#And i have plenty of friends with no kids and a career instead who are very happy
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Yikes i read the article and there are SO MANY terrifying sentences. Girls if your self worth in your twenties is based around looking down on and degrading 'older' women in their thirties....that is a slippery slope.
Also the author talks as if her tiny window of experience is universal. Most of my friends who are in true partnerships are happy in their 30's including the ones who have kids.
"I had high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step" like wtf this woman sounds as if she's stuck in a bridgerton episode???? Like her nubile body is being presented at cotillion to the highest bidding elegible bachelor. How are we not past this feeling like a requirement as a society?????
#Jrnlsht#Life is a gamble and just because some of us picked one path and lost doesnt mean the other path was better#Am i alone and realizing that because of the economy and gap in wages i will probably never be able to have kids as a single mother?#Yeah#But marrying young to someone wealthy is also no garuntee of happiness i have seen that crash and burn with my friends too#In one instance a friend who gave up everything for her wealthy boyfriend only to have him suddenly turn her out of the house after a decad#Of living together#Meanwhile my bff and her husband with their two kids have been together for over 14 years and are still happy as pigs in mud#And i have plenty of friends with no kids and a career instead who are very happy#The thing you dont want to end up with is me: 35 alone unlovable AND no career hahahahahaha my life is great
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nonidol!jeong yunho x f!reader
yunho might have been the superstar out of the two of you, but you have always been the center of his universe. (you — it's always been you.)
▷ genre, warnings. bffs2l, childhood friends 2 lovers, pining, popstar/singer au, swearing, fluff, humor, angst, hurt/comfort, kissing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety/nervousness, they physically cannot be apart for too long sorry they've got Attachment Issues low-key..., one kiss (is all it takes—)
▷ word count. 16.3k (guys,, this was supposed to be only like 6-8k i swear 😭)
▷ associated tunes. keep smiling (demxntia), gone too long (lullaboy), tear in my heart (twenty-one pilots)
a/n: hope u guys like this :'))) i had one of the scenes from here stuck in my brain for awhile and so i had to build the rest of the fic around it, and it turned into this monster, so uhm yes... also much love to @jaehunnyy tysm for reading thru it for me 💖
THE DAY YUNHO'S ALBUM hit the Billboard Hot 100, you knew that you were going to need a lot more hands on deck than just you, your roommate, and Jeong Yunho himself.
“There's not enough albums, not enough time in the day, not enough of you!” You exclaimed with your fingers shoved into your hair as you took in the landscape of chaos before you on your living room floor. “Yunho, why couldn't you be ambidextrous?”
His eyes widened, body frozen where he was shoving a slice of beef jerky into his mouth. “Mwe? Pwhy are pyu yellinh ap mwe por?”
“I'm not yelling at you; I'm just wondering why you weren't born with eight arms instead of just two.” There were simply too many albums for him to sign before his agent came to pick them up in two hours, and there were also too few albums for the amount of demand. You always knew your best friend would make it big one day, but you also thought he would have had a whole team by that time.
Technically, you were his team—you, your roommate Trinity, and Mingi who was at his grandmother's for the long weekend. Mingi was five texts away from driving back down to help you guys four hours ago though. But his family needed him right now, and Yunho was firm in ensuring Mingi didn't have to come down and help. We got this, he'd said. It'll be easy, he also said.
Sure. Easy.
“We can't just forge his signature?” Trinity joked in a sleep-deprived daze as she leaned back against the couch cushions. Her mouth opened wide in a yawn. “I'm kidding. Let's not ruin his career.”
Yunho swallowed his bite. “That would be nice.” He cleaned his fingers on the Wet Wipe he had handy by his thigh, then picked up his black Sharpie, spinning the writing utensil between his fingers. “Now where were we? Album number fifty-six—?”
This had taken place just four months after Yunho released his second album, Aurora. It had been nearly a year and a half since Yunho debuted himself onto the music scene, and it was about time people finally began to recognize your best friend for all that he was—multi-talented, charismatic, handsome (on some occasions; you wouldn’t let him catch you slipping up there, though).
Within the next year and a half, Yunho skyrocketed into further altitudes of fame.
There were plenty of changes that occurred, many evolutions to Yunho's team and additions to his discography, but you were always a part of it. Even with your own career dealings, you would drop anything to be there for him, and him for you. Between the morning show interviews and late night recording sessions, there were also the research presentations and study session pick-me-ups.
“Are you sure you don't wanna come with?” You asked from where you were stationed in front of the bathroom mirror, putting on the final touches for your look this evening.
You could hear Trinity's fingers clacking away at her keyboard at the speed of light through her open bedroom door. “I'd love to, but I unfortunately did screw myself over by procrastinating on this paper. Have fun though, and tell Yunho congrats for me.”
Tonight was the album release party for Yunho's third full studio album entitled Youth. It was something he had been working on for years now, only recently having become satisfied with the tracks he chose and produced for it. Due to his sudden rise in fame, the release party was said to be hosting a myriad of big name celebrities and figures in the music industry. And of course, you. You were no one special, in hindsight, but Yunho couldn't begin to imagine celebrating a milestone without you by his side.
By eight o'clock, you were ready to head out.
You bid Trinity goodbye as you hustled out the front door of your apartment and down to the street below. Yunho and Mingi and everyone else would already be at the party; you would arrive on your own via Uber. You wished you could've been with him to get ready like all the other times, but your schedule had been unfortunate as of late. You were lucky enough to have gotten off of work this early.
As you sat in the backseat of your ride, you anxiously fidgeted with your phone in your lap.
(You were, without a doubt, excited to arrive at the party. Due to yours and Yunho's ever-busy and ever-conflicting schedules nowadays—yours because of work and PhD candidacy stuff, Yunho's because of rehearsals for his upcoming world tour—it had been awhile since you were able to hang out in person. You missed your gentle giant of a best friend.)
A loud vibration from it made your heart leap into your throat, and your face lit up in the dark with the incoming notification.
rockstar 🤟: pls tell me you've left the house
You snorted and typed out a swift reply. If I told you I was still in my pajamas…
rockstar 🤟: then i would call u a liar cuz u don't go to work in pjs, weirdo
rockstar 🤟: just getting antsy tbh
rockstar 🤟: need my star here w me :’)))
You couldn't help the touched pout that came to your face. I'm almost there, don't worry. And who are you calling a star when that's you? He always got a little sappy when he was nervous.
rockstar 🤟: im literally not having fun here without u hurry up ://
your phone: isn't this UR album release party 😭 yun, why aren't u having fun?
rockstar 🤟: just hurry up
your phone: aish okok 🤧 eta 8min mr. impatient
You knew it was the jitters making him say things like that. Once you got there, you hoped you could help reassure him that he could stop worrying for just a second to enjoy himself. Even if Yunho worried about the album and what people thought, you were just as nervous. You hadn't even heard the entire thing—he’d been cheeky and didn't tell you he added a song to it last minute, but you'd listened to everything else.
You just hoped that people would continue to celebrate him and give him the love he deserved.
When your Uber driver pulled into the drop off loop at the front of the venue, you thanked him on your way out and threw the strap of your small purse over your shoulder. Already, however, as you were met with the residuals of flashing camera lenses and frantic paparazzi calls just a little ways down the driveway, the anxiety slowly began to settle in the pit of your stomach.
You could see the celebrities going up the entrance with people asking them to pose for their cameras, to say a word into their recorders.
Immediately, you turned on your heel and began slipping your way to a side entrance. The last thing you wanted was for dozens upon dozens of people to be staring at you, wondering who you were and why you were important. There were definitely people who knew you—you were plastered all over Yunho's social media because that was just what best friends did. But compared to everyone else walking up that driveway? Not a chance. You were nobody, and that was ay-okay to you.
Just as you thanked one of the employees coming out the side door for letting you in, you felt your phone buzz in your hand again, this time with an incoming call.
You picked it up and squeezed it between your ear and shoulder. “You're gonna need to speak up—the kitchen is super loud.”
“You're here finally!” Yunho said to you through the phone. “I was starting to get worried.”
You chuckled as you ducked out of the kitchen and into the main lobby to get to the elevators. The party was taking place somewhere on the seventh floor… if you could get there without getting lost. “Hey Yun, do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Calm down, man.”
The elevator sang its arrival and you stepped inside to the sound of Yunho sucking in a deep breath, then exhaling slowly. “I am calm… wait, are you in the lobby? Let me come down and get y—”
“I just got in the elevator, so don't worry—and I really don't think you should be leaving your own party, rockstar,” you teased. “Man, Mingi and Hwa really pulled out all the stops for this place,” you marveled quietly as you gave the elevator carriage a thorough look. It was made of marble and mirrors, every surface polished and crisp, like that of a tailored suit if tailored suits were made of crystals.
“Yeah, it's really great,” he agreed. “Remember the release party we threw for Crescent?”
A fond laugh tumbled out of your lips as you stepped out of the elevator and onto the seventh floor. Your mind filled with memories of his debut album's release party hosted in yours and Trinity's living room with three extra large Domino's pizzas, root beer floats, and a cheap disco ball. It had been a party for four that night—you, Yunho, Mingi, and Trinity—but your friends didn't need the fancy shit to have fun. “Definitely leagues away from this.”
There was a bouncer at the far end of the hallway, and you were certain now that you were in the right place.
“I kind of miss it,” Yunho murmured. You heard the sound on his end shift, simultaneous to watching the doors in front of you crack open and see Yunho's head pop out into the empty hallway.
“I kind of miss it, too,” you said into the phone, your eyes locked on his and a smile blooming over your features at the sight of your best friend, in the flesh.
There was a tender gleam in his eyes as he took you in and said something in a low tone to the bouncer. He stepped out into the hallway, letting the doors behind him shut fully.
“Slowpoke,” was his greeting to you as he scooped you into his embrace. The smell of his cologne was something familiar and delicious, and permeated your senses.
“Worrywart,” you quipped back, wrapping your arms around him to reciprocate.
When you both pulled back, he kept you at arm's length so he could take a better look at you. “I can't believe you're calling me the worrywart! I do recall that one night when Aurora hit the Top 100—”
You silenced him with a look and a playful punch to his shoulder. You pressed your lips together to suppress a smile as he tilted his head back in a jovial laugh. “Quiet, you. For once, I can't believe you're more nervous than I am.”
He gave a sheepish grin, fussing with the unbuttoned collar of his dress shirt, adjusting the chain he wore on his collarbones so the clasp sat right at the hollow of his throat.
You softened. Oh, he was really nervous.
“This album's just big for me; you know that,” he said, almost like he was trying to brush it off.
“I do.” The two of you began slowly making your way back towards the party doors. “Though, I'm excited to hear this mystery song that you snuck on there. I'm sure everyone will fall in love with the album, just like I did.”
He peered over at you then, and you couldn't understand why you were unable to read his expression then. It was… different. “Really?”
You blinked. “Of course,” you replied automatically. “I mean,” you added, “it's you, Yun. What's not to love?”
Yunho seemed speechless for a second, but moments later, he was breaking into a soft-cornered smile. “You always know what to say, Yn. Come on, there are some people who are dying to meet you.”
“Dying to meet me?” You laughed as the bouncer let the two of you into the party.
The party room was a rented out lounge space with wraparound windows that looked out at the skyline in the valley below. The main lights were kept low and warm, illuminating strategic places throughout the space to highlight the prohibition-like interior design. It was something out of a 1920s speakeasy with its velvet couches and dark mahogany wood finishes.
Yunho took you over toward the side of the room to get food first. There was a variety of snacks and small bites on the buffet table, and there was a bar counter shoved into the far corner where a bartender served drinks.
“I've pretty much socialized with everyone in this room already,” Yunho murmured to you as he shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned. “Meaning I can bug you for the rest of the night.”
Your eyebrows shot up. “There has to be, like, fifty people here. We still have the whole party left.”
“Yeah, but I have more fun with you anyway,” he said with a shrug. He reached for one of the little serving cups that held a little roll of rice armed with a slice of wagyu beef on top, all wrapped together with a strip of nori. “Now these—these are fucking amazing, dude. You have to try one.”
You snorted, but grabbed one of the little cups. “How many of these have you eaten already, Yun?”
He tapped his cup against yours like he was clinking glasses together. He chuckled, averting his gaze. “We don't have to talk about that…” His eyes caught onto someone nearby, and he perked up, shoving the entire bite into his mouth so he had a free hand to flag down whoever it was. “Mmh!”
You nearly choked on your own bite as you watched your best friend, who's cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk's, flap his arm around in the air to get this person's attention because his mouth was currently occupied.
You turned your head to see who he was waving over, and nearly choked again, having to cup your hand over your mouth to prevent rice from falling out. Your eyes widened an alarming amount. “Mmno—!” You mumbled through your bite.
“What? I can't hear you,” he snickered. “Hongjoong hyung! There's someone I want you to meet.”
You made a crazed gesture—no, no, I'm not ready! How dare you ambush me with social interac—you swallowed the food in your mouth as Hongjoong made his way over. You had never met the famed Kim Hongjoong—legendary producer, prodigy musician, favorite model to ever strut down the Paris Fashion Week Runway. He dropped off the grid for a brief three-month hiatus until he suddenly reappeared, but in your best friend's Instagram story. At some point, Yunho had met Hongjoong and won his favor. Then again, it was easy for Yunho to win over anyone's favor.
No one really knew why Hongjoong disappeared like he had, but some speculate it had something to do with his new relationship status: single.
You were always starstruck seeing Hongjoong on Yunho and Mingi's social media, as well as Hongjoong's own platforms. Tonight was no exception.
Hongjoong's hair of the season was a simple light brown that complimented his skin tone and the warmth in his smile. You were used to seeing him in more extravagant garb, but tonight, he chose something very simple, but chic like Yunho.
Yunho and Hongjoong clasped hands in greeting. “What's up, man?” The latter chirped, eyes flickering over to you as you attempted to behave normally.
Yunho gestured toward you, his eyes twinkling as he swept his arm around your shoulders to bring you forward. “This is Yn. Yn, this is Hongjoong. He's the one who produced the album—”
“Now, don't downplay your own efforts, Yunho,” Hongjoong cut in with a knowing look. “You produced so much of it on your own; I fine-tuned and made a couple tracks, but the rest was all you, man.”
“I always tell him he's far too humble,” you agreed.
Hongjoong sent you a smile, extending his hand out. “Great minds think alike, Yn. It's very nice to meet the person this guy doesn't ever stop talking about.”
You laughed good-naturedly and saw Yunho's flushed sheepishness out of the corner of your eye. You shook Hongjoong's hand with a firm, confident grip. “Nice to meet you, too. You're—you’re incredible, by the way. I remember when Yunho posted a photo with you, and I literally screamed his ear off over the phone.”
Yunho winced and held a hand up to his ear, as if remembering the physical sensation of that phone call. “Yup, definitely damaged my eardrum that day.”
“Well, thank you; I'm flattered,” Hongjoong replied pleasantly. “So I'm assuming you've probably heard as much of the album as I have then?”
“I'm sure you've heard the whole thing,” you said. “Yunho has withheld one of the tracks from me, but I've listened to all the rest.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Oh? Which track did—oh.” As he and Yunho made eye contact, you watched as a silent understanding passed between them, and Hongjoong's mouth tugged upward in a teasing smile. “That song.”
You blinked. “What does that mean?”
Hongjoong flourished his hand as if to wave away the thought. “He just wanted it to be perfect, so we were working on it up to the last second. Nothing terribly concerning.”
Ah. You relaxed, but the curiosity still lingered in your mind's eye. “I'm sure it's great, nonetheless.”
“Oh yeah, you're gonna love—”
“Oh-kay! That's enough about the song,” Yunho chuckled nervously as he grabbed your shoulders and began steering you away from a clearly amused Hongjoong. “Let's go say hi to Mingi, hm?”
You threw him a look from over your shoulder, but went along with him toward wherever he'd seen Mingi wandering around. “What has gotten into you tonight?” You teased, though, you also hoped to know why he was so jittery. He wasn't even this nervous about dropping his debut album.
Yunho showed you a bright smile, the same kind of golden-retriever expression that the media knew him well for. It would have been enough if you didn't know him. “Again, it's an important album to me. And the song I added last minute is on the deluxe version, so I wasn't really confident in putting it on the original release.”
“Ah,” you murmured. You reached up to pat the hand that rested on your left shoulder reassuringly. “I'm sure it really is a great song, Yun, and I'm not just saying that. You can make an awful omelet, but you can't make an awful song.”
Your best friend bursted into laughter at the latter comment, and your heart soared to see the genuine smile on his face now. That was your Yunho shining through. “You're right—if I can't scramble eggs, at least I can write a song.”
Over the next hour and a half, Yunho took you on a tour around the room, jumping from friend to friend to introduce you to more of his world. For the most part, however, it felt like an excuse for you to bond with all his friends in teasing him about something or other. But he seemed content enough to see you getting along well with the other people close to him.
He had met plenty of your friends at your work, so it was only fair that you got the same opportunity.
At some point while you were with Wooyoung and San discussing all of the rehearsals for Yunho's upcoming world tour, Hongjoong summoned everyone's attention to announce that it was time to listen to the album. It would be a rather casual affair with the Youth album playing in the background of the party, but you were certain people would minimize their conversations to listen in.
You craned your neck to peer around the crowd to see where Yunho had gone off to. “Wait, guys, did you see where Yunho went?”
Wooyoung and San joined your search, but quickly hustled you into a nearby booth to sit and enjoy the album with your drinks. “He'll find us,” Wooyoung assured you as the three of you slipped into the leather seats. “He wouldn't miss this.”
“He'll at least be here by the last song,” San said offhandedly, his eyebrows wagging up and down.
Your lips parted, your face morphing into feigned offense. “Wait. Did he let you guys listen to the deluxe edition song, too?”
“Maybe,” Wooyoung giggled.
San cooed at your pout. “Awwh, don't take it to heart, Yn-ie. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.”
You raised your drink to your lips, sighing before taking a sip. “Everybody talks about this damn song as if he wrote it for me.”
Unbeknownst to you, the two others at the table exchanged pointed looks between one another when you were looking away. It was a wonder how Yunho was able to keep this all a secret from you. Though, even San and Wooyoung knew how busy you could get nowadays, so perhaps it really was just that easy. Plus, they had all at one point or another been privy to Yunho’s feelings—
“Speak of the Devil,” you perked up at the sight of your best friend emerging from the crowd with the others—Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, Jongho (vocal coach and album feature), and Yeosang (PR management)—in tow behind him. “We were wondering where you had gone off to.”
Yunho grinned as the lot of them squished into the circular seating arrangement with you, San, and Wooyoung. “Sorry, had to go round everyone up. The album should be queued up and ready to go.” He chose to sit on the end of the booth to your right while everyone else filled it up from the other side.
You offered him a sip of your drink, and he gladly took the glass from you. “So San and Woo were just telling me about how their tour prep is coming. You guys are leaving—what was it—two weeks from now?”
He hummed, smacking his lips as he set the glass back down on the table. “Yeah, it should be just about two weeks,” he said. His arm came up to rest against the back of the booth seat behind you. “You know, you can still come to the first stop with us…” This was said with a very pointed look at you from Yunho, followed by similar expressions from everyone else around the table.
“And you know that day’s when my supervisor holds quarterly meetings that are mandatory,” you shot back. As much as you hated the timing, the day that Yunho and the team planned to fly to their first stop on his world tour, you were required to be present for a very important meeting at work.
The Youth World Tour was something Yunho had been looking forward to and preparing for a long time. Besides working on the Youth album itself, his working hours extended over the past year or so to get ready for this major milestone. You would definitely be able to meet up with them at one of the tour stops, you just weren’t sure which one yet.
Things at your workplace were a little rocky as of late due to shifting management, but you would play it by ear. For your best friend, of course you would make it work somehow.
Your ears pricked up at the sound of strings strumming overhead and your heart leapt out of your ribcage for a moment. “Oh my god, I love this song.”
“You and me both, Yn,” Hongjoong chuckled across the table from you, reaching over so you could bump fists with him, “you’ve got good taste.”
“You’re only saying that because you wrote this one specifically,” Yunho sputtered out a laugh while rolling his eyes.
“It’s a good message,” you said, picking up your drink to take a generous gulp of it. There was a little left at the bottom of the martini glass and you swirled the liquid around before handing it over to Yunho to finish. “I think this one will definitely make it onto my work playlist.”
Yunho draped the back of his hand over his forehead, setting the now empty glass on the table. “Wow, relegated to the work playlist. Is that all I am to you?”
“You are a mood maker,” you pointed out with a teasing smile.
“Bro, you're complaining as if Yn doesn't put her work playlist on for everything she does.” Mingi arched his brows over the rims of his sunglasses. (Why was he wearing sunglasses indoors and at night? You didn't know; he said something about looking cool.)
Wooyoung chuckled. “What? So let's say you're trying to sleep—”
“Yah, I have a different playlist for that! I'm not completely unreasonable.”
“Completely,” Yunho and Mingi said at the same time, then looked at each other with wide, excited eyes. They bursted out laughing at once, too, leaving you to deadpan at the two clowns to your eleven o'clock and three o'clock.
You sighed. “I hate you guys.”
That only made them laugh louder, spurring on the others to crack smiles and for you to do the same.
Yunho calmed slightly, his cheeks hurting from smiling. “Aw, you walked right into that one, Yn.”
“So you're saying you are, in some capacity, unreasonable—oh my god, don't hurt me!” Mingi shrieked as he shoved Yeosang's body in front of him like a human shield as you lurched forward and threatened to grab him.
Yeosang sent Mingi a dirty look as he wrestled out of his neighbor's hold. “Dude.”
“Jongho, protect me.”
The vocal coach popped the olive from his martini into his mouth. “If you can't handle the heat, hyung, stay out of the kitchen.”
You nodded, raising your pointer finger up. “Exactly.”
For the next hour, you and your friends shared good company and conversation, while also commenting on, praising, and enjoying the tunes from Yunho's Youth album. There were a good thirteen songs featured on the album, and while most of them were inspired by real life, you remembered the days and nights when Yunho would break out the white board under his bed to draw out a concept map of the storyline he'd created in his head for some songs. It was like a miniature Easter egg hunt for fans to piece together from album to album.
When the clock hit nearly midnight, you recognized the song that marked the end of the conventional album—track number thirteen, 22. It was a song that reflected and lamented on his early stages of adulthood, all the goods and bads, all the hopes and dreams he had left. It was something that tied the regular album with a satisfying bow, but you were also giddy to hear the secret fourteenth deluxe track.
But as his ethereal voice from 22 faded out, the same guitar chords from the first song of the album began to play.
Everyone at the table paused in confusion.
“Uhh, I thought you were revealing the hidden track tonight, Yunho?” Seonghwa asked from across the table.
Yunho tilted his body out of the booth to peer into the sound booth at the very back of the lounge, a furrow in his brow. “I thought I was, too,” he said as he stood up. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
Before anyone else could say anything, Yunho disappeared past the door to the sound booth. You frowned as Hongjoong excused himself to catch up with him, mumbling something about helping with any technical difficulties.
In retrospect, it wouldn't be the biggest deal if you didn't get to hear the song tonight. You would simply listen to it when the deluxe album dropped in about a week, but you wouldn't deny that you were a little disappointed. Everyone else at this table had already listened to it—why had Yunho not shared it with you yet? Did he think you would judge him or not like it? You didn't think you were ever so harsh a critic, but that would explain why he was so nervous all night.
Regardless, you remained positive.
When Yunho and Hongjoong returned to the table, the rest of you all looked on to them expectantly.
“Something wacky is going on with the system right now and won't play the file for the hidden track,” Hongjoong huffed. He passed Yunho a sidelong glance, and you saw how Yunho avoided his friend's eyes like the plague. “Sorry to disappoint, Yn.”
Everyone's attention whipped toward you, and you straightened like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh, uhm, it's no biggie,” you said. You glanced over at Yunho who, if anything, seemed guilty. Or maybe it was just something apologetic. “Really—I can wait for it to drop officially.”
You didn't like how the air seemed to shift during this exchange, as if all the other boys were sitting on the edges of their seats, faces morphed into mixed ranges of confusion and disbelief.
You cleared your throat. “Anyone want more drinks?”
As the night waned and the party came to a close, you found yourself being helped into another Uber car to head home. After the supposed tech glitch, the remainder of the party passed by without a hitch. At the very end, Yunho popped open a theatrical bottle of champagne for all his guests to close out the celebration.
The backseat door closed just as Yunho ducked in with you, his hand waving out the window to San, Wooyoung, and Jongho passing by along the curb.
The alcohol had gradually made its way to your brain, and there was a light buzzing at the base of your skull that made you feel all warm and fuzzy. You yawned, leaning your head against Yunho's shoulder.
He chuckled, one of his hands coming up to gently pat your head. “Tired?”
“Mhm,” you hummed as your eyelids fluttered closed. “You didn't have to lie, y'know.”
You felt his shoulder tense under your cheek. If only you could feel the rapid beating in his chest, then he'd be as good as done.
“I don't know what you're talking about,” he replied innocently, nimble fingers running over the chain links of his wristwatch.
Your eyes cracked open slowly. “Yunho.”
A beat passed, then he sighed. “Are you mad?” He asked quietly and his hand nearest to you found yours as he began to mindlessly inspect the chipped nail polish on your fingertips.
“No, silly. Why would I be mad?” When he didn't respond right away, you let out an exhale of your own. “I mean, I could tell you were nervous about me listening to the song all night. And if you weren't ready for me to listen to it yet, then I totally get that, and I'm okay with waiting. I just would rather you tell me that instead of make Hongjoong lie for you.”
He stopped playing with your fingers. “I'm sorry, for the record. Thank you for understanding.”
You hummed in reply.
The drive continued on with the accompaniment of a random radio station playing on low volume. You weren't going to fall asleep just yet with the alcohol still working its way through your system, but you kept your eyes closed nonetheless.
“I missed you, you know?” Were his first words to break the next silence.
A small smile wormed its way onto your face. “I missed you, too. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever.”
He chuckled, the low sound rumbling through his chest and into your ear. “Texting can only take us so far. Isn't that crazy? We can't even survive a week without hanging out, but we're… we're about to be separated for so much longer timewise and distance-wise.”
You grumbled. “Don't remind me—wait. Has it really only been a week?” You peeked one eye open, a frown coming to your lips. “No way.”
Yunho smiled, shaking his head. “Believe it or not, stargirl. It's been only a week.”
“In-fucking-sane.”
“You're telling me.”
“How are we going to survive?” You pondered aloud, genuinely. If you couldn't fly out to see him within the first handful of tour stops, you and Yunho at the soonest wouldn't be able to see each other for three weeks. And if you couldn't escape your work duties and your PhD responsibilities, then it would be longer than that. “You're gonna have a closer relationship with your Valorant account than me.”
Yunho snorted. “I already have a closer relationship with my Valorant account than you.”
“Shucks.” You breathed out. “Guess I'll just text Hongjoong then. You know what he told me tonight when we were exchanging numbers? All eight of you nerds have a group chat and he gets ignored like a mom in a family chatroom.”
Your comment made a laugh tumble out of Yunho's mouth. “Did he make that analogy?”
“No, Seonghwa did when he overheard.”
A wheeze. “That tracks.” Yunho licked his lips as he turned his head slightly to glance down at you leaning on his shoulder. With his free hand, he warmed his palm over your head like he could keep you here forever. “So what's this about texting Joong?”
You shifted your position to get more comfortable and clung to his arm to press yourself closer. There was still a little ways to go before you reached your apartment. “I told him offhandedly that I wanna pick up a new hobby… something about crocheting or something, and apparently that guy is like… amazing at everything, so he's gonna help me out.”
“Ah.” The sound was quiet. “I'm glad you guys got along.”
You smiled to yourself. “Me too. He's really cool.”
“Not cooler than me though, right?”
You blindly reached over to pat his chest in warm reassurance. “Don't worry, big guy. I guess you're still the coolest guy I know.”
He clicked his tongue at you with a weak chiding, “Yah. You only guess? Don't tell Mingi that.”
“Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.”
The Uber eventually pulled up along the curb outside your apartment complex. You lifted your head up from Yunho's shoulder and woke yourself up with a good stretch of your limbs.
He helped you out of the car, handing you your purse when you finally got your bearings. “Are you sure I can't walk you up? You look like your knees are about to buckle,” he chuckled.
You shook your head. The cool evening air was helping your brain to sober up. “No, no. Don't worry about it—I’m not as drunk as that one year.”
“Dear heart, how could I forget,” he teased. “Mingi still has the recording of when you begged to be bridal carried.”
Your face warmed at his mention of that memory and you wrinkled your nose at him. “I was gonna say ‘I love you’ along with goodnight, but I suppose not.”
Yunho froze. “What?”
Maybe you really weren't sobering up, because you didn't catch his strange reaction. “Nevermind,” you said flippantly. “Love you, Yun. Good night. Get home safe!”
He seemed to unfreeze, his lungs filling with breath again. A soft smile melted onto his pretty lips as he looked on toward you with a warm fondness. “Love you, too. Good night, Yn.”
He remained where he was outside the car door as he watched you dig your keys out from your purse and open the complex door. When you had one foot inside, you stopped, and turned back to him with a big grin on your face. “Hey!”
“Hey?” He laughed.
“I'm proud of you.”
For the thousandth time tonight, you made him lose his breath, his hold on reality. He swallowed—he wanted to kiss you. “I love you. Get some rest, stargirl.”
You waved to him in reply and he waved back. Then you disappeared through the door and left him there, his heart full and beating fast, the longing in his chest weighing heavier than before.
When you and Yunho were thirteen, you spent the longest period of time away from each other for the rest of your lives. It measured to about one summer break long when Yunho flew to South Korea to spend the entire vacation there and you could do nothing but chat with him via good, old fashioned e-mail.
Now that the two of you were older, even a couple days dragged on like an eternity. And because of your clashing and stacked schedules, a couple days almost always bled into a week.
A week since the release of Youth marked the inevitable release of its deluxe edition and the ever mysterious fourteenth track.
“Yn, wait, can you just help me finish this set of primers?”
You were this close to escaping the lab before one of your colleagues caught you. Taking a deep breath, you resolved to turn back and help them out. One less thing to worry about later, right? You could still listen to the track once you got home.
Except you couldn't, at least not right away. You saw the email on the bus ride home:
Hello TAs! One of your peers has unfortunately been involved in a motorbike accident early this evening. We have been informed that they will recover to full health, but because they are hospitalized, we will need to redistribute responsibilities regarding grades and as to who will cover their TA sections…
You skimmed down the email's contents, knowing you wouldn't be the one filling in as an actual TA. Because you were a first year graduate student in your first quarter, you opted to start off with grading work for now. But even if you didn't have to deal with a whole section of undergraduates, you could feel the blood drain from your face.
“You've gotta be shitting me,” you said, then slapped your hand over your mouth once you realized you'd said that aloud. You mouthed a sheepish “sorry” to a parent and her child nearby, then ducked your head to look at the contents once more.
There was no way they wanted—no, needed—all of those graded by tonight.
This was cruel and unusual punishment, but you knew you were going to do it anyway.
By the time you finished grading, shoveled dinner into your mouth, and took a therapeutically scalding hot shower, it was sometime past two in the morning. Thank fuck it was Saturday.
It was less than twelve hours later that you settled into the passenger seat of Yunho's Lexus sedan with a pair of shades covering your dehydrated, puffy eyes from the world and whatever paparazzi was stalking his car. Yunho glanced over at you with barely concealed amusement. “Well, good morning, princess.”
“You can't see it but I'm glaring at you,” you grunted as you strapped yourself in with the seatbelt. “I can't believe you wake up before noon now.”
“Unfortunately,��� he chuckled, peeling his car away from the curb. After an unsatisfactory six hours of sleep, Yunho had woken you up with the obnoxiously loud sound of your phone ringing. You managed to negotiate for him to pick you up in two hours rather than half an hour—and now here you were. You never truly considered yourself a breakfast person and you would have happily slept all the way to lunch, but even through the exhaustion, you wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see you.
He would be gone by the end of the week, after all.
You leaned your head back against the headrest. “I used to have to lure you out of bed with the smell of bacon. Remember when you ate that entire plate of raw-ass bacon and pancake batter that Mingi made?”
Yunho let out a loud laugh that made you smile. He glanced over at you. “Bro,” he sighed, shaking his head, “you know I'll eat anything. Oh my gosh, I will never forget the horrified look on your face when you came out of the bathroom and found out what happened.”
“You looked like a kicked puppy when I told you that you shouldn't have eaten raw bacon,” you snorted. You'd felt so awful that Yunho was such a good eater who didn't complain; he didn't have any negative side effects afterward, thankfully, but you swore to never let Mingi in the kitchen or to let Mingi feed Yunho ever again, so long as you lived.
There was a café a few minutes drive from your apartment complex that the two of you liked to go to. It was a little hole in the wall, located on the second floor above a pet shelter, and the entrance could only be accessed through the stairs in the next-door alleyway.
Yunho adjusted the beanie over his bangs and you shifted your sunglasses up to the top of your head as you entered the establishment. There were a few people seated in the area to the right, but something you liked about this place was its hidden gem quality. (And the drinks and food they served, of course.)
“Hi, welcome in!” The barista behind the counter called before ducking behind the espresso machine. “Give me two seconds, and I'll be right with you.”
“No worries, take your time,” Yunho chirped back as he scoured the menu, eyes squinting and tongue darting out to wet his lips.
You had a general idea of what you wanted already, and you let Yunho know what it was before slipping off into the restroom.
By the time you emerged from the back hallway where the washrooms were, Yunho had finished ordering and was standing by one of the open two-seater tables by the far window with the soft autumn sunlight painting over his features. For a second, you stood at the opening of the hallway, just admiring him. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep making you envision the sunlight dancing around him as he sat down in one of the seats.
Heat rushed up your neck as your eyes met across the café. Gazes locked, you stood frozen, but a smile bloomed on your best friend's face like the coming of spring. It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.
And then he made a face, cocking his head to the side like a puppy with a question. 'Why are you just standing there?’ He seemed to ask.
You shook yourself out of whatever strange daze you'd slipped into, then walked over to join him.
“You okay?” He asked as you took the seat across from him, a teasing lilt to his voice, yet there was still concern in the curve of his mouth.
You waved said concern away. “Yeah. I think I'm still waking up or something.”
“Ah,” he nodded in understanding. He frowned. “What time did you go to sleep last night?”
“Like… some time past two.” On cue, you let out a large yawn, lifting your sleeve up to cover your mouth. “It's okay. I'll just sleep early tonight or something. One of the other TAs got into an accident, so we just had to do some make-up work and I just happened to get home late as it was.”
You could already see the guilt manifest on his face for waking you up, and you were swift to add, “I'll be fine with food and coffee, so 's alright. What about you? How'd you sleep last night?”
“I slept decently,” he replied, leaning forward to rest his cheek against his fist. “I didn't end up dropping the deluxe album, so it was a little more restful than—”
Your brain took a second to catch up. The… the deluxe album… oh. Your eyes went from half-mast to wide open. “You—you didn't release the deluxe? Sorry, I was so busy yesterday that I didn't check my socials.”
“Don't worry about it,” he said with a sheepish smile. “But yeah, I told my manager that I still wasn't ready to release it to the public just yet. I don't know when I'll postpone it to, but it probably won't come out until while I'm on tour.”
Ah. There was that disappointment settling in the pit of your stomach again. This wasn't about you, but why did it seem like he was avoiding your eventual listening to this song? He was almost always sending you audio files without prompting, so what made this one different?
Nonetheless, it wasn't your song. You would respect Yunho's privacy if he wanted to keep this one to himself and his friends.
You unconsciously rubbed your arm. “Oh okay. Yeah, I mean—take your time, Yun. I'm glad you don't feel pressured to release it when you aren't ready.”
His expression softened to something tender that made your chest feel fuzzy. “You'll listen to it soon, I promise.”
The barista called out Yunho's order number, and your friend stood up to go retrieve it. You sighed as you fiddled with the sleeve of your shirt and peered over your shoulder as a pair of newcomers asked him for his autograph and a picture. You watched the pleasant smile spread on Yunho's face as he conversed with them as easy as breathing air, alongside the faint blush over his cheekbones.
No, you didn't know what had gotten into you this morning.
“No, no. You have to loop it through this piece here—yeah, there you go.”
You were so concentrated on following Hongjoong's directions that you didn't even register the sound of Yunho's front door opening and closing. Hongjoong clicked his tongue and scooted closer so he could direct your hands and the crochet hook himself.
“Uhm… hey?”
Both yours and Hongjoong's heads whipped up at the sound of Yunho's confusion. He stood at the entrance to the living room area where, scattered all around you and Hongjoong, were clothes, toiletries, and other essentials laid out for Yunho to throw into his bags.
Tonight marked the evening before Yunho and the team were to set off on the Youth World Tour. Tomorrow, they would fly out sometime in the afternoon, which meant that you would have time to send them off before heading to work and class. However, because you hadn't seen Yunho since this past Saturday when he dragged your ass out of bed for breakfast, you invited yourself over to his apartment to oversee his packing. Hongjoong just so happened to be swinging by Yunho's apartment and you asked if he was up for an impromptu crocheting lesson.
Hongjoong arrived some time while Yunho ran out to the Chinese place down the block to grab dinner, and the two of you had been hunched over the ball of yarn and hook ever since.
“Oh, you're back!” You exclaimed. In your distracted state, Hongjoong took the opportunity to take the crochet piece from you and subtly fix the mistakes you made.
Yunho's brows creased, eyes darting from you to Hongjoong as he slowly placed the takeout bags on the semi-cleared coffee table. “Yeah… Joong, when did you get here?”
You leaned forward to help clear off the rest of the coffee table and to also assist in unpacking all of the takeout containers. Yunho shucked the baseball cap he was wearing off to the side, carding a hand through his dark locks.
“Like… seven minutes ago,” he replied cheekily. His mouth curled into something mischievous as he locked eyes with Yunho. “I can leave, though, if you wanted to be alone—”
“Hyung—”
“I'm messing with you,” he snickered as he handed you the yarn and hook. “I only came by to drop off the emergency backup files hard drive and to give Yn-ie a sneak peek of her crocheting lessons to come.”
(Yunho's eyes narrowed a millimeter. Yn-ie?)
You set the unfinished crochet square down on the couch to walk Hongjoong to the door. “Are we still on for tomorrow, by the way?”
“What's tomorrow?” Yunho twisted around where he was seated on the floor to watch you and Hongjoong make your way to the front door.
“You,” said Hongjoong with raised eyebrows at your best friend, “are going on a plane with everyone else. Because I'm not leaving until the day after tomorrow, Yn and I are bonding over lunch after we see you all off.”
You and Hongjoong finished up finalizing plans in the doorway, followed by amiable farewells. Yunho called out a “good night” to his friend as Hongjoong slipped out the door, and left you and him to the apartment by yourselves.
You claimed the spot on the floor next to him and accepted the pair of wooden chopsticks he extended to you. “I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to invite him in. I probably should've asked,” you said sheepishly as you snapped the chopsticks apart.
“Oh, no, he's been over quite a few times, so it's all good,” he replied swiftly. “I just didn't expect you two to be so close.” He added a laugh at the end that sounded more nervous to him than it was supposed to.
“We've been texting back and forth, but I guess so. Nothing like the two of you,” you jested, lifting your eyebrows up and bumping your elbow against his.
Yunho grinned. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“You guys spend all that time together in the studio—WHA—NO! Keep those hands to yourself!” You shrieked, rolling out of the way to dodge his hands that threatened to tickle you into submission. Yunho had thrown his head back in a carefree laugh, a beautiful expression in itself, that had you reciprocating.
When you were sure he wasn't going to attack you (affectionately), you scooted back over to your original spot next to him. He smiled to himself at the sidelong glance you casted him, and he went and grabbed one carton of rice for himself and the other for you.
“Thank you for dinner, by the way,” you told him as you opened up your carton, his somehow already opened and spilling over with food.
You once again caught him with his mouth full, and Yunho swallowed the bite of food he had before replying. “Yeah, man. Of course.”
“I swear that I will definitely get the next meal we have—”
“Yn.” He touched the back of his hand against your arm to draw your attention to him. “You literally were the one to make sure I made it out of college alive, like, I can never thank you enough for how much you did for me then and continue to do for me now.”
You swallowed, suddenly blown back by the way he looked at you right now. “I did it because I care about you, Yun. It's not something I expect to be repaid for.”
“I know,” he said with a nod, lips pulled into a tender smile that made your stomach do flips. This was the look no one else got to see from him. Sure, he could fill stadiums of people who would see his big, bright grin that shone brighter than the sun, but… but this one, this smile, was yours. “That goes the same toward this meal, okay?”
Yunho notched his finger under your chin and tilted your head up slightly to meet his eyes. “Don't worry about it.”
You set your carton of rice and chopsticks on the table, he copied your movements, and you wrapped each other in your mutual embraces. The startling realization that you wouldn't see him for longer than a week from tomorrow onward rushed toward you like the coming of a tide to shore. Before you knew it, the water was up to your knees, and you—what were you going to do without him here?
“I miss you already,” you whispered.
You felt him squeeze you tighter, nose pressed against the side of your neck. “I won't be gone too long.” A promise.
“Thank god Seonghwa and Wooyoung can cook.” At the sound of his snort from above your head, you squawked out in your defense, “Who else is gonna make you bacon and pancakes in the morning when you’re dead tired?”
“Hey! I can fry bacon, I’ll have you know!”
You pulled away from him so he could see the look of pure disbelief on your face. “Okay, rockstar. I believe you.”
He scrunched his nose up at you. “That’s not very convincing.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
Yunho scoffed, reaching over to flick your nose. You let out a sound of indignation and rubbed your nose, a scowl on your face at Yunho’s very pleased expression. And even if you were currently conspiring on how to get back at him, you couldn’t help but resolve something right that second—you would do everything in your power to see his show in two weeks’ time—to see Yunho in two weeks’ time.
The thing about cheap plane tickets was that the cheaper you bought them, the less “amenities” that it came with. The one you’d purchased specifically for two weeks in the future did not allow you a refund. This meant that if something were to arise, you would be a good several hundred dollars poorer, and your plans to surprise Yunho at his show would fall completely through the floor.
Good thing you weren’t about to let that happen, right? …Right?
“You’re sick.” Those were your roommate Trinity’s first words to you as you stumbled out of your bedroom and found her perched on one of the stools at the kitchen counter. She fixed you with an unimpressed look as she stirred around her morning coffee.
“I’m not—” Your own response was cut off by one very untimely cough into your elbow. You wrinkled your nose at the metallic taste at the back of your throat. Great. “—sick.”
“And I’m Oprah,” she deadpanned.
“You could be.” Did you really sound as much like a dying walrus as you thought you did? Holy shit.
She stood up from her stool, setting her coffee cup on the counter, then walked over to you to direct you back into your room. “I’m not permitting you exit from this apartment until you're better. Back to bed with you.”
“But—”
“No buts! If you wanna still be able to fly by the end of this week, then you have to get better, Yn.”
You really, unfortunately, could not argue with that. Nearly a week and a half had passed since Yunho started touring. Opening night had been a massive success, as you’d seen the broadcast and read the reviews on social media. In the concert photos and videos slowly being released online, there was no doubt in your mind that Yunho belonged onstage. He was radiant as a diamond in each depiction of him, and he sounded better and better each night.
Suffice to say, you were beyond proud and happy for him.
In order to make your surprise successful, you informed Yunho’s team of your plans so they could help you get into the concert once you arrived. Your part consisted mainly of finishing all of your work ahead of schedule so you weren’t swamped when you got back. It was nearing the end of the term, meaning there was lots to grade and study, but when you had a goal, you were determined.
The only downside was that, between the long days and nights of work, your body couldn’t fight against the swift rush of early winter air that swept through the city in the past week. Your working hours stretched out longer and longer until your body just… gave up. Or at least, it was giving up.
After calling in sick to your workplace, you crashed back into bed for what you hoped to be a restful nap. Maybe when you woke up, this would all just turn out to be a 24-hour fever.
(It was not a 24-hour fever.)
You didn't even know what time it was when you woke up groggy and your head pounding like there was an active construction site taking place in your skull. Your bedroom was dark, and the world outside your window was also dark. The sound of your phone ringing drilled into your cranium, and you groaned as you felt around your mess of blankets and sheets for wherever that damned thing was—
“Hello?” You croaked into the receiver when you finally grabbed ahold of your phone.
There was a pause on the other end, and you were about to ask who it was when they responded. “Oh my god. You're sick.”
Your heart leapt into your throat at the sound of your best friend's voice and you shoved your face into the pillow. “I'm not sick.”
“Yn, sweetheart, you literally have the sexy sick voice.”
“You think I'm sexy?” You asked in a drowsy, unwell daze. “But anyways, I'm not—” You lifted your face into your elbow in time to practically hack out your lungs. You groaned. “Okay, maybe I am sick.”
Could things get any worse?
You could hear the frown in his voice. “You sound like my worst nightmare.”
“Am I sexy or your worst nightmare? You need to pick an adjective.” You whimpered as you struggled to pull yourself up into a sitting position.
“At least I know it did nothing to that attitude of yours,” he laughed. He sobered for a moment when he heard you groan as the blood rushed to your head. “Hey, do you have meds with you? I can order some and have them there in half an hour.”
You waved him off, even though he wouldn't be able to see. “No, it's okay. I should have taken an ibuprofen before I crashed. I'm sure we've got extra Nyquil around here somewhere…”
You attempted to stand up, a swear falling from your mouth as the vertigo hit you and sent you tumbling back down onto the edge of the bed.
“Yn, I'm sending you medicine—and dinner. That one bistro near your apartment is still open, right? I'll let Trinity know that deliveries are on the—Yn?”
You lifted your head and broke out of your return to unconsciousness. “Hm? Sorry… I did not hear anything you just said.” You rubbed your hand down your face and scooped your phone up to make your way out of your room. You somehow made it to the door, and you leaned against the doorjamb as you pushed out into the dark hallway. “You don't have to send anything, Yun. Trinity's studying for her law school finals, so I don't wanna bother her. Plus…”
You opened up the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and bit back a sigh of disappointment. No cold medicine. There was pain medication, at least, so that should hopefully help you fall asleep again.
At your lack of words, Yunho asked, “No medicine?”
“No, I have some medicine,” you countered. “Just—not the right ones.” Before you could swallow any pills, you hacked out another lung into your elbow; you swore your coughs were sounding worse and worse.
“You know what? I'm flying home—”
You slammed the pill bottle on the bathroom counter. “Don't—what? Yunho, do not fly home. It's literally just a little—” You coughed, “—cold. You have another show in two days. If you show up on my doorstep, I'm not opening the door.”
From the silence on his end, you knew he wasn't in total agreement with you. Maybe the bottle slamming was a little much, but his statement had surprised you. It didn't make sense for him to drop everything for you when you were experiencing something so trivial as a cold.
Not unkindly, you said to him, “I appreciate the concern, but you have bigger things to worry about and care about.”
“You will always be the most important thing I care about.”
His admission was so sincere that your heart gave a violent palpitation in your chest. You struggled to swallow, and it wasn't just because your throat was sore. “And I feel the same way about you,” you murmured, “but I can take care of myself, okay? I'll be back to normal in no time.”
You heard a sigh from his end. “I know; you're right. I just… wish I was there with you right now.”
You could understand that—it was how you felt. But some things couldn't be helped, and Yunho needed to be where he was and you needed to be where you were. You could hold down the fort while he was gone taking over the world by storm.
You closed the bathroom door to give an extra barrier between your voice and where Trinity was studying in her room. After knocking back a couple painkillers, you seated yourself on the floor with your back against the bathtub and your knees pulled up to your chest. “You know what's kind of ironic?” You coughed into your elbow and wrestled down another one bubbling up in your throat. You shouldn't have been speaking so much, but you could deal with the repercussions later. “I think I freaked out when you said you were going to fly home, not just because that's insane, but also because I was going to surprise you by flying out to your show in a couple days.”
He sucked in a breath. “You were gonna come surprise me?”
“Yeah,” you muttered, swiping at your nose and tucking your chin to your knees. Then you had to go and screw it all up, and you couldn't even get your money back. You pretty much accepted that you weren't going to be better by the time the day rolled around, especially not for travel. “I'm sorry I couldn't come see you.”
“No, don't be sorry!” He cooed. “I'm—I’m really sorry you're sick and I'm sad you couldn't make it, but… but think of it this way, hm? As soon as you get better, I'll fly you out to whatever city I'm in and we can hang out and you can come to the concert. All you have to do is get better for me.”
You didn't know if your schedule would allow after this setback, but you were going to remain optimistic. With a small glimmer of hope peering through your chest, you replied, “Okay.”
“Okay,” he said, and you could hear the fond smile in his voice.
“By the way,” you began, and had to clear your throat from how congested it was getting. Maybe some hot tea would do you good. You clambered to your feet to get out of this bathroom and do just that. “Was there a reason you called originally or was it just to say hi?”
A beat of hesitation passed between your question and his answer. “Ah…” There was a wince in his voice, “I, uhm, called because I wanted to know if you'd seen something online, but obviously you haven't 'cause you were asleep, but…”
Seen something online? Your movements with your electric kettle paused. Had someone posted something about Yunho? “What is it, Yun?” Who's ass did you need to beat?
“Seonghwa hyung found out that someone leaked the hidden track online a few hours ago.”
You leaned your cheek against your palm, eyebrows knitting together. “Shit, dude. I'm so sorry,” you said with a frown. That meant some rando on the internet had hacked into someone's files and leaked the song.
A sharp exhale from Yunho's end. “Yeah, I dunno. We're working on getting it taken down right now, but in the event it can't be done soon enough, I think I'm just gonna release the deluxe version in a couple hours.”
It seemed by his response that it wasn't the hacking that was his primary concern. Leaked, unreleased songs happened to every major artist in the industry, and it had most definitely happened to Yunho before this. But this time… this time felt different. You knew how hesitant he was to release this, and having the track get released to the public on terms that weren't his? Well, that just wasn't fair.
“You don't,” you said softly, reaching for a mug in the top cabinet to plop your tea bag into, “have to release it officially right now. You can still wait until you're comfortable.”
You heard sounds of shuffling on his end, followed by the sound of a door opening. You thought you heard Yeosang's voice as he murmured something to Yunho. The exchange was swift, but it reminded you that your time with your best friend here was limited.
“Do you need to go?” You asked, trying to cover up your hope that he didn't have to with nonchalance.
He hummed. “It's okay, I have a few minutes left. They want me to 'okay’ a couple things out on set, but that can wait. Uhm… as for what you said about releasing it—I,” he sighed, “I think this was the push I needed to finally drop it, y'know? I think either way I was going to be scared for—for people to hear it—for you to hear it. But uhm… yeah. That's all I wanted to say. I think it'll probably be released whenever you wake up.”
You poured the hot water of your tea bag, setting the kettle down gently. Letting the steam rise up to help clear your congestion, you could finally think a little clearer now. “I'm sorry this didn't happen on your terms.”
“I appreciate that. I hope you like the song—I… I really hope you like the song.”
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “I'm going to like the song, rockstar. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.”
He let out a small laugh and the sound of his happiness, however big or small, made your chest feel heavy. “I’ve missed you so much,” he rasped out. “So much.”
You pressed your forehead to your fist, willing the prickling feeling of tears at bay. “I wish I was there—I’ve wished I was there with you the moment you left. But I'm so, so proud of you. I know I've said this before, but you belong on that stage, Yunho. I'll be there… I'm always there in spirit.”
“You can't say that and expect me not to fly my ass home right now.”
You sputtered out a laugh, which was probably a bad idea, because it led to an utter disaster of a coughing fit. When you finally managed to get a reign on things, you picked up your mug of tea and took a couple ginger sips. It was still piping hot, but whatever scalding temperature it was at somehow soothed your throat and your head.
You set the cup down. “Again, I'll be there in no time, I promise.”
“You swear on your life?”
You sighed, but you pressed your lips into a smile. “I swear on my life.”
Yunho's departure from this call was imminent, and so you made further promises to get plenty of rest and to take care of yourself. You only did so when he promised to do the same for himself. Just after you both hung up, you received a text message from him: Stay up for five more minutes!! The delivery's almost there.
You huffed out a rough-sounding laugh, and bit your tongue around a smile. Of course he had still ordered you stuff. You shook your head to settle on one of the kitchen stools to nurse your tea and wait for the delivery to get here.
When the driver was safely out of bounds of your door, you poked your head out into the hallway to grab the paper bags seated on your doorstep. You had only expected medicine and maybe dinner, but not only were there cold medicines, orange juice, and hot soup from the bistro down the street, but there was a bouquet of flowers there, too.
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you pulled everything into the safety of your apartment. Damn Jeong Yunho and his gestures. It didn't mean anything—they were just Get Well Soon flowers, but why did you kind of wish they were more than that?
The Youth album's fourteenth track entitled your space hit the charts at number two. By the time you woke up, still sick as hell, the track had been officially released for about eight hours. You rolled over in bed to guzzle down half a bottle of water and cold medicine, then grabbed your phone.
It seemed that social media blew up while you were asleep. The deluxe drop was trending under a couple different tags, and based on initial skims, you were happy to report that most had everything good to say about it.
Though, some of the commentary made you pause. He has to be seeing someone, said one user. Look at these lyrics. These could only be produced by a man in love.
You had to swipe out of the app at that point. Instead, you went over to yours, Yunho's, and Mingi's group chat together where Mingi and Yunho had waged a meme war while you were asleep after Mingi wished you a “Get Better Soon” message. You sent back your own meme in response and opened your music streaming app to find track fourteen.
The boys would probably all be asleep by now, so they wouldn't respond any time soon.
You found your space exactly where you thought it would be, at the very bottom of the deluxe album. You sat yourself up against your headboard, plugged your earbuds in, then hit play.
If only you knew how much it would rock your world.
Hongjoong was never wrong about his hunches. It had been about a week and a half since you came down with an awful cold and couldn't make it to your intended surprise show, and slightly less than that since the deluxe album dropped. Even before the tour started, life was a whirlwind, but now that the tour was only ramping up further from this point, it had been nothing short of a total rush.
Different cities every week, at least two nights a city—all of it took a toll on both the staff and artist involved. Hongjoong's hunch, however, regarded the artist in particular as he watched said artist keep his smile up to say goodnight to the remainder of the stadium workers who lingered for cleanup. Yesterday was their last show date in this city, and today, Yunho and his team had come by to help load everything up for transport to their next destination. Tomorrow, they would fly out and be in the next city to begin preparing for the next round.
But as Yunho began making his way toward the exit where Hongjoong was waiting for him, it was impossible to miss the immediate exhaustion that flooded his features. He carded a hand through his hair as he checked his phone, then pocketed it in the back pocket of his pants.
“Hey,” Yunho nodded to Hongjoong as he met him at the exit and they both walked out into the chilly evening together. There was already a car waiting at the curb to take them back to their hotel—there was still so much that needed to be done before they left for the airport tomorrow.
“Hey,” he said back. “Everything okay?”
Yunho glanced over at him. “Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine; just tired. I think it's a good thing I started packing before we came here earlier,” he mused. For him to pack early? A miracle.
Hongjoong bobbed his head in understanding. “Yeah, I get that, but that's not really—you know you can be honest with me, right? I know this has all been… a lot.” And Hongjoong would understand; he had been in the public eye for so long now, and all of that could be so incredibly draining. From catering to fans and journalists and sponsors, it could be difficult finding himself amongst all that mess.
Plus, Yunho had the added bit of being away from home for a very long time. From what Hongjoong understood, Yunho only used to tour relatively close to home, and when it was farther, it was during his school breaks. He also knew that you were an integral part of Yunho's sanity, and that even before he reached this level of fame, you were his rock, his anchor, his ground control.
Being away from you for so long was beginning to show. When Hongjoong brought it up offhandedly to Mingi, Mingi was swift to agree.
“I—” Yunho began as he slipped into the passenger seat and Hongjoong into the back of the car. He murmured a soft greeting to the driver before strapping himself in with a seatbelt. “—it definitely has been hard,” he admitted with a sigh. “I don't know, Joong. You know that rush you get while onstage, but it just comes crashing down a couple hours later? Like the adrenaline leaves you all at once and all you crave for is home?”
Hongjoong pursed his lips, watching Yunho lean the side of his head against the window as he watched the world pass by. “Yeah, I do,” he said quietly. “The moments between all the rush and excitement, you're no longer distracted from how much it all is.”
A nod. “Yeah.”
“You miss her?” It was less of a question and more so a statement. Hongjoong's hunches were never incorrect. It was both a blessing and a curse.
Yunho's quiet was answer enough.
Hongjoong played around with the back of his phone case. He knew you had listened to the song—he’d asked Yunho and you'd texted Hongjoong, too. Yunho reported that you gushed about the song and affirmed him in all his choices and lyricism as always, but he was certain that you didn't get it. But when you had run to Hongjoong questioning your own feelings and if Yunho had been scared to tell you if he was in love with someone, Hongjoong could confidently say that you did get it, just not one hundred percent.
There was still miscommunication in the message, but he knew that was only something that the two of you could sort out.
“Have you guys talked since last week?”
“Yeah, we have. She's been…” He pushed a breath out of his mouth, “... She's been working her ass off trying to make up for the amount of time she was sick. I don't even know how she isn't getting sick again. I mean—all the shit she has to weather through—I wish I could help.”
And he couldn't, not like how he wanted to, not from so far away. Maybe that was what was eating him up inside the most, besides the fact he believed his feelings to be unrequited.
The car pulled up to the back entrance of the hotel Yunho and his team were staying at for the time being. The two of them thanked the driver on their way out, and they were swiftly greeted by employees coming out of the back for their breaks.
When they reached the warmth of their hotel floor's hallway, Yunho said to Hongjoong, “I miss her so much.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his Youth World Tour hoodie, eyes lined in silver. “I worry about her so much, too. I'm sure she worries just as much about me and I know that she's more than capable about taking care of herself—’cause god, she was the one who kept me afloat all these years, and I—”
I love her.
He slapped his key card against the reader and shoved into his hotel room with Hongjoong trailing after with a sympathetic frown on his face.
“It just feels wrong sometimes when I can't be with her. Is that crazy?”
Hongjoong settled a warm hand on Yunho's shoulder as the latter sat down on the edge of his bed. “It's not crazy,” he said. He'd felt like that about a person, once upon a time. After everything Hongjoong had gone through with his last relationship, one might think he didn't believe in love, but he was still clawing for it. He wanted something that he could see manifesting between you and Yunho. He wanted to help you reach that.
He sighed and sat down next to him. “It's completely valid to feel this way, y'know? She's been a huge part of your life and your passions, and for you to see all this without her seems incomplete.”
Yunho nodded. “Yeah.”
“You can go home whenever you want, you realize that?” Hongjoong asked. “We have time built into each week to give you rest days, man. We can make that work.” It might be a little tiring for so much travel, but one trip back wouldn't hurt, especially when it could help his mental state more than simply powering through.
“I know,” he replied. “I don't… I just feel like I want her to see that I can do this, that she didn't put her trust and energy into someone who would fall so fast—”
“Do you seriously believe she would think about you that way?”
Yunho's expression shuddered, and he let out a shaky breath as he shook his head.
Hongjoong arched his brow. “Exactly. She would never fault you for needing a break. Being human is not a sign of weakness, Yunho. She's your best friend—I think she has more forgiveness and compassion for you than that.”
Yunho swallowed. Of course what Hongjoong said was right. You wouldn't look at him any different if he needed a break; it was just a thing about being kinder to himself. But sometimes it was hard to put that into perspective, and perhaps he just needed someone to do that for him.
With no good choice made without a decent night of sleep, Hongjoong bid Yunho goodnight.
As soon as Hongjoong slipped out of his friend's room, he sighed and mentally calculated what time it would be where you were. You should have been awake.
And awake, you definitely were.
You would be lying if you said you hadn't been listening to the song your space on repeat for the past week and a half. Even as you sat in one of the campus dining halls doing work and eating your crappy sandwich for lunch, your headphones were spilling with your best friend's gorgeous croons.
You questioned everything at the same time. You'd figured out two days after you first heard it that you were in love with your best friend.
The lyrics had resonated with you, and you had come to the startling conclusion that you felt the song's meaning toward Yunho.
All you could do since was freak the fuck out and tell Yunho that the song was incredible. You didn't know who the song was for or about, but you knew it was important to him because of how scared he was to release it. Had he been scared to tell you he was in love with someone? Why?
Sometimes you found yourself tearing apart the lyrics like a rabid trash panda.
I couldn't ever leave you behind
They couldn't ever take me away
Baby, if I could pick a heaven on Earth
It would be anywhere in your space.
You broke away from your work and sandwich to the sound of a text notification. Suddenly remembering how loud your vibration ringer was, you silenced it, then opened up Hongjoong's message: I know you're probably moping and eating a shitty sandwich—what. You glanced down at said shitty sandwich that sat in its equally sad plastic container. How did he know…? —and he's not doing well either. He's miserable, dude.
Everything slowed for you, and it was no longer about your so-called epiphany. You felt your entire body and mood drop at the news. You'd seen social media posts commenting on Yunho's stage presence and brightness never fading, but there were always the one or two who noted something along the lines of him seeming too tired or that perhaps he didn't have enough stamina for this.
The latter comments made your blood pressure spike, but there was, unfortunately, some truth to it. You just didn't think it was this bad.
You pressed the backs of your knuckles against your eyes. You hadn't been doing the best, clearly, and you knew that it was largely because you missed him. Being away from someone you considered home for so long meant that you were bound to get homesick.
You didn't know what to do. There was so much work to be done, and you had just caught up. On top of that, you were short a few hundred dollars from the last time you tried to fly out.
Another message buzzed in from Hongjoong: I think you guys really need to talk.
The organ in your chest rattled around in its cage; it longed to be with its partner. You were starting to understand that now.
The song playing in your ear was slowly petering out, and all you could hear was his voice.
And I've kinda been wanting to ask if we can
Skip the 'why’ and get to the 'our’
Because baby, I love your space
But I love ours more.
Yunho had not flown home that week. Some emergencies had sprung up as soon as they landed in their new city, and all bets were off to be able to go home. All that he could do was buckle down and get comfortable. Even so, he knew how to make the best out of a situation.
As he stood at the very center of the main stage, he held a hand up to shield his eyes from the bright spotlights shining down on him now.
“Is that better?” Hongjoong's voice echoed throughout the near-empty stadium.
From one of the balconies, Jongho cupped his hands up around his mouth to scream at the top of his lungs, “LOOKS GOOD, HYUNG!”
“Jongho,” Yunho chuckled into his microphone, “did someone not get you a headset, bro?”
A beat passed, and then, “NO.”
Mildly amused laughter cropped up around the stadium in reaction to the youngest's troubles. It was little moments like these where Yunho could forget for one second just how tiring all of this amounted to become. His smile was genuine, and his tongue darted out to trace his teeth—
“Jeong Yunho, put your damn tongue away.”
Yunho's eyes went as wide as saucers, his expression morphing into something like childlike surprise as he immediately retracted his tongue into his mouth. But in the split second it took his brain to process the words that had been said, he also recognized the voice who'd said them. From the big screen, any one of the staff members or you could see the way his face stretched into the widest grin possible, his eyes lighting up like spotlights.
He lifted the mic in his hand up to his lips as he tilted his eyes up to the sound and lighting box far up in the stands. From where he was onstage, he could just make out the shape of you in the box next to Hongjoong—the sneaky bastard. “Ln Yn, get your ass down here right now,” he said, hardly able to contain the excitement in his voice.
You didn't need to be told twice.
You raced down the stadium steps from the box, your legs carrying you as fast as humanly possible without falling. Yunho leapt off the stage and left his microphone behind to meet you in the middle.
Somewhere between the pit and mezzanine, you flew into his arms and he caught you, spinning you around. The glee on both of your faces was enough to make everyone stop and appreciate the tangible love before them. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you pursed your lips to subdue them. You squeezed him as tight as you possibly could; his arms held you firmly around your waist, head tucked into the joint between your neck and shoulder.
“You're here,” he croaked with tears in his voice now. You heard him sniffle, and only held him tighter. He felt the added strength and let out a sob. “I missed you so much.”
Oh, for fuck's sake—you started bawling like a baby. “I—” you sucked in a breath, “—I heard—so I booked a flight—”
This only caused his body to tremble harder. “Oh god… Yn… I…”
You sniffled and brushed your hand over the back of his head in an attempt to get both of you to calm down. “Hey, don't worry about it, okay? It doesn't matter; you know I'd drop everything for you.” When his only response was to press his wet eyes against the heat of your neck, you blinked away your tears. “Plus, I missed you, too, rockstar.”
Yunho let out a watery laugh, gently setting you down onto solid ground. You both looked like a hot mess and a half: snot dripping out of your noses, eyes red and drowned in salty tears. The adrenaline rush from the surprise had trickled out of your system, but your heartbeat continued to rattle around in your chest with reckless abandon. His messy, damp hair; the wobbly shine in his dark brown irises; the way he smiled at you with that something on his face… he was everything to you.
“Glad to know the feeling's mutual,” he said, nudging you with his elbow, then pawing at his eyes to wipe the tears away.
“Good to see you, Yn!” San piped up from the stage with his microphone. He had picked up Yunho's microphone from where he'd abandoned it to come meet you.
You laughed, lifting a hand up in a wave. “Hey, San! Hi everyone!”
Chimes of greetings from all the other boys and staff members cropped up from all around the arena.
Yunho brushed a hand through his hair and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “Did all you fuckers know about this?”
Mingi was perched on the ledge of the stage. His grin seemed to be the widest after watching your reunion. He tugged the microphone attached to his earpiece closer to his mouth. “Don't tell us you're not grateful now.”
“Nah, I'm just surprised Wooyoung was able to keep his mouth shut.”
Wooyoung didn't need a microphone to let you all know of his offense. You could hear his squawk of disapproval all the way from where you stood—crazy how acoustics worked.
Yunho heard your laugh from beside him, and he glanced over at you to catch the fond look on your face. He hadn't stopped smiling for the past five minutes, and it didn't matter how much his cheeks hurt. You were here; that was all that mattered.
“This place is—” you marveled as the two of you began walking down the stairs together toward the stage. The backs of your hands brushed against one another, breaths away from touching, from lacing, from being together. “—huge. It's so much more—” You felt your lip wobble again, “I don't even know why I'm getting emotional. It's all you dreamed of as a kid, wasn't it?”
The tears pricked at the edges of his eyes again, and the two of you looked back at each other with equally wet eyes and bright smiles. “Yeah,” he nodded, swiping at his eyes.
“You deserve it.”
“All thanks to you,” he said with a sniffle, hugging you to him again. You were solid and real beneath his fingertips—he was so happy you were here. This was where you belonged; none of this felt right without you.
When you finally reached the bottom of the pit, Yunho had to run back up to the stage, and you went through the aisles until you found your perfect seat. It wasn't long before Mingi bounded up the steps to come join you. He brought you in for a long awaited hug of his own.
“What's good, Yn?” He asked with a soft chuckle as he pulled away and settled in the seat to your left.
Just ahead, Yunho appeared onstage with his microphone in hand, and the two of you lifted your hands in sync to wave to your best friend.
You adjusted your bag in your lap, and clasped a hand on Mingi's shoulder. “This is surreal. Does it feel surreal?”
Mingi's lips pulled into a smile as nostalgia made his vision cloudy. “It does, every single time. I'm glad you're finally here—we’re all very happy that you're here now.”
You bumped your head against his shoulder and let it rest there for a moment, and his hand came up to gently pat your head to tell you he understood. You didn't need to say anything.
For the next hour and a half, you and Mingi got to watch Yunho and everyone else run through the last of the day's lighting checks. Periodically, someone else from Yunho's personal team would come and sit with the two of you, then leave quickly when they had something else on their to-do list.
At last, when the session wrapped up and everyone was sent to go home for an early night, you rushed down to meet with Yunho again.
He waited for you to be at his side before leading you down toward backstage. “There's a couple things I need to grab in my dressing room before we can head back to the hotel.” A thought suddenly interrupted his thoughts and his eyes widened. “Do you have accommodations? Please tell me you do.”
“Don't worry—I promise I'm not sleeping on the streets,” you teased. You'd figured all of that out pretty last minute with Hongjoong and Mingi's help.
Yunho nodded, a smile coming to his face. “Okay, good. I was gonna offer my room and I could sleep on the pullout couch.”
The thought of sleeping in the same room as him made your skin warm, and if you hadn't realized your feelings for him before, you would be confused as to why you were so flustered at the thought now. It wouldn't be the first time you had a sleepover. But this would be… different. Oh lord.
The backstage hallways were scarce and dimly lit in order to save energy, but it was enough to guide you and Yunho's way to the star dressing room. You swallowed as you reached the door—the facade plastered with a pretty, gold star with his name on it—and followed him inside.
“Hey, Yun?” You asked him as you lingered by the door and he rushed around to grab his things. The room was decently spacious, and definitely larger than all the other ones from his past tours.
“Mhm?”
“Could we… talk about something?”
He glanced back over his shoulder as he threw things into his bag. “Yeah, ‘course.”
You toed at the polished ground, fingers twisting and wringing in front of you. “It’s about the song. The, uhm, the your space one.”
His movements paused. He looked up and connected gazes with you through the vanity mirror in front of him. Yunho cleared his throat and ducked his head to zip up his bag. “What—what about it?” He asked, shouldering his bag and meeting you back at the door.
He seemed unable to look you in the eyes directly now as he closed the door behind the both of you as you stepped out into the empty hallway.
“I just,” you stammered. Blood rushed up to your face and you could hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears. “I needed to know—I didn’t need to know—it’s your life and your song, and you have every right to have feelings for someone without me knowing. And I think I’m asking this for selfish reasons, but… are you seeing someone?”
The question caught him off guard, his eyes blowing wide open. “Wh—no. No, I am not seeing anyone. Why do you ask?”
“The song—I know I shouldn’t be indulging in what people on the internet say, much less in the opinions of those who don’t even know you, but I couldn’t help but agree with them when they say the lyrics, the—the feeling of the song—you’re in love, and I—” Your breath caught in your throat as you choked on the words lodged there: And I am in love with you.
Yunho pushed an exhale out of his mouth and stepped toward you. So much shone in his eyes right then, and it didn’t matter how much light there was in this damn hallway, his eyes would always glitter like twin diamonds. “I am in love with someone. Yn, I’m in love with you,” he said. “I thought that the song would make it obvious, which is why I was so scared for you to hear it, but I realize now that this was just something I should have said outright.”
Your heart fluttered in your chest and it wasn’t from the nerves anymore. God, your knees felt like buckling from the force of the tenderness in his eyes alone. “You’re—you’re in love with me?”
“I am,” he nodded. He slowly reached for your hands and clasped them within his own. “I’ve been in love with you since that day you ran out of Science Olympiad practice to come to my audition; I’ve been in love with you from the moment you yelled at me for not being ambidextrous and I had beef jerky in my mouth—”
“I did not yell at you!”
He broke out into a cheeky, yet fond grin, his hand coming up to cup the side of your face with his hand. “I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t imagine what life was like before I was in love with you—and yes, you did yell, but you can yell at me as much as you like, and I would still be head-over-heels for you.”
Your lip curled in on itself at all of his words, at everything he was revealing to you now. You wished you had known—oh, god, you wish you had known. You didn’t know if things would have been different, but for some reason, you had a feeling that all paths might have led here nonetheless.
You squeezed his hand between your own now. “You’re everything to me, Jeong Yunho,” you rasped out, unable to put strength behind your voice for fear of all of the emotion about to spill out. “And I’m so stupid for taking so long to figure it all out, but I’m in love with you, too, and I’d be damned if I let another day pass without you knowing that.”
Something washed over him in that moment, and he laughed, leaning over to cup the back of your neck and rest his forehead against your own. It was ridiculous, the fact that both of you were giggling and smiling at such a precipice of emotion, but it felt right.
You could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips as he murmured, “Fuck, I wanna kiss you so bad.”
“Then come kiss me, rockstar,” you said, looping your arms around his neck. You drew him down to your mouth and felt his body mold against your own. Every crevice and curve slotted so perfectly with one another, and the heavy longing in your chest slowly eased.
“You guys have been incredible for me tonight—” Yunho beamed as he walked toward the front, center stage and looped the electric guitar strap over his head to the sound of the roaring crowd, “—so I've got a little surprise for you.”
One of the staff members had set out a mic stand and bottle water for him, and he approached both items to fit the microphone into place. Tonight was the Friday night concert being held in this city, and the energy was dialed to one thousand in all the best ways.
He held onto the microphone with one hand. “This song is dedicated to—written for—my best friend in the world, the love of my life, my stargirl. I'm sure you know it—you crazies debuted it at number two on the charts—this is your space.”
His smile tugged up wider at the reaction he received. If anyone in the crowd didn't know the song, they were about to fall in love.
Yunho laughed, shaking his head, as he began checking to make sure his guitar was tuned with practiced, nimble fingers. “Oh, by the way—” he pointed up at the accessory he wore, the crocheted headband holding his hair up and out of his face, with a row of stars across its band, “—she made this for me. Isn't it cute?”
The stadium echoed in choruses of “aw” and cheers.
He could only duck his head with a smile, eyes twinkling with fondness and tenderness at the thought of you. You were in the crowd, but you could be up here with him in spirit. “Yeah, that was me, too.”
After you and Yunho left the stadium yesterday, hands intertwined and a new page in your relationship turned, you’d gone back to his hotel to share a restful evening in one another’s presences. You revealed later that night that you spent the four or five days you were bedridden practicing your crocheting skills until you were able to make him a headband. A row of three stars studded the length of it—stars for your rockstar.
Yunho struck his fingers down the strings of his guitar with a gentle rocking motion from his opposite hand to let the sound reverberate around the stadium. The crowd cried in love as his soulful, beautiful voice filled their ears with love of his own. And as his fans filed out of the stadium for the night and headed home, Yunho could finally return to his home. Because you were here now… no matter how far, no matter the distance, the two of you would always find a way to be in the other's space.
a/n: pls remember to reblog, comment, and send asks if you enjoyed!
atz m.list
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International Affair
Welcome to my shameless self-insert series🤭 Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Last
Reader Description: Masculine style, They/He, AFAB, International Student, 20 Years Old. Sometimes will be describe using masculine terms (man, boy, handsome, etc)
Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x InternationalStudent!Reader
Warnings: Specified age gap (Wanda is 34).
Summary: For their summer break, Y/n decided to spend it in a little town called Westview. It was there when they met Wanda Maximoff. A woman in her 30s with two kids, who seems to be attracted to the college student despite being married.
New York University's tuition was fucking ass. It really is, at a whopping $64,000 tuition fee per year. And that's only the tuition fee, the total estimate of studying in NYU plus living cost was probably over $90,000. Exactly it's fucking insane. Despite receiving a sponsorship from their parent's good friend and also financial aid from NYU, he still needed to figure out how to pay it back.
Sometimes they feel like smacking their head for choosing to study in a city where it's known for its back bank breaking living cost. Can you blame him though? Those tall buildings, shining lights, bustling nightlife, sounds of gunshots, and a huge opportunity for a creative person such as themselves, along with a dash of capitalism. Y/n couldn't help but be fascinated. That American dream that he had been chasing since he saw the Devil Wears Prada.
It was now summer vacation. Instead of going home for the summer, Y/n decided to join this Homeshare Summer program. Basically an elderly person provides home for students to share during the summer. The benefits are plenty, but most notably, cheaper housing rent. His roommates also joined this program, together they sublease their apartment. Adding extra funds to their breaking bank account.
In return, the students must help their elderly host with basic domestic needs. Mostly light household tasks; preparing and sharing meals, tidying up, chores, walking a pet, etc.
Y/n ended up matching with someone in a small town called Westview somewhere in New Jersey. As much as he loves New York, he wanted to spend his summer somewhere else in America.
He matched with a lovely widow named Melina Vostokoff. He learned that she has 2 daughters, both whom are adults with their own respective career. She needed a companion, understandably so, and Y/n was more than happy to assist her in anyway she might need.
"Y/n." Melina called.
"Yes, Mrs. Vostokoff?" Y/n looked up from their laptop, they were sitting on the dinner table editing some footage.
"Oh dear, please, I told you to call me Melina."
"Sorry, Melina. Force of habit." He said with a smile. "What's up?"
"Would you please send all this batches of cookies around the neighborhood? I already have a list of houses on where you can drop them." Melina is known for sharing batches of cookies for free around the neighborhood. Why? Out of kindness.
And also the fact that she loves baking, but ended up not being able to finish it all. So she shares them around the neighborhood.
"Sure, Melina! I'll do that right away."
So he sets of to drop off delicious dessert for Westview citizens. Melina had told them that this was a good chance to ask around for a summer job as well. Which is what he had initially planned to do anyway. Finally they reached the last house, Maximoff Household. They weren't so lucky with the other neighbors, but last one's a charm right? He rang the doorbell.
A person then opens the door. "Hello, I was just-" Holyfucking shit. This woman was absolutely gorgeous.
"May I help you?" She ask, god her voice is sexy.
"Uhhh..." Snap out of it! "Sorry! I'm Y/n, I'm the student staying over the summer at Mrs. Vostokoff. She told me to drop off her Bi-Weekly batches of cookies."
Wanda wasn't stupid, she noticed their nervousness and found it adorable. "Lovely to meet you, Y/n. I'm Wanda, Wanda Maximoff." She offered her hand.
"Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Maximoff." He shook her hand.
"Do you go to Westview University?" She was rather intrigued by the younger one.
"No, ma'am. I actually go to NYU, I'm studying film production."
Wanda raised an eyebrow and smiled. "How impressive. Though I must ask, why choose to spend your summer here?"
Damn... her smile.
"Mainly a much cheaper living cost, other than that I figured It'll be good for me to explore other parts of America. New Jersey is not far so it's a good place to start."
"Ah, an International student I see. Is it one of those Homeshare programs?"
"It is!" The student beamed.
What a charming smile he has, Wanda thought to herself. "Say, how old are you, Y/n." She ask while leaning against the door frame, her tone was... rather flirty.
"Um... I'll be turning 21 this year." Wanda hummed at the answer. For what reason Y/n doesn't know either. "Here are your cookies, ma'am." Well shit, he was getting nervous again. Obviously, Wanda staring at him with a look he can't quite pin.
"Oh! Thank you, dear. My sons absolutely love Melina's cookies." She took the container from them.
"Well that's no surprise, I could live off from those cookies alone." They said while laughing lightly. "So I take it you've lived here for a while?"
"Yes, I've lived here for years with my twin boys and husband." Damn it, they thought. "Anything you would like to know?"
"Yes actually! I've been looking for a summer job, but I haven’t had any luck."
"Well, lucky for you, a friend of mine who owns the Cafe in town is looking for a new Barista. She just recently opened the position."
"That's great news! Thank you so much for letting me know, Mrs. Maximoff." They said with a smile, Wanda had another idea in mind.
"However, I think they're only offering part-time. If you're looking for some extra work, I may need a few... help around the house. Would you be interested?" She asked with a devilish smile.
Y/n, being too excited at the possibility of finally landing a job, failed to notice the flirty undertone in Wanda's sentence. "Absolutely!"
"Splendid! Come over to my house tomorrow and we'll discuss the details."
"I will see you tomorrow, Mrs. Maximoff. Thank you again!" The young man said with a bright smile, he started walking backwards onto the sidewalk.
"See you tomorrow, Y/n." Once they turned their backs on her, Wanda bit her lip. She had multiple things in mind for Y/n to help her with.
I did a quick research on the law of international students working in the US. I didn't get into detail but it basically said yes but there are restrictions. So ignore the actual laws, and y'know just - whatever man it's a fanfic :')
When I saw the estimated cost of studying in NYU i almost cried-
Also I hope you guys don’t mind I go with a more masculine reader for this one (i really want to be called a good boy by Wanda)
I hope the reader description doesn’t confuse you guys, if it does. Its ok, i self inserted myself and im very confused abt my gender-
#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff imagine#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x internationalstudent!reader#wanda maximommy#scarlet witch#wanda maximilf#wanda x gn!reader#wanda x reader#wanda x you#wanda x y/n#wanda x male reader#mommy wanda#wanda x student!reader#wanda maximoff fanfic#International Affair
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For the AU ask game, what about a roleswap between Izuku and All might?
Fun fact: a role swap does not necessarily mean an age swap. It really depends on what roles are being swapped.
1- The Symbol of Peace, Dekiru, has been the Number One Hero for a few decades. Happy, bright, and always moving, his smile is the only part of him not covered by his lucky green rabbit costume. Toshinori was a few years out of college when he was rescued in Dekiru's debut, and sometimes when he's sad or needs motivation, he goes back and watches videos of it. Which is why what he's seeing is impossible:
2- Dekiru's mask torn off, revealing a child's face, still round and freckled even with the pale skin and dark eye bags. Toshinori would think he was just a kid cosplaying the hero, except that kid definitely just saved his life from the villain now knocked against the wall, and even as the kid is passed out on the ground too, a thin layer of smoke is flowing from the neck of his costume, trying to obscure his face, too late. When Toshinori gets closer, black tendrils flip out from his arms and stand threatening over him. Toshinori holds up his hands, "I just need to check your pulse and airway" and he's allowed closer to do that. The kid wakes a few minutes later, and in a crack of green lightning, they're dashed away to the roof of a nearby building, the kid panting. Toshinori asks what's wrong, how can he help?
3- Dekiru sighs, and then tells Toshinori everything. He was created in a lab by a villain trying to get a very specific quirk. He couldn't wait however long it took babies to manifest, and he didn't want to deal with adults, so Dekiru has always been a child. But even then, the villain would not get the quirk he wanted. Dekiru escaped with some help- don't ask- made pro hero, made number one hero, and went and killed that villain a few years ago. However, doing so weakened him- he used to only need one hour of sleep a day to reset and get 23 of quirk usage and crime fighting. Now he only gets two hours of energy from each hour spent asleep, though he really does try to push it. Hence, just passing out now. He's swaying on his feet now, actually. Toshinori offers to carry him to his agency- he could throw his bright yellow suit jacket over the kid and carry him on his back, without the mask no one would realize who he was, just assume he's taking his kid home. Dekiru says it's fine, actually, and flies them both off the roof- only to fall the last few feet. Bright red, he agrees, though he tries to use float to be as light as possible as Toshinori's back. Not that it's needed, the man isn't as fit as he was when he was younger, but he's still plenty tall and strong.
4- except, ah ha, you know how they kinda left the villain from earlier there? Whopsie attack number two a few minutes later, and Toshi just puts Dekiru down behind him and grabs a pipe to fight back with. With the villain defeated, Dekiru looks up at Toshinori, and asks if he wants his quirk. He'd make a great hero, and probably would be able to do more with it than Dekiru can, since he'll only need to rest more and more over time. Toshinori accepts, walks Dekiru back to his agency, and gets a number to talk about it later.
5- later, Toshinori asks what will happen to Dekiru when he gives up his quirk. The kid is evasive, and Toshinori is pretty sure he'll lose his repowering speed even more until it goes away. He asks if Dekiru has ever done anything besides sleep and fight. Dekiru hasn't, and Toshinori ties his acceptance of the quirk to the fact that Dekiru has to gain something too. A normal life, friends, school, something. Toshinori suggests UA- they changed their rule to allow quirkless students, so Dekiru could get his license that way and prepare using support gear, have a second run at a real career and life instead of giving it up all to Toshinori. Dekiru admits that Nedzu was one of his fellow lab rats kept by the villain and would probably be all too excited to approve of this, but don't expect not to end up owing Nedzu a favor after this. So, Toshinori begins training physically again, this time to receive a quirk, and Dekiru begins studying, since he never needed school before and has several years to catch up on if he's going to be ready for high school in a months. Toshinori gains a provisional licence in the winter and can get a full one after a year at an agency, which Nedzu insists be UA. After sending Dekiru off to the entrance exam with a good luck and double checking all his support gear, Toshinori gets invited to watch, and almost has a heart attack when Nedzu stamps "Accepted" on the paperwork as Dekiru dismantles a giant robot, sliding the stack over so that he can see that on the top of the boy's form, his name is listed as "Midorya Izuku" and for emergency contact, "Yagi Toshinori (Uncle, legal guardian)"
#Izuku has effectively been frozen at 14 but will actually start to grow once he no longer has ofa#and will basically have normal teenage developments now that he's being socialized with other kids#well this is fun because like. the roles of predecessor and successor are swapped#but the roles of father and son aren't#so there's a lot of teaching each other. a lot more at least i should say.#fun#pocket talks to people#anon#ask game
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Stop at Nothing
Authors note: I honestly love how this turned out. I am thinking about making this into a series but I would love to hear what you guys think about that!
Summary: Everything was normal until it wasn't. Possibly pregnant with Joels baby, you head off to work as a doctor in the Er only for it to be the worst shift of your life and soon your whole world is flipped upside down by a series of unguessable events. Your life was calm and easy before, go to work, come home and take care of your two daughters with Joel. Now its life or death and life never prepared you for this situation.
Joel Miller x F!Reader
Word count:3.8k
Warnings: character death, cursing, guns, pregnancy
August 29, 2013
Every morning for the last week without a doubt you woke up at an ungodly hour to empty last night's dinner into your toilet. This caused concern to rise within you. There is no way you can be pregnant again right? Maybe you had the stomach flu, Sarah had just returned to school and kids tend to get sick since there are so many germs being spread around. Deep down you knew that a pregnancy test would be in your near future but after telling Joel last time you were pregnant left you a little scared about the possibility of a positive test.
November, 2012
Now Joel is a loving, patient man who knows no bounds for his family and the people that he loves. Was he stressed when you gave him a peed on pregnancy test with a baby onesie, absolutely. Did you guys go back and front on whether or not to keep the pregnancy, yes. But did that mean he loved his youngest daughter any less? No, absolutely not.
But to say that it hadn't put a stress on your relationship would be a lie. Joel was already working too late and too many hours to try and provide for Sarah and You had just Finished your residency and were officially a doctor which meant that your working hours were insane and often pushed you past your physical limits and beyond. This obviously was a concern for him, with your career having a baby at this time was less than ideal. His reasoning for not wanting to keep the child was for your health, if you were pregnant that meant everything you felt would be doubled and the stress of being a new doctor he feared would cause you to lose the baby. To you having a baby was a no brainer, plenty of people in the same shoes as you also were having babies, and if they could do it then so could you and nothing could convince you otherwise.
For days the two of you went back and forth about what to do but often your conversations would be interrupted by an innocent Sarah who needed her dad or wanted to talk to you about girl stuff, you may not be her mother but she treated you like you were. After about four days of weighing the pros and cons of bringing another life into this world you booked yourself an ultrasound to see how far along you were so you could better weigh your options but after seeing those black and white pictures you knew that there was no other option then to keep the growing baby inside of you.
Sarah had asked to spend the night at one of her friends' houses that morning which finally gave you and Joel the chance to sit down and really talk without having to put your thoughts on hold. After dropping Sarah off you entered the house you shared with Joel and started cooking dinner, you knew he wouldn’t likely show up until way past dinner time but you were hungry and needed something to distract your mind. How were you going to tell Joel that you wanted to keep the baby? What if he disagreed? Before you were able to jump too deeply into the worst case scenarios Joel walked through the door. You sat at the dinner table barely touching your food suddenly the need to eat was gone and anxiety sat at its seat at the dinner table instead. Joel could feel how nervous you were, you had something to tell him. “Darlin’ I can feel your nerves over here, what’s going on?” Without saying a word you get up and walk over to your purse that sat on the counter and pulled out the ultrasound pictures. Silently sitting there you stared at the tiny little bean looking shape and wondered what you would do if Joel disagreed with what you wanted.
Shakily you handed the pictures to Joel and he looked them over before returning to stare at you. “I want this Joel” Your voice a whisper on the verge of crying, he glances at the pictures before looking at you again “Look I know it will be hard but with my income we will be ok, you won’t have to work as much and I can take maternity leave and-” Joel moves to kneel in front of you “Darlin’ you don’t need to give me a list of reasons, ok?” His soft movement of his thumbs rubbing your stomach gave you so much comfort but you needed to hear him say it. “We’re doing this?” With a gentle nod he brings his hand to cup your cheek while the other stay on your stomach “We’re doing this, darlin’, we’re doing this”
September 27, 2013
Now your daughter was three months old and the absolute light of your life. Your pregnancy wasn’t easy, you had your fair share of struggles just like any other woman throughout her pregnancy but god was your daughter worth it all and ten times more. So to say that you were surprised you were experiencing symptoms of pregnancy again is an understatement, but to be sure you would make an appointment to get your blood checked and see if they were at the levels needed for pregnancy. But for now that would have to wait tonight you would be going in for an forty-eight hour shift on call and as much as you hated leaving your babies you had to go to work. Luckily Sarah would watch baby Evelyn for a few hours until Joel got home to handle the rest.
“Sarah babe? Do you have everything you need until your dad gets home?” She walks into the kitchen with a giggling Evelyn in her arms “For the millionth time,yes.” she glances at the clock before her eyes return to your frantic figure running around trying to make yourself coffee. “Oh shit, ok I have to go, dinner is in the fridge, there's milk for Eve in there also and if you need anything call me!” you were halfway out the door before you realized you forgot something. Turning around you kiss Evelyn's head and Sarah's cheek “I love you guys so so so much, don’t you ever forget that ok?” and with that you were out the door and unknowingly on your way into a fast unfolding nightmare.
The first twenty-four hours were ok. Not much happened but nothing happening in the hospital ment all was good. Somewhere between the thirty hour to forty-eight hour mark things started to pick up. As a trauma doctor in the ER you dealt with the worst of the worst injuries but since the ER was slammed you helped out where you could, just because you had a specialty doesn’t mean you couldn’t help. The people who were coming in were acting odd but when their blood work came back it was clear of drugs and alcohol, others were trashing about uncontrollably and one even tried to bite one of your co-workers but was restrained and sedated. A few hours after that was when shit really hit the fan, you were exhausted and it was almost the end of your shift which meant you just wanted to go home and see your babies and boyfriend, but you took an oath to help those in need no matter what so you kept doing your job even in the chaos of the ER department, until all staff was pulled into a quick meeting and was notified that until further notice the hospital would be on lock down.
As soon as you got a second you called Joel but he didn’t answer so you left a voicemail instead “Joel, I don’t know what's going on but the hospital is on lock down” you went quiet for a few seconds trying to pull your thoughts together and make a real sentence. “Look I don’t know what's happening but I can tell it's not good, whatever it is at least. The hospital has been crazy the last few hours and we have no idea what's going on.” Suddenly the tvs all play the same announcement, stay inside and don’t move. “Joel whatever happens don’t come to the hospital do not under any circumstances come here Joel. It's going to be one hundred times worse here, Joel, I’m begging you do not come here. Get the girls and get them to safety. I will find you guys I promise but I need you to keep them safe. I love you Joel, and tell the girls that mommy loves them too.” Just then a blood curdling scream is released and you hangup. Turning to see what is happening you find someone on top of another person and it looks like they’re eating them.
If the hospital was chaos before then all hell has broken loose now. The person stopped what they were doing and moved to stand up and look around as it slowly spun around in a circle. You saw something coming out of its mouth and it was moving.
When in medical school you often play a game of what-ifs. What if that happened, what if this happened? As doctors it's important to understand that anything could happen and you must be prepared for it. That's why you run hypotheticals all the time, the world is constantly evolving and if we don’t stay on top of it we will be under it. You learn a lot of things in medical school but one of the things you learn is the worst case scenario. What will happen if this disease comes back stronger or what if this one mutates, then what? And it was your job to come up with an answer that best fit the situation described. During one of your classes your professor played a video from the nineteen sixties about what would happen if a fungus evolved. And staring at the person, no it wasn’t a person anymore, you realized he was right, everything he said was correct.
Suddenly it launched itself to the people nearest to it and started attacking, you took this chance and ran. You couldn’t care less if after everything was done and calm again you lost your job or even your license for deserting your job as a doctor but something told you that wouldn’t be happening so you ran until you were in the staff room where all of your belongings were and began to grab your stuff. Frantically grabbing your car keys and bag you see other people doing the same thing, good to know you won’t be the only one losing their job.
As you made your way to your car you saw the same scene from inside paint itself on the outside. Just as you locked your door, helicopters flew by along with felt like a million other things. “Please,please help me!” the banging on your car window startled you, a young man bangs on your window, looking around you see it's getting worse, so against your breaking heart you pull out of the parking spot and start heading back home. On your way there you see countless cop cars and even military vehicles on the roads, it was like a mini war zone in the making and that couldn’t be good.
Joel's heart was racing after picking up Tommy he knew he needed to get back to his kids and get to you so you guys could move and figure this out as a family. While Tommy was driving Joel went to call you. He saw he had already left a voicemail and he listened to it. Hearing your voice sound so scared broke his heart but listening to you tell him to leave you there was more heartbreaking, leaving the mother of his children all alone at the hospital where like you said it was going to be ten times worse was a blow to the gut, but be knew you would never forgive him he put your children in danger and neither would he. So he told Tommy to head to his house and without a second thought he began to form a plan to get them out of harm's way and somewhere he can keep them safe while trying to figure out how to get to you.
One night while you and Joel were sitting in your living room you began to explain how hospitals work and what exactly you do. After a while the conversation dulls until your boyfriend speaks up “So what exactly happens if there's a huge nationwide emergency, like I know during hurricanes staff have to stay and help but what else.” Taking another sip of wine you begin to think about all the things that happen in those cases. “Well for one no matter what we go into lock down, no one in or out. If it's some sort of attack, same thing except authorized personnel so we have enough people to help with the large amount of people that would be coming in. Most of the situations are like that with a few different rules in place depending on what is happening but all in all it's the same more or less. But what I will tell you is this” You lean forward and look him in the eyes, you two may be a little wine drunk but this is important and you needed him to understand this. “If anything of that sort ever happens do not under any circumstances ever come to the hospital, don’t go to police or fire stations. Stay the fuck away from those. People who are first responders and healthcare workers will be the first to go. Why? Because we are the first defense. When someone gets sick or hurt where do they go? Either into an ambulance or to the hospital. When someone gets injured because of a fight or something dangerous happens, who responds? Police and firefighter. We are the people who help when things hit the fan so you know what that means? We usually don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into but we know we need to help. But in those situations it's usually mass numbers of people and if something goes wrong, we will be the first ones affected.” Joel had never thought about that before but now that you said it, it made sense maybe a little too much sense. What you said scared the shit out of him, mostly because that meant everything you said you understood and acknowledged, that something on a mass scale could be the reason you aren’t on earth anymore was terrifying. “I guess that does make sense but damn I never thought about that.” Shrugging you respond “Most people don’t but it’s one of the realities of being a healthcare worker.”
Joel's mind comes back from memory land right as they pull up in front of his house and see Sarah there holding Evelyn slowly backing away from the Adler woman. Jumping out of the car he puts himself between the old lady and his daughters. “What are we gonna do Joel?” Just then the lady jumps at her and he swings the wrench at her hitting her in the head. Quickly he turns around and ushers his children into the truck before they take off. Sarah was quick to notice a missing person. “Dad, where's mom?” Three simple words yet they shook him to his core. On any other day they would be just like every other question she asked but today her voice was shaking and when he looked back at his babygirl tears were in her eyes and her voice sounded so scared. “Don’t worry baby, momma is going to find us. She promised.”
You returned back to the road you lived on to see it was a mess. Street lights were off and power boxes had exploded. And bodies were everywhere, they may not be dead but they might as well be classified as such. Slowing down you peer out of your passenger window trying to see if anyone was still at your house but were quickly met with bloody hands banging on your window. Without second thought you speed off and don’t look back. You needed to think and think quick. Think like Joel. After taking a moment you remember that in these types of situations the military will set up camp and use that as a point of operation, it could get you killed as they most likely have a shoot to kill order but at least you could try and plus being a doctor would help right? At that moment you were thankful you had a full tank of gas and a fuel efficient car because you were sure that it was going to take you a little bit of time and driving to find one of these camps.
It had been a few days since everything started and you successfully made it into a military camp the first night before being moved to a quarantine zone. As a doctor they had you help them sort through the people coming in. Sure you were not a military doctor or personnel but you were a doctor nonetheless and they needed all the help they could get. You were placed in a tent to treat superficial wounds, not a very good way to put your training to use but as you know even a cut can lead to a deadly infection. Plus it gave you something to distract your mind with that is until you heard your name being called and not by anyone it was Joel, your Joel.
Next thing you know his arms are wrapped around your body and you're both crying. ‘Where are the girls? Where is Tommy?” Quickly you pull aways to find the answer to your questions but only see Tommy holding your youngest daughter. You rush to grab her out of his hands and sooth her as best you can but probably more so yourself, while you do so you look around Tommys figure to see if you can find Sarah. “Joel? Where's Sarah? Is she getting grabbing food or something?” Turning around to face the father of your children you see the tears building in his eyes and the heartbreak on his face and in an instant you know. Sarahs gone. You feel the urge to throw up and that's what you do, handing your surviving daughter back to Tommy you run over to the trash can and empty what little food you did have in your system.
If you're being honest you don't remember much of that day. You remember Joel and his arms around your body, feeling your daughter against your chest and seeing Tommy but other than that, it’s blank. You knew it was a trauma response, a way of your body trying to protect itself. And you were thankful for it because you never wanted to relive that moment again.
Now you had to focus on protecting your daughter, keeping her alive and fed. Making sure Joel was as ok as a parent could be after losing a child, and making sure Tommy didn’t get any stupid ideas. For the most part you forgot about the potential pregnancy to busy wrapped up in trying to survive in this new way of life. But then you missed your period and your breasts started to hurt and every smell was making you nauseated. You knew without a doubt that you were pregnant. Unfortunately you never got the chance to tell Joel. A Member of the military came to inform you that you were being moved to the Denver QZ. “Right now” this started you “Um ok let me go tell my family so we can grab our things.” in that moment you failed to see the man's grim expression. “No ma'am, just you and your child are permitted to go.” This frustrated you and you were going to give him hell until he let your family go with you. No way in hell were you going somewhere that Joel and Tommy weren’t.
You burst into the tent that you and your family had been sharing with strangers the past few weeks with the military man right on your heels. “Listen to this Joel!” Your announcement and startled look caught his attention as you grab your baby from Joel waiting for the random man to repeat what he said to you. “We will be moving her and your daughter to the Denver QZ, no one else is permitted to join her.” Joel was quick to his feet and in the man's face “Like hell you’ll be taking my wife and children somewhere I’m not!” Other military persons moved into the room with guns pointed, it didn’t take much to be killed these days. But that wasn’t what you focused on. Joel said children as in more than one, but it wasn’t plural it was just one and it was just Evelyn.
“Sir, you need to step back and remain calm!” Someone yelled causing your baby to cry. You silently shushed her as hot tears ran down your cheeks. “Don’t tell me to remain calm when you are trying to take my family away from me!” One man nods to another man and suddenly you feel a barrel of a gun to your head. “You either calm down or we kill her.” Joel felt his blood run cold as he saw what was happening before him. He wouldn’t let these men harm you so he stayed quiet and didn’t move. He would do anything necessary to keep you and his daughter safe. And for now that meant playing along with them. The men start to move and grab what they assume is your things. “Can I at least say goodbye?” The man holding the gun to you drops the barrel and gives a slight nod motioning for you to go ahead.
You wrap one arm around him while the other supports your daughter. “Listen to me Joel don’t try anything stupid,Ok? They will not hesitate to kill you. I will go and I will take Evelyn. I’m a high value person right now and they won’t do anything to me. I heard that people have been communicating through the radio. I'll tell them to play our song dedicated to E. When you hear it you’ll know it's me. Joel, you need to stay safe and be smart. Me and Eve need you. We will figure out a plan but for now stay alive and keep Tommy that way too, ok?” He shakes with anger but he knows your right, you’ve always been the more level headed one between the two of you. “Let's go.” the same man from earlier tells you and reluctantly he lets go of the two most important people in his life. Watching you get on that copper with Evelyn clinging to your chest was like watching the last remaining parts of his heart leave with you two. And he knew he would stop at nothing to get you two back.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#tlou imagine#tlou x reader#joel x reader#Joel x pregnant!reader#Joel x doctor!reader#joel miller drabble#joel miller series#pre outbreak!Joel#post outbreak!Joel
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There Are No Victors, Only Survivors
A/N: First fic ever on here... I'm a little nervous, but excited to start a new chapter in my life! Let me know what you think of this! [ I also read the books 7 years ago and I'm almost done binge-watching the movies so don't burn me alive if I get the lore wrong :) ]
Pairing: Finnick Odair x Reader (platonic or romantic)
Summary: After winning the games, you go on camera to discuss your win with Caesar. Footage of the games causes you to recall a painful memory, one you'd rather leave in that arena.
TW: Trauma from the games, large crowds, murder
The crowd screams your name as you enter the stage. Your ears still ring from the sound of canons, your mind is numb from the numerous deaths you witnessed and caused, and your lips are dry even though you had plenty to eat and drink before this.
Caesar kindly waves you over, and you stick a warm smile on your face as you head towards him.
"Our victor, everyone!"
The crowd goes wild, and you bow to absorb as much attention and positivity as you need. You're a possession of the Capital now, and any out-of-line move could end with 24 dead tributes instead of 23.
It's just an interview, just like before the games. Stay calm... you can do this.
"Now, there are many pressing questions that the people of Panam want to know... including myself," Caesar nudges your side, and you laugh as if it's the funniest joke you've ever heard, "but there is one question that is on all of our minds: who did you hear after the jabberjays were released?"
You pause, and the smile slips from your face for a moment before you notice a camera. You quickly recover with a small head shake.
"My mom and my dad, of course." You gracefully answer.
"Really? No special someone? You seemed too torn up after that bird followed you around for three whole days." He exaggerates, and the crowd has a mixed reaction to his question.
"I-" You pause as you hear footage play from the screen behind you.
The crushing of leaves and the pounding of your heart are the only rhythms that your ears hear. Your feet carry you along, but your mind is in a much different place.
The game makers, after deciding that their handmade hell wasn't enough torture, decided to send each contestant a jabberjay just to see what would happen.
The screams of your mother and father were the first, and you immediately jumped up from your hiding spot to find them. When you realized that the sound was coming from a bird, you tried to bury your head in the sand and continue along as if nothing was happening.
The cries of loved ones turned into the cries of your friends. The ones that you had trained with in District 4 before you had been reaped. Those kids, especially the younger ones, gave you the motivation to keep fighting.
You didn't sleep the first night, and the second night was interrupted by nightmares and cannons booming every other hour. You figured that the other tributes had gone mad and had taken their anger out of each other.
...Good thing you kept away from the pack and tried to survive on your own.
The third day, however, was your breaking point. The screams of your friends had died out, and you thought that damn bird had finally left you alone. You were a defenseless fool in that moment, especially when the scream perfectly matched Finnick's voice.
He was your mentor, your friend, and had been your rock when you were scared of being another victim of the games. Hearing his screams, his cries for help... it broke you behind anything that had happened to you so far.
You didn't hesitate to pick up a rock and strike the bird right between its eyes, killing it on the spot.
After that, you came crashing to the ground with tears in your eyes. You didn't eat or drink anything that day as your thoughts were consumed with worries of his safety.
When you looked up to the sky to see the tributes that were honored at night, you realized that there was only one left: a career from District 2.
You didn't have to do much, as she stumbled upon your camp later that night. You managed to gather yourself enough to grab a knife, but she didn't attack you.
The desperation, the fear, the anger inside of her eyes... but everything else about her was deflated and depressed. You were sure that you looked the same, if not worse.
She closes her eyes for a moment, and you say a small prayer before throwing the knife into her chest.
The last cannon went off, and your ears were buzzing as you were announced as the newest victor. Nothing seemed real anymore, for all you knew, everyone you had already cared about was dead and the jabberjays were just used to mock you.
After being airedlifted out of the arena, you were taken to the Capital, where Mags and Finnick were waiting for you. You nearly fell over when you took a step towards them.
"Easy there, honey. Don't want you hurting yourself before your big interview." Finnick catches your arm, and you softly thank him before taking Mags' hand.
"The jabberjays, they sounded like my parents and my friends and..." You pause as a few tears slip past your eyes, "and you two."
He pulls you into a warm hug as you bawl your eyes out, not only for the three lives you had to take inside of that arena but for the part of you that died in there as well.
"So, who is that someone that had you all choked up, huh?"
You blink for a beat as you pull yourself back into reality.
"My best friend - they're my everything, they've been my rock for so many years, and I'm so happy that I get to see them again."
The crowd eats up your answer like it's a five-course buffet as Caesar smiles at you.
"Well, I'm glad that they are part of the reason that we have such an amazing victor!" He takes your hand and raises it high, and the crowd in the Capitol grows louder.
Your body was there, and your innocence was destroyed in the arena, but your thoughts and feelings were settled on one special person.
Finnick.
#thg x reader#thg#the hunger games#x reader#the hunger games x reader#the hunger games fanfic#the hunger games fluff#fanfic#thg finnick#finnick odair#finnick imagine#finnick x reader
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baby, please - part 1
You're successful, you're independent, and you pride yourself in both. But your friends think you could do with a man.
Warnings: Mentions of drinking wine. Reader is a bit of a workaholic. Like, one swear word. Proofread but probably a mistake or two in there somewhere.
Word count: 2,031
F!Reader, no use of Y/N.
Welcome to the re-write! I wanted to write this last year, around the same time as my Doctor Steven Grant, PhD series, but it got put on hiatus due to some not nice real life stuff, but it's back! I hope you enjoy it!
These are your texts.
These are Santi's texts.
Series Masterlist ● Part 2
You had the tendency to prove people wrong. Only when they had negative connotations of you, of course. You didn’t do it to be an obnoxious know-it-all.
For instance, you stuck it to your family when your parents scoffed at your idea of going into marketing instead of medical, like your sisters. You’d worked your ass off at college and graduated top of your class, those naysay comments from your parents in the front of your mind as you tossed your cap at your ceremony. Because of your hard work, you had moved to Florida for an amazing job opportunity. Granted, it wasn’t New York (which is the end goal for you jobwise), but you were the head of your very successful team, and it gave you the chance to separate yourself from your hometown (and therefore, your judgemental parents).
Let’s not forget the time you bought your apartment. Your friends had laughed at the size of it, claiming that you would want more space eventually, but it was yours, and you made it your own. Now your friends had decided your apartment was the best for your wine nights (which used to be bi-weekly, but plans changed when kids were coming into the picture), because it was the most quiet and you had the comfiest couch.
And lastly, you had proven than you didn’t need a man. Sure, it would be a nice perk to have, but you were happy being single. Whilst your friends were settling down and looking to move to nice neighbourhoods with good schools, you were dating around. Your love life was mostly filled with a few dates and one-night stands. You had dabbled in online dating every now and then, but that usually fizzled out after a few weeks. It didn’t bother you, you enjoyed meeting so many new people and having all these experiences to share.
Your dating life was a common topic of conversation between your peers. Your friends frequently teased you over it, wondering when you were going to ‘settle down’ yourself. You usually laughed it off. It never bothered you, why would it? You were a full-grown adult who could make decisions for herself, and it wasn’t any of their business at the end of the day. You’ve come to embrace being ‘that friend’ who was perpetually single.
It made sense that they would tease you about it, you were nearly thirty (not like there was a deadline or anything, you had plenty of time to ‘find’ someone). You weren’t even sure if you wanted kids, or to settle down. It may have worked out for others, who was to say it would work out just the same for you? You were perfectly happy focusing on yourself and your career.
Your day started out like any other. You woke up early, already sweating, huffing at the hot air of Florida. Your AC conked out last week, and you hadn’t found the time to get someone out to look at it. Your biggest client is launching their brand in a month’s time, so you and your team had been working aggressively hard to make sure you were meeting your deadlines and that your effort was up to par and more.
Which meant you’d been spending your weekday evenings mostly at the office than in your own apartment.
Answering a few morning emails and eating your breakfast before getting ready for work, you sent a quick text in your group chat to confirm that wine night was still good to go for later that night, since it was unusual to have your girl nights on a Monday (but it was the only time anyone had free, and it had been a long time since any of you were free at the same time). The evening was planned out perfectly, you’d even treated yourself and your friends to some decent wine, since this was the first wine night in months. You were truly happy for your friends, and you still saw each other every now and then, but God, there was nothing like your wine nights.
You weren’t expecting a text back from anyone until later in the day, so you continued with your morning. You made it into work with the usual traffic, a coffee in your hands from the local Starbucks. You sat at your desk and booted up your computer, checking your voicemails in the meantime.
“Good morning!”
You held back a grimace as you greet your desk mate.
Emily is nice enough, but overly chipper. She was blonde, bubbly, and always wore bright clothing. She was young, straight out of college and had joined the team a few months ago. She was still trying to find her feet in the company, and tried hard to make friends, something that she had frequently come to you about. Recently, she’d been hanging out with George and Juliet in accounts since they were of a similar age.
You suspected she had a thing for George.
“How was your weekend?” Emily asked, throwing her pink handbag to the floor and sitting in her chair.
“It was good. How was yours?” you ask.
“It was fine, thanks. Our new roommate moved in.”
Emily had been living with her sister and her sister’s boyfriend. Turned out the boyfriend had been sleeping around with some of the girls and guys from his gym and Emily and her sister had kicked him out. Last you heard he’d moved back in with his parents out of town.
“How’s that going?”
“Good, so far! Think Becca is just glad to have all his stuff gone and have her own space back.” Emily shook her head with wide eyes as she logged into her computer. “But she’s panicking now, because she wants to settle down. She’s nearly twenty-six, she thought she would be married by now. She was even talking about kids with this guy, so she’s feeling a little nervy about being on her own. Oh! That reminds me…”
Emily turned to look back at you, a grin on her face. You raise an eyebrow at her. “What?”
“There’s someone I think you should meet.”
You fought the urge to roll your eyes at your co-worker. One, because Emily had linked her sister’s ‘impending doom’ at being single with you, and two, it was the same story every time. Someone knows someone you should meet, and you go out on a date, but nothing ever comes of it. “Who do I need to meet, Emily?”
“My neighbour,” she replied, smiling widely. “His name is Santiago. He’s great, he was in the army for a while, but he’s retired now.”
“Retired?” you pulled a face. Trust Emily to try and set you up with an old fogey.
Emily shook her head quickly at you, almost as if she’d read your mind. “No, not retired like you think, he’s not old. He’s barely forty. And he’s really good looking, and nice.”
You shook your head at her. “I don’t know, Emily, work is busy, and the launch is soon…I don’t even have time to fix my AC at home, never mind go on a date.”
Emily pulls a face and makes a noise that reminds you of a toddler not getting their own way. “Come on, he’s funny and charming, and he might be ‘the one’!”
You had never believed in that kind of stuff; ‘the one’ and ‘soulmates’ and all that. You believed that there were so many people in the world, that you can (and will) fall in love multiple times throughout your life. Sure, sometimes people do just find one person who they are happy with and choose to be with for the rest of their lives, but that just wasn’t you.
But – saying that - it had been a while since you went out on a proper date. You could do with having a bit of fun and getting out the office and your apartment. And Emily liked to think she was some sort of match maker, so you’d like to humour her, just this once. “Okay, fine.”
Emily smiled widely as she excitedly gave you Santiago’s number, telling you that he was already expecting a text from you. You pull a face at her at the fact she had already anticipated you would say yes (or were you just that predictable?) and had given Santiago the heads up. You saved his number quickly before throwing your phone in your desk drawer and turning back to Emily. “Let’s finish up these mock ups and get them sent out. If we get these out of the way, we can focus on looking into finalising the merchandise.”
Your day was filled with multiple phone calls, plenty of meetings, and regular catch ups with your clients. You had hit a few snags, which could potentially delay the launch, but you were determined not to get to that point, already setting up possible plans and sending them to your client for approval. You finally sat down for your lunch when everyone was readying up for leaving for the day and going home.
You scrolled through your phone as you ate your lunch (which might as well be your dinner at this point). You caught up on your texts (wine night was still on!) and scrolling through what you’d missed on the client's social media (not much). You suddenly remembered about Santiago, who Emily had decided to set you up with. You grinned as you found his number and started a new text chain.
Hi, you introduce yourself. I’m Emily’s co-worker, she might have mentioned I would text you today?
It was a few minutes later when you received a reply.
Hey. Emily did mention you’d message. I’m Santiago. Have you thought about where you'd like to go for our date? Any preference on food?
Oh, okay, straight to the point.
I'm open to suggestions. I like pretty much anything, do you have any recommendations?
There’s this little Italian restaurant called Bella Cucina. The food is amazing, and it has a cosy atmosphere. It's not too far from where I live.
Italian sounds perfect! What day works for you?
How about Saturday? We could aim for a 7:30pm reservation if that suits you? Emily mentioned you’d been spending a lot of time at the office.
And considerate.
Saturday sounds great. 7:30pm works well for me. I'm really looking forward to it. Just to be sure, Bella Cucina is on Main Street, right?
Bella Cucina is on Main Street. I'll make the reservation for two under my name.
That’s great, I’ll put it in my schedule. I look forward to meeting you!
See you then, have a great rest of your week.
He seemed nice enough. A little stiff, maybe, but that might be due to his army background. You wondered what he looked like. You could look him up on social media if you wanted to, but you barely used the accounts you had; mainly you updated your client’s posts as requested. You imagined Santiago to be a stereotypical, muscled man with a buzzcut and lots of tattoos. One who was stoic and stern, very set in his ways.
You’d definitely dated that guy in the past.
You placed your phone back into your bag before gathering the packages of your lunch/dinner. The office was quiet, meaning everyone had probably gone home. You threw away your rubbish, walking back towards your desk to finish up a few more emails and shut down your computer. Your friends would be arriving at your place in just over an hour, so you had to make a move.
You lock up the office and make your way out of the building, making your way to your car in it’s usual parking space in the lot next door. Luckily traffic didn’t look too bad, so you should have enough time to get home and quickly and shower before setting up for wine night for when your friends arrived.
You knew you’d be fine. You could do it. You were you, and you get shit down. Apart from fixing your AC. You really needed to call someone about that.
#triple frontier#santiago garcia x reader#santiago x reader#santiago garcia x f!reader#santiago garcia#oscar isaac#pregnant!reader
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Marvel — Singers OC 🎼
-> -> -> I was listening to music a lot while looking over my old OC Tyler Sharp and decided why not ;)
-> Disclaimer! I don’t own the anything like the songs mentioned, artist mentioned here are just ideas and I’ve haven’t been in contact with anyone related to this post such as Sony Music. It was just a fun idea I had.
Ana B 🎼
Full Name: Ariana Sandra De Baillo
Nicknames: Ari, Ana, De Baillo, Princesses of pop, Sandy, Dra
Birthday: June 25th
Age: 25
Height: 5’1
Place of Origin: Brooklyn, New York but grew up around Washington Heights
Currently located: Los Angeles and on occasion Florida.
Specie: Half Human aka Mutant
Abilities: Sonic Screams. She can emit a highly enhanced scream of a high amplitudes. She also has the ability to vibrate her vocal chords at will.
Occupation: Singer and dance. And on occasion a bit of a small vigilante which causes her to be late to concerts and rehearsal sessions.
Type of music she likes to dabble into making: Pop, Latin Pop, R&B, Hip Hip, Rap and some acoustic.
Awards Won so far: Latin America Billboard Awards, Kids Choice Awards, Teen Choice Awards & Premios Juventud Awards
—
Arianna grew up in the lower east side of Brooklyn to a Ecuador & Mexican mother and Colombian father who always made sure that she was loved. Even if they didn’t have much, her parents made sure she had a roof over her head, food, clothes, and money for a education in New York.
In very late high school, she discovered her love for music and dance (it was given in her culture but still) Ari became in love with it. Listening to music from artists like Alicia Keys, Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Selena, Shakira and plenty of others. Singing, dancing, rapping and creating music videos using her phone or a actual camera.
—> She would practice dancing in her bedroom, creating videos and then later on uploading them onto YouTube. Especially her covers of songs and funny skits she would make with friends. Eventually a record label (Sony Music), reached out to her and help her start crafting her own.
First songs being The Way, Ready or Not & Hurricane. Being her popular ones too!
During this period of time, Ariana started singing and rapping more instead of just dancing. It was great until one day her voice was really sorely used and decided to rest her vocal chords. Soon enough she got a little cocky and frustrated waiting so long, as she decided to try to sing in her room instead. Screaming out the lyrics, resulting in her vocal chords to ring and a bounce of a quaking strength released, causing her desk to stumble back a little few feet away from her.
“Oh my..d-did i just do that?” She questioned, curiosity took over and she tried again.
It was captivating how powerful it seemed, also it was a small soft advantage to her singing. Ariana wouldn’t admit it, but she feared this power. Wondering how this would effect her career and life in general. It took her months to control it, there was a few accidents and even her manger found out one day, but she pulled though.
—-
Flash forwarded to a few years later, Ana B was singing and dancing on stages, for her own performances and other artists. Performing frontline for Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Cher Lloyd and backup dancing for Fifth Harmony performance for Grammy Awards 2014.
Even being featured in Cher Lloyds songs as well. Due to her mother’s encouragement, Ariana decided to dabble into Latin Pop as well. Her Hispanic roots. Adding a mix of Latin Pop and a bit more R&B into her songs
—> Which resulted in her to featured in Reggaetón Lento with CNCO and Little Mix, create Downtown with J Balvin, and a couple of others. Those are just to name a few. It resulted in her expanding her reach in the music and tv appearance on shows every once in a while.
——
It was going great until one dark cloudy while visiting Los Angels after chilling at the corner store she heard screams and yelling loudly from a alleyway running to help wearing her black hoodie, just all black in general due to leaving rehearsals a hour earlier.
A two girls were being robbed of their money, Ariana couldn’t stands for it and started to try and fight the robbers. The two girls were trying to fight them too.
One caught her by the wrist and held her backwards, Ariana was pissed off and narrowed her eyes a scream piercing scream filled up a sound attack sending both men to fly backward onto the brick wall. Slamming their heads against the wall, knocked out cold. She didn’t mean to do that, it was a scream of panic and anger.
It shocked Ariana as she turned to the girls, “A-are you okay?”
“Y-yeah..h-how did you do that?” One of them asked, grabbing their purse.
“I um..i just screamed, i guessed.” She replied, trying to cover up what happened.
The other one recognized her and gasp, “Y-your—you’re Ana B!”
Ariana smiled sheepishly and nodded, “..y-yeah i am..you girls should go home. We all should!”
The both girls nodded and gushed realizing that this artist saved their lives. They called the cops and went home. However Ariana spent those next few day rethinking that captivating scream and how she saved those girls. She smiled, it felt good. Real good. It took a few days to quietly decide but Ariana decided to used her gift and saved a few others every once in a while. But since Ariana wasn’t trained or anything, she wasn’t the best low crime fighter, at least she tried..
She took up a bit of boxing and stuff to help with fight. A few short self defense posts and it helps her moves on stage, a lot. Sometimes Ariana would be late to rehearsal dressed in a black outfit afterwards. For example…
At start of a small bank robbery downtown, a few men dressed in grey and black suit came running in. There were guns and shouting, when she sneaked into the place. Everything was fine as she pretended to be one of others until a robber grabbed her grab and smirked, “Oh, not so fast, sweetheart.”
She groaned, using her shoulder to elbow him in the chest, “Don’t grab women, sweetheart.”
Her and one of robbers started to dance, twirling, kicking and spinning around the room. Ariana was thrown across the room, her back landing on a desk near a receptionist as she yelled with her vibrating vocals chords, “Get the cops online..p-please.” The women nodded, doing as told.
Ariana was slammed into a wall, she sighed, “Now I know how The Avengers feel..this hurts.” She glances at the clock, as her eyes widened in shock, 1:23pm, she was going to be late to the studio. Better make this quick.
Taking a deep breath and narrowing her eyes towards the robbers. Like singing loudly into a microphone, Ariana lowering her mask closed her eyes shut as a scream ripped off at a medium amplitude modulation knocking off both men. They stumbled back, holding their ears and full lose balance. The cop sirens went off and Ariana nodded at the receptionist putting a finger over lips, that were covered again by the mask, then ran out.
She arrived 5 minutes late, not the worse thing. If one had to be honest, the girl tend to always be a tad late depending on what day it was. Her manger Naya, rushed her off to get ready asking if she was alright seeing how she looked a little bruised. Ariana smiled, getting an ice pack for her aches and Advil for her pains. Naya was like a big sister to her, making sure she was okay and healthy, however she always wondered what her client was up to when she’s not around.
-> Her street outfits
-> Causal Outfits
—-
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Remember to like, comment and share ;)
Tags: @gaminggirlsstuff @mandylove1000 @morgan108 @drspencereidhotch @gcthvile @superspookyjanelle @msrochelleromanofffelton @sherloquestea @rooster-84 @meiramel @halesfavoriteharlot @blueboirick and etc
#marvel oc#marvel original character#becky g#writing community#singer au#singer and actress#sonic scream#x men imagine#x men oc#celebrity#celeb style#avengers au#latin music#latina artist#sony music
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Not that everyone has to have kids, but why do you think Bumi II and Kya II didnt have any kids of their own? Was it because of how Aang wasnt a great dad to them?
Psychologically, their issues with Aang might be the deep-down bedrock-level root cause, but I'm not psychologist and we're talking about cartoon characters, so let's go a few levels higher.
First of all, I want to say that I agree people don't have to have kids. I'm almost certainly never going to have kids. I say this because I don't want my next statement is be misinterpreted:
Bumi and Kya are not complete people.
Think about it. Neither one has any friends. Neither one has a home of their own. Neither one has any kind of community outside their mother and their brother (and Tenzin's family in turn, which includes Korra and her various hanger-ons). Bumi had a purpose in his life with his military career, but he gives that up before we've even heard him utter a single complete sentence, in favor of becoming a freeloader in his brother's place. Kya supposedly traveled the world, but when Aang died she came back to the South Pole to supposedly help Katara- and yet she produces no contacts or information during the story's world-spanning adventures, and Korra never met her before Book Spirits.
How could either of these people consider having kids? I'm not sure they know how to have a conversation with anyone who isn't involved with Avatar Business in some way.
Even if either one theoretically managed to acquire a kid, I don't think that would make them complete people. I can honestly see both of them dropping their kid off with Tenzin and fleeing. Or else showing up at Tenzin's doorstep for his and his family's help raising the kid.
Now, maybe their inability to form connections with literally any other human being they're not related to is because of Aang's parenting. But I don't think the story's intention is for Bumi and Kya to be that damaged by their childhood. And, as long as we're looking at things from a meta-perspective, let's admit that the real reason for this portrayal is because LoK is about Korra, and Bumi'n'Kya are in an outer orbit around her compared to the more consistent cast (and even Asami literally has no one in her life but Korra and Mako and Varrick). However, the result is that Bumi had an entire military career but no old veteran buddies, and Kya is the franchise's first confirmed lesbian but has never so much as been depicted as flirting with someone never mind actually engaging in a romance.
All we have to work with is the text of the story, and that says that neither Bumi nor Kya are outgoing enough to consider procreating. The fandom likes to imagine past relationships for them with Toph's kids or Izumi, but let's face it- those kids probably would have rather died than dated one of Aang's kids, except for Lin, who wishes she had died instead of dating Tenzin, and even she never had so much as a conversation with Bumi or Kya.
If we wanted to repair this portrayal, there are some options. We could say that Bumi preferred to focus on his career, or just have someone Korra's age show up one day and say, "Nice to meet you, Dad. Remember that cute Si Wong sandbender 20 years ago?"
For Kya, it could be even easier; just introduce her grown child as someone everyone already knows about and is familiar with (except Korra, who can serve as our audience POV) and who coincidentally has never been mentioned before now despite there being plenty of logical places where it should have happened. (It's a tried and true LoK storytelling tactic! :P) Or talk about the difficulties that a lesbian seeking to have a child would encounter in the Avatar world. Or just give her a personal reason for not having a kid while also establishing that she has friends and lovers around the world.
The possibilities are endless when you treat Bumi and Kya as actual characters.
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How to Dance in Ohio is going to BROADWAY! Also, hi, I'm Ashley.
So I guess I should start using this account to talk about it, and tell the people who I am and what I'm about.
I'm told that Tumblr is the go-to platform these days for people who just want to blog like we did in the Old Internet Days, but also have an audience that includes people under the age of Limewire. Sooo here I am.
The briefing: I'm Ashley Wool, I live in NYC, and I'm playing Jessica in the upcoming Broadway musical How to Dance in Ohio. I've wanted to be on Broadway ever since I was old enough to know what that meant. I was diagnosed in 2008 with what was at the time called Asperger's syndrome--I don't use that term anymore for many reasons, which I'll probably get into at a later date--and I thought that being autistic spelled certain death for my performing career. So I didn't talk about it for over a decade.
My decision to start talking about it more publicly was catalyzed when Greta Thunberg started becoming a public figure. When I was a kid, I was hardcore invested in anything related to environmental conservation. 50 Simple Things You Can Do To Save the Earth was basically my Bible. In fifth grade, for a science project, I recreated the greenhouse effect using glass jars to demonstrate the impact of climate change to my peers. As you can probably imagine, I was bullied pretty mercilessly--and this was long before anybody had floated "autism" as a possibility for me. I just knew I was "weird." When I saw that happening to Greta on a worldwide scale, and saw people using her autistic neurology (which she was out and proud about) as an excuse to disparage and discredit her further, I realized how cowardly I had been to allow my own internalized ableism to keep me in the disclosure closet. If this brave and brilliant teenage girl could own her neurology in the face of millions of haters, who the heck was I to not stand up and be counted as an autistic person in front of a comparatively tiny audience of Facebook friends, most of whom already knew me and loved me?
It took me a while to find my footing as an autistic self-advocate, to work out the most productive ways to use my voice within and around those circles, but I think I have a pretty good handle on it nowadays. Like any autistic person, I've got plenty of trauma stories, but I never wanted to be the "trauma influencer" who centered my advocacy around my own negative experiences and talked over people who thought or felt differently about similar experiences they or their children have had. I also never wanted to deny or discount the privilege I experience as a cis white woman who is verbal and able-bodied and grew up in Westchester County and always had support systems for the struggles I do face, financial and otherwise.
Indeed, I hope that a cornerstone of my advocacy will be championing all the support systems I was lucky enough to have, and making sure that I do everything in my power to help differently-marginalized autistic people of all ages (and the people who love them, educate them, and employ them) receive the same support.
I hope that people will look at the success I've managed to achieve and instead of attributing it exclusively to my "being talented and working hard and never giving up," they will say, "this is what an autistic person can achieve when they are accommodated and supported, and autistic people don't need to be originating roles on Broadway like Ashley Wool or winning Nobel Peace Prizes like Greta Thunberg or [insert high achievement here] to be inherently worthy of that support."
Mostly, I just want to let the world know that autistic people already exist in every conceivable industry and every conceivable circle. Including musical theatre.
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Grey’s Anatomy Has a Toxic Workplace Problem in Season 18 - aka why everyone keeps bullying Meredith into staying in Seattle
(Why is no one talking about this???)
Read my grey’s anatomy meta on ao3! Same format but I would love hear your thoughts
I can’t believe my biggest gripe with Grey’s season 18 is… fair labor practices? I mean, it’s usually more soap-opera stuff. Dead fiances come to life, disappearing girlfriends, surprise pregnancies, etc. etc.
But I keep seeing the same subtle problems arise. I’m going to call this the Webber-Bailey-Fox problem, because it seems that the ‘leaders’ of Grey Sloan Memorial are the most egregious and at fault. In short, why on earth do Webber, Bailey, and Catherine act as if the entire fate of this hospital hinges upon Meredith? Why won’t they let her leave for Minnesota?
She’s a famous surgeon who works there, not a goddess. The hospital isn’t going to magically disappear into dust and shadows if she moves to another state with her kids. If other key characters who are part of the Grey’s universe (Cristina, Alex, Jackson, Arizona, April, Callie, etc.) are allowed to move away and find new jobs, why do her bosses keep guilt-tripping Meredith into staying?
In general I’d give Season 18 a B+. In general my rule about TV is ‘keep watching if you’re having fun. Quit if you’re not!’ and I enjoy spending each Friday morning watching last night’s episode of Grey’s. I thought that many parts of S18 (like the introduction of Kai! Or letting us explore Bailey’s burnout and Maggie’s marriage to Winston!) were handled delicately. But at the same time, Webber, Bailey, and Catherine 一 mostly Webber and Bailey, obviously, since they’re series regulars 一 are just being manipulative toward Meredith.
Again and again on Grey’s, we see management whining whenever people don’t agree with them. In season 2ish, when Bailey considered switching from general to pediatric surgery, Webber was consistently whiny and cruel to her. He acted like she was throwing her career down the drain for changing. Bailey also sort of did this when Jo switched to OBGYN, and when Ben decided to become a firefighter instead of continuing his residency.
The Grey’s timeline is a bit wonky since seasons 1-3 take place during intern year (which I assume is 12 months), but I’d wager Meredith’s literally been working at this hospital for 16 years, give or take. She had her children here. She lost her husband. She dated and re-realized what it means to find love after loss. Is it so wicked and awful that she might want to move to Mayo Clinic instead of growing old and (pardon my pun) grey in Seattle?
During all of season 18, Webber and Bailey are just awful to Meredith. They treat her like a traitor and whine that she isn’t being ‘loyal’ to the hospital where she grew up (reminder: Meredith literally grew up here. Ellis trained at Seattle Grace and there are flashbacks of Meredith as a 6-year-old walking the halls.) If it’s indeed true that Meredith has lived much of her entire life in this one building, why on earth do her bosses keep manipulating her into staying? This is a textbook hostile work environment and it’s so puzzling that no characters in the Grey’s universe are acknowledging it.
A workplace culture where your bosses call you ‘disloyal’ for wanting to submit your 2 weeks’ notice is… not good. No wonder Meredith wants to leave if Webber and Bailey, who are supposedly her old friends and mentors, are so willing to turn on a dime and snarl insults at her.
Don’t even get me started on this Accreditation Council Lady in the finale, who acts as if Meredith’s departure is a key reason why the hospital is unstable. Sure, I assume Mer is good at bringing in fundraising money and good PR (and I know Council Lady feels that she’s been lied to so she’s lashing out), but Mer’s just the chief of general surgery. There are plenty of good general surgeons who can take her place.
And I know, the show is called Grey’s, not Pierce’s or Shepherd’s Anatomy. We all know Meredith is important. But it feels cruel to tell Meredith that she matters so that we can guilt-trip her into staying at Grey Sloan instead of moving away. When does it end? Will Meredith be tied in one place and forced to work at the hospital forever just because they can’t afford to lose her? What kind of awful workplace is this, where you aren’t allowed to leave because people seem to need you too badly? It’s kind of like a desperate boyfriend or girlfriend who refuses to let you break up with them because “they’ll fall apart without you.”
This is an incredibly toxic position from Webber and Bailey, and it makes me dislike them. They’ve been written so oddly this season, acting as if they’re gods who are above criticism and flaw. Their inability to recognize their own flaws is actually the reason they keep hurting the people around them.
So the Minnesota plotline may have its flaws (I’ll get to that later! What on Earth does Mer actually do at Mayo?) but it’s Meredith’s right to leave if she wants to. It’s not like she’s signed some lifetime contract or a blood oath tying her to one place. She’s successful, she’s excited to travel and spend more time with Nick, and the city of Seattle is always going to be haunted in some part because of Derek’s death. Why shouldn’t she get to leave? Why are Webber, Bailey, and Catherine allowed to intimidate and jeer at Meredith? Why do they feel entitled to her time and work? It’s starting to feel like Bailey and Webber are just bad bosses. If you can’t handle the fact that your employees may get a better offer and leave you, you shouldn’t be an employer.
#grey’s anatomy#meredith grey#grey’s anatomy meta#grey’s anatomy fic#miranda bailey#richard webber#amelia shepherd#Maggie pierce#catherine avery#greys abc#greys anatomy#grey’s#sorry for the weird formatting! I’m on mobile :/#benwvatt
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AU where Hatsume gets called out for humiliating Iida and making him out to be pathetic on live television during an event that would have a major effect on the rest of his life.
So... I don't love Hatsume, as a character. Don't even really like her, there's other support characters I like way more and the boob jokes or making uraraka jealous is really annoying. But I also don't love character bashing, which this ask smacks of, so let's consider a few other things.
"au where Todoroki gets called out for humiliating Sero and making him out to be useless on a live television even and majorly impacting how many internship offers he got afterwards, which would have a huge impact on his career if the world didn't end their second year, and the not even forfeiting afterwards to give Sero his own chance to show off (Todoroki would have gotten plenty of offers if he has just quit there, but he wasn't doing this for that, just anger and spite)."
"au where Midnight gets called out for saying that she's turned on by her sixteen year old student on live tv in front of said kid, god, and everyone because you can have a sexy persona without crossing that line."
"au where UA gets called out for the Bakugo chained up situation at the end of the SF"
Because... I don't think Hatsume was morally wrong there. Because she didn't have a chance to show off her work to her future investors, which was equally important to her career as showing off to potential agencies would be to a hero course student. And afterwards, Hatsume stopped. She left and let the hero kids have an option to show off like she did too, even if she probably would have made an even more impressive show if she had shown off her inventions on her own over the course of multiple fights. Instead, she threw everything out there at once as she as she logistically could, and then let Iida go to become a semi finalist who earned a spot on the podium.
I don't like her. I don't think she's really kind. But she's not malicious either, and there are plenty of other characters who I think need a comeuppance way more than her.
i dont think a 15 year old girl who is not being prioritized by her school needs a "call-out". i dont like bashing.
But, i do like exploring consequences, so here's a couple that i think would work, because even when not malicious, what we do affects people and how they set boundaries with us:
Tenya categorically refuses to use any of Hatsume's tech. It's extremely uncomfortable for him to even be in the same room as her, so he goes to any of the other 179 support tech students at UA for gear and upgrades instead, because... ngl its really weird of horikoshi to only have a single support tech student when he has no problems building out a massive cast in other areas. yay, an opportunity to develope more characters and show various support tech philosophies through them!
you could even get angstier- Iida was restrained a few ways by Hatsume's tech and couldn't move, a few hours before getting the Worse Phone Call Of His Life, which could link Hatsume/her tech/restraints to a trigger response of the traumatic Bloodcurdling Restraint where he couldn't move. This would not be Hatusme's fault, but Stains, but it still means Iida and likely his closer friends would stay away from her to avoid the trigger. (don't tell me this can't happen. this is very similar to how my ptsd manifested a couple years ago.)
Izuku doesn't refuse to use Hatsume's tech because he's a pragmatist, but he doesn't particularly befriend her closely after that either, so they end up working together less and less frequently as he ends up having other options, like Melissa's tech. Hatsume will have to make her own name in the industry without ties to Idaten or the future number one hero's agency. somehow, i think she'll do just fine.
#anon#pocket talks to people#ask game#i guess#i actually got a couple other bash-y asks for the ask game and im not gonna answer them#this was just the least bad bash-y of them so ill use it to say my piece#i get being salty at a character guys. we've had mountains of salt in my inbox and on my blog before#at this point there are few things canon could do to make b***** k****** less complelling for me#and the fandom seemingly walking back the 'strawman homophobe' weird bashing of t******* e*** to the point that ive seen#people all 'you cant hate him for things he didn't do' about things he DEF DID DO is. rather irritating to me. who would like some nuance#and some actual consequnces that dont strawman bash#some middle ground here guys... pls#long post#idk maybe
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Ignore me… I just wanted to write down my thoughts.
My first reaction was “could be worse”. Including O was to be expected- they work together. It’s not like any of his previous relationships and the first 2 RS had plenty of him talking about his ex gfs.
He never really said anything explicitly about her and then there was plenty of “going on holiday with friends” “if I have kids” “walking alone”.
It’s also written by a het haylor. And she doesn’t include the questions she asked him. So it’s hard to parse what he meant and who he was talking about from her own interpretation and writing.
But therein lies the problem. What he did say - to play both sides - just ends up not making much sense or downright upsetting people. Twitter is a mess - but you open the door with the endless pap pics and the huge dichotomy of tabloid Harry v Harry. He has built his career on fans being invested in his relationships- “real” or fake. Including O for DWD was a choice (and I still think this was a compromise. However having her talk about the fans does literally look like they are trying to get her sympathy and do some reputation repair while all the time manipulating the fans with the age old you aren’t a real fan) the format and topics have given other media the room to twist it as a “joint interview” (it wasn’t) and again focus on the fans
(I’m ignoring the line about kids because his answer was very neutral and what he’s said before but tbe media won’t)
With the MP I can see what he was trying to say - it follows the talking points they’ve already established- but in the context of the interview it was clumsy and no doubt has caused a problem for the producers of the film - such a shame when he’s obvs passionate about it. It raises concerns about a “straight man” talking about gay sex but also takes us down a path where they are not going to be talking about it as a gay movie- one about relationships instead- in order to please his het fans.
And as Gina said, he just keeps putting his foot in his mouth- like when he talked about sexuality being fun in the guardian. Is it because he has to be so careful he ends up being clumsy or does he not know how to articulate it (in which case with so much money in the line why did no one help him?) or is he just a straight man so ends up talking nonsense. I obvs don’t believe that but it’s how it comes across.
All in all another mess which was to be expected as they try to promo two films with VERY different messages while he’s in a “relationship” with someone who he also worked with so can’t avoid them. So a pivotal month or two for his career that’s begun with a disaster. And he still has to navigate been seen with her professionally in a work setting.
#it makes me sad#but also it’s sucking the joy#it makes me not want to look and expect the worst all the time#will the real Harry please stand up
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First, rfuah shleimah on your surgery! I had a very similar one and can empathize... praying for a quick and complete recovery for you! Second, I realize that this is a random and personal question, so feel free not to answer ofc, but I was wondering if you knew of any good resources to learn more about teaching in frum schools? For context, I'm a BT who got a little stuck in my jewish journey during the pandemic. I'm a licensed math teacher & taught public school, but want a job that can align better with the Jewish calendar and my values. I'm really considering looking for secular studies or special ed teaching jobs in Jewish schools on the recommendation of some Chabad friends, but am not sure where to start as a young single woman and a BT. I also assume it differs greatly by community.
I guess this is all to say... what are your thoughts on working in vs outside the community as a BT? Is teaching (e.g. math or special ed) at a girls' school a viable career for women, and do you know of any info or resources on how to get started? Sorry, I really did google all of this and asked my irl Chabad friends, but they weren't sure and frum communities are so word-of-mouth that i couldn't find much online. Moving to a more frum neighborhood and getting a jewishly-accommodating job is such a chicken and egg situation too... anyway sorry for the lengthy ask and feel free to respond late or not at all! Most of all, I wish you a quick and easy recovery 💙
Sincerely,
A long-time follower
Amen, thank you!
I'll be honest, I'm not in the education world and I don't really know much about careers in the Jewish education world, so not sure how helpful I can be here. There are plenty of young single women working in frum education, and with a degree in such, you're probably better qualified than most of them. In general there is a teacher shortage so I don't think you'd probably have trouble getting hired somewhere.
As far as whether it's a viable career that's going to depend on you somewhat. It's definitely not a career to make bank in, but if you've already been in the teaching world I assume you know that and aren't in it mostly for the money. Sometimes employees of frum schools get tuition discounts, and of course if you work school hours you'll be available outside of school hours and during school breaks for your future kids, which isn't relevant to you now but could be very helpful longterm (given how expensive tuition can be and how many days off frum schools tend to give).
If you for whatever reason aren't interested in pursuing teaching at this point (since you refer to your public school teaching career in the past tense), but still want a job with a Jewishly-aligned work calendar, looking at careers in the Jewish nonprofit world or frum-owned for-profit businesses could also be an option, though obviously your prospects in those categories will be much more expansive in a place with a large frum population than in a smaller community.
I haven't worked outside of the frum world since I graduated college in 2013, which should probably tell you that I do personally prefer the advantages of working in the community. At this point it would be difficult for me to go back to being in a position where I had to use all my vacation days for the chagim instead of for actual vacation (although every job search I have applied for positions outside the frum world nevertheless).
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Can we actually talk about the depth of Maya’s character and how the writers have missed plenty of opportunities to show more of Maya (and obviously to showcase Danielle’s talent)
We know that the whole trauma her father provoked to her family and Carina pointing it out lead to a very questionable choice but it was never fully addressed (?) they could have had Carina and Maya talking about it, instead of brushing it over.
By season 5 with the whole baby vs no baby drama, they could have easily included Maya’s fear to end up being like her father (briefly mentioned in season 4) as a very valid reason for not wanting to have kids, or you know, wanting them but not wanting to hurt them due to trauma. Instead they went for sexism, which at first i was like ? but okay, and then instead of showing the actual fight for sexism it ended up being about this dude… don’t get me wrong, not wanting to sacrifice your career in order to have kids is valid as well but it’s not like the writers pushed Maya (and Vic since you know she’s the other female firefighter in 19) to actively do something about their sexist FD. They just made her look like a crybaby and then someone who is capable to do “anything” to get things her way.
Something left unexplored is the relationship with her mother and brother. We somewhat know she doesn’t really get along with her brother and he’s been gone since season 2/3 (?) but her mom did show up at her wedding so, what is she up to now? Do they even talk? Do they have a relationship? Are they trying to heal together as a family? I’d like to see something similar to what they did with Travis, interacting with his parents and dealing with their issues.
Season 6 is probably gonna be about the whole “you blackmailed Ross to get back on top and blah blah so your chances are pretty slim” and obviously the pregnancy but it would be good to add more layers to it.
Also, it seems that people at 19 aren’t friends anymore? They barely hang out, and if they do normally it just leads to drama. I missed when the team went out for drinks or just got together and had fun.
#station 19#maya bishop#ignore my gigant ass ramble#i was thinking about how everyone has a backstory on why they chose to be a firefighter except maya#maya bishop deserves so much better
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Loving how active your Q&A is. Do you think the lack of emotion in season four was a narrative choice or a symptom of how rushed the final episodes were? I was so blown off course by the beautiful reunion hug that everything that followed didn't feel as deep. Episode 8 especially but even the moments leading up to their first kiss. It felt so casual. They almost died protecting each other, they thought the other was dead, and it was dry eyes the whole time. Hopper had those emotions right on the surface for Eleven. Is it the actors? Can they not "go there" emotionally? They have great chemistry but it's never been tested in any big romantic way until this season. Those flirty moments were flawless but I expected detectable emotion because the circumstances called for it more than any other time. I worry about season five if that can't be achieved between the actors for whatever reason.
Curious what other people think.
Hey anon! I'm really loving the asks too! My ask box has never been this busy and I'm really enjoying the conversations. Thank you so much for the ask! This is gonna be another long answer. 🙃 So I'm going to add one of those break thingys. Apologies for taking so long on this ask.
To answer your question: I most definitely think the lack of emotion is 100% a symptom of how rushed the episodes were. Although I wouldn't actually put it that way myself. There are scenes that I would tweak which I'll talk about later in the ask.
I think the biggest issue with 4 is that there are too many storylines and too many characters. There were four separate storylines and they added Eddie, Chrissy, Argyle, Dimitri, Yuri, Fred, Jason, General Sullivan, Vecna/Henry and Jason's friend 👀 (am I forgetting anyone?)
Not to mention they brought Brenner and Owens back. The fact that this many new characters for season 4 alone is mind boggling. That's just way too many characters for us to really get into the psychology of some of the storylines. Like we don't even know what happened to Owens if he's dead or alive and is Sullivan still after Eleven? So I'm very excited to hear that season 5 is going to focus mostly on the OG cast with the original pairings/groupings.
The actors are most definitely capable of handling this kind of storyline. I have not seen David in much but he was relatively unknown before ST. He's more of a theater actor than a film/tv actor. And before ST really he just did tv/film to pay his bills.
I did see him in some law and order episodes (before ST which is where I recognized him from) and his recent movies Hellboy and black widow (neither of them are great movies by any means but his character in black widow is hella fun and you can really see that David really enjoyed playing that part).
He seems to really throw himself into a role. The guy lost 80lbs in 8 months and added some muscle to portray a staving prison hopper. And wanted Alexi (and his family) to speak Russian in Black Widow instead of English, because they are Russian and that should make hella sense but he lost that battle with Disney.
He's also talked about (in multiple interviews) how Winona is such a rare acting partner for him. That she's truly able to go to very vulnerable places with him that he hasn't had with many other actors. I think this is the reason why jopper really resonates with a lot of people.
And Winona? If you don't know who Winona Ryder is (some people don't because her career stalled around 2000) she's a very talented and unique actress, who's been in a variety of different kinds of films. She's been in everything from period dramas, dark dramedy (drama comedy) to sci-fi action. Been nominated for Oscars, Golden globes and a Bafta (the British version of an Oscar). She's definitely got the chops for a storyline like this.
She's done plenty of romance and seems to gravitate to darker quirky roles and has been acting since she was a kid herself. Her big break was at 16, in the Tim Burton film Beetlejuice, she played the neglected teen Lydia Deetz who was strange and unusual.
So imo the fault isn't with the actors but with how spread out the storylines are in 4. Listen, I loved season 4 but the thing about 4 is, is that it's soooo plot heavy. If we were to go back to past seasons that really explored the psychology of the characters, then season 2 would be it. That season was really great at balancing plot arcs and character work.
Now to go back to the scenes that I myself would change in the jopper storyline for 4.
Pre-reunion, I would have made Joyce and Murray's plot less comedic. I'm not really sure why they choose to portray so much comedy for this plot as it is a rather dark storyline. It's about 90% comedy and 10% drama pre-reunion. I haven't seen Brett in much beyond ST (I'm actually not sure if I've seen him in anything besides ST, I probably have but don't remember). Winona though isn't known for being a comedic actor and Joyce wasn't portrayed as such a comedic role pre-season 3.
This was a choice by the Duffers and really the only thing I can come up with is why they wrote it this way, is because they wanted to balance out the darkness of the hopper prison storyline.
I would have liked to have seen scenes of Joyce grieving Hopper. I remember watching the end of 3 and seeing that scene where Joyce is hugging Will. While looking at Eleven (who's frantically looking for hopper). Both of them end up crying in grief over Hopper's death. But this is really the last scene we get of Joyce grieving.
Winona has talked in interviews about Joyce's grief (in losing hopper) and her burying it by raising her kids but we don't don't get nearly enough of this in 4. We only get glimpses of her grief (when she finds the letter and later her face when she finally is allowed to hug him). And like I was saying earlier it's not as if Winona can't portray grief. They did a really good job of showing the impact of Bob's death on Joyce. Hell, his death still has an impact on her and motivated her into not letting the same thing happen to Hopper.
Post reunion one of the things I love about his character growth is him learning to let Joyce (and El) be her/their own person and learn to trust her intuition. He spends most of 3 trying to protect Joyce by stopping her from following her own dogged intuition. "You're not going back there. Joyce, you are not going back there. (Meaning the lab)" "All the cavities have been filled. I watched them do it Joyce. It's over." "It's a two man operation. TWO!"
I just think because Hopper wasn't actually dead they didn't really show us much grieving of the character. I also think the point of hopper's death isn't so much about the characters grieving him. But more about the type of sacrifice he's willing to make for his found family. And to start him on this final journey to self healing.
So in 4 he doesn't question/stop Joyce when she wants to go back into the prison. He just automatically believes her and trusts in her intuition. Which maybe comes off as him not caring (or lacking in emotion) but that's not the case at all. She broke into the absolute worst Russian prison to save him. While she's not a physical fighter he's learned to trust that she can (and is capable) of taking care of herself. Both Joyce and Eleven are very determined and nothing (not hopper or Mike) are going to stop them from doing what they think is right even if they might get hurt in the process.
Post reunion the only jopper scenes I myself have any issues with are the scene where Joyce is patching up Hopper and In the van when they escape the prison the first time. I thought both kiss scenes were on point emotionally (and we do get a variety of emotions in the first kiss scene).
I definitely did think they could have gone deeper emotionally in the patching scene when they are first allowed to really talk to each other. Hopper doesn't really like to be vulnerable and really hides his true emotions under humor and anger. So imo I don't think I could see Hopper crying here.
I actually think maybe the point of that scene is just to give us a break from all of the chaos. To take a light breather and everything is soft and calm and happy. It's so very different from his super serious scenes with Dimitri where he's talking about how he thinks he's a curse and that he hurts everyone that he loves. I like that they feel... almost like they are in their own world. Completely away from everyone else and what's happening outside.
And he does get really messed up when he thinks that Joyce is dead. He gets drunk and loses the will to live basically until they fight the Demogorgon. Hopper is a deep feeling guy who really doesn't know how to deal with his emotions in a very healthy way.
I think he is trying to do his best to remain strong emotionally for her. Like even though he went through a lot of shit in there I don't think he wanted her to to see it because he knows that it's going to affect her. Joyce is more emotionally strong than Hopper but she's still incredibly caring and empathetic and loving. And this is kind of about his constant need to protect her.
In the van scene. I was a bit surprised that Hopper doesn't react more to learning that she and Murray survived a plane crash that was caused by Yuri. I think the reason behind this is for two fold.
1. This is after Hopper's character growth. I think the hopper we are supposed to see is more settled. More comfortable with himself and much less angry. Because for so long he's been at war with himself. I think he's going to be less apt to punch people in the face.
2. The other reason I think is because of Yuri. I think the Duffers really thought that Yuri was going to be a breakout character that everyone was going to love because they liked his portrayal by the actor. So they give him tons of room to chew the scenery. It doesn't work though because of all of the terrible stuff he's put the characters through.
Hopefully my ramblings helped you out. The actors can definitely pull this off. When it comes down to it, it's really about the Duffers not focusing on its main characters enough. Having too many storylines and too many characters. And for them to properly craft a great story where we can get great psychology and emotional play from the characters.
I loved season 4 but it did suffer from being too spread out. Season 2 such a great job of properly exploring the psychology of the characters. We get Mike after losing El, Hopper learning to be a dad again, trying to protect El. Will being possessed and Joyce struggling with PTSD while trying to live a normal life with Bob.
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