#Also I should probably tag this vent tw so
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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My mom was telling a story about a senior dog getting adopted and dying after a month and I teared up but still couldn't cry and she told me to not cry but then I said I needed a cry and she said "Oh okay maybe that's a good thing in that case". Then my dad made fun of me by being like "It's not a Pixar movie" Dude I haven't even cried at the Up opening that means something is fucked! Shut up and let me cry!
Also my mom and Veronica were talking and my mom said something about how she'd always love both of us no matter. Is that a sign I should talk to her about what happened
#micas trauma shit#im not mentioning on vacation for sure but i dont wanna hurt her#she hates lying. i basically lied by hiding the social media accounts since i was 12#and its very similar to her own trauma. but at the same time i want to let it out so it stops eating me up#like i was pretty good today but the random manifesting and noticing im more closed off is horrible#and i would like to cry and for her to hug me and assure me its okay and shes not mad at me for not telling#i should probably talk to my therapist about how to best approach but i also wanna yell it out as soon as i get home you know#ugh i shouldve been given future vision powers so i know how to best handle this#tw animal death#sky vents like amogus#gonna add both tags i think
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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I want to look like a boy so bad its lowkey ruining my life
#tw i am venting in the tags so read with warning if you're not in the headspace for that#own post#trans#dysphoria#i want t so bad but i cant until I'm done with uni to not ruin my state exam with transphobia and i kind of have to get top surgery first#because i cant wear a binder (because of the same disability that causes me to need an extra semester longer for uni i am so close to the#end of my degree)#and top surgery might also take time#and then t comes with a ton of requirements in my stupid transphobic country so it might take even longer#and there is a law in the making to make informed consent possible (and changing your name and gender marker without two evaluations and a#court case) but it'll probably take two more years and there is always the risk of them taking it to the next election period and fucking#everything up because we all know politicians never hold their promises#and i am so burnt out all i want is to sleep#i have been alone at home for a week and i realised i need so much more alone time than i thought as soon as i got used to it I started#having meltdowns going to the grocery store this is so stupid#and i could talk to my parents about it but what could they do? help me process my emotions? dont be ridiculous#they love me so much and support me in everything but they know jack shit about helping me with my emotions#so now i am emotionally neglected while having loving parents bc they were emotionally neglected and never fucking figured it out#which they should have#before popping out a kid#and i should go to bed because this is very much a 'dont trust your emotions after midnight' moment#but i am currently sobbing uncontrollably so that is not very practical
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2022
#tw sh#tw self harm#ive felt unsure of posting art like this but. i really like it and think its nice. around 2 years ago i noticed a big push by people to#attack people who make vent art or even just gore art and ive been a bit scared to post anything like that sbit i dont see it anymore#i think it was a pretty short lived thing but i was personally attacked (different blog) and its kinda scared me from doing it#but i like these drawings. its just like all my other stuff but it has sh in it. im working through a recent relapse rn#im also worried abt making any followers uncomfortable but if they dont wanna see sh art then they should already have the tag blocked#so thats probably not an issue#tw gore#idk if id even call this vent art. im not sad or anything. im just trying to deal with it in a calm way#sorry. ill stop talking now#orbs art#thinking of inking these but idk. its nothing new but i just really like them
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ok I've passed out (like full collapsed on the floor) like 3 times today but I don't know what's wrong with me bc I've eaten and drank and taken care of myself an d everything so there should be no reason but everytime I stand up for more than a second i get so lightheaded my entire body gives up. don't know what's up with that ig it's just being silly and boycotting me but it's getting annoying
#i should probably be more worried but this is a near constant so i cant be bothered. just gonna sit until it goes away#also i dont think i need to tag this with any tws it looks fine its just rambling so i think its ok. lmk if theres something i should#put here though#rambles#like i need to do the dishes but i cant get up without falling over and having to lean my head on a wall for approximately 10+ seconds.#i guess im just cursed now#vent tag#<- just in case. i dont rlly vent on main ever but filter that if you dont wanna see it
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DNI: zionist, antikin, ableist, lgbtq+ phobic, proshipper, support ai art, general bigotry. sorry once again I am too lazy to make a proper dni
RB > LIKES on art, preferably!
ok new pinned time finally
hello!! I'm fester, awoo, or scav! feel free to alternate names (aka pls pls pls pls/nf)!! I go by it/they/thing, but I'm also okay with he/him. I am neurodivergent (autism, anxiety, probably adhd, I'm a triple a battery) please be clear about things,, my mental health also is not the best currently so I might not be in a stable mood sometimes. i am also a minor, and I love microscopy, indie music, Fe (EA), and Rain World. :3
I am also otherkin/fictionkin, and my identities are here.^^
about my tw tags: I tag the word itself. if "geko" was a trigger, I would simply tag the post "geko". you can always ask me to tag something!
tags + info:
#scavs silly misc: miscellaneous posts/original posts. I upload random shit sometimes🔥
#scav finally draws something: drawing that I'm actually proud of! a good amount of art is in misc though
CHANGED TO: #festers fuckery dont ask/silly
#dark pearls: dark topics, vents. formerly #scav feels shitty.
#happy scav: positive vents mostly
#pearl treasury: asks and polls! formerly #scasks.
#scavs favorite pearls: gifts! at least I think that was the tag
#scav is serious: announcements mostly
#scavcanons: headcanons, ocs maybe
#scav rejects humanity: kin^^
#fester finds: things I find/find to be cool, usually music !
#fester friends: posts w/ friends ^^
alt acc: @scavssupersecretaltacc
spam acc: @i-like-to-explode
fe sideblog: @fe-enjoyer
heavy vent: @d-arkpearls
music sideblog: @woflester
elite rp sideblog: @elited-scavenger
ohh i made a cohost also
old pinned, for more info (outdated kinda)
btw, I love being tagged! I love being asked! I love getting doodle requests, though idk if I'll get them all! these are basically always open!! unfortunately I am a horrible procrastinator so I might not always answer timely :']
probably gonna add more if I forgot, which is very likely. ty!
notes below!!!
NOTES:
-if I change my PFP from your art to something else that doesn't mean I don't love it and cherish it forever!!!!! thank you so fucking much for every gift you make I love them!!!!!! seriously why do people keep making me things helppp/pos
-sorry I haven't been answering asks often:(( still don't mind asks though!
-please don't make jokes on my vent posts or anything unless I say you can btw. should have said that earlier sorry
-also, this explains a lot of why I don't respond sometimes
#scavs silly misc#dark pearls#pearl treasury#scavs favorite pearls#scav is serious#scav rejects humanity#rain world kin#festers fuckery#fester finds
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Long Overdue About Me
Hello. My name is Nat or Nato Fpersonifications, whichever one strikes your fancy. They/them unless I say otherwise (usually if we’ve been DMing for a while).
I text either like a robot or a child on a sugar high depending on my mood, so expect lots of tonal whiplash.
I make groups of people… people. That’s it. I’m more partial to fictional groups of people than real-life groups of people because I’m afraid of conflict and there’s less chance I’ll do something wrong with fiction. I also enjoy hurting fictional characters as a genre.
I primarily personify SCP GOIs; we have a discord server. Ask me or @loquaciousnewt for the link if you want it. (I’m also in a qpr with them.) I reblog what other people from Hetalia/Countryhumans/Welcome to the Table/Scandinavia and the World/Cityverse/you get the gist make.
My favorite SCP canons are, in order, No Return’s Vanguard timeline, From 120’s Archives, Site-17 Deepwell, and Third Law. I will go rabid every time Vanguard is mentioned or a new article about them is posted. I may be projecting slightly onto their personif.
My favorite SCP articles are 7777 (three-way Upper Administration power struggle), 6086 (Site-17 Deepwell lab whump), 4051 (same as before), and anything at all about Vanguard. Especially VNP-8050 and VNP-8002, both of which are about the guy being faced with a moral dilemma and choosing correctly.
My favorite SCP tale is The First Occult Flame War because it’s incredibly fucking funny.
My favorite SCP authors are, in no particular order, Nagiros, Pendantique, ROUNDERHOUSE, and Ralliston.
My favorite genre of SCP content is Site dossiers for reasons that should be obvious.
I will also occasionally post about personal things, but that will always be tagged as personal, vent, and/or tw [x] as applicable.
If you’re a fan of personifs and enjoy the SCP Foundation, you are automatically opted into the list of people I consider friends. Feel free to start or ask to start a conversation even if I’ve never seen you before.
I also coined the shortening personif, so it’s safe to assume anyone else you see using the term is a friend of mine.
If I don’t like you I’ll just block you. I don’t participate in pro/anti discourse or most other kinds of discourse, but if I think something’s important enough I’ll reblog it here.
I’m not autistic. I’ve had to convince nearly every single person I’ve talked to at length of that fact so I’m saying it here, I just copied this website’s cues a little too well and also happen to have the ability to have special interests (/lh)
Some things about me that are actually true are that I’m probably ace, that I have a very fluffy cat, that Vocaloid and bedroom pop are my favorite genres of music, and that I have a genuine phobia.
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Masterpost
Figured I should probably make a masterpost by now- HI! I'm Frisk! I use any pronouns, I'm 15 (so don't be weird >:C) I use CSP (clip studio paint) to draw, I'm multifandom but right now ROTTMNT is my main hyperfix! Few more fun facts- I'm Bisexual, Ace and a demigirl, I'm super into psychology and biology, and I really like pink :3
I made an AU called "Ghost Guide" that I am hopefully going to write (eventually lol) which can be found under #ghost guide
Bc tumblr sucks and won't let people change their primary blogs, follows and asks and crap will be from my primary blog, here
I also have a linktree!
Have a playlist I made for an oc of mine :3
DNI list, if you ignore any of these and bother me anyway ill block your ass <3
T-c3sters (neutrals I don't mind but u are on thin ice unless ur a moot /lh)
Pr0shippers
nsfw accounts
Ai "art" accounts
Israel supporters
The basics- (homophobes, racists, etc)
Cool stuff!
Asks! (makes me super happy)
Dm's!
asking to be moots! (yall silly :3)
Art! That's what I do-
Venting, I get it man <3 I might not be the best at comfort but I'll try
TWS for things you might see on my blog! (All will be tagged accordingly!)
Gore
blood
SH mentions
Cigarette usage
suicide mentions
That's all! Have fun! :3
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some things you should know...
DNI WITH ANY OF MY CONTENT: HOMOPHOBES, TRANSPHOBES, XENOPHOBES, RACISTS, RCTA, or if you fall under any other basic criteria
— dni with me if you are -15 (unless i initiate), but you can interact with my works
— dni with me if you are a blank blog (i will mistake you for a bot and block you)
— keep interactions and asks sfw. minors interact with and follow me so i do not post any explicit nsfw content here. i don't mind nsfw accounts interacting with me, but i probably won't follow back on this account sorry
— i can sometimes be jokingly mean with my friends. i love them all and it's nothing personal
— i ramble a lot!! block my rambling tag to filter my content
— don't vent or trauma dump in my inbox or replies
— i burn out easily and only write when i have spare time as a hobby. i'm a uni student so please be patient with me
— don't dm me unless we're friends or mutuals. this also applies to things like asking for my discord / other social media (i don't mind if moots ask! 🩷)
— if you break our mutual please hard block me so that i don't think it was a mistake and make you uncomfortable by accident
— don't spam my account. i appreciate the support but i've heard horror stories about shadowbans
do you take requests? yes!
before that, there are some requests i do not write (heavy tw):
— proshipping, incest, gore / extreme violence, yandere, eating disorders, suicide, self-harm. if there is something else i am uncomfortable with that i'm missing i will add it later
— crossovers
— abo content (i joke with friends but will not post any actual abo)
fandoms open for requesting
— blue lock, haikyuu, genshin impact, chainsaw man, jujutsu kaisen
all my works posted here are gender neutral reader x character (stuff posted on ao3 is very old and usually features a fem!reader but i don't do that anymore). i do not write about specific body types / features
thank you for reading my rules! ≧◡≦
— take me to the masterlist
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okay okay i figure i should make an introduction post or something by now
——
Hi !! name Matryx !!
you can call me whatever you want though !! as long as it’s not weird.
Any/All pronouns!! i’m gender apathetic ! (although i do like it/its too i’m realizing)
Also feel free to send mostly anything in my inbox like shitpost wise and whatnot ! just don’t send anything NSFW and also i won’t be likely to respond to any like. vent asks or things like that because i am not very good at comforting people. but if you do need to talk my messages are open ! i’ll try my best !
also quick warning: i do call everyone dude/bro/man/girl/girlie to refer to people a lot! if you’re uncomfortable with this please lmk so i know not to refer to you with these !
i also swear very openly and maybe a bit excessively so. tw i think
another tw: i occasionally reblog suggestive things … oops. all suggestive posts will have the tag #suggestive !! i also very rarely rb actual nsfw and all nsfw posts will have the tag #nsfw so. be warned ❤️
Also !! i’m autistic !! and in relation to this my current special interest(s) is/are: ULTRAKILL, WILL WOOD/will wood and the tapeworms, CARRION (the game about that flesh monster) and CRASHBOX (i loved that show when j was little soooo so so much)
other interests include (but aren’t limited to): mandela catalogue, faith the unholy trinity, jojos bizarre adventure, rain world, undertale/deltarune, minecraft, skyrim (or any of the elder scrolls games), godzilla, wings of fire, final fantasy and souls games (indoctrinated by a friend), PLUTO (netflix show) (NONE OF THESE ARE IN ANY PARTICULAR ORDER THEYRE JUST LISTED AS I REMEMBERED THEM)
i’m currently mad obsessed with gabriel ultrakill ,, oopsies 💔
previous char fixation was spamton (from deltarune) and i still love him a lot still a comfort character
and of course i’m obsessed with all my ocs so they count as interests i think.
i’m very excitable by anything to do with dragons or robots or god forbid both
—
speaking of my ocs. if you’d like to draw any that i show off, please absolutely go for it!! i’ll send a reference if you need it even!! i’m fine with almost all themes, including but not limited to: gore, horror, body horror, psychedelic themes, eyestrain, depressive themes, etc! all of these are fine even severe depictions !
however, do not draw any of my ocs with the following: NSFW themes (moderate nudity is fine just like. no genitals. boobs are fine tho), suggestive themes (unless you ask and i grant permission), etc
i’m on artfight ! my character perms on there go more in-depth!: https://artfight.net/~Matryx
also! my tags are: #matryx speaks (for talking posts), #v0 (for whenever i post abt my ultrakill sona), and #disaster machines/#w01-f for whenever i talk about an ultrakill oc shared with @gabv1rielislyfe there will be more tags soon probably)
i also often use #drools everywhere (for art that i like a lot/makes me happy
and i think that’s it !! don’t be afraid to ask any questions !! except i am a bit awkward socially but i try my best to interact !
feel free to ask for my discord if we’re mutuals. i will gladly infodump about ocs in dms if you ask 🙏
#about myself#introductory post#i don’t know how to tag this#whatever you get it#ultrakill#will wood#wwattw#faith the unholy trinity#jjba#rain world#undertale#deltarune#minecraft#skyrim#godzilla#wings of fire#final fantasy#pluto#artfight#yeah i’m tagging all of it#i don’t know how else to tag it leave me alone#matryx speaks
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Every time I see the word “petite” used in anything x reader or just anything in general, it sparks a rage (or pain, depending on my mood) inside of me.
It feels like, especially in the cod fandoms, petite is the beauty standard. If I’m not 4’11 then I don’t exist, apparently.
Sure, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but I hate when the word petite is used because an author assumes that because whatever character is over 6 foot that everyone will seem “petite” in comparison.
Tw for my dumb ass ranting beyond the cut ig
Maybe I should specify that I see petite more as a term to describe hight than weight. You could be any size and imo, the word petite can still apply if you’re short.
It’s especially bad with König. Like, I get it- we all love imagining him as some 6’10 giant, but just because he’s tall doesn’t mean you should put describe a reader insert as short in comparison unless you’ve warned that your reader is short coded.
It’s like going into a fic and seeing “his hand wraps easily around your forearm” because the writer forgot that not everyone is skinny.
And I completely understand, writers write for themselves, I write for myself- but if you’re posting it somewhere public and other people are reading it, you need to warn them if it’s anything but height/size/gender neutral.
These are wonderful things! Fem!reader is an amazing tag! It helps people find what they want to read and avoid what they don’t, I wish it was more normal to put things like “short-coded!reader”
Because like, Bestie, that’s all we need. If you tell me that whatever reader insert you have is probably coded to be short, then I can just write off all mentions of the word “petite” and ignore them.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame any writer for not. I’m not saying every needs to start tagging their fics like that or anything, it’s just wishful thinking and a rant/vent born from my own insecurities regarding my height.
But when it’s treated like normal to be small, it can hurt, because it feels like the standard. Like I should be smaller than these men.
And fuck, I’m not even that tall. I’m 5’8 and a half, that’s really not that tall- and one of my best friends is like 6ft. I hate how, as someone who is, again, not even that tall, I feel like this. Because how do the rest of y’all feel? I know there are girls shorter than me that probably feel too tall too, and I sincerely hope that girls taller than me don’t feel worse than I do, because no, they’re fucking beautiful.
My 6ft friend? She’s fucking gorgeous (she’s not on tumblr so I can say that safely). Tall women in general are fucking gorgeous, and of course I don’t blame short girls for writing fan fiction that appeals to them. They’re writing it, of course it’s going to appeal to them. If you’re not writing for yourself, who’re you writing for?? If anything, I blame the world for making it the standard that the girl is smaller than the boy.
Short men exist, tall women exist. And I know that short men will be insecure about their hight, so clearly this isn’t just me being (completely) psycho. Somewhere, it was instilled in us that a man should be taller.
And while on some level, I fully admit that I am yes, very jealous of short girls. I fully acknowledge this. I also find short girls hot (tall girls too, let me be clear. As I mentioned, 6ft friend is fucking gorgeous).
Ah fuck women are hot. Shit, this turned me to a “women being hot” rant again. This always happens, what the hell.
#I wrote the first half of this post crying#the second half of it I wrote thinking about how hot women are#This turned hinged but I genuinely do not care.
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NEW LAYOUT! NEW PINNED! NEW USER! NEW ME!
please expand me!
new user and layout? why not a new pinned too! :) also new main host sort of.
hi im torys and im insane and ready to kill.
bodily 22 yo autistic & plural girlboy who uses any pronouns.
angled aroace & lesbian
i love my friends. shoutout to all yall i know you guys see this i care you guys. <3
some extra info:
bodily white + indigenous.
collectively queer (meaning all of us are queer in some way)
incredibly autistic about ROBLOX, MLP, CHARACTER DESIGN, and MUSIC!
love LPS, sanrio, and plushies too.
BYI:
i reclaim slurs (mostly faggot)
i make a lot of crude jokes like potty humor so if that icks you out lemme know and ill stop. :)
i am in recovery for self harm, so i may reference it in my posts. (probably wont be in depth but either way it should be tagged as "TW SH TALK/MENTION" or something like that.
i am an adult and may post some inappropriate or nsfw content, so id prefer if minors would limit their interaction with me!
i also may use this blog to vent or talk about some heavy stuff. should be tagged as "#tw vent" or "#tw heavy topics
some of our alters are introjects with problematic sources (like wilbur soot, and other weird ass mcyters.) so i am letting it be known that we do not support their sources.
DNI:
terfs, bigots, exclus, radqueers, accounts that mostly post nsfw, wilbur soot defenders, syscourse frequenters. theres probably more but idk my mind is blanking rn.
also proshippers are on thin ice kinda (what i mean is if your whole blog revolves around proshipping, then dni please)
thats all for now. BAII!
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new pinned new pinned new pinned
yo!! welcome to my blog!!
I'm just a regular drizzile. nothing out of the ordinary. no eebydeeby stuff going on here I was never a human to begin with (although it is weird that I never remember being a sobble)
My name is Azure, btw! a human who I'm friends with gave me this strange rock thing called azurite and decided to name me after it since I didn't already have a name before meeting her
also the pokedex is a liar I am not smart at all lol
Anyways this is also a drizzile propaganda blog because for some reason people don't like my species. why is that. what is wrong with you humans
but that's not all! this is also an ask blog now (as of october 26th 2023)!!! because I really want to talk to people but find it really hard to start a conversation
Feel free to send an ask about Literally Whatever! as long as it's not nsfw I will answer your ask!!
I'm hoping that this blog will make people realize that us drizziles are indeed cool
ooc/tags/more info under the cut
OOC
hello again thanks for clicking the read more thing
I am the owner of this blog, I go by either drizzile or sig (drizzile is preferred if we aren't twitter mutuals)
fyi, for any irl friends that manage to find this blog, please do not use my real name on here! just call me drizzile or sig instead! I don't like having irl information about me online
I'm bad at talking to other people sorry!! if you want to talk to me then you're either gonna have to @ me or respond to one of my posts
info about Azure:
Azure is a drizzile. I don't think they're good at being a drizzile though /j but they sure as hell are one!
they're basically just me if I were a drizzile. that also applies to the things like gender and pronouns. so both me and Azure are non binary and use any pronouns
the world that Azure lives in is also basically just the real world. only instead of the different continents it's the actual pokemon regions. also yes tpc exists in their universe and so do the pokemon games and anime and other pokemon related media
Azure lives in galar! specifically galar mine 2 (though they occasionally make visits to hulbury, spikemuth, and ballonlea. what are they doing there? I have no idea. they just like the Vibes™ I guess)
Azure has not been outside of galar
And y'know how I mentioned that they don't remember being a sobble? that's because they were born as a drizzile! they haven't actually experienced being a sobble. also they can't evolve for some reason but they don't mind since they don't really want to
They're also a shiny drizzile! But they like to keep that a secret since they think humans will try to catch them if they find out. Feel free to ask about that as well. Make them suffer /j
anyways
TAGS!
these were all created before I gave azure a name and it was still Drizzile and im too lazy to change these to say azure instead of drizzile
not drizzile - things that are ooc (as well as things that aren't drizziles)
probably drizzile but not at the same time - posts that are both in character and ooc because this happens alot for some reason. feel free to interact as either in character or ooc, either is fine
ideas of drizzile - some ideas I have that I think could be really cool
drizzile tagging tag - the tag I use when I create a new tag. ironically this tag wasn't created by me lol. created by thatoneguy031 (sorry I'm too shy to actually tag you lol)
drizzile is liveblogging - liveblogging random stuff, such as games and anime. will probably clog up your dash
azure lore - random lore/facts about azure
hey future drizzile you should draw this - things I want to draw but currently can't due to my drawing abilities and time
tw suggestive - suggestive or slightly nsfw posts. feel free to blacklist this tag if you don't like seeing that kind of stuff
important - things that are important to this account, like announcements
vent - self explanatory I think. all vents are ooc if I ever forget to tag one as ooc or just don't feel like tagging it btw
LINKS
carrd (has more info about me)
twitter (currently private but will gladly accept follow requests)
this is the end of the pinned post
if anyone wants to talk to me, feel free to add me on discord @ sigpuyopuyo
#//i suck at social interaction sorry if it takes forever to ask/reply to something#pin#pinned post#pokemon#drizzile#pkmn irl#ask blog
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Tag: 🌌🌟☔️
Heyhoo! First of all, thank you for all that you do!
My question is (tw: ) childhood trauma related. I'd love to see an external perspective on it.
(Update: this turned into a trauma vent, please, if any of you doesn't feel comfortable to read it, do not. I'd rather have it unanswered.)
Two of my great friends were both shook to hear when I explained to them (briefly, without details) how a few things were, how my Dad could sometimes be aggressive and why. But recently my doubts arose, and I feel like I have fooled myself.
TW: childhood abuse, neglect, suicide attempt mention, illness mention, cancer, death
My Dad was terribly critical and self-critical - you could say, self-hating - he treated both us and himself badly. His family was nothing ideal either; his father didn't care much for him (or at least he couldn't express it) (he was likely aggressive with them at times), the parents simply left the kids to live with their irascible grandma most of the time, so they will mean no trouble around their house. Throughout his life, he was constantly criticized for and forced to repress every emotion he had for the sake of practicality and "rationality." (Even though he used to be a deep-feeling, imaginative, idealistic child and I know deep at heart he still was.) As he grew up and got married, so he didn't have to face his pain and admit his parents wrongdoings, he adopted his father's ideology and declared that all that was done to him was fair and righteous and should be done similarly. He grew to hate his own emotions and was triggered by the emotions of others. The only thing he allowed himself to feel was "justified" (and desperate) anger, towards anything, but his parents. (Although he was rarely angry at strangers.) He decided that the only way he can be worthy is if he accomplishes something great, but his own perfectionism never let him. A few months ago he died in the same type of cancer his father had - he wasn't much older than 50.
I loved him dearly and I am still crying inside for the life he had never had. I was probably the closest with him, the translator and advocate between my Mom and Dad, although my Mom most of the time took it as "allying with the enemy." My Dad could be cruel to my Mom.
My Mom also came from an abusive household, her parents got divorced, her father had a drinking problem, her brother always mocked her, she was most of the time forbiden to leave the house, later her mom tried to make her stay by refusing to buy her any usable clothes. One time her mother attempted suicide and she saved her life. The sweet little girl who loved and kept hugging everyone became depressed by the age of 3.
My Dad's family only treated her worse than their son. She became often and chronically ill.
[Tragedy - I'm serious.]
And there come I, the oldest daughter. Slowly I understood that it was traumatic. That it was the reason for memory loss, nightmares, and self-destructive behavior. But recently I started to doubt, that it really was "bad". Maybe I was overreacting! And also, apparently, I was a heartless kid?? Because according to Mom I didn't have much empathy and didn't seek hugs. [I have an explanation for the hugs...]
Every since I was small, my Mom vented to me. She was often very frustrated and depressed, and often sick. My Dad was working (at the time and at home) and needed space so he sent us down to the playground. First, when I was a baby, with my Mom. Later with my little brother. It was a soulless, small, gray playground. Then two other every time we moved.
I was a reckless child, but I still can't remember nor imagine (neither did I understand it back then) why I got so many creative punishments. Even if they didn't actually fulfill their threats, I was threatened that I would stand in the corner for days, from morning (they'll wake me up!) to bed time, and if I opposed, I might not get dinner/food either. (I did stand in the corner, but not for that long - mercy) For a while I was banned from the few rooms we had in our flat and sat on the floor in the hallway. I was even forbidden from playing with the shoes. (What did I commit?? Who did I set on fire?? For reference: I was 4-6) I was forbidden from playing. One time I wanted to run away from home in a quarrel, (I was ~8) packed stuff in a small box and told Mom that I'm leaving, to which she replied that "okay, you can leave, but you'll have to leave here everything that we gave you." I angrily left the box (it was a tiny box) on the floor and took my shoes. "No-no, even your clothes." "None?!" "None." That was it.
Every single one of our flats was chaotic, complete disorder, either everything, everywhere or nothing nowhere. I remember once (age 5) Dad asked me to clean the room and so I put away all the toys in boxes in the closet (that's what it's called?) - he then came and poured out each of them onto the floor in a big pile again and said that we are going to sort them out all by type. He did this several times throughout my childhood, he always ordered us to tidy up then came and found mistakes in everything we do. He very literally criticized/corrected everything we did if he was in the room. When I made a surprise breakfast for the family, he changed everything on the table and me and my brother cried about it (Mom didn't even see it yet!) he gave us a cold shower. When he was angry, we hid from him under the bed and desk, or the bathroom. He didn't like that my little brother reminded him of himself, and I always tried to protect him. I was his "favorite" (my brother my Mom's) so when he got punished, I suffered from "survivors' guilt." When they argued my ears were red from pressing my hands so tight to cover them. He of course spanked us or slapped us quite a lot. (As I remember) (Mom did much more rarely.) Mom doesn't remember most of it. We (he) had debt, even Mom didn't know, and so there was no hot water, or heating in the flat from one point. We were forbidden to open the windows because then the cold'd come in. The air wasn't too fresh, and it was dark. We only ate bread and a cheap sort of sliced meet for a good while. It was a danger that "the government/the bank" would come at any time and take our furnitures. When they came, we hid our toys, when they left, I remember Dad complimenting how nicely we tidied up, "it should always look like this!"
When I was 6, I told myself a bedtime story in which I got into a hospital with a not-so-painful illness and lived there and been taken care of. I kept drawing comics in which a 4 years old little girl got lost in a forest (her Mom sort of left her) and lived there alone. It was my dream to get lost in a forest. In one "episode" the little girl (8 at the time) helped a mama bear out of a trap, healed, dressed, fed her and led her back to her cubs. But at home the papa bear was spanking all the 10 of them, because he was sleeping, the cave was too small, and when they tried to get out, one of them stepped on his tail/ear. I also kept drawing (one after the other, dozens) a comic about "the good kid" and "the bad kid," the bad kid was reckless, messy, (I'd rather not go into detail...but he wasn't well groomed... and it didn't even occur to me that it'd be the parents responsibility) he always misbehaved, cursed, and drew on the desk, whereas "the good kid" was... good. He/she was clean, neat and tidy, had his/her own little room, and clothes he/she liked, (in some versions they were both boys, in some both girls, in some, varied) the parents loved her, took care of her, she got food that she liked, etc. In one version, the two were brothers, and the "Bad kid" (aged 8!) was taken to a young offender institution. He didn't hurt anyone.
In first grade a years older classmate of mine (his father was a criminal, he failed several times) got authority by an older teacher to do whatever he pleases as her "little helper" every afternoon - he smashed those who behaved and stayed silent to the wall and gave candy to his friends. Also, in first/second grade I repeatedly witnessed COCSA.
Thank you for listening, I had doubts that none of this even was bad and I just overreacted, but written down it seems bad enough. (Thoughts are yet welcome!)
I went trought great healing in the last two years as I turned 18 - now I have acces to all the resources and possibilities that weren't available to me as a child. I'm free. I have friends and I am in college. My Mom and my Brother, and even Dad's Sister's family - we are all Healing! It's like the spring! It was just so hard to believe! *weeps* I am free.
Thank you for listening!
If the asks seems too long please feel free to answer in a new post! (Maybe it would be better because of all the details... I'll find it by the tag "🌌🌟☔️" anyways :)
Hey there,
Unfortunately we are unable to answer an Ask that is over 700 words. The reason for this is that we find it incredibly hard to read through the whole Ask if it is any longer as we find it really overwhelming.
If you could please shorten your Ask that would be great, or else unfortunately it will not be answered.
I hope that you can understand this and I hope that you are going well!
I'm thinking of you!
Take care,
Lauren
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tw talk of nail biting? and stimming ig? i dunno wtf to tag this with, sorry.
okay, this is gonna sound really stupid. like. ik this is me overreacting but i feel like i just need to talk about it. advice would be great but if you just want this to be a vent, that's fine. im Xra.
i bite my nails ok? i bite my nails, i like, gnaw on my hands, pick at my skin, shit like that, I always have. the gnawing thing is a stim, like, i'm autistic and sometimes i just have half my hand in my mouth trying to comfort myself or contain my feelings. which sounds gross, i know it does, trust me, i've been told, you don't have to tell me. i've tried to stop. i briefly stopped biting my nails. long nails are sensory HELL and something bad happened and i just fell right back into it and i never stopped any of the other stuff.
but i have a sister, who i avoid, bc she's mean to me most of the time. i don't mean like, 'ooh my sister is just annoying :/ i hate not being an only child', i mean she's always telling me shit like she used to hate me, and stuff i need to work on so that i'm not so "abrasive" or "weird" or telling me stories about every time i messed up when i was little and how stupid i looked, which is realy fun because some of those incidents i didn't even realize i was looking stupid! she makes me feel bad. ANYWAY. she also likes to point out and kind of pick on me for my nail biting shit.
but she pointed it out when my mom was in the room. and most people don't say anything about it bc they know im very self conscious about it. but my sister was going on and on about how i needed to get a handle on it and how it looked nasty and then she turned to my mom and she was like right? and my mom, who usually says nothing at all about it! and has never been mean about it like this! went off on a tangent about how my dad bites his nails, his mom bites her nails, and how its a "generalational curse" from his side and how i'll probably do it all my life and chip my teeth and wear down my nails and have all sorts of complications that i'll have to deal with because she can't handle trying to convince me to stop. it was just. i was straight up crying. it was awful.
i guess it was meant to be a wake up call for me. and i guess i get it. its disgusting. and i'm fucked up or whatever. but i can't stop. especially bc of the whole autism and stimming shit. i know it's stupid to get upset because. she's right, i SHOULD stop, it is bad, ect ect, but i can't stop feeling really hurt about it because like-she never even apologized and she just pretends it didn't happened but now i feel even worse about it all and even more anxious, which makes me do it more. :/
Hi Xra,
I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Please know that you're not alone.
While biting nails may be a destructive behavior depending on how serious it is, the way your family has approached it seems to be exacerbating it. It sounds like your family shames you for doing this, which may be making you do it more, or feel more secretive or shameful about it. But feeling shameful about it or wanting to hide it is not really going to address the situation or make you feel comfortable enough to work towards a healthier substitute.
It sounds like your sister is constantly criticizing you, and not in a constructive way. It doesn't sound like she necessarily wants you to improve or do what she can to foster a supportive environment in which you feel encouraged to work on improving, rather it sounds like she makes snide comments like that she used to hate you and just overall making you feel insecure. Though your sister may be frustrated with your nail biting, there are far more considerate and helpful ways to address it.
While I don't know the exact extent of your nail biting habits, it's worth considering that biting one's nails is actually extremely common, and though some people may see it as gross, it's mainly just seen as a sign of stress. It's essential to have healthier coping mechanisms in place that provide comfort and help you manage stress and anxiety. Exploring alternative stims or finding calming activities can be helpful in redirecting the need for stimming through nail biting.
It's important to remember that changing a long-standing habit takes time and patience. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, try to approach this with self-compassion and understanding. Know that you deserve support and encouragement in finding healthier ways to manage your stress and emotions.
If you feel comfortable, you may want to discuss your concerns with a therapist who specializes in autism or anxiety. They can provide guidance and strategies specific to your needs. Additionally, seeking out online communities or support groups for individuals with similar experiences might be beneficial. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can provide a sense of validation and support.
Please know that you are not defined by your nail-biting habit, and it doesn't diminish your worth as a person. Focus on self-care, finding healthy coping mechanisms, and surrounding yourself with understanding and supportive individuals.
I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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