#By not handling it well i mean im crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

britneyshakespeare · 19 days

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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

#tales from diana #long post #sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness #and idk. im tired. im so tired #do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not #thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation #not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again #that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para #i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth #i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to #'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on #the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god #i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him #like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do #earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said #that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild #my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak #like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior #i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task #and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did #i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly #like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW #that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer #a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively #that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him

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helloidkwhatimdoing-0 · 2 months

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Actually cannot do another 4 hours of this (being at school)

#moss mumbles #its driving me insane #its driving me so insane #I'm literally #i cant actually handle it #im going to cry #i don't even have anything to be stressing over #i dont wanna be mean #but theres this one girl #in ALL my classes #and she just #she has no fucking filter #and like #i can't handle it #SHE'S SPEAKING AGAIN #PLEASE IM TRYING TO WORK #IM TRYING TO WORK AND YOU'RE TALKING SBOUT COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT SHIT #OH MY GOD #I CAN'T DO THIS #I DONT MIND TALKING ABOUT IRRELEVANT SHIT BUT NOT FUCKING RIGHT NOW #NOT IN A LESSON #AND NOT WHEN YOU'RE ACTIVELY PISSING EVERYONE IN THE CLASS OFF #AND I SIT NEXT TO YOU AND YOU REALLY LIKE ME SO EVERYONE IS ASSOCIATING THE ANNOYANCE WITH ME AS WELL #im so sorry if this is like the most horrible post ive ever made #i genuinely do like her #but i can't deal with it right now #sometimes its just. shes just a LOT

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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SORRY TO TAKE SUCH A HARD LEFT BUT HOW DO YOU THINK JO FOUND OUT ARAKAWA WAS DEAD

IM GOING TO SCREAM IF I TRY TO THINK ABOUT THAT NOOOOO I GOTTA GET BACK TO YOU IN 5-7 BUSINESS DAYS WITH THAT ONE............

#snap chats #id shit and cry if aoki was the one that told him in a condescending/bitchy way yk what i mean #like as if to jab at jo like 'oh dont worry about dealing with dad- since you were too incompetent to do it i had someone else handle it'#not that word for word im SURE but yk what i mean. just GENERALLY thats the energy #the timing of this ask is soooo funny i was just talkin to my twit friend bout arasawa #and how youve been inspiring me to draw it more again as of late and this is NOT helping !!!! i am ADDING IT to my LIST #cause i want to be in pain i guess (;´༎ຶ▽༎ຶ`) I JUST SEE IT SO CLEARLY IN MY HEAD EGUUUGHH #im still gonna chew on the idea of How tho im still gonna chew on it cause i have other stuff lined up Obvi but..... OUGH PAIN...#verrrrry awkward when i post a thing in liek an hour cause that shit gon be a lil cute so then i just got this in the back of my dome ☠️☠️#thank you........#throwing up as i remember aoki being like 'you're acting strange lately' brb #OUUGHHGH dying.#LIKE IM JUST THINKIG OF ALL THE EMOTIONS JO WOULDVE BEEN FEELING- /ESP/ IF HE WAS IN FRONT OF AOKI #how would he even cope... i mean judging by the eye scene Not Well butu OUUGHvLKJVALKJ #ITS THE CONFLICTED FEELINGS AGAIN CAUSE LIKE he SHOUULDNT care as much as he does right...#arakawa was just his boss... but if THAT was the case why not take him out when jo was first asked too.....#aoki is his priority in life right...... arakawa wasn't supposed to be anyone important BUT THEN HE DID BECOME IMPORTANT #making myself throw up #anyway this is why jo shouldve been allowed to rip tendo to shreds. in my humble opinion. <- sobbing #NAWWW IT THE WAY I HAVE TO GO OUT WITH MY SIS RIGHT AFTER THIS WELKFJALFKJLKVJ #I CANT BE NORMALLLLL

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

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get-more-bald · 5 months

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when you're an inherently bad person🤪

#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc #the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse #because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try #and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really.#its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well.#i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan #to use but i must be somewhat pleasant #but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell?#well!#vent post #also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism #god i fucking hate being who i am #im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part #of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all #its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no #contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself #not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough

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mrfoox · 2 years

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Just remembered how after my autistic diagnose every offical person was so careful to approach me about it at first. I know that's probably standard bc not everyone will like those news or know how to handle it but I legit just had doctors go 'hey... So... Are you okay? How do you feel?' and I was like 'haha, nice, so I haven't just been faking/now I know why I'm so different'

#miranda talking shit #And i mean... I wouldnt be diagnosed at all if i didnt personally call for it. I wouldn't have been able to see anyone unless i brought it #Up. Bc ive always been good at masking no one even considerd i was on the spectrum. And it wasnt until i got friends who was diagnosed and #Discussed it with me and their experiences + me reading up on it myself ... Where i was like wait uh ... Actually lol that's me haha #But i know plenty of people probably don't like to get the diagnosis. For me personally it was 90% a gopd thing #It felt a lot like... Ive always known i was 'diffrent' and ive always felt something was so wrong with me bc i didny work like other peope #And then it was like .... No im different but this is the thing that makes me different and its not something 'wrong' with me #For me it felt very freeing to get i guess a label or name on why im different. Before iy was all just... On me?#Like it was my own fault. Why couldnt i do this or just act normal why couldnt i just handle things others could? It all felt very. ...#Personal. Like it was my own fault ? Idk man. It was just great to get a reason to why i was diffrent and that it actually ... Made sense?#There were reasons behind why i got so overwhelmed or behaved weirdly etc yeah #My relationship with my own autism is the weirdest shit ever bc i dont personally think there's many positives with this diagnose #I can think of 10 cons per 1 pro basically but i also... Never had any bad feelings about getting it on paper that i have it?#I know my life would be much easier if i didnt have it. But i also know it cant be cured and is just part of me so #I have a fairly good or at least neatrul general feeling about it. Before i was diagnosed I'd cry and have breakdowns as to #Why i was so weird and why i couldnt be like everyone else. I got that on an weekly basis. After my diagnose? Very rarely.#I guess thats why im so... Supporting and maybe pushing others who think they are on the spectrum to check it out #Many will think oh but it doesnt DO anything. It doesnt change anything. It doesnt help to get it on paper ya know ?#And well yeah i guess technically that's true but man idk. If you have ever felt alienated like ive been my entire childhood and teen years #Getting the diagnose was so nice. And i got to learn about myself in much different ways than before. And understand that i am in fact not #Alone and not so misunderstood by everyone on earth lol.#@anyone who think they might be autistic give me an message and lets talk tbh if you want and need someone to discuss that with #Autism tag

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volfoss · 2 years

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EMOTIONAL OVER KING OF THE HILL AT 4 AM.

#twist rambles #s11 ep 1 was handled SO well w like drag queen stuff imo and i just oughhhhhhhhhhhhh im about to cry #like its a show that means a lot to me and it aged rly rly well w stuff like this and like. idk. theres this one episode where hank gets+#the wrong gender on his drivers license and like U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TRANS IT IS like.... god.#anyways literally trying 2 not cry over this rn. its just oighhhhh

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eunseo · 2 years

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im hurting mentally physically emotionally yet no one is hearing about it im sooo brave!!!

#and i mean this unironically 😭 bc i got a cold and im so emotionally and mentally exhausted rn and this cold just made me SO angry #im so so so angry these days and im genuinely handling it rly well wout freaking out at anyone... and that just makes me cry #bc nobody can actually see or notice the progress im making all by myself bc nobody rly knows how sick i am or how i feel #and i reallllly dont want to talk abt it w anyone so tumbly tag rant it is #im not even at the 'yall know im bout to snap right' stage im just in a perpetual state of snapping #and theres like. no reason for me to feel like this (<- gaslighting myself)

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seraphim-soulmate · 3 months

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me to myself, (about me), "oh man this is all gonna fuck him up so bad when he finally wakes up from the post-op fog and realizes the amount of suffering he's endured is gut-wrenching and will make him puke from crying. anyways time to go do some other random thing to distract myself bcs I obviously am not yet cognitively capable of confronting the carnage that my life became"

*sits down with popcorn to watch the shitshow "me" will have to endure once I come back to myself*

OH FUCK ITS ME IM ME I LIVED THIS AND IM GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ALL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

#personal #me #i love the post-op + medication + trauma brain fog #where its like im fully functional and weirdly upbeat for someone to whom really terrifying things have happened to!#oh wait. its because I didn't actually emotionally process any of it.#enough of me is left to make rational conscious decisions and to cry at puppy videos #the part that handles the Big Stuff is Offline at the moment actually. not me thinking ive just been coping really well lol #> his trauma response mechanisms kicked in and he didn't even realize it lol #like every time i talk about everything ive gone through surrounding this recovery im aware it's horrifying #but im not quite getting the adequate feedback from people #i think the feedback i would require is to break down sobbing and hug me and rock me oh. its saving me.#FUCK i gotta do that shit myself too oh gofdamn it i have to be niceys with me. more than i have been.#my trauma response might also actually just be correct in this one tbh like maybe I really can't handle all of this actually #that would be fair! i understand why you'd check out of the hotel california! (my brain)#sorry me for being mean and not understanding what you're going through im going to try to be more there for you <3

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rafeysdoll · 28 days

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rafe x crybaby!reader who cries and has a full on meltdown in front of rafe and his friends because he said no when she asked him to buy her this new expensive bag!🎀

ahhh i’m sorry i honestly hate the way i wrote this so much im so sorry i really hope you like it:< rafe is just a little mean but i mean come on! it’s rafe <3 im sorry i didn’t really make her have like a whole real big meltdown i just honestly couldn’t write it :<

‘DENIED’ the website reads, just as you were about to finish off your purchase for the new pink limited edition bag you had been eyeing. what? you frown, quickly jumping off your bed, slipping into your pink crocs— following the noise downstairs, knowing rafe and his friends were hanging out in the living room.

“rafe?” you call, giving a quick greeting to topper and kelce before sitting besides your boyfriend. “whys it say that?,” you ask, glittery gloss lips in a form of a halfway pout as you show your phone to rafe.

he leans in, taking a quick glance at it before a small chuckle leaves his lips. “you.. you uh.. really don’t remember?”

your brows furrow, head tilting. “what do you mean, ray?” confusion laced in your voice.

he looks away briefly before landing back at you. “well.. thanks to that little stunt you pulled on monday, i decided i won’t be paying for anymore of your little shopping sprees ‘till next week.” he states, lips smacking together.

“w-what?” you nervously giggle, cheeks starting to heat up.

it was safe to say, you weren’t used to rafe telling you no. every single thing you wanted or asked for was given to you in a few days thanks to express shipping.

you had got perfectly accustomed to the title of being rafe’s spoiled girlfriend. constantly skipping over prices and simply swiping his card. “i.. i thought you were only kidding, daddy.” you mumble softly, not wanting the boys to hear.

“i don’t kid about setting you straight, baby.” he says simply, your eyes already starting to burn.. embarrassment clouding your mind.

“but you already punished me!” you whine as quietly as you can, one of the small tears up in your eyes falls as you recollect the memory of when he had you bent over his lap, spanking you until your ass was practically engraved with his handprint.

“please daddy, it’ll already be sold out by next week,” you cry, trying to make him understand.

but he only looks away, shaking his head. “don’t you have enough purses anyway? bought you plenty already.” he continues, making more tears stream down your cheek at his reluctance.

you notice topper and kelce staring now, concerned with whatever it was you were crying about, looking to themselves with confused expressions. rafe however, was used to your dramatics.

“you’re just being mean, rafe! i already paid for my mistake.” you plead, grabbing his hands and squeezing them lightly.

topper clears his throat, clearly feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation. kelce hides a small smirk, but pretends not to hear the ordeal anyway.

rafe couldn’t care less for the audience, always loving when he had any spotlight with the way he handled you. an opportunity to flaunt the power dynamic between you two.

rafe puts on a faux pout, even making a small “awe” sound as he moves one hand to wipe your tears. “oh i’m being mean, really? that.. that supposed to make me cave in, hm? let you run along and think every single punishment isn’t serious?”

he was so cruel you thought, his mocking pulling at your heart in a negative way. “hey, stop crying, okay? you know im not doing this for fun. these are consequences to your actions.” he prompts, every tear that falls on your cheek being wiped by his hands.

“p-please, just this once..” you mewl. “i promise i wont ask for another bag for awhile, promise! i’ll be real good.” you beg.

maybe it was the way your sad eyes looked at him, or the way your manicured hand squeezed his own, or maybe he just wanted you to stop bugging him, thinking about the blow job he’d ask for later— or maybe it was simply cause he had grown soft. but regardless, he still bites his lips and nods. “alright fine— i’ll buy it now so it doesn’t sell out, but when it comes you’re gonna give it me to hold it until next week still.” he tells you, filling in his card information on the site.

“r-really? oh thank you!” you squeal, giving him a tight hug. “mhm, better be.”

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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#i guess this isnt quite the closest I've been to total mental collapse but i mean we're getting there #i guess the difference is thst now i understand what's happening so part of my brain is sitting back like: this is stupid while the other #half is laying on the floor screaming #so it goes i guess.#i just spent like a lot of time preparing a bunch of data for a talk i have to give tomorrow. and i still have to practice it #and i just and v worried abt attending a conference rn bc i have about zero enthusiasm rn abd i really passionately dont care abt the data #so im gonna have to b all chipper and im gonna have to drive down there as well. and its only like 45min but every time i have to drive its #my brain is like: ur gonna get someone killed. can u handle that rn? and no i cannot ever. plus im so tired and usually i get so stressed #abt driving i cant sleep. so low sleep plus my eyes r all sore from crying. and then i have to interact with ppl and drive home. and #apparently i also have to go help in the field wednesday as well. and i just have so so little capacity to b human rn.#itll probably b fine. i just suck it up and deal. but like i was fantasizing the other day abt just having a normal day where i didnt have #to do things. or just like walking around in the woods. and its like wtf ru talk abt u r the only person stopping u from doing these things #so shut up abt it. ugh idk im tired. i should b practicing for tomorrow. itll b fine. this is stupid #its just been a long time since ive spent this much time crying on a daily basis :-/#unrelated

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evie-sturns · 1 month

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Cry - Matt Sturniolo

summary: you and your boyfriend, matt, have spent the day together. you've been snapping at him the whole time, until it gets too much for matt and you accidentally make him cry. you find a way to make everything up to him.

contains: sub!matt, nsfw, blowjob?, matt crying, angst.

------------------≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫-----------------

matt and i have been dating for 7 months, sure, we’ve argued before but it’s never lasted more than a day and it’s never affected us that much. i’ve never seen matt cry, according to his brothers he hates crying infront of people, or even talking about it.

today we’ve been bickering non stop, i’ve been making snarky comments and snapping at him for pathetic reasons, matt’s just been ignoring it.

9:24pm

i sit on the dining table, matt directly opposite me on his phone as he takes small bites of his dinner. “matt.” i say, my voice almost like a robot.

“mhm?” he hums, his eyes fixed on his screen, i groan, “for fucks sake matt.” i huff under my breath.

“what is it?” matt asks, his finger continuing to scroll across his screen.

i don't know why i've been so on edge today, everything matt's done has pissed me off. the way his hand is cemented onto his phone pisses me off.

“fucking stop! you don’t even care about me the only thing you do is go on your phone, your an actual excuse of a boyfriend.”

the words leave my mouth quicker than i can process, i don’t even fully comprehend what i’m saying.

i finish off my yelling fit by slamming matt’s phone out of his hands.

he stands up abruptly, his bottom lip shaking as his eyes well with tears. “don’t fucking say that.”

i scoff, folding my arms and playing with my nails. matt lets in a sharp inhale, a shaky sob exiting his mouth.

my head snaps up to look at him, he’s got tears soaking his pink cheeks, his lips a raw red. he reaches his ringed fingers up to rub his eyes before speed walking out of the dining room, directly towards our bedroom.

my heart drops, an aching infecting my body. i feel a wave of guilt wash over me, tears somehow prickling in the corners of my eyes. i wipe my face quickly,

i’ve just made matt cry. shit.

i stand up from my wooden chair, the chair legs screeching on the wooden floor.

my footsteps tap on the ground as i slowly walk towards matt and i’s shared room, the door is shut.

i stand outside for a few seconds, pressing my ear, which is decorated in sets of earrings, up to the wooden planks.

i hear sniffles coming from inside the room, and small crys. my heart pounds against my ribs as i twist the door handle.

i’m met with matt’s body which is sitting at his desk, his back facing me. i’m not sure he heard me, so i walk over to him.

i tap his grey sweater, the cute wool sweater that he wears whenever he’s cold, the sweater his mom gave him in high school, which still fits him.

i feel him tense under me, he swings his head round to look at me, his eyelashes are dark and wet, his cheeks a deep red and his lips swollen.

i take one look at him and my stomach forms a pit, i wrap my arms around his neck, yanking him into a deathly tight hug as i bend down to his seated height.

matt doesn’t hug me back, his arms hang loosely by his sides. i bury my head into the crook of his neck,

after a few seconds i pull away, visible nerves on my face, matt’s tilts his head down to his lap, where his hands rest, fiddling with his rings.

“matt please, look at me.” i say, my voice barely audible. his head shakes, i nod my head “okay.” i whisper.

“i’m so sorry sweetheart, i didn’t mean any of that, i promise it’s just the week before my period. you know i get in these stupid moods that i can’t handle.” i say softly,

matt continues to stare down at his lap.

i get down on my knees my hands resting on his thighs, my nails scratching the material of his sweatpants.

im at the height where i can see his full face, his lips slightly pouted. i stare up at him, his eyes lock with mine for a split second. my hands travel to his waistband and grip the elastic, i look up at him again, asking for permission. matt's gaze drifts to my eyes again, he nods, his top teeth sinking into his lower lip.

i pull down his sweatpants to his midthighs, he's got no boxers on, already half hard.

i brush my thumb over his tip, earning a shaky groan from matt. i maintain eye contact with him, i feel him grow fully hard in my hand. i run my hand up his length a few times before taking my hands off him completley.

"please" matt clears his throat, "please what?" i tease, resting my hands on his thighs, he almost looks as though he’s going to cry again,

i can see his breathing intensify, "tell me what you want." i say calmly, matt lets out a whine, his leg bobbing up and down on the spot, "please." matt breathes out again.

i lean foward, wrapping my lips around matt's tip, a soft moan exits his mouth as he gentley tangles his fingers into my hair. i swirl my tongue around his tips before taking more of him further down my throat.

"close-" matt warns, bucking his hips up as his hands grip my hair tighter. i pull off his cock for a second to catch a needed breath,

"i need to." matt protests as his cheeks flush, small droplets of sweat gathering on his forehead, he runs his hand though my hair. i wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, "i know, i know." i say, quickly wrapping my mouth around him again as i scratch his thighs with my nails.

i bob my head up and down quicker, matts whimpers filling the room. i look up at him with doe eyes, he squeezes his eyes shut, thrusting his cock deeper into my mouth.

i can see his breathing intensifying before he releases in my mouth, i pull off of him.

matt leans back in his chair, before quickly reaching a hand down under my mouth, i spit it out into his hand "sorry.." matt laughs slightly, grabbing a bunch of tissues and cleaning his hand and my lips.

"don't say sorry matt, my fault for getting you so worked up." i say, standing up and grabbing matts arm, pulling him up onto his feet. i lead him towards the bed, he stumbles slightly as he recovers from his orgasm.

i sit down on the bed, my back resting against the headboard. matt lays down next to me, i pull his head onto my chest.

"matt, i feel really bad." i start,

"what? for what? that was the best fucking experience i've had all month, the nails did somethin-" he rambles, i cut him off.

"no! about the things i said, and.. you know.. making you cry" i say with a small laugh.

"trust me, you made up for it, can you do the same tomorrow so i can get another blow job." matt smiles, i run a hand through his hair, shaking my head with a scoff.

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#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fluff

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seafoamwoman · 1 year

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being on my period is miserable I can't even get out of bed because my cramps fire up if I'm not permanently curled up in a ball and all the food I have in the house I can't eat because for some reason imitation meat, tomato, and any form of dairy makes me extremely ill

I had a piece of toast with some butter on it and it gave me so much pain pls I want to not put my life on hold because of this 😭

#I think i may have PMDD as well because the past 2 weeks ive been experiencing period symptoms before finally starting #like idk i wish it was easier for me to handle but everything hurts so much and im so anxious #also doesnt help that my grandparents are like weirdly mean to me on my period unless im like crying in pain #like my grandma purposefully left a mess for me to clean this morning knowing full well im sick rn #like ok..

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rottingsick · 2 years

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I'm not that fuckin fragile. god.

#text #rotting #no rb #mine #I shouldn't be gettin angry. it's unreasonable.#I love you too much. why can't you see that I'm not gonna break over #something I knew about already since near the beginning #my head hurts #I guess Im also feelin toxic over bein made to get scared of my literal worse fears #even if I know that that was not the intention at all. and I understand its very sensitive for you #but Im not that fuckin fragile that I'm gonna snap in half like a twig over something I knew and accepted #I'm not gonna crumble in your hands. I get that I'm a little uwu bunny or whatever and Im sensitive and cry a lot #I just want to help you. I just want to take your pain away. I want to be the only one you rely on.#I can fuckin handle it. okay? I love you. I love you so fuckin much. I can handle you. you're not some big scary monster in my eyes #you should know that. I know you have these thoughts. I know you've had worse thoughts. I'm not gonna keel over just from u havin them #I'm okay with it. just cause I can't stomach details well doesn't mean I don't understand and am chill w it #its fuckin fine. its fine. it really is. it doesn't bother me. its not gonna shatter my whole world.#and yet you run away from me.#I'm sorry. I wish I could be better for you. but I'm so so so selfish. I deserve the loneliness settling in right now #lmao I'm a terrible partner. I want to smash glass against a wall and feel in buried in my skin #I want to then pluck it out and feel the blood gush from my wounds.#would you lick it up for me? would you treat me? would you bandage me? would you watch over and care for me as I heal?#I don't deserve it. but I'll be damned if I don't selfishly crave it

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harryslittlefreakk · 18 days

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arrogant s.o.b

summary: based on this request - grumpy/mean Harry and readers first fight and he says something really harsh/yells and makes her cry? And then feels really bad after like grumpyxsunshine vibes?

warnings: angst

wordcount: 1.6k

a/n: thank you to the anon who sent in this request!! 🥰💖 sorry it took me a while to get around to it. please let me know if this isn’t quite what you wanted, i don’t know if I’m 100% happy with it so im more than willing to tweak and rewrite!!!

my masterlist!! please feel free to send me more requests 💓 happy reading

“I miss you, Harry.”

You knew you were pushing it, he was already working himself to breaking point. But you couldn’t help it, you missed your boyfriend. His break was meant to be about finding time for himself again, spending time with his loved ones. And you thought that meant being with you, not spending every day confined to the four walls of a recording studio.

“I can’t delay my entire album because you miss me.”

“I’m not asking you to delay the entire album. Just take a day off, just once.”

“Why?! For what?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Now you were both pissed off. You didn’t understand why Harry couldn’t just slow down. You’d only been able to see him in Italy for a few days, your work schedule unexpectedly busy. Part of you thought he was ‘punishing’ you for that, the sane part of you knew that his summer in Italy was his rest, and now he was back in London he needed to work. Harry’s work ethic was one of the things you admired most about him, and now you were arguing with him over it.

“Clearly it does matter.” He was stood by the door, keys in his hand, a dark scowl printed on his face.

“It’s fine, just go. Have a good day.” The hurt was evident in your voice, but you didn’t even want Harry to stay now with the atmosphere you’d created.

He hesitated for a moment, torn between wanting to stay and needing to leave. Finally, he sighed and turned to walk out the door without another word. The sound of the door swinging shut behind him echoed through the silent room, leaving you alone in your thoughts.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you sank into the sofa. You’d pushed him away when all you wanted was for him to stay. You knew you’d always come second to his career, he prioritised you over almost everything in his life but his music was so important to him. But once he finished recording, there would be interviews and appearances, then a tour, and then you’d be back here again. It was constant, unrelenting, and if he couldn’t even sacrifice one day for you, how could you expect him to slow down?

—

Harry stood frozen on the other side of the door, still stuck between needing to come back in and wanting to go. It never usually got to this point, one of you would back down before someone got hurt. It wasn’t exactly healthy, but it worked for you. He hated fighting, hated seeing you upset. But he was only now realising that it was usually you that compromised. He knew you well, and for you to actually speak up and ask him to stay despite knowing how important his work is to him? He’d fucked up.

He leaned against the door, his hand gripping the handle tightly as he closed his eyes, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside him. Guilt washed over him as he replayed the conversation in his mind. He knew he needed to find a balance between his work and his relationship, but it was easier said than done.

His hand fell from the door handle as he turned on his heel, dragging his feet away from the house. If he was going to make it right, he needed to be armed with all of your favourite things.

—

Harry replayed the morning in his head the entire time he was out. You’d woken up to his alarm as always, rolling over in his arms to wake him up with soft kisses. “Why do you set alarms if you know you can’t wake up for them?” you laughed, tapping at his nose as his eyes fluttered open. “Because you wake up and I get morning kisses,” he smiled, pulling you tighter to his chest.

He remembered how the morning light hit you at just the right angle, illuminating your puffy eyes and blushed cheeks. He’d caught himself wishing he could have five more minutes in bed with you, time to savour waking up next to his love. But he’d rolled out of bed in the same way as always, slipping out from under you just as you tried to curl your body around his.

You’d followed him to the bathroom silently, lingering in the doorway as you rubbed your tired eyes. “Wish I got to see you more,” you’d mumbled, eyes following his through the mirror. “You see me every day, kitten,” he’d replied, poking his tongue out when he saw you watching. He’d noticed your face fall slightly, a misty kind of sadness replace the natural glint in your eye. He cringed as he thought back, but he’d purposely ignored it to save himself the trouble.

“I see you when I wake up and just before bed,” you’d pouted, eyes glued to your suddenly fidgety hands. “I cant help that right now, pet. You know I can’t,” he’d tried to reason with you, and looking back, Harry thought maybe he was trying to convince himself. “Just a morning or an afternoon at home would be nice. Not even a full day,” you’d told him, voice cracking as you looked back up at him.

“I can’t have this conversation right now,” he’d muttered, kicking at the door until it swung closed in front of you.

And there he was now, heart struck with guilt at the thought of how badly he had neglected you.

—

As he heard your keys jingle outside the door, Harry finished rearranging his purchases across the bed. He gave one final look to the flowers on your windowsill, the beautiful blush pink roses he knew you loved. It was perfect, he just hoped it would be enough.

“Hi darling,” he smiled sheepishly as he walked down the stairs.

“Hi, H,” you replied, brows knitted as you stared at him. “What are you doing?”

“Come,” Harry murmured, reaching out a hand for you to take. You dropped your bag by door and took it, fingers tangling with his as he lead you back to the bedroom.

He stopped outside the bedroom door, pulling you into his arms. “M’sorry,” he whispered into your hair. “Didn’t think about what it’s like for you. I need time with you just as much as you need it w’me.”

“No, I’m sorry,” you told him, cuddling into his chest. “Nothing to be sorry for, pet.”

“Shouldn’t have pushed you like that,” you murmured, eyes closed as you breathed in his musky aftershave.

“Gave me the push I needed. M’not good at taking time off.”

“Don’t have to tell me that,” you laughed, stepping away from him as he turned to open the bedroom door.

“Got you your perfect day,” he smiled, stepping out of the way so you could see his creation.

All your favourite snacks were laid out on the bed, your matching pyjamas folded on the corner. The most beautiful flowers you’d ever seen in your favourite vase on the windowsill, candles lit on your nightstand and a cheesy rom com loaded on the tv.

“You did all of this?” you cooed, a grin spreading across your face as your gaze turned to Harry. He nodded, pulling his t-shirt off.

“Nuh uh,” you swatted his hand away as he reached to pick up the pyjama top. “Only my perfect day if you’re topless,” you smirked, quickly peeling your clothes off to throw the pyjamas on.

You climbed into bed next to Harry, pulling the duvet up to your chin before wrapping your body around his, your head at home on his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, arms wrapped right around you.

“Made a few calls. Gonna start only doing three days at a time in the studio, then three days off,” he whispered, grinning when you immediately whipped round to look at him. “Don’t have to do that for me baby,” you gasped, brows furrowed.

“It’s the right call. Just gonna be longer days but worth it all if it means more time with you,” Harry winked, his hand caressing the curve of your waist.

You shifted upwards, placing a gentle kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” you smiled. “And congratulations.”

Harry returned your kiss, his lips lingering just a second longer than yours had. His touch and his kisses felt like home to you, his smile your lifeblood. “To me? For what?”

“To us. For our first fight,” you giggled, holding out a hand to high-five Harry. He grabbed a hold of your hand, using it to pull you even closer to him, until your faces were only centimetres apart.

“Here’s to our first and last fight,” he whispered, eyes locked on yours. His teeth latched onto your bottom lip as he went in for another kiss, the rocky waves in your stomach turning to butterflies as his tongue moved around yours.

You pulled away after a minute, settling back into his arms with a smile so bright it could have lit up the room.

“Can’t believe we started the day with you thinking your album is more important than me,” you mumbled, a mischievous sparkle in your eye as you tangled your fingers between Harry’s.

“Millions of adoring fans who’d do anything for me versus one woman? I know who I’m picking,” he teased, laughing as you smacked his thigh with your free hand.

“Maybe they were right,” you whispered, peering up at him.

“Hm?”

“About you being an arrogant son of a bitch.”

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