person they're fighting into traffic or off the building?

And yeah Vivia has definitely taken a life like he has the air of a guy who has killed and it haunts him. Not sure what his murder could be, if it would be someone random or maybe someone he knows. He's a tricky one.

And yeah... Fubuki one makes alot of sense. She'd probably be the most forgivable inmate. She regrets it, she tried so hard to reverse it but couldn't, and it wasn't even on purpose. She'd be like the only one who gets three innocent votes in a row I think.

#rain code #ask #anonymous #milgranon #rain code cellblock au #moth speaks #get fubuki OUT of there!!!#stuck in the hell prison and for what

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linagram · 10 months

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>:D Now you have to tell me what songs you'd assign to Eiji and Miki!

OKAY OKAY so i actually did have some t2 covers for them in mind, but i don't think they're gonna get a new profile this time because uhhh, i feel like "the end of the first trial" and the pre-t2 vds show their personality changes well and also if i tried to describe their t2 personalities more, it would be like "but you will see that in one of the future vds!" or "but i can't say much about it because spoilers!", like sure, i have to keep a lot of info about my prisoners secret too, but when it's the guards who are like, literally the protagonists, it's very hard to hide everything. and i didn't want to make a whole new profile just so for their covers (and possible voicelines) soooo yeah i'll talk about them here! also i was too lazy to draw their t2 versions.

Milgram covers.

Eiji: Yeah, he gets Bring It On this time. I had to do it to him. I also thought of giving him Harrow, but let's be honest here, I like to joke about Eiji and Kotoko's similarities, since both of them are so passionate about justice and both of them punish the guilty prisoners, but.. That's where their similarities end. Also, I don't know much about Kotoko, I'm not like, her biggest fan here (though I don't dislike/hate her), so I can't say much about her, but I feel like Eiji is more.. uh.. Basically, sure, he wants to punish all criminals and he wants to see them in pain, but it's not because he wants to make this world better or anything. He's just really obsessed with revenge and he wants to feel in control for once. Honestly, it's actually kinda scary to think about, because like.. What if Eiji went "You know what, maybe I shouldn't focus only on criminals AND I SHOULD JUST HURT EVERYONE". I feel like it really could happen if after T1 there were more guilty prisoners and not the innocent ones. Also I just think his Bring It On cover would sound really cool and that last scene with Fuuta looking anxious and staring at his phone and realizing what he had done?? LITERALLY T2 EIJI SEEING EVERYONE'S VERDICTS AND DOUBTING HIMSELF.

Miki: She gets Triage! I feel like her cover would sound really soft and pretty :) The lyrics sound a lot like her T2 version: yes, she's still blaming herself for Asahi running away from home and not protecting him enough and she also wants to help the guilty prisoners, but also now she knows how much influence she has over everyone here. She can save them. She can save both innocent and guilty prisoners. So please, give her another chance. Yes, she thinks she's worse than all the prisoners here and she thinks she's the worst older sister ever, but also, she's one of the guards. Most prisoners like her and Eiji is willing to listen to her. She's indispensable.

DECO*27 covers.

Okay, this one was hard because to be honest, I was just kinda planning to make them follow in Es's footsteps and cover Hibana together dkdksdlsl. But I tried my best to assign them separate covers.

Eiji: Hmm, I don't think it sounds like something he would sing because I imagine Eiji usually covering more "loud" songs, but I decided to go with At! Now, again, as with pretty much all DECO*27 songs, this one is about a romantic relationship, but hear me out. Like, look at the lyrics. "The day after you die, I wonder what I would eat", "If I voiced it out, you would have gotten mad at me, so I'm keeping that in my head", "Why is it when I'm certain of it, I end up wanting to cry alone".. Or how about "The day after I die, I wonder who you'll rely on"? Or "And I'm surprised, you've been having the same thoughts as me"?? OR "UNTIL THE FAR, FAR FUTURE, LET'S KEEP HURTING EACH OTHER"?? OR "BECAUSE UNTIL WE GET TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU"?? OR "HITTING AND SHARING THIS EXPERIENCE TOGETHER BECAUSE WE'RE WRONG, WE'RE SHINING MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE NOW, RIGHT??? Yeah, I think you know who I'm talking about. I was so shocked when I read the lyrics because?? THIS IS LITERALLY KEI AND EIJI'S RELATIONSHIP?? Like, even lyrics like "So as we feel troubled, let's tell each other "I love you"" sound a lot like them because GOD THEIR DYNAMIC IS INSANE. Eiji constantly reminding Miki how much he hates Kei for everything he did to Eiji and having understandable reasons for wanting to kill him, but instantly going "protective older brother (who is actually younger)" mode when he sees Kei suffering?? Like seriously, if he could kill Kei, he would. But he didn't. Kei is injured, but still alive. Why did Eiji hold back? Is it because he's still scared of him? Is it because he's so used to Kei's abuse that it feels weird to do the same thing to his older brother? Is it because in a very twisted and also sad way, it's too hard for him to let Kei go and he actually loves him?

Miki: I decided to go with Find the Light! (Both songs are also from the same album, so yay, they match!) The lyrics sound so much like her T2 version and they actually sound a bit scary in this context: "The light slowly vanishes here in this dark world" (her talking about Milgram in general and how there's three guilty prisoners now and the prisoners' relationships are starting to become more toxic and even her relationship with Eiji is a bit different now), "Loving yesterday but hating tomorrow" (She actually gets to hang out with some prisoners sometimes and she ends up having fun, but then she remembers about Trial 2 and Trial 3.. and yeah, those thoughts scare her), "Only a monochrome black and white is reflected in my eyes" (The whole "Innocent or Guilty" thing), "Pushing back the needle of hopes with a finger" (She really is the guilty prisoners' only hope right now and the innocent prisoners also have to ask her for help too).. Some of them are kinda wholesome though, like "So that even if this voice breaks, cry out with a voice that reaches out to recolor the darkness" or "The smiles that I want to protect are right here".. Miki is such an interesting character to me, because at the same time she's a very naive girl who genuinely wants to help others, but also, just like Eiji, she really wants to be in control. Not for the sake of revenge though, but for the sake of stability. She just wants everything to be peaceful for once. And if anyone tries to disturb the peace, well, here's another reminder that she's still one of the guards.

Non-DECO*27 covers:

Again, I wanted to give them one song as a duet and that song is Punishment Game by Kururingo! Like it describes their T2 dynamic so well, or at least that's how Eiji sees their relationship now. Miki is mostly chill about it, but Eiji is slowly starting to see her as a rival. Some moments are so fun to imagine with them too, like "You're wearing that docile expression just to hide your own nervousness, am I right?", "You look like you're enjoying yourself", "You’re trying to keep up that quiet personality, but it’s falling to pieces, I can see it on your face", "No way, could it be that I was the one struggling uselessly this whole time?" and especially "Punishment game, but I'm not laughing, the person on the other end of the strings that move this world, who is it?"/"Hmm, I wonder who it is..".

But if I had to give them separate covers..

Eiji: Hitori Yurari by Kanaria and Maretu! Again, IT'S BECAUSE OF HIS DYNAMIC WITH KEI. IT'S A BIG PART OF HIS CHARACTER PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME. (Or maybe I'm just in that mood because Kei's profile is next and I'm. I'm looking away from his VD. His album trailer voiceline is also such a huge spoiler actually.) But honestly, I'd just love to hear his cover and I think it would sound so cool! The lyrics describe his and Kei's dynamic well too, like Eiji constantly repeating "There's still just no love at all" and also some hints about Kei's past are also there ("You're reeling alone, reeling alone in your dreams, you cried under the shade of a tree in an empty corner") and also lyrics like "Complaining about this and that, you looked down on me, "I love you!", "I hate you!", such an absurd character" and "The way things have gone, I'd prefer it if you'd fall down into hell" AND THE SONG ENDING WITH "I CRIED UNDER THE SHADE OF A TREE IN AN EMPTY CORNER" AND "I WANT TO LIVE WAY LONGER THAN YOU"?? YEAH.

Miki: This one is probably a bit sudden, but.. I decided to go with And Then You Became The Moon by Kikuo. I JUST HAD TO GO WITH A KIKUO SONG FOR HER THIS TIME IDK WHY LIKE I FELT LIKE I HAVE TO DO IT. Now, why this song in particular? Well, this is a cute song about two children playing in the snow and then both of them dying in a blizzard and becoming the Moon and the Star. So, uh.. Miki and Asahi <3 LIKE. THIS SONG SOUNDS SO CUTE AND SO SOFT BUT MIKI SINGING IT MAKES ME SO SAD. She literally thought her little brother died and she blamed herself for it 😭 Honestly, I feel like this song would sound cute as their duet too. I think Andou siblings' voices would sound very soft together. And also the lyrics like "At the very bottom they are together forever" are making me go :') because.. yeah.. It literally took both of them becoming a guard and a prisoner to finally reunite.. So yes, both guards get songs about their siblings this time!

#also. the way i describe their t2 dynamic may sound very epic and all like OHHHH ARE THEY GONNA FIGHT OR SOMETHING #and uh. *looking at the vds i wrote* uh. i d-don't think there will be any need for a fight.#let's just say that we already have a winner :')#❔answering asks ❔#🗡️guard 001: sanada eiji 🗡️#🌼guard 002: andou miki 🌼

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sukifoof · 9 months

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Ooooh! 8 and 18 for the ask game if you don't mind?

NICE I WAS HOPING FOR 8!!!! tbh in my heart all the characters i like are aro BUT there are some i feel Really strongly about and thats flowey and femt (unsurprising) i feel like. flowey is probably understandable. given his. Everything. but with femt i feel like it just fits with his character. guy who hates "normal" and seems to struggle to bond with anyone and considers himself a freak. also whatever THIS was

"whats ur type" "i dont know i dont CARE just. be funny when ur suffering i guess." i love femt hes SO funny i think flowey and femt are the only characters ever

some other characters i like that i think are aro are haruka kokonose, mahiru shiina (milgram), and mr itto genshin. for haruka i think the fact that he feels so isolated from everyone else and how he gets Weird about the few friendships he has And how he desperately tries to understand what friendship Is is so. ohhh i love him.. and mahiru is just. the obsession with love and her trying to Define love and how she seems to think being in a relationship will fix her somehow. i have a really specific relationship with being aro and these characters just kinda Hit what its like to feel that way as an aro person <3 love them dearly. also i do not have any reasons for itto i just feel it in my heart <3

and 18!! i tend to avoid shipping mostly cuz i guess i dont really care for it?? it doesnt really make sense to me and i much prefer to explore character analysis and how traumatized characters react to those around them. if i Do end up shipping anyone its almost always in qpr way

YUUTA SAKURAI SECTION!!!! i never get to talk about him but this is a PERFECT time to talk about him. everyone watch net juu no susume IMMEDIATELY its one of my most favorite shows and severely underrated. i think yuuta is such an interesting character. so much of his character is him wanting to get closer to people but he has an emotional wall up both because of his parents deaths and because of his Various Past Experiences involving people wanting him romantically and him not at all feeling that way.

i really like how they write his misunderstanding of how hes perceived and that hes convinced that hes going to get in the way of others relationships... thinking about the idea of people wanting to take up as little space as possible because they feel unworthy of being loved and i wanna shake his head and be like NO everyone LIKES YOU SO MUCH!!!

i think his relationship with moriko is really special because theyre the only people they feel they can truly rely on. both of them have been so lonely and i just think a lot about how they both put so much importance on their friendship and partnership it just means a lot to me that the romance aspect feels more like an afterthought to their friendship because i rarely see that... i also really like how this handles the idea of wanting to be seen as Someone Else because firstly i like it in an aro way but also this show is. so good for trans people

i just think a lot about the way he understands his relationships around him and how he hates being lonely and very rarely has people understand him in the way he wants i just love yuuta so much hes one of my most favorite characters <3 on that note i think him and moriko. they are so qpr to me

imagine i have my head in my hands i am desperately begging people watch this show its only 11 episodes i love it so much... thank u for the ask these were fun to answer :)

#another long post of riel insanity #aromantic #amatonormativity cw #net juu no susume #yuuta sakurai #recovery of an mmo junkie #netojuu

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good-beanswrites · 4 months

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sorryf im being mentally ill about hallucination event right now SO in the LCSyS au, would there be something like it :o? Like after all of it's over or something, how crazy would it be if Jackalope tried to get them all together just to do one last concert?

Never apologize for being mentally ill about Milgram content 😌👍 We are all in it together 😔👍I'm combining this answer with a reply to @kikithedeceiver (and spiraling out of control from both)

I've had a lot of ideas about the project being public in LCSyS, but was holding off including it for few reasons – the audience’s voices would conflict with Es as their own character. Knowing the public was watching would change the way the prisoners acted (even if they thought they were acting natural). It’s a long time that the families would have to deal with the public knowing about their loved one’s almost-crime. I also like the idea of this au ending with the prisoners returning to very normal lives.

Buuuuut it is such a fun idea, and popularity seems an essential part of an actors au. So, I’m not naming this as canon, but here’s a pitch if you liked that idea and wanted to run with it :3

The team doesn’t tell the participants that they’ve been recording/collecting certain material to release. If a translation is left out by accident, the prisoners just assume it’s for a foreign team member – they have no idea how close/far Milgram reaches.

The third trial begins. The prisoners are inside the prison, and on the final stretch of the trials. On the outside, Jackalope contacts families for signatures to release the material publicly. The team thought about censoring names and things, but seeing current fans’ investigation skills, they knew it was a matter of time before they put pieces together anyway. This may be super illegal but for the sake of the story I’ll say that family consent is enough lmao.

Some of them are easy to convince to sign off on everything, since it can raise awareness for their loved one’s struggles. Muu’s family takes the longest, as it would risk ruining their reputation. (They’re only swayed because it truly is a great opportunity to show off Muu’s talents for those modeling scouts, and she didn’t actually kill anyone in the end.) Kazui’s family refuses to release his info, but Hinako uses sway with her marital status to sign off instead (I pictured things happening fast enough where she hasn’t gotten an official divorce yet). Hinako still struggles with what he did, but she thinks he’s doing something incredibly brave now. I’m not 100% sure what’s going through Amane’s father’s mind, but if the murder really was in line with the cult’s beliefs, maybe he believes that Amane will be be a shining representation of their religion. He wants to show her off as their little golden child.

The experiment is published in its current form: music videos, voice dramas, timeline conversations, interrogation questions, etc. It’s brought to more than just science/psychology circles, though. Jackalope has no shame in marketing it as entertainment, hence the stockholders mentioned. He assures the sociologists that this will be a major breakthrough for them. He tells music labels he's got the new hit thing for them. He leans into the excitement of releases and merchandise in the hopes of gaining attention for the experiment. Needless to say, it works. Even though the audience has no sway over Es’ decisions, they are encouraged to make decisions for themselves on what they would judge each prisoner. There’s the same types of theory/analysis/discourse posts passed around.

When the trials end, the prisoners are released into the world to find they’re famous. Instead of trudging back to their lives feeling that society hates them, they find tons of adoring fans telling them how much they understand and forgive them. Even if their final verdict was guilty, they have hundreds of voices assuring them that they are loved. That they are not alone. This attention really helps Haruka, Amane, (and maybe Es) who don’t have a good home to go back to. Not only can they reenter society, they are welcomed with open arms. They are looked after and showered in love. Some of the adults realize they want to use this popularity to lead the charge of social change. They create/support projects meant to help people who are facing their struggles.

And of course, there’s the other type of fame as well. Yuno loves answering fanmail and turning her karaoke hobby into a music career. Kazui goes from a life of feeling rejected and disgusting to scrolling through comments upon comments of men oogling him. Mahiru gets offers from fashion magazines and blogs to write up sections about self-love. Amane gets to live out her dream of being a performer, hinted at in her first two mvs. Fuuta is flustered by all the positive attention his appearance/voice is getting. Mikoto… well, I just wish him luck when he opens tiktok…

Which brings us to the live event! The prisoners have tried to keep in touch while adjusting to their new lives as almost-murderers-turned-idols. They’re amazed at how well-recieved the trial songs were. Those were some of their most personal, shameful secrets, and people relate to them? People love singing them?? People want a concert featuring them??? Jackalope encourages them to get together for one last encore. Some are thrilled with the opportunity, others are still nervous about the whole thing. Some think it’s in poor taste, that Jackalope is milking them for entertainment. But with a bit of conversing amongst themselves, they realize they all want a chance to sing like that again, and see each other in one place again. (It’s ironic because in my head Mahiru is the one to convince everyone to come ;--;)

It’s strange putting on the uniforms again. Es is unsure about putting on their guard’s cloak. But the minute they stop onstage, they’re met with wild applause. They can sing their fears and dreams to a huge crowd and see in real time how it’s reaching others. They hear the cheers after each song. They hear that it’s streamed all over the world. All of them have an absolute blast, and pour their heart and soul into their performances.

#milgram #lights camera sing your sins #thank you both for the comments!#its not the direction i want for the fic but its SUCH a fun direction 😭#as you can see from the annoyingly long post ive already had a lot of ideas for it asdfsdf #so many of the prisoners struggle with lack of love/attention -- so introducing them to the current fans who with shower them in adoration #always makes me happy to think about #those who feel undesirable see their faces on merch and people who try to mimic them #those who feel unlovable hear their name chanted when they enter the room #and mug i know that technically they could have a concert without everything being public but i tried to keep it accurate to the real event #and yes -- fuuta does put on an eyepatch on a whim halfway through 😂

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waiting-on-a-dream · 11 months

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𝚂𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 (𝙵𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢)

1. Do you like yourself?

Ichiro: I'm fine with myself. There are some things about me I wish I could change though.

Akane: I wish I could manage my emotions better, but other than that, I'm okay with the way I am now.

2. What's your opinion on the guard?

Ichiro: He hasn't been very nice to me.

Akane: I have no idea how someone like him is a warden, but he's doing an okay job so far.

3. Do you want to get out from Milgram?

Ichiro: I don't know what I'd do if I got out.

Akane: I wouldn't mind staying here a little longer. I'll figure something out if I were to get out though.

4. What is a father to you?

Ichiro: He has to love and spend time with his children so they think of him as their father.

Akane: A responsible person who takes care of his children.

5. What would you do if you receive one million yen and you must spend it right now?

Ichiro: Buy tickets to all sorts of fun places. Maybe give some to my mom... If she wants it.

Akane: Fix up my house and buy lots of long-lasting food. I'd save the rest for my future education.

6. Do you have any fun memories of your childhood?

Ichiro: The time my mom brought me to an aquarium.

Akane: I can vaguely remember eating dinner together with my parents when I was young, so there's that.

7. If you could turn back time, would you commit the same murder once again?

Ichiro: I'd make sure that person was never born.

Akane: I don't think turning back time would change my shitty circumstances at all, so yeah.

8. Are there any prisoners you can't deal with right now?

Ichiro: I can't stand to look at the innocent prisoners anymore.

Akane: Rin is more annoying than ever.

9. What do you want from the prison guard?

Ichiro: Vote me innocent. Or at least give Keiko back.

Akane: I dunno. Some new earrings?

10. What is the difference between you and someone else?

Ichiro: They're normal and worthy of love.

Akane: I guess I could say I'm more afraid and angry compared to the average person.

11. What do you do when you're bored?

Ichiro: I used to draw, but now my only option is sleep.

Akane: Stare at whatever is happening in my surroundings.

12. If you had one wish, what would you use it for?

Ichiro: To have someone's full love and attention.

Akane: To have material and emotional security.

13. How many years do you want to live?

Ichiro: I only know that I don't want to die yet.

Akane: I'd like to get the full experience of life, so the ripe old age of 85 sounds good.

14. Which prisoner is the most like you?

Ichiro: Haku is quiet like me.

Akane: I think I would be more like Mayumi-san if I wasn't so angry.

15. Did you hate the person you killed?

Ichiro: It wasn't really his fault. I just needed him to be gone.

Akane: With all of my rotten heart, yes.

#I should have posted this first so people can read it before voting asaksjaksajksajksak #I'll do that for the other groups of prisoners #a few clues about ichiro's true victim is here!#most of my prisoners wouldn't know what to do if they got out of Milgram actually *sob*#akane is actually responsible and morally righteous like mayumi #she has basic first aid knowledge as well #which is why she's treating wounds now that mayumi's movements are restricted #in an ideal world they would be on good terms with each other *sob sob* like an aunt and her niece #prisoner 001: kanai ichiro #prisoner 002: kobayashi akane

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gunsli-01 · 1 year

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Hear me out Milgram fans are full of contradictions. From the well all we can do is vote to even if I did abstain from voting other people will just vote anyhow prisoner dilemma. Despite fandom unionization quite literally being an option even if it's significantly difficult to achieve it's still very much possible and it would be funny to see what happens if the fandom just pushes forth the agenda to not vote on one specific character this round and sticks to it. Can you tell i'm a bit chaotic from that last point cause I can.

Then we've got points like objectively the prisoners are all bad, wrong is wrong to okay wrong is still wrong except when found subjectively sexy or funny then it's fine actually no I will not think critically on this brain off. It's not that serious/deep chill and just have fun to if you hate x prisoner you're actually just a bad person lol. They're all neurodivergent and not taking that into account is a form of ableism even if it's not technically confirmed going into being neurodivergent does not mean accountability for one's actions can be avoided actually that's just the same issue in reverse. Wait what do you mean this contradicts several defenses I've given other characters and I can't just pick and choose when neurodivergencies should be taken into consideration based on how much I like the character or not ha, ha funny.

Like honestly it would be great to actually get together as a fandom and agree to not vote on Amane at all just to see what happens. Or any other character who's not too controversial I just chose Amane because I haven't really seen any discourse around her. However, it's really difficult to think objectively when things are being taken so personally at times.

The fact that people are getting so heated means the social experiment aspect is working but that may reflect poorly on the people involved as a whole at this point. Yet honestly it's doesn't escape me that attempting something like that is a big ask. Just spreading that sort of plan around in the first place would be difficult in and of itself. Given the diversity of the fandom even if it's not that large yet most people in it speak completely different languages. A good chunk of fans aren't bilingual. This throws a considerable wrench in communication when it comes to longterm planning and collaborative efforts.

Still, it's not like it wouldn't be fun to try. Like if the prisoners are rebelling against milgram in their own ways what's stopping the fanbase from doing the same? We're probably in a more comfortable position to do so as well since we can't be punished for it. The other thing stopping this from happening is the fact that right now we're all focused on fighting each other more than the system. Which is a very easy way for all sides to lose actually.

These contradictions aren't bad in and of themselves they're just variations in opinion but I feel like in this case when people go to extremes over things as small as liking or disliking a character they become blinded to the actual issue. That being we're all worried for the safety of characters we care about due to the harshness of a system we have very little control over.

At least in the original experiment they told you what the voltage outcome of the button press was but we're just gambling at this point with a vague explaination of what our input will do with other factors attatched on. That for all we know will just keep growing.

It's really reflective of real life. We're all so focused on survival that we've ultimately misplaced blame on others within the fandom who don't agree with our specific views. Turning into factions fighting eachother when literally no one would be at risk if Milgram didn't bring them here. Especially since it's heavily implied most of them weren't even caught by the actual police for their crimes cause some of them imply they were taken from their homes and Milgram itself has no relation to the justice system. So, getting called out by the characters for these collective judgements seems really fair given the fact that we have a plethora of choices but we're just blindly following the stated rules.

#milgram

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