#For once I am living up to my url because I have NOT slept
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just wanted to show up to say so fucking hilarious that dream is getting clowned on. His ass is grass
#For once I am living up to my url because I have NOT slept#Still hate dream tho bitch can get eaten by an alligator for all I care#insomniac ramblez#dream situation#dream critical
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post 1: my feelings about family thanksgiving
i've been racking my mind, looking for some way to get all my thoughts out. to get everything i've been keeping inside from eating me alive. i tried recording voice memos, which was very theraputic to say everything verbally and out loud. however, i was just too frustrated with how i couldn't stop crying, how high my voice is, how i kept getting distracted and loosing my train of thought, and how my living situation makes it impossible to sit down and record more.
i decided the best solution for this was just to make an old school blog to poor my heart out and get everything off my chest. a tell all for anyone who might stumble upon this blog. (which someone might due to my url being song lyrics[Miss. Swift is such a guilty pleasure, it's embarrassing. i'm so sorry]). i also apologize for any improper grammar, formatting, or punctuation, since i've never been the best at it all. i am trying, i promise.
when i tried the voice memos i really liked the episodic format, so i decided to keep this. now i'll hurry up and get into what i have to say.
at the time of writing this is nearly 12:30 am on monday but since i haven't slept yet, i'm counting it as sunday night. thursday was thanksgiving.
every thanksgiving my household visits my paternal grandparents house for thanksgiving. my paternal grandparents raised me and my brothers, which might seem fine, but they are extremely mentally, verbally and even physically abusive. this is a topic that will become reoccurring on this blog. around 2? 3? years ago, my grandmother started a new tradition where we talk about people we knew who passed and the impact they left on us. this could be a sweet and touching tradition to have, however, she purposefully uses this new tradition against me.
for context, when i was around 11 years old, a close friend of mine passed away. obviously, it impacted me greatly (but that could be it's own post some other day) and is something i've never properly processed, to the point i never even talk about it to my partner (i'll have to make a fun alias for them soon), and a lot of my personal triggers revolve around the summer the accident happened.
so every year, my grandmother starts her spiel about people who have passed to whoever this years guest is, then turning to me and insisting i "tell them all about your little friend". the first year this happened i ran to the bathroom in tears, she saw how it effected me. yet she continued on about private details involving the death of a 12 girl she never actually met. the second year she did this, i tried to play it off, but still hid in the bathroom to cry. this summer, the realization that thanksgiving was once again coming up hit me like a train, and i realized i can't let keep letting my family hurt me.
either late october or early november, i was spending time with my mother, which was a little unusual because i tend to not spend time with my relatives for reasons that will make more sense as i post more. she started going on and on about how she' s so glad that my brother is back (a future topic) and how we can have a nice family thanksgiving with everyone for the first time in years. that was when i informed her that if we were spending thanksgiving at my paternal grandparents' house, i would not be going. i explained why which caused me to cry and i hated it to much. i was so vulnerable. i can't afford to be vulnerable with my family. they're not the type of people you can be vulnerable with. i think this act of vulnerability gave my mother the impression that we had the type of mother-daughter relationship she always wanted (i'm a closeted trans man) and she seemed to want treat this vulnerability delicately. she often wasn't too kind with my few previous vulnerabilities. but she didn't say much about it.
i was then under the impression that i was safe, that i wouldn't be forced to walk right into the lions' den. only to discover that my parents visited my grandparents and brought up the problem. they wanted to make my grandmother promise to not bring it up again. i found this funny (in a ridiculous kind of way) since they would know more than anyone else that she isn't the type of person to correct mistakes and promise to stop doing things that hurt others. they should know more than anyone else that that woman puts her own convince over anyone else's well being or safety. she can't admit she's wrong or made a mistake. she's like a shark (i apologize to sharks for this analogy) and bringing up this concern was like pouring my blood in the water.
luckily my partner invited me to stay at their house during the holiday, and i did tell my mother i wasn't going. i thought they would understand. of all people, my parents would understand, right? thursday, my notifications kept going off with text message after text message asking where i was and insisting i be at my grandparents house before dinner was over. i silenced my phone and left them on read.
when i returned home, my mother was not happy. although she usually isn't when i get home normally. additionally, my brother "greeted" me at the door, which added an other layer of shittiness to it all. i just find it so frustrating that my whole family seems pissed off at me, when i explained my reasoning ahead of time, and just wanted to protect myself.
i've been writing for over an hour and i'm getting tired, so i should be heading to bed. especially since i have a paper due that i haven't even started.
i love you goodnight
- ghost
༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ
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by the way i continue for some reason to feel humiliated by the fact that i was like such a disgusting mess in the height of my addiction, just getting out of a long term relationship, i had just went to rehab for the first time ever, never had been sober before and i started hooking up with martin all of a sudden?? and i was like all dusty and disheveled and . I don’t even think i had sheets on my bed the first time he slept over i can’t even remember like. i was fully!!! a mess!!!! and then like i went on this weird bender and me and him drove all the way to sacramento, well he drove, so that we could get some mushrooms and we tripped together and i was going to AA for the first time and barely knew what a sponsor was and i had my first sponsor and i was a mess. i tried to stay sober but we kept hanging out and i knew he would smoke me out and i did actually like him and i wanted to get to know him but neither of us was really available for any of that and we had like a fake thing for a minute he even got a nickname from my roommate in sober living because i talked about him to her often enough. I don’t even know
then i kept being a mess and i got in that horrible relationship with adam
and then after i broke up with adam for the second or third time i immediately hit up martin and like. i was still so messy and like
hahahahah oh god now i’m remembering about that one time hahaha oh god Of course Lol. What ever
and then god in 2020 i can’t remember what i sent him but i KNOW i was snapchatting him while blacked out on research chemicals and sending unsolicited nudes?? and i think i sent him a bunch of really annoying emotional texts like i was awful
i don’t even know what to make of that whole thing. all it was really was like occasional friends with benefits i guess but i had a small crush on him so i felt stupid when i had to face that it was just sex and i went to my other ex’s house and accidentally cried on their couch about it and they told me not to feel bad . then i probably had sex with my ex after that i wouldn’t put it past me
dude i just. i wish i could have not been so just god damn out of touch with reality during those times idek
i always hope be never thinks about me lol!!!!!
every now and again though he’ll come on tumblr and like one of my posts and im like oh god please no
i think i may have blocked his tumblr actually because it was causing me so much stress seeing his url in my notes every once in a blue moon like ahhh!!!
god im sorry!!!!! if i didn’t block you and you ever see this i am soooo sorry you had to put up with me being like that. i know i texted you sorry on my way to rehab in 2020 but yeah this still haunts me
there’s few people i’ve been THAT messy around. like i am sorry
#it’s also a possibility i’m#mentally blowing this out of proportion. i mean i was bad but he and i only interacted so many times i guess so what did he really even see?#also it very well could be just as bad as i remember
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i got told I hated poor people by an anti, because I specifically am triggered by fundraising posts (im hyperempathetic, I think is the popular term) and have it on multiple different places(I have a byf, a DNI, an about me, a carrd, etc etc, I have literally everything because my anxiety is extreme. “If I have all these different things saying I’m against this and pro that, no one can say I lied to them” and while it’s not something that’s happened more than the once, it does make me feel better. so yeah) to please do not send them to me, no matter that I am a relatively decent sized blog (I. don’t want followers but I’m attached to my url so I’m stuck with all these people.) and like. I occasionally reblog a few to a sideblog when I’m mentally prepared for it. but it’s everywhere “don’t send me links to fundraisers, don’t ask for me to donate, I will block you if you ask me to boost your post about needing money for your cat”. i have an explanation pinned somewhere. I have a tag that I ask people to use if I follow someone who reblogs a lot. i have every damn tag and word that’s related to it that I can think of blocked. i have the censored versions blocked (v*nmo for example). Anywyas they were like. “You’re a bitch who hates poor people for existing, because you don’t want to boost posts for people who need money!!” And I’m just sitting here like. I’m from West Virginia, one of the poorest states in the usa. my parents don’t make over 15k a year. Ten dollars is a lot of money for me to get as a present-getting more is practically unheard of. We’re on food stamps. Everyone I know is on food stamps. even my “richer” aunt and uncle. yeah. they can afford cable but are still on food stamps. that’s how I measure wealth. The period of my life when my parents were financially at their best? it was measured by having a small used trampoline, and I got a new mattress. and my mom bought me some new books and a “fancy” Barbie. (Read : it had accessories and not just a dress on.) and my sisters got a couple new stuffed dolls from a yard sale. We got the clothing vouchers that West Virginia does for school children. We always have. I’ve never had school clothes that weren’t bought by a great aunt from Georgia who I don’t really know that well or paid for by the state of West Virginia. I’ve had play clothes and church clothes bought from yard sales, and hand me downs, but those aren’t school clothes. My lunches have always been free. My water and power? not always there. i lived in a house without running water or electricity for over six months. you think I hate poor people? I’m triggered by fundraising posts because I cannot help them and I’ve been in their situation before, most of the time. being homeless sucks. being hungry sucks. i get it. I’ve been there. I’ll likely be there again. I’ve lived in a tent before. I’ve slept in the floor and on couches and in recliners. For about half a year, I didn’t have my own fucking pillow-my mom, two of my sisters, and I slept in the same damn bed at the time. Ive lived so far in the sticks that it was an hour to get to any damn store, an hour and a half to get to a gas station and school. i recently moved to Ohio, and for the first time in my life I had a fucking lime! there’s so many grocery stores up here, and there’s so many different fruits! here there’s public transportation-not having a car is very inconvenient, but it doesn’t mean you have to walk for four hours just to buy a box of twinkies because that’s all the nearest store had and your kids are hungry and no one will deliver! i don’t hate poor people. i am a poor people. it’s just. so funny to me. that because I think that people should be allowed to read and write about their funny little gay brothers fucking or whatever it is that makes them happy and because I don’t want to be sent posts that upset me, that I somehow hate everyone who doesn’t make at least 450k a year. I’m sorry I went off like this, but antis are just. how do they live like This.
.
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~ 30 Questions Tag ~
I was tagged by @illictfuck thank you very much tumblr fiancé
1. Name/nickname: Breeze, Breezey, and Boo!
2. Star sign: Sagittarius
3. Height: 5'7
4. Birthday : December 9th
5. Favourite band: coming as no surprise to absolutely anyone, it's Måneskin
6. Time: 15:10 to 15:57. Yes it took me that long to do this. My favourite time is 21:12 though, because of the symmetry.
7. Favourite solo artist: probably Ashnikko! But I also love Princess Nokia, Caitlyn Scarlett, and Girli
8. Song stuck in your head: Morirò da re, and Torna a Casa
9. Last movie you watched: god I don't even know. According to Netlfix I started watching the Yin Yang Master but never finished it.
10. Free space!
11. Last show: currently in the middle of season one of the Gift. I am watching the English dub, I know I know, I usually watch with subtitles but I put it on to brush the dog and I can't focus on both at once.
12. When I created this blog: very good question, unfortunately time hasn't been real since about 2016 so I don't know the answer. Probably in the last year?
13. What I post: Måneskin! WLW stuff! Mostly I reblog things in this realm, but sometimes other interests slip in.
14. Last thing I googled: "moriro da re", to see which way the accent went on the ò
15. Other blogs: I think I have one I made when I was 15 and never used because I couldn't work the app out
16. Do I get asks? Sometimes! The lovely @bidet-and-legolas sometimes sends me nice little messages wishing me a good day and I love that so much
17. Why I chose my url: I have the same name on instagram! I'm a bit less active there at the moment because I'm mentally ill so I find it hard to keep up with things I care about 😂
18. Following: 172? (I looked and it's actually 171, sorry for lying to you all)
19. Followers: 69 😫😏
20. Average hours of sleep: that very much depends how you define sleep. Time spent in bed? 11 hours. Time spent trying to sleep? Anywhere between 10 and 6. Time slept? Pfft who knows. I'm better than I was since I did an insomnia course but I see every hour most nights.
21. Lucky number: I don't have one, but I usually say seven if someone asks me to pick a number, even if it isn't just between one and ten.
22. Instruments: oh man I am so unskilled. In school I tried recorder, clarinet, guitar, and keyboard, but I was never allowed to learn the flute which was my dream at the time, and none of them stuck.
23. What am I wearing: a stripy t shirt that is only allowed to be worn in the garden because it has two holes in that I earned, and denim shorts. It's warm today so I'm looking very British by rolling them up to get some sun!
24. Dream job: something I love! I like reading, editing, learning, and travel, so who knows! At the moment I'm hoping to stay in university forever!
25. Favourite food: the risotto my dad taught me to make! Except I add way more vegetables and don't put meat in it.
26. Tea or coffee? 😶 I'm a terrible Brit and I don't like either. I will drink iced tea and I love coffee flavoured chocolates?
27. Nationality: British! I'm from England.
28. Favourite song? Definitely depends on my mood and the situation! I like to play Dead Girl Walking when I'm getting ready to get in the shower, Grown Ups by :PM when I'm drying my hair, B.I.G by Caitlyn Scarlett when I'm cooking, etc.!
29. Last book I read: I'm still reading Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo
30. Top three fictional universes I would like to live in: I mostly read dystopia haha so not many of them? I'm also pretty sure that if I entered any supernatural universe I would still just be human so it would be like my current life but more dangerous. I would probably like to meet the characters from The Mortal Instruments series, from Shadow and Bone, and from a Discovery of Witches (books not TV)
I'm trying not to tag anyone already tagged but if @bidet-and-legolas @perfectlyunbiasedobservation and all of the supreme coven fancy doing this, that would be cool!
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tagged by @david-watts!!! thank you let’s have some fun >:)
name: Diana
nickname: call me whatever you want, but also don’t acknowledge me
gender: womanish
star sign: 🌟🛑
height: 5′6 and three quarters... but that’s bitchy so I say I’m 5′7
time: about 6 pm
favourite band: I like a lot but I’ll just take the L and say the Beatles. I also love like Blondie and the Stones and No Doubt and blah blah. Idk I haven’t been /as/ into music lately. My interest in music goes up and down. I like a lotta weird stuff. I don’t really have taste. I’ve been lapsing back into the kpop I loved as a teen lately though so feel free to tack on Super Junior and Seventeen.
favourite solo artist: Marianne Faithfull for the everything, also love Francoise Hardy and Sinead O’Connor and uh a bunch others. Donovan comes to mind... yeah.
song stuck in my head: I had SHINee - Sherlock stuck in my head but right now I’m playing Express Yourself by Madonna
last movie: uhhh before Christmas I was watching Susan Slept Here on TV w my dad... and I HATED it lol, turned it off halfway, if it has a better ending than middle that’s cool, don’t tell me about it
last television show: Malcolm in the Middle
when did I create this blog: August 2012 ._.
what did I last google: your mom
other blogs: @creatediana
do I get asks: Sometimes on here. Never on my poetry blog lol.
why I chose my URL: I’m a Britney scholar and a Shakespearean popstar
average hours of sleep: more than it feels like lol
lucky number: deux
instruments: can I say guitar if I haven’t taken mine out of its case since I was 18? It’s okay I don’t really miss it. I don’t have the time for it anymore and I don’t feel overly sad about it, I had a good run with it and it served me as much as it could as a hobby when I was younger. Sometimes when I say “I used to play guitar” people look at me with pity like “you can start again!” and I’m like that would be... literally a bore. I’ve moved on lol what is with this Chase Your Dreams Supremacy... not everything is a dream! Some things are good and fleeting and we do not want them back to re-experience joy we have transcended comfortably! Sorry that turned into a rant. I never think about playing music anymore.
what I am wearing: Jake from State Farm...
dream job: I would really love to be a translator of poetry and theater, I’m obsessed with the way art is attached to its language inextricably, and the task of equalizing it into another tongue is a task I find daunting and worthwhile.
dream trip: blaaaaah I just wanna go shopping again but like, safely. I can’t even think. I haven’t even thought about recreationally leaving my home in too long to be able to answer this question.
favourite food: anything I don’t have to cook.
favourite song: Idk but Is Ar Eirinn Ni N-Eosphainn Ce Hi by Mary O’Hara lives in my head when I think about peace and tranquility.
last book I read: Book book as in novel or just anything? I’ve been reading Ugly Music by Diannely Antigua, the Complete Poems of Anne Sexton and the Collected Poems of Frank O’Hara in the past day or two. But if you mean something with a /plot/ then I guess I’m in Act V of Richard III by Shakespeare. I’ve been reading that this whole month when I realized the only Shakespeare play I read in 2020 was King Lear as opposed to like, a lot more in 2018 when I first got the Riverside Shakespeare, and still a good number in 2019. If you mean the last time I read a novel, though... go fuck yourself. I’ve been reading The Professor by Charlotte Bronte on and off for over a year. Haven’t opened it once since like March. I can’t read novels bitch I have ADHD.
top 3 universes I want to live in: Buffyverse, because I wanna be a vampire, duh. I would also maybe like to live in A Midsummer Night’s Dream as a fairy... and. Hm. I wanna live in my dog Sandy’s head, she always seems to be at peace. She’s a sweet and beautiful old lady.
thank youuuuu!!! George!!! I’ll tag some other friends now :) @octopussy25 @sneez @szappan @mylittlehappy @buddyhollyscurls @beatlesgirlfab @sinnamonsam @pavlovers @nebylitsa @mypointremains @aliceic @mirrorball-moon
#anyone i forgot is also welcome to play!!!! tag me. i forget everyone all the time. i miss you all i love you all take care#tag#this was fun#i'll have you all know i'm listening to jesse mccartney now#it's the other guy from 2014... bc i'm a REAL FAN SO I KNOW THIS MASTERPIECE
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from this post.
The meaning behind my url: the ‘kth’ in ktheist stands for kim taehyung and ‘theist’ means someone who believes in god which just means kim taehyung is my lorde and savior amen.
A picture of me: i don’t feel like sharing pics at the moment. might change my mind in the future who knows i did it before (;
How many tattoos i have and what they are: none!
Last time i cried and why: i can’t remember but i usually cry when i found out i offended a close friend because i hate to be that offensive/hurtful person and end up keeping a distance from them so i won’t hurt them anymore
Piercings i have: none!
Favorite band: bts and blackpink
Biggest turn offs: when someone pushes/asks me to do something even though i said no the first time / i’ll do it later
Top 5 (insert subject): uh, like classes? ig English… and that’s it
Tattoos i want: none! i don’t like being in paineee
Biggest turn ons: when someone doesn’t rush me ehehe
Age: legal
Ideas of a perfect date: i can’t think of any at the moment, but in a way, i’m always on a date with myself and my perfect self date would be reading manhwa’s all day hehe
Life goal: to do no harm but take not shit
Piercings i want: none, i can’t stand paiNE
Relationship status: in love <3 with myself <3
Favorite movie: pride and prejudice 2005!
A fact about my life: i live in a rural area and got into a uni in one of the big cities. oh the irony.
Phobia: cars! driving! idk about you but driving is really taxing for me ):
Middle name: i’m good lol
Height: shorte
Are you a virgin? nah
What’s your shoe size? usually, i pick 37, i don’t know how long that’s supposed to be.
What’s your sexual orientation? confused but leaning towards diggity dong dong
Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? i don’t but only because they’re expensive lol
Someone you miss: min yoongi
What’s one thing you regret? my wasted potentials
First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: min yoongi <3
Favorite ice cream? mint and ain’t nobody can change my mind
One insecurity: accidentally saying something hurtful to a loved one.
What my last text message says: "nah i’m going in blind” to my friend when she asked if i’m preparing for tomorrow’s tutorial
Have you ever taken a picture naked? who has never?
Have you ever painted your room? yes!
Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? not yet
Have you ever slept naked? more like i can’t sleep with clothes on lol
Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? who has never?
Have you ever had a crush? yes, none of them work out and i end up with people whom i don’t really like at first but settled w bc ig i should grace them with my presence since they like me
Have you ever been dumped? yeah, i was lowkey glad it was over
Have you ever stole money from a friend? i mean i keep reminding my friends of the money they “owe” me ehehhehe
Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? guilty oof
Have you ever been in a fist fight? yes, shout out to my bro i might need some practice tho bc i’m a little rusty
Have you ever snuck out of your house? no, i used to storm out once lol bc i got so stressed out lol
Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? um, twice in my lifetime, i was so blinded by A’s face but a few months after i stopped talking to them, i realized my back hurt from carrying the conversation and B was cute but he was lowkey mean ):
Have you ever been arrested? nope!
Have you ever made out with a stranger? yes lol
Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yeah, the movies
Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? yes but i should’ve told them where i was going - i was that kid with poor communication skills
Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? uh, ig? not really? idk.
Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? YES like hangout with friends
Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? if it’s just your normal kind of sleeping then yes, not a fan of sharing beds tho lol
Have you ever seen someone die? no
Have you ever been on a plane? yess
Have you ever kissed a picture? i’m pretty sure i have
Have you ever slept in until 3? LOL AM OR PM
Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now? i have loved someone (maybe? idk i liked them bc they like me lol) and i don’t miss anyone rn
Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES
Have you ever made a snow angel? no it doesn’t snow here ):
Have you ever played dress up? yes!!
Have you ever cheated while playing a game? ehehe who’s never?
Have you ever been lonely? a lot
Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? yes lol
Have you ever been to a club? no but i wanna try going but w the pandemic going on ig i’m probably never gonna lol
Have you ever felt an earthquake? no
Have you ever touched a snake? no
Have you ever ran a red light? guilty
Have you ever been suspended from school? no hehe
Have you ever had detention? we didn’t have the detention system where i lived so no!
Have you ever been in a car accident? yes ):
Have you ever hated the way you look? yes ):
Have you ever witnessed a crime? yessss the crime of… being so gosh darn cuTE
Have you ever pole danced? no
Have you ever been lost? ngl lie i’ve been clueless about where i’m heading since day one
Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? i was about to say yes but then i don’t even know what state is the opposite side of the country so
Have you ever felt like dying? yes
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? yes
Have you ever sang karaoke? no
Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yes this bitch a hypocrite
Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? just ONCE
Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? no but be fun if that happened (older i mean)
Have you ever kissed in the rain? no
Have you ever sang in the shower? yesss
Have you ever made out in a park? uh yes it was like past 11pm and nobody was around
Have you ever dream that you married someone? yea the dude was cute but i remember feeling like i wanna escape the whole “married for life” situation lol
Have you ever glued your hand to something? no
Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? also no
Have you ever gone to school partially naked? sis i wear a hijab
Have you ever been a cheerleader? sis i wear a hijab 2.0
Have you ever sat on a roof top? yes!
Have you ever brushed your teeth? omg how did you know?
Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes i can never finish a scary movie on my own ):
Have you ever played chicken? no
Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no but i’ve jumped into a pull with my clothes on
Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? yea it was nice at that time but now, i’m like what makes a stranger think i’m interested in what they think about me lol
Have you ever broken a bone? no
Have you ever been easily amused? yes lol
Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yess aaaaa the good old days
Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? isn’t that sexual harassment?
Have you ever cheated on a test? LOL what’s the point of not cheating if you have every means to cheat?
Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? all the time honestly my brain is a shite dump of all the useless infos but never the important ones like names or if i already talked about something with a certain person and then i’ll end up asking them again about that topic (excitedly at that)
Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? i haven’t met min yoongi but yeah, there are some pretty and elegant girlies that make me go :o
Give us one thing about you that no one knows. is it supposed to be deep because ig no one knows but i’m currently hungry
#cara the clown#as per usual i'll delete once i get tired of seeing this on my blog#yay for oversharing
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Tag games x 283129
Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)
Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!
Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))
Alright, here we go:
1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3
I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!
///
2) “Get to know me” tag
Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3
Name: Cloud
Birthday: sometime in november
Zodiac Sign: scorpio
Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)
Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes
Favorite colors: black, red and teal
Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o
Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode
Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂
Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂
Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries
Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂
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3) Ten songs playlist tag
Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3
Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.
Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:
art-i-ficial by x-ray spex
sunny afternoon by the kinks
desire lines by lush
paper cuts by incubus
pure love by hayley williams
spirit by bauhaus
no one knows by screaming trees
let’s love by suho
all we need is a dream by cheap trick
cosmonauts by fiona apple
bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)
I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂
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4) “Core aesthetic” tag
Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3
rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up
i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂
ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications
ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!
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5)
Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3
rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.
if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂
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6) “bold what applies” tag
Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3
rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people
- Appearance
I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards
- Hobbies and interests
I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand
Relationships
I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online
- Aesthetic
I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season
- Miscellaneous
I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs
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my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;
7)
Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3
How old are you?: 24
Surgeries?: one
Tattoos?: none yet ://
Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂
Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂
Ice skated?: nope
Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope
Ridden in an ambulance?: nope
Skipped school?: a handful of times
Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours
Broken bones?: nope
Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂
Last text from?: my mom
Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi
Favorite pie?: haven’t had one
Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper
Favorite season?: autumn
Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive
Favorite color?: black, red and teal
Sunset or sunrise?: both!
Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?
Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?
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8) “find your match” tag game
Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point
Rules:
Take the test
Reblog this post with what type you got
Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!
I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)
Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.
that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!
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9) “get to know me tag”
Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3
nickname: cloud
zodiac: scorpio
height: 5′4″ / 1.65
last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet
last thing I googled: block site extension
favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode
song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy
other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing
amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8)
lucky numbers: don’t think i have one
dream job: whatever gives me stability
what am I wearing: pajamas
favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian
language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c
can I play an instrument: nope
favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8)
random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason
describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????
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MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS?????????
10)
Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face
Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.
AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me
FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing
WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words
EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life
AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally
Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂
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if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!
Stay safe everyone :D
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come through (‘cause I just want to be with you) - chapter two
story summary: Dan is half-angel half-demon whose parents sent him to earth to try and live a normal life when he turned 18. In doing this, he lost any power he had, if proven he could live among them normally. The only rule? He couldn’t fall in love with a mortal. Fast forward 5 years later, just before his 23rd birthday, when things go downhill once he meets a barista in a coffee shop who he befriends and falls for.
story word count: 2759
rating: teen & up audiences
warnings: profanity
song of the chapter: black sun - death cab for cutie
note: i know this is late but in my defense i'm gay and i can't count. i hope you enjoy this chapter!! also on another note isn’t the new tumblr font just terrible
link to ao3 | link to first chapter on tumblr
Chapter Two: how could something so fair (be so cruel)
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Dan groaned, slamming the button on his alarm to stop the blaring noise. His bleary eyes squinted at the clock.
“11. That’s okay,” he muttered, hiding under his blankets to stop the persistent pain in his stomach, as if his body was reminding him he should be somewhere.
He suddenly rose from the covers.
“10. Lecture. Fuck.”
He leapt up, clearing his blurry thoughts from his mind, and ran to the bathroom, shoving a bottle of Listerine down his throat. Choking with disgust, he grabbed the first clothes on the floor to throw on, and sprinted out the door, black Muse tote bag stumbling out of his careless hands. Barely catching his breath, he staggered into the lecture room one hour and forty-five minutes late, seemingly unnoticed. He slipped into the back seat, laying out his notebook, pencil case and laptop.
“Rough morning, huh?” Chris whispered.
“It was actually a very good morning, until I woke up and realised I was one hour late for the lecture,” Dan whispered back.
Chris sniggered. “I’ll bet.”
Chris was one of the very few humans who Dan could talk to without seeming like a fool, mostly because Chris was very rather odd himself. Most people in his philosophy class were aesthetic, intelligent and very pretentious, but Chris made sure he was never two of those things at once. He was the person who introduced him to most of the human things he likes now, and has unknowingly helped Dan slip into human society very well.
Dan glanced at Chris’ notes. “Anything important?”
“It’s a philosophy class. Nothing is important, Dan,” Chris said. “I’ll give you the notes after, asshole.”
“Rude. Exam’s on Monday, right?” Dan said.
“Yeah, and the hand-in essay’s due before 12pm Wednesday.”
Dan sighed. “Well, fuck. I better listen.”
Chris wriggled closer to Dan, assuming his tea-spilling posture. “Have you-”
“Shut up!” Dan hissed.
Chris rolled his eyes, slouching back into the chair, and resumed his note-taking for the last fifteen minutes of class before they were dismissed.
“Oh, hurry up. I have something to show you,” Chris said.
“I haven’t had my morning coffee yet, please cut me some slack.” Dan yawned, slowly placing his items in his tote bag.
“That’s what I was going to show you,” Chris replied. “Hurry up!”
Dan finally finished putting his stationery away, and shoved his pencil in his pocket approximately five minutes later, after around one hundred carefully-crafted insults from Chris. “I’m done, what do you want to show me?”
“I have found the best coffee shop in the entirety of London,” Chris announced, heading out of the lecture room. Dan raised his eyebrows.
“I highly doubt that,” Dan said.
“Okay, maybe it’s not the best. But the baristas?” Chris blew a kiss into the air.
Dan shook his head, disappointed. “Chris, what did I say about objectifying people?”
“Please, come. It’s called ‘Never Gonna Give Brew Up’,” Chris said, looking at Dan expectantly. Dan stared back, expressionless.
“You know, like Never Gonna Give You Up?” Chris hinted.
“Yes, I understand the joke. You keep sending me links to the music video.”
Chris laughed. “Wait, you actually click on them?”
Dan scoffed. “Of course not. I memorized the several URLs you’ve sent so I recognise it straight away. I also tend to distrust every link you send.”
“As you should. Anyway, I am begging you to come. There’s one especially cute boy who I know works today, and I also know he’s very single. His name is Jack, and he is absolutely adorable.”
Dan continued walking, making no response.
“Dan. You’re single, sad, very gay and very lonely. Just ask him out, go on a date, see how it is,” Chris begged.
Dan snorted. “Like your love life is perfect.”
“Hey, I may not have a long-term partner, but at least I’m going on dates and meeting up with people. In all the four years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you go on a single date unprompted.”
Dan shrugged. “Haven’t found the right guy.”
“Come on. Just come to the coffee shop, at least,” Chris pleaded.
“Fine,” Dan said, deciding to humour Chris. “I’ll meet the barista.”
---
Jack the barista was, in fact, very hot, just like Chris stated. They were definitely not the first people to notice that. There was a whole clump of people in the cafe hovering around him, eager for him to give them a chance, or a glance. It was ridiculous.
“This is ridiculous,” Dan muttered, turning to leave. “I’m going to get out of here.”
Chris grabbed his arm. “I’m not letting you leave, Howell.”
Dan groaned as Chris pushed him back in the line and started ordering the food.
“I didn’t come here to ogle at the resident hoe,” Dan whispered violently in his ear. “I am leaving.”
“What did you just call me?”
Dan froze, and looked to the unfamiliar voice that came from in front of him.
“Resident hoe. Don’t take it personally. I’m sure you’re a lovely person, I’m just lashing out and name-calling because my friend here is trying to set me up with you. I apologise.”
Jack smirked in amusement. “At least let the resident hoe get you some coffee. You look like you haven’t slept in years.”
“Probably because I haven’t,” Dan admitted. “And not in a sexy way.”
Jack snorted, and handed Dan a drink. “I think this coffee has the most caffeine which you can possibly stuff in a drink.”
“Sorry for calling you the resident hoe,” Dan said, turning to go.
“Well, if you want to make a full apology, I’ll be here tonight as well,” Jack said. “Opening hours till midnight.”
Dan grinned. “I’ll think about it.”
---
“I cannot believe you won him over by calling him a resident hoe,” Chris said, as they were leaving the cafe.
“What were you picturing?” Dan asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
Chris shrugged. “I don’t know. Not that. But hey, it worked! And you have another chance to actually talk to him tonight. You are going back there tonight, right?”
Dan clicked his tongue. “I’m thinking about it.”
“You better go,” Chris warned. “He literally invited you back to the cafe. You’re not gonna get that chance again.”
Dan glanced at his watch. “Well, I have approximately twelve whole hours to think about whether I should go back to the cafe to call Jack names, so that’s plenty of time to think. That’s philosophy, right? Thinking about stuff.”
Chris sighed. “Yeah. You should probably head to the library to revise right now.”
---
Dan looked up helplessly at his blank word document. He had been in the library for three whole hours, yet he had written absolutely nothing. He stared at the blinding white of his screen, mind completely empty. Frankly, he was incredibly amazed at his brain for managing to not have a single thought yet also have too many thoughts. Slowly and helplessly, he began to type random things that came to his brain.
Are immortal people allowed to fall in love with human beings?
Dan paused, then pressed the enter button.
No.
why?
because theyll probably find out?? that you’re a demon angel fuckin thing whatever also theyll die before u and thats like sad idk yeah
Dan sighed. A+ essay right there.
The thing is, he kind of really wanted to go on that date with Jack. He seemed like a nice guy. It would be kind of fun. Besides, it would really shut Chris up and he wouldn’t pester him for a few months.
It wasn’t like he was going to marry Jack, after all. Like, he was pretty much the resident hoe.
Dan sighed deeply.
But if an immortal person went to a cafe with the possibility of going out with someone who was not going to be a potential future partner, would that be wrong?
After a long pause, Dan began to type again.
No.
And with that, he gave up on his essay, packed up his bags and left the library.
---
Surprisingly, Never Gonna Give Brew Up was still open, and very brightly lit. Dan didn’t really know why he was surprised. He was told that it closed at midnight, after all. But still, he didn’t normally associate open cafes with dark evenings. He swung the door open and stepped inside with a wide grin.
“Hey J-” Dan paused. “You’re not Jack.”
The barista at the counter looked up from his screen with a smirk. “Astute observation.”
Dan stepped carefully in the cafe, closing the door behind him to make sure it didn’t slam. The barista was watching him carefully, smirk still planted on his irritatingly handsome face. Dan was seriously beginning to think the only qualification for applying to this cafe was to be good-looking.
“Well. This is awkward,” Dan said.
The barista shrugged. “For you, maybe. For me, this is rather entertaining. Tell me, what service were you wanting from Jack? I’m guessing it’s not coffee.”
Dan snorted. “Well, it’s a long story.”
“Is it?” the barista said, raising an eyebrow.
Dan thought over it. “Not really. I called him the resident hoe and I came here to apologise slash ask him out. That’s pretty much it.”
“I’m sorry for cockblocking you. I’ll give you free coffee to make up for it,” the barista offered.
“Thanks, I could use that actually. I have an exam I haven’t studied for and a hand-in essay I haven’t begun coming up in the next few days, so I’m guessing I’m not going to be getting a lot of sleep for a while.” Dan said.
“You already look like you haven’t gotten a lot of sleep in a while,” the barista pointed out.
Dan chuckled joylessly. “Thanks, everyone says that to me when I meet them.”
“I mean, I also haven’t been getting a lot of sleep. And no offense to your Jack, but it’s kind of because of him.”
“Oh yeah? Give me the tea,” Dan said. Then he frowned. “Or the coffee. I don’t know whether you do make tea here.”
“I’ll give you the tea and the coffee,” the barista joked, grabbing a cup to start making Dan’s drink. “It’s not really that interesting tea, though. I just have to keep on doing Jack’s shifts because he always says he’s busy last minute. He’s such an asshole. Probably did you a favour with the cockblock, mate.”
“Damn. Thanks for that, I guess,” Dan said, and the barista laughed, giving Dan an odd warm fuzzy feeling inside. Before he could fully process what that was, the barista handed him the drink.
“Here,” he said, and Dan took a sip, pleasantly surprised.
“I have to say, this is a lot better than the one Jack gave me,” Dan commented.
“Of course it is. Jack’s shit at making coffee,” the barista said.
Dan laughed. “Yeah, it was kind of nasty.”
“You should probably get to that essay soon, though,” the barista said, and Dan suddenly realised he may have overstayed his welcome. He cleared his throat.
“Yeah, probably should. Thanks for the free coffee,” Dan said.
The barista smiled. “Yeah, it was no problem.”
“I didn’t catch your name, by the way.”
“Phil. And you are?”
“Dan.”
“Dan,” Phil said, like he was trying the name out for the first time. “Nice to meet you, Dan.”
“Nice to meet you too, Phil,” Dan said, and left happier than he’d felt in weeks.
#dan howell#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#amazingphil#phil lester#philip lester#chris kendall#crabstickz#fics#fanfiction#fanfics#phanfics#phanfiction#demon-angel au#fluff#angst#slow burn#forbidden love#emilee.writings.exe
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y’all thought I forgot about this one
a good (3) of you really wanted this meta and well. It’s been like. Four years? Anyways.
‘Stolen Dance’ was on the radio today and it makes me think of Klaus and Care, because I get it mixed up with ‘Dangerous’ and that’s my song for them. Also, Stolen Dance has a line that I THOUGHT was ‘Stolen Paradise’ and it’s ACTUALLY ‘stoned in paradise’ so I USED to get K/C vibes from that. Anyways. Whenever I think of that ship I think of @hairzier, and I remembered that I had given her a teaser of this meta a while back. Before I got home, I had FINALLY constructed a thesis (wow amy what a nerd) for this analysis that I’d tried to write FOREVER ago, but it didn’t have a central focus and it was way too bogged down with me trying to find one as I went along.
Don’t know what the hell I’m talking about?
The meta is this: Klaus as an artist + Klaus’ relationships with three featured women in his life circa 2010′s. If you came to the fandom late or haven’t ever seen my username, hi, I used to write a ton of TO meta, I Don’t Do Ships Really At All For It. At least, not the ‘big’ ones. I digress. Just -- don’t expect me to bash or gush over any ship, I’m gonna compliment and critique them all. Please avoid or read on accordingly <3
Caroline: The Art
I tried to find my write-up for Sahar from ages ago, because it was clear and concise and exactly what I intended. Oh well. Once more.
Shippers and Antis pretty much love it and hate it for the same reason: Klaus is so different around her. Well, that and it’s either empowering for Caroline or abusive. Depends on perspective. I am firmly in the camp that every relationship in Klaus’ life during this time period is abusive in some way. What he does to Caroline is particularly messed up, but also particularly kind, in turns. The lightness and puppy-love-ness of Klaus around her was so jarring, is so jarring, because he doesn’t display that behavior for anyone else. He allows himself to be foolishly partial to her, but he also seems to only have selective guilt for the horrors he subjects her to. As a viewer who will bend over backwards to create complexity rather than label something ‘bad writing’, I found that Klaus’ relationships, especially with women, especially with Caroline, are steeped in his relationship with art.
To Klaus, Caroline is an exquisite work of living art. Pleasing to the eye, challenging to his thoughts, but benign -- safe, and static. More than wanting to ‘own’ her, though, I believe he wants to join her. Make himself into something that compliments her colors and her lines, because the experience of interacting with art is one of the purest joys Klaus knows. In this way, he intimately analyzes her life and feelings, he inserts himself into her narrative, he plays a part that he enjoys -- maybe one, at times, he truly wishes was not a performance. In this way, he adores her, he respects her, but not really as a person, and certainly not as an equal. He values every moment with her, treasures it; lets himself get drunk on it. She’s the Mona Lisa, living, breathing, and bold enough to insult him to his face. When she breaks the frame he makes for her -- when she really challenges him in ways only a person can -- he can only retreat, and lash out.
And ask for forgiveness with acts of kindness, or material value (he even, incredibly, uses his art to soften her to him, on more than one occasion) -- trying to shift her attention as if she can forget his abuses. In all: he wants her to enrich his life, not change it.
Hayley: The Clay
(Or the canvas, or materials, or what have you.)
One of Hayley’s first scenes with Klaus sets her up as a direct foil to Caroline:
Klaus: Painting is a metaphor for control. Every choice is mine-- the canvas, the color. As a child, I had neither a sense of the world nor my place in it, but art taught me that one's vision can be achieved with sheer force of will. The same is true of life, provided one refuses to let anything stand in one's way.
Hayley: So this is your thing-- show a girl a few mediocre paintings, whine about your childhood, and I swoon and spill all my dirty secrets?
Hayley doesn’t want to see him as a person. Klaus doesn’t really want to see her as a person, either. Eventually, he learns that he has to respect her as a mother, at least, or he will not deserve his daughter. Eventually, he learns to see her as family. But at the core, and I don’t think he ever loses this -- he sees Hayley as his work-in-progress. Potential. Not only to be a strong ally, but to be -- just maybe -- an equal.
Which is annoying for him, because she also happens to be the only person he cannot reliably control, or predict. His only choice is to try to shape her into someone that he can work with. That someone is himself, mostly, but with some key improvements. His tone with her is so often instructive, mentor-ly, a thin veneer above his need for her to be someone he doesn’t have to worry about, damn it! He can understand her so why can’t he control her!
This kicks into gear, mostly, after Hayley’s transformation. She estranges herself from Elijah, somewhat, and Klaus does not interfere with her spiral into blood and rage because it’s part of the process. He sees himself in her, but not like he saw himself in Marcel. His perspective on Marcel was so tied to fatherhood that he was trying to raise a young Klaus, while in Hayley’s case, he is trying to sculpt her in his image.
His advice on how to deal with rage, vengeance, and wildness is sincere and from personal experience. His advice on what to do about love? Well, certainly stay with Elijah while it’s convenient for me, but don’t let love blind you to what you need. What we need. What I need. Don’t tell Jackson you slept with my brother -- honesty won’t keep this vital political alliance strong. Don’t forget you’re one of us now. It’s what I would do.
I guess you could even say that Hayley, while pregnant, was a very different kind of work-in-progress for Klaus that made it near-impossible for him to see her as anything but a thing meant to be changed or cause change. Art, unfinished, and his.
Camille: The Critic
All of these relationships are unique and powerful in their own ways. I admit I’m partial to the poetry of this one, the radicalness of this one, but again, I don’t really ship it as a romance? Maybe I do, now that I’ve had time away from it, but I don’t ‘stan’ it as ‘otp’.
This one is obvious. Their ‘art’ scene is straightforward, and kind of cliche. A woman watches a street artist fill a huge canvas. Another passerby notices, and stops to ask her what she thinks. She floors him with her response -- so insightful, so bold, and so compassionate. The clever bartender that Marcel has a crush on just so happens to be a psychologist -- and, he learns later, with a particular, personal empathy for violent and cruel offenders.
He feels a unique desire to be seen by her, and to be considered by her, in his entirety. Not that he does not want to control what she knows -- obviously -- but that he does not want to put on a single, convenient mask with her to accomplish his ends. He wants to be known, and he wants to know what she thinks of him.
Again, he does not want any of this to touch him, or change him, really. He begins his Gallery Of Self not by making a therapy appointment but by ‘hiring’ (forcing) her to transcribe his biography (and making her forget everything she knows the moment she leaves his sight). This is safe, and it lets him bring out the masks and the goals and the good and the ugly of him and air them for her reaction. Will he, too, be worthy of empathy?
Yes. But he’s also worthy of critique. Eventually, he takes baby steps to allowing her to impact his life (to varying degrees throughout all seasons that, in my opinion, make for a shamefully circular set of arcs on the writers’ parts. The point is I saw where they were trying to go with it, and letting Drama of the Week get in the way). Eventually, he makes real appointments. Tells himself he needs to change, somewhat, for Hope’s sake.
And Camille is the kind of strong, confident woman he can imagine Hope to someday resemble. He wants his daughter to be free from the cycles of Mikaelson abuse, and he wants her to know goodness and have no reason to be evil. And if he is to do that, and if he is to know that Hope, then someone like Camille should be able to look at him and deem him capable. Worthy. Warts and all. He’ll spend time with her because he likes her, because he’s attracted to the beauty in her heart (like Caroline!) -- but he opens himself to her scrutiny because for once in his life he knows he has to change for the better. He knows he has to get help, and, well, the clever bartender seemed to fall into his life at exactly the right time to take in all of his decades and all of his deeds -- piece by piece, movement by movement, style by style, and understand them. Critique them. Maybe with that in mind he can make himself into a work that he can one day show to Hope.
With that in mind, I can’t help but have a soft spot for those cheesy lines from the very first episode.
Klaus: Do you paint?
Cami: No, but I admire. Every artist has a story, you know.
Klaus: And what do you suppose his story is?
Cami: He's...angry. Dark. Doesn't feel safe and doesn't know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He's lost. Alone.
Cami: Or maybe he just drank too much tonight. Sorry. Overzealous Psych major.
Klaus: No. I think you were probably right the first time.
@florafaunaandeldritchhorrors @ptonkin @furrydolphin @jungshoook (DID YOU ABANDON THE KLEBEKAH URL REDIRECT????? MOM??????!?!!?!??!?!??!?!!?!!?!??! I JUST CHECKED AND IT’S NOT THERE ANYMORE???? I NEED TO *MOURN* AND YOU JUST DIDN’T *TELL* US??!)
#art in the originals is the ship I stan#anamysis#WOW GUYS LOOK I ACTUALLY DID IT#i could probably add in Aurora to this but hey give me like 2 years okay#no tags this is Special Edition Members Only Content#i wrote this in 1 hour and i've been sitting on this concept for...............longtime#granted the original version would have had a TON more line-by-line analysis but HEY you GET WHAT YOU GET#i seriously didn't realize the Cami section is longer I promise it's not some sort of Sign#it's just I was trying to write this fast and 1. couldn't remember specific Hayley scenes to reference#and 2. I pretty much copy/pasted a lot of my Cami & Hope meta discussions wholesale into this one soooooo more to work with more to write#and 3. I already wrote the caroline one like two other times before this and I kind of felt like I hit the stuff I Really Cared About#in not a lot of words
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I’m tagging myself from @brawltogethernow‘s post, because I love these things and they said anybody could. Hi, Brawl! Thank you!
Name: Alexis
Nicknames: On very special occasions I still get ‘senior’, but really the closest thing I’ve got to a nickname is just my last name, which I feel cannot count by definition, as the term ‘nickname’ comes from the Old English ‘eke’ meaning ‘also’, rather than the lesser known ‘eke’ which means ‘raised by cops’
Gender: No matter how many times I tell my brothers I’m a fine Southern lady they never believe me, but it’s true. I am a being of grace and beauty
Star Sign: Libra
Current Time: Three-thirty of the A.M. and I regret no things
Favorite Artists: Ivan Aivazovsky, John Atkinson Grimshaw, Erin Hanson, Ulla Thynell
Song Stuck In My Head: “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2
Last Movie I Saw: Frozen 2! Roughly once a year I go through a list of movies that came out in the previous year and (ahem, responsibly purchase) all the ones that look interesting, so that’s what I’ve been doing for the last thirty-six-ish hours. Counting chronologically backwards from Frozen 2, I also watched Knives Out, Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase, Stuck, and the animated Addams Family movie today.
Last Thing I Googled: Erin Hanson, because I wasn’t sure I had the right name, but I do. Before that I looked up the imdb for Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase, because there’s like six faces I swear I recognize there, but nothing on any of their imdb acting histories looks familiar, so who knows. (also turns out I should've been googling Aivazovsky instead, because wow did I get that name wrong)
Other Blogs: inthisdarkdesert is where I put all my inspo stuff, and characterkiddiepools is theoretically where I put my story stuff, except for how I do not currently put my story stuff any place that can be traced back to me. It’s a work in progress.
Do I Get Asks: Not hugely often but oh, I treasure them when they come in.
Reason For URL: It’s a portmanteau and I thought it sounded nice. My relationship with the Hobbit movies is fraught, but I purely love the books, and my cat who is my beloved child and also my honored sovereign is named Thorin
Following: 280
Average Sleep: Some! I sleep a nonzero amount and that is what is important. For instance, today I slept three times! I cannot disclose how long the times were, but they happened and that’s what matters.
Lucky Number: 25
Currently Wearing: Soft blue pajama pants with dachshunds on that say “I looong for you” and a soft blue t-shirt with Grumpy from Snow White on that says “I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong” (I had to call my brother in to read my shirt to me)
Dream Job: I run a bed and breakfast (but with enough money that I can kick people out if they aren’t polite) and I get to feed people for a living, and also have a nice garden and a big library and lots of comfy furniture for a living, and people come and go and they all tell me new stories and I get to tell them all stories, and everyone pets my cat and says how handsome he is.
Dream Trip: I keep saying this but it’s never not true: I don’t care where I go but I want to see my friends.
Favorite Food: Probably creamed spinach, but maybe macaroni and cheese, or jambalaya, or rare beef and blue cheese.
Instruments: I can make many instruments make a vaguely correct sound, but no instruments make a music.
Favorite Song: No such thing! I am tremendously bad at choosing favorites, but the last song I played was “Hope on Fire” by Vienna Teng, and the last song I sang by myself was “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor
Tag other people: @alwaysboth, @uswe , @nikkifromtabs, @piratefalls, @lynne-monstr, anybody who wants to play? I know who I normally tag, but I don’t know who of my followers really enjoys being tagged--anybody who wants to do the thing, please do, and maybe I can add you to the list!
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okay here goes, tagged by @ratboyloki (thanks, im bored).
rules : spell your url with song titles (oh no) and tag 10 people.
m: mountains - message to bears
i: icarus - bastille
n: never be like you - flume (crywolf’s cover tho)
i: i am the greatest - logic
p: phucked ur dad - lil phag
o: oh my dear lord - the unlikely candidates
l: lights out - mindless self indulgence
t: tokyo drifting - glass animals
e: explosion - seafret
r: right here - chase atlantic
g: gloom boys - waterparks
e: endless nightmare - josh a, iamjakehill
i: i have made mistakes - the oh hellos
s: saturn - sleeping at last
t: take it out on me - thousand foot krutch
quarantine asks
where are you isolated?
at home with my immediate family (grandpa, parents, brother). though, for me it’s only partially because of work while everyone else is home.
what are you currently reading or watching?
not watching anything at the moment (the last thing i did watch was s1 of haikyuu!). will be honest, i’ve been reading a few harry potter fics lately (slytherin!hp related, mostly.) though, i may crack open hp and the philosopher’s stone for the hell of it, i don’t how far i’ll reread those books.
if you can go outside, what do you like to do during that time?
the only time i’m outside, it’s for work. so, nothing? i do appreciate the drive to and from, though.
any fascinating concept you’re studying?
no. i haven’t tried studying anything in a long time.
what kind of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?
bits of writing here and there. sketching characters every once in a while. complying pinterest boards for characters. that’s about the extent of it. mostly just been enjoying everyone else’s creativity during this.
a song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?
oh hell if i know, it’s constantly shifting. i guess “no one is every going to want me” by giles corey.
favourite impulsive / “bad” coping techniques?
oh huh. smoking, refusing to sleep until i’m passing out on the keyboard.
favourite healthy/“good” coping techniques?
youtube, talking with friends.
rules: bold everything that applies to you & tag 10 people you’d like to get to know better.
A P P E A R A N C E
i’m over 5′5″. i wear glasses / contacts. i have blonde hair. i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing. i have one or more piercings. i have at least one tattoo. i have blue / green eyes. i have dyed or highlighted my hair. i have gotten plastic surgery. i have or had braces. i sunburn easily. i have freckles. i paint my nails. i typically wear makeup. i don’t often smile. i am pleased with how i look. i prefer nike to adidas. i wear baseball hats backwards.
H O B B I E S A N D T A L E N T S
i play a sport. i can play an instrument. i am artistic. i know more than one language. i have won a trophy in some sort of competition. i can cook or bake without a recipe. i know how to swim. i enjoy writing. i can do origami. i prefer movies to tv shows. i can execute a perfect somersault. i enjoy singing. i could survive in the wild on my own. i have read a new book series this year. i enjoy spending time with friends. i travel during school or work breaks. i can do a handstand.
R E L A T I O N S H I P S
i am in a relationship. i have been single for over a year. i have a crush. i have a best friend i have known for ten years. my parents are together. i have dated my best friend. i am adopted. my crush has confessed to me. i have a long distance relationship. i am an only child. i give advice to my friends. i have made an online friend. i met up with someone i have met online.
A E S T H E T I C S
i have heard the ocean in a conch shell. i have watched the sunrise. i enjoy rainy days. i have slept under the stars. i meditate outside. the sound of chirping calms me. i enjoy the smell of the beach. i know what snow tastes like. i listen to music to fall asleep. i enjoy thunderstorms. i enjoy cloud watching. i have attended a bonfire. i pay close attention to colors. i find mystery in the ocean. i enjoy hiking on nature paths. autumn is my favorite season.
M I S C E L L A N E O U S
i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle. i am the mom friend. i live by a certain quote. i like the smell of sharpies. i am involved in extracurricular activities. i enjoy mexican food. i can drive a stick-shift. i believe in true love. i make up scenarios to fall asleep. i sing in the shower. i wish i lived in a video game. i have a canopy above my bed. i am multiracial. i am a redhead. i own at least three dogs.
i’ll tag a few people :) don’t have to, of course. @weeping-willo @tonyrights @ihateshounen @lokigetspegged @depressedtrashboi
#long post#the songs got me#soon as i saw that every song i've ever listened to went out the door#anyway this was fun ty
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i was tagged by @klainetrashnumberone (thank you!!!)
rules : spell your url with song titles and tag 10 people.
Tomorrow never came by lana del rey
Happy by pharrel williams
Everyday from hsm 2 (i fucking LOVE high school musical)
Yayo by lana del rey
Apricot princess by rex orange county
Somewhere only we know from glee bc i can’t remember who its actually by
Kiwi by harry styles
Everything has changed by taylor swift and ed sheeran
Daydream believer from glee :,(( this makes me cry because klaine’s last song
Me by taylor swift
Ever since new york by harry styles
Television/so far so good by rex orange county
Only angel by harry styles
(i have discovered that literally no pop songs begin with e the FUCK)
quarantine asks
where are you isolated ??
at home with my family :)
what are you currently reading or watching ??
reading - ATOG by rainjoy, and kind of reading love, secret santa by S.A domingo but not really bc its a real book and i’m addicted to reading fanfics oops
watching - glee (even though its finished i’ll always go back to it), rewatching arrested development, started briefly watching never have i ever but need to finish it tbh
if you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time ??
honestly??? the same thing LMAO... or going to the cinema... i miss the cinema so much tbh (that sounds like a gcse languages exam lmao but honestly i’m a more introverted person)
any fascinating concept you’re studying ??
fucking... working out how to conjure up the motivation to go on a walk????? or actually do any for a levels????? studying the best way to sit on my bed for hours??? bitch i am literally doing n o t h i n g... although i did make cake pops a few days ago and they were sexy,,,, also writing oneshots lmao i guess that’s educational... kinda?????
what kind of acts of creativity / forms of art are you currently doing ??
1. baking a shit tone of cake (ngl i’m pretty good at cake decorating not to blow my own trumpet)
2. writing fics (and then trying to cover the fact i’m actually doing work instead of writing klaine fanfiction)
3. i painted...once during this lockdown
4. sitting on my bed and reading fics... this is actually good though i guess?
5. singing DROMP like rachel berry (and failing... i mean i can sing but not like that LOL)
a song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment ??
fine line by harry styles
favourite impulsive / “bad” coping techniques ??
reading fluffy klaine oneshots instead of doing work so i can live vicariously through a fake couple’s love life, eating a shit ton of crisps, making milkshakes
favourite healthy / “good” coping techniques ??
hanging out with my cat zeppelin, reading fics as well (i mean its bad but its also good amirite), baking more cake
rules: bold everything that applies to you & tag some people you’d like to get to know better.
A P P E A R A N C E
I’m over 5′5″. I wear glasses / contacts. I have blonde hair. I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing. I have one or more piercings I have at least one tattoo. I have blue / green eyes. I have dyed or highlighted my hair. I have gotten plastic surgery. I have or had braces. I sunburn easily. I have freckles. I paint my nails. I typically wear makeup. I don’t often smile(not in public places). I am pleased with how I look. I prefer nike to adidas. I wear baseball hats backwards.
H O B B I E S A N D T A L E N T S
I play a sport. I can play an instrument. I am artistic. I know more than one language. I have won a trophy in some sort of competition. I can cook or bake without a recipe. I know how to swim. I enjoy writing. I can do origami. I prefer movies to tv shows. I can execute a perfect somersault. I enjoy singing. I could survive in the wild on my own. I have read a new book series this year. I enjoy spending time with friends. I travel during school or work breaks. I can do a handstand.
R E L A T I O N S H I P S
I am in a relationship. I have been single for over a year. I have a crush. I have a best friend I have known for ten years. my parents are together. I have dated my best friend. I am adopted. my crush has confessed to me. I have a long distance relationship. I am an only child. I give advice to my friends. I have made an online friend. I met up with someone I have met online
A E S T H E T I C S
I have heard the ocean in a conch shell. I have watched the sunrise. I enjoy rainy days. I have slept under the stars. I meditate outside. the sound of chirping calms me. I enjoy the smell of the beach. I know what snow tastes like. I listen to music to fall asleep. I enjoy thunderstorms. I enjoy cloud watching. I have attended a bonfire. I pay close attention to colors. I find mystery in the ocean. I enjoy hiking on nature paths. autumn is my favorite season. (oh damn i am SO aesthetic)
M I S C E L L A N E O U S
I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle. I am the mom friend. I live by a certain quote. I like the smell of sharpies. I am involved in extracurricular activities. I enjoy mexican food. I can drive a stick-shift. I believe in true love. I make up scenarios to fall asleep. I sing in the shower. I wish I lived in a video game. I have a canopy above my bed. I am multiracial. I am a redhead. I own at least three dogs.
tags: (sorry if you’ve already done this!!) @blurglesmurfklaine @dreamlandhummel @klaineownsmysoul @yas5416 @bowie-boy
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HI, i’m pretty sure I’m manic and havent slept in two days because life is wild rn, but i have THOUGHTS, so let me just make a couple of comments here about MY views on Civil War, and the main things I disagree with, in no particular order besides whatever i think of first.
•Firstly, the Raft. That entire scenario is bullshit and i’ma tell you why. Tony Stark was held captive against his will and tortured because he had the ability (power) to create weapons of mass destruction (IM1). He then had to FIGHT the US government and his competitors from taking his technology and using it to create horrible weapons (IM2). He KNOWS that people will go to ungodly lengths to control power (Avengers, IM3, pretty much every movie he’s been in). He would NOT support, endorse, or otherwise allow his allies to be imprisoned unlawfully and unconstitutionally, just because they had the power to cause harm if they chose to use it that way (Lookin’ at you, Wanda). He would certainly caution RESTRAINT, particularly after Ultron, but he would NOT support imprisoning a metahuman (or mutant, demigod, engineer, or anyone else) just because they had the ability to do harm. Anyone with a weapon can do harm, if they CHOOSE to. And they shouldn’t have to submit to what is essentially government-sanctioned slavery in order to LIVE.
•Secondly. During the movies, Tony has seen several people, including Clint, Bruce, and HIMSELF be affected by mind control or manipulation. He would have been more empathetic to the brainwashing that Bucky has been through and the lack of control he had over any part of his situation. Not sympathetic enough to instantly get over the fact that Bucky was forced to kill his parents, but certainly more sympathetic than we are shown him to be in the movie.
•Thirdly, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers are supposed to be best friends. Close as, or closer than, brothers. That was thrown away in the movies and I am PISSED about it. I refute it, refuse it, and rebuke it.
(I don’t hate Bucky, by the way, not by any means. I just hate that things are set up where Tony’s friendship was sacrificed for Bucky’s to be included, as if Steve can’t have multiple friends he loves and trusts??)
ANYWAY, my point is this: Unless we plot otherwise, assume that, after the Avengers (2012), Tony Stark trusts Steve Rogers. Not implicitly. I’m not even sure he’s capable of implicit trust without plotting. But the trust is there. He would TALK to Steve about Bucky. About who this guy is, why he’s important to Steve, and eventually, the conversation would end with, “Alright, let’s go get him before someone else does.” fite me.
•Fourth, the Accords. I discussed HERE my Tony’s opinion of the Accords, unconstitutional pile of trash that they are, and why he would sign them, not out of agreement, but in order to behave as a sort of double agent. Compliant on the surface, but undermining the system from within. Meetings with diplomats, dignitaries, convincing them of how wrong the Accords are. Things he wouldn’t be able to do if he’d refused and gone underground, which would have been his only option if he refused.
•Fifth, that Tony would not contact Steve in some way after everything. Bullshit. Sure, he would probably have had some kind of knock down drag out with Steve and Bucky over the whole “you killed my mom” thing, brainwashing be damned, because he’s a HUMAN BEING who loved his mommy. But after he’d calmed down? He’d have either called himself, or had FRIDAY call him to set up a meet. Tony’s a prideful sonofabitch, but he knows who matters to him, and is willing to take steps to mend bridges once he realizes he burned them down.
There are DEFINITELY more, but i need to sleep.
__________________________________
Note that all of these are details that pertain to MY iteration of Tony Stark and are in no way meant to challenge anyone else’s interpretation or portrayal. Everyone writes the same character differently and none of us have any right to judge one another for creating our own interpretation of a character and releasing them into the world. Your interpretation is valid, and so is mine.
I am also not intending to challenge the canon or say that my interpretation of Tony is more accurate than the character portrayal we were give by RDJ and co. I have written Tony for 8 years now (not just on tumblr) and am very attached to him, and he has grown and developed a certain way in my mind, which affects what canon storylines I agree fit him, and which I do not.
I won’t be answering anons about this, either. come at me with your url, or in an IM, or not at all.
#long post#// rebaggling from my multi#// this needs to be on my blog#{{ 'I need it. Buy it. Store it.' || Save tag }}#{{ Out of the Suit || OOC }}
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You know the drill. All them asks. 😈 (is this deja vu?)
You got it dude!! (It is...cause I fucked up 😂)
The meaning behind my url:
Trauma because it's my favorite area of nursing.
Princess because I'm a fuckin princess.
93 because the year I was born.
A picture of me:
If you look hard enough you'll find one on here. Also my icon is me soooo.
How many tattoos i have and what they are:
Oh good lord. I have quite a few....
1. Mom's last name on my left wrist.
2. Flowers on my right foot.
3. Tribal-ish heart my brother drew on the back on my neck.
4. Walt Disneys signature on my left foot.
5. Mickey and Minnie behind my ears.
6. A prior dogs paw print on my left ankle.
7. A dandelion on my right shoulder blade with music notes.
8. My dog, Axel, paw prints on my collar bones.
9. A moon on my right ankle.
10. A semi colon on my right wrist (ulnar side)
11. A arrow on my right wrist (radial side)
12. A humming bird on my right forearm.
I think that's it... for now...
Last time i cried and why:
I dunno, honestly. I cry frequently hahah
Piercings i have:
Labret/Monroe
Ears gauged to a 00.
Traugus both sides
Right sided daith.
Nipples.
Favorite band:
Sooo many. Currently imagine dragons.
Biggest turn offs:
Bad hygiene, liars, cheats, narcacists.
Top 5 (insert subject):
???
Tattoos i want:
Too many to list, honestly.
Biggest turn ons:
I'm a big physical touch person, so basically anything where I'm being touched.
Age:
26
Ideas of a perfect date:
Doing something totally new that neither of us has experienced.
Life goal:
Pediatric ICU trauma nurse, be a mom, be a good wife.
Piercings i want:
Maybe my left daith. Probably a 2nd lobe hole.
Relationship status:
Very happily engaged.
Favorite movie:
Steel magnolias (the old one), Moana, Mean Girls.
A fact about my life:
I'm a nurse, I work in the ER and medsurg/tele, I have 2 doggos, and 2 kittens, I'm practically married at this point, I live on the surface of the sun.
Phobia:
Spiders, failure.
Middle name:
I'ma pass on telling the world that.
Height:
5'6" with shoes on.
Are you a virgin?
Naaah.
What’s your shoe size?
Between 9-10 depends on the shoe and brand.
What’s your sexual orientation?
I am bisexual, however I'm in a heterosexual relationship.
Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?
Drink yes, no to the others.
Someone you miss
@car-one-responding
What’s one thing you regret?
Suffering in an abusive relationship because I didn't think I had a way out.
First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:
Chris Evans.
Favorite ice cream?
I'm honestly not a big ice cream person, but we have some delicious basil-lime sorbet from a local store that I'm obsessed with.
One insecurity:
Weight.
What my last text message says:
"I re sent it. Just delete the other one I guess? Lol" from @car-one-responding in reference to this cause I done FUCKED IT UP.
Have you ever taken a picture naked?
Mmmmhhhhhmmmmm.
Have you ever painted your room?
Not recently at all, but as a kid yeah.
Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?
Yep, couple times.
Have you ever slept naked?
I usually do.
Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?
Almost every day hahah
Have you ever had a crush?
Duuuh, who hasn't hah
Have you ever been dumped?
Aldo duuuh.
Have you ever stole money from a friend?
Nope. I'm a very honest person.
Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?
Hmm. Probably.
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
Does patients attacking count?? I didn't punch, but I got punched.
Have you ever snuck out of your house?
Yep.
Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
I think just about everyone has.
Have you ever been arrested?
No. Im from a tiny Town where my dad was a cop, mom was a nurse. So everyone knew me.
Have you ever made out with a stranger?
No I don't think so.
Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
Like...in a sexual way? Or like hung out? If so yes to both hah
Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?
Yeah, however I'm a pretty open person. I usually tell my mom where Im going. She raised me as a single mom, and I had a lot of freedom as long as I was open and honest with her. That's just transferred into adulthood.
Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?
No. But I purposely became friends with an old neighbor cause he had a cute ass dog named Max.
Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?
Yep. Got busted too haha
Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?
Uh huh! It's called sleep overs, duh aha
Have you ever seen someone die?
Unfortunately, that's part of my job. Not everyone gets saved in the ER. Plus in the hospital where I work there is a very large group who has very strict rules about death, so frequently we admit people to die either to the floor if we suspect it'll be a couple days, or the ER if we think it'll be quick. Death can be a beautiful process, or it can be horrific, and traumatizing...just depends how ya look at it.
Have you ever been on a plane?
Yeah quite a few times!!
Have you ever kissed a picture?
Honestly what little girl didn't kiss a picture of Leonardo DeCaprio...
Have you ever slept in until 3?
Bro I'm a mid/nightshifter. Weird sleep schedules are my life.
Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?
Weirdly worded question. But yes I have loved, yes I do miss people.
Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
Yes!! It's one of my favorites. I also love to watch the stars.
Have you ever made a snow angel?
Yeah!!! It's super fun!!
Have you ever played dress up?
Yeah!!
Have you ever cheated while playing a game?
Queen of attempting to cheat at games and failing miserably 🙋♀️
Have you ever been lonely?
Mhmm. Side affects of working away from my family.
Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?
I'm forever sleepy, so yeah.
Have you ever been to a club?
Yeah couple times!
Have you ever felt an earthquake?
Once as a kid. I don't remember much of it besides it waking me up, and I woke up my mom because I didn't know what it was. I was maybe 7?
Have you ever touched a snake?
I love snakes. They're such cool animals.
Have you ever ran a red light?
That may or may not be why I didn't have a drivers license for 3 yrs.
Have you ever been suspended from school?
Nope 😏 I did get temporarily kicked out of nursing school and fought my way back in though. That's a tale for another time.
Have you ever had detention?
Once, for chewing gum.
Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yeah, nothing serious though. *knocks on all the wood*
Have you ever hated the way you look?
I feel like everyone has, unfortunately.
Have you ever witnessed a crime?
1. I live where I live, it's a regular occurrence. We don't carry a gun for no reason.
2. Used to work in the heart of the ghetto.
3. Used to live 5 mins from there.
Safe to say I've seen a crime or two.
Have you ever pole danced?
One drunken Halloween, yes.
Have you ever been lost?
Physically not emotionally? Yes to both haha
Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?
I have yeah!!
Have you ever felt like dying?
Yeah, on quite a few occasions I don't talk about.
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yep.
Have you ever sang karaoke?
Again, drunken Halloweens.
Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
Im sure I have.
Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Yes I have, it's not fun.
Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?
Hmm.....I don't actually think so.
Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yes!!
Have you ever sang in the shower?
Every single time.
Have you ever made out in a park?
Mhmm!
Have you ever dream that you married someone?
Yes, and I'm marrying him in a little over a month.
Have you ever glued your hand to something?
My other hand hahah
Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?
No..but not for lack of trying.
Have you ever gone to school partially naked?
Uh, no haha
Have you ever been a cheerleader?
Nah, I was a band geek.
Have you ever sat on a roof top?
Yes, it's a great time.
Have you ever brushed your teeth?
I want to say "who hasn't" but we all know there's those people who haven't...
Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?
Sometimes, yes.
Have you ever played chicken?
Not huh.
Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Probably so.
Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?
Yep.
Have you ever broken a bone?
A few yeah. My nose, jaw in 3 places, my tail bone, my ankle.
Have you ever been easily amused?
Have you met me....
Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Like 45 mins ago hahah
Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?
Yep, regularly occurs in my house.
Have you ever cheated on a test?
Probably way back in the day, but I don't remember anything specific. I'm a pretty honestly person, so if I don't know it, then oh well.
Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?
Every fucking day of my life!
Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?
Not quite sure...?
Give us one thing about you that no one knows.
Once upon a time, I was like 13 or 14. I was hanging out with my mom while she cooked dinner and eating a carrot. I suddenly sneezed. I then had a carrot chunk stuck in my sinuses. I could feel it, but mom didn't believe me. So for 3 days straight I blew my nose constantly. And I finally got the carrot chunk out.
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HI, i’m pretty sure I’m manic and havent slept in two days because life is wild rn, but i have THOUGHTS, so let me just make a couple of comments here about MY views on Civil War, and the main things I disagree with, in no particular order besides whatever i think of first.
•Firstly, the Raft. That entire scenario is bullshit and i’ma tell you why. Tony Stark was held captive against his will and tortured because he had the ability (power) to create weapons of mass destruction (IM1). He then had to FIGHT the US government and his competitors from taking his technology and using it to create horrible weapons (IM2). He KNOWS that people will go to ungodly lengths to control power (Avengers, IM3, pretty much every movie he’s been in). He would NOT support, endorse, or otherwise allow his allies to be imprisoned unlawfully and unconstitutionally, just because they had the power to cause harm if they chose to use it that way (Lookin’ at you, Wanda). He would certainly caution RESTRAINT, particularly after Ultron, but he would NOT support imprisoning a metahuman (or mutant, demigod, engineer, or anyone else) just because they had the ability to do harm. Anyone with a weapon can do harm, if they CHOOSE to. And they shouldn’t have to submit to what is essentially government-sanctioned slavery in order to LIVE.
•Secondly. During the movies, Tony has seen several people, including Clint, Bruce, and HIMSELF be affected by mind control or manipulation. He would have been more empathetic to the brainwashing that Bucky has been through and the lack of control he had over any part of his situation. Not sympathetic enough to instantly get over the fact that Bucky was forced to kill his parents, but certainly more sympathetic than we are shown him to be in the movie.
•Thirdly, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers are supposed to be best friends. Close as, or closer than, brothers. That was thrown away in the movies and I am PISSED about it. I refute it, refuse it, and rebuke it.
(I don’t hate Bucky, by the way, not by any means. I just hate that things are set up where Tony’s friendship was sacrificed for Bucky’s to be included, as if Steve can’t have multiple friends he loves and trusts??)
ANYWAY, my point is this: Unless we plot otherwise, assume that, after the Avengers (2012), Tony Stark trusts Steve Rogers. Not implicitly. I’m not even sure he’s capable of implicit trust without plotting. But the trust is there. He would TALK to Steve about Bucky. About who this guy is, why he’s important to Steve, and eventually, the conversation would end with, “Alright, let’s go get him before someone else does.” fite me.
•Fourth, the Accords. I discussed HERE my Tony’s opinion of the Accords, unconstitutional pile of trash that they are, and why he would sign them, not out of agreement, but in order to behave as a sort of double agent. Compliant on the surface, but undermining the system from within. Meetings with diplomats, dignitaries, convincing them of how wrong the Accords are. Things he wouldn’t be able to do if he’d refused and gone underground, which would have been his only option if he refused.
•Fifth, that Tony would not contact Steve in some way after everything. Bullshit. Sure, he would probably have had some kind of knock down drag out with Steve and Bucky over the whole “you killed my mom” thing, brainwashing be damned, because he’s a HUMAN BEING who loved his mommy. But after he’d calmed down? He’d have either called himself, or had FRIDAY call him to set up a meet. Tony’s a prideful sonofabitch, but he knows who matters to him, and is willing to take steps to mend bridges once he realizes he burned them down.
__________________________________
Note that all of these are details that pertain to MY iteration of Tony Stark and are in no way meant to challenge anyone else’s interpretation or portrayal. Everyone writes the same character differently and none of us have any right to judge one another for creating our own interpretation of a character and releasing them into the world. Your interpretation is valid, and so is mine.
I am also not intending to challenge the canon or say that my interpretation of Tony is more accurate than the character portrayal we were give by RDJ and co. I have written Tony for 7 years now (just not on tumblr) and am very attached to him, and he has grown and developed a certain way in my mind, which affects what canon storylines I agree fit him, and which I do not.
I won’t be answering anons about this, either. come at me with your url, or in an IM, or not at all.
#// thanks for coming to my TED talk y'all#// i just wanted to get most of these thoughts in one place#// i might adjust or rewrite these#// and i still PREFER to plot civil war things#// but this is what's on my mind right now#Kitty Says Meow#{{ Muse: Iron Man }}#long post#// sorta?#HC: Iron Man#// idk i have a weird feeling ill regret this post when i get up from a nap but whatever
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