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liminal-space-lesbian · 10 months

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Loser IV

Pairing: Enid Sinclair x fem!reader

Warnings: Mutual pining, scary Wednesday, bullying / harassment, the d slur, physical violence, blood, panic attack, mentions of police and EMS

Summary: During a field trip to Pilgrim World you and Enid are paired up for volunteering. Things are going well until a group of boys decide to harass Enid.

Words: 3,659

Part One // Part Two // Part Three

a/n guyssss this is kinda bad ngl... I got carried away but OH WELL. Also any legal stuff I mention is all mumbo jumbo bc I have no clue how any of that works so just ignore it please 🫶

The days following your confession to Enid were... awkward to say the least. Though you both had promised things could go back to normal there was a tension between the two of you. You caught Enid staring at you more than once during Vampire biology, and you weren't quite sure what to make of it.

Today wasn't the day to worry about it however, considering you and your classmates were on a field trip of sorts to Pilgrim World to... volunteer? You weren't really paying attention during the announcement so you weren't even sure. All you knew was that getting away from Nevermore for a change of scenery was just what you needed for a distraction.

Or so you thought.

Apparently your teacher was pairing up students for their tasks of the day, and you were paired with none other than Enid. Perfect.

"Ready, partner?" Enid asks, bouncing up to you excitedly and looping her arm through yours. You stiffened at the contact, your heart skipping a beat at the warmth of her arm against yours. Her smile faltered as she noticed you tense, trying to casually release your arm. The atmosphere between you was awkward now. Great.

"Ready as I'll ever be. What are we even supposed to do anyways?" You ask, trying to diffuse the tension as you begin walking side by side. Enid lets out an agitated sigh, rolling her eyes.

"We get the boring job. We have to check tickets at the entrance." Enid says with a groan, purposefully dragging her feet as she casts a forlorn glance at you. You can't help but chuckle at her antics.

"Well at least you'll have good company." You say with a cocky grin, causing her to smile, pink tinging her cheeks. You felt your heart stutter in your chest. 'Wait, was that flirting? Did I accidentally just flirt with her? Oh God I hope I didn't weird her out.' You think frantically as you turn your gaze ahead.

"Mm that's true. I do think I got the best volunteer buddy for the day." Enid says with a wide smile, her eyes glittering with mischief and something almost like affection. You had to look away from her gaze or else you'd stare for too long. 'Why is she so pretty, oh my God.' You thought as you felt your cheeks burn.

"Oh hey, are you guys the Nevermore volunteers?" A young man with a scruffy beard and messy blond hair asked with a half smile. You nodded, stuffing your hands in your pockets.

"Yep that's us. Are you like our adult supervision for the day?" You asked, eyeing the pamphlets in his hands. He barks out a laugh, causing you to flinch slightly.

"Well, something like that. I'm not gonna be here to supervise much though, you're taking over my job for the day. I'll show you the ropes, and if you need anything I'll be in the lounge." He explains simply, handing you some pamphlets and a hole punch to Enid.

"It's simple, you," he points at Enid, "take a look at the tickets and make sure the date and price is correct, then hole punch the upper right corner like this." He demonstrates on a ticket he pulls out of his pocket, then he turns to you. "And you hand out the pamphlets, which is basically more information on Pilgrim World and also a map of the grounds. Easy peasy." He says, patting you on the shoulder and flashing you a smile. "Well I'm off, goodluck." And with those words he was gone.

You turn to Enid, only to already find her staring at you wide eyed.

"Well that was... a less than ideal introduction." You say, stifling a chuckle at Enid's distraught expression.

"Yeah, that's one way of putting it. We totally got this though, how hard can it be? Like he said, easy peasy." She says, shrugging her shoulders as she tries to stay optimistic, turning to face the entrance as a few people approach with their tickets.

"Hi! Welcome to Pilgrim World!" She says in her usual enthusiastic tone, causing you to smile. This day was gonna be a peace of cake.

~ ~ ~

Oh how wrong you were. After about an hour of standing in the hot sun waiting for people to arrive, this job was looking very bleak. Pilgrim World wasn't as popular of an attraction as it used to be, if it was ever popular to begin with. You were simply standing there sweating miserably, and you now understood why that guy was so eager to leave you two to this job.

"Well this sucks." You say with a sigh, wiping sweat off your forehead. Enid chuckles, gently pushing your shoulder with hers.

"Hey, don't be so negative. I mean we've already been here for," she checks her phone for the time and blanches, "forty minutes?" She nearly shouts in astonishment, her expression crumpling. "Oh my gosh we're going to actually die here." She dramatically says in despair. You couldn't help but laugh, causing her to playfully pout at you.

"Hey, how about I run and grab us some water from the fridge inside? A cool drink will probably make this a bit more bearable." You offer, and Enid turns to you with wide eyes. She grabs you by the shoulders and looks in your eyes seriously.

"At this very moment in time I wouldn't love anything more than a cold water." She says in a dead serious tone and you stifle a laugh, gently patting the hands that rest on your shoulders.

"Yes ma'am! Think you can hold down the fort while I run and get them?" You ask, wiggling your eyebrows playfully as you gesture to the empty queue. She scoffs, playfully pushing you in the direction of the lounge.

"Yes, I am more than confident that I can handle it." She says with an eyeroll and you giggle as you scurry off to get some water. You let out a relieved sigh as you enter the cool ac of the lounge. The guy who was supposed to be supervising you was lying on one of the couches, dead asleep. You chuckle softly as you open the fridge and grab two chilled bottles of water. You turn around to head back outside only to be met with Wednesday standing right behind you.

"Holy shit." You nearly scream, flinching back from Wednesday sharply. The girl doesn't react, simply staring at you with the same intense dead eyed stare.

"What are you doing?" She questions, her tone cold. You feel goosebumps rise on your arms from the intensity of her stare, and you swallow nervously.

"I'm getting water for Enid and I, since it's hot in the sun." You explain, voice shaking embarrassingly as Wednesdays eyes narrow. There is a tense silence for a moment before Wednesday takes a minuscule step closer to you, causing you to take a step backwards, nearly bumping into the fridge.

"Enid cares about you. I can't even begin to understand why, considering you are nearly as unremarkable as a drop of water amidst the ocean. However you are important to her, considering you're nearly all she ever talks about. So I shall give you a single warning." She leans closer to your personal space and you lean backwards away from her, heart racing in fear at her unblinking gaze. 'How does she never blink? It's like she has creepy soulless doll eyes.' You think as her dark eyes bore into your soul.

"If you hurt her, I will eviscerate you and strangle you with your own intestines." Wednesday says, her tone clear and colder than ice. You shiver, and nod, not trusting your voice. There is another moment of tense silence before Wednesday turns on her heel and leaves you alone, heart still hammering in your chest.

"What the hell was that?" You whisper to yourself, blinking at the space Wednesday occupied only moments before. What did she mean, Enid cares about you? She talks about you all the time? You couldn't help feeling a flicker of happiness at the thought. You shake your head, quickly leaving the lounge and heading back to Enid. You'd unpack your encounter with Wednesday later, right now you needed to get back to Enid.

As you approached, you noticed three guys standing a bit too close to Enid for comfort. You could see the jeering smiles on their faces before you heard their voices, and you felt adrenaline begin to flood your system as you approached.

"Isn't this the little werewolf chick from Nevermore?" One of them drawls, pinching the shoulder of Enid's blazer, causing her to lean away from him.

"Yeah I think so. She's the one who can't even shift though, right? Like some sort of runt or something." One of the other boys taunts, reaching over to tug at a piece of Enid's dyed hair.

"Hey, what's going on here?" You announce your presence loudly, shoving your way through the boys to stand beside Enid, placing your body between them. Your tone is cold and your expression is serious as you stare down the boy who touched Enid's hair.

"Tsk, chill we're just trying to get her number." The boy lies, a disgusting smile curving at his lips as his eyes drift from you to Enid, who was still standing slightly behind you. You shift your body to shield her from his gaze.

"Well she's not interested. So either show me your ticket or fuck off." You say, your voice hard as you grit your teeth. He raises his eyebrows at you, a scoff leaving his lips as he glances at his friends for support, who chuckle as well.

"Oh, what, is she your girlfriend or something? Damn, can you imagine being a dyke and a Nevermore freak?" He directs his question to his friends, who jeer and laugh along with him.

"Hey!" Enid protest from behind you, but you cut her off, wrinkling your nose in disgust as you stare him down.

"Seriously dude? Grow up." You snap, your tone laced with distaste. The kid straightens up to his full height, trying to loom over you and intimidate you. Your heart pounds nearly painfully in your chest with fear, but you keep your exterior calm.

"Or what? What even are you anyway, a vampire or some shit? Gonna bite me?" He taunts, and you stare at him with an unimpressed look.

"You're really fucking pathetic, you know that?" You say, anger flaring in your chest now. 'Can't this douchebag just leave us alone? God, why is he so entitled.' You think as your grind your teeth.

"What'd you just say?" He asks in a threatening tone, stepping into your personal space. You hold your ground, meeting his gaze. Your pulse roared in your ears and you felt Enid's hand grip the back of your blazer tightly.

"Oh, are you deaf or just stupid?" You taunt, feeling a shred of satisfaction at the way his expression contorts with anger. You see the way his hands ball into fists and you gently reach behind you, pushing Enid away from you.

Just as you expected the boy shoved you hard in the chest, causing you to stumble backward. Enid cried out your name but you ignored her. He had put his hands on you, now you could beat the shit out of him.

You drop the bottles of water into the dirt and fly at him, driving your elbow into his face. He stumbles back with a grunt, but before you can land another hit one of his friends grabs your arms and wrenches them behind your back. He lifts you up painfully, forcing you to stand on your tiptioes as your shoulders strain under the angle he has your arms pinned at.

"Fucking whore." The boy spits, punching you across the face. Your head snaps to the side but you hardly feel the pain from the adrenaline in your system. You don't know where the third boy is, too focused on the one holding your arms. Your punched in the face again and you twist and writhe, trying to escape the firm grasp on your arms.

Suddenly you're released and sent sprawling into the dirt face first. You scramble to your feet and glance behind you to see Wednesday standing over the boy who had been holding your arms. You turn back to the one who had punched you and lunge. You slam your shoulder into his stomach and tackle him to the ground. He gasps for breath as the wind is knocked out of him. Before he can recover you are slamming your fist into his nose repeatedly. Your vision narrows, solely focusing on continuously hitting him. Your heartbeat roars in your ears and rage seems to fill every inch of your body. 'How dare he harass Enid? How dare he say those things about her?' Your mind repeats this like a mantra as you continue hitting him.

Suddenly someone is dragging you off of him, shouting at you. You shove them away, trying to claw your way back to him, but their grip is too strong.

"Let me go! I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna beat that motherfucker until he can't breathe." You snarl, writhing and struggling against the arms holding you back. Your voice tears through your throat as you scream, slowly losing steam as you feel ever emotion flood your system.

"Y/n, you need to calm down." An even voice says close to your ear, and you sag into the arms, tears streaming uncontrollably down your face. You feel overwhelmed in every sense of the word as you try to catch your breath, hyperventilating as you begin to sob.

The next thing you know you're sitting in the dirt crying, Wednesday in front of you with something akin to concern in her gaze. Enid hovers behind her, looking panicked. You notice her claws are out and covered in blood.

"Y/n you need to take deep breaths." Wednesday says in a steady reassuring voice. You try to even your breathing, still gasping and hyperventilating as your eyes dart around. You notice a few adults are kneeling over the boys. who are all lying on the ground or sitting up clutching various injuries.

"Let's get you three to the lounge." One of the Pilgrim World employees says before leading you to the lounge and away from the boys. You wait for EMS and the police to arrive, slowly calming down, wiping your eyes as you stare down at your shaking and bloodied hands.

"Here." Enid's voice says softly beside you, her hand gently tilting your head towards her so she can dab at the blood dripping down your face. You avoid her gaze, your breathing shaky from crying.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, sniffling slightly. Enid lets out a quiet breath, her thumb tracing your jaw gently.

"You don't need to apologize. You were just trying to help; those guys were being creeps." She says softly as she finishes wiping at the blood on your face. You look up as an officer enters the room, speaking to one of the Pilgrim World employees before nodding and leaving once more to retrieve EMS.

"What'd he say?" You ask the employee nervously. They sigh and look at you with their hands on their hips.

"Well, since we have security footage of the fight we know you're not the aggressor, so long as neither of you press charges the cops are willing to let it go." They say with a heavy sigh, looking relieved. "Of course you'll all be banned from Pilgrim World in the future but I assume that's the least of your worries." They say with a tight lipped smile and a nod.

"Oh okay... Thank you." You murmur, dropping your head to rest in your hands as you take a deep breath, The adrenaline had long since fled your body and now your face and knuckles were throbbing terribly. Your shoulders felt strained from how they had been held as well.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur as EMS checked you out, patching you up and giving you a few stitches on your lip where it had been split from the boy punching you in the teeth.

Soon you were back at Nevermore and lying on your bed with an ice-pack pressed to the entirety of your face. Every heartbeat sent pulsing pain through your face and hands, causing you to groan. You didn't regret it exactly, you knew you'd fight a thousand people to protect Enid. You just wished it didn't have to escalate that far.

There was a knock at your door and you mumbled for whoever was there to come in. You pulled the icepack off your face and were surprised to see Enid standing there.

"Oh. Hi." You say dumbly, sitting up to stare at her in surprise. She offers you a small smile, padding over to stand in front of you, fiddling with her hands nervously. "Uh... Sorry again for earlier. I didn't want to fight him but he just wouldn't-" Your rambling was cut off as Enid threw herself at you, wrapping you in a tight hug. You stiffened in shock, gently resting a hand on her back.

"Thank you." Enid whispered, pressing her face into your neck, and you felt goosebumps prickle your skin as her breath tickled your skin.

"I- it's no big deal." You say casually, rubbing Enid's back soothingly as she tightens her grip on you..

"I was really scared when they were... I didn't know what they wanted with me. You have no idea how relieved I was when you showed up." Enid admits as she leans back to look at your face. Your heart lurches when you notice her eyes glistening with tears.

"Hey, it's okay. I'd never let them do anything to you." You say, attempting to comfort her as you brush hair away from her face, offering a gentle smile. Her eyes soften and her gaze flicks down to your lips for a moment. Your heart races in your chest, and you think maybe you had just imagined it.

"Well I appreciate you. And I'm sorry that you got hurt." Enid says, leaning back slightly as she adjusts how she's sitting in your lap. Her fingers trace the stitches on your lip and suddenly the throbbing pain was replaced with pleasant tingles.

"I'd do it a thousand times if you asked." You whisper before you can stop yourself, and Enid's lips part slightly in surprise. Her eyebrows pull together slightly as her thumb traces your bottom lip, her breath fanning over your face. 'She looks like she wants to kiss me.' You think, sure you must have some sort of head trauma. No way Enid would-

All at once, she's leaning down and her lips press to yours gently, softer than rose petals. Her mouth is warm, her lips tasting of cherry lipgloss. Your eyes drift shut and your hand on her back presses her closer to you. Your head feels light and airy, as if it's full of clouds. Surely you're dreaming?

No, the way Enid cups your jaw in her hands is all too real. The soft breath she exhales through her nose as she moves her lips against yours, tilting her head slightly so her nose brushes your cheek. All too soon she pulls away and looks into your eyes, her face tinged with a blush.

"I like you too." She confesses in a quiet voice, and you simply stare up at her dumbly, mouth agape. "When you were avoiding me it made me realize I thought of you more than I did Ajax. I was more upset over you than I was over my breakup with him." She murmurs, looking a but ashamed. You bring your hand up to brush your fingers across her cheek lightly.

"I can't say I'm disappointed." You say with a breathless chuckle, a smile curling at your lips involuntarily. Enid smiles back, giggling slightly as she leans into your touch.

"So... will you maybe be my girlfriend?" She asks quietly, her hands sliding down from where they cup your jaw to rest on your shoulders. Your stitches burn from how big you smile.

"Only if you'll be my girlfriend too." You tease, chuckling at the way Enid covers her giggle with her palm, gently giving your shoulder a playful swat.

"Okay, we're girlfriends then." She says with a broad smile, bringing her face close to yours to place a gentle kiss at the corner of your mouth. You gently guide her lips to yours to kiss her fully, relishing in the taste of her lipgloss as you inhale deeply through your nose, smelling her vanilla shampoo.

You lean back onto your bed, pulling her down on top of you, cuddling her close. She is more than happy to oblige, curling into your side and nuzzling her face into your neck, placing a gentle kiss there. Your arm is wrapped around her shoulders while your free hand is laced with hers where it rests on your stomach. Her legs twine with yours lazily and you let out a contented sigh.

Your face and knuckles are still throbbing, and you know your lip will scar. However those worries seem small and far away as Enid's warmth seeps into your body. You feel sleep tugging at your mind as you roll over, tucking Enid's head under your chin as you wrap your arms around her. She quickly reciprocates, her arms looping around your waist as she holds you close to her. She's so soft and warm that it's not long before sleep fully takes you.

When you wake up the next morning with Enid still in your arms, you fully realize that it was in fact not a dream.

p.s. I've never kissed anyone before so if it's poorly written that's why 💀

#enid sinclair #enid sinclair x reader #enid sinclair x fem!reader #fem!reader #wednesday tv series #Loser IV

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writegoblin · 10 months

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I have been severely craving my boy. No no, not Michael. Boseph uwu

Look at him. Unf.

Anyways.

Bo Sinclair Headcanons!

SFW

- You ended up in Ambrose because your car alignment decided it had enough of these off road shenanigans.

- Your reasons for being out that way, for story purposes, are running from your old life. All your old family and friends are shitty so you an conveniently disappear bc smthn smthn deus ex machina

- HOW you find out about your car alignment is another story. Let's just say, tumbling in a car is much more painful than it looks. What's worse is landing in a roadkill pit. Yeah boy. You know what time it is B)

- Lester almost shit himself when you came from over the highway. He thought you were dead and was going to call Vincent when you punched out the front seat. That's hot. Alright stranger, you're coming with me!

- He tries to clean you up and get your name. Takes you back to his place because he doesn't want to catch the twins off guard. But the day you spend there is lovely.

- You get the Ambrose and immediately shits off. Long story short, you become something of a live in maid. They can't kill you because it would be a lot of hassle on their end (another deus ex. You're related to a cop or something idk), and they COULD turn this situation around. Get use out of you.

- Bo likes how witty you are. You don't like to be bossed around which is clearly why you ran away from home (what are you, 10?)

- At first he's very callous to you and makes no effort to understand you. As far as he's concerned, you're another spoiled out of towner, just impeding on he and his brother's strange get rich scheme (more on that later. I'll explain in end notes.)

- What's worse is you're argumentative. Whenever he asks you to do something (read: yells at you), you always gotta talk back. You say funny stuff sometimes but it's annoying mostly. Vincent enjoys it much more than he does.

- You make nice with Vinny first. When you aren't forced to do chores, he lets you help him with the wax. Bo sees this and eventually realizes that while you are certainly mouthy, you are human with like hobbies and shit.

- He's a chef he's a gourmand

- He cooks for he and Vincent because Vincent, due to some brain damage, has a weird palette. So anything he makes either has way too much seasoning, or it tastes like cardboard. Bo on the other hand, grew up running around the streets of Baton Rogue with his friends after school. He KNOWS how to cook good.

- He's also good at first aid. The actual surgery and medical stuff is Vincent's wheelhouse but once you broke your arm trying to fix some shutters he told you to fix. He felt bad so he very gingerly fixed your arm. It healed really nicely but you'll never forget the way those blue eyes of his were so warm when he looked at you, touching the bend in your forearm and his voice, gentle as the day you first met went, "does it hurt?"

- Yeah but you looking at me like that bout to get me pregnant hurts worse sir

- As a boyfriend he's only jealous/protective around tourists. But as a dude in a town with a population of technically 3.5 if you count Lester's visits, he gets it. He does not mind his twin ogling you. He does not mind sharing EVENTUALLY. At first, he's very apprehensive.

- Bo's love language is physical touch. Even nonsexual touch is nice. He likes laying his head in your lap while yall watch TV and you rake your nails through his scalp gently.

- When he gets night terrors he likes to hold onto you in the dark like hope. He puts his face in your chest and he's almost like a little kid for a second. You have no choice but to coddle aw noooo aw man can't believe I have this hot sexy guy in my lap crying ohbhughghh

- If you're pear shaped? He loves your hips. Man, woman, ethereal creature, it don't matter. He was born an ass man he'll die an ass man.

- If you like star gazing, he'll listen to you rattle off about constellations. He likes listening to people ramble about unique special interests because it gives him a little taste of variety in his quiet life.

NSFW

- big. Thick. Cut.

- leftward pitch and he loves doing mating presses.

- much more inclined to rough sex (obviously)

- I do know he likely and unfortunately assaulted those ladies on the wall but in my HCs I like to think it was CNC instead. What stops him from doing the same here is you're too loud and mouthy, so the attraction is initially not there.

- As you soften up because of Vin though, and start opening up and smiling and being cute, he can't help but let his mind roam sometimes.

- Loves fantasizing you in different little costumes to dress up in. A visitor once visited and she was a cam girl! In your size! So lucky!

- please were garter belts this man will not be normal

- Loves intercurral. To punish you if he catches you masturbating, he'll fuck your thighs until he cuts, leaving you all hot and bothered.

- The basement does not come into equation until after the first time. And the first time is more of a gentle, romantic moment of vulnerability.

- Your first time was during a thunderstorm and you were telling him about your past and how so many people hurt you. Abused you. He felt so connected to you. You always held back your anger and he let you express it by throwing stuff and by the end of it you were a sobbing and screaming and laughing mess and he was standing in the debris and he saw himself and he reached out and kissed you in an attempt to ammend himself.

- When he made love to you that night, he decided your ass is never moving out sorry lol

- Exhibitionist. Likes to take you to Baton Rogue for little dates and fucks you in alleys and parks. The most exciting was a drive in theater he took you to where you gave him head. He fucked you in the wooded area outside after.

- PRIESTKINKPRIESTKINK

- Hahaha okay but what if you confessed and he fucked u in the confessional would that be crazy or what

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have a few HOW headcanons actually!

- the boys do the whole house of Wax thing in an attempt to get rich. Bo decided "oh I guess I could be mayor but hm no money here" and he rubbed two cells together and was like "WHAT IF WE MADE AN ATTRACTION THAT WAS THE BESTEST."

- tricked Vin into it cause "they're carrying Mom's legacy :(((( she'd love this trust me we're gonna expand the house into a town it'll be great."

- Lester's there cause he loves his brother's and is also admittedly a bit crazy himself. He's definitely tied a few people up and intimidated people, but that's not his usual job. He's too baby.

- Canonically, where Ambrose is located, it would be a roughly 30 min drive (or 2 hours I forgor lol) to Baton Rogue! So fun fact. They're Baton boys uwu

- I think even though Bo is a good cook, gumbo is Lester's wheelhouse cause he's just got that swagger to him. Like if I met Lester and he was like "do u want me to make you gumbo" I'd say yes, no hesitation.

#bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair #slasher fics #slasher headcanons #slasher x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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hypothetical aita

i was always curious about this situation and if i was in the wrong or if my bf at the time was

i was 19 (f) and my bf was also 19. we had been dating for seven months with a short breakup (less than 24 hours) in month 3. it was not a solid relationship at all, and apparently my friends and family all hated him lol. it was the week of my bday and my sister got me a french manicure for the first time ever - false nails. it felt super weird but i was excited to share these feelings with my bf. when i showed up at his apartment, and i touched his face with my nails, he freaked out. he said that his aunt used to have nails like that and he hated her so i would have to get rid of them before i could touch him again. this obviously upset me bc my sister gave me these for my birthday, and i was excited about them! he was adamant, and he forced me to leave.

a few days later was my party. my friends came over and we did some drinking games, hung out, and my bf continued to avoid me. i was miserable. after drinking too much he put me to bed, still refusing to let me touch him, and said that i could keep my nails, but i would not be able to hang out with him too much. the next time i was able to book an appointment, i got those nails off, though i convinced my sister it was bc i didn’t like the feeling of them. i felt rlly bad about it bc i wanted to keep them for me and my sister. but i wanted to be physically intimate with my bf too.

needless to say the relationship did not end well, but i just want to know, if i kept the nails, would i have been the asshole taking into consideration his personal ick?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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fickes · 4 months

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hiiiiii

as a pre top surgery transmasc i adore your art so much. it makes me so happy and gives me hope that someday i too will be able to get top surgery!

okay so i like asking peoples personal experiences, so what were the most interesting things about getting ready for top surgery, the surgery itself or the recovery process in your eyes?

also how long did it take to get off of the binder after the surgery? thats the part i worry about the most bc i cant wear a binder bc my lungs are inept (affectionate) so i worry how thatll go but i mean itll be worth it obviously.

anyway whatever you are comfortable sharing about the surgery process, id love to hear it!!! have a great rest of your day

Thanks so much :) I'm answering this publicly in case other people find this information useful, but let me know if it's a problem and I'll take it down right away. Also feel free to message me with any follow-up questions.

I should let you know a lot of my comics are a bit dramatized for comedic purposes. I don't lie at all but sometimes I phrase things to be funny, not accurate ;)

Let's get into it - first of all, speaking as someone who needed top surgery but felt it was a pipe dream for soso long, I'll say a) it was well worth the wait and b) it wasn't nearly as hard as I expected it to be, both logistically and physically. I had the advantage that I live in a pretty liberal state in transgender law and financial aid, but the disadvantage of having a few medical conditions that I expected to make the surgery pretty hard on me (and that blocked me a little in terms of getting medical permission). If you live in the USA, I may have more specific legal guidelines for you if you want it.

In terms of the binder! I actually have a chest deformity that made wearing a binder extremely painful and probably damaging. I usually had to opt for sports bras etc., and this was a big concern for me, too, in terms of the binder that you have to wear after surgery. The vest the hospital gave me was problematic because it didn't fit me right and was causing a lot of pain. I'm not sure if my deformity had to do with it or not. But the point is: I told them the problem, and they gave me the option of just going out and buying Under Armour compression sportswear. This SAVED me, and it was FAR less painful than any binder or binder substitute I've ever worn. I could wear it 24/7 and barely even notice the pain, and it was only about $20 online. This is definitely worth asking about ahead of time to any potential surgeon. Even if this particular solution doesn't work for your case, they probably have others. There are a lot of us with bad lungs/ribs!

I was required to wear the compression shirt for 6 weeks. After that, I've chosen to continue wearing it on and off because I still have a little swelling. They expect that to be done by 6 months.

The worst parts were the vest (before I replaced it with the sportswear) and the drains. The worst part about the drains is they do hurt, and if the tubes shift at all you can feel it inside your body (BAD feeling). Unlike everything else, they were gradually hurting more the longer I had them. I got them out after a week, and after that recovery was no problemo at all. The drains are the hard part - I think most people agree with me on this one. Some people experience pain getting them removed, too, but for me it just felt a little weird.

The most interesting thing to me was the result itself. The wound, the bruising, the stitches, the glue, and the scars. Watching my own skin heal itself into a new shape was fascinating! I was allowed to change the dressing on day 2 and it was a pretty gruesome sight, but it also felt RIGHT. I was expecting a difficult adjustment. Even with the gender euphoria, a lot of trans people say they felt woozy or strange when they first saw the results. It can take a long time for your brain to adjust to your new shape. But for some reason, for me, it just immediately felt right. It's already hard to imagine my chest having ever been different.

#ask #top surgery journal #wishing you the best possible care :)

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

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Imagine everyone in genshin could physically see when you lag. Collecting some sunsettia then my ping sky rockets to 999 and im frozen for a good minute in the middle of doing an attack 😭

SOB bro ive gotten caught in some DOWNRIGHT SILLY lags before- i would pass away if they saw that

Esp since i get them stuck then just start laughing my ass off 💀

This gif took me out this is so funny 😭 i had to put it here LMAO

I accidentally made Venti jump on top of a Aranara house when I was first exploring Sumeru and did that "flying in the air/jumpin down pose" but just. Through a palm leaf, he's just fluttering in the wind it was painfully ironic 😭

BRO

Bro.

What if u were isekaied to Genshin but it still has game rules, and so now ur like a character too,

SO U CAN ALSO LAGGGG STOPPP 😭😭😭

I would constantly be omw to the Backrooms 💀

Glitching thru magic shit bc im inpatient and wanna hurry (lagged myself thru some domain steps once)

OH MY GOD-

IF THEYRE AWARE

OF EVEN JUST YOU LAGGING THEIR BODIES

DUDE 😭

So this is unrelated to lag shit, but Ive just done so much silly ass things in game that they would find just as funny or dumb 💀

♤

So, When i first started Genshin I was on some Shit.

I had only rlly played one or two open world games before, and even then not for a long time, so I just like did the stupidest things

I was fighting in those early domains in Mondstadt right, and I had just gotten to the cutscene with Lisa and Traveler, I think thats all who were there

And I had just finished the last battle in the chamber, so I had just deployed Baron Bunny from Amber but killed the monsters before it could go off-

SO IN THE MIDDLE OF LISA TALKING- JUST AN EXPLOSION HAPPENS STAGE LEFT OFF SCREEN AND INTERUPTS HER LMFAO

I LITERALLY APOLOGIZED TO LISA I WAS CRYING LAUGHING SO HARD

(no pls dont make her aware of that for me she would bully me forever)

I FELT LIKE I WAS JUST CAUSING THESE CHARACTERS PROBLEMS RIGHT OFF THE BAT LMAO

◇

And I also didnt know about boss monsters yet (i didnt watch anyone play genshin/know where or what they were lol goin in blindfolded essentially)

So im running around Mond. and I start fighting a Cryo whopperflower for a little while, im not high level yet, and deadass MID SWORD SWING-

I GLITCH THRU A TINY CRACK IN THE ROCKS BC ITS OPEN ON THE TOP RIGHT??!! SO IT WAS JUST SOLID GROUND TO ME AND IM JUST FALLING-??!!

AND THEN I LAND MY ASS THE GIANT CRYO FLOWER REGISVINE AND I STG IT LAGGED AND WAITED FOR A MINUTE BEFORE IT STARTED MOVING LIKE IT WAS CONFUSED TOO-

AND ITS LEVEL IS LIKE IN THE RED

AND THE FALL KILLED AETHER (which I also didnt know could happen 😭TRAUMA) SO I JUST SUDDENLY HAVE AMBER OUT- !!??

BRO THAT WHOLE SITUATION MADE ME THINK I HAD ANGERED THE TINY FLOWER SO BAD IT JUST BECAME HUGE-

I WAS LITERALLY SCREAMING AT MY SCREEN "AMBER FUCK RUNNNN OH GOD AETHER'S DEAD???!! "

BC I WAS LIKE LEVEL 14 VS. ITS LEVEL 36

Talk about an all-knowing creator god 😭😭

Thatd be so embarassing if they remembered that 💀 aether would literally bring it up all the time to get to me

AMBER WOULD PITY ME AND HAVE SYMPATHEY NOO

♧

Then later on in Liyue, theres a chest underneath these guard statues hidden by a bush right? And one of those Geoculus star things too, and i have my compass out trying to find all the Geoculuses(?)

And Im like, " ok towards the statue??"

THEN I JUST PLUMMET- AND I IMMEDIATELY INSTINCTIVELY LIKE, SO HEARTBROKEN AND DISTRESSED SOUNDING "nOPLEASENOTAGAIN- oh, ohhh my godd" my heart was racinggg i literally sighed and I sat there for a minute breathin heavy 😭😭

My team wouldve had a heart attack and field day with me doin shit like that, theyd be like

"This our god? This you?"

Aether has so much blackmail on me 🥲

☆

If I had a mora for everytime I fell on a boss monster in Genshin Impact, I would have 3 mora.

Which isn't a lot of mora, but it's weird that it happened three times.

Cheers,

💀♒️

(we updated the logo bc im stupid and didnt realize i couldve been typing that the whole time)

♡the beloveds♡

Srry figure it was close enough id tag yall anyway

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

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absolutely-wretched · 4 months

Text

the twilight reveal (my dissertation)

I'm back on the Buffy comics train and just finished the second to last volume of season 8 for the first time since 2020 and here we goooooo (read more so if you want to hurt yourself physically and emotionally with spoilers you can, but you have an out.)

Twilight's mask comes off. I remember this. I don't remember it in detail, but my head instinctively goes into my hands. The trauma. The pain. The cringe. I've never felt so betrayed by Joss until I read the single worst thing he's ever written. and it hurts, just like in 2020. except not i'm reading it with my fiance and it compounds the cringe.

Spike got his SOUL BACK FOR YOU. He died for YOUR CAUSE. And just like when Angel comes back to give her the amulet, it all goes out the window for captain fucking forehead and I'M PISSED. Not to mention the most painful sex I've ever had to witness. Painful in the sense of cringey. Also, is Buffy possessed by Twilight too? Because why in all fuck would she be superpower fucking her ex just because he says "don't you want to be happy?". He's not acting normal at all, and all of this is bombastically weird and makes very little sense and Buffy just does it without questioning it? Let's live in our own microuniverse? WHY?????? Help? Why? Joss what were you going through when you wrote this??? I couldn't have come up with something worse when I was writing fanfiction at 14. I know that's the worst hurdle in the comics but damn. At least there's swearing in the comics, though, I'm not complaining that, it's very realistic.

Okay and why is NO ONE concerned about angel losing his soul??? Everyone knows it's happening and no one asks. Buffy doesn't ask. I'm screaming at the pages for someone to ask bc I'm asking and it makes no sense. the chill days of me defending the writing choices of buffy and satsu and taking mecha dawn in comedy stride are over. what in the absolute fuck. I hate it so much.

so then we get to buffy rejecting this INSANITY finally and that's cool. fuck destiny and all that. there's my girl. my selfishly driven girl (and no, that's not a chracter trait the comics invented, i could write a dissertation on buffy's character flaws from the show, they just seem to be amplified in the comics). dawn is actually the only one who seems to be questioning everything so i'm now team dawn. and xander rejecting buffy. i like xander a lot in the comics.

The best thing about this volume is this:

But I fear, since it's the end before the last volume, that i will be SO FURIOUS about a lot of things said and done in the issues cooming up, since we will have Spike and Angel and Buffy all in the same room together, and I really hope they don't do to Spike what they did in s5 of Angel which is downplay how great he is to make captain boredom look better in comparison.

and GOD i miss lynch so much. i'm not sure if it's the people writing joss's ideas or writing with joss, because I know lynch wrote after the fall but it was joss's story, so I'm thinking maybe the people writing the comics might have made it worse (even if joss's story BEATS for this was already bad). I at least know whoever storyboarded made a god damn mess of it, because half the time i couldn't figure what was going on based on the drawings in the panels.

ALSO I had this rant in the tags once about how much it bothered me that they took away Spike's black nail polish after he got his soul, genuinely annoying me that something so iconic was ripped from his design. so YAY for the return of the nail polish! Keep it!

#btvs #angel #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy season 8 #btvs s8 #buffy s8 #buffy comics #btvs comics #spike btvs #dark horse comics

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samuelroukin · 6 months

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might be a bit too personal of a question so feel free to ignore/delete but have you struggled w/ alcoholism? i think i remember you saying that you dont drink much anymore so i just wanted to ask for idk some kind of advice cuz i just cant manage to drop that shit. thanks in advance man

hi don't worry i don't mind talking about it, but i'll put it behind a cut for others bc this got kinda long and i don't want to trigger anyone

first off i wouldn't say i am or ever have been an alcoholic especially comparing myself to other people in my life but i've had periods where i was struggling with it, getting drunk most nights and even sometimes having a drink (or two) during the day if i had to do something i felt anxious about, it was def a crutch and i occasionally fall back into it but only for short times luckily. so have that in mind, my advice might not be that useful for you

so for me it was really mostly about realizing ok this is A Thing and i don't want to let it get too far, i was pairing it with some other really unhealthy habits and started noticing some side effects (other than money lmao)

so i kinda figured ok. you don't need to do this. every time you decide to buy a bottle of whatever that's the alcohol kinda whispering in ur ear like ohhh im so fun but in the long term it's only gonna make me feel like shit, both physically and mentally. so not having it in the house made it so i could go a couple days without it, and then cave again, feel like shit, repeat.

but by stretching that time before caving i could sit with it for better or worse like now what do i do? i feel bad but drinking is gonna make me feel a different kind of bad so that's not an option (today at least! there's always tomorrow for making worse choices, idk but having that in mind helped) and then i'd find ways to distract myself, something to do with your hands can be helpful but it depends on how much brain space you have. but it gets easier and easier, slowly but surely. it's cliche but at first it really is about having that bit of control to go even a day without. that shows you that you can do it, however short at first

and then in time i won't lie you'll have moments of missing it but it's like. i know the trade off and i know it's not worth it slipping into that again because in the end it doesn't help. it's a coping mechanism and you have to either replace it with something healthier or whatever, or deal with what's making you use it. for me personally it was (and is) depression and anxiety and just shit life syndrome which aren't easy to just fix but i know drinking is gonna make all of that worse and i know better ways to deal with my feelings (could be anything for you, some people like journaling or therapy and neither of those did shit for me so. but you gotta find something)

sorry this got kinda long and rambling, and i don't know how much help it really is. i never felt like i needed outside help so i don't have any clue how that works but i've heard from others that groups like aa (maybe not aa specifically cause i've heard some weird stuff about them) can be really good for more insight and accountability but idk on a personal level

#anon #asks

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emetogirl · 1 year

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IRL story: I'm a physical therapist at an inpatient rehab facility, working mostly with the geriatric population. Patients come to us after hip surgery/falls/illness, etc. and we try to get them stronger so they can maximize their independence/mobility and return home. We have what we call "care conferences" with each of the patients' families where our director of rehab, the head nurse, the OT, myself, and sometimes an SLP all go over our recommendations for when they leave our facility.

All this to say, we were having one of these care conferences when I noticed my boss (the director of rehab, I'll call him Greg), push himself a little bit away from the table and wrap an arm around his stomach. I noticed immediately that his color was off, too, and he kept looking toward the doorway like he was calculating an exit.

No one else seemed to notice, so we kept giving our recommendations to the family. As the OT was going over her part, Greg hastily stood up his chair and said, "excuse me," and started making his way out of the conference room to the hallway, presumably to get to the bathrooms. He stopped at the doorframe, though, and kind of slid down to one knee. Later he told me he'd thought he was going to pass out.

Everyone else had caught on that something was wrong by this point, but I was way ahead of them. While they all started to ask Greg what was going on and if he was okay, I leapt up and grabbed the trashcan in the corner of the room and took it over to him. I was pretty sure I knew what was going to happen. He was green.

He threw up in the can instantly (I had to help him get his face mask off), and I felt so bad for him. Everyone made kind of a disgusted noise and I did my best to block him getting sick from everyone's view.

He was so embarrassed. He's a pretty young guy (we're the same age) and had only been the director of rehab for about two months. I could tell he was mortified that he got so publicly ill in front of his entire team and a patient's family. He kept apologizing even as he continued to throw up.

When he was through getting sick, I helped him stand up and walked him to his office where he could recover from the spectacle in private. He was in tears over what happened and I tried to reassure him that it was okay.

He threw up again after he tried some water I'd gotten him and I just kind of hovered awkwardly and patted his back.

It was definitely a weird, intimate, vulnerable interaction with my boss. But he was so gracious and thanked me profusely for helping him. I offered to drive him home (he only lives like 5 minutes away), but our SLP ended up doing it because she had finished seeing patients for the day and I still had a couple on my schedule.

Fast forward a couple of days, and lucky me must've caught his bug, just in time for the holidays, too. (This happened in December.) I woke up on Christmas Eve morning feeling SO nauseous and ended up spending my holiday camped out in the bathroom and throwing up like every 30 minutes. Landed myself in the hospital on Christmas Day to get fluids.

Good times all around.

Greg felt so bad that he got me sick that he went out and bought me flowers the day I returned to work. LOL. He's a pretty great boss.

OH MY GOD this one is my favorite one yet!!! Holy shit what a story, I feel so bad for both of you! I also work in healthcare and have a sort of similar story, this was the time that I was working in a mental health hospital, and me and the guy that were teching together were the only two people on the floor besides the nurse, so our patients really needed us. I could tell he wasn’t feeling well and he kept leaving the floor suddenly without telling me and then coming back, I assume bc he was getting sick or felt like he was gonna throw up. We were really good friends and so I just made him sit down and rest at the nurse’s station while I did rounds and everything. Once all our patients were asleep in their rooms I remember coming back to the nurses station and the poor thing was just sitting there with his eyes closed and I reached out and rubbed his back for a moment before I had to start my shitloads of paperwork for the night😂

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artistic-intrxvert · 1 year

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Hanako x Reader who’s just always smiling. Except you can’t actually tell by their eyes or something cuz they are empty or just staring. But one day, reader just stops smiling and basically ends up crying later on-

Hello hello! This prompt remined me of this one time i was made fun of for smiling in math class (i smiled a lot in that class bc i like math and i was generally happy to be at school that day) and it really just felt so familiar to me so it made it easier for me to write. ANYWAYS- I really liked how this one turned out and hope you enjoy!! <3 Made this a oneshot because I felt like it :D

Warnings: panic attacks, negative thoughts, at the end there's comfort from our ghost boi ^^

Proofread: yep!

Prompt: Hanako finding his S/O that always smiles upset

Usually you would say that your day was going good or at the bare minium okay. But today was just not good nor was it okay. You walked into school, excited and smiling as usual. But when you got to first bell, everyone was staring at you and people started whispering while pointing at you.

Now, you wondered what they could even be saying about you. You didn't get a bad score on a test, you didn't do something against the school rules, what could you have possibly done wrong? That's when you heard people start calling you names such as "weirdo" or "freak", followed by others saying how you always smiled and it creeped them out.

Ah, that's it..Now it all made sense. You smiling bothered some people. Why? You might never know. As the whispers continued, you couldn't keep your smile anymore. You stopped smiling and just held an emotionless expression. No matter how much you wanted to keep smiling, you couldn't! People then began to say that something was definitely wrong since you weren't smiling. What the hell is wrong with them? You sat there through all of your classes for the day with no expression trying to hold it all in while people whispered about you and by the time school was over, you just couldn't take it.

The bell rang and you took off. You decided against going to the old building since that was where Hanako and Nene were. So you settled down in one of the hallways that you often don't see people in and slowly fell to the floor, hugging your knees as tears threatened to spill from your pained eyes.

Why did it have to be you? Couldn't you just smile? What was so wrong with that? As you asked yourself these questions, you started crying to yourself, trying to be as quiet as physically possible. It felt like everyone hated you, to be honest. You just wanted to be yourself but no. Apparently that's not allowed in other people's books.

And what would people think if they found you like this? They'd probably think your pathetic or overdramatic. You just couldn't bring yourself to even think of that. Just remembering how they even looked at you made your tear ducts allow more and more tears to fall. It felt like everyone was against you. You are the odd one. Everyone else is normal, nobody else is this way. It's only you.

The voices of your negative thoughts grew louder, telling you that smiling as often as you do is weird and that it's not human. Everything felt like too much and your crying turned into a full on panic attack.

You had a hard time breathing and your brain was running thoughts at max speed. What if Nene saw you like this? Would she even want to be friends with you? Even if she did, what would Hanako think? He knew that you always smiled and would ask if you were alright to check on you. What if he didn't want to be with you anymore? Oh no, now you are thinking about different scenarios of Hanako breaking up with you.

You kept crying and kept hyperventilating asking yourself all of these questions with negative outcomes when all of sudden you felt arms around you. You tried to look up when whoever had their arms wrapped around you leaned your head into their chest. Your vision was too blurry with your tears that you couldn't make out who it was. You didn't care, you just wanted to be held.

You wrapped your arms around the person and let out all of your emotions, still shaking from your panic attack. The person let out a quiet hush as they began to rub their hand gently up and down your back to help calm you. It worked and you started to calm down. As you finally stopped having a panic attack, you lifted your head from their chest to see that it was Hanako.

You looked up at him with slight panic when he said, "It's okay, darling. I'm here now. You don't have to tell me what's wrong. I've got you." Hearing those words caused your eyes to tear up again. You hugged Hanako again, resting your head in his neck. He gently rubbed your back as he whispered things like, "I've got you," or "Everything's going to be okay..it's okay.."

Despite everything that has happened, after all of the negative things that have been said either by others or by your own thoughts, it was all okay in the end. As long as you had someone like Hanako, you felt safe. Hanako will always be there for you even when you think that he won't. He's not going to leave you, no matter what.

"I love you, dear," Hanako spoke in the softest tone. You pulled back from his neck, and said, "I love you too, Hanako." He smiled at you, and you returned the smile, knowing that everything was going to be okay.

WHEW THAT TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE- I am sorry if it was mostly angst!! This one really hit home for me and it just all felt so familiar and ended up writing what I felt it the past. I hope you enjoyed and hope you have a good rest for your day/night wherever you are!! <333

-artistic-intrxvert

#tbhk #tbhk x reader #jshk #jshk x reader #hanako kun x reader #hanako x reader

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pinkpastels113 · 19 days

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So like, what's the best thing your crush could have said while still turning you down? I'm flattered doesn't seem so bad to me

-with a smiley face and that she appreciates me saying that

and we are missing the bigger picture here. she led me on (attested to by many of my friends who knew about this) and was calling me pet names like "bae, babe, mi amor," and saying "i love you" (out of nowhere and like we do not hang out outside of work so like we are barely friends outside of being coworkers) and shit like that and just looking at me the way friends do not look at each other and just making me feel like she was kinda interested in me as well. she gets jealous whenever i talk about how someone else is attractive, especially men (im bi), said that im a catch, "a hottie in a hot bod" and literally follows me around everywhere i go. starts touching me more frequently as soon as she figured out that my love language is physical touch, started saying cute shit as soon as i told her it's right above words of affirmation. and mind you, she was not like that at all when i first met her or like that with anyone else, she was usually pretty quiet and kept to herself and doesnt share anything about herself outside of work.

but all of that can be pushed aside. i am not forcing/expecting and will never force/expect anyone to like me, especially after being on the receiving end of "confessions" and hearing them say "but why doesnt she like me???? im tall, fit, go to the gym, and do good in school" what made it bad was that she would tease me incessantly to the point of making me feel like shit, and think that im joking around all the time, that im pouting or whatever when i tell her point blank that im mad/sad/upset/that she's being mean, and that just because i smile at her (which she would literally wheedle out of me) or hug her (bc for some reason i would feel bad sometimes about being upset with her??? when it's my emotions??) i forgive her, when that is not the case. she would say im sorry sometimes, when she's seen that im pissed or she's hit a nerve, but in this weird voice and tone that implies that she's sorry that im mad/upset (bc when i am i am not as affectionate and "cute" or whatever, and my default mood at work is cheerful/friendly and she wants it back??) not of what she said. and there was a time i think where ive explained to her exactly why i wasnt my usual self too and she just... brushes it off?

so my mood/emotions would be literally up and down up and down like a damn roller coaster whenever we work together with her stupid teasing and pet names and "i love you so much's" and touching/loving words, and i would be so confused and sad over what was going on, and cry on the days that were bad. i obv didnt tell her why it affected me so much, bc that involved my crush on her, but just to a normal coworker/friend i feel like you should realize when's the time to stop, especially when i have flat out told you that im mad/sad/upset/that you're being mean or whatever. you know?

and there was no way that she didnt notice that i am not as affectionate and touchy and complimentary and stuff with my other coworkers compared to her.

and so in the response to my confession after that sentence of "im flattered" and that she appreciates me saying that ive fucking had a crush on her for a year and a half and had felt awful at work that day (a bad day in which i had originally planned to confess in-person), she asked me to tell her about what happened specifically that made me feel bad "so that (she) can move forward."

so yeah, in reply to your question anon, i think i was just hoping for a little bit of empathy.

#she also hadnt specifically said she doesnt like me that way which i personally feel like was needed for me to move on #she just... said im flattered #with a damn smiley face?? like she enjoyed the attention #but whatever lol im over it and its petty to hate someone over this #i just want to let out my feelings and move on now #wenz can talk #anon ask #and also for those ts fans out there too she’d absolutely trashed on her before i got SO pissed and she backed off

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anonanimal · 9 months

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ok we watched the barbie movie and i must be ovulating because the emotional levers were successfully pulled and i did cry but i was also mad part of the time.

i'd say i have a few thoughts and questions about the depiction of ruth handler lol but i haven't put it into succinct enough words yet

interesting they'd do the jokes about earring magic ken and growing up skipper and uh whatever pregnant midge was called and do a joke about ruth handler's...tax evasion? did she really do tax evasion? but they didn't touch on bild lilli. maybe they can't

sooo barbie is a god and mattel are her... stewards. lmao? what the fuck is gonna happen in barbieland if god is not in her heaven... whatever. just like in preacher when god goes missing (yes i watched part of the preacher amc series with my mother). i feel like the "barbie is a god, she is every barbie and every barbie is her" would have been the explicit focus of MY barbie movie (what can i say, i love a good story about a god becoming human, it's the christianity i've been steeped in) but they kind of don't do much with it

actually ruth handler = god, barbie = jesus?

ken becomes a ... men's (ken's) rights activist. lmao?

anyone else think the car chase was filmed like a car commercial. like weirdly obviously so? i feel like product placement has come farther than this

they want people to say it's a gay or trans allegory sooooo bad between the birkenstocks and the "you don't get permission, it's something you discover about yourself" they want it sooooo bad ok you win i'm saying it. but i know you wanted me to say it. you won fuck off!!!!!! or maybe i'm reaching because it's easy to read the emotional journey of coming out to yourself in a general coming of age tale. but come on. i'm not that smart so if i'm picking up on someone wanting me to think something, they probably do. the only way this movie could have been gay would have been if the weird barbies led a new society.

so was this their way of saying they're debuting a line of kens with jobs...?

i liked the comedy of 2001 monolith barbie and the barbieland physical comedy stuff. maybe i should have rolled my eyes but i'm easy. rollerblading executives also killed

i liked the little twist that barbie's crisis was precipitated by being played with, not by a maturing child, but her mother. kind of in line with how the movie itself is an ad for the barbie brand for adults. there's quite a few moments that i thought had to be intentional references to the function of the movie itself in the real world, and they all felt weird and bad, like someone screaming "let me out!!!!!" i've forgotten a lot of them now because i'm adding this bit in an edit the next day.

*guy who has only seen south park voice* getting a lot of imaginationland vibes from this

i kind of expected for there to be like a joke about allan being in unrequited love with ken but i now think there probably was in an earlier draft and it didn't mesh with the final product and they had to nix it. or like surely someone floated it at least

you know they tried to save it from being too much about ken by having someone literally say "what about barbie's ending?" and then doing barbie's ending but...it was still kind of more about ken i think. he did a dance number for christ's sake. i almost forgot that barbie got to dance too, but barbie's dance was also mostly about ken wanting her to notice him. "he's just ken" "kenergy" "i am kenough" come on. i think the biggest laugh in the theater was actually the kenough hoodie. biggest laugh for me personally? sasha saying, (and i'm paraphrasing of course bc i'm not bothering to look it up) "are you two shining?"

i got SO close to killing the mood when we walked out by saying "hey lets google mattel factory working conditions right now" but i decided that was too far / probably in poor taste for me to flippantly use in post-movie discussion

the feminism 101 stuff was whatever. it made sense within the setting of the movie since america ferrera as a human had to introduce ideas into barbieland for them to take hold, and ideas just kind of manifest whatever happens in barbieland, but i'm very surprised they didn't do a joke like "gee i wish it was this easy in the real world" like how did they miss that opportunity, it would have worked. or maybe they did and i missed it because i had my hater goggles on

sooo velveteen rabbit?

all in all, as a member of the moviegoing public, i guess i got what i wanted. an experience that left me with something to think and talk about.

p.s. this was, for me personally, an ad for ryan gosling. i didn't find him interesting until now. they really got me there.

p.p.s. obviously any criticism i have of the like existence of the barbie movie is hypocritical because i haven't said it about gundam (yet)

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saruin · 2 years

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Ace awareness week/day/month whatever is always kind of rough for me too (even though I’ve started feeling better about it) bcz I was on tumblr/Pinterest during THE aphobia wave and it quite honestly destroyed my ability to openly identify as ace, esp around other lgbtqia ppl. I still get sick and nervous thinking about it.

also fuck pacosims bc what if I want cc that looks like a single white man’s ugly apartment and I don’t want to give money for it?

I just want to start this off by saying the first part of this note made me sad but the second part made me laugh so thank you for this roller coaster of emotions anon💖

I'm sorry you had to go through something as ignorant as aphobia or even be in a space where it was allowed/around you. People are assholes and there's not much you can do to shut them up. I didn't even know it was a thing until I came to Tumblr. I've never been one to engage in social media, because of my anxiety it takes me a long time to feel comfortable to do anything really especially talk to people I don't know. Most of the time I refrain from sharing personal aspects about myself because people can be cruel and I've been disappointed way too many times in my life to allow somebody I don't even know to hurt my feelings.

It took most of my life for me to even identify the fact that I was asexual. And it's never been something that I've wanted to celebrate because I have always felt 'othered' by it. It was self-inflicted but at the same time it made me feel bad because I always thought there was something wrong with me. When all of my friends started to get boyfriends and wanting to have sex I always thought it was weird. Sure I was physically attracted to other people, even had a boyfriend or 2, but whenever the conversation steered towards me and them doing anything sexual I always 100% of the time ran away or broke up with them.

It is something I'm getting over and a part of myself that I have come to accept. Congrats to the both of us for the baby steps towards our true identity i guess.

Also pacosims is paywalling trash, don't support them.

#saruin answers

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ecosine · 1 year

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sylvas and kairii 69 teehee

thank u! i put under cut bc its long eheh

69. how would they describe their party members?

sylvas

aeon: sylvas was intimidated by aeon at first but found out how nice he was very quickly :) he considers them a friend although they don’t know eachother too too well yet, and intends to get to know him better (although realistically, under the pretense of research)

echo: scary not because he thinks she’s going to hurt or betray him or anything, but because she’s hard for him to read. he hasn’t met anyone who just says exactly what they’re thinking the way she does before, and he can never tell if it’s genuine or not.

áine: he just met her recently but already very much enjoys how laid-back they’ve been around him. another person who he was intimidated by at first but wants to get to know better! also making friends with her so fast was essential for his confidence after a series of intense social nerfs

ymira: right off the bat sylvas probably felt most welcomed by ymira! she’s kind of helping him understand that you don’t have to fake being nice all the time around friends lol. also thinks her flower game is so so epic and that she has a lot of swag.

thyme: sylvas also thinks thyme has a lot of swag. he holds a lot of importance in physical comforts like a comfy bed and a warm meal, so thymes cooking has made him feel very happy and welcomed. tho he thinks she is a little eccentric he feels a weird urge to get his approval

uo: babies first friend! uo makes him feel very safe and protected.i think there is a lot more to their dynamic than sylvas realizes; uo is so enigmatic as is its right and sylvas feels the need to understand everything about its motivations just to satisfy his own curiosity- which is academic in nature and therefore carries its own set of repercussions lol.

kairii

aelwyd: a friend that she wants to see survive. genuinely respects that aelwyd acts in self interest and is a little, just a little scared of her, only because they know she’s got a really powerful boss and know better than to mess around when it comes to that. trusts her to tell them the truth when it really matters. does not intend to get any more on her bad side than he already is.

aria: aria rubbed her the wrong way at first but i think became really loyal to her really quickly. she was a friend. no matter how suspicious she acted at the end of the day she helped the party and did her best to make them comfortable. he feels like he failed her hugely.

blank: kai also has a lot of respect for blank because they really empathize with them and know they’re capable of taking care of their self even if they don’t know who they are. genuinely terrified of the implication of having to come to blows with them because they know in their heart they can’t hurt him. blank knows some of the parts of kairii that she thinks are gross, and they still respect her, which he can’t really process.

chini: kai owes everything she knows about herself to chini. she’s more than a friend but they both know relationships don’t start this way. the thought of coming here and exposing them to this kind of mercenary work irked them enough and now he has, again, failed her hugely. she’s still chini, but they’re a different chini and it’s scary. :(

ira: ira is kind and genuine and makes kairii feel safe. to him she’s kind of like a little sunbeam and the fact that she has come so close to ceasing to exist over this is enough 2 make kairii start raging. she also looks up to her for sure, because she hasn’t really had a good role model in a long time

stras: stras is complicated to kairii. she’s coming to terms with the fact that they possess the same blind devotion and it’s almost unsettling. it wasnt until recently he realized that if they had met under different circumstances they probably would have been fast friends. they respect stras enough to be honest with him and are mad relieved that at least someone else has similar priorities.

#dnd #thank u i love to infodump about my little guys funny minds #syl #kai

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unethicalexperiments · 1 year

Text

idk how to really start this but like. my mental state is just so exhausting like im so tired of it. theres no reason i should be this volatile theres no reason i should react to situations the way i do. just last night i had a weird (not even that bad) interaction with a stranger and it pissed me off so much i tried to kill myself. i wasn't sad or embarrassed i was just so furious over it, because it was a 10 second interaction and i couldn't explain myself to the other person, and i was just so fucking angry i was ready to physically hurt the other person over it well after i walked away. and then once i got home i was so upset that i got that unreasonably angry over a nothing interaction. and its not like i even got angry while i was still with the other person! it wasnt until after i walked away! there were only two thoughts circling in my mind for about 30-60 minutes after (idk im so bad at keeping track of time) that were just "why do i react to things like this" and "i just want it to stop hurting" bc thats the worst of it it just hurts so much. i swear im in physical pain after having breakdowns like that i feel hollow in my chest and obviously i dont have to say anything else about how much it emotionally hurts. i just want it to stop hurting. is that really too much to ask for? to not be in so much pain for just a little while? i guess i still havent come to terms with the fact that im disabled, because i still think of being disabled as someone who uses aids, even though i know invisible disabilities are a thing. i dont see other peoples invisible disabilities as being invalid, just really my own, because i still feel like im high enough functioning that i shouldnt consider myself disabled. i dont use mobility aids yet i dont take pain medication yet so therefore the literal brain damage i have isnt bad enough, im still fine. i kind of got off track but thats also part of it i guess. another thing that really gets me is the fact that i actually do have bpd, i was diagnosed by an actual doctor at 17 and its still a more than valid diagnosis. i feel like im in this constant cycle of "i have to get better because i cant keep living like this" and "i have to get worse so everyone else can see what theyve done to me". like last night i literally had to sit down and reread the dsm chapter on bpd to remind myself this is why youre like this. you do have this diagnosis its real and it is a problem. my 30 minute episodes of actively trying to kill myself to be followed by watching tv or something and laughing as if none of that happened. i still cant fathom not living like this, not having to go through this every fucking day. and then on the other hand i had a great interaction today at my job that made me feel really good about what i do and proving the work that i do is actually helping the community around me. and i felt on top of the world for like an hour, i felt great! and then another thing at work happened where i proved myself/my team to be right about something! which was also great! and i got another half hour of happiness. and then i get home and im reminded of how alone i am, how i really have no one to do or share anything with anymore. which is partially my fault and partially not! im not gonna act like im the most pleasant person to be around or that im easy to deal with, but fuck, man, i try. and it always feels like no one else is trying. i cut my own hair for the first time a few weeks ago; it came out great! and had no one to tell about it.

and now im just staring at a wall over all of it. none of the bad stuff happened none of the good stuff happened. im gonna get violently angry later and im gonna be nearly euphoric later, its just another day. and i want to change i want to change my lifestyle so bad but how can i do that without any help. i spent years of my life begging for other people to help me and got ignored, which resulted in my disability. i tried so hard to fix it on my own but i couldnt! im not a doctor! and now ill never be because i couldnt finish my pre-med classes because of my disability! i feel like im constantly screaming at the top of my lungs and waving red flags shouting please for the love of god someone help me every day and every day nothing changes. they say you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but has anyone actually tried helping people before? youre telling me you cant problem solve? you cant find a different road to a solution, just because we cant take the easiest one? im sorry that its not easy for everyone else to help me, but how does anyone else think i feel?

but whatever. im fine now. i relived every emotion i went through while writing all that but im fine now. now that its all out there its all out there, out of my system. i dont care anymore. because it didnt matter. because it doesnt matter. none of it matters. it happened and its gonna happen again. ill go through these cycles again tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next month and the next year and so on. it is what it is i guess. but does it really have to be.

#talking to myself #content warning for like. borderline personality disorder. i guess.#this is just a wall of text bc i wont go back to therapy no one feel obligated to open or read this

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