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fithealth-goals · 1 month

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Stronger, Healthier Nails: My Positive Experience with Pro Nail Complex

For years, I battled weak, brittle nails that chipped and peeled easily. It was frustrating and made me self-conscious. I tried various strengthening treatments and polishes, but nothing seemed to make a lasting difference.

Then, I discovered ProNail Complex. With its focus on promoting healthy nail growth from the inside out, it piqued my interest. After reading reviews and learning about its natural ingredients, I decided to give it a try. Here's how ProNail Complex has transformed my nails for the better.

Nourishing Nails from Within

One of the things that impressed me most about ProNail Complex was its focus on internal nail health. It contains essential vitamins and minerals like Biotin, Zinc, and Selenium, all known to contribute to healthy hair, skin, and nails.

By nourishing my nails from within, ProNail Complex addressed the root cause of the problem, not just the symptoms. This approach made sense to me, and I was eager to see the results.

Visible Improvements in Strength and Growth

Within a few weeks of taking ProNail Complex daily, I started noticing a positive change. My nails felt noticeably stronger and less prone to breakage. They were also growing faster, allowing me to maintain a longer length without chipping or peeling.

This newfound strength and growth were a game-changer. I could finally experiment with different nail polish colors and styles without worrying about them breaking or looking unsightly. It was a small thing, but it made a big difference in my confidence.

Healthier Nails, Healthier Look

Beyond the aesthetic benefits, ProNail Complex also contributed to the overall health of my nails. The ridges and unevenness that I used to struggle with diminished significantly. My nails looked smoother and healthier, adding a touch of polish to my overall appearance.

Convenient Daily Dosage

ProNail Complex comes in easy-to-swallow capsules. The recommended dosage is just two capsules a day, making it a simple addition to my daily routine. I never forget to take them, and the capsules are small and easy to swallow.

An Investment in Healthy Nails

ProNail Complex has been an investment in my overall well-being. It's not just about having pretty nails; it's about taking care of my body from the inside out. With stronger, healthier nails, I feel more confident and put-together.

If you're struggling with weak, brittle nails, I highly recommend giving Pro Nail Complex a try. It might just be the solution you've been looking for. Remember, while this review reflects my experience, it's always a good idea to consult your doctor before starting any new supplement program.

#For years #I battled weak #brittle nails that chipped and peeled easily. It was frustrating and made me self-conscious. I tried various strengthening treatments and p #but nothing seemed to make a lasting difference.#Then #I discovered ProNail Complex. With its focus on promoting healthy nail growth from the inside out #it piqued my interest. After reading reviews and learning about its natural ingredients #I decided to give it a try. Here's how ProNail Complex has transformed my nails for the better.#Nourishing Nails from Within #One of the things that impressed me most about ProNail Complex was its focus on internal nail health. It contains essential vitamins and mi #Zinc #and Selenium #all known to contribute to healthy hair #skin #and nails.#By nourishing my nails from within #ProNail Complex addressed the root cause of the problem #not just the symptoms. This approach made sense to me #and I was eager to see the results.#Visible Improvements in Strength and Growth #Within a few weeks of taking ProNail Complex daily #I started noticing a positive change. My nails felt noticeably stronger and less prone to breakage. They were also growing faster #allowing me to maintain a longer length without chipping or peeling.#This newfound strength and growth were a game-changer. I could finally experiment with different nail polish colors and styles without worr #but it made a big difference in my confidence.#Healthier Nails #Healthier Look #Beyond the aesthetic benefits #ProNail Complex also contributed to the overall health of my nails. The ridges and unevenness that I used to struggle with diminished signi #adding a touch of polish to my overall appearance.

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newhealthcareproducts · 1 month

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From Frustration to Fabulous

For as long as I can remember, my nails have been a source of frustration. They were thin, brittle, and peeled at the slightest touch. Applying nail polish felt like a pointless endeavour, as any minor mishap would result in unsightly chips or embarrassing breakage. Even everyday tasks became a test of nail resilience, with the constant fear of splitting or breaking a nail just by opening a jar. Determined to finally have nails I could be proud of, I decided to try ProNail Complex Deliverable. Here's my experience with this amazing product:

Unbeatable Strength: Saying Goodbye to Breakage

Before ProNail Complex Deliverable, chipped and broken nails were a constant battle. A bump on the counter or a brush against a rough surface could send me scrambling for nail glue. Growing my nails out even a little seemed like an impossible feat. However, within a few weeks of using ProNail Complex Deliverable, I noticed a dramatic change. My nails became noticeably stronger and more resilient. They could withstand the everyday wear and tear that used to cause havoc, finally allowing them to grow to a healthy length.

Deep Hydration, Radiant Shine: Unveiling Healthy Nails

ProNail Complex Deliverable addressed more than just weakness. My nails weren't just weak, they were also dry and lacked any natural shine. The product's nourishing formula seemed to deeply hydrate them from within, restoring their natural luster. My nails looked and felt healthier, with a beautiful, natural shine that seemed to come alive. This newfound vibrancy gave me the confidence to finally show off my hands, both bare and adorned with polish.

Accelerated Growth, Flawless Canvas: The Joy of Long, Polished Nails

One of the most delightful results I experienced with ProNail Complex Deliverable was the accelerated nail growth. With consistent use, I noticed my nails growing faster and stronger than ever before. This newfound freedom allowed me to experiment with different nail shapes and lengths, something I wouldn't have dared to try before for fear of breakage. The improved nail health also provided a perfect canvas for nail polish. The polish applied more evenly and lasted significantly longer, making my at-home manicures look like they were done by a professional.

Effortless Application, Enjoyable Experience

ProNail Complex Deliverable boasts a user-friendly design that makes application a breeze. The applicator allows for precise and mess-free application, ensuring the product reaches every corner of the nail bed for maximum benefit. Additionally, the formula itself dries quickly, eliminating the frustration of smudging or waiting for long periods between coats. This ease of use made applying the product a simple and enjoyable part of my daily routine.

A Transformation for the Better

Overall, ProNail Complex Deliverable has been a transformative experience for my nails. It transformed them from weak and frustrating to strong, healthy, and beautiful. The product delivered on its promises, addressing my concerns about strength, growth, and hydration. Thanks to ProNail Complex Deliverable, I can finally enjoy beautiful, healthy nails that I'm proud to show off. Whether you're looking to overcome nail breakage, boost growth, or simply achieve a healthy shine, I highly recommend giving ProNail Complex Deliverable a try.

#my nails have been a source of frustration. They were thin #brittle #and peeled at the slightest touch. Applying nail polish felt like a pointless endeavour #as any minor mishap would result in unsightly chips or embarrassing breakage. Even everyday tasks became a test of nail resilience #with the constant fear of splitting or breaking a nail just by opening a jar. Determined to finally have nails I could be proud of #I decided to try ProNail Complex Deliverable. Here's my experience with this amazing product:#Unbeatable Strength: Saying Goodbye to Breakage #Before ProNail Complex Deliverable #chipped and broken nails were a constant battle. A bump on the counter or a brush against a rough surface could send me scrambling for nail #within a few weeks of using ProNail Complex Deliverable #I noticed a dramatic change. My nails became noticeably stronger and more resilient. They could withstand the everyday wear and tear that u #finally allowing them to grow to a healthy length.#Deep Hydration #Radiant Shine: Unveiling Healthy Nails #ProNail Complex Deliverable addressed more than just weakness. My nails weren't just weak #they were also dry and lacked any natural shine. The product's nourishing formula seemed to deeply hydrate them from within #restoring their natural luster. My nails looked and felt healthier #with a beautiful #natural shine that seemed to come alive. This newfound vibrancy gave me the confidence to finally show off my hands #both bare and adorned with polish.#Accelerated Growth #Flawless Canvas: The Joy of Long #Polished Nails #One of the most delightful results I experienced with ProNail Complex Deliverable was the accelerated nail growth. With consistent use #I noticed my nails growing faster and stronger than ever before. This newfound freedom allowed me to experiment with different nail shapes #something I wouldn't have dared to try before for fear of breakage. The improved nail health also provided a perfect canvas for nail polis #making my at-home manicures look like they were done by a professional.#Effortless Application #Enjoyable Experience #ensuring the product reaches every corner of the nail bed for maximum benefit. Additionally

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doumadono · 4 months

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think if reader had muzan's child and they're breastfeeding their baby & he see the child getting milk, would he be like 'hey. gimme some of that.' i imagine reader would be flustered but down for it aha

SINFUL SUNDAY

Muzan found himself in an unexpected situation. Clad in his usual elegant attire, Muzan stood beside you, the mother of his child, as you cradled your newborn in your arms. The soft glow of the moonlight falling through a large window bathed the chamber.

Your infant, a delicate mix of human and demon heritage, nestled against your chest, eagerly latching onto your breast for sustenance.

Muzan observed with a calculating gaze, his crimson eyes narrowing as he fixated on the scene before him. "I want some of that too," Muzan's voice, smooth and tinged with arrogance, sliced through the silence. His eyes bore into yours, a twisted curiosity playing in their depths. There was a certain arrogance in his demeanor, as if he believed that even the act of breastfeeding held a power dynamic that he could exploit.

You arched an eyebrow, unimpressed by his audacity. "You're a demon king, Muzan-sama. I hardly think breast milk is on the menu for someone of your stature."

Muzan's lips curled into a sly smile, revealing sharp fangs. "Stature has nothing to do with cravings, my dear mortal. A feeble concoction of life's essence, bestowed upon the weak and vulnerable is making me curious." The demon king circled around you, his gaze never leaving the child at your breast.

With a sense of reluctant compliance, you nodded, a silent acknowledgment of the delicate dance required to navigate the temperamental whims of the father of your child. Gently cradling the infant in your arms, you approached a meticulously crafted wooden crib, adorned with the most opulent silk blanket money could buy. You carefully nestled the child within the confines of its plush sanctuary.

Upon your return to Muzan's presence, you once again nodded, a gesture that carried the weight of unspoken acquiescence. The Demon Lord, perched regally, regarded you with an air of entitlement as he gestured for you to take a seat beside him on an elegantly crafted couch. Complying, you lowered yourself gracefully onto the plush cushions, the atmosphere tinged with a subtle tension.

Without delay, Muzan's hands moved with a possessive confidence, cupping yours breast in a gesture that bespoke both control and desire. Muzan deftly slid the strap of your nightgown from your shoulder, revealing a portion of your chest. His gaze fixated on the rounded swell of your breast, brimming with nourishing milk. The baby's suckling had left the aureola of your breast darkened.

The demon bent down, taking the bud into his mouth. He began to suckle gently, ensuring the sharp edges of his fangs didn't cause any discomfort to you. As the milk flowed into his mouth, he hummed with satisfaction, savoring the runny sweetness that gradually evolved with each sip.

You found yourself in a bewildering situation, unsure of how to react as he drank your milk. Eventually, you tentatively rested a hand on his shoulder, seeking a semblance of stability.

He continued to suckle, delicately pressing against the breast with his chilly hand. His long, pointed nails lightly brushed against the tender flesh, making you yelp a little.

"Shhh," he whispered, taking the bud out of his mouth to look directly at you. "We don't want the baby to wake up."

Muzan swiftly removed your remaining sleeve of the nightgown, revealing your chest completely to his hungry, crimson eyes. He then shifted his focus to the other breast, wrapping his lips around the hardened nipple. He took his time, gently sucking while flicking his tongue against the hardened bud. The milk spilled into his mouth again, prompting a satisfied hum. The entire experience, he realized, had an unintended consequence — his pants felt uncomfortably tight in the crotch.

The experience had a profound effect on you as well. You moaned quietly in relief as he eased the tension in your breasts by gently drinking the accumulated milk. "Oh, my lord," you whispered, gently caressing his shoulder.

Muzan took your hand and directed it toward his groin, where a noticeable bulge had formed.

Without a second thought, you sensed the texture of his hardened penis through the fabric of his pants and began to delicately massage it whilst his tongue massaged the erected nipple.

As things intensified, Muzan pulled away, fixing a stern gaze on your flushed face. "Take off your clothes," he commanded, his tone firm and demanding. "I want to take you, right here and now. And who knows, perhaps you'll birth me another heir soon."

#doumadonos sinful sunday 🔥#sinful sunday #anime smut #muzan kibutsuji #muzan smut #muzan x you #muzan x reader #kny muzan #muzan x y/n #kny smut #muzan x reader smut #muzan kny #demon slayer smut #kimetsu no yaiba smut #lord muzan #kimetsu no yaiba muzan #kibutsuji muzan #kibutsuji kny #divider by cafekitsune

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miguelswifey04 · 11 months

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miguel has that life altering kind of sex

LMAO YEAH…im ngl idk if this was a request or a statement but regardless…i did a thing 💆🏽‍♀️

a deep moan rumbled from his throat as he enjoyed the intimate connection between you, the mixture of pleasure and nourishment filling his senses. he suckled eagerly, his touch and suckling becoming more intense, his desire to please you growing with every passing second.

"mmmm, mi amor," he murmured with urgency, his voice muffled against your breast. "you taste so delicious. i can't get enough of you." miguel continued to give attention to both of your breasts massaging them and teasing their hardened peaks. he reveled in the way your body reacted to his touch.

he then positioned himself above you, as he caged your head with his arms that were on either side of your head as he pressed a kiss on your forehead and your face. he plunged inside you feeling how tight and wet you were for him already. he loved that feeling so much of always being inside your spongy walls that enveloped his thick cock so perfectly. “this pussy was made for me.” he cooed into you ear. he began to thrust into you as he wrapped his arms under you. he sped up his moments and slowed down to tease your pussy because he loved when you clenched around him.

you gripped onto his shoulders as you felt him enter me, stretching youout “oh my god…you’re so big….” you cried out in moans as you scratched his back from the feeling of him stretching your hole. “good, i’m glad. you always know how to take my cock so well mi vida.”

the scratch of your nails against his skin sent tingles of pleasure down his spine, fueling his desire to go deeper and bring you to heights of ecstasy. with each thrust, he adjusted the angle and pace, seeking to find the perfect blend of pleasure for both of you.

he gazed into your eyes, his own filled with a mixture of love and desire. "you feel incredible, mi amor. so tight and wet...you're driving me wild," he confessed, his voice filled with raw passion. "i want to make you lose control, to hear you scream my name in pleasure."

and you did, you screamed his name as he angled your hips in a way he could go even deeper. he was hitting you g-spot and as well as you a-spot (cervix). he knew how to please you properly and where to angle his cock to hit all the right spots just for you. he knows your body so well like the back of his hand.

he could feel the buildup of pleasure within both of you, the tension coiling tighter with every movement. with every thrust, he aimed to push you closer to the edge, desperate to witness your release and share in the ecstasy with you.

“mmmm, let go, mi amor," he urged, his voice filled with both encouragement and need. "let me take you to the peak of pleasure." his breath hitched as he felt his climax approaching, the pleasure building to a crescendo. "i’m close, mi amor," he gasped, his voice strained with need. "will you cum with me?" you loved whenever he asked you this…this made you push over the edge of ecstasy.

“i’m close, oh my god i’m-“ you moaned out as and your body trembled as you reached your orgasm. you squirted all over his cock and thighs. miguel’s breath caught in his throat as he witnessed your release, feeling the warm rush of your essence cascading over his cock and thighs. the sight alone sent him hurtling towards his own climax, his body trembling with pleasure.

with a final surge of intensity, he continued his thrusts, chasing his own release as he buried himself deep inside you. the pleasure washed over him like a tidal wave, consuming his senses completely.

a guttural moan escaped his lips as he found his release, his body convulsing with the force of his orgasm. his movements became erratic and desperate as he emptied himself inside you, his seed mingling with your own essence.

breathing heavily, he held you close, reveling in the aftermath of ecstasy. he buried his face into the crook of your neck, his voice filled with a mixture of satisfaction and adoration. "you’re incredible, mi amor. absolutely incredible."

as the waves of pleasure subsided, he gently lowered you back onto the bed, his touch tender and loving. he nestled beside you, pulling you close in a warm embrace, basking in the afterglow of the passionate connection you had shared.

“thank you miguel, you always know how to make me feel so good.” you were always thankful for that. he always knew how to pleasure you right and you were his utmost priority when it came to intimacy. you laid on his bare chest as you traced circles on his skin and the musculature of his abs.

“i’m always down for round two.” miguel teased you. he loved seeing your reaction after you were fucked senseless and he still had enough stamina for a couple rounds more as always. you usually go for a couple more rounds but not today. you were totally spent but satisfied.

…

a/n: god i love writing smut <3

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lexsssu · 10 months

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Miracle (Dan Heng | Imbibitor Lunae)

TAGS: Dan Heng/Dragoness!Reader, smut, breeding, impregnation, some plot Ao3 ver. | Ko-fi | Commissions (OPEN)

Iɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴜsʙᴀɴᴅ ғɪɴᴅs ᴛʜᴇ ɢʟᴏᴡ ᴏғ ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀʜᴏᴏᴅ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴜᴛᴛᴇʀʟʏ ɪʀʀᴇsɪsᴛɪʙʟᴇ.

Despite being a long-lived species, the Vidyadhara are also cursed in a way. Unlike most other races, they can never have children of their own and are instead stuck in a seemingly endless loop of reincarnation.

When they die, they die for good.

Because they die with no one to carry on their line or their memories aside from their own brethren, who will also face the same dilemma in time.

Truly, they are as pitiful as those short-lived species whose lives are just like the blink of an eye for them. Or perhaps, even more so, because they can never experience the same happiness and fulfillment as those who can grow older and see their families grow and propagate.

They are like stagnant water, no matter how much they pride themselves in their long lifespans. It can never fill the hole within them that yearns for the gift to create new life from their own bodies.

But then it happens.

“Congratulations! You’re going to become parents to a pair of very healthy babies!”

Dan Heng’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets at the doctor’s diagnosis, mouth wide open as he does his best to digest the impossible facts laid before you two.

Despite all his years of living, even including his previous incarnations, none could have ever prepared him for this miracle .

No, it wasn’t just a miracle. It’s two miracles .

“Mommy’s vitals are looking very nice, but make sure she gets plenty of rest and takes these prenatal vitamins I’ll be prescribing. I’m looking forward to seeing you four very soon!”

It shouldn’t be surprising that the moment you leave the doctor’s office, Stelle and March 7th greet you both with a combination of cheers, tears, and jeers. From touching your still small belly to giving him sly grins and nudging him with their elbows, it’s obvious that both young women were happy for you two.

And although he’d long said his farewells to the Vidyadhara of the Xianzhou Luofu, he knows that his former kin will be given new hope with this earth-shattering news.

Because that’s what his children are.

A symbol of both love and hope.

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

When you reach your shared quarters, Dan Heng is already carrying you straight to bed as his nails elongate ever so slightly and begin slicing off your clothes, letting the fabric fall to the ground in tatters.

But with his mouth busy plundering yours, he merely swallows any complaints you might have had about your torn clothes.

Dan Heng is drunk on your taste and the knowledge that soon, your miraculous body will grow and change to accommodate his brood. The sight of your soft belly swelling as they grew and your breasts filling up with milk to nourish them once they’re born into the world has him harder than he’s ever been in any of his lives.

“'m so lucky…My miraculous little love,” his chest rumbles, reminiscent of a purr as he thrusts into your warm and welcoming cunt. “...keep your belly warm and full for our brood…”

With your tails wrapped around one another, your arms around his neck, legs locked on his narrow waist, you’re as close as two beings can ever be.

And as your mouths met again and again, there is no denying that past the heat of lust and desire, there is love.

Love that has grown, bore fruit, and will continuously grow for the rest of your lives together.

#lexsssu writes #honkai star rail #honkai dan heng #dan heng #imbibitor lunae #hsr dan heng x reader #imbibitor lunae x reader #hsr x reader #dan heng x you #dan heng x y/n #imbibitor lunae x you #imbibitor lunae x y/n #hsr smut #honkai star rail smut #dan heng x reader

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edwinspaynes · 4 months

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i'd absolutely love a story about jordelia!! thank you so much for even offering to write one, you're very sweet. i don't have any ideas for what it should be about though

From your headcanon that James peels Cordelia's oranges for her. <3

James’s voice was amused as he spoke. “Remind me again why I am required to do this for you?”

Cordelia, sitting at her dining table in a manner that she considered quite regal, tossed her long hair about her shoulders. “Because the feeling of pulp between my fingers all day is a dreadful one. I can focus on nothing else as it squelches underneath my nails.”

James removed yet another piece of orange peel from Cordelia’s afternoon snack, the corners of his mouth turned upwards as though her serious face was the highest form of entertainment. “The mighty warrior-woman, a merciful hero of the highest order, with her blazing sword out of legend… cannot peel her own oranges?”

“Yes,” Cordelia agree without a hint of shame. “Or would you rather Cortana fall from my hand at a critical moment in battle because my fingers were slick with orange pulp and peel? Would you rather Cortana tarnish from the… the fruit acid?”

James clicked his tongue. “All of these are great reasons to get a plastic orange peeler,” he said.

“But why do that, when I have such a gracious and loving husband?”

“What if I were to drop a blade in battle because of gratuitous orange pulp?”

“Then I would save you, of course. Be thankful that you no longer wield a runed firearm; that would be a real disaster, James.”

James laughed, and Cordelia’s heart skipped a beat. “I see you’ve got it all figured out.”

“I generally do, yes.” Cordelia blinked innocently.

James met her eyes with narrowed gold ones and took her hand in his. At first, she thought that it was an oddly-placed romantic gesture, but he pressed the fruit into the open palm of her hand within seconds. “There,” he said. “A snack to befit Boudica and the other warrior-queens that came before you. I hope that you enjoy and appreciate the labor that went into my providing this for you.”

“I highly doubt that Boudica’s husband peeled oranges for her.” Cordelia smiled as she took a bite of the fruit; it was, she thought, the perfect orange, not too sweet and not too sour. “If she did, she was a lucky woman indeed, as I am.”

“She did not,” James confirmed, though Cordelia was certain he could not know this. “I only do it for her because you outshine all of those queens in every conceivable way. If you did not, I would not peel your oranges. Your bananas, perhaps. But no more.”

Cordelia wrinkled her nose. “Ugh. Bananas.”

James chuckled.

Cordelia broke off a piece of her orange. “As you did do the ‘labor’ of peeling this for me, I feel that I must show my appreciation. Open your mouth,” she instructed, and James did. She popped a bit of orange into it, and he smiled as he chewed; a bit of the juice settled in the corner of his mouth, and she dabbed it off with the pad of her thumb.

“There,” she said. “Now you are nourished. All ready for battle.”

“Besides the small matter of pulp on my hands,” James argued.

Cordelia nudged his shoulder.

#jordelia #herondaisy #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #drabbles #this will be the monday drabble this week too!

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cookinguptales · 9 months

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travel rambling!! under the cut!! because I do intend to ramble!! a lot!!

like if you thought that wwdits was a hyperfixation of mine, you've never heard me talk about some of the religious traditions I've studied. lmao

SO first of all, religious syncretism is when elements of two or more religions/traditions are incorporated into religious practice. A crossover episode, if you will, and I am obsessed with it. When I was in college studying religions and folklore, it quickly became a driving force in my intellectual curiosity.

I've always been really interested in how people pick and choose from different traditions to create their own personal belief systems, and syncretic religions can be this on a micro or macro level. We could be talking about something as individualized as a self-identified pagan assembling a collection of beliefs and rituals from various world mythologies and written/online sources, or we could be talking about something as established as Louisiana Voodoo, which is a syncretic religion with strong influences from Roman Catholicism, various West African religions, and Haitian Vodou.

Syncretic religions form in a lot of ways... immigration, colonialism, natural spread of tradition, purposeful assemblage of disparate ideas, etc. Sometimes there's a history of blood, sometimes a history of love, sometimes a little bit of both. And man, I feel like there's just something so human about it.

The thing I love best about stories is the way they grow and change within us. When you hear a story, you resonate with certain parts of it. You remember some parts best. And when you retell that story, you can't help but imbue it with a little bit of your own self. The parts you loved and the parts you hated and the parts you want to emphasize or deemphasize or embellish. You can't hear a story without taking it into yourself, and you can't tell one without making it your own -- even if you retell it word for word.

And I guess religious syncretism is the final form of that, a little bit? Taking ingredients from every part of your life, real and imagined and studied and genetic, and mixing them together into the precise stew that nourishes you best, either on an individualized or communal level.

I digress.

I started out with Egyptology in school, abandoned that for several reasons, and realized what I really loved learning about was religion, especially on a practical and/or vernacular level. (i.e. what people actually do rather than the ur version of whatever philosophy we're talking about.) Then Some Stuff Happened and I added on East Asian Languages and Civilizations and really started leaning into learning about Japanese folklore and religions, especially once I started studying in Kyoto.

When I was studying in Japan, I really wanted to learn a lot about Shinto. The concepts behind it had been kind of ill-defined for me, and I wanted to really nail down what people were even talking about when they talked about Shinto. But... to my surprise, even the Japanese people I talked to were really vague on the subject. Which made sense, I guess, as I learned more about it.

I was really, really lucky, actually, because a professor who knew quite a lot about Shinto came to teach at my (American) school shortly before I graduated. It's not easy to find good classes on that subject in the US, especially outside of the west coast and Hawaii. But we had a whole symposium where experts from all over the world came and discussed various research projects on the subject and I was So Happy. lmao

I'm not... gonna get too into Shinto right now. My final assignment for that class, IIRC, was to write a 15 (20?) page paper on the topic "what is Shinto?" so that... might give you an idea of how complicated the question is. lmao.

Suffice it to say, for now, that Shinto is a name that we've retroactively applied to a series of disparate practices and belief systems in what would eventually become Japan. So... in that respect, it's an indigenous religion of Japan, or at least a modern understanding of many of them.

(People think of Japan as one cohesive country because it is now, but maybe think of that period as being more like Ancient Greece? Lots of small little villages and towns (think city-states) that were separated by topographical features and therefore had their own cultures before they were unified into the country we know of as Japan much later.)

Shinto, as a modern concept... ugh, it's still super complicated. There are deities or spirits called kami, and there are several big, important ones like Amaterasu and Susanoo, but also there's just this thought that almost everything can contain a kami because everything has a spirit. (It's animism, baby.) So there is a spirit of that big boulder, a spirit of that mountain, a spirit of that tree, and they're all kami. There are literally thousands of kinds of kami, and they're everywhere at all times. People can become kami after they die, man-made objects can become kami. (Sort of Velveteen Rabbit style.) And in Shinto shrines, these kami are enshrined and venerated and kept happy. Like any deity, they can help or they can hurt, y'know?

There's... a lot more to it than that, some of it extremely political, but that's the essence of it, I think. Kami veneration. (What that entails is... debatable, too! haha)

God, and that was my short version. That's not even what I wanted to talk about.

All that is to say that that's what I was trying to study my first time in Japan. The second time I was in Japan (a few years ago) I heard about Shugendo, which is a highly syncretic mountain-based religion in Japan that has dwindled quite a bit over the years, but not entirely.

Shugendo, to my understanding, is a syncretic religious tradition comprised of elements from Shinto, Buddhism (especially Esoteric Buddhism), and local traditions about local deities. It's extremely mountain-centric, and most important places in Shugendo are on top of mountains. (Which... make them very difficult for my disabled ass to get to.)

The point, though, is the climb. It's a highly ascetic tradition, so practitioners, or yamabushi, would often push themselves to their physical and mental limits. They'd live out in the wilderness, often alone for long periods of time, and make do with what they found out there. One of the places we're going has a very distinct food tradition just because it's largely born out of the increasingly creative scavenging yamabushi would do while out on the mountain. They figured out how to eat a lot of things that most people would not eat. lmao

The important part here, though, is near-constant meditation and going to a sacred place (the mountain) and becoming one with that sacrality. It's trying to find enlightenment through nature and the divine. It feels similar to the Romantic concept of the sublime to me, y'know? And there's stuff about gaining superhuman spiritual powers through all this, too, though I don't know as much about that. (YET.)

One of the reasons why it's kind of hard to learn about is that there are very few practitioners these days. This is partially due to a generally dwindling number of people who identify as religious in Japan, partially because there were never that many practitioners to start with, and partially because... it was illegal for a while! (More on that later.)

Man, though, I wanna learn about it.

Shugendo has kind of become my white whale over the last few years, and there's a lot more information now on the internet than there was when I first started learning about it, but it's still often frustratingly vague!

This time, though, my dad was like "well, we're going to be there for quite a while and you already showed me most of the important tourist spots last time, so is there anywhere off the beaten path you really want to go?"

Now. This was a very brave thing to say to me, considering some of the weird-ass places I dragged him to last time. This man turned and looked me in the eye, the same woman who made him go to the moss temple and the cricket temple in the same goddamn day that we wandered through the bamboo forest in Arashiyama at night after I cheerfully told him that the shrine there was most famous for a ghost story. He said it was one of the creepiest experiences of his life!

haha. memories.

anyway. He looked me in the eye and asked me if there was anywhere unusual I wanted to go. And I slapped open a map of Wakayama and was like I WANNA DO THE KUMANO KODO.

Now... I was not going to hike the entirety of an ancient pilgrimage route. Like I said before, my dumb (but highly excitable) ass is disabled. I cannot physically do that. But I wanted to see the main shrines and temples on the route (shrines=Shinto, temples=Buddhist!) and hike a very small portion of the 1000-year-old route, some of which STILL EXISTS AS A ROAD. *_*

And I wanted to go because... Shugendo!!!! The Kumano Kodo is a popular pilgrimage route for yamabushi!!! That whole Kumano region is sacred for practitioners of Shugendo, and I was like! Heck yeah! I can learn a thing!

But... Dad got injured. ;; And I'm used to pain, but he is not. So I'm not going to make the poor man hike. I want him to heal and get better and not strain his torn abdomen too much.

So I kind of abandoned that idea.

(Side note: I was asking Dad what he thought his physical limits were going to be so I didn't overplan and he was like "well, you can't do that much either, so I don't think we'll do too much" and I was like "what do you mean?" And he said "well, there's nothing that'll hurt me that won't hurt you, too, and you're not going to want to hurt yourself to see things." and I was like "hmm" and I realized that my father does not really understand my existence at all. lmao)

Then I was thinking, though, and I remembered reading about sokushinbutsu awhile ago. I wasn't actually thinking about going to see them initially; Dad and I were just driving up the coast and it's a long drive so I was cheerfully rambling. So I was explaining the basic concept to him and I was like "yes, and I heard that one of the temples is so sacred that you have to go barefoot throughout the grounds, even in winter" and I googled where it was, exactly, because I couldn't remember and

YAMAGATA.

I looked at it and I thought about the Dewa Sanzan and I googled how much climbing those mountains actually require and then I was like

hey dad wanna go to some extremely sacred mountains in northern Japan? they let you drive to the shrines.

And he was like "...why those mountains specifically?"

And then I had to tell him about Shugendo, because yessss that's another very important place for it. I'd always sort of associated the idea of sokushinbutsu with Shingon (esoteric) Buddhism and Kukai, the founder of which, because I knew that it was said that he still rests at Koyasan in eternal meditation.

(YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO KOYASAN TOO! *HIGH KICK*)

But! It turns out that it's actually more of a Shugendo tradition, especially in the Yamagata region, though legend does go that Kukai brought the concept to Japan.

So... what is sokushinbutsu?

(CONTENT WARNING uhhh corpses, religious self-harm, starvation, general morbidity, if you google this know that there WILL be pictures.)

Sokushinbutsu are often referred to as living Buddhas or living mummies. The long and short of it is that highly ascetic monks would be mummified, and they would start this process while they were still alive. It's... a pretty difficult process to read about, so I won't go into a ton of detail here, but if you google "sokushinbutsu" you can find way more information.

I will say that it involves slowly reducing food and water intake and increasing the intake of... well, poison, honestly. Both tea made from the Japanese lacquer tree, which has the side effect of sort of lacquering the organs, and local spring water -- which in the case of Yamagata, involves pretty large amounts of arsenic. People all over Japan attempted this process, but by far the highest number of known successful cases are in Yamagata. This is partially because of the popularity of Shugendo there, and partially, people think, because their water had such a high amount of arsenic, which when combined with the loss of adipose tissue and hydration, as well as the lacquer, sort of mummified the organs while the person was still alive.

This process would eventually kill the practitioner, but... I mean, it takes about a decade. This is not something undertaken on a whim. It is an absolutely grueling practice that is considered incredibly sacred. It's a way to ascend past your mortal body and achieve enlightenment, but only for the most devout and devoted practitioners.

(There's a whole lot about ascending past mortal bodies in Buddhism, but I think that and corpse meditation are a different discussion.)

I say that the practitioner "dies", but... I mean, in a scientific sense, yes. These people would die. Shortly before death, they would be placed in a pit underground and essentially buried alive with only a bamboo tube to allow air and sound in and out. They would be given a bell and would periodically ring it to let others know they were still alive. When they stopped ringing the bell, the tube would be removed. They'd come back and check on the body in a few years, and if it had decayed, it was considered a failed attempt and reburied. If it had mummified, it was considered a successful sokushinbutsu and taken out so it could be displayed for veneration.

This is the important part, though. If the process was successful, these are not considered dead bodies. This is a person who achieved Buddhahood while still alive, and they are considered to be in a sort of eternal repose. You go to them to pray and meditate, and often amulets are made from their robes (which are changed every 6-12 years) so people who come to pray can take some of their power home with them.

So... I want to go to learn about Shugendo, but I knew that seeing the sokushinbutsu would be a selling point for Dad... You just have to know how to sell things, I guess.

(You might know from my other posts that I have extremely mixed feelings when it comes to the display of human remains in museums, but I genuinely can't think of a more vociferous consent than the act of sokushinbutsu. Going to see them feels like honoring their wishes, and I do feel that some of them are very beautiful, in a way. So I am looking forward to the experience, though I'll admit to feeling a little trepidation.)

So we will be visiting the Dewa Sanzan, Hagurosan, Gassan, and Yudonosan!

(-san means the same as Mt. in Japanese! so Fujisan is Mt. Fuji. I usually still use -san with mountains out of habit, and Gassan is... incredibly hard to pronounce without doing that, to the point where it is often translated as "Mt. Gassan." lmao. Japanese double consonants are fun.)

The part of this I am most excited about is... Hagurosan has a museum about Shugendo! IN ENGLISH. I cry!!! Apparently one of the yamabushi currently living on Hagurosan is a westerner! Who really wants to teach other westerners about Shugendo! So the Dewa Sanzan website is excellent and I'm so fucking excited to go there and learn.

(They also had yamabushi training programs if you want hands-on knowledge but again. My disabled ass cannot clamber up and down a mountain, unfortunately. ;;)

Yamagata's a large prefecture, though, so the plan is to drive around a bit. We'll be driving between the mountains (but not up Gassan because it'll be too snowy that time of year and I think that one might be hiking-only access...?) and seeing a bunch of shrines and temples. We're also going to spend a night at Hijiori Onsen, a hot spring town in the caldera of an ancient volcano, and a night at *drum roll* a shukubo!

This is Dad indulging me again. Shukubo is a type of shrine or temple lodging. (Usually temple. But this one is a shrine! For reasons I'll get into in a minute!) Essentially, you stay overnight in a religious lodging. You might be invited to attend morning prayers with the monks, specific rituals (Koyasan's are famous for the goma fire rituals), sutra-copying, guided meditation, etc. Traditionally speaking, these were usually stayed at by religious pilgrims, and some were reserved solely for monks, priests, yamabushi, etc. These days anyone can stay at them!

We'll be staying in two during our trip! One at Koyasan, which I hear has tragically become a bit uhhh influencer-y, and this one at Hagurosan.

Now. Why is this a shrine, even though the building was clearly designed to be a temple? Why was Shugendo illegal for a while? Well... I won't get into all the details, but suffice it to say that during different points during Japan's history, either Buddhism or Shinto have been prioritized by the government, and during those periods, the other tended to suffer.

When Buddhism first arrived in Japan in the sixth century CE, it was introduced from China and Korea and had... some settling to do, I guess? Shinto was largely what was accepted in Japan at the time, and people kind of struggled to reconcile the two concepts with each other. Enter the concept of honji suijaku, which is where this baby gets really syncretic.

It's... complicated, like most of this is, but the basic idea is that kami came to be seen as manifestations, or alternate forms, of Buddhist deities. (Buddhas, bodhisattvas, etc.) The Buddhist deity was appearing in the form of kami to better help people in Japan. So the kami and the Buddhist deities were one and the same, just in different guises. These syncretic deities were called "gongen" in Shugendo, which has elements of both religions in it, and were highly venerated.

But... when politics changed and Shinto was again elevated, there was a forcible separation between Buddhist and Shinto spaces. Like... as in an often violent, state-enforced separation. Shugendo, as a syncretic religion of both, was outlawed. At Dewa Sanzan, most Shugendo and/or Buddhist temples converted to Shinto, and they remain that way to this day. (And RIP to many of the Buddhist statues in the area, which have been sadly beheaded.)

So! There are a lot of buildings around there that are clearly Buddhist in origin but have nevertheless become Shinto. The shukubo we're staying at is one of these.

We're gonna see so many temples! So many shrines! We're gonna go to an onsen! We're gonna learn! Some stuff! See! Some things! Some of which are too sacred to even talk about because it's forbidden!

I am excited.

This is only like three days out of a much longer trip but I am like

every time I think about it.

(Okay, I'm actually a little worried about the shrine I'll have to go barefoot for because it's going to be cold as shit and my joints are... bad. But I can manage!)

okay now this is the longest post on earth so I'm gonna stop here, but we're gonna do SO MUCH and we're gonna see SO MUCH and we're gonna learn SO MUCH and my nerdy little heart is on FIRE.

#long post #very very long post #but I put it under a cut because I love you #the travel bug

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i-cant-handle-change · 1 year

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This is a continuation of my last post.

Izuku is hungry.

No, he isn't hungry, he's starving.

Ever since he's been taken underground into the underworld, Izuku hadn't drunk or eaten anything. His mind was permanently stuck on the warnings his mother had given him about the dangers of the food of the underworld.

If he had eaten or drunk anything from the underworld, he would be a permanent resident there.

Knowing this, Izuku closed himself off from anything related to food or drinks. Distracting himself from anything else, the young God forcibly bit his lip whenever he was offered any sustenance. Shoving it away with the same old excuse that he wasn't hungry and that he’ll eat later.

Much later...

He’d eat the dry skin on his lips, the broken nails he’d bite off, and even his robes to keep himself from giving in. He went as far as swallowing the bile at the back of his throat to quench his thirst.

Izuku was starving, craving any kind of nourishment to please his unnerving appetite.

It was driving him mad and the God that had kidnapped him took advantage of that.

All for One would always present food and drinks wherever Izuku would go. Always close to Izuku’s reach, he would eat and drink to his heart’s content to pursue the young God to join him. Yet, the young God would turn away and occupy himself with something else entirely.

But inside his stomach would shake with agony as he clenched his robes so hard that his knuckles turned white.

“You’re killing yourself over something so small and insignificant.”

Izuku turned, his grip on his robes tightening.

“My mother is neither small nor insignificant! She is more of a God than you’ll ever be!”

All for One chuckled, eating another grape from his plate with a smile. Izuku persisted nonetheless, his hunger combating his anger.

“You’ll be sorry when she’ll realizes what you’ve done! She’ll break down the doors of the underworld itself just to get me back!“

All for One laughs, taking another grape into his mouth, his face turning smug.

“Izuku, I would love to see how your mother would go out of her way to get you into her arms again. Knowing her myself, I would see how much of a tantrum she would have made by now. Last I heard, that woman has plagued the world into an eternal cold, not one plant is safe from her wrath.”

Izuku huffed, feeling himself stand tall as the God before him come close. He braced himself to show how brave he was despite how painful his eyes stung to release his tears.

“My mother is an all-powerful Goddess, she will see that you suffer because of your recklessness.”

A large hand then caressed Izuku’s hair, shocking the young God as he then noticed how close the God had come up to him. He did not see rage cross the older God’s facial features, instead, he sees a sense of amusement.

“If your mother does plan to come down into my realm, then so be it, but she’ll have to understand the trouble I went to have you in my grasp.”

The plate was given to Izuku who grabbed onto it without thinking twice. Despite how his stomach screamed to have Izuku eat the remaining food, he ignored it. Opting to watch the God before he walks away, leaving him once more alone, in a room he's been stuck in for days on end.

The plate of food, once again, was thrown off amongst the others. The fallen food is still as pure and clean as they were since they were given to Izuku after all this time. Once again, his stomach screams at him to give in as he forces himself to walk away from it all.

Izuku cannot die but the more his stomach continued to churn from within he felt as if he could.

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amit-healthtip87 · 5 days

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Stronger Nails, Healthier You: My Experience with Nano Defense Pro

For years, I'd battled with brittle nails. They constantly chipped, peeled, and broke, leaving me feeling self-conscious and frustrated. Trying countless nail strengtheners offered no lasting improvement. Then, I discovered Nano Defense Pro, and let me tell you, it's been a revelation for my nails and overall well-being.

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Within just a few weeks of using Nano Defense Pro, I noticed a dramatic change in my nails. They became noticeably stronger and more resilient. The constant chipping and breaking became a thing of the past. My nails also began to grow longer and faster, something I never thought possible. The formula seems to nourish them from within, promoting healthy nail growth.

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Nano Defense Pro goes beyond just fortifying nails. The natural ingredients, including tea tree oil, seem to address underlying issues as well. I've noticed a significant reduction in nail discolouration, a problem I previously attributed to harsh polishes. My nails now boast a natural, healthy shine without the need for constant touch-ups.

Confidence Boost from Healthy Nails

Strong, healthy nails are not just about aesthetics; they contribute to a sense of overall well-being and confidence. Having beautiful, polished nails without the fear of breakage has been a game-changer. Now, I can confidently engage in activities that used to worry me, like gardening or playing sports, without worrying about damaged nails.

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Nano Defense Pro is incredibly easy to use. The applicator allows for a mess-free application directly onto the nail bed. I simply apply it twice daily, integrating it seamlessly into my existing morning and evening routines. It dries quickly and leaves no greasy residue, making it perfect for on-the-go application.

Investing in Long-Term Nail Health

While individual results may vary, Nano Defense Pro has been a fantastic investment for me. It's a natural, effective, and convenient solution for anyone looking to improve the health and appearance of their nails. The confidence boost and overall well-being benefits are an added bonus. If you're struggling with weak or damaged nails, I highly recommend giving Nano Defense Pro a try.

#Nano Defense Pro #Nails repair solution #Nails damage problem #long nails #nine inch nails #Nails health problems #nails care #nails art #pretty nails

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raornrk · 1 month

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Stronger, Healthier Nails: My Transformation with ProNail Complex

For years, I struggled with weak, brittle nails that chipped and peeled easily. Trying different nail polishes and strengthening treatments never seemed to yield lasting results. My constant battle with damaged nails left me feeling discouraged and self-conscious. That's when I discovered ProNail Complex, a new product that promised to strengthen nails from the inside out. Intrigued by its unique approach, I decided to give it a try, and I'm so glad I did!Effective Formula for Deep Nourishment:ProNail Complex is unlike any other nail treatment I've tried before. It's a dietary supplement containing a blend of vitamins, minerals, and essential nutrients specifically formulated to nourish nails from the inside out. This approach resonated with me, as I knew healthy nails needed proper internal support to thrive. The easy-to-swallow capsules were convenient to incorporate into my daily routine.Noticeable Improvements in Strength and Growth:Within a few weeks of using ProNail Complex, I started to notice a significant difference in my nails. They felt noticeably stronger and more resistant to breakage. The chipping and peeling that had plagued me for so long became a thing of the past. My nails also began to grow at a faster rate, allowing me to maintain a longer, healthier nail length.Increased Hydration and Natural Shine:ProNail Complex not only addressed nail strength but also improved their overall health and appearance. My nails became visibly more hydrated, with a healthy natural shine that eliminated the need for constant nail polish application. This newfound resilience and shine gave my nails a polished look even when bare.A Safe and Natural Solution:The fact that ProNail Complex is a natural supplement was a major selling point for me. Unlike some topical treatments that contain harsh chemicals, ProNail Complex nourishes nails with essential nutrients, promoting healthy growth from within. This safe and natural approach gave me peace of mind, knowing I wasn't damaging my nails in the pursuit of healthier ones.Long-Lasting Results and Improved Confidence:After using ProNail Complex for several months, I can confidently say the results are long-lasting. My nails have transformed from weak and brittle to strong, healthy, and beautiful. This newfound confidence has extended beyond my nails – it's a small change that has made a big difference in how I feel about myself.An Investment in Healthy Nails:If you're struggling with weak or damaged nails, I highly recommend giving ProNail Complex a try. It's a safe, natural, and effective solution that delivers real results. While individual experiences may vary, ProNail Complex has been a game-changer for me, and I believe it can be for you too. Remember, maintaining healthy nails requires a holistic approach, so consider combining ProNail Complex with a healthy diet and proper nail care practices for optimal results.

#ProNail Complex #Deliverable #healthcare #health and wellness #helthylife #mental health #hermitcraft

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morganlefaye79 · 1 year

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What kind of experience are you?

I was tagged by @theviridianbunny, thank you so much!

Valaire

you leave people feeling challenged (affectionate).

a shiver. a breath of cool winter air, a stick n poke tattoo; the last few switchbacks at the end of a hike. a deep red. a proud sweat, a delicious ache. early dawn’s blue hour. a favorite story you love to retell. the excited scream, the staggering leap into water below. not fearless, but not afraid to let a good memory leave a few scars or stains. while you have moments of being rough around the edges—an acquired taste, a book not fully grasped in the first read-through—you can rest knowing that there will be people that rise to your challenge. you give off a sense of knowing yourself, and while that could be the case, you’re still learning, too. the close people in your life aren’t afraid of your seasons, your come-and-go silence, or your own way of showing love. they’re there to stay. they’ll join you on that blue hour dock just to read. they’ll take that last-minute road trip to the desert. you’re here to say, “I know you could do it.”

Joris

you leave people feeling inspired.

a moment of stolen breath. aquarium peace, walking through an art museum alone; a mesmerizing chorus of crowds singing along at the concert. turquoise blue. a sunshower. stained glass. paint stains on jeans. finishing a good book. pressed flowers. glasses of wine on your best friend’s balcony, the sun flirting from the horizon. spending time with you is nourishing in a way that feeds growth. it is the creative way you view the world, the way you move through life (whether expressed through dance, writing, music, visual art, cooking, or otherwise) that sparks the imagination of those around you. they watch you translate your experience in the truest form you know how, and they feel inspired to do the same. you seek to find universal understanding through these mediums, and the ones you hold close admire that hunger; maybe also happy to join in and get dirt under their nails, digging to the heart of things.

Vicco

you leave people feeling nostalgic.

drug store valentine's cards. a favorite childhood song crackled through the radio; secret folded notes to find later. a soft yellow. christmas lights. knowing all the movie scenes that make your best friend laugh. birthday candles. a favorite hot chocolate mug. arcade carpets. lazy sunny saturday mornings. young, but not naive. you give people the sense of being held. falling asleep in the car and being carried safely inside. an acknowledgment that no matter how we age, there’s still something small and reaching within us that never goes away completely. (and that it’s not a bad thing.) there’s something sweet about you that feels hard to come by nowadays. a “they don’t make them like you anymore.” maybe it’s a chance to dip a toe back into childhood or a less pressured place—into imagination again, if even for a short while. a chance your presence gives in allowing people to enjoy it all more fully this time around.

If I forgot someone, mea culpa, I lost my taglists 😞 But feel free to pretend that I tagged you 😉

#cyberpunk 2077 #tag game #Valaire #Vicco #Joris

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blxckv3il · 6 months

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Crown Magnetar - Everything Bleeds

Gaze upon this blistering hell-scape

Feed the eyes of the mother and father

Born to die, we're awakened for suffering

Executed mass, there cannot be another

Altars of kings in disguise

Lamentations that no one shall survive

Creating an empire of ignorance and chains

Reach out for nothing as your whole world is in flames

Born to die

Gaze upon this blistering hell-scape

Feed the eyes of the mother and father

Born to die, we're awakened for suffering

Executed mass, there cannot be another

Planets align, the hate for Christ intensifies

Incessant pain as your life is carbonized

Our realm ablaze death generation in bloom

Ordered to rot in this prismatic flesh tomb

Infected mouths of this ground dispel dishonor

Nourished in sin from the body of the father

Angel of depravity

Pull the blade in deeper, my destiny

Carried away to the garden of sin

The nails caress my flesh as tears of blood fall

Carried away to the garden of sin

The nails caress my flesh as tears of blood fall

The evolution of night within my grasp

The hex of hate in dying breath I call

The dying breath I call

#metalmusic #spotify #blxckv3il #deathcore #lyrics #thoughts #crown magnetar #dan tucker

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hoper-of-farflung-hopes · 6 months

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Okay, I decided to suck it up and make a blog for this, so I might as well use it. I'm not tagging any of this, so I'm not sure if anyone is ever even going to find and read it, but I wanted to write stuff down to clear my mind and this seemed as good a place for it as any.

This is basically a side blog for alterhuman-related things.

I've identified as broadly alterhuman for a while now, mostly because it felt like less pressure than identifying as otherkin or trying to nail down a specific, more accurate label.

I guess I'll use my first post to try to explain how I am currently conceptualizing my identity.

I see myself in three parts, I guess. Not in a plural way, as different people, but more like three of the same person in the same place and time, but different somehow. Like seeing someone through a prism, or like tapping into the same version of yourself in different realities. I don't know if that makes sense.

In one universe, I'm an autdhd, nonbinary human adult. This is the one most people see, and it's me as much as anything else is.

In another universe, I'm a nature spirit, or something similar which does not have a name and has never needed one. I'm mostly humanoid, I think, with grey feathered wings and curving horns. I have a much looser connection to physical reality than humans do, and can slip into and out of physicality as naturally as breathing. I have a Place, a home I am connected to and protect and nourish. I do not believe I interact much with others like me, but I am not lonely. The place itself is my company, and the creatures within it, and my sense of time is stretched and settled. I am not restless.

In another universe, I'm the Doctor. Mostly like in the show, but not necessarily exactly according to canon. I'm aroace, in all realities, and in places the show stretches thin around this. There are other things too that I think are more obviously the product of creating a piece of entertainment with writers and actors than an accurate reflection of me and my life, but I think it's mostly got the gist of it.

The only universe I have access to is this one, in which I'm living and writing a blog post on Tumblr. But it feels like the others are out there. I don't feel like my alterhuman stuff is past lives, or misplaced souls. It feels more like lives I'm living together, but just can't quite reach. It's not even necessarily in parallel - I think it's more accurate to say that it feels like something outside time.

I'm actually not sure if I favour a spiritual explanation for this or a psychological one. I think it's a bit of both. I think, logically, that it's probably psychological and related to being autistic, but in daily life I mostly end up thinking about it as though it's real, and that means treating it on spiritual terms. I don't know if they have to contradict.

I don't have strong memories of anything happening Elsewhere. I just have impressions and feelings and reactions. My beliefs and identities aren't built on evidence so much as they are the natural result of my experiences, until it made more sense to identify this way than not. It felt like I drifted to and from this conclusion until eventually I reached a tipping point, where I could choose to keep ignoring it or move forward, and I chose the latter.

So here I am. I'm feeling kind of pretentious and poetic today, hence the phrasing, but I'm not always this melodramatic in my writing style. Probably.

I'll probably post here from time to time, when I have something I want to work through, or something I want to get out of my head and into words that can better contain it. I'll probably talk more about being the Doctor than about the nature spirit stuff, because that's the identity that's newer and causing more Complicated Feelings.

I'm not tagging my posts anywhere because I'm not sure what the etiquette is and which tags are appropriate, but if you do somehow stumble across my blog, feel free to interact!

This is a sideblog because I'm very private about these things normally, so if you think you know my main, no you don't.

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muses14 · 1 year

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Little Mushroom (Review)

Type: Chinese Novel (BL) Genre: Sci-fi Author: Yi Shi Si Zhou Rating: ★★★★★ Summary: “Until the day humanity falls.” In the year 2020, Earth’s magnetic poles disappeared and humankind was nearly wiped out by cosmic radiation. Within the span of a hundred years, living creatures began to mutate and devour each other while the remaining humans, numbering in the tens of thousands, struggled bitterly in their man-made bases.

In the Abyss, home to the mutated xenogenics, there lived a sentient little mushroom. Because it had been nourished by the blood and flesh of the deceased human An Ze, not only did it take on a similar-looking human form, but a similar name as well: An Zhe.

An Zhe is determined to go to the human base to search for his spore, which had been harvested by humans. Once there, however, he faces the omnipresent risk of discovery and certain death as he tries to keep his non-human nature hidden from the Judges, whose responsibility is to inspect for and eliminate xenogenics like himself. And of all the Judges, Colonel Lu Feng is the most perceptive and merciless—as soon as he determines that someone is a xenogenic, he will execute that person on the spot.

But An Zhe’s mutation goes undetected by Lu Feng’s eyes, and so a tale of humans and xenogenics unfolds…

Silver Award winner at the 12th Chinese Nebula Awards for Chinese Science Fiction.

Characters:

An Zhe He is a (adorable) little mushroom who gains human form when a human died near where he was growing, and he absorbs his flesh and blood and gains some of his genes and memories. That said person was named An Ze, and thus, he adopted the name An Zhe. He became a special kind of xenogenic. Having lost his spore when humans came and took it, he made it his mission to sneak into a human base and take back what was his. Lu Feng The aloof and silent Arbiter who vowed to serve mankind in all ways. Having to bear the burden of killing xenogenics (people who are infected by creatures and lose their humanity) from entering the base he was residing in, he was the target of ire from people who felt he was killing without remorse. But little do they know this is one of the hardest things someone can shoulder, because I sure as heck thought so! Poor Lu Feng. Though one thing that was a little iffy was the fact he had so much POWER within the base. Like, his words were law, and he was able to kill whenever and whoever without question. This required some suspension of disbelief on my part, but there’s been worst things I’ve read. lol

Relationship: It’s cute, is one way I’d word it? It is subtle, but the way they interact is on a realistic level and An Zhe knows he can’t be with Lu Feng in the same way two humans can. In fact, at first he was afraid if Lu Feng even liked him a little bit. Not hard to think that since Lu Feng is stoic and of few words the majority of the time. He does tease An Zhe but our little mushroom didn’t quite understand, haha.

Minimal romance is fine to me so long as I can still feel like the characters care deeply for one another. The author nailed it in my eyes. The slow burn was very nice~

The epilogues go a little more in depth of their relationship, but I am excluding those and am only focusing on the main stuff, per usual. Supporting Characters: Does An Ze count? He never left my mind really the entire novel despite being present only in the beginning. It was because of him that An Zhe came to exist the way he did. THANK YOU, AN ZE! And I was moved that An Zhe never forgot about him. Bless his little heart. The scene where An Zhe wanted to go back to where it all began (during a certain segment of the story) moved me too, and I teared up a bit. Pauli was cool too. Most were killed off or forgotten about by the author. Oof. The remaining ones didn’t leave any kind of lasting feelings from me. Overall: Excellent read! I was never bored at any moment (and this is unusual for me) and binged it easily whenever I had the time to. I enjoyed how none of the main characters drastically changed or anything by the end. Everything was subtle and it worked for this novel. *chef’s kiss*

#novel review #xiao mogu #little mushroom #yi shi si zhou

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