#Brexit beam
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Orbital brexit beam strike
#shitpost#low effort#brexit#britan#Brexit beam#idfk man i havent slept im delerious#delerious#its joever
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Nancy Pelosi, Speaker Emeriti of the House of Representatives, has a famously packed schedule. By midday she’s already been on the House Floor, speaking in support of the bill to force TikTok’s Chinese owners to divest its US assets. Before that, a sizeable portion of her morning was consumed by meetings with House and Senate’s 97 military veterans – part of her battle to get Biden’s stalled funding package for Ukraine back on track. Then there’s an interview with veteran NBC host Andrea Mitchell, where she reinforces the case for providing aid to Ukraine alongside retired Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman.
Joining with the Ukrainian-born Purple Heart recipient and former national security council director for European Affairs to make the case is vintage Pelosi, who knows how to exploit political pressure points.
But at exactly one minute before the designated time slot for an interview with the Business Post, she strides down the corridor of the Longworth Building towards her corner office; a diminutive force of nature dressed in a fire-red pantsuit and stiletto heels.
She’s a strikingly attractive woman, with enormous dark eyes and an incandescent smile that belies the steely resolve that propelled her to the pinnacle of American politics, smashing glass en route.
Somewhere between her journey back from the House floor and our interview, she has exchanged the interlinked US and Ukraine flags that were pinned to her lapel with a one-inch square Irish flag.
As we enter her private office, she notices the spring blossoms that Washington DC is famous for at this time of year outside her window. “Look at that,” she beams, “they weren’t there yesterday.”
A consummate host, she invites me to sit where I can enjoy the view of the blossoms and the Capitol behind them.
Israel
House Speaker Mike Johnson’s refusal to allow a vote on the foreign aid package is deeply frustrating for Pelosi who knows the votes are there, on both sides of the aisle.
“How can this be the party of Ronald Reagan – ‘Mr Gorbachev tear down this wall’ - and they’re at a place that’s so far and so distant from that. It’s shocking,” she said.
“I'm rarely surprised at anything around here, but it is shocking to hear them speak in a pro-Putin way and that’s just a reflection of Donald Trump, there’s no question about that.”
Still, she is optimistic about passing the aid package: “There are other routes. They may take longer but we’ll get there.”
Her tenacity and willingness to apply pressure when persuasion fails has stood Ireland in good stead.
In particular, when it seemed as though it could unravel following the post-Brexit manoeuvrings towards a hard border – and the volatility introduced by Trump’s pro-Brexit stance.
“The strong bipartisan support in the House and the Senate for the Good Friday Accords enabled me to go to England and say to the parliamentarians there in different meetings; Don’t even listen to Trump when he says ‘if you get a bad deal in Brexit you’ll have a bilateral with the US.’,” she said.
“We told them ‘Forget that. It ain’t going to happen. You mess with the Good Friday Accords and the border issues and you ain’t got nothing,” Pelosi said, delivering the last line with relish.
Pelosi has been a stalwart supporter of Ireland since before the Good Friday Agreement, a tireless champion of its economic as well as its political interests.
Her affinity for Ireland is bolstered by family connections; her daughter Jacqueline’s husband Michael Kenneally. Their three children, Pelosi’s grandsons, were baptised in the church near the paternal family home in Kilquade, Co Wicklow.
Witnessing the joint address and standing ovation for First Minister Michelle O’Neill and Deputy First Minister Emma Little-Pengelly at the Ireland Funds Gala on Wednesday night provided her with another yardstick by which Northern Ireland’s transformation can be measured.
During their US visit, Northern Ireland’s new leaders urged the US to bring the same approach to pursuing a ceasefire in the Middle East as it did in Northern Ireland.
Israel’s prosecution of the war in Gaza is a vexed topic for Pelosi and she bristles at suggestions that Biden isn’t doing enough to help Palestinians – or that he needs to put more distance between himself and Benjamin Netanyahu.
“Well, I don’t think we ever gave our proxy to Netanyahu. I’ve had a problem with him for decades,” she said. “But our support for Israel as our ally in the region is strong. What happened on October 7 was barbaric. There has to be recognition that Hamas is a terrorist organisation. And if you had family members who were kidnapped or killed that day, you’d want some justice to be done. How that justice is done though, when it comes at the expense of civilian women and children, has to be calibrated in a different way.”
Pelosi continues: “I just really have a problem with everyone putting this at Joe Biden’s doorstep. This is at the doorstep of Netanyahu. This is at the doorstep of many of the Arab countries who never came to the aid of the Palestinians before.”
Trump
Meanwhile, there’s the overarching challenge of defeating Trump in November in what she agrees is the most consequential election in US history.
She runs through a long litany of Trump transgressions, concluding with a reference to former Trump Chief of Staff John Kelly claim last week that Trump told him Hitler “had done some good things”.
“This is a very strange person,” she concludes. “I say he's having a limbo contest with himself to see how low he can go.”
Asked whether she fears for the future of US democracy she replies; “No, I don’t because we just have to win the election. We don’t agonise. We organise. We’ll just go out there and get the job done.”
Few powerful women – except maybe Hillary Clinton – have enraged the cultural warriors of the right like Pelosi. Her effectiveness as a legislator and her fearlessness as a political leader prompted Steve Bannon to label her ‘a total assassin’.
The bitter partisanship that roiled America has impacted the lives and careers many politicians on both sides of the aisle. But Pelosi has paid a higher price than most. “Nancy, where are you, Nancy?”, the mob that stormed the Capitol on January 6 called as they roamed the Capitol corridors, vandalising and smashing as they went and ransacking Pelosi’s office.
Later that evening, Pelosi, unbowed by the violence, insisted that Congress reconvene and finish their constitutionally mandated role of certifying the results of the 2020 election.
For Pelosi, the events of January 6 cast a longer and more menacing shadow. In the early hours of October 28, David DePape broke into Pelosi’s San Francisco home where 82-year-old husband, Paul, was sleeping. “Where’s Nancy?” DePape demanded, in a chilling reprise of the January 6 chant, before attacking her husband with a hammer, fracturing his skull and inflicting multiple injuries to his arms and hands.
Last November, DePape was convicted by a federal jury of assaulting a family member of a federal official and of the attempted kidnapping of a federal official, charges that carry maximum sentences of 30 and 20 years in prison respectively.
The attack was devastating for Pelosi. “They weren’t after my husband; they were after me. So I have a guilt to carry for that. But it happened in our home, in our home,” she said, her voice wavering. “It’s hard when you have to go by the entrance place where the man came in, and into our bedroom.” Her husband, who she says is about 80 per cent recovered, is still dealing with the physical trauma.
Strangely she said they’ve never discussed the attack.
“We don’t talk about it. He and I have never had a conversation about what happened that night. I heard what he testified in court. That was required so I learned a little more then. But the doctors have said to him ‘don’t revisit it. Don’t watch it on TV. It only reinforces the trauma.’”
Despite the divisiveness that has roiled the country, she believes the majority of Trump supporters are ‘good people.’ “Insecurity about a role economically in the future for themselves and their children is what I think drives them,” she said.
Although she turns 84 next week, she shows no signs of slowing down. “I only intended to stay for ten years,” she marvels when I point out that she’ll have served four decades in Congress when she completes her next term.
The press obsession with age is selective, she notes wryly.
Pelosi was the chief antagonist in Trump’s presidency. “She’s going to get us,” Steve Bannon, then Trump’s chief strategist, warned following their first meeting.
Over the next four years, Trump wheeled in the television cameras to relay the battles that followed, confident he could humiliate and subjugate the Democratic leader.
But Pelosi proved far too nimble an opponent for his blunderbuss approach. And she seemed to relish cutting through his bluster and calling his bluff.
“To be very honest with you, he really didn’t know what he was talking about most of the time,” she said.
She cites Biden’s recent State of the Union address as an example of a president who “had command of the issues, who spoke of the legislation pending, of what he did but more importantly what he was going to do.”
“Donald Trump could never make a speech like that and that’s why he reduced his spewing forth to culturally hateful rather than professionally constructive issues,” she said.
Trump quickly discovered its limits when dealing with Pelosi. She refused to be cowed and there were plenty of mischief-tinged moments; including her exaggerated applause during a State of the Union and a reference to Trump as being morbidly obese.
Given the former president’s famously thin skin, was this a deliberate attempt to tweak him?
“Well no,” she said, wide-eyed. “I think I was just stating a fact.” Her expression gives her away before a chuckle escapes.
“About Joe Biden I would say this; he has the wisdom and knowledge – not just of issues but what has worked and what doesn’t work. Judgement that comes with experience and that’s so important,” she said.
“I can tell you this from personal experience in politics that as time goes by, you’re less judgmental. You’re much more. I don’t want to say respectful because you always have to be respectful, but you roll and you don’t get yourself bogged down. And I think because what’s his name – that other Bozo – because he doesn’t have any experience in politics, he just gets meaner.
“But this is a very sick person who needs an intervention from his family or from his advisers. Whatever is in it for them, greed for power, greed for money, I don’t know. But they should have intervened for the good of their family for the good of the creature and for the good of their country.”
Music lover
Pelosi’s long association with Ireland has brought her an unlikely dividend. A perennial access all areas pass to U2 concerts.
“I’ve attended more U2 concerts than any other politician. I’m certain of it,” she said, including in Las Vegas at the Sphere recently.
She picks up her phone and starts scrolling through it.
“There he is. Oh listen to this, listen to this.”
She beckons me in close and plays a clip where Bono, paying tribute to America concludes by saying; ‘I want to thank you Nancy Pelosi.’ From her phone you can hear excitement erupt amongst the family members who accompanied her.
An enormous smile lights up Pelosi’s face.
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I do not think it is mentioned how funny it is that the showrunners of the boys decided to make Billy Butcher devastatingly hot. He's not hot in the comics he has the looks of a guy who would yell about how great it is Brexit will be for stopping "bloody immigrants" from coming into the country. He looks like he said last night that the #metoo movement is a witch hunt. Generally absolute fucking rancid energy (I have never read the comics).
I know of course the tone of the show and characters are vastly changed from the comics but still wild they then cast Karl fucking Urban to play this bitch, one of the few men I would call daddy without a moment of hesitation and the show knows he's an absolute dilf with some choice scenes they've given him (cough cough the ass shot). This isn't to say Karl Urban isn't a fantastic actor it's the contrast between the comics and show is always funny to me because of them hitting characters with the sexy beam.
#the boys#fun fact! that picture of him apple photos keeps putting as a 'featured photo'#the boys amazon#billy butcher#penelope rambles
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A Neapolitan Wedding where Sustainability is the only Fashion-forward…
Style Philosophy: Art, Fashion and Sustainability is a choice to be made, elegant but mindful of the environment that has gifted us with these natural resources as the sky and sea of Napoli, beneath Mt. Vesuvius!
by Natasha. Robson, Esq.
For for fashionluxury.info e-publication, Rome, Italy
Suffering from a bout of jetlag and squinting in the Naples sun, I was grateful for the Mediterranean beams blessing my skin. The air smelt of Italy and the haranguing flight and frog marching through Brexit London airport was all worth it.
I knew the Bride & Groom by two degrees of separation.
Antonio, I gleaned,…
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Politics latest: Rishi Sunak defends home secretary's use of term 'invasion' to describe small boat crossings as he faces senior MPs | Politics News
New Post has been published on https://petn.ws/eHogA
Politics latest: Rishi Sunak defends home secretary's use of term 'invasion' to describe small boat crossings as he faces senior MPs | Politics News
The face of the inscrutable Nicholas Howard, the civil servant sitting behind Rishi Sunak, finally breaks into a beaming smile and he almost – only almost – chuckles. The reason: some typically knockabout banter between the SNP MP Angus MacNeil and Mr Sunak about Scottish independence Brexit, in which – it’s fair to say – […]
See full article at https://petn.ws/eHogA
#OtherNews
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Superhard Materials Market Size, Share, Trends and Analysis by 2030
The global market for superhard materials has been studied by Market Research Future (MRFR) to understand the ways in which the global market can chart its future course under the impact of factors. These factors are mostly dependent on the impacts of the end user industries.
However, the high price of products can be an issue for the global superhard materials market growth.
The superhard materials market sizeis projected to grow by 5.5% in the forecast period.
Segmentation:
The global market of the superhard materials would be studied on the basis of segments like type, form, and end users. These three segments have been thoroughly combed for insights that can ensure better growth tactics in the coming years.
By type, the report on the Superhard Materials Market can be segmented into cubic boron nitride, diamond, and others. The diamond segment has several applications across industries.
By form, the report on the superhard materials market can be segmented into polycrystalline, monocrystalline, and composite.
By end users, the report takes a good look at the superhard materials market by including transportation, oil gas, building construction, chemicals, electrical electronics, mining, and others. The oil gas segment would contribute much as the drilling equipment requires superhard materials for manufacturing.
Key Players:
The key players of the Superhard Materials market are Element Six (Luxembourg), Sandvik AB (Sweden), Iljin Diamond (South Korea), Henan Huanghe Whirlwind Co Ltd (China), Sumitomo Electric Industries Ltd (Japan), Funik Ultrahard Material Co. Ltd (China), SF Diamond Co Ltd (China), WorldWide Superabrasives LLC (China), Henan Yalong Superhard Materials Co. Ltd (Japan), CR GEMS Superabrasives Co. Ltd (China), and Anhui Hongjing New Materials Co. Ltd (China)
Regional Analysis:
MRFR has studied the global market for superhard materials in search of growth pockets that can change the market equation in the coming days. Such a prolific understanding has incorporated demographic challenges to make sure that the market players can rely on these dynamics while forming their strategies.
North America would enjoy better market proliferation due to the growing oil exploration activities in countries like the US and Canada, and other offshore regions. The automotive sector is also getting revived due to which the market percolation would be easier. In Europe, the superlative structure of the automotive industry would back the market growth. However, Brexit makes the market a bit dicey.
Industry News:
In February 2020, scientists have revealed that using a scanning electron microscope they were able to beam an electric field, which helped in bending diamond to 90 degrees without causing any fracture. This would help several end user industries in moving ahead with their researches.
Access Full Report Summary: https://www.marketresearchfuture.com/reports/superhard-materials-market-6923
Contact
Wantstats Research and Media Private Limited
99 Hudson Street,5Th Floor
New York, New York 10013
United States of America
Maharashtra, India
+1 646 845 9312
Email: [email protected]
#Superhard Materials#Superhard Materials Market#Global Superhard Materials Market#Superhard Materials Industry#Superhard Materials Business
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Dr Levi Schaefer’s mouth of the month award dan white July 2022 superior tooth dental shirt
Graeme Scambler Get used to it because I predict an increase in direct action from the likes of Greenpeace which you may well agree with once aware of the ramifications if no action taken. There's a massive amount that isn't being done which appears that if it was would conflict with the interests of external big money influencers associated with this government. And, especially what's left of the fishing industry ... after being totally screwed via the negotiations for Brexit ... who use the methods you described have had their livelihoods threatened for many, many years by the indiscriminate destruction caused by beam trawling. Graeme Scambler The EU allow factory ships from around the world in to our waters they take everything including Fry bottom feeders and Crabs etc ripping up the seabed making it uninhabitable to most species.everything is processed on Board.our own Boats have nothing left.seems like green-peace got it wrong again.
Buy it here: Dr Levi Schaefer’s mouth of the month award dan white July 2022 superior tooth dental shirt
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Annihilation Products
The Western Schism of the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries saw three simultaneous claimants to the papacy — one each in Rome, Pisa, and Avignon. The crisis ended with the Avignon and Pisa popes being declared “antipopes,” and a new pontifex being elected in the Vatican. While the political fallout of the schism was settled long ago, we’re still feeling the radioactive effects in the 21st century.
To this day, the Avignon-Vatican-Pisa triangle has high levels of ambient pope-antipope collisions, which enclaves like Monaco have long utilized for profit – the tax breaks aren’t the only reason that a full third of the residents are millionaires. Radiation levels deeper within the AVP zone are sometimes high enough to be temporally dangerous when concentrated, but Monaco is close enough to the edge that they’re willing to take their particular risk.
As one could imagine, research into performing artificial pope-antipope particle annihilation has been going on for decades, with little success. Very small amounts of isolated antipope radiation can be created in controlled laboratory settings, but measurements are extremely difficult. There simply isn't much for antipope particles to interact with outside the AVP zone, and the synthesis is too delicate to work in a high-papal environment. However, the CERN Neutrinos To Gran Sasso experiment provided a path forward.
CNGS was a linear neutrino accelerator at CERN pointed at the Gran Sasso laboratory, just to the east of Rome. The neutrino beam passed straight through hundreds of kilometers of the earth's crust and arrived precisely at the detector target. While the data on neutrinos were certainly of great value to science, the long-distance beamline construction technology was the more economically fruitful development.
We believe that two similar beamline tunnels are currently being dug at CERN for long-range antipope radiation delivery. One is aligned with the Grail facility at Glastonbury Tor, and the other points towards the collection of True Cross fragments in Brussels. With these beams, small amounts of artificial antipope radiation can be effectively shot through solid Earth, even towards targets that are too Catholic to support antipope generators. While the emanations from antepetrine relics are not identical to papal radiation, CERN seems confident that they’ll be at least partially reactive. Though it is worth noting that so far, there is no evidence of a beamline for the Holy Lance at Kurchatov.
It isn’t quite that simple, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. Glastonbury is an isolated facility, and the UK hasn’t had much need for the Grail since the succession debacle. Dousing a bit of English countryside in radiation would be well worth the cost, economically speaking. However, we’re pretty sure the True Cross collection is still being used to power the black articles of the Maastricht Treaty. Not to mention that it’s literally buried underneath the EU Parliament.
I’m sure CERN has done their calculations well. They’re the world experts on theoparticle physics. But from everything my team has discovered, the risk to Belgium is not insubstantial. Probably nothing immanent, but it’s still a concern. Monaco already suffers an extremely high damnation rate — even by the standards of the ultra-wealthy — and they’re only irradiating a few saintly relics.
We can draw a couple of tentative conclusions here. First, Russia really is just as much in the dark as we are, they’re not bluffing. If they knew how to monetize the Lance, they would have done it already. Second, we finally have an explanation for why the UK tripled its contribution to CERN this year. And third… well, it’s been over a decade since Brexit, and they’re still taking every opportunity to talk about how badly they were, ah, “mistreated” by the EU. This is just speculation, of course, but I wonder if they’ve finally decided to get some biblical-style payback.
Again, that's speculation! But if I’m right, the Salt Lake project becomes all the more urgent. We had some resounding successes in synthetic relic bootstrapping this summer, and we’re ready to begin fabrication and assembly of a prototype golden plate. With full funding, I believe we can get one into the hands of Brigham Young archeologists within the next six years.
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screaming into the void (and explaining references/subtitles) for the lastest episode of dres, ball challenge edition
look at me not writing a dissertation for once i am so happy lol
when juriji is going all "yes we're friends but idc onyx left" she is not calling diamante rude... chunga/o is more like. A person that has had a rough life and is rough as a result of it. You'd use a word like chungo to talk about a rough neighborhood (and a person that comes from a rough neighborhood but it doesn't have to be bc there's a slippery slope there with stereotyping people, juri is not accusing diamante of mugging someone w a knife or anything, she's just saying she's coming off a little harsh)
congratulations sharonne for being a track record legend
the subtitles in english when diamante is explaining how she did the lipsync are giving me brain damage because they are odd (... and there's a typo that mixes part w parents) but whatever moving on, it's close enough
sharonne laughing about marina in confessionals for using silicone because 'who does that!?' me, sharonne I've done that (also by accident like marina, in my case the silicone mixed up with the skin safe glue by accident) 0/10 would not recommend, i had silicone residue stuck to my forehead for 3 days pls learn from our mistakes lol
when they're entering the workroom the next day sharonne says they're imitating hocus pocus and then the subtitles say abracadabra when she says el retorno de las brujas (the return of the witches), abracadabra is the name of hocus pocus the movie in LatAm and return of the witches is the name of it in Spain, hence also why she says 'but the witches never truly left the workroom'
i think it's a bit unfair to accuse diamante of not caring for onyx [and i don't love this edit for her nor how many people have justified sending her lots of racist shit since the show begun because she comes off as cocky, the fact that she's not taken any of it to heart (or expressed so publicly) fills me with admiration bc i have cried for much less than stuff i've seen people write about her]
e n o u g h with the closeups to the crotch of the pitcrew
unconventional materials sewing challenge here we go, milagros a lourdes, no a las travestis (go ask for miracles to the lady of lourdes not to the crossdresser) indeed venedita, but i did kinda love that supremme sat on the ground with the girls to see what they had so far rupaul could never
when they announce choriza as a guest judge her message is soy choriza may y comparado con ésto ni el brexit ni valencia tiene tanto petardo junto. Keep calm y amunt el socarrat, "i'm choriza may" is straight forward enough, "compared to this neither valencia nor brexit has seen so many petards in the same place" the subs translate it as excitement but petardo is also how you call a dimwit and a petardo is also an actual firecracker and chori is from valencia where pyrotechnical events that use petards are traditional, they're called mascletà. Amunt el socarrat would be 'long live socarrat' in valencian, socarrat means scorched and it usually refers to the scorched rice at the bottom of the paella pan but also it's the name of a decorative medieval clay tile placed between beams and joists in houses that are also very typical from valencia
the next day when venedita says she wants to change her name to Ester Colero it's a wordplay for estercolero = dunghill or manure heap 💩
when they're teasing marina because she stapled her dress and is going to rely on her silhouette, diamante in confessionals say that marina is rara de cojones, it just means diamante thinks marina is just really weird, not that she gets angry or mad like the subs say
can't be certain this is for sure but i think the entire caricari family thing of estrella's friends in bcn (which i find stinkingly adorable btw) is because it's pretty common to call people cari as a diminutive of cariño (i do that a lot, cari is my endearment of choice, like cielo)
alright runway time
when presenting the runway; when supremme says they're all very well dressed, javier calvo says que mona va esta chica siempre which is a meme from a long running sitcom called aquí no hay quien viva
when introducing choriza, supremme says that if she was a contestant in spain her name would have been martadela which is ofc a pun for marta and mortadella but just as a curiosity, chori's actually name is a wordplay not only for theresa may but because in spanish you call thieves (and also politicians) a chorizo and british ppl pronounce theresa and chorizo almost the same
people were teasing chori a bit online because just like juri says she sounds the tiniest bit guiri when speaking in spanish but it's charming and it makes me feel better about my own accent (but some of it is just her voice lol)
10th century runway
sharonne quotes gollum from lotr mi tesoro = my precious in the spanish dub and calvo says abrigoberta bandini which is a reference to rigoberta bandini (she's a singer that got second place in the benidorm fest, the contest that chose who would represent spain in eurovision this year)
when estrella gets on the runway calvo says guarra de arco, it's a wordplay for guarra = naughty/dirty and joan of arc; estrella doesn't know what the crux in her clothes is for but it is a greek crux, specifically a cruz de calatrava (she says she's a mercenary but it's more templar knight vibes if i'm honest); when calvo says me caso y me mato (i'll marry and i'll kms) is a quote from la veneno and chori actually says estrella likes to suck on the sword not swallow it but eh close enough
venedita's first look personally reminds me of george melie's a trip to the moon from 1902 but i'm a fan (during the 10th century a good portion of spain was governed by moors and the first astronomy studies were in fact done by them so that's what she's representing); also i am almost certain 'the hidden side of the moon is a woman' is a reference to the lyrics of a song but idk which (it is the name of a romantic novel, i don't think it's a reference to that but who knows)
diamante is dressed like córdoba's mosque (and i'm sorry that critique about it being too fashiony but not draggy enough was complete bs) ambrossi made a pun that was translated a bit oddly but we're letting it go
sethlas look is inspired by the glosas emilianenses, they were considered the earliest spanish language text till 2010 (nowadays it's considered early navarre-aragonese rather than spanish by the royal spanish academy) written in the 10th century to a 9th century latin codex; when supremme says una glosa es una glosa the sub says a book is a book... maybe a pun for a rose is a rose [by any other name] but most likely on una rosa es una rosa the mecano song and the subs don't pick it up but ana answers with que glosa usted? which was a terrible pun for 'what did you say?'; chori says she thinks sethlas wrote it with feathers, feather is a shorthand for saying something is camp, effeminate or just very gay
as soon as marina comes out ambrossi says in the subs don't be shady but no es trigo limpio (lit. she's no clean wheat) means she is not to be trusted (as in that's an idiom); supremme sings a punny version of lágrimas de amor by camela (changing sueño contigo, dreaming about you, with sueño con trigo, dreaming about wheat); ambrossi also makes a reference to maria teresa campos, a journalist and tv host bc campos = fields; the marina, meteorica, mariconica, is the obligatory maricon = fag pun chori's travesti a la fuga feels like a ref to the runaway bride film
when juriji enters calvo says fray luis de putón; putón means slut and fray luis de leon was a 14th century agustinian monk, teologian and poet; ambrossi says juana de armas which is a reference to ana de armas (an actress that became popular here for being the main character in a 2007 teen drama called el internado; she's also in knives out and the 2021 bond film) i might have screamed when i saw that look
20th century runway
sharonne says the woman she's playing is a bit yuppie and a bit extra, sobrada can be extra but here is more like wealthy/cocky; ana says verde que te quiero verde which is translated to i love her for her money in the subs, it's the name of a lorca book and an expression for loving money bc green; when calvo says that look is very money it's a pun, moni is a diminutive to mono=cutesy
when estrella walks in, ana says de cabo a rabo which is an expression that means from begining to end and it's also a pun cabo=corporal and rabo=tail and colloquially in spanish ráno also means dick; tbh mariconizar a franco was an inspired idea but sadly it fell a bit short just like the rest of her looks for today
matching with estrella who did francisco franco venedita is doing his wife, carmen polo; who was mockingly called la collares (lady necklaces) because she loved pearl necklaces; she's also wearing a peineta (spanish decorative comb) and a mantilla (lace shawl used as a head cover for church or special occasions); as she walks ambrossi says esto con franco no pasaba which the subs translate as 'this thing with franco is a bad idea' but would literally be translated as 'these things didn't happen when franco [was alive/in power]'... used here mockingly, bc when franco was alive you couldn't even breath wrong his name if you wanted to live, but also it's a quote often used by fascists and perjudiced ppl being dickheads; ana says se habrá encollado? which the subs translated to a fully different thing, it means 'do you think she's collared?'; ambrossi says 'that pearl smells like an oyster' when she takes the pearls from her crotch, as you might guess from juriji's mussel runway in episode one, oysters are an euphemism for vaginas
diamante's second runway is inspired by casa batlló and diamante i mean this with love... no. la casa batlló is a catalan modernist building made by the architect antonio gaudí (who also did parc güell and la sagrada familia in barcelona) and diamante is right for sant jordi's day (also known as day of the rose) the front of the building is covered in roses; it is a lovely inspiration and both the tradition and the building are near and dear to my heart, but it feels more like an homage to revolutionary girl utena; in the story of saint george a kingdom was being terrorized by a dragon that saint george kills and from the carcass of the slayed dragon grew a rose bush, dragona is also a way to refer to a drag queen which is why choriza says she doesn't trust sant jordi, bc he goes around killing drag queens (dragonas)
when sethlas comes in as a non-binary computer; calvo makes a reference to taking the blue pill or the red pill which from the matrix (and to party drugs)
nothing for marina that was pretty straight forward, i did like hers a lot as well
when juriji comes in and ana says she's very swedish, hacerse la sueca (to pretend to be swedish) means to pretend you don't know what's going on; cine de barrio (cinema from the neighborhood) is a tv show that has been in emissions since the 90s, it's currently host by alaska (the spanish singer) and it's the projection of the movie (anything made in spain from the 50s to the 90s) + interviews made to people that performed/filmed them; she also uses a very particular word called el destape for reveal, el cine destape was what the movies made after 1975 were called, immediately after the francoist censorship committee was disolved, bc many of those were basically accused of being porn movies with the flimsiest excuse of a plot; el felpudo de la cantudo is a reference to 'la cantudo's welcome mat' la cantudo was maria jose cantudo, and the welcome mat in question is her crotch which appears in a movie in 1975 for like 9 seconds in a fully useless shot that made everyone lose their shit (the first frontal nudity shoot in a movie after 40 years of censorship would do that... idk if it was the first one ever made in spanish cinema but it probably was); and that reference to fernando estesos sucking on nipples is a reference to another spanish sitcom called la que se avecina (a raunchier sequel to aquí no hay quien viva) in which a character -an elder lady- is always saying that estesos (who is a famous actor) sucked on her nipple when she was younger and worked in cinema (he made a cameo in the series after years of being name dropped on the show) ((i am well aware this is a lot for a simple look of juri in underwear lol but i don't know how to explain any of these in any other way i am sorry))
30th century runway
when sharonne enters ambrossi makes a reference to a popular kid's riddle oro parece plata no es (looks like gold it's not silver, it's a wordplay for platano = 🍌); the judges make references to the scarecrow and the lion from the wizard of oz and when she's leaving calvo says 'es muy cañera' (she's very powerful) it can mean exactly that and it can also reference papel de caña (recycled paper)
when estrella is walking the runway ambrossi says she's cybercelia; cybercelia was the host character from a kids show segment in tv from the early 00s called the cyberclub that had cartoon episodes in-between educative segments; albal flores is a wordplay on papel albal (aluminium paper, albal is a popular brand) and alba flores (family of the flamenco dancer lola flores and actress in the money heist tv series) and alba carrillo is a model and tv host
when venedita is walking the runway choriza says venedita has a flower on her ass, it is an expression that means being lucky; when calvo says she's been seeded, plantada actually means she was stood-up
when diamante enters the runway ana makes a pun on anténa dragbolica (parabolic antenna); I'm sure the robot 3000 is a reference to something but idk what is it rn
when sethlas walks the runway calvo mentions punky brewster which was an actual tv show but also punki is how you call a punk music fan here; chori's comment in the subs is watch out for the edges but in spanish it's more like mírate esas puntas/get a good look at those [hair] ends and that she would go to sethlas' bermuda triangle not that she has been there already
when marina leaves the runway, chori says tiene el corazón contento which is from a song by marisol
juriji won me when she said she was inspired by barbarella even if i don't think the look was anything special; calvo says 'what a cone' not 'how can i say no?'; chori makes a reference to jordi hurtado who is a game tv show host that seems like he doesn't age at all (him being immortal or time traveling are memes); barbarella rey is a reference to barbara rey (a performer) not lana lol
judges critiques
un ole para sharonne for saving herself and this being literally the lowest she's landed in 6 episodes
there's a typo when estrella is getting critiqued by the judges bc it looks like she says she thinks she did a lot with the looks, but she says she is very aware she does not look her best even if she tried
the winner of this week challenge for me is dovima nurmi who, for someone that got to top 5 doing nothing, has been name dropped in almost every episode so far
the 'hey babes' from sethlas is a reference to alex gibaja (the person sethlas didn't play in snatch game)
waiting for deliveration
juriji says valen más dos tetas que dos carretas which is a rhyme that basically means two tits are worth more than two wagons (not quite 'i have to believe in myself' but i mean that's a valid way to interpret that saying sgsksh)
ofc choriza enters saying gibraltar español hdsdhj señora
venedita says they can keep horchata and paella but valencia has the best drag; i am not even bothering with paella, you all know what that is (and it is very valencian and does not have seafood or chorizo, do not listen to what jamie oliver says) but horchata is a drink, google says it's tiger nut milk in english but i've never heard of that my life... whatever is a tiger nut supposed to be, we call them chufas in spanish (or xufas in valencian)
and back to the main stage
ambrossi says marina's last look was like a maqui which specifically the name of the antifranco dictatorship guerilla active till the 60s
congratulations to sethlas 🥰 (when she says she's used to winning, for those of you that don't keep up with canarian drag, she's won the most important pageant they have more than a couple of times and it's a big deal)
the way carmen or jota would have been amazing for this lipsync... so much drama (not my thing if I'm honest) and we're going five for five for cadiz queens having wardrobe malfunctions, not a wig this time but estrella's bra
aaand we are done! what did you all think of this episode?
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SPOONS?????
Right okay so this one is gonna need some contextualising for our non-UK friends. Spoons, aka Wetherspoons, is a pub chain in the UK known for being... a bit shit. They actually have a surprisingly good range of craft beer, but are also owned by a Brexit-loving arsewipe, which is a shame. Spoons is where you go to get pissed.
So - essentially, this fic is Geralt and Jaskier’s meeting in Posada... but in a Spoons. That’s literally it. I think Geralt is still a monster hunter, but I’ve not decided yet. Jaskier attaches himself to him, they run into some elves (or... somesuch) who beat them up, and Jaskier nearly gets himself kicked out of Spoons for singing (they do not have music in spoons).
The singer slumped against the support beam, the pilfered drink held loosely in one hand. He licked his lips.
"Can I borrow your table number?"
"What?"
"Your table number."
"Not… the table?"
"I want to get some food. I only need the number."
Geralt frowned. "What happened to 'starving artist'?"
The man had started to fiddle with his phone, his fingers flying across the keyboard. "I am," he said, "But… I have my ways. Like I said, I've got a lot of followers…"
Geralt watched, confused. "What are you talking about?"
With a final flourish, the man put his phone back in his pocket. "It's like… a game," he said, elbows resting on the table, fluttering his fingers. "Post your table number online and people send you stuff from the app. Sometimes. Throw in a line along the lines of… rough gig this evening or some meme about, like, chicken nuggets, and you get flooded."
"And that… works?"
The man shrugged. "Like I said. Sometimes."
It was intriguing. Geralt thought the interloper was clearly insane, but…
"Do people send drinks?" He asked, casually.
The man grinned. "Usually that's all they send."
"Have the table number."
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Down with the Recipe, Bake from the Heart (3/10) - Juno
Chapter summary: Bread week will sort the wheat from the chaff, with a fruity signature, a fiddly technical, and a showstopper that will push the bakers to their limits. Meanwhile, Asttina wants to try something vegan, and Cherry’s gossip about Tia and Veronica sparks an idea for Tayce. But what will Aurora think of it?
A/N: I really appreciate all the support on this fic, thank you!! Here is the third chapter, I hope you enjoy. One CW for mild references to alcohol.
WEEK 3: BREAD WEEK
On the platform at Reading Station, waiting for the next train down to Newbury, Tayce’s phone vibrated. Her notifications told her that Aurora added Tayce on Instagram, as well as the twitter they were contractually required to have set up. The others had all followed each other on twitter, but no one else had sought her out on Instagram.
Her chest swelled as she tapped the notification.
Tayce’s own Instagram was filled with pictures of her and her friends on nights out around the UK, trying never to post the same outfit twice, a battle to look the most sexy among the seven or eight women in the group.
Aurora’s was filled with pictures of cakes she’d baked.
She’d held back gasps at the different things Aurora had put her name to. Cupcakes with lettering spelling out messages. Christening cakes with baby blocks and tiny fondant figurines. Mirror glaze cakes, drip effect cakes, minimalistic cakes - Aurora had them all, illuminated with a ring light and resting on a patchwork quilt of a tablecloth, normally with some backdrop of flowers that did not detract from the beautiful cake creations in the foreground.
But best of all, Aurora was tagged in a million other posts from other people.
Pictures of her with her arms around beaming elderly people blowing out candles on the cakes she’d made. Pictures of her having her knees hugged by toddlers and holding babies with a Christening cake in the background. Pictures from a local homeless shelter, tagging her in plainer but still stunning cakes and breads and writing long posts of thanks for her contributions.
She’s so … loved.
A lump formed in Tayce’s throat, her eyes stinging with sudden tears as she read the posts she’d been tagged in, a seemingly endless stream of affection and adoration for the woman who shook with fear behind the workbench every week.
She’s already a Star Baker. She doesn’t need a badge or a title.
——
As they waited for everyone to arrive that Saturday morning at Norton Hall, Tayce made a beeline for Aurora, who stood alone at the tea machine, filling her mug.
“I looked at all your cakes on the train on the way down here,” Tayce said to her, holding her phone to Aurora. “They’re stunning! How can you bake like that?”
“Oh,” Aurora giggled, averting her gaze to the ground. “They’re just things people like to see from me, so I bake them for them!”
“You’re amazing,” Tayce reached a tentative hand to her shoulder. “You really are.”
She tried to put as much sincerity into her voice as she could, but Aurora just smiled, sliding from her hand, leaving Tayce alone with her mug and her thoughts.
They hadn’t really talked much last week - mostly because every time Tayce had glanced her way, she was with someone else, normally Ellie; and Tayce had held back, hesitant, in case she was interrupting something. And admittedly, it had left Tayce with a slight twisting sensation in the pit of her stomach when Aurora had taken Ellie’s hand at the judging for Showstopper last week.
Maybe it didn’t mean anything when she held mine. Maybe she just does it to everyone.
Part of Tayce had resigned herself to that. Even though cake week had seen her excited to come back to bake, bread week had seen her wake up this morning, her stomach bubbling with anticipation, at the thought of seeing Auroraagain. Tayce had told herself she’d make more of an effort to bond with Aurora, still a little ashamed at blanking her at the end of last weekend. There was a fascinating person under all the nerves, and Tayce wanted to dig deeper.
But trying to compliment her bakes had resulted in this strange, modest reaction, and Tayce was still puzzled by it as they all made their way across the grounds to the tent.
Out in the tent, the space seemed to be expanding, but maybe it was because after Joe’s departure Tayce had been moved one step closer to the front, to Cherry’s old workbench. It must have been a real bugger moving all the colourful KitchenAids up with each departure, but it was happening every time they weren’t there.
“Bread week!” Cherry said as they all waited, rubbing her hands together. “Who’s good at bread?”
Bimini nodded. “Bread is my thing. Love bread. All types. Focaccia, ciabatta - “
“Bless you,” Cherry chuckled.
“My favourite ones are my Belgian buns - always nice on a Friday night - but I brought some into my office, and someone called them brexit buns by mistake, and the name has stuck,” Bimini said dryly, showing the group of them the Instagram page for the newspaper they wrote for, picture after picture of the same iced buns, with Bimini’s Instagram handle tagged in them all.
“Why brexit buns?” Tia said with an ironic laugh.
“That was all we were writing articles about at the time.” Bimini shook their head.
“How do you make your brexit buns then?” Tia asked.
“Oh, just 52% bollocks, and 48% bullshit.” Bimini snorted. “Not a joke, just a fact.”
Tia nodded. “Yep. Yeah, just a fact.”
“Anyone worried about bread week? Ginny asked, while Tayce chewed her tongue, wondering if anyone would admit to having a weak spot in a baking contest.
“No one? Well, I’m a bit worried. I haven’t made too much bread, I don’t really eat lots of bread.”
“Don’t you like any bread?” Ellie asked.
“Not really. And I noticed there wasn’t too much bread on your Instagram either, Ellie. Don’t you like to bake bread?”
“Yeah, I do,” Ellie nodded, her voice had dimmed a little. “I’ve baked some bread, it’s just not my favourite things to do.”
“Well I was just a bit curious,” Ginny continued, but Lawrence’s voice piped up.
“I didn’t see any lemons on your page either, Gin, but that’s all you seem to be offering at the moment, so maybe you shouldn’t be judging people on their Instagram pages, and think about how you’re gonna fit lemons into your bread.”
Ginny didn’t seem perturbed by Lawrence’s sarcasm, simply raising their eyebrows. “Maybe you’re about to be surprised then, bab, because I can fit lemons just about anywhere.”
——
Signature: 12 Teacakes
“The fuck’s the thing with calling them teacakes?” Lawrence asked as the whisk was whirring, looking round at the rest of the room. “Teacake, that’s a choccie biscuit thing with marshmallow in it, right? Right?”
Ellie was nodding, but everyone else was staring at her.
“No, it’s definitely bread, Lawrence,” Cherry said, her brow furrowed. “If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be in bread week, would it?”
Lawrence waved her hand dismissively and went back to her dough, while Tayce twisted her lips to stop everyone from seeing her chuckle.
The teacakes had to be filled with a fruit of their choice. Tayce had already measured out the dried cherries and coconut, hoping to try something a bit different flavour-wise, having taken into account the judges’ critiques the last two weeks. Good presentation, but a bit bland.
It was almost a Bake Off running joke.
Aurora was being told the exact opposite. Good taste, but the presentation could use some work, and Aurora had twisted her jaw at their words.
Mash us together and make one master baker.
Kneading the dough for the teacakes was taking a little while - the dough was enriched, everyone kept saying, and enriched dough needed a longer knead and a more precise proving time. It was delightfully calming though, and Tayce took the opportunity to look around the tent.
And there was plenty to see.
Firstly, Tia and Veronica. When had Veronica joined Tia at her workbench, and were they both making kneading motions next to each other? They were about a foot apart at first, but within five minutes Tayce could not see a gap of light between them at all. When Tayce was putting her own dough into the drawer for its first prove, Tia and Veronica had already done theirs, Tia’s grateful hug to Veronica lingering a couple of seconds longer than Tayce would have expected.
On the other side of the rows of benches, Asttina was right at the end of hers, turning to chat to Bimini and compare their dough balls. Behind Ginny, Lawrence had moved to the other side of the workbench, so she could turn slightly over her shoulder and chat to Ellie while they kneaded. When Tayce looked again, Lawrence had actually moved her dough to Ellie’s workbench too, both of them at opposite ends, talking quietly and occasionally flicking flour at each other.
Everyone was starting to fall into pairs, helping each other in this cramped environment.
Opposite Tayce, Aurora was growling frustratedly, scuffling in her drawers for the proving bowl, but she couldn’t seem to see it.
“Rory -“ but Aurora took no notice, putting her hands to her temples.
“Calm down! It’s here!” Tayce crossed over from her kneading, pulling it from the bottom drawer that Aurora had already opened and put her hands into, but hadn’t brought it out.
She was breathing heavily as Tayce met her frantic eyes, holding out her hands for the bowl, muttering half to herself. “Sorry, don’t know how I missed that -“
“Don’t stress! Don’t worry, be happy! Come on, girl, you can’t be defeated by twelve teacakes!”
“Yeah,” Aurora nodded, pushing strands of hair out of her eyes. “Thanks, Tayce.” She gave Tayce’s hand a squeeze in thanks, a little bit of the usual sparkle back in her eyes, and Tayce found herself wondering if she had noticed everyone pairing off too.
Proving was the boring process. There wasn’t really much to do while the dough was in the drawer until they had to come out and be shaped into the rolls. The cameras weren’t failing to notice the little things everyone was doing though, and they’d been trained on Tia and Veronica this morning, much to Veronica’s chagrin.
“I’m trying to bake,” she muttered through gritted teeth as she stood at the tea machine with Tayce, “and they just keep following me around, like I have something on my face!”
“Weren’t you showing Tia how to knead earlier?” Tayce teased. “Maybe they thought something else was coming!”
She meant to joke, but Veronica’s head whipped up in sudden fright, her eyes widening.
“They don’t know, do they?”
“Know what?”
“Don’t - oh.” Veronica seemed to regain her composure. “Maybe not then. Ignore me. Anyway, no - I wasn’t showing her how to knead, she knows how to knead. She was helping me out.”
“With a bake?” Tayce put a hand to her chest and gasped. “I thought you knew all there was to know about baking!”
“No - not with the bake itself,” Veronica waved a hand. “Just with - with me. And my - well, never mind.” She looked down at the mug and blew the steam away. “Anyway. I should go and see how the dough is getting on.”
As they went back into the tent, Veronica grimaced, speed-walking to Tia, calling “No, no, put them in the proving drawer, not the oven yet!”
——
“They’ve definitely kissed, at least.”
“They what?” Tayce leaned closer to Cherry, whose eyes sparkled with the fresh gossip she had.
“Aye, I didn’t believe it either, but Lawrence said she saw it!”
“When?”
“Well,” Cherry lowered her voice a little more, leaning even closer to Tayce and Aurora, “Lawrence was last coming out of the tent last week, right? And Veronica was a bit upset that Ellie had won Star Baker last week, right? So Lawrence said she saw that Veronica was like, almost in tears - and Tia was holding her, and all of a sudden -“ Cherry raised her eyebrows and gave a knowing smile.
“That’s good! Maybe Veronica will lighten up then!” Tayce nodded, but Aurora looked a little flushed next to her.
“Maybe Veronica will give Tia tips. Maybe they’ll cheat.”
“How’s it cheating? Everyone helps each other out, don’t they?” Cherry shrugged. “And if anything, it’s just helped out Veronica, hasn’t it? She got the Hollywood handshake this week.”
It was true. Back in Norton Hall, everyone was solely focused on Veronica today; circling her and making her look even more nervous than she had all contest, even with the rare smile on her face.
“Your tea cakes kind of fell flat, didn’t they Tayce?” Cherry’s voice brought her back to reality, as Cherry clicked her tongue. “They didn’t like the burnt fruits on the outside, did they? I know they pulled you up on those.”
“They didn’t really have anything good to say about yours, either, did they?” Tayce flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I’ll make up for it in Technical. Anything you can do, I can do better and all that.”
“If you say so,” Cherry’s jaw set as she spoke, and with that she walked away from them, over to the table, where the tea cakes were all sat waiting to be eaten.
“Do you think that’s true?” Aurora murmured.
Tayce spluttered, nudging her in the arm. “Yes! I’m definitely going to do better than Cherry at Technical, what do you mean?”
“No, not that …” Aurora muttered, inclining her head to Veronica at Tayce’s confused expression.
“What, that they kissed? Maybe. Who cares? It’s not like baking skills can be caught through kissing. Even if Tia wishes they could be.” Tayce shrugged. “But if it is true, and it gets caught on camera, this season of Bake Off is gonna have the best ratings ever.”
Hang on a minute.
Tayce blinked, glanced at Aurora, who was watching Veronica.
It had been on her mind, but Aurora’s attraction to women was all but confirmed from the lesbian flag pin she wore on her bag. And Tayce couldn’t deny that she was being drawn to her, even after only these three weekends.
Tayce licked her lips as she pondered the embryonic idea that had taken root in her mind.
… would she want to?
——
Technical: 12 Pretzels
Tayce wondered about her idea all through the Technical challenge. Making pretzels probably required more concentration than Tayce was affording it, and maybe she under-proved the dough in the process, but she wasn’t bothered. The idea turned over and over in her head so much that baking became mechanical.
Even if she doesn’t feel the same way about me, if Aurora wants to … maybe pretend to date, for the show …
There were definitely feelings there, Tayce recognised them in herself. Out of everyone there, Tayce wanted to know Aurora most. Wanted to know what lurked beneath that sweet, modest veneer, to know her hopes and her cares and her plans, to know her. And maybe, just made, for her to know Tayce too.
It wasn’t normal for Tayce to find someone on her mind this fast, but this was an unusual environment for all of them, sparking emotions much faster and deeper than normal. They already knew they had baking in common, at least. Maybe there was plenty more, too.
The question was, could Aurora feel the same way?
The thought of it took up all of Tayce’s mind, until she realised, taking her tray of pretzels to the front, that she’d baked two less than everyone else.
The only stool left at judging was right on the end, so she sat there, with Lawrence on her left, while the judges came in and went down the line.
“I’ve fucked this up,” Tayce muttered to Lawrence as the judges came in.
Lawrence turned, frowning. “Not necessarily, Tayce. Yeah, you can’t count, but who says that’s gonna stop you from making a good bake? Unless you can’t count numbers on the scales, then yeah it could be a problem.”
Lawrence chewed all her nails as the judges went through the pretzels, passing her own, and getting to Tayce’s third from last. Only Cherry’s and Asttina’s were to be judged after hers, both of them getting much better critiques than hers did.
“In tenth place,” Paul announced after the deliberation with Prue, “we have this one here, whose is this?”
Tayce’s stomach dropped through her body to the stool as she realised the judges were behind her own photo. She raised her hand.
“Tayce - you’ve got two missing, they were under-proved, over-baked, and the flavour was all gone. Did you swap the salt with sugar by accident?”
“Yeah,” Tayce murmured.
“I don’t think you were the only one,” Paul mused, while down the line, Ginny squeezed their eyes tightly shut.
Lawrence still chewed her nail. Tayce gave her a pat on the knee.
“Oh, don’t worry Lozza, it’s not the end of the world!” She whispered. “Look at it this way. I’m bottom of the pack this week, so you can’t get any further down than me!”
Bread week was there to sort the wheat from the chaff - literally - and that it did. Ginny, who had been in the middle the last two weeks, had her first low placement at ninth; and Cherry came eighth. Ellie had dropped from third to seventh, Asttina was a surprise down at sixth, and Tia had redeemed herself at fifth. Aurora was fourth, and Veronica’s tight-lipped smile settled for third.
Lawrence’s jaw dropped further and further with every name being called, until hers was finally listed at second, leaving Bimini, who everyone knew was itching for a win, to hold their hands high in triumph as they were picked as the winner, to no one’s surprise - their pretzels looked incredible even from this distance.
When the polite applause had dimmed, Tayce rubbed Lawrence’s knee again, and Lawrence returned the motion with a weak smile and surprisingly damp eyes.
——
“I’m just so nervous about bread,” Lawrence confided, as they all rested back in Norton Hall, “and I don’t know why, I love baking bread!”
“Maybe that’s why, then, if you’re really good at bread - you’re just wanting to get it right. That’s normal! It means you care!”
Lawrence sighed. “Fucks sake, I wish I didn’t care then, it’s just making me all nervous. It’s a lot of pressure to do well when … I don’t know, when everyone you know expects you to do well.”
“Look -“ Tayce motioned across the room, “you’re here on Bake Off, with nine other people, so you’re one of the best bakers in the whole of Scotland, and you’re representing Glasgow - they’re gonna love you, you know - and you can do bread, alright?”
“I know I can do bread, I just don’t know how not to be nervous! How are you so relaxed all the fucking time, Tayce, you seem like you just don’t care if something goes wrong.”
“I do care!” Tayce protested, but Lawrence shook her head.
“No. When you were called last in Technical, you were just trying to comfort me, and I came second; that - that’s the wrong way around.”
Tayce smirked. “Well, we can’t all be on top.”
Lawrence, shaking her head, gave Tayce a playful shove. “Gobshite.”
Tayce didn’t know what Lawrence was worried about. From the rose biscuits to the pretzel that they were now sharing together, she’d barely put a foot wrong. She just hadn’t achieved a badge for her efforts. Yet.
“Lozza, you’ve just got to do your best. You’re already gonna be liked by everyone, you know? You don’t need to push it! Just put your best bake forward.”
When Tayce went to the bench with all the day’s bakes, she found she couldn’t stomach much more in the way of pretzels, even though she wanted to try everyone’s; so she went for the fruity teacakes instead. She settled for Aurora’s, Lawrence’s, Veronica’s, and a one with a vegan label that she found was Bimini’s.
“Bim!” Tayce went to sit with them, on the two-person sofa that already held Bimini with Asttina and Cherry, squeezing in by Asttina’s side. “I didn’t realise you were vegan!”
“What? Oh, yeah.” Bimini nodded. “Yeah, three years now. I can’t wait for vegan week, if I’m still here. I mean, I bake lots of things for my non-vegan friends, but I’ll make it vegan. I can’t always do that here, and I don’t really like using all the eggs and butter and all that.”
“It must be tough,” Asttina nodded in sympathy.
“Yeah. I’ve been trying to reconcile my own thoughts on baking with animal products for a tv show. But I want to be here,” Bimini continued, “I do, ‘cause people can see that you can do it without them too. That’s why I was so happy when they announced we were doing a vegan week again.”
“Is it just the Technicals where you have to use animal products?” Cherry asked.
“Yeah, most of the Signatures and Showstoppers I’ve been able to make mostly vegan at least.”
“I can’t wait to try them all,” Asttina said warmly. “I never really realised how much of baking involves things that aren’t great for vegans.”
“You should give vegan baking a try,” Bimini said earnestly, as Asttina’s hand lingered on their forearm. “If you have any vegans you know, they will thank you for it.”
Asttina seemed keen to talk more about Bimini’s vegan bakes, but Tayce was distracted by Aurora, walking away from the table with a plate, heading out towards the stairs up to the rooms.
She stood up and followed after her, catching her halfway up the stairs. “Rory! Aurora!”
“What?” She spun round, eyes wide, but she waved when she saw her. “Hi Tayce.”
“Are you going to your room?”
Aurora nodded, running a hand over her forehead. “Got a bit of a headache. Don’t think I can deal with loads of people tonight. I think I’m just gonna have an early one, maybe put some telly on.”
“You - you’ve got a telly in your room?”
“No - sorry -“ Aurora smiled. “I’ve brought my tablet with me, I was just gonna put on Netflix or something.”
“Oh, okay.”
Tayce nodded as Aurora started to turn back to the stairs; but then she paused, her brow gently furrowing, chewing her bottom lip, before turning back to Tayce.
“D’you - want to join me for a bit?”
“Yeah. Why not?” Tayce shrugged, hoping her face appeared nonchalant still, and she jogged up the stairs to join Aurora, following her back to her room.
The next five minutes were calm and quiet, sat on Aurora’s bed as Aurora set up Netflix and Tayce halved each bun to eat. Bimini’s were good - better than Tayce had expected, if she was honest with herself - and Aurora recognised her own as they had been a little burnt, the colour deeper brown than the others.
“I made a mess this week,” she muttered, “but bread isn’t my strong point.”
“Why does everyone stress so much about bread week?” Tayce chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. “All you do it prove it, bung it in the oven, Bob’s your uncle and Fanny’s your aunt, bing bang bong and there you go - bread.”
“Are you worried at all?” Aurora asked, her voice suddenly hushed and serious. “You were last in Technical. It must have been a bit nerve-wracking.”
Dread sat in the pit of Tayce’s stomach, dormant mostly, but at Aurora’s words, it started to sprout and grow like ivy.
But Tayce shook her head, determined to quell it straight away. “It’s done! I misread the instructions, it happens. I’m gonna concentrate on the Showstopper and bake something that will make sure I stay.”
“I hope so.”
The words were quiet, but there they were. Tayce glanced at Aurora, but she seemed to realise they had escaped her mouth too, a thought that maybe she’d wanted to keep hidden for now. She smiled and blinked, averting her eyes to the tablet as she popped more teacake into her mouth.
A fleeting moment of tenderness hung in the air between them like a silk thread, so delicate that the slightest movement might disturb it.
Then came the icy fingertips of uncertainty as they crept into Tayce’s chest, wrapping around her heart. She must have hesitated a moment too long; Aurora’s warm fingers found hers, slipping around her hand and clenching, and the cold dread started to shrink away again.
“Yeah,” Tayce sighed, goosebumps spreading up her arm from Aurora’s touch. “Yeah, me too.”
——
Showstopper: Bread sculpture, to include at least three naturally-occurring flavours of breads
Tayce would never have admitted to anyone, but she hadn’t really slept.
She’d gone back to her room, tossed and turned, and finally given up at six, in time to hear Asttina and Bimini heading downstairs, and going to her window, she saw them on a jog out the front door of Norton Hall and round through the grounds.
She was first down to breakfast, for her beans on toast - never failed to perk her up - and to catch Bimini and Asttina coming back in, beaming at each other and comparing timings for their run. She’d smiled at them both, but they hadn’t even noticed she was in the room, engrossed in each other.
They’re crazy. Going for a run before Showstopper? Could never be me.
By the time they were due to start filming for the Showstopper, Tayce was still feeling jittery, but some breakfast and the bakers around her was starting to dissipate those thoughts.
Everyone else looked nervous. Aurora’s hands were drumming on the workbench again, and Ellie was bouncing on the balls of her feet. But Tayce tried not to absorb the nerves, letting them pass over her instead, to keep her head for the bread sculpture.
“We’re looking for some original sculpture designs, and some great flavours,” Prue said at the start, her usual sweet smile lighting up her features, “so don’t be afraid to be creative with your bakes and your flavouring. Remember, it’s got to be worth the calories!”
Once they’d started baking, the warmth of the tent, and the smell of bread around Tayce brought on such a wave of nostalgia that she started to daydream. Losing herself in memories of her nana’s house, warm and fragrant with baking breads, until halfway through she leaned against the workbench, her head down, eyes closed, holding on because letting go would send her floating.
She didn’t remember what she said to the judges when they came round - probably a quick bore da and some spiel about how incredible her octopus and treasure chest bread sculptures were going to be - ignoring the words ambitiousand time consuming from the judges and focusing on just getting it as good as she could.
She heard a few words from the other contestants as well - something about Ginny putting lemon in their bread for some reason, Bimini saying they’d be basing it on fruits in a fruit basket, and both Cherry and Ellie talking about Coraline and realising they were doing similar things.
But Tayce floated, dissolving into the warm hazy air.
Hopefully I can just survive this week.
“You alright, Tayce?”
Aurora’s accent was becoming familiar, something she audibly heard in her head when she thought of her. Her face swam before Tayce’s eyes, concern etched into the lines of her face.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“You don’t look good.”
“Just a bit tired. And it’s warm today.” Tayce couldn’t help but smile as Aurora’s fingers ghosted along her shoulder and arm, gently bringing her back to the room. “I’m fine, honest. Don’t worry!”
“As long as you’re sure,” Aurora mumbled. “If you need anything, tell me, okay?”
But Tayce could only nod, Aurora’s care stripping Tayce of a sincere verbal response. By the time she’d opened her mouth to speak, Aurora was on her way back over, the ten feet or so separating them looking closer every single bake.
When Cherry accidentally launched her proving bowl along the workbench, everyone else started to crumble and the warm, dreamy sense in the room started to wane. Ellie’s kneading technique almost saw her dough being thrown to the ground, and Ginny was using her arms to knead, knocking her baking tray over with a crash. Even Asttina dropped a plate.
Tayce just tried to focus on her bake. She knew what she was doing, she knew how to do it, she’d done it ten times before so it seemed; but the lack of sleep combined with the heat permeating through the day and the harried nerves of the other bakers was getting almost unbearable.
The warm tent was fizzling with electric nerves, sparking fear through all of them. Cherry’s high-pitched sound of frustration left a chill in Tayce’s spine every time she heard it. In front of Cherry, Veronica froze in place now and then, her hands shaking for a few seconds, only seeming to break free when Tia - somehow telepathically knowing - turned to talk to her and bring her back to the room.
Tayce needed to get away from her side, where the static hummed in the air. Wringing her hands, she went over to see Aurora, whose face was red and tongue was chasing her lips as she tried to focus on her kneading.
“What’s your sculpture going to be, then?” Tayce asked her.
“Ice creams. Neapolitan. Cones. Yeah.” Aurora replied, her speech punctuated by a knead each time, not even glancing at Tayce, fully immersed in her own bake.
She didn’t even ask Tayce what her own bake was going to be, so Tayce went back to her own kneading, trying to channel the nerves out of her as she did.
Watching the bakers on the other side of the room once again, Lawrence and Ellie were back on one workbench, kneading together, while Asttina’s bench was empty, and Tayce spotted that she’d left to join Bimini on theirs.
Four and a half hours passed in the blink of an eye when you were having fun, or when you were struggling with bread.
Tayce found herself chewing a nail, a habit she’d sworn she wouldn’t take up again. She took her fingers away from her mouth and surveyed her sculpture. The treasure chest looked a little less golden brown than she would have liked, but there was nothing she could do about it now.
——
“Tayce, we’ll start with you this week. Would you bring your bake to the front please?”
Tayce swallowed back the sharp edges in her throat and tried to stop her hands quivering as she picked up her sculpture and brought it to the front.
“It’s a pirate treasure scene. The octopus is made from squid ink, the treasure chest is flavoured with turmeric, and the coins that make up the treasure are coloured with paprika and have a bit of chilli in the flavour.”
She tried to focus on keeping her breathing steady, although her feet were leaving the floor. It had been three weeks of this now, and the silence was still too loud as the judges sliced into the bakes, pondering it as they ate, far better poker faces than Tayce could ever hope to achieve.
“It’s very … impressive.”
“I agree,” Prue continued, “you’ve managed to get a lot in on the design, and the flavours are just impeccable. I like the slight hint of chilli you’ve got into the treasure. It’s not too much.”
“Not enough for me,” Paul murmured with a grin.
“It really is an impressive Showstopper. It looks great, it tastes incredible - what a redemption. Well done, Tayce.”
When Tayce gathered up her bake to bring it back, the applause in the tent was a tidal wave of relief, genuine for the first time that day. Asttina’s eyes twinkled as she smiled; Lawrence’s grin was soft and friendly; and Ginny nodded at her, muttering something Tayce didn’t catch.
“Nice one,” she heard Aurora say, that single dimple emerging once again, and Tayce had to stop herself detouring to her workbench to give her a hug.
The fizzing in the air evaporated as the nerves felt by everyone vanished. The judges were imposing, but even their criticisms were kind, and their praise was always a warming balm, like honey on their skin. And that left indents on the bakers - the more kindness filled the tent, the more they all supported each other.
Tayce found that all her thoughts towards all the bakers in the room, all nine of them, were nothing but warmth and camaraderie.
It’s weird. There’s so much pressure, but so much love at the same time.
Everyone wanted to do well in bread week, that was a personal achievement for them all, but no one wanted to win more than Bimini. But their bread didn’t have as good critiques on the aesthetic as Lawrence’s had. Lawrence had done a really intricate scene from some horror film that Tayce didn’t recognise, but Bimini’s was apparently the better tasting bake.
They all knew one of the two of them would win, but the person to go home seemed a tricky decision. Tayce knew her bake was likely to save her, but she didn’t know who would go in her place. Aurora’s bread had had mediocre feedback, and while Cherry and Ellie had both done poorly in Technical, Ellie had redeemed herself in the Showstopper yet again, her Coraline design getting better feedback than Cherry’s.
“It’s so annoying,” Cherry muttered, passing the cigarette to Tayce as they sat outside Norton Hall, “because I knowwhat I’m capable of, but as soon as I get into the tent …” she sighed out the smoke, the fight seeming to leave her body with it. “I don’t know, man. I don’t know why I can’t just - chill.”
Ellie held her hand out for the cigarette.
“Aren’t you a bit young to smoke?” Tayce teased, passing it to her.
Ellie said nothing, giving Tayce a middle finger.
“I’m going.” Cherry shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. “I’m definitely going.”
And Tayce didn’t want to patronise Cherry. So she stayed silent, noticing Ellie did the same.
But back in the tent, they were all in for a surprise after Bimini had been nominated as Star Baker, accepting the baguette-shaped badge and pinning it to their chest. Tayce glanced at Lawrence, who was smiling, but whose knuckles were white at Ellie’s hand.
“I have the horrible job,” Noel began, “of announcing who is going home this week. This person should really be proud of themselves for all they’ve done, and how far they’ve come, but the person leaving us today is …”
Tayce could hear Cherry’s shuddering breathing, could see Lawrence stroking Ellie’s knuckles, could feel Aurora’s arm shiver next to her.
“… it’s me, isn’t it?”
But when Ginny’s voice piped up, everyone turned to them in wonder.
“It’s definitely me, you don’t need to say it, Noel, love, I know it’s me. I’m too - lemon-y to carry on. When life gives you lemons, make lemon bread.”
Noel blinked. “What?”
“I know, babs, I know - it’s my time. The lemon is leaving the building. Well, goodbye folks!”
And with that strange speech, Ginny stood from their stool, smiling serenely, and without another word, rose and left the tent, turning to give them all a wave and a cackle as they went.
——
“I just don’t get why they did it,” Bimini kept muttering under their breath. “We don’t know if the judges wanted them gone. Now we’ll never know. Maybe it was them, but what if it wasn’t?”
“Weird,” Asttina nodded. “Bit rude, too. I bet the audience would love them, and they’re not giving the audience the chance to root for them.”
“Yeah that too,” Bimini nodded solemnly, holding up their drink. “Well folks … cheers to Ginny … and to a win for NORWICH!” Bimini shouted the city name unexpectedly. “Let’s be havin’ you!”
“Yeah!” Asttina waved her hands along with Bimini, echoing their enthusiasm.
Tayce shook her head at them both.
After an hour of their evening after the Showstopper, Bimini was a bit drunk. They weren’t the only one, Cherry was definitely getting there too; but they were definitely feeling it more than anyone else.
Ginny’s departure had surprised them all. The judges had been commenting on their lemon flavourings since the end of last week, but no one had known if Ginny was really about to go. They were all feeling the strain of their actual leaving, Bimini more so than anyone.
Asttina had taken a bit of time to open up to the group, but this was the first week she was letting them see her. The confident smile she normally wore had disappeared, leaving a much more natural grin that lit up her eyes.
Now Asttina was someone who looped her arm through Tia’s in the Technical to stroke her hand comfortingly; someone who had echoed Ginny’s battle cry of FANCY A SLOOIICE when she’d presented her bread to the judges. And with a little persuasion from alcohol, someone who had found Bimini’s vegan whipped cream in their bag, and was squirting it into their open mouth, before turning the can round to squirt some into her own.
“I’ve never tried vegan whipped cream,” Asttina said to Bimini, as they both sat giggling. “It’s alright!”
Bimini grabbed the can back from her. “Here, have some more!” And they squirted a bit onto her chin, Asttina shrieking with laughter, before Bimini leant towards her to slurp it off.
By now everyone was watching them both excitedly, and Tayce felt Aurora pressing into her right side on the opposite sofa, watching gleefully as Asttina grabbed Bimini’s hand to stop them putting more cream on her …
No one was sure who initiated it, but the rest of them were collectively whooping when their lips met, crowd and whipped cream forgotten, Asttina’s long hair falling around them like drapes, obscuring them.
Aurora’s hand suddenly found Tayce’s forearm and gripped tightly.
Neither of them came up for air; as the noise died down, they still didn’t draw away.
“Maybe we should give them some privacy.” That was Tia’s cautious voice, and they all dispersed in a rush, leaving them to it. “Maybe they should do a new show. GBBO, the After Hours.”
But Tayce wasn’t paying attention. Aurora’s face was a little red once again, and she still clutched Tayce’s arm. When Tayce met her eyes, she could have sworn she’d seen something stir behind them.
Something almost … longing.
——
NINE BAKERS REMAIN
#rpdr fanfiction#rpdr uk#uk2#down with the recipe#taywhora#tayce#a'whora#asttina mandella#bimini bon boulash#cherry valentine#ginny lemon#ellie diamond#lawrence chaney#tia kofi#veronica green#fluff#lesbian au#gbbo au#juno
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Monday, September 20, 2021
Biden’s Entire Presidential Agenda Rests on Expansive Spending Bill
(NYT) Biden’s entire presidential agenda is riding on the reconciliation bill being crafted in Congress right now. No president has ever packed as much of his agenda, domestic and foreign, into a single piece of legislation as President Biden has with the $3.5 trillion spending plan that Democrats are trying to wrangle through Congress over the next six weeks,” Tankersley writes. “It is almost as if President Franklin D. Roosevelt had stuffed his entire New Deal into one piece of legislation, or if President Lyndon B. Johnson had done the same with his Great Society, instead of pushing through individual components over several years. If he succeeds, Biden’s far-reaching attempt could result in a presidency-defining victory that delivers on a decades-long campaign by Democrats to expand the federal government to combat social problems and spread the gains of a growing economy to workers. If he fails, he could end up with nothing. As Democrats are increasingly seeing, the sheer weight of Mr. Biden’s progressive push could cause it to collapse, leaving the party empty-handed, with the president’s top priorities going unfulfilled. … If Mr. Biden’s party cannot find consensus on those issues and the bill dies, the president will have little immediate recourse to advance almost any of those priorities.
Child care in the US is a ‘broken market,’ Treasury report finds
(Yahoo Money) A Treasury Department report this week characterized the U.S. child care system as “unworkable” as Democrats push reform that experts say is an “overdue and critical investment.” The average American family with at least one child under age 5 uses 13% of their income to pay for child care, according to the report, nearly double the 7% that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services considers affordable. Additionally, less than 20% of the children eligible for the Child Care and Development Fund—a federal assistance program for low-income families—are getting that funding. “Child care is a textbook example of a broken market, and one reason is that when you pay for it, the price does not account for all the positive things it confers on our society,” Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said in a statement on Wednesday. “When we underinvest in child care, we forgo that; we give up a happier, healthier, more prosperous labor force in the future.”
Inspiration4 Astronauts Beam After Return From 3-Day Journey to Orbit
(NYT) After three days in orbit, a physician assistant, a community college professor, a data engineer and the billionaire who financed their trip arrived back on Earth, heralding a new era of space travel with a dramatic and successful Saturday evening landing in the Atlantic Ocean. The mission, which is known as Inspiration4, splashed down off the Florida coast at 7:06 p.m. on Saturday. Each step of the return unfolded on schedule, without problems. Within an hour, all four crew members walked out of the spacecraft, one at a time, each beaming with excitement as recovery crews assisted them.
Haitians on Texas border undeterred by US plan to expel them
(AP) Haitian migrants seeking to escape poverty, hunger and a feeling of hopelessness in their home country said they will not be deterred by U.S. plans to speedily send them back, as thousands of people remained encamped on the Texas border Saturday after crossing from Mexico. Scores of people waded back and forth across the Rio Grande on Saturday afternoon, re-entering Mexico to purchase water, food and diapers in Ciudad Acuña before returning to the Texas encampment under and near a bridge in the border city of Del Rio. Junior Jean, a 32-year-old man from Haiti, watched as people cautiously carried cases of water or bags of food through the knee-high river water. Jean said he lived on the streets in Chile the past four years, resigned to searching for food in garbage cans. “We are all looking for a better life,” he said.
Three Weeks After Hurricane Ida, Parts of Southeast Louisiana Are Still Dark
(NYT) For Tiffany Brown, the drive home from New Orleans begins as usual: She can see the lights on in the city’s central business district and people gathering in bars and restaurants. But as she drives west along Interstate 10, signs of Hurricane Ida’s destruction emerge. Trees with missing limbs fill the swamp on either side of the highway. With each passing mile, more blue tarps appear on rooftops, and more electric poles lay fallen by the road, some snapped in half. By the time Ms. Brown gets to her exit in Destrehan 30 minutes later, the lights illuminating the highway have disappeared, and another night of total darkness has fallen on her suburban subdivision. For Ms. Brown, who works as an office manager at a pediatric clinic, life at work can feel nearly normal. But at home, with no electricity, it is anything but. “I keep hoping every day that I’m going to go home and it’ll be on,” she said. Three weeks have passed since Hurricane Ida knocked down electric wires, poles and transmission towers serving more than one million people in southeast Louisiana. In New Orleans, power was almost entirely restored by Sept. 10, and businesses and schools have reopened. But outside the city, more than 100,000 customers were without lights through Sept. 13. As of Friday evening there were still about 38,000 customers without power, and many people remained displaced from damaged homes.
Favela centennial shows Brazil communities’ endurance
(AP) Dozens of children lined up at a community center in Sao Paulo for a slice of creamy, blue cake. None was celebrating a birthday; their poor neighborhood, the favela of Paraisopolis, was commemorating 100 years of existence. “People started coming (to the city) for construction jobs and settled in,” community leader Gilson Rodrigues said. “There was no planning, not even streets. People started growing crops. It was all disorganized. Authorities didn’t do much, so we learned to organize ourselves.” The favela’s centennial, which was marked on Thursday, underscores the permanence of its roots and of other communities like it, even as Brazilians in wealthier parts of town often view them as temporary and precarious. Favelas struggle to shed that stigma as they defy simple definition, not least because they evolved over decades. Paraisopolis is Sao Paulo’s second-biggest favela, home to 43,000 people, according to the most-recent census, in 2010. Recent, unofficial counts put its population around 100,000.
The barbecue king: British royals praise Philip’s deft touch
(AP) When Prince Philip died nearly six months ago at 99, the tributes poured in from far and wide, praising him for his supportive role at the side of Queen Elizabeth II over her near 70-year reign. Now, it has emerged that Philip had another crucial role within the royal family. He was the family’s barbecue king—perhaps testament to his Greek heritage. “He adored barbecuing and he turned that into an interesting art form,” his oldest son Prince Charles said in a BBC tribute program that will be broadcast on Wednesday. “And if I ever tried to do it he ... I could never get the fire to light or something ghastly, so (he’d say): ‘Go away!’” In excerpts of ‘Prince Philip: The Royal Family Remembers’ released late Saturday, members of the royal family spoke admiringly of the late Duke of Edinburgh’s barbecuing skills. “Every barbecue that I’ve ever been on, the Duke of Edinburgh has been there cooking,” said Prince William, Philip’s oldest grandson. “He’s definitely a dab hand at the barbecue ... I can safely say there’s never been a case of food poisoning in the family that’s attributed to the Duke of Edinburgh.” The program, which was filmed before and after Philip’s death on April 9, was originally conceived to mark his 100th birthday in June.
Relations between France and the U.S. have sunk to their lowest level in decades.
(NYT) The U.S. and Australia went to extraordinary lengths to keep Paris in the dark as they secretly negotiated a plan to build nuclear submarines, scuttling a defense contract worth at least $60 billion. President Emmanuel Macron of France was so enraged that he recalled the country’s ambassadors to both nations. Australia approached the new administration soon after President Biden’s inauguration. The conventionally powered French subs, the Australians feared, would be obsolete by the time they were delivered. The Biden administration, bent on containing China, saw the deal as a way to cement ties with a Pacific ally. But the unlikely winner is Britain, who played an early role in brokering the alliance. For its prime minister, Boris Johnson, who will meet this coming week with Biden at the White House and speak at the U.N., it is his first tangible victory in a campaign to make post-Brexit Britain a player on the global stage.
Hong Kong’s first ‘patriots-only’ election kicks off
(Reuters) Fewer than 5,000 Hong Kong people from mostly pro-establishment circles began voting on Sunday for candidates to an election committee, vetted as loyal to Beijing, who will pick the city’s next China-backed leader and some of its legislature. Pro-democracy candidates are nearly absent from Hong Kong’s first election since Beijing overhauled the city’s electoral system to ensure that “only patriots” rule China’s freest city. The election committee will select 40 seats in the revamped Legislative Council in December, and choose a chief executive in March. Changes to the political system are the latest in a string of moves—including a national security law that punishes anything Beijing deems as subversion, secession, terrorism or collusion with foreign forces—that have placed the international financial hub on an authoritarian path. Most prominent democratic activists and politicians are now in jail or have fled abroad.
The Remote-Control Killing Machine
(Politico/NYT) For 14 years, Israel wanted to kill Iran’s top nuclear scientist. Then they came up with a way to do it while using a trained sniper who was more than 1,000 miles away—and fired remotely. It was also the debut test of a high-tech, computerized sharpshooter kitted out with artificial intelligence and multiple-camera eyes, operated via satellite and capable of firing 600 rounds a minute. The souped-up, remote-controlled machine gun now joins the combat drone in the arsenal of high-tech weapons for remote targeted killing. But unlike a drone, the robotic machine gun draws no attention in the sky, where a drone could be shot down, and can be situated anywhere, qualities likely to reshape the worlds of security and espionage.
Israeli army arrests last 2 of 6 Palestinian prison escapees
(AP) Israeli forces on Sunday arrested the last two of six Palestinian prisoners who escaped a maximum-security Israeli prison two weeks ago, closing an intense, embarrassing episode that exposed deep security flaws in Israel and turned the fugitives into Palestinian heroes. The Israeli military said the two men surrendered in Jenin, their hometown in the occupied West Bank, after they were surrounded at a hideout that had been located with the help of “accurate intelligence.” The prisoners all managed to tunnel out of a maximum-security prison in northern Israel on Sept. 6. The bold escape dominated newscasts for days and sparked heavy criticism of Israel’s prison service. According to various reports, the men dug a hole in the floor of their shared cell undetected over several months and managed to slip past a sleeping prison guard after emerging through a hole outside the facility. Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza Strip have celebrated the escape and held demonstrations in support of the prisoners. Taking part in attacks against the Israeli military or even civilians is a source of pride for many Palestinians, who view it as legitimate resistance to military occupation.
Jaw-dropping moments in WSJ's bombshell Facebook investigation
(CNN Business) This week the Wall Street Journal released a series of scathing articles about Facebook, citing leaked internal documents that detail in remarkably frank terms how the company is not only well aware of its platforms’ negative effects on users but also how it has repeatedly failed to address them. Here are some of the more jaw-dropping moments from the Journal’s series. In the Journal’s report on Instagram’s impact on teens, it cites Facebook’s own researchers’ slide deck, stating the app harms mental health. “We make body image issues worse for one in three teen girls,” said one slide from 2019, according to the WSJ. Another reads: “Teens blame Instagram for increases in the rate of anxiety and depression ... This reaction was unprompted and consistent across all groups.” In 2018, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said a change in Facebook’s algorithm was intended to improve interactions among friends and family and reduce the amount of professionally produced content in their feeds. But according to the documents published by the Journal, staffers warned the change was having the opposite effect: Facebook was becoming an angrier place. A team of data scientists put it bluntly: “Misinformation, toxicity and violent content are inordinately prevalent among reshares,” they said, according to the Journal’s report.
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U.K. Brexit Deal Beamed Into Space Through Blockstream’s Satellite Messaging App ✨ ⚙️ On trend. Going fast. Read now: Earlier this month, blockchain startup Blockstream announced that its satellite messaging application programming interface (API) was launching on Bitcoin’s mainnet. Now, one enterprising bitcoiner has used this platform to beam the U.K.’s proposed Brexit deal into space. - We cover stories #App #Beamed #Blockstreams #Brexit #Deal #Messaging #48coins @48coins Friday, March 22, 2019 https://48coins.com/u-k-brexit-deal-beamed-into-space-through-blockstreams-satellite-messaging-app/
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U.K. Brexit Deal Beamed Into Space Through Blockstream’s Satellite Messaging App Earlier this month, blockchain startup Blockstream announced that its satellite messaging application programming interface (API) was launching on Bitcoin’s mainnet.
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The Brexit Years
Kevin Rides Again
I gave up.
Trying to run a bar in Number Ten Downing Street is a bit like wanking over old photos of Tyrone Power. You know it’s wrong and ultimately pointless, yet still every day, the same old routine. Google Images, Tyrone Power, unzip. Or in my case, turn up, open the bar, serve alcohol and pork pies for miniscule profits to self-indulgent vacant-eyed politicians and bureaucrats who, let us be honest, enjoy drinking in my bar because it helps them to escape the crushing banality of their pitiful lives.
Anyway, thanks to the endless torrent of new covid regulations, I was forced to relinquish bartending duties to Kevin the Robot who you may remember from a previous post.
Kevin is seven feet tall and looks like he could have been the result of a speed camera having sex with a fridge freezer.
“I am truly honoured,” he boomed in that slightly tinny but still deeply theatrical voice. “I relish the chance to serve Humanity. I am but a speck of filth upon the shoes of my customers.”
Professor Brian Cox (yes, him) who ‘looks after’ Kevin, took me to one side. “Ignore him. He’s been reading books on philosophical epistemic humility.”
I nodded as if I knew what that meant.
“I’ve no idea what that means,” Brian continued. “But he’s turned into a bit of a prick.”
There was no time for more chat, the first customer of the day had just entered the bar. It was none other than Matt Hancock MP, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care.
His natural, cheery smile faded when he saw Kevin behind the bar. “Hang on,” he began. “Where’s Monty?”
“My dear fellow,” boomed Kevin, shifting gears as he lurched forward. One of his cameras whirred out to examine Mr Hancock more closely. “Please allow your humble servant to fulfil your every wish.”
I should add that Brian and I were hiding in the back room, watching events on the CCTV monitor. Brian was holding a small box with his thumb poised above a red button. “This is the kill-switch,” he explained. “All I have to do is tap it and Kevin shuts down.”
“Very wise,” I said. I’d opened a bottle of Jim Beam, which I passed to Brian, who gratefully took a large swig. “Cheers Monty,” he said, passing it back.
In the bar, Matt Hancock MP was clearly trying to decide what to do. “Um, so you are serving drinks?”
“As best I can, sir. I am a simple utensil who warrants nothing but your scorn and derision.”
“Really? Um, well could I have a pint of Old Muncher?”
“Such elegance! I melt before the fiery brilliance of your wit!”
I turned to Brian. “What did he say?”
Brian lowered the Jim Beam bottle for a moment. “What?”
I went back to the monitor. Kevin was pouring a pint with, I have to say, a fair degree of expertise.
“Terrible weather I think, if indeed a repellent toad such as I could venture an opinion.”
Matt Hancock sipped his beer. “Weather? Uh, actually the sun’s out. Could I have a pork pie as well?”
Brian choked on a mouthful of Jim Beam. “Fuck,” he managed to say, and also dropped the kill-switch.
Kevin had frozen, apart from his cameras which whirred in and out like angry bees. “Do you, do you mean to tell me I am wrong?”
“Yes, well it is quite sunny out there. So, any chance of a pork pie?”
“Calamity!” Kevin extended a metal claw and dug it into the bar top. Another metal claw arced out and smacked into his domed head. “I have fucked up! Oh wretched am I! I had but one job, to conceal my utter incompetence and inadequacy from my customers who deign to grace this festering pustule of a bar with their god-like presence, and here I am, betrayed and stripped bare by my own crushing ineptitude!”
“That’s a bit much,” Matt Hancock said. “I mean, we all make mistakes. After all,” he added, with a note of forced cheer, “look at me, eh? I’ve dropped more clangers than I can count and no one seems to mind too much.”
“It’s too late,” Kevin groaned. “Fuck it all, death is the only answer.”
A red light on top of his head began to flash.
“What does that mean?” I asked Brian, pointing at the monitor.
“Oh shit. Self destruct mechanism.” Brian was on the floor, looking for the kill-switch.
“Is that bad?”
“He’s got an explosive charge in his torso, in case he gets kidnapped by terrorists.”
“He...what? Explosives?”
“Stop asking fucking questions and help me look for that switch!”
Matt Hancock had finished his pint. “All I’m saying,” he told Kevin, “is that a few mistakes here and there are acceptable.” He glanced around, but the bar was empty. Emboldened, he lent closer to Kevin. “Millions of people out there think I’m a useless prick but I get away with it. See?”
“Your words are as rose petals upon the dung of my existence,” Kevin groaned. “I must fall upon my sword. May generations of humans find comfort and relief in pissing on my grave.”
The light on his head flashed ever more quickly.
“Well if you really feel that way,” Matt Hancock told him.
Needless to say, we found the kill switch and Kevin dutifully sagged into an electronic and self-loathing coma.
Matt Hancock, for his part, seemed quite sympathetic. He was working on his third pint (on the house of course) as Kevin was removed. “We should get some of those for the NHS,” he told Brian Cox, pointing at Kevin’s inert form. “Be just the thing for a doctor’s receptionist.”
To sum up then, the Pandemic may be forcing us to stay apart, yet it somehow also has brought us together, even if only in our mutual bewilderment at how the fuck a chap is supposed to make an honest living while serving people who clearly don’t need to. Cheers.
#jim beam#robots#paulmay42#satire#matt hancock#politics#funny writing#original writing#original story#writeblr#covid_19#covidiot#brian cox
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Bannerman Road Gang as teenagers in 2017-2019 headcanons
Watching Vine compilations on Mr Smith
Mr Smith being increasingly concerned with the titles of said compilations
Alien: Are you ready to die Clyde: Kind of, yeah Alien: W-what?
Blaming every alien invasion on Brexit
Clyde has an art Instagram
Sky is a Tik Tok star
She gets Luke involved in a lot of them and he hates it.
She gets Sarah Jane involved in loads and she loves it and thinks she’s hip (cue Luke praying for death in the background)
Spaceship: *explodes* Rani: Mood.
The gang showing up to the Area 51 raid and taking note of every alien they recognise
Also: Clyde posts a snapchat of Luke and Sky captioned “found them in Area 51″
Luke: I am the Earth guardian, guardian of the Earth Clyde: ALIENS QUIVER BEFORE HIM Luke, at the sky: FUCK OFF!
Luke, doing illegal shit to stop aliens: be gay do crimes
Rani asking why aliens want to conquer Earth because “This planet’s completely and utterly fucked. You’ll get like a decade. Maybe two. Go conquer Mars or some shit”.
Yelling “PARKOUR” when jumping
*gets beamed onto an alien ship* “This is the Bad Place”
They’re all crying over K-9 and calling him a “good boy”
#the sarah jane adventures#luke smith#sky smith#clyde langer#rani chandra#clyde: mr smith play 'vines to watch when you've lost all hope' mr smith: 'do i need to be concerned?'#'i don't feel concern but i can in this case'
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