#I DO AND I THINK ABT IT ALL THE TIME AND ITS FINE
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hi hello rant time feel free to ignore this i’m just going to explode and it’s not the end of the world
the amount of times i’ve seen people go off on someone for stating canon facts about media, and they say “oh that’s not true! where’s the source! grrr! you’re pulling that out of your ass!”
and then immediately be like “i haven’t really read the canon ✌️”
…AND IT SHOWS.
y’all listen. i love canon and fanon interpretations. it’s a playground and it’s free space and don’t let canon puritans ruin the fun.
THAT SAID. CAN WE. NOT. pretend we know the canon of something if it’s blatantly being ignored?
i was just reading a post where this was happening, this specifically happens a lot with dreamtale (WHICH FAIR ITS CONFUSING) but for the love
pls pls pls pls don’t say something is wrong and fake and made up when you don’t know the canon?
JUST READ THE CANON. OR DONT, AND BE OK WITH SAYING YOU DONT K N O W THE CANON
you don’t HAVE to know it but YOU CANT PRETEND TO BE INFORMED THEN
don’t call a story bad that you haven’t read yet, don’t label a character as shallow if you’ve never explored them!
i’m kinda a “know the rules to break the rules” person when it comes to fandom spaces, but i digress, and i re state that if the canon doesn’t interest you that’s fine. ITS FINE. IM FAMILIAR WITH MOST OF THE CANON STORIES (to me knowledge😏😏) AND SOMETIMES I CHOOSE TO MAKE THE CHARACTERS FANONIZED BCS ITS F U N
THATS NORMAL.
but i hope that someday i’ll see more respect for the place original works will always have even amongst all of the fun and PERFECTLY VALID fanon content 😁 like the canon creators making that media is the reason we have the characters, it’s a peeve when people try to “do it better” instead of just “have fun with a new interpretation ” (this happens with character designs and art a lot as well)
hating on fanon content is cringe
being disrespectful to canon content is also cringe
and the MOST CRINGE THING I SEE SO OFTEN
is people who say they only respect the canon, or hate on and shit on fanon content, only to turn around and CLEARLY KNOW NOTHINGGGGG ABOUT THE ACTUAL CANON THEY ARE “SO AWARE OF”
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*screams so loud and dances seductively*
like yes good sir. mr nightmare sans from dreamtale WAS essentially possessed by a corrupted human man.
yes good sir. this is on more then just a wiki this is actually canon
this is canon. it’s an integral part to their entire story. i will literally write it all out for you if you so desire, but instead your gonna try to ridicule this random person in your comments mentioning it
unless it gets changed in the future that is an example of a canon truth, it’s fine to not know, BUT DONT. PRETEND YOU KNOW.
like i know not everyone has done lore digging but pls i can tell you’ve based your “canon take” off of tht one shitty stolen art dreamtale video we’ve all seen (pls for the love of god if you know what i’m referring to don’t use that as an up to date canon source i’ll cry so hard) just go ahead and say you don’t know the whole canon
jus accept your interpretation will always be fanon ALSO (again which is fine???) unless you KNOW a general amount of knowledge about the canon!?!???!!? it’s not that DEEP EUEUEUEU
again that’s just a minor example of this happening so often everywhereeee😫😫
someone will critique and hate and call a narrative 100% trash and then turn and say it’s “not their thing so they never read it”
OK? THEN DONT TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVENT READ
you can choose to like or dislike smth sure but don’t be so convinced you know something you’ve never looked at. don’t think you can judge an entire book off of the cover just say whether or not you liked the cover
how would you feel if your favorite movie in the world , the one you have so many intense deep feelings and thoughts on, was trashed and hated on by some critic who watched the first five mins???? and then they went off on you abt how ass your take is on this movie you’ve completed and they haven’t given a second thought? they are gonna tell YOU what you aren’t and are allowed to get out of the movie??? HUH???
anyways. seeing that post ate at my guts bcs it was so mean to the other person and outlandishly WILD in so many ways and i’m not specifying who or why bcs that would be immature and dramatic imo
IF YOU READ THIS, 1. WHY, 2. LOOK AWAY FROK YOUR DEVICE FOR A SECOND AND REMEMBER THAT THIS ISUNIMPORTANT and just some rando fandom mutt who’s crying about hate culture and it’s not that deep at the end of the day :)))
drink water and remember it’s ok to not know things and that it’s not bad to ACKNOWLEDGE THAT😭
also don’t let haters talk down to you fandom is for fun and RESPECT that is all GOOD DAY 🫡🩷🩷💞💞✨✨💜💥💜💜💥💥💥💫🙂↕️
#AA A A A A#rant#stupid silly rant#angy speed typed rant#pls don’t make this a drama thing it’s just boiling in my guts#HHNNAAAA :)))#i adore and appreciate canon so so much and i’m always sad at how few people pay it any sort of attention#i view canon as a playground for world building and character personalities#and fanon would be the expansions you take from there#that said lots of fanon content is AMAZING and i also love it#i do hope the canons become more common knowledge someday tho🥲#then we wouldn’t have so many arguments and misunderstandings hee hoo#my fave content is ones that acknowledge canon and expand from there#but that’s irrelevant to this rant BSKSBDODJ
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// vent, medical ableism
tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!
just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.
i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".
after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"
i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.
the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing
btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X
i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.
-arachnid anon
im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))
#anti endo#endos dni#did#did system#plural#actually did#system#alters#endos fuck off#did osdd#arachnid anon#Tw medical ableist#Tw ableist
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a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress
#i desperately want to know what happened the first time he cried#actually is that something he can do? is he capable of it?#i feel like he wouldn't like it...#since crying is messy and we all know he enjoys/values his appearance greatly#i mean cmon. its an involuntary loss of composure. and especially if he doesnt understand what/why its happening#so in my mind rn hed be idk... kinda desperate to stop crying & act fine?#HES SO FASCINATING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM <3#many things probably!#what to do when you're a puppet created as a blank slate while everyone around you already Knows Shit and Understands Feelings#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#wally darling#i know there's a lot of Head Empty jokes abt him#but honestly he gives the vibes of thinking constantly#always absorbing information and considering and learning and Forming Opinions#he LOOKS head empty. but he isnt.#i just cant imagine him never not Thinking#unless he really is head empty in which case. good for him. i support him no matter what. hes just like me<3
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doodles of my fav sillies
anton belongs to @poicyss
#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it#im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3#im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow#homemade comfort blorbos......#watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks#or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands#i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks#its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days#i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside#cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine#AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached#i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right#on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands#and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits!#i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly#the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking#maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol#myart#my art#my oc#oc#friend oc#augusta#anton#vincent#sillies family#doodles
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"And soda; runs off into the street..."
"...and soda... is totally okay!"
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#cw blood#something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones#IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE#ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE....#THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU#do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule.#LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE#DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared#i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail#but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!!#i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time#i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS#soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz#i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss#have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES#I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn#annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE.#hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.
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click for better quality!
whaddaya think makes tracks like that? / needletail and violetpaw
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#needletail#violetshine#warriors#warrior cats#wc#waca#wc art#squints i think i have all of the tags#THIS TOOK feels like WAY SHORTER THAN THE OTHER ONES#but probably bc theres like. way less grass in this one and more snow and thats way easier to do#THE WAY I DID LIGHTING U CANT RLLY TELL I MADE VIOLET A CALICO </3 hell on earth#IM RLLY SATISFIED WITH HOW NICE THIS CAME OUT + HOW FAST I WAS ABLE TO DO IT#it was on/off all day bc i have felt just physically weird . not bad but not good but not sick#anyway wish me luck on my exam and my paper ^_^ more worried about my exam than anything#its mostly monomers im worried about x_x i can tell u the most out there biology fact but i cannot tell u shit abt carbohydrates#anyway i am going to bed goodnight yall <3 its only like 12:30 rn WHICH ISNT BAD TBH#would u guys believe me if i said i was a little nervous posting because i feel like i forget something every time#i always get the nerves before i post and then i post and its fine AHBDLFHGBD#OKOK goodnight for realsies#tag edit carbohydrates arent monomers theyre fucking polymers THIS ONLY ILLUSTRATES MY POINT FURTHER
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Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.
But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.
WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE
I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I LOVE TOKI'S LEMON EATING CHALLENGE HES ON IN THIS EP. BABY YR STRANGE AND PECULIAR#pickles being insecure abt balding is funny too. my man has chosen a hairstyle that is actively making that worse for himself#buddy if u didnt have whiteguy dreads impromise yr hair wld be healthier. but we love u for yr octopus swag anyway <3#also hi nathan dont listen to the tv listen to me you look great. hi hello. im unsheathing my sword to cut down anyone who makes u feel bad#EVERYBODY IN UNIVERSE IS A COWARD. ITS BIG BOY SEASON. COME GET U ONE#dethvanity isnt in my list of favs i think most its humour is rlly easy lowballs but i find it funny for reasons outside of that#which is namely the show trying to make charavters insecure abt things when they absolutely are not any other time lmao#trying to find things to make skwis and toki insecure abt but theres NOTHING. ITS RLLY FUNNY#listen. putting my hand on everyones shoulder. lets not ignore the elephant in the room this show is uh#OFTEN VERY FATPHOBIC. so its no bastion of rep just cuz it doesnt take all the pot shots it cld at nathans body#it still does take some and theres plently of fatphobia outside of nathans character#but i do like that nathan is a bigger guy and outside of a few eps thats just treated as smth fine! its not remarked on outside of those!#and i think his body is drawn really well and i like that hes permitted to be sexy and to be like. seen with his body out just as much#as like anyone else in the band. like yeah duh nathan explosion is sexy in universe ppl are rocking with this. AS THEY SHOULD BE#idk like i say. not denying the show its fatphobia just saying i like how nathan is treated and portrayed a lot of the time :]
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O BTW i watched the first ep of the dungeon meshi and I RLY LIKE ITTTT ive been meaning to start the manga for yrs but never got around to it TT... trigger seems to be doing rly well w the adaptation tho from what ive heard manga readers say and well just from watching it blind myself i alr rly love it and cant wait to see more...!!!
#save me dunmeshi yuri and yaoi...#(the white women and kabru & that one eyed elf guy who always looks like hes having the worst time of his life-#cant wait to get to kabru i love his design sm hes so cute....#also very dismayed to find that i lowkey find laios(laius?) attractive... lowkey...#I BLAME MILK COOKIE.... ITS ALL BC OF MILKCOOKIE... I DIDNT CARE ABT HIMBOS BEFORE. DAMMIT#being attracted to (white)men is so embarrassing#he has a similar body type to milk + his face too... the droopy eyes...#and his personality is similar too..... except instead of dark choco cookie he fixates on eating monsters <3#honestly love that its so cute..#FARLYN IS SO FINE THO HIII🥰... UNNI- *gets bonked w a hammer*#both siblings remind me of milk cookie tbh.... laius for what i mentioned and farlyn w her rosy cheeks...#milk cookie is like if u combined them...#also senshi is so instantly likeable...#THE FOOD MADE ME HUNGRY AFFFF LIKE I WAS DROOLING#i want to draw milk cookie again....#ok i swear im not gonna simp for laius tho. hes just some guy (i do think his chara is v endearing so far)#IM JUST ADMITTING HES CUTE BC... I SWEAR I WOULDVE NEVER THOUGJT THIS BEFORE...#LIKE HES NOT MY TYPE... BEFORE THAT DAMNED COOKIE......DAMN IT#its ok theyre fictional men tho <3
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I'll be honest, I think it's boring when people get upset with others for not believing in the exact manga canon of naruto. Just watching the anime is fine, who cares? The Canon of naruto is so fucked up and flawed morally and functionally that think you should be able to warp it however you want with non-canonical bullshit. Or don't. Again, who cares? Whatever makes it more interesting for you imo
#if i wanna make konoha more evil. ill make konoha more evil. was sasuke imprisoned post war? sure. thats more fun for me#was kakashi 4 years younger than obito and rin? yes. its more fun for me#was iruka 16 at the time when he became narutos sensei? yes. its more fun for me#i cant think of the ones people complain abt most uhhh. anyone being nice to naruto as a kid retrospectively? rejected by me#they were all dicks to him. itachi having a girlfriend or something? rejected by me but like sure whatever i dont care#like ur experience of naruto doesnt effect my experience of naruto. ya kno#? so i dont get y ppl get so annoyed with ppl for not following the specific canon#its all silly bullshit. so like whatever. ya kno? and i mean its fine if you want to only rely on the manga canon as well#its also interesting to only look at the canon in all its flaws but like dont look down on others for not following the same path?#naruto ramblings#idk this is just what comes to mind when i see post complaining abt ppl not following canon#who care. i will do whatever i like lol
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Potato leek soup and some honey whole wheat bread from yesterday.
#they go very well together but not quite as good as if id made soda bread. the honey is a little too much for soup i think ?#was glad to try out the recipe tho. i wrote it up from memory for a friend and have been worried i was wrong#abt proportions and all but its fine.#tbh the way i cook is like. if the recipe require specific amounts of stuff and substitutes dont work#then im not gonna make it. im a#'throw stuff in a pot on autopilot' kinda guy. like with stuff like quiche especially#i dont HAVE a recipe i just do some stuff with what i have and then bam. delicious quiche every time#so... writing up recipes is a little difficult but im glad this one at least worked for me xD#cooking#baking#now all i need is some tea... too lazy tho
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#HES SOOO!O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like ik its him.but sometimes i have to squint and try 2 like.superposition max knives face over this knives#aoouuugghh.....soo pretty T__T#like can u imagine his max outfits w this hairstyle.RGAAHHH#millions knives#trigun#trigun spoilers#2 rly get the feeling of like.oh yah. this is the same guy (pointing emoji)#actually omfg.forgot that the scene w wolfwood exists#of him healing.OUUUH HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THERE and also more like himself..probably bc we see his mole n all#i do like the pale / silver stamp gave him as opposed 2 the paler blonde#i think the blonde is fine w his short hair but.(< has aversion 2 blonde hair)#no i went and checked why did i lie abt that i dont think his mole is visible HEAHAHA his eye is concealed.#whateever.#it actually confused me 4 the longest time whether he had it or not bc itd always show up n then disappear for stretches#at a time#its like 3 ami have work BYEE bye bye.literally bye. literally later.
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hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .
#just blahs#not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3#just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone#and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that#without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended#bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself#gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me#and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok#this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself#aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong#and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week#jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person#and i know that they know i didnt mean it#and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of#and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person#i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok#its fine .#anyways .#also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw
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I slept nearly 11 hours and I'm STILL upset and angry, and further upset and angry with myself for letting it get to me, and it's just >:(
#franposting#its ok. i had a coffee. am reading Naruto.#going to mass soon (woo slacker sleep in mass time)#gonna work on my cross stitch this afternoon#do some meal prep. either make some pasta salad or maybe a zucchini skillet#maybe some homemade mac and cheese bc im sad#idk cook smthn#then ofc play more bg3#and ignore my stupid dumb mean family#my mothers displeasure is more known today#and its like. i literally was talking about how shes become kinder this week. wrt queer ppl on tv#and then. the irony of it all. everything is fine as long as its not me ig#shout out to my father who has soooo many problems but is at least being good abt this#but. yeah. im. upsetti#but also already dreaming of fillin in the half sleeve. i need sunflowers and dandelions. hellebore and lilies. bees!!!#all those hopeful lovely things for my soul#im also gonna get another helix piercing i think. in the opposite ear. more of a cuff style#its just. fuck it. im tired of squishing myself into a lil box for literally no reason#no moral reason no social reason just shitty fear and family
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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im not going to watch that shit ass movie . she looks like modded sims4 .
#⸸#sorry im a huge hater abt modern borderlands stuff forever . i wont even give it a chance after bl3#this series holds a special place in my heart and i dont think anything will stop me from thinking abt it BUT#anything past tftb is dead to me . i just cant do it guys#i know i am always saying all of this . but every time i hear theyre doing something else i go . girl really . again ? still ?#in my heart of hearts i will always be a borderlands blog . but one who firmly believes they need to stop making more borderlands .#im being overly mean in this post maybe . that costume looks fine . im just a little hater . but its deserved
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watching space station videos for fic research and this astronaut is explaining how they sleep and that they dont really lie down because it always feels like shes still standing up anyway. she says "i dont have any sensation in my head that tells me im upside down so it doesnt matter"
i think thats what time sense is like. this thing in your brain that makes you able to orient yourself like in relation to, like, gravity? humans float in time like astronauts float in the space station. theyve got nothing in their brain telling them whats up and down.
and i dont know physics but like gravity distorts time along with space right? thats what they told me in world enough and time right? magic space hole, dont call the lift, cybermen problem
anyway i think thats what it's like. just like feeling gravitys effects on time? and then when it disappears or gets broken, which i hc happens with the master a bit after the timelords take away the drums and then relatively soon after that they regenerate very close to a black hole TWICE. TWICE AT ONCE. i think those things together mustve really fucked with their time sense i dont think the master can orient themself very well anymore, cant tell whats up and down anymore, just always floating
#theyre showing oUT THE WINDOW TO EARTH NOW AND SEEING THE VOID OF SPACE AROUND THE EARTH IS FREAKING ME OUT HOLY SHIT#THERES NOTHING THERE#ITS JUST NIGHT#anyway i think about the masters time sense a lot#bc i think when they HAVE it. like all their life. it's already fucked#i think the drums fuck it up#or like thats a manifestation of its fucked upness#anyway i wrote that whole vault fic abt it so you know but like#i think when they have their time sense it's sort of like. a stripped screw?#or like. something that doesnt stop when it should#im trying to think how you could say that with the gravity analogy but im not sure#but i think when they have it it's like that. like kinda in overdrive? and then when they loseit#or most of it. it must be such an adjustment#like first time is so insistent and relentless and constant that it Hurts and then all of a sudden it's so hard to feel#you feel like youre floating all the time#first youre dizzy one way for all of your life and then youre finally used to it and they take it away so now youre dizzy ANOTHER way#the master on earth in their first years after regenerating not only manually transing their gender but also#trying to adjust to this new disability#and then finding hte doctor and not only are they now sudddenly this super special person in your eyes#but also they seem to be doing FINE#you got fucked up like three times over in your attempt to be friends with them and they just MOVED ON
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