#Even tho it's what I want | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butchfalin · 6 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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franeridart · 5 months

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more dragon

#my sketches #one piece #monkey d luffy #monkey d dragon #monkey d garp #real talk and jokes aside i think dragons childhood with garp wasn’t all that bad #since he actually was a marine at some point right so he must have at the very least respected garp #garps way of raising a kid that actually wanted to be a marine must have been somewhat different too #all in all i think leaving luffy to garp wouldn’t sound like such a weird thought to dragon ??#i get why hed go there i mean #garp tho……………..#what was that man even thinking………………….

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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nipuni · 2 months

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THE DOCTOR We had a pact, him and me. Every star in the universe, we were going to see them all.

My version of The Master and The Doctor in their Academy days 😊

A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on april 1st!

#doctor who #thoschei #doctor x master #academy era #my art #My thought process for their appearances here was sort of an average between their incarnations #the doctor is mostly taller and has messier and usually lighter hair while the master is shown to have had black hair in a flashback #also since Hartnell had white hair as an old man and we are not sure what color his hair was I thought what if it was always white #I've seen most draw him as blond but couldn't find any sources for it so I just went with this instead because it looks cool #I had fun making Prydonian robes designs!! I would love to design a bunch of Gallifreyan fashion for each Chapter and House it seems so fun #I also wanted to draw a Gallifreyan night!! since I never see any depictions of it even tho the planet should have nights #even if it's a binary system since the orbits would have to be very large for gravitational stability both suns would set at similar times #anyway I'll stop talking lmao 🫡

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aalghul · 27 days

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once again thinking about jason as duke’s robin. he’s ~4 years younger than jason, and that’s puts him at 8-12 during Jason’s time as robin. that’s prime time to get attached to your local kid vigilante before your own life goes downhill.

and if we try to keep duke’s meeting with bruce in zero year + duke’s age (so he can remember the meeting and hold that conversation with bruce), he has to be around 8. if he starts following batman through the news at that time because of the mess that just happened, the robin he sees is probably jason. I’ve literally connected the dots

#we are not of course keeping zero year itself. what a mess.#maybe smth very similar so it’s still the riddler causing mass chaos!#the titans so we actually keep the no robin physically present in the story part the same #look. if we want zero year convo we need to give bruce a robin at the time. it could be 17-18yr old who’s not even in gotham bc he’s with #by time tim shows up he’s already attached to jason #and then steph’s robin suddenly for a bit but only for a bit. and then tim comes back but he’s in bludhaven for a while #i do think duke would think steph is really cool tho. and they reasonably couldve met as civilians #and then duke’s busy bouncing around foster homes the streets and looking for his parents #i wanted to talk about how much i love it and the tags are just be working out a timeline for post crisis events & post flashpoint ones (an #some of duke’s important events are related to things which are no longer canon. such is life. let’s do our best based on ages)#duke thomas #jason todd

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parallelpie · 4 months

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First off this absolutely cursed AU was inspired by Lemonomelette and a post they made -X Secondly I imagine it all being about bots and cons trying to one up each others factions and not actually helping in any serious way because their too busy with their own faction bs.

Think of two rival car dealerships across the street one upping each other to get business and instead of business with cars its interstellar robot fairys trying to woo sm children to let them grant their inconsequential wishes (which may or may not be worth it) instead of the other guy next door.

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ryllen · 4 months

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x

#reading this meme gives me comfort #twisted wonderland #twst #this is just what i think #who would u swap and where #honestly jack is probably the first and second tier once he gets comfortable with you #like it is so kind and warm it actually makes u forget ur woes #kalim and ace are just the tight huggers that's why they are on the top list #they squish u and that serotonin out #u're just little pouch of serotonin in their hands #trey is between giving u awkward back pat or hugging you #but i like to think even tho he's just pretending his hug is very comforting #deuce is just bewildered confused and flustered that's why he doesn't return the hug immediately #but he sure wouldn't want to let go afterwards #cater might seem like he would give a good hug but i imagine his true self be like o . o and then switch to ^ - ^ immediately after #vil is just a kind person in my eyes #he is mature and calm and nurturing if he wants to #i alter the meme wording by a bit to fit my perception more #if u put the birthday boy icons together it makes a heart omg #ruggie is honestly confusing me #he would probably only hug wholeheartedly if money is on the line #but i think he hugs his family and the kids at the slum very lovingly #idia is probably between the third and fourth tier but maybe he leans more towards hugging back than patting on the back #patting in the back is probably too cool for him #floyd'd examine u first and giving the how dare u touch me look menancingly but then be like ehe bcs it's little shrimpy i'll forgive u~

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skunkes · 5 months

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#a doodley #saw franchise #saw 2004 #i never know what bg color to use for stickers...does anyone have any ideas... i feel red Or ''black'' wld blend in too much...?#even tho it wld make sense to be one of those...#i dont think i want it to just be white :/#i rarely do solid color bgs on stuff bc im so bad with colors loll

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wyvernity · 28 days

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been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff

also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop

#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u #pokemon #trainer lyra #trainer kris #trainer dawn #trainer lucas #rival barry #rival silver #ayalumi #hisuian zorua #luxio #timeskip tag #rkgk #anyway it's sinnoh time !!!#still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now #god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying #dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion #distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair!#4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man #the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN #and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else #design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍#and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy #btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL)#oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him)#character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh

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professorcalculusstanaccount · 6 months

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You’re my favorite blog with an amazing costume and stellar art, so I hope to bestow upon you the small pleasure of asking you:

Trick or treat?

Thank you very much! I'm incredibly honoured to be your favourite blog! I know this is late but please accept this treat, happy belated Halloween!

#asks #fanart #tintin #adventures of tintin #captain haddock #archibald haddock #comic #halloween #trick or treat #i have no time to check for mistakes in this i will just have to live with them #haddock knows what a child is #i cant really imagine tintin and haddock celebrating halloween normally because it just wasnt really a thing in europe until very recently?#like im 24 and it was introduced here a little before i was born #halloween as it exists today is pretty american #i know a lot of people who arent that old who didnt even think about it growing up lol #i love halloween tho #it's a holiday that's purely optional and you can celebrate however you want it with whoever you want #alcohol tw

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clownsuu · 1 year

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I got really bad art block atm again so take some mini doodles I did in my spare time 👍

cw minor implied(?) blood

I almost forgot about the existence of my Emo howdy w h o o p s KSHHHDJDHD

also sometimes I get reminded that Howdy’s “blood” is blue instead of red and I get surprised every single time

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yrsonpurpose · 5 months

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TAYLOR ZAKHAR PEREZ Natural Diamonds

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dreadark · 17 days

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that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

#alien stage #alnst #alnst ivan #ivantill #i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough #just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently #idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho...#'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave #ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing #making him the most miserable guy ever #...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well #c...can we bring him back... don't die like this.....#(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated #wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong

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erwinsvow · 21 days

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rare punishing r for going on the date with jj anyways

"you need to learn how to fuckin' listen, when- when you're told something-"

"rafe," you breathe back, exasperated at the exhausted dialogue. you two have had this conversation so many times. you love your best friend, maybe more than a friend should, but you're tired of being lectured by someone who regularly makes worse decisions than you going on a date with a pogue boy.

"no, m'serious." rafe moves over, getting closer to you, closing in the space in your bedroom. you don't know how he even knew you were home, since you hadn't talked to him since the club yesterday, before your date with jj.

the date had been fine. jj was nice, funny. you two got along well enough. if your friends weren't breathing down your neck about how much they don't like him, you think maybe you'd be more excited, more engaged, replying to his text immediately to plan the next day instead of letting him sit on delivered while rafe sits on your bed next to you.

"are y'listening to me? huh?" you blink up at him, snapped out of your daze. no, you're positive now, if rafe was supportive (then topper and kelce would be too, of course) then you'd feel better about the whole thing.

the truth was that if rafe didn't approve of the boy you wanted to date, you didn't feel like dating him. you wanted someone who would fit right in with your best friends, make himself comfortable in your group and get along. the sad reality was that no one like that existed, and rafe hadn't approved of a single one of your dates since you had first met him.

"sorry. what?"

"i said, you always do this shit."

"rafe, i don't feel like getting reprimanded like some kid right now-"

"no, that's just it. you are a fuckin' kid. you never listen to me, you fuckin' act out by going on dates with pogues-" he spits the word like there's nothing worse in the world you could do, maybe besides ignoring what he tells you to do.

"why should i listen to you?" you snap back, suddenly sick of the double standard. you'd never so much as questioned him when he had a new girl on his arm every week.

"why should you listen to me?" rafe repeats slowly, back at you. "i dunno, maybe because i know best for you. maybe because m'trying to take fuckin' care of you, watch out for you."

you groan, but rafe interrupts you.

"are you seein' him again?" you stare up at him. "answer me."

"no," you admit finally, bringing your knees to your chest and hugging them. "m'not."

"good." you don't look up, but rafe licks his lips. he sits back down next to you, swinging an arm around you. "m'right here. what else do you need, kid? hm?"

you roll your eyes.

"a best friend that doesn't act like my dad would be nice."

"yeah, well, tough shit. do not see him again. this is nice compared to what'll happen."

"rafe!" you protest, met to deaf ears.

"you think m'joking? try me. if i see you texting that pogue again i'll snap your phone in half." you sigh, but he still presses a wet kiss to your temple. "now c'mon. it's tee time."

#baby im sorry if this isnt what you wanted #its more threatennnnn i feel like he cant up and spank her or sm lmfaoooo #he has to try n be more chill since theyre not a couple (yet.. even tho they kinda are)#anyways i hope u like babe #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #kook trio reader

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natelia-aldelliz · 1 year

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