#AND IF I AM DEAD TO YOH WHY I AM AT THE WAKE
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what's your rei au?
AHAJDD OMFG. OKDY FIRSG OF ALL I LOVE YOH AND TY FOR LEAVING THE ASK. SCEOND O OF ALL
(tw, dark/angst, death, kidnapping, human labor trafficking, extreme mental instability, mental and moral decline, developed delusions, etc)
basically, i took rei and put him in the most horrible situations ever °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
the idea is basically a very dark 'what-if' of if rei had survived
im a whore for plots that have a character survive, but everyone still thinks theyre dead, so thats the route here. rei does survive, but at a great cost, and to the knowledge of no one.
and by great cost i mean, he would have been better off if he had just died. which is why the au had previously been named 'better off dead.' i have since changed the name bc i hated it.
the new au name is pontibus incensis (burned bridges in latin). this is both bc rei's bridges were forcibly burned by volcan and byron (both figuratively and literally in relation to the fire claws) and bc i think being able to say its my pi/π au is really funny.
the whole thought process behind the au stems from the thought that the government wouldnt use their money on ember. they would use something else as a source for its funds. so i basically combined that with wanting rei to be alive and go thru angst.
the story is give or take as goes:
the au starts as soon as rei "dies." ember finds a way to fake his body, etc. rei wakes up in a cell chained to the wall, he doesnt know where he is. eventually he pulled out to some kind of "arena" people are calling "the colosseum"
(i am aware colosseum is the term for the specific famous building, and coliseum is the proper term for any large stadium. the place rei's in being called colosseum as opposed to coliseum is important to later on in the story)
theres a little girl about 8-10 there too. hes given a brief set of rules basically saying he needs to fight to the death within a certain time period. obviously rei is not going to kill a little girl and shes scared shitless so neither of them do anything. theres a warning bell signaling the time is up and the little girl, who has long light pink hair and a blue ribbon in it, is shot and killed. rei attacks the person shooting out of rage and survival and accidentally kills them. rei's allowed to pass bc hes found interesting by the colosseum head(?) and its the first and last time any match in the colosseum ends in a draw. as reis leaving he turns around and sees the girls lifeless body and for a brief moment she looks like remi.
so reis dilemma there is that he just killed someone and the little girl who looks like remi dying. his thoughts spiral from here but theyre cut off. hes later brought out again and fights a guy who comes at him instantly. reis forced to kill him. when rei gets back to his cell he finds the barcode branded on the back of his neck reading 1010 (XX in roman numerals, allude to the X in X-Static). he has the horrifying realization this place has already had at least 1000 prisoners.
this pattern of killing to survive continues. due to the constant stress, reis ability steadily climbs as well as his survival instincts. he develops a literal skill to survive. meanwhile, his mental health and morals are rapidly dropping and becoming tangled and confusing--even incomprehensible. eventually he'll develop the delusion that the little girl actually was remi, and that hes the one who killed her. as its a delusion, the knowledge of remi being 4 yrs younger than him and what she looks like now doesnt matter.
im thinking of giving him psychotic depression in order to explain the delusion, but im unsure. i will need to do more research. i could possibly also give him more delusions, such as hallucinations of his body rotting and the delusion he deserves it, or maybe the hallucination of remis decaying corpse, etc. another symptom of psychotic depression is psychomotor impairment which causes issues with speech and muscle activity, which i may be able to use as well?
(all of that is very surface level research btw, if i got anything wrong or am using the disorder in an inappropriate or disrespectful way please tell me. im very open to criticism and correction)
anyway, rei figures out that hes being used as entertainment for higher ups in the authorities to have monetary gain for ember funding. hes also become the fav of the place bc he just wont die, hes seen as some kind of impossible to kill entity. he gives ember massive monetary gain. he manages to survive for a long time (i think i want the colosseum arc to be maybe 4 months long?) which is unheard of. at most people have only survived for a month.
at the end of the colosseum arc, rei obviously escapes. hes very briefly helped by an oc of mine, who ends up being important later on.
i wont go into detail abt the rest of it unless u want bc this arc is the main point of the au.
something i should mention though that rei only finds out in the next arc is that ember doesnt ever actually kill the vigilantes. theyre always taken to a coliseum. and they end up dying in there. reis the only one whos survived so far.
#rei unordinary#unordinary rei#unordinary#webtoon#unordinary webtoon#webtoon unordinary#dark#angst#long post#my post#fic#rambles
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Taylor Swift wrote Folklore (2020) for Merlin (2008), she told me herself!!!!
#LIKEE???#every love song is for Merthur#except from Seven because it is for Morgwen#EXILE IS THE MERTHUR SONG#LIKE THE MERTHUR SONG#the last great american dynasty and mad woman are Morgana anthems#HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW EVERY LOVE SONG IS ABOUT MERTHUR?#CUZ WHEN I FIGHT YOU USED TO TELL ME I WAS BRAVE#I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE THE BRAVEST MAN I KNEW#AND IF I AM DEAD TO YOH WHY I AM AT THE WAKE#I HAVE MAGIC ARTHUR AND I WOULD USE IT TO SAVE YOU#SHUT UP#merlin#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#merthur#methur#morgana pendragon#taylor swift
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Give Yourself a Try
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader enemies to lovers
Synopsis: you and Peter hate each other, which becomes a problem when you’re given a group project
Part two and three
Masterlist
“Good morning Ned.” You kindly greeted as you took your seat in front of Peter in your first period physics class.
“Morning Y/n.” Ned said back, gearing up for what he knew was coming.
“I really like your makeup today, Y/n.” Peter smiled as he leaned forward in his seat. “Is it hard balancing your schoolwork with your job at the circus?”
“Not at all.” You smiled sweetly at him as you turned around. “I could get you a job there if you’d like. We’ve been needing something small to feed to the lions between shows. You’d be perfect.”
“Small? Darling, you must be mistaken.” Peter kept a sickly sweet grin on. “I’m bigger than your boyfriend of the week over there.”
“Silly goose.” You scrunched your nose at him. “Harry Osborn is not my boyfriend. And just so you know, steroids are really bad for you. I’m worried about your well being.”
“I’m not on steroids.” Peter hissed, dropping the act. “Stop trying to start that rumor.”
“Why not?” You shot back. “You had no trouble spreading the rumor that I was the one who killed Herbie the hamster when we all know it was you who left the door open after cleaning his cage.”
“Are you kidding me? That was fifth grade.” He whispered harshly.
“I will never forget it.” You snapped back.
“Ahem.” The teacher cleared her throat as she stared at you and Peter with an annoyed expression. This was an everyday occurrence in her class, and any other class you had with Peter. You hated each other and everyone knew it. You and Peter stopped arguing and slumped in your seats, giving each other one last look of disdain.
“Instead of a final exam this semester, I’ll be giving you a final project.” The teacher continued. “You’ll be working with one other student.”
“Nice. We can finally present our work on quantum physics.” Peter excitedly high fived Ned.
“Can you guys reschedule your virgin convention for later?” You asked seriously. “I’m trying to listen.”
“Because of the disappointing grades on the last project, I will be assigning your partners.” The teacher went on.
“Don’t worry.” Peter whispered to Ned again. “We could still end up together. We got an A last time so she knows we work well together.”
“We got an A last time.” You mimicked his voice and moved your hand like a puppet.
“Yeah. An A.” Peter said as he leaned forward in his seat. “You know, like your bra size.”
“What did you just say to me?” You snapped as you whipped around. He had on his infamous shit eating grin that you hated.
“Young man, can you please stop interrupting our conversation?” He said as he held up a hand. Your jaw dropped at the insult, face growing warm with anger. You decide not to give him the satisfaction of an insult exchange and turned around in your seat. Your teacher began to list off the partners for the projects.
“Leeds, Stacy.” She called out. “You’ll be working together.”
“Sorry, man. But also, not sorry man.” Ness frown quickly turned into a smile. “Gwen, over here!”
“Aw.” You snickered as you turned around on your chair. “I feel bad for whoever gets stuck with you now. That poor, unfortunate soul.”
“Parker. L/n. You’ll be working together.”
“What?” You and Peter screamed in unison. You gave each other an angry look before looking at your teacher in protest.
“You two are always holding up my class and I’m tired of it.” She held up a hand. “This project will teach you how to finally get along and stop disrupting me while I teach.”
“Mrs. Avery, with all due respect, I can feel myself getting more disruptive already.” You told her.
“I think that’s your STD.” Peter mumbled.
“You two need to learn how to be professional and amicable.” She ignored your protest. “You won’t always like your peers. But you will always have to collaborate with them at some point.”
“I understand that.” You assured her. “But if we do this project together, my fist is going to collaborate with Peters face.”
“That’s a threat.” Peter piped up. “I’d like to file a report.”
“And I’d like to take that report and shove it up your-“
“Enough.” Mrs. Avery cut you off. “You will be working together and that is final.”
You both shrunk in your seats, fuming with anger over the teachers decision. You didn’t cause any more disruptions throughout the class and quickly left once the bell rang.
Peter saw you at your locker, which was coincidentally next to his locker, spraying some perfume on.
“Darling!” Peter exclaimed as he stood next to you. “So good to see you! You know how much I love when you hog all the locker space and make the entire hallways smell like perfume.”
“Why, thank you.” You touched your hand to your heart. “As I’m sure you know, some of us prefer to smell like things other than Neosporin and baby powder. After all, that’s your signature scent and I’d just hate to step on your toes.”
“I didn’t know. Thank you for opening your gigantic mouth and telling me!” Peter said through a toothy grin.
“Oh, Peter.” You laughed airily. “You’re very welcome, you sad sack of shit.”
“Classy.” Peter faked a smile as he opened his locker. “Do you want to come over to my house after school to work on the project? I live walking distance from here.”
“What? No.” You scoffed. “You’re not getting me to a secondary location. We’ll work in the library.”
“Actually, we won’t, because it’s closed for maintenance.” He replied with a tight smile.
“I wish you were closed for maintenance.” Yoh grumbled as you zipped up your bag.
“Hilarious.” He fake laughed loudly. “Are you coming over or not?”
“Not.” You said in disgust. “I don’t know you or your parents. You might try to kill me as a part of some Parker family cult ritual.”
“My parents are dead.” He told you, unamused. “It’s just me and my aunt.”
“Is your aunt a cult leader?” You asked.
“No.” He groaned.
“Cult member?”
“No. All she does is cheat at cross world puzzles and shop at Whole Foods.” He said.
“So you lied.” You slammed your locker and looked at him. “She’s in the Whole Foods cult.”
“Can you try not to be difficult for two minutes, please? We need to get this project done.”
“Jokes on you, Parker.” You folded your arms. “Difficult is my lowest setting.”
“Ooo. Scary.” He mocked you. “What’s your highest? Because I’m pretty sure I saw it last Tuesday when your backpack got stuck on the door handle and you decided to blame me.”
“I know that was your fault. And I go from difficult to hooligan to the step mom from Parent Trap.” You shrugged.
“And they said women aren’t funny.” Peter replied as he slapped his knee. You raised an eyebrow at him, judging him for his material.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.
“You’re gonna be sorry.” You told him. “Where do you live again?”
“Waking distance from here. I said that less than five minutes ago.” He rolled his eyes at you.
“Well I didn’t hear that because I tune you out when you speak. You know, like most people do.” You said sweetly.
“Wow, you’re so funny.” Peter said sarcastically. “If I meet you here at the end of the day, will you come home with me?”
“Fine.” You huffed. “I’ll go home with you. But if I start detecting any cult shit going on, I’m leaving.”
“Fine by me.” He scoffed. “I’ll see you later.”
~
“Are you ready to go?” Peter asked after the last bell had rang. You shouldered your backpack and shut your locker, feeling unusually anxious around him. You could deal with Peter for 40 minutes at a time when all you did was trade insults. Something about walking to his home together and spending time alone knocked the confidence right out of you.
“I’m ready.” You nodded.
“What, no insult?” He asked. “No mocking of my voice?”
“We were assigned each other as partners so we could learn to be civil, right?” You shrugged. “I guess I’m just mature enough to give it a try.”
“There she is.” Peter smiled as you began to walk in the direction of his apartment. “There’s my girl.”
You looked to the side when you heard him say this, unsure of how it made you feel. You often called each other pet names ironically, but this felt different. There was a change in the dynamic between the two of you and it was clouding your judgment.
You let Peter do all the talking as you walked home, thankful that he lived so close to the school. He spewed out ideas for the project the entire elevator ride up and didn’t stop until you were standing outside his bedroom door.
Peter stopped talking and opened the door, gesturing for you to go inside. You made a face at him before walking, staying in one spot as he shut the door and sat down. You were frozen as you looked around his room, not liking how human it made him. He had notes from classes you didn’t have with him strewn around and an open first aid kit on his desk.
“You can sit.” He chuckled when he noticed how stiff you were.
“I’m scared to.” You admitted.
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” You answered honestly. Something about sitting on this boys bed with him seemed finalizing, like you’d be opening a door you couldn’t close.
“Just sit down.” He repeated. “I didn’t rig the place with boobytraps, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“That’s what someone who rigged the place with booby traps would say.” You replied as you took a hesitant seat on his bed.
“There. Isnt that nice?” He asked sarcastically.
“No.” You said immediately. “Am I the first girl to ever sit on your bed?”
“Psh. No.”
“I’ll take that as a yes ma’am.” You mumbled.
“Whatever.” He replied. “What do you want to do the project on?”
“How about micropenises?” You suggested. “You won’t even have to do any research.”
“Haha. So funny.” He rolled his eyes. “You are so annoying it’s actually impressive.”
“Please.” You laughed. “You so have a crush on me.”
“What?” His entire face went red. “No I don’t.”
“No I don’t.” You mimicked his voice. “Yes you do. That’s why you’re up my ass all the time.”
“That makes no sense.” He scoffed.
“It makes total sense.” You insisted. “You know I’ll never like you back, so you made me hate you. That way, you still get to talk to me all the time. Genius, really. I applaud you.”
“That’s a nice little fantasy you’ve created for yourself. Is that what you tell yourself to help you fall asleep?” He teased you.
“Yep.” You smiled brightly. “Right after I finger blast myself to the thought of you in your Catholic schoolboy sweaters.”
“Oh my God.” His cheeks turned even redder at your inappropriate joke.
“And they said women aren’t funny.” You used his words from earlier.
“They were right.” He said, making you laugh.
“God, I love it when you talk down to me.” You fanned yourself. “Can you tell me how to change a tire?”
Peter began to laugh as well, looking at you as you both laughed. You quickly stopped laughing when you realized you just gave him a genuine smile and looked away.
“Do you want to do the project on tensile strength?” You suggested to break the tension. “I know you’re weirdly into that.”
“How’d you know?” He wondered.
“You almost popped a boner when we talked about in last month.” You teased him. “It’s just rope, dude.”
“It’s not just rope. It’s the force-“
“-the force required to pull something until it breaks. I know.” You finished his sentence. “I’m smart too, you know.”
“Oh.” He was dumbfounded that you knew something he was interested in. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah.” You nodded. “Women use brain sometime. Woman say smart thing like man.”
Peter laughed again, realizing you were actually kind of funny when you wanted to be.
“I’m not a misogynist, you know.” Peter said after a beat. “You don’t have to make jokes like that. I may not like you, but I respect you.”
“You respect me?” You raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.
“I respect all women. The strongest person I know is my Aunt. Plus, I’ve still never met anyone who was as smart as my mom. I wouldn’t be half the man I was if it weren’t for the women who raised me.” He shrugged. “But it would be ignorant and naive of me to only respect woman who are related to me in some way. So I respect all of them unless they give me a reason not to.”
“Have I given you a reason not to?” You batted your eyelashes at him.
“Not yet.” He chuckled to himself. “You’re annoying, but you’re brilliant. I know you would never admit this, but we’re basically the same person. You’re just more extroverted so you have more friends and popularity. And you’re smart but you don’t make that your whole personality, so it impresses more people when you let your intelligence show.”
Your body language shifted when you realized he was actually a nice guy. He clearly paid attention to you and was impressed by what he saw. You didn’t say anything, so Peter kept going.
“People lean in to listen when you start speaking instead of tuning you out.” He brought up your insult from earlier, and you felt bad. You didn’t realize he admired you in any way and you felt guilty for always teasing him. Peter’s kept his eyes down, playing with his fingers to distract himself.
“You’re…you’re kind of every thing I wanted to be.” He said quietly. You smiled softly at him, but he didn’t see it. It was the first time you had a nice moment with Peter, and you didn’t hate it. You could tell he was beginning to panic for sharing so much, so you reached forward and tilted his chin up to look at you. His wide eyes met yours and you gave him a small smile.
“How did your parents die?” You asked quietly, immediately ruining the moment.
“Damn.” Peter pulled away with a shocked laugh. “When was your first period?”
“All right. I get your point.” You rolled your eyes. “That was a little abrupt.”
“You’re telling me.” He teased. You sat in silence for a moment, neither of you sure where to go from there. You knew Peter was still processing you touching his face, so you talked first.
“My parents are dead too.” You said without looking up at him.
“They are?” He asked, scooting a little closer to you on the bed.
“Yeah.” You looked up and gave him a sad smile. “But if you think we’re gonna take a turn and fall in love because we have similar trauma, you’re wrong. I can’t stand orphans.”
“But you’re an orphan.” He reminded you.
“And?”
“Never mind.” He shook his head. “I have a feeling I won’t be getting through to you.”
“Probably not.” You agreed. “Tell me more, though. Did your parents die doing something cool?”
“I don’t really know.” He shrugged. “It was a plane crash. That’s all I’ve been told.”
“Oh.” You nodded. “Sounds lame.”
“What?”
“A plane crash?” You raised your eyebrow. “That’s so boring. Yawn.”
“Excuse me?” He laughed in shock again. “Fine. How did your parents die?”
“Firefighters.” You said proudly. “Died saving three children.”
“Wow.” Peter sat back, stumped.
“Yeah.” You nodded. “I was one of them.”
“Seriously?” His eyes widened as he fought the urge to hold your hand.
“No. I’m fucking with you.” You began to laugh as he let out a groan.
“Why would you do that to me?” He whined. “You had me, for a minute there.”
“What can I say? I’m an actor.” You flipped your hair ostentatiously.
“What actually happened?” He wondered. You stopped smiling and bit your bottom lip.
“Drunk driver.” You told him. He didn’t fight the urge this time and reached over to take your hand in his. You stared at your interlocked hands, wondering if you should pull away or not. On the one hand, he was your enemy. But that didn’t make his warmth any less inviting.
“I’m sorry.” He said softly. “That must have been really hard on you.”
“You know the feeling, don’t you?” You asked with a sad smile.
“I do.” He nodded. “And I know how much it sucked to not have someone who knew how it felt. You don’t have to feel that way anymore. Neither of us do.”
You opened your mouth to speak but quickly shut it, not wanting to ruin the moment again. The guy holding your hand was not the same guy who sat behind you in physics. This guy was someone you actually liked.
“I might have misjudged you, Peter Parker.” You laughed shyly. “You might not be as unbearable as I remembered.”
“And you might not be the frigid bitch I thought you were.” He matched your tone.
“Watch it.” You warned.
“Sorry.” He mumbled.
“You were right.” You said after a beat. “We are pretty much the same person. I never realized that before.”
“Maybe that’s why we don’t get along.” He shrugged, rubbing soft circles into your hand.
“I’d be willing to give it a try, if you were.” You said sheepishly. “Who knows? I might just like you.”
“You want to give this a try?” He asked, eyes lighting up in excitement.
“Why not?” You shrugged. “What do I have to lose?”
“Okay.” He nodded eagerly. “Then we’ll try.”
“Cool.” You smiled.
“Cool.” He said before leaning in for a kiss. Your eyes widened as his fluttered shut, making you realize you were on different pages. His lips made contact with yours for a few seconds before you pushed him off.
“What the hell are you doing?” You asked as you covered your mouth with your hand.
“Kissing you?” He asked in confusion as hurt flashed in his eyes.
“Why the hell would you do that?” You exclaimed, still in shock. You got off the bed and backed away from him, trying to process what just happened.
“You said we were giving it a try!” He was shouting now too, but not out of anger. “I thought we were finally admitting that we like each other.”
“I meant giving friendship a try! I never said anything about a relationship.” You shouted. You quieted down when you saw the upset look on his face. “You... you like me?”
“I thought it was obvious.” He said quietly. “I-I thought you knew. You said it before and I just…I thought you knew.”
“Peter, I was joking when I said all that stuff.” You calmed down and sat back on his bed. “I didn’t actually think you liked me.”
“Oh.” He blinked a few times before looking down. “I…I do.”
“Peter, I’m sorry.” You reached for his hand again but his withdrew it.
“No, it’s my fault.” He shook his head and got off the bed. “I misunderstood the situation.”
“Peter, wait.” You caught him by the wrists and pulled him back down to the bed. He sat down again but looked anywhere but at you. You could see that his eyes were glassy so you put a hand on his face.
“You were right.” His voice wavered. “I did like you and I did think you’d never like me back. That’s why I always tease you. I just wanted you to talk to me.”
“Pete.” You whispered, rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb.
“I’m sorry. I really don’t want to be here right now. I’ll email you my part of the project and-“
You cut him off by wrapping your hand around the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss. You both had your eyes closed this time and it lasted much longer. Your lips moved against his slowly and you could feel how inexperienced he was. Even so, it was perfect. You pulled away after a minute and looked into his eyes, feeling better now that there were no traces of sadness in them.
“You kissed me.” He said, dumbfounded.
“I can’t know I don’t like you back if I never give you a chance.” You shrugged as you withdrew your hand from his face.
“Well what did you decide?” He asked curiously. You puckered your lips and tilted your head, staring at him as if you were making a decision.
“I still think you’re super annoying.” You concluded.
“Okay.” Peter nodded.
“But it’s an annoying I’m willing to put up with.” You decided as you slipped your hand back into his. Peter broke out into a smile and nodded again.
“Okay.”
Tag List 🏷
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#peter parker x reader#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#peter parker enemies to lovers#peter parker fluff#peter parker angst#tom holland x reader#tom holland x you#marvel#spiderman
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Me and Declan shopping for Annabelle's Christmas and i said oh that's for little kids to,keep,them,in bed
"Abu would"
"You bet I dam did!! All the way around the queen bed!! You and your sleep walking! I found yoh all the way in the dam street!!"
"Well why did you let,me,get so far?"
"The guard found you! I was sleeping! He said you wanted to,go,swimming in,the big pond! What the hell and you began beating Him he touched you! They left two with you and one came to get me!! You told me they were beating you making your feet hurt by not allowing you to wall and making you stand in the street on the tiny rocks in the concrete! I nearly killed them all!! And you were still sleeping!!! I only understand when you began to walk because I told you i knew a short cut the other way and you said "I like you. You let me walk so i stand on the rocks less. You don't beat me like them. You let my feet in the air" I started to laugh so hard and You took me back to the hostel room and i took you to the bed and you pointed to the window and you sais "see? I want to swim but it's too small the bathtub is bigger" I nearly died laughing you thinking the moonlight was water. So i locked your ass I bed and all the little kids, too! They beat me they make me stand you said! My feet need to be in the air!! This girl!" He laughs
So, what happen was Abu's mom would tell me to wake up and go outside... And i would open my eyes and be awake but go back to sleep... But its like going to sleep and you're hungry and so you get up and cook after waking up again...
Except she would pretend to lift my soul out my body and tell me i might die if i didn't get up and tell me to go outside.
And so when i would get up my blood pressure would change rapidly and when I would drop i would go back to a sleep state..
So that night i saw Tom (Jeremiah) leaving the parking lot from the hostel. They left their kids with us (Sara had two boys, Jeremiah/Tom had Declan. I met Sara cause her 4 year old was in the same day care as my 4 year old and we all became friends and we would always be at my house, Me and her with thr kids or at the park or doing something for the kids to play and have fun. His dad was there awhile and they shared a suite and i didn't sleep walk but then when his dad went home, Tom went on the prowl) and i saw her red SUV slam on the breaks, start to back up (Abu's mom appeared next to me and,told me to look the other way but I looked down and tilted my head but i could still see him faintly in the corner of my eye) then go into drive, accelerate really fast around a corner then swoop from the opposite direction into a parking space.
Then Tom appeared looking dishelved and worried "how did you know i was leaving?!"
"Did you just come back?"
"Why do you keep doing this to me Sabrina?!"
"You know what? When i went to the lake i wanted to kill myself. You want to kill me?" I was remembering this drive that was weird,that he went on in Okmulgee when he was living with Stephanie and he was telling meall these places he went that were secluded and about living,in,a cave
"What? No"
"So is that same human! Leave him alone!" I was, thinking about his sons...
"Why is she holding your hand? Why did she just disappear?!?!"
"Hey are you Keith?"
"No!! Well my dad would say yes But I've changed since then so i would say no"
Matt came out then "hey what are you two doing out here?" He had been sleeping on the couch and i told him Hi and Bye as i had left the hotel "stay here and don't move. Especially you Tom" he said Tom with disdain
"I told you there was a shadow there!! Dont get Abu!!" Wailed Tom
"You didn't say it out loud!"
"When i was with Stephenie i learned you aren't as important to me as Sara"
My blood pressure was dropping steadily and this was more than enough and my head was heavy and i needed my bed.
"I need a pillow"
"WHY IS THERE A GUN POINTED AT ME??!"
"GUN? That's not the right one!!" I was starting to loose consciousness and there was a man standing opposite of me,ready to kill Tom with the wrong gun, a gun that wasn't mine where was my gun from the golden tree?" I thought to myself
"It was stolen. They put it in the grill because it has wheels. Not now Don't do that to me"
"I need help"
"NO!" Yelled,the guard "go get Abu!" He said to the other "and turn around!"
One was,behind me.. I could feel his arm.. I knew I could slide down his body to slow my fall as long as he didn't move I wouldn't get too hurt when I hit,the ground.
"Or just move!" Matt pushed him out the way but i already had my plan and my brain was all just sit and don't hurt the tail bone i got this. he ended up holding my arm near the elbow "uh sorry.. She was"
"No it's okay I only got her by the wrist you got her higher you were more equipped for her safety
"Well if you're going to hold me prisoner at least do it equally! Here Matt on the wrist."
"Uh uh. No,way Jose"
"Hey you're my brother! Swim?! In a few?? Here sit! Sit! Everyone sit!" They did and a car passed "in the middle of the Goddam street!!"
"What is every one doing? Why is Tom against the fence but everyone is in thr street you tell me that he is the only one with sense? My girl what you do?!"
"Look I am in prison"
"No she isn't and we aren't going swimming"
"My brother is such a killjoy"
"Why are you in your bare feet? Come on my lovely" he brushed the debris from my feet. "Did you die, yet again in the road? Why are your hands hurt?"
"She tried to get up---" explained Matt
"She tried to get up, sir, but she wasn't ready--"
"No, someone touched me from that - from his side - the guard's"
"He push??"
"No like I'm something lovely" the guard across from us, matt and Tom started laughing..
"Sir, come here please" the guard across from us said and Abu asked him to stand to discuss. He did then sat again but Abu said not in the street.
"He told me" Abu started to laugh "oh God please excuse me"
"What did he tell you that's so funny?!" Demanded Matt
"That YOU TOUCHED MY HONEY LIKE AHE BELONGED TO YOU and whats so funny" he began to laugh again. "Matt where were you when she fell?!?! Here maybe you can see I, my palm" suddenly Matt's fist went over his mouth laughing then he began to cry then was on his knees full of laughter. A car drove by again slowly and continued past but in my mind it stopped and in my mind kidnapped Matt
"Shoot that car!" The guard did and the car door opened and the man opened the door and fell out,hanging by his seat belt
"That was Obama's..." Said Abu
"She said to"
"Oh well. Why did you touch my honey? Why do you sit so close? What is her butt to you?"
"Just hurry, that guy is trying to wake up and I don't want him to shoot anyone he isn't supposed to, you know he has a gun"
"WHY DID YOU TOUCH MY HONEY???"
"BECAUSE I WANT TO!!"
"Oh you know he didn't do anything let's go in"
"No. I -- I"
"In Abu. I said. IN! LET'S GO IN. I SAID TO HURRY!"
I jumped up and began to run to the fence, finally the guard with the gun saw what i saw and yelled to Abu & Matt to run inside the courtyard.
Halfway to our room a car door slammed and i jumped in surprised shock, terror and fear
"Why! Why so jumpy!" Asked Abu irritated
I swooshed in front of Matt stopping him, literally stepping on the foot he had down and under the foot he had in the air and pulled Abu in front of me but he pushed me off rudely. "Abu not into the daylight. Come stay in the darkness" No one had shut the gate and Abu's mouth dropped open. He apologized then huddled against my body like he was scared 'get off! Just kidding what is going on? I thought he dead'
"How come you guys can kill people and i can't?" Bothered Tom
"We didn't look"
"What?"
"Wait he will come again"
We all looked and saw blood splurtting from the man's chest as he drove.
"He should not be breathing like that" then we all heard a gurgle then a car crash and a horn honking constant and in our mind we could see him on the horn
"Guard go"
"No, please i can do this"
We heard a deafening shot and the car horn stopped
"Now guard go"
"Wait he needs to see this"
Jesse James 1 appeared in the court yard "BRING ME MY GUN!!!"
"I'm sorry! I will! I will!"
The office for the hotel light turned on. "Oh shit. Every one sit,Sit. In the shade, okay hurry. I will sleep. Move the car when you can shhh. Its sleep"
"No but i want to know what Tom said to you when i left"
"Can't" I literally went to sleep with my head on my hand. My elbow on the arm rest of the chairs.
The hotel office clerk came out and approached... And i heard apologies and Abu grabbed my wrist "come on let's go" and my head fell and hit the arm rest hard and the clerk asked if i was drugged or drunk or sleep walking or what
"No its so much blood you need to get out. You can't stay in. Its not your body. Quit doing things. I know and the car is red. Stop talking and just go"
So the guard got a flashlight and showed none of us were bloody while the gun hid in the dark corner and the clerk said to see if I could get inside the room...
"Come on. Honey. Honey. Come with me. Time to wakey wakey"
"No I'm not bloody. I want swimming. In clean. Clean water. Honey you have me swimming in,schedule to now?
"You got to be kidding me no way."
"That's what i keep saying" said Matt. "Why does,it,feel like i stepped on spikes when i stepped on her?"
"Nuh uh honey... WHAT?!?! Stepped on spikes?!"
"Look at my shoe!! There's holes In it!!"
"Ah ha! My foot feels better! Okay let's go! No can't someone hit me in the head it hurts me"
"You fell on your face. Outside early"
"Let me reset her. What did Tom say to you when I walked in?" Said matt
"Oh!! Me!! Come on! Lets go inside!"
"Okay Whatever"
I started to rush to our room but stopped and turned and gave Matt a hug "thanks for not saving me. Its okay. It was good. Come on"
"Come. Lets. Honey! Honey!!"
The guard was brushing his chest and pointing to Matt to tell him to brush off where i had hugged him and Matt was all dude whatever and so the guard pointed the gun at him. My face was pointed at Abu who had his back to,the guard. Another guard asked Abu if he saw that shit. The 3rd came and said the car indeed needed to be moved
And what Abu said earlier did happen while i was heading to the guard he was a dead man...
Except i told Abu quit fucking around because Abu didn't see him go to the car and was going after him and i told Abu "Abu i need Your hand don't take it away from me" while matt held open the door to the room
In the room Abu saw my face in the light "oh my god! You look like roadkill! That is not funny at all!!" He laughed "but it is!! You looked like God picked you up and threw you to the ground face first with your legs dangling in the air"
"That's how my hips broke. But now all of me hurts. You hand needs to go south, it needs to go to Australia"
"No get in bed. Let me show you"
"Let me go wash"
"What did Tom say to you?" Matt sat on the edge of the bed
"He said I was No longer as important to him as Sara he learned with Steph"
"Iwant you to know he's lying to you. Abu said he would kill him if hes still into you. Remember that. All Tom is is a liar. Okay?"
"Mmhmm yeah i already knew that and apparently so is Keith"
"Did he admit that to you?"
"Yes he sure did"
"You want to go to China??? Because that is how far im going to bury you if you're here when i get up. You know you're not allowed in the room. You know what happened to the last one."
"But sir"
"But sir nothing" Abu shut the door. "Now how did she know that,guy was moving. Show me"
He had a slow bleed but fast enough for a puddle but he looked like he was trying to jerk himself up. And I could see in my mind him thinking of different ways to get up to shoot back but at the same time he wanted to see why we were sitting in the street and wondering how to report to Obama. So he was alive with energy and planning to use it. So we checked and he was in Hell.
"No one saw that but you!" Said Matt
"I know, because everyone was looking at Abu. Just like when I saw that sniper on that trailer roof the other night. Everyone looks at the Boss but that's it"
"She said he admits to being Keith now tonight"
"Oh i know! Oh to you! Her!!!?? Oh may be he has changed... Oh but Idk..."
Abu told matt to go to find about the man
When Matt opened the door "BUT SIR THERE WAS NO BODY ONLY SAND!!"
"Oh i have to kill him. Cant you please wait?"
"No you"
"Oh fine let me get undressed"
"I closed my eyes and then..." A loud cannon went off and sand exploded all over the living room and bounced all over the walls
Declan said "WHAT THE HELL?!" from his room in a WTF is going on now and why do i have to deal with this shit tone and kept repeating it through his mood swing... Until it landed on okay cool back to bed... After a series of amazement and approval and giggles
Matt walked in backwards
"It's ok you can look. She did it. She blew him up"
Matt turned around "you could had warned me first!! Just look at Me!! Im covered in guts of of of a person!!!"
"Yeah but you look like glitter. We shall now,call you glitter man. Its alright open your eyes we are all in clothes and look at yourself and look outside. Its all safe"
"Where did you?!" Matt and Abu said together.
"Its the Smithsonian!" I covered the blanket with my head which meant something totally different to each Matt and Abu
Matt yanked the covers off my head
"Ah man its you!"
"Huh?"
"We had a bird (parrot) and so when we covered it it would be quiet so we would do it to ourselves or each other" explained Matt. "Tell me what the fuck you said and waht did you just do and why am I covered in human glitter"
"It's gold. Come on. I'm bored. Ask God"
"Okay Honey, just a minute, come here Matt"
So then they decided to go to the car and I wanted to go too
"Will you get me my shoes baby?"
"Idk where they are"
"Matt does"
Matt handed me my shoes and I motioned for him to lean down and i kissed his cheek because we always did that as kids because that's how our mom did.
"Thanks baby. Okay let's go!"
Abu checked the kids and they were all asleep including Declan.
The car was pushed into a parking spot like i said to and it was covered in sand like dirt all like it had been buried. The puddle of blood was also just dirt but more ash like.
The next day Jesse James 1 cleaned out the car to have the dirt analyzed and reported it was just sand from elephant butter because that's what the lab had said. But it was untrue. The lab lied.
Abu told him to give him the gun but jesse replied it was covered in vines and couldn't be touched. He said it had spikes all over it so he put it in a large clear cake sized box and vines grew all over it and the lid and began taking over the car and even was trying to unbuckle them in the front seat
We didnt see any of that but when Abu picked up the gun a small seedling curled up and disappeared and turned into a dry leaf.
"No baby here look"
Abu crushed it in anger for being lied to
"Babe! Will you stop with it being bull shit!!"
"Who are you talking to? Not I!"
"Next you are going to say i don't love you!! Here dumb ass!"
The leaf was solid again uncrumpling as i handed it to him and it flashed between a seedling and leaf "oh alright" he turned his palm over and it slowly drifted to the ground twisting and flipping over as it fell... Once it fell we heard a loud boom like a car explosion.
"Alright who died?"
Declan ran to the red car the man had been driving "nope it's still there"
Jesse got off the ground and ssid "I,think I,was dead for a minute"
"Did you hit the deck? Chicken shit"
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Chapter 5
Keigo was happy to have two best friend, someone that doesn't want him for his looks or for the future fame he is bound to get, they really liked him but...
Zanko never talked to him when in school, he didn't get why, he would insist and try to talk to her but she would ignore him if he wasen't talking about the project
They were in her room now, finishing the project.
(Y/n) was with her head in Keigo's lap being petted.
"Hey... Mangetsu-chan..."
Zanko stopped writting in her text book and looked at him. "What's up Takami-kun?"
"Why do you avoid me in school?" His head was down, (y/n) looked at him with her ears down and with sad eyes "Are you... ashamed of being my friend?" Zanko's mouth dropped
"WHAT? Are you kidding me?!?" She was astonished "of course not Takami-kun!" She went to him and hugged him "You are my best friend! I'm suprised you still are my friend I thought you would get tired of me if I was too clingy... and you would start to hear rumours about us in school too" she took a step back releasing him from the hug "I'm sorry if I hurted your feelings..."
Keigo looked at her astonished "I don't care about what they say... you too are my best friend Zanko-chan!" He gave her a big smile
Hey! I'm your best friend too!
Zanko blushed listening him saying her name "(y/n)-chan is angry that you said that I'm your best friend..." she looked away trying to hide her blush
"Sorry! Sorry! You too are my best friend (y/n)" he petted her
"Let's go back to work Keigo-kun!" He looked at her surprised but then gave her a big smile.
"Wait! I have a present for the two of you!" He had pink dustying his face., he got two feather from his wings and gave to then. "Don't lose it! I won't give another!"
The two girls were really happy and jumped on him hugging/nuzzling him.
"Thank you so much! We love it!!!"
He laughed and hugged back.
They both got back to work after some other chat.
When they finished everything, Keigo had to go home before it got dark, they said their goodbyes and he took off flying home. If any of then knew that was the last time they would see each other again the would never had let go.
--super timeskip brought to you by years of being alone and have no other friends--
(Y/n) was walking im the park in her human form with Zanko, she had shared all her secrets with her, they were like sisters to one another.
It was a sunny day, but it would rain in the afternoon, there was a storm coming.
"Do I really have to go with you?" (Y/n) asked
"Yes! Come on! You promised you would come with me form my photoshot!" Zanko whinned crossing her arms
"I know I did but the flash hurt my eyes all the time" (y/n) whinned back hagging her had low
"Oh! I know! That's why I brought you.... THIS!" she took a pair of sunglasses of her pursed and gave it to her. "Now you can't scape!" She huffed victorious
"Fine!" (Y/n) put the sunglasses on and keep walking to the place where the photoshot would happen
Zanko's long black hair has in a messy bun that was tied with the help of a long red feather, she was wearing a blue dress that was complimenting her ocean blue eyes, she had becamed a beautiful woman now with 22 years on her back.
(Y/n) was tall, she had 5'9"(188cm), her (h/l) (h/c) was with a fell small braids on her left side, in the tip of the braid was a red feather, her fluffy (f/c) tail and her also fluffy (f/c) ears were always there.
Being that tall and that pretty led her to become a model with Zanko's help, (y/n) just worked to have the payment to ther house and groceries so she wasen't very popular, but Zanko was one of the biggest names in model business, the money she got from the model job would go to orfanages, schools, hospitals, she would use very little of her money for her on and with (y/n)'s help she could help just as much as she wanted since her big sister payied for almost every house bill.
Zanko was what every girl wanted to be, small and beautiful to everybodies eyes.
(Y/n) was almost never jealous of her sister, she was proud, she knew their mother would be pissed if showed that she was unhappy with how happy her sister's life was.
Ann's death was heartbreaking, Zanko had just started her model job and went home tired, (y/n) like alway would go get her and bring her home, but when they got there the place was wrecked, they had stolen everything that was precious to then, including their mom.
(Y/n) didn't had time to mourn her mom, she had to find a work and fast, Zanko was so fragile and broken that she couldn't get out of the bedroom without crying, so (y/n) had to step up and work for both of then, she had to find a new place since this one was full of memories.
After a full year she did it, they had a new home, and new jobs, Zanko was much better and got back to working, but again... (y/n) never mourned her mother like she wanted to, and now was to busy taking care of Zanko and the house her heart was broken but her smile didn't fell from her face, not even once, she had to be strong, and she had to move on, so she did.
~timeskip to after the photoshot~
"What are we going to eat today?" Zanko's hand was in (y/n)'s hand while they walked back to their place
"What about pizza?" (Y/n) was looking at her with sweet and caring eyes
"Nah... we ate pizza yesterday..."
"Spaghetti?"
"Nop! Too much carbs"
"Hm.... yakisoba? Has a lot of protein, carbs and vitamins, we can make it extra spicy"
"HELL YEAH! Omg I love your food... so damn good! We have to buy the ingredients, let's buy it next to home or here?"
"The grocerie store next to home have more options, so it's better there"
They started to walk faster not jogging, but not walking either.
They got there when it was dark.
"Let's be fast, just get the vegetables and I get the meat"
"Why I can never get the meat?" Zanko whinned
"You can never get the right one, you always get the ones with less fat in it"
"But fat is bad!"
"So don't eat it!" (Y/n) went to the get the meat and Zanko to get the vegetables
The both of then meet again in the noddles section.
"Ok... which brand and how much?"
"Do you want to eat it in the dinnser tomorow too?"
"Hell yeah! It taste better the next day" Zanko jumped excited
(Y/n) laughed at her sillyness "ok, let's go"
They went to the cashier and payied up when they got out the store (y/n) stoped
"Wait! I forgot to buy the drink! What do I get you?"
"I want green tea!"
"Ok (f/d) for me and green tea for you, I will buy it for tomorow too, you can go ahead, I will caught up to you"
(Y/n) gave her the bags
"Be careful and don't stop for nothing ok? Just go straight home"
"I'm not a kid! I can take care of myself!" Zanko pouted, her two hands full"
"I know, I know, can't I just look after my fav sis?"
"I'm your only sister" she dead pan
(Y/n) giggled "And my fav one! Aren't lucky?" She kissed her cheek leaving it red stamped with her lipstick "oh my!" She giggled again
"You are using lipstick you dumbass" zanko shouted angry for not being able to clean it properly since she is with both hand busy "urgh! Just go already!" She rolled her eyes and started to walk home
"I love you!" (Y/n) waved at her and smiled sweetly
"Love you too!" Zanko shouted not looking back, walking back to theur house in the dark of night
~Timeskip to getting home~
(Y/n) p.o.v
The streets were silent, I got to the door and was about to put my key in when I saw the open door.
Not thinking twice I got inside.
"ZANKO?? ZANKO WHERE ARE YOU???"
The place was wreced there was fitghing obviously, there was blood every were.
"ZANKO???" I keep trying to smell her, but the blood was hers, I trasformed in wolf, ready to fight at any moment while still searching for her.
Zanko please answear me! I'm worried!
The thunder outside was unforgiven, it was so loud, it started to rain heavly. I almost didn't heard small whimpers from our room.
Zanko!
I run to our room saw her there barely breathing.
"Hey big sis *cought* *cought* you are late" she smiled to me
I got closer to her, there was blood all over her, I almost couldn't see her bruises and the gigantic gash in her stomach.
I-... I-I don't think that you will-... you will...
"I know... it's.. it's kinda cold... and... scary... but it's okay! You are with me now! I knew that you wouldn't leave me alone, you never did it" she smiled sweetly and petted my head "such a good girl big sis... I-I'm tired... can I go to sleep?" Her voice was so fragile and weak if I wasen't paying attention I wouldn't have heard it.
Of course you can pup... when you wake up we will go to that photoshot, and then to the meeting, you need to rest now Zanko...
"Can you sing for me big sis?"
Sure litlle sis...
I am not the only traveler
Who has not repaid his debt
I've been searching for a trail to follow again
Take me back to the night we met
And then I can tell myself
What the hell I'm supposed to do
And then I can tell myself
Not to ride along with you
I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met
When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes were filled with tears
When you had not touched me yet
Oh, take me back to the night we met
I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we met
When I looked at her again my heart stopped, she was smiling and looking at me, but her eyes were blank, they no longer had that sparkle that would make everyone fall in love with her.
How can you look so pretty when I fell so lonely?
I cryied while laing down beside her accidentaly ended up sleeping while wishing this was all a terrible nightmare.
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A/n
Yoh! The song is the night we meet by Lord Huron
Hope you all are enjoying all of this ♡
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Shelved Memories, Fractured Relationships, Loss and Healing
It’s a beautiful and sunny Tuesday afternoon in Los Angeles. Today will be good day I tell myself. It is a particularly exciting day because a certain distinguished lecturer from the University of Free State will be giving a lecture in the history department. Yes, another South African in LA. I was told that it is going to be an exciting lecture. The lecture is on the sixth floor of the history department. I don't know where the history building is and my google maps is taking me around in circles and I finally sent a text to the Black Grads UCLA group and someone directs me to the building. I get there and the lecture begins shortly. Dr Chitja Twala delivers a lecture on Culture activities and resistance art as tools of the liberation struggle in the Free State, South Africa, 1970s -1990s. It wasn't a particularly interesting lecture but the Americans were impressed, I think anything about South Africa impresses them.
I get a WhatsApp call from my uncle and I can't answer. I sent him a message to tell him I can't answer and he says that I should call him after the lecture. I immediately got this sick feeling in my gut and my gut keeps saying that something is terribly wrong. I have a look at the time and it is probably passed ten in the evening in South Africa and he calling me means that something has to be wrong.
This lecture needs to end so that I can call him. After the lecture, I call him and he asks me where I am and I tell him I am walking on campus. He tells me to find a quiet place and sit down. His tone confirms my suspicions. I tell myself that something is terribly wrong. I proceeded to the Grad office and go into Sidney's office. She seems excited to see me and asks about my weekend. I tell her that something is wrong and I start crying. She closes her office door. I call my uncle. He relays the story that my mom fell that morning and proceeds to tell me all the details of that day and then he says "I'm afraid I don't have good news for you." I'm not sure what he is saying, although I am. I asked him "what exactly are you saying?" He says "your mom has passed away". I let out a loud cry. I think my heart stopped for a minute. I thought I was dreaming. I thought that I was having a bad dream I was desperate to wake up from. I put down the phone. He calls again. I'm uncertain how to answer his question when he asks how I am doing, I wasn't sure myself.
You see the last couple of years of my mom's life, we had a very complicated relationship. I think it came with me working. It reminds me of an essay called The Eternal Intern I read in "We write what we like" edited by Yolisa Qunta. I
As black people working, we shoulder and take on a lot of responsibility and for many of us we are our parents’ saving grace, their ticket out of poverty. But sadly, the system works tirelessly to ensure that we do not truly become that ticket. The system is not created to allow me to be in full flourish. In theory, my big 5 law salary after my degree should have been able to take good care of my mother and her family. All the sacrifices finally paying off, but it didn't. I moved to Johannesburg, which meant that I had to get a place to stay, a car, buy working clothing, live in Johannesburg and send money home to my mom and take care of my sister. I did the best that I can but in many ways it was not enough. This caused a drift in our relationship. I am a new age person and my mom is of the older generation, a clash between the generations. I expressed my discomfort a lot and I felt that she didn't care about me, but I was completely wrong - I didn't see her point of view. I didn’t see that I was her ticket to a better life.
So, when I left for LA I was uneasy, I felt that there was unfinished business in South Africa and my first two months, I was uneasy and now I see why I was. She was going to pass away. My mom and I last spoke two weeks before her passing. It was a video call. She was happy to see me alive and well. I was too. I am saddened that when she passed she couldn't call me. I am saddened that I was many miles away in another country. Her death cut me deep. I was angry at life for being so cruel. I mean, I had come to LA to follow my dreams but inadvertently it would mean that this degree would better her life as well. After my crying, I become the lawyer that I am, and starting thinking about what is going to happen. I won't lie to you. The Grad office at UCLA is incredible, within minutes - a flight back was booked (just changed my initial return flight) and my Professors would be notified of the horrid news. But being the lawyer that I am, my first question was to ask about the contract I signed to be at UCLA, I had many questions about what happens if I don't come back. I was assured that it should be the least of my worries.
I messaged my friends in LA and South Africa and broke the tragic news to them, the number of texts and calls were overwhelming, my people were showing up for me. I went to my house. I was never left alone until I made it to the airport the next day. It was incredible how black people were showing up for me in my time of need. At embarking on the hardest journey of my life - 27 hours of travelling back to SA all by myself. It was a brutal and lonely time for me. I cried in airports, in flights and had to constantly let people know not to be alarmed if they saw me cry. It was the worst 27 hours of my life. I wrote a lot, I cried a lot. I wrote about my grandmother who passed when I was in grade 11. She was an amazing womxn, who took care of me on her social welfare - she died while she was in her 50s. I was reminded of the death of my aunt, who took care of me - her death happened suddenly in her early forties and now I was flying across the world to bury my mom who died at 50. Who fell and died at 50. This was all too much to handle. I arrived in South Africa on Friday morning and had friends come meet me at the airport and sit down and cry with me. I needed that. To be held close and to be given the space to cry. The loss seemed insurmountable. From the airport it was straight to Kimberley. My uncle - the same one who broke the news - drove us. While driving, he asked me if I had any dollars with me because he hadn't seen one. I told him yes and proceeded to show him. It is these moments that remind me that traveling abroad is an act of revolution. It reminds me of the words of Koleka Putuma "crossing oceans is an achievement even for those left behind."
We got to Kimberley, got to my mom's house and the work began. This was going to be the longest week of my life. I had to plan the funeral of the womxn who birthed me. It was an incredibly difficult time. Guys, black funerals are a lot. As the younger generation we need to think of a new way of grieving and celebrating our loved ones. A week-long of feeding people and prepare for the funeral by the bereaved is not on. I didn't have many moments to grieve and mourn the death of my mom. I was too busy running around ensuring that everything was going well. It was lot. An entire mess. To make matters worse, I was jet lagged. Waking up at 2am each morning and having to function until 10pm each time was cruel on my well-being but had to be done. It's only by the grace of God that I managed to do all things. The Bible says
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 Some of the hardest things I had to do was choose the casket she was doing to be laid to rest in. There is nothing as final as choosing the casket. What rang in my head was she is gone. Another task was finalising the program. Yoh! Guys! Finalising her program broke me, I cried. The preparation gave me some time to think back. My mom raised me in a shack - this is significant. She opened a spaza shop in her shack and put me through my primary school and took care of our needs. My mom taught me about the Pan Africanist Movement - she'd always say " I am pure PAC". She introduced me to Robert Mangaliso Sobukwe and Stephen Bantu Biko. She was my library, she was a wise womxn with great ideas. She was not university educated but she was intelligent. She always wanted her children to get what she couldn't. She was an active member in the fight against apartheid. She used to tell me stories of her fighting the system, her time in detention and when she was electrocuted more times than I can count. . She was brave. I had forgotten these things when our relationship soured but during that week I was reminded of the womxn who gave me life and her passion for learning. This is why black womxn will always be it for me. Mosadi o tshwara thipa ka bohaleng
There is a song on the album Moya called Nobanzi. It brought me so much healing. Nobanzi is a song by Khanyisa Buti, who sings about his grandmother who was in informal trader. This song embodies the womxn who raised me.
The day of the funeral I had barely slept. It was the longest 4- hours of my life. We saw my mom in her casket. She looked different but the same. She was resting. She was gone. She was gone. My little sister and I spoke at the funeral. My little sisters reminded me of two things mama always used to say "life is a bitch" and "over my dead body" and these phrases seemed appropriate for the occasion. We were standing there over her dead body and life was a bitch for taking her away so soon. The service went beautifully, mama is resting in dignity. The dignity that she deserves.
And how am I feeling? I'm mostly calm. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have come to South Africa to bury my mother. I am grateful for all the people that showed up in various ways. The people who held my heart and prayed with and for me. I am grateful to have come home to a solid support network. Home has been so healing.
And now I'm writing this on my flight back to the US - a decision I didn't take easily. I don't want to go back. I felt like there was no point for me to go back to LA and finish this degree. I am afraid that I won't do well and I wouldn't cope. I'm afraid to embarrass myself. But I'm going back to honour her memory. I'm going back because all my achievements belong to the womxn in my life - who have nurtured me. I wrote this as part of a longer piece when I was traveling back.
Dear Mama,
Now like your mother and sister, you will never get to see get how all your traumas have created miracles.
How your shebeen and tuck shop money made a dreamer of out of your seed. I will become your wildest dreams my whole life. For you, your mother and your sister. I am going back to LA. Afraid, broken and on my way to healing.
Robala ka Kagiso Tlhapi. You are deeply loved by me.
Your son,
Tlhogi
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So earlier I was talking to Jeff.
So he made a personal bet to only Corrina. So he pledged promised $9M only If she lost.
But i corrected him and said If she won. So he did both.
Because he didn't want her to feel like a loser. That is why he promised he would pay her $9M If she lost.
So i said pay her $2M If she wins. Because you love her and yoh always want to be together.
Well Corrina took reins on them antlers of that boy!!
Then called the girls in from the kitchen and outside "Girls come here. Go get your boys and make them pay I love you bets if you win or lose or both whichever you choose and come see here What i do so i always win! Remember the boys gotta pay out! Money! Money! Money! Hey and she played us that song by Eddie Money so you know what to do!"
And that girl head swirled like no one's business. And i thought to myself. She is so in love with her soulmate. What would we do without her in this little world we own? She's gonna make heads roll someday. Big. I'm gonna play her a song in a little while to thank her and it will probably make her cry.
It did and now how i thought. "My God i was so stressed! IDK how you do this all day every day!! I need a hug! From every one! You first!!"
After she hugged the room and told them how good they did.
She smiled and said "I know now. I see how you do it. Its us!!" She sat down at her desk and sighed happily.
I just stared at her tears brimming and she said "what?" Realized the whole class was staring at her amazed and in awe. "What?"
"You said you were going to play the teacher today and we thought you meant boss us around and do all that stuff you usually do"
"I leaarrrrned!!!" She was amazing!!! She was so proud "I'm thrilled! I can finally do it! I made the perfect balance in my mind and I owe it all to Eddie Money!!"
"Oh of course Eddie Money. But i want to tell you something. The whole class." I stopped smiling because i knew what Antron Brown knew and he was going to say. He already talked to me about it and asked me not to because I looked like a hypocrite "oh stop looking So misery and sit down. Your back is going to start hurting. I noticed This with Ben when the alien was visiting. Ben was at the board and he dropped the chalk and went like this and he was crying how many people noticed this? When he did this?" Kids raised their hands. "You see that? All! So next time you wanna cry don't stand next to the tallest person of all! Try standing next to someone shorter!"
This kid!!!! All i could think was nothing. O.O
"Yeah like me!" Alex popped out of the kitchen like super happy.
-.- really.
"No, now really how many kids aside Antron Brown knew she cried that way or that she cries at all?"
None. No kid raised their hands.
"But Antron figured it out when he saw Ben drop the chalk. And you kept drying your tears and looking all fresh like you never cried at all. Then that was when he realized when you go hide behind snoop or look down at the ground and he sees droplets fall from your face. Its not rain or spit or tiny hair or alien fungus juice. Its your tears. And why do you cry? Do you even know? Its these kids. They are what keep you alive. But you hide it so much from yourself, from me and from them that they didn't even know it. It took you almost being poisoned to death for them to even realize it. Because you hide. Just like i hid my drug addiction. So while you were in the back of the class asleep. I told all your secrets. For two weeks i taught this class by myself mostly and I didn't know what to do. So I did what i do best. Talk about you. The first thing they wanted to know is "why is she asleep?" Remember I asked you and you said tell them anything they wanted to know except for about your panties and may be your bra and what you looked like naked? You nod. You see that class. But barely. She smile. That means note of approval. So i said I'll just tell you "mmmm mm good. Now i got to back to teaching the class. I love you" and i sprayed your throat and you said it didn't make it feel better But made it feel like that cancer stuff all over again? Now why didn't you nod and shake your head no?"
"I didn't like it"
"Did you hear that class? That's how she talks at home. So low no one can barely hear her. But i can. Oh i can! So why was she here sleeping in class instead of at home If she wasn't here?"
A Jasmine said she didn't like it and made her scared because I slept too quiet and didn't snore A lot. And when i moved she thought i fell out of bed.
"And so i moved her didn't I? Where did i move her to?"
"By me. But i didn't like it I thought she looked dead. So you told me to lay down with her and i could feel her breathing and i felt better" she started talking in a cryish whine and ended in a smile and a nod.
He had moved me by each child for 20 minutes So they could see me or lay down with me. To feel me breathe. Because they all needed hugs from me. And I was too sick. So after that he got a stethoscope. And then he had Snoop check it and show the kids. When you see the tallest black person of all come down at you and you're in the floor that's fucking scary. It was getting lunch time so my body was tuned to eat and was waking me up. So I jumped up "no! Snoop I'm alright!! Am i dead??"
All the children gasped. Alex laughed.
"What the Hell is going on?!"
Snoop couldn't handle it. He started laughing.
I started rubbing myself all over and smelling,my hands. "What the Hell is going on? Why is every one staring at me? Why am I in the floor?"
The kids lost it. They were all laughing.
"Well i guess Princess Sleeping Beauty woke up"
After that he had me laid out in the front of the class room and he would slide me up and down the chalkboard width.
I would open my eyes a little and see him or hear him and go back to sleep because he would tell me "baby I'm moving you just a little"
And the kids would laugh because he called me baby. I slept for 9 class days. After i got better i could sit up part of the day and he would drag 3 kids on the mat back and forth. They all took turns. "The mini roller coaster" Tabitha called it
I would sleep at home. In the car. I was basically in a coma. And Alex was the only one that took care of me. Unless he asked Snoop for help. Which was about 5 - 10 hours a week. To do laundry and chores.
So I explained to the class that day...
"I stand near the tallest person of all to cry because hes like a light pole and he can find Alex over the sea of all those taller than me heads and call or whistle a secret whistle so Alex can come find me and take care of what I need"
All the kids blushed.
"Here let me draw you a picture. See here's Snoop. And here's tiny me. And all these people. How? I can't see above all these heads but Snoop can. Plus i ask Snoop for advice. He's my best friend. And so is his wife. Just like you all have friends here. I have friends, Too. Snoop saved my life a couple of years ago from some aliens that killed my baby. Just like Tabitha she's my child. Well i had another one. A baby boy and he was murdered. And Snoopy came and he helped me. Saved my life. And he died. Like I have been sleeping here all around this class. He did, too. But in a hospital. And I went everyday and took him candy. My dad and i and some friends. We put them all in his lap because he wouldn't wake up. So i said what if he woke up in a bath of candy? Wouldn't that be fun? And he did."
The kids all went from shock, surprise, tears, to smiling.
"So he's my best friend"
Alex faced the chalk board shoulders shaking
"Now look. Guess who is crying. That one there. The junkie."
So that's how the bet got rolling. Over tears.
There's more over crying. How many times we all cried from that time I called him a junkie to this last time.
I won. Over 100 times was my guess. No one else came close.
I am owed 1000 hugs and kisses from each better.
Check your DNA4U. Alex raised my bet. So did some of you.
NHRA RULES
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