LOVER, PLEASE STAY. . .
chapter five
synopsis you and wooyoung have been best friends for as long as you could remember, always overcoming everything in your friendship even after a few bumps in the road and confessions in the past. you could always trust that no matter wooyoung will always be there, right?
wc 4.4k
chapter warnings none that really come to mind, but there is a drug mention in the end but not an actual scene and this chapter surrounds a death anniversary so there is mentions of such and of grief!
a/n aaandd we’re back! can you believe only two more chapters? i didn’t think i’d receive so much love for such a small little idea that prompted this but i’m very very grateful! i also mentioned in the last update about me trying to get ateez tickets and i got them! totally still processing it all— but with such being said, these last few chapters are definitely going to be long and include a lot so get comfy:3
if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ♥️
your thoughts were a jumbled up mess as the memory of wooyoung’s emotional outburst the night before came rushing back to you as soon as your eyes had opened. you could barely remember all the details of what he had told you, but the fact that he had been so vulnerable before you was still clear in your mind. you weren't sure how things would be between you now that he had shared the part of him he had tried so hard to keep away from you, but you were hoping if anything did change — it’d be a positive shift. you don’t think you could handle more pressure of wooyoung’s misery if it continued on
because sure, misery loved its company, but it was starting to overstay its welcome
you sat alone for a while, trying to make sense of what had happened. wooyoung’s words still lingered in your mind, and you couldn't help but feel a mixture of guilt and frustration. you knew that you shouldn't have gotten angry with him at first, that you should have been more understanding. but your fear for him was overwhelming, and it was hard to think rationally when your feelings were so strong.
as you continued to think, something occurred to you. you recalled how yeosang had acted in the weeks leading up to the events that you were starting to believe haunted wooyoung more than he let on. yeosang had been distant and secretive, withdrawing and disappearing suddenly without a word. you hadn't really thought about it at the time, for the sake of your own denial and sanity — but now you couldn't help but compare that behavior with wooyoung
“what if he ends up like—“
you remembered san’s words, how he was about to mention the name that the seven of you haven't said in nearly two years, and the guilt and ache that came with it. yeosang’s name was almost taboo now, and the mere mention of him could send chills running through your body. however, you weren’t able to sink yourself further into your own rues due to the sound of a knock dragging you back into reality
"come in," you called out, your voice shaky. you held your breath as the door creaked open, dreading the person who was on the other side. to your relief, it was wooyoung, who looked exhausted and frazzled.
wooyoung laid down on your bed, his body slumping over as if he was completely spent. the exhaustion and desperation were both obvious in his manner, and he looked like he was on the edge of breaking down again. "can i have a hug?" he asked, his voice cracking and his composure breaking. "just one hug..." he begged, his words broken by a deep breath and a choked-back sob. his hands were shaking as he reached them out towards you.
you couldn't help but feel your heart breaking for him. you walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, gently taking his hands into yours. you pulled him towards you, into a tight embrace. his grip was tight, and he didn't let go even when you gently tried to pull away.
he looked up at you with tear-filled eyes and a small, pleading gesture, almost like a child asking for something. "could i..." he hesitated, as if he was afraid of being rejected. his voice broke as the words fell out of his mouth. "could i sleep here tonight?” wooyoung’s voice was still shaky and broken as he spoke. he just didn't want to be alone tonight. he didn't want to face the emptiness and silence of his own bed, and he was hoping that by sleeping in yours with you, he would be able to find a bit of comfort and warmth that he knows he’s been depriving himself of
"yeah.. okay," you said softly, unable to bear seeing him like this. you took his hand into yours and squeezed gently. "you can stay here tonight." you paused, realizing just how intimate a moment this was, but you also understood his desperation and could not deny him. he was your weakness, your downfall.
"thank you," he said softly, his hands trembling slightly in yours. he just needed a few hours of reprieve, a chance to rest his exhausted mind in a familiar place.
"i appreciate it more than you know," he said, nuzzling his head into your neck. his breath was hot on your skin, and he was so close to you. you could feel his body trembling lightly, but you could also feel his heartbeat as he rested his head against your flesh, his hands holding you tightly.
"i just..." he was silent for a beat, trying to gather his thoughts. "i just want some comfort... just want to feel close to you again." he was shaking from exhaustion and emotion, the weight of everything finally catching up to him. you held him close, your bodies pressed against one another as he buried his head in your neck.
he clung to you tightly, not letting go. he was shaking in your arms, his breath coming fast and heavy. "i’m so tired... so tired," he whispered to you. "i want to feel safe and secure again..." he leaned his head heavier into your neck, his body completely slack in your hands, as if he could no longer support himself.
"you’re safe..." you said the words again, hoping that he would believe it. you gripped him tighter, your hands massaging his back as you tried to soothe him. it was difficult... you, yourself felt anxious and unsure. you wanted to provide him with the comfort he needed, but you were unsure of yourself, of whether or not you could do it.
"i know..." he mumbled, shifting in his position so that he was lying on his side with his back pressed against you. he was breathing slowly, but his breath was short and shallow, and you could hear his heart pounding rapidly against your skin. "i know i’m safe with you," he continued, his voice slightly shaken.
he broke off again, unable to speak, his breath suddenly hitching and a heavy silence filling the room. "it’s been two years," he whispered, choking back his tears. you knew instantly that he was talking about yeosang. “and yet..." he muttered, his breath quickening as the memories came rushing to his mind once more. his voice broke again, as if he couldn't bear to say the words.
you felt the weight of his fear, his anxiety, and his worry, as he gripped you tighter and pressed himself all the more into you.
he could feel you squeezing him back, comforting him in this moment of weakness. you were holding each other tightly, and for a moment, it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. there was just the two of you... him and his fear... and you and your embrace.
"and then i think about the anniversary coming up..." he mumbled, barely holding on to his composure. your instinct was right, yeosang’s anniversary was causing this sudden spiral, which was only magnified by his fatigue and exhaustion. you could feel the weight of his words, the weight of his pain, but you also felt the weight of the tragedy and its impact on his psyche.
wooyoung paused for a moment, gathering his composure again. "i tried to hide it," he muttered. "i tried to deal with it on my own... i tried to be strong for everyone else when it happened." he sighed deeply as his breath hitched again. "i didn't want any of you to worry... or to deal with my pain too..."
you moved wooyoung so that he was facing you, your hands still holding him tight. he looked up at you, his eyes filled with pain, with exhaustion. you gently moved a few strands of his hair out of his face, and you could see his skin was damp with sweat.
"i just..." he mumbled, his eyes shifting away from you again.
"…didn't want to be a burden.” he was silent for a moment, his breath still coming in short, rapid gasps. "i couldn't bear to make you guys worry... so i hid it... i hid everything..." he struggled to continue, as a few tear fell from his eyes.
wooyoung’s eyes shifted back to you, his expression one of deep desperation and guilt. you could see the tear trails streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. "i didn't mean for it to turn out like this..." he breathed out, his voice barely holding on.
“i don’t want to” he said, choking back more sobs. "i don’t want to end up like sangie... i didn’t mean to go down this path..." he was losing his composure, his anxiety and sadness spiraling out of control.
you held him close, your grip tightening around him as you tried to instill as much reassurance as you could. you felt his body trembling and twitching in your grip, and he was holding onto you for dear life. his expression was one of pure fear and sadness, and his tears kept falling down his cheeks.
you continued to hold him tight, your hands massaging his back as you kept speaking to him. "i know... i know..." he was trembling, you could feel the heat of his skin as you moved your palms over him, your touch soft and comforting. "i know you didn't..." you were saying, your voice soft and reassuring.
"i know you're afraid... i know you didn't want any of this to be happening..." your hands continuing to massage his back. wooyoung still clung onto you, as if he didn't trust himself to stand on his own right now.
you continued to talk to him in a soothing voice, your words meant to calm him and bring him back to reality. "it’s not your fault, wooyoung... you’re going to be okay..." you could feel him start to relax a little bit, his body slowly becoming less rigid. his breathing was still coming fast, but it was starting to slow down and become more controlled.
"for as long as i’m here…” you said, your voice even softer now. “you’re going to have someone who loves you and who will never give up on you, wooyoung… never." your words were meant to bring him even more comfort and reassurance, and you could feel the weight of them resonate with him as he held onto you tighter.
you could feel wooyoung continuing to relax even more into your embrace, as if your words were giving him a sense of security and love that he desperately needed. “i’ll always be here for you… i won’t ever leave you to deal with any of this on your own…” you said, continuing to hold him, your hands gently massaging his back with each word you spoke to help soothe him even more.
"i promised that day, didn’t i?" you said softly, "do you remember?" you waited for his response, silently hoping that it would bring back good memories and comfort to him. your fingers gently ran through his hair, and you held him even tighter, hoping that it would help him feel safe and loved.
"yeah," he mumbled, the memories of that day flooding his mind. "we were ten." wooyoung pulled you closer to him, taking comfort in your embrace. "we were young and naive... but we still promised..." his voice trailed off, filled with a mixture of sadness and nostalgia.
"but i’m still here, aren't i?" you said gently, your eyes meeting his. wooyoung nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. his grip on you loosened slightly as a sense of relief washed over him.
"can... can i kiss you?" he was staring at you, his expression one of vulnerability and anticipation. you could see the mixture of hope and desire in his eyes, your face flushed a soft pink, and you nodded slowly, a small but warm smile playing on your lips. wooyoung leaned in gently, closing the distance between you as he pressed his lips against yours.
his lips felt soft and gentle against yours as he pressed them against you. you felt a warm, tingly sensation wash over you, and instinctively, you closed your eyes. wooyoung’s hand moved to the back of your head, gently pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. your bodies melted into one another, and you felt a sense of warmth and contentment radiating from both of you as he held you tightly. his lips moved against yours, and you could feel the longing and need behind the gesture.
wooyoung’s hand held the back of your neck firmly but gently, and his touch felt warm and comforting. the kiss continued, deeper and more passionate with each passing moment. you could feel your heart rate increasing and your breath speeding up, as your bodies pressed against each other. you could almost feel him pouring all of his love and need into that kiss, as if he was trying to tell you how much he needed you and wanted to feel close to you.
you felt wooyoung’s tongue gently trace over your lips. you parted your lips slightly and allowed him to enter your mouth, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine. his tongue slowly explored every inch of your mouth, and you felt a wave of heat wash over you as he pressed himself even closer to you.
as the kiss broke off, you could hear wooyoung panting softly, his expression one of desire, love, and need. however, he quickly gathered himself and pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours again. he took a moment to catch his breath before speaking softly, "i… i don't want our firsts to be like this."
"i… i just..." he stuttered, his voice trailed off as he tried to find the words to express himself. you could see the regret and guilt in his eyes as he looked at you, knowing that he had let his emotions take over again. he let out a soft sigh and looked down, avoiding your gaze for a moment before speaking again. "i’m sorry," he whispered, his voice low and filled with remorse. "i shouldn’t have done that... not like this."
you reached out and touched wooyoung’s chin gently, lifting his face up so that he was looking at you. "hey," you whispered softly, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "it’s okay." you held him in your embrace as you continued, "it’s okay. i understand." he looked at you, his eyes searching yours for any hint of disappointment or disdain, but all he found was warmth and comfort.
you held wooyoung in your arms, rubbing his back soothingly as you spoke softly to him. "let’s just get some rest, okay?" you whispered. "everything is okay." you knew that he needed time to process his thoughts and feelings, and that rest would do him good. "we’ll figure this out tomorrow," you said softly, your voice assuring and gentle. "for now, just rest."
you continued to soothingly rub his back, the warmth of your touch helping to calm his nerves and ease his mind. you could feel his body start to relax again in your embrace, as if he was slowly letting go of the tension and emotion that had been weighing him down. his breathing slowed, and he snuggled in closer to you, seeking comfort and security.
"everything is going to be okay," you whispered again, your words a soothing mantra to both him and yourself.
"me and wooyoung kissed last night," you spoke softly while standing under the streetlight with seonghwa. the words left your lips quietly, and you could see the surprise and disbelief on seonghwa’s face as he listened to you speak. you knew that hongjoong would have a more concerned and negative reaction, but right now, you just needed someone to talk to about what had happened. you waited patiently for hongjoong to park the car, feeling the weight of your confession hanging in the air between you and seonghwa.
seonghwa’s expression shifted to one of concern and compassion. he could sense the hesitation in your own words and could see that you were conflicted about what had happened. "are you okay?" he asked softly, leaning in to hear you better in the dim light.
you took a deep breath and continued, "it just happened, hwa." you glanced down, “we kissed.... i mean... he kissed me, and i kissed him back... i don't know what it means... or what to do next…"
seonghwa listened in silence, he knew that you were going through a lot right now and needed someone to listen to you. he squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, silently showing you that he was there for you. "it’s okay," he said softly. "you don't have to figure it out right now." he knew that you were confused and uncertain about what this kiss meant for your relationship with wooyoung.
seonghwa continued speaking, his voice filled with concern and sincerity. "just make sure you don’t get hurt down the road, okay?" he said softly. "i know hongjoong wants what's best, too." he knew that hongjoong was going to be the rational, realistic one in this situation, but seonghwa also understood the complexity of your feelings for wooyoung and was trying to offer you a balanced perspective.
seonghwa’s words hung in the air, prompting you to consider the implications of your budding relationship with wooyoung and the potential risks involved. you knew that hongjoong’s approach might be more practical and pragmatic, but seonghwa’s point of view was important too. "you’re the only one who can decide what's best for you in this situation," he added softly. "just be cautious and take care of yourself, okay?"
you felt a wave of gratitude towards seonghwa in that moment, knowing that he was trying to help you navigate this situation with clarity and compassion. you turned to face him more, a warm and sincere smile playing on your lips. "thank you, hwa," you said softly. "really. i appreciate your support and advice."
seonghwa’s expression softened, and he looked at you with concern in his eyes. "of course, yn," he said softly. a hint of worry crossed his face as he continued, "but i’m also just worried for wooyoung. has he said anything to you?" the worry in seonghwa voice was evident, and you could sense that he was just as concerned about wooyoung’s well-being as he was about yours.
"before we kissed," you began softly, nodding in acknowledgment, "the anniversary is coming up." as you spoke, your gaze shifted to seonghwa, and you knew that he understood exactly what you meant without further explanation. a hint of sadness crossed your features as you continued, "he opened up to me about it, and i’ve never seen him so vulnerable before." your voice was filled with a mixture of pain and sympathy, and your eyes reflected the weight of wooyoung’s emotions
"out of the decades i’ve spent alongside him, i’ve never seen him like that, hwa," you whispered softly, your voice filled with a deep sense of sadness and pain. your eyes shimmered with tears as you recalled wooyoung’s vulnerability and the raw emotions he had shared with you. you felt a heavy weight in your chest, knowing that the anniversary was approaching and that it would likely bring up memories and feelings that would be difficult for all of you to handle.
you felt a lump forming in your throat as you continued, your words barely above a whisper, "it was like he opened up his heart and let me see his pain and his fear for once in a long time. i could see how much he's still hurting, and it breaks my heart to see him like that... to know that he's carrying all of that pain and trauma all on his own just for the sake of not worrying us." your own pain evident in your voice, reaching out to gently hold seonghwa’s hand for comfort.
seonghwa listened intently, his expression filled with empathy and concern. he squeezed your hand gently, offering silent support. "what did he say?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "did he talk about the anniversary and how he's feeling?" your emotions were a tangled mix of empathy, concern, and sadness, and you felt a deep sense of helplessness knowing that there was little you could do to ease wooyoung’s pain.
you swallowed hard, trying to push down the overwhelming emotions that were threatening to consume you. "he spoke about it," you began, your voice catching on the words, "he told me how scared he is, how much pain he's still in." you took a deep breath, taking a moment to compose yourself before continuing, "he doesn't want us to worry, but i can tell that he's struggling."
"and i can’t help but worry," you said quietly, "i’m scared that he might go down the same path that yeosang did." your words hung in the air, the weight of the past haunting your thoughts and fueling your worry for wooyoung.
seonghwa nodded in agreement, his expression mirroring your concern. "i know," he whispered back, his voice soft and filled with understanding. "me too."
after parking the car and walking to where you and seonghwa were standing, waiting for him, hongjoong noticed the tension in the air and the serious expressions on both of your faces. he raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting from one of you to the other, before speaking up, "what’s going on? everything okay?"
“we were talking about yeosang.” seonghwa whispered
hongjoong’s expression darkened as soon as he heard seonghwa’s words. he knew the topic was a sensitive one and that mentioning yeosang would bring up difficult memories and emotions for all of you who were still healing and in grief in your own ways. "oh..," he said softly, his voice tinged with sadness and resignation. he didn't need any more explanation; he understood the heaviness that had settled over the three of you
“wooyoung told me more last night, i’m scared he’s going to go down that same path.” you expressed quietly
hongjoong’s concern deepened further upon hearing your words. he knew that your worry was well-founded and shared your fear that wooyoung might follow the same path that yeosang had taken. his expression was grave, but he also knew that you couldn't let your worries consume you and cloud your judgment. "we have to keep an eye on him," hongjoong said firmly. "we can't let history repeat itself."
seonghwa voiced his concern, a frown settling on his features. "but what if that makes him pull away more?" he looked at you and hongjoong, his expression filled with worry and uncertainty. you all knew that wooyoung had a tendency to isolate himself when he was experiencing difficult emotions, and you didn't want him to shut either of you out completely. hongjoong and you both nodded in agreement with seonghwa’s point, the weight of their worry growing heavier as you three considered the potential challenges ahead.
hongjoong’s expression tightened as he considered wooyoung’s possible reaction. "you’re right," he finally said, his voice firm yet tinged with sadness. "we need to approach this carefully."
"if we come on too strong, he might feel like we’re encroaching on his privacy and drive him further away." hongjoong’s voice was filled with a mixture of determination and concern. he knew how stubborn and independent wooyoung could be, and you needed to find a balance between providing support and respecting his boundaries.
as you thought about the situation, you recalled wooyoung’s reaction nights ago, when you had stumbled upon the truth and how he was using drugs to cope with everything. you recalled the immediate defensiveness and closed-off behavior he had displayed, and the memory stirred up a mix of hurt and worry within you. you knew that you didn't want to repeat that situation, both for your own emotional well-being and for wooyoung’s sake as well.
“but we also have another thing, joong,” seonghwa sighed making hongjoong’s eyebrow raise in confusion and curiosity, especially when seonghwa’s gaze shifted to you, “they kissed last night.”
hongjoong’s eyebrows fully shot up in surprise at seonghwa’s revelation, and his confusion deepened as he turned his gaze towards you. this added a whole new layer of complexities to the situation, "wait, what?" hongjoong’s voice held a mixture of shock and intrigue as he looked at you for confirmation. "you and wooyoung kissed?"
your cheeks flushed slightly at the question, but you nodded in confirmation. "yeah," you whispered softly, "it happened last night."
hongjoong’s gaze remained focused on you, his mind processing this and its potential significance. he took a deep breath, trying to navigate the situation. "how did it happen?" he asked softly
your gaze shifted downward as you gathered your thoughts, the memory of the moment playing out in your mind. "i... i was comforting him," you began, your voice soft and a hint of embarrassment in your tone. "we were in my room, and i was just reminding him that i’m here for him." you paused, taking a breath before continuing, "then... he asked if he could kiss me."
hongjoong listened intently as you recounted the events of the night before, his expression a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and concern. "he asked to kiss you?" he questioned softly, his eyebrow raised in surprise.
you nodded, your gaze still fixed on the floor. "yes," you whispered softly, your voice barely audible. the memory of that moment was still vivid in your mind, the warmth of wooyoung’s touch and the intensity of his request lingering like a ghost.
your gaze flickered up to hongjoong as he spoke, the concern in his voice evident. hongjoong’s expression held a mixture of worry and sympathy, his eyes filled with a depth of emotion that mirrored his words. "yn," he whispered softly, his voice barely above a breath, "i just don't want you getting hurt."
you swallowed hard, the weight of hongjoong’s words sinking deep within you. "i know," you managed to whisper, your voice barely audible above the thoughts swirling inside you. the raw vulnerability of the moment washed over you, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of warmth and fear at the depth of your connection. you knew that hongjoong was right to worry about you, and you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that things could go wrong, that you could end up getting hurt due to letting your love cloud your judgement.
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