#BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pathologicalreid · 2 months

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Can I please request protective Spencer x BAU!Reader who get "lightly" hurt or put in danger bc SWAT or local police made a mistake, and Spencer goes OFF on them. Hotch or Rossi have to calm him down because no one but the BAU knows theyre dating. I'd love to see protective Spencer if possible :)

no sign of danger | S.R.

when SWAT makes a mistake that puts you in danger, your boyfriend is... displeased

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: flangst content warnings: bloody nose, concussion, split lip, blood, mild violence. spencer reid says the f word. word count: 1.58k a/n: anon, not to be dramatic but something about writing this changed my brain chemistry. thank you for requesting!!! i hope you like it!

The time between arriving at a scene and when SWAT cleared the building was almost always intolerable. There were too many variables at play. It made you uneasy.

So, you waited, leaning on the side of an SUV with your Kevlar already strapped on, you turned to look at Hotch, “We’ve got an audience.”

Breadcrumbs that Garcia had picked up led the team to a house in a small town in Arizona. Unfortunately, the FBI garnered a lot of attention, and neighbors were starting to gather around the house. Hotch nodded, “Reid, JJ, work with the locals on crowd control, and make sure no one is recording. The last thing we need is for the news crews to show up.”

You offered Spencer a small smile as he turned to follow the blond to the barrier. He waved behind his back as he walked away.

Chuckling from right next to you got your attention, just to see Morgan shaking his head, “You two have it so bad.”

“I like to think we have it good, actually,” you said, flushing slightly. The teasing came with the territory, dating within the BAU meant never knowing a moment of peace – especially with Derek Morgan around.

There wasn’t an opportunity for him to respond, because as soon as he opened his mouth, your radio buzzed to life in your ear, “Building is clear. No sign of danger.” At the sound of the SWAT commander’s voice, you and Morgan surged forward to enter the building, Emily and Hotch following close behind.

Behind you, Hotch cleared his throat, “Morgan, Y/L/N, take the two rooms in the back, we’ll take the front.”

Nodding at your orders, you and Morgan walked past the staircase and to the opposite end of the house, where the kitchen and the den were. “This place looks like it’s been abandoned,” you thought aloud, dragging your index finger along the kitchen counter, and cringing when it came back covered in dust.

As you wiped your hand on your jeans, you looked up to see Morgan sorting through a vinyl record collection. “You’re right. It doesn’t look like anyone’s even entered this house in years.”

You hummed, opening the first cabinet you saw, wrinkling your nose at the discovery that the house also smelled like it had been abandoned. As you went to close the cabinet, the one below you swung open, the force of the doors almost knocking you to the ground.

Stumbling back, you saw a flash of hands before you were slammed into the refrigerator behind you. Immediately, you dropped to the floor, watching as Morgan tackled the guy and shouted for Hotch and Prentiss.

“We need an ambulance, Y/N’s down,” Emily spoke urgently into her radio while Morgan cuffed your attacker.

You winced at the way the radio buzzed in your ear; the way Emily’s voice echoed combined with the throbbing pain in your head made you nauseous. “What do you mean ‘Y/N’s down’?” Spencer’s voice rang through the radios, prompting you to haphazardly yank the coiled wire from your ear.

Everything sounded like you were underwater, Emily and Hotch asked you questions as the fog cleared from your head, “You’re bleeding,” Emily said, there was a worried look in her eyes.

Hesitantly, you pulled your hand from your face, just to see it covered in blood. You weren’t even sure how long you had been holding your hand to your face. “Can you stand?” Hotch asked you, his tone was concerned, but there was something else buried within it.

Nodding slowly, both of them helped you stand. Emily hooked an arm through yours when you stumbled slightly, she led you out of the house and to the ambulance. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Morgan place his hand atop your attacker’s head, protecting it from the top of the police cruiser.

As soon as you sat down on the back of the ambulance, an EMT handed you a towel to hold to your nose. Your eyes flittered up to see Spencer approaching the ambulance, but to your surprise, he turned at the last moment and faced down the SWAT commander. “What happened in there?” He asked, his tone wholly accusatory.

“It looks like the person of interest was hiding in the kitchen when your team entered,” Commander Polk answered, obviously thinking Spencer was just asking for a sort of status report.

Spencer shook his head, “We’re hunting for a serial killer, and you had the audacity to miss the presence of an entire person?” He asked incredulously, “Did you even clear the kitchen?” He pointed in the direction of the house, where Rossi and JJ were now entering to look around more.

The SWAT commander faltered for a moment, “Someone did, but it wasn’t me personally.”

You winced as the EMT prodded at your face, surmising that your nose wasn’t broken, just bleeding badly as a result of the blunt force of the refrigerator. She pulled your hand from your face so she could inspect for any further damage. You opened your mouth to talk, but the EMT was quick to stop you, “You shouldn’t talk, not until we can look at the cut on your lip.”

While the EMTs got more supplies out, Emily helped you take off your Kevlar vest, undoing the Velcro for you and gently tugging it off. The entire front of it was covered in blood, you winced at the sight of the now-red letters.

“You need to figure out whoever checked the kitchen and make sure they know what they’re doing,” Spencer said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Commander Polk’s demeanor instantly changed, “I assure you, agent, we take training our team very seriously. This was just a mistake.”

Even from this distance, you saw Spencer roll his eyes. “First of all, it’s doctor,” he corrected – at which you rolled your eyes. “Second of all, of course, you take training seriously, it’s mandated by the federal government. This was a mistake, a mistake that ended in the injury of a federal agent,” you looked from Hotch to Spencer, hoping your unit chief would do something before Spencer got punched by the SWAT commander. “SWAT making mistakes gets other law enforcement officers killed,” he continued.

“What’s your point, doctor?” The commander asked.

Spencer cleared his throat, “I’m saying you’re fucking lucky she didn’t get killed, or else-“

“Reid!” Hotch called, stalking over to where your boyfriend was nearly getting into a fistfight with SWAT. He muttered something unintelligible to Polk before dragging Spencer away by the elbow, “What was that?”

Your boyfriend threw his hands up in the air, “He needed to be made aware of their mistake.”

Sternly, your unit chief shook his head, “They are aware, Reid, and I assure you I’m not going to drop it and there will be an internal investigation into what went wrong.” He raised his eyebrows, “That being said, it’s not your job to take care of mistakes made by other people.”

“No,” Spencer agreed, “but it is my job to take care of her,” he said, gesturing over to where you were sitting in the back of the ambulance.

Hotch pointed around to the locals and other SWAT members, “They don’t know that, Reid.” He whispered, keeping his voice down so he didn’t expose your relationship to everyone in the Arizona town. “Let me take care of it,” was his final statement before he walked back to Commander Polk.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Spencer spun around and finally walked over to you. Emily nodded at you before stepping away, “Are you alright?” He asked.

You flashed him a thumbs up, gesturing toward the EMT, who answered for you, “We just glued the gash on her lip, so she can’t really talk right now. She’ll be fine though, maybe a small scar, if anything.”

“Good,” Spencer said, ambling over and taking a seat next to you. “I was so worried about you,” he murmured, and you watched as he restrained himself from touching you.

Humming, you leaned into him for just a moment. Your movement was intentional, but it was quick enough that any passersby would assume you were just unsteady.

The EMTs left once the glue on your lip dried, directing you to ice it periodically to help with swelling and handing you care instructions.

You were left with a mild concussion, a split lip, and ruined clothes. All things considered, you felt like you were pretty lucky. The rest of the team piled into the SUVs, you and Spencer sitting in the back of one with Hotch at the helm and Emily in the passenger seat. “Who knew Reid had it in him?” Emily wondered aloud, eliciting a small laugh from you.

“I can’t believe you almost got into a physical fight with SWAT over a split lip and concussion,” you said, smiling slightly, but stopping as you felt the glue on your lip tugging.

Spencer rolled his eyes, “It wasn’t over the split lip and concussion, it was over the abhorrent display of-“

“Reid,” Hotch said in his no-nonsense tone.

Your boyfriend slouched back in his seat, “So, maybe it was over the split lip and concussion.”

Closing your eyes, you reached over the middle seat and took his hand in yours, “Thanks, Spence.” You whispered so that only he could hear, leaning over the gap between you and setting your head on his shoulder.

please remember to like, reblog, and/or comment if you enjoyed!

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #margot's asks #written by margot #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds angst

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turnstechgodhead · 2 months

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well regardless of where you got it from i really love that line, i think it adds an interesting angle to their relationship. what do you think bro knew about the nature of the game and dave’s destiny for him to think of raising dave that way? im also curious about the subject matter of the fics you may have gotten inspiration from

thanks i think so too

i dont remember unfortunately; in regards to the fics. i dont really read fics nowadays and i do tend to read short ones to avoid This happening- where i absorb something and forget about it

more about bro under cut

i feel like bro knew some things; i like to keep certain parts of the 'game' aspect of their reality away from them

like for example: bro doesn't know EVERYTHING about what hes supposed to do. like he wasnt spawned in with I am A Guardian in his brain; he was a whole ass human person for 24 years until he got dave

growing up a lot of his information came from cal because since he was destined to be a guardian, he had nagging feelings in the back of his mind telling him to do certain things: get this apartment, do this that way, etc. and cal just enforced those

i think dirk's reason for raising dave that way is a combintion of the fact that thats the only way cal(iborn) referred to dave and that bro was never allowed to actually bond with dave (because caliborn made him believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.])

i've talked about it a lil bit with input from error707-thatdude (whos training to dooooo... something w psychological development of kids or something? sorry i forgored) on stream and the lack of interaction/affection can be potentially fatal to human children

so every time dirk wanted to do what honestly, his instincts were telling him to do (hold dave, be gentle [even if stiff]) , he wasn't able to because he had caliborn in his ear whispering that he was being deeply fucking inappropriate with his goddamn son which . Jesus Christ. (ive come to the conclusion bc of this that the daves we see in canon are the daves that made it past childhood, as error707 said: the exceptions)

the fact that caliborn constantly told him about how dave was the knight and he needed to be the knight. he needed to enter the medium. if he didn't enter the medium then everything that dirk's entire life has been leading up to has been a disappointment, a mistake, and he doesn't want to disappoint his very dear best friend cal does he? hee hee hee.

he also told him about how dave is SUPPOSED to be. cool, stoic. that kinda stuff, bc calibrn has a bit of a gay thing for both of them im sure.

+ the deep feeling inside of dirk that he Knew cal was right (something something; destiny/fate/will of the universe/etc), that dirk existed to do this; to get cal into the medium, to get dave into the medium, to make them stronger, led to dirk thinking of dave as his goal instead of anything remotely resembling family-

all of that accumulates into his brain dissassociating dave from himself as family and instead as a goal and a figure of something he NEEDS to polish or it wont work when the gear is inserted into the frame

things like this are delicate and they HAVE to be taken special care of during assembly, or you'll be left with nothing. (go watch how its made- wristwatches. its like that.)

sorry if all this doesnt make sense; feel free to ask for clarification and ill happily provide

#homestuck #bro strider #beta dirk strider #mumbling #tsgw #tsgzv

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philosophiums · 3 months

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there's a conversation happening on tiktok right now about why there has been such a sharp rise in people wanting to watch female-led anime instead of being so focused on shonen and the girl who posted the video listed her reasoning as shonen constantly fucking up "power creep" (her words but i'm pretty sure she meant power scaling).

anyway i'm going to subject you all to my thoughts on this because i refuse to post anything on tiktok. (i'm also putting this under a read more because it got longer than i thought it would SKJDBVKJDBVJ).

now, i don't think complaints of power scaling in shonen is a bad thing, but i also don't think it's actually the problem with shonen (nor do i think it's the reason that there's an increase in interest for female leads bc i think that's literally just people wanting to see more female main characters which is not new or surprising or weird, but that's not the point of this rn).

i think the problem with shonen (most of the time) is the lack of actual story content - like fucking... plots and themes and motifs.

her two examples were mha and jjk because to her they sit on opposite sides of the spectrum in regards to power scaling (in mha the villains are so weak that children can defeat them, and in jjk the villains are so strong that no one can defeat them), so i'm also going to work off of these two examples.

mha's problem is not that the children are the only ones who can fight the big bads, it's that we don't get to see proof that the kids are actually stronger than the adults. sure there's evidence of adults fighting the villains and losing vs the kids fighting the villains and winning, but there's no setup for like a mentor/mentee moment of the mentee finally besting their mentor and us the audience getting to see that they're finally stronger. in fact it's... typically the opposite.

mha shows us multiple times that even the strongest characters in the main cast of kids are not stronger than, say, kids who are two years older than them or their teachers, let alone the best and strongest professional heroes in the verse. and that's not a power scaling issue, that's a storytelling issue. because you can set up stories where kids are stronger than the adults in their verse, and you can write it in a way that makes sense, but mha does not do that.

and of course mha has multiple other storytelling problems, not the least of them being the fact that it set itself up to be one of those "if you believe in yourself and try hard enough you can do anything" stories only to immediately undermine itself by giving the mc the most powerful ability in the verse free of charge, making the entire opening sequence have zero emotional payoff (a problem that continues on and on forever in the anime/manga).

jjk, on the other hand, set itself up to be a story about cycles, about the past repeating itself, about the inevitability of curses and hardship and never learning from past mistakes, but all of that was completely abandoned somewhere in the middle of the shibuya arc and was never touched on again.

all of the main characters in jjk have direct mirrors within the main cast - yuji & geto, fushiguro & gojo, nobara & shoko, maki & toji, nanami & mei mei, the list goes on - and it had the perfect opportunity to either be a story about the inevitability of trauma cycles OR a story about breaking those cycles, but instead half the cast is now dead and it's become a manga that's just about cool-looking fights.

the problem with jjk is not that the villains are too strong/unbeatable (i actually think there could have been merit to making jjk a story where the villains win, but that would have required focusing on the theme of cycles which, again, has unfortunately been lost) - it's just that there's no fucking plot anymore. there's no meat. there's no point. even if the goal of jjk from the beginning was to subvert a lot of typical shonen tropes, it's so so hard to care about that anymore because there's no reason. the plot is gone, the themes have vanished, the emotion is no longer in the room with us, and it has absolutely nothing to do with (im)balances of power within the verse.

but of course this is not a new problem in shonen. it's so incredibly rare for shonen to have a good story that maintains from start to finish in a satisfying arc, and that's almost a staple of the genre now - training arcs and a war arcs and lots of fighting and very little actual substance. the ones that do have it are gold mines. but again, this is not a new problem and it's not a new conversation, and i don't think it's the heart of why that girl posted that video or why all those people agree with her.

i truly think the actual reason this conversation is happening is because there's a new set of people who have recently turned twenty-something and are realizing that they don't identify with shonen protagonists anymore because they're no longer teenagers. and i think those people are upset that the characters/stories aren't aging with them and are finally looking at all the shows they like and are realizing that they're constructed around a trope of, essentially, child soldiers fighting battles that the adults in their verses cannot. and these people are realizing that they maybe don't like that anymore.

because when you're a teenager, shonen is escapism or a power fantasy or both. it's more relatable because it's made for that age group. but when you're an adult you start going "hey... where are these kids' parents?" because you realize that it's unfair and unreasonable in real life to put so much pressure on literal children. (i always think of that post that went around tumblr a few years ago that was a gif of this character in a tv show saying something like "i'm 13. i'm practically an adult." - bc when you're a 10 year old watching that, you go Yeah That's Right She's So Old, but when you're 30 watching that, you're just internally groaning because you have been a full legal adult for this child's entire life and they're barely older than a baby to you).

but of course shonen (and YA lit and superhero cartoons/comics and the list goes on) is not meant to be "realistic."

but just because it's not crafted as realism doesn't mean it shouldn't have story elements or themes that can reflect reality and/or be applied to real life. it also doesn't mean it can't have a fucking plot SKJDBVJKDVB

#i just had to get that off my chest it was bothering me #like yes i do think the magic system in jjk is underdeveloped and wishy-washy and too complicated for something with so little substance #and also yes i do think mha is just a story about the justification of child soldiers #but also i don't think that's the reason they're bad #fucking. edward elric is *literally* a child soldier but fma is amazing because fma has a plot and themes #(one of which *is the fact that he is a literal child soldier* like...)#ugh anyway #i think im ranting because im frustrated that people will blame anything except bad writing #like sometimes you just have to admit that there isn't a plot and either choose to enjoy it for the pretty animations/art #or choose to leave because it no longer has substance #but you *gotta* be able to consume media and at least be able to notice when the Thing That's Wrong is the lack of an actual story #hhhhhhhhh #okay im done

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awoooooooooooooooo · 23 days

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Basically had a 2-3 day long emotional meltdown because ermm mistakes were made feelings were hurt while navigating a new scary situation with my wife and her new girlfriend 😭 long post talking about that under the read more

We've been poly for 5 out of 7 years of our relationship but this situation hadn't come up yet. Bc my wife has barely dated at all this whole time tbh lol.

But we both stupidly assumed that it would be fine, like we didn't really sit down and talk about feelings or expectations or boundaries before this situation (her gf coming to stay the night at my home while I'm there), bc we're like, we've been poly for a long time, we talked about this stuff years ago. Ive been having casual sex a lot and whatever. So it's all good, like we're all good. Ssssoooooo wrong could not be more wrong. So so so dumb of both of us. Dumb of me to ignore my own feelings and needs, and dumb of my wife to not check in with me about that stuff, and other mistakes she made during this that caused pain for me... (That I forgive her for)

The worst part was how bad it hurt, seeing them together and being affectionate. Like doubled over, clutching my chest, heaving sobbing uncontrollably kind of hurting. The feelings it brought up were so intense and scary. I started to worry that I'm not actually polyamorous, bc it hurt so bad and I was so scared it was never going to stop. But we talked a lot, and I spilled so so much vulnerable shit, stuff that I didn't even realize I was still struggling with, stuff that I was avoiding dealing with or even thinking about. I connected my feelings to traumatic memories with my parents, my past relationships, my old friends, and it started to make sense... It hurt so bad because it felt like all my worst fears were coming true, and all the negative beliefs I held about myself that I was working on in therapy were actually all true, and my wife is going to leave me when she realizes she can do better, and that I'm actually bad and unlovable and broken and just not good enough. WHEW!!!!!!! That's a lot of shit to deal with, hitting me all at once, and because of the circumstances I couldn't talk to my wife about how I was feeling for like... 12 hours. (Although I could have, but I was so scared of intruding on her time with her girlfriend, which actually wouldn't have been a problem, but yet another thing we should have thought to discuss beforehand lol) I think it makes perfect sense why I felt the way I did. I think that my wife and I both made dumb mistakes that led to that hurt and it could have been avoided or mitigated. But in the end the hurting was mostly all about me, and my insecurities and trauma, and a little bit of mistakes my wife made that she recognized and apologized for, and as I work thru that, the feeling of dread about my wife loving someone else is starting to go away. Because I love her very much, and I know she loves me very much, I trust her completely when she tells me that she's committed to me for the rest of our lives. And I know how it feels to love her so so much, and also love another person, and how my feelings for her and other people I care for are totally separate and I never compare her to others or anything like that.

But god I really truly was not prepared for how that felt and how much it hurt. For days. Like I haven't felt like that since my cat died. I think I really was going thru the stages of grief, grieving the loss of having my wife completely to myself, grieving for my younger selves who were hurt so so badly that it still hurts today and I haven't really been there for those parts of me. Clearly. The good thing is that now that I've spilled my heart out to my wife and talked through this stuff and identified where the hurt is coming from, I can go to my therapist and be like. Hey. This dug up a lot of shit that clearly I have been avoiding working on. And she will help me work through it. And then I'll be even healthier, stronger emotionally, and happier. And my wife will be happier too, having her new girlfriend and me both loving her and supporting her, and me working on this stuff can only be good for our relationship..

It was all really scary and painful but now that the pain is subsiding I can see how it's going to be good for us. And I love being polyamorous! Before this happened I genuinely was so happy for my wife! And her gf, because I know my wife is so wonderful and loving and I know she makes her gf really happy like she does for me. It made me think of all the people I see saying that polyamory is like .. fucked up, it can't work in the long run, it's not natural, etc... and I thought about how those people may have felt similar to how I was feeling, that horrible painful feeling of betrayal and fear of losing someone you love. But my trust and love for my wife is so strong, idk... I think so many people are terrified of facing those huge scary feelings and finding that the root of it all is their own insecurities and trauma and stuff. It's easy to be like, you hurt me, I'm blaming you and I won't do this anymore to avoid that hurt feeling again. It's really really hard to look inside yourself and be like, am I actually just not wired for this, or do I just have a lot of shit I need to work through. I definitely believe I'm wired for this... AND I have a LOT of shit that I was avoiding that needs to be dealt with now.

I asked my therapist to meet me sooner and she got me rescheduled asap, she's so awesome and such a great therapist. I'm feeling a lot better now and looking forward to working through all of this. And I just love my wife so so so much. Idk I just typed this all up to kinda sort thru my shit before my appointment LOL and idk maybe if I have other poly followers that can relate it might be helpful or if anyone has kind words or advice I would really appreciate it 🖤 if anyone reads this whole thing lmao

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boxwinebaddie · 2 months

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I wanted to write a thank you note for.. existing? Idk I’m sorry if this is cringe it’s been sitting in my notes app for months because I’ve been too nervous to send it even anonymously out of embarrassment but today is my birthday!! and it’s time I drop this bomb shuusususuuuueuuuueueu. I know you’ve stated in the past being idolized makes you nervous but ur genuinely kind of my hero because if I hadn’t read your works then I wouldn’t have started writing which is my true passion. thanks to you I found what I want to do for the rest of my life even with ai and that’s something I can never express through words for how grateful I am that you’ve indirectly led me down this path. You said you get very bad imposter syndrome :( and no amount of words could fix that but I just want to really, genuinely, thank you from the bottom of my soul. I legitimately cannot put this feeling into words because your work has changed the trajectory of my life forever and I think that’s insane on so many levels because it’s fanfiction?! Truly hope your life problems get better, it sucks seeing someone who I regard so highly on their lowest days. I know your teaching job will continue to go well because you seem like a lovely person who cares a lot about other people!! I’m sorry this was so cringtopia there’s no way I could come close to expressing how much you’ve changed my life through freaking fanfiction which I think is really silly.. but also touching without being being a huge sappy mess

also you introduced me to new perspective so hoorah

dearest birthday anon,

thank you so much for your message and even more, my darling, for your blessed existence which makes mine more beautiful and breathable and bearable with each passing second. i adore you. <3

and i feel bad for complaining about being 'idolized' or what have you, but i guess the only reason i feel that way is because when people idolize you, or look to you, you feel this pressure to look good, be good, be Perfect...which is impossible. which is something i have to remind myself every day, the same way i have to remind myself to take my medication or take out the trash or take breaks; take it easy.

so more than being larger than life, or grandiose or all-knowing, when lovely people like you out there, who are far more fabulous than i, look to me, i hope you see a lot of flaws, mistakes, weaknesses that make up something, someone...that makes you feel strong, seen and safe.

i am honored to be your hero, but i hope, not because i seem to carry the burden of existence on my shoulders effortlessly through my writing and insufferable personality, but bc my arms shake, i shoot you a finger gun, the whole thing comes crashing down on me, i swear loudly, take a shot, laugh, dust myself off and share a silly exerpt with you that i wrote because i was passionate about it and that in spite of all that mess, it was, in fact...a very happy accident.

that's the point of my fanfictions, i guess, is that you do not have to be 'great', my sweet...you are 'Great.' exactly as you are; flaws and all.

like, ravenstan is a super famous rockstar and everyone thinks he's perfect, but he drinks too much, dramatically dyes his hair at any minor inconvenience and is an awkward, messy, bumbling boyfailure.

or even that jerseykyle, who stands so tall with his chest puffed out, is a light breeze away from tumbling over and pretends not to have a heart bc his feels far too much -- and that absolutely terrifies him.

and i think that's wonderful! not that stan is sells out stadiums or that kyle is smarter than god, but that underneath that, they are these little people just doing their best...which is Huge.

that is what is truly Herculean to me.

because the real heroes, i think, are people who get up every day, even when it's hard and do their very best...and do what they love. and this, of course, is what i love and i am so happy that in doing what i love it has helped you find what you love, my love! writing is such a struggling but satisfying thing -- that you can speak to people without speaking to them and still settle in their soul somewhere.

it means a lot to me that my writing has done that for you. like you said, i do...often fret over the things i make and what impression they might make on you and if it's the right one, but for every moment i sit there and think...oh god, what a horrible mistake i've made! what a hideous blunder! what an embarrassing post! why do i do this?? why do i sit here and type and scream at my computer screen spewing nonsense everywhere!! i remember...that it is not nonsense to you.

and that on my very worst days, i post something that on your very worst days, might make you smile and laugh...and that makes it all worth it. i am learning to write for myself, but it helps to have a lot of anonymous cheerleaders pulling me out of the throes of depression.

all this to say, as much as my writing means to you, these messages, the things that you send to me, the fact that they've impacted you that much...mean so much to me. i would not be here if not for you.

and isn't it wonderful that something as supposedly silly as fanfiction could be such a sublime and solidifying thing! that i post about my silly fanfiction and you care about my silly fanfiction and we pretend like it's silly but it's not silly at all, my love! because its...Powerful.

it brings people together.

it brought all of you to me...and me to you. <3

and i guess why i buckled so horribly under the weight of being perceived was that i figured that we were just going to perceive stan and kyle and not bother with the fuss that's behind it ( me ) but then, when we write fake things...there is an element to the real to it. and there is a real person beneath the fake people and...

i am just honored, truly, that you guys enjoy the real me. :')

who is just a criminally insane, chaotic writer teacher girlie who is sometimes bad at my job -- which! actually, no, yes! has been going much better, haha, i get to spend a lot of my downtime assisting in k-5 classes which is so, so fun, several rich fancy mom ladies compliment me on my outfits which ( ma'am how tall is your husband and can he fight shdjfhd ) plus! the high schoolers and i have created a sort of simbiotic relationship...which has been very validating.

just today, i had them do impressions of me, one girl did a bit when i dropped my fake eyelash in my coffee and said 'hey guys, is this still good?' kshdlkshd, another girl asked to borrow my claw clip and pretended to put her hair up like mine, ohhhh my god this boy got up on the table, did a falsetto plugged his nose and was like "guys--you know i love you--BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP HIT! AND! RUN! FARTING! AT! MY! DESK!" ( i did lecture them about crop dusting my desk bc i do not get paid enough...stop cropdusting me, nasty children, smh ) someone did a griddy and was like 'that was me if i couldn't griddy' LIKE MAAAAN!!!! and i literally said Stop The Violence!!!!! & everyone, i shit you not, said STOP!! THE!! VIOLENCE!!!

a beautiful day...truly.

a shining moment for me as an educator.

so days get easier, life goes on! and i hope this day was kind to you.

thank you for being kind to me.

thank you for reading,

and thank you immensely for being born.

-uncle nina

p.s. i sang you a little happy birthday message ;)

p.s.s. honestly if nothing else, the fact that i turned y'all onto new perspective!!! it's actually crazy i have a surprising amount of anons in my box who are like 'nina i cannot stop listening to new perspective' because of that hc??? amazing??? that song slaps!!!! it is literally the best song on that jennifer's body soundtrack ( my toxic valentine is a close second, imo -- also paramore, i think c.d. did a whole paramore tribute concert and hayley williams came out at the end as a surprise and ravenstan cried smh ) but like speaking of that hc...i kind of want to write that exchange out...i just see it so visibly in my head. Hm.

i'lll...think about it. anyways! happy birthday, lovie!!! <3 :*

#this was so cute #thank you my friend and happy birthday #i hope this makes sense it was just a lot of nonsense #but you are literally MY hero and i'm so excited to see what you go forth and write i'm sure it will be incredible as are you #i want to write more in the tags but my brain is fried #you are an angel thank you for this #this made my day my week my year my life #you are the light of my life <333

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adviceformefromme · 2 months

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'2] Anxiety when dating became a signal that I had inner work to do. Not that I should just ignore it, or have a shot of tequila to settle the nerves. I used to date men I believed where out of my league, because my confidence was in the gutter. My anxiety led me to building my confidence'

hi, how did you navigate this? sorry to trauma dump lol but i really do want to work on this, but my parents got divorced when I was a child bc my dad got involved with another woman so that's given me intense fear and anxiety in my own relationships-- so much so that my man could simply just talk to another woman and have an innocent conversation or laugh with her and I'll feel extremely threatened and anxious and will go into complete fight or flight mode. i've even given myself anxiety attacks sometimes when i've been overthinking his friendships with women. it really sucks and I have no idea how to get rid of it. so i just would like to know how you did this inner work on anxiety in relationships please as I really do want to work on this and become more securely attached

Hey sweetie! I actually went through a similar thing with my parents when I was 15, it didn't leave me fearing I would be cheated on, however my dads absent presence from being in my life but not fully involved left me feeling like I was never enough. I'll condense down my healing, and hopefully it can help you fast track what you are dealing with now so you can move on with your life without this painful anchor. 1] Therapy. I literally could not see, or make sense of my destructive habits and patterns until I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This is not a therapy that goes on for years, it's usually around 8-12 weeks and really helps target your anxious behaviours especially in relationships. 2] I did an Akashic record healing, which revealed to me the traumas I had carried from past lives and I worked with the Akashic healer to remove the traumas. Hands down this completely changed my life. This trauma you have could be felt much deeply because it could be something from a past life. I don't know if you believe in that stuff, but if you do it's definitely worth investigating. 3] I learnt to understand my needs. What do I need? Is this a man who can meet my needs? Are you choosing men that reassure you, or are you choosing men that reinforce your insecurities? Have you identified what you need in a relationship, from a man? If not, this is something to spend some time figuring out. 4] I let go of the struggle story. The story of not feeling enough, not trusting, not feeling wanted. This meant, I stopped gossiping with friends about by dating life which helped so much because speaking about said guy constantly was draining, especially when things would inevitably go south. The more you speak on your struggle, the more you are speaking your struggle into your future. As soon as I stopped gossiping about my failing dating life, some shifts started to happen. I spoke to my therapist, or one trusted friend. But other than that, I learnt that speaking on the bad news is not how I thrive in this life. 5] I deepened my relationship with God. This removed 99.9% of the men I was entertaining. I chose to see God as my father, and my dad as my earthly father, someone who is human, makes mistakes and it really softened my hurt and pain towards my dad. Also my relationship with God, helped me filter out the men I was entertaining. Was I choosing men that appeared good on paper, or men who shared the same values as me? And with that answer, there was a shift. 6] I worked on forgiveness. This was HUGE. I wrote a list of every single person who hurt me, i would recommend starting with your dad, and anyone else at the top of the list and write down what happened, what you felt and visualise forgiving yourself and forgiving those involved. This is a very healing process, it wasn't a quick thing. But if you can focus on forgiveness in your healing you'll be clearing out the roots of this issue completely. I hope these points resonated xoxox

#manifestyourreality #levelupjourney #lawofattraction #manifesting #manifestingmindset #datingadivce #levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind #relationship #dating

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itsclydebitches · 1 year

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Ted lasso ask: Was Isaac avoiding Colin because of internalized homophobia, or bc he was upset he never told him, or was it a bit of both? Did Isaac attack the fan bc he was offended by what he said or to 'defend colin's honor'?

Ted Lasso ask woo!

Personally, I think it's an "All of the above" situation. In one of my previous posts I remember catching a tag arguing that Isaac isn't experiencing internalized homophobia, presumably because he himself is not gay and yeah, that's an understandable push-back considering that a) he's not out in the show and b) I never bothered to explain there my own thoughts on the possibility. The tl;dr of that is, "I think you can make a case for Isaac being queer based on his relationship with Colin, his intense reaction to realizing a teammate is gay, the potentially defensive nature of the anti-gay/'I'm totally straight, bro' jokes he makes - which, remember, Colin himself participated in as a kind of cover, raising the possibility that others are doing the same - and the reminder from Beard that more people in the locker room are queer than the three the audience knows about: Colin, Trent, and Will."

But to keep things simple here, let's just settle on, "Isaac has been homophobic." Whether it's internalized as he grapples with his own sexuality or not, Isaac has exhibited homophobic behavior in the past and, of course, after Colin's outing. It's not "Your conservative uncle spewing slurs and issuing death threats" homophobic, but just because there's a range in how homophobia presents doesn't mean it's not, you know, still homophobia. So that's something Isaac needed to deal with last episode. He's spent years making comments based in homophobia ("It's a little gay, isn't it?") and making assumptions about others presumed straightness (why in the world would Colin want privacy to delete those photos?), so when he's suddenly faced with the fact that someone he cares about is gay... he needs time to process that. Trent hit the nail on the head with his "give him a minute" line because not only do people need time when their worldview suddenly shifts like that, but it's a rare and joyous case where they react to that change solely with open-minded positivity. In Isaac's case, he used avoidance and anger as shields until he could come to terms with that change, significantly with Roy's help.

When Isaac says that he's upset that Colin didn't tell him I don't think he's lying... but I also don't think that's the entire truth. If this was only about Colin's trust in him then Isaac would have led with that from the get-go: seconds after he's taken Colin's phone it's, 'You're gay? Awesome! But man, why didn't you tell me? :( ' That obviously didn't happen. Trust is undoubtedly a part of Isaac's complicated feelings, but I think that only occurred to him after he'd come to terms with Colin being gay in the first place. Isaac had to accept that change in his worldview as well as this change in his perception of Colin and then, once he was in a place of, 'Yeah, yeah, Colin is my friend and teammate, of COURSE I accept him' he's able to go, ]Wait... why didn't he tell me??' and that anger becomes the next shield. By and large, people struggle to admit to their mistakes and they really struggle to admit to something as hurtful as, 'My homophobia was so deeply ingrained that unfortunately there was a moment where I wasn't sure I could get past that.' Once Isaac DOES get past it and it becomes unthinkable to him that he would have ever rejected Colin over something like who he's attracted to... it becomes that much harder to remember/acknowledge that, for an undetermined length of time, Isaac did exactly that. Don't talk to me (ignoring direct peace offerings). Don't touch me (removing his hand from under Colin's in the team pile-up). You're an easy target for my frustrations now that I know how freakish you are (screaming at Colin during the match). Isaac's homophobia was deep enough that it made him incredibly cruel for a time, so when he grows out of that of course he's going to struggle to admit precisely how cruel he was. So he doesn't. Isaac apologizes, but it's still deflected with this not-entirely-accurate justification of, 'I was mad you never told me.' Which doesn't make Isaac a bad person, it just makes him a person, period, with flaws and contradictions and the chance to improve.

All of which I think applies to the attack on the fan. Why does Isaac lash out like that?

Because he's still overcoming all the homophobia he's learned and he sees an accusation of being gay as the ultimate insult to his team

Because he may be struggling with his sexuality himself, so an accusation directed at him is even worse. It's not just that it may touch a nerve, but that anger is the only way to protect himself here: become enraged so that everyone watching - teammates, coaches, fans, the press, the world - knows that you're DEFINITELY not gay. That's unthinkable. That's impossible. That's worthy of an attack because to brush it off would be to implicitly suggest that being gay is okay and that's just one step from admitting that maybe you ARE gay. The fact that Isaac's dialogue is centered around, "What did you call me?" is one of the reasons why I personally read him as closeted/potentially not having questioned his own sexuality yet.

Because it wasn't actually a 'You're gay' accusation but a slur hurled by someone who is (presumably) not a part of the community and therefore has no right to reclaim it.

Because even while he struggles to accept Colin, Isaac still loves Colin so yes, there's that element of defending his honor.

Because his anger is reaching a tipping point and this attack - perfectly tailored to push the very buttons he's trying and failing to ignore - is what causes it to boil over.

So Isaac is complicated (because he's a well-written character!) and thus for me it's "All of the above." Personally, I LOVE that the episode's final scene didn't have Isaac suddenly being a Perfect Ally now. Not only is he asking a ton of questions that, while understandable, would make a lot of queer people uncomfortable af, especially given that they highlight Isaac's continuing biases (Colin is a very good friend for giving him the nonjudgmental space to ask all that), but he's also unable to say "I love you." What exactly does that mean? Perhaps that Isaac's residual homophobia won't let him say that to a man, especially a man he now knows is gay. Perhaps that the toxic masculinity he's grown up around - which is intimately tied to the homophobia - won't let him say it as a man, a black man, a man in a position of authority (note that Isaac is not there when the others scream Sam's, "I love you guys so very much!"). Perhaps it means that there is an element of internalized homophobia and Isaac can't say that to any man yet, let alone one he might be attracted to. Perhaps it's, again, all of the above. It's up to interpretation, but the takeaways is that of course Isaac loves Colin - he's eager to ensure Colin knows that in his own way - but the environment he's grown up in and his own personal struggles won't let him say the words yet. That's okay. Colin recognizes that it's okay, just gently pointing out that Isaac can't say it and silently encouraging him to continue working on that, regardless of what reason - or reasons - it's difficult in the first place.

#Ted Lasso #Isaac MacAdoo #Colin Hughes #homophobia tw #mymetas

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gritsandbrits · 1 year

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We joke about how Lightyear buzz looks like a human version of sentinel from tfa but i can't help but think about other similarities

Both attach their identity on materialistic things.

What i mean by that is they define themselves by their jobs, their mistakes, things that don't make up the whole sum of their characters. They were so focused on one petty goal they became self centered in different ways. In Buzz's case going back in time to reverse marooning his crew on an alien planet.

Buzz wants to be this perfect space ranger and attaches his identity to impossibly high standards so in the case that he fails, he ends up feeling worthless. He attaches himself to his mistake. Even after other people moved on and found happiness, he can't see himself enjoying happiness because now he's found himself a new thing to latch on. He wants to change his mistake, not learn from it. He didn't ask what others would feel, even as they tell him that they don't think He's a failure. But he doesn't trust that not at first anyways. He's Buzz Lightyear the perfect space ranger if he fails then who is he?

The answer: he's still Buzz Lightyear!

Buzz was able to think about his mistakes through a clearer lens. He saw Alisha and their group living happy lives. His interactions with Izzy and her team also made him realize that you can move on. You are not just a space ranger, or a mistake and you can't just latch yourself on to these shallow things. By letting his mistake go he is able to let others think and live for themselves and find a life for himself too!

Buzz doesn't go with his plan after all because he learn from the past and it doesn't form his true shape.

Sentinel defines himself based on how loyal he is to the autobot guard, to the law.

He can't let go of on Archa 7. Because of his painful feelings he looks to attach himself to work, to seeking power and status as a coping mechanism. Sentinel pours all his focus on being the perfect Guardsman because he broke the rule once and resulted in catastrophe. He's afraid and it's that fear that led him down a dark path. He doesn't reach out to people; in fact he lashes out at them if things don't go his way.

We see him lash out at Optimus and other characters. He bullies people for not being perfect and calls out their flaws, while downplaying his own. In reality it's Sentinel projecting the grief of his failures onto people. He doesn't seem to trust that people are more than just their mistakes bc he still defining himself on his. Just like Buzz, except the latter doesn't lash out he internalizes things and was wary to reach out. He thinks any flaw or negative trait means disloyalty and uses his status to get over on people. The extreme self centred type.

These two similar may be alike but solved their problems differently.

When Buzz confronted his older self, he refuses to help him knowing thay doing so would ruin millions of lives. He also realized he is more than just a space ranger or his mistakes. He deserves to have a life and rest outside those things. He's learned to trust others and himself again.

When confronted with Wasp and Blackarachnia, Sentinel seems to shift blame or try to downplay it. He lashes out at Blackarachnia. He tried to arrest the Autobots when presented with evidence of Wasp's innocence cuz he doesn't want to admit his role in ruining that bot's life. . Because he never learned to detach himself from shallow labels he lost the ability to trust his own judgement and trust others. He thinks Optimus is just a rival ready to hurt him at any chance, when in reality Optimus is genuinely trying to help him and reach out to him.

At the end of Predacon Rising he says this: it's too late for apologies too late for all of us.

That phrase shows that Sentinel gave up on himself and others. Well I failed, I've become a jerk it's too late for me to change! Most of his choices tie back to that one tragedy. Instead of looking at things through a clear objective view, he tricked himself into thinking that's it. No moving on, no letting it go, No change. He thinks admitting to mistakes means his life is going to be over. Ironically Optimus did end up living a satisfying life and finding his identity outside of failure and status.

Had Sentinel opened his spark he would've seen Optimus having moved on and be happy. But Sentinel doesn't trust that that he doesn't believe people can move on and enjoy life and change for the better. It doesn't help in S4 he actually gets worse because he trapped himself in a toxic cycle of self loathing and poor understanding of accountability.

In contrast Buzz opening up to his honest feelings helped him gain clarify on his situation, and gain the tools needed to stop Zurg. He learn to accept and appreciate his team flaws and all. He learned to see himself as himself not buzz the space ranger not buzz the failure. A much more positive end vs. Sentinel's gradual descent.

In short Buzz & Sentinel are alike but end up in very different places and why it's important to build your identity and self worth beyond basic titles and the past.

#buzz lightyear #lightyear 2022 #blosc #transformers animated #tfa #sentinel prime #tfa sentinel prime #character comparison #meta #analysis #tfa analysis #tfa meta #toy story

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scorchedhearth · 7 months

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i've never engaged with mcu or marvel comics in depth but the excerpts hit so hard,,,, the sudden vulnerability that natasha feels now without a purpose. as a weapon she knew how to hold herself, but now in freedom she has to test her own boundaries to see where she ended and where the world starts.

is your wip a no powers au specifically bc you wanted to focus on clint and natasha without bringing in the avengers? i am curious abt how you see clint and natasha's alliance with the avengers, whether it stunts their arcs in your mind (to be continued to be used by larger forces as weapons or if it's a calling they enjoy and have resigned themselves to), and what the endgame for them is in your mind (would they leave the avengers? stay? try to become civilians? be free agents separate from any sides?)

it's not because of the avengers, although later on it played a part, it's because i wanted to take out the more out-there elements of comics (magic, etc) to focus on the purely human aspects, there's no magic or long life or unrealistic physics, just the reality of a life led by damaged people who made mistake and try to right them. but also becuase i wanted to focus on nat and i couldn't do that properly if it was a fic about a group rather than one individual (clint was attached later, early on in the project because i realized how important they are for each other's arcs but still, the first idea was nat only)

i dont think the avangers stunt their arc, i think it's a necessary part that they grow past with time. mind u it's been years since i've read marvel and i never focused on the group stories, more on nat and clint's individual stories and while i know the avengers are important to both of them (in a way, it's how they prove to the world that they can do good, nat explicitly defects and leaves the room and kgb for them, clint starts to call himself a hero when he joins their rank, it's a fundamental part of their growth as characters, important to them both and they value it, given how much work and effort they give to the group in various storylines), i think as individual they've been working for and within organizations a lot, if not solely, so i think it's interesting to pull them out of that type of environment and see how they act when left on their own, with no guidelines or authority to follow or push back against, left to their own judgment. i imagine their lives, but especially this au, as a series of steps, each one needed to get to the next, and i wouldn't be able to reach the conclusion i want to if they did not go through a period of working with another organization

for me, the end goal would be for them to realize themselves in an independent way. i focus a lot on this story about how they're used, always, no matter the group they swear alliance to, and the main struggle is finding a way to exist outside of influences while true to themselves (truth is another big topic, learning to be honest with themselves first and foremost but also each other, it's always a staple of spy stories). by the time the epilogue arrives, they're leading civilian lives but they haven't forgotten their first career path and regularly go out to work on op, never hired merc, not anymore, but to do what they judge, on their own, to be right, partly because of a moral impulsion but mostly because they miss the adrenaline too much, and that too is something i have them wrestle with, that despite all the pain and sorrow they got from this life, they still love it, and they have to accept that they both do and don't miss it

#thank u for asking <333 #asks #pendulum-north

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thefirstknife · 1 year

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Omg bungie is racist and anti semetic now? Why, because calus liked gold and his race is called the cabal? Bc the gold thing is just him personally, it’s not some kind of fixed racial trait or some shit

Oh I wouldn't go that far and I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that. Bungie as a whole isn't anything, they're a collection of people. Some of those people can make mistakes. Pointing this out doesn't mean that we're impuning Bungie as a whole for being racist or something else, just that they should look into the line of thinking that led them to certain conclusions. All of these things can be fixed in the future.

There's more to it than what you listed, though it can definitely be up for debate, but what you listed is a part of it. Also, gold isn't tied just to Calus; what we're referring to when we mention gold is the seasonal currency for Season of the Chosen called "Cabal Gold." We were collecting this gold to socket it into Hammer of Proving, which was needed to progress the quests in that season and gain rewards.

"Cabal Gold" was not just a random currency either. It was explained with ancient tradition of the Rite of Proving. In short, Rite of Proving was meant to settle disputes through combat. It would often end in death, but it would also sometimes end in a draw. In case of a draw, a judge with a special tool (Hammer of Proving) would decide the winner. This hammer had to be plated in gold. The purpose of the gold we were collecting was to make sure our hammer was legitimate:

Note also that the hammer itself seems to be Calus' invention, but the Rite has been a thing for a long time before him. Ceremonial gold has been a thing since before Calus (his era is called Foundation Age), during the Era of Conquest which was the time of militaristic expansion. Calus is most known for his gold (and purple and white!) aesthetic, but gold has been a part of their culture since before his reign.

Since this all happened in Season of the Chosen, the season that somehow ended up shipping with a Nazi slogan as a challenge name, people were reasonably on the edge about every detail. It was the one time that people brought attention to antisemitism, but the fire died when Bungie removed the slogan and the conversation never continued past that. And I simply think it's a good conversation to continue having with Bungie about this terminology and why it was chosen.

#destiny 2 #uluran #antisemitism #ask #long post

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oibkenobi · 2 years

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why i don't accept the sequel trilogy

that's so dramatic, and it's more to do with the whole "i get to cherry pick what star wars is to me" than anything particularly blasphemous about the sequels. and i swear this is the only time i'll be talking about the sequels on my blog. so here's my criticism of the sequels, just based of their premise.

one thing i always look for in media, and am very picky about, is that they're telling a story. that means that, from the beginning, good media has a cohesive narrative that it's telling. i find that, in a majority of situations, once (mainly about tv shows) pass that original premise and don't end the story then and there, it no longer is good, because the story it was made to tell is done, so adding new stuff on will

1) never be as good as the original story [because when you're making some media with a premise, you're building things around that story, i.e. here's the hero, the villain, this is the journey this character goes in, their arch, et cetera, whereas if you're working past that story, those characters and setting no longer make sense. i feel like it has to do with people liking the characters and setting they've made, but it is no longer the organic path they were meant to go on. not to name drop, but I feel this is where shows like the 100 and tvd ended up -- actually most of the cw, whereas something i've seen that does this well is uk tv shows, like derry girls, where they had three seasons of 6 half-hour episodes, and ended it at that when they story had reached its end] 2) bring down the quality of the franchise as a whole [the story is over, and then this happens, oh and then this, you're stretching something as far as you can to milk it. if you're ok with doing that, you're going to end up in a position where you feel like you have to keep on generating and extending that idea, just to get as much as you can out of it, and it's not going to be good anymore]

now, for all the criticisms of the writing of star wars *cough* dialogue *cough*, what george lucas is (and this is all my opinion so i don't want anyone to give theirs cause that has nothing to do with mine) excellent at are these overarching, cohesive narratives. he developed really great characters with compelling stories.

the main one we see is the overarching one of lucas' star wars: the fall and redemption of anakin skywalker. the prequels showed anakin's fall from chosen one, and the circumstances that led him to the dark side. the original trilogy tells the story of his son trying to be like his father [ie a jedi] while also choosing a different path [not making the mistakes anakin did, choosing the light], and working with his friends to stop vader and, as a consequence, bring him back to the light. it also ends with the defeat of The Evil, and there aren't many stories you could make past that one once that happens.

or, the chosen one falls to the dark side, then with the help of his son, he is able to return to the light and end the sith, like that whole prophecy said. evil is defeated and good wins. (and ofc it's way more nuanced than this, but i'm trying to really simplify to illustrate my point)

that's a cohesive narrative, and the story ends in a way that makes sense. and this is why i don't like the sequels, just based off their premise.

and then evil comes back anyways and they have to fight them again, and then the original heroes die and then palpatine is alive again.

just from the premise of the whole first order and resistance, aside from just being pretty lazy rip offs of the original trilogy, are trying to extend the story beyond its natural end. if that was the story they wanted to tell, why not make the disney trilogy take place during the empire? [i mean obviously bc disney just wanted the money] because it doesn't fit into that narrative, it just and then-s it.

There are definitely more stories that could be told in that same universe that aren't carbon copies of the originals, star wars: visions does a great job with all the premises they create, most of which might have evolved into an incredibly compelling disney trilogy that would make sense with the existing canon.

[self indulgent what i might do while keeping some elements of the disney trilogy, to follow, a very half-formed idea, can skip for more of my critique bellow]

instead of the first order, as this new giant/overwhelming evil like the empire, perhaps it's about hunting down the fringe remaining parts of the empire, and that's what the "first order" is, a wannabe empire that does evil on a smaller scale [like a bunch of gangs who raid and attempt to attack innocent worlds, but don't have a military], but still pose a real threat [and there wouldn't need to be a rebellion resistance, because that's already been done].

they don't need a menacing inhuman figure at their head (snoke = bad copy of palpatine), or a giant superweapon (i mean come on, just make it a third death star, if you're copying own up to it). instead it could have been a story on a smaller scale; a main issue brought up in the prequels especially is the neglect of smaller worlds and the outer rim. those could be what the first order is targeting, enough of a nuisance that jedi are sent to deal with them, but not so much that the new republic need to get involved. that way it resolved that problem that no one else seemed to care about, which is what i think the jedi order should be. i saw a post somewhere [and pls lmk if you find it], but it talks about how being a jedi is an act, it's a choice. like when f saves the village in the village bride, even though she's alone, because it's the right thing to do. or like in kenobi, when nari risked exposure to help the saloon owner, because that's what jedi do. idk that's just what i thought of on the spot.

but that brings me to another thing, it makes no sense to me that there are suddenly no more jedi again. like even if all of luke's students died [stupidly, it was stupid], this is luke, a new hope. he'd teach more. he cares so much about the jedi, it gave him a purpose, it helped him and he gets to use it to help people. to have the jedi be wiped out again is just laziness. there's nothing special about being The Only Jedi, being a jedi is unique on its own, and i think especially with how the ot and pt didn't really have jedi working together, that might have been something interesting to show, especially as a contrast to the order of old. it also might have been an intersting parallel, the first order as a fringe group vs a new jedi order, as sort of a rematch of the prequels, demonstrating how luke's new order is changed from the old one, and how the evil of the empire, no matter how persistant, could never pose a true threat to the jedi. after all, the jedi were only wiped out [withholding arguments as to how they were overly political and weaker than they should have been], because the sith played dirty.

speaking of sith, the nights of ren could be this sort of wanna be sith, the same was the first order is a wanna be empire. they wouldn't be Sith, because the last of the true sith had been defeated, but instead the latest attempt at it, while being their own distinct entity.

but as a final note, where the ot gang would be should have been drastically different, to make people who spent their whole lives fighting to defeat an evil, only to have it come back, then die, is a shitty message and not what the characters deserve. let luke be the wise master at the head of the order. let leia be a political mover and shaker, still fighting for good [also let her also be a jedi just as a treat for me]. let han still be trying to do good, even if he roles his eyes a bit while doing it. let lando be there, because he was just as essential as the others and billy dee is the best. but also, let them be together, show that they're still friends, that they're happy. write about a new generation that has benefited from them, but don't do it at the expense of the characters. just anything else from what it was; a mess with no cohesive, overall narrative.

[self indulgence finished]

i've seen people try and breakdown the overall narrative of the "skywalker saga" [which is a name i hate btw], and they'll literally say but/and then when they get to the sequels, because it is an unnecessary add on. there was an ending, it was a party on endor, and it was hopeful and wonderful and there was nothing more that need to be added on. so for me, the main issue is that the sequel trilogy was unnecessary.

but it doesn't stop at an unnecessary add on, because, if you're going to call it an overarching saga, to argue that the sequels are a necessary continuation of the story, it kinda means that one of lucas' trilogies becomes irrelevant.

the narrative is no longer about the fall and redemption of anakin skywalker, because he has nothing to do with the sequels. it has to be something else. for example, if we're going to say that the "skywalker saga" is about the rise and fall of the sith, specifically palpatine, from power, then the original trilogy doesn't really matter anymore, does it? it becomes a bit of a detour, because nothing of consequence to that narrative happens. you could literally take it out, and it still makes a cohesive story.

or, if we're going to say it's about the struggle to defeat the evil of the empire, then the prequels don't fit in that narrative either, do they? we don't need to know how the empire came to be, if the story is about how difficult it is to rid the galaxy of evil. so difficult that it's a constant battle, et cetera. so those can go...

do you get my issue?

of course the easiest remedy for this, and the one i'm sticking to, is just completely ignoring the sequels, because they're not necessary, and sort of ruin the other two.

of course there are many issues i have with the content of the sequels, mainly to do with what i think is really out of character behaviour, but i think that this remains my biggest issue.

#anti sequel trilogy #sw critical #disney critical #guys i swear i'll stop #star wars #it just makes me so mad because it was such a wasted potential #and it's not like they'll do another #which honestly i might not mind because they have been able to do some stuff #but i'm never going to not be mad about this

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straykeedz · 6 months

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day 23: seungmin + car sex

©straykeedz

tw: dom!seungmin; sort of exhibitionism bc, you know, they're in a car; he calls reader pathetic and a slut and a bitch once; ♡

wc: ;

i apologize in advance if there’s any mistakes in here but i edited this on my phone (i usually do it with my pc) 🥹

this is part of my kinktober masterlist. you can find my regular masterlist here (tho it will not be updated until the end of kinktober) ♡

🔖 : @linos-kitten ; @luneskies ; @kxcies-blog ; @idunnomanmynamewastaken ; @cessixja ; @stolasisyourparent ; @kookiesbunny ; @xoxo-xoxo-bunny ; @ivyskzsworld ; @mal-lunar-28 ; @leetaste ; @sunnykynnie ; @channiesgoodgirl ; @seonghwatoothless ; @mrsminho ; @seungminluv3 ; @jin-from-the-block ; @aaasia111 ; @sulkygyu ; @whosanaanyway ; @y-ur--I ; @vixensss ; @nightimescapes ; @freckleboilix ; @dreamingaboutjisung ; @yourbeomiebear ; @tooskathepiratefromshield ; ♡

to make sure i add you to the taglist, your age must be clearly visible on your profile. also, empty blogs will not be added - add at least a profile picture to your blog so that i’ll know you’re not a bot. ♡

smut below the cut, minors dni

⛽︎

You’ve been on his nerves the whole day.

Kim Seungmin is a loving boyfriend, but, you know, his patience is relatively little, and he can get easily irritated. Especially when you act like a brat for no apparent reason, like today. You’ve been teasing him since you woke up - and not in the way he likes. You know it’s not an excuse at all - but you’re supposed to get your period soon, and you can get a bit short-tempered during your pms. That doesn’t give you the right to take your frustrations out on Seungmin, tho.

It started with a silly argument. You insisted that it was his turn to do the dishes, he was one hundred percent sure it was yours. That led to you snapping at him for absolutely no reason, with a couple of snarky comments such as “I’m not your maid, Seungmin”, which literally shocked him, because of course he doesn’t think you’re his maid. On top of that, you called him by his first name, which was unusual and meant that you were pissed. All Seungmin did that morning was overthink the past few days to find out what he could’ve possibly done to upset you this much, but he couldn’t really think of anything.

It escalated when he received a notification - a girl liked his latest post on his social media, a selfie. He looks incredibly hot in that selfie - when does he not? It’s not like you get jealous easily, especially because Seungmin never really gave you any reason to doubt of him, it’s just - she’s pretty. No, gorgeous. And you flipped, getting angry at Seungmin because “You never post me on your socials, how are people supposed to know we’re together?” You said people, but what you meant was gorgeous bitches. Hypocritical of you, since you don’t post him on your socials either, but he doesn’t cause such a scene whenever random guys like your pics.

Seungmin practically felt like he was walking on eggshells the whole day, and he barely spoke to you after your last argument, when he tried to explain to you that it was just an innocent like and that he didn’t even know who the girl was. But of course you wouldn’t listen to him, and had snapped once more.

And now you’re in his car, and he’s driving you both to the club for the night out with the boys, and you can tell he’s the one pissed at you now. At the same time he hasn’t said anything about your weird behavior because he doesn’t want to fight with you - he never wants to fight with you, but he can’t deny that your attitude is making him lose his patience. One more snarky comment and he’ll lose it.

Then he hears you, muttering something under your breath, rolling your eyes. Luckily, his car is stopped at a red light, otherwise he’d have fucking slammed on the brakes, not caring about the cars behind him.

“That’s it.”, he speaks coldly, snapping his head in your direction, glaring at you. “One more comment, y/n, and I swear I’ll-“

“You’ll what?”, you challenge him, crossing your arms over your chest.

Seungmin shakes his head while chuckling. “Listen to me.”, he speaks through his teeth. “Either you drop this attitude now, or I’ll fuck it out of you - right here, right now.”

It should be a threat, but it sounds like a promise.

It shouldn’t turn you on, or should it? Either way, your heartbeat speeds up, and you have to clench your thighs in order to release some of the tension you’re feeling in your core. The thought of Seungmin fucking you roughly in his car makes your mouth water, and you’d be lying if you said you don’t want it. Right here, right now.

“I can’t believe it.” Seungmin chuckles, turning his head to look at the road. “You actually do want me to fuck you, don’t you?” You don’t answer him - instead, you just lower your gaze from his eyes to your hands, fidgeting with the hem of your dress. Then, your eyes meet his again, and you bite your lip, which just proves him right. “Fuck, okay, I’m pulling over.”, he ignores the aggressive honking of cars behind him because the traffic light turned green, and starts his car again.

Even though his exact words were Right here, right now, Seungmin does, in fact, not pull over the first chance he gets. He parks his car in an empty parking lot, because, quote: “I don’t want nobody to see what’s mine.”, he explained.

He may be pissed, yes, but he’s still jealous and protective over you, and he doesn’t the thought of somebody else potentially seeing your body in ways only he’s supposed to see it. He doesn’t want anyone else to see how you look when you’re getting fucked, how your mouth opens as he slips his cock inside of you, how your eyes flutter shut when he starts thrusting inside of you. It’s a sight reserved for his eyes only.

“Backseats.”, he grunts, looking you in the eye, jaw clenched. “Now.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, nodding eagerly as you climb in the backseats. You hear him open and close the car door two times, and then he’s next to you - looking absolutely breathtaking and so hot, and your breath gets stuck in your throat.

“Come here.”, he speaks, patting his thighs, motioning for you to climb on his lap and sit on them.

Once you do, you’re surprised to find him already hard, a big bulge clearly visible, and it looks so tempting. Maybe, if you’re lucky enough, you’ll get to taste him. Your hand climbs up his leg until it reaches the tent in his jeans, and you bite you lip at the feeling of his cock under your palm, hot and hard.

“Oh, I see.” Seungmin chuckles.

You furrow your eyebrows, looking at him. “See what?”

He smirks, placing both his hands on your hips to keep you in place. “You acted like a fucking brat the whole day just because you wanted to be fucked like a slut, am I right?”

He’s not wrong.

Your lack of response makes him chuckle once again, before you feel his hands hiking up your dress, revealing your panties. Honestly, they’re barely even there - it’s the slutties pair you own, and it doesn’t cover much. He quirks an eyebrow at you when he notices, but doesn’t comment on it.

He touches you right there - fingers tracing the outline of your cunt, and he can feel how wet you are for him. “Pathetic little slut…” he mutters, pulling your panties to the side to reveal your glistening folds to his eyes. “So desperate for my cock you acted like a bitch the whole day.”

You let out an obnoxious whimper. He knows it’s your weakness - when he insults you. And you also know he doesn’t mean any of the things he says to you during sexy time, that’s why it turns you on.

“You’re gonna get it, don’t worry.” Seungmin unbuttons his jeans and unzips them, lifting his hips just enough to slide them over the curve of his ass, freeing his cock and balls. “Not sure if you deserve it, though, after the stunt you pulled…”

“No, Min, please.”, you whine. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

Your eagerness makes him chuckle once more. “Then come sit on it.”, he grunts.

You adjust yourself on his lap so that the tip of his cock kisses your entrance. He slides his dick through your folds, coating it in the wetness between your legs. Seungmin likes to dominate you in bed, yes, but he also knows he’s big, and that he needs to prep you before sliding inside of you.

“I’m ready, please.”

“Impatient, huh?”, he teases you, aligning his cockhead to your hole once again, barely pushing inside. “Then show me - take it like a slut.”, he grunts, looking you in the eyes.

You slowly sink in his length, allowing his thick length to part your walls and finally enter you. He bottoms out in one go, and you both gasp once he’s fully buried inside of you. The stretch is good, and it doesn’t hurt.

“There you go.” Seungmin’s hands squeeze your hips. “Took it all on one go.”

Your hands find their place on his shoulders as you slowly rise your hips and then sink back onto his cock, still not breaking the eye-contact. You know Seungmin loves to look at you when you fuck, it’s one of his favorite things about intimacy with you. No one else before had looked at you with such an intensity and admiration, Seungmin was the first.

“You like it, don’t you?”, he smirks and you whimper, biting your lip. “Of course you do… been on my fucking nerves since this morning just because you needed to be docked down.”, he grunts, then lands a slap on one of your asshckees, you’re so fucked out you can’t even tell which one.

“Next time just ask, there’s no need to act like a brat.”

His filthy words have you moving your hips faster until you’re practically bouncing on his cock, the car shaking from your movements. If anyone were to pass by, they’d surely notice the way the car windows are all fogged, and if they squinted their eyes enough they’d probably be able to see your bodies entangles.

“It turns you on, doesn’t it? To be fucked in my car, in an empty parking lot.” Seungmin groans, his hips meeting yours, and he feels you clench around him. He knows how much you love dirty talk. That little fucker…

“Mhhh, I do.”, you whimper.

“And why is that so?”, he teases, then moves his hand from your hip to your pussy, starting to rub your clit. If it were for him, you’d do it again and again and again for hours, but you promised the guys you’d be there tonight.

You know what he wants to hear from you.

“Because I’m a slut.”, you whisper on his lips, legs shaking from the stimulation of both your g-spot and clit.

“Sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.”, he smirks.

God, sometimes you hate him.

“Because I’m a slut.”, you repeat, voice a bit shaky since he’s touching your clit mercilessly.

“Say it again, say it as you cum on my cock.”, he demands, and his movements get faster and faster until you’re seeing stars.

“I’m a slut! I’m your slut!” you moan loudly as you cum around him, walls clenching around his length as you release.

“God, I’m cumming-“ Seungmin’s orgasm catches him off guard, and before he can warn you, he’s already coming inside of you. It’s okay, you’ve been doing that for years now, he knows you’re okay with it.

Your body falls on top of his as you both pant heavily, dazed from your orgasms. And then, your sweet, caring boyfriend is back, rubbing circles on your back and toying with the end of your hair as he kisses your head.

“Jagi?”, he mumbles after a while, still rubbing circles on your back.

“Mh?”

“Promise you’ll come to me whenever you’ll have a bad day and talk to be about it?”, he suddenly asks. “We’ll figure it out together. We’re a team, yeah?”

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-> reblog to support me if you like my works, “it’s good for motivation” my man chris bang once said. also, I love reading feedback (even in tags it's always highly appreciated) ♡

#stray kids smut #stray kids masterlist #skz smut #skz #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader #kim seungmin smut #seungmin smut #kim seungmin hard thoughts #kim seungmin hard hours #kim seungmin x you #kim seungmin x reader smut #kim seungmin x reader #seungmin x reader smut #seungmin fic #seungmin fanfic #straykeedz kinktober #kinktober 2023 #stray kids kinktober

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springvaletales · 9 months

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((Session 56 is wrapped!))

Today is a lore-heavy session in the library, and I have to keep it PG for a while bc half the party is tuning in from the dinner table and parents are nearby.

We immediately failed to keep it PG, but at least the parents’ think we’re funny.

Bagelby: “Why is money?”

A book in a magical library: “Capitalism.”

Bagelby: “That’s boring!”

I gave Ena’s player control of the Library’s rat attendants and this may have been a hilarious mistake.

“Huckey Heese tokens are rat money!!”

Asahi’s Player decided not to share any of the lore she was researching with the party yet, so I’m just sending her the google docs and vibrating in anticipation for her reactions.

I’m also searching through all my scattered campaign notes - sketches and bullet points and random ideas written on scraps of paper from my old job - and WOW have I written a lot I might actually need to get a second folder.

A rat attendant with an eyepatch and a scar (Thiori, gleefully: “A pie-rat!”) smuggled itself into Bagelby’s Slime Pocket in a long-game attempt to escape the Library.

Bagelby (who rolled a 2) did not notice.

Asahi (who rolled a 7 and is handcuffed to Bagelby) also did not notice.

Bagelby, shoving past a zombified elven attendant without even looking twice: “Come on, Asahi, we’ve got to find my book!”

Asahi: “Your book?”

Bagelby: “Yeah, my book! The book that I will write! If I haven’t already written it yet….don’t worry about it!”

A very helpful rat attendant led Bagelby and Asahi to a secret staircase below a secret trapdoor behind the circulation desk, and the rest of the party conveniently appeared out of the bookshelves to all investigate together.

The secret room was the private book collection of Pax Achillies, and seemed to be floating in some sort of Escher-like inky void.

The rat attendant promptly shooed them back up the stairs before they could touch anything, however. They’d only asked to see the books, not to read them.

Dynamite then distracted the party from the secret books by summoning them back around the front of the circulation desk to meet the library’s demigod owner, though she threatened them under pain of being turned into a rat and then inside-out to not annoy him.

Pax Achilles, Demigod of the Cosmic Library and child of the goddess of Deception,...has Optimus Prime for a face claim. Don’t laugh I love him.

Bagelby wants books from the demigod’s private collection, but Pax Achilles doesn’t lend to mortals, so Bagelby pulls out the planatir he stole from the Mayor back in Blackstone City from his slime pocket and offered to use it to seek out books Pax Achilles was missing from his collection in exchange for knowledge.

Dynamite is horrified. Pax Achillies is intrigued.

“If you accomplish this task, you will have earned my respect. Until that time, you have only earned my contempt.”

Asahi’s Player is screaming in all caps in my DMs about the lore she researched and I have never felt more alive.

Above-the-board, Asahi’s Player voiced an interest in ‘becoming pen pals with’ (re: harassing) Senn-Dugaal.

“The Tabaxi Postal Service isn’t going to take that delivery.

“They will if you pay them enough.”

Now the party wants to do a one-shot session where they play a party of unaffiliated adventurers hired by the Tabaxi Postal Service to escort one very unfortunate mail carrier on their quest to deliver a letter to ancient reanimated war criminal and terroristic cult-affiliate Senn-Dugaal. I’m down for it.

The party left with a handful of books each, one stowaway rat, and all their collateral/mimic friends safely collected.

Y.A.W. congratulated them on surviving the library, and closed the portal behind them.

Bagelby found an extra book on his stack with a note from Pax Achillies, saying he ‘forgot this’. It’s a book on the life and times of Lord Wiggles du Sluggington IV, because I need him to have access to this lore for other quest reasons.

Ena’s/Dynamite’s Player messaged me to suggest Dynamite ‘offering’ Sir Carl Jaeger warlock powers, and by offering, she means ‘giving him Eldritch Blast and saying nothing because he’s the only person she respects in this party’. I’m down with that if Sir Carl’s Player is!

We left off with the party back in the real world, only a day or two removed from when they entered, stacked with lore books, and still craving pancakes. We’ll see what next session brings!

#OOC #Quarantine D&D

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spookyrobbins · 11 months

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unfortunately, no matter how you write callie, someone is going to be upset. some of the people who love her, like to pretend she’s never done anything wrong in her entire life. i actually can’t really think of a moment where she actually admitted to making a mistake, especially in a relationship. she plays the victim a lot but that’s also because her best friend fed into all of it. if she was forced to think about how she felt during the whole izzie and george situation, i think she’d be horrified at how similar it was to the whole mark/callie/arizona one.

i love both of them because they aren’t perfect. they’re human. but it was always arizona saying things were her fault. it took both of them to destroy their relationship imo

i do have to agree with the other anon. it’d be refreshing to see callie actually not come of as an angel. the “you’re nothing” fight never should have happened, but the complete lack of boundaries in her relationship with mark allowed it to. callie brushing mark’s behavior off is just unsettling. i’ve always loved the idea of bailey, or even alex, ripping into callie about how she treated arizona when it came to mark.

i’ll read anything you write, though. even when it’s just arizona being miserable all the time. lol

yeah i think callie’s very much a product of her environment in that carlos sort of coddled her and then both mark and arizona hold her up on a pedestal and arizona in particular rolls over for her a lot. so there are very few times where callie is actually expected to admit fault.

totally agree - their faults and problems are what make them interesting, especially at least imo bc you can so clearly trace the origins of those problems. arizona fucked up in the biggest way but they both had all of these tiny fractures that led into them breaking up.

there was a bit of bailey getting on callie about mark in the last installment of the series. there is defs some more stuff about the mark issue and related things on my discord if people are interested.

i would say it’s partially bc it’s nice to have a softer callie who does choose arizona and partially bc it’s exhausting getting scolded/yelled at for being mean to callie that i’ve shied away from soem of it. i know you can’t please everyone, but sometimes in this fandom, it feels like i can’t please anyone and that’s tough, especially when i feel like i’ve put out tons of pretty good quality fics over the past few years. this isn’t me complaining, just explaining why i’ve made some of the choices that i’ve made.

and anons, please don’t take this as a rebuke of you! its very refreshing/reassuring that you all do want to see that more flawed callie, and do want to see harsher interpretations of the you’re nothing fight bc i feel the same way! and honestly knowing that i’ll have some readers who won’t be pissed about it is super motivational!!

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lesbiradshaw · 2 years

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IMO, Tony going off to find Ross and start the accords is literally his fatal mistake. Him creating this mess is what ultimately led the team to pick sides, thus leading to fighting and breaking up. Steve getting blamed by Tony fans that he “broke up the avengers” is bS BC he never agreed to the accords nor did he make the team choose. All he did was refuse to sign them. The others all made their own choices - Sam is shown arguing against accords with rhodey b4 Steve even speaks. This is fact

i think it’s important to note that tony stans tend to blame steve for EVERYTHING when if you actually break it down, tony was the one who caused all his own problems. in civil war he literally admits to a laundry list of things being his fault, most of them also being what pushed him towards trying to get everyone else to sign the accords. look at it like this: natasha was primarily on team iron man during civil war because she felt guilty for her own past actions but eventually switched sides and did what she thought was right in the end because she realized her feelings about her own guilt were inadvertently bringing down others regardless of how they felt themselves. tony only formed team iron man because he felt guilty when confronted directly with the consequences of his own past actions and reacted by shifting the blame and punishment to everyone else and not just himself because he can’t stand the idea that he alone is accountable for his choices.

anyways. no matter who you blame for the mess, even after civil war ends with them on bad terms, steve leaves tony behind that flip phone and the promise that he’ll always be there when he needs him. and yet, what does tony do when bruce says they need steve? he doesn’t call him because his ego is too big and he can’t admit steve might have been right. the accords left the avengers and the protection of the earth weaker than they would have been without them, something rhodey admits to himself at one point infinity war by saying “if it weren't for those Accords, Vision would have been right here.” and then, when ross reminds him that he signed those papers too— “that’s right. and i’m pretty sure i paid for that.”

all of this is in the movies! in the script! and yet tony stans still cheer tony on when he immediately starts screaming at steve about everything being his fault in endgame as soon as he gets back down on earth. he spouts all of this bs about steve not being in space when they needed help blah blah BLAH when steve couldn’t have been there because he didn’t KNOW! because tony didn’t call! bruce called steve, and where did steve go? to help him. steve helps his friends and his team. tony acting like him getting stranded in space wasn’t a consequence of his own actions (not even in the bigger picture with the accords, but just bc he wouldn’t fucking call steve in the beginning before he ran off) is just him and his stans being dense.

people wanna say steve split the avengers up? i would say that’s incorrect, but even if we agree to disagree on that front, we aren’t about to pretend that steve was the one who kept the avengers apart. he was there where he was needed most after that phone call. just like he promised. it’s not his fault that bruce was the one who dialed the number instead of mr. pissbaby stark.

#anti tony stark #anti team iron man

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