Also the fact that my dad is 1) a medical doctor 2) very fucking aware of my health problems 3) knows full well I could die if I were to become pregnant 4) freaked the fuck out last time I almost died and 5) knows that if I was pregnant I wouldn’t have consented but STILL would not help my get an abortion or even access emergency contraceptives because it’s “against his religious beliefs” is literally so appalling to me.

Your Reputation Precedes You

A response to “On Fandom Racism (and That Conlang People Are Talking About)” because lmao that cowardly bitch just hates getting feedback from people that she can’t then harass into oblivion

i.e. God I Wish I Could Use The Tag Fandom Wank Without The Titty Police Nerfing My Post

-

To be frank, I'm not here because I think you or any of your little cronies are going to change your minds. If the 'name' wasn't a giveaway, your group of ~likeminded individuals~ have quite the reputation for espousing ableist, antisemitic, and, yes, racist views under wafer-thin the veneer of "calling out racism." I think we both know that what you're actually doing is using the relative anonymity of the internet and progressive language to abuse, harass, and bully fans that you personally disagree with. You and your group are toxic, hateful, and utterly pathetic, using many peoples' genuine desire to avoid accidentally causing harm and twisting it into this horrid parade of submissiveness to You, The One And Only Arbiter Of Truth And Justice In Fandom. Never mind that you have derided autistic people as lacking compassion and empathy, that you've used racist colonizer dogwhistles to describe a fictional culture based heavily on real live Maori culture, that you've mocked the idea of characters having PTSD, or that vital mental health services are anything more than "talking about your feelings with friends uwu." Let's just ignore that you have ridiculed the idea of adults in positions of power exerting that power over children in harmful and abusive ways, that creating transformative fan-content that doesn't adhere to the spirit of canon or wishes of the original author garners derision and hatefulness from you, and that you've used classic abuser tactics in order to gaslight people in your orbit into behaving more submissively towards you in order to avoid more verbal abuse.

Let's toss all of that crucial context aside in favor of only what you've written here.

What you've written here is nearly 3,000 entire words based on, at best—though, admittedly, based on your previous behavior, I am actually not willing to extend to you an iota of good faith—fallacious reasoning. You posit that a constructed language, to be used by a fictional religious group located in an entirely different galaxy than our own, is othering, racist in general, and anti-Asian specifically. This appears based in several suppositions, the first being that a language unknown by the reader will, by nature, cause the reader to feel alienated from the characters and therefore less sympathetic, empathetic, and caring towards the characters. That idea is patently ridiculous and, I believe, says far more about your ability to connect to a character speaking an unfamiliar language than any kind of overarching truth about media and the human condition. New things are interesting; new things are fun; the human brain is wired from birth to be fascinated with new things, to want to take them apart, find out how they work, and enjoy both the process and the results.

The second supposition this fallacy is based upon appears to be that to move away from the blatant Orientalism of Star Wars is inherently anti-Asian. While I find it... frankly, a little bit sad that you cling so viciously to the Orientalist, appropriative roots of Star Wars as some form of genuine representation, that's really none of my business. If you feel that a Muslim-coded character bombing a temple and becoming a terrorist and a Sith, a white woman wearing Mongolian wedding garb, a species of decadent slug-like gangsters smoking out of hookahs and keeping attractive young women chained at their feet (as it were), a species of greedy money-grubbers with exaggerated features and offensively stereotypical "Asian" accents, and an indigenous people wearing modesty garb based on the Bedu people and treated by most characters as well as the narrative as mindless animals deserving of murder and genocide are appropriate representation of the many, varied, and beautiful cultures around the world upon which they were "based," then that is very much your business. Until you pull shit like this. Until you accuse other fans, who wish to move away from such offensive coding and stereotypes, of erasing Asian culture from Star Wars. Then it becomes everyone's business, especially when you are targeting a loving and enthusiastic group of fans who are pouring their hearts and souls into creating an inventive and non-appropriative alternative to canon.

Which leads into the third supposition, that a patently racist, misogynistic white man in the 1970s, and then again in the 1990s, intended his universe to be an accurate and respectful portrayal of the various cultures he stole from. I understand that for your group of toxic bullies, the term "Death of the Author" holds no real meaning, but the simple fact of the matter is that George Lucas based his white-centered space adventure on Samurai movies while removing the cultural context that gave them any meaning, because he liked the idea of swords and noble warriors in space. He based the Force and the Jedi Order on belief systems such as Taoism and Buddhism, but only on the surface, without putting any real effort into into portraying them earnestly or accurately. He consistently disrespected both characters of color and characters coded to be a certain race, ethnicity, culture, or religion, and likewise disrespected and stole from the cultures upon which he based them. He was, and continues to be, a racist white man who wrote a racist story. His universe has Orientalism baked into its every facet, and the idea that fans who wish to move away from this and interrogate and transform the text into something better than what it is are racist is not only laughable, but incredibly disingenuous and insidious.

As I said, I am not writing this to change your mind, because I truly believe that you already know that "cOnLaNgS aRe RaCiSt" is a ridiculous statement. The way you've comported yourself in fandom spaces thus far has shown to me that you are nothing more than a bully who knows that the anti-racist movement in fandom can be co-opted for your benefit. If you tout your Asian heritage and use the right language, make the "right" accusations and take advantage of white guilt and white ignorance, you can have dozens of people falling at your feet, begging for forgiveness, for absolution. And I think that gives you a thrill. So, no, none of this will change your mind because none of this is genuinely about racism—it's about power, it's about control, it's about fandom being the only space where you have some.

So I'm writing this for the creators of this wonderful conlang, which has been crafted by multiple people including people of color, who don't deserve this nonsensical vitriol, and for the fans reading this manipulative hate-fest, wondering if they really are Evil Racists because they don't participate in fandom the way you think they should.

Here it is: fandom has a lot of racism, antisemitism, misogyny, queerphobia, ableism, etc. baked into it. Unfortunately, such is the nature of living and growing up in societies and cultures that have the same. The important thing is to independently educate yourself on those issues and think critically about them—not "think critically" as in "to criticize" them, but to analyze, evaluate, pick apart, examine, and reconstruct them again in order to come to a well thought-out conclusion. Read this well-articulated attack on a group of fans who have always welcomed feedback and participation, are open about their backgrounds, their strengths and weaknesses, and wonder who is actually being genuine.

Is it the open and enthusiastic group who ask for the participation of others in this labor of love? Or is it the ringleader of a group of well-known bullies who have manipulated, gaslit, and then subsequently love-bomb people who did not simply roll over at the slightest hint of dominance? The ones who spent hours upon hours tearing apart, mocking, deriding, and falsely accusing authors of fanworks and metatextual works of various bigotries and -isms, knowing that those evaluations were spurious and meant only to cause harm, not genuine examinations of the works themselves or even presumed authorial intent. The ones who made their own, quote-unquote, community so negative and toxic that even after the departure of a large portion of them, including this author in particular, that community still has a reputation for being hateful, toxic, and full of mean-spirited harassers who will never look critically about their own behavior but only ever point fingers at others. The ones who are so very determined to cause misery wherever they go that as soon as their usual victims are no longer immediately available, they will turn on each other at the slightest hint of weakness.

This entire piece of (fan)work is misinformed at the most generous, disingenuous at the most objective, and downright spiteful when we get right into it. The creators of Dai Bendu, along with various other works, series, and fan events that these people personally dislike, have been targeted because it is so much easier to harass, bully, and use progressive language as a weapon against them, than it is to put any effort into making fandom spaces more informed, more positive, more respectful.

As someone rather eloquently put it, community is not a fucking spectator sport. You want a better community, you gotta work at it. And conversely, what you put into your community is what you'll get out of it. This author and their friends have put a lot of hate into their communities, and now they're toxic cesspools that people stay well away from, for fear of contracting some terrible form of harassment poisoning.

Congrats, Ri, you've gotten just what you wanted: adoring crowds listening to you spout your absolutely heinous personal views purely to live out some kind of power fantasy, and the rest of us staying well away, because fuck knows nothing kind, helpful, or in good faith has ever come from Virdant or her echo-chamber of petty, spiteful assholes.

No love, bad night.

P.S. Everyone actually in the Dai Bendu server knows your ass got kicked because you didn’t say shit for a full thirty days and ignored the announcement that inactive members would be culled. You ain’t cute pretending like it’s because you were ~*~Silenced~*~ after ~*~Valiantly~*~ attempting to call out racism. We see you.

Hi! If you don't mind could you write me some headcanons about being bff with some female cp's? Like Jane, Nina, Clockwork, Nurse Ann...?

One of my best friends is called one of these names so it was odd to write XD Some headcanon’s were totally true about her as well, and some definitely were n o t. XD

Anyway I’m not sure how comprehensive this is since I just kinda spewed it all out so, uh… I hope you like them! 😅

~~~

Clockwork:

·         Natalie stays at your house all the time and eats all your food. Girl has a FAST metabolism so you cannot tell, but she eats e v e r y t h i n g.

·         She doesn’t even have a key to your home, you just come home from everyday activities and she’s slumped in your couch cushions watching TV and there’s a pool on your bathroom floor from her shower and- oh, she has also ordered pizza so get your wallet out.

·         You just squint/glare at her before flopping on the couch beside her. She hands you the remote and gets comfier by you.

·         Even when you have a romantic interest over, she is there at your house, comfortable on the couch playing games on your phone as you walk your ‘friend’ to your room.

·         It’s not all frustrating though, she’s always there to protect you. There have been multiple burglaries that she has intercepted and ‘taken care of’. She’s honestly like a guard dog who also has an excellent sense of humour.

·         And don’t think she just wants you around for your apartment and money. Nay nayyyyyy nay. She tells you all about the Creepypasta drama and what’s going on at the mansion, even though you aren’t apart of that life.

·         And she calls when she’s away. Just calls up to talk to you.

·         You two are the kind of friends that don’t need to talk to each other all the time. In fact, you agree that talking to people all the time is annoying and too much trouble, and you could totally go without each other for days (Weeks even) if either of you were busy! But… without either of you even realising, you always end up contacting each other in one way or another every day, anyway. Its easy with you two. No romantic relationship could compare.

·         She was the groom and you were the bride in your make-believe weddings and mums and dads games as kids.

·         On Toby: “Okay Nat, I like Toby but I hope you know, if he hurts you… well there is absolutely nothing I can do to wreak revenge on your behalf, as he is a duo hatchet wielding psychopath, except maybe give him a stink eye. … When he is looking away and therefore cannot see the stink eye.”

·         More on the Toby subject: Clockwork once took you to Slender Mansion (Cuz you were targeted by a botched victim of hers because she cares about you and she wanted you close by to keep you safe until she could, like, finish killing the guy and all. Whatever though, no biggie. Pft, At least that’s how she made it out to be.) and she had to leave you for a moment so she handcuffed you and Toby together because he’s the only one she could trust to watch you.

·         It was very awkward for the two of you, but definitely a bonding experience. You were both very happy to see Clocky come back though.

·         HORROR. The world of horror is your favourite genre together. Supernatural horror, slashers, basement dwellers, vampires, werewolves, the blob, stalkers, murderers, psychological horror, black and white, colour, movies, tv shows, books- whatever. You two get so excited to experience new fictional horror.

Jane The Killer:

·         If you’re into boys, let me tell you right away- Jane is very critical of their actions. She was at a very influential time in her life (Especially concerning boys and girls and romance) when she met Jeff and Liu. She met those boys, thought ‘Oh, they’re cute. Maybe budding crush?’, and then Jeff killed her family, burnt down her home and ruined her life and Liu became an asshole, and now the male species has been, sorta… tainted. She knows there are good ones (In fact, m a n y boys are lovely, of course.), but one’s that you’re in romantic cahoots with are always going to be under her very watchful eye anyway so she doesn’t really bother to hold back her fear (Which translates into dislike… or hate) with them. So if you have boy problems, be careful. Provided you like this/these guy/s, at least. If you don’t like them, then she’s the perfect person to go to!

·         If you are a boy, then- of course, none of this applies to you. She loves you. Don’t worry. You’re her best friend!

·         Girls are an entirely different situation though of course. Jane drinks that love women juice every single day.

·         Jane is really good with altering clothes, so she’s the one you go to when you need help hemming something or taking something in. She likes to do it, too. Quality best friend time while not being lazy.

·         Speaking of her hating to be lazy… This does not apply at night. Nighttime is a whole other ballgame. Its bedtime by 7 for her if you don’t lock her into plans a week in advance. If she is braless and in her P.J’s, you will not be able to peel her from her home. Except for snacks, but even if she goes to the grocery store, she’s not getting changed and she’s going to wear her bunny slippers.

·         You two watch so many cartoons together. Gravity Falls, Star Vs The Forces of Evil, Over The Garden Hedge, Villainous, Looney Tunes, Ducktales, etc. Any and all that you can get your hands on.

·         You two are prepared to get platonically married, for any reason. Like, you need to stay in the country? Married; You’re staying. You’re the only one who can testify against hr in the court of law? Married, so by law you don’t have to. One of you accidentally planted yourselves with a kid and (Cuz you’re ride or die for each other, obviously), you’re gonna parent the child together and cuz of religious beliefs one of your would feel better about raising them together with a wedding band? Married.

·         Jane doesn’t drink, so when/if you get drunk she’s always there to keep you safe.

·         Jane also gets friend-jealous, a lot. Like, that bitch just called you her best friend, Y/N. Is she your best friend? I thought I was. So who is it, Y/N? Me or her? HM? (She is prepared to turn up to wherever you and this person are hanging, all glamorous and cool as she is, and show off. Prove she’s a way better friend then this new person so they back off).

·         When you were little, she was the bride and you were the groom in your wedding/marriage/mums and dads games.

Nina The Killer:

·         You have known her for both your entire lives and there have been iffy, and dark times but through hell and high water you have stuck with her. You love her. She’s your girl, you are her person too. You will be with her, and protect her from anything.

·         You are the only one in the world that loves her, really. You may not quite understand her weirdness, but you stick with her anyway because you love her.

·         Just like- baseline of your friendship is being ride or die for each other.

·         You were also really into Jeff, but at a more… healthy? Level? Like, you were still romantically interested in a real-life murderer, but you wouldn’t have done anything about it. You wouldn’t hurt anyone (Except to protect others) or victim blame, or contact the victims (Dear God) or whatever, but you would take peaks at fanfiction and gab with Nina about it. I mean, it’s not grand, but in comparison to Nina, hah… you were harmless.

·         Now though, that you’ve met him and he is the reason your bets friend is so hurt and broken, you are not the fondest of him. I mean, you still have a place in your heart for the version of him you and Nina made up in your heads (The version that Nina still believes is real) but that isn’t the real him. Jeff Woods is an ass. You need to keep your friend safe from him.

·         And uh… so nowadays… occasionally, you will find out where Jeff is (You keep an ear out) and, you know, just… lie your ass off to Nina. Yep. You tell her you heard that he’s in the opposite direction than he is so that she’ll unknowingly put more distance between him and her.

·         Yes. It’s a lie, but… its for the greater good! It’s for Nina’s mental health and physical safety.

·         Anyway, moving on to lighter things.

·         In your make believe mums and dads/’grown up’ games that you would play together as kids, you were a single parent and she was the dog.

·         She will lie for you in an instant. She’s also really good at it.

·         You walked into a room once and saw she was drawing something, and it turned out to be your joint tombstone. She has not let this go- you will be buried in the same plot together, if it is the last thing she does. This is slightly concerning, but… also kind of cute. You can roll with it.

·         “What if I get married or have kids?”

·         “They will need to apply with me to join. There will be an interview process.”

·         ‘What about pets?”

·         “Oh, they can come in! No fee!”

·         Do not underestimate her weight. If she doesn’t want you to leave, she will hold onto your leg and go deadweight, and you will s t r u g g l e.

·         Nina talks to herself, but she acts like the person she’s talking to is another person, inside her mind. You both know its not, but you refer to the other girl as Agnes anyway. Super casual.

·         Follows you when you go on dates (At least the first one with someone)to make sure all goes well and texts you rapid fire when she smells something fishy. Even the smallest thing.

·         You two really love dystopian teen fiction. Divergent? Matched? Hunger Games? Maze Runner? Ugles? Alllllll. You consume them and then watch the movies/tv shows too.

Nurse Ann:

·         Live-in medical services! This means you can get really cheap life insurance and not worry about it to much.

·         And on the topic of insurance… Ann is super smart, and organised, and just really awesome at practical stuff like that. Insurance, bills, mortgages, any kind of forms and receipts. And she’s happy to sit down and help you go through it- and, as we all know, everything is better when it’s with a friend you feel comfortable with.

·         You can tell Ann anything and she’ll just roll with it. No judgment. Either she takes it and lets you talk about it or she just acknowledges it and moves on.

·         Like Jane, Ann has very little patience for boy problems. In fact, she has zero time for it. Boys? Girls? No thank you. So if you’re into boys, I have some bad news for you.

·         Best friend maintenance. Occasionally, Ann will over work herself (with murder) and you will need to guide her to relaxation. Gently persuade her to sit down at the dinner table and just make idle chit chat with her every now and then as you make her a good, hearty meal (Or as good as you can do XD Anything between Beefy stew and a Cheese toastie will work fine, don’t worry. She’s not picky at all), and then watch some movies with her. No phones, no knitting, no drawing, no… whatever. No other activities except TV watching! She needs to rest. I’m always shocked at how relaxing just sitting and watching TV can be. There’s a big difference between doing that and multitasking.

·         Ann will call you to pretend there’s an emergency if you want to get out of social engagement.

·         A thing that two enjoy together is science fiction. Star Trek (Including the animation), The War of Worlds, the world of Star Wars, Dune, a Handmaids Tail, The 100, Eureka, etc. She loves the brainy stuff.

·         Ann is the logical friend, who tries to give the most practical advice and make pros and con lists and everything. And then you go ahead and do the crazy thing, the thing she said definitely would not work and would probably make things worse, and she just face palms and says she’s never getting mixed up in your mess again. … Until the next time, when she totally does.

·         “I love you Y/N, but I am not about to walk into a police office and bail you out of jail so do not do that.”

·         You trap her into resting by painting her nails (Hands and feet) in her sleep right before her alarm is about to go off so she has to take the morning SLOW or the paint will mess up. She just wakes up, you hold up a sign in front of her face that says ‘NAILS’ and she stops immediately. “You bitch.”

·         As kids, of course, the two of you would play make-believe family games and you were both mums (/ or you were the dad). She was the working mum and you were forced to stay home take care the baby (large container of vitamins with a face drawn on).

We Don’t Need Covens: In This Essay I Will...

I'm a big fan of Sarah Anne Lawless. I never got the opportunity to speak with her personally, but for those of you who've been around long enough, you likely know about her blog discussing traditional witchcraft and her shop. I often found her posts to be inspirational, providing a unique clarity on subjects that most books skip over. To this day her belladonna ointment is one of the few things that can make my wife's back spasms stop.

Unfortunately both her blog and her shop have closed up. All I can find are interviews with her. In a very broad sense, Lawless came out about abuse and manipulation within the pagan community. She named names and instead of addressing the problems and having an open discussion about it, she was harassed until she backed off.

It upset me at the time in a very distant sense. As I said I never knew her, but I admired her passion and the certainty with which she practiced her craft. Though it's now long after the fact, I finally think I have the ability to put my thoughts into words.

We don't need covens. We never did.

I've been practicing off and on for about fifteen years or so. I've played around with different methods of witchcraft, wicca, and pagan worship. I've been the member of a druid grove, a loose coven association, and even a few on-line groups that claim to do all their spell casting via chat. In the end, I've found them all to be much the same. They promise a great deal and frankly fall short of everything from education to community.

I'm likely going to upset quite a few people with this statement. That's fine. You shouldn't trust anybody who thinks they can tell you your business. But for what it's worth, take a moment to read this over. If something here strikes you as familiar, it might be time to consider another path.

IQuick Note: I know there is a lot of grey area as to what could be considered a witch. You have pagans, heathens, wiccans and the like. Some are comfortable being called witches while others are not. But the connotation changes depending upon each individuals definition. So let's look at witches as people who, for whatever reason, have decided to intentionally avoid Christianity in favor of practicing a personal path of self-realization and independence involving magic, spells, enchantments and the like.

Cult Mentality

First thing you ought to consider is the potential for manipulation and control that exists in any group. This is especially true whenever matters of religion and faith are concerned. It's a touchy subject, no doubt. People are particular about religious practices. For my part, I maintain that witchcraft isn't a religion or a faith. It's a craft. But that doesn't change the fact that people will use religion as a method for controlling others. Especially others who are hungry to fit in with a group that they feel represents them. For this very reason, I firmly believe that witches should avoid becoming a congregation of any kind. Too many of us think of witchcraft as a religion, and while you can play pretend all you like most of us were raised Christian and still have difficulty shaking off the mimicry of organized religion. Our power is in our independence and our ability to think for ourselves, and it becomes much more difficult to do this when you form yourselves into a coven.

Respect My Authority

On that note, you can't form a group without some kind of a hierarchy making itself apparent. I have a strong distaste for covens who create arbitrary titles. They're largely meaningless. You don't really need a high priestess or an archdruid to go around wearing robes with more trim than everybody else. It's just an excuse for someone to hold themselves higher and make decisions without consulting anyone. You'll often find that people who hold these kinds of titles become very upset when someone disagrees with them and find ways to flex their authority in a 'funny' or 'joking' way. Basically telling others that if you disagree with them then you don't need to be there. This comes off especially hard on people who may be new to the craft and are still seeking approval.

Calling Ourselves Out

As sexual abuse allegations are on the rise, we have a duty to be aware of people within our community who put others in danger. We have heard it said that 'while not all priests are abusers, abusers tend to gravitate towards positions of authority'. This is no less true just because those leaders are witches and not priests. You don't get a Free Pass. Covens and groves all seem to want that central authority figure to which they can turn to. We tend to protect them because these people act as a spokesperson for us as a whole. But this does not mean they should be protected if they behave reprehensibly! They are not above the law and if we really want to present ourselves as being different from Christians, we should take a stance of pushing out people who are abusers and manipulators.

But here's the thing. We seem to have this self-righteous indignation that comes with being witches and pagans. Any questioning or perceived threats, especially ones that come from outside the community, are deemed as being biased because of Christian society. While this isn't entirely untrue, it also has a problematic effect on us wearing a permanent set of rose-tinted glasses whenever we look at the pagan community and it's 'stars'. Instead of seeing them as human beings with flaws, we view them as celebrities. We avoid using critical thinking skills when someone in the community comes up against criticism and it can end up damaging our reputation as a whole.

Witch n’ Bitch

While this is one of the most obvious issues with modern witchcraft groups, it is far from the bottom of the cauldron. While many groups come together promising to provide resources for education, help learning rituals and practices, and open discussions, I find that very few of them ever deliver on these promises. I've joined more than a few witchcraft 'study groups' only to have them disband after a few sessions for one reason or another. Others have sessions which quickly get derailed from methods and history into a bitching session about over covens, daily drama, or the like. Instead of helping interested parties by providing resources and discussion, it basically becomes a witches tea party. Brooms are snatched.

Exclusion By Design

Something else I want to bring up is the exclusion by design if not by intention concept that plagues covens. I have seen this manifest in more ways then I can count. Most typically it crops up in the form of “you're not experienced enough in our particular tradition”. However, I've noticed a lot of problems with most pagan groups being painfully white. The excuse is that this makes sense because most witchcraft traditions are European. However, that doesn't seem to stop most witches from liberally grabbing whatever non-European cultural paraphernalia they feel fits their witchy aesthetic. The most notable victims being the American Indians, the Voodoo/Santeria practitioners, and Mexican folk beliefs. I've been told by several people that this isn't on purpose. It's just how it ended up. But when you have to triple check everybody on a Norse Heathen group chat to be sure none of them have any racist ideology there is an inherent problem with the community which is long overdue for exposure.

Queer Craft

I’d like to bring up the patriarchal and hetero-normative slant that is heavily enforced in modern witchcraft and neopaganism. I want to preface this by saying that when I think of a witch, I think of a woman who lives apart from societal norms. She is autonomous. She is self-aware. She is unruffled by others perceptions of her. This is what makes her a force to be reckoned with. Yet much of wicca and neopaganism strives to enforce a very heteronormative perception of a woman's role in society by establishing the narrative of the Maiden/Mother/Crone archetype. While there is beauty in each of these phases of life and there is nothing wrong with a woman finding power in them for herself, enforcing them as a role model for what a woman should be has dangerous implications. A woman must be a virgin, reproductive, or too old to bother with. And it should come as no surprise that concepts have no real male counterpart.

This becomes an even bigger problem as we look forward to a more inclusive world where we are learning to recognize a larger spectrum of gender and sexuality. Where does the Queer witch fit in with these very narrow perceptions of the divine within the self? The pagan community loves to talk about itself as an accepting and open community that embraces all sexualities openly. But that isn't very well reflected in its liturgy and conception. I don't think this gets discussed much because people have heralded the God/Goddess, Horned God/Earth Goddess format for so long that we take it for granted despite these perceptions being relatively modern ones. While there are some traditions which put emphasis on the Queer spectrum and embracing it as a source of power and self-realization, they are few and far between.

Psudo Ethics

The final thing I want to bring up is the irritating moral high-ground that people in the pagan community are so willing to put forth any time we are questioned about our beliefs. It is just as irritating if not more so than listening to Christians proselytize. The Wiccan Rede has held a position for a long time as a general set of standards for what witches and wiccans should consider before acting or casting spells. However, I'm pleasantly surprised to see more of a discussion happening on morality in witchcraft. We don't exist to turn the other cheek. While I'm not a believer in the 'strike first' policy, I am a believer in defending myself when attacked.

I see a lot of judgment happening in the wiccan community, especially now that witchery is in the forefront of social media. People poking their noses into how others practice and deciding to take it upon themselves to 'correct' how another practitioner does their work. I understand why some people want to pursue a more positive and affirming lifestyle through wiccan practices. There is nothing wrong with that. But I confess myself irritated when I'm chided by other witches for casting a curse or have a discussion with a demon. My prerogatives are not your moral imperative, nor are any other witches. So long as my actions are not directed against you, it isn't any of your business what I get up to.

In Conclusion

Ironically, one of the biggest issue with discussing if not resolving many of these issues is that we, as witches/pagans and the like, are NOT a unified group. We are a loose collective. We don't have one central figure who decides doctrine. We don't have any of those things that make for dogma. The fact that we can choose to act independently of one another is a big part of our power. It emboldens us to think for ourselves, question tradition, and seek out new methods and practices which are better suited to our needs. Witchcraft does not begin and end with the anathema and the chalice. We can choose to both acknowledge the gods without permitting them too much influence over our lives. We can dance naked under the full moon while enticing a demon or just make a hot cup of tea while we listen to the rain and meditate. All of this is within our grasp.

But before we can practice together, we have to learn how to function together. And right now I don't' see a great deal of that happening. I believe that by learning how to be ourselves first, by practicing as solitary and independent witches before seeing out a group, we can be more confident overall. After fifteen years of practicing, I can tell you truthfully that I haven't learned anything in a group that I couldn't have learned by studying and practicing on my own. Mostly because 90% of the groups out there read the same damned books I do and are more into repetitive ritual than anything else. I would have loved to work with someone like Sarah Anne Lawless, even just to attend a few workshops led by her. Until we can learn to be better individuals as witches first, I don't know if our community can be better together.

so what do you think about the episode?

I was afraid someone would ask me that bc I have some controversial opinions on the last episode of Vikings… So, let’s see…

First of all: WHERE THE FUCK IS FLOKI? 

I really want to believe they wanted to leave us with the suspense. It is too stupid for me to believe Floki died that idiot way. Such a huge character, such a big person, dying that way was too stupid, even for me. Like Lagertha - who was supposed to be dead LONG AGO and has NO FUCKING AGE to be dressed to battle as she was in the fucking trailer for season 6 - he’s part of the old cast and I really wish to see Floki in season 6, having a better ending than buried in a mountain tricked by the Christian God.

Now… One by one, and the shorters first:

Ubbe Ragnarsson

The meeting with Hvitserk, in the end, was TERRIBLE. I was waiting for any kind of talk, even an angry one, anything. But they didn’t exchange more than glares and Hvitserk’s eyes were pretty confused, not letting me understand if he was sad because of Ubbe’s clear rejection or if he was mad for seeing his older brother there. A weak presence, strangely punctual, with no introduction and bad worked for something we wait through this entire season. I love Jordan’s acting, but in this episode, the script swallowed him.

Lagertha

What in the actual fuck is she still doing in this show? She’s old, tired and has no purpose but spoiling Björn by being alive.

For someone who started this war with a selfish behavior, for a crown that wasn’t hers anymore, placing brother against brother because of her impossibility to accept Ragnar’s current wife - and queen of Kattegat - wasn’t her, killing dozens of people for cowardly refusing a single combat against a crippled sixteen years old boy, and fucking with an entire lineage because of her need to be queen for a couple of months, Lagertha seems to be receiving too much attention and too much care from the writers.

Please, someone send this woman to Valhalla SOON. Love Katherine, but Lagertha was over THOUSANDS of years ago…

Magnus

Do I have to say something about this pitiful attempt to reintroduce the religious conflict into this series? This shit was presented with Athelstan (perfectly, btw), then with Ragnar (ok… good), then with Ubbe (fine, we got it, enough?), then with Hvitserk (what the fuck? Buddhism? And how in the actual fuck you just throw something you liked so bad away like he did with the little Buddha???), and Magnus…

Magnus was a TOTAL throw-away character, a total loss of time, with no real plot, no real participation, who did nothing but confuse the spectator and died without solving the mystery we all wanted to know: Was Ragnar telling the truth about sleeping with Kwenthrith or not? Think we’ll never know…

Amma

I thought she would be with Magnus and give him some plot. Now, idk what to think about her. She seems to be a strong character loyal to Björn, but also, a character who came just for this season finale. Let us see… I hope to see another strong woman in this show, at least.

Gunnhild

FUCK ME, WOMAN! I WANNA MARRY THIS GIRL! She’s amazing! Her battle skills were amazing! Her scene shooting straight to Ivar when everyone was shooting around was amazing! The way she fought EVERYONE to take Björn outta that place was amazing! I will fucking dry my stock of “amazing” with this woman. My favorite woman FOR SURE.

Harald

I have to say I was reticent with Harald since the beginning. I think Peter is a huge actor and gorgeous man and stuff, but Harald always got me with a foot behind… However, this episode showed me he’s trully a loyal man, who sticks to his word even knowing he could be a son of a bitch and warrant his crown by letting Björn die. He was intense in this last episode and I hope to see good things from him in the next season.

Now… The polemic ones…

Let us start with Björn…

I grew in hate for Alexander’s character since he started to act as Björn was when he was a child, showing himself an arrogant person, cheating on Torvi like fuck and doing things he reprehended his father for doing - for the ones who don’t remember, he was the one who reprehended Ragnar saying it was disgusting to know his father was fucking another woman that wasn’t his mother (when ubbe was made, btw).

However, I must admit in this last episode he was strong and intense. I would even be fallen for him if it wasn’t my analytic eyes who noticed since the beginning the enormous curve this season made to break Ivar and build Björn under the eyes of the public. So, I’m sorry Alexander - for his actuation is absolutely perfect and he’s good as fuck making Björn - but I still think Björn does not deserve the crown he’s wearing now and if it was to make Björn the king of Kattegat, Lagertha could only have waited until he came back from the Mediterranean bc Aslaug wasn’t denying his birthright and since Ragnar fell ill, she was collaborating with Björn to raise Kattegat into the great market center it became under their hands. So, no war would have been necessary and Björn would have ascended to King of Kattegat anyway. It was a stupid end, tbh. Sorry, sad, but true.

My baby, Hvitserk…

I love to see him fighting, but I’m tired to see Marco’s character being beaten in this show. This episode was a real beat down to his character who was beaten from the beginning to the end. From discovering his beloved Thora was dead burned alive by Ivar, to having his flank defeated in the war, passing by not being able to kill or even reach Ivar and going under his brother Björn’s shadow once again after all he did to prevail by himself, Hvitserk was knocked out in this episode and the last hit was Ubbe’s arrival, embracing Björn and twitching lips to him that disgusting way, causing me chills of anger for seeing such a bad ending for this relationship.

Hvitserk deserves better than live under his brothers’ shadow until the end of this series and the trailer for season 6 really made me have chills about this possibility, since we clearly can see Ivar is proposing Hvitserk to join him again - or forcing a dagger against his throat for a positive answer, which is just worse than just propose.

Hvitserk has been being treated as a game by the writers, being beaten from side to side, failing in finding his destiny whenever he jumps sides and extending a conflict that could have been already solved in his plotline. Every brother has its own side. It is passed time from Hvitserk to grown into an independent character.

Passing it by, the battle scenes with Marco’s growls and marvelous acting are amazing and I can’t wait to see more of his acting - which is actually the only reason why I’m still seeing Vikings.

I gonna be beaten for this, but… Freydis.

Everyone hated her from the beginning because of the bad acting Alicia gave for her. Fine.

Now let us take off Alicia from this show. Put anyone there, idk, anyone you like. Forget the actress. Let us look at the plot story that was presented to us and what it was really supposed to be.

Freydis was a slave girl from Viking people (not Christian origins), a woman who believed in the Gods and, more than anything, who believed deformities were a sign of the Gods’ favor. Period.

When she’s brought to talk to Ivar for the first time, she already knows who he is and she seems pretty fascinated for him - Alicia’s inexpressive face at this point kinda killed this fascination, but when Freydis says “I would do anything you ask me to do” she was supposed to sound fascinated, looking to someone she sees as a God. Ok? - and she says what she really believes about him: that he’s fated to great things since she knows he’s the son of Ragnar, from Odin’s lineage, a God, a man marked by what she believes is the sign of the Gods’ huge favor - since Ivar’s deformity is huge.

Forward, she’s seen looking at Ivar from the other side of his room entrance… As a free woman, she didn’t need to be there to serve him, which means she was there to see him. It gives us the impression that she was observing him, looking at him from some distance - what is proved if you remember the party scene when she’s also looking at him from far away. So, she was a woman with a crush on the new king of Kattegat, who was seeing her crush become everything she thought he would become. Freydis was a fascinated woman, who was noticing some interest from the man she was fascinated with over her.

Their interaction was supposed to be an innocent love starting. She was supposed to be shown as a woman who really was doing everything for the man she loved and believed was a god. Even fucking another man, giving up her own dignity to create an illusion for him to have the child he wanted so bad, just to warrant his dream. Killing to warrant his dream wouldn’t be broken. In her mind, she was really doing a huge sacrifice for Ivar. She was going down and far for him, for his love, for her beliefs. In her mind, when Baldur was born deformed, she received a HUGE gift from the Gods, for her son was marked by their favor and deformed like his foster father. In her mind, the gods were giving her their connivance, marking her child with a deformity so Ivar would never doubt the child was his and her illusion would give him his dreams forever.

She was a woman, in love, deluded and with a mind broken by her beliefs - someone recognizes it?

A man, wanting love, deluded about himself and broken by his legs’ deformity and disease???

That’s what I’m talking about!

Freydis was supposed to be a pair for Ivar, for real! We were supposed to have suspicious she could be manipulating him, but the acting of Alicia in this character gave us the total opposite, causing us to doubt there was any love in her actions when Freydis was completely in love for Ivar and deluded by his false divinity.

She really believed he was a god! And it all breaks when he kills Baldur for his deformity, showing her he never believed the same she does, her son was never favored by the gods, her sacrifice was nothing for him, and the illusion she fought so hard to create for him was shattered, for he didn’t want to be a merciful and loved god, but he decided to be feared and cruel against his people instead of following her advice.

Baldur’s death killed Freydis heart, her love for Ivar but more than that, her illusions and beliefs. She lost her faith, she realized all she believed about deformities and the Gods’ favor was a lie, and it brought her the realization that all she believed about Ivar was a lie. He was no god, he was just a monster in her vision, a monster who killed her little child and destroyed everything she created for them. She became a broken woman who was supposed to have shown in the end that the love of a mother surpasses everything, by betraying her “beloved” Ivar in order to avenge what he did to her son.

I’m sorry for Alicia’s fans, I have nothing against her, but her acting destroyed Freydis’ plot and she had a REAL GOOD plot in here! She was supposed to be loved, not hated. We were supposed to be mourning for Ivar’s way to kill her love. But here we are, hating and celebrating…

The poor woman deserved better and she really loved Ivar for good. The bad actress’ choice, in this case, swallowed a good plot after all. And I’m sorry for seeing this. With fewer scenes and less interaction, Eve Connolly was able to make us love Thora more than Alicia did for Freydis in an entire season… Sad, again, but true.

And, in the end, but not less important, Ivar

A complete deface. That’s what I saw in this season.

Ivar was built to be a dual character, Alex made a HUGE job to show us his duality and, in order to promote Björn as Ragnar’s little favorite, Hirst defaced Ivar’s duality, feeding his ego, causing him to become a huge motherfucking asshole to make us hate him and open our hearts to sweet Björn’s cause.

Let us put things right here: Ivar was RIGHT. His mother was killed in cold blood by a bitter selfish ex-wife, coward enough to not to accept a single combat against him, coward enough to put brother against brother and kill dozens in a war that could have been solved simply fighting him when his ego wasn’t that swollen and all he wanted was avenging his mother.

Now, the initial purpose completely vanished in the battle of egos this season became and a character who had a real valuable reason to make war is now just being a spoiled little boy crying because his toys do not want to play his game the way he wants.

Sad and ridiculous to see the exact opposite we saw with Freydis: in her case, a good plot destroyed by bad acting. In his case, a huge actor being swallowed into a vortex of bad writing and bad plotting.

Like Jordan and Marco, Alex is being swallowed by the bad writing of the series and even then, he still shows his huge talent, carrying Ivar in his back as a heavy burden, showing us emotions in his eyes, feelings, sensations, breaking the bad plot with his intense actuation and causing us chills whenever he raises his fierce blues towards the camera.

Defaced or not, Ivar is still one of the best interpreted characters of this series and I am sad to see in the trailers that Hirst will go for madness to finish the defacing of Ivar, putting him totally sunk in the role of a villain when he was clearly a dubious character that could have been saved by a better use for Alex’s heavy talent.

Hallucinating with Freydis, forcing Hvitserk to join him as if his brother was nothing but a dog, Ivar is going down and down with the only purpose to allow Björn to glow in the eyes of the public since in season 4B and 5A, Ivar started to carry the series in his back and it was never the intention of Hirst that Björn could lose the position of, in Horik’s words, “Baldur” among the sons of Ragnar.

A sad plot for such a marvelous actor and a huge struggle from Alex to deliver us a phenomenal work from the beginning to the end of this season. Applauses for him and someone please stab the writers or come to fandom for some more ideas.

As Alex said himself: Some theories and stories from fans are “better than what is written”, but he didn’t say that… “Obviously.”

That’s what I think, dear anon! I hope you enjoy!

What we fight for

This is something I wrote a while ago as part of a set of stories I was gonna write about a US soldier who found himself in Remnant I set it aside because I couldn't find the time to write enough for it but with recent developments in the series I thought it was relevant again. This is a conversation between a man who served in a combat position in the middle east and Raven.

"You think Ozpin is the good guy? some sort of saint who only has everyone's best interests at heart? Please he's tricking children into fighting for him, sending them off to die without even knowing what they're fighting. He's using them." The stranger just laughed. Laughed out loud, hard and right in her face. "What's so funny about children dying without even knowing why?" "Nothing." He said with sudden hardness the laughter dying instantly and a hard edge entering his tone and eyes. "I've seen that sort of violence. 12 year olds with bombs strapped to their backs because some parent or some religious fanatic of a "priest" told them it was what "God" wanted. I've seen children be used and I've seen, I've killed, men and women who fervently believed they were only doing what was right what their beliefs demanded of them. I've fought people who thought they we're only defending their friends, family and home from foreign invaders. No, I've fought a war where people used one another where the lines between right and wrong blur and got lost under a tsunami of blood. This isn't that sort of war this is almost terrifyingly clear cut there is Salem willing to kill and destroy for her own gain, there are the grimm who are literal embodiments of evil and there are bandits who kill and steal and claim its the only way to live and then there are huntsmen, people, some younger then they should have to be yes, but they know what they're fighting, what they're protecting and why they're doing it no one is using them they choose that life and most of them, youre daughter included, would choose it again in a heart beat." "But that's because most of them don't know whats really at stake whay they're really up against!" "My god you are a spoiled bitch aren't you? Think you're so tough you wouldn't last a day in a real war. There's a saying where I'm from a joke really but its true too. You show me a soldier who knows exactly what he's up against, exactly what's over the next hill and I'll show you an idiot. It's doubly true for a commander. War is a dirty terrible business and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar or an idiot or possibly both but some things are worth fighting, even dying for and here on remnant at least it's pretty obvious what those things are." "Nothing is worth dying for!" she snapped back "thats one of those lies Ozpin and the others tell the children so the fools will do their bidding you may have been taught it by someone else in some other world but its still a lie and anyone who believes it is a fool." The man looked at her with an odd expression like he was considering something or maybe he was trying to find exactly the right words. "That's... sad" he said at last and to Raven's suprise there was genuine sympathy in his voice. "I know from your brother you've been on a team before. That you've faced combat and with it death alongside others. I faced much the same and I would die for any of my brothers who faced it with me. The fact that you wouldn't for the people who faced it with you, even though those people include your actual brother and the father of your duaghter that's... sad in a way I'm not sure I can explain. In fact its much worse then sad it appalling its cowardice on a level below contempt" he actually spat on the ground. "You think your strong but I've never met a weaker individual in my life."

What Episode Luna is Going to Be About (Or... how to drastically change a character)

This post is going to be a theory, a critique, and a follow-up of my previous post, Why Lunafreya Can’t Be Fixed. In this previous post, I go into some serious detail about how a character like Luna is not possible to fix based on how the writers have designed her. After the new DLC line-up reveal, I maintain this position, in light of my own three theories about what this episode is going to be about. I do not think that my theories are of tin-hat-conspiracy quality. Professionally, I believe in organic and deeply human writing and storytelling, (I can’t help it, I am classically trained and hold degrees in writing and literature), and I try to maintain this standard in my theorizing. I will discuss what my theories will be about, what this means for her overall character “growth” or “development,” and what this means for the direction of these new DLC from a writer’s standpoint.

TL;DR: Luna is going to get seriously retconned, and this is the only way for the writers to pitch a meaningful story to tell about her.

1) Ghost Luna

I wanted to get this one out of the way because it is the most far-fetched, yet the easiest to tackle from a technical development standpoint (because they do not have to write an alternate reality where she lived, which takes more resources). The statement that her fate is something that “not even death can free her from” really bothers me here. What is the reason to include this statement in the episode description? Ravus goes as far as to mention this in Episode Ignis. Does this mean we are going to play Ghost Luna? How is that going to play out exactly, what are the game mechanics? Are we going to fight pre-demons in the Astral plane? How does this mesh with her ghostly appearances?

Keep in mind that her ghostly appearances have already been retconned in Royal Edition, although there is no indication as to what the limits of her appearances are. Before, it seemed like her appearance was unnatural, hence why she disappears so quickly. In Royal Edition, we suddenly have a talking ghost with magical powers, and no discernible reason why she would disappear then.

Then there is the story arc in this option. A ghost, by normal folkloric standards, will continue to have ties to the earthly realm because of deep-seated regrets, or unfinished business. If she has unfinished business as an Oracle in death (and has the power to make shit happen) then.... why didn’t she do anything for the 10+ years that Noctis was asleep? If she regretted leading Noctis like a lamb to a slaughter, why support him in Royal Edition? All of these options would mean a serious retconning of her by illogical standards.

Now let’s discuss two more believable options...

2) This is a story about her activities during the events of Final Fantasy XV

In other words, this is going to be about what she is doing during the base game. I have already discussed in my previous post that there isn’t much of a story to tell in this aspect, which means that this would require some serious retconning, in light of this sentence: “Her battle to save the one she loves overturns the destiny dealt to the Lucian king.” This statement REALLY bothers me.

First of all, we do not see her make any action to save Noctis from his fate in the game. His fate was to die. She didn’t do anything to thwart this, and IF ANYTHING, egged him on in Royal Edition. This is also emphasized by the fact that she knew he was going to die (I mean really, her crying about never seeing him again, Gentiana talking to her about how Regis cried over the fate of his son, Pryna carrying the prophecy of him dying, etc.). She knew, and she lead him to slaughter anyway (that is not love, btw).

So what does it mean that she wants to save the one she loves, and this overturns his fate/destiny? If we are to keep the canon of the original game, and if this takes place during the same timeline as the game, then this means that she didn’t know he was going to die and has decided to do things behind the scenes that we didn’t know about to stop his fate. Which would be the most bullshit retcon on this list (SINCE SHE KNEW) and quite defiant of the logical understanding of her character and her role in the game. This leads me to discuss some of my intuitive (and possibly my most tin-hat) thoughts about her character development, and how she was built the way she is (from a writer’s perspective). This is where I will strongly criticize the approach that Hajime Tabata has taken with her.

I do believe that Tabata is very sensitive about criticism over Luna. It’s why all of the recent additions and changes to her address her most vocal critics. One of the most vocal criticisms is that she and Noctis are not in love, so he has to hammer away at a dead horse to the point of obnoxiousness (such as giving her the cover of Royal Edition, the repetition and literal spelling-out of her love for Noctis, the update of her train scene with Noctis where Tabata felt the need to make it more dramatic, naming songs attributed to NoctxLuna like “Lost Love,” “True Love,” and “Moonlit Melodies,” etc.), and his marketing decisions that suggest this major role that she does not have in the game (Luna edition of the PS4, song lyrics that mention her, her strong appearance in most official art, Luna edition of the NVIDIA harddrive, and on and on and on...). It’s almost as if her PR is what emphasizes of her importance in the story, because the actual story does a shit job of doing it. Another common criticism of her is that she is evil for leading Noctis to his death without telling him. Keep in mind that Luna is essentially designed to be perfect and free from criticism. Tabata tries to legitimize this by making everyone in the world either adore her, or hold her in high regard. This is not a creator that understands human complexity, and the way he keeps throwing her in our faces and plastering her in all of the advertising, especially in Royal Edition, when she had four minutes of screen time, and when she is still inconsequential, is an ego trip on his part. A writer/creator/director is not supposed to do that. Furthermore, the fact that he felt the need to spell out her love for Noctis is insulting to the player - yes, we can tell that she loves him, we aren’t dumb. Spelling it out doesn’t validate their love or convince critics that it’s real.

I do not think, therefore, that he can tolerate such criticism over her and her relationship to Noctis. Which is another problem with this retcon: if she still knew that Noctis was going to die in this story arc, and decides to save him from it, then she ultimately makes a giant turnaround against her religious indoctrination and defies the gods, which is in strict contrast to what we know of her.

I mean, we are talking about a character who is so involved with her religious indoctrination that she gives a speech to a public, telling them directly that the gods are watching over them, minutes before she wakes one up and it destroys the city and subsequently kills a bunch of people. We are talking about a character whose religious indoctrination is so important to her, that this is THE ONLY THING SHE TALKS TO NOCTIS ABOUT - as children, in her death scene, and in their new reunion. Despite the Astrals’ abuse of the people, she still has delusional blind faith in their protection anyway and in spite of obvious evidence to the contrary, so it doesn’t make sense for her to defy them.

I also think that the development team does not have the resources to address the quagmire that is the Astrals, which is why they have already been retconned. Attributing all of the ills of the world to the Astrals, and blaming them for the Starscourge (being that their falling out was thought to be the cause of it) cannot be an acceptable criticism, because then it means that the development team would have to explain why Noctis would decide to die for them when he was commanded to. They don’t have a good reason for this if the Astrals are depicted as the cause of the whole problem. So the blame was shifted to Ardyn in the 1.16 patch, and Ifrit became more of a sympathetic figure.

And here is where I touch upon another flaw in her overall character design that I did not touch upon in my previous post. Blaming the gods for the Starscourge also puts blame on Luna for having faith in such abusive figures, which is also unacceptable because she is designed to be perfect. It is not acceptable to question Luna’s beliefs because the game paints her to be a character that is righteous about everything that is happening around her, and she has to be correct about the prophecies (and Florence + the Machine’s song “Too Much is Never Enough” hammers this away by saying that Luna is “right” for doing what she did). Nyx is the only character to criticize her and Regis, and she “corrects” him by implying that the countless sacrifices made in Insomnia are needed for the good of the world. The concept, then, that she will defy the gods is very strange. Ravus defies her beliefs, and look what happened to him. The Glaives in Comrades defied the gods by abandoning their king, and are called heretics or the like in need of redemption. You don’t defy the gods, which means that Luna, as their official bitch spokesperson, cannot be wrong. In other words, Luna defying the gods in the canonicity of the original story can’t happen without it being a terrible contradiction.

Which leads me to...

3) This is an alternate reality where Luna is the most retconned

By alternate reality, I can mean different things. She either lives in Altissia, or she makes different choices by defying the gods altogether and not go down the same path that she did in the game (although, defying the gods in this alternate timeline will then open its own can of worms that will have fans debating about their use and purpose in the original...).

This is arguably the easiest way to make her consequential to the plot (for more on her lack of importance to the story of Final Fantasy XV, please read ooc-but-stylish’s post on her plot progression, which is much more eloquent than I can ever hope to be). It is interesting here how her DLC is titled “The Choice of Freedom,” another sensitivity to the criticism that Luna had no actual choice in the game because she behaved as a pawn to the gods, and just kind of did whatever the plot told her to. I address her lack of choice in my previous post, as well as ooc-but-stylish.

I do believe this is also a reaction to fans’ desire for her to be selfish (which is strange - it is already selfish of her to not tell Noctis anything, which she had many chances to do so because they shared a notebook). People were expecting her and Noctis to defy their fates because they were unfair, and find another way to bring light back into the world. If the option to defy the gods is what fans want though, then they are asking for a retcon. I have discussed the possibility of putting Luna in a catch-22 in my post, where she is changed beyond what is already understood of her.

This kind of suggests that if we were to make her consequential to the plot, and take action that would seriously change the events of Final Fantasy XV, then this means that she will be changed to the point where we stop recognizing her as the Luna we know, and change into a completely different Luna (and not in the organic-character-development-way).

Looking back on my previous post, I realize that Kingsglaive Luna was very reckless and suicidal, which makes no sense in comparison to Game Luna, who is concerned about completing her role as Oracle (nor does it make sense... how does losing Regis and Insomnia mean that she lost everything if she knew that Noctis had already left? If she died being so reckless, wouldn’t that mean that she can’t do her duty?). Anyway, I am trying to say that if she changed that much, and being that she will continue to change so much, we will certainly have a third Luna in our hands, as opposed to a character learning throughout her journey and making changes to her own priorities.

I said in my previous post that it is not possible to develop Luna for proper character development, and I do believe that this option is the only way to attempt this. This doesn’t help her apparent uselessness, however - if she is still inconsequential to the original plot of FFXV, then this retcon does not justify it, nor will it fix her. 

This option also supports the concept of coming close to a grand finale that supports an idealized ending for the characters, although it will take the most work. This option would therefore be the build-up to the payoff that will then become Episode Noctis (meaning, Episode Luna is going to put all of the alternate new plot into place that Episode Noctis will solve).

So then, here are the common themes that address all three options...

Her relationship with Noctis will still need some serious work, and spelling it out isn’t good enough. There’s a good reason why there are so many Nyx and Luna shippers out there - it is because they have what fans interpret to be sexual tension between them, and they collaborate with each other. I have already discussed in my previous post why a relationship between her and Noctis will not add to her development because it isn’t possible to develop her based on her character arc. At the same time, I do not believe that putting more time and effort into building their relationship will make much difference, because then it continues to repeat certain things that we already know: one, that she is obsessive over Noctis, and two, that she cannot exist outside of Noctis. The former means that her relationship with Noctis is toxic and abusive: rsasai has an amazing post about why this relationship is psychologically damaging, and making them more romantic is not going to change this. I do not believe that the writers will have the resources to address their most pertinent problems, either. 

And shall I repeat that she cannot exist outside of Noctis? Holy shit, every single official description of her is tied to Noctis, from game manuals, to the official website, to the movie description, to the Ultimania. The idea that Episode Luna is therefore necessary to her character development is a bit too optimistic in my opinion, considering that it is truly going to be about Noctis anyway.

Furthermore, fans are optimistic because Terada will be directing these new DLC. This is fair, and yet, unfair. Yes, Episode Ignis was amazing. However, I cannot attribute writing credits to Terada’s involvement because Ignis’ story arc was already decided before Episode Ignis went into production - it has to be, in order to start the actual pre-development process. What can be attributed to Terada is the alternate ending... which most of us can agree has a serious degradation of writing quality in comparison to the main storyline, and seems like it was rushed.

I also have to emphasize that I personally believe that Episode Luna, and therefore, Episode Noctis, are going to be the alternate reality that the developers are alluding to. Which means that my initial post about her being un-fixable, and having no story to tell, is essentially on point. They didn’t have a story to elaborate about her in the canonical storyline, so they were forced to write up an alternate ending in order to make sense of her character and bring in some development. When you contrast these two vague episode descriptions with the detailed ones of Episode Ardyn (yay!) and Episode Aranea (as long as Ravus is in it, I’m good - but no, seriously, what is lacking in Ravus’ development is knowing what exactly his relationship was with the empire), then it really pushes my belief that Luna and Noctis will be the alternate reality.

All in all, she is still a mess, and retconning her like this will not decrease her controversial standing in the fandom.

Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you? Everyone “knows” this. Even children. Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.”   She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying. Fast-forward three years, again in a car. This time a 13-year-old refused to believe that when the newly appointed pope was 12 he’d written a “love letter” to the girl living next door. The child insisted stubbornly that the woman, now in the news, had to be a liar because the pope, even as a boy, would not have written a love letter.   In both cases, to my children’s bottomless pool of chagrin, I pulled the car over so I could ask the girls why they were so sure that the women’s accounts were not credible. We talked about their assumptions, about who gets to be believed, double standards regarding sex, and how culture portrays women. Fun times with Mom. No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incidence of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact? It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, economically crucial labor. ***** So how exactly are we teaching children that women lie and can’t be trusted to be as competent or truthful as men? I mean, clearly, most people aren’t saying “girls and women lie, kids, that’s just the way God built them.” First, lessons about women’s untrustworthiness are in our words, pictures, art, and memory. It’s simple enough to see how we are overwhelmingly portrayed as flawed, supplemental, ornamental, or unattainably perfect. It’s also easy to find examples of girls and women routinely, entertainingly cast as liars and schemers. For example, on TV we have Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, Don’t Trust The Bitch in Apartment 23, Devious Maids, and, because its serpent imagery is so basic to feminized evil, American Horror Story: Coven. The lessons start early, too. Take, for example, the popular animated kids movie Shark Tale, which featured the song “Gold Digger,” a catchy tune that describes women as scheming, thieving, greedy, and materialistic. There is no shortage of music lyrics that convey the same ideas across genres. It’s in movies, too. Consider, for example, the prevalence of untrustworthy mad women, or the manipulative women of Film Noire, and the failure of most films to even allow two women to be named or speak to one another about anything other than the male protagonists. But pop culture and art are just the cherry on the top of the icing on a huge cake. The United States is among the most religious of all countries in the industrialized world. So, while some people wring their hands over hip hop, I’m more worried about how men like Rick Santorum and Ken Cuccinelli explain to their daughters why they can’t be priests. I know that there is hip hop that exceeds the bounds of taste and is sodden with misogyny. But, people seem to think that those manifestations of hatred are outside of the mainstream when, in reality, it’s just more of the same set to great beats. Sometimes, however, there’s a bonus, synchronous two-for-one! Delilah, a renowned biblical avatar of female untrustworthiness, made it into the lyrics of JT Money’s “Somethin’ ‘Bout Pimpin’”: I got a problem with this punk ass bitch I know Ol’no good skanlezz switch out ho An untrustworthy bitch like Deliliah Only thing she good for is puttin’ dick inside her In other words: “Amongst all the savage beasts none is found so harmful as woman.” — John Chrysostom “What she cannot get, she seeks to obtain through lying and diabolical deceptions. One must be on one’s guard with every woman, as if she were a poisonous snake and the horned devil.” — St. Albertus Magnus “Women were made either to be wives or prostitutes.” — Martin Luther “I fail to see what use woman can be to man, if one excludes the function of bearing children.” — Augustine While most religious leaders aren’t going around spouting overtly denigrating opinions about women, many, through default and tradition, casually and uncritically expose children to religious texts that are fundamentally misogynistic. I have to believe that most Sunday school lessons are not concerned with deconstructing, say, the creation story, a seminal text in our culture whether you are religious or not. Religious misogyny is tied to institutional power that ends up in children and women being impoverished and dying. Ideas about women, credibility, legitimacy, authority and—notably—Catholic and Evangelical “priesthood” are important and have deep roots in religious thought and philosophy. And those ideas have contemporary expression (see links): Tertullian: “Women are the devil’s gateway.” Thomas Aquinas: “As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten.” St. Clement of Alexandria: “Every woman should be filled with shame by the thought that she is a woman…the consciousness of their own nature must evoke feelings of shame.” St. John Chrysostom: Women are “weak and flighty…For what is a woman but an enemy of friendship, an inescapable punishment, a necessary evil, a natural temptation, a domestic danger, delectable mischief, a fault in nature, painted with beautiful colors?” St. Jerome: “Woman is the root of all evil.” There’s Origen, one of Christianity’s greatest thinkers, a man who castrated himself and who considered women worse than animals. And, not to be left out, St. Augustine. Why focus on these musty, long dead theologians and philosophers? These thoughts are alive and well and have a super long tail outside of religion—think: domestic work, pay discrimination, and sex segregation in the workplace. Every time a young girl can’t serve at an altar, or play in a game, or dress as she pleases; every time she’s assaulted and told to prove it, it’s because she cannot, in the end, be trusted. Controlling her—her clothes, her will, her physical freedom, her reputation—is a perk. Conventional Abrahamic religious thought cannot escape the idea that we have to pay, as women, with lifelong suffering and labor and be subject to the authority of men lest our irrationality and desires result in more evil and suffering. Until religious hierarchies renounce beliefs and practices based on these theologies, these long-dead men, creatures of their time, might as well be the ones repeatedly showing up in Congress to give their massively ill-informed opinions on women’s health and lives. Especially in our political lives. Is it really surprising to anyone that a Santorum staffer said, in the run up to the last election, that women shouldn’t be President because it’s against God’s will? What about the “news commentator” who thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to vote? The Senate candidate who thinks rape is a gift from God? Or the Senator and presidential aspirant who thinks it’s just another form of conception? Or the doctor who thinks women deserve to die for having abortions? How about the nominee for lieutenant governor of Virginia who thinks fetal birth defects are punishment for parents’ (read: mothers’) sins? If women die bearing children, so what, that’s what we’re here for.   Even if we insist on not talking about the degree to which legislators’ religious beliefs inform their political actions, it is obvious that they do. An entire political party’s “social policy” agenda is being pursued under a rubric that insists women need “permission slips” and “waiting periods.” The recent shutdown? Conservatives holding the country hostage because they want to add anti-abortion “conscience clause” language to legislation. Whose consciences are we talking about? All the morally incompetent and untrustworthy men who need abortions? It’s no exaggeration to say that distrust of women is the driving force of the “social issues” agenda of the Republican Party. From food stamps and “legitimate rape,” to violence against women and immigration policy. “We need to target the mother. Call it sexist, but that’s the way nature made it,” explained the man who penned Arizona’s immigration law. “Men don’t drop anchor babies, illegal alien mothers do.” I could do this ad infinitum. The pervasive message that women are untrustworthy liars is atomized in our culture. There is no one source or manifestation. It fills every nook and cranny of our lives. I find it sad and disturbing that children learn so quickly and normatively to distrust women. Any commitment to parity means challenging the stories we tell them. It means critically assessing the comforting institutions we support out of nostalgia, habit, and tradition. It means walking out of places of worship, not buying certain movie tickets, closing some books, refusing to pay for some music, and politely disagreeing with friends and family at the dinner table. It’s not easy. But, really, what’s the alternative?

Soraya Chemly, How We Teach our Kids Women are Liars (2013)

30 life questions

1. Your current relationship or if you’re single, how single life feels? Im taken. I honestly love being in this relationship, its the first one where i feel like its legit and will last a long time. 2. Where would you like to be in 10 years? - different city, maybe married, have a great career and cute pets and a nice apartment or house. 3. Your views on drugs and alcohol? - im not against weed and i do drink, but i do believe there are some things you just shouldnt do, like harcore drugs or like drinking ALL the time. 4. Your views on religion? -I have religious background (Christianity) but there are radicals out there for all religions that ruin the name for the believers.  5. A time you thought about ending your own life? -the one time i remember almost doing it was when i was 17 (in grade 11/circa 2014) and it was jus after a year since my dad had died and i felt loss and i couldnt handle it, i felt alone, so i wrote my suicide letter but then i ended up nt doing it. I have always been suicidal honestly. its jsut become who i am. 6. 30 interesting facts about yourself

1) I’m a artist 2) I got hit by a car  3) I cant swim that well 4) My dad died 5) I love october  6)i love animals 7) I have been playing video games since i was 4/5  8) My first video game ever was either James bond 007 golden eye or legend of zelda: ocarina of time for Nintendo 64.  9) I didnt get my first laptop til i was 12 10)I almost got abducted. 11) My first cat died when i was grade 4 and died of liver failure 12) my boyfriend is 6.5 years older than me 13) I met my boyfriend on a dating website  14) I was bullied from grade 2-5 15) I had bad teeth as a child 16) dr.phil is one of my fav tv shows ( next to game of thrones) 17) I have two cats 18). Im allergic to dogs  19) I have a anxiety disorder 20) I take medication 21) I love drawing  22) I love roast beef  23) I am a fan of the stars 24) but nothing beats the moon 25) I spend a lot of money on video games and make up 26) My first boyfriend was when i was 13 27) I was in a long distance relationship when i was 18. ( it sucked) 28) I always order chicken tenders and fries when i dont know what to order 29) I love music 30) I have scars 7. Your Zodiac sign and if you think it suits your personality? - Sagittarius and no 8. A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life? - when im sleeping in connors arms 9. What do you hope your future kids will be like? - i hope i dont have any lol 10. Discuss your first love and first kiss: - first kiss was awful. didnt like him that much but was lonely, he kissed me and it tasted nasty and it was really forced and i was like  rip never doing that again. and my first REAL love is Connor my current boyfriend, i consider him my first true love because hes the first person where i actually feel like its legit and not some fake ass love bullshit 11. Put your music on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that pop up: - no 12. Bullet your whole day - Woke up - cuddled connor some more

- read some stories on facebook

- had break fast

-talked with families 

-and did this survey.

The rest of my day is undetermined… 13. Somewhere you’d like to move or visit: - iceland somewhere 14. Your earliest memory: -i dont know. 15. Your favourite tumblrs: - not listign them off because i know i wil forget someone 16. Your views on mainstream music: - i think all music is good except for that fake ass shit that just sings about fucking bitches and doing weed. 17. Your highs and lows of this past year: - highs: being with connor  lows: hmm not being with connor

18. Your beliefs: - I believe there is a God that watches over on us, and there is a heaven and hell. 19. Disrespecting your parents? - you should never do this, but i do know there are people out there who have shitty parents and that sometimes parents are abusive and think they can talk to you how ever you want. i believe respect is earned. 20.  How important you think education is: - very. we all need it not for work but just to live  21. One of your favourite shows: -Game of thrones 22. How have you changed in the past two years: - not so naive i dont believe everything someone says to me. I stand up for myself, i dont let people treat me like shit. 23. Five famous guys you find attractive? - connor  24. Your favourite movie and what it’s about: -The lion king. Im sure i dont have to tell you abut that. 25. Someone who fascinates you and why: -Im not sure 26. What kind of person attracts you? - someone funny, kind, sweet, into the same things as me.

27. A problem that you’ve had: - being born 28. Something that you miss: - being able to see my friends everay 29. Goals for the next thirty days? -to lose weight 30. Your highs and lows of this month: -highs: being able to drive

- lows: being sad

Imagine receiving sage advice from a “teenage girl” with an awful attitude, a very narrow outlook on life and a charming sense of social awareness.

The idea is that Jessica Ray is here to impart what little wisdom she’s amassed over the years…her very short, but eventful, years. She believes in world peace, not beauty pageant world peace where pretty girls with fake teeth, 6 inch makeup that defy nationalities and weaves tight enough to pop brain-cells pretend to know about, but the kind of world peace that’s achieved one day at a time.

She packs it all in her very own, strange guide in not being “Hobo”. Her views are bizarre, her tactics uncalled for and pretty much derogatory, but she means well.

Also, the views expressed by this well-meaning, misguided young lady do not in any way mirror that of Andile and his general belief of…humanity.

STEP ONE

USE THE WORD HOBO CORRECTLY AND ENUNCIATE THE “B” OR GET READY TO BE PUBLICLY SHAMED.

I remember it like it was yesterday - the first day I ever uttered the immortal words “You’re such a hobo” - I was a four year old with the sass of an obese, African American forty-something-year-old with diabetes and a drinking problem, and my mom had a jerry-curl, hipster bell-bottoms that were indecently vajazzled (I fully understand in which context that word is rightfully used, but if you’d have seen those god-awful bell bottoms, you’d approve) and a god-awful rainbow coloured denim crop jacket.

It was every reason to hate the human race all rolled up in one and I instinctively understood the reason for my existence. I tried to fake a seizure, but realised, I’d have to see it through by dramatically foaming at the mouth and have my eyes roll back and do that spazing thing crack-heads do so well and it just seemed like too much work already.

She spun on her heel like she was proud of that mess of a decision and smiled that ridiculous “I did something right today” smile, and being the honest/forward/demon-spawn child I was, I let her know just how disappointing she was as a person and that she was “such a hobo”. She laughed it off, but there was a sadness in her eyes that told me she knew I was right, they always do.

So all through my life it’s been me valiantly setting the world straight and making sure that I wasn’t alone – like some one woman army against hobos the world over. Over the years I’d recruited other like-minded individuals who wanted to save the world, and so the revolution began.

Now step one is simple, I don’t feel like I have to explain much but I will provide examples on how not to do things. You’ll never go wrong under my tutelage, you can trust me. Now it’s very important that you not use the word hobo wrong. For example, when my good and possibly best friend Brittney had the gall to wear the same tank top I wore the year before, I had no choice but to call her out on it. Guys might not understand it, but to us girls there’s a law being broken here, one punishable by humiliation with a side helping of social probation.

This was an atrocity the likes of which cannot be left unchecked and unpunished and as the custodian of all things right in the world (Justice included), I had to do right by the laws that govern our very fragile society and set right the wrongs so carelessly dealt. We owe it to each other to fix one another, it’s what the Bible says somewhere – I’m almost sure it was in there.

Let me set the scene for you: the place, the school hallway opposite a bank of lockers, the time: midday, the offence: wearing an outfit previously worn and dominated by one of the inner circle members. The conversation went a little something like this.

“Hey Brit babe”

“Hey Jessie boo”

“Look, hun, there isn’t an easy way of saying this so i’m just going to come out with it; I think what you’re doing is uncalled for, it’s below the common denominator and it’s revealing your hobo tendencies” Brit gave herself the once over and then cocked her head to the side with a blank stare – one of those ‘say something before I make a fool of myself’ stares.

“What the...?”

“It’s not you exactly; it’s you wearing that tank top”

“I don’t understand” she continued.

“This isn’t about understanding; it’s about changing who you are because who you are, right now, is someone who’s made an unforgivable mistake. Do the right thing. Fix this” I insisted, this was serious business.

“I feel like you should speak sense now”

“Brittney, we have a responsibility to not look the way you look right now and to not make the kind of mistake you’ve just made; I wore that exact same tank top last year and it was amazing on me” I make no apologies for my pettiness. I’m almost an awful human being. So awful in fact that I three-sixty into being a great human being. It’s science, read about it.

“So you’re saying it doesn’t look amazing on me?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, friend; I’m just trying to tell you that you wearing that top now...a year later...is kind of hobo”

“Wait, Jessie...”

“You know what needs to happen now, don’t you?”

“You can’t be serious; I don’t have anything else to wear”

“I think you knew that, I think you wanted to throw yourself under the bus right? I think deep down you wanted to be punished.  I think your subconscious needed some attention so it led you down this unrighteous path. But we aim to please so in a way, I’m making your subconscious happy; consider yourself ‘attention given’...I know. Anyway, I’m sure lost and found has some tops in there that will suit you just fine. You’re sacrificing your happiness for that of your subconscious, you should be proud of yourself”

And just like that, it was done.

Call me what you want, but you cannot deny my genius. I could have very easily torn her down, had her stuttering scriptures and worshipping the ground I walk on, but no, I extended a compassionate hand and gave her the kind of boost girls like her need from girls like me.

Some will call me a bully, that’s a moniker I’ve yet to fully embrace. Many more will call me a bitch, now that I can and will own. Are my methods mean and slightly condescending? Sure, but my intentions are pure.

We live in a world designed by white men, for white men, to glorify white men. I don’t intend on being one of the boys, I plan on being the best damn girl I can be and that means being strong, smart and looking out for my sisters.

The top in question was a crop top that did everything to hide nothing in giving the pimple faced boys in our school a lot of something to whet their late night fantasies. I’d made the mistake of wearing it the year before, and not a soul warned me against that awful decision, but I wasn’t about to stand by and watch Brittney make the same mistake at the expense of her dignity.

I’d rather be ugly to her in private to protect her, then have her shamed in public and have her spirit ruined by the leering, disgusting, borderline unlawful looks she’d get.

As insane as it may sound to you, not being a hobo isn’t an insult to the homeless, it’s taking that word and assigning it the connotation it deserves; it means not allowing yourself to be led astray by the fickle social constructs, not being swallowed whole by ‘The man’ and his sexist, fascist and ridiculously bigoted ideals…and it means not being lame. That was the correct usage of the word hobo, the incorrect usage of the word hobo goes a little something like this. This is a typical conversation with the school idiot. He’s that almost deliberate type of stupid that shouldn’t be real, but actually is. He suffers from no form of mental illness, or so he says, but he acts like he’s forgotten. I’m not one to be unjustifiably mean or anything, but I strongly believe that his now deceased grandfather used to throw his pubes at him which made him crazy – I don’t know if that’s true nor do I understand the complexities of pube-throwing and its effects on people, but I’m glad to perpetuate that idea if it’ll help in dealing with him in future encounters. His name is Daniel.

“Hey Jessie”

“Go away”

“My mom made me peanut butter and jam for lunch, she’s so hobo right?”

This moment in time, in the world, in the universe, in my life is where my neck did a 360 and my eyes rolled to the back of my head and my tongue slithered out of my mouth and crawled into my nose. I was that appalled with his misuse of a perfectly simple and downright religious term.

“Why are you here?”

“Just thought you’d want to chat a bit, you know, find out what’s up with each other’s lives”

“I don’t find you attractive”

“That’s totally unrelated to what I just said” he whispered wide-eyed.

“It just so happens that sometimes we think we’re attractive, but we’re not. You are not attractive” it needed to be said.

“I just wanted to say hi really”

“That won’t work for me”

“Oh”

“Do you know what you just did?”

“Said hi, or tried...” he shifted his eyes from side to side, making sure that the coast was clear, he knew what was about to happen; they always do.

“You just insulted the entire institution of the proper use of the word ‘hobo’. You denigrated a sacred psalm, sullied a special saying and spat on the faces of those who did nothing but strengthen the backbone of forgotten society”

“I don’t get it”

“You did something very, very, very bad and now you have to pay”

“You kind of get scary when you’re like this Jessie” he backed away slowly.

“EEUWE! DANIEL I WILL NOT WATCH YOU MASTURBATE TO MIDGET GRANNY PORN! THAT’S DISGUSTING!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, not too loud that it sounded practiced or fake, but loud enough to turn some major heads and by major I mean every.

I stormed off dramatically with my luscious tresses dancing elegantly behind and he continued to use the word, but now he almost gets it right. That’s how you educate the ignorant. It’s like I’m Jesus, I took one saying, like he took one or two fish and shared it righteously with all those who need it.

Another very important point is that you should never, and I do mean never, use the word ‘hobo’ in front of an actual hobo. They don’t like it very much. I mean I get it, but I don’t at the same time.

We’re breaking barriers, appropriating that stigmatic word from the homeless and giving it life in a context that doesn’t degrade the men, women and children that have nothing as a result of a system and society that failed them. So should you find yourself in the company of your significant other with a homeless person close by, I’d suggest you not use that word in any way, shape or form. They’ll hit you, and they won’t go easy on you too.

It’s like they wait for some young fool to walk by and use it so they can kick the living crap out of them. They’ll beat you up and it won’t be pretty, there’s nothing more hobo than having an actual hobo throw his shoe in your face while you scream with all the masculinity of a tween girl at a Justine Bieber concert because he has your underpants in his fist. Nobody will help you, do you know how humiliating it is to be whooped by a homeless man in the street, and having the entire world bear witness to your very public lashing? That’s not how your life should be like. That’s not why the Backstreet Boys were made. That’s not why Mandela was released.

Here’s the perfect way to NOT handle a situation where you let the “H” word slip around the wrong ears. Bob and Tina were on their way to Bob’s place after a romantic date and it’s warm out so they decided to take a stroll to where he stayed, which wasn’t all that far.

“That was a very romantic dinner, thank you Bob”

“The night’s young and so are we; I can’t wait to make it an even better evening”

“You’re silly, but you’re right; I can’t wait either. Oh wait what about your roommate, won’t he be there?”

“You mean that fugly hobo, nah he’s on the other side of town”

“Say that again you little prick” came a croaky voice from within the darkness – that sounded like one of those modern, dark twisted, contemporary type...oh whatever, moving along.

This was the part where the actual hobo heard Bob and hell hath little fury like a hungry homeless man who got hold of the wrong stuff – drugs – and who feels insulted.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have any money for you man”

Two for one, now listen here kids, I don’t advocate violence, but Bob was asking for it. “You want to repeat yourself little boy, because I ain’t heard none of that?”

This was where the old man hobo stood up and Tina knew that shit was going down, so she stepped back and tried pulling her idiot boyfriend with her.

“Bob maybe we should go” she almost pleaded.

“No we won’t, let me handle this baby. Now listen here...”

That was all that the hobo needed to let loose a barrage of face pumps and pimp slaps with a few bitch slaps in there for good measure. Have you ever seen one of those videos where a squirrel eats a man’s face?...no? Well it was like that, but the hobo was much scarier. He was bigger too, and faster, and stronger. You know, drugs might actually give people superpowers…

“Nobody’s going to remember what you used to look like boy!”

He was like a drunk, high and crazy rabbit on meth and he just went for our poor friend Bob. He slapped him like he’d wanted to get him from the moment his life went down the drain and once Bob was on his knees, the hobo went straight for the rear.

“NO MR HOMELESS MAN, DON’T RAPE HIM!” Tina screamed.

That wasn’t part of his plan at all; instead he grabbed the back of Bob’s boxers in a tight fist and made sure that Bob tasted the thin material as he pulled them up with all his might – so high and so tight that they were almost swallowed whole by his abused rectum.

“How you like that boy? That’s what this hobo has for you”

“No, I’m sorry sir, please NO!” Bob begged for dear life.

That was the moment Bob became an internet star; as a small crowd made its way up to the scene and just watched in silent awe – the night air was filled with the sounds of slapping, screaming and begging...someone grunted, I can’t tell you who but there was a definite grunt. Many of them pulled out their smart phones and immortalising Bob’s humiliation. Many others just stood there in disbelief as a man was being made a bitch – non-sexually – by a hobo out on the street.

“Oink boy, oink like the pig you is”

“OINK!! OINK!!”

Nobody laughed, it was sad, it was hilariously sad so nobody wanted to be the fool that grabbed the hobo’s attention and had to oink. The crowd watched and Tina backed off slowly, disappearing into the now growing audience until she ran off, leaving Bob to his very public beating.

“I can’t do this with you Bob, not after this!”

Bob was too busy being had by the homeless man to notice that he’d joined the ever increasing number of sad, single people in the world. The hobo rode him like nobody’s business – not like a sex act or anything, mind out of the gutter please - and the insanity went on for a good few minutes until the hobo tired himself out and let go of an equally exhausted and thoroughly humiliated Bob.

“Go home!”

That part must have been the saddest of the entire situation, but Bob was too busy nursing a sore rear to even grasp the tragedy of what had just happened. That’s why you should never, ever, use hobo next to an actual hobo because you’ll be made an example of; the hobos around the world are getting angrier and nobody wants to give them any reason to retaliate.

Just imagine; every hobo alive and barely alive coming together and forming some form of revolt. It’ll turn so ugly so fast, they’ll pee on your children and laugh. They’ll throw stones at us and rummage through people’s homes; that’s why we need to keep the balance and not provoke them in any way…

Every year, I wake up on March 8 to a flurry of tweets from men wishing me a “Happy International Women’s Day!”

And every year, I find myself thinking: Well, thanks, but is that it? Is that all the support for gender equality that you can muster? For the entire year? It’s a nice sentiment, but at a time when the gender pay gap means that women in the UK work for free for 67 days each year, Black women in the US are three to four times more likely to die in childbirth than white women, and trans women in the US are four times more likely to be murdered than cis women, it doesn’t quite do it for me.

So, to ensure that men aren’t missing direction, a few years ago I started compiling a list of easy actions that men can take to meaningfully support gender equality. Every year, I would post it on social media. Slowly, other women started contributing suggestions. So the list grew. And grew. It will likely never stop growing.

The suggestions cover many realms of life—from home, to work, to the ways we interact with strangers, to the language we use—but it is in no way comprehensive. Below, I’ve included a mere 100 entries out of the several hundred I’ve crowdsourced and personally compiled.

To the men reading: You may already do some of these things, and others you may not be in the position to do. But a good place to start is by, at the very least, reading the list through—in its entirety. And remember: These apply all year, not just during the annual 24 hours dedicated to half of the planet’s population.

1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do.

2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman.

3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish.

4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard.

5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect.

6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body.

7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.)

8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them.

9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever.

10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD.

11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.”

12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately.

13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman.

14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read.

15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion."

16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.”

17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant.

18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.”

19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome.

20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place.

21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it.

22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase.

23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional.

24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable.

25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise.

26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders.

27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.”

28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers.

29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over.

30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady.

31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot.

32. Pay for porn.

33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them.

34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them.

35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.”

36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men.

37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it.

38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing.

39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it.

40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts.

41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason.

42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more.

43. Make a round of tea for the office.

44. Wash it up.

45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women.

46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel.

47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is.

48. Make sure there's childcare at your events.

49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run.

50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day.

51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up.

52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself.

53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel.

54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you.

55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.)

56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.)

57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it.

58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened.

59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them.

60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of.

61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once.

62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too.

63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse.

64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM.

65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women.

66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women.

67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs.

68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT?

69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal.

70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return?

71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group.

72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men.

73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public.

74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her.

75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise.

76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions.

77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary.

78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe.

79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere.

80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny.

81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men.

82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex.

83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague.

84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you.

85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise.

86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?)

87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home.

88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate.

89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it.

90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it.

91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked.

92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant.

93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them.

94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas.

95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t.

96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together.

97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools.

98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses.

99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like.

100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”

there's a disturbing trend going around recently in which binarism is being overused.

now when I say binarism I mean in the literal most basic sense. 1 and 0. black and white. good and evil. right and wrong. dark and light. and the like.

people pretend like all values are in absolutes.

discussion of religion lumps all atheists versus all those with faith. this ignores agnostics. this ignores atheists of different faithful upbringings and different societies and different cultures. this ignores the divide between judeochristian entities. this ignores the divide between east & west. this ignores the split between buddhism and hinduism. this ignores the difference in the structure of faith versus mythology. it ignores enmity between different branches of various faiths but mostly between types of christianity: most notably the divide between catholic and protestant. even further it ignores orthodoxy (which I'll fully admit to knowing jack shit about which is why I don't discuss it with frequency). this ignores unitarians and other blended faith. I see cishet white dudebros talking shit about faith and religion as if it's all the same thing, all diametrically opposed to their own philosophy, and assume that all atheists are how they are even though this demographic is still instilled values of fundamentalist christianity. they see the issue as their limited intelligence and their position on atheist as the other side of the coin in which all religious people are on the same boat on the other side. I see ignorant christians lumping "heathens" of every religion and also atheists together as The Enemy™ who are all equally bad and terrible and going to hell for their beliefs. even though that's not even how christianity works. even further I see christians believing the basics of their faith in which jesus forgave all of humanity for their sins and they'll all be pardoned in the afterlife but still turn right around and condemn gays, women, and brown skinned people to hell. sure, there are multiple multitudes of people who don't follow in these demographics, but view the discussion in the same terms, as atheism / science vs religion / christianity, as if terms were interchangeable.

this is just one example.

politics. people see left versus right. they see liberal versus conservative. they see red versus blue. they see republican versus democrat. this ignores the tiers of leaning, apoliticals, and the extremists. this assumes all people on either side are all the same. this ignores all of the more complex situations that can arise from governing masses of people. you'll get liberals clamoring over hilary clinton, bernie sanders, and both of the obamas in spite of all of their questionable deeds which come hand in hand with big government, unable to distinguish the difference between moderate conservatives and outright fascists, who either refuse to compromise with the moderates or don't take seriously the threat of the nazis. and you'll get conservatives shitting themselves in rage at lgbtq rights because they're bigoted assholes incapable of considering dissenting opinions or just bitching and moaning over their guns being taken away and digging their heels in at any left leaning prospects which save lives, adamantly refusing to acknowledge that their paragon of tangerine apathy is an incredibly dangerous sociopath with the mind of a child no matter how many steps down hitler's path he takes, because they can't comprehend that racism affects people other than themselves. and on top of all of that you'll see cynical fucknuggets sneering at everyone because "both sides are the same" because they both feel conviction in their beliefs. you'll get rabid anarchists who all demand that everyone create cryptosocieties because the neoliberalism and liberals are all the same people who will cause nuclear winter when they take control of the country and go to war with russia, the moderate conservatives and the literal mussolini sympathizers are all the same people and should be murdered on sight, and even the rare breed who follow in randist objectivism as if that's a good idea. you get literal fucking communists who have never read a history book in their life who delight in cyberbullying everybody who dares to have an opinion. caught in the crossfire are all of the minorities who suffer to the tyranny of majority which is democracy. there are liberals who love cops and guns, there are conservatives who're black or gay, and they get left behind without a single explanation and thrown under the bus for the sake of "their side".

it's ridiculous.

we've even got this mentality so ingrained we stop acknowledging it. just likes and dislikes on youtube, and no "I liked some aspects of this video but disliked other aspects" selection. "I love this band" vs "this band sucks", no "this band does not appeal to me but I can respect its artistic integrity and I can appreciate that there are people who enjoy it". the line drawn between rich capitalists and the poor workers even though there are people who have money and struggle to make ends meet as well as people who have no extra money but still have a roof, a bed, clothes, a meal, and animals who also have a meal [the middle class and the lower middle class exist, it's not just the upper class and the lower class. also fuck billionaires]. division of intelligent people and stupid people as if there aren't a dozen types of intelligence exhibited in people. I could go on for hours.

it's a problem with humans in general, it seems. our obsession with anally compartmentalizing everything has stretched nearly every aspect of society to the breaking point. every culture in the world I'm aware of has issues like this. and the biggest topical issue right now is gender. uneducated eurocentric white christianized cis people only think there are two, and ignore all attempts to explain that the gender binary is completely nonexistent outside of the realm of social constructs. they shove their heads up their asses and go "blah blah blah I can't hear you" until your mouth stops moving and they regurgitate the same platitudes forcfed into them their whole lives, hands held through everything they've ever experienced, and told exactly what to think at any given moment.

literally nothing in life is a coin flip.

tangential I know but I wanna draw analogues to blizzard entertainment. particularly think of the worlds of warcraft and starcraft... no pun intended. warcraft has horde versus alliance. you got the humans who have gone to war with the orcs forever, the dwarves who support their allies the humans, the gnomes who take refuge with the dwarves, the night elves who just want to keep the world from falling apart, the drainei who are basically just literal stereotypical space jews who want to keep their dying culture alive, the worgen who are just humans who are also werewolves from HyperBritain, and the pandas who joined them but didn't realize they were enlisting in a war against their own people. and that's the alliance. frail tenuous connections based on necessity. then you have the horde. you have the orcs who just wanted a home in azeroth but the xenophobic humans attacked them and started a war, the trolls who all lived peacefully with the orcs, the peaceful tauren [giant cow people] who traded with the orcs, the undead forsaken who were cast out by the humans (for being similar in appearance to the undead scourge of lordaeron who were all used as weapons by literal demons) and taken in as allies by the orcs, the blood elves who used to be what became the night elves before they became literal space nazis like it's in fucking wolfenstein and decided hey let's help out all the people who hate the people who love the people who we hate (the enemy of my friends friend is my friend), the goblins who almost got eaten by a dragon and then begged the orcs for help, and the pandas who were in the same boat as before. an honor bound covenant of staying alive together and resisting the purge from the alliance. but then you also have the evil aliens and the evil demons and the crazed wildlife and the evil dragons and the evil lich king and the evil humans and the evil orcs and the evil elves of all elf races and the neutral goblins that make it absolutely clear that the horde and the alliance are not the be all end all on inherent goodness or evilness. evil is done by the alliance, the horde, third parties; good is done by the alliance, the horde, third parties. there are dozens of "sides".

meanwhile starcraft has terran, protoss, & zerg. all three just wanna live their lives but they're all brought into a war with two kinds of aliens they never met before, and the actions of a few evil people in each group caused a fuckin full scale intergalactic war between all of them. and not to mention the terran fighting each other even though they're all from the same planet, the rogue protoss having their various civil wars, and the collapse of the zerg overmind causing tribal warfare between zerg, and amon who is super super evil and wants to kill everybody in the universe and fuse their corpses together because the xel'naga (gods) left an unclear prophecy, and also the xel'naga themselves. there are a dozen factions of each of the three races ALONE who all hate each other, and not all of them are good or evil. in fact it's left super obvious that the only truly evil people are amon and the only truly good people are in raynor's allies, kerrigan's swarm, artanis' fleet, and uhhh probably valerian's dominion maybe.

and that's just how the world is. things aren't ever simple and easy. there are exceptions to every rule. bickering and fighting and putting things into neat little categories and thinking you're the fucking king of the field are all not helping the situation we're in.

all atheist assholes and all religious assholes are bad. all neoliberals and all fascists are bad. not all atheists or religious people are good but many are. not all people with a political leaning are good but many are. (this ones iffy and I'll make a lot of enemies but... moderate liberals seem to be pretty okay for the most part and moderate conservatives can be okay if they make concessions and fucking listen and the other positions seem to be directly proportional in overall goodness to how much they discount dissenting opinions. naziism is not an opinion, guillotine the billionaires, complicity in fascism is fascism which is bad, tolerating intolerance is a fallacy, fuck trump, fuck every single dumb motherfucker who voted for him, oh yeah and fuck the broken not working two party system). gender is a complex concept beyond complete human comprehension and anyone who thinks they know everything about us is a fucking idiot who should stop talking. stop shoving things into one of two boxes.

we should really think in more like magic the gathering colors. black is the evil demon hell zombie monster fucks. white is the be nice to people but destroy evil brigade. blue is the logic/science/reason/coexist with the scary brutal nature or die/survival of the fittest kind of people. red is the "nature is scary and life is meaningless so let's all just get drunk" aspect of apathetic nihilistic neutrality. green is the "nature is beautiful and we should stop fucking destroying it and then make the world a better place" tree hugging nerds who mean well but can be a bit cold and unfeeling when it comes to those less fortunate. we'll all probably do a lot better thinking in those terms than how we've been doing.

To the men reading: You may already do some of these things, and others you may not be in the position to do. But a good place to start is by, at the very least, reading the list through—in its entirety. And remember: These apply all year, not just during the annual 24 hours dedicated to half of the planet’s population. 1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do. 2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman. 3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish. 4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard. 5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect. 6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body. 7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.) 8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them. 9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever. 10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD. 11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.” 12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately. 13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman. 14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read. 15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion." 16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.” 17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant. 18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.” 19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome. 20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place. 21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it. 22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase. 23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional. 24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable. 25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise. 26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders. 27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.” 28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers. 29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over. 30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady. 31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot. 32. Pay for porn. 33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them. 34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them. 35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.” 36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men. 37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it. 38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing. 39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it. 40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts. 41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason. 42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more. 43. Make a round of tea for the office. 44. Wash it up. 45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women. 46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel. 47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is. 48. Make sure there's childcare at your events. 49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run. 50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day. 51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up. 52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself. 53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel. 54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you. 55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.) 56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.) 57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it. 58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened. 59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them. 60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of. 61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once. 62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too. 63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse. 64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM. 65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women. 66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women. 67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs. 68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT? 69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal. 70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return? 71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group. 72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men. 73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public. 74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her. 75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise. 76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions. 77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary. 78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe. 79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere. 80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny. 81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men. 82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex. 83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague. 84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you. 85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise. 86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?) 87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home. 88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate. 89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it. 90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it. 91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked. 92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant. 93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them. 94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas. 95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t. 96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together. 97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools. 98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses. 99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like. 100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”

To See, Or Not To See (because I’m pretentious and couldn’t think of a better pun)

I’m really quite torn over whether I want to see Call Me by Your Name or not. On one hand, I’m pretty sure I’d end up liking it; all the reviews I’ve read have been positive, and my friends who have seen it really liked it. On the other, I just don’t know that I can bring myself to take in another LGBTQ story with Gayngst at its very foundation. Which I guess brings up a larger point.

Look, I get why these stories are so common, I really do. Most gay folk (myself included) have some degree of lingering trauma that stems back to, well, being LGBTQ. We see our own pain reflected back by these stories, and it helps us to process it. Additionally, most LGBTQ creators (and, vicariously, their straight friends who also create LGBTQ content) grew up in an era when homophobia and discrimination against the LGBTQ community were at their height; ubiquitous rather than merely common. Creating works that address that helps them excise their pain as well. I’m not arguing these stories should go away, or no longer have a place. Most definitely not. Nor am I of the incredibly naive belief that current and future generations of LGBTQ kids are going to have a world where they don’t have to give their identities a second thought. Not in the foreseeable future, in any case. In fact, that’s kind of where my irritation comes from.

Because here’s the thing: there’s no* LGBTQ kid alive today who needs to be told that they’re going to have a harder life because of who they are. That they’re going to meet people who will think of them as nothing more than disgusting freaks, who will treat them horribly, who may even respond with violence. They don’t need to be told that most people are straight and cis, and that they’re going to have a harder time dating as a result. They don’t need to be told that they may face rejection when they come out, especially if their family is very conservative or religious.

Believe it or not, they’re fairly damn well aware of that. They live it every day, just like we did. Just like many of us still do.

And yes, they benefit from seeing their pain represented, too. But don’t we owe them so much more than that? I mean, if you’re LGBTQ (and if you’re not, you can probably use your imaginations), just imagine, for a moment, that you had actual, gods honest, positive and happy representation growing up. Not just an LGBTQ character, but one who winds up happy at the end. One who gets the love interest the first time around. One whose character development isn’t just coming out, or unrequited love, or dealing with homophobia. One who isn’t involved in a star-crossed lovers or bury-your-gays** plot. Now tell me, honestly, if you don’t think you would be better off today if you had. Don’t we owe them that chance? A chance to grow up, not only with media to vent and process pain, but with stories that give them hope as well. Hope that they can be happy, and fulfilled, and find love, and start a family if they want.

Those narratives are still sorely lacking. Not absent, but they’re a far cry from common. And really, that’s what I’m looking for. I don’t have a problem with the quantity of stories that are gayngst-driven; I have a problem with the proportion of stories that are gayngst-driven. We’re the community that created the It Gets Better project, and yet, going by the stories we put out into the world, you sure as hell wouldn’t know it.

I know it’s something that will improve with time. The more favorable conditions get for LGBTQ people in their everyday lives, the more people get used to even seeing developed LGBTQ characters in leading roles and popular works, the more these positive stories will come into being. But all the same, it frustrates me to no end that we aren’t further along. Because when I think about the queer kid who’s just coming to terms with who they*** are, who’s scared out of their mind, wondering if they’re all alone, or if they’ll ever be able to have a normal life, it absolutely breaks my heart that if they go looking for characters who are like them, who they can identify with, most of what they’ll find will tell them they’re going to suffer. Unless they get lucky, and find some of the few happy works. Maybe. If they’re lucky.

I don’t know, it just seems to me that it shouldn’t depend quite so heavily on blind chance. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m overreacting. Regardless, I intend to do my part to help assuage the disparity

To wrap this up... I’ll probably see Call Me by Your Name eventually. I can’t say I’m any more eager for writing this, but that really is on me. As of now, it probably won’t be in theatres. But who knows. The world’s a wild, wild place. Anything could happen.

*I say no, but obviously there are some. There’s always some. Just like there will always be the bizarre black person who thinks slavery was a positive, or the child of immigrants who thinks, “they should all be sent back where they came from!” But that’s like saying there’s someone who thinks sticking their genitalia in a beehive is a good idea. I mean, yeah, there’s someone, but do we really need to take them into account? There’s no way they represent a sizeable enough population to skew anyone’s statistics. And if you think they do, I’d suggest the issue is with your personal reference pool. Might want to get that checked, there, buddy.

**Yes, your suspicions are correct, I do frequent TV Tropes.

***The singular, ‘they,’ has a history that dates back to fucking Chaucer, and is a perfectly valid usage in the English language. So go ahead, fight me on it. You’ll lose, bitch.