#And remi is nb too!
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Longclaw and Remi are so gorgeous and badass! 💛❤️💛❤️💛
#And remi is nb too!#So much nb rep in this book#choices#pixelberry#playchoices#tch 2#the cursed heart 2#longclaw#Remi
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My submission (ha!) for @inkyquince 's Omega hunt collab! Turned out way longer than i intended but oh well
M!Briar X NB!Harpy!Defiant!PC
CW for dubcon, power imbalance, blood, Briar being Briar, group (in the literal background), manipulation
You run.
Starting off is the hardest, with all the alphas right on your tail, you jump to the side to avoid the mayor's slimy grasp, you let go of your school blazer when a slim woman grabs it.
Left and right you see other omegas being jumped, clothes torn and screams tearing out of their throats as theyre mounted - your friends, people you watched grow up with you. It's horrifying, you should stop and help, every instinct in you is telling you to help someone, anyone...
You see Robin ahead as they dart towards the beach, and that's enough for you.
Robin's safe, for now.
You run.
You're an athletic thing, clever and defiant, you've gotten a reputation in this town and while it usually helps people think twice about messing with you, today it paints a target on your back as everyone wants to be the one to claim the Scar, such a notorious little scrapper. You look to your right and see a man advancing, a well aimed kick to the groin seems to make him change his mind. He won't be the first tonight.
You reach the shopping mall and climb, hiding on top as you take a moment to just breathe, clear your mind.
Hard to achieve when your brain is getting foggy, slick coating your thighs from your persistently more aroused sex.
You're running out of time.
Think, you pause, think.
You run through your mind to try to think of a safe place in town, maybe a safe person that would take care of your heat without-
....
Doesn't exist.
Not inside the town, at least.
The thought would almost sadden you had you not lived your whole life in here. You have noone you could trust.
But outside of town...
You stand on the edge of the roof, one hand casually rubbing your crotch without you even noticing, as your sharp eyes scan the horizon.
Tower on the moor, you realize.
The one place noone would dare to come to.
Your spine tingles from the effort of hiding your true self, but you dont have to for long, because the entrance to the roof gets suddenly kicked down and you're facing Remy and his goons, advancing. Remy says something about farms and what a menace you are, but you grin, your eyes looking different when you open them again.
If you survive this night, it will be more than worth it just for seeing that rat bastard's face when you flipped him off and jumped right off of the edge.
Your strong wings glide you safely to the ground, and when you dont have to supress them, you feel a bit at ease - you can now focus fully on supressing your upcoming heat. Wind in your hair and Remy's shouting dying in the distance help, too.
But you land eventually, now with a goal in mind. If you can just make it to the moor, you're sure your mate will find you, and you'll spend the rest of the night draining his balls until he pleads for more. Sounds like the best scenario you could wish for, especially with Remy behind you and not around his farm.
..
You shouldn't think about your mate's thick cock in you, the way it slithers out of the little slit in his body. The way he's so easy to pin down once you straddle him, lets you-
You whine audibly and nearly collapse, just the thoughts clouding your brain with lust that you can't afford right now. Youre in the industrial backstreets, and thats a terrible place to collapse at. You think you should try to make it to the coast and then fly as far as you can, youre sure your mate will find you if you just set your foot to the moor, you're sure, just have to-
You're tackled to the ground just when you're running past the docks, and you beat off your initial instinct of just... Getting in the mating pose. Baring yourself to the attacker, the sweet heavy weight on top of you just-
"Fuck!! You goddamn-"
"Bring them in already!"
"Fucker bit me!!"
Oh no.
He's not alone.
What's worse is, you don't know any of them. The thought of just being claimed by some rando is enough to set the fire of defiance alight once more, and you fight, oh how much you fight them. You need to be restrained by four men to stop you from lifting off of the ground, three men to hold your strong wings down to prevent you from whacking them with it. Your elbow hits someone's face in the most satisfying crunch, you smell blood in the air and it fills you with a bit of pride.
You'll have to fuck my corpse if you want me, you think, but much to your horror, they don't want you.
You dont smell alphas, just betas, and you shout insults as vile as you can think of while they drag you into a mysterious building you've never entered before.
Then the smell really hits you.
You've always wandered where town's betas and less strong alphas go to during those hunts - now you know. The place reeks of sex and despair and people, you see a few poor omegas being passed around, blank eyes and drooly faces as every open hole of theirs is violated by a lust-blinded alpha or beta. One hasnt been broken in yet, you recognize the girl from the orphanage, the one who always lost her backpack and you'd help her find it, shes stuffed with two thick cocks in her ass, her useless cock hard and dripping... Her scream when the man behind her bites down on her neck rips your heart apart, it's the most horrifying sound you've ever heard, enough to freeze you in place for a good second.
Doors behind you lock and the men start grabbing at your clothes, you're tremblind with lust but you cant end up like this, you won't!
Your eyes panickly scan the room for a way out, any way out, anything but being left at mercy of those animals. Doors are locked with chains, windows are blocked, heavy scent of hormones and sex is making your head so dizzy you know it's only a matter of minutes, maybe seconds, before you're reduced to nothing but a cock hungry omega.
Then your eyes meet his.
It's one man that sits above everyone, the VIP section of whatever godforsaken facility youve been dragged into. He sits calmly, legs spread like he owns the place, long brown hair falling to his shoulders. Open blazer with nothing underneath, showing off a golden necklace, rose tattoos. Something about him radiates power, but what really drives you in, is the shine of gold decorating each of his fingers, makes your stupid bird brain chirp in interest.
That should do, you think.
Better than some random.
You were so busy you hadn't even noticed a man nosing around your scent gland, it makes you shiver in disgust, but you stick your hand in your pants' pocket for the last pepper spray you have on you - it's now or never. His scream is music to your ears but you push him aside, you bite, kick, flail your wings around until everyone lets go of you for one precious moment- and you rise from the floor, fly all across the room.
Only to collapse in front of the pretty man and his pretty rings.
He cocks an eyebrow, but raises his hand to stop his beta guards from attacking you.
"It's not a threat - are you, darling?~"
His voice is like a symphony to your ears, so rich and smooth. You think you'd hate his smugness usually, but today it makes your juices overflow.
Alpha, alpha, breed me, mark-
You shake your head like a wet dog, but train of thoughs has left the station and you're just trying to run after it, hold onto any semblence of yourself.
"And what are you, an angel?"
He's so calm, but you can smell him, not an alpha on supressants. Just one in control.
You're on your knees by his feet, and look at him, at the man making a couch look like a throne the way he sits on it.
"If- if you want me to be."
You manage to get out, rising on your knees, your hands running up his legs, to his thighs. He seems amused.
"Is that so."
You nod your head ferociously, only for him to experimentally place his hand on top of it, and you downright purr. You know your wings and tail are all puffed out behind you, his touch -and those rings- feels just so right...
He craddles your chin and you melt in his touch, the defiance he saw when watching you fight off his men seemingly completely gone.
"And what brought you here, darling? To my feet?~"
"Y-your men."
You know they work for him, there's no other way. The world should work for him, you think, for him and his pretty eyes like emeralds.
"Mmm... But they only brought you to this place, you went to my feet all on your own~"
Fuck me! you want to scream, the conversation is killing you despite how pretty his voice is - his cock is inches away from you, and you move forward to try to mouth at it through his pants, get the point across.
The slap you recieve sends you flying, you fall on your ass and look at him with wide open eyes.
"Don't be crude now, darling. You think you deserve this?"
He smiles down at you, and your bottom lip trembles - rejection might make you cry, you realize, even though you haven't cried in years.
"Please." you mutter, shaking hand holding on your cheek, your lip where the rings broke it. You hope you're pretty with some blood on you, you hope he thinks so.
"Please, dont- don't let them..."
You still hear omegas screaming behind you, you want anything but that and this man is your last hope.
"I'll- i'll do anything, i'm good at- at t-things..."
"Oh? And what things would that be, darling?~"
You sigh happily at the nickname, it feels so good, someone nice to you... You're not sure if you can speak much anymore, your pants are soaked through and through from just how wet you are. You just lean forward and set something in his hand as your answer.
The man stares in amusement at his own ring that you stole and returned, and he had no idea. It's a pretty one, gold with a ruby, it's shaped like a dragon wrapping around itself, ruby is his eye.
"You can steal?~"
"A-and fight! And fly and run and- a-and-"
Your words get lost as you try to think of more, any more skills that could be useful to such a man, but a wave of heat hits you harder than any before, and you topple over, hands between your legs with a whimper.
"please..."
"You poor thing~"
His foot is so close to yor face like this, it nudges at your cheek. Fancy shoes, you recognize in the distant corner of your brain. Real leather. He doesnt have to do much more to prompt you, your lips are on it before you even know what youre doing.
You are vaguely aware of how much you're gonna hate yourself when this is done, how quickly you were reduced to licking a stranger's shoe just to get them to fuck you, but youre past the point of caring.
Your hand sneaks in your pants and you shove two fingers inside of yourself, you're so wet they go in without a problem, your otherwise unused hole... The man's rough grip on your hair stops you though, he pulls your head up.
"I don't remember allowing you to do that, little bird."
You whine like a beaten dog, but good news are, you can see his crotch now. And just how much tighter those pants look all of sudden.
"Oh you poor, weak minded creature... You really want to be mine that badly?"
Tears pour down your cheeks, blood from your split lip. You want to be his, yes, he put it right, you think you're going to die if you don't get his cock in you right fucking now.
Luckily, his pupils are blown wide open, cock straining against his pants. In control or not, he's still an alpha, and he can't resist a leaking omega slobbering over his feet.
You cry out in relief when he yank you on his lap, sobbing out little 'thank you's and 'please's and 'take me's.
"Don't expect me to be this nice to you next time, little bird."
He sighs in your ear and you know, you just know, that on any other day, you'd hate him. His smug smile and predatory eyes. Hands that now hold your waist as you can't get your pants off fast enough. Heart that beats right under where your nails scratch his exposed skin.
Then you finally get to sit on his cock and feel so stupid to think that you could ever hate someone that feels so right inside you.
Your wings puff out the moment the world washes away, thick alpha cock filld you up and you can do nothing but sob and hold onto him tighter. Tighter so that he can't ever push you away again.
"I love you i love you alpha please please alpha-"
Words spill from your mouth when he pounds into you from below, grunts coming from him too as he finally loses his composure.
Right there, in omega hell, he shows you the heaven - and you love and hate him so much for that.
He's the one who gasps and grabs your hair and pulls you in a kiss, wide open green eyes burning into yours as if he can't look away from your strange bird pupils. His hands dont leave your wings, the place where skin meets the feathers is so sensetive and you see stars when he grabs onto it. Using your wings as handles as he fucks you bent over the couch, any composure he had lost the more time he spends pounding away in that beautiful, perfect, soaking wet little hole of yours.
His guards arent sure where to look.
You aren't sure how much time has passed, how many times you've cum around him, but you're sitting on the couch, legs around his waist as he fucks into you, when you start to feel him get sloppier. Deeper.
You know what's coming - hint, it's him.
It's a beautiful moment, you vaguely think while you plead him to breed you.
You get to see his wild face, hair out of place, green eyes clouded with lust. Reduced to an animal. Animal with fangs out, you vaguely notice, and in response turn your head away so he could reach your scent gland, and he does, he doesn't even have the mind to stop himself. He bites down and he's yours and youre his and he's yours.
You chirp like a bird when he finally comes, fils you up, his knot so big it keeps all of him stuffed inside of you without any leaks. His tongue is feverishly licking at his bitemark on your gland, the bond that connects you, now and forever.
You feel a sense of pride, again.
Man this powerful, who seemed this put together, in control.
He belongs to you now.
You see it in his eyes when they clear up and he's aware of what he's just done, and you grin in response at your mate.
"... Tricky little bird."
The man mutters, and you bring his hand close to your exhausted face, kissing his knuckles. Kissing every ring, tongue wrapping around each finger once he shoves them in your mouth.
He's yours and you're his, forever.
Those rings should now also be yours, you think.
The man doesn't protest when you take the dragon one and slide it on your own hand, he maybe likess how your tired eyes light up with greed when you see it around your thumb - every other finger too small for it.
"Uh... Briar? What now?"
One of the guards anxiously asks, struggling to hide his own erection, and his boss frowns as he notices.
"... I'll think about it in the morning. Make sure everything's cleaned up by the time we open."
He picks you up, still stuck on his knot, and you wrap your hands around his shoulders, sighing in content.
You don't feel like you've lost the fight tonight, oddly.
It's confirmed when Alpha takes you to his room, his bed, pretending he wants to get some rest and not feeling that craving to take you to a nest.
You're still stuck on him when you cuddle up to go to sleep, pressing a kiss he can't bring himself to refuse on his neck.
You'll be fine, you think.
You can use the curse nature gave you to your advantage now.
You play with the shint necklace around his neck as you slowly drift to sleep - the necklace has a pendant with a letter B on it.
Briar, huh?
Your property has a name now. And more shiny things than anyone in town, it seems.
And now its all yours.
#the omega hunt collab#dol#briar the brothel owner#inkster#sumbission#omegaverse#degrees of lewdity#degrees of lewdity briar
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MMMMMM Polo transgender. Polo transmasc they transitioned foreeeever ago and did most of it by themself. Via Gadgets and such. Polo and Nada are a t4t old queer couple. That's Been on my mind. Yknow. More broadly too ive been thinking abt gender in the nms universe. Slightly more specifically ive been thinking abt trans identity and gender nonconformity in the nms universe. I like to think gender is like, not entirely out of the way out of the question, but also that its so often such a non-issue. In the way of like, the biases and bigotry people have irl just Isn't a thing in nms, but trans people also exist yknow? And thats like 25% wish fulfillment tbh but also tbf the other 75% is based in canon. EXHIBIT A. Everyone uses they/them pronouns, but not everyone is a neutral presenting gender, particularly npc travelers in the anomaly. EXHIBIT B. There are 17 different sexes possible for all fauna to have and it would be very odd to assume all other sentient species only exist within the binary that humans made just based on what's probably pretty universally understood knowledge of animal gender in the nms universe. EXHIBIT C. For gods sake they're all aliens and they're all busy with Other Pursuits. do you think the aliens developed the exact same idea of gender as humans? Do you think any single vy'keen cares about the sex of the soldier they're fighting alongside? Do you want me to believe gek can't just change their gender presentation based solely on what Smells They Emit? What more is a new gender identity thought up by a korvax one day than a new theory and potential for new discovery and new things to learn? Bringing this back around to transmasc polo. I like to think of this as that trans remy ratatouille theory. Where polo being trans is absolutely fine, but daring to be anything but a trader is what makes you an outcast. And look ive got like 800 billion other thoughts on nms and queer theory and the space anomaly and gay people and allegory and analogy but jts almost 3 am. And this entire post has been one looooong stream of consciousness. Apologies to the no mans sky tag on tumblr for this post. Btw. But i did also want to share my trans nb nada ideas too and luckily i typed that out a couple days ago over discors already sooooo 👇 ("prime gender" is in reference to "Prime" being on the list of genders fauna can have, as well as "Non-uniform" and also im connecting it to korvax prime bc it was on my mind and im like 80% sure Nada is canonically from korvax prime pre-destriction)
#speci speaks#nms#no mans sky#<- gaze upon part 1 of my magnus opiumus nms tag on tumblr. my wicked and villainous TRANSGENDER THEORIES
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Context for the last post
Remy's god of death thing is more prominent and has a bigger focus in the story than his mad scientist part (which doesn't exist anymore). Also mars is a god too but is the god of love. Also also remy is additionally the god of prophecy. The kids didn't come from remy having monster sex with many monsters but are instead clones of both remy and several monsters. They were created for the purpose of helping stop the apocalypse that will be caused by billie aka the goddess of chaos in the future,which is an event he saw using his future vision power (since he IS the god of prophecy after all) and remy chose strong monsters to be the kids' other parents so that they'll be powerful enough to stop the apocalypse. However despite his kids not being created out of a desire to have children (he originally didn't want kids before deciding that having kids is the only option),he loves his kiddos very much. Also the radcliffe kids are called the 11 champions since they will be like his knights whenever the apocalypse comes around (the word champion means a knight who fought in single combat on behalf of the monarch). Remy and mars aren't mad scientists anymore,they're just two (married) gods :]. The radcliffes plot 👉 The main premise of the radcliffes is that remy is an assassin who not only kills people because of his death god duties but also kills people whenever a client asks for it,he kills people using his murder inc business which is called terminator corps (terminate means to assassinate someone). His friends are a part of his murder inc business and often help him in his endeavors,whether if they're family or god related. Remy and co (including his family. his kids and mars help at times) kill people for a living while dealing with animus (a word that means hostility/ill feeling) aka the god of hatred who's trying to destroy the world as revenge for remy's mistreatment and (magical. remy is still not a mad scientist) experimentation of him (remy used to be evil asf before he met mars,he still is but now it's a bit toned down due to him having his amor). (animus' reasoning in a nutshell is basically this 👉 "you treated me like dirt,beating me up and constantly subjecting me to inhumane experiments,well now i shall ruin everything you worked on. starting with your family and then i'll destroy the world which you sought to protect! *evil laughter*).
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Remy radcliffe and his nb romantic partner's name is mars monochrome. His 11 kids are named jodie angeline "jojo" radcliffe,fox sally danger radcliffe,anomaly rosalyn radcliffe,mosaic "momo" radcliffe,danny blade davis radcliffe,robbie radcliffe,virgil "vee" radcliffe ,rowan riddle radcliffe,randall oswald "randy" radcliffe,phoenix radcliffe,and rocket radcliffe.
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Hello! I was wondering if you know of many queer books that involve some amount of nerd culture, like video games or dnd or anime. It doesn’t have to be a major component, but I’d love to read some more books that mention like gaming with online friends or hanging out at a game store or something. I’d especially love if one of the main characters involved with that is female but M/M or NB is cool too.
Yep, here are a bunch from the Romance by Trope page: https://lgbtqreads.com/romanceadult/by-tropearchetype/
F/F
Style by Chelsea Cameron (YA) (Amz)
Paper Love by Jae
The Better to Kiss You With by Michelle Osgood
Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde (YA)(B) (Amz)
M/M
Conventionally Yours by Annabeth Albert
Out of Character by Annabeth Albert
The Geek Who Saved Christmas by Annabeth Albert
Climbing the Date Palm by Shira Glassman (Fantasy)
Looking for Group by Alexis Hall
Social Intercourse by Greg Howard (YA)
Right Where I Left You by Julian Winters (YA) - honestly, he is the best author for exactly what you describe, but his books are all m/m, though he generally has solid female secondaries
and related, these are from the Fandom section:
F/F
Ship It by Britta Lundin
The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashley Poston
M/M
Conventionally Yours by Annabeth Albert
How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by JC Lillis (YA)
F/NB
The Pros of Cons by Alison Cherry, Lindsay Ribar, and Michelle Schusterman
The One True Me and You by Remi K. England
And I must mention the upcoming Beating Heart Baby by Lio Min, which is a gorgeous YA coming July 26th starring anime nerds. There's also Verona Comics by Jennifer Dugan for a comics nerd.
Another one I love coming in July with an ace-questioning MC is A Furry Faux Pas by Jessica Kara - it's all about furries/a furry convention and it's great!
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👍
NIX!!!! NIX I LOVE YOUUUU. remy was so intimidated by nix for the first like six months they knew each other, it's honestly hilarious. the major sense that nix would have gotten off of remy was just the eyes emojis around corners that disappeared any time they looked. you have the Energy of a bad bitch who shouldn't be fucked with, and remy was scared of your bronzong and your Space Rocks.
that has certainly changed since the dissolution of OG Rocket and even more so in the years after that, because being friends with cale meant spending more time around nix which meant befriending nix properly! they really like nix's insight on things and honestly bonding because of the NB experience is real.
nix knowing remy's a latent psychic before they ever do and being so cryptic about it that remy just never realizes will never fail to crack me up too it KILLS ME.
random character headcanons!
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Here's a guide that no one asked for and I doubt anyone will read, to my Skyrim dragonborn OCs. They don't exist in the same timeline (except for when I am imagining funny memes that are too hyperspecific for me to even bother making).
Dalinan : 7' tall orc alchemist who refuses to make/use any sort of poison whatsoever. Favors the bow. Absolute dogshit at stealth unless she has access to her invisibility potions. Half-raised by her cousin. Not from a stronghold and has complex feelings about lacking that cultural connection. War Trauma ™ (child soldier edition). Dutiful to a grim fault. Tends to have extensive and increasingly ludicrous back-up plans for if/when things go awry. Resting bitch face but an absolute softie. Will adopt you if she detects emotional vulnerability (inherited that trait from her cousin, who recently took over the Riften orphanage for reasons only Maven Black-Briar knows in full). Absolutely detests leeks, 0/10, worst vegetal ever. Ends up in a poly relationship with Taliesin and Caryalind. When Cary is ready to go home in a decade or two they both go with him (he takes some convincing, but neither she nor Tali would ever let him go alone). She becomes captain of Cary's personal guard + Tali becomes an advisor; there's no end to the speculation about the relationship between the three of them but no one is going to risk actually asking. Dalinan showing up to formal events in ancient snow elf armor and bearing Auriel's bow and shield is the kind of power move that intimidates even people who don't care a fig about the whole Dragonborn business. And shhhh about lifespans okay, we're going to pretend that orcs age like other mer. Shhhh. Let the lady grow old with her partners.
Amejja : khajiit arsonist. tiny. is on the run from a hefty bounty in cyrodiil. claims that her victims deserved it. plays the 'but this one is just a little kitty. a birthday cat. are you going to arrest me on my birthday, guardsman? sad meow?' card to get out of soooo much trouble. decides that Taliesin is her fun uncle; he's honored and also mildly terrified of the prospect of her meeting his sisters (the mayhem would be legendary). learning to shout is the #1 best thing that ever happened to her. fire shout? AMAZING! dragons? eh. big scaly cats. 'surely we can come to an agreement, can't we my cousins???' super annoyed that she actually has to kill Alduin. when Delphine asks her to kill Paarthurnax she attacks her instead because fuck you that's why. flirts with joining both the thieves' guild and the dark brotherhood but betrays and destroys them both over feeling slighted by them. Decides that being dragonborn = being Miraak's baby sister; decides to rescue him. this confuses the Miraak. Besties with Lucien and Khash (both are mildly afraid of her in a fond sort of way), friendly rivals with J'zargo. Extremely distrustful of anything to do with dwemer ruins or machinery, but tolerates it for Remi's sake (some hissing is involved). Will absolutely destroy anyone/anything that harms Scrap. Doesn't join the Dawnguard. Will purr to heal you (purring is a healing spell) but you'd better appreciate it! She's a young gal with wanderlust who just wants to see the world (and set parts of it on fire).
T'Vreyne : Vulcan, Starfleet officer, aro/ace NB, vegetarian, here via daedric tomfoolery/a shuttlecraft mishap. Doesn't initially speak Tamrielic Common and so communicates mostly through frustrated charades and extremely reluctant touch-telepathy until they learn (...from Tali and Gore, so you can just imagine the vocabulary T'Vreyne ends up with). Their background is in security with a specialization in EOD and they've been working as a 'special collections' (read: highly hazardous artifacts) archivist since The Accident. Has significant scarring, chronic pain, and a prosthetic arm due to The Accident. Prefers stealth to avoid unnecessary conflict, then magic/shouts to de-escalate if possible, and then if violence is unavoidable favors a simple one-handed sword. Absolutely refuses to use enchanted equipment due to the whole Soul Cairn of it all. Mistaken for an Altmer by everyone who isn't Altmer; Altmer tend to assume that they're a [derogatory term for mixed-heritage mer]. Has zero (0) respect for Elenwen & thinks she's utterly incompetent; reads her for absolute filth at the truce conference. Other than negotiating the truce does not interfere with the civil war whatsoever (prime directive and all that). Their EOD experience comes into play during the College of Winterhold questline. Becomes close friends with Teldryn during the whole Miraak thing. When Starfleet finally manages to contact them, they choose to stay on Nirn instead of going 'home'. Settles down in Raven Rock and eventually invites Teldryn, Taliesin, and Gore to move in. Occasionally one or more of them will get the itch to travel, but that's home now and they always end up back there before long. T'Vreyne will not be telling you where all those elder scrolls and black books are stashed unless you have a good fucking reason (they've come full circle and once again find themselves to be a special collections archivist whoops).
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♡ open to all ! ( f, nb, m )
muse: kalina wilson, remy rebelliot, or bijou bautista. pls specify which you want, or default will be kalina.
connect ideas: s/o, best friend that she’s possessive of, dom ( me )
' i’m really fucking annoyed right now. why do i have to damn near beg to get your attention, but other bitches get it in a heartbeat ? ’ kalina was almost full out glaring, close to stomping her foot like a child having a tantrum. she’d never experienced anything like this before. sure, she was bratty and had gone and done something that they asked her not to do, but it wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t getting any attention unless she was being annoying. ‘ i’m too damn cute to be sitting here and getting treated like this. there are plenty other people out there that would be more than happy to treat me like they actually give a damn about me every now and then. ’
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“Well hello to you too gorgeous what a welcome home.” Gambit says with a playful grin giving a quick peck on the cheek before he sets down his bag. These long missions were necessary from time to time but it meant being away from the people he loved which he hated. “Oh I actually got you something while I was away- hold on it’s in here somewhere.” He says before he reaches into the inside pockets of his trench coat starting to pull things out and set them on the table in an effort to figure out what pocket he had left it in. “I swear... it’s somewhere in here.”
remy lebeau || ship open || f/m/nb
#remy {{ open }}#{{ open }}#{{ ship open }}#(my favorite trope the pull a million things out of pockets thing)#(with gambit it's knives cards bouncy balls change poker chips)
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I wish you would write a fic where Remy's the shy one. I'm imagining Soulmate AU losleep with first words but you can do whatever
Remy hated parties. Vy didn’t know why vy had let Roman drag vim here in the first place. As soon as vy could, vy had slipped outside, settling down on the porch railing and sipping vir soda as vy watched the sun continue to set.
“This railing taken?”
Remy froze, not because vy recognized the voice, but because vy recognized the words. It’d be hard for vim not too- they were etched on vir arm, after all, in dark ink Remy had been studying since vy turned twelve. Slowly, vy turned around.
And immediately fell off the railing.
Because the owner of that voice, owner of those words, vir soulmate, was none other than Logan Raven, the coolest kid in school and miles out of Remy’s league.
“Are you alright?!” Logan asked, because apparently while Rem was busy thinking about how fucked vy was, ne had gotten off the porch to see if Remy had managed to break vir back with vir fall.
“No. No way.” Was all Remy could manage. What else could vy say?
Logan’s eyes widened in understanding as ne moved to pull up the sleeve of nir leather jacket, revealing bright pink letters spelling out exactly what Remy had just said. After checking that ne had really heard what ne thought ne had heard, Logan turned nir gaze back on Remy, nir gaze strong enough Remy was fairly certain ne could see right through vir sunglasses.
“Well, you’re not very coordinated,” Logan began, smirking in a way that made Remy weak, “but you are pretty, so I think I can look past that.”
Remy was so, so fucked.
#losleep#write losleep cowards#ts remy#ts sleep#ts logan#the cryptid speaks#the cryptid answers#lost in the fray#nb!remy#nb!logan#they're both too good for gender#also yes remy does end up with logan's jacket#logan gifts it to vim#remy dies when ne does this bhdvfhjdsf#but vy never takes it off if vy can't help it :)
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meet you by the piano?
(25/04/2022) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 13) (From Minneapolis)
Hello hello hello.
Writing this backstage after soundcheck in Minneapolis. Am firmly entrenched in the rhythms of tour life— wake up at 11am, do some work or drink a tea in bed or go to the gym, then drift in to soundcheck in another beautiful venue with columns and gilt and a cloud-painted ceiling. Sit alone for a while after that, steam voice, do some skincare, embroider or read, soon start to feel show night momentum build all around. Walkie-talkies buzzing to each other, house music going on, Remi’s set wafting up the stairs. Sitting in glam, being transformed somehow from someone with eye bags and active acne to… something shiny. In to the band to sing, then to the stage, in the wings, that feeling of waiting in the wings so imprinted from childhood, always the same open feeling, giving oneself over to what’s about to happen. Which always feels like it’s over in a second, blink and I’m running back down the hall to my room, where I’ll leave the gears on the floor in a pile, and head to the bathroom to wash the glittery paint from my face.
Since I last wrote, we’ve played two shows in Boston, two in New York, one in Philadelphia, and two in Chicago. I’m sorry about Uncasville and D.C. Felt the throat thing start to scratch and then open out to a full searing burn, heard notes that were easy to sing the night before disappear. Was reminded of the Sylvia Plath poem — “And now you try / Your handful of notes; / The clear vowels rise like balloons.” If only.
But we’ll come to you in August, and you know now we’re gonna make those shows psychotically special to say thankyou for your patience. Now I’m feeling tip top good, there are eight shows left on this crazy run, I’m gonna be a sad girl when it ends.
Some recent Lauren pictures I love: (NB: PUT SOME RADIO CITY PICS ON INSTAGRAM TOO)
Especially loving her pictures of you guys.
Other things…
Eating a lot of Fishwife sardines (much to the chagrin of my entire tour bus), ordering expensive underwear in the middle of the night, sending txts with invisible ink, trying to resist microtrends but looking up miniskirts, feeling my body getting tour strong, feeling comfortable under the lights.
Listening to new Empress Of and Chelsea Jade and this amazing Pa Salieu song that I missed somehow in 2020. Read Sea of Tranquility and Time Is A Mother and now rereading a favourite Lucia Berlin collection that made me realise I really gotta go to New Mexico. Dying to see this. Staying up til 3am writing a maybe amazing early Drake style monologue in the hotel room in Toronto, adding new songs to the setlist on the fly, putting stuff in the calendar for six months from now. Plotting, scheming. Loving you.
Music, by Antonina Leonardovna Rzhevskaya
1:01am in the bus leaving Chicago
Beautiful letter by C. Getting annihilated by your letters to me. I’m thinking I should put a box at the merch desk or something to collect your notes??? I fully treasure each one and hate to think of missing any…
Daily routine of a setlist deviator
Your little rat in custom Prada, can you believe it, it’s all too much.
E xxxxxxo
(source: received this email)
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Sword Dance by A.J. Demas
Series: Sword Dance, #1
Read time: 1 Day
Rating: 4/5
The quote: I think this masculine-feminine thing isn’t just because I’m a eunuch. I think I would have been like this—sort of wanting to be both—even if I’d grown up as a whole man. But I might not have known what to do with it. — Varazda
I did not know what to expect when I read this. I did decide to read it because of the nb angle and likely the enemies to lovers concept. But it was a beautiful story with well-written characters and just a beautiful relationship. The plot reveals itself in a timely fashion while there perhaps some elements of slight predictability to it. The beats are familiar even if the people hitting them are not, if that makes sense. But that said it isn't about the plot for me so much, it's about the characters. On the setting, it's only in the afterword that A.J. Demas confirms the setting for the novel. “set in a fictional world loosely based on the cultures of the ancient Mediterranean”. Pseuchaia feels a bit like it could be Greece, Zash/Sasia could Turkey in that case. Look I like geography even fictional geography. I figured it was in a Mediterranean setting quite early but it was nice to have hat confirmed.
On the characters, it is quite a substantial cast but it is largely focused on the main characters Varazda and Damiskos. Varazda (formerly Varazda son of Nahaz son of Aroz of the clan Kamun) is called Pharastes by everyone other than Damiskos. They mean the same thing, warrior, but most people in Pseuchaia can't pronounce Varazda so he goes by Pharastes. Varazda is a eunuch, a former slave and a highly talented sword dancer. His being free is a rarity and he lives in a super cute found family with two other freed slaves and a precious little girl (all of whom I believe readers meet in Saffron Alley). There is no sexual relationship between Varazda, Yazata and Tash. Varazda is nonbinary but is always referred to by masculine pronouns, importantly his nb-ness has nothing to do with his eunuch-ness. I adore Varazda he is so well written. He is unexpectedly complex for a story of this size. Because of his past he has major trust and intimacy issues, he doesn't have an interest in sex now after years of sexual assault. But Damiskos just works for him. Its a combination of factors mostly acceptance and willingness to come to his level ie speaking Zash. “Aristokles’s slave was lovely in a way that seemed somehow basic and elemental, as if he were really neither male nor female, but a being of his own unique nature with a beauty that had no relation to either”. Varazda is stunningly attractive a wonderful blend of masculine and feminine. The way he is written is intelligent. He flows between masculine and feminine contextually, his movements are usually almost catlike which is quite appealing for a dancer.
Damiskos Temnon is the narrator. A former soldier he is lame (as in crippled) due to something in his past but as a soldier, he was an elite soldier. He is not what he appears. He's severed in Zash and has some understanding of where Varazda is coming from. The breakup of his engagement in Zash is closely tied to Varazda. It is worth saying that Damiskos is a man of principle and a master strategist. It's an interesting combination in a single man (something Varazda finds intoxicating). “I don’t know if you’ve worked this out, First Spear,” came Varazda’s muffled voice, “but I fancy soldiers.” I'm going to be honest the dynamic between Varazda and Damiskos is enjoyable to read and so well written. Their intimacy is unexpected and fully triggered by laying out of the truths. Varazda wants to explore the sexual attraction he so rarely feels. Damiskos is just revelling in the uniqueness of Varazda. Their flirtation is so much fun.
The supporting cast is broad and largely female. This is definitely aimed at women, the leading men are endearing and in love the women are strong and sure. Their strength comes from loyalty and love for each other and family. Nione Kukara is a badass woman who did well in her prior role and is now making her way in the world. I think she likes people to underestimate her. Her long-running friendship with Damiskos is part of the set up for the story and honestly to be admired. They have been friends for over 15 years, both of them in roles where that would be unusual (well with someone of the opposite sex at least). Niko is something of the comedic relief, a child slave in Nione's household. He's a piece of levity as the plot grows dark. The old men are just stupid in that way that you want to facepalm over their actions.
Sword Dance ends at the right place. It allows for Saffron Alley to fit right in but if a reader wanted to read only one book that would work too. I really like the writing style. It's almost visceral. "The kiss lingered on his senses like a vanished phrase of music, tantalizing and irrecoverable. The cool softness of Varazda’s lips; the tiny, fleeting brush of his fingertips along Damiskos’s jaw; the scent that he wore, citrus and something spicy, neither masculine nor feminine.", basically anytime Varazda's dance or fighting is written it is truly enchanting. A.J. Demas does a great job of getting the reader in the narrators head. The characters are beautiful and their coding is intelligent, no one is two dimensional. Sword Dance is wonderfully aware of some of the potential issues in play. Damiskos does think his attraction to Varazda could just a kink. Varazda knows the difference having experienced his identity being used. The potential distractions that their chemistry may cause in a fight, neither of them try to stop. Also, the whole concept of what is being written "the idea of catching Varazda when he dropped from a railing suggested midnight assignations and romantic fiction more than escape from a reconnaissance mission gone wrong". There is a deep appeal in Remi's existence and Varazda's whole family that is a fantastic use of the found family trope and Damiskos's acceptance of the situation no questions asked.
This is a book that plays with LGBTQ themes. There are multiple characters of varying identities, nonbinary, lesbian and I'm guessing bi or pan. I want to add a warning there is a not-insignificant amount of hate speech in Sword Dance. Some is directed at the eunuch main character, Varazda. The rest is directed at well almost everyone else in the world, the antagonists have a whole thing with ‘Phemian purity.’, racial purity. Both of these can be problematic for people but works well in context.
#sword dance#a.j. demas#non binary#lgbtq#book review#historical fiction#tw racism#tw hate speech#ktreviews#read 2021#disability
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First Line Tag Game
I was tagged by @c-c-cherry
Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors
I don’t write very long first lines, so I’m gonna write the first two lines for most of them. I’m putting them in order from oldest to newest. I also won’t tag anyone because I get self-conscious about interacting with human beings sdjkfl
Silence had been permeating the clearing for the past hour. --Linked Universe fic "Starbound"
The first thing he was aware of, was the sensation of being shoved. --Unfinished Linked Universe fic "Untitled"
It was too hot. The sweltering heat of the Gerudo Wastelands was suffocating. --Linked Universe fic "Comfort"
Legend was the closest. It was a stupid idea, but he charged for the cliff and flung himself from it. --Unfinished Linked Universe fic "Local Idiot Falls Off Cliff"
Twilight’s eyes shot open as he felt the sensation of something pressing against his back. --Unfinished Linked Universe fic "Warmth"
The shift had thrown them all apart. It wasn’t as big of a deal for Twilight. --Linked Universe fic "Killing your Darling"
It was a familiar sound. A rasping gasp followed by hyperventilation. --Unfinished Linked Universe fic "Split"
To say he was tired is to downplay his situation to the extreme. Exhaustion leaked into every inch of his body, pulling at his muscles and hammering at his joints. --Linked Universe Fic "Tired"
Anna sat still. Her shoulders were tense and her back straight as a board. --MotW Campaign fic "Ponytail"
Her gaze bore past him. The young man behind Aiden waved awkwardly from the doorway. --MotW Campaign fic "Damien Enters"
It was sweet, but more than sweet it was numbing. --MotW Campaign fic "Wronged"
We’ve started searching for possibilities, and Remi wants me to document everything to make sure we do this right. --MotW Campaign fic "Cardina’s Notes"
Her eyes grew wide. Well, this wasn’t ideal. --MotW Campaign fic "Greed Consumes"
There was a ring that echoed through the dusty house. Your chair creaks as you shift forward in order to turn and look towards the front door. --MotW Campaign fic "Visitor"
The first time he tries to talk to her, Anna is at work. --MotW Campaign fic "Messages"
She stood at the edge of the woods. The trees filled her with terror. --MotW Campaign fic "Some Vengeance"
A pang of nostalgia struck at the chords of her heart. Her childhood living room lay before her. --MotW Campaign fic "Reflection"
Her life was quiet, and that’s how she liked it. --Excerpt from OC’s Toyhou.se page
His stomach had sunk. His heart had shattered. --Excerpt from OC’s Toyhou.se page
A scream launched Yu from his seat. Instantly, he was on his feet. --Excerpt from OC’s Toyhou.se page
While my favorite fics that I’ve written are #3 “Comfort” (a fic exploring discovering you’re nb and attempting to come out) and #14 “Visitor” (a fic from the point of view of my monster hunter’s horrible mother, who thought she was dead for 20 something years, when she sees her daughter again for the first time), my favorite starting line would probably be from “Local Idiot Falls Off Cliff”(4). I never finished that fic, but the starting line just kinda amuses me, you know?
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♡ open to all ! ( f, nb, m )
muse: kalina wilson, remy rebelliot, or bijou bautista. pls specify which you want, or default will be kalina.
connect ideas: s/o, best friend that she’s possessive of, dom(me)
“ 𝐈'𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 annoyed right now. why do i have to damn near beg to get your attention, but other bitches get it in a heartbeat ? ” kalina was almost full out glaring, close to stomping her foot like a child having a tantrum. she’d never experienced anything like this before. sure, she was bratty and had gone and done something that they asked her not to do, but it wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t getting any attention unless she was being bad. “ i’m too damn cute to be sitting here and getting treated like this. there are plenty other people out there that would be more than happy to treat me like they actually give a damn about me every now and then. ”
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I'm in love with the hockey au Any random facts about the boys?
I Love These Losers
one thing that the team likes to do at parties is go on the twitter tag for the Florida Aces and see what some of the fans have been saying. they have a game where they try to find the raunchiest tweets and see how many they can read out loud before logan actually reacts. (they haven’t gotten him to crack yet, but they also don’t get to play for too long before patton makes them Stop That)
virgil is reigning champ of forgetting that his skate covers are on and completely faceplanting onto the ice during warmups. (he’s only done it twice, but that is. Two Times Too Many)
each semester, the team has something known as a “Golf Party.” the way that a golf party works is that the team starts at someone’s apartment/dorm, parties there for about thirty minutes, walks to someone else’s apartment/dorm, parties there for about thirty minutes, and repeats until they run out of volunteers. (they walk from house to house like one would walk from hole to hole on a golf course).
at this party, there is a designated “Bread Freshman” – or a freshman that carries around a loaf of bread to offer to others when they’re looking particularly drunk. roman was bread freshman his first year, followed by patton, julian, and then myles.
patton knows how to juggle. he didn’t even learn how for any particular reason. he was just bored, so. juggling.
virgil still owns his recorder from middle school, and he knows how to play the John Cena theme on it. this was not something that logan needed to learn at four in the morning after virgil came home wine-drunk from a literature club gathering, but It Is What It Is.
remy can whistle louder than anyone on this team has Ever Met
D learned how to break into the toilet paper dispensers on campus and, resultantly, has not purchased a SINGLE roll of toilet paper since
taglist: @ephemeral-afterlight @scared-ghosthunter @approximately12lbs-of-ducks @harrypotternerdprincess @ginnyfox617 @hickory-dickory-doc-k @thatonenerdphotographer @thebirdsofgay @last-holistic-renegade @hela-daughter-of-loki @logansanderslove @sotakeabitofcalpol @goldteethandacurseforthistown @theitalianscribe @ashensanity @in-a-nook-with-a-book @faycanyons @sapphire-knight @airiervessel @invalid-author @littlestliu @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @demidork84 @pessimisticvirtuoso @theradicalrainbow @fabfan00 @amayaisokay @foxtrot-system @remussvscohangout @syllabyllsakuma @ohthatsworm @cypress-sleeping @quietwords-loudthoughts @partypoison1923 @vara-albion @andreaissy @abi-beehive @awkwardandanxiousfander @meglooy @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors @mariita-2006 @amber474542 @quietpaperplanes @hayden-going-insane @blue-dress-and-ready-to-impress @sanderssides-chaos @call-me-paxton @kimolothecatt @n4o5r7a9 @nerdyleafeon @mariniacipher @lordofkaos @mixedfandommess @cateye-glasses @peachplumfight @discount-milo-thatch @theresneverenoughfandoms @multifandomnightmare @lana–22 @the-smol-est @e-thot-socks @lightenian @cooliofooliosanders @thepotatoqween @lucky-shy-shadow @hr-part-of-a-mind @that-one-nb-kid @o-hello-its-me @crackhead-gemini @randomfactscenteral @a-emo-nightmare @enby-ralsei @insanegoldie2 @logicalityforlifefightmeiswear @melodiread @anderswrites
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Forever
Summary: Logan knew it was just a matter of time before Remy left him. There was only so much one person could give before they needed something in return, and Remy was going to hit that breaking point sooner or later.
Remy just wished Logan could see how much he was giving them.
Content: Blind!Logan, insecurities/self-worth issues in relation to being blind, mentions of becoming blind, fear of being dumped, crying, hurt/comfort, happy ending, nb!Remy
Pairing: Romantic losleep
Notes: Written in @emo-disaster‘s blind logan au- I suggest you read their stuff before this, though technically this fic can stand alone. Also, I’m not blind, and my knowledge of living life blind is pretty limited, so!! if there are any inaccuracies in this fic please let me know and I’ll do my best to remedy them!
~
It had been months since what Remy had taken to calling ‘the accident.’ Logan had his own name for it, but Remy said it was too long and not good for his mental health, so Logan tried to avoid thinking of it as ‘the completely preventable accident that changed everything and stole away the stars’ and just referred to it by Remy’s name for it.
Logan was adjusting. He was learning how to use a cane to get around and getting fairly good at it. He had learned braille. He could move about his and Remy’s house independently. He could do a lot of things independently now.
That didn’t, however, make Logan independent, and he couldn’t help but be bothered by it.
At first, the only thing he was bothered by was how useless he felt. He hated how much he had to rely on Remy to do things that used to be mundane and commonplace. Remy was amazing, of course, and Logan couldn’t ask for anyone better to help him, but that comfort only helped so much.
Eventually, however, he got used to it. It was survival of the fittest, after all- he was in a new situation, he had to adapt. And if adapting was letting Remy help walk him around the house until he got better with his cane and memorizing floor layouts, then that was what Logan would do.
As soon as he had accepted that, however, a new problem ‘reared its ugly head’ in Logan realizing just how much of a burden he had become. Remy would never let Logan call himself that, Logan knew, but it couldn’t stop him from feeling like one.
Remy seemed to always be there when Logan needed them, whether to help him with something or even to just take a break and relax with him. Not to mention, Remy had quit their job for Logan- they said that they could freelance program just as well, that they preferred the new flexibility in their life because of it anyways, but Logan knew that was just a cover. Without a stable job, Remy had no benefits, no insurance or medical plans, no promise of a paycheck. Until Logan found a job- a new one; the accident may have been the byproduct of his own foolish past times, but that didn’t mean he felt chemist was really the job for him anymore- Remy was the sole provider for the both of them, working a job with no guarantees just so they’d be there if Logan needed them.
And Logan… well, he was getting better at not knocking things over when he tried to perform basic tasks.
Suffice to say, he felt pretty useless. Useless and… confused. Remy was doing so much work, all of it for Logan’s sake, but they were just… boyfriends. Dating. Not married, not engaged, not bound together by any real promise or law. It had to be easier, Logan thought, to just dump him so that they could move on with their life.
He had decided, after a bit of thinking, that Remy was just waiting for a good time to dump him. Dumping someone right after they lost their eyesight would be rude, and even if they weren’t going to keep dating, Logan was sure he and Remy would still be friends. Remy probably just wanted to help Logan adjust to his new life before informing him that there was no way they were going to work now. And while Logan did appreciate the sentiment, waiting for that day to come, for the figurative other shoe to drop, was becoming a tense activity.
Because as logical as he knew the action would be, for Remy to dump him and move on, therefore allowing them to continue to live their life unburdened of Logan, Logan still feared the day it would come. He loved Remy, after all, and even if the break-up would be better for them, Logan knew he would miss them, miss cuddling with them and sassing with them and hearing them call him ‘starshine’ and the smell of coffee that always hung about them.
But it would be better for them. So as much as Logan hated the thought of it, he knew it had to happen. And he knew he would be alright, eventually, as long as he could remember that, even if Remy wasn’t his anymore, they’d be happier.
Which is how he had ended up here. He was sitting in one of the dining room chairs, his feet lifted up and balancing on top of the base rungs of it to avoid putting his feet down into milk or ceramic. It had been an accident, of course. He hadn’t meant to accidentally hit the side of his mug of milk too hard when he was trying to pick it back up, he hadn’t meant to forget just where it was on the counter in the first place. But he had, and it had fallen and broken, and Remy had still shown up and refused to let Logan try and clean it up, and it was still all his fault that Remy was busy cleaning the floor of Logan’s mistake instead of working.
Of course, Logan was getting better about this. Mistakes like this one didn’t happen often. But they still happened. And it was still always Remy fixing them.
“Why are we still together?” Logan asked, regretting it as soon as the words made it out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Just because he knew Remy was going to break up with him didn’t mean he wanted to make it happen any sooner. But words said couldn’t be taken back, and Logan knew both he and Remy had been thinking them much too long anyways. Might as well put it out in the open.
Logan didn’t have to see Remy to know they had stopped cleaning, to know they were looking at Logan now, to know they were tilting their head and furrowing their brow. “What?” They said, voice quiet and confused.
Logan tugged on his fingers, not bothering to hide the nervous action. “Why are we still together?” He repeated, because surely Remy must’ve missed the question, because this was really the perfect moment to end it, to end them, and if they knew what Logan had said they would’ve already taken their chance-
Logan’s hands were suddenly in Remy’s, his boyfriend apparently now in front of him. Their grip was gentle but firm, and for a brief moment Logan wished they were holding him instead so that he could melt into that grip. “Because I love you.” Remy said, simply, as if that was all there was to it, as if that was an answer and an explanation all wrapped up in one.
“So?” Logan asked, hating himself more even as he did. He loved Remy too, so much, and they didn’t deserve to have their love met with ‘so.’ But Remy could love again, could love someone better, love someone who didn’t need to constantly be cared for. “You can love someone else.”
“I don’t want to love someone else, darling.” Remy responded, pain and worry now colouring their words. “I’m happy just as I am, right here, loving you.”
Logan shook his head. “No you aren’t.” He said miserably.
Thumbs rubbed over the back of Logan’s hands, the gesture likely meant to be reassuring. “What makes you say that?”
“You can’t be happy like this. Helping me with… helping me with everything. Paying for everything. Doing everything.” Logan told them, squeezing Remy’s hands in lieu of being able to squeeze his own. “And you can’t… you can’t love a burden.”
Remy squeezed Logan’s hands back, and Logan could tell from the grip it wasn’t just reassurance, wasn’t just a reminder that Remy was there. It was a reaction of surprise; probably surprise that Logan had called them out so easily. It was kind of them to say they were happy and all, but… Logan would rather they be actually happy than they try to be happy in a place where they couldn’t be.
But then Remy spoke, tone urgent and tight as if they needed Logan to hear whatever they had to say. “You’re wrong, beloved. Completely wrong.”
“Remy-”
“You’re not a burden. Gods, Lo, you could never be a burden to me.” Remy said fiercely, one hand releasing Logan’s and resting on his cheek instead. “I love you. I’m happy with you.”
“For how long?” Logan asked, his voice breaking as he spoke. Everything about Remy’s voice and words screamed real, but even if Remy still loved him now, Logan knew it couldn’t last.
“I- Forever. Logan, I’m going to love you forever.” Remy replied, both of their hands now on Logan’s cheeks.
Logan reached up, hands finding Remy’s wrists and holding onto them. He wasn’t sure if his eyes had been open before then or not, but they were squeezed shut now as he forced his tears not to fall. “It can’t last. You’ve already given up so much for me… you can’t keep giving forever. You’ll tire of it and then you’ll tire of me and you won’t love me anymore, no matter what you say.”
For a moment, there was silence. Logan wished he could see Remy’s face, see what they were thinking, what they were feeling, but it was the reason why he couldn’t that had gotten them there in the first place.
“You’ve been thinking about this for a while.” Remy said. It wasn’t a question.
Logan nodded and the grip on his cheeks increased, even though it was still gentle. He let out a small sigh. He was going to miss this.
“I love you, starshine, and that’s not changing anytime soon.” Remy reiterated, voice soft. They pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead, one just as gentle as their tone. “I just finished a project. Do you want to cuddle and listen to Big Hero 6?”
They’re avoiding the subject. Logan thought, his metaphorical heart falling. That meant… Remy knew what he was saying was true. They knew that, one of these days, it was all going to fall apart. Logan took it as a small win that they were distressed enough by the thought they were avoiding it, however. That meant that, for however long it would last, Remy did love him. Logan could work with that. He could cherish that.
“Don’t you have to finish picking up my mug?” Logan asked. He hated to bring it up, a reminder of just another reason why they weren’t going to work out, but a slippery floor with ceramic shards was more of a hazard than it had ever been for him before. It was for the best that it was cleaned completely.
“It’s already taken care of, hun, don’t worry.” Remy told him, moving their hands from Logan’s cheeks to hold his hands instead, helping him to his feet. They let go of one of Logan’s hands, clearly intending to let him lead the way to their bedroom, but Logan stepped closer to them and pressed himself into their side. He wasn’t sure how many more of these moments he’d be able to get, and he wanted to make the most of every one.
Without hesitation, Remy slipped an arm around Logan’s shoulders, holding him close. They still held one of his hands as well, starting off towards the bedroom at a pace that was steady and consistent, making it easy for Logan to match their stride.
They broke apart when they reached their bedroom, Logan moving to settle on the bed while Remy (presumably) saved out of their work and closed their laptop. Barely a minute passed before Remy was back, pulling Logan down so that his head was resting in their lap, already starting to play with Logan’s hair as they turned on the movie. Logan tried to focus on the niceness of the moment and not how much he’d miss it.
Because he would miss it, would miss the light scrape of Remy’s nails against Logan’s scalp as they convince him to relax, would miss Remy’s warmth as they held him close to them, would miss the sound of Remy lightly humming until the movie started and sometimes even when it was playing. He would miss Remy.
But while he was missing Remy, Remy would be free and happy. And if the choice was happiness without Logan or Logan without happiness, well…
If you love something, let it go.
~
“Remy, why are we here?”
“You’ll see babe, you’ll see. Er. You’ll understand.”
Logan ignored Remy’s slip of tongue. It was just an expression, and Logan had far more important things to worry about than phrasing that was technically inaccurate.
For example, why he and Remy were at the beach.
Remy had, of course, told Logan where they were going before they left, but Logan could’ve guessed where they were even if they hadn’t. He could hear waves lapping on the shore, and the smell of saltwater was still very recognizable. None of that answered why they were at the beach, but Logan figured it was nice to at least know where he was.
Remy bumped their arm against Logan’s, allowing him to take it if he so pleased, and Logan accepted the offer of help gratefully. He felt secure enough in his skills with a cane to get around by himself, but he hadn’t exactly attempted to navigate a beach yet.
Still providing no explanations, Remy began to move forward, their grip on Logan’s hand gentle but firm as they walked. Though Logan was careful to not go too fast, he found the sand to be less of a challenge to traverse than he thought. He still didn’t let go of Remy’s hand, however.
Logan stopped when Remy did, guessing from the sound and smell that they were now standing right on the shore. He poked his guide stick forward, suspicion confirmed by the small splash noise that was made when his stick hit ground again.
“Do you mind taking your shoes off, love?” Remy asked after a moment of them just standing there in silence, both enjoying the moment in their own way. On old instinct, Logan turned towards Remy, hoping his confusion showed on his face. It must have, because Remy chuckled before adding, “I’ll explain in a minute, I promise.”
Though he was confused, Logan did as Remy asked, using their arm to support himself as he tugged off his shoes. Having not put on socks (also at Remy’s request), Logan tried not to shudder at the texture of sand directly against his feet. It wasn’t a bad texture, just an odd one. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt it.
Logan dropped his shoes next to him. “Now what?” He asked, curious as to where all of this was going to.
He wasn’t expecting Remy to squeeze his hand and ask him, surprisingly seriously, “Can you feel the sand beneath your feet?”
“Can I-” Logan shook his head, more puzzled than he had been a moment ago. “Of course I can, Remy. My eyes are damaged, not my nervous system.”
“I know, babe, don’t worry. Just asking.” Remy said, which cleared nothing up for Logan. Remy tugged just a little bit on Logan’s arm, prompting him forward. “Step forward with me?”
Logan did so, only shivering a little as he stepped into the cold water. Despite the chill, the feel of the water around his feet and lapping at his ankles was nice.
“Can you feel the water?” Remy asked, once more prompting Logan to turn towards them, as if facing them would help Logan read them.
“Yes, I can.” Logan answered, still confused, now waiting for Remy to provide him with an explanation.
A breeze blew by. “Can you feel the wind in your hair?” Remy asked as it happened. Logan nodded. “Can you feel the sun on your skin?” Logan nodded again, the feeling of sun-warmed skin plenty familiar.
Remy tightened their grip on Logan’s hand. “Can you feel my touch?” They asked, their voice sounding slightly wrong, half a pitch too high.
Logan squeezed their hand back. “Of course I can, Andromeda.” Logan told them, the old but beloved petname rolling off his tongue before he could stop it. He had been trying to use less of them recently, to make the inevitable transition from dating to being single easier, but something about Remy seemed to be off, and it would always be Logan’s first reaction to try and help Remy when something was wrong.
Remy let out a small laugh at the petname, but Logan knew the reaction was a fond one, and he didn’t need to see Remy to know they were smiling now, a small but sappy expression that Logan intended to never forget.
There was a rustling noise as Remy moved, and a moment later their free hand was gently getting Logan to let go of his guide stick, leaving it to hang off his wrist instead. Hand now empty, Remy left his hand so that it was open and palm-up before pressing something into it and curling Logan’s fingers around it.
“Can you feel that?” Remy asked, their voice still a little off but almost in a good way, as if they were borderline giddy or trying not to be excited. Intrigued, Logan pressed his fingers even closer around the small object, trying to discern what it was.
It didn’t take long for Logan to figure out what it felt like it was. Circular, metallic but not heavy, no center. It felt like it was a ring. But it couldn’t be a ring- there was only one reason Logan could think of that Remy would be giving him a ring, and that wasn’t- that was never going to happen, so it couldn’t be a ring.
Further investigation of the object seemed to only be providing evidence to it being a ring, however. The hole in the object seemed to be just big enough to fit snugly on his ring finger. There were three slightly uneven bumps embedded in the metal, the middle one a little bigger than the others, just like inset gemstones. Raised points on the opposite side of the possible gemstones felt like braille, and after a moment Logan was able to make out the word they stood for- ‘forever.’
“The braille’s new.” Remy said softly as Logan ran his finger back over the dots again, trying to see if it was a different word, but only coming up with forever, forever, forever. “The ring’s not.”
“I…” Logan didn’t know what to say. The ring being old probably meant that Remy had gotten it before the accident- which was another thing he was going to have to contemplate soon- but adding the braille meant after the accident, meant after Logan went blind and after quitting their job and after having to do so much to help Logan, meant after all of that and still waiting to give Logan the ring. It meant… it meant more things than Logan felt he could process right then, maybe ever.
“I’m not asking you to marry me.” Remy said, which made Logan’s heart ache even though he knew there must be more to the explanation, even though most of him knew Remy wouldn’t want to marry him anyways; not now. “I don’t know if you’re ready for that, or if you want that. That’s not my call to make, and that’s not my decision to force on you. But that’s not the point.
“I love you, Logan. I loved you before the accident, I loved you after the accident, and I still love you now. That hasn’t changed.” Remy stopped for a moment, their free hand coming to rest on Logan’s cheek, catching the one tear that had begun to slip down Logan’s cheek and wipe it away. “Last week… you kept talking about being a burden, about how I would get tired of helping you and then I’d get tired of you. You said I was giving everything without getting anything. I told you you were wrong, but I could tell you didn’t believe me.”
Logan didn’t respond to that. Remy was right; he hadn’t believed them. Maybe he believed that Remy still loved him in the moment, but he wasn’t a fool. No moment lasts forever, and a relationship built on one person always giving and the other always taking was a doomed relationship.
“So that’s why I’m telling you again. You’re wrong, babe, so completely horribly wrong it really puts a shame to that big brain of yours.” Remy went on, tone both teasing and adoring, catching Logan off-guard. “You’re not a burden. I don’t think it’s possible for me to tire of you, much less leave you. And to say I’m giving without getting is a little rude to the love of my life, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped thinking like that.”
“...What are you saying?” Logan asked, slowly, fingers still pressing the ring into his hand hard enough to indent his palm, well aware another tear was slipping down his face even in his confusion.
“I’m saying that you give me so, so much, sweetheart.” Remy answered, sounding the slightest bit choked up, and Logan had the feeling if he touched their face he’d find tear tracks running down their cheeks. “You give me cuddles when I try to get out of bed before you and you indulge me when I do the same to you. You let me hold your hand even though I’m perfectly capable of just following you because I want to hold your hand. You rant about space and stars and planets to me when even slightly prompted. You accept my snark with a smile you pretend isn’t fond and you offer me a completely and unabashedly fond smile when I’m just playing with your hair. You give me your love,” Remy’s voice cracked there, but Logan had the feeling that wasn’t a bad thing, “and that is worth so, so much more to me than I think you know.”
Logan was properly crying now, tears falling down both his cheeks and making a mess of his face. Remy didn’t seem to mind as they pressed their forehead against Logan’s, pulling him close.
“It would be my greatest honor, pleasure, and joy to spend the rest of my life with you, to the point I’m more than willing to have it stamped out on some government paper.” Remy said, voice quieter but still filled with only love. “And if you wanted, I would marry you right now, or tomorrow, or in a week, or in a month, or in a year, or in a decade, or never. I would marry you if you were blind, deaf, and mute. I would marry you anywhere, anytime, anyway, because I love you, so damn much, and nothing is going to change that, much less the fact that you’re blind.”
“I love you.” Logan said, suddenly, his grip on Remy’s hand tightening almost too much. “Don’t leave me.”
“Never.” Remy vowed in a breath. “That’s the whole point of this.” Their hand left Logan’s cheek, moving down to hold Logan’s hand, interlocking their fingers and trapping the ring between both of their palms. “I wanted you to be able to feel my love.” And then, softly, so softly spoken Logan almost missed it, “Can you feel my love?”
It was, objectively, a ridiculous question. One can’t feel love- it’s an abstract concept, something you can know exists in words and actions but can’t feel all by itself.
And yet, Logan knew without a doubt that the answer to Remy’s question was a firm yes. He could feel Remy’s love, logic be damned. He could feel it in every word Remy had just said. He could feel it in the warmth of Remy’s hands in his, to keep him steady in more ways than one. He could feel it in the new braille raised on old metal.
He could feel it because he knew it was there.
It only took one stumbled step forwards before Logan was against Remy’s chest, the ring once more firmly held in his hand alone as Remy’s arms wrapped around him and held him close, close enough Logan could feel Remy’s heart beat against their chest. He held onto Remy as best he could, pressing his face into Remy’s shoulder and crying, no longer in fear of an approaching end but in the overwhelming joy of a beautiful future.
“I’ll marry you.” He said a minute or two after he had finished crying, when it was just him and Remy, holding each other silently.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” Logan responded, aware that he should wait, aware that he should step back from the situation and not make any decisions like this until he had calmed down from new realization that Remy wasn’t going to leave him, to make sure he wasn’t just trying to figuratively snatch Remy up before they could change their mind and get away from him. But he didn’t want to wait. He wanted to marry Remy and he wanted Remy to know he wanted to marry them and he wanted Remy to know that now.
Remy chuckled as they pressed a kiss against the top of Logan’s head, and Logan liked to believe he could feel Remy smiling as they did so. “Then you’ll marry me.” They promised before gently pulling away from Logan, one arm still wrapped around his waist as they took the hand Logan was holding the ring in. They pulled slightly at his fingers and Logan opened his hand, allowing Remy to pick up the ring before they turned his hand over, holding the palm of it while allowing the fingers to stretch out.
“May I?” They asked, the quiet request causing Logan to blush for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of.
“Please do.” He responded, also quiet, his words laced with longing as well. Slowly, as if they wanted to savor the moment, Remy slipped the ring onto Logan’s finger. Logan wiggled his fingers, happy when the ring didn’t move. It fit perfectly.
“And now, we’re engaged.” Remy said, raising Logan’s hand so that they could kiss the back of it, causing Logan’s blush to deepen as he smiled. He leaned forwards a bit, happy when Remy met his lips a second later with their own.
The kiss wasn’t long- neither Logan nor Remy cared much for making-out or lip kissing in general- but it didn’t need to be. They already knew the importance of the moment, the beauty of each other, the love they shared that some might have called too much but they would’ve called not enough. The kiss was just a symbol of that. It didn’t have to be long, it just had to be theirs.
Logan pulled away after a few seconds, once more resting his head on Remy’s shoulder, this time not to cry but just to be close to them. He held his hands close to his chest, running his finger over the braille on his ring over and over and over, the repeated motion and word a continuous reminder of all that had just happened and all that would happen.
Gentle fingers worked their way into his hair, Remy settling their head on top of Logan’s as they played with his hair. “Do you want to go home and celebrate with cuddles?” Remy asked, their tone soft and fond and sweet in ways Logan wasn’t sure he had heard before but wanted to hear forever.
“Soon.” Logan answered. “I want to stay here a little longer.”
“Anything for you, starshine.” Remy replied, kissing Logan’s head again. Logan smiled into their neck, relaxing against them even more.
Though Logan could still feel the sand beneath his feet, the water around his ankles, the wind in his hair, and the sun on his skin, he wasn’t focused on them. His attention was held entirely by Remy holding him, by Remy’s hand combing through his hair, by Remy’s chest steadily moving up and down in time with their breaths, and by the braille on his ring. His attention was held by warmth and comfort and Remy. His attention was held by love. And his love’s attention was held by him.
And despite what challenges they might face, despite Logan’s worries and fears, despite everything that might stand in their way, that wasn’t going to change. They were going to be together. They were going to be in love. They were going to be happy.
And they were going to be like that forever.
#losleep#ts logan#ts sleep#ts remy#fanfic#fanfiction#ts sides#sanders sides#the cryptid speaks#blind logan au#blind!logan#nb!remy
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