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theinnermeyoullneverknow · 10 months

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Today on "yeah I'm definitely a heretic" :

#Apparently I'm Gnostic?#Who knew #Like I've literally said that the creator of life cannot be wholly good/loving AND all-powerful AND all-knowing. Any 2 but not all 3.#And felt crazy and alone for saying it #Which drove me away from most any organized religion/faith except my very limited understanding of Buddhism #But viewing the Creator god and the like ultimate Divine as seperate entities makes it possible to trust the ultimate one #Which is a conclusion I had sort of come to on my own using different language #But seeing it actually articulated is...interesting #Like I wouldn't call the creator evil. More like misguided maybe? I hold that no being is truly evil though they may do terrible things #That whole “he's doing his best” part definitely fits. Although I often resent that he hasn't called off the whole thing by now.#Anyway #Yay heresy #Wikipedia rabbithole #Gnosticism

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saturnniidae · 1 month

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"I should've seen the signs" I feel like Stoick was basically reliving the way he lost Valka.

To him, after a lifetime of wanting nothing but to kill a dragon, Hiccup's suddenly and inexplicably changed his mind. To him, Hiccup saying he can't kill them is just like when Valka refused to and tried convincing others as well, then as a result was 'killed' by one herself.

To him, way Hiccup tossed his weapon and shield to the side then approached Hookfang while speaking about how dragons aren't what people think they are probably bares an uncomfortable resemblance to the way Valka put down her weapon and stared a dragon in the eyes and as a result was taken.

To him, attempting to do anything but preemptively defend yourself against a dragon will only end in tragedy, so he has to do anything he can to stop Hiccup before it's too late.

(And just like with Valka, he unintentionally escalated the situation by trying to protect Hiccup but only agitated the dragon, causing it to panic and react, inadvertently putting someone he loves in danger. again)

Stoick of course, wasn't acting rationally, but it makes sense when you think about how traumatizing Valka's 'death' must've been for him (and how much Hiccup reminss him of her); he watched her get taken, presumably killed, and couldn't do anything about it.

#THE PARALLEL GHSSHRBFK THE PARALLELS #'so everything in the ring was a trick? a lie?' he was so elated when he though hiccup was finally taking after him #he convinced himself so hard that This was the real hiccup he's finnaly going to be a proper viking a real member of the tribe #and he was so proud and glad he finally had something he could connect with his son over #but again he'd convinced himself of all that. he completely ignored everything hiccup had to say #in his eagerness to actually be a Family to actually bond with his child #he was so stuck with this fake image of Hiccup the Dragon Slayer he'd convinced himself of to the point #when it all fell through he felt almost betrayed #betrayed and scared #scared he made a horrible irrational and emotionally charged decision of essentially disowning his son #im not saying stoicks a good parent. hes not. but hes trying and alone and taking care of an entire village as well as hiccup #and all the unprocessed trauma and emotional repression #hes not great but hes not bad either. hes trying.#hes trying and its not enough but at least it got better #i love stoick #parents of autistic kids they dont understand moment #httyd #stoick the vast #stoick haddock #hiccup haddock #valka haddock #httyd analysis #maybe?#hiccup horrendous haddock iii #haddock family #moth.txt #also pls dont tell me abt how valka and the 2nd movie wasnt planned yet. ik that but i like expanding on things #and pondering a characters reasoning for certain decisions bc its fun and makes them all the more fascinating #post rewatch 1am thoughts go crazy (sorry if any of this is like redundant or confusing. im tired) if u read the tags ily

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macroglossus · 1 year

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actually really genuinely makes me so incredibly sick and sad to think of s1 will, who was terrified and losing his mind and no one helped him, especially not the people that he trusted. that line he has that goes "sometimes, at night, i leave the lights on in my little house, and walk across the flat fields... when I look back from a distance, the house is like a boat on the sea. it's really the only time i feel safe." and i think about how scared he was and how he had to leave that person behind, because he would've died, and in that sense he really died anyway

#hannibal #and it's hard because i do like hannibal as a character! and i know that's really what the show is about i.e showing that he doesn't have #the same morals as regular people and he sees will as incredibly vulnerable and with incredible potential. so he targets that potential #and will did grow into that dark potential! but in doing so he had to basically leave a significant part of himself behind #but he was SO SCARED. and completely alone except for his dogs. because every single person around him just wanted something from him #and he was losing his mind! i know in a diluted sense how incredibly hard it is to understand that youre acting crazy and understand that #everyone around you is losing their patience. and so he turned to hannibal. and hannibal betrayed him in really the worst way possible #because he wanted to see what would happen. agh.#and he walked to the edge of the trees anyway and turned back to his little house like a boat and felt safe. FUCK #what im saying is that it really isnt fair but there was no world in which it wouldve been fair really. even a world without hannibal #because the world isnt fair to will graham

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raviollies · 4 months

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Long time silent lurker here to spread some positivity today!

Blythe is, without exaggeration, one of the most gorgeous ocs I've ever seen in top of being super intriguing.

And, in spite of your own self criticisms, I think your love for your creations really shines through in all of your work.

THANK YOU GDFJKGNFJKDGNFD....It honestly is still staggering to me that so many people like Blythe and ask me about her and REMEMBER her....It really warms my heart because it's the first time I've ever put this much thought into a character and the world around her.

I want to not fall into pitfalls of self-criticism, and it's tough, so I am very thankful for sticking by me!!

#I will say the most recent one was bc my vacation sucked and then i had covid. so i was stuck for 1 week with family constantly negging me #and then a week dying completely alone #so it kinda made me go a little stir crazy...the moment i returned to work i felt great KJGFNDJKGNFD #this is ur sign to get a job kids. it really does help.#ask #anon

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yunwooz · 1 year

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woosang ♡ for @miinsang

#lunagifs #luna.gifs #*ateez #*wooyoung #*yeosang #the woo to my sang the san to my woo #u tease me a lot... A LOT!!!#but u always take care of me too n ur just like woo in that way...#it's crazy to think of how many years it's been already #i can say without a DOUBT that you are one of the reasons i made it thru the panini and all that #we've been thru lots of friend groups and changes in friends and all that a lot together #and i know we joke about it a lot but really im so happy that we've stayed with each other thru it al :((#i cant imagine having to go thru that alone esp when it felt like it just kept happening over and over #and when i had to finish uni alone at home i would always be super down bc i didnt get to go out and make friends #but one of the reasons i was still okay was bc i had you and i knew i could always bother you 👹#we're both pretty quiet when things bother us #and it still amazes me that we've been friends for so long and have never fought i'd never had a friendship like that until i met you :((#but sometimes you'll come to my dms and know exactly what's bothering me without me saying a WORD!!!#thank you for always being there for me and letting me be there for you in return

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caramiaaddio · 2 years

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I love shows that take you on like. A mental health journey while you watch them. Like

Me: oh man I’m having trouble finding people to date that sucks :/

*watches first two seasons of crazy ex-girlfriend*

Me: I will be alone forever nobody will ever love me or be attracted to me I am in desperate need of therapy

*watches last two seasons of crazy ex-girlfriend*

Me: I am absolutely capable of finding romantic love but I don’t need it cause I’m worth so much more than who I date and happiness comes internal peace and not external validation

#crazy ex girlfriend #cxg #I wish this was a joke but it’s not lol #like I’m not gonna say the show cured my mental illness but like #yea this was the right show to watch during a lonely time lol #it’s wild how much I relate to this show and Rebecca in general #cause like…I don’t have bpd but I AM autistic and I think a lot of those same feelings cross over #not symptom wise but just in the sense of having a disorder as opposed to an illness #that feeling of some part of you being fundamentally wrong until you get diagnosed #the difficulty of explaining to others why the label means so much to you because it means you’re not alone #I actually played the diagnosis song right before and after I got diagnosed autistic bc it resonated so much lol #but yeah literally two weeks ago I felt worthless bc my romantic history is uhhhh #only one person was every romantically interested in me and then I found out she was lying about being in love with me #and now I feel so zen cause it’s like hey! I’m autistic it’s alright if I’m a little behind on this stuff #and romantic love isn’t the end all be all if I find it that’s cool #but if I never do it’s okay because I have so much more in my life

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odekirk · 9 months

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going through a hard and scary time rn very similar to hard and scary times of years past but it's not making me as panicked or suicidal as those past times and i realized it's because i'm just.not alone this time

#SOME WOULD SAY i was never alone but i sure felt Hella Alone in the past #and now there's like. a couple of people who care about me. a small handful of people who i can talk to or get help from.#a smattering of individuals who have my back #n it's crazy. it's blowing my mind

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saotoru · 5 months

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my coworker today told me she loves leon kennedy

#i was like ope #felt weird to hear his name out loud let alone at WORK of all places #my face was like 🙂#me too except the things i say online about him r crazy!!!#n e ways im about to eeps goodnight if you have read this far <3

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raulfernandez · 5 months

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God I miss my friends...

#myself #I don't think I've ever felt this lonely which is crazy to say and 2020 me wouldn't believe it #but god I miss everything I ever had why can't we just go back???#l'd love to go back to my therapist but what's she gonna do anyways? same nothing she did the last times #I miss everything I ever was... but I never was anything. there's nothing special about me #how am I this easy to forget?#what am I saying I'm not even surprised #I don't want any fucking sympathy I just want to not be alone is that too much to ask for?#I just want somebody to hold me and tell me it'll all be okay who actually means it and doesn't just say empty words #sorry

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awildwriter · 3 months

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I went to visit my friend in Louisiana and they took me to this antique shop and we found a 157 year old children’s book that is FOR SURE haunted af

So obviously I bought it and it’s coming home with me

New spirit pal!

#they’re super connected to the spirit world and said something was def attached to it #I roll on vibes alone and when I held it felt the gut instinct that it needed to come home with me #so now me and my new bud are headed home #hopefully it’s just a positive little guy eager to explore #the energy of the book was less intense once we’d gotten it out of the store and with us #it was only $37 #it’s not in the best condition ever but honestly a crazy good condition for being old as fuck #it was clearly well loved and appreciated #I can’t stop thinking about a little boy 157 years ago reading this ever night #each page well worn and loved #each line something meaningful to him then and me now #also there was a name on the inside which is who we are thinking is attached to it #that’s why I’m saying him but maybe I should just say them #don’t want to misgender my new spirit pal accidentally #good vibes #books #antique store #ghosts #spirits #writing

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machinavocis · 1 month

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.

#re: previous reblog: this is also why i don't like Anticapitalist Onboarding Rhetoric that borrows the narrative tropes of Grand Conspiracy #sorry but genuine systemic analysis is fundamentally incompatible with the image of a Secret Room full of malicious cackling puppetmasters #like is that not the WHOLE POINT..? that there are conditions under which Bad Things can perpetuate themselves absent Bad Actors..?#(like we could evaporate all Racist People with an anti racism laser tomorrow but b/c of current inequalities in income housing school etc #without actual wealth redistribution that won't actually FIX the inequality because it's entrenched enough to have become self sustaining)#idk maybe it just exists disproportionately where i've been looking but i feel like i'm seeing a huge upswing over this past year #in people who act as if the only two narratives are 'Everything Wrong is Your Own Fault' or 'Someone is Fucking With You on Purpose'#& i've felt like a crazy person for a while shouting about how leaning into the rhetoric & mentality of the second one is NOT HARMLESS #just because you point it at some person/people too powerful for you to really materially do harm to.#(introducing it under those parameters alone doesn't domesticate it! doesn't make it Safe to keep with you in your brain house!)#like i didnt Really Not Enjoy the gleeful countdowns of 'only x hrs of air left in that submarine lol' b/c of my deep love for billionaires #but i was struck by how many selfdescribed leftists really do seem to want to act as the agents of an equitable redistribution of suffering #& that just...doesn't ever lead anyone to good places. & it feels insane that i have to say that lol. but i'm right. & it doesn't.

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zemnarihah · 1 year

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guys literally smth has shifted in the way i feel abt music like i dont know what it is but i like feel it in my body in my muscles and inside of my skull u know and sometimes i get like completely overwhelmed emotionally but also PHYSICALLY by some parts of songs like i will have to like. stop everything and take deep breaths. or if im in the car i have to scream. im not even exaggerating it is insane.

#im also high rn so um. its going crazy insane right now.#but im so serious and its like amazing but so strange. it almost feels like i get a high from it sometimes #like when it happens and im sober. but rn its like. a different kind of high even. much more intense than just weed alone idk #but i will say i think the catalyst for this was metal. specifically it has happened a lot with iron maiden but like w sabbath too and now #plenty of other stuff #i mean idk i do think this has happened before like now that i think abt it its similar to how ive always felt w slowdive #just maybe. more intense #do i sound crazy insane rn. well. oh well #i love it a lot if it wasnt clear these are all positive feelings i think just overwhelming #zem diary

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massivestudentkitty · 6 months

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Hi, I saw your post about not feeling well and I only want to say that recently I feel the same way :( But I hope things get better for you as soon as possible. Everything will be fine. 🪻🖤

Hi babes!

I‘m sorry you are feeling the same way! If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, I’m always here.

There is nothing worse than struggling with your mental health and when your own brain is your biggest enemy.

I hope things will get better for the both of us ♥️

#you are the sweetest for reaching out!#nobody deserves to have mental health problems. I said it before but I wouldn’t wish it my worst enemy. I haven’t felt something this bad #in my whole life and I know I’m not that old to say something like that but I’m old enough to know that something like depression #I wouldn’t wish anyone #and it’s so important to have somebody to talk to because you will go crazy alone #and I truly mean it when I say everyone can talk to me if they ever feel like they need someone to talk to

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mer-se · 1 year

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Prima Facie 🎭🤍 4/18

:’)

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theflyingfeeling · 7 months

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me in the Olli/Allu delelu land trying to explain how Olli acting weird and Aleksi suddenly smoking and them secretly glancing at each other must be all connected somehow

because they ARE!! 😭 we may be yet to connect the dots, but we're getting there okay, we're not crazy 😤

(don't forget the sunglasses!! I haven't figured out how but I just know they're somehow relevant in all this as well 😤 he just seems weirdly attached to them (and the bandana around his neck which he's been wearing in literally every picture we've seen of him for almost two weeks now?? not counting the pictures taken in the pool) like, did he pay and arm an a leg for them (I'm not sure if he's worn that exact pair before? I may be wrong though lol I often am with stuff like this) and justified the purchase to himself by swearing he'd wear them every chance he gets for the rest of the year lol

#the rest goes in the tags because okay fine i MAY be just a little bit crazy sdgjsdjgsgdsg but hear me out alright #let's say aleksi used to smoke but quit because it's unhealthy #now why do people usually relapse with smoking?#for fun ig but he's said many times he's trying to be healthier. dude won't drink pepsi with caffeine in it but cigarettes are fine? 🙄#sure the reasons are individual but at least in my mother's case it was often when she felt stressed out about random shit #so perhaps aleksi took up smoking again because something's stressing him out / making him anxious / worrying him #it could be the tour but it's not like they haven't been on tour in the US before so why would he be particularly stressed out about that?#could be something work-related but unrelated to the band. a project he had to put on hold because of the tour?#because from what i've understood the HU supporting gig happened on quite a short notice #tbh that alone could very legitimately be a cause of stress on its own. not enough time to prepare? not enough time to spend with the fam?#(perhaps if you weren't streaming every other evening...🙄)#or maybe he's just jetlagged and nicotine is his remedy of choice?#ooooooorrr it could be something related to his personal life. hard to say what though. a sudden change? general anxiety?#he doesn't /seem/ particularly anxious though but the hell would i know #so... aleksi taking up bad habits + olli's weird behaviour + secret glances and maybe low-key avoiding each other = ???#my theory is still that they hooked up and are now forced to deal with the consequences 😶#''how are they avoiding each other exactly?'' one might ask and worry not! i am prepared for counterarguments! ☝️#to put it briefly: the delulu in me says so 😌#(this applies to everything i wrote above 😂 i'm writing this just for my and y'all's entertainment you know)#ollixallu #answered asks #sparfloxacin

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leojurand · 9 months

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absolutely insane dynamic and a total of three (3) people care about it. hello. can anybody hear me. may i offer you some nicholas/zacco in these trying times

#house of niccolo #race of scorpions #nicholas/zacco #actually saying 3 people care about it might be too optimistic...#i remember i saw someone in the tag say the wanted to write fic for this ship #if you are out there. you're not alone. PLEASE write that fic 🫡#'but still he slept apart' makes me SOOO crazy #because nicholas has never felt the need to justify himself to anyone about anything #but in this book he repeats several times that he's Not Having Sex With zacco. okay. whatever.#i love zacco so much btw

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