#Djinn!Patton
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S5E9 & S5E10 thoughts
Well, I liked it!
The biggest loser here is Episode 9 because all my thoughts are so occupied by the finale that I can't say much about the previous episode which wasn't even bad. So just three quick things:
Finally I get some good fucking food (The Guide content).
"I'm… going…to kill you… Guillermo" gave me CHILLS.
Guidja real.
Now, to Episode 10:
Didn't notice the previous episode how feral Nandor was filmed, his face all darkened except for a beam of light on his furious eyes, good and classic vampire shit!
Nadja Detective Policeman visiting Guillermo in that outfit😩
Wow, Guillermo treating Derek bad after all he did for him really make the point across that he's a shitty person.
There's something so 😙👌 about Nandor going back to Panera, always love a full circle moment.
I don't care about Patton Oswald as a comedian or person due some disgusting shit he pulled years ago, so sadly I couldn't enjoy his scenes with Nandor that much. I loved that after the whole conversation he still killed him tho. I read someone in the tags paralleling this scene to Guillermo and Meg in S3E2, and I fully agree with that interpretation.
Laszlo helping Guillermo and apologizing…😭 He loves him! I would love to see more of how Laszlo feels about his "frustrations" (his innability to help Guillermo, the impotency of seeing Colin grow up and not remember him). That's something that should be explored better next season imo.
Him trying to have a serious conversation but keep getting distracted by the porn is me trying to watch this show as a dumb comedy but getting distracted by the nandermo of it all.
All the vampires visiting him with dumb excuses was so cute. I wish I never see those creatures ever again tho.
Ahhhh Nandor calling Guillermo from his mother in law mom's house was some psycho shit. Also it remind me a bit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Spike visits Buffy's mom just to taunt her. Imagine Nandor pulling this shit:
(Silvia immediately stakes him of course).
"My friend, Patton Oswalt, he passed away". The solemn way he says it as if he wasn't the culprit 😭.
The moment of Guillermo putting the stake on Nandor's neck was an explicit sex scene for me and for everyone with good taste.
On the opposite side, Nandor helping Guillermo with the red cape is SO SOFT, it's all about being equals this time.
The Djinn… oof… as someone who was begging for his appearance since the beginning of the season, this stunt left me cold… sorry but everything that starts with "it happened off screen" it's bad writing. It's giving "Daenerys kind of forgot…" level of bad.
Didn't like that suddenly Nandor is smarter than the others (specially if we come from an episode when Laszlo called him 'a fuckin idiot' for not getting the Guide reveal).
I already mentioned this in a post I made last night, but I'll repeat it verbatim here, because I stand by it:
I don't believe FOR A SECOND that Laszlo didn't try to feed Guillermo human blood 🤔 Remember when Nadja on s1 went on an entire mission to help Jenna to complete her transformation? (hey everybody, remember Jenna?) How Guillermo 'all my life I dreamed of being a vampire' did not know that piece of lore??
"Guillermo can't kill people" Umm whoever decided to go on this direction, I recommend them this show on FX called What we do in the shadows it's very good! (when consistent).
I…. don't trust that "Guillermo is not cut to be a vampire" stuff… sounds like retcon… BUT! I love the "Guillermo is not cut to be a vampire YET, specially if he isnt sired by Nandor" interpretation.
From the beginning I had this hunch that Guillermo's longing for a family and community (I'm not saying he dislikes his bio family, but obviously he grow up distant from them, probably for being queer and feeling like "an outsider") was a reason for being so desperate to become a vampire. Now that he has the family (bio AND chosen) and the community, it's his time to think if he STILL wants to be vampire or not (and he said at the fake ceremony that he still wants it 😌).
Lmao Guillermo's beard... that thing... didn't look like it was growing from Harvey's face.
🗣️HE 🗣️KEPT 🗣️THE 🗣️GLASSES!!!
More Derek! And with better make up than that ashy talcum powder nightmare from Episode 1!! WTF they got rid of another character of color again??!! Benedict Wong what are you doing here???!!! Yay??????
I really like that Topher is a "functional" zombie in comparison with his state in S2E1, it makes sense with the zombies we saw on the original movie.
Still weird that we end the episode and season here, with Derek happy ending?
HOT take but I like that it didn't end on a cliffhanger, considering that we don't know the state of the show post strikes yet AND after s4 I don't trust this people with cliffhangers ever again lol.
Now that the season is finished I came to realize Nadja's entire arc AGAIN was a big 'ol nothing, huh? The hex, her Antipaxos found family, the little stunt as a teacher, literal "throw at the wall and see what it sticks". I'm sorry but I'll repeat: WWDITS learn how to write women challenge.
Excited to see how Guillermo and Nandor's relationship will develop from now on, I know some people are frustrated but as someone who is used to slow burns being SLOW this is my shit. I joke a lot about the pairing but also I understand that this is the shit&farts show first, nandermo nation second (unlike some people that appears they only consume and rate media depending on how much kissy kissy is on the screen).
From 1 to 10, I'll give this season a 7. Not that good as my god tier seasons (S2 is a 9, S3 is a 10), but not so bad as S4.
What I want next season:
Guillermo NEEDS to be a Bad Bitch again: slaying vampires like the Van Helsing he is, being gay af, not being scared to sass out Nandor, etc.
Laszlo and Colin NEED to have a real talk.
Consistency.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN HOW TO WRITE FOR NADJA I'M ON MY KNEES AT THIS POINT!!!
#sorry if this is rambly have to rewatch both episodes again last nite i had zero braincells#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#nandermo#wwdits thoughts#wwdits spoilers
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Okay here's my 'pros and cons' of the season 5 finale.
Pros:
The acting was fantastic.
LASZLO APOLOGIZING TO GUILLERMO!!!
I teared up when Derek finally found friends
Memo not 100% begging for forgiveness.. still would've liked him to go off but at least he wasn't begging
I liked the more sombre tone of the episode? Like it still had the jokes but it felt different.
NOT using the Djinn wishes to turn things back to how it was before!
The hybrids! My babies! <3
Hi Patton Oswalt! :)
Cons:
After all that, Memo's a human again... granted, nowhere near as bad as I expected but it still feels lazy, I'm sorry. Also his sudden "omg i have to kill, noooo" thing- thank god these writers aren't writing for Louis, good grief.
At least Nadja didn't bitch-slap Memo again but for the love of christ- yep, I'm done. I'll always have Pine Barrens, at least.
Nandor not wanting to turn Memo for all those years cos he knew Memo wouldn't be able to handle it- yeah nah, I call bullshit.
It could've been a lot worse... definitely could've been better... but I've learned to set my expectations to a certain level. So, I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. But I definitely understand people's frustrations.
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Something weird about Patton’s choice to build a new main house for Fablehaven instead of ousting Ephira from the mansion is that canonically, the dungeons are far older than the house itself. The whole part with the Hall of Dread, the secret room behind it, and the djinn’s oubliette really make me wonder about the history of the land Fablehaven is on. Patton would’ve chosen to build the new main house directly on top of this ancient dungeon. Why?
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Restocks are up for BattleTech Miniatures for Iron Wind Metals!
10-036 Word of Blake Omni Mech Pack I
10-037 Word of Blake Omni Mech Pack II
20-172 SOVETSKII SOYUZ HEAVY CRUISER
20-305 Scorpion Light Tank
20-418 Huron Warrior HUR-WO-R4L
20-470 Mercury II MCY-100
20-499 Bolla Stealth Tank Invictus / Infernus
20-5112 Agrotera AGT-1A
20-5138 Triskelion TRK-4V
20-5183 Locust LCT-1V
20-5201 Lightning LHN-C5
20-5203 Ryoken (Stormcrow) TC / B
20-5207 Black Knight BL-9KNT
20-623 SRM Carrier
20-629 Ti Ts' ANG TSG-9H
20-634 EPONA PURSUIT TANK
20-686 Mackie MSK-6S
20-701 SPARROW HAWK SPR-H5
20-747 Zhukov Heavy Tank
20-750 Rommel / Patton Tank
20-769 EXCALIBER EXC-B2
20-800 Hex Bases
20-819 Maxim Hover Transport
20-866 Javelin JVN-10N
20-9122 Battleforce Hex Base
20-918 STALKING SPIDER
99-201 Large Flat Top Hex Base #1
99-202 Large Flat Top Hex Base #2
99-203 Extra Large Flat Top Hex Base
AC-003 Hover Base
AC-005 Large Space Base
AC-007 Multi Hole Fighter Base
AC-009 Medium Cast Stem
AC-010 Large Cast Stem
BT-003 Basilisk Protomech
BT-006 Phalanx Battle Armor
BT-009 Trinity (Ying Long) Battle Armor
BT-028 Cavalier Battle Armor
BT-030 Sylph Battle Armor
BT-031 Infiltrator MK 2
BT-052 Confederate
BT-175 Lyonesse Micro Escort Ship
BT-187 Djinn Battle Armor
BT-198 Tengu Battle Armor
BT-199 Asura Md. Battle Armor
BT-201 Nephilim Assault Battle Armor
BT-207 Delphyne ProtoMech
BT-209 Se'irim Medium Battle Armor
BT-212 Preta Dominus
BT-215 Seraph Dominus
BT-222 Tau Wraith
BT-223 Tau Zombie
BT-224 Heavy Jump Infantry
BT-228 Angerona Battle Armor
BT-229 Trinity (Theseus) Battle Armor
BT-230 Kopis Battle Armor
BT-239 Jump Support Infantry
BT-240 SpecOps Paratrooper
BT-244 Heavy Infantry - Standing
BT-260 Sprint Scout VTOL
BT-286 Procyon Quad Protomech
BT-303 Vulture Mk III Prime
BT-304 Arion (Standard) BattleMech or Vehicle Mode
BT-313 Regulator II Hovertank
BT-366 Hover Scout Drones
BT-370 Kurita Infantry
BT-371 Davion Infantry
BT-382 Kanazuchi Battle Armor
BT-384 Achileus Battle Armor
BT-389 Purifier Battle Armor
BT-392 Raiden Battle Armor
BT-412 Amazon Battle Armor
BT-413 Marauder Battle Armor
BT-427 Balac Strike VTOL
BT-429 Catapult CPLT-C2
BT-434 Leonidas Battle Armor
BT-436 Buraq (Standard) Battle Armor
BT-439 Black Wolf Battle Armor
BT-472 Wolverine WVR-7M / 7M2 / 7K
LTD-Omega Omega Super Heavy Mechs
OP-039 Dragonfly A Lasers & List PO# 890
20-425E Shiro SH-P Banner
20-5189C Catapult CPLT-C3 / C5 Arm Sprue
20-5197E Wolverine WVR-6R / 6D Gun and Missile Sprue
20-611E Ryoken Prime Arms
battletech #alphastrike #ironwindmetals #battletechalphastrike #miniatures #catalystgamelabs #battlemech #battletechminiatures #battletechpaintingandcustoms #mecha #tabletop #tabletopgames #tabletopgaming #wargaming #wargames #hobby #scifi #sciencefiction #miniaturepainting #mech #hovertank #6mmminis #6mmscifi #feldherr #dougram #gundam #robotech #armypainter #thearmypainter #chessex
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Does Virgil from Weightless ever find his skin? It’s one of my favourite fics from you and I’d love to read what happens after!
Oof, okay so in Weightless, Virgil does find his skin! I won’t write it, purely because I don’t have the time :/// but I can give you some run downs of what would happen!!
((This is still longer than I meant it to be oh my god))
First order of business is Patton uses some of his djinn magic to locate a magic shop which is run by a pixie who calls himself Deceit and whom absolutely abhors Patton. He’s sympathetic to Virgil’s cause but he runs a business so in exchange for an actual locating spell that works on people from memory he needs something just as powerful in return.
Logan steps up and offers a bit of his blood-- him being part gorgon gives him potent blood that is definitely is rare. Deceit eyes him warily but accepts it and he gives Virgil the spell.
((Deceit also reveals the secret that Patton’s been hiding while they’re there: as a Djinn he can’t disobey any order. Which is why he’s always being so helpful and when the others ask him to do basic things he drops whatever he’s doing to complete the task. It also includes things such as “Don’t listen to this conversation until I snap my fingers” while Deceit does just because he’s petty and can.))
While they were out though, their house got broken into and its no longer safe at home, so Roman cashes in a favor with his brother in order for them to have a place to crash. Logan and Patton go over the spell with Virgil which requires the user of it to fall to sleep before its activated. Remus and Roman have a heart to heart which turns into Roman coughing up blood and his own secret being revealed: the reason why Roman acts so scattered brained and often has a hard time thinking about the others is because he quite literally can’t stop thinking about having sex, and if he goes too long without engaging in it his body starts breaking down. He was cursed as a young adult by a vengeful witch who thought they were dating when he thought they were just friends....who sometimes slept together.
((He knows its not an excuse for him acting like that, which is why he never mentioned it to anyone, but also why he’s always seeking out partners and even though he’s an incubus, he thinks if he never had sex again he’d be okay. ))
Virgil sleeps and the spell works and when he wakes up Logan hands him a map and in a trance-like state marks with a pen where his attackers are.
Remus is really excited to see an opportunity to beat up people so he comes with them to confront the guys. The attackers turn out to be a from a low level gang so there are a lot of them and turns out there were people watching them when they left Deceit’s place, the gang over powered him and dragged him out to their warehouse where they were were in the process of ripping out his wings.
And Remus completely ignores any “don’t kill” suggestions and goes right to ripping out some throats the second he sees any magical creature being tortured like that. Roman isn’t far behind them and Patton uses his magic to help free Deceit and try to heal the places where his wings were damaged. Virgil breaks the water pipes and use his water manipulating ability to defend Patton and Deceit.
((Patton reveals here that the reason why Deceit hates him so much is because he knows Deceit’s true name, which gives him absolutely control over the pixie, but Patton uses it to make Deceit stay awake through the pain, as he lost a lot of blood and if he fell unconscious now he probably wouldn’t wake back up))
Logan curbs enough of Roman and Remus’s rage to save one of the gang in order to ask him what happened to the selkie skin they stole, (and the gang member looks around at all his dead friends and asks “a skin was worth all this?” and Logan asks him, “Did you not think you were ruining lives by taking things that weren’t yours? Did you truly think no one was hurt by your actions?”)
The gang member admits they don’t have the skin, but that they sold it to these collectors: the Ackroyds, who paid them really well for it, you see? They had all sort of freaky things in their collection and he’d take a skin but he wouldn’t like kill the things and put them on display like those humans do.
And Logan freezes up at the name, noticeably, but the man is hysterical with trying to prove that he’s not really that bad, and before anyone can do anything, Logan takes off his glasses and turns the man to stone.
He puts them back on immediately but steps away from the group and refuses to look at them. He tells them that the skin is a lost cause and that they should give up.
To which Virgil is audibly horrified and angry because they got this far!! And Logan promised him--!! and Logan whips around and tells him that he never made any such promises and that if Virgil doesn’t let it go he’ll turn Virgil to stone as well, because he won’t like Virgil drag all his friends to their dooms.
At which, Deceit laughs brokenly, and asks if Logan go to attempt to make his own collection just like his parents--
And Logan’s secret comes to light: he wasn’t always part gorgon. He was actually human and his parents are mythical creature collectors but they collected creatures like butterflies: killing and pinning them in glass cases. But they often found that some creatures were immune to dying in ways that didn’t desecrate their bodies. Their solution? Find a way to make them ever lasting statues, using their son and a very expensive, unrepeatable experiment.
Logan admits that he remembers the faces of every person that his parents forced him to kill, of everyone who meets his eyes. Its his curse, and he’s always been afraid of it, because one day...he always knew that he’d join their collection too. He ran away as soon as he could, but his parents had people track him down and he was dragged back to them and they began to lock him in his room, and he was not allow out of the house at all anymore. Logan managed to escape by chance just before his sixteenth birthday.
By the time he’s finished talking he’s shaking and his knees give out but Remus is there to catch him and no one knows what to say about anything.
“I can’t...” Logan whispers, “I can’t let you go there. I can’t... please... anyone who goes there doesn’t.....get out...”
And surprisingly its Roman who speaks up, strangely blithely about it all, “Well, they were always alone, weren’t they? Hey, Specs, don’t you know you aren’t alone, anymore?”
And it turns into a rallying thing where the six of them agree that they have each other, and that they can work together to take down Logan’s parents and keep any more mythical creatures from dying at their hands. I don’t have the actual final battle thing planned out so the rest of this is really but scratched out notes and concepts that if i were actually writing this, would be subject to change according to where the plot goes.
They infiltrate first by using Virgil’s selkie rareness to draw the attention of the Ackroyds.
Unfortunately the Ackroyds are expecting them so they kinda all stumble into a trap and Logan is taken back by his parents for-- and what great timing this is! They have a new rare species!! An archangel who would look magnificent next to the Avians!
((The archangel is like eight. His name is Thomas and he’s sobbing because he doesn’t know how to use his powers yet.))
But first, its a good thing to take care of the meddling monsters that Logan had first become friends with. Starting with that selkie! And because they want him to look picture perfect even as stone they get his skin and tell him that if he cooperates they’ll let the djinn and the incubi go free (the pixie has to stay though. Its another rarity).
And well.
Virgil has been holding on to a secret too.
He’s actually the goddamn Prince of the entire fucking sea and his power is linked to his skin.
Which means that when they put the skin back on him, his abilities increase about 100fold. We stan OP Virgil in this house. Remind me how much of humans is water again? Yeah. Virgil drowns them in their own bodies and frees everyone else.
The Ackroyds have like a lot of people working for them though, so theres a battle that happens and in the middle of it Logan’s glasses get knocked off and broken and Thomas throws himself in front of Logan. Which, because Logan’s gorgon eyes are the same as staring into someone’s soul, leads to Logan staring into Thomas’s divine soul and it literally burns and blinds him.
((Thomas is really sorry, but Logan just starts sobbing thank yous to this eight year old, because now he’s never going to be forced to kill someone else.))
Our heroes win!! The Ackroyds are finished. Patton and Deceit put aside their differences in order to take joint custody of babey archangel Thomas and they, along with Roman and Logan end up living in a beach house together while researching how to remove the curse that’s on Roman. Remus comes and goes, bringing back exotic podcasts for Logan to listen too and bringing news from other locations about monster hunting.
Logan broke into his family vault and took all the money that his parents made off of selling and exploiting creatures and used it all to finance mythical creatures safehouses all across the globe. He trusts Remus and Roman to help watch over them.
Virgil returns to the ocean, just like Logan said he would at the very beginning of the story, although its because he has prince duties to adhere too. And he still sneaks up every once in a while to have dinner with all of them because I’m weak and soft for found family.
#sanders sides au#Selkie!Virgil#incubus!roman#gorgon!logan#Djinn!Patton#pixie!deceit#remus!#Good god these boys need therapy#Is this a good enough conclusion for you guys#I think its funny how much I as the author hate this story#but you guys adore it#insane#tw: child abuse#tw: murder#Roman doesn't even like sex#Patton is ella enchanted#Deceit's name is Janus but like its his true name#so no one calls him that#OP Virgil? in my fic? more likely than you think#thomas is babey#sorry i don't make the rules#weightless au#mythical creatures
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AU idea
A Sanders Sides/Supernatural AU, but the Sides are monsters and Thomas is a human searching for supernatural stuff
Ok, I don't know where this ideia came from, but stay with me here.
(Note: Idk if it's going to be really long this post, so I'll tag it as a long post since Tumblr app sucks to put a Read More
Also, Deceit and Remus are in this AU so... TW to yall)
Summary of this AU:
Thomas is a writer that believes in the supernatural and wants to prove it. So he leaves his home for a while to travel to try to find it and make a book about his findings (with photos and stuff cause you know... the guy needs proof)
Meanwhile, you have a house with 6 monsters that are living together and trying to not bring attention of a monster hunter or something else
So, when Thomas reached a small town, needing somewhere to sleep, a guy named Patton appears and say that he can stay with him and his friends, as longs as he doesn't causes trouble and help to pay some stuff
Thomas accepts, after all he didn't have where to sleep anyway (it was a small town, but it didn't have hotels or stuff for some reason) and the guy seemed pretty trustworthy
Everything is normal, everything is cool... Until one guy, that Thomas swears that he looked like Patton just hours ago, turns into some sort of twin of himself, and that's where the storyline really kicks in.
What each Side would be in this AU:
- Logan: Bargain/Crossroad Demon
- Patton: Revenant Ghost (they're ghosts that are corporeal and doesn't know that they're dead)
- Roman: Siren (but not the singing type... their lure and seducing stuff comes from a type of venom in their mouth)
- Virgil: Reaper (yep, the famous Angels of Death, the classics here-)
- Deceit: Shapeshifter
- Remus: Djinn (but he's the ones that feeds and kills using the person's fears and creates nightmares)
- Thomas: Human (he's normal I swear-)
(And yes, I thought about putting Remy and Emile as Monster Hunters or another type of people or just another monsters, but I couldn't decide so they're not around yet)
Now comes my biggest problem here.
Should I:
Make it a multichapter story (and probably a series with multiple oneshots as well cause background stories)
or
Make it a Ask Blog (you guys would be able to talk to everyone inside the story and yes, it would still have a storyline; I can't draw but I can write I swear-)?
I kinda know how I can make it work in both formats, but I just can't decide lmao
If someone had any opinions on the matter, I would love to know
(I also would love to know if I should develop this AU in the first place cause it seems kinda of a dumb idea when I think about posting it-)
#sanders sides#ts roman#ts virgil#ts deceit#ts logan#ts patton#au idea#sanders sides/supernatural au#monsters#supernatural creatures#fanfic or ask blog?#i could do both as well who knows#ts remus#long post#monsters inside blank pages au#katestuff.txt
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Deceit just seems too respectable for Aladdin, haha. And I liked Patton as the Djinn because he would probably make puns instead of just references, which already infuriates Logan in canon. Do you have any other Starkid AUs? I recall your Spies are Forever AU (even if it's not Starkid) and that I agree 100% on. I started sketching that AU for warmups and I think it'll eventually become something more.
OOOO I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR SKETCHES!!! but honestly I'm just getting started with these aus. I have no idea which musical I'll do next but I will say that an analogical audience of tgwdlm is a very tempting idea rn
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So, for an element AU challenge I was a part of, I drew Rock Golem! Logan, Djinn! Roman, Alan! Patton, and Part Sea Monster! Virgil.
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Todd, Colleen, and I at Crypticon’s new venue.
Crypticon KC 2014 was the first convention I ever attended. This year, I went on a road trip with my podcast cohost Todd and his wife Colleen. Oddly, Crypticon Kansas City was actually held in St. Joe, which is roughly an hour away from Kansas City itself. I assumed that the move from the Howard Johnson Plaza in KC to the St. Joe Civic Center was merely for economic reasons. I found out later that it was because of a very real-life horror story.
More on this later.
Andrew Divoff sweetly agreeing to have a phone chat with my mom.
For those of you who prefer your horror in film and culture, Crypticon did not disappoint. It was great seeing my friend Andrew Divoff (Wishmaster, Lost, Toy Soldiers), who sweetly agreed to chat with my mom on the phone before things got too busy.
With Jeffrey Combs, who should be in every movie.
I also enjoyed seeing Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator, Star Trek) again. He kicked off the convention Q&A session with several fascinating stories and a great sense of humor.
William B. David and Mitch Pileggi talk UFO’s
Another fun session was the panel with X-Files stars Mitch Pileggi and William B. Davis. The most interesting aspect of this panel was their discussion about paranormal activity and the existence of extraterrestrial life. Pileggi is a believer and Davis is not.
Dirk Benedict trumped us during a political discussion at his table!
Battlestar Galactica and A-Team star Dirk Benedict gave a lively talk about his personal life, past romantic relationships, political views, and love for his children. I didn’t always agree with his opinions (for example, he had many positive things to say about Donald Trump), but it was refreshing to listen to someone who was unafraid to share his unfiltered views.
We met a lot of new people too, a few of whom will be future podcast guests. African-American horror-fantasy author Crystal Connor shared a bracing story about a collision with a swastica-tattooed skinhead, only to be surprised that he was more concerned for her well-being. Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp) and Mark Patton (A Nightmare on Elm St. 2) have passionate opinions on depictions of gender and sexual orientation in horror films, and I can’t wait to talk to them further. Later, über-sweetheart David Naughton (An American Werewolf in London) chatted with us about his upcoming projects, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming and The Hatred.
Chatting with Andrew Divoff at the hotel.
On the final day, Andrew Divoff shared information about his upcoming charity pour and new hand-sculpted Djinn rings. We talked about the new convention venue, and he asked how it compared to the old one. I explained that I stayed in the Howard Johnson Plaza in Kansas City during Crypticon 2014, and while my room was clean, there were definite problems with the facility. One elevator bounced sickeningly before stopping at the correct floor, and another was broken entirely. I opted to take the stairs instead, and found the dismal concrete stairwell to be littered with broken glass and used needles. The convention hall itself looked decent, but occasionally I would notice a foul stench waft through, as though a particularly flatulent convention-goer had walked by and cropdusted the aisle. It turns out that the old plumbing system perpetually leaked sewer gas during the summer months. As unsavory as that was, I speculated that Crypticon simply moved because they found a cleaner, bigger, or cheaper venue.
But then, Andrew said, “No, it was closed down because of the bodies in the elevator shaft.”
The now defunct Howard Johnson Plaza/former Ramada Inn
Note the overgrown weed problem.
It was like American Horror Story: Hotel, minus the glamor. Maybe more like Bentley Little’s novel The Resort. This took me down a rabbit hole of research of the Howard Johnson Plaza/Ramada Inn, beginning with reviews from hotel guests who had far worse experiences than I did. (See select photos above from TripAdvisor.) There were tales of mildewed coffee pots, filthy bedding, broken windows, televisions “ghetto-wired” directly into the electrical outlet, cockroach and rat infestations, bedbugs, and entire sections left abandoned, with unmade rooms potentially occupied by homeless people. It seems that the Howard Johnson Plaza was like a ghost town by September 2016 and abandoned entirely by December.
As for dead bodies, I found evidence of only one in the elevator shaft. According to Fox 4 News and the Kansas City Star, a homeless man who frequently sheltered in the hotel reported to police that he had found a body in one of the elevator shafts, and that it had been there for quite awhile. So long that it was not immediately obvious whether the body was male or female. While I have not found much follow-up information about this, it seems that the death was accidental. The victim was apparently stealing copper pipes and fell to his death.
Stay classy, KC.
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Batman vs. The Penguin (with Patton Oswalt)
Originally From: http://youtu.be/1byycwl8qgc Read more at http://www.jinn-djinn.com/batman-vs-the-penguin-with-patton-oswalt/
Access amazing content and webinars on all things related to the Jinn (Djinn) at jinn-djinn.com - click here!
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Suicide Squad: The 15 Weirdest Members Of All Time
Ever since way back in Rick Flag Sr.’s Squadron S in World War II, the Suicide Squad has always been a group of ragtag rogues that operate in the grey area of morality. This dynamic alone makes for a good read, but it is DC’s deep catalogue of characters to choose from that makes each colorful new line-up of the Squad so much fun.
RELATED: 15 Toughest Suicide Squad Members Of All Time
The point of this list, then, is to document our picks for the oddest, strangest, most ridiculous scoundrels to ever have taken part in the U.S. governments’ most covert agency, Task Force X. From a former resident of Arkham Asylum, to Steve Ditko’s second trippiest character ever, to Grant Morrison himself, we’ve got all of the “Skwad’s” best weirdos!
SHRIKE (II)
A lot of superheroes and villains have strange origin stories, but Shrike’s starts weird and just gets weirder. An ancient alien named Overmaster, who had deemed himself the judge of worlds, arrived on our planet to decide if the human species was worthy to be the Earth’s stewards. To test humanity, he imbues a group of human beings with super powers, designates them his Cadre, and has them fight the Justice League. We’re not sure how any of this was supposed to determine humanity’s worth, but Overmaster created some fun super villains in the process. Shrike was one of them.
Created by Gerry Conway and Chuck Patton, Vanessa Kinsbury was a mentally ill young woman who escaped the facility where she had been committed, when her and Overmaster’s paths crossed. He gave her the powers of flight and a sonic screech similar to that of Black Canary or Marvel’s Banshee. And talk about an “interesting” look, Shrike has Wolverine’s hairdo (but pink), a devil’s tail and she wears what doesn’t amount to much more than a bathing suit, sometimes with fishnets. She joins the team in “Suicide Squad” #24 (1989), and promptly dies on her first mission in “Suicide Squad” #25.
SHRAPNEL
Shrapnel was introduced in “Doom Patrol” during Paul Kupperberg’s run, just before Grant Morrison took over. At the time, Erik Larsen was illustrating the title, so the character definitely has a bit of a ‘90s feel, sort of resembling a metallic version of Marvel’s The Thing. Where it gets strange is that, while it appears he is made of metal, his body is actually a mass of organic fragments that he can control. He can fire these off individually, blow himself apart with concussive force and even grow back lost fragments.
Shrapnel was part of the CIA’s Suicide Squad that was sent to the island nation of Diabloverde to prop up its corrupt ruler, Guedhe, in “Suicide Squad” #63 (1992). He was also part of a second CIA Suicide Squad tasked with capturing the Wiley Wolverman and Sasha Martens version of Hawk & Dove in “Hawk & Dove” #3 (1998). Eventually, he was roped into Waller’s Squad proper, and was given the unenviable job of ambushing Superman in “The Adventures of Superman” #593 (2001).
PLASMUS
Plasmus is a Marv Wolfman and George Perez creation from the early ‘80s. This was the era of nukes, the Three Mile Island accident and Cold War, so of course Plasmus’ origin story includes details of radiation exposure and ex-Nazi experimentation. Plasmus was part of a compact Suicide Squad made up of strictly heavy-hitters, including Chemo and Shrapnel, and lead by powerful telepath Manchester Black. They first appeared as Squad in “Superman: Our Worlds At War Secret Files” #1.
However, it is in “Adventures of Superman” #593 that they lure Superman to an abandoned military facility called Area 8 and jump him. We all know how that turns out — not great. A simple rule of thumb for villains at the this point in DC continuity: Don’t go directly at Supes. Even with a chest full of Kryptonite, like Metallo, it’s probably a bad idea. Even though he was once on the Squad, Plasmus was one of dozens of super villains sent to the distant planet Salvation by Checkmate and Task Force X, which set up the “Salvation Run” mini series.
MINDBOGGLER
While Mindboggler started as a Firestorm rogue, she has spent more time in the pages of “Suicide Squad.” John Ostrander introduced her in his seminal first issue of the title and unceremoniously killed her in “Suicide Squad” #2. But that wasn’t the end of the line for this mind-controlling punk rocker. She may have died at the hands of Rustam, leader of Skwad’s arch-enemies, The Jihad, but the Quraci agency resurrected her in digital form (similar to their former member Djinn), and she returned in “Suicide Squad” #17.
Rick Flag Jr. managed to retrieve the device that held her, but they never managed to bring her back into the fold. Her actual body was reanimated and she returned yet again as one of Koshchei’s zombies in “Suicide Squad #48.” Mindboggler initially gained her powers from Breathtaker of the Assassination Bureau. This is also how fellow assassins Stratos and Incognito got their abilities. All three attempted to fulfil a contract on Firestorm, but ultimately failed.
THE TATTOOED MAN (I)
The first Tattooed Man was Abel Tarrant, a former sailor turned criminal. He used “special paint” to give himself “tattoos” that he could bring to life. To be clear, the “tattoos” were painted on, so they were not done with a tattoo gun or even a needle. This was eventually retconned and it became “magic ink” and actual tattoos, which is less weird… but only very slightly. He joins Task Force X in “Checkmate” #6 (2006), and is killed in the next issue when he is found to be a traitor.
In a 1993 Vertigo mini series titled “Skin Graft: The Adventures of a Tattooed Man,” a jailed Tarrant tattoos a new inmate named John Oakes, who then becomes the second Tattooed Man. Word has it that Common’s character in the “Suicide Squad” movie, Monster T, was supposed to be an interpretation of the third Tattooed Man, Mark Richards. If so, holy wasted opportunity, Batman! How much fun would it have been to see Common’s tats start crawling off of him?
BLACK ORCHID
Black Orchid was a young woman who died and was brought back to life as a plant/human hybrid by a cutting-edge botanist. Just let that sink in for a minute. In her new form, she is super strong, fast, durable and could fly. Yet, her trademark was being a master of disguise. She is revealed to be part of Task Force X in “Suicide Squad” #4 (1987), in which she goes undercover to help take down the vigilante known as William Hell. Orchid has also been in an assemblage of magic’s anti-heroes not dissimilar to the Suicide Squad called the Spirit Squad. This band of magic users is brought together by The Creeper in “Blue Devil Annual” #1.
The New 52 version of this character is part of what is basically the DCnU take on the Spirit Squad, Justice League Dark. She joins this team as an agent of A.R.G.U.S. and is tasked with keeping an eye on John Constantine. Also, Orchid is an important link between The Red and The Green, and was an integral player in the “Rot World” crossover.
LARVANAUT
“Suicide Squad” has long been an excuse for writers to thumb through old DC Who’s Who issues searching for obscure villains that nobody would miss if they happened to fall during a Skwad mission. A number of characters have died in the field secretly working for the US Government, many on their first outing even. However, Larvanaut is different simply because he was created by Keith Giffen and Paco Medina for a single issue. This creature joins a version of Task Force X in “Suicide Squad” #3 (2001), all of whom die on their first mission… except Killer Frost.
All we really know about Larvanaut from his brief DC existence is that he has a heightened sense of smell, he can’t breathe regular air, he tends to walk on all fours, he only has three fingers on each hand, he has a large reptilian tail and his name seems to to be a portmanteau of “larva” and “astronaut.” Pretty damn weird, if you ask us.
CLOCK KING
The Clock King became obsessed with time when he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He turned to crime to try to gather enough money to provide for an invalid sister once he had passed. Turns out his doctor had mixed up patient files and he was not sick at all! Clock King later became a part of Major Disaster’s Injustice League. During this crew’s last ditch attempt at a big score, they accidentally stopped a diamond heist and, with the help of Maxwell Lord, became the Justice League Antarctica.
This team was eventually disbanded, but half of the members (Clock King, Major Disaster, Big Sir and Cluemaster) ended up as a Suicide Squad, headed by Sgt. Rock and Bulldozer of Easy Company. Clock King’s first appearance as a Squadian was in “Suicide Squad” #3 (2001), the same issue in which Larvanaut makes his inauspicious debut. So, if you read the last entry, you already know this was one of those Task Force X missions that put the “suicide” in Suicide Squad.
MISTER 104
John Ostrander used a rotating cast of nearly four dozen characters during his monumental run with the Modern Age Suicide Squad, and Mister 104 was definitely one of the weirder ones. He can turn his body into any element on the Periodic Table, but was introduced when the Periodic Table only had 103 elements (he started as Mister 103). At this point, he would have to be renamed Mister 118.
Like Shrapnel, 104 is a Doom Patrol villain, but he is from a much earlier run — the ’60s, to be precise. He joins up with an iteration of Task Force X that includes other obscure characters like Psi and Weasel in “Doom Patrol and Suicide Squad” #1 (1988). As the title suggests, this Squad teams up with the Doom Patrol to rescue Hawk (of Hawk & Dove) from Sandistas in Nicaragua. Mister 104 dies in a battle with the Rocket Red Brigade, who also show up to snatch Hawk for Russia.
PUNCH & JEWELEE
These guys are like a low budget version of The Joker and Harley Quinn. However, they show up in the comics 25 years before Harley was even dreamed up by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm. Though, to be fair, the Joker was tormenting Batman a long time before that.
These two former Coney Island puppeteers were originally Captain Atom villains, who had found and mastered alien tech. They are the creation of the venerable Steve Ditko and David Kaler. The married jesters were recruited by Amanda Waller in “Suicide Squad” #24 (1989). They left the Squad when the pair became pregnant, but were pulled back in years later to aid a Mirror Master-led team. The New 52 versions of these characters were just recently introduced in “Batman” #9, as part of the “I Am Suicide” arc. Jewelee was mentally ill and locked up in Arkham Asylum, but she and Punch came through for Bats in his assault on Bane. They thus earned some leniency of the rules there thanks to their quirky teamwork.
AMBUSH BUG
Yet another entry that is more than a little off his rocker, Ambush Bug is more of a DC mascot than an actual superhero. He does have an arch-nemesis, but it’s an argyle sock that looks like Doctor Doom named Argh!Yle! If that wasn’t weird enough, Bug is also a proud member of the “fourth wall breakers club,” a-la Deadpool and Lobo, regularly reaching out to the reader and appearing in meta-stories like “Channel 52″ as a roving reporter within the New 52 universe. However, Bug has also managed to be taken seriously, joining elite DC teams such as the Justice League of America, Doom Patrol, and of course, the Suicide Squad.
Bug’s suit granted him invulnerability and the power to teleport. He became a member of a variation of Task Force X that Amanda Waller put together to help fight the Alien Alliance in “Invasion!” #2 (1989). This Squad included Captain Boomerang, Black Orchid, The Duchess, and was lead by veteran member, Nemesis. Fun fact: Ambush Bug was once married to Dumb Bunny of the Inferior Five.
SHADE THE CHANGING MAN
While Shade the Changing Man has “man” right there in his name, he is actually from the planet Meta, making him a Metan and ill-fitting one particular gender. The bridge between Earth and the Meta-Zone is a dimension called the Zero-Zone, which is where Shade met Task Force X, during issue #16 of “Suicide Squad” (1988). At the time, the Squad accidentally ended up in the nebulous limbo, but luckily, Shade was able to get them back to Earth. After their encounter, Amanda Waller offers to help return him to Meta if he joins up with her team of unbalance villains.
Unlike alien heroes with super powers, like Superman and Martian Manhunter, Shade had the speed and strength of a slightly above-average man of his age, height and build. What gave him powers was his M-Vest, which projected his appearance differently depending on the current mental state of himself or others. The M-Vest also emitted a powerful force field. Shade the Changing Man is the second entry on our list created by the great Steve Ditko.
COL. COMPUTRON
Colonel Computron was the legacy name of two Flash villains, Basil Nurbin and his daughter, Luna Nurbin. While their appearance suggests they were cyborgs of some kind, both are actually just wearing tech armor. Furthermore, this armor is based on the Captain Computron toy produced by the Wiggins Toy Corp. This is the same company that is owned by Captain Boomerang’s father, W.W. Wiggins.
When Col. Computron popped back up as a floating head in “Checkmate” #11, he didn’t even know he was working for Amanda Waller in a hush-hush line up of the Squad. At this point, Waller was the White Queen of Checkmate and was in direct violation of UN statutes by sanctioning Suicide Squad activity of any kind. Yet, with the help of her operatives, she had rigged a Santa Prisca election to avoid a Bane-backed candidate taking power. Rick Flag Jr., Fire and King Faraday were all in league with Waller at this point, but the full cast of this Squad was never revealed.
GRANT MORRISON
Yes, Grant Morrison doesn’t just write superhero comic books, he redefines them… sometimes by entering them, himself. In the last issue of his “Animal Man” run, Buddy Baker manages to make it to our reality and “meet his maker,” as it were. Morrison tells Buddy that he is the author of his life, before resetting everything he had written and wiping the slate clean for the next scribe.
So, it’s kind of awesome that John Ostrander paid tribute to Morrison by bringing a character called The Writer — clearly a visual and thematic homage to Morrison — into his popular “Suicide Squad” run. The character joins up in “Suicide Squad” #58 (1991), along with a bunch of other villains that are recruited to help neutralize sorcerer Circe and her army of werebeasts and Amazons. In that issue, he tells Firehawk and Silver Swan that his portable computer either tells him what is going to happen or he actually writes what is going to happen. Sadly, he dies when he gets writer’s block while a werebeast is coming at him.
JOKER’S DAUGHTER
It doesn’t get much weirder than Duela Dent. The character has been around since the late ‘60s, and has a long and convoluted continuity. Her history is one thing pre-Crisis On Infinite Earths, and another thing entirely post-Crisis. It’s quite different yet again with her New 52 reimagining. The original version of this mentally unstable youngster claimed to be the daughter of almost every villain in Batman’s rogue gallery: The Joker, The Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman and Scarecrow.
However, it is the New 52 Duela we are concerned with for this entry, as that’s the version that joined the ranks of Vic Sage’s Task Force X in “New Suicide Squad” #1 (2014). This iteration of her is deeply troubled and intent on snuffing out anything beautiful. It’s implied she is a former heroin addict and self-mutilator. When she finds The Joker’s cut-off face in the sewers where she dwells, she eats a bit of it and then proceeds to wear the rest. Now, that is #1 spot weird! Fun Fact: The New 52 Duela has one blue eye and one green eye as a homage to Two-Face, who is believed to be her real father for most of her history.
Is there anyone weirder than the Suicide Squad team members on this list? If so, let us know in the comments!
The post Suicide Squad: The 15 Weirdest Members Of All Time appeared first on CBR.com.
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Weightless (pt2)
Summary: Virgil still hates the human world and humans in particular. But maybe not his strange (definitely not) human housemates
Words: 4297
Pairings: Platonic LAMP
Part One
Read on AO3
“--a week or two. I don’t know I gave him a lot.” Roman’s voice says weakly. Virgil is rather annoyed it’s the first thing he hears when he wakes up. On a good day he hates hearing Roman’s condescending tone, on a bad day Virgil contemplates adding him to the list of humans he wants to kill.
What was Roman doing in his room?
No, wait he wasn’t in his room. Damn, he needed to stop falling asleep couch.
Really, it’s been a month since he’s moved into the building and he has his own room, with a door that locks, the windows that shut all the way, and headphones that blare the sound of the ocean waves as loud as he wanted. He doesn’t need to be out in the common area, taking up the entire couch, headphones on and buried under as many blankets as he can get away with.
He’s sure he’s annoying his housemates with it too. Every once in a while he picks up on the presence of one or two of them skirting through the area---
Wait a second.
“Don’t give me that look! You saw him!”
Virgil’s had that thought before. He knows he’s had that thought before.
“I didn’t see anything.” Logan’s voice replies tersely with an edge that is unlike him. Logan doesn’t rise to emotion, ever. But here he was talking like he ever word was meant to be a barbed attack.
“Oh yeah I forgot, specs!” Even when he sounds like he’s still recovering from being hit by an eighteen wheeler, he manages to sound like the sarcastic asshole he was. “And when were you going to tell the rest of us about the stone eyes ability you suddenly possess?”
Virgil’s missing something. There’s an important bit of information, and it feels like its just on the tip off his tongue, on the brink of his consciousness.
“Guys,” Patton’s voices is strained, but he sounds more worried than anything else. “Let’s not fight.”
Whatever, he’s never cared about his housemates before. Where are his headphones? He wants to crank up the sound of the ocean and pretend it’s dragging Roman under its unforgiving surface again and again and again.
He wants to pretend nothing is wrong.
-ongwroNGWRONG WRONG WRONG
It feels like an alarm that had been going on in his head for years that Virgil hadn’t even noticed until that moment. All at once his brain is screaming, crying, wailing for him to listen. The noise, his noise, the familiar noise of his thoughts comes roaring back and it drowns the dull sleepiness on his brain.
Virgil reacts like someone stuck jumper cables to his temples. The blind panic of it jolts down his spine awakening every limb with a flood of shaky Adrenalin. He’s sitting up before his eyes have even opened. (Granted his vision blurs and waves together and the blood behind his eyes pounds so hard he has to hold back a scream, but he’s sitting up. Ready to defend himself.)
He knows someone else screams. By the time his vision clears enough for him to make sense of his surroundings (common room couch, blankets folded, coffee table cleared and cleaned and his reflection bouncing off the glass window barrier from the peaceful night) Roman, Logan, and Patton are all looking at him with varying degrees of horror. Virgil’s body sways but he’s determined not to fall back down, not to fall back unconscious no matter how loudly it beacons him.
“How the fuck are you awake?” Roman rasps from the opposite end of the couch, his skin pale, and his body tense. There are scratch marks on his arm wrapped tightly with gauze, and a tiny bit of fear in his expression that Virgil’s mind struggles to explain.
“Language!” Patton scolds, but even he looks a breath away from a heart attack, a step away from Logan wearing different dark tinted glasses than normal. Why? Why why why why-
“I gave you enough to kill an elephant!” Roman yells, pressing himself as far away from Virgil as he can get.
Virgil doesn’t know what he’s saying, doesn’t know what is going on. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His brain can’t focus on anything, and his vision keeping dancing between hyperfocus and unrecognizable blur. His chest heaves but every inhale is a fight. He’s panicking. He knows he’s panicking. Something foreign is in his body and it’s trying to smother his awareness.
“What…” Virgil’s words come out slurred, every push of his tongue is a battle, “What did you... do to me?”
A shooting pain in his neck. His fingers feel like led dragging over the spot with absolute horror. There’s indents there-- why are there indents? Virgil’s never had indents there.
“Is this... a bite mark?”
Virgil’s head pounds, that alarm in his head screams so loud he can’t hear any other thought. What happened what did he do what did the human do to him--
He nearly misses Logan straightening in his seat and shifting his glasses ever so slightly. “Interesting, Roman,” he says in the calmest monotone Virgil has ever heard, “I was not informed that one or two weeks now meant roughly an hour.”
“Logan!” Patton throws a hand over his mouth, but Virgil’s certain it’s hiding a smile.
Roman’s head swivels to face to other with a partial snarl on it, “Hey you don’t have room to talk! You weren’t going to tell us that you can transform people to stone with a glance!”
Virgil’s stomach drops out, “What?”
Logan turns that stare on him, the dark lenses of his glasses pulling like a shadow over the other others eyes but Virgil is acutely aware of his iris movement behind them. “You don’t remember?” He doesn’t wait for Virgil to ask what he doesn’t remember; Logan turns accusingly towards Roman, “He doesn’t remember?”
Roman’s nose scrunches up, half a sneer on his face. Virgil’s head pounds and he wonders ideally if this was his time to die. Could he just drop dead right here on the sofa? With his body aching in every sense of the word, his mind stuffed with cotton, and surrounded by people he doesn’t trust?
“It happens sometimes!” Roman says unapologetically, “A side effect! He’s not even supposed to be awake! No human wakes up that fast! I--”
“Human?” Virgil repeats, before he can stop himself.
“Virgil, kiddo,” Patton says soothingly, “why don’t you lie back down--”
“You think I--me-- am a human?” Virgil repeats.
It takes him a moment to remember that fuck, that was not information he was supposed to be sharing. His tongue felt like lead, fumbling over his his teeth as if he could take the words out of the air before any of them heard them.
“You’re no--” Patton blinks
“Of course!” Roman shouts with his booming boastful voice that Virgil hates more than anything else about him. The other flings himself off the couch hands dancing in the air as if he were composing some sort of ballad. “It makes sense!”
Virgil presses his back into the sofa, hands so tight that his knuckles are turning white. He thinks that if Roman has any good sense he’ll keep out of kicking range, because Virgil doesn’t do well being cornered and human kneecaps are very vulnerable.
Except that when Roman twists around to face him again he’s grinning brightly-- too brightly, too charismatically, his lips shining, twisting in that ever appealing way that Virgil still hasn’t figured out how to ignore. There’s sparkles on him again, shimmering on his hair like tiny glittering water droplets. His stance is overtly confident, as he smiles, and his eyes are undoubtedly, unabashedly, red.
“You’re not human!” Roman says gleefully, showing off this pointed teeth. “That’s how you wore off my venom so fast!”
“Venom?” Virgil repeats, a dash of anger breaking through the cotton in his mind. “What venom?!”
“You’re also not human,” Logan notes. Virgil steals a glance at him, as he carefully takes off his glasses with eyes firmly closed and proceeds to clean them. There’s pale green skin around his eyes and eyelids that look like eyeshadow, but with a swoop of his stomach Virgil remembers exactly what Roman had said about Logan turning someone to stone.
Logan’s not human. Roman’s not human. Virgil’s not human.
“Oh dear,” Patton whispers.
From where he’s standing Virgil is acutely aware that Patton could go screaming to the entire city block. Every person who had ever come in contact with the supernatural world would be flooding their little beach hovel and Virgil wasn’t sure he could survive being thrown off a cliff again. It’s what any sane normal human would do.
Virgil feels the water in the house, and he feels it the moment it bursts (all too easily, as if it had done it before). The kitchen sink explodes, the piping in the walls ruptures, a flood of water shoots in the room without a direction.
Logan’s eyes flicker open and shut before Virgil has any sense to blink, and the other man shoves his glasses back on so forcibly they nearly break in his hands. Roman splutters as he gets a face full of the cold liquid, tripping backwards over the coffee table. Virgil dives to the floor, nearly biting off his tongue when his chin his the hardwood floor. The liquid rains, and for a second Virgil is filled with an impossible bliss at just seeing it he can’t force himself to move before he’s also soaked.
(It’s wrong! It’s not salty! It’s not the ocean, ocean, ocean.)
((The ocean will kill him if he touches it without his skin.))
Then as suddenly as it had begun, as suddenly as Virgil had recognized he had done it, it’s gone again. Virgil stares as the room is flooded with the scent of sugar and blue raspberry clouds. The world seems to stop, pause, breathe. The pressure that forced the water to break froze and Virgil can feel it instantly retreat.
Then the water rises up from the floor, pulls back from Roman, draws out of his Virgil’s owe clothes and returns to the pipes it broke out of. The pipe mends itself, the sink fits back in place, and the wall folds back into place until it looks like it never happened before.
Across the room, Patton stands lock in half concentration, half happiness with one hand outstretched, his fingers and the tips of his ears an icy, vibrant, and totally-not-human blue. Unearthly matching blue smoke dances at his feet until the job is complete, then when he lowers his hand it fades like an illusion, leaving him appearing every bit of the human he wasn’t.
Virgil can’t breathe and it has nothing to do with the venom Roman may or may not have injected him with.
There's a silence in the house that none of them can break. Not even Roman, whose voice had annoyingly persisted throughout the house for the past week every time that Virgil had tried to find quiet time. Not even Patton who had been an unending well of happiness and conversation, even when Virgil refused to acknowledge him. Not even Logan’s whose simple side comments made being in the same room as him not suck. The silence stuck in the air as heavy as oil until Virgil couldn’t stand it.
“What are you?”
“What are you?” Roman shoots back, “You’re the one who keeps doing that! The water! Do you know how much time goes into getting my hair--”
“You bit me!”
“You scratched me!”
Virgil hisses, “I probably had a good reason!”
“Yeah, because you’re psychotic!”
“STOP!” Patton yells over whatever Virgil is replying. Virgil tenses, at the sharpness of his voice, instinctively curling away and glaring at Roman. Roman dismisses him shortly.
“I’m not stopping! He’s a menace! Nine months of living in the house with him and he has done nothing but be an ass to all of us! Ignoring us, disregarding us, stealing our blankets--” Roman grabs one from the couch shaking it at Virgil like that could make him regret it. All is does is make Virgil’s shoulders ache again.
“Then he just goes berserk in one night?!” Roman says hotly, “You’re the reason why humans hunt us down and kill us.”
Virgil recoils like he’s been hit-- and really he has been. Every bit of anger in him stirs at Roman’s words, stirs and sizzles and bubbles. What does Roman know about being hunted and killed? What gives him the right to say anything about this? He might not be human but he was close enough: self absorbed and toxic and--
“I’m not the one who brought home a fucking hunter!”
Virgil freezes at his own words. He tries to find the proof in his memory, sifting through the cotton trying to pick out exactly why he’s sure without a doubt that Roman had done something so stupid. He scratches on it, a vague shapeless thing that fills him with terror.
“You brought home a hunter,” He repeats.
“What?” Roman laughs, “No? I--no!”
Virgil throws a hand over his mouth to keep himself from vomiting. Vertigo hits him hard, like it had when he had first woken up and found them all sitting there staring at him.
“I didn’t!” Roman tugs his collar, “He would have told me! They always tell me!”
Silver lip piercing, the curly hair, the ripped vest, and the red bandanna tied around his upper arm, Virgil remembers. He bites into his hand, trying to muffle the scream. He had been right there, Virgil had been standing right in front of one of the men who had ruined his life.
Coldness floods over him.
“Where is he?” Virgil demands hoarsely, “What happened to him?”
Logan makes an uncomfortable sound that has no place coming from his general direction.
“Logan turned him to stone,” Roman says, “So problem solved! No more hunter! No one saw us so no one will be coming here--”
“Roman!” Patton wrings the hem of his shirt, in distress, “Killing people is not the answer!”
“Hunters do it to people like us everyday!”
Virgil barely hears them, “Where is he?”
“There’s nothing to worry about--”
“Where the fucking hell is he!” Virgil shouts.
Roman and Logan both make a point not to look towards the kitchen. Virgil scrambles to his feet nearly toppling over yet again. Blood rushes in his ears, his too-light shoulders make him feel off balanced. He trips into the kitchen area.
There’s a statue there, standing with a face of repulsion on its face. It’s lifelike. Virgil wants to cry, because it’s standing right there and in the darkness of the early morning Virgil can almost convince himself that it’s still living.
“Virgil,” Patton’s voice says quietly.
“Fix it,” Virgil pleads. “Please, fix it like you fixed the wall or whatever, please just--”
“I can’t.” Patton said eyes too big to be lying, “Djinn can’t interfere with life and death. I tried, but he’s gone.”
“He can’t be!” Virgil shudders wrapping his arms around his stomach, “He can’t be dead. I need him to not be dead!” Part of him realizes it’s completely unfair that this is the most he’s ever talked to any of them and here he is asking them to bring a known hunter back to life with the chance that they’ll escape and bring the entire town down on them.
“Virgil,” Patton says again and it horribly sad.
Oh fuck he’s pretty sure he’s crying.
“He can’t be dead,” Virgil says stubbornly. He feels like a little kid again, curled up on the sandy beach to look at the stars in the sky that he couldn’t see from the ocean, and wish, wish, wishing all the bad things away from himself.
And suddenly the ache for that stupid kid is so strong Virgil can’t inhale again. The kid who effortlessly jumped from the cliffs with blackflips and breathed in the salty water, the kid who hoarded shiny pebbles and went to the surface to star at the stars, the kid who thought aimlessly, naively, that the humans weren’t nearly as bad as everyone had always said they were. He wants to go back to that kid and shake him hard, because seeing the stars had not been worth it that night or any of the ones after it.
“What are you crying for?” Roman demands, but Patton shushes him quickly. He kneels next to Virgil--when did Virgil get on the floor?
“Virgil, I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours,” he says, “But I promise everything is going to be okay. We’re safe and we’re home--”
Virgil shakes his head, harsher than he means to. Because this place is not his home, because he can’t find the words to explain this, can’t figure out why any of them should care.
Virgil hates the human world. It’s stupid, terrible, and frustrating. Everything he does feels wrong: the air is too thin and their no current in it, the sun is too bright and blistering hot, the people are strange and foreign. Virgil thinks as he sits on the ground in front of a statue probably sobbing, that he hates this world more now than he did before.
Distantly he’s aware of the waves rolling over the shore with malicious sorrow, washing the sand again and again, as Patton reaches out and cups his upper arm in what he supposes must be a comforting gesture. The skin on skin contact feel dry and brittle and Virgil wishes hates it as much as he loves it.
“Virgil,” Logan’s tone cuts through his thoughts like a knife, piercing in to the dull throb of his head, “What did he take from you?”
Virgil hiccups so hard his stomach rolls over. He has a million lies ready and on his tongue waiting to be delivered but none of them come out.
“My s-skin,” He chokes.
“Your what-now?” Roman echoes sounding offended.
Logan nods solemnly like that was expected, “His skin. He’s a selkie.”
“A what?”
Virgil wonders if he can convince Patton that killing people is alright if the only person he kills is Roman. His exhale shudders his entire body, and he leans into the touch of the-- Djinn? Is that what he called himself?
Logan twists his watch around his wrist, “A selkie. They are a water race that primarily tend to stay towards the bottom of the ocean and not cause trouble. Unlike mermaids.” He clicks his tongue distastefully which against all odds makes Virgil want to laugh. “If I remember correctly they have skins that act much like the human form of a jacket. Taking it off allows them to walk on land.”
Roman makes a face. “So you just…” He mimes unzipping a jacket from his forehead. “That’s pretty creepy.” Patton shoots him a glare that Virgil gladly doubles.
“What! Objectively! You’re a creepy cookie!” Roman shakes his arms out and then wraps them around himself.
“I do not think you have room to talk, Roman. You create a narcotic from your salivary glands that can instantly put any creature into a coma, so you can do what exactly?” Logan asks. “I’m surprised humans are not more fearful of your kind than they are of anything else.”
Roman’s smile turns a little to sharp, “Low blows coming from someone with Gorgon blood in them.” He shakes out his arms again, “Besides it’s for emergencies only.”
“And what counts as an emergency to an incubus?” Logan counters.
“I’m not about to explain that in a room that has Patton in it!”
“Patton’s a grown Djinn. He is most likely older than even you.”
Patton made a sound in the back of his throat, “Please don’t fight guys! I hate fighting!”
“Very well,” Logan turned back to Virgil, “Apologies Virgil.” He shifts his glasses and Virgil starts to think that it might me a nervous tick for him, constantly making sure that his glasses were covering his line of vision completely.
“I do not understand why you neglected to tell any of us about this.” He says, “If my research is correct, without a skin a selkie cannot return to life in the ocean.”
“Whoa, wait hold on!” Roman throws up a time out sign, “Why do people care so much about this- ugh- skin? So what, if he doesn’t have one! There’s got to be plenty of other selkies out there without one!”
“It’s not--” Virgil takes a shuddering breath, “Selkies can’t survive without their skins. Salt water literally dissolves us in this form.”
Roman stares at him for a second. “Then why the hell do you people live in the ocean?!”
“Language,” Patton wrings the hem of his shirt with his delicate fingers again, “What would humans want with a selkie skin?”
“What wouldn’t they want?” Virgil snorts, miserably “They're soft, heavy, and virtually indestructible. Humans love that shit.”
Patton taps him on the arm twice, a warning smile on his face, “I know you kiddos are having a rough time right this second, but the next one who uses one of those bad words I’m going to have to wash your mouth with soap!”
“That’s quite unnecessary Patton,” Logan says, “While I agree that the usage of such profanity could be better regulated, we are all adults here and there is no need for such a childish tech--”
“You’re not my mom!” Roman yells gleefully over him, as if he was looking to challenge Patton’s power. “I can say whatever I want! Fuck! Hell! Da--”
In a second Virgil’s senses are bombarded with that blue raspberry sugar smell that’s so strong he can taste it. Patton’s body doesn’t move but he tenses ever so slightly. Virgil watches in amazing meant as Roman face screws up and his tirade is cut short with gagging. The incubus doubles over and spits out half a bar of soap on the ground.
Logan makes a face at the cleaner and then at Roman, “I stand corrected.”
“Fu--” Roman spits bubbles out of his mouth, and frantically wipes his tongue on his sleeve, “Fudge! I said Fudge! What was that?! Cucumber?! I hate cucumber!”
Patton nudges Virgil with a wink, “Oh sorry, RoRo! I had absolutely no idea about that!”
Virgil can’t help but smile. For a moment he forgets about everything bad that was going on. It just the four of them camping out in between the rooms in various states of ease.
As suddenly as all their smiles come, they melt off again and Virgil is left staring at a stone statue and dead end. His shoulders hunch with an ache he can’t fix and he still hasn’t eaten for the day. Logan turned a man to stone, Roman can tranquilize people with a bite (ew), and Patton--Patton just gives him a squeeze.
“I can’t…” the Djinn says, “I can’t conjure things I don’t know the exact location of. But if there’s anything else I can do to help you, Virgil, I will.”
And for some reason the sentence makes Virgil want to cry some more. “W-what?”
His shoulders tense as Patton removes his arm and undoes his cardigan cape. In a smooth movement he plops it over Virgil’s shoulders and smiles that blinding smile of his. “I live to help people kiddo! And I’d say you need some helping right about now!”
Logan clears his throat, and leans casually, deceptively dismissively against the wall. “I, too, would like to offer my services in your aid, Virgil.” He says, “Perhaps in return you might further enlighten me on the habits of selkies. There’s barely any knowledge about your customs anywhere.”
“You don’t--”
Roman groans loudly, “Stormy Weather! Just accept it! We’re going to help you get your weird swimsuit back.”
“It’s a skin.”
“Whatever!”
Virgil frowns up at him, “why would you want to help me?”
He has the gall to look offended again. “Because I’m a nice person!” He runs a hand through his hair, sparkles dancing in the dim light around them. “Also I want my blanket back.”
Patton claps his hands, far too happy for anyone at the late hour, “Oh! It can be like a family adventure!”
“Family?” Logan repeats incredulously.
Patton motions to the four of them, “Family! Us! Inhumans have to stick together!”
“You do realize that once Virgil gets his skin back he will not be returning correct? That’s how selkies work.”
Virgil blinks surprised. Logan’s right, of course. Even if Virgil hadn’t hated this stupid world, he’d never want to come back. He misses the ocean, he misses the darkness, the coolness of the waters welcoming him home. But even knowing this, he can’t figure out why there’s a bit of guilt in his stomach when Patton’s face falls.
“Oh, well,” Patton brightens just as easily again, “Then I’ll make sure to treasure all the time we have together while we have it!” He stands up and offers Virgil a hand. “What do you say, kiddo? Let’s get your skin!”
Virgil flits between the three of them. He knows humans suck, he’s experienced his fair share of their suckiness. But beyond that he’s never...hung out with other inhumans. He doesn’t know anything about Gorgon’s gazes or incubi or djinn. He doesn’t know where they would start trying to help him, if they could even help him. His head still hurts and his limbs are sore.
But the cardigan around his shoulders means something. It’s a weight, not a perfect weight of his skin, but it's something.
He takes Patton’s hand.
For the first time in nine months he doesn’t feel completely weightless.
#Monster AU#sanders sides#virgil sanders#logan sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#LAMP#drabble#selkies#incubi#gorgons#djinn#I hated writing every part of this#But I needed to finish it
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Weightless
Do you ever write something and immediately hate it but can’t help but finish it? Welcome to my (currently two part) Monster AU.
Summary: Virgil hates the human world, and humans in particular. That doesn’t change for his strange (assumed) human housemates.
Words: 3400
Pairings: platonic LAMP
Read on AO3
Virgil needs to stop sleeping on the couch. Really, it’s been a month since he’s moved into the building and he has his own room, with a door that locks, the windows that shut all the way, and headphones that blare the sound of the ocean waves as loud as he wanted. He doesn’t need to be out in the common area, taking up the entire couch, headphones on and buried under as many blankets as he can get away with.
He’s sure he’s annoying his housemates with it too. Every once in a while he picks up on the presence of one or two of them skirting through the area, once or twice he’s heard the disgruntled huffs of one of them coming into the room and leaving again when they see Virgil was there again, once or twice he feels guilty about hoarding every single blanket he can find and dreads when the others will finally call him out on it, but not enough to return them.
He’s sweating profusely under all of them, but he burrows himself deeper, arching his aching shoulder blades. The heat won’t bother him, if he can just...manage...to get the...weight right.
(It’s not right.)
((It won’t ever be right.))
He hates it, every bit of it. He peeks out from under the mass of fabrics to check the time on his phone. He missed dinner again, but that was fine. Patton always makes too much and stuffs it in the fridge with Virgil’s name already taped on.
He pauses the calming sounds of “daybreak on the seashore”, and listens intently for the sounds of the other man in the kitchen. There isn’t any telltale clink of the silverware, no humming of the microwave, nor the whooshing of the water running as he finishes up cleaning the dishes. There isn’t even the whistling that Patton seems to carry everywhere with him.
Actually, Virgil has to take that back. He doesn’t think he has heard Patton whistle since Logan had asked him to stop in that rude monotone he had the other day. Patton is strangely attune to everyone’s personal preferences. Once someone asks him to do something he, almost immediately, gets it done. Concerning? Maybe. But Virgil can’t bring himself to care much. Patton is pretty much the only human he could stand, probably for that reason only.
(Jeez Virgil really hates humans. Why did he agree to live with three of them?)
Not that it mattered much. Virgil knows he’s dying. It wouldn’t be long before one of them gets irritated with him and digs under the blankets just to find his dead corpse. Virgil hopes, maybe a bit darkly, that it will be Roman who finds him, and that his particularly childish scream can be heard in the deep pits of hell Virgil’s sure to end up in for wishing something like that on someone.
Though to be fair, Roman is a bit of an asshole. He’s everything Virgil hates about humans wrapped into one stupidly tall, stupidly fit body. He’s bold and brazen, reckless and loud, not to mention chaotic. His first instinct when he makes someone else angry is to start flirting, and flashing that seductive grin of his as if he can make every bad thing go away with a smile. He never apologizes. He’s forgetful-- or just holds a certain disregard for anyone other than himself: Virgil had asked him to move his laundry before he went out for the evening two nights ago and Virgil had ended up having to move it so that he could get his own laundry done. Additionally, he never seems to be focused on what was in front of him, regardless of what it was.
The only good thing is that he prefers to go out nearly every night so Virgil very rarely has to interact with him. Roman at least has the decency to not to bring home the people he was clearly sleeping with, if his messy hair, crumple clothes, and the glimpses of hickies that were nearly never subtle on his collarbone, were anything to go by. Virgil doesn’t want to know what sort of things Roman gets into.
Virgil is at least thankful that Roman had gone out tonight. He had been stuck in the house for the past two days, moping about something or other and making everyone else equally as miserable as he was about it by loudly complaining anytime he saw them.
Humans are such a vile sort of race anyway.
If Virgil is being honest, though, he’d much rather spend time with Logan than the other two. Where Patton is constantly buzzing with energy and seems to ask Virgil if he needs something, anything, every few minutes, and while Roman has an ego deeper than the Marianas Trench and constantly strives to prove it, Logan is a stone statue.
He stays cooped up in his room for the most part, only venturing out on a rare occasion to eat something, or read a book in the common area. Virgil doesn’t think he has ever seen him without his shades either: Logan wears the thick heavy black sunglasses that made it impossible to see in the house when dusk hit. Regardless Logan has determined that he’d rather stumble into the walls, or trip on the steps rather than take the glasses off. It’s certainly a dedication.
He alludes a type of contained energy that’s opposite to Patton. Every movement he makes is calculated, even the ones that ram him into the walls. He’s always calm, speaks in a monotone, and he likes the stars.
Virgil used to like the stars. He doesn’t anymore. They just make him sick.
He props open the layers of blankets he has around himself letting in a gulp of fresh cool air that should feel as good as it does. If Virgil turns back on his music, and closes his eyes really tight he could fall victim to the delusion that he was back in the water feeling the caress of the waves welcoming him back after so long.
But Virgil isn’t in the habit of lying to himself, so he closes out of his music app and rearranges the blankets so that he can sit up. His clothes are a sticky, crumpled, disappointing mess. He tugs the zipper of his black sweatshirt down a few inches and wishes that it weighed more, that it was purple, that humans weren't such giant assholes, that he wasn’t an idiot.
Because really when it came down to it, the whole situation had been Virgil’s fault. He had been naive and absent minded and even though he knew the stories about human, knew that they couldn’t be trusted, Virgil had still allowed them to get as close as they had.
The humans hadn’t killed him, but Virgil finds himself wishing more and more often that they had. It would have been quicker than the death he was currently living.
Virgil stretches lightly, his shoulders aching miserably from an issue he couldn’t fix. He had been over the seaside town with a fine-tooth comb: there was no sign of the humans that he had encountered that night. His memory is hazy and with every passing day it became worse, but he had become prepared for this. The second he had woken up in the human hospital he had scrambled for pen and paper and scratched out every detail of the four he could remember. Curly hair, a lip piercing, a red bandana, a skull and rose tattoo--He had drawn it all up for the police and then made himself a copy because the police were also humans and humans couldn’t be trusted.
The pictures had circulated the town for three days. Then the police came to him and told him that there was no way to find the people who had attacked him on the beach, so sorry.
Virgil is sorry, too. So sorry, in fact, that he has already decided when he finds them he’s going to kill them himself in many painful ways. He’d make them feel every ounce of pain he feels. He was going to make them beg for a merciful death.
(It was rational, he told himself. Revenge for everything they had done to him)
((It was rational, he told himself. Because he was likely never going to find them anyway.))
So he is stranded: standing on the cliffside feeling the sea spray with every crashing wave, and knowing if he so much as dipped his feet in the oncoming waves he’d dissolve into seafoam.
He had never told anyone he was leaving, never mentioned that he was going to sit on the beach and stare up at those dazzling stars. No one would come looking for him because no one was as stupid as he was.
It’s a human world after all. And everyone knows that humans poked and prodded things they didn’t understand, and turned a profit for the things they did.
Death had sounded preferable to both options. But Virgil couldn’t bring himself to...do it. The thought of ending it all terrified him, the thought of the waves calling for him made him determined not to. He has to find a way to get back.
He has to find his skin again. And in order to do that he has to find the humans who had stolen it in the first place.
So he continued this charade of being human: got a job writing a comedy column for the newspaper that printed twice a week, found a place to rent with three other people, and pronounced himself a shut in that rarely talked.
He’s sure the others thought he was mute or deaf (Roman probably thought both), seeing as he attempts to not acknowledge them at all. He’s slightly paranoid that if he does allow himself to drop his guard again they’ll find something else to take from him.
Virgil doesn’t lie to himself and he most certainly learns from his mistakes.
So even if Patton tries his best to offer him free food, to talk to him, to be his friend, Virgil doesn’t give him an inch. (A human saying: give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile.) He lets the plates of extra food in the refrigerator go bad, wears headphones whenever he was in the room with any of them, doesn’t answer his door on the rare occasion that Patton did come knocking.
Falling asleep on the couch was more of an accident turned habit than anything else. His room doesn’t have a window that faced the beach, but the common area did. He had come out there to work on his newest piece for the paper (a diary of an alien encountering normal human things written purely for laughs. It wasn’t supposed to have become a permanent thing but the editors had liked it so much they had offered him a salary). Somewhere between the writing and staring out the window his eyes had started to droop and he had found himself curled up on the sofa.
And someone, Patton most likely, had made the mistake of throwing a blanket over Virgil’s sleeping body.
And for a second-- a split second-- when Virgil had woken up, it had felt exactly like wearing his skin, like nothing was wrong, like everything was normal.
Then he had shifted and it had been all wrong again. Virgil had desperately hoarded all the blankets he could get his hands on and attempted to very valiantly to recreate the feeling. But it wasn’t right, wasn’t enough. The habit had been formed and Virgil had taken to sleeping on the couch instead of in his room.
He glances to the window, somewhat impressed with his own ability to have wasted most of the day. He swears just minutes ago the sun had been rising and dolphins breaking on the distance waves, and now it was all dark and black with the stars thankfully hidden behind a thin cloud layer.
His shoulders feel too light, his back feels too exposed, but Virgil resigns himself to standing up. His spine pops in a refreshing sort of way. He faintly wonders if he’s hungry-- he had found that humans tended to eat so much; Patton made food in the kitchen at least three times a day. Virgil is so used to binge eating once a day that it makes his head spin when he realizes that Patton’s trying to foist food off on him again.
Apparently, it’s really unhealthy for humans to eat as little as Virgil did. But that makes sense because Virgil isn’t human, and there isn’t really a way for him to fix that. It’s one of the few things about himself he can’t hide.
Plan for now: binge eat all the food he needs now that Patton and Logan were most likely asleep and Roman was out, scroll through what he had written last night, make the necessary edits and submit it to the editors, and then go to his room to do more searches on the nameless humans that had ruined his life that would ultimately get him nowhere. Then he’s going to sleep unsatisfied and miserable just as he had done every other day of the past nine months, two weeks, and one day, since he had been exiled from his home.
Virgil doesn’t even make it to the kitchen.
He barely gets around the coffee table (kept neat and tidy from Patton’s meticulous housekeeping) when he hears the telltale sound of the front door being unlocked. Virgil freezes with a glare narrowed towards the entrance, as if glaring at the door could scare it into refusing to open. It was late, far too late for it to be anyone other than Roman.
--And he wasn’t alone.
The door swings open with a clattering bang and no regard for the elegant beach shadow boxes framed on the walls. The noise is vicious and vile and followed by a tumbling of bodies into the house, that are so close together Virgil can barely make out the differences between Roman and his friend. One of them slams the other into the wall and they are kissing like they were slightly more than just friends.
(“Slightly” meaning “a lot”)
Virgil isn’t quite at a lost of what to do-- it was more of a paralysis on what the fuck than anything else. He knows that Roman is human and humans have a habit of constantly seeking out...partners for the night. But Roman was very good about not bringing those partners back with him, excellent really. It was his only redeeming quality.
And yet here he is, ruining the only good thing about himself. And Virgil is watching.
Fuck, he walks through that hall every single day. Why is Roman trying desecrate it?
Virgil must have made a noise, something, because without warning one of the forms peels back and looks down the hall at him. Moonlight streams in between them leaving Virgil with a perfect view of Roman pressed against the wall, flushed, and seemingly covered in glitter, swollen lips parted in a breathless smile that drops almost as quickly as it had appeared. Virgil swears for a second his eyes were a fiery red, but he blinks and they ware brown again.
“Virgil,” He scowls.
The stranger, however, laughs. “Hey pretty boy, get lost. Or join in!”
And Virgil is ready to flee. His feet are bouncing, his brain screams all sorts of profanity at Roman, he is stomach is already bubbling with nausea. Everything points at him to run, run as fast as he can, to his room, to lock the door, to scrub that terrible look on Roman’s face out of his memory.
But then Roman rolls up the wall in an attempt to regain his balance and his shoulder hits the lightswitch. And suddenly the narrow hallway floods with the golden light, too bright. It’s wrong. It’s wrong, it’s so wrong.
Virgil’s chest constricts and he meets the eyes of the last person he ever expected to be standing in front of him again.
Because Virgil would know that face, know that silver lip piercing, the curly hair, the ripped vest, and the red bandanna tied around his upper arm. Virgil would know that human because he was the nameless, cruel being that had helped try to kill him.
And Virgil knows he’s not hallucinating because the second they make eye contact, the stranger’s eyes go wide and he freezes as if he had just seen a ghost.
“You--”
The door flinging open had been loud, but Virgil’s certain the explosion of all the water pipes in the house is louder. He barely even notices that he does it. Anger swallows his entire body, swamping him, drowning him, and Virgil lets it. Every thought turns violent and raging, a massive swell of kill it, kill it, kill it, find skin, kill it, kill it, kill it and it’s friends.
Virgil throws himself towards the man hands out and itching to wrap his throat and squeeze the fragile human life from his chest, prolonging it as long as he can, because that’s exactly what it feels like when Virgil stands on the beach with the burning grainy sand in his shoes and stares at the Ocean he can never return to. He wants the death of that man so much he loses all sense of his surroundings.
Particularly that of Logan coming down the stairs at the same moment.
It happens in a sort of slow motion that Virgil has never experienced before. Logan collides with him full body, and they both tumble to the floor, hard. Virgil rolls and scrambles to get back to his feet. Something crunches under his shoes. Roman elbows the stranger to the side, but it's too hard and the man falls to the ground. Virgil lunges for him, teeth gnashing in the most inhuman display he’s allowed himself to perform in nine months. Roman blocks him with a surprising strength.
At the same time, Logan blearily looks up from the floor and makes eye contact with the fallen stranger.
The man screams for a second, something brutal, gutted, and horrified. It’s the sound of someone who just saw Hell and realized they were falling in it. It’s the sound that causes Roman to freeze. It’s the sound that lasts a single second and no more because it takes all of that second for him to turn completely to stone.
Solid stone.
Logan lets out a scream curling in on himself and burying his face in one hand as the other claws the ground for glasses he’s not going to find. Virgil doesn’t care. It’s terrifying really, how strong his tunnel vision suddenly becomes and he digs his nails in Roman’s distracted arm as he struggles to get around him, to get to that body, to get his answers and his revenge.
“Fuck!” Roman yells, drawing back when Virgil draws blood.
There’s the body right within his grasp. Red tints his vision. A giddiness that has not right to be there floods his veins, intoxicating and addicting and Kill it kill it kill kill--
Strong arms wrap his waist dragging him back. Virgil struggles, he kicks, he screams. Pipes burst across the house, probably across the block, and distantly the waves pound the shore with an unprecedented force. Something pricks his neck, sharp.
The next thing Virgil knows everything is blurring together. The screaming in his head subsides as suddenly as it comes, and the silence is more terrifying. There’s always noise in his head, always dreams, feelings, opinions. It’s silent and Virgil can’t even produce a single thought.
The strong arms let go. He falls like a ragdoll to the tap-water covered floor without even a movement to catch himself. He can’t move even if he tried.
He doesn’t try.
It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s really so wrong.
What’s wrong? Virgil doesn’t remember.
Blue smoke wells up in the room, starting from somewhere outside his direct vision. It smells like something sweet and sugary that Virgil doesn’t know the name of. He loses consciousness before he figures it out if it’s even real or not.
(It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong.)
Part Two
#Monster AU#sanders sides#virgil sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#drabble#LAMP#selkies#djinn#gorgons#incubi#I hated writing every part of this#but I needed to finish it
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Hello it’s selkie!janus anon.... ur tags made me think about things..,
Pls consider: Janus knew about virgil’s habit of leaving the ocean and just kinda silently disapproved. After Virgil disappears Janus becomes convinced he died (maybe he was following Virgil to make sure he was safe but saw him get attacked and was too far to help??? Or smthn idk). Janus blames himself for Virgil’s “death”, bc he couldn’t protect him/didn’t make him stop going to the surface/etc etc
On the one year anniversary of Virgil losing his skin both he and Janus go to the beach. Both bc they’re missing the other.
Virgil is walking with the other light sides, watching the ocean longingly. When he notices someone. A man, standing alone on the beach
The man looks up, and his yellow eyes meet Virgil’s. Virgil had never seen Janus in his human form, but he just /knows/ it’s him.
Virgil runs across the beach into Janus’s arms. Janus spins him around, elated and confused and maybe crying a little bit because this can’t be real
And then the other sides run up bc they’re confused why Virgil ran off to this random guy. Janus immediately goes into defensive mode, hiding Virgil behind him and not letting Virgil say anything bc he thinks Virgil is too naive and would say smthn that would put them in danger
Ofc without Virgil to explain that these are all his friends they end up having a very confusing and accusatory conversation. To the sides it looks like this random dude is lowkey kidnapping one of them, and Janus is just mega sus of everyone
Roman (kinda stupidly) refers to Virgil as “their selkie.” Generally they all kinda do that (like also calling Patton their djinn, etc) as a term of endearment and Roman is a little bit panicking that this random dude is going to just lowkey steal Virgil??? So he’s just like “hey get ur hands off our selkie”
Janus immediately goes ridged. He’s like “oh, so that’s how this is? Well how ‘bought this. I’ll give you my skin if you let him go free”
Obviously the other three are horrified (or deeply offended in Roman’s case). Virgil finally gets to cut in and explain like the actual situation
Cue adventure of them working to get Virgil’s skin back (though I have no clue how it’d work w/o fairy Janus) and the other sides trying to get along with Janus while still kinda resenting him since they don’t want him to take Virgil away forever
(Bonus: in the year before reuniting with Virgil Janus would randomly go to the surface bc it made him feel more connected to Virgil, even if he was “gone”. He’d never go anywhere near land, but he would go look at the stars in just like the middle of the ocean.
Remus has a boat and a tendency to go out in the middle of the water in the middle of the night bc he’s just like that and accidentally develops a friendship with Janus. (Well it’s more accidental on Janus’s part than Remus’s).
Asp in their journey to find Virgil’s skin Roman calls on his brother for help. Remus walks in and he and Janus basically do the Spider-Man meme like “ITS YOU”)
You anon just showed up with a bag of free serotonin right on my door step. I love that whole heartedly. Janus dragging Virgil behind him and then offering his own skin in exchange for Virgil’s? wonderful.
Also that bonus of Janus accidentally befriending some random guy-- remus-- but like HELL YEAH GIVE THAT FISH A FRIEND! And Then Janus and Remus doing the spiderman meme despite Janus having lived underwater his whole like-- thats funny. I’m cackling.
(Check out the og ending of Weightless here!)
[check out actual Weightless here!]
#greengabs#monster AU#weightless au#selkie janus#HEY THESE FISH ARE GAY AND YOU CANT STOP THEM#I say once again#making Janus a self sacrificing character#boy for the embodiment of self preservation#Janus tends to throw himself into the line of fire an awful lot in my fics
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I!!!! have thought long and hard about a Twisted AU!!!!! And some other Starkid musicals, but I digress. If you don't mind, here's how I assigned the characters: Logan as Jafar; Roman as Scheherazade; Sleep as the Princess; Virgil as the Captain; Deceit as Achmed (made these notes before the last video, of course); Patton as the Djinn; and originally no one as Aladdin, but now I feel Remus would fit that role
swap Deceit and Remus and I pretty much entirely agree. Although I don't exactly remember the royal guard and djin's roles and significance to the plot, haven't seen twisted in a long time I mostly remember the songs.
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