#But she very much agrees that their lives ARE appealing and beautiful in some way so I also wouldn't say it's mocking yk??
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Hi, hi, how are you? How's school? I feel like we haven't talked in a long time lol, I just saw you're reading The Secret History, what are you thinking? I read some time ago and honestly I liked it but it left me very confused, my friend kind of explained it to me but still, well hope you're doing okay!
Hiii!! Ikr, we haven't talked in so long!!!!!!!!
I'm okay - school is very hard at the moment, I'm always late on studies and there are endless lists of exercises to do😭😭 But honestly I've never understood the subject better, so I think maybe piling us with homework and stress is just their strategy lmao
I'm liking the secret history a lot!!! I just started the second part, but I gotta be honest - I've already looked up how it ends kahskshsk. I just can't handle suspense.
Plus I've seen a lot of discussions on whether Donna Tartt is making satire out of the characters, and I think she kind of is?? Although I would say it's more of a cautionary tale than satire (at least that's what it seems like up until the half of the book, I can't argue for what I haven't yet read). Like, Richard literally says his fatal flaw is always longing for the picturesque above all things. The Greek Class isolated themselves, genuinely thought they were better than everyone else, and lived for the ✨aesthetics✨ and academic elitism. Of course they're bad, and killing people is bad, and etc
So yeah qkhsksh I do believe the book isn't endorsing their lifestyle, I'm just hesitant to say that it's somehow mocking them, since it admits that their perspectives are thrilling and seducing to some level. Again, to me, it's more of a cautionary tale than anything else
And youuu? How are you? What did you think about the book (and what confused you about it)?? How's school?? I hope you're good too❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕💕
#asks#personal#yozinha-z!!#I mean#This is literally a quote from the book:#“#While I felt a delicious pleasure in adjusting myself to fit this attractive if inaccurate image –#and‚ eventually‚ in finding that I had more or less become the character which for a long time I had so skillfully played –#there was never any doubt that he did not wish to see us in our entirety#or see us‚ in fact‚ in anything other than the magnificent roles he had invented for us:#genis grains‚ corpore glabelliis‚ arte multiscius‚ et fortuna opulentus – smooth-cheeked‚ soft-skinned‚ welleducated‚ and rich.#”#This is talking about the professor btw#The professor that we've been warned since the beginning that is an elitist asshole#TSH IS criticism!!! I agree with that!!!!#The author isn't endorsing them or saying you should follow their steps!!!!#But she very much agrees that their lives ARE appealing and beautiful in some way so I also wouldn't say it's mocking yk??#...I also think I'm too fired up as someone who hasn't even finished the book though LMAO#Can you imagine if I say all this but then in part two I read a sentece that completely changes my mind and I regret all this?#It would be v embarrassing#But yeah - maybe Im also interpretating the word 'mocking' wrong#bc I *do* think shes calling them all fakes and pseudo-intellectuals#Is that mocking? I just don't think shes calling them stupid or evil yk#Actually idk what im saying here‚ im just ranting at this point‚ im so sorry KAJSKHSJ
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“The wind was howling fiercely. It sounds like a wolf, thought Sansa. A ghost wolf, big as mountains.” (AFCC, Alayne II)
Is such an insane quote to me. All I can think of is how GRRM had no reason to put that in if not for literary thematic reasons. The phrase also works so incredibly well for GRRM’s self proclaimed style of subconscious foreshadowing, and using a literary sleight of hand when it comes to planting seeds. (I.e whilst he’s placing in hints and clues he’s waving his other hand with some flashy wording).
So the thing with a lot of Jonsa clues is that it lives between the lines . It lives in this implicit subconscious place that you’d only pick up on if *critically* reading. It’s what you pick up on through re-reads , and you have to be unbiased, open to anything and willing to look - and then it’s quite literally screaming off the page and you cannot unsee it.
The issue with the majority of the fandom, is that they refuse to see it. They claim “no narrative basis!!” You guys are reaching … but are willing to accept targaryen imagery in Sansa’s chapters as long as it relates to fAegon. Or the blue rose in the wall of ice meaning that J/D are the fated soul lovers of the saga etc etc.
The primary quote that is used by J/D shippers is Jon’s death and the link to the wolf howl with Dany.
I’m not one of those asoiaf fans who kicks and screams , denying any semblance of foreshadowing for other ships. You do you. (I have a problem with the people who choose to be condescending and towards my ship, which happens to Jonsa’s a lot since it’s quite niche compared to J/D). I can acknowledge all the foreshadowing for J/D, I saw it from ACOK - but the difference is that I don’t view it as overtly positive and as an endgame fated romance.
What is interesting to me is that the GA will overemphasise this quote as absolute proof that J/D are endgame, (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read it on Tiktok, reddit, Twitter etc) though they are quick to dismiss literally anything else….even a very very similar quote with uniquely distinct phrasing because it can’t be !! It’s a delusional ‘reach.’
The Dany quote in question:
“Off in the distance, a wolf howled. The sound made her feel sad and lonely but no less hungry.” (ADWD Daenerys X) .
Later in that chapter she embraces ‘fire and blood.’ So to me, the hunger represents both a physical absence and insatiable desires which she will soon embrace and no longer reject - she’ll likely sail to Westeros in TWOW. I actually love this interpretation of the quote, though it seems rather in the minority for the GA. Is it foreshadowing ? I believe non-J/D shippers can absolutely agree on that. But it doesn’t seem an overly positive quote that suggests everlasting romance. I mean, the fact that she hears it in the distance, so it isn’t a loud sound, and though it despairs her, she’s more concerned with that ‘hunger.’ It’s interesting word-play from GRRM as there are obvious double meanings to the quote.
And you know what ? I’m intrigued to see where he goes with that - I’m far more enamoured by potential conflict - though conflict is never without its complexity of course . See I do find J/D compelling, and I see the appeal that the GA finds, - I used to like the it in the past because of fanart and edits. I then just realised that J/S are far subtler, but make more sense and tie together beautifully in terms of thematics, parallels, and characterisations . In terms of J/D I’ve realised I’m more interested in a uniquely conflicting dynamic rather than the conventional hero boy x hero girl saves the world . I’m all on board for GRRM subverting that tired tired fantasy trope and giving us something else - unexpected - raw, beautiful, (angsty) and unequivocally there since the beginning. Here’s a hint; starts with J and has 5 letters.
Okay I went on way too much of a ramble here !!! Back to Sansa’s quote.
“The wind was howling fiercely. It sounds like a wolf, thought Sansa. A ghost wolf, big as mountains.” (AFCC, Alayne II)
GA pass over Sansa’s line which is simultaneously subtle and visceral. And it’s easy to do so, because it’s in AFFC - but then that’s a perfect way for GRRM to weave something in. Sansa is physically surrounded by mountains in her chapter, just as the fierce howling is an overwhelming presence. Jon dies and calls for Ghost in his last chapter - it could be around the same time - Ghost reacting to Jon’s death, grieving over him. it’s also a ‘ghost’ because something (someone) important to Sansa has perished. Someone she hadn’t thought of in a long time and was only just reminded of.
“A ghost wolf big as mountains” “howling fiercely.” Ghost wolf. Did George need to specify that it was a GHOST wolf in the exact same chapter where Sansa is consciously thinking of how sweet it’d be to see Jon again? After not thinking of him in 2 books?? And then once more lamenting “that could never be.”
Now I’m primarily analysing this quote through a Jonsa lens, but both ^ the Dany and Sansa quote also allude to Jon’s sheer importance to the narrative - his loss is profound, and his resurrection will be even more so.
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The Stable Girl — Chapter Three
pairing: joel miller x f!reader
chapter rating: M (mutual pining, sexual desire, a couple steamy kisses)
word count: 7k
series masterlist
Joel awoke at the crack of dawn, a giddy grin on his face as he went through his morning routine. Anytime he’d glance at his reflection in the mirror while trimming his beard, his cheeks would start to burn with anticipation.
He was actually going on a date.
Patting his neck dry, he turned his head to each side, examining how his face had changed since the last time he was in the game. Though she wasn’t incredibly young—twenty-eight to be exact—she was young enough to be able to have any of the younger guys in town she wanted. And yet, here she was, choosing him.
He couldn’t see the appeal anymore—his beard had started to grey in tiny patches on his jawbone and chin, creases had formed around his eyes and between his brows, even his body had lessened in appeal. As Joel checked out his torso in the mirror, he wasn’t so much upset about his physique—that had only gotten stronger through years of surviving in this world—but it was the scars that covered his once smooth skin that made him feel insecure.
There would forever be little reminders of the brutality he face, and more importantly, the brutality he caused.
He was a different man than he’d ever been for a good part of the last twenty years—too long, he reckoned. The things he’d done to get here, the amount of blood shed and people he hurt to be living in this safe little town, going on a date with a beautiful woman…it made him feel sick with shame and guilt.
Perhaps this was why he was so easily able to control himself around women—he just didn’t want them to see him as he did every time he looked in the mirror. But no matter how sick with insecurity he began to feel standing in front of the bathroom vanity, he never once questioned if he was going to follow through on the date. He wanted this—wanted her. He’d find a way to get over his hatred for himself if it meant he got her attention in return.
Hell, he’d done harder things before for much less.
After he washed away his last bit of insecurity in the shower, he changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt—a mild deviation on his typical outfit. He practically jumped down the staircase to the kitchen to prepare himself some coffee, pouring half of it into one thermos and the other half into another with plans of sharing it with Sunshine.
“You’re up early,” Ellie stumbled into the kitchen through the sliding glass door of the backyard, Joel turning to her and giving her an equally surprised look.
“Could say the same about you.” He turned around and gave her a smile until she reached for the spare thermos. He quickly tugged it closer to him and earned a scoff from the teenager.
“Hey, what the hell man?”
“It ain’t for you, it’s for…someone else.” He played coy but Ellie could see right through it.
“She finally agreed to go out with you?” She pushed him out of the way so that she could make a pot of coffee for herself seeing as he was hoarding his batch.
“Actually, she asked me.” Joel gave her a proud grin as he packed his backpack with snacks for the hike, Ellie giving him a look of disbelief. “What? What’s that look for?”
“I’m just surprised she’s into your whole…grumpy dad vibe.” She chuckled and hoisted herself onto the counter, swinging her legs as she watched him more nervously pack his bag.
“I don’t got a grumpy dad vibe.” His accent paired with her words made Ellie laugh, Joel giving her an unamused glare. “You tryin’ to make me a nervous before my date, kiddo?”
“No, just teasing. It’s cute to see you so…giddy.” She teased again, Joel’s eyes rolling as he smiled to himself. “Haven’t seen you blush like ever? So it’s going to take a little getting used to, but I am very glad you’re finally making friends. Hopefully that means you’ll have something to do on the weekends so that I can have a proper social life.”
“Proper, huh? You mean goin’ out and drinkin’? Gettin’ into trouble?” She shrugged, Joel shaking his head at her. “Long as you’re bein’ safe.”
“See. Grumpy dad vibe.” Ellie hopped off the counter and poured her coffee, Joel scoffing in amusement as he took off towards the front door.
“Have a good day, kiddo.”
•••
You were practically itching with nerves as you paced around your living room, trying to stop yourself from peering out of the window to catch a glimpse at the empty street, hoping to see a certain hunk walking towards your house.
Whoever that bold, confident woman that asked him out was was now long gone, replaced by a meek and nervous girl who’d had very little experience with dating—especially a man of his caliber.
Your nails were bitten down to the nub, the skin around them bleeding in a couple places where you spent too much time picking at it. Matthew managed to get a few jokes in at your expense as he prepared breakfast for himself, but stopped once he realized how truly anxious you were.
“It’s going to go fine, sis.” He attempted to reassure you as you stood by the window, peeking out onto the street.
“What if he doesn’t show? Oh my god. I swear to god, I won’t show my face in town for a fucking month just out of spite.” You groaned as you plopped down onto the recently reupholstered sofa, the smell of 20 years of neglect still lingering even after a thorough cleaning and refurbishment.
“First off, that’s not the punishment you think it is. Secondly, he’s going to show,” Matthew assured from the kitchen. “And if he doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.”
“It actually is the end of the world,” you mumbled to yourself and returned to picking at your fingernails.
A few knocks on the wood of your front door stopped you from making yourself bleed again, bolting onto your feet and running over to the door. Joel gave you an amused smile, taking in your frantic state.
“Well, good morning, Sunshine. Brought you some coffee, not that it looks like ya need it.” He teased and handed you over a thermos, a grateful smile appearing as you opened the mouth of the lid and took a sip of the hot beverage—all of your doubt washing away with it.
“You know, a part of me thought you wouldn’t show,” you grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulders before following him out onto the porch. Joel gave you a furrowed brow and a frown as he listened to your worries. “So I was just very happy to see that you did.”
“Why wouldn’t I show?” He asked softly, leaning his hip against the wooden railing on your porch. You shrugged in response, a shy grin on while you blew into your drink. “Ya know, I was nervous too.”
Your eyes lifted to his and he exhaled a chuckle, turning his attention to the siding of the house beside you, shaking his head before looking back into your eyes.
“Yeah, I was…I was lookin’ at myself in the mirror—as one does before goin’ on a date with a beautiful woman like yourself.” You felt heat in your cheeks as he complimented you without any shyness or hesitation. “And I started to think…I don’t know…that I ain’t good lookin’ enough…young enough. But…then I started to remember who I was goin’ out with, and all that worry went away.”
“You think you’re not good looking enough?” You asked through a laugh, Joel shrugging and giving you a bashful smile in response. With a deep breath, you walked towards him and placed a shaking hand onto his chest, your eyes locked with his. “Joel, you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. It’s me that should be worried.”
“You have no reason to be worried when ya look like that, darlin’.” His voice was husky, just above a whisper. His eyes lowered to look at you, your height difference now more apparent than ever. With a trembling hand, Joel reached for your jawline and tilted your chin up, his eyes flickering to your lips as he leaned in painfully slowly.
“Oh, hey, Joel.” Your brother’s presence interrupted the moment, a deep breath of patience coming in through your nostrils as you turned to glare at him.
“Hey, Matthew.” Joel smiled at him for just a moment before turning his attention to the side of your face, amused by the glare you were giving your older brother.
“Matthew, surely you have other places to be.” You hissed through a clenched jaw, your brother shaking his head and taking a seat on your porch.
“Nope,” he gave the two of you a knowing smile and you groaned, wanting to strangle him for picking now to be an overprotective brother. Joel cleared his throat behind you and you turned around, giving him an apologetic look as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“You ready to go?” You asked, Joel eagerly nodding and leading you off the porch.
“Have fun you two!” Matthew called out and you flipped him off as you walked down the street.
“I thought he liked me,” Joel nudged your shoulder with his, pulling your attention to his winning smile. It took a beat for your brain to be able to process a response with the way he was looking down at you, your cheeks surely giving away your fluster.
“He did. But that was before you were trying to kiss his little sister.” Joel nodded, looking ahead with a pursed smile. “Good thing I’m a I grown woman who can decide for herself who gets to kiss her.”
“Oh yeah? And what’s the verdict?” He turned to you again as you reached the stables, your bottom lip getting caught between your teeth as you stared up at him. Joel’s hand cradled your jaw, his calloused thumb stroking over your smooth skin as his eyes bounced across your features.
“You know, I thought the kisses usually come after the first date. Don’t they?” You teased, hearing him chuckle as he pulled his hand away and stepped back.
“You’re right, you’re right. Gettin’ ahead of myself.” Joel moved to walk into the stables, but you grabbed his wrist to stop him. With a shaking head and a devilish grin, you pulled him back into you. Your hands held his bearded face and tugged him down, both of you stopping just short of your lips touching, smiles wide and eyes searching one another. “You tryin’ to tease me, Sunshine?”
You shook your head, your smile somehow getting wider. “Just trying to remember everything about our first kiss. About the way you look…about the way I feel right now.”
“You’re an angel, darlin’.” Joel mumbled before your lips pressed together, soft and slow motions as he held you close to his body with his arms squeezed around your waist.
Kissing Joel was somehow exactly how you imagined it and better than you could’ve dreamed simultaneously. His beard scratched your skin in an addicting way, your mind already reeling at the possibility of it scratching other places. His lips were perfectly pliant, moving against yours as though this was a dance the two of you choreographed long, long ago. He even tasted sweet, his morning coffee melding with his own distinct taste that had you more and more drunk with every swipe of his tongue over yours.
Sooner than you would’ve liked, Joel was pulling away, pressing his forehead to yours as he caught his breath. Pressing his lips to your brow, he pulled back completely, a lazy, satiated grin on his flushed face.
“How bad was it?” He asked after a beat of watching your dazed expression, your brows lacing together at the sound of him being insecure.
“Bad? Joel you’re…perfect.” You stroked your thumb over his beard and he blushed again, turning away with a shy smile. You allowed him to walk away this time, content with finally getting the taste of him that you’d been craving for weeks now. Your satisfaction wouldn’t last long, his kisses now becoming your new favorite indulgence; you had a feeling the more you did it, the more you’d need it.
“Come on, boy.” Joel walked his horse, Callus, out of the stall and onto the road, smiling at you as he caught you tracing your fingertip over your lip. “Which horse are you takin’, Sunshine?”
“Cookie, I think. She’s the most well-behaved of my children.” You finally forced yourself forward, walking into the stable and pulling the tan, speckled mare out of her stall before bringing her out onto the road. Joel had just finished packing his bag onto his saddle and was hoisting himself onto the horse when you came back out.
“Can’t wait to get to see the horse-whisperer in action.” He teased as you climbed onto the young steed and rolled your eyes at him.
“Can’t wait to see Joel Miller in action.” He blushed and turned forward, tugging on the reins of his horse and walking him to the gates.
“Y’all goin’ on patrol?” Paul, the younger guy that asked you out, was the guard posted at the gate. You felt the tension in the air as he looked between you and Joel, seemingly realizing what was happening without either of you having to say a thing. “Oh.”
“You gonna open the gate?” Joel asked, all the softness that he reserved for you now gone as he spoke to your once-suitor. Paul didn’t hesitate to open the gate after taking one look at Joel’s stern face, a wave of desire washing over you at the sheer respect and power he commanded with just his voice.
“Be safe,” Paul spoke to you as you rode past him, your head nodding at him before turning forward.
It felt odd being on the outside of Jackson after so long. Very quickly you began to remember why you hated being out here so much—the uncertainty. Anything could happen out here to anybody—no one was safe from hunters, raiders, or infected. Not you, not even the strong man trotting beside you.
“You doin’ alright, darlin’?” He asked, somehow sensing your apprehension even though you swore you were playing it off expertly.
“Yeah, just…trying not to think about what’s out here.” You offered him a pathetic excuse for a smile, Joel slowing his horse so that he was directly beside you.
“I brought my gun, Sunshine. I ain’t gonna let anything get to you out here.” He reached over and tapped your boot with his, a more genuine smile now replacing your fake one. “Alright?”
“Alright,” you nodded and watched as he smiled to himself, looking forward and pointing up at a trail through a field of golden wheat.
“We’re goin’ just up that trail and then a couple miles into the woods. But if you ever get too nervous, just tell me and we can head back.” You nodded as you studied his arm as it pointed up the hill. He was so strong, and although it made you feel a bit cavewoman, you craved the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, protecting you and keeping you safe. The veins that ran down the length of his limb wrapped down into his sinfully large hands—the ones that had you ready to feign nervousness just so that he’d take you back to his place and show you what he could do with them. “Ready, darlin?”
“Y-yeah,” you felt your cheeks heat as he gave you a knowing smirk, finally tearing your eyes from his body to face forward. With a chuckle, Joel tugged on Callus’ reins and started off up the hill, your horse quick to follow.
The next few minutes were silent, both of you a bit too nervous to make the next move. Eventually, though, you missed the sound of his voice and spoke up.
“So what part of Texas are you from?” Your question was mediocre, you’d admit that, but it was the best you could think of with the pounding in your chest frazzling your mind.
“Austin area. You ever been?” He slowed down a bit, choosing to walk beside you even though the proximity filled his stomach with butterflies. You shook your head and looked over at him, the golden light of the sunrise casting a reddish glow on his profile.
You suddenly couldn’t remember what you were going to say in response to his question as his eyes scanned over the amber lit field on either side of the two you. How could he have ever thought he wasn’t good looking enough? He was…gorgeous. A walking dream.
“What was life like for you before everything happened?” You asked abruptly, impressed with yourself for crafting what you thought was an interesting question through your sudden ditziness. Joel weighed his head to the side and pursed his lips before turning to look at you for just a moment.
“It was normal. Nothin’ fancy, nothin’ excitin’. But I miss that—how mundane everything was. When my biggest problem was workin’ on houses and takin’ care of my little girl.” He looked both saddened and shocked at his own mention of his daughter, your heart wanting to leap out and present itself to him in effort to lighten the load on his own.
“How old was she?” You asked softly, not failing to notice the way he tensed a bit at the question. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No, you didn’t. I’m just…I sort of…this is gonna make me sound like the worst father in the world, but for a long, long time I sorta pretended like she never existed.” He confessed, his eyes unable to meet yours as you rode together. You, however, couldn’t take your eyes off him if you wanted to—but you couldn’t see any reality in which you’d be strong enough to turn away from him. Not when he looked like that. Not when he opened himself up for you. “So I’m still tryin’ to get used to talkin’ about her again. But, uh, she was twelve.”
“You had her young, then.” He chuckled and nodded.
“Yeah, me and her mother started datin’ durin’ our freshman year of high school. Didn’t take long for us to get up to trouble. Ended up havin’ her at sixteen, a couple months shy of my seventeenth birthday.”
“What was that like for you? Having a baby so young?” You were deeply invested in everything him—the image of him in your mind slowly transforming from fantasy to a more realistic vision, one that made you all the more endeared.
“Well, her mother was only around for a few months after havin’ her. It was…hard bein’ that young and havin’ such an important job.” He seemed to go back in time for a while as you rode through a recently cleared neighborhood in the mountains. “But Tommy was there to help out, and before I knew it she was this mature kid that didn’t need my help anymore. It was hard, but the time flew.”
“I bet,” your voice brought him back to the present, his head turning towards you to give you a soft smile and a nod. “She sounds like a wonderful little girl, Joel.”
“She was,” your eyes lingered on each other for a few more beats before you both turned forward, the vista approaching. With a clearing of his throat, he pointed ahead at the lookout. “There’s a cabin that Tommy and I cleared yesterday. Figured you and I could stop there for a little apocalyptic picnic.”
“Oh, I’d never turn down an apocalyptic picnic with you, Joel.” A chuckle sounded from the man, your ears delighting in the sound. “I love the sound of you laughing. Maybe one day I’ll pull a real one out of you.”
“I don’t doubt that you will, darlin.” He shot you a look, trying to bite his grin away but failing. “I have no idea what you see in me, you know that?”
“I don’t get it. What’s not to like?” You gestured at him and heard him scoff as you reached the cabin. Joel climbed off his horse while you did the same with yours, the two of you pausing the conversation while you unpacked your bags and tied the animals up.
“You treat me like I’ve never done a bad thing in my life.” He spoke honestly as you walked up to the front door together, Joel’s gun drawn just in case. He pushed it open and held it up as he walked into the small one-bedroom cabin, quickly clearing it before putting the safety back on his firearm and setting it down on the coffee table. “I just don’t want you thinkin’ I’m a saint when I’m not.”
“I don’t think you’re a saint, Joel.” You sat down on the relatively clean couch, Joel sitting on the opposite end and unzipping his backpack while you continued. “I’ve seen what it takes for a person to survive it out there for as long as we have. I know that you’ve done some bad things to get here, but I also can tell that you have always been a good man at heart.”
“Doesn’t it bother you?” He handed you a peanut butter sandwich and you smiled at the thoughtfulness, accepting it into your hands. “That I’ve…done those kinds of things.”
“No. Maybe when I was younger it would have. I resented Matthew for a long time for the things I watched him do to save us, but that was when I was still a little girl who had no idea what this world was all about.”
Joel turned to you, watching you bite the corner of your sandwich and chew. “And now you do?”
You gave him a knowing look, nodding as you kept his eye contact. “Now I do.”
“Wanna talk about it?” He asked, his voice as delicate as a flower, and yet still so rough that it warmed you up like whiskey. You shook your head, cracking a smile as you reached over onto the coffee table and grabbed your thermos, delighted that your coffee was still warm.
“What did you want to be when you were younger? Before all this happened?” You asked after swallowing your drink, your body warming internally from the brisk chill of early autumn.
“I wanted to…” he stopped to laugh, lifting his own thermos to his lips and taking a sip before sitting back further into the couch. His eyes found yours once again and you froze a bit out of instinct—no one had ever looked at you the way he looked at you, and your soft heart was growing addicted to the thrill his stare gave. “It’s silly, but I wanted to be a singer.”
“That’s not silly! You can sing?” You asked enthusiastically, an amused smirk on your face as you mimicked his stance, tilting your head to lay on its side against the back of the couch. Joel shrugged and gave you a bashful smile, making you bite your lip and reach over to tap his knee. “Oh, come on! Now you have to sing for me.”
“You want me to embarrass myself on the first date?” He shook his head and chuckled, clearly anxious about the whole thing so you let off.
“Fine. But promise me you’ll sing for me one day.” You scooted closer to him, suddenly freezing and lonely on the other end of the couch. Joel’s cheeks flushed a baby pink as he studied your face, both sets of eyes dropping to each other’s lips as a silence fell over the two of you.
“I promise, darlin. I’ll do anything you ask me to as long as you keep lookin’ at me like that.” He whispered, his hand reaching up to cradle your jaw as he leaned in closer. “Can I kiss you?”
“Please,” you were only of half a mind at the moment, your begging coming as a surprise to you but an amusement to Joel. After letting a chuckle slip from his pretty lips, he leaned in, that delicious scratch of his beard making you hum in approval.
Joel groaned with you at the sound of you enjoying his touch, his hands drifting lower to your hips, your arms crossing behind his neck as you moved to straddle his lap.
Neither of you had intended for the kiss to become so heated so quickly, but with the way your lips moved together like they’d known each other for a lifetime and the little whimpering noises you were drawing from the big, strong man, there was no containing your excitement.
Joel’s arm held your back, his hand sprawled out across the dip in your spine while the other gripped your hip. You couldn’t help but rock your hips a bit when his tongue slipped inside your mouth, Joel groaning and biting your lip in response.
“Darlin’, I think we s-should…should cool down a little.” He breathed out as he pulled away, the hand that was on your hip now reaching to cradle the side of your face. You frowned a bit, pouting out your bottom lip and making him chuckle. “Trust me, I’m enjoyin’ this as much as you, Sunshine. I just…don’t want us rushin’ into somethin’ in the heat of the moment.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You nodded and agreed to cool things off a bit, though you wouldn’t try to hide your disappointment. Joel gave you a frown and reached to grab your wrist as you stood up to go check out the view from the vista.
“Hey, just so we’re clear, I love kissin’ you, darlin’. I could do it all day and never get tired of it.” You felt your cheeks heat, a bashful grin growing on your face at the sound of his reassurance. “And when the time is right, I’m sure I’ll love doin’ all the other things floatin’ around my mind right now with you.”
“Oh, I’m sure you would,” you winked at him before tugging at his arm. “Come outside with me.”
“Okay,” he stood up and grabbed his gun, slinging it over his back before lacing his fingers with yours. His hand was so rough but also warm and tender just for you. You could only imagine what crimes they’d committed in his lifetime, but none of that mattered in this moment with the way his palm felt against yours.
You forced your eyes away from him for the umpteenth time today, a soft gasp leaving your lips as you took in the beauty of the vista. Mountains and hills covered in golden wheat and tall trees, the green leaves having turned into different hues of red and orange. Snow had yet to fall in Jackson, but your mind couldn’t help but imagine what it would look like from this view—snowflakes falling down, melting once they hit the warmth of your skin, the way that Joel would look in a big coat, his nose pink from the cold.
You wanted this forever. Wanted this with him forever. It was only the first date and yet…you felt sure that you’d stumbled onto something real—something lasting.
•••
“It’s so pretty,” she leaned her head onto Joel’s bicep as she stood at the edge of the vista, his eyes lowering to check her out rather than the view.
All day he’d been stealing glances, careful not to gawk or stare. She was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her, and every stolen glance filled his stomach with a frenzy of desire and endearment.
She looked ethereal in this golden light of morning, skin aglow, eyes soft and romantic, her head leaning against him as though he was her safe place. He didn’t understand why she was so soft with him, but he wasn’t complaining. In fact, he was beginning to think that nothing but this softness would ever do for him now that he got to witness it. He didn’t care what he had to become in order to deserve her kindness, but he swore in that moment—her in the morning light beside him—that he’d spend the rest of his days in the wasteland called earth becoming it.
“Yeah…it’s beautiful, alright.” He wasn’t looking at a single thing besides her, and though he was sure the view was breathtaking, nothing in the world could be beautiful enough to take his eyes away from her.
“Mmm, this is nice.” She turned to him and did a double take as she noticed his staring. With a shy grin, she exhaled a chuckle, nudging him with her hip before walking further into the woods to check out the area. Joel followed her like a puppy, a soft grin of his own on his lips as he watched her take in the beauty of the open scenery. “Did you know how to shoot before everything happened?”
“Not the kind of shootin’ I’ve been doin’ the last twenty years.” He chuckled lightly and followed her up a small hill, watching in amusement as she sat on the ground and laid back, closing her eyes and soaking in the sounds of wildlife. He kept his distance, leaning on a big oak tree as to not impede on her moment with the earth.
“I remember when I was a little girl…maybe six or so? My parents took us to the San Diego zoo. I remember being crazy about elephants, for whatever reason. There was this one elephant there, a mother, her name was…fuck, what was it? Ella.” She chuckled and sat up, looking over at Joel as she pat the ground beside her. Joel stood up off the tree and walked over, sitting down next to her and relishing in the feeling of her head leaning against his shoulder. “I never wanted to leave her, I thought she was so cool. Anyways, a few years later when I was ten or so, my brother and I had found a group of people to travel with—just a couple of parents and their toddlers. We were in Northern California—maybe Oregon, I don’t know—but that’s when we saw a wild elephant out and about. It was…”
Joel was completely caught up in her storytelling, the way she seemed to cast the images in her memory into the scene around them. It was almost as though he could see it all too.
“I think I cried about it for a year. It was the first time I’d seen one since it all happened, and although my world had collapsed around me and everything was awful, I could see that good things were still around. That beauty, and innocence, and…majesty…it was around even when I didn’t feel like it. Even when I’d given up all hope.” A single tear fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheek, Joel fighting the urge to reach over and wipe it away. With another chuckle, she turned to face him and wiped her tear off her skin, shrugging. “Anyways, all that to say you make me feel like that.”
Joel’s lips parted but he couldn’t find the right words to say. What could anybody say to something that…kind? So, instead of speaking and ruining the absolute poetry that just came from her lips as easy as a breath, he leaned over and captured his lips with hers, holding her neck and pressing himself into her as much as he could. He wanted her to feel the way his heart suddenly beat in his chest just for her, to show her that everything she was feeling was mutual. And when he pulled away to study her reaction, he was met with a knowing look and a bitten smile, his head shaking as he took her in.
“You…” He trailed off, not entirely sure what he was going to say until it popped into his head at the last second. His lips curved into a smile and a chuckle escaped him as he rested his forehead against hers. “You are what I’ve been waiting my whole life for, Sunshine.”
With a contented sigh and a softened look, she pulled away and looked deep into his eyes. “Tell me about it.”
•••
“Well, how’d it go?” Tommy greeted Joel as he walked into the diner with a boyish grin, surely shocking every person he passed by with his usual chipper mood. He pulled up a chair next to his brother at their usual table in the corner, watching as Maria darted around the room taking orders and delivering food to tables, never one for sitting still for too long.
“It went really nice.” Joel played coy about his mounting feelings, but his brother could see right through it.
“Oh, you’re blushin’.” He teased, Joel rolling his eyes. Ellie walked in a couple minutes later, both men calling her over.
“Hey, guys. Have you seen Cat?” They looked at around the room and shook their heads, Ellie frowning before pulling up a seat.
“Everything okay?” Joel asked, watching as Ellie shrugged, her fingernails carving into the wood.
“Hey, quit vandalizin’ my property and just tell us what happened.” Tommy scolded, finally breaking her stoic act.
“We got into a little fight earlier and I was hoping I could find her an apologize.”
“For what?” Joel asked with interest, his brows laced together.
“Well…she kissed me and it sort of took me by surprise and I didn’t really react very well to it. So—“
“So she kissed you without your permission and you want to apologize?” Tommy confirmed, Ellie suddenly feeling silly. “It sounds like she needs to apologize.”
“Well, she won’t. So if one of us has to be the bigger person, it can just be me.” Joel was about to tell her how much he disagreed with that logic when he saw Sunshine walking in with her brother, his entire mind going blank as he listened to her laughter.
Both Ellie and Tommy turned in the direction of his gaze, smiling in amusement at how flustered he became by her mere presence. With a knowing look to Tommy, Ellie called her over, Joel flushing pink at his family’s need to embarrass him.
•••
“Fancy meeting you guys here. Almost like you own the place.” You teased as you greeted the group, keeping your eyes on Joel as you greeted him last. Feeling bold, you walked around the table and stood beside him, sliding your arm across his shoulders. Joel surprised you by pulling you to sit on his lap, the two of you sharing a smitten smile before turning back to the group.
“Well that was fast.” Matthew commented as he returned to the table with the beer you’d requested and one for himself. “One date and you two are inseparable, huh?”
“You’re just sour because you can’t get a date to save your life.” You teased, lifting your beer to your lips and moaned at the taste of it. Joel’s hand on your hip squeezed and just like that, all the blood in your body rushed between your thighs. Take it slow, remember?
“I can get a date, I just have bigger priorities at the moment.” He snarked back, earning a rumble of laughter from Tommy.
“Like what? The only thing to do here is survive. Surely you’ve got time on your hands.” You lifted your beer up and tipped it towards your brother, agreeing with Tommy’s logic.
Joel’s hand, meanwhile, seemed determined on making your mind mush. His palm was rubbing over the denim covering your hip, sometimes squeezing, sometimes traveling to your outer thigh to warm it up.
Leaning over to speak into his ear, you felt his hand tense against you as your breath brushed over his skin. “You trying to tease me?”
Joel turned his head, eyes bouncing over your features before landing on your lips. “What if I am?”
“Thought you wanted to take it slow?” You whispered back to him, Joel’s eyes lifting to yours.
“I do.” He nodded before tilting his head to the side in consideration. “Don’t mean I don’t wanna see you all riled up.”
“Oh?” You chuckled and turned to look at the rest of the people sat at the table, all of them too consumed with trying to find Matthew a suitor to care about the two of you. Leaning in, you tilted his chin up and pressed your lips against his softly, the two of you moving slow and deliberate as you attempted to work the other up.
“Hey, Joel?” An outside voice approached the table and caused the two of you to part, the rest of the group now focused on the intruder. Your eyes took in that same waitress that ignored you during your first conversation with the man you were now kissing, her expression proud and confident as she stared down at him. “Here’s my number. Call me.”
“Oh, I’m not...not really on the market anymore.” Joel handed her back the slip of paper, offering her a polite smile before turning away from her and back to the group. You smiled to yourself at the rejection, suddenly feeling as though you were the most lucky woman on the planet.
“Whatever, your loss.” She started to walk away but Matthew was quick to follow her over to the bar, your head shaking at his unwavering bad taste in women.
“Is your brother really going after her? After all that?” Ellie asked, a sigh leaving your lips as you took a big gulp of your beer.
“Yeah, he’s never been a very good judge of character when it comes to women. Goes for looks rather than…well, anything.” You felt Joel’s hand slide up your back and rub it soothingly, no more teasing in his actions and instead a cozy feeling of safety and comfort. You hummed and leaned your head over to rest on his, the two of you settling into each other for the rest of the night while the party began around you.
After a few hours of people watching, Joel turned to you and told you it was bedtime for him, but that he’d like to walk you home. You eagerly agreed and accepted his hand in yours as you walked down the now icy-cold street together, hugging his arm between your bodies to try and stay warm.
“I had a lot of fun today,” he whispered, too sleepy to speak at a louder volume. You smiled lazily and nodded against him. “I don’t wanna assume anything, but—“
“Could I…could I spend the night?” You asked abruptly as you neared his house. Joel looked down at you with a shocked expression, making you worried that perhaps you’d read the vibe wrong. “I just—we won’t do anything, I just…just don’t want to say goodbye yet. But, I totally get it if you’d rather me not—“
“I’m so glad you asked. Takes all the pressure off me.” He joked, making you sigh in relief. “Course you can spend the night, Sunshine. But I meant what I said about us takin’ our time. Want it to be right.”
“Or maybe you’re just worried that you’ve been out of the game too long.” You countered playfully, turning to walk backwards down the street while you raised an eyebrow at him. Joel shook his head and huffed out a laugh. “No? Has Joel Miller secretly been a whore this whole time?”
“Definitely not.” He assured you with a soft smile. “But I don’t have any doubts about my ‘game’ or whatever you said.”
“Well, when the time is right and all…I’d love to find out.” You bit your lip before turning to walk forward again, finding his hand and squeezing it with yours. Joel stopped you in the middle of the street, the yellow glow of the string lights illuminating the two of you as he cupped your face with his cold hands, pulling you in for a deep, knee weakening kiss that had you gripping at his jacket to ground yourself.
When he pulled away from you, it took you a few seconds to relax your lips and open your eyes, still reeling from the drug that was Joel Miller. With a kiss to your forehead, he said nothing, wrapping his arms over your shoulders and pulling you into his side. “Come on, let’s go get some sleep, Sunshine. Don’t want you yellin’ at me ‘cause I kept you up all night.”
“Not sure that’s a thing I’d ever yell at you for, Joel.” You chuckled and hugged his side, for once in the last 20 years of your life feeling content and safe.
You had a home again, friends again, and though you’d long given up on finding love, here it was presenting itself to you like a blossoming flower in the middle of a pile of rubble.
Though it was only the beginning, it felt like an end in a way. An end to the searching, an end to the yearning and hopelessness, an end to your fears of never finding happiness of your own.
A beginning to this dream of a romance and an end to everything you assumed would never happen for you. You could only hope Joel felt the same way, but judging by the way he held you tightly as you both drifted off to sleep together…you felt pretty damn confident that he did.
•••
taglist: @uselsshuman @joelmillerscoffee @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @harriedandharassed @trickstersp8 @trinkets01 @jlmaddinson @laureliciousdefinition @oh-no-a-whovian @buoyfriend @chorraich @extraneous-trip @oliviajdjarin @wumpsquill @love-affair-with-fandoms @graciexmarvel @amb11 @t0fudaddy @reigndropss @wondeerfull @multifand0m-gal0re @bfences (sorry if your tag isn’t working! and please let me know if you’d like to be added!)
#joel miller x reader smut#joel miller angst#joel miller fluff#joel miller smut#joel miller x you#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#joel tlou#joel miller#tlou fanfiction#tlou#the last of us#the stable girl
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My lil contribution to @1016week Day 2 - social media. This is the snippet of my SF Admin AU which I started writing a long time ago for @welightitup (and @mssr-monagato which is a given). I hope you enjoy it! 😘
" - and this is why I think I would be a good fit for this job."
She isn't looking away from him, and he doesn't let himself show how much he is intimidated by that glare, even though he really, really is. He did everything right, said everything right, showed her his best work. He knows he did. There is nothing more he can do. They will either hire him or not.
God please, let them hire me. I need this fucking job. This is my last chance, and if I blow it, it's corporate hell with dear Dad, and I will die. I will literally die.
Her long, red nails tap on the glass table twice. He thinks this may be what doom sounds like. It sure feels that way.
"Mr. Gasly. You have an impressive portfolio, and your CV is one of the best I've seen. What I want to know is, what will you bring to this job? What is the thing that distinguishes you from all the other candidates for this job?"
Her eyes bear into his, and he swallows. Goddamn she is intense. Pierre knows the question, it is a standard question everyone asks in job interviews, and he knows the answer he's expected to give. He opens his mouth to say the prepared, standard spiel, but in that moment his eyes stop on the pictures hung on the wall behind her. They are all the same. Same poses, same settings, same camera angle. A whole wall filled with the same picture over and over again.
Fuck this.
"You're wasting opportunities here."
She raises an eyebrow, and her eyes regain some of the focus they've lost during the rest of the interview, as she was listening to his pitch, probably the twentieth one and identical to every other one she's heard during the day.
"Oh?" She says, and it sounds like a challenge.
Fuck it. Full send.
"Yes. You are sitting on a goldmine, and you are doing nothing about it." Pierre takes a deep breath. You can do this. He looks her straight in the eyes.
"You have the most beautiful and the most attractive driver on the grid driving for you, bar Lewis Hamilton, who is, you will agree, in a league of his own. Your driver is very easy on the eyes, he is kind, he is extremely good at what he does. And you are doing nothing to capitalize on that and attract more fans, when you could literally have your social media engagement, and with it the revenue, go through the roof."
She says nothing. He plows on.
"He has the looks, and he has the brains, and he has the mythological-like background and appeal. Hell, the Italian media calls him Il Predestinato! He is a Ferrari child through and through, he lives and breathes for this team, which is an angle that can be explored so well, and yet you do nothing. He is even willing to speak about the hardships of his life, although I personally believe he should be left alone about that." He clenches his fist. "And again, I reiterate - there is not a bad angle for the kind of face he has. And you need something new; something fresh. You know what I've found out as I did research on the perception of Ferrari in the public, in the target groups?"
"Enlighten me," she says, and Pierre forces his hands not to shake as he shuffles through his papers and pulls out printed-out screenshots. He points to the highlighted words repeating themselves on the pages.
"Outdated. Old-fashioned. Uptight. And a million other synonyms, all meaning one and the same thing." He looks back at her. She isn't looking away, and her expression is stone-like, but her eyes are flashing. He swallows the bile rising in his throat, because he can't believe he's about to say it.
"Boring. People think Ferrari is boring. Ferrari." He laughs incredulously. "The oldest team on the grid, the team that is synonymous with motor racing. The mythological team. The red cars. All of that, and it comes down to one thing. Boring."
He can't help but scoff, too deep in his spiel to care whether or not he is crossing the line. "Which is unimaginable to me, especially when you have the history," he points around the room at the pictures of very inportant people with the drivers and Ferrari personell, "the glory", he points to the trophys in the room, a mere dozen of what he knows are hunderds more, "and the beauty." He steels himself and shuffles the paper, pulling out a printed picture of Charles Leclerc, who is smiling at the camera bashfully.
He taps on the picture. His finger lands on Charles' dimple, and stays there.
"You need to utilize this, and even if you don't hire me, please, make whoever you hire use this - use him. Because otherwise, you're going to end up like Red Bull, after Daniel Ricciardo left." She twitches visibly. "Utterly unlikeable."
Pierre feels like he's just run a marathon. His breathing is irregular, and he makes himself calm down, repeating those meditation techniques his brother insisted on him knowing. The silence in the office is deafening suddenly, and he swallows around the lump in his throat.
"I see." Her voice is calm. "Thank you for your presentation, Mr. Gasly, and for this interview. We will be in touch."
Fuck. I completely blew it. Fuck.
"Thank you for the opportunity," he manages to say.
He goes to gather his papers, but she hums.
"Leave your research here, if you don't mind?"
It's not a question; not really. It's an order, given with an icy smile. He makes himself smile back even though his stomach seems to be turning like he's on a roller-coaster ride.
"Of course," he says, and removes his hand from the picture of Charles Leclerc's face. "Have a nice day, and thank you again."
She says nothing more, only inclines her head in a silent dismissal as he leaves the room. He passes the security in a daze, moving on auto-pilot right up to the moment when he's sitting in his car.
"Fuck," he says out loud. "Fuck, Pierre, you absolute fucking idiot."
He crosses his arms over the steering wheel, and then after a second, he lets his head fall forward too.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He groans. "I am so stupid!"
"Excuse me, sir, are you - Are you okay?"
Pierre groans again, because he is nothing if not dramatic, and turns to look at the person interrupting his mental breakdown through his driver's side window.
"Fuck," he says, eyes widening, because right next to his car, crouching in what looks to be a very awkward manner and looking at him through his window is nobody else but Charles Leclerc.
Charles Leclerc, the Formula One driver for Scuderia Ferrari and the one everyone is convinced will be a World Champion someday. Charles Leclerc, who is a thousand times more beautiful in person than he looks in any of the pictures online. (And Pierre would know, because - because he did research. For the Ferrari interview. And not anything else.) Charles Leclerc, whose voice is kind, and whose French carries the lilt of the Principality. Charles Leclerc, whose eyes are wide in an emotion Pierre cannot recognize in his shocked state. Charles Leclerc, who is - frowning.
"Excuse me, I saw you were in - in distress. And I - I wanted to ask if you maybe needed some help?"
"With what?" Pierre asks, then wants to kick himself, because his tongue was always quicker than his brain, and his brain is currently screaming Oh my God that is Leclerc that is Charles Leclerc oh my GOD on a loop.
"With.. with whatever you are distressed about?" Charles says, and Pierre thinks the way he scrunches his face, half-confused, half-deternined, is absolutely fucking adorable.
Then again, Pierre thinks Charles Leclerc is adorable all the time, so that's not a revelation.
"No, no, ah, thank you," he laughs, because he can't help it. The irony is painfully laughable and laughably painful simultaneously. "You are very kind, but my problem is," he grins, "myself."
Charles laughs with him, and there is something knowing and sad hiding behind that smile. It makes Pierre want to smooth out the curve of it. It makes him want to bite it.
"Ah, I know that feeling well, my friend." He grins, and his eyes are sparkling green, perfectly offset by the dark purple of his shirt. "I hope your problem becomes more manageable."
There is sincerity in Charles' voice, and a whole weight of knowing, of understanding. Pierre can feel his hands relax on the steering wheel, and his utter desperation fade away a little.
"Thank you," he replies. "I hope so too."
Charles just nods at him, and they look at each other in commiseration brought on by shared diapazon of feelings.
"I should be going," Pierre says, then thinks Oh hell, I fucked up one thing already today. Full send. "Unless you want to give me your number?"
Charles' eyes widen and he looks - unrealistically good. Nobody should be that good-looking, nobody can, because Charles is just unreal. This close, Pierre can see him clearly, and the little tiny imperfections - the bitten corner of his lip, the little patch of hair he missed while shaving, the red spot on his cheek - they all make him even more beautiful.
"I -" Charles starts to say, cheeks red and face surprised, then seems to steel himself. "I could do that." He smiles sweetly. "But only if you tell me your name."
Pierre's heart feels like bursting out of his chest, a thousand and one emotions flaring as he replies "Pierre Gasly. At your service, cheri."
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Bungo Stray Dogs Anime Stellar Radio Interview - 09/26/2023
Sharing some points from the Anime Stellar Radio Interview with Kadokawa Producer Kurakane Chiaki.
"Asagiri supervises everything."
Kurakane shares that sensei always comes to the anime script meetings and has never missed any, despite his busy schedule.
How Kadokawa met BSD
Kurakane's first encounter with BSD was when she saw it on the cover of Young Ace. The person next to her in the office brought the magazine and she just happened to see it. She was amazed and drawn to Harukawa's character design- its beauty and originality captivated her.
About the Character Design
In BSD, the "silhoutte" of a character is very important and distinctive- even if the drawing is just all black you can tell who the character is. When they selected the main illustrator for the anime, they had animators from Bones submit their pieces anonymously. The one whose silhoutte resembled Harukawa's the most turned out to be Nobuhiro Arai (current Character Designer and Chief Animation Director).
On Atsushi as a Character
The appeal of Atsushi as a character can be seen right from the first scene. Despite thinking that he would have to steal in order to live, upon seeing someone "drowning" in the river, he still chose to save them. He could not go against his good-natured heart and character.
Dazai's Treatment to Atsushi and Akutagawa
Regarding the difference in the treatment of Dazai to Atsushi and Akutagawa, Kurakane thinks that Dazai acts like that because he believes that that is the most effective and appropriate way for each of them. Well we don't really know what Dazai is thinking, and we may not agree with his ways especially with Akutagawa, but in the end it does make Akutagawa hold on to his life (despite having an illness) and strive to become stronger. Dazai may be seeing a bigger picture than all of us and probably in his own way, acting with the words of his late friend in mind.
BSD in Real Life
One of the most memorable characters for Kurakane is Shibusawa Tatsuhiko because they got to meet and even eat together with the real literary master's wife. She also mentions that in BSD collabs with literary museums, they also sometimes meet the relatives of other literary masters.
BSD: A Ten-year Project
The anime started around 7.5 years ago, but for them in the anime production team it actually started 9 years ago. Back then, Kurakane was asked by the company's higher-ups to create something that could continue on for 10 years.
With the main anime series, movies, stage plays, games, Wan! anime, collabs, etc. here and there, Kurakane felt like she's been running for 24h for 365 days, so in all honesty, now that the 5th season is finished, she just wants to sleep well and… play with her cat at home.
Kurakane is also one of the people behind the official Twitter account. She recalls that sometimes when she tweets something late at night (while not checking the time), some fans would leave comments worrying about the staff working too much.
Lily
Kurakane shares that of all the songs in BSD, "Lily" holds a special place in her heart because she remembers Kubodera Akira- Mori's first stage actor who died in suspected suicide- saying that he likes the song a lot.
About 「未了」 (Unfinished)
In "A Perfect Murder and Murderer", the last word on the manuscript of Yokomizo- a writer- which was wet with Mushitaro's tear, is 「了」, which means "finished". To give the BSD anime a more literary feel and tone, they chose to have the 「了」.
In a similar note, while the previous BSD stage plays always ended with 「閉幕」 ("end of play" or literally "closing of curtain"), the last play: Cannibalism used the word 「了」 instead, signifying that the BSD Stage Play, as a whole piece, is "finished".
What BSD Is
Kurakane shares that BSD screenwriter Enokido Yoji once said that if a story of how one becomes successful is what a Shonen manga is, then depicting the journey of a defeated person searching for their place in this world is what Literature is.
Those words really stuck with Kurakane like a guiding principle, and so no matter what media form they create BSD in, they strive to remain faithful to its root.
BSD is relatable, as it properly shows those troubles that anyone of us may be experiencing in our lives. This theme of "struggling"- which in itself is "living"- is what they strive to keep at the heart of BSD.
Future Plans
For now Kurakane can't really say anything about the future of the anime, but as they take a rest she hopes they come up with something good for BSD, in whatever form that may be. The only clear plans that they have right now are the Gakuen game, the expo, and some collabs with museums.
BSD Media Timeline
Asagiri-sensei, Harukawa-sensei, and all the staff of BSD have done so much for us for the past decade. We really should appreciate their hard work more! Please support the official accounts and releases as much as possible!
I’m no longer active on tumblr nowadays, so you may follow me on twitter instead @harukaja15
My translations on tumblr are compiled under the tag #bsd translation and #my works
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Back to it after only… checks notes five months!
Babylon 5 S02414: There All The Honor Lies
season 2 table of contents • previous episode
:o They're being merchandised!
"This is demeaning! We're not some deep space franchise." - Susan Ivanova
snerk
In my viewing hiatus, I forgot how truly stunning Claudia Christian is.
Hah, Sheridan fell for the oldest pickpocketing trick in the book, the ole "slight of hand while "accidentally" bumping into you." But I didn't expect it to be a set-up for an attempted murder!
Sheridan really doesn't look like a Bruce.
Delenn with the Hair! Being a detective!
This does smell of a set-up. I agree with Garibaldi, who is much more genial and likeable this episode than I remember him being the last several episodes at least. Maybe the break endeared him to me. :P
Lots of people acting strangely.
I hate that the Minbari are by and large being so racist to Delenn. Also, flagrantly flouting her legal authority as not only the Minbari-appointed ambassador to B5, but also the Council-appointed investigator into this situation!
The investigative protocols are kinda messed up. Sheridan issuing orders about the investigation into his own actions is D: not good. And very ripe for accusations of abuse of his position!
Whew, thank goodness, we're back to the light-hearted B-Plot.
With human face masks.
Hah, about time a lawyer shows up.
Yewouch, the hits keep piling up An indictment from Earth government, too.
Kosh! Kosh! Kosh! Here to be teaching.
One does not simply refuse the Vorlon Ambassador's Summons.
A room, low-ceiling, with mysterious tarps shapes dappled in light, dimly. Robed figures. We're into the high fantasy side of this sci fi show again.
Sheridan really said "I don't have any cash, sorry."
omfg. Floating red robed figures singing classical latin hymns. We really are in the high fantasy side of this show again.
This is a moment of true beauty. Fucking wild, how did Kosh arrange this? or is there a society of magical monks living in the Down Below all the time?
Vir is haunted by the agonies of the past for two. Since Londo has no shame or intention of developing a conscience.
It's nice to get some Vir backstory, though. Poor guy. Unsupportive family, shit posting in an out-of-the-way unimportant crap position. And now they're taking it away for him. Rude.
Sheridan's field trip with Kosh was just what he needed, actually.
Delenn's people are shunning her, but she gathers critical information through the power of research and cross-referencing databases! Queen shit.
Minbari martial arts stances are pretty amusing. But Lennier's most deadly weapon is persuasive argument and appeals to honor.
Minbari don't lie, except to protect another Minbari's honor. THe latter part generally not being disclosed to aliens. That's a pretty big loophole, though. Makes it more like "Prefers to be honest when it's not too uncomfortable."
Delenn's propensity for meeting with her allies in private, aesthetic surroundings is as endearing as much as it is a ploy, I think. It's great for the type of gentle honesty she fosters in her conversations.
Dang, knowing this perspective of Sheridan's military victory over the Minbari, it does seem like an insult that Earth appointed him the commander of B5.
This outcome, as suggested by Sheridan, is a tidy way to wrap it up. But the backroom dealing feels more…overt? And less through official channels than much of Sinclair's dealings. Though there were coverups under his tenure, too! Such is the nature of B5 politics, it seems. But it also makes it a bit difficult to remember which governments, and which characters, know what. A lot of misinformation gets sent home to various planetary governments and circulates B5!
This seems nice of Londo to do for Vir, but I bet Londo also doesn't want to risk the next assistant not being as loyal to him personally. Better to keep the current one, butter him up, and improve his circumstances a little, to encourage that loyalty more.
Or kill him if everything goes south! So candid! Plus a month with the dreaful family. Londo can't help but be an ass, it seems.
And so ends the monetazation of B5. A little bear jettisoned into space. Captain's whims win, capitalism fights another day, a thousand ways.
A good and fun episode! The Moment of True Beauty really made it for me. A great Kosh Field Trip plopped right in the middle of the action. Just like Vorlons making incomprehensible moves that confuse the lower life forms. I am glad to be back! Hopefully continuing to be!
onwards!
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Please Don't Eat Me! - By Saha (9/10)
Is it love or cannibalism? That is the ultimate question. This is a reincarnation story, but it's set in a dark fantasy world that is actually dark. When I say dark I don't mean "brooding sexy loner falls in love". I mean "every single waking moment of the protagonists life becomes a political game because a powerful man is interested in her". That's the difference between a fast food burger and a rare steak. I highly recommend this one.
Ertha has two siblings. They are very special. Both of them are destined to become magicians. She knows that because her world is actually inside a novel. An R-19 novel for men that she couldn't finish in her past life, because it was too brutal. She knows most of the plot, but not all of it. She's the "sexy irresistible side character girl that dies". Her siblings are more valuable than her, but they don't have magic yet, so all three of them get treated like trash. Ertha is drowning in debt. The Arlez family used to be prosperous and noble, but then her parents killed themselves after they fell into debt.
There's only one way out. Marriage. Ertha needs to find a man who can protect her until the powers in her siblings awaken. Ertha is beautiful, but that's not why she's irresistible. She's special too. She's a purifier. Only one is born every generation, and the magicians of the world always fight over that person. Erthas touch, and blood, can cure magic induced madness. When magicians in this world use spells they lose some of their sanity. Most magicians don't die of old age. Madness is the most common cause of death. Ertha doesn't give a shit about the other magicians. She only wants to use her powers to support her siblings in the future.
Duke Zahid is too smart. He's smart and rich and willing to get married. He's also a sociopath that likes to bludgeon his enemies to death with hammers. He's literally a torture expert. His sanity is still in tact because he doesn't have to use magic much. He's the perfect killer without it. He's overpowered in a believable way. In this setting all magicians are sociopaths who don't really feel empathy like regular humans. Magical powers came into being when a fallen angel descended to earth. They're kind of like a curse, and being a purifier isn't fun either.
There is alot of child abuse in this. Ertha has to do shady shit to protect her siblings. She thinks she can save them from the insanity that affects all magicians. She is the purifier after all. If she raises the children in a good, peaceful environment they have a chance. So, she uses the Duke as a shield but she also plans to leave him. This is the princess, Diana. Her delusional mother beats her and her father is going senile. She wants to destroy the royal family. She is one of Erthas secret allies. Ertha needs very powerful friends to get away from the Duke. He won't let her go without a fight. He paid off her debt to marry her, and all magicians are attracted to the purifier. His attraction is growing into an obsession. So, Ertha agrees to work with the suspicious princess.
Duke Zahid lets Ertha, who lived in poverty, taste true power. He tries to seduce her with money and his good looks, but that doesn't work. So he tries to appeal to Ertha's dark side. This is Ronja. Ronja is an insane assassin who will kill anyone who disrespects Ertha anytime, anywhere. Ertha doesn't use her at first, but then the jealous governess in charge of her siblings decides to beat them (because they are fallen nobles). That jealous governess ends up in a torture cell. It's strange watching Erthas morals twist. She had to marry the Duke for the money, and now she has to play along with psychos to escape. It's a tough situation.
Prince Hession is another side character. I think he's important. He's a delusional prince who thinks everything is fine, even though his country is falling apart. He's a water magician. He acts like a polite, warm prince. He thinks he would be a better husband, so he boldly asks Ertha to divorce Zahid. She doesn't, because even though Hession is a magical crown prince he has no power. When he becomes king he'll be a terrible leader. He's the kind of guy with no empathy that would tell a sick person to cheer up, because they're bringing down the mood at the party for everyone else. He almost eats Ertha alive after he smells her blood.
Herrkan is a young man from a desert nation. When Ertha meets him he's insane. His magic has driven him past the point of no return. Ertha uses him as a pawn. She cannot completely save him, but she can make him sort of normal again. She tells his country that she'll take him in and purify him over a long period of time. Herrkan can't function like a normal person anymore, so they have to say yes. Herrkan acts like a dumb kid after Ertha makes the pain go away. He's very sweet, but his flashes of insanity are hard to deal with. He ran across the country to find Ertha, because he knew he was dying. He would do anything for her, and she's going to use that.
This is the holy pope. There are a lot of fun plot twists in this story. Everybody thinks Holy Magic is pure and wonderful, but it's actually just regular magic that looks pretty. The pope is just as insane as the other magicians. He has a garden fertilized with dead bodies. He wants Ertha to pick him as well, but he's the worst choice by far. He was a whores son, and as soon as he received holy powers he killed everyone he didn't like. He enjoys having the power to control people, and he thinks religion is the best tool for that. His character design is much better than Zahid's, which sucks. Sometimes Zahid is drawn funny by the way.
Let me make this very clear. Duke Zahid is very evil, even though he loves Ertha. He would kill her siblings to have her. He massacres mercenaries to protect her. He tortures everybody who was mean to her when she was poor. He does want to eat her, but he would also love to have sex with her. His love is connected to his need for violence. He also wants to take over the world, and he'll probably win.
Ertha might be connected to the fallen angel that created purifiers and magicians. This is bad, because that means she can see visions of the past. She can see how twisted the past was, and how it created the fucked up mess she's stuck in. The plot twist is that the fallen angel never betrayed anyone, and the horrible hell that magicians on earth must experience is an unjust punishment. Ertha of course falls in love with Zahid, but she cares about her siblings more.
She tries to run until the very end.
#yandere#male yandere#yandere male#yandere boy#recommendations#recs#rec#recommended#webtoon#review#manga review#Please Don't Eat Me!
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LITTLE OWL - Yandere Platonic Athena x "Reader" (EXTRA)
Read part 1, 2 and 3 here.
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[May 28, 2023]
Alexia already knew that running away was not a good idea. Since that fateful day when she was taken by the goddess Athena, Alexia had thought of many ways to escape, but after much reflection, the Greek girl concluded that even if she really had a way to escape, Athena would always be 20 steps ahead of her.
Since being brought to Mount Olympus to live alongside her new mother, Alexia has been 'blessed' to become a goddess too, even though she is a minor goddess and apparently she is the 'goddess of familial love' which is quite ironic for her because she was taken from her real family to live in a family that she nurtures no love or any kind of respect.
Furthermore, it is nearly impossible for her to have any ties to any god. For several months after her kidnapping, the only gods she interacted with were Athena herself, Artemis at times when she went to Olympus, and by Alexia's surprise, Alcaeus himself, better known as Heracles. The most famous hero of Greek antiquity swore to the Goddess who helped him complete his labors that he would keep Alexia safe and escorted when the Goddess of Wisdom was away from Olympus or too busy with her divine duties.
Contrary to what Alexia had already imagined of Heracles, he was very calm to talk to and also more relaxed than when he was a demigod tormented by the Queen of Olympus. Furthermore, Alexia even met Hebe, the wife of Heracles. Her life on Olympus was peaceful, as she has no interaction with troublesome Gods like Hermes, Apollo, Dionysus, Ares, etc. Of course, Athena insisted that her father never got close to Alexia for very obvious reasons. In addition, Hercules would insist that his father would never have the courage to approach Alexia even if he really wanted to.
But Alexia missed home, missed her parents, her grandmother and the simple life she had before meeting Athena. She wanted her old life back, but she knows it wouldn't be possible and that Athena would never allow her to return.
“Hello Alexandra!” Heracles calls her so that the two of them could take a walk in the gardens of Mount Olympus. The former demigod hero received instructions from the goddess herself to take care of Alexia, first it was for him to always take a walk with her in the gardens of Mount Olympus since Alexia herself was admired by the beauty there, second was for him making sure she eats well and third and last was so he never left her alone.
“Hey…” On that specific day Alexia's memories of her old life haunted her and left her always melancholic and with only the desire to drown her sorrows alone in her room. Heracles immediately senses the melancholy in the little goddess and regards her with a worried look.
“Alexandra, are you okay?” The hero of Olympus asks her when he sees her sad look. At that moment, a risky idea crossed his mind, but her mother Ekaterini always said that it was always better to take a risk than never to try, who knows it might work out.
“Lord Heracles, may I stay in my room for today? I want to be alone for a little while.” She started her charge. Heracles looked at her with a slight look of distrust and seriousness, but then he sighed and answered her.
“Alexandra, you know Lady Athena doesn't want you to be left unattended while she's not here.” The hero patiently explained to her. But Alexia decided at that moment to appeal to the emotional, letting the tears that she had allowed to accumulate all this time fall from her brown eyes and moisten her cheeks.
“P-Please… I just want some time alone. Just this once, please…” Immediately she saw the hero's face soften as he saw her cry, Heracles sighs and agrees.
"All right. Everything is fine. You can go, but I'll be checking in on you every hour, understand?" Alexia softens her expressions and gives a slight smile as she wipes away her tears. Heracles then takes her to Athena's chambers which have become Alexia's as well.
As soon as Heracles leaves her at the door of his room, Alexia thanks him and with just a wave Heracles withdraws and leaves the area, leaving Alexia in her golden cage. After waiting a few minutes, Alexia opens the door to the goddess Athena's chambers and looks around to find any sign of Heracles.
As soon as she saw that the corridor was empty, Alexia closed the door to the chambers and remembered that she had a portal that led to Earth in the Council room of Olympus which she remembered being taken by Athena through it. If she could just cross the Gardens of Olympus and reach the Council Room without being seen by anyone, she would already be winning.
Cautiously, Alexia manages to leave the room area and she arrives at the Gardens of Olympus, she managed to pass through the area managing to hide behind the bushes and trees so she easily managed to reach the Council Room, but she hides behind one of the thrones when the portal shines and a person comes out of it: Athena.
Alexia holds her breath and tries to calm her anxiety so that Athena won't hear her at all. The Goddess of Wisdom emerges from the Council Hall, and as soon as she is out of sight, Alexia sees this as her opportunity to make her escape.
The Greek girl came out of her hiding place and walked to the portal. She stares at it for a few seconds, but before she could jump on it, she stopped to think if this portal really took her home and if it wouldn't take her to a different place. Even with all these questions flooding her mind, Alexia takes a deep breath and decides to take a risk.
However, the portal disappears and Alexia panics when she hears Athena from afar arguing with Heracles. Shit, they realized she was gone. Alexia immediately runs to hide behind one of the thrones, but specifically behind Zeus’s.
"It doesn't matter, go look for her in the gardens and I'll look for her here." Athena gives her order as soon as she enters the council room and Alexia was able to hear Heracles' hurried footsteps getting lower and lower as he walked away. Alexia held her breath and tried to calm herself so as not to panic and reveal where she was.
"Four months. You have been here for four months and you still dare to defy me, daughter.” The last word came out like poison on Athena's tongue. Alexia was able to catch the aura of fury emanating from the Goddess of Wisdom, who is normally calm and collected, and kept to herself, trying her best not to put herself in the Goddess's field of vision. Then the Greek girl heard the sound of the sword coming out of Athena's belt compartment and the girl's body froze.
“Do you really think you can escape me? Do you think I'll let you go? Why are you so difficult?” Athena asked, walking around the Council Hall in search of Alexia as she was paralyzed behind the throne of Zeus and awaiting her inevitable end.
“Maybe it's about time you understood why… I am the Goddess of Wisdom.” Then suddenly Alexia feels a hand grab her arm and she is pulled out of her hiding place. Alexia looked away so that she wouldn't be forced to face Athena's cold eyes, but obviously that would be useless since the goddess herself with one of her hands grabbed Alexia's chin tightly and forced her to face her.
“Explain yourself, now.” Alexia already felt tears immediately leak from her eyes even against her will, she didn't want to show herself vulnerable to the goddess.
"I'M GOING TO MY REAL HOME WITH MY REAL FATHER AND MOTHER!!" Alexia screamed in response and so Athena let go of the hand that was holding Alexia's chin and grabbed her sword, pointed at the Greek girl and the tip of the blade was so close to the girl that it was enough to make her alert.
“This is your home and I am your mother. Submit, already.” In response Alexia manages to break free from Athena's grip and manages to walk away, but she would not be able to run away since the Goddess of Wisdom would never allow it.
"NEVER!"
"You will or your blood family will suffer." Athena obviously would never get tired of his threat, not least because Alexia's family is her policy so that she would never run away or try to do something against the goddess.
“My family does not deserve to suffer because of your selfishness!” Alexia retorts, but soon she sees an evil smile forming on Athena's face.
“No, they will suffer because of your disobedience. In war, when you want to conquer a city like yours, you must capture its heart. You are the city I want to capture and since your blood family is your heart, I will destroy them.” That simple comparison was enough to make Alexia's heart drop into her stomach and panic freeze her body. Like it or not, Athena was right, if she continued to disobey the goddess, her family would bear the consequences and Alexia would not be able to live every day knowing that she was responsible for it if something happened to them.
With a lot of pain and weight in her heart, Alexia gives up and lowers her gaze, a clear gesture of submission.
“Okay, I give up… just don't hurt them, please.” Alexia was aware that she was looking pathetic but it was her family's life in her hands and she wasn't going to risk anything.
“Great, good girl. It won't happen again, will it?" Athena asks as she lowers her sword and approaches Alexia. The girl shakes her head and her lip trembles to hold back her tears.
"No…"
"Excellent. You have my word that I will not do anything to them as long as you behave yourself.”
Alexia finally got the courage to face the goddess and saw the goddess smiling patiently at her as she offered her hand to her. The Greek girl had no choice but to grasp the goddess's hands, and that was enough to seal her fate.
That she would never escape Athena's obsessive gaze and that she will always be her Little Owlet.
#yandere athena#little owl au#alexandra lykaios romanescu#alexia romanescu/female reader#yandere greek mythology#yandere greek gods#Athena Route
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The Road Forgotten - Epilogue
Pairing: Arthur Havisham (Dickensian) x OFC
Summary: A few years after his plan to swindle his sister ended in tragedy, Arthur Havisham is a shadow of a man, living in guilt and fear. When Elsie Bradford, a young woman also wronged by Compeyson, enlists Arthur's help to hunt down his former partner-in-crime, Arthur must face his demons and other strange, new feelings, to redeem himself.
Warnings: slow burn, angst, guilt, revenge, psychological trauma, mention of prostitution, mention of suicide/suicide ideations, some violence, a bit of smut
Chapter word count: 864
Chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13
Epilogue
Six months later
Elsie stepped off the wagon and looked at the cottage in front of her. Under the steel-gray sky, it didn't appear very promising. The whitewashed wall needed a new coat, the roof was sagging, and the garden was choked with weeds. But the rambling roses and wisteria around the front door would bloom, the apple tree in the back would bear fruits, and all around, as far as her eyes could see, was the beauty of the Surrey Hills, breathtaking even on that cold winter day, and her heart swelled at the sight of it.
"Well, it's not Mr. Wemmick's castle," she said. "But it would do, don't you think?"
"Yes," Arthur replied, tucking the scarf she had finally finished into his coat before wrapping his arms around her, as they both took in their new home. "It would do nicely."
Arthur had survived his wound, though it took six long months, and his health, which hadn't been very robust in the first place, never quite recovered after that. Officially, Elsie was the one that perished in the house in Brentford. Once the doctor had dug the bullet out of Arthur's shoulder and Elsie had regained her wits, she had convinced the others to carry her out on a stretcher, covered in a blood-stained blanket, accompanied by Arthur, who was able to stand at that point, though only just. She knew Cyclops and the Chimney wouldn't dare enter the house when there were so many people around, but they had heard the gunshot and the screams. She had no doubt that the moment they saw the stretcher leave in an undertaker's carriage, they would report back to Mrs. Hill, and that good lady would mark it as another loss in her book and move on.
Compeyson was arrested when he was trying to get on a ship to France. As no witness to the shooting could be found, he was put on trial only for forging and counterfeiting. Magwitch was also arrested soon after. Despite Jaggers's best attempt to defend him, Magwitch was no match for Compeyson's charms in front of the jury, and he was sentenced to fourteen years, while Compeyson only received half that.
All this Elsie and Arthur learned from Jaggers. They were sorry for Magwitch, who had tried to do the right thing, but in the end, they decided to stay away from it all. They had found out the hard way that seeking revenge could harm as much as it promised to heal, and now they only wanted to heal.
While Arthur was convalescing, Elsie had found this cottage for sale within walking distance from Marianne's asylum. That, and the fact that it was cheap, had made it quite appealing in her eyes, and she had bought it on impulse. When she'd asked Arthur how he would like to live in the countryside, he had replied, "I'd live anywhere as long as you're with me."
They didn't marry - Elsie couldn't anyway, since she was supposed to be dead - but both agreed that they didn't need a ceremony or a piece of paper to prove their devotion to each other. They moved into the cottage and repaired it as best as they could. With the little money she had left, and with advice from Jaggers, Elsie invested in Havisham Brewery. It only earned a modest interest, but along with Arthur's allowance, it was enough for them to live on and to keep Marianne in relative comfort. Now that Marianne was so close, they could visit her almost every week, though Elsie would only watch from afar while Arthur gave Marianne the little gifts she had prepared, never revealing who they were from. For Elsie, the simple joy of seeing Marianne's face light up was enough.
They never went back to Satis House, though Jaggers occasionally sent them news about Amelia. Last they heard, Jaggers had arranged for her to adopt Magwitch's little daughter, whom she named Estella.
"Do you think she can learn to love again, your sister?" Elsie asked Arthur as she put down the letter from Jaggers. They were in the garden, sprawled on a blanket under the apple tree, Elsie's head resting on Arthur's shoulder, her hair spread on his chest, jet black now without any hint of blonde. Soft pink and white petals drifted down over them like warm, fragrant snow. April mornings were still too cold and too thick with mist for Arthur to go outside, but in the afternoon, when the sun was warm, they would stay as long as they could in the garden, working together, tending to the herbs and the vegetables and the flowers, or just sat, soaking in the sunlight and the fresh air that had been missing from their life for so long. It was their favorite time of day.
Arthur was thoughtful. "I don't know," eventually he answered. He took Elsie's hand and laced his fingers through hers, a gesture he'd always found to be more eloquent than a thousand kisses. "But I did. Learn to love, that is. And if I could, then perhaps she could as well."
THE END
A/N: My apologies to everyone who wants Compeyson dead. I want him dead too, but I also want this to align with "Great Expectations" (think of it as the bridge between the end of "Dickensian" and the beginning of "Great Expectations"), and Compeyson has to be alive for that. Don't worry, he's in jail, and Magwich is going to get him. And Arthur and Elsie are happy together, and that's all that matters, right?
Anyway, thank you for reading!
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One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day
174. Sad Beautiful Tragic
Midge | Lenny
Time is taking its sweet time erasing her from his memory.
The problem is most likely that he doesn’t actually want to forget her. She’s at the top of the list of good things in his life - just below Kitty, who’s sleeping in his arms as he carries her to her bedroom after she fell asleep watching TV in the living room.
He didn’t want to break up with Midge. For the short time they were together, he thought this was finally it. That he’d found the person he would spend the rest of his life with. And sure, he’d felt that way with Honey, but their relationship was punctuated by crisis and trauma and a hell of a lot of drugs.
With Midge, things were easy. She never expected him to be anything more than who he is. She was supportive and loving, and while there certainly was drama involved (her ex, his addiction), she never felt the need to create problems where there weren’t any. And he was perfectly happy to bask in the comfort of a strangely stable relationship.
And then the cops showed up, yanked him off the stage, and in a matter of weeks, his cabaret license was revoked, he was sentenced to a workhouse, and everything he’d worked so hard to build crumbled right in front of him.
He couldn’t stay. She couldn’t leave. So now he lives in California with his daughter, a short drive from his mother’s house, and he thinks about her every damn day.
He tucks Kitty into bed, kissing her hair as he tucks her teddy bear into her arms, and then he heads to the living room and pours himself a glass of whiskey.
He’s on his third glass when the phone rings.
He sets down his glass and takes a drag from his cigarette as he picks up the phone, and when her voice floats over the line, his heart aches for her. They don’t talk often, and when they do, it’s usually because one or both of them is feeling sad enough to need the other. To just hear the other’s voice.
He’s grateful she reached out. He’s been tempted several times in the past few days, but usually it’s too late to call New York. She sounds worried. Sad. All he wants is to be able to wrap her up in his arms and comfort her. Tell her how much he loves her.
Over the course of their conversation, he finds it harder and harder not to voice that feeling. His stomach twists when she tells him Joel came on to her, and he wonders how soon after he left. Hours? Minutes? Was he in the fucking cab on the way to the airport when Joel showed up to try and take advantage of her heartache?
“There hasn’t been anyone else,” she tells him, and some of his anxiety slips away. Even though he’s the one who ended it, the thought of her moving on has him tasting bile on the tip of his tongue. “You see, I’m still pretty enamored with this guy who lives all the way across the country,” she continues, and he very nearly clutches his chest at the softness of her voice. “And...I’m holding out hope that he’ll come back someday.”
She can’t say things like that. She’s supposed to move on. As sick as the thought makes him, she needs to find someone worth her while. Someone who can actually be in the same state as her. “Midge...”
“I know,” she interrupts. “But...your lawyers are working on the appeal, and one day you’ll be able to work here again - ”
He’s grasping for straws when he says, “There’s no guarantee - ”
She cuts him off again. “And I don’t want anyone else. I just...don’t.”
He inhales from his cigarette. She’s broken down his walls entirely - not that he built them very high for her - and he’s helpless to do anything but ask how they can make this work.
And he finds himself agreeing to try to make long distance work. “I...I do want you to meet Kitty,” he tells her, smiling at the idea of just how hard Kitty fights to stay awake to watch Midge on Gordon Ford’s show. She already loves Midge, and he’s certain he’ll love her more once she actually meets her. “I think she’ll like you more than she likes me.”
Her laugh is soft, and it makes him grin even more. “Considering how much Esther loves you, it’s only fair,” she teases.
God, he misses that entire weird fucking family. Ethan, Esther. Abe and Rose. He even misses her former in-laws and the insanity that comes with their presence at family events. “Tell peanut I’ll come visit soon,” he says.
“If I tell her, you have to make good on that promise,” she threatens.
“I would never break a promise to Esther Maisel,” he swears.
“Okay. Well...the show is pretty much taped for the next couple of months. I might be able to swing a visit mid-October.”
“I’ll block off the entire month for you,” he replies, and she laughs again.
He hears her fight a yawn, and he chuckles. “You should get some sleep,” he whispers.
“I should...but...I don’t want to hang up.”
“You can call again tomorrow. I’ll be home writing most of the day.”
“Okay, then,” she concedes. “I, um...goodnight, Lenny.”
“Night, Midge,” he breathes. “I...” He sighs. “I love you.”
He can hear her smiling when she responds, “I love you, too.”
The line clicks softly, and he sets down the phone before settling back into his seat, feeling better than he has in months.
#midgelenny#midge x lenny#midgexlenny#tmmm fanfic#marvelous mrs. maisel fanfic#otp: more important than god#jackal fics#mltswift
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Thanksgiving HCs, pt 3: Food and Drink
Sean got VERY drunk one year and is the reason there is a strict no-alcohol policy at VDL thanksgiving. It took a few years for people to adjust, but no one wanted the chaos of twenty people drunk off their asses and with no one to rein them in. So now, it’s all soda or juice or water. Anything, really, so long as it’s non-alcoholic. Bottled root beer is popular, because it gives the feel of harder drinking without the ill effects.
They found a painting in the attic of the ranch house when they first moved in, nobody knows who it is or where it came from, but it’s clearly someone’s ancestor from the early-18th century. They hung it for fun, because why not? Sean also may or may not have tried to seduce the ancestor painting whilst blind drunk. And, as he later recalls, he swears he had a chance with her.
Arthur pointed out that it was a dude in a long wig. To which Sean replies, “And he still fancied a piece o’ me sexy Irish arse!”
The attempted seduction of the portrait is the tamest of the activities Sean engaged in prior to the alcohol ban. Dutch receives a yearly email from the local police chief and another from the fire chief seeking reassurance that nothing like that year will ever be repeated. The police chief also sends one officer to the ranch each year to give Sean a breathalyser as insurance.
Anyone caught throwing food is liable to be forced to eat alone in the kitchen, forever, no appeal. No one wants a repeat of...The Incident™.
Pearson is not allowed within 10 feet of the food after the first year at the ranch. Kieran surprises the hell out of everyone by being a kitchen whiz, and it just isn’t thanksgiving without him. He does like to enlist others to help, so Javier makes three different types of stuffing from Kieran’s carefully-developed recipes, Arthur fries up a couple of turkeys to exact specifications, and Karen makes mashed potatoes to die for. All the while, he’ll be making the most beautiful pies anyone’s ever seen, replete with gorgeous pastry leaves and autumnal themes. It’s the most self-assured anyone’s ever seen him, and it makes him happy. Plus, no one will ever forget the sight of Kieran Duffy confidently ordering around Karen Jones, and her responding like she was born for it.
In fact, there were more than a few whispers that year, and while neither of them have really ever said anything about it, it’s clear that they’re special to one another.
Uncle has a recipe for jello fluff he refuses to share with anyone. The gang has tried to recreate it many, many times--it’s jello fluff, how hard could it be--but somehow, only his tastes right. Everyone tries to protect him with their lives because they all agreed that they couldn’t let Uncle die before getting that recipe. He just sits back and enjoys the attention.
Bill loves doing the dishes. It’s so meditative, and he likes being alone in the kitchen after the rowdiness of the day. It’s a great way for him to get some relative quiet but also keeping himself away from the ruminating that tended to come up during any holiday or party. They have three dishwashers, but he still does them by hand, too. It’s all the regular flatware, not anything special, he just likes the physicality of it. And since no one else actually wants to help out anyway, he’s pretty much excused for the entire week on chores. Win-win, in his mind.
#red dead#rdr2#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#thanksgiving at red dead ranch#van der lindes#one big mostly happy family#abigail roberts#arthur morgan#bill williamson#charles smith#dutch van der linde#hosea matthews#till jackson#javier escuella#john marston#josiah trelawny#karen jones#kieran duffy#lenny summers#leopold strauss#mary-beth gaskill#molly o'shea#orville swanson#sadie adler#simon pearson#susan grimshaw#uncle
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Even If This Love Disappears Tonight
okay, so I’ve just finished Even If This Love Disappears Tonight by Misaki Ichijo. San was talking about it in his last livestream and even if I couldn’t understand what he was saying, I was curious about the book so I went on Amazon. Nicely enough they had it in English so I went ahead and bought it.
I’ll start this off by saying I live in America. I enjoy reading Asian books when I can find translations of them but I always feel as if I’m missing something when I do. I feel it particularly strongly with Japanese books but I got it with this one too. There are always missing pieces when I read, things that I am just, no matter how deeply I try, never going to pick up on the way someone who has lived their entire life surrounded by a culture will. I’m not saying this as a complaint or as a fault, its just that someone that’s never had a hard boiled egg will never exactly get what someone else is talking about when they call a film noir detective ‘hard boiled’. There are just going to be gaps between cultures that take little things for granted when they’re communicating. It didn’t trip me up in this story the way it has in others I’ve read but I want to point it out because there were a few times I knew something was being conveyed in the story but I always knew I just wasn’t picking up on it. So take my review with that in mind. I’m trying but I know I missed or misunderstood things.
The premise of the book is that our main character, Tooru, in order to spare a friend of his from getting bullied, agrees to ask a girl in another class to be his girlfriend. He doesn’t know Maori and he expects her to turn him down. Much to his surprise, she agrees. But she gives him a list of three rules he has to follow if they’re going to date.
1. Don’t talk to her until after school
2. Keep all communications between them short.
3. Don’t truly fall in love with her.
And our story goes on from there.
Without giving away any spoilers, this is a cute story. It’s also a softly sad story and whether it ends well or not is really up to the reader’s ideas of what ‘ending well’ means. The translator did a good job. It’s a very smooth read and, I thought, carried a lot of emotion in its word choices and how they were presented. I did find the book a little sparse. I’m used to a lot more description in my stories and more focus on the surroundings but that’s not say that the story didn’t fill in all the blanks, just that it didn’t linger the way I like my usual stories to so that I can picture things in my head. Tooru describes himself as ‘bland’ and a character is called a ‘cold beauty’ which didn’t help me at all since I didn’t recognize the context of the term. It doesn’t distract from the story though and the story itself unfolds smoothly, building up points early that will pay off later without making it obvious that’s what its doing or making them jarring. Overall a very good read. The characters were engaging. The plot was interesting and so was the story’s approach to the plot. It’s been a while since I was in high school and so it took me a bit to get invested in what is, understandably, a very young relationship but I ended up caring about the characters deeply and worrying when things seemed to be going so well and yet the story still had two thirds of a book to go. I could understand, entirely, why San was reading it. Tooru had some traits I would imagine would appeal to San a great deal in a story’s protagonist.
I’ll end the review here but if anyone is interested in a spoiler version just let me know in the notes and I’ll write up one of those too. I’d call this a very ‘San’ kind of story. Very softly done with a lot of very quietly, determinedly sweet notes. All in all a good, solid read that gave you some things to think about during and afterward. If what I’ve written so far sounds interesting to you, I’d completely recommend it.
#even if this love disappears from the world tonight#even if this love disappears tonight#san#choi san#ateez#book review#spoiler free#misaki ichijo
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So I thought of something... I HATED Sesshoumaru in the beginning, reminded me of all my brother's bad traits back then (we are now best friends). It was after he adopted Rin he started becoming a better person, like some others become better people when they become parents. So it was the two of the, a father-daughter combo I liked, without the other, they aren't much. Just see the time Sesshoumaru kills a man and uses his arm while Ah-Un watches over Rin while they go to steal tessaiga and kill Inuyasha again. Now again, he's just awful. It's not before he appreciates human lives because she introduces her to the good sides of humanity (like some children introduce their parents to the beautiful and not cynical parts of the world), he starts to see that their lives also have their worth and becomes a better person. Some characters come as duos to be whole..!
You bring on some excellent, absolutely valid points.
For me, it comes down to the fact that I usually find stoic characters such as Sesshomaru – with very few exceptions – extremely uninteresting.
As a woman of color who is very passionate about everything I hold dear – my family especially – Sesshomaru is particularly hard to relate to. And everything I've said so far also applies to Kikyo.
I understand the appeal, it's just that he never did it for me. It feels like the very reasons why people love him so much are precisely the things that drive me away.
For instance, his character design is gorgeous, but I've never felt attracted to him and, even if I had, his cold personality would have nipped that in the bud.
Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love morally grey characters. Sesshomaru just didn't make it to the cut because he has the charisma of a water cracker.
The few things I actually enjoy about his character – the dynamic between him and Rin, his almost romance with Kagura, the unexplored idea of a relationship with Kikyo – aren't even about him per se, but about other characters.
Compare this to Inuyasha, a male lead who's actually interesting, charismatic and three-dimensional. It's not a secret that his relationship with Kagome is my favorite thing about him, but take that away completely – along with his character development – and I'd still be crazy invested on his journey as an anti-hero because that's how compelling and relatable he is.
Sesshomaru, on the other hand, works just fine as an antagonistic side character, but to be honest, every time there was an episode centered on him I wish I was watching literally anything else. Toga and Izayoi's love story, Koga and the wolf tribe or just the Inugang doind whatever: any one of those sound way more appealing to me.
You say some characters come as duos to be whole and I agree, but it's also true that this can lead people to not care about them as individuals, which is exactly my case.
I guess people can interpret Sesshomaru as someone who was just seeking for his father's approval, but even this sounds more like headcanon than anything actually explored in the show. Sesshomaru feeling overlooked doesn't necessarily means Toga overlooked him.
He is biased and entitled and we never got to see Toga's perspective on their relationship, but the fact that he left Tenseiga to Sesshomaru shows that he knew his son well and loved him enough to give him what he needed instead of what he wanted, even if Sesshomaru couldn't understand his act of love for what it was at first.
It was never about Toga's legacy – because Tenseiga is just a part of it as Tessaiga – and it was never about his broken up family – because he didn't seem to give a shit about his mother. It was about Sesshomaru's hurt ego at seeing his half demon, "bastard" brother getting the sword he judged to be more powerful.
I'll give credit where credit is due and say that from all the Inuyasha characters who were supposed to be morally grey – Kikyo, Koga, etc – he was the one who had the best written redemption arc by far, Kagura being the exception.
I just don't think it's as perfect as people make it out to be. It was good and natural for where the story stopped – anything else would have felt forced–, but he still had a long way to go before I stopped seeing him as a lowkey racist, spoiled little brat.
Even if Toga had if fact neglect him and this fact had been properly shown, it still doesn't justify nor erase the awful things he did, especially to Inuyasha, who had to go through way worse stuff than daddy issues, mostly because of him.
Abandoning Inuyasha as a child and using the memory of his mother to steal the sword their father had rightfully left to him are just a few examples of why I think a fraternal relationship between these two is broken beyond repair.
It's great that Sesshomaru did become a better person – not that the bar was too high anyway –, but it shouldn't be on Inuyasha to forgive and forget just like that. Especially because Sesshomaru never even put on the effort to apologize and make things right.
#I mean come on#The guy is a giant loser#Inuyasha always hands him his ass#Pretty much every evil plan is not even his idea but Jaken's#And honestly I'd take Inuyasha's more boyish look over his any day of the week#He bores me#And I honestly don't think he'd have as many stans if y'all didn't have the hots for him#Which is totally okay and I get it#You can like a character for whatever reason#But me personally don't care if he lives or dies#There I said it#Sidmailing
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People magazine recently announced this year’s Sexiest Man Alive, which makes it a great time to ask: Can we get rid of the whole tradition of People’s Sexiest Man Alive?
The annual cover is a lightweight honorific that worked its way into the public consciousness as way more legitimate than it actually is. Kind of like winning a Golden Globe.
Think about the inherent ridiculousness of declaring anyone the sexiest person alive. Sexiness, by its very nature, is subjective. So it’s a winky joke that People offers up its own tastes as if they are everyone’s. And by making their subject male, they’re tacitly saying: See, we’re not objectifying women, we’re so evolved. Men can be objects of lust too! Maybe that was (arguably) a subversive statement in the 1980s, when Playboy, Penthouse and other magazines imposed a misogynist ideal of sexiness at the newsstands. But now? Not so much.
And when you consider the enduring ubiquity of People, its insistence on shaping our taste in men feels less funny. The magazine’s tradition began in 1985 with a candidate whose appeal, I think we can agree, has not aged well: Mel Gibson, now infamous for his antisemitic rants. It’s worth noting that a bunch of SMAs subsequently made headlines for pretty troubling reasons.
The vast majority of People’s SMAs have been White, straight men with generic good looks. In its 37 years, the magazine has featured four (also chiseled and straight) Black men – Denzel Washington, Michael B. Jordan, John Legend and Idris Elba - and one biracial man, Dwayne Johnson.
Nobody is disputing these are handsome men (even ones who’ve proven themselves to be ugly on the inside). But their looks represent the narrowest sliver of the range of humanity.
Where’s the sexiness in that? As Tracy Moore wrote in Jezebel, “sexy is a construct, and unfortunately, in this world, it’s a very very very unimaginative, narrow, boring one that fails to address many sexy things and focuses on other, boring things that have been sexy for so long I’m willing to suggest right here they might have even lost some of their sexy.” As she points out, “we’re so conditioned toward the fake image that it has become normalized as Definitively Sexy.”
What if we just acknowledged there’s a huge spectrum of what people actually consider sexy in a man, without trying to fit the term into a one-size-fits-all container? Different people are attracted to different body types, different orientations, different presentations of gender. Some men look really good in dresses, just for example. By reliably announcing the same presentation of masculinity, over and over, as the BEST kind, this tradition of SMA is just shoring up the many ways that beautiful people are rewarded in countless ways in our culture.
As one study has noted, “people seem to assume that positive interpersonal qualities and physical attractiveness are systematically linked.” Arguing about the definition of what’s sexy may seem silly, but it has real-world implications for anyone who doesn’t live up to a rigid stereotype about what it is or isn’t. One 2020 study claimed that “compared with people of average attractiveness, the highly attractive earn roughly 20 percent more and are recommended for promotion more frequently.” In less stark economic terms, it stands to reason that reinforcing a status quo about what’s acceptably sexy makes people with differing views feel less empowered to be open about it.
Compared to newer titles, People can seem like a bit of a relic, but it’s the publication that jump-started the business of marketing celebrity to the public. It’s still available in plenty of waiting rooms the world over. So when people pick it up and see that another White, wealthy, successful, straight, American, able-bodied guy has been crowned The Sexiest, it reinforces the idea that everyone who deviates from that norm is inherently less than.
A study found that “People magazine had the largest audience in the United States in June 2022, with an average monthly reach of 81.35 million people.” It has the power to wave its pop-cultural wand and confer “sexiest” status on anyone it wants. (As one tweet put it: “Imagine if sexiest man alive had (been) a wheelchair user?”)
There’s real damage done when media continues to idealize masculinity in such a limited way. “The more men cling to rigid views of masculinity, the more likely they are to be depressed, or disdainful, or lonely,” wrote Monica Hesse in the Washington Post. The effect, quite possibly, applies to both reader and subject.
None of these problems with the title itself should cast any aspersions on this year’s SMA, Chris Evans, by all accounts a genuinely nice guy who’s long been interested in using his fame to advance good causes. But there’s an inevitable schtick involved in being anointed the SMA that he plays into: “‘The Gray Man’ star is also bracing for some good-natured ribbing from his close friends. ‘Really this will just be a point of bullying,’ he jokes. ‘It’s ripe for harassment.’” Actors who’ve participated in a lengthy photo shoot and interview and, one imagines, a lot of back-and-forth to arrange the whole thing, still have to do an aw-shucks-who-me affect about showing up for the gig.
Personally, I’d love to see an SMA give an interview where he talks about the increased wealth that comes with the title; what movie doesn’t want its leading actor to be an SMA? Or openly discusses the massive advantages he’s already enjoyed in his career thanks to being the kind of hot that mainstream pop culture considers acceptable. Or acknowledges the damage that can happen when the media insists on a retrograde definition of masculinity.
Now that would be sexy.
#I don't really disagree with this?#but I also feel like...are we taking it too seriously here and thereby imbuing it with even more weight and significance than it deserves?#also I can't wait for the Fox and right-wing media screeching 'WOKENESS KILLED PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE'
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Another person who never cared for Jenny Calendar, the whole "she's the COOL teacher" thing never appeals to me in part because I didn't like those kind of teachers in real life, and tbh she seemed to look down on Giles and think she was too awesome for him despite supposedly "loving" him? It's not like I hate her, but she and calendiles just isn't my thing. Also agree w/ you and the UO anon on not liking S5 of BtVS! It's actually my very least favorite season, tied at the bottom with S7. Also loved Weslah in all their dark glory but agree that they could have worked longer term. She'd never be GOOD exactly but could have been a lighter shade of grey! And they connected intellectually and even despite themselves emotionally, not just physically. Obviously we agree on a lot but just one SMALL disagreement, I actually think Giles and Anya could be compatible? As much as any Buffyverse ship is allowed to be that is, lol. Giles and Anya both understand feeling lonely, searching for place and purpose and a sense of belonging. They both understand trying to repress and maybe even atone for bad pasts though not bad to the same degree. They can both be ruthlessly rational and pragmatic but also have strong feelings underneath. I don't know, I could see them really getting each other and connecting. Their S6 scenes are among the highlights of that season for me! If you haven't stopped reading by now, one more question: which Buffyverse friendships were your favorites? You already mentioned loving Angel/Wesley, and same!
I think Jenny loved Giles but the writers tried to make her the cool girl who could coax the uptight nerd out of his shell - like her way of living was necessarily better than his - and that rubbed me the wrong way. There was a lot that Jenny could teach Giles about living, and that's the great thing about relationships, but it felt like Giles was wrong and Jenny was right and had to "fix" him. I relate more to Giles than Jenny too, and impossibly cool women annoy me. That sounds bad, but, as a woman, to me, characters like Jenny are so hard to relate to and unrealistic. Writers only care about women if they're like Jenny (or Buffy and Cordelia), and society only respects accomplished women if they're attractive and feminine too (and not even then...). Ugly men are respected for their intellect and personality, but, unless they're young and hot (or even old and beautiful like Jane Fonda), a woman can't be empowering or badass. Characters like Jenny (there are many others, such as Cordelia) - very feminine, aloof, witty, brave, confident - feel oppressive to me. I know popular male characters are perfect too (probably less perfect though), so I don't know if this is internalized misogyny or what (I know I likely judge female characters harsher than men), but, yeah...
As for Giles and Anya, I honestly can't imagine him putting up with her? They bickered, but he never seemed to care that much for her. Giles honestly never seemed to care very much about anyone other than the Summers family and Jenny. Anya was really immature in many ways and I don't think Giles would've enjoyed that in a romantic partner. He wouldn't have wanted to date someone who constantly had to be told what was appropriate or not. Imo, most of the time, I think he thought she was weird and ridiculous. Anya had layers but we didn't seem them often tbh. I don't think he saw her as an equal. She was much older, but also dated Xander, so it's like she was one of the "kids" to him?
Lastly, my favorite Buffyverse friendships are, in this order, Angel and Wesley; Angel and Faith; Cordelia, Wesley and Angel in season 1; Cordelia and Wesley in seasons 1 and 2; Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn in season 2; Buffy, Willow and Xander (in general I guess?)
There are a lot of dynamics I love but I don't think they're considered friendships. There are also some minor friendships I liked: Gunn and Anne, Lorne and Fred, Lorne and Angel, Fred and Angel, Oz and Buffy, Kendra and Buffy (!), etc..
Thanks for the ask!
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#one gets all snarly and angry when i think about how her friends were right to be wary of the idea of devi dating someone#who consistently said very mean things about her and how we never interrogated that shift in d/b's relationship#or did anything interesting with it#ANYWAY
thats interesting! im kinda surprised by your tags bc i thought the meanness and give-it-as-good-as-u-got was part of the appeal for benvi shippers but yeah i do agree it wouldve been cool to explore that! how do u think the show shouldve handled it? if u had any ideas for it, that is. would love to hear ur thoughts!
since i'm over a month late answering this ask, a link to the post in question.
so. the give-as-good-as-you-get aspect of the relationship does very much appeal to me but, while the fact that they're jerks to each other puts them on a level, it doesn't negate the effect of their words. they're still legitimately very mean to each other in a way that shapes the other's insecurities because they love to poke specifically at the things they know the other doesn't like about themselves (i feel like the 1.02 mustache exchange is perfectly indicative of this for the way it exploits devi's failure to adhere to western beauty standards at the same time it exploits ben's inability to live up to his own expectations of masculinity).
i don't have a full story arc in mind for how they could have done this better, really, except to repeat complaints about season two that i've already voiced. if they hadn't made devi's feelings for ben quite so swoony or romanticized and if they hadn't written ben as if he was morally in the right literally all season, there would have naturally been some tension around their changing dynamic. they would have been snippier, probably, with devi refusing to accept ben punishing her/icing her out and ben more insistently calling out devi's numerous flaws as he perceives them instead of sulking off in the corner all wounded and tragic. but it wouldn't be exactly like season one because devi would have first-hand evidence to push back against ben insisting she's undesirable and ben would be able to use the two-timing as the ultimate trump card against anything she could reasonably say.
basically, it should have been a season-long conversation around what they mean to each other now. not always an emotionally productive one, but something that felt more like growing pains than a flipped switch, than two almost entirely unrecognizable characters.
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